Ashley Lemieux: How Entrepreneurs Can Overcome Loss, Heal, and Build a Thriving Business | E340

0:00:04 Today’s episode of YAP is sponsored in part by Microsoft Teams,
0:00:09 Rakuten, Factor, Robinhood, Airbnb, Shopify, OpenPhone, and Indeed.
0:00:11 If you’re looking for a way to collaborate with remote workers,
0:00:14 your co-founders, interns, volunteers,
0:00:16 then you need to check out Microsoft Teams Free.
0:00:21 Try Microsoft Teams Free today at aka.ms/profiting.
0:00:25 Get the Rakuten app now and join the 17 million members who are already saving.
0:00:27 Cashback rates change daily.
0:00:30 See Rakuten.com for more details.
0:00:33 Eat smart and fuel your wellness goals with Factor.
0:00:36 Get started at FactorMeals.com/FactorPodcast
0:00:42 and use code FactorPodcast to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping.
0:00:47 Hosting on Airbnb has never been easier with Airbnb’s new co-host network.
0:00:51 Find yourself a co-host at Airbnb.com/host.
0:00:55 Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you grow your business.
0:01:00 Sign up for $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com/profiting.
0:01:03 OpenPhone is the number one business phone system.
0:01:09 Build stronger customer relationships and respond faster with shared numbers, AI, and automations.
0:01:14 Get 20% off your first six months when you go to openphone.com/profiting.
0:01:17 Attract interview and hire all in one place with Indeed.
0:01:22 Get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/profiting.
0:01:24 Terms and conditions apply.
0:01:30 As always, you can find all of our incredible deals in the show notes or at youngandprofiting.com/deals.
0:01:39 We experienced a very unexpected contested adoption and we ended up losing the kids.
0:01:46 The lack of purpose that I felt in my life is something that made it really hard for me to get out of bed in the morning.
0:01:52 Until I got to the point where I was like, I have to figure out what my intention for my life is now.
0:01:55 And so I started with one simple question every single morning.
0:02:01 And that question was, so that’s when the concept of clarity mapping really started.
0:02:06 How did you get over the shame of starting a company and shutting it down?
0:02:12 We get scared of this idea of starting over, but you’re not starting over, you can’t.
0:02:18 You have so much knowledge now, and so you get to now apply all of that into the next thing.
0:02:24 Do you feel like entrepreneurs deal with grief and stress differently than other people?
0:02:28 Something that is very common among entrepreneurs is…
0:02:52 Yeah, fam, if you’ve ever struggled with grief, loss, trauma, feeling stuck, or just the occasional bout of seasonal depression,
0:02:55 then today’s episode is just what the doctor ordered.
0:03:00 My guest today is Ashley Lemieux, she’s the founder and CEO of The Shine Project,
0:03:05 the author of books like Born to Shine and I Am Here, and the host of the Healing Her podcast.
0:03:13 Ashley is an expert on grief and trauma recovery and has devoted her life to helping others reignite the light within themselves.
0:03:18 Today, she’s going to teach us how we can all learn to shine even through some of life’s darkest moments.
0:03:21 Ashley, welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast.
0:03:25 Hey, thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here.
0:03:30 Thanks for joining me today, so I’m going to just jump right into it.
0:03:35 For a lot of us entrepreneurs, our businesses grow out of something that we’ve struggled with in our own lives,
0:03:38 and I feel like this has been especially the case for you.
0:03:45 You’ve had a bunch of dark moments in your life, so why don’t we start off with the first one that I learned about when I was researching your story.
0:03:50 It was in your 20s, you unexpectedly became the mother of two children,
0:03:55 and then you had some traumatic experiences around that. Can you tell us what happened?
0:04:00 Yeah, so in our mid-20s, I was actually building my first company also.
0:04:07 We were newly married, and we didn’t have kids at all in our radar at that time.
0:04:12 And overnight, we became permanent guardians of two kids.
0:04:18 And for the next four years, we were a family in every sense of the word,
0:04:23 and everything that we did revolved around raising the kids,
0:04:27 giving them the opportunities that, as a parent, you want them to have.
0:04:34 And all of us were under the impression that we would be together forever, for always.
0:04:41 And during the final steps of the adoption process, we experienced a very unexpected contested adoption.
0:04:46 And during that time, we ended up being in court for two years.
0:04:50 I just remember the life inside of me.
0:04:55 It felt like someone had taken a vacuum and just sucked it all out.
0:04:59 We were in court all the time, depositions, high stress.
0:05:05 No one knew what was going to happen. And we ended up losing the kids.
0:05:08 I was actually on the other side of the country for work.
0:05:12 And it happened fast. I didn’t even get to come home and say goodbye to them.
0:05:16 And that was almost eight years ago now.
0:05:25 And it rocked our world in a way that I did not know how to come back from,
0:05:30 or if I even wanted to figure out how to come back from it, to be honest.
0:05:35 Can you help us understand how you ended up with these kids in your 20s?
0:05:41 And then are they now back in your family, or the court took them away and you just never saw them again?
0:05:46 Yeah. So there’s parts of our story that we just don’t share all the full details of.
0:05:51 But they were placed with us through someone we knew.
0:05:57 And we have not had contact with them since we lost them almost eight years ago.
0:06:04 I’m so sorry to hear that. And I know that you guys decided to move after this happened.
0:06:09 What did that teach you about grief when you decided to move?
0:06:10 Were you able to run away from your grief?
0:06:17 I wanted to. We were like, okay, what can we do that will help us not feel this
0:06:24 hell, this weight that feels like it has buried every aspect of our life.
0:06:28 And it was really hard to be in the home that we had raised the kids in.
0:06:33 All of our friends were friends because our kids were friends from school.
0:06:37 We were doing things in the community altogether or sports teams and whatever.
0:06:43 And my husband and I were like, if there’s any shot of us making it after this,
0:06:44 we got to get away for a little while.
0:06:48 So we ended up moving to Nashville, Tennessee.
0:06:50 I actually had had some employees there.
0:06:56 And everything about Nashville is very different than it is in Phoenix.
0:06:59 And so we just said, peace out, let’s go.
0:07:04 But then once we got to Nashville and settled in the adrenaline of a new city,
0:07:10 of new opportunities, of the excitement of, okay, what are we going to explore?
0:07:11 What is waiting for us here?
0:07:15 Once that started to kind of wear off and the grief was still there,
0:07:19 we were then like, okay, how much farther can we run?
0:07:23 So we actually ended up packing carry-on suitcases.
0:07:29 And we went to Europe with pretty much no plans for almost two months,
0:07:34 hoping maybe that that would help ease the pain in that acute stage of grief
0:07:40 when everything is just new and raw and you don’t know how to take your next breath.
0:07:44 And again, after a while, that wore off.
0:07:49 And so we found ourselves really having to dig deep of answering the questions,
0:07:53 what is it that we want from our lives now?
0:07:58 And how do we rebuild so that we can participate in our life
0:08:01 and not regret not living it because we were too sad?
0:08:04 We’re going to touch on this much deeper later,
0:08:08 but you talk about this concept in your book called clarity mapping.
0:08:11 So was this one of the first instances of you starting to get clarity
0:08:13 around your life and what you wanted?
0:08:16 Yeah. So what was really hard for me?
0:08:21 And I think a lot of people can relate to this in whatever role you are in.
