6 Things I Learned From Not Drinking For 1 Year

0:00:04 11 years ago this month, I gave up alcohol and in today’s episode
0:00:06 I want to share some of the things that I’ve learned along the way
0:00:16 All right 11 years ago
0:00:19 I gave up alcohol and in today’s episode
0:00:24 I want to share some of the things that I’ve learned since then so the reason I’m doing this is
0:00:29 My at my one-year anniversary of giving up drinking. I wrote this blog post
0:00:35 You can Google it. It’s called six things. I learned from not drinking for a year and today I thought I’ll recap that
0:00:42 blog post but also share some of the things that I didn’t add to that blog post that have kind of come true in the last 10 years and
0:00:50 I’m sharing here on my first million because I think a lot of people would enjoy this but also because this isn’t just about giving up alcohol
0:00:56 So it doesn’t matter if you’re giving up drinking or you want to get up drinking or you want to just create a new habit
0:01:02 I have found that these things that I’ve learned they can apply to anyone trying to make a major life change. And so
0:01:07 Lesson number one figure out your why and go all in on that. And so let me explain
0:01:13 So I started drinking in my late teens with just my friends just like most people when they start doing it
0:01:21 But what I noticed was that it dulled my anxiety a ton and I am a pretty anxious person
0:01:26 I don’t know if you can tell if you listen to this podcast. I bet you can but I have a fairly high anxiety and
0:01:32 I noticed that when I started drinking my anxiety it just like kind of went away and
0:01:38 So as I got more and more into drinking, I was just like this feels awesome. I don’t feel anxious
0:01:42 I’m gonna keep doing it. So it was a very much self medication and by the time I was like
0:01:46 21 I was super into alcohol to the point where
0:01:52 Probably ages 22 to 23. I was intoxicated basically 24 hours a day
0:01:56 I was drunk 24 hours a day first thing in the morning you start you go all day
0:02:02 And then you wake up a little drunk or a little hung over and you just keep going and so I realized
0:02:07 One night I was blowing it. I always felt I was kind of special
0:02:10 I felt like I had this fire in me that I could do something interesting
0:02:19 But I was completely blowing it and I felt I wanted to feel life because I didn’t really feel like a lot of emotions
0:02:26 During that period because they were hidden and so my reason was I wanted to feel life and I wanted to not ruin my potential
0:02:32 And so like funerals wedding celebrations meeting someone you like breaking up with that person
0:02:38 I think I and many of the people we would drink because for some reason we didn’t want to face reality whether it’s
0:02:42 Trauma you had or I’m not sure why other people experience it
0:02:47 But you want to like cover it up and I’m not against alcohol and drugs for other people
0:02:54 But for me it basically just like masked how I felt and I hated that and then I realized that when I got sober
0:03:00 Facing challenging situations. It felt like this massive adrenaline rush
0:03:07 I felt like so good about facing things that I previously was nervous about so it took about six months of after getting sober
0:03:14 But on on month six months seven month eight, I noticed that I would face these challenging situations like for example
0:03:21 I was 23 24 when I quit and like like every single 23 24 year old guy
0:03:26 I’m meeting girls is like the number one focus in my life and I noticed that when I was like six seven months in I
0:03:29 At first I was super nervous to go up and talk to a girl sober
0:03:34 But then I did it one time and I felt oh my god. That was a rush. I gotta feel that again
0:03:38 I gotta feel that again. I gotta feel it again, and I noticed that it happened with business
0:03:42 It happened with so many other facets of my life that I got to feel this extreme
0:03:46 Emotion that for a lot of sober people. It’s probably just that’s just how they feel
0:03:49 But it felt awesome and so I felt like I was alive again
0:03:51 And so I actually loved like
0:03:57 Confrontation I loved like nervous feelings because it felt like a rush to experience some of those things
0:04:02 And so it was important to lean into that and I had to sit down for a minute and figure out
0:04:05 Why am I doing this and I just always try to remind myself that
0:04:10 And I think that that’s the case for any goal that you try to do when you change your life
0:04:13 Is you got to constantly remind yourself. Why are you actually doing this?
