YAPClassic: Heather Monahan, Overcome Haters and Build Unstoppable Confidence

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0:00:58 (upbeat music)
0:01:08 – Yap, gang.
0:01:10 Welcome back to the show.
0:01:12 And if you haven’t figured it out already,
0:01:16 I’m a big believer in confidence.
0:01:19 Having high self-confidence and self-esteem is truly
0:01:21 a superpower in my book.
0:01:23 Confidence is how I got here.
0:01:25 And it’s the key ingredient in so many stories
0:01:27 of success.
0:01:29 But confidence doesn’t always come so easily.
0:01:31 And in this Yap Classic, we’re gonna learn
0:01:34 some proven strategies on how to build your confidence
0:01:37 like a muscle from bestselling author, entrepreneur,
0:01:41 and confidence creator, Heather Monahan.
0:01:42 Heather is the host of the podcast,
0:01:45 Creating Confidence on our very own Yap Media Network.
0:01:48 And I spoke with her in this conversation in 2022
0:01:50 for episode 182.
0:01:53 Now, if you don’t know, Heather is my first client
0:01:54 at Yap Media.
0:01:55 She’s still my client.
0:01:58 She actually pushed me to start my company.
0:02:00 She’s one of my mentors, we’re great friends.
0:02:04 And so she always gives me amazing actionable advice.
0:02:05 And in this conversation,
0:02:07 we talked about how to slay our haters,
0:02:10 tackle toxic environments, overcome negative self-talk,
0:02:12 and live without lanes.
0:02:13 Yap, bam.
0:02:16 I left that conversation feeling more confident than ever.
0:02:18 And I know you will too.
0:02:21 So listen, learn, and then go forth and conquer.
0:02:25 – Hi, Heather.
0:02:28 Welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast.
0:02:29 – Oh my gosh.
0:02:29 Hi, Hala.
0:02:31 So happy to be here.
0:02:33 – Heather, you’re my friend.
0:02:34 So this is gonna be really fun.
0:02:36 I love having my friends on the show.
0:02:37 So for those who don’t know,
0:02:40 you originally joined us for episode number 56.
0:02:42 I was like a baby podcaster then.
0:02:44 And little did I know that after meeting you
0:02:46 that you would actually accelerate the trajectory
0:02:47 of my career.
0:02:49 And you are known as the confidence creator.
0:02:51 You’re a top LinkedIn influencer,
0:02:52 you’re a bestselling author,
0:02:54 a keynote speaker, and executive coach.
0:02:56 You’re also one of my personal mentors
0:02:59 and you were actually my first client at Yap Media.
0:03:01 You were the one who set everything off.
0:03:04 So I’m super excited to talk about your latest book,
0:03:05 “Overcome Your Villains.”
0:03:07 But first I wanted to share a story
0:03:08 with my listeners to kick this off
0:03:11 because I think they’ve heard me talk about this a lot.
0:03:13 But essentially you were my first client.
0:03:16 You actually met me and I remember
0:03:18 you were sort of like hounding me on LinkedIn
0:03:19 and you were like, oh my God,
0:03:21 teach me how to do your videos.
0:03:23 And I kept being like, no, Heather,
0:03:24 like I have an executive job at Disney.
0:03:26 I just have a volunteer team.
0:03:27 I can’t help you.
0:03:28 But one thing led to another
0:03:30 and you ended up being my first client
0:03:33 and you were the one that gave me the idea
0:03:34 to start my side hustle Yap Media,
0:03:37 which has now generated over $4 million in revenue.
0:03:40 I have 60 employees, I have a podcast network.
0:03:42 It’s like my whole life.
0:03:44 I feel like took the path that I was supposed to take,
0:03:46 but you accelerated it for sure.
0:03:48 So I always tell the story
0:03:49 and I think a lot of my loyal listeners know it,
0:03:51 but I’d love to hear it from your perspective.
0:03:53 Like, what did you think of me when you first met me
0:03:56 and like, what made you kind of push me
0:03:58 and give me that kick?
0:04:01 – Okay, so the way that I remember was,
0:04:02 I don’t know how we got connected,
0:04:04 but you had me as a guest on your show
0:04:06 and you and I just hit it off.
0:04:09 Like how you have chemistry with somebody right away.
0:04:10 Like I knew I loved you
0:04:14 and then your father passed away right during that time.
0:04:18 And so I just remember my heart was breaking for you
0:04:20 and I was so worried about you
0:04:23 and just reaching out to you to make sure that you were okay
0:04:24 as someone who had just shown up in my life
0:04:27 that I cared about and I just wanted to know you were okay.
0:04:29 And so that’s why we started talking more
0:04:32 than just around the podcast or whatever initially.
0:04:33 And so I got to know you better and better.
0:04:35 And during that time,
0:04:37 we would have different conversations
0:04:40 and I would say, Paul, I love your content.
0:04:42 You’re a marketing genius.
0:04:44 Gosh, this, can you teach me sometime
0:04:46 how you’re doing this stuff for the podcast?
0:04:49 And you would, on the weekends, set up calls with me
0:04:50 and you’re so detail-oriented,
0:04:54 you’d be sending me calendar invites for Saturday at 4 p.m.
0:04:57 And you and I would get on these Google Meet
0:05:00 and you would go through all teaching me
0:05:02 just out of the kindness of your heart.
0:05:05 Oh, hey, Heather, this is like this tool that I’m using
0:05:06 and this is this tool
0:05:07 and this will help you with editing
0:05:09 and teaching me all this stuff.
0:05:10 And finally, I was like,
0:05:13 “Hala, I can’t do all this stuff.
0:05:14 You just do it for me.
0:05:16 I need you to do this for me.”
0:05:17 And you were like, “I can’t.
0:05:18 I’m so busy.
0:05:20 Like the only time I have time is on the weekends
0:05:23 and I can’t, I’m working around the clock at Disney.”
0:05:24 And I’m like, “You know what?
0:05:25 Just freaking leave.
0:05:27 You need to leave that job
0:05:29 and you need to go all in and jump into this.
0:05:30 This is a business for you.
0:05:31 It’s crystal clear to me.”
0:05:33 Like I saw it so clear.
0:05:37 I saw your potential so much greater than what you were.
0:05:39 You didn’t view it at that time.
0:05:40 I could see it.
0:05:42 And so I said, “I just know that if you make the leap
0:05:45 and you jump in, the business is going to come.”
0:05:46 And for everybody listening right now,
0:05:49 like that’s a really important moment for anyone
0:05:52 ’cause number one, you had the courage to make the leap,
0:05:53 right, which is critical,
0:05:55 but you had the willingness to believe
0:05:57 like that potential was within you.
0:05:59 Now, I will add that I’ll never forget,
0:06:01 one day I was at the grocery store,
0:06:04 I was at Publix in Miami and you called me
0:06:06 and you’re like, “We had been talking about this
0:06:08 for a little while about leaving.”
0:06:10 Like it didn’t happen overnight, right?
0:06:11 This was a few months.
0:06:14 – I was doing it for like six months before I left Disney.
0:06:16 – Right, so there was months leading up to this, right?
0:06:18 So you didn’t just quit on a whim,
0:06:20 but I’ll never forget I’m in Publix
0:06:22 and you call and you were frantic.
0:06:23 And I said, “What’s going on?”
0:06:26 And you’re like, “I don’t know, like I’m feeling guilty.”
0:06:27 I kind of sort of had it.
0:06:29 Like you started having the conversation
0:06:30 that you might be leaving.
0:06:32 You kind of like floated it out there
0:06:34 and then you were getting feedback like,
0:06:36 “No, you can’t leave.”
0:06:38 And you started panicking and questioning
0:06:40 am I making the right decision?
0:06:43 I’ll never forget, I was getting my son pasta sauce
0:06:44 to make him pasta that night.
0:06:45 I was like stand and I put it down
0:06:48 and I was like, “Listen to me right now.
0:06:50 This is the right decision for you.
0:06:53 Do not let them put fear into your mind.
0:06:55 Do not let them make you feel guilty.
0:06:57 Do not let them talk you out of this.
0:06:58 This is about you putting yourself first
0:06:59 and taking the leap.
0:07:00 I believe in you.
0:07:02 I know you can do it, go and you did.”
0:07:04 And I’ll never forget that.
0:07:05 And I was so glad I picked up in Publix.
0:07:08 – Oh my gosh, thank you.
0:07:11 Guys, you don’t understand how there was my angel
0:07:12 when my dad was dying.