0:08:27 Let’s say you identify with your role of motherhood or as a wife or a partner
0:08:32 or your role at work or whatever that thing is that really shapes your identity.
0:08:39 If that is taken away from you and is no longer a part of your daily world,
0:08:41 you don’t have to base your decisions around it anymore.
0:08:45 Your actions aren’t based off of doing that thing because it is gone.
0:08:52 The lack of purpose that I felt in my life no longer being a physical mother
0:08:57 is something that made it really hard for me to get out of bed in the morning.
0:09:03 I didn’t know how to focus my time and my energy anymore.
0:09:07 It didn’t matter at that point because my business was running.
0:09:10 It was okay for me to step away for a little bit.
0:09:14 It did not matter if I got out of bed or not.
0:09:17 There was no one I needed to feed breakfast to or to get to school
0:09:20 or to pay that night or to tuck in.
0:09:26 And I stayed in bed for a long time until I got to the point where I was like,
0:09:30 I have to figure out what my intention for my life is now.
0:09:33 And so I started with one simple question every single morning.
0:09:37 And that question was, what is my intention today?
0:09:42 Because today, right now in this moment, was all I could focus on.
0:09:46 So that’s when the concept of clarity mapping really started.
0:09:53 I became a series of five questions that I answered every single day
0:09:57 to help give me purpose and direction and clarity on who I was
0:10:01 and what it is that I wanted to be rebuilding
0:10:06 so that I could create tangible steps forward to start building that thing.
0:10:11 And one of those tangible steps was that you decided to have your own children.
0:10:15 And so you and your husband started to try for a baby.
0:10:18 And that led to another traumatic experience.
0:10:20 Are you comfortable to share that with us?
0:10:25 Yeah, we waited, I think it was about four years
0:10:27 after the loss of the older two kiddos
0:10:34 to feel like we were at a place where we were ready to continue to try to grow our family.
0:10:39 I didn’t want to go back into motherhood feeling as broken as I felt
0:10:42 because I knew that that would impact the next child
0:10:45 that we were to bring into our family.
0:10:49 And I had so much healing that I needed to do in order to be ready for that.
0:10:55 So we were so intentional about what the next steps of growing our family look like.
0:11:00 And we decided the end of 2019 that it was time to grow our family.
0:11:03 So that is when we moved from Nashville back to Phoenix.
0:11:07 We were like, OK, we’re ready to go back home.
0:11:08 We want to be by my family.
0:11:14 We want solid roots there so that when we have more kids, we’re close to family
0:11:18 and they get that experience of growing up around cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles.
0:11:24 So we moved home and right when we moved home, we found out that we were pregnant.
0:11:31 And obviously we were so excited and it just felt like for the first time in several years
0:11:39 that there was this new breath of life being breathed into our lives again
0:11:43 and that there was forward movement and the grief was still there.
0:11:50 But also now there was joy and hope and an opportunity to keep living our lives.
0:11:53 And I know no one likes to talk about this time.
0:11:59 But I feel like 2020 was a great equalizer for all of us because we can say 2020.
0:12:03 And everyone’s like, yeah, that year freaking sucked for me, right?
0:12:05 And it sucked for all of us for various reasons.
0:12:11 And for us, we moved into our home in March of 2020 the same week
0:12:14 that the pandemic had shut everything down.
0:12:19 And so that also meant that doctors appointments when you were pregnant,
0:12:20 everything kind of changed.
0:12:26 And so it kind of felt scary for a moment to leave the house being pregnant.
0:12:34 I got really sick one day and we couldn’t figure out what was wrong because I had felt fine.
0:12:37 But then by the end of the night, I was screaming in pain.
0:12:38 I couldn’t get out of bed.
0:12:40 I spiked a fever.
0:12:41 I had never felt anything like that.
0:12:44 So my husband called the ambulance.
0:12:49 They took me to the hospital and immediately they checked the baby.
0:12:50 Baby was OK.
0:12:52 And I’m like, OK, I can get through anything if my baby is OK.
0:12:56 And we found out that I had gone septic.
0:12:58 I didn’t really know what that meant.
0:13:01 But I now know the sepsis is a blood infection.
0:13:05 So whatever infection you have enters your bloodstream.
0:13:09 And it started causing kidney failure for me.
0:13:14 So that had to be treated immediately because it’s very life threatening.
0:13:19 And in that moment, they told us you’re going to be admitted to the hospital
0:13:21 for an indefinite amount of time.
0:13:25 But today is also the first day that we are shutting down outside visitors.
0:13:27 So your husband cannot come with you.
0:13:30 You’re going to have to come by yourself.
0:13:35 And I just remember feeling that was the loneliest I think I have ever felt.
0:13:39 And I remember being wheeled back, just sobbing, saying goodbye to my husband,
0:13:41 neither of us knowing what was going to happen.
0:13:47 Later the next day, there was a moment where they called a rapid response,
0:13:50 which means a whole team of doctors was surrounding me
0:13:51 because I was really struggling breathing.
0:13:56 And everything felt like all the pain had just spiked.
0:14:01 And I remember looking at a tech who was giving a scan on my heart, an EKG.
0:14:04 And I remember asking him, am I going to die right now?
0:14:07 Because I felt like I was going to.
0:14:11 And I knew that whatever was happening in my body,
0:14:15 there was no way it was going to keep me and my baby alive.
0:14:20 I just felt it in my gut that something was drastically changing right then.
0:14:23 So after I was stable a couple of hours later,
0:14:26 I had them give me another ultrasound.
0:14:30 And that’s when they found out that we had lost our baby boy.
0:14:35 And I ended up delivering him alone the next morning.
0:14:40 And it sent me again into this part of life where you’re like,
0:14:45 well, I thought that we had gone through the hard thing, right?
0:14:49 Like I thought that this was our first step back of trusting life again.
0:14:54 And now what am I supposed to do?
0:15:01 And so that entered the next journey of really finding clarity again
0:15:04 in my life for what does this look like now to move forward?
0:15:06 Well, thank you for sharing that with us.
0:15:09 I know that’s probably very difficult to relive.
0:15:15 For other people who are in the moment feeling really stuck,
0:15:18 that they’ve gone through a lot of pain,
0:15:21 they had a lot of traumatic experience, maybe a loss.
0:15:26 What advice do you have for them in terms of the steps to take next?
0:15:32 I think this is such a good question because when we are in those moments,
0:15:36 it really feels like we are the only one in those moments.
0:15:38 Grief and trauma can feel so isolating.
0:15:42 And so the very first thing that I would say is that I’m so sorry.
0:15:50 And I want you to be able to know that what you’ve been through, it can’t be fixed.
0:15:52 It’s not supposed to be fixed.
0:15:54 There’s not a band-aid that can be put on it.
0:15:57 I think that there’s platitudes that people like to say.
0:16:01 Everything happens for a reason or time heals all wounds.
0:16:04 And I’m going to be the first one to say that none of those things are true.
0:16:08 And so it’s okay to feel exactly how you feel.
0:16:11 The one thing that we know about grief and trauma
0:16:18 is that most people spend their entire lives avoiding the reality of the pain.
0:16:22 And the one thing that if all of us did in this area of our life
0:16:26 where we feel grief, that would change the trajectory
0:16:29 of what we’re able to do next is acknowledgement.
0:16:33 We have to acknowledge what we’ve been through
0:16:35 and also what it feels like inside of us.