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0:04:49 Lesson number two
0:04:51 tell your friends so
0:04:55 I originally tried giving up booze because I
0:05:01 Was in college and I was like like this is a problem. This is just a huge issue that I have
0:05:05 I was basically living by myself my senior year of college and
0:05:10 Starting my sophomore year of school. It was like full blown an issue
0:05:14 And so I went two years like that and I lived by myself basically so like no one would
0:05:21 Know that I was screwed up and I also had a hot dog stand and that was like my business
0:05:23 I’ve talked about here a lot of times the reason I had that business was
0:05:27 You could own a hot dog stand and sell hot dogs from 11 to 3
0:05:32 And being toxicated and most people won’t know because I just think that you’re acting goofy
0:05:35 And so that’s one of the reasons why I did it and so I basically didn’t tell anyone
0:05:41 And then the first time I got sober I just went cold turkey and I got super sick a lot of people don’t
0:05:45 Talk about this but with alcohol, but I’m pretty sure there’s only two drugs
0:05:50 You can die from if you try to do it on your own and you could have withdrawals and die and that’s alcohol and opioids
0:05:57 And so I got really sick like five days into giving up booze and I went to my college doctor
0:06:01 And they like measured my blood pressure and they’re like, man, your blood pressure is like through the roof
0:06:06 What the hell is going on and I had to explain to them what the issue was and that was the first time that I ever vocalized it
0:06:11 And so we had to go to the hospital that day and I had to tell the hospital that was an issue
0:06:16 And it was like really embarrassing and I felt horrible about even like vocalizing that I remember I was like in tears practically
0:06:18 I was like, oh man, I can’t believe I just said that out loud
0:06:21 But it definitely felt better
0:06:25 But I didn’t tell anyone once they got out of the hospital. I still didn’t mention it to anyone
0:06:28 And then eventually after a few months
0:06:33 I was going to graduate college and I moved to san francisco to try to make it in the internet world
0:06:37 And I relapsed because when I got off to san francisco, I wanted to meet new friends
0:06:42 I wanted to impress these guys who I moved in with even though I doubt they were impressed by drinking
0:06:46 I somehow felt I needed to impress them and I was like, yeah, let’s go party. Let’s go do this
0:06:51 And we went out and I got pressured and I caved in and I and I ended up drinking again
0:06:55 And then it took about another year of kind of going crazy
0:07:02 And I eventually went to a homeless clinic in san francisco. It was called the san francisco south of market
0:07:08 Mental clinic. I think is what it was called. It was for homeless people pretty much like at the time
0:07:12 I had just left my job to start the hustle and I didn’t have any income
0:07:17 And so I had technically qualified to like go to this homeless clinic. But in a weird way, I was like
0:07:25 I’m a I’m a I’m basically a bomb like I deserve to be here like I’m ruining everything
0:07:26 I deserve to be with these other
0:07:32 Addicts and I met this doctor named jocelyn porquez. I saw her up until recently actually
0:07:37 She gave me this advice. She was like, you should tell your your friends tell your roommates that you’re having an issue
0:07:43 I was so freaking afraid to do that. And so I kind of worked up the courage with her encouragement
0:07:47 And I eventually told my roommates and I was like, hey guys, I I’ve got a drinking issue
0:07:52 Um, and so, uh, you can live your life the way you want to live your life and I’m not going to judge you
0:07:54 I’m totally fine with you guys doing what you want to do
0:08:00 But from this point on I’m sober and I’m not going to drink alcohol and I would love it if you could encourage me
0:08:07 And I felt like the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders and I noticed that when I felt that weight
0:08:11 It will go away. It it became so much easier
0:08:15 And so I had no problem after that telling a bunch of other friends and a few of my friends at the time
0:08:17 they kind of bailed on me
0:08:22 And I was kind of bombed for a minute and then I was like, you know what if they’re willing to bail on me
0:08:25 Over this then fuck them. I don’t want to be friends with those guys anyway
0:08:30 And it felt amazing if it felt so good to be able to talk about this with people
0:08:33 And I talked to a bunch of other people who have struggled with this
0:08:38 And a common feature that people have when they’re trying to break any type of addiction
