Mel Robbins: The Let Them Theory, Build a Business and Life on Your Terms | E329

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0:01:09 – The moment you have an instinct to move,
0:01:10 you have to move within five seconds
0:01:12 or your brain will kill your motivation to act.
0:01:14 – When you had the five second rule come out,
0:01:17 it was such a big hit and it actually was a huge inspiration
0:01:20 for me to start my podcast in 2018.
0:01:22 – My secret to success is very simple.
0:01:24 I get out of fucking bed when I don’t feel like it.
0:01:25 End of story.
0:01:26 – And there’s no timeline, right?
0:01:30 You started your first book, 49, 54,
0:01:31 starting your production company,
0:01:33 50 years old starting your podcast.
0:01:35 – Yes, you’re never gonna get what you want
0:01:36 if you don’t begin.
0:01:38 And if you don’t know what you want,
0:01:39 here’s how you figure that out.
0:01:41 There’s one thing in life you can never control.
0:01:42 It’s other people.
0:01:43 The Let Them Theory is the single most powerful thing
0:01:44 I’ve ever discovered.
0:01:48 It is a simple mindset tool that shows you immediately
0:01:50 what is in your control and what is not in your control.
0:01:51 And here’s how you use it.
0:01:53 There’s two steps.
0:01:54 That’s step one.
0:01:55 And then the second step is–
0:01:58 – So Let Them is all about releasing control.
0:01:59 – Yes.
0:02:01 – Why are we so hardwired for control to begin with?
0:02:04 – Because if you’re in control, then you feel safe.
0:02:05 But the problem is–
0:02:13 (upbeat music)
0:02:24 – YapGang, we’ve got a special treat for you
0:02:25 in store today.
0:02:28 I recently had the chance to do a special
0:02:32 live in-person interview with none other than Mel Robbins.
0:02:35 Mel is somebody who I’ve looked up to for most of my career.
0:02:37 And she’s not only a New York Times bestselling author,
0:02:39 but she’s also the host
0:02:42 of the super popular Mel Robbins podcast.
0:02:44 Her brand new book, The Let Them Theory,
0:02:47 offers a groundbreaking approach to reclaiming your life
0:02:50 from the burdens of others’ expectations.
0:02:52 In this conversation, we’re gonna uncover some
0:02:55 of the pivotal moments that shaped Mel’s career.
0:02:57 Now, this is the first time that Mel is appearing
0:03:00 on the podcast, so I really wanted to spend some time
0:03:02 on the lessons that she’s learned along the way
0:03:04 of her incredible success.
0:03:06 We’re also gonna hear some of her innovative strategies
0:03:11 for overcoming adversity and unlocking our true power.
0:03:13 So Mel has focused the last decade of her career
0:03:16 helping millions of people with their internal struggles
0:03:17 and self-improvement.
0:03:19 And now she’s moving on to helping us deal
0:03:21 with our external environments,
0:03:25 namely our relationships with her powerful Let Them Theory.
0:03:27 We’re gonna be focusing on the Let Them Theory
0:03:29 in the last half of this conversation,
0:03:30 and it is so transformative.
0:03:33 I can’t wait for you guys to hear all about it.
0:03:36 If you wanna see this interview live in person on video,
0:03:38 go hop over to my YouTube channel right now.
0:03:40 It’s called Young and Profiting.
0:03:42 If not, enjoy my conversation
0:03:44 with the legendary Mel Robbins.
0:03:47 Welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast, Mel.
0:03:50 – Well, thank you for inviting me, and thank you.
0:03:51 I’m so excited to talk to you.
0:03:52 I’m so excited.
0:03:55 I’ve been following your work for such a long time.
0:03:58 I actually first found out about you in 2017
0:04:00 when you had the five second rule come out.
0:04:02 It was such a big hit, and like millions of people,
0:04:06 I was listening to it on repeats that entire year.
0:04:08 And it actually was a huge inspiration for me
0:04:11 to start my podcast in 2018.
0:04:11 – Wow.
0:04:13 – So you have personally really impacted me,
0:04:16 and I just wanna say thank you for everything you’ve put out
0:04:19 in the world for being so relatable down to earth
0:04:22 and just sharing what’s moved for yourself
0:04:24 in your own life to help other people.
0:04:28 – Well, I really appreciate you acknowledging the difference
0:04:30 that the five second rule
0:04:33 and that countdown technique, five, four, three, two, one,
0:04:35 move, how it helped you.
0:04:37 But I wanna say back to you,
0:04:40 you have to keep the credit ’cause you did the work.
0:04:41 – Oh.
0:04:41 – No, I’m serious.
0:04:43 It is easy to talk about motivation.
0:04:45 It’s easy to give people advice.
0:04:47 It’s easy to tell the person
0:04:49 who’s spending time with us together today
0:04:52 our stories and the things that work for us.
0:04:56 But knowledge is cheap and it’s free.
0:04:59 And if you don’t know how to achieve your goals,
0:05:02 go to Google, type in how do I do this?
0:05:05 And AI will spit it out and then say,
0:05:07 what does a day in the life of somebody who’s launching this
0:05:10 and successfully in five weeks look like?
0:05:12 There’s your map.
0:05:14 But that’s the easy part.
0:05:17 The hard part is making yourself do it,
0:05:19 particularly on the days when you don’t feel like it.
0:05:21 And so I wanna acknowledge you
0:05:24 for the fact that you both grabbed the knowledge
0:05:25 and then you put it into action.
0:05:27 And that’s what makes you different.
0:05:29 That is what explains my success.
0:05:30 You are listening to this right now
0:05:31 and spending time with us
0:05:34 because you actually want to achieve big goals.
0:05:37 So I know that about the person that is listening
0:05:40 and choosing to spend time listening to this.
0:05:41 But I’m gonna tell you some.
0:05:43 This conversation that you’re about to listen to
0:05:46 means shit if you don’t actually convert it to action.
0:05:48 And that’s what we’re gonna talk about.
0:05:49 Tools, but then it’s gonna be to you
0:05:51 to take the baton and go.
0:05:53 – And speaking of that,
0:05:54 I was really surprised to find out
0:05:56 that when you were first starting out,
0:05:58 you did this TED Talk.
0:06:00 And you didn’t even know it was a TED Talk.
0:06:02 TED Talk didn’t really even exist at that point.
0:06:04 It was the starting point of TED Talk.
0:06:08 You got convinced to do your first speaking event ever.
0:06:10 And you thought you blew it.
0:06:11 – Oh my gosh, yes.
0:06:14 So just to put a little back step on this,
0:06:16 this would have been 2011.
0:06:18 So I’m basically your grandmother now.
0:06:20 If you think of this being however many years ago,
0:06:23 over a decade ago, TED was not a thing.
0:06:24 TED was some secret thing
0:06:27 that fancy people went to in Seattle.
0:06:28 They weren’t even online.
0:06:31 And so I get asked by a friend
0:06:33 if I would give a speech about career change.
0:06:35 And she said, look,
0:06:37 a friend of mine is putting on some event in San Francisco
0:06:39 and they’re looking for somebody
0:06:40 to talk about career change, Mel.
0:06:42 And I immediately thought about you.
0:06:43 And look, I don’t think that’s a compliment.
0:06:46 If I’m the first person that you think of
0:06:48 because it means I’ve bounced from one career to another,
0:06:50 which I had.
0:06:51 And she said, here’s the catch.
0:06:53 They’re offering you two plane tickets
0:06:55 and two nights at the St. Regis.
0:06:59 And at the time, my husband and I were $800,000 in debt
0:07:01 because his pizza restaurant was failing
0:07:03 and like complete idiots.
0:07:05 We had secured it with our life savings, our house,
0:07:07 our credit cards, everything.
0:07:09 And so when you’re that in debt,
0:07:11 do you know what two tickets
0:07:12 and two nights in a hotel sounds like?
0:07:14 That sounds like a free vacation.
0:07:16 So I said, yes.
0:07:19 And the only time I had ever given a speech
0:07:22 was in class, in high school,
0:07:24 during the public speaking course.
0:07:26 So I said, yes, so fast.
0:07:29 I wasn’t even imagining a huge auditorium
0:07:31 and that I would have to get up in front of,
0:07:34 I don’t know, 500 people and talk.
0:07:36 And when I stepped on that stage,
0:07:38 they do not prepare you,
0:07:40 or at least they didn’t back then,
0:07:41 the way they probably do now.
0:07:45 It was sort of like, here you go, here’s your topic, go.
0:07:47 And if you watch my TED Talk,
0:07:50 which now has, I don’t know, 33 million views,
0:07:53 you will notice a minute into that thing
0:07:55 that I have one of those neck rashes that people get
0:07:57 when they’ve had too much to drink
0:07:58 and they’re like really blotchy
0:08:03 because I was having a complete panic attack.
0:08:05 I’m darting around the stage,
0:08:07 I’m talking all over the place
0:08:11 and near the end of the speech, I forgot how to end it.
0:08:15 And that was one of the defining moments of my life.
0:08:18 And there’s a theme about defining moments in my life.
0:08:19 I don’t know what your defining moments are like,
0:08:23 but mine usually involve embarrassment, too much alcohol,
0:08:26 bankruptcy, desperation, panic attack.
0:08:29 And in that moment when I froze,
0:08:31 I couldn’t remember what to say.
0:08:34 And so I all of a sudden blurted out this thing,
0:08:37 the five second rule, which you know, which you follow,
0:08:39 which I’m sure the person listening knows
0:08:41 is this little motivation hack.
0:08:43 And I’d never shared it with anybody
0:08:45 and I couldn’t think what else to say.
0:08:48 And I just went, oh, there’s this thing I do.
0:08:49 I call it the five second rule.
0:08:51 The moment you have an instinct to move,
0:08:52 you have to move within five seconds
0:08:56 or your brain will kill your motivation to act.
0:08:59 I walked off that stage and I thought that was it.
0:09:00 And that was not it.
0:09:03 That was the beginning of something extraordinary.
0:09:05 – And so your email was flooded,
0:09:07 people were using the five, four, three, two, one
0:09:10 to get up, do what they need to do.
0:09:11 – Yes.