0:16:37 And it might sound so simple to say that,
0:16:41 but having it be simple doesn’t mean it’s easy,
0:16:44 which is why the majority of people never get to this place
0:16:46 where they’re able to acknowledge it.
0:16:52 So if we can start there, then that allows us to have more freedom
0:16:55 in acknowledging what has happened and has caused us
0:17:00 so that we can stop avoiding it and then create a plan
0:17:07 that feels safe for us to heal and to be able to experience the world again
0:17:12 in a way that feels safe so that we can create forward steps.
0:17:19 And I know that for you, you’ve shared your story on podcasts like this,
0:17:21 on your own podcast, you wrote a memoir.
0:17:26 How did actually sharing, like you were just eluding to it now,
0:17:28 how did actually sharing your story help you heal?
0:17:33 I think that for so many of us, we carry these stories.
0:17:36 Sometimes there’s shame attached to it.
0:17:38 Sometimes there’s so much pain attached to it.
0:17:44 But what we know is that when our pain can leave our bodies,
0:17:47 whether it’s writing our story down and no one else even reads it,
0:17:51 we know that that helps facilitate healing.
0:17:58 So many of us suffer in darkness and our stories just need to be brought to light,
0:18:01 to be acknowledged, to be received, to be validated.
0:18:09 And as I’ve been able to share my story, what has been so beautiful,
0:18:13 and I think is the greatest privilege of the work that I do,
0:18:18 is that it helps give other people permission to share and acknowledge their stories.
0:18:23 So I get so many stories sent to me by other women who have gone through really hard things,
0:18:29 who are like, “I’ve seen your story and it’s given me courage now
0:18:32 to be able to share mine and walk through what that means for me.”
0:18:37 And what we know is that healing happens fastest in community.
0:18:41 And so when we can create communities that understand each other
0:18:48 and have shared respect and validation for the pain that other people go through,
0:18:50 we’re able to heal faster.
0:18:54 Let’s hold that thought and take a quick break with our sponsors.
0:19:02 Young Improfiters, I know so many of you are in your grind season.
0:19:05 You’re working your nine to five, and then you’re five to midnight
0:19:07 building out that side hustle dream.
0:19:08 And that’s how I started YAP Media,
0:19:12 and now we are on track to hit eight figures this year.
0:19:15 If you’re a side hustler, you know that it can be hard to find the right tools
0:19:17 without breaking the bank.
0:19:20 And that’s where Microsoft Teams Free comes in.
0:19:24 With Teams, you get pro-level collaboration tools without the hefty price tag.
0:19:28 For example, you can host free video meetings for up to 60 minutes.
0:19:31 That is so professional for your client calls.
0:19:35 You can also get unlimited chat for real-time collaboration with your team,
0:19:37 no matter where you are.
0:19:39 It replaces so many apps.
0:19:41 So for example, file storage.
0:19:43 If you want to keep your client documents, invoices,
0:19:47 and brand assets organized, Microsoft Teams Free has you covered.
0:19:50 You can have everything you need to access in one place.
0:19:53 You can also create community spaces to organize your teams,
0:19:56 volunteers, or creative collaborators,
0:19:59 making it easy to track your business or projects.
0:20:03 Microsoft Teams seems like a dream come true for small businesses.
0:20:06 It’s secure, professional, reliable,
0:20:11 and it is amazing to have all your tools in one place.
0:20:12 Stop paying for your tools.
0:20:15 Get everything you need for free with Microsoft Teams.
0:20:16 It’s a no-brainer.
0:20:21 Try Microsoft Teams today and start growing your side hustle without extra cost.
0:20:25 Head to aka.ms/profiting today to sign up for free.
0:20:31 That’s aka.ms/profiting to sign up for free to Microsoft Teams today.
0:20:32 Hey, Young and Profiters.
0:20:35 These days, I find myself with no time.
0:20:39 I’m juggling work, dating, everything else that life throws in my way,
0:20:43 and honestly, healthy eating has fallen to the wayside.
0:20:47 There’s just never enough time to plan, shop, cook, clean up after cooking.
0:20:50 And what happens is that I end up ordering all these groceries,
0:20:52 being optimistic because I want to eat healthy,
0:20:55 but all the food goes bad before I get a chance to cook it.
0:21:00 So I knew that I had to make a change, and I recently discovered Factor.
0:21:03 It’s been amazing because they’ve got chef-made gourmet meals
0:21:06 that make eating well so easy.
0:21:08 All the meals are dietitian-approved.
0:21:09 They’re ready to eat in just two minutes,
0:21:13 and so I can feel right and feel great no matter how much time that I have.
0:21:16 And Factor arrives fresh to your doorstep.
0:21:18 They’ve got 40 different options to choose from
0:21:21 across all different types of dietary preferences.
0:21:23 And so I personally like to have Protein Plus.
0:21:27 I work out every single day, so I like to have protein with every meal.
0:21:30 But if that’s not for you, you can try Calorie Smart or Keto.
0:21:33 Factor helps you feel good all day.
0:21:36 They’ve got breakfast options, snacks, wholesome smoothies,
0:21:38 and I love the smoothie variety pack.
0:21:40 It is perfect for me.
0:21:43 So why not keep it simple and reach your nutrition goals this year
0:21:47 with ingredients you can trust and convenience that can’t be beat?
0:21:48 We all need to save time.
0:21:51 We all need to eat smart, and you can do that with Factor.
0:21:55 Get started at FactorMeals.com/FactorPodcast
0:21:59 and use code FactorPodcast to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping.
0:22:03 That’s FactorPodcast at FactorMeals.com/FactorPodcast
0:22:06 to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.
0:22:08 If you want all the links quick and easy,
0:22:12 just head to our show notes or youngandprofiting.com/deals.
0:22:18 Yeah, BAM. It’s 2025, and a new year means new opportunities.
0:22:19 For a lot of you out there,
0:22:22 I know you’ve been thinking about one thing over the holidays,
0:22:25 and that’s starting your own business or side hustle.
0:22:27 But of course, you’ve got so many questions.
0:22:28 How do I get started?
0:22:30 How do I come up with a brand?
0:22:33 How am I actually going to sell things to people?
0:22:33 Well, yeah, BAM.
0:22:37 I want you to take a deep breath because Shopify’s got you.
0:22:38 How do I know?
0:22:42 Because I had the same questions when I first started selling online.
0:22:45 But the best time to start your new business is right now,
0:22:49 because Shopify makes it simple to create your brand,
0:22:51 open for business, and get your first sale.
0:22:53 Get your store up and running easily
0:22:56 with thousands of customizable templates,
0:22:59 no coding or design skills required.
0:23:00 Their powerful social media tools
0:23:02 will let you connect all your channels
0:23:05 and help you sell everywhere that people scroll.
0:23:08 Shopify makes it easy to manage your growing business.
0:23:11 They help with details like shipping, taxes,
0:23:13 and payments from one single dashboard,
0:23:16 allowing you to focus on the important stuff,
0:23:19 like growing your business and inventing new products.
0:23:21 Don’t kick yourself a year from now
0:23:23 because you didn’t take action now.
0:23:27 It’s the small actions that add up in a big way.
0:23:29 Start small with a trial of Shopify,
0:23:32 and I promise it’s so easy to use
0:23:33 that anything that felt scary
0:23:36 about starting your online business will just melt away.