0:08:41 Or a habit is they don’t talk about it with people because they’re embarrassed
0:08:44 And I have found that talking about it
0:08:50 It makes me not embarrassed because a lot of other people struggle with the stuff and it humanizes someone
0:08:54 Because I know that a lot of people listen to me and might look up to me. It’s cool to help them
0:08:58 But I mostly do it for me. It’s a selfish reason why I talk about it because
0:09:02 it makes me feel better and it makes me feel like it’s no big deal or
0:09:08 It kind of normalizes it. And so in my opinion, if you’re trying to change a habit, whether it’s addiction
0:09:10 Whether trying to start a business
0:09:14 I think that you should tell people and the reason you should tell people is because of lesson number three
0:09:18 Which is I think it’s important to recreate your identity
0:09:24 So Robert Green is one of my favorite authors. He’s got this awesome book called the four eight laws of power
0:09:26 And I remember reading it when I was trying to get sober
0:09:31 And I think it’s like chapter 25 and he’s got this chapter about recreating your identity
0:09:37 And he wrote the book in terms of like how to gain power which you could argue is or is not good
0:09:40 But doesn’t matter the lesson though was awesome for me
0:09:47 And he gave examples of like celebrities for example lady gaga lady gaga was this like fairly like normal woman when she was like
0:09:52 18 years old and then she’s like, you know, I’m kind of quirky. I’m going to lean into like this weird thing
0:09:53 With my identity
0:09:58 I’m going to make my whole brand about it and she became that person and that is like the lady gaga character
0:10:00 And I found that to be very empowering
0:10:06 And so I started changing my language to not I’m going to get sober or I’m going to try and be sober
0:10:10 Or I’m going to try not to drink too. I am sober. I am an alcoholic
0:10:13 And I found that labeling
0:10:16 To be powerful. I think a lot of people
0:10:21 Don’t like to label themselves labels can be really bad for you if you do like I am depressed or
0:10:23 I am weak or whatever it is
0:10:30 And so I just changed the label that I gave myself and I found that that kind of was like the seed for recreating an identity
0:10:35 so my identity before getting sober was like I’ve got a strong tolerance or
0:10:38 I can be the life of the party or
0:10:43 I just don’t give a shit. I’m down for whatever like these stupid labels that I gave myself
0:10:48 I was still ladling myself. So instead I decided I’m going to recreate my identity and I’m going to give myself the label of
0:10:52 I am sober and I have other examples of doing this. So for example
0:10:53 um
0:10:58 I’m going to talk about this in a second, but after giving up drinking. I totally got addicted to sugar
0:11:04 And I got pretty like fat and like two or three years ago. I told shawn
0:11:05 I go shawn
0:11:11 I’m now a fitness influencer and if you go to my instagram, you’ll see all these old posts where I like it was silly
0:11:13 I was I was
0:11:16 Kind of being silly about it. But I was serious. I’m like, I am a fit person now
0:11:20 I am an athlete and so I got super fit because
0:11:26 I started working at it, but I labeled myself and labeling myself as an athlete or as someone who works out every day
0:11:30 I didn’t want to ruin that label. And so I exercised every single day
0:11:35 And I think labeling yourself as a good person a loyal person as a business build
0:11:39 Builder as a for as a force of nature as a fitness freak
0:11:44 I think those labels are incredibly important because it makes sure that you recreate your identity
0:11:50 And I like to tell people that and to this day. I still do that with a bunch of things. So for example
0:11:54 If I need if I meet someone new I’m not going to be like, yeah, I’m an alcoholic. I’ve got issues
0:11:57 but if they offer me a
0:11:59 A beverage or something a beer
0:12:03 I just say no, I don’t drink because I like it too much and they usually get the message
0:12:09 But I do like little subtle things like that where it’s kind of puts my foot down of I do not drink alcohol
0:12:11 and I I felt this
0:12:14 Lowed lighting from my shoulders to like put it out there
0:12:20 But it put pressure on me to never break that because I didn’t want to disappoint others and I didn’t want to disappoint myself
0:12:27 And so I like recreating my identity and I like using labels and I think it’s really important. So whether you want to
0:12:31 Start a business. This is a business channel. We’ll talk about business. Why do you want to start a business and you’re working somewhere?