0:09:14 – You did not share this fully with the world
0:09:15 for three years.
0:09:16 – Correct.
0:09:18 – You felt like you weren’t ready to give advice.
0:09:19 Who would want to listen to you?
0:09:22 You felt like you didn’t really know the signs behind it.
0:09:23 So how did you build up the confidence
0:09:26 to then put it out to the world
0:09:28 and put in the rats, quite frankly?
0:09:29 – It’s a great question.
0:09:32 And as you’re listening to this conversation,
0:09:34 whether you’re in a car or you’re at the gym
0:09:37 or you’re watching us on YouTube,
0:09:40 there is something that you want to do in life.
0:09:43 Whether it’s launching a business
0:09:46 or becoming an influencer or monetizing social
0:09:49 or building a YouTube following or publishing books
0:09:52 or maybe it’s starting your own podcast.
0:09:53 I don’t know what that thing is.
0:09:56 Maybe you want to become a touring musician.
0:09:57 Maybe you want to start a fashion line.
0:09:58 There is something in your heart.
0:09:59 Maybe you want a Lambo.
0:10:00 I don’t know.
0:10:01 It’s your goals.
0:10:03 Whatever it is that you want, I’m here to tell you
0:10:08 that you do not need anybody’s permission
0:10:12 and you do not need to have it all figured out.
0:10:14 In fact, you’re never gonna have it all figured out.
0:10:19 And every single day that you talk yourself out of beginning
0:10:23 or taking one step forward is a day
0:10:25 that you’re keeping yourself locked
0:10:27 in a prison of your own making.
0:10:30 Because if you know something that you want,
0:10:33 how dare you withhold it from yourself?
0:10:35 How dare you talk yourself out of it?
0:10:37 How dare you sit there
0:10:41 and spend more time and energy manufacturing excuses
0:10:43 and worrying about what other people think?
0:10:46 You get one life and no one is coming to save you.
0:10:47 No one is coming to do the work for you.
0:10:52 Nobody is gonna pick you from obscurity and make you a star.
0:10:54 Nobody is gonna build the business that you want to build.
0:10:57 And while you’re sitting there drinking with your buddies,
0:10:58 bitching about your current job
0:11:01 or you are sitting there telling yourself,
0:11:03 I don’t know what to do and me, me, me, me, me, me.
0:11:05 Your whole life is waiting for you.
0:11:09 There’s literally a door right in front of you
0:11:11 that is waiting for you to reach out
0:11:13 and freaking turn the knob and open it.
0:11:15 And I’m gonna tell you something.
0:11:17 My secret to success is very simple.
0:11:19 I get out of fucking bed when I don’t feel like it.
0:11:20 End of story.
0:11:23 And if the five second rule taught me anything, it’s this.
0:11:27 You will never feel ready to do the work.
0:11:31 You will never feel like you are capable
0:11:32 of achieving what you want.
0:11:34 You will never, ever, ever feel like
0:11:37 it’s your right to say this.
0:11:41 And so you have to learn the skill of doing the actions
0:11:43 that are aligned with your values, your character,
0:11:46 and your dreams when you don’t feel like it.
0:11:48 And that’s a skill.
0:11:49 And every one of us sits around,
0:11:51 I used to sit around and wait to be motivated.
0:11:53 Motivation is complete and utter garbage
0:11:55 because it’s never there when you need it.
0:11:57 And I even hate all this bullshit out there now
0:11:59 about discipline and willpower.
0:12:01 Forget it.
0:12:06 You can actually feel lazy and exhausted and unmotivated.
0:12:08 And you can still do it.
0:12:13 And sitting around waiting for the feeling to strike you,
0:12:16 that is a recipe that will lead you to your death bed.
0:12:18 And you’ll be one of those people that they study
0:12:21 that say, oh man, my biggest regret is
0:12:23 I didn’t let myself be myself.
0:12:25 I never went for the things that I wanted to do.
0:12:27 I was so worried about what my dad thought
0:12:29 or my mom thought or my friends thought
0:12:31 that I never started.
0:12:34 And if you don’t start now, because you say you’re not ready
0:12:36 or you’re not qualified or whatever,
0:12:37 then the next excuse is gonna be,
0:12:40 well, I should have started then and now I’m too late.
0:12:44 And then the next excuse is gonna be, well, I’m too old.
0:12:46 Or I have kids or I have a mortgage or I have this
0:12:48 or I have that or I have people that depend upon me
0:12:50 or I’ve been in this job for 10 years.
0:12:52 So it’s all bullshit.
0:12:57 It’s all something you manufactured in your own head.
0:12:59 And I get fired up about it because it’s sad.
0:13:00 You don’t have to be like this.
0:13:01 You don’t have to live your life like this.
0:13:04 You do not have to let your mother’s opinion
0:13:06 dictate what you do.
0:13:09 – I love what you did because I feel like your book
0:13:10 wouldn’t have been as big as a success,
0:13:13 the five second rule, had you just put it out right away.
0:13:15 You took the steps to do what you needed
0:13:17 to be ready to do that.
0:13:19 You did free speaking gigs.
0:13:20 You spoke all over the world.
0:13:23 You became the number one female speaker.
0:13:24 You researched.
0:13:27 You got the science and you built up the confidence
0:13:29 so that once you actually put out the book,
0:13:31 the world was ready to receive it.
0:13:34 – Well, I think there’s also something else that happened.
0:13:36 When everything started to build for me.
0:13:38 And again, this goes to the point where
0:13:39 the first skill is starting
0:13:41 because you’re never gonna get what you want
0:13:43 if you don’t begin.
0:13:46 So you have to actually commit to starting.
0:13:48 And there’s very simple way you do it.
0:13:49 You just get clear about what you want.
0:13:51 And if you don’t know what you want,
0:13:53 here’s how you figure that out.
0:13:55 Just say, I don’t want what I have.
0:13:58 Literally, if you don’t know what direction to point,
0:14:00 just know, well, where I am is not it.
0:14:02 So I need to take a look at where I am
0:14:04 and the way that I go through my day
0:14:07 and I need to reverse it or do the opposite
0:14:09 or make a change because that’s gonna pivot you
0:14:11 in a different direction.
0:14:14 And I truly believe that you’re one decision away
0:14:16 from a completely different life.
0:14:18 That doesn’t mean you achieve the success
0:14:20 that you want with one decision.
0:14:21 It means that with one decision,
0:14:24 and for me, that decision was getting out of bed
0:14:25 when I didn’t feel like it.
0:14:29 Getting out of bed when I was $800,000 in debt.
0:14:31 Getting out of bed and going for a run
0:14:34 even though I didn’t feel like it and it was snowing
0:14:37 and it’s not gonna make a dent in the debt
0:14:40 and the fear that I have, but it’s gonna make me know
0:14:42 that no matter what’s going on around me,
0:14:43 I can five, four, three, two, one,
0:14:47 still do something that reminds me
0:14:50 that I’m still in control in small ways.
0:14:54 And so for me, when the TED Talk took off,
0:14:57 I didn’t write a business plan, I didn’t.
0:15:00 I just started having people say,
0:15:01 “Hey, Mel, will you come speak?”
0:15:04 And then when I figured out that everybody else
0:15:05 was getting paid, first of all,
0:15:08 I felt like the world’s biggest flipping idiot.
0:15:10 And for those of you that are obsessed
0:15:13 with influencer culture and affiliate marketing
0:15:15 and all this stuff, I guarantee you,
0:15:18 you waste probably 10 hours a week
0:15:21 just looking at other people
0:15:23 who have built what you wanna build.
0:15:27 And that is also a recipe for disaster
0:15:29 because you will start to convince yourself
0:15:32 that they already took it, that you can’t do it,
0:15:34 and you’re looking at it wrong.
0:15:36 There is a formula to everything.
0:15:38 And so here I am at this point in my life
0:15:41 where I need money, I still need to pay my bills
0:15:43 and pay off my debt.
0:15:45 People are starting to ask me to speak.
0:15:48 I’m realizing everybody else at every one of these conferences
0:15:51 that I’m going to and I’m off in the little side room
0:15:54 doing my thing, everybody else is getting paid.
0:15:56 And so there’s always a formula.
0:16:01 And it’s your inability to wipe away the excuses
0:16:03 and stop comparing yourself
0:16:05 and stop talking yourself out of it
0:16:07 that keeps you from realizing
0:16:11 there’s a simple formula for everything.
0:16:13 In fact, you are so generous
0:16:17 because you put out content that provides a roadmap.
0:16:20 You tell the stories from your own career
0:16:22 and building your business.
0:16:25 And in those stories are takeaways.
0:16:27 You are literally selling advertising
0:16:31 and monetizing brand partnerships for podcasts
0:16:34 that the person that’s listening to this right now
0:16:38 listens to and you share how you do it all the time.
0:16:40 And so again, case in point,
0:16:43 the problem isn’t I don’t know how to do that.
0:16:46 Yes, you do because there’s people like you
0:16:50 that put out content that actually teach people
0:16:51 how to do it.
0:16:53 And that’s a gift.
0:16:56 And how sad is it that you know and you see the steps?
0:16:57 This was me, by the way.
0:16:59 This is why I get so fired up about it.
0:17:02 Because every day, just like I see, you probably see
0:17:05 people like the person who’s listening to us right now
0:17:07 who has in their heart what they want
0:17:10 and they are actively working against themselves.
0:17:12 And there’s not a single person on the planet
0:17:14 that can take anything from you.
0:17:16 Nobody can block your path to success.
0:17:17 Only you can do that.
0:17:20 – Let’s hold that thought and take a quick break
0:17:21 with our sponsors.
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0:19:02 Yeah, fam, when I first started this podcast,
0:19:05 my amazing volunteer team helped me out.
0:19:06 But as my business grew,
0:19:09 we needed to hire real talent with real experience.
0:19:11 And it became overwhelming
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0:20:20 Terms and conditions apply.
0:20:21 Need to hire?
0:20:23 You need Indeed.
0:20:26 Hey app bam, launching my LinkedIn secrets masterclass
0:20:28 was one of the best decisions
0:20:30 that I’ve ever made for my business.