0:23:42 With Shopify, your first sale is closer than you think.
0:23:45 Established in 2025 has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
0:23:48 Sign up for your $1 per month trial period
0:23:50 at shopify.com/profiting.
0:23:51 That’s all lowercase.
0:23:54 Go to shopify.com/profiting
0:23:56 to start selling on Shopify today.
0:23:58 shopify.com/profiting.
0:24:03 You have created a whole business
0:24:07 around helping people with their grief.
0:24:08 And as entrepreneurs,
0:24:10 one of the best ways that we can start businesses
0:24:14 is by actually solving the pains that we once had
0:24:16 and providing those solutions to people
0:24:18 who are in the place that we once were.
0:24:22 So what steps did you take to become more qualified
0:24:25 and become more prepared to take on the role
0:24:27 to help other people with their trauma and grief?
0:24:31 I love this question because part of my journey
0:24:34 has started even before I stepped
0:24:36 into helping people more in their grief.
0:24:40 I’ve had a personal brand online for, oh my gosh,
0:24:43 it’s probably been 14 years now
0:24:46 before Instagram even existed.
0:24:48 And I had a blogspot.com.
0:24:50 I’ve always wanted to be a writer.
0:24:53 I’ve always wanted to help move people through their emotions.
0:24:57 So I was doing that even before these life experiences.
0:25:01 But after these life experiences,
0:25:05 I wrote my first book and I was in the middle of my edits
0:25:07 for my most recent book.
0:25:10 I am here when we lost our son, Jace.
0:25:15 And after that, I really felt like my next steps
0:25:17 in finding clarity for my life.
0:25:19 And I didn’t know exactly what it was going to look like,
0:25:21 but I knew that I needed to go back to school
0:25:24 to get my master’s degree specifically
0:25:25 in mental health and wellness
0:25:28 with an emphasis in grief and bereavement.
0:25:31 And that’s probably the least sexy thing
0:25:34 that you could tell someone that you are an expert in.
0:25:36 It’s like, what do you study, Ashley?
0:25:37 What do you teach on?
0:25:39 Well, I teach on grief and bereavement.
0:25:45 Everyone’s like, oh, there’s nothing sexy
0:25:46 about talking about that.
0:25:51 But it is the one thing that every single person
0:25:53 in this world is going to experience
0:25:55 at some point in their life.
0:25:57 And my life experiences,
0:26:00 I felt very much qualified me to help others.
0:26:06 And I then wanted the paper, the education behind it
0:26:09 so that I could take everything I had already learned
0:26:11 and really just propel myself forward.
0:26:15 So at the age of what was I, 34,
0:26:18 I went back to school to get my master’s degree.
0:26:23 And what’s funny about it is that about four weeks later
0:26:25 after starting this intensive program,
0:26:26 we got pregnant again.
0:26:33 So I ended up graduating and finishing with a four-month-old.
0:26:35 I was pumping out my graduation.
0:26:39 It was the first time I had left my baby for any amount of time.
0:26:42 And it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
0:26:45 But I knew that I needed that for myself
0:26:47 and then to be able to help other people.
0:26:49 I love that for you.
0:26:51 I love the fact that you were able to do that
0:26:54 even with a young child.
0:26:57 And you’ve been able to grow your career so successfully.
0:26:59 Your podcast is very popular now.
0:27:02 You’ve got two books, so it’s awesome.
0:27:04 And you actually started as an entrepreneur
0:27:09 even before you started teaching other people about grief
0:27:10 and being an author.
0:27:13 You had a successful jewelry business,
0:27:15 but then you pivoted and you decided
0:27:17 you wanted to become an expert on grief.
0:27:20 So how did you decide to make that change?
0:27:22 What was the thought process behind that?
0:27:25 I’ve got a lot of entrepreneurs tuning in.
0:27:27 You are probably product-based entrepreneurs.
0:27:29 And what kind of differences did you see
0:27:31 between having a product-based business
0:27:34 to now having more of a personal brand business
0:27:35 and an audience-based business?
0:27:40 I had an audience during the time of my jewelry company.
0:27:45 And I still was writing to them through blog posts,
0:27:46 through Instagram.
0:27:48 We would do meetups in person.
0:27:50 I was speaking a lot.
0:27:54 And something that all product entrepreneurs know
0:27:56 is that it is a freaking grind.
0:28:00 You are grinding so hard to meet your bottom line.
0:28:02 We were doing shows all the time,
0:28:04 wholesale trade shows, holiday trade shows.
0:28:07 And when we moved to Nashville,
0:28:10 I reached this point where I was like,
0:28:13 this isn’t how I want to be spending the rest of my life.
0:28:15 I want to be writing.
0:28:17 And it’s really hard to be founder-CEO
0:28:21 of a product-based company that was on the trajectory
0:28:22 that we were on.
0:28:26 And then also be able to do the other work
0:28:28 that I really wanted to do.
0:28:31 And so I had to make some really difficult decisions.
0:28:33 But at the end of the day,
0:28:35 what I’ve always wanted is to help people.
0:28:38 So whether that was through jewelry
0:28:43 or now through writing and podcasting and my personal brand,
0:28:46 I knew that I had to make a pivot.
0:28:49 So I started writing more.
0:28:51 And my first step was getting a book agent,
0:28:53 which– and I’m such a believer.
0:28:56 And when you are in alignment with that next step,
0:29:00 sometimes things happen to help facilitate that step.
0:29:02 So once I made that decision,
0:29:05 I literally opened my inbox the next day.
0:29:09 And I had an email from one of the top literary agents
0:29:12 in the country asking me if I’d ever thought
0:29:14 about writing a book before.
0:29:20 And I was like, OK, if this isn’t my sign for the next step,
0:29:22 I don’t know what it’s going to be.
0:29:28 But there also was this grief of closing the chapter
0:29:30 on my jewelry business.
0:29:34 We were sold in large department stores like Hallmark.
0:29:39 And we had a large headquarters in downtown Phoenix.
0:29:42 And so that also meant I felt like I had to let other people
0:29:46 down because my course was changing.
0:29:51 But looking back, I can’t imagine not making that decision.
0:29:53 That was going to be my next question,
0:29:56 because there’s a lot of entrepreneurs out there tuning
0:29:59 in that might not have a business that either fits
0:30:02 their life goals, where they’re feeling burnt out.
0:30:04 They don’t even like working on their business anymore.
0:30:06 Or their business is just not successful.
0:30:08 It’s just not taking off.
0:30:09 99% of startups fail.
0:30:13 But a lot of entrepreneurs, we’ve got an ego where we feel
0:30:15 like, well, we already put it out to the world.
0:30:16 Everybody knows me for this.
0:30:19 What are people going to think if I shut it down?
0:30:23 I had a blog in my 20s that became really popular.
0:30:25 And I shut it down because I wanted to change paths.
0:30:27 I wanted to go into marketing and all this other stuff.
0:30:30 I wanted to go into corporate for a period of time.
0:30:31 And I’m an entrepreneur again.
0:30:32 I have a media company.
0:30:34 But I shut down my company.
0:30:38 And everybody who worked for me, at the time I had volunteers,
0:30:42 it was kind of a blog that I basically trained bloggers.
0:30:45 And we were all just young, just doing it for fun.
0:30:47 And so they were all mad at me.
0:30:48 And I lost all my friends.