0:12:36 It’s like, oh, I’m only working here temporarily, but I’m actually building a company right now
0:12:40 Because I’m an entrepreneur. I like labels. I think labels are
0:12:42 incredibly effective
0:12:44 lesson number four
0:12:47 I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m just trying to be mostly good
0:12:52 And I think that that is true for many things and let me give you an example. So
0:12:55 I read so many books when I was trying to get sober
0:13:02 Uh, I talked about the 48 laws of power. That was a great one mastery by robber green. That was another good one
0:13:10 And then the third one was the power of habit the takeaway for that book for me was that a habit doesn’t go away
0:13:13 It just gets transferred
0:13:18 And so what that means is that when you want to change a habit, it’s important to look at your loop
0:13:23 So usually it’s a there’s some type of uh stimulus that makes you want to do something
0:13:27 And then you react to it and you typically do that over and over and over again
0:13:30 And that’s how a habit is created
0:13:32 And so what I had to do when I
0:13:37 Was giving up booze was I had to look at what my behavior was and I had to like break the pattern
0:13:42 And the pattern wasn’t necessarily going to go away. It was just going to get transferred to something new
0:13:49 And so when I transferred my habit to something new I was under uh doctor supervision under the uh for this
0:13:51 And I told the doctor i’m like man, i’m trying to
0:13:54 Not drink and i’m on day three
0:13:59 I am craving sugar so much because when you drink like I drink like 30 beers a day
0:14:03 You’re like craving carbs constantly because that’s a big part of alcohol
0:14:09 And the doctor was like just go and eat m&m’s just eat m&m’s all day just go like who cares
0:14:12 Just you can figure that out at a later date
0:14:15 But right now the goal is not to be perfect and live a perfect life
0:14:18 It’s just to be better than you were
0:14:23 And I thought that that was so relieving because I thought I had to be perfect as like no i’m making this massive life change
0:14:26 I can’t screw anything up and I was like no just improve this one thing
0:14:31 And give into the sugar and then at a later date when you’re confident with that the alcohol thing is
0:14:35 Is away and you’re not craving it as much we’ll address the sugar thing another time
0:14:42 And so I did I drink uh or I ate tons of m&m’s that was my candy for a long time was peanut m&m’s
0:14:46 And I loved non-alcoholic beer. I drink so much o-duels
0:14:52 Uh, I would drink like 15 to 20 o-duels a day because I noticed when I created beer
0:14:56 I just went and got no duels and that’s a non-alcoholic beer if you don’t live in america
0:15:03 It doesn’t taste very good, but it was an awesome, uh replacement and I got pretty fat because of that
0:15:07 But I was okay. It was better to be fat and not on alcohol than
0:15:10 Whatever I was before but drinking as much as I did
0:15:15 And then I transferred that habit from non-alcoholic beer and sugar
0:15:20 I’ve mostly have successfully transferred it to diet soda and carbonated drinks
0:15:24 So I drank a ton of like carbonated water like all day, uh, and I love diet soda and diet soda
0:15:28 You could say that’s not good for you, but that’s okay. I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m just trying to be mostly good
0:15:33 All right, if you’re listening to this pod, I already know something about you
0:15:36 You my friend are nosy
0:15:42 You want to know the numbers behind all of these things that we’re talking about how much money people make how much money people spend
0:15:46 How much money businesses make you want to know all of this people’s net worth all of it?
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0:16:23 Now back to the pod
0:16:26 Now lesson number five
0:16:29 Being sober attracts more people. Like I said before
0:16:32 How was 23 24 25 when I went through this journey?
0:16:38 I was single at the time and what does every single guy care about?
0:16:43 Meeting girls or mean whatever you’re into but basically meeting someone
0:16:48 Uh, and my number one fear. I remember this when I was trying to get sober
0:16:53 Was what girls think about me? I didn’t want them to think I was like
0:16:56 A freak at the time. I was like, oh, what do they think? I’m a freak. What do they think?
0:16:58 I think I think that I’m like religious. What are they?
0:17:04 Which is done wrong being religious, but I ain’t and I was like, are they going to be turned off?