0:20:33 And I didn’t have to figure out all the nuts and bolts
0:20:35 of creating a website for my course.
0:20:38 I needed a monthly subscription option.
0:20:40 I needed chat capabilities.
0:20:42 I needed a laundry list of features
0:20:46 to enable what I was envisioning with my course.
0:20:47 But here’s the thing.
0:20:50 All I had to do was literally lift a finger
0:20:51 to get it all done.
0:20:54 And that’s because I used Shopify.
0:21:00 Shopify is the easiest way to sell anything,
0:21:02 to sell online or in person.
0:21:05 It’s the home of the number one checkout on the planet.
0:21:07 And Shopify is not so secret secret as Shoppay,
0:21:10 which boosts conversions up to 50%.
0:21:12 That means way fewer cards get abandoned
0:21:14 and way more sales get done.
0:21:17 If you’re into growing your business,
0:21:19 your commerce platform better be ready to sell
0:21:23 wherever your customers are scrolling and strolling.
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0:21:28 and everywhere in between.
0:21:32 Put simply, businesses that sell more sell with Shopify.
0:21:34 Upgrade your business and get the same checkout
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0:21:39 Sign up for your $1 per month trial period
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0:21:43 And that’s all lowercase young and profitors,
0:21:47 that’s Shopify.com/profiting.
0:21:51 Go to Shopify.com/profiting to upgrade your selling today,
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0:21:56 (bell dings)
0:22:03 – You started your TED Talk 41 first book, 49, 54,
0:22:06 starting your production company,
0:22:08 50 years old starting your podcast, right?
0:22:09 There’s no timeline.
0:22:10 And something that I always talk about on the show
0:22:11 is scale stacking.
0:22:13 I’ve seen it with my own career.
0:22:16 And I feel like the best entrepreneurs,
0:22:19 they got a lot of experiences, they did a lot of jobs,
0:22:20 they figured out what they’re good at,
0:22:21 what they hate, what they like,
0:22:23 and then they designed their dream career and job.
0:22:25 I feel like that’s what I did with myself.
0:22:27 I literally designed the perfect job for me
0:22:28 that I’m so good at.
0:22:30 And I feel like you’ve done the same.
0:22:32 I was binging your podcast recently.
0:22:35 They’re just so good when I listened to it.
0:22:36 I learned about the let them theory.
0:22:38 That’s what I was like mostly focused on.
0:22:42 But what I really learned is that you are so friendly
0:22:46 and that you really try to be relatable and down to earth
0:22:48 and you make everybody feel really loved.
0:22:50 And you’ve got this friend approach
0:22:52 to what you do on the podcast.
0:22:53 So I wanna ask you about that.
0:22:54 – Sure.
0:22:58 – But first I wanna ask you about your experiences
0:23:01 that you feel like led you to have this amazing career,
0:23:05 to be a number one podcaster and author and speaker.
0:23:07 What are the experiences that led up to that,
0:23:08 that people don’t realize?
0:23:11 – Everything, absolutely everything.
0:23:13 Life is the greatest teacher.
0:23:17 If you’re willing to look at life like one giant lesson.
0:23:20 And I choose to believe that absolutely everything
0:23:25 that has happened to me is divinely ordered for a reason.
0:23:27 Absolutely everything.
0:23:30 See, I don’t learn what I need to learn
0:23:34 when I’m successful and I’m soaring and I’m at the top.
0:23:38 I learn for whatever reasons when I’m at the bottom
0:23:41 of the barrel or when I am in a hole
0:23:45 or when I am struggling or when things are really hard.
0:23:48 I feel like courage and strength
0:23:52 and that secret sauce that makes you successful
0:23:54 and makes you who you are.
0:23:56 Those are the things that happen
0:23:58 in the hardest moments of your life.
0:24:02 And they also happen in the smallest, quietest moments
0:24:04 if you’re paying attention.
0:24:06 And I’m gonna share some examples for this
0:24:07 because first things first,
0:24:10 as you’re spending time with us together today,
0:24:14 I want you to think about the fact
0:24:16 that if you stand in the present moment
0:24:18 and you look backwards,
0:24:20 you can see how absolutely every single thing
0:24:22 that has happened to you, good or bad,
0:24:26 scary or beautiful, terrorizing or fantastic,
0:24:30 every single thing has led you to this moment.
0:24:33 And that you are never starting from scratch,
0:24:36 you’re always starting from experience
0:24:40 because life has tested you, life has taught you,
0:24:43 life has prepared you for this exact moment.
0:24:46 And I also choose to believe,
0:24:50 and this is part of what I believe is my amazing success,
0:24:54 is that I choose to believe, as I stand in this moment,
0:24:56 that just like everything in the past
0:24:59 has prepared me for where I am now,
0:25:03 that this moment is preparing me
0:25:05 for where I am going next.
0:25:09 And I don’t need to know when in the future
0:25:12 I’m going to look up and go, oh my God,
0:25:16 it was that particular day in Manhattan
0:25:19 sitting down with you that I learned X.
0:25:23 And that has equipped me for this moment now.
0:25:26 And so some of the things that have informed
0:25:29 the way that I think about media,
0:25:31 the way that I think about my business,
0:25:32 ’cause I’m kind of old school.
0:25:36 I really think that my business is about one person.
0:25:40 It’s about the one person that has hit play
0:25:44 and that is taking time to listen to this conversation.
0:25:47 And just like when I take a walk with a friend,
0:25:50 that my intention is to know that whoever it is
0:25:52 that is listening, yes, you right now
0:25:55 as you’re driving your car, as you’re at the gym,
0:25:59 that you are the person I’m talking to, because I am.
0:26:00 And I also know that everything that I’m about
0:26:02 to share with you is relevant
0:26:04 for somebody that you care about.
0:26:06 And so whether you get a tremendous amount out of this
0:26:08 or you just feel a little bit better,
0:26:13 you know somebody that is going to get something out of this,
0:26:16 which means you can use this conversation
0:26:18 to strengthen a relationship with somebody.
0:26:21 And so I have always approached everything that I do
0:26:25 with this sort of how can I help and one person.
0:26:28 And there’s small moments in my life that really inform me.
0:26:31 And I’m gonna share this story because,
0:26:36 like there’s this obsession with virality and monetization
0:26:39 and all of this stuff in business, which is important.
0:26:44 And another thing that has really helped me is I 1000% believe
0:26:47 in full ownership of everything that I do.
0:26:50 And so I control everything because I believe in what I do.
0:26:53 So why on earth would I give somebody else
0:26:56 a meaningful stake when I’m the one doing all the work?
0:27:00 When I’m the one that created the five second rule
0:27:01 and created the let them theory.
0:27:04 And so why would I not keep control of these things?
0:27:07 And why would I trust someone else’s authority
0:27:10 more than my own to be able to market these things?
0:27:13 Because I also understand digital media,
0:27:15 which unlike a printed book,
0:27:18 digital media is gonna live forever.
0:27:20 Everything that you do on social media
0:27:23 or on your YouTube channel or all of it
0:27:25 is something you can monetize forever.
0:27:27 So just like Bruce Springsteen doesn’t wanna give
0:27:30 his catalog of music away, he’s gonna sell it
0:27:32 and have a library that he owns the rights of.
0:27:35 I think about things that I invest my time in now
0:27:37 as what do I actually own?
0:27:41 Because that is an asset versus a piece of content
0:27:43 that you’re singularly monetizing.
0:27:47 And so for me, when I look back at my life,
0:27:52 there are defining moments and they’re surprising moments.
0:27:56 And I’m gonna take you on a quick highlight tour
0:28:00 because those defining moments actually explain why I am
0:28:04 one of the most intentional people you will ever meet.
0:28:08 And I weave it through everything I do in business.
0:28:11 So when I was a public defender, my first job, 1994,
0:28:13 I graduated from Dartmouth College,
0:28:14 then I go to Boston College Law School.
0:28:17 My first job was as a public defender
0:28:18 for the Legal Aid Society.
0:28:20 I represented people here in New York City
0:28:23 that had been arrested and accused of crimes
0:28:26 and they could not afford an attorney.
0:28:29 And I would meet them after they had been arrested
0:28:31 and thrown into a jail cell
0:28:35 and then transported to 100 Center Street
0:28:38 where they would be held in a cage behind a judge
0:28:41 and they would be brought into court
0:28:43 to be read the charges against them,
0:28:45 to be read their constitutional rights
0:28:47 and to be assigned an attorney
0:28:51 and to get a constitutionally mandated bail hearing.
0:28:54 And I would meet my clients
0:28:57 because these are people who could not afford representation.
0:28:59 They were assigned by the state
0:29:00 because you have a constitutional right
0:29:04 to be represented in a court of law by a licensed attorney.
0:29:07 And I would walk back behind the judge
0:29:10 and I would meet my client for the very first time
0:29:11 in that setting.
0:29:14 They were behind bars and I had a little folder
0:29:17 that had the complaint from the police.
0:29:18 And if they had ever been in trouble before,
0:29:20 I had a history of that.
0:29:22 If they had, there wouldn’t be that and that was it.
0:29:26 And so that experience taught me a number of things.
0:29:29 First of all, it taught me that no matter the circumstances
0:29:31 under which you meet somebody,
0:29:33 that I choose to believe
0:29:36 in the innate worthiness of human beings.
0:29:39 I do, I choose to treat people with dignity
0:29:44 and I choose to see bigger possibilities for everybody,
0:29:47 no matter what circumstances I may meet you in.
0:29:52 And one of the things that hit me in my heart
0:29:54 is that when we would go out
0:29:58 and it was time for my client that I was representing
0:30:01 to be charged, formally charged,
0:30:04 part of that arraignment hearing is a bail hearing.
0:30:08 And one of the things that the courts consider
0:30:11 is obviously the charges against you
0:30:12 and the severity of them.
0:30:16 Your history, some of your life story,
0:30:19 but the big one is also ties to the community.
0:30:22 I cannot tell you how many times
0:30:27 we would walk out into that courtroom in 1994, 95 and 96
0:30:29 and nobody would be there.
0:30:32 No one, over and over and over again.
0:30:35 And it just killed me
0:30:39 that in one of the scariest times in a person’s life,
0:30:41 no one was there.