0:30:50 And I felt a little ashamed.
0:30:53 But I could imagine being older and having a real company
0:30:57 with customers and products, that would be really hard.
0:31:02 So I guess, how did you get over the shame of starting a company
0:31:03 and shutting it down?
0:31:07 You know what’s interesting is that when you hit rock bottom
0:31:11 in your life, which for me was losing the kids,
0:31:15 there’s nowhere else to go but up.
0:31:18 And so I think that I was in a place in my life
0:31:23 where I was at such rock bottom that I just freaking didn’t care anymore.
0:31:28 And I had to do things to get the life back inside of me.
0:31:29 I had to.
0:31:33 I describe it as feeling like I was dead, but I was alive.
0:31:36 I was just a zombie through my life.
0:31:41 And so at that point, honestly, I don’t know if it’s a good thing,
0:31:43 but for that moment it was because I don’t know
0:31:46 what else would have forced me to do this.
0:31:49 But it was the only way for me.
0:31:50 And I had nothing to lose.
0:31:53 And I think a lot of times we get afraid of hitting rock bottom
0:31:57 or what if it doesn’t work out or what will I do?
0:32:01 And honestly, sometimes it’s the best thing
0:32:07 because you finally make decisions off of what you actually want
0:32:11 because you can’t lose anything more than you already have.
0:32:15 So that’s what that looked like for me.
0:32:19 And like I said, there was grief, there was sadness to it.
0:32:24 And I also started to feel excited about something again
0:32:26 for the first time in a long time.
0:32:29 And so I just kept following that feeling.
0:32:32 And I feel like for other people tuning in,
0:32:36 what I want them to understand is that nobody really cares that much.
0:32:40 We put all this pressure about what is everybody else going to think?
0:32:41 What are my friends going to think?
0:32:42 What is my family going to think?
0:32:45 Even people who are lawyers and doctors
0:32:47 and who don’t want to be lawyers and doctors anymore
0:32:49 who are so afraid of making a change.
0:32:51 It’s like, yes, it’s going to be hard in the moment.
0:32:54 But as soon as you figure out the next thing
0:32:57 and you’ve got the next thing to talk about and feel proud of,
0:32:59 no one’s even going to remember or care
0:33:02 if anything people are going to be inspired from you.
0:33:04 And it’s just getting over that initial hump.
0:33:06 Absolutely.
0:33:10 And I think we get scared of this idea of starting over.
0:33:11 I’ve put in so much time.
0:33:13 I’ve put in so much money, so much resources.
0:33:14 I don’t want to start over.
0:33:19 But that destroys our next step when we look at things like that.
0:33:20 You’re not starting over.
0:33:21 You can’t.
0:33:25 You have so much knowledge now that has gotten you to this place.
0:33:28 And so you get to now apply all of that into the next thing.
0:33:32 And I think the place where we fail the most as entrepreneurs
0:33:35 is we stay in the wrong place for too long
0:33:37 because our ego gets in the way of it.
0:33:41 And we miss out on really what could take off for us
0:33:46 and feel in just such alignment that would not only help us,
0:33:49 but other people to be able to serve others more
0:33:53 because we are on a path that actually is working.
0:33:58 And so that’s something now I actually help women
0:34:01 in their own clarity maps, in high-level entrepreneurs.
0:34:03 Because this is one of the things I love so much
0:34:06 is how do we help you pivot when you are in this season
0:34:08 of having no idea what to do next?
0:34:12 How do you find that clarity and the confidence
0:34:17 and the strategy to support it so that you can move forward?
0:34:19 This is a great segue to talk about your latest book.
0:34:22 So your first book was a memoir, it’s called Born to Shine.
0:34:24 And your next book is called I Am Here,
0:34:26 and that’s more designed to help others navigate
0:34:29 their own experiences of grief and trauma.
0:34:31 Clarity mapping is a big part of that.
0:34:33 Hopefully going to dive deep into that later on in the conversation.
0:34:37 But first, you say the biggest life lesson
0:34:41 that has come to your life has been the phrase of three simple words,
0:34:44 I Am Here, which is the title of your book.
0:34:46 Why are those words so meaningful to you?
0:34:50 They’re meaningful to me because for so long I didn’t want to be here.
0:34:56 And I did everything to try to avoid the feeling of being here,
0:34:59 whether that was numbing out with social media or food
0:35:02 or traveling or spending money or working too much
0:35:05 or being in bad relationships.
0:35:09 Whatever that thing was to distract me from the other pain
0:35:12 is what I latched onto.
0:35:15 And once I got to this point,
0:35:19 we were actually in Europe on one of our runaway escapades
0:35:21 of trying to escape it.
0:35:23 And I remember being in Milan
0:35:27 and next to me sat a mom and a daughter
0:35:28 and she had just lost her tooth.
0:35:33 And she was about the age of the daughter who we had lost
0:35:34 in the contested adoption.
0:35:38 And I remember watching the joy between the mother
0:35:40 and the daughter over this lost tooth.
0:35:43 And I just started sobbing.
0:35:46 Any composure I had left, it was gone.
0:35:50 I wanted those own moments with this human that I loved so much
0:35:52 that I knew I was never going to have again.
0:35:54 And so I remember I got up from my spot
0:35:59 and I started running towards this little apartment
0:36:00 that we were staying at.
0:36:04 And it was as if someone put a brick wall in front of me
0:36:10 and was like, “Stop. You can’t keep running like this.
0:36:12 You can’t. You have to face these feelings.”
0:36:16 And I probably look like a crazy American tourist,
0:36:17 which I totally was.
0:36:20 But in the middle of this square there,
0:36:24 I threw up my arms and I yelled, “I am here.
0:36:26 I am here.”
0:36:27 And I just started crying.
0:36:30 And I just, that became this mantra for me
0:36:34 that I still hold onto of, “I don’t want to run away anymore.
0:36:36 I want to be here. I am here.”
0:36:39 And so now what does that look like?
0:36:42 And how can I support myself to be able to get through these things
0:36:47 so that I don’t keep running away from this life that I’ve been given?
0:36:50 That’s a really powerful story.
0:36:53 I can just imagine you in the street just having that moment.
0:36:57 And then now, years later, you’ve written a book with that title
0:36:58 to try to help other people.
0:37:03 Do you feel like entrepreneurs deal with grief
0:37:06 and stress differently than other people?
0:37:10 Or do they have certain personality types
0:37:13 that enable them to get over things more quickly, potentially?
0:37:17 Something that is very common among entrepreneurs
0:37:22 is that they’re very high-achieving people they want to achieve.
0:37:26 And one of the ways that we can cope with grief
0:37:28 is called a maladaptive coping mechanism.
0:37:31 So there’s two types of mechanisms that we can use to cope.
0:37:34 Adaptive, which adaptive is something that is positive,
0:37:37 that actually helps your grief.
0:37:38 And the other is maladaptive,
0:37:40 meaning it’s not good for you,
0:37:42 but we do it anyway because we don’t know what else to do.
0:37:45 One of the maladaptive coping mechanisms
0:37:48 that a lot of us have and a lot of entrepreneurs have
0:37:51 is work and working too much.
0:37:55 And so I see a lot of entrepreneurs who throw themselves
0:37:59 even deeper into work to avoid their feelings.
0:38:01 And they can become really successful from doing that.
0:38:04 And it’s something that the world praises
0:38:07 and we look at as a huge success.