0:07:15 Like I swear, I feel like you came right in the moment
0:07:17 when he started to get sick
0:07:20 and then you were so caring and kept following up on me.
0:07:23 And at the time, like I didn’t have any other mentors.
0:07:25 I was at Disney and it was a total boys’ club
0:07:27 and like even like my higher-ups,
0:07:29 even though I was a great worker, they weren’t supportive.
0:07:32 And so you were like this little angel for me
0:07:33 and I’m so thankful.
0:07:35 Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me
0:07:37 and for getting me to start my company
0:07:39 and then getting me to quit my job.
0:07:42 And both times it was like major acceleration.
0:07:44 I feel like it would have taken me another four years
0:07:45 had I not met you.
0:07:47 So thank you, Heather.
0:07:49 – Well, listen, everybody comes into someone’s life
0:07:50 for a reason.
0:07:52 It’s up to you if you like, you accept it
0:07:55 or some people close the door and push people away, right?
0:07:58 But I’m grateful for you because not only,
0:08:00 I was grateful to be able to have that opportunity
0:08:02 to be there for you when you needed me.
0:08:06 But then listen, you’ve repaid me millions of times over
0:08:07 and the work that you do for me
0:08:09 and the favors that you’ve done for,
0:08:11 so it’s like in any relationship,
0:08:13 there’s two sides of that road, right?
0:08:15 And it’s like, when you need me, I’ll be there.
0:08:17 And I know that when I need you, you’re there for me too.
0:08:18 So I’m grateful for you.
0:08:19 – 100%.
0:08:21 And because you’ve done so much for me,
0:08:23 I’m always thinking like, well, what can I do for Heather?
0:08:25 Like how can I, like I’m like trying to make you all this.
0:08:27 Now you’re signed to my podcast network
0:08:30 and I’m like, how can I make Heather rich?
0:08:31 – We love that!
0:08:34 – Oh my gosh, I love it.
0:08:36 Okay, so let’s talk about,
0:08:39 so you coach dozens and hundreds of people.
0:08:41 What are some of the things that get in their way?
0:08:43 So for me, I was scared of entrepreneurship
0:08:45 because I had all these like bad experiences
0:08:48 as a younger girl with entrepreneurship.
0:08:50 So what are some of the other things that people encounter
0:08:53 when it comes to like not being able to follow their dreams?
0:08:56 – Typically, it’s a story that you’re telling yourself.
0:08:59 Like, so I don’t know about everyone who’s listening,
0:09:01 but I’m sure there’s a story somewhere
0:09:03 that you might not even be realizing
0:09:04 that you’re telling yourself.
0:09:07 For me, mine was, I had a sister who was really smart,
0:09:08 she was a smart one.
0:09:10 And so I would tell myself the story
0:09:11 that I need to stay in my lane.
0:09:13 I’m really good in sales and sales leadership.
0:09:15 Like that’s all, I need to just focus.
0:09:17 I’m lucky that I’m good at this
0:09:18 and I should be grateful for it.
0:09:21 And that’s my story I need to hang on to.
0:09:24 I personally had to be willing to let go of that story
0:09:27 to say, wait, maybe I’m just a talented individual
0:09:29 that can show up in different places
0:09:31 and try and test different things
0:09:34 and trust that right path has been unfold for me.
0:09:37 And that for me was like a big leap of faith.
0:09:39 And I run into so many people,
0:09:40 whether I’m coaching them,
0:09:43 whether it’s on the podcast or whatever on DMs,
0:09:44 hearing that people are,
0:09:47 it’s so clear when they’re holding onto some story
0:09:49 that’s not serving them at all.
0:09:52 And it’s just a matter of letting go of that story
0:09:54 and taking a chance on themselves like you did.
0:09:55 – Yeah.
0:09:57 And something that you just mentioned reminded me
0:10:00 of something that you always say is like live lanelessly,
0:10:01 like have no lanes.
0:10:05 What’s the importance of not like settling for just one lane?
0:10:07 – Because there’s so much more potential
0:10:09 for everybody out there.
0:10:12 For a long time in my life, I lived a very linear path.
0:10:14 And for many of us and anyone listening right now
0:10:16 that is in corporate America,
0:10:17 nothing bad about corporate America,
0:10:19 there’s great things out there.
0:10:21 But sometimes we get so, we have our head down
0:10:23 just in that industry, just in that role
0:10:26 and just that title or just that company.
0:10:29 It’s really important to pick your head up and say,
0:10:31 let’s start talking to people outside of this industry.
0:10:33 Let’s start talking to people
0:10:34 who have very different backgrounds in me.
0:10:37 Let’s start opening our minds up to what other possibilities
0:10:39 and potentials are out there.
0:10:41 And I’ll tell you for 20-something years
0:10:42 when I was in corporate,
0:10:45 I spoke for free everywhere as part of my job,
0:10:47 had no idea there was a speaking business
0:10:49 ’cause I hadn’t opened up my mind to it.
0:10:52 I hadn’t been speaking to people in that industry.
0:10:53 And I used to, people would say to me,
0:10:56 you’re a gifted speaker, you’re so lucky.
0:10:57 And I thought, yeah, great, so what?
0:11:00 It’s not like that could pay the bills for me.
0:11:02 And my mind was closed.
0:11:04 I was just looking at this one linear path
0:11:05 in front of me.
0:11:07 And it wasn’t until I decided to blow up those lanes
0:11:10 and just go out and see what I could find
0:11:12 that I ended up finding a speaking business
0:11:14 and ended up right when all these different doors
0:11:14 started opening.
0:11:16 So that’s my want for people
0:11:18 is that they pick their heads up
0:11:20 and start living lamelessly.
0:11:21 – It’s so true.
0:11:25 And I think that it’s more difficult when you’re doing good.
0:11:28 Like for example, I had like an executive job at Disney.
0:11:31 So that’s why I was so blind to my opportunities
0:11:32 because I was like, well, what do you mean?
0:11:34 I could just stay here and become a CMO.
0:11:37 And it just will take me 20 years, you know,
0:11:39 if I just stay here and keep working hard.
0:11:42 And you don’t realize that there’s something better
0:11:44 if you were just to open your mind.
0:11:46 And once you do believe that life is limitless,
0:11:49 you start to see all these different opportunities
0:11:51 just like you came in my life and we’re like,
0:11:53 Hala, it’s right here.
0:11:55 Just take the jump and go for it.
0:11:58 So I’d love to learn more about your career journey
0:12:01 in case you guys haven’t listened to episode number 56.
0:12:03 I wanna hear your milestones, Heather,
0:12:06 ’cause I know that you were stuck in a corporate job
0:12:09 for many, many years and you could have been an entrepreneur
0:12:11 and been a speaker way earlier.
0:12:12 So talk to us about your journey
0:12:15 and what kind of triggered you to go off on your own?
0:12:18 – Yeah, my whole life and career was in corporate America.
0:12:21 And that was truly the only, when I was younger,
0:12:23 I’m 47, when I was younger,
0:12:25 there weren’t people in the entrepreneurial space.
0:12:26 Nobody did that, right?
0:12:29 Like Gary Vee didn’t exist back then.
0:12:31 And so there was never messaging that,
0:12:33 oh, this is an opportunity for you.
0:12:35 The messaging was always nine to five,
0:12:37 corporate America, figure it out.
0:12:41 So to me, my goals were always very linear, clear,
0:12:43 that this is where I wanna be successful
0:12:44 and this is what I’m gonna do.
0:12:47 So I never thought about possibilities outside of it.
0:12:49 I just thought get to the C-suite, right?
0:12:50 That’s what I wanted to get to.
0:12:51 So I got to the C-suite.
0:12:54 I was in the media business for 20-something years.
0:12:56 I was named one of the most influential women in radio
0:13:00 in 2017 and then literally a month later,
0:13:02 I was fired unexpectedly
0:13:05 when the CEO I had worked for for 14 years became ill
0:13:08 and he elevated his daughter to replace him.
0:13:10 That was the end of my corporate journey.
0:13:13 – Wow, and so like, I just wanna highlight something.
0:13:16 Like you were at the darling of the radio industry.
0:13:19 Like Heather was on all these magazine covers.
0:13:20 She was speaking everywhere.
0:13:21 She’s gorgeous.
0:13:22 If you guys aren’t seeing her on video,
0:13:24 like she’s absolutely gorgeous.
0:13:27 What were some of the things that this lady did to you
0:13:29 that made you realize that she was like your villain?
0:13:31 – Okay, so, well, it’s funny.