0:30:46 And I have never, ever, ever forgot what that felt like
0:30:53 and I have made it a mission, my mission to show up for people.
0:30:57 Whether that means that I’m leaving a public bathroom
0:31:00 and I take a moment and thank the human being
0:31:02 that is cleaning the public bathroom
0:31:05 because that’s a job where you feel invisible
0:31:09 or it is truly apologizing and thanking people
0:31:11 for their patients when I’m late.
0:31:16 And so that has informed me about how I wanna treat people
0:31:19 and how I want people to experience me
0:31:23 that I’m the kind of person that actually cares
0:31:26 and that sees something bigger for you.
0:31:29 No matter where you are, no matter what you’ve done,
0:31:31 no matter what circumstances you face,
0:31:35 I believe in the extraordinary possibilities that you have
0:31:37 because I understand something.
0:31:39 I understand that your past is not your fault.
0:31:43 I understand that if you aren’t doing well,
0:31:45 it’s not a matter of willpower,
0:31:47 it’s a matter of skill building.
0:31:49 And I also believe that absolutely everybody,
0:31:51 if you focus on your mindset,
0:31:54 if you focus on your actions,
0:31:58 if you focus on how you process your emotions,
0:32:01 that absolutely anybody can do better and be better
0:32:02 and feel better.
0:32:07 And the other thing that experience taught me
0:32:11 is just that it’s the simplest things that people remember.
0:32:14 And this is a marketing message, okay?
0:32:17 The more complicated you make things,
0:32:21 the less likely anybody is going to do it.
0:32:23 The more intellectual you are,
0:32:25 you know what you’re communicating when you’re intellectual
0:32:26 that I think I’m smarter than you.
0:32:27 – Yes, superiority, yeah.
0:32:28 – Yes, right?
0:32:31 And so I’m obsessed with making things simple.
0:32:34 And so these are core values
0:32:38 about really showing up in a way that people feel seen,
0:32:39 that people know that you believe in them,
0:32:42 that people know that you respect their time,
0:32:45 that people know that I see the possibility in you
0:32:46 because I do see it.
0:32:48 This isn’t just some bullshit that I say,
0:32:49 I actually believe it.
0:32:53 The other thing that really struck me is another moment.
0:32:55 So there was this whole thing that happened
0:32:56 when I started speaking,
0:32:58 that when I first started speaking, I thought, okay,
0:33:00 if you’re in the speaking business
0:33:03 and somebody is paying you a ridiculous amount of money
0:33:06 to stand on a stage, you better be dressed nicely.
0:33:08 And so even though it was like at a time,
0:33:12 and so I’m talking probably like 2015, 2014,
0:33:14 something like that, I start getting paid
0:33:15 and I’ll never forget this.
0:33:19 I was at the MGM in Vegas and I was speaking for remax
0:33:21 and there were like 8,000 people in the audience.
0:33:23 And it was one of the biggest speeches
0:33:26 that I was ever going to give at the time, of course.
0:33:30 And so I at the time was dressing like a news anchor.
0:33:32 So I would wear heels.
0:33:33 You look beautiful today.
0:33:36 Normally I look not so pulled together.
0:33:38 But so I would look great on a stage.
0:33:39 So I’m in heels, which I never wear
0:33:41 so I can’t walk in them very well.
0:33:43 And I’m wearing a dress.
0:33:46 And what happened is I have terrible ADHD
0:33:49 and I get to Vegas and it turns out
0:33:52 when I open up my suitcase at 7.30 in the morning,
0:33:55 I have left my high heels in a hotel room in Miami.
0:33:57 And what I have in my suitcase are Birkenstocks.
0:33:58 – Oh no.
0:33:59 – And these sparkly high tops.
0:34:01 That’s it.
0:34:04 And I have tech check in 20 minutes.
0:34:06 Most people would have stressed diarrhea
0:34:09 and then just derail the situation.
0:34:10 And I’m like, fuck it.
0:34:12 Okay, I guess we’re going with the high tops
0:34:15 because we’re not wearing Birkenstocks on this stage.
0:34:17 And remember how I said
0:34:19 that your life is always teaching you
0:34:21 and it’s either in the struggles
0:34:25 or it’s in these quiet little moments.
0:34:28 So I get backstage.
0:34:30 And when you’re backstage speaking at a big event,
0:34:34 it’s very dark and there’s like a whole city
0:34:37 behind the stage of people in production
0:34:39 and everybody’s dressed in all black
0:34:40 and there’s equipment everywhere
0:34:42 and tables everywhere and cables everywhere.
0:34:44 And then there’s all this tenting
0:34:47 that is the back of the stage.
0:34:48 And you’re kind of walking around
0:34:49 and it’s hard to see.
0:34:51 And normally, especially if it’s like eight o’clock
0:34:54 in the morning and Vegas for crying out loud.
0:34:56 And you’re speaking at a massive corporate conference
0:34:58 for remax, the client was.
0:34:59 And I was going to give a speech
0:35:01 about the five second rule.
0:35:02 Everyone’s tired.
0:35:04 So I walk back there
0:35:08 and they’re miking me up for the tech check
0:35:10 that we’re going to do before 8,000 people
0:35:11 come into the MGM.
0:35:15 And one of the older guys dressed in all black,
0:35:16 he’s got a graying beard.
0:35:18 He turns you like, go kicks.
0:35:23 And it was the first time that anyone backstage,
0:35:25 even though I was super nice and friendly
0:35:28 and not dramatic at all and not high maintenance,
0:35:33 it was the first time anybody had ever commented like that.
0:35:37 And that was this small moment that I was like, take note.
0:35:39 And so then I go up on stage
0:35:42 and as I walked on stage, I felt different.
0:35:45 And that was a small moment that was like, take note.
0:35:48 And normally if you’re a woman who’s presenting,
0:35:53 most people, whether it’s male, female, they, everybody,
0:35:56 when a woman walks on stage, if you’re too pretty,
0:35:57 if your heels are too high,
0:35:59 most people kind of cross their arms
0:36:01 and are like, this bitch thinks she looks better
0:36:02 than the rest of us.
0:36:04 And there’s a distance that happens
0:36:07 because you’re focused on what you look like
0:36:10 and you’re focused on presenting yourself in a way
0:36:14 that is projecting something.
0:36:15 Well, God, when I walked on stage
0:36:17 in these stupid high tops that are all sparkly
0:36:21 in this dress that didn’t match and my dumb glasses,
0:36:23 people were like, what is this?
0:36:25 And so there was an open arm thing.
0:36:28 And so typically it would take me like five to 10 minutes
0:36:32 and a couple laughs to get to that point in a speech
0:36:37 that I call, I’d have a cup of coffee with her moment.
0:36:41 Which is now somebody’s listening and enjoying
0:36:43 instead of judging, take note.
0:36:48 And from that moment on, couple things.
0:36:52 Number one, in any industry that you’re in,
0:36:55 being able to be excellent at the thing
0:37:00 is the minimum requirement, the minimum requirement.
0:37:03 You shouldn’t be on a stage if you’re not excellent.
0:37:07 You shouldn’t be charging people if you’re not excellent.
0:37:10 You need to take pride in your performance,
0:37:12 which means you need to practice.
0:37:15 This is my opinion, I’m gonna let you do whatever you want.
0:37:18 But really don’t hang your hat on the fact
0:37:23 that you’re fantastic at the thing they’re paying you to do.
0:37:24 You wanna be exceptional?
0:37:29 Be fucking fantastic at the things no one pays you to do.
0:37:34 What made me an extraordinary force
0:37:35 on the corporate circuit
0:37:40 and what has earned me extraordinary amounts of money
0:37:44 is yes, there is, in my opinion, almost no one better.
0:37:47 I don’t know of anyone better on stage.
0:37:49 And I’m sure there’s extraordinary people out there,
0:37:52 but I will claim that for myself for sure.
0:37:55 Category of one of one when it comes to what I do.
0:37:58 But I know for sure there’s no one better
0:38:01 when it comes to what I do offstage.
0:38:03 Because I learned very quickly
0:38:06 that it’s the little things that you do
0:38:09 that make people feel taken care of,
0:38:12 that then make people want to work with you,
0:38:15 that make people want to hire you.
0:38:17 And I’ll give you a simple example.
0:38:19 When I was doing 115 speeches a year,
0:38:21 Starbucks, JP Morgan, Microsoft,
0:38:23 like on and on and on and on from one event
0:38:25 to the other event, to this event, to that event,
0:38:28 30,000 people, 100 people with a CEO retreat, this one.
0:38:31 Every time I landed in a new city,
0:38:36 I would always text the event planner, not the CEO,
0:38:37 not the person that hired me.
0:38:39 I would text the event planner,
0:38:41 a fun selfie of me getting off the plane.
0:38:45 I’m here, thank you, excited to see you.
0:38:46 And you know what that did?
0:38:48 That immediately made the person
0:38:50 who was responsible for tracking me
0:38:54 and who was responsible for managing a million things love me.
0:38:57 Because I just took one thing off their list
0:38:59 and made their job easy.
0:39:01 And when you do that, guess what people do?
0:39:04 They hire you again, they recommend you.
0:39:07 And people are obsessed with the people up here
0:39:10 when you need to be amazing with the people
0:39:12 that serve the people up here.
0:39:15 Because those are the folks that have the power.
0:39:17 Those are the ones that get everything done.
0:39:19 And it is the exact same principle
0:39:21 if you want to grow a social media audience.
0:39:23 It’s responding to comments.
0:39:26 It’s actually tracking your name or your brand
0:39:28 and going to their account and responding.
0:39:31 That is the exact same thing
0:39:34 that I was doing in person in the speaking business.
0:39:36 And so those are examples
0:39:39 of how there are little things that I’m obsessive about.
0:39:41 Like everybody in my company on a production day
0:39:43 actually wears name tags.
0:39:46 Because I used to host a daytime talk show.
0:39:47 I’ve been at a bazillion events.
0:39:50 It’s impossible to remember people’s names.
0:39:54 And so when you walk into 143 studios in downtown Boston,
0:39:56 you’re going to walk into 25 people.