0:38:10 While meanwhile, there can be these layers of emotions
0:38:17 that are hurting them, that’s driving this really unsustainable work.
0:38:24 But that can make it really, really hard to get to this healing place.
0:38:27 Something else that’s really interesting that we know
0:38:29 is the difference between men and women,
0:38:31 the way that we move through grief.
0:38:34 So a lot of men, and obviously when I say this,
0:38:37 I’m not saying every man and every woman,
0:38:39 this is just an average across the board.
0:38:42 There’s going to be people who don’t fit into these buckets, of course.
0:38:48 But what we know about men is that men often throw themselves into work.
0:38:52 They talk less about how they are feeling
0:38:57 and they want to spend more time in the action of staying busy.
0:39:01 Whereas women, we want to talk about it.
0:39:04 We want you to sit and listen and we want to talk about it
0:39:07 because that’s our way of processing,
0:39:09 of retelling the story,
0:39:12 trying to help ourselves understand what has happened.
0:39:15 And so then if you are in a relationship
0:39:18 where both of you are grieving so differently from the other,
0:39:24 we can see a lot of marital or partnership conflict because of that.
0:39:29 So I don’t know if entrepreneurs,
0:39:33 if there’s a specific grief style for entrepreneurs,
0:39:34 but men and women for sure.
0:39:37 But then for the group of entrepreneurs
0:39:42 who we know just love the work and the achievement,
0:39:48 I would base my best guess on what I know about grief on,
0:39:52 they are probably a lot of them throwing themselves even deeper into work,
0:39:57 meaning that they are not facing what is actually going on in their life.
0:39:59 It’s a dangerous combination.
0:40:03 Yeah, and I can relate to that even for myself.
0:40:07 When I started my business, I started it in 2020.
0:40:11 And I started it while my dad was in the hospital battling COVID
0:40:13 and I wasn’t allowed to visit him.
0:40:15 And he passed away after a month in the hospital.
0:40:17 It was the most devastating thing.
0:40:20 I literally watched him die on Zoom
0:40:24 and wasn’t able to even see him until he passed away.
0:40:26 And it was very traumatic.
0:40:30 He was buried with his clothes on and his shoes on and his cell phone.
0:40:31 It was like just the most traumatic thing.
0:40:36 And for years, I just worked and worked and worked.
0:40:42 So I’m better now because I actually hired my business partner, Jason.
0:40:46 And now I’m able to just have a life and everything like that.
0:40:49 But for years, I really did just throw myself into work.
0:40:52 I’m so sorry to hear that.
0:40:54 I didn’t know about your father.
0:40:58 And you opening up about that is so beautiful and so hard.
0:41:04 And I think that where we are at now, going into 2025,
0:41:09 a lot of people aren’t realizing what happens around the fifth year of grief.
0:41:14 So if we go back to 2020, we all had these moments where we’re in a pandemic,
0:41:18 but then we’re all also experiencing these personal losses, the loss of your father,
0:41:24 the loss of my baby, the loss of what other people have gone through, right?
0:41:28 So then the past couple of years, we’re like, I don’t know how to cope
0:41:31 and no one is teaching me how to cope.
0:41:34 So I’m going to do what I think is going to help me best.
0:41:38 And because of my personality, because of what I want to build,
0:41:40 I’m going to throw myself into work.
0:41:43 And then you’re like, oh my gosh, this company I just started is doing well.
0:41:44 It’s growing.
0:41:45 It’s great.
0:41:49 And you can kind of run on that adrenaline high for a moment
0:41:56 until you start reaching these achievements that once the novelty of it starts wearing off,
0:42:02 you can find yourself in this place of, I accomplished what I wanted to.
0:42:06 I thought that this was going to feel differently than it does.
0:42:11 And that is a very common feeling that a lot of entrepreneurs find themselves in
0:42:14 is I won the award.
0:42:16 I hit the financial goal.
0:42:17 I have the growth of the company.
0:42:22 I thought that I was going to feel differently than this.
0:42:24 What is wrong?
0:42:31 And what is wrong is, is that we have this grief that can’t be pacified
0:42:36 by these external validations in our lives that we think are going to pacify them.
0:42:43 And so now as we head into 2025, which is five years after this major traumatic event
0:42:49 for most people in the world, year five is the year where you take a pause
0:42:55 and you start really looking around and being like, where do I fit into life right now?
0:42:58 And how do I want it to go moving forward?
0:43:02 It’s one of the first years that you really begin to take a breath
0:43:06 because there’s a little more time and space between now and then.
0:43:11 But as a result of that, a lot of emotions can start coming up
0:43:16 as you realize that your life has continued to move on.
0:43:21 But emotionally, parts of you still feel like they are stuck in the past.
0:43:24 And so so many people right now are burnt out.
0:43:26 They’re burnt out on work.
0:43:27 They don’t know what to do next.
0:43:32 And it’s because we never gave ourselves the opportunity to slow down
0:43:36 and sit with our grief for as long as we needed to.
0:43:38 It’s so true.
0:43:42 And it’s like so bittersweet because I’m so happy that I did all this.
0:43:45 My company is going to hit eight figures next year.
0:43:47 You know, like I built this crazy company.
0:43:49 Yeah, it’s amazing.
0:43:50 Thank you.
0:43:54 Like I built this awesome company and I have an awesome team and I love my life.
0:43:57 But to your point, there was a period of time where I was like,
0:44:01 I can’t just keep running on fumes and I need help.
0:44:02 I need a business partner.
0:44:05 I need to kind of delegate and have some balance
0:44:07 because you just can’t do that forever.
0:44:11 And I do think sacrifice is important, but you can’t do it forever.
0:44:13 Yeah, it’s not sustainable.
0:44:16 So then how do we create a sustainable way
0:44:20 where we can build what we want and love it
0:44:25 while also acknowledging what it is that we’ve been through
0:44:27 and what does that dance look like for my life
0:44:28 and what is it that I’m needing?
0:44:33 And part of that part of your gift of grief that probably came
0:44:37 was your ability to grow this company to what it is now.
0:44:43 But now part of what might come next is, okay, I’ve built this.
0:44:48 And so does that mean that there’s a little bit more of a buffer for me
0:44:51 to have some space and some resources
0:44:55 to really make sure that I’m filled up inside
0:45:00 so that my insides match all of my external accomplishments?
0:45:02 And that’s something that was really hard for me
0:45:04 over the past couple of years.
0:45:06 I remember I would tell my therapist,
0:45:08 I’m a huge advocate for therapy.
0:45:09 I’m like, everyone should have a therapist.
0:45:12 So I love talking about it to just help people
0:45:14 know it is so normal to go to therapy.
0:45:19 But something that I would often tell my therapist is my insides
0:45:21 don’t match my outsides.
0:45:22 Like what is happening around me?
0:45:25 What I have in my life is so beautiful.
0:45:31 But inside I feel like there’s this just chaotic exhaustion
0:45:36 that never goes away and it feels so out of alignment
0:45:39 with everything that I see externally in my life.
0:45:42 And I need those to start matching up with each other.
0:45:45 And so my hope is that going into 2025,
0:45:49 a lot of entrepreneurs are going to kind of hit this pause button
0:45:53 where we can all get a little bit more in alignment
0:45:55 so that our insides match our outsides.