0:13:34 It’s more the way that I responded
0:13:35 that now that like when I reflect on it,
0:13:38 I remember she wasn’t very nice to me, obviously.
0:13:39 Like, you know, you have great chemistry
0:13:41 with some people you don’t with some.
0:13:42 She and I were very different.
0:13:43 So I used to think, okay, that’s all right.
0:13:45 But then I started thinking, Holland,
0:13:47 this was a red flag and for anyone listening,
0:13:49 think about this in your life.
0:13:51 I was dialing myself down.
0:13:53 I was like, hmm, I shouldn’t wear my hair down today
0:13:55 ’cause she rolls her eyes when I have my hair down.
0:13:57 Okay, I’ll put my hair in a bun.
0:13:59 Oh, I shouldn’t wear a dress.
0:14:00 I’ll wear a pantsuit.
0:14:04 I started changing very slowly and quietly who I was
0:14:07 in hopes it would appease her and make her feel better.
0:14:09 That is the wrong move.
0:14:11 Being a B-rate version of yourself is never the answer.
0:14:14 And if you are with people who did not appreciate
0:14:15 and celebrate you for who you are,
0:14:18 you are in the wrong room and you gotta find your people.
0:14:20 – Yeah, and 100%, especially you.
0:14:23 Like, you love to dress up and that makes you feel confident.
0:14:24 So essentially you were making yourself
0:14:27 unconfident and smaller for this woman.
0:14:29 – Bingo, that’s exactly it, right?
0:14:32 But I, at the time, I remember I would talk myself into it.
0:14:34 Like, Heather, you have such a big job.
0:14:35 I’m a single mom.
0:14:36 I have so much responsibility.
0:14:38 You know, I had built this massive team.
0:14:41 I was responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars.
0:14:44 I would say to myself, okay, take your ego out of it.
0:14:46 Like, I would convince myself this was the right thing,
0:14:49 but it was wrong and it never felt right.
0:14:50 And the thing is your intuition
0:14:52 is always gonna steer you right.
0:14:54 You’ve gotta dial up that voice, journal,
0:14:56 do whatever it takes to spend time alone,
0:14:58 go for a walk and things through.
0:15:01 And how do I feel when I’m around these people?
0:15:04 If you’re feeling full of self-doubt and questioning yourself,
0:15:06 you are either doing the wrong thing
0:15:07 or you’re around the wrong people.
0:15:09 That was the key to me.
0:15:11 I ended up actually, my back went out,
0:15:12 like I started losing hair.
0:15:15 Physically, I started responding in a very negative way
0:15:17 because at that point in time,
0:15:18 it was like the universe hitting me over the head
0:15:21 to say, you gotta get out of the situation.
0:15:24 – Yeah, and it actually forced you out of the situation
0:15:27 because you didn’t leave, you ended up getting fired.
0:15:28 Do you ever regret, like, man,
0:15:31 like I wish I just left on my own accord?
0:15:33 Are you just happy the way things turned out?
0:15:35 – I mean, listen, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it.
0:15:39 Getting fired is one of the biggest punches in the gut
0:15:41 when you’re in type A over a cheaper, right?
0:15:43 Like I, that was really hard.
0:15:47 Yeah, I could know everything that I know now 10 years ago,
0:15:48 I would have quit 10 years ago
0:15:51 and gone into the speaking business 100%
0:15:53 because I’d be 10 years ahead of where I am.
0:15:55 But no, I didn’t have that knowledge.
0:15:56 And I guess things have to play out
0:15:57 the way that they’re meant to.
0:16:01 So listen, the one great moment about getting fired
0:16:03 that I love, I’m so proud of,
0:16:05 and I wish we all had a movie of this
0:16:06 so that we could watch it right now
0:16:09 ’cause I would be cheering younger HM along in this.
0:16:13 That day I walked in, that woman was full of joy.
0:16:14 She was so happy.
0:16:17 She was standing, she was power posing.
0:16:18 She asked me to sit, right?
0:16:20 Like these are all games people play
0:16:22 when they’re trying to intimidate.
0:16:24 And so I sat down, she was standing over me.
0:16:26 She’s a very tiny, petite woman.
0:16:28 She had me sit ’cause I’m much bigger than her.
0:16:30 And so I’m sitting down
0:16:32 and she passes two pieces of papers in front of me.
0:16:34 I’d seen the movie before, right?
0:16:36 I knew it was about to happen.
0:16:38 And she said, “I’m gonna send this memo out.”
0:16:40 And it said, “Heather’s been fired,
0:16:42 “or I’m gonna send this memo out.”
0:16:43 And it was a beautiful letter
0:16:44 about like how amazing I was.
0:16:46 And I was moving on to this new journey.
0:16:49 Right in your ego saying you want the beautiful letter,
0:16:50 but she says, you know,
0:16:52 in order to get the beautiful letter,
0:16:53 you’re gonna get a very big check
0:16:54 and you have to sign this.
0:16:56 And it’s this massive document,
0:16:59 which is basically a gag clause.
0:17:00 And in that moment, it was like,
0:17:02 that was my snapping moment.
0:17:03 I just remember looking at the papers,
0:17:05 looking at her, looking at the papers
0:17:07 and thinking, I didn’t write these memos.
0:17:09 I’m not signing these memos.
0:17:10 And you know what?
0:17:13 I’m gonna suck all the power out of this room.
0:17:15 And I stood up and I smiled.
0:17:17 And I said, I didn’t write the memos.
0:17:17 I’m not signing them.
0:17:18 There’s nothing else to say.
0:17:20 I’m on my way.
0:17:22 In that moment, everything changed.
0:17:24 And her face went from a giant smile
0:17:27 to, I mean, red, like she wanted to kill me
0:17:29 ’cause she wanted to control the narrative.
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0:22:29 Heather now has a podcast called Creating Confidence.
0:22:30 I would highly recommend it.
0:22:31 We’ll put it in the show notes.
0:22:33 You guys got to check it out.
0:22:35 She wrote a number one best-selling book
0:22:36 called Creating Confidence.
0:22:37 Now she has Overcome Revillains.
0:22:39 She’s spoken everywhere.
0:22:42 What made you feel like you needed to write this book?
0:22:43 Oh my gosh.
0:22:46 Responding number one to questions people ask me, right?
0:22:48 So people ask me, how did you get to the C-suite?
0:22:49 How did you do this?
0:22:51 Like, I want to let people know, listen,
0:22:52 if I could do it, you can too.
0:22:54 Let me give you the, I’ll give you the cheat sheet, right?
0:22:56 Like, don’t listen to the BS other people
0:22:58 are saying who haven’t done it.
0:23:00 Let me break it down for you in the simple steps.
0:23:02 One of the big things that I realize now,
0:23:04 looking back on my career, my life,
0:23:08 nothing amazing happens until you overcome that villain.
0:23:12 Like for you, the villain was the corporate job
0:23:13 and the security and the safety.
0:23:15 Like that was your villain in the moment.
0:23:19 For me, my villain was myself and my negative self-talk
0:23:20 and dialing myself down.
0:23:22 I had to overcome myself
0:23:26 in order to step into my possibility and power.
0:23:29 So just, I started thinking more and more about like,
0:23:31 listen, no one’s ever going to reach their greatness.
0:23:34 No one’s ever going to achieve the potential success
0:23:36 that’s out there for them until they deal with
0:23:40 that one nasty villain, everybody’s got one.
0:23:41 And it’s about not just acknowledging it,
0:23:43 but overcoming it.
0:23:44 – Yeah, and I love what you’re saying.
0:23:46 You’re saying it’s not just only other people,
0:23:47 it can be yourself.
0:23:50 Sometimes your biggest villain is actually yourself.
0:23:53 So the big idea in this is if we don’t control our villains,
0:23:55 they’re going to control us, right?
0:23:56 They’re going to control our lives,
0:23:59 whether that’s ourselves or that’s other people
0:24:00 who are our villains.
0:24:01 So let’s talk about how to move beyond
0:24:03 these negative people and situations.
0:24:06 You have a three-step process to overcome challenges.
0:24:08 It’s called the Bach process.
0:24:11 It stands for belief, actions, and knowledge.
0:24:13 Can you give us like the one, two-minute,
0:24:15 high-level overview and then we’ll go deep on it?
0:24:17 – Yeah, I’ll give you a real quick,
0:24:18 I’ll use myself as an example
0:24:20 ’cause it’s the easiest to understand.