0:39:58 We’re going to stand up and welcome you together.
0:40:00 Everybody has a name tag. Why?
0:40:02 Because I want you to feel at ease.
0:40:04 I want you to feel comfortable.
0:40:08 I want the people that work for me to feel seen and recognized.
0:40:10 When you’re done with the podcast and we walk out,
0:40:12 you get a standing ovation.
0:40:14 Because we’re grateful that you’re here.
0:40:17 And so every tiny little thing I do
0:40:22 is with intention on making a particular type of impact.
0:40:24 And so there are stages to this.
0:40:26 I mean, first, you got to get started.
0:40:28 Second, you got to learn how to just keep going.
0:40:31 Because the other thing that is a skill is stamina.
0:40:35 I believe that success is as much about not quitting
0:40:37 as anything else. Totally.
0:40:38 As anything else.
0:40:41 And it may surprise you to learn that with this book,
0:40:44 The Let Them Theory, this is truly the first time
0:40:48 that I’ve had a major moment
0:40:52 in terms of the normal press cycle.
0:40:56 I have a lot of friends because I’m in mastermind groups.
0:40:59 And you actually represent and sell ads
0:41:02 and do brand partnerships for a lot of my friends.
0:41:04 And that’s another thing I’m going to tell you
0:41:07 that has been a secret to success.
0:41:11 And it’s that the very people you’re competing against
0:41:12 should be your closest friends.
0:41:13 It’s so true.
0:41:15 Why do you believe that’s true?
0:41:18 Because I feel like when you reach higher levels,
0:41:20 people aren’t actually that competitive.
0:41:21 They’re more collaborative.
0:41:24 They want to help you and you guys can help each other.
0:41:27 And so I felt like working closely
0:41:28 with the people that are my competitors
0:41:30 is the quickest way to just get ahead.
0:41:35 That and I think it’s true at any level.
0:41:38 We’re just so insecure when we’re getting started
0:41:41 that we don’t think we have anything to offer.
0:41:45 And the truth is your family has no idea what you’re doing.
0:41:47 Your friends don’t understand what you’re doing.
0:41:50 And the people that you think you’re competing with
0:41:53 are the only people on the planet that get it.
0:41:57 And so the very people that you’re distancing yourselves from
0:41:59 should be your closest allies
0:42:02 because otherwise you are going to feel alone
0:42:04 because your family’s not in this business
0:42:06 so they don’t understand the stress.
0:42:09 Your friends don’t share the same aspirations
0:42:11 so they don’t know what you’re going through.
0:42:13 But the people at your same level,
0:42:17 this is your squad because they get it.
0:42:19 And honestly, that’s why I’m so excited
0:42:21 about the let them theory
0:42:24 and the things that I’m talking about now
0:42:27 because for far too long, for far too long,
0:42:30 I would look at people that I admired
0:42:32 like Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes and Jenna Kutcher
0:42:34 and Amy Porterfield and Trent Sheldon.
0:42:38 And I would go, oh, oh, well, they’ve already done a podcast.
0:42:42 I guess I can’t do one or they’re super successful.
0:42:45 They’re in competition with me.
0:42:47 And what I have learned too late,
0:42:49 I’m so happy I understand this
0:42:51 and I’m thrilled for you as you’re listening to us
0:42:53 to really embrace what I’m about to tell you.
0:42:56 Success is in limitless supply.
0:42:59 Happiness, friendship, all of these things.
0:43:04 Money, Lamborghinis, they’re in limitless supply.
0:43:07 No other human being is blocking your way.
0:43:09 In fact, they’re leading the way.
0:43:13 And if you have an insecure and jealous
0:43:17 and competitive and comparison attitude,
0:43:21 you will turn other people into the biggest excuse
0:43:24 for why you can’t do what you need to do.
0:43:27 And it is a joke
0:43:28 because there’s only one person
0:43:32 that can actually block your way and it’s you.
0:43:35 And so learning how to let other people be successful
0:43:38 and let other people be rich
0:43:39 and let other people figure it out
0:43:42 and let them get engaged and let them have babies
0:43:44 and let them have a million dollars in the bank
0:43:46 and let them do this and let them do that.
0:43:48 You’re just letting them lead the way.
0:43:52 – We’ll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors.
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0:45:32 (whooshing)
0:45:34 – Let’s move on to the let them theory
0:45:36 because I can’t wait to dive into this.
0:45:37 So first leg of your career,
0:45:40 you really were all about self-improvement,
0:45:41 internal improvement.
0:45:45 Now we’re focused on external relationships
0:45:47 and kind of how to manage relationships.
0:45:49 So you had this post about a year ago
0:45:51 that went massively viral,
0:45:53 where you first introduced the topic.
0:45:54 What did you say in that post
0:45:56 and why do you think it was such a phenomenon?
0:46:01 – So I put up a video, gosh, it was like 18 months ago.
0:46:05 And I basically was sharing
0:46:07 about something I had just stumbled on
0:46:09 because I was being a micromanaging parent
0:46:11 at my son’s prom.
0:46:14 And my middle daughter was home from college.
0:46:17 And you know, like when your mom’s being like super annoying.
0:46:18 – Yes.
0:46:20 – And you’re like, “God damn, geez, mom.”
0:46:21 I was getting like that.
0:46:23 Well, we’ve all been there, right?
0:46:25 And it’s just so stupid.
0:46:27 And my daughter reaches out and grabs my arm
0:46:29 and yanks me towards her and says,
0:46:33 “Mom, stop it, you’re being so annoying.
0:46:36 “Let them, let them, let them run in the rain.
0:46:37 “Let them eat where they want.
0:46:38 “Let them do the same, let them.”
0:46:41 And she just kept saying, “Let them, let them, let them.”
0:46:45 And it was weird, it just hit me like a ton of bricks.
0:46:46 Why am I worried about this?
0:46:48 Why am I stressing about this?
0:46:49 And for the next couple of days,
0:46:53 anytime somebody was pissing me off or annoying me,
0:46:55 or I saw somebody do something online
0:46:56 that made me feel jealous
0:47:00 or somebody did something that made the guilt rise up,
0:47:02 I just started saying, “Let them.”
0:47:04 Standing in line at a store
0:47:06 and there’s five people in front of you.
0:47:10 Beep, beep, beep.
0:47:11 There’s only one cashier.
0:47:14 No one’s coming to the other lines.
0:47:15 How do you feel in that moment?
0:47:16 – Stressed.
0:47:18 – Yeah. And then what do you do?
0:47:22 – Puff and puff, maybe say something under your breath.
0:47:24 You think you can run the grocery store
0:47:27 better than the people running it, uh-huh.
0:47:28 And all along while that’s happening,
0:47:30 do you know what’s happening?
0:47:34 You’re actually allowing something to drain your life force.
0:47:37 And you are wasting time.
0:47:41 And you are allowing something that’s out of your control
0:47:43 to steal your time and energy.
0:47:47 And blind you to the fact that even in moments
0:47:49 where you feel stressed out or hurt,
0:47:52 or you’re worried, or you’re scared,
0:47:54 that there is always something in your control.
0:47:59 And what’s in your control is never out there, ever.
0:48:01 There’s one thing in life you can never control.
0:48:01 It’s other people.
0:48:02 You can’t control what they think.
0:48:03 You can’t control what they do.
0:48:06 You can’t control the timeline upon which they change
0:48:07 if they change at all.
0:48:09 You can’t control if they’re gonna love you.
0:48:12 You can’t, you cannot control another human being.
0:48:13 And yet we try.
0:48:16 And it’s the greatest source of frustration in your life.
0:48:18 But if you turn it back,
0:48:21 you’ll see there’s three fingers always pointing back at you
0:48:23 when you point at somebody else
0:48:24 because there are three things
0:48:26 that are always in your control.
0:48:29 You can always control what you think about what’s happening.
0:48:34 You can always control what you choose to do or not do.
0:48:39 And you can always control how you process your emotions.
0:48:42 Whether you will let them just run you over
0:48:43 and then you send that text
0:48:45 or if you ever crafted one of those emails
0:48:47 like single space and it’s like super long
0:48:49 and you take like 90 minutes and you’re like, send.
0:48:50 – Yep.
0:48:51 – That never solves anything.
0:48:54 You always get to choose how you respond.
0:48:56 And that’s how you take responsibility for your life.
0:48:57 And let’s talk about responsibility.
0:49:00 It’s the ability to respond.
0:49:02 That’s what taking responsibility means.
0:49:04 – You give such a great example
0:49:07 about being left out on a girls trip.
0:49:10 I had this happen to me a couple of years ago.
0:49:12 My high school best friends, they all went on a beach trip
0:49:14 and I was really hurt.
0:49:16 I had a boyfriend that I was really focused on
0:49:18 and so we weren’t spending as much time together
0:49:21 but I still considered them my best friends.
0:49:24 And I was so hurt and I went about it in the worst way.
0:49:24 – What’d you do?
0:49:25 – I was a victim.
0:49:29 I wrote everybody a text, like what happened.
0:49:30 – What did they say?
0:49:32 – They were just like, you’re always busy.
0:49:34 We didn’t even think about it.
0:49:35 What do you care?
0:49:36 We’re allowed to make plans.
0:49:38 And it made me look like a victim
0:49:40 and I took all my power away.
0:49:42 So I’d love for you to explain the let them theory
0:49:47 of how we can actually use this to take back our power.
0:49:51 It’s a great example and being hurt
0:49:52 because you’re not included
0:49:55 is the sign that you’re mentally well.
0:49:57 It’s what you do with that
0:50:00 that dictates your experience of life.
0:50:05 And like you, all too often when I have either been left out
0:50:08 of something or people didn’t even think of me
0:50:09 ’cause I haven’t been around
0:50:11 ’cause I’ve been busy building a business.
0:50:12 So why would they think of me?
0:50:15 Or if it’s when I see somebody else succeeding
0:50:19 and then I feel sorry for myself, right?
0:50:21 Feeling those things is normal.
0:50:23 It’s what you do next that matters.
0:50:26 So the let them theory is the single most powerful thing
0:50:27 I’ve ever discovered.
0:50:29 I’m so excited for you to implement this.