0:45:58 But when that happens, moving forward,
0:46:02 we are able to serve and grow even exponentially
0:46:05 from what we’ve gotten to to this point
0:46:07 because we’re going to have the sustainability,
0:46:09 the internal resources to be able to do so.
0:46:13 We’ll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors.
0:46:17 Hello, young end-profiters.
0:46:20 Starting a small business means you’re wearing a lot of hats.
0:46:22 Your personal phone becomes your business phone
0:46:25 and before you know it, your juggling calls day and night.
0:46:26 And when I started the app,
0:46:29 I made the mistake of using my personal cell phone
0:46:31 to handle all business inquiries.
0:46:33 I had my business and personal mixed up
0:46:35 and it wasn’t good for my mental health.
0:46:37 That’s where OpenPhone comes in.
0:46:40 OpenPhone is the number one business phone system.
0:46:43 They’ll help you separate your personal life
0:46:44 from your growing business.
0:46:48 For just 15 bucks a month, the cost of a few coffees,
0:46:49 you’ll get complete visibility
0:46:52 into everything happening with your business phone number.
0:46:55 OpenPhone works through an app on your phone or your computer
0:46:59 and it can integrate with HubSpot and hundreds of other systems.
0:47:02 They use AI-powered call transcripts and summaries.
0:47:03 So basically what that means
0:47:06 is you get a summary of your phone call with action items
0:47:08 as soon as you hang up.
0:47:10 And if you miss a call, automated messages
0:47:12 are sent to your customer directly.
0:47:14 OpenPhone is awesome.
0:47:16 It’s affordable, it’s easy to use,
0:47:19 and whether you’re a solopreneur, one-person operation,
0:47:21 or you need help managing a team
0:47:23 with better tools for efficient collaboration,
0:47:27 OpenPhone is the solution for you.
0:47:30 And right now, OpenPhone is offering 20% off your first six months
0:47:33 when you go to openphone.com/profiting.
0:47:37 That’s O-P-E-N-P-H-O-N-E.com/profiting.
0:47:39 For 20% off six months.
0:47:42 And if you have an existing phone number with another service,
0:47:45 OpenPhone will port them over at no extra charge.
0:47:47 That’s openphone.com/profiting.
0:47:50 Yeah, fam, when I first started this podcast,
0:47:51 believe it or not,
0:47:54 I had an all-volunteer team to help me out.
0:47:55 But as my business took off,
0:47:58 I needed to hire a lot of new people and fast.
0:48:00 It soon became pretty overwhelming
0:48:03 because I had to sort through piles and piles of resumes,
0:48:05 conduct countless interviews,
0:48:06 and you know how it goes.
0:48:07 Hiring is a pain.
0:48:09 But then I discovered the easiest way
0:48:11 to hire the right people quickly.
0:48:13 I found Indeed.
0:48:15 When it comes to hiring, Indeed is all you need.
0:48:19 Stop struggling to get your job post seen on other job sites.
0:48:23 Indeed’s sponsored jobs helps you stand out and hire fast.
0:48:24 With sponsored jobs,
0:48:26 your post jumps to the top of the page
0:48:27 for your relevant candidates,
0:48:30 so you can reach the people you want faster.
0:48:32 It makes a huge difference.
0:48:33 According to Indeed data,
0:48:35 sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed
0:48:39 have 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs.
0:48:41 Plus, with Indeed’s sponsored jobs,
0:48:42 there’s no monthly subscriptions,
0:48:44 no long-term contracts,
0:48:46 and you only pay for results.
0:48:48 How fast is Indeed, you ask?
0:48:50 In the minute I’ve been talking to you,
0:48:51 23 hires were made on Indeed
0:48:54 according to Indeed data worldwide.
0:48:56 There’s no need to wait any longer.
0:48:58 Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed.
0:48:59 And listeners of this show
0:49:02 will get a $75 sponsored job credit
0:49:03 to get your jobs more visibility
0:49:06 at indeed.com/profiting.
0:49:08 Just go to indeed.com/profiting right now
0:49:09 and support our show
0:49:12 by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast.
0:49:14 Indeed.com/profiting.
0:49:16 Terms and conditions apply.
0:49:18 Hiring Indeed is all you need.
0:49:20 Hey, AppBam.
0:49:23 I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect red dress
0:49:26 because I’ll be speaking at Funnel Hacking Live
0:49:29 alongside Tony Robbins.
0:49:31 I’ll be speaking next to Tony Robbins,
0:49:33 yeah, bam, it is such a big deal for me.
0:49:35 It took a while to find exactly what I was looking for,
0:49:38 but I finally found the perfect dress.
0:49:42 And it was in my size on an overseas website.
0:49:43 Everything looked good.
0:49:44 The pricing was good.
0:49:46 And then I went back to check out
0:49:48 and the price was different.
0:49:50 It was jacked up.
0:49:52 And then I remembered NordVPN.
0:49:55 NordVPN for the rescue.
0:49:57 I could just switch servers,
0:49:58 refresh the page,
0:50:00 and just like that, the price dropped.
0:50:03 Turns out retailers can use your browsing history
0:50:06 or location to jack up the prices,
0:50:09 but NordVPN keeps them on track.
0:50:11 When it comes to finding the perfect outfit,
0:50:12 I don’t settle.
0:50:13 I want designer.
0:50:15 I want the best of the best.
0:50:16 And if you’re like me,
0:50:19 you need NordVPN to keep your credit card details safe,
0:50:22 whether you’re shopping on international websites
0:50:24 or using public Wi-Fi.
0:50:27 Don’t let sneaky pricing tactics or security risks
0:50:29 mess with your online shopping experience.
0:50:32 Get the best deal and get what you want.
0:50:34 To get the best discount off your NordVPN plan,
0:50:37 go to nordvpn.com/profiting.
0:50:39 Our link will also give you four extra months
0:50:40 on the two-year plan.
0:50:44 There’s no risk with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee.
0:50:46 The link is in the podcast episode description box
0:50:49 and that’s nordvpn.com/profiting.
0:50:55 So one of the things that you talk about in your book
0:50:57 is that we need to reframe our thoughts.
0:51:00 First, I want to get clarity on what thoughts actually are.
0:51:03 Do you mean our current beliefs and current thoughts
0:51:05 or are you talking about memories
0:51:07 or those two different things?
0:51:09 Talking about our current thoughts.
0:51:10 So what we know about our thoughts
0:51:13 is we have somewhere around 90,000 thoughts a day.
0:51:16 And out of those thoughts,
0:51:21 somewhere around 80, 85% are negative.
0:51:25 And the majority of those negative thoughts are reoccurring.
0:51:29 So then these negative reoccurring thoughts
0:51:31 that we have every single day
0:51:34 are creating this belief system, this internal world
0:51:36 where if we say, “I’m not good enough,”
0:51:41 or “I’m never going to get out of this situation,”
0:51:44 or “Man, I make stupid decisions,”
0:51:46 or “I don’t like how I look in the mirror.”
0:51:48 Whatever those stories are,
0:51:51 become truly what we believe about ourselves
0:51:53 and the world around us.
0:51:57 Now, of course, it is impossible
0:51:58 to live in an internal world
0:52:00 where we don’t have negative thoughts.
0:52:01 We’re human.
0:52:03 That’s part of how our brain works
0:52:04 is we assess danger
0:52:07 and we try to figure out where we fit into things
0:52:08 and how we feel about things
0:52:10 to try to keep ourselves safe.