0:24:22 Okay, so when I got fired,
0:24:24 the belief I sat with when I immediately got fired was,
0:24:26 I’ve lost everything.
0:24:29 I remember walking out and I’m like, I’ve lost everything.
0:24:31 So when you’re in that moment and challenge hits,
0:24:33 pump the brakes and say, okay,
0:24:34 what’s the belief I’m holding?
0:24:35 I’ve lost everything.
0:24:38 Now dial that down to the most simplistic shred of fact
0:24:39 you can find.
0:24:40 So as I dialed it down,
0:24:42 I thought I didn’t lose my network.
0:24:44 I didn’t lose my expertise.
0:24:46 I didn’t lose my friends, my health, my family,
0:24:48 my business acumen.
0:24:50 Wait a minute, I didn’t lose anything.
0:24:51 I lost a paycheck.
0:24:52 That was fast.
0:24:54 I did lose a paycheck.
0:24:55 So suddenly going from,
0:24:58 I’ve lost everything to I lost a paycheck.
0:25:01 That really helped to close a gap for me to say,
0:25:03 well, I’ve gotten paychecks from other places before,
0:25:05 when you start dialing that belief down
0:25:07 to the most simplistic shred of fact,
0:25:09 you’re gonna get your head in a much better space.
0:25:11 Number two, immediately take action.
0:25:14 And this is where a lot of people get held up.
0:25:17 Lucky for me, this is like my action is my wheelhouse, right?
0:25:20 So I went immediately to LinkedIn and I put a post up.
0:25:22 So take messy action.
0:25:24 I didn’t write some long, beautiful posts.
0:25:25 I just put out there,
0:25:26 hey, Ben fired, need your help.
0:25:27 Like I’m raising my hand.
0:25:28 Here I am, right?
0:25:32 So take messy action done will always be better than perfect.
0:25:33 And then three, knowledge.
0:25:36 You wanna surround yourself and curate the knowledge
0:25:38 that you’re accessing and allowing into your life.
0:25:40 So that great example of this is landing
0:25:41 on the Elvis Duran show.
0:25:43 Someone who’s light years ahead of me,
0:25:45 much more successful than me,
0:25:47 speaking truth and life into me, telling me,
0:25:49 Heather, you’re writing a book.
0:25:51 Had that man not said that to me that day,
0:25:53 I don’t know where I would be right now, right?
0:25:55 So be really mindful about the people
0:25:57 you’re accessing information from
0:25:59 and never take direction from people
0:26:01 who haven’t been where you are going.
0:26:03 – I remember you were telling me that story.
0:26:05 I just wanna like touch on that a little bit.
0:26:08 So Elvis Duran, he’s this huge radio personality.
0:26:10 Heather was live on air
0:26:12 and he just announced that she was writing a book
0:26:14 and she had no plans for a book.
0:26:15 He just said it.
0:26:16 And then that was it.
0:26:18 Then you became a best-selling author.
0:26:20 It’s like, it’s sort of like what you did to me.
0:26:22 Like when somebody just believes in you
0:26:24 and then he just like gave you all that accountability
0:26:26 in front of other people.
0:26:27 – Exactly.
0:26:28 And that’s the thing.
0:26:29 When this is important for everyone listening,
0:26:31 like whenever you feel something
0:26:33 like you wanna speak a truth into someone, do it.
0:26:35 Your words are so powerful.
0:26:38 You can change the trajectory of someone else’s life.
0:26:40 So whatever thoughts come into your mind
0:26:41 and something positive or encouraging
0:26:44 that you can give as a gift to someone, give that gift.
0:26:47 Because that man totally changed the trajectory
0:26:50 of my life, my business life, my personal life,
0:26:53 everything by speaking a truth and a belief he had.
0:26:55 I had never considered writing a book.
0:26:58 But when he had such a conviction and a belief
0:27:00 that I could do it and that it was gonna be great,
0:27:02 I bought into it and I Googled, how do you write a book?
0:27:03 – I love that.
0:27:06 So while we’re on the topic of kind of helping other people
0:27:08 because there’s people in our lives
0:27:11 and we wanna influence them, we wanna help them as well.
0:27:14 And sometimes it can be really hard to give advice.
0:27:17 And Amy Marin gave you advice before your TED Talk
0:27:20 and she gave you this like sandwich technique
0:27:21 to give other people feedback.
0:27:22 Could you share that with us?
0:27:23 – Oh yeah, sure.
0:27:25 So the sandwich technique is,
0:27:27 it’s a really helpful one anytime you’re leading teams,
0:27:30 you’re mentoring people or developing people.
0:27:33 Oftentimes people have a hard time taking criticism,
0:27:35 right, like they shut down the minute they hear,
0:27:38 ooh, that’s not so good or I wouldn’t do it that way.
0:27:39 They can’t hear anything,
0:27:40 they’re not gonna process anything else.
0:27:44 So a great technique strong leaders use very often
0:27:46 is they leave with something positive, right?
0:27:49 So let’s use the example of when I was giving my TEDxTalk,
0:27:52 my friend Amy Marin has over 21 million views
0:27:53 on her TEDxTalk.
0:27:55 So she’s been where I wanted to go.
0:27:59 So she’s the person I chose to tap for advice on my talk.
0:28:01 And so when I shared it with her,
0:28:04 she came back at me and said, listen,
0:28:06 wow, you’re an amazing speaker, Heather.
0:28:08 Like she’s leading with praise.
0:28:10 I love the whole concept.
0:28:11 It’s so unique.
0:28:13 The idea is incredible.
0:28:15 I love how you position ABC and D.
0:28:18 Now a sandwich is in the middle is the meat, right?
0:28:20 So now here’s where the constructive criticism
0:28:22 and real impact is gonna come, right?
0:28:25 She’s like, however, I didn’t love,
0:28:27 you didn’t pull me in the way you usually do
0:28:28 in the beginning.
0:28:30 And I think that there’s something bigger
0:28:33 that you could come up with that would draw the audience
0:28:35 and quickly in a different way.
0:28:36 I’m not sure what it is,
0:28:38 but I challenge you to find out what that is.
0:28:41 And then let’s go back to the bread in the sandwich, right?
0:28:44 And then she closes with how she is so certain
0:28:45 I am gonna kill it,
0:28:47 that my talk will be just as successful as hers,
0:28:49 that she can’t wait to support me
0:28:52 and closes with a really powerful, supportive gesture.
0:28:55 So the sandwich technique is all about
0:28:58 lead with positivity, praise in a true and honest way.
0:29:00 The middle of that conversation
0:29:02 is where you’re gonna give the constructive criticism
0:29:02 and feedback
0:29:05 and then close with encouragement and positivity again.
0:29:06 – I love that.
0:29:07 I can’t wait to use that
0:29:10 because sometimes I feel like I’m too blunt with my team
0:29:13 and as I become a leader and have less and less time,
0:29:15 I feel like I’m just always giving negative feedback.
0:29:18 But if I could just pause, make sure I say something positive,
0:29:21 then give criticism, then say something positive again,
0:29:24 they’ll always have like a great feeling about me
0:29:25 as a person and just your relationships,
0:29:28 I’m sure will be better, especially as a leader.
0:29:30 – Oh my gosh, I’m gonna go find you
0:29:31 like a little sandwich and send it to you
0:29:33 so it can be on your next year’s computer.
0:29:36 – A reminder, a sandwich magnet.
0:29:37 Yeah, I’d love that.
0:29:39 So let’s talk about negative self-talk
0:29:42 because like we mentioned, we can be our own villains.
0:29:45 What should we do when we’re having negative self-talk?
0:29:47 – First of all, stop, right?
0:29:49 So one of the things that was helpful for me
0:29:50 is just to pause and say,
0:29:52 “Ooh, gosh, this is like an old way
0:29:55 I used to speak to myself, I don’t do this anymore.”
0:29:58 I’m noticing, just be aware, you wanna be self-aware.
0:30:00 But this was a huge one for me.
0:30:03 I remember thinking, would I ever speak to my son like this?
0:30:05 No.
0:30:07 Of course I wouldn’t say you idiot,
0:30:09 but I would never talk to my child like that, right?
0:30:11 If you don’t have a child, think of someone
0:30:13 that you love in your life that you wanna encourage
0:30:17 and envision them and speak to yourself
0:30:18 the way you would speak to them.
0:30:20 So let’s use an example.
0:30:23 Let’s say I blew it with some presentation or whatever,
0:30:25 and I’m beating myself up afterwards,
0:30:26 I become self-aware and say,
0:30:28 “Okay, I’m gonna pause for a minute.