0:50:33 Seriously, I am a changed human being.
0:50:35 I’ve never felt more peaceful and powerful.
0:50:36 So what is the let them theory?
0:50:38 It is a simple mindset tool
0:50:42 that shows you immediately what is in your control
0:50:44 and what is not in your control.
0:50:46 And here’s how you use it.
0:50:47 There’s two steps.
0:50:50 Anytime that you are in a situation
0:50:52 where you’re starting to feel stressed out
0:50:54 or you’re starting to get pissed off
0:50:55 or you’re hurt or you’re annoyed
0:50:57 or you’re getting clingy or you’re becoming a victim
0:51:00 or you’re feeling the rage come up, you’re gonna say let them.
0:51:01 That’s step one.
0:51:05 When you say let them, you detach from what’s happening.
0:51:09 And you recognize that I can’t control this person
0:51:11 what they think, say or do or feel
0:51:14 or I can’t control what’s happening with traffic right now.
0:51:15 So I am gonna let them.
0:51:18 And when you say let them, a couple of things happen.
0:51:21 First of all, you get this rush of superiority
0:51:25 because it’s like you’re going, I see what’s happening
0:51:26 and I value my time and energy
0:51:28 and I know I’m not gonna waste it
0:51:31 trying to manage this situation or allowing this person
0:51:33 or this situation to impact me negatively.
0:51:34 I’m gonna let them.
0:51:38 And so it’s amazing ’cause you detach.
0:51:40 And then the second step is you say let me.
0:51:42 And this is the most powerful part
0:51:44 because this is where you take your power back.
0:51:45 – Yeah.
0:51:49 – When you say let me, you then remind yourself
0:51:51 that there’s always something in your control
0:51:53 and what’s always in your control are the three things.
0:51:55 I can choose what to think about this.
0:51:58 I can choose how to respond to this or not.
0:52:01 And I can choose what I’m gonna do with my emotions.
0:52:04 And the uses are just endless
0:52:05 because we live in a moment of time
0:52:09 where everything feels out of control.
0:52:11 And people are stressed out
0:52:14 and people are acting in really inconsiderate
0:52:15 and dismissive ways
0:52:18 and people are super emotionally immature.
0:52:21 Let them ’cause so are you.
0:52:23 We all are right now.
0:52:25 And when you say let them, it’s not like an FU.
0:52:29 It’s really about giving people grace and space
0:52:32 and also putting up a boundary and reminding yourself.
0:52:35 It’s not your job to make people happy.
0:52:38 It’s not your job to manage other people’s stress.
0:52:40 It’s not your job to make sure
0:52:42 that everybody’s expectations are met.
0:52:45 It’s not your job to run a grocery store.
0:52:50 Your job is to focus on taking actions
0:52:53 that really align with your values and your priorities.
0:52:56 And your job is to think in a way that makes you feel good.
0:52:57 I’ll give you a quick example.
0:52:59 We were in an elevator this morning
0:53:02 and the thing got stuck between the 11th and 12th floor.
0:53:05 I was in there for 50 minutes
0:53:08 and the fire department had to come
0:53:11 but it was a good 15 minutes
0:53:13 before anybody came to do anything.
0:53:15 And I sat there on the floor of that elevator
0:53:18 and I kept saying, let them, let them take a long time.
0:53:19 Let them figure this out.
0:53:21 And let me remind myself
0:53:23 that the only thing I can control right now
0:53:26 is just staying calm and sitting on the floor
0:53:28 and thinking that this is gonna be okay.
0:53:29 Let them.
0:53:31 And it worked.
0:53:33 And so in your business,
0:53:36 let’s just take everybody that listens to you, right?
0:53:38 I want you to think about that moment
0:53:41 where you are posting something on social media
0:53:44 and you go and you pick the real
0:53:46 or you pick the photo, right?
0:53:47 And then what do you do?
0:53:48 Then you’re like, oh, should it be that photo?
0:53:49 Should it be this one?
0:53:50 And then you put a filter on
0:53:51 and then you take the filter off
0:53:53 and then you size it and then you see.
0:53:54 And it’s one thing to do this
0:53:56 because you have a business strategy
0:53:58 and you’re thinking about your business strategy.
0:53:59 It’s another thing to do this.
0:54:01 And then when you start to rate the caption,
0:54:02 you’re like, is this too much?
0:54:04 Should I put an emoji?
0:54:06 Is that CTA too, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
0:54:07 And then you start to question, for who?
0:54:08 For who?
0:54:10 Before you even post something.
0:54:11 What are you doing?
0:54:13 You’re giving power to what other people
0:54:16 are going to think and do in response
0:54:19 to what you’re about to post.
0:54:22 And by the way, you have no control
0:54:25 over what they think and do in response.
0:54:27 And so instead of managing it,
0:54:28 I have a different approach.
0:54:30 Let them think something negative.
0:54:32 Let them unfollow you.
0:54:33 Let them judge you.
0:54:34 Let them roll your eyes
0:54:35 because I got news for you.
0:54:36 You need to use the let me part.
0:54:40 Let me remind myself that my social media is for me.
0:54:41 My social media is for my business.
0:54:44 My social media is my self-expression.
0:54:46 It’s not for my family or my fricking friends
0:54:48 from college or my brother or my sister.
0:54:51 My social media is for me.
0:54:53 Let me express myself.
0:54:55 Let me market my business.
0:54:59 Let me show up and put this reel out
0:55:02 even though I’m kind of nervous.
0:55:03 Feeling nervous about something
0:55:06 that you care about is a sign that you care about it.
0:55:09 It’s not a sign that things aren’t gonna go well.
0:55:12 And so by saying let them,
0:55:15 it’s extraordinary what’s happened in my life.
0:55:18 – So let them is all about releasing control.
0:55:19 – Yes.
0:55:20 – Keeping your peace.
0:55:21 – Yes.
0:55:24 – Why are we so hardwired for control to begin with?
0:55:26 ‘Cause I think a lot of it comes from a good place.
0:55:28 And I also think entrepreneurs
0:55:30 are especially controlling.
0:55:31 – Absolutely.
0:55:33 So it’s gonna be a dance because
0:55:35 you’re never gonna get rid of the need
0:55:36 of trying to control things.
0:55:39 It is a hardwired survival instinct.
0:55:40 And it kind of makes sense, right?
0:55:43 Because if you’re in control of what you’re thinking
0:55:45 and you’re in control of your decisions
0:55:47 and you’re in control of your environment
0:55:49 and you’re in control of your spending
0:55:51 and you’re in control of your marketing platform
0:55:54 and your strategy that you’re doing,
0:55:55 then you feel safe.
0:55:57 You feel confident.
0:55:58 You feel good.
0:55:59 Here’s the problem.
0:56:04 That if you do something that makes me worried or upset,
0:56:05 guess what?
0:56:07 Now I feel like I’m out of control.
0:56:09 And here’s where we make the mistake.
0:56:11 I then go to try to control you.
0:56:14 But the problem is you have a hardwired need
0:56:16 to be in control of yourself too.
0:56:18 And so I go to push against you,
0:56:21 which means you’re hardwired to push back
0:56:24 because you are wired to control what you’re doing.
0:56:25 And this is one of the biggest things
0:56:28 that you’re gonna learn in reading the Let Them Theory,
0:56:29 just using it in your life.
0:56:32 Is that pushing other people
0:56:35 and expecting other people to change,
0:56:37 trying to motivate other people to change,
0:56:39 it actually doesn’t create change.
0:56:41 It creates resistance to change.
0:56:43 There is one thing on this planet
0:56:47 you will never, ever, ever, ever be able to control
0:56:49 and that’s whether or not another person changes
0:56:52 because people only change when they’re ready to change.
0:56:55 And people only are ready to change
0:56:58 when they’re ready to do the very hard work to change.
0:56:59 And this presents another problem.
0:57:01 And see, I’ve been working against the fundamental wiring
0:57:04 of human beings for 54 years.
0:57:06 It was learning to say let them and let me
0:57:10 that taught me how to work with the laws of human nature
0:57:12 and with brain wire.
0:57:15 Let’s just talk about how people change.
0:57:18 We are hardwired to move toward what’s easy.
0:57:20 Hardwired, it’s why we sit on the couch
0:57:22 instead of going to the gym.
0:57:25 It’s why you sit and watch other people’s content
0:57:26 instead of posting your own.
0:57:29 Because if it were easy to do it,
0:57:31 everybody would have a million dollars.
0:57:34 And that’s why you gotta learn how to take action
0:57:36 even when it feels hard.
0:57:39 See, nobody gets sober until being drunk is harder
0:57:43 than doing the work to change because it takes work.
0:57:45 And we know this and yet when we’re looking at somebody
0:57:47 and we’re like, you’re not working hard enough.
0:57:48 Why aren’t you getting better grades?
0:57:50 How come you haven’t gotten a better job?
0:57:52 Why haven’t you started this business?
0:57:54 We forget that if it were easy,
0:57:56 they’d already be doing it.
0:57:58 And so they’ll let them theory and saying,
0:57:59 let them, let them struggle.
0:58:01 Let them be unmotivated.
0:58:03 Let them judge your choices.
0:58:05 Let them be confronted by the fact
0:58:07 that you’re now super interested in fitness
0:58:08 and entrepreneurship.
0:58:10 And they’re questioning why you don’t drink all the time.
0:58:13 Let them and then let me remind myself
0:58:17 that I get to choose what’s a priority for me.
0:58:20 And so you will start to learn
0:58:23 that the more time you spend expecting other people
0:58:26 to change, the more frustrated you’re gonna be.
0:58:27 And the more that you say let them
0:58:29 and you learn to let people be who they are
0:58:31 and let them have their questions
0:58:33 and let them change on their own timeline
0:58:35 and let them not be interested
0:58:37 in the same things that you’re interested in.
0:58:39 Learn how to love people exactly as they are
0:58:40 and exactly as they aren’t.
0:58:42 The better your relationships are gonna get.
0:58:46 It’s really so simple and it’s beautiful
0:58:48 because it creates space
0:58:51 where the people in your life get to be who they are.
0:58:54 And you get to focus on yourself,
0:58:56 not like you’re out of my life
0:58:58 but as a responsible adult.