0:17:06 Are they like not going to be into me because I’m going to be boring
0:17:14 And I remember my first sober date. I was scared shitless. I was so afraid
0:17:20 And I decided to just tell her when we uh, something it came up. I don’t remember how
0:17:23 Uh, I think because I didn’t order like a drink when she ordered a drink
0:17:28 She’s like, oh, you don’t drink and I was like, no, like I’m basically an alcoholic and it’s been like six months since I drank
0:17:31 and I remember she leaned in like she like
0:17:35 Put her elbow on the table and like leaned in and I was like
0:17:43 Bingo, she’s interested. What the hell that and I don’t think you should do something like this for other people
0:17:47 But at the time I was like, I’ll take any advantage that I can get
0:17:54 And the fact that I was afraid to meet women and girls because I was an alcoholic and and that their
0:18:00 Made her maybe like more interested in me. I was like, I’ll take a leg up anywhere I can get it
0:18:05 So I leaned into that and I noticed that women liked me more at least the right type of woman
0:18:11 The type of woman I wanted to attract they liked me more because of that and uh, I’ve been married now for a long time
0:18:16 And so meeting girls is not in that ways and actually something I care about anymore
0:18:20 But men were attracted to me more too. Like I because I had this
0:18:26 Newfound confidence. It felt as if I was walking around all day and I remember I used to think
0:18:33 I’ve got a string attached to my back and I would try to pull it up and so I would try to walk up like perfectly straight
0:18:38 Because I was like, wow this whole drinking thing. It’s changing my confidence
0:18:41 I’m going to lean into other things that create a real sense of confidence
0:18:43 so I started changing my posture and
0:18:49 It was awesome and what happened was that created this cycle of confidence where I was like, oh, I could do this without beer
0:18:53 I could do uh, I can meet a girl. I can go and start a business
0:18:56 I could do all these things and it created this like crazy cycle of confidence
0:19:02 I kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and it was the best feeling on earth lesson number six
0:19:09 Finding inspiration is 100 worth it and helpful and it’s okay to be corny
0:19:12 so
0:19:15 I remember when I was 24 I met this guy named Joe Garvey
0:19:20 Joe Garvey actually had a kind of an interesting business. It was called clash
0:19:23 It stood for like the california league
0:19:27 of scavenger hunts or something like that
0:19:31 And when I was trying to start my business, I didn’t have any income coming in
0:19:38 And so I met Joe somehow through a friend of a friend and he was like, man, I host these scavenger hunts
0:19:44 For companies they like pay me $10,000 and I do a scavenger hunt all over the city
0:19:48 Where you got to like go all over the city and find like certain things and it was a blast
0:19:51 And he would let me work some of the scavenger hunts
0:19:54 And he would pay me like $200 or something and it was a big deal
0:20:01 And at the end of a scavenger hunt you ended a bar and you drank and he would like
0:20:04 Be there being the life of the party. He was this big
0:20:09 He was a big tall guy and he was in the center like getting everyone to rattle up and do all these like team building stuff
0:20:10 But it was like cool
0:20:13 And but it always involved alcohol and I remember
0:20:15 after working with him
0:20:19 He told me I don’t remember how but I was like
0:20:23 Joe you don’t drink. He’s like, oh, no, like, you know, I had a problem
0:20:26 I don’t drink anymore. I’m sober and I was like you can do that
0:20:30 While being the life of the party. That’s insane to me. How do you do that? And like
0:20:35 He had a ton of friends and women loved him and I was like, you’re the man
0:20:36 You’re my hero
0:20:40 I can’t believe you just admitted that you had a drinking problem and yet you’re still like the man
0:20:45 People still like you and stuff and I got so much inspiration from that and it made me feel feel so good
0:20:51 So I started reading all these inspirational books like the tony robbins of the world all that stuff
0:20:53 I read it like crazy
0:20:55 I even had this jar
0:20:59 I had this jar where every day that I didn’t drink I would put a penny in
0:21:03 And then it was like every day that I exercised I put a penny in
0:21:09 And then it turned into where I put three pennies in if I didn’t drink if I exercised and I ate well