0:30:31 This is an old way I used to behave, it wasn’t helpful.
0:30:33 So how can I change it?”
0:30:34 And then I picture my son
0:30:36 and I picture he blew a presentation.
0:30:38 And so now I talk to him and I say,
0:30:39 “Listen, sweetheart, I know it seems
0:30:41 like the end of the world right now,
0:30:43 but I promise you this is temporary
0:30:44 and I promise you you’re gonna get better from it
0:30:46 and we’re gonna practice more for the next one.
0:30:49 And I promise that this happened for a reason
0:30:51 and this is steering us to a new and better place.
0:30:53 And suddenly I start feeling better
0:30:56 ’cause I’m coaching me the way that I would coach him,
0:30:57 right?
0:30:58 And suddenly I feel more positive
0:31:00 and I start believing in myself.
0:31:03 So whether you need to carry a picture around of that person
0:31:05 or carry a picture around of you
0:31:07 as a younger version of yourself
0:31:09 and you’re coaching that younger person,
0:31:10 but it’s all about being aware,
0:31:12 giving yourself the grace
0:31:15 and then rewriting that narrative at the moment.
0:31:15 – I love that.
0:31:17 I think that is such great advice.
0:31:18 And if you don’t have a kid,
0:31:21 you can think about like coaching your little sister
0:31:22 or your best friend or just anybody
0:31:24 that you love and care about.
0:31:25 Like you’ve got to have self-compassion
0:31:28 and talk to yourself as if you love yourself, you know?
0:31:31 Otherwise you’re gonna carry all this negative energy
0:31:33 and it’s never gonna do you any good.
0:31:37 So I wanna take us back to when you were a Chief Revenue Officer
0:31:39 at a public traded radio company.
0:31:41 You worked for a very successful CEO
0:31:43 and he had a house party one day.
0:31:46 And he brought you to his new mansion
0:31:47 and he bought on the Gulf of Mexico
0:31:50 and you were so amazed by this beautiful house
0:31:51 until one of your coworkers said,
0:31:54 “This is the house that Heather built.”
0:31:57 And we were just talking about how we can be blind
0:31:58 to our own surroundings.
0:32:01 And I feel like this really drives that point home.
0:32:03 So how did that statement affect your beliefs
0:32:05 about your future?
0:32:06 – Oh my gosh, that was a big,
0:32:08 it’s such a weird how you can have big moments
0:32:09 at any point in time
0:32:11 and you never know when something’s gonna hit you.
0:32:13 But I had been at this company, like I said,
0:32:14 for 14 years, right?
0:32:17 We were doing an excess of $200 million annually.
0:32:20 My job was I was responsible for all revenue
0:32:21 and for the revenue team.
0:32:24 And so when we walked in and he had just bought,
0:32:27 this house was like $35 million, PS,
0:32:29 I don’t live in a $35 million house.
0:32:30 So, yeah.
0:32:34 And so we soon with the podcast, “Hallelujah,” we will.
0:32:38 So I walk into this party and someone was making a joke.
0:32:40 You know, it was being funny saying like,
0:32:41 “Oh, this is the house that Heather built.
0:32:43 I’m the one that’s responsible
0:32:44 for making the money for the company.”
0:32:46 But when he said it, you know, people were laughing like,
0:32:48 “Oh, that’s cute, that’s a cute, you know,
0:32:49 that’s funny and cute,” whatever.
0:32:50 I got pissed.
0:32:52 I’m like, wait a minute.
0:32:53 If this is the house that Heather built,
0:32:55 why isn’t Heather fricking living here?
0:32:57 Like I’m the one out on the planes every week.
0:32:59 I’m the one out cutting these big deals,
0:33:00 building these teams.
0:33:02 Why isn’t it my house?
0:33:07 So I left that night not happy, but more challenged to say,
0:33:08 “Why isn’t it my house?”
0:33:11 And then I remember thinking,
0:33:13 “Okay, this is back when I worked for the CEO
0:33:14 that promoted me three times,
0:33:17 not the one that fired me, it was her father.”
0:33:17 And I remember thinking,
0:33:20 and he had shared this with me a few times, his story.
0:33:23 His story was he had been a principal
0:33:25 and an educator and did not have a lot of money,
0:33:27 had a lot of kids, not a lot of money.
0:33:29 And so secretly and quietly at night,
0:33:31 he started working at a radio station.
0:33:34 Then he built up enough money to buy that one radio station.
0:33:35 And then he advanced that radio station,
0:33:38 he built enough money to buy another radio station.
0:33:40 And then there was this huge crash in the ’90s
0:33:42 and everyone said the internet is all there is
0:33:45 and radio’s gone, which was not the case,
0:33:47 but he couldn’t see into the future.
0:33:48 He wasn’t getting any loans from companies
0:33:51 and he didn’t know how he was gonna pay his debt and go on.
0:33:54 And I remember him saying that he had
0:33:56 to walk on the beach alone at night to say,
0:33:58 I can either double down on this right now
0:34:00 and take the biggest risk in my life and go all in
0:34:03 on what I think is gonna pay off 10-fold
0:34:06 or I can fold up and sell for pennies on the dollar,
0:34:09 lose everything and go back and be a principal again.
0:34:12 And everybody was selling their radio companies
0:34:14 ’cause they were trading for pennies on the dollar
0:34:16 and all of his friends sold.
0:34:19 And he doubled down and bought and bought and bought
0:34:21 and leveraged everything he had
0:34:25 and went into massive debt and it paid off, huge.
0:34:27 So I remembered that story walking out there
0:34:29 and I realized, yes, I do all the work,
0:34:31 yes, I close all the deals, I make all the money,
0:34:34 but I’ve never done what that man did.
0:34:36 I never took that massive leap of faith
0:34:38 like you eventually did, like I eventually did
0:34:42 after I got kicked out, but that was the missing piece.
0:34:45 So until you’re willing to take that big risk,
0:34:48 you’re never really gonna get that great reward.
0:34:51 We’ll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors.
0:34:59 – All I keep thinking about is like you were allowing
0:35:02 that job to control you, like that was your villain.
0:35:04 The paycheck was your villain.
0:35:06 That lady was also a villain
0:35:08 because she was like blocking you,
0:35:09 but really in the grand scheme of things,
0:35:11 it was you, like you said, it was yourself
0:35:13 that you had these limiting beliefs
0:35:16 and you were letting your villain control you.
0:35:17 This story also reminds me of something
0:35:19 that Ed Milet shared with us.
0:35:21 So you’re also friends with Ed Milet.
0:35:23 He came on the show and he was talking to me
0:35:26 about how he likes to step into his dreams.
0:35:29 So when he and his wife were first coming up,
0:35:30 they were pretty broke.
0:35:32 They used to save money and once a month,
0:35:35 they would go to a very fancy hotel
0:35:36 and they would get super dressed up
0:35:39 and he would go golfing and she would wear a pretty dress
0:35:41 and they would pretend to be rich for a day.
0:35:44 And he says that that’s what really pushed him to realize
0:35:47 that he wanted to accomplish these dreams.
0:35:48 So I’m sure seeing that huge mansion,
0:35:52 you were like, whoa, like I’m playing like way too small.
0:35:54 Do you believe in manifestation?
0:35:55 Like, do you visualize?
0:35:58 Like, tell us about your top tips for that.
0:36:01 – Oh my gosh, you already know, but yeah, huge.
0:36:03 I completely do.
0:36:06 And to Ed’s point, I was at his house.
0:36:09 He now lives in that multi-multi-million dollar house
0:36:10 on the beach, right?
0:36:12 He’s living that dream that he manifested
0:36:14 at a younger age and it is true.
0:36:16 I did not know this when I was younger,
0:36:19 but literally your words are your wand.
0:36:22 Like whatever you speak, you are putting it,
0:36:24 it’s speaking it into existence.
0:36:25 So instead of being the one to say,
0:36:28 I’m such an idiot, oh, blonde moment,
0:36:30 which is something I said many times in my career.
0:36:34 Now I speak, I’m kicking ass, I’m going bigger,
0:36:37 I’m going for more and those doors start opening.
0:36:42 Like whatever you speak will create some type of movement
0:36:44 or opportunity in your life or hold back for you.
0:36:45 That choice is up to you.
0:36:47 So now I take my time to,
0:36:50 when I was interviewing Sarah Blakely live on stage,
0:36:53 I was really nervous before taking that stage.