0:59:02 And the let me part is all about you taking responsibility
0:59:05 for acting in a way that you value.
0:59:07 So let me talk about another thing
0:59:09 that happens a lot in business.
0:59:10 So as you’re growing your business,
0:59:13 you’re gonna start to find conflict
0:59:16 between what your friends and family want you to do
0:59:19 and what your business partners want you to do.
0:59:23 And a lot of people really start to struggle
0:59:25 when they feel like business partners are disappointed
0:59:27 that you can’t show up at something
0:59:29 or your family or friends are disappointed
0:59:31 that you’re not around as much.
0:59:34 You need to say let them, let them be disappointed.
0:59:35 And here’s why.
0:59:37 Isn’t it a wonderful thing
0:59:39 if your business partners disappointed
0:59:41 that you can’t show up for something?
0:59:42 Doesn’t that mean they want you there?
0:59:44 I mean, we’re so afraid of it.
0:59:45 And yet what’s the alternative?
0:59:46 I don’t want her there.
0:59:48 She’s like horrible.
0:59:50 Same thing with your parents or your friends.
0:59:51 If you’re not able to show up
0:59:54 ’cause you’ve been just focused on entrepreneur,
0:59:55 let them be disappointed.
0:59:57 It means they love you and they wish you were there.
0:59:59 That doesn’t mean you have to change.
1:00:01 – Can I ask you another question about business?
1:00:04 So as I was internalizing the let them theory,
1:00:05 I kept thinking about,
1:00:08 well, what about if I have like a bad employee?
1:00:09 – Let them be bad.
1:00:11 – Let them get fired?
1:00:13 – First of all, you can’t control them.
1:00:15 So you need to let them reveal who they are.
1:00:17 But then here comes the hard part in business.
1:00:20 Let me be honest with myself.
1:00:23 Have I actually been clear about my expectations?
1:00:24 Probably not.
1:00:28 Have I explained what I think the outcome is
1:00:29 that is successful?
1:00:31 Probably not.
1:00:32 Probably not.
1:00:34 Am I micromanaging everybody?
1:00:36 Because I don’t explain what I want
1:00:39 and the outcomes that you can measure success by.
1:00:40 And since I have not done that,
1:00:42 I constantly question everybody.
1:00:45 So I swoop in and I micromanage,
1:00:47 which only trains your team that you don’t trust them,
1:00:50 which makes your team feel like they can’t make a decision
1:00:51 ’cause you’re gonna come in
1:00:52 and override everything anyway,
1:00:55 which creates paralysis in your organization.
1:00:57 If you have a failing employee,
1:01:00 it is usually because you have broken process
1:01:04 or you have unclear communication and expectations,
1:01:08 or there is a missing skill set in the seat
1:01:10 and they’re in the wrong seat.
1:01:12 And unless you as the leader,
1:01:16 take full responsibility for your part,
1:01:17 which most entrepreneurs,
1:01:21 most entrepreneurs are the shittiest operators on the planet.
1:01:23 I happen to be one of them.
1:01:25 You are in entrepreneurship
1:01:29 because entrepreneurship is artistry, it’s creation.
1:01:33 That is not the same thing as rhythm, systems,
1:01:36 and operations, and clear communication.
1:01:37 In fact, it’s the opposite.
1:01:42 And so your energy and your talent will create something
1:01:45 and then you will realize that you’ve created something
1:01:46 and have zero systems
1:01:51 and zero standard business operating principles.
1:01:54 You have no outcomes and key results that you’re measuring.
1:01:57 And so people don’t know what success looks like.
1:01:59 And if you only measure success
1:02:01 based on dollars in the bank
1:02:04 or the number of views on a podcast episode,
1:02:06 that is something you cannot control.
1:02:08 You have to, as the leader,
1:02:12 let me take responsibility for my job,
1:02:15 which is to actually create an environment
1:02:17 where people can succeed.
1:02:21 And if people don’t have clear outlines of what they own,
1:02:22 if they don’t have clear outlines
1:02:24 of what is going to make them successful,
1:02:26 and if they don’t have the freedom,
1:02:29 let them to execute against that
1:02:32 in the way that actually gives them self-expression,
1:02:34 they will hate working for you
1:02:36 and your business will not do as well as it can.
1:02:39 It always comes back to you.
1:02:41 And so yes, let them reveal
1:02:42 that they’re not doing a good job,
1:02:45 then instead of doing this, they suck.
1:02:46 First say, do I suck?
1:02:47 – Exactly.
1:02:49 – Because chances are you do.
1:02:50 And I definitely do.
1:02:54 If I am not behind a microphone or creating content
1:02:56 or doing business development,
1:03:00 which by the way is a form of creating content and artistry,
1:03:03 ’cause everything that I do is about expansion and intention.
1:03:05 If I’m not doing one of those three seats,
1:03:08 I’m not in the right seat in my business.
1:03:10 And I am the problem.
1:03:13 The business, my folks that work for me,
1:03:15 they’re not the problem, I’m the problem.
1:03:18 And so I choose as the leader that my business coach,
1:03:22 David Gerberts always says, leaders bring the weather.
1:03:25 And if you have a stressed out
1:03:30 and a panic emergency type culture,
1:03:31 that’s because of you.
1:03:33 You bring the rain or you bring the sun,
1:03:35 and by the way, your energy
1:03:37 and whether or not you take the time
1:03:39 to make sure people feel supported
1:03:41 and to make sure they know the things are doing right
1:03:44 and to give them the tools and the skills that they need
1:03:46 to succeed on the things that aren’t going well.
1:03:48 If you don’t do that, then you’re not a good leader.
1:03:49 – Yeah.
1:03:52 So at Yap, we’ve been around for six years now.
1:03:55 So had lots of growing pains,
1:03:59 but now we really do have an amazing onboarding process,
1:04:01 KPIs, all those things.
1:04:04 I have managers and a COO that helps me
1:04:05 and everything like that.
1:04:07 And sometimes there are people
1:04:09 that just can’t get up to speed.
1:04:11 – Great, then let them knock it up to speed
1:04:15 and then let me give very direct feedback quickly.
1:04:18 And don’t dance around it with the positivity sandwich.
1:04:22 The way you have that is directly with respect.
1:04:24 You basically say this is not gonna be a fun conversation.
1:04:28 And I was hoping that things were gonna go very differently.
1:04:29 And I have very high standards.
1:04:32 And this is a 19 word sentence that you’re gonna steal
1:04:35 that has been researched at Yale and Harvard.
1:04:37 It’s called the magic sentence, 19 words.
1:04:40 I have very high expectations for this team
1:04:41 and I believe you can meet them
1:04:43 and that’s why I’m gonna tell you this feedback.
1:04:47 And then you tell them the feedback and you let them.
1:04:49 Because what somebody does with that feedback,
1:04:51 that’s what they control.
1:04:54 You actually having the courage to deliver feedback?
1:04:57 See, I actually think it’s cruel to not tell somebody.
1:04:58 – Exactly.
1:04:59 – They’re not performing.
1:05:00 – They don’t grow if you don’t do that.
1:05:02 – Well, it’s not about them.
1:05:05 Do you wanna be in an organization where people think you suck
1:05:07 and they talk about you in a conference room?
1:05:09 – Of course not.
1:05:14 So why would you do that to somebody and not address it?
1:05:17 People know when they’re not thriving.
1:05:20 In fact, I personally believe the hardest working person
1:05:22 in the company is the one who’s not doing well.
1:05:26 Because they’re in conflict with themselves and they know it.
1:05:28 And you are either the kind of leader
1:05:32 who has this bullshit toxic male kind of mentality.
1:05:37 Boo, you know, or you take responsibility as a leader
1:05:40 to create an environment in which people can thrive.
1:05:42 And if people are not doing well
1:05:44 and they’re not meeting expectations before you start
1:05:47 barking about or labeling people,
1:05:49 which is toxic behavior on your part,
1:05:51 take a moment and ask yourself critically,
1:05:53 let me ask myself,
1:05:55 have I actually explained the outcomes of measure success?
1:05:57 Have I actually explained what I expect?
1:05:59 Have I actually given somebody all the information
1:06:02 that they need in order to succeed?
1:06:04 Do I even know what skills are required for this job?
1:06:06 Or am I just throwing somebody in the fire
1:06:08 and then judging the shit out of them
1:06:09 when they can’t get the job done?
1:06:12 Because if you can’t answer those questions for yourself,
1:06:14 then you’re not the good leader.
1:06:16 And no one’s gonna succeed in that role.
1:06:19 And look, there are times where people overestimate
1:06:23 their qualifications and then they get in a seat
1:06:24 and they don’t have the skills.
1:06:28 Let them, let them and don’t overcompensate
1:06:31 and fix everything and step in and solve the problems.
1:06:33 Let people fail because if you don’t,
1:06:36 you won’t see where there’s process missing.
1:06:41 You won’t see where there’s a skill level missing.
1:06:44 And you won’t see where you actually are the issue
1:06:47 because you haven’t created an environment
1:06:49 for people to succeed.
1:06:53 – Talk about how letting them actually helps them.
1:06:54 – I personally feel,
1:06:56 and this goes with people in your life
1:06:57 that are struggling too.
1:06:59 Absolutely anybody can get better.
1:07:03 And what’s needed is the belief that you can.
1:07:08 And just a simple roadmap of what you need to do.
1:07:10 And so at work, what often happens
1:07:12 is that people start to feel very discouraged
1:07:15 because you know when you’re not a person
1:07:17 that people go to on the team.
1:07:18 You know when things feel off.
1:07:20 You know when you’re getting passed over.
1:07:22 You know when people micromanage you
1:07:26 and you know when people don’t actually trust your work.
1:07:28 And so I personally think that person
1:07:32 can still do incredible work in the right environment.
1:07:33 And at the end of the day,
1:07:38 feeling like somebody believes in your ability to get better
1:07:40 creates the space for you to get better.
1:07:42 If somebody has the respect for you to say,
1:07:44 I’m gonna give you this feedback
1:07:46 and this isn’t gonna be a fun conversation.