0:21:11 I would put a penny in
0:21:15 And I my goal was to fill this jar all the way up and I looked back at that and I’m like, yeah, that was like
0:21:18 maybe a little
0:21:24 Corny but it helped so much and like leaning into some of these like cheesy things
0:21:29 It’s really powerful and and I know a bunch of because of this podcast and because of my work
0:21:35 I know a bunch of like quote powerful people. I know a bunch of billionaires people who like sometimes many other people will look up to
0:21:42 A lot of them do this corny shit because and I still do it by the way we do it because it
0:21:51 Inspiration is awesome. I was already a motivated person. I don’t think you can make someone who’s unmotivated motivated
0:21:54 But I think you can inspire them
0:22:03 An inspiration is just having something to reach towards or it’s reading something or being or consuming some type of content where it helps
0:22:08 Point your your car in the right direction. I always have viewed myself
0:22:12 I viewed myself as this like fast car whose back tires
0:22:17 Were lifted in the air and I was like had my foot on the gas and I was just flooring it
0:22:20 But I wouldn’t go anywhere and that and that was like my motivation
0:22:23 I was already a motivated person my wheels were moving quickly
0:22:27 But I had to like let the tires on the ground and I had to be pointed in the right direction
0:22:32 And that’s what I use inspiration inspirational stuff for so I like a lot of these cheesy
0:22:35 movies where it’s like
0:22:38 a guy doing something that’s totally unrealistic
0:22:44 But it makes me feel good or reading up the tony robbins books reading a lot of these books that I
0:22:47 Will definitely make fun of now, which by the way, I still read
0:22:51 It made me feel so much better and gave me inspiration
0:22:56 and I think it’s important to like lean into that whether you’re starting a business or whatever you’re doing because
0:23:01 Dude, it’s scary like giving up alcohol starting a business
0:23:06 meeting a girl trying to approach a woman who you who you who you like
0:23:09 Moving to a new place. It’s scary
0:23:16 And you need every advantage that you can get in order to like get over that hump and to actually make these things
0:23:18 become a reality and so like
0:23:24 Lean into some of that stuff. There’s a lot of like really good inspirational stuff
0:23:27 out there sometimes it’s my first million this podcast
0:23:34 But I think it’s cool to like consume a lot of that information because that rubs off on you
0:23:39 And you need any advantage you can get in order to get ahead and to accomplish
0:23:41 Whatever it is you want to accomplish
0:23:45 It’s still like a little uncomfortable for me to talk about some of these stuff
0:23:48 But I do it because it definitely makes me feel better and I acknowledge that
0:23:52 I think it will make a lot of you guys feel better if you’re trying to achieve anything
0:23:55 Whether it’s giving up booze or start a business do whatever
0:24:01 At the end of the day, this is all about like getting over your fear. I think it’s it’s about how to uh, kind of
0:24:07 Jump off a cliff and um, there’s a reason I have this horrible tattoo
0:24:10 I’m not going to show it right now, but on my feet on my left and right feet
0:24:14 I’ve got the word act and on the right foot. I have now
0:24:17 It’s a homemade tattoo when I was getting sober
0:24:21 I like used a needle and I like tattooed my feet because like I said, I like inspirational stuff
0:24:25 But I think that this podcast hopefully is a little bit of inspiration
0:24:29 But also practical ways that I can get you guys to act now
0:24:32 And to change whatever it is you want to change
0:24:37 I’ll be in the comments on youtube whether you’re listening to this on youtube or
0:24:41 A podcast app, but go to our youtube page my first million
0:24:44 And comment on this video and I’ll try to reply to a bunch of them
0:24:50 But if you are struggling with something say what it is you’re struggling with and what you’re going to do to
0:24:54 Approach it and get over it because I think it feels good to put that stuff on paper
0:24:58 Like I said, it feels good to label yourself about what you what you are now versus what you were
0:25:02 But let me know in the youtube comments what you think about this and that’s the pot
0:25:06 I feel like I can rule the world. I know I could be what I want to
0:25:12 I put my all in it like no days off on the road. Let’s travel never looking back
0:25:14 (upbeat music)
0:25:24 [BLANK_AUDIO]