0:52:14 But what we can do is start acknowledging those thoughts
0:52:16 and then start reframing them
0:52:19 so that we can create different habits
0:52:20 and thought patterns
0:52:24 that allow us to have a different internal world.
0:52:27 So for me, that’s one of the reasons
0:52:29 I started using “I am here”
0:52:31 because I was just conditioned to be like,
0:52:33 “I want to leave. How do I get out of here?
0:52:35 I want to escape. I want to escape.”
0:52:38 So then my belief had to come,
0:52:40 “I’m here. I’m here right now.
0:52:42 I’m safe to be here.”
0:52:46 That was then. This is now.
0:52:50 And really becoming your biggest advocate
0:52:53 for helping yourself reframe your thoughts.
0:52:57 So walk us through how we can keep tabs
0:52:58 on what are the negative thoughts
0:53:00 that we actually have
0:53:03 and then how do we uncover their positive roots.
0:53:05 I love this.
0:53:07 One thing that I always suggest
0:53:09 to my clients that I work with
0:53:12 is just for even if it’s an hour out of your day,
0:53:13 a whole day would be amazing.
0:53:15 But even if you only had an hour,
0:53:17 take out the notes up on your phone
0:53:19 or have just a little journal with you
0:53:21 and any time you notice
0:53:24 that you have a negative thought come into your head,
0:53:25 I just want you to write it down.
0:53:28 And I don’t want you to have any judgment on it.
0:53:30 I don’t want you to judge your thoughts, right?
0:53:32 Because then we can get into the cycle of,
0:53:34 “Oh my gosh. I’m so dumb for thinking that.”
0:53:35 Or, “What’s wrong with me?”
0:53:39 Or, “No, we’re just going to be observers
0:53:41 of the thoughts that are going through our head.”
0:53:43 And once we have all of those down,
0:53:46 what I like to then do
0:53:49 is try to get to the root of where those thoughts came from.
0:53:52 A lot of times thoughts that we have right now
0:53:56 came from things that we heard when we were little,
0:53:59 things we began to believe about ourselves
0:54:01 from when we were really small.
0:54:04 Sometimes the origin of the thought
0:54:05 doesn’t even come from us.
0:54:08 So if you’re able to sit with it
0:54:11 and really be able to go back to the first time
0:54:13 that you can remember hearing it
0:54:15 or feeling it or thinking it,
0:54:19 a lot of times you can bridge that gap
0:54:23 and realize that that did not even come from you.
0:54:25 So once we do that,
0:54:28 being able to sit with,
0:54:30 “Okay, this is what I believe,
0:54:34 but this is what I would like to believe instead.
0:54:36 This is my current thought,
0:54:40 but this is what I would like to believe instead.”
0:54:42 And I keep it as simple as that
0:54:46 and as gentle as that as we are working through these
0:54:48 and being able to write down
0:54:51 what we would like to believe instead.
0:54:53 Then being able to be mindful,
0:54:56 whether it’s then the next hour after that,
0:54:58 after you have the thought come in,
0:55:00 whether it’s, “I’m not good enough.”
0:55:02 Being able to call it out,
0:55:05 “Okay, I understand that right now,
0:55:07 I’m believing I’m not good enough.”
0:55:08 And I acknowledge that.
0:55:11 But what I would really like to believe instead
0:55:14 is X, Y, and Z.
0:55:17 And that helps us create a pattern
0:55:20 where we can help ourselves get out of this routine
0:55:22 of having these thoughts
0:55:24 that we don’t even realize are happening.
0:55:27 And we can stop them and call them out.
0:55:28 And then we just gently tell ourselves
0:55:30 what we would like to believe instead
0:55:33 so that that becomes something that we begin
0:55:34 to start thinking about.
0:55:35 Does it take time?
0:55:36 Of course it does.
0:55:40 But after those two hours,
0:55:42 I promise you you are going to experience
0:55:43 a shift in feelings
0:55:47 that you might not have felt for a really long time
0:55:50 and uncover thoughts
0:55:53 that you might not even know that you have.
0:55:55 Like you can reach the end of the day.
0:55:56 Sometimes a lot of my clients
0:55:59 be like, “I don’t know why I feel this bad.
0:56:00 I just do.
0:56:01 I don’t know where it comes from.
0:56:05 I don’t know why I feel so lost
0:56:07 in the roles in my life.”
0:56:08 And we do this exercise.
0:56:11 And after an hour of them writing down
0:56:13 everything they’ve been thinking,
0:56:15 they’re like, “I didn’t realize
0:56:17 that I’m so hard on myself.
0:56:19 I didn’t realize that these are the things
0:56:21 I’m consistently telling myself.”
0:56:23 So that’s a really good place to start.
0:56:29 And are there common thoughts that people have
0:56:31 and what would be the positive reframing
0:56:33 just so people have examples?
0:56:36 One that is really common
0:56:40 that I would argue the majority of people struggle with
0:56:44 is I’m not enough or I’m not good enough.
0:56:47 So for that one,
0:56:50 it’s really important for us to do some work
0:56:51 on where did this come from?
0:56:54 When did I start feeling this way?
0:56:56 Why did I start feeling this way?
0:56:58 Did it come from me?
0:57:01 Is this something I picked up on from someone else?
0:57:03 And then being able to answer the question,
0:57:06 well, what would it even mean to be good enough?
0:57:10 And what areas of my life do I feel like
0:57:13 I’m not good enough that I can begin to focus on?
0:57:17 So one of the ways that I like to reframe
0:57:19 I’m not good enough is I am enough
0:57:24 for all of the needs that my life has of me in this moment.
0:57:27 I am enough to take care of all of the needs
0:57:30 that my life has for me in this moment.
0:57:33 And again, being able to find evidence,
0:57:36 something about our brains that I think is really cool
0:57:38 is that our brains look for evidence
0:57:40 that what we are doing is working.
0:57:42 That’s why journaling can be so powerful
0:57:45 because we need to see something is written down.
0:57:47 So when we write down our thoughts
0:57:49 and then what we would like to believe instead
0:57:53 but then kind of keep a log to see our progress of,
0:57:57 oh my gosh, today I only thought about this 10 times
0:58:01 instead of 20 or whatever that is, it signals to our brain,
0:58:02 hey, this thing is working.
0:58:05 This is a good path for us to continue to go down,
0:58:09 which is another reason why I recommend writing things down.
0:58:11 Another one that’s really common is anger.
0:58:14 And anger can show up in a lot of ways in our lives,
0:58:15 especially when you’re grieving
0:58:19 because anger is easier to feel than sadness.
0:58:25 A lot of times anger is a mask for sadness
0:58:27 because we’re too afraid to feel sad
0:58:30 or we haven’t been taught or culturally,
0:58:34 as some people aren’t allowed to show their emotions
0:58:36 or men versus women with gender
0:58:39 and what’s expected of us in the society.
0:58:44 Anger can be something that masks a lot of other feelings.
0:58:47 So something that I always think about with anger
0:58:52 is what do I love so much that I’m trying to protect
0:58:56 that is making me so angry right now
0:58:59 because I feel like I’ve lost control of it?
0:59:04 So for that one, I think that a lot of times
0:59:07 the root for anger is actually love.
0:59:12 I’m angry that I lost my kids because I love them so much.
0:59:16 I