1:07:48 Not my favorite thing to talk about,
1:07:50 but I’m doing it ’cause I actually have high standards
1:07:52 for this team and I believe you can hit them.
1:07:54 To me, that’s you saying, I see you.
1:07:57 We both know you’re not meeting the standards here.
1:07:59 And what else did I say?
1:08:00 I think you can meet them.
1:08:02 This team is special.
1:08:05 Now I’m appealing to your desire to succeed.
1:08:10 I’m appealing to the potential that you know is inside you.
1:08:13 I choose to believe that people do well and they can.
1:08:16 And if somebody in your team or in your family
1:08:19 or in your life isn’t doing well,
1:08:22 then it’s because there’s something missing
1:08:24 that’s making it so they can’t.
1:08:26 And it’s almost never willpower.
1:08:29 It’s usually something small.
1:08:32 It’s usually just clear communication
1:08:35 or identifying the skill that would be helpful
1:08:38 or partnering them with somebody
1:08:41 so that you create an environment where they can succeed.
1:08:44 And people also need to feel
1:08:47 enough space and acceptance and dignity
1:08:50 so that you feel like the change is your idea.
1:08:53 Not that it’s getting shoved down your throat
1:08:55 because nobody wants to change if they know
1:08:57 that you’re gonna say, see, I told you so.
1:08:59 And that’s a critical part of this,
1:09:01 that when you say let them,
1:09:03 you’re not allowing people to fail.
1:09:06 You’re actually creating the space for somebody to succeed.
1:09:09 But the first step is that you have to give people
1:09:14 the space and the honesty to make it their decision.
1:09:16 And the other thing that the let them theory is not
1:09:19 is it’s not allowing somebody to walk all over you.
1:09:21 It’s not allowing somebody to treat you poorly
1:09:23 because you’re already doing that.
1:09:26 When you say let them, you detach
1:09:29 and you see somebody probably for the first time
1:09:31 exactly as they are and exactly as they aren’t.
1:09:35 And you stop doing something, you stop making excuses
1:09:38 and you stop living in the fantasy and the potential
1:09:41 and you actually live in the reality.
1:09:43 You know, as I’m going through this phase
1:09:45 of this next leveling up in my business,
1:09:50 I realize it’s on me to level up my expectations of myself.
1:09:53 It’s on me to get clearer in my communication.
1:09:57 It’s on me to focus on what’s truly important
1:09:59 and delete everything that’s not.
1:10:01 Because another huge thing in business
1:10:03 is that if everything’s important, nothing is.
1:10:06 And you cannot allow someone else’s emergencies
1:10:08 to become your emergency.
1:10:10 You cannot allow somebody else’s priority
1:10:12 to become your priority.
1:10:16 Everything that somebody else is asking of you in business
1:10:18 is an opportunity.
1:10:21 But you have to get out of reactive mode
1:10:24 and get into responding mode.
1:10:26 Because it’s only in doing that
1:10:30 that you will actually be intentional and focused
1:10:32 and you will truly be strategic
1:10:35 about what actually deserves your time and what doesn’t.
1:10:38 Because not everything in business does.
1:10:41 – Mel, I’d love to talk to you about this forever
1:10:42 but we’re running out of time
1:10:44 and I did wanna tell everybody that I read
1:10:45 the let them theory.
1:10:48 And I feel like it was so impactful for me.
1:10:50 I know that people have it tattooed on their arms.
1:10:53 It’s been so helpful for so many people around the world.
1:10:55 By the time this comes out, your book will be out.
1:10:57 So I highly recommend that everybody go get it.
1:10:59 So I end my show with two questions
1:11:00 that I ask all my guests.
1:11:02 First, what is one actionable thing
1:11:05 our young and profitors can do today
1:11:07 to become more profitable tomorrow?
1:11:09 – Let them, let them.
1:11:11 Because all that time and energy
1:11:13 and power that you’re giving to other people
1:11:16 as soon as you say let them and then you say let me,
1:11:18 you actually take that power back
1:11:20 and you start to protect your time and energy
1:11:24 and that’s what you need to be profitable and successful.
1:11:26 – And there’s so much that we didn’t get to cover today,
1:11:28 guys, she’s got so many great stories,
1:11:30 so much research in her book about this.
1:11:32 Definitely recommend it.
1:11:34 What is your secret to profiting in life?
1:11:36 And this can go beyond business and financial.
1:11:40 – Saying no, it’s way more important to say no.
1:11:41 Because every time you say no,
1:11:43 you’re actually saying yes to what matters.
1:11:46 – And working everybody find you and everything that you do.
1:11:48 – You can find me right here in this conversation,
1:11:49 right now.
1:11:51 And one of the most important things you can do
1:11:53 is take this conversation and send it
1:11:55 to somebody that you care deeply about
1:11:56 because you know you feel inspired,
1:11:58 you know you got tools.
1:11:59 And one of the best things that you can do
1:12:01 to build your relationships and connections
1:12:03 which you need in business and you need for profit
1:12:06 and you need to be successful is to actually be generous.
1:12:08 And so be generous with the information
1:12:10 that you just got today
1:12:12 because it will make a difference in somebody else’s life.
1:12:15 – I feel like this was just like a masterclass in business
1:12:16 and your life stories.
1:12:18 So thank you so much for joining us today.
1:12:19 I’m really proud of you.
1:12:20 – Thank you.
1:12:21 – Congratulations for everything that you do
1:12:23 and for the lives that you impact
1:12:24 and the difference that you’re making.
1:12:25 – Thank you.
1:12:33 – Well, that was an epic conversation with Mel Robbins.
1:12:36 I always feel so energized after hearing her speak
1:12:39 and her warmth and relatability really shines through
1:12:40 in everything that she does.
1:12:42 She is truly who she says she is.
1:12:44 We did this interview in person
1:12:46 and I got to meet her face to face
1:12:50 and she is exactly who she says she is.
1:12:53 And she’s so good at distilling complex ideas
1:12:56 into simple practical advice.
1:12:59 She reminded us, you just got one life
1:13:00 and nobody is coming to save you.
1:13:02 Nobody is gonna do the work for you
1:13:04 or help you get out of your own way.
1:13:07 You are the only one who can do that
1:13:09 but you don’t have to have it all figured out
1:13:10 to get started.
1:13:13 You just have to commit to starting.
1:13:15 And like Mel said, if you can do that
1:13:17 then you might be just one decision away
1:13:20 from a completely different life.
1:13:22 It’s never too late to get started.
1:13:25 There’s no fixed timeline for this.
1:13:26 Mel was in her late forties
1:13:28 before things really took off for her
1:13:30 but she got out of bed every day
1:13:32 and made sure that it happened
1:13:34 and you can do the same.
1:13:36 You have to be realistic though
1:13:39 and as hard as that is for us entrepreneurs to hear.
1:13:43 The fact is there are some things we just cannot control
1:13:45 and that starts with other people.
1:13:48 You are wasting your own precious time and energy
1:13:50 if you’re trying to control what other people think,
1:13:51 say or do.
1:13:53 You can’t do it.
1:13:55 And to help us get out of that habit
1:13:56 of trying to do just that,
1:13:59 Mel has a simple two-step solution.
1:14:01 First, say let them.
1:14:04 Let them detach yourself from the situation
1:14:06 and let that person do what they’re doing
1:14:09 even if it’s annoying, frustrating or stupid.
1:14:11 Let them do it.
1:14:14 Then take your own power back by saying let me.
1:14:17 Let me figure out what I can control.
1:14:19 And one thing you can always control in a situation
1:14:22 is your own reaction to it.
1:14:23 All right, gang.
1:14:25 Thank you for choosing to spend your time
1:14:26 listening to this conversation.
1:14:28 I hope you feel inspired.
1:14:29 But like Mel said,
1:14:31 it’s not enough to just listen and learn
1:14:34 and then go back to business as usual.
1:14:36 You’ve got to take these insights and these tools
1:14:39 and then turn them into action.
1:14:40 So what are you waiting for?
1:14:42 Go, go get started.
1:14:46 Make that one small decision that could change your life.
1:14:49 And why not do it in 2025?
1:14:51 Thanks for listening to this episode
1:14:52 of Young and Profiting Podcast.
1:14:55 If you listen, learn to profit it from this conversation
1:14:57 with the inspiring Mel Robbins,
1:14:59 then please take the time to share this episode
1:15:01 with your friends and family.
1:15:02 It would mean so much to me
1:15:05 if you shared this podcast by word of mouth.
1:15:07 We’re growing the show every single day.
1:15:10 I literally doubled my downloads last year.
1:15:11 So we’re growing every day
1:15:15 and it’s because of listeners like you who share the show.
1:15:17 And if you did enjoy the show and you learned something,
1:15:20 then please take time to write us a five-star written review.
1:15:24 We’ve got thousands of reviews across all of our platforms
1:15:25 because we’ve got awesome listeners like you
1:15:28 who take the time to write reviews.
1:15:29 And if you look at my reviews,
1:15:31 they’re a lot higher and better than most podcasts
1:15:34 because this podcast is better than most podcasts
1:15:36 and let people know it.
1:15:40 Write us a review so that other people tune in.
1:15:41 I’d really appreciate it.
1:15:44 It’s my favorite thing to do is to read your reviews.
1:15:47 And also guys, I recorded this episode in person with Mel.
1:15:48 So we have it all on video.
1:15:51 If you want to watch me being a nervous wreck
1:15:53 with Mel Robbins, check us out on YouTube.
1:15:56 You can just search young and profiting on YouTube
1:15:58 to watch that video.
1:16:01 You can also find me on Instagram @yappithala
1:16:02 or LinkedIn by searching my name.
1:16:04 It’s Hala Taha.
1:16:06 And today I want to give a special shout out
1:16:09 to our bookings team, Hisham Furkan and Joshua.
1:16:12 You guys crushed it, securing Mel Robbins.
1:16:15 We’ve been trying to get this interview for like six years
1:16:16 and we finally got it.
1:16:19 And we got it in person on top of that.
1:16:20 You guys are incredible.
1:16:21 I appreciate all of you.
1:16:23 This is your host, Hala Taha,
1:16:26 AKA the podcast princess, signing off.
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