0:36:55 So for a week leading up to it,
0:36:56 every night I would lay on my floor,
0:37:00 I would close my eyes and I would see her smiling at me.
0:37:02 I would see me smiling at her.
0:37:04 I would see us taking the stage.
0:37:06 I would see a standing ovation.
0:37:09 I would see what I wanted to put out into the universe,
0:37:12 into the world and that energy that I wanted to have.
0:37:14 And yeah, I was nervous as I’ll get out
0:37:16 when I took that stage,
0:37:20 but because I had played it through my mind so many times,
0:37:21 it went amazing.
0:37:22 Even though there were lots of mistakes
0:37:23 and bumps that occurred,
0:37:26 it didn’t matter because I had this vision
0:37:28 of what was going to happen and it happened.
0:37:30 And it was the same way with my TEDx talk.
0:37:31 I was so scared.
0:37:35 I was so nervous taking that stupid little red circle.
0:37:38 And I’ll tell you because I had envisioned it
0:37:40 and played it through my mind so many times,
0:37:42 it didn’t matter the amount of challenges
0:37:43 that occurred that day.
0:37:45 And there were plenty of them
0:37:48 because I had this vision that I hung on to
0:37:50 and it manifested in the end.
0:37:52 – I love that.
0:37:54 So I had one of my first speaking engagements.
0:37:56 I did it at MIT.
0:37:58 And I had insomnia that night
0:38:00 because all I kept doing was replaying
0:38:04 a very good job of me saying this speech.
0:38:05 But then I ended up doing a great job
0:38:07 and I was, even though I had insomnia
0:38:10 because I feel like I was just visualizing the whole night
0:38:11 and I didn’t have much time to prepare.
0:38:14 So my body was like, you need to visualize all night
0:38:16 and you’ll worry about sleep later.
0:38:17 So I totally agree.
0:38:19 Sometimes when you just see yourself on stage
0:38:21 and you imagine it going well,
0:38:23 it usually always does turn out okay,
0:38:26 which is just so interesting to me.
0:38:28 – It’s science back.
0:38:30 There’s so much science that points to
0:38:32 that you’re priming your brain for something.
0:38:35 I mean, Olympic athletes use this when training, right?
0:38:38 Tom Brady will talk so much about this.
0:38:42 Anyone who’s extremely successful on some level
0:38:44 is using visualization,
0:38:46 whether they realize they’re doing it or not
0:38:48 and just be willing to give it a shot.
0:38:50 And it doesn’t have to be for a TED Talk.
0:38:53 It can be for a presentation at work next week.
0:38:55 It can be for asking somebody out on a date, right?
0:38:57 Like whatever it is that you’re feeling
0:39:00 a little bit of angst or anxiety that you want to happen,
0:39:03 start envisioning happen and watch how it manifests.
0:39:06 – Yes, and we can’t just dream, we’ve got to do, right?
0:39:10 So the second part of your Bach method is actions.
0:39:13 Now we love actionable advice at Young and Profiting Podcast
0:39:15 and you say that we can track our progress
0:39:19 toward achieving our goals by using a 30-day grid.
0:39:21 Can you explain what a 30-day grid is
0:39:22 and how we create one?
0:39:25 – Yeah, so I liken it to weight loss, right?
0:39:28 So if you want to lose five or 10 pounds,
0:39:30 you need to know what your baseline is
0:39:32 that you’re starting at, know what your goal is,
0:39:34 get a picture of that goal, right?
0:39:35 Like if I want to lose weight,
0:39:36 I’m going to get a picture of me and a bikini
0:39:39 when I’m younger and I’m like looking like I’m killing it.
0:39:41 So you know what you’re chasing after
0:39:42 and then you want to weigh in every day
0:39:45 and track the progress and action steps you’re taking
0:39:46 to help you achieve your goal.
0:39:49 You want to tap somebody to hold you accountable, right?
0:39:50 These are all like basic steps.
0:39:53 So, but it doesn’t just have to be for weight loss.
0:39:55 It can be for this idea of I want to be
0:39:57 a more competent version of myself
0:39:59 or I have, for me, when I got fired,
0:40:01 I have no idea where I’m going.
0:40:02 So that my baseline was like, okay,
0:40:07 we’re at ground zero right now, at the end of 30 days,
0:40:10 I want to be feeling like a much more confident version
0:40:12 of myself and having some idea of where I’m going.
0:40:14 This is truly what I did do.
0:40:15 And so I created a vision.
0:40:17 I actually have a life-size cutout of myself
0:40:19 that I put up in my living room
0:40:22 so that I could, because I’m super confident in that picture
0:40:23 and I wanted to see it every day.
0:40:25 Like, hey, I’m coming for you, girl.
0:40:27 I’ve been there before, I’m coming for you.
0:40:29 And so I would keep that visual
0:40:32 and then every day I would chart my action steps
0:40:34 that I was taking to create opportunity.
0:40:35 But the other really cool thing,
0:40:37 I’d also practice gratitude
0:40:39 and I would do it on this grid as well
0:40:40 and encourage everyone to do that
0:40:42 ’cause it just helps your mind shift to what is possible,
0:40:45 what is good instead of what is so hard
0:40:46 as we all have challenges,
0:40:47 but staying focused on the pods
0:40:49 and really will help you build momentum.
0:40:52 And so then I would start tracking the amazing gifts
0:40:55 that started showing up in my life, like Elvis Durand,
0:40:58 and like all these different people who started showing up
0:41:01 that I didn’t know were coming a week before.
0:41:03 And then when you start seeing that, oh my gosh,
0:41:05 I wonder what’s gonna come next week then
0:41:08 that just helps you build more and more momentum.
0:41:09 And then the more momentum you have,
0:41:10 the more action steps you take,
0:41:13 the more things that you do that create more opportunity
0:41:14 and it feeds on each other.
0:41:15 And before you know it,
0:41:17 you’re living the life of the life-size cut-out
0:41:19 that I have in delivering them.
0:41:20 – I love that advice.
0:41:23 Something else that you say that’s really interesting
0:41:27 is you said that we should put a song behind our goals.
0:41:29 What is the power of putting like music
0:41:31 or having a theme song surrounding your goal?
0:41:32 – Oh my gosh, so funny.
0:41:35 So my whole career was in the radio business, right?
0:41:38 So I’ve read so many research papers and white papers
0:41:40 in regards to the impact music has on the mind.
0:41:44 And there’s a reason why McDonald’s has a jingle.
0:41:47 They want you constantly to be thinking about that, right?
0:41:52 So pairing an action step or a statement or an affirmation
0:41:56 with music is only gonna further ingrain it in your mind
0:41:58 and frequency cells.
0:42:00 So the thoughts that you hold more often
0:42:02 are the ones that are going to impact you
0:42:04 in a positive or a negative way.
0:42:09 So why not be the director of your own at-home movie here
0:42:11 that you’re running around with all day long?
0:42:14 For me, I chose a song by Kendra Clemar.
0:42:16 I love myself.
0:42:17 I chose a visual.
0:42:19 And this is back to the media business, right?
0:42:22 You wanna pair a visual with an audio jingle
0:42:24 or a song with messaging.
0:42:26 In my idea, I wanted to be more confident.
0:42:28 I wanted to be like that best version,
0:42:30 that 10 plus plus of myself.
0:42:31 So I got that visual.
0:42:33 I started running the Kendra Clemar song
0:42:35 all the time in my head.
0:42:37 And then I started stating this.
0:42:40 Fear is a green light that means go and go faster.
0:42:42 And whenever you feel it, Heather, you’re moving into it.
0:42:44 And so like those three things,
0:42:46 I just made part of my daily routine.
0:42:50 And I will tell you within 30 days, if you practices,
0:42:52 you will see a profound difference
0:42:54 in whatever it is that you’re going out there
0:42:55 trying to achieve.
0:42:57 You’re gonna see that you will be achieving it.
0:42:59 – I certainly believe it.
0:43:03 So let’s take a step back because we all have goals,
0:43:04 but we need to be making sure
0:43:06 that we’re working on the right things.
0:43:08 And you have a great actionable piece of advice
0:43:11 because you say when acting on something,
0:43:12 you always ask yourself,
0:43:15 what’s the grief to gross ratio?
0:43:16 Which I thought was super interesting.
0:43:17 I’ve never heard this before.
0:43:19 So talk to us about this little framework
0:43:22 to help you make sure you’re working on the right things.
0:43:23 – I came up with this back
0:43:25 when I was in the media business.
0:43:26 We’ll use my old job for an example, right?
0:43:30 So I could add more people to my team to accelerate revenues.
0:43:33 I could create new business contests
0:43:35 to have people focus on bringing in new business.
0:43:37 I could train the existing team up.
0:43:39 I could personally go after the largest clients
0:43:41 in the country and close the biggest deals myself, right?
0:43:44 There’s so many different things that you can do
0:43:47 in any job to have bigger and more profound impact
0:43:48 and more success.
0:43:50 So you have to start taking a step back
0:43:52 and observe the entire landscape
0:43:54 and say, where is my time best spent?
0:43:56 Or we need to be strategic here.
0:43:57 I don’t wanna be running around
0:43:59 like a chicken with her head cut off,
0:44:01 darting on to the left and right.
0:44:03 And no, where can I have the most impact
0:44:05 and where can I do it seamlessly
0:44:07 and most effectively and efficiently?
0:44:09 And so I started looking at things as,
0:44:12 okay, if there’s gonna be a lot of grief around this.
0:44:15 So for example, going out and interviewing hundreds
0:44:18 and hundreds of people to find one good candidate,
0:44:20 that didn’t sound like the best grief
0:44:21 to gross ratio for me.
0:44:24 So I started thinking, and this is years ago, right?
0:44:27 This is probably six years ago.
0:44:29 This is why I launched my personal brand six years ago.
0:44:32 I started thinking, how can I flip the current?
0:44:34 Instead of me chasing people,
0:44:36 how do I get people to start chasing me?
0:44:38 And so six years ago, I launched a personal brand
0:44:41 to attract people into my life that might be like-minded,
0:44:44 that might be looking for ways to elevate themselves,
0:44:46 get tips, those are my kind of people.
0:44:48 I wanted to pull that current towards me
0:44:50 so that those people were constantly applying
0:44:52 for the jobs that I did have available.
0:44:55 And that grief to gross ratio was so much better
0:44:58 than the way I had been doing it before.
0:44:59 – Yeah, I have to say,
0:45:01 like you’re a very like go with the flow type of person.
0:45:03 Like you’re one of my clients, right?
0:45:05 I’ve been working with you for over two years.
0:45:07 You are like not an annoying client at all.
0:45:10 There’s some clients who don’t let us do our jobs.
0:45:12 They wanna be social media managers.
0:45:13 They wanna write the copy.
0:45:15 They wanna give so much feedback,
0:45:17 but you’re so much more of the person.
0:45:20 You’re just like, you’re the expert, you do it.
0:45:21 I’m gonna do what I’m good at
0:45:23 and you do what you’re good at.
0:45:25 And I feel like that works so well
0:45:27 because you like, don’t you feel like
0:45:29 that’s just such a better way to approach things?
0:45:31 Like not to be micromanaging people?
0:45:32 – Well, here’s the thing.
0:45:34 That woman that ended up firing me,
0:45:36 she was a huge micromanager.
0:45:40 So in my opinion, this is my, how I see things like,
0:45:42 there’s certain qualities I admire in people
0:45:43 and there are certain things I don’t.
0:45:45 And I think it’s good to reflect on like the,
0:45:47 listen, she’s super organized, I’m not.
0:45:48 And that’s like good for her.
0:45:49 I wish I had that, right?
0:45:51 So there’s things that were great about her too.
0:45:55 But I do remember this nasty like coldness I felt about her
0:45:57 that she was always questioning,
0:46:00 always will show me the speech before you take the stage.
0:46:02 Why do you care what I’m gonna talk about
0:46:04 when I’m talking to a sales organization
0:46:06 has nothing to do with you.
0:46:08 Asking for control.
0:46:10 And I remember learning from what I didn’t like
0:46:13 about her leadership that that lack of control
0:46:17 and her trying to control it showed up to me as weakness.
0:46:19 And I see that as a weakness in people
0:46:22 when you wanna grab hold of something so hard,
0:46:24 it’s ’cause you don’t feel really confident in you.
0:46:29 So to me, why would I hire you and your team
0:46:31 if I don’t have trust and belief in you?
0:46:33 And then how could I ever think you’re gonna show up
0:46:37 as the best version of yourself as a media expert?
0:46:40 If I don’t empower you to go out there and do it,
0:46:41 you’re not gonna be the best.
0:46:44 And I’m gonna be the one sabotaging you and setting you up
0:46:46 all because I’m insecure and I’m a control freak.
0:46:47 No thanks.
0:46:49 – Egg, exactly.
0:46:51 Let’s stay on action and let’s talk about asking
0:46:52 ’cause this is really important.
0:46:55 You’re never gonna get what you want if you don’t ask for it
0:46:58 and you are like an expert when it comes to pitching.
0:47:00 So let’s talk about the ways that you’ve pitched yourself
0:47:01 in the past.
0:47:03 You’ve got some really great stories about pitching yourself
0:47:06 and then some tips you have to pitch ourselves.
0:47:06 – Oh my gosh, all right.
0:47:08 So always put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
0:47:11 That’s the number one most important thing.
0:47:12 You’re solving a problem for them.
0:47:13 So I’ll use the example when I went
0:47:15 to a publicly traded company,
0:47:17 they didn’t have the VP of sales position.
0:47:19 And I saw, as soon as I got to the company,
0:47:21 I’m like, oh, there’s so much lack in different market.
0:47:23 I saw the solution.
0:47:25 I knew what the solution was for their problem.
0:47:28 They didn’t know they had a problem, but I saw it.
0:47:30 So now I had to put myself in the shoes
0:47:33 of the decision maker and think, okay, what are his holdbacks?
0:47:36 Fear of change, fear of failure.
0:47:38 I had to think through all those challenges.
0:47:39 So put yourself in their shoes,
0:47:41 see what pain points they’re gonna have,
0:47:43 see what fears they’re gonna have
0:47:45 and address all of those in your pitch.
0:47:47 So then you make it really easy for them
0:47:50 to take hold of the idea and make it their own.
0:47:53 So I went into the pitch, always go face to face,
0:47:55 don’t do it on Zoom, don’t do it on email,
0:47:56 don’t do it on the phone.
0:47:59 You’re very easy to say no to in those situations.
0:48:01 It’s much harder to look someone eye to eye
0:48:02 and say no to them.
0:48:04 So something’s important, pitch in person.
0:48:07 And I did my homework, I got to the meeting,
0:48:10 I made the pitch and he said no.
0:48:14 And I learned such a big lesson that day.
0:48:16 I ended up, I went back two weeks later
0:48:18 and I was gonna resign, I was gonna take another job.
0:48:20 And he said, hang on a second.
0:48:22 He excused himself from the restaurant,
0:48:23 came back five minutes later.
0:48:24 I said, where did you go?
0:48:26 He said, oh, I had to call my father
0:48:28 to get approval on the position, Heather.
0:48:30 Yes, we’re awarding you the VP of sales.
0:48:31 And I learned this powerful lesson
0:48:34 that even if you think someone’s a decision maker,
0:48:36 qualify it, qualify it ahead of time
0:48:39 so you don’t waste your time or their time
0:48:41 or make a misinformed decision.
0:48:44 – Yeah, and I have to say asking is so powerful
0:48:46 when it comes to just like leveling up in your career.
0:48:49 I feel like so many things I’ve gotten
0:48:52 was because I asked for even the cover of podcast magazine.
0:48:54 I was just supposed to have a regular interview
0:48:56 and I remember at the end of the conversation,
0:48:58 I was like, so am I gonna be on the cover?
0:49:00 And he was like, maybe.
0:49:02 And then it happened.
0:49:03 – You planted the seed.
0:49:05 – I put it in his ear and he was like,
0:49:06 well, I guess this is the best article
0:49:07 she could be on the cover.
0:49:10 And that totally accelerated my career.
0:49:11 And if I hadn’t asked that,
0:49:14 I don’t know if they would have really thought about me
0:49:15 or considered me.
0:49:16 – Of course not.
0:49:19 You put it out there and that’s exact same thing that I did.
0:49:21 I had Gary be on my podcast
0:49:23 and at the very end of the episode
0:49:24 while we were still recording,
0:49:27 I said, Gary, now do you think that your audience
0:49:29 could benefit from a story like mine
0:49:30 and some of the tips and techniques
0:49:33 that I can teach people how to bounce back from adversity?
0:49:35 And he’s like, absolutely.
0:49:36 I said, well, then I need to be on the show, right?
0:49:38 I just showed up and asked.
0:49:39 And then he put me on the show.
0:49:42 And right, but it’s all about having that willingness.
0:49:45 You have to be willing and allowing for someone to say no,
0:49:47 knowing that’s just part of the journey
0:49:48 and that, you know what, it’s a numbers game
0:49:51 and you’re just gonna keep asking bringing value
0:49:54 and those right doors will open and see what happens.
0:49:55 – Exactly.
0:49:57 You just have to realize that the worst I can say is no,
0:50:00 but if you don’t ask, and by the way, they’ll say no,
0:50:02 but it will be in the back of their head.
0:50:04 And they’ll know that you’re available
0:50:06 and wanting of that opportunity.
0:50:07 And people love to help, but at the end of the day,
0:50:09 people like to help other people.
0:50:10 – Well, most people.
0:50:12 I mean, we’re gonna keep a couple caveats.
0:50:15 – There are some really bad villains,
0:50:17 but screw those people.
0:50:19 All right, so let’s talk about knowledge.
0:50:22 That is the third part of the BOC system.
0:50:24 It’s the information and skills we need to be
0:50:26 more effective people in every aspect
0:50:27 of our work and personal lives.
0:50:29 So this has actually been a hot topic
0:50:32 for me on the podcast lately because I find
0:50:34 that I’ve been finding more and more young people
0:50:37 who don’t have skills or knowledge.
0:50:38 And they want all these opportunities.
0:50:39 They want a great job.
0:50:40 They want to make money.
0:50:42 They want to be an entrepreneur, for example,
0:50:43 but they have no skills.
0:50:45 So talk to us about the importance of getting knowledge
0:50:48 and skills and some advice you have for my young listeners.
0:50:50 – I mean, listen, here’s the thing.
0:50:51 Nothing is gonna replace hard work.
0:50:54 And I know it would be beautiful if something could
0:50:57 and there was a magic wand, but there isn’t, right?
0:50:59 Like competency builds confidence
0:51:02 and competency comes from showing up and learning, right?
0:51:04 And doing the hard work and making the business trips
0:51:06 and like being in these meetings
0:51:08 where you’re asking and being told no and no and no
0:51:09 and you’re refining your process
0:51:11 and you’re learning and you’re understanding.
0:51:13 You’ve got to immerse yourself in the suck.
0:51:14 It sucks.
0:51:16 I did not like being an account executive
0:51:18 when I first started in the radio business.
0:51:20 I did not like being a first time author,
0:51:23 having no idea how to sell books,
0:51:25 but I had to stumble through the suck
0:51:27 to start figuring out what did work.
0:51:30 And that’s what so often today, because of social media,
0:51:33 because so many people only post the highlight reel,
0:51:36 that people think, “Oh, she just stumbled out onto that stage
0:51:39 “and gave a great TEDx talk.”
0:51:42 Oh, how, no, I’ve pitched for a hundred times.
0:51:44 I was told no a hundred times for TEDx
0:51:45 before I landed at TEDx, right?
0:51:48 And then I worked for months on that speech
0:51:50 that took 10 minutes that people just think
0:51:52 I strolled out for on a Saturday, right?
0:51:55 Like people don’t see the work that goes in on the back end.
0:51:59 So the most important thing is pick your head up
0:52:00 like you were saying, ask for help.
0:52:02 Sometimes you’re not gonna get it.
0:52:04 That’s okay too, but you need to ask.
0:52:07 Ask and when you don’t get it, start self-teaching.
0:52:08 We live in an incredible time.
0:52:10 You wanna learn from, and my let,
0:52:11 go put on his YouTube channel.
0:52:13 Go put on his podcast.
0:52:14 You want me to mentor you?
0:52:15 Go turn on my podcast.
0:52:18 But there’s so much content and information out there.
0:52:20 You can teach yourself anything.
0:52:21 Last night I went into the kitchen.
0:52:22 My son was in the oven.
0:52:24 I’m like, “What are you doing?”
0:52:26 He said, “I just made banana bread.”
0:52:28 I’m like, “Well, I don’t know how to make banana bread.”
0:52:30 He’s like, “Well, you need to watch TikTok, mom.”
0:52:33 You can teach yourself anything
0:52:35 if you have a phone or a computer.
0:52:37 So I just see it as a weak excuse
0:52:38 that people are being lazy
0:52:40 if they don’t wanna build their skill set.
0:52:42 Like, knowledge is everywhere.
0:52:44 It’s up to you if you’re gonna access it
0:52:45 and run with it.
0:52:46 – I completely agree.
0:52:48 I feel like almost everything I learned
0:52:50 was on the internet for free.
0:52:51 I did go to school.
0:52:52 I got my MBA, I got this and that.
0:52:54 Everything that I use today
0:52:56 is either something I learned on the job
0:52:58 or something I learned on the internet.
0:52:59 And there’s no excuses.
0:53:01 Just work hard, get the experience
0:53:02 and take the time to learn.
0:53:03 I think that’s the other thing.
0:53:05 People wanna spend time watching TV,
0:53:06 scrolling on social media.
0:53:09 You’ve gotta take the time to learn, to read,
0:53:11 and to level up your knowledge
0:53:13 on your specific niche or industry.
0:53:15 – Well, I just wanna highlight,
0:53:16 I just wanna say one thing to that point.
0:53:18 You did a lot in academics before
0:53:19 and people are gonna say,
0:53:21 “Oh, that’s why she got Disney.”
0:53:23 Here’s what I wanna say is I’m coaching
0:53:26 a very senior level executive at a Fortune 10 company.
0:53:27 She’s amazing.
0:53:29 She never went to college.
0:53:32 And for a long time, that was her hold back.
0:53:34 This woman makes millions of dollars a year
0:53:36 and she would say, “I can’t pitch myself for that
0:53:38 “because I don’t have the pedigree,
0:53:41 “I don’t have the Harvard MBA.”
0:53:42 Here’s the thing.
0:53:44 Instead, what she leaned into on the knowledge side
0:53:48 was her experiences, her network with where she spent her time.
0:53:51 So your knowledge doesn’t have to look the same way
0:53:53 somebody else’s does.
0:53:55 I have a bachelor’s from Clark University
0:53:57 and then I have a ton of networking
0:53:59 and experience on the job, right?
0:54:02 Your formula can look so different than anybody else’s.
0:54:04 Yours can be entirely self-taught.
0:54:06 Don’t let any of it hold you back.
0:54:07 It’s just about immersing yourself
0:54:09 in the place that you’re supposed to go,
0:54:12 doing that work that is that right fit for you at the time.
0:54:14 – That is such an excellent point.
0:54:16 Okay, so we’re gonna wrap this show up.
0:54:18 I always ask the last two questions.
0:54:19 I ask everybody the same questions
0:54:21 and then we do something fun at the end of the year.
0:54:24 So the first one is what is one actionable thing
0:54:26 that my listeners can do today
0:54:28 to become more profiting tomorrow?
0:54:29 – Ask for help.
0:54:31 Find someone out there in your world
0:54:33 in your sphere of influence
0:54:36 and reach out, someone who is where you wanna go
0:54:39 and send them a note and ask them for help.
0:54:41 You never know what doors you could open.
0:54:42 – I love that.
0:54:46 And what is your secret to profiting in life?
0:54:48 – To me, it truly is mindset over everything.
0:54:51 Like you hold the key to unlocking the door to yourself.
0:54:53 You hold the key to going bigger.
0:54:55 There is no one holding you back.
0:54:56 It is all on you.
0:54:58 So unlock that door and go for it.
0:54:59 – Awesome.
0:55:02 So Heather, tell us where we can find Overcome Your Villains.
0:55:04 Tell us about how we can find your podcast
0:55:06 and learn more about everything you do.
0:55:07 – Oh my gosh.
0:55:09 Go get the audio book Overcome Your Villains.
0:55:11 It is top charts on Amazon right now.
0:55:14 I narrate it and I go, I riff on live
0:55:16 on every single chapter.
0:55:17 It’s so, it’s my favorite.
0:55:18 I’m super proud of it.
0:55:19 Go check it out.
0:55:22 My podcast, which is with Hollis Network
0:55:24 is creating confidence with Heather Monaghan.
0:55:26 I’m @heathermonaghan on all social media
0:55:28 and I would love to hear from you.
0:55:30 – Guys, Heather is amazing.
0:55:31 Heather changed my life.
0:55:35 I hope you guys enjoy her content as much as I enjoy her.
0:55:37 Thank you so much for coming on the show.
0:55:39 – Thank you so much for having me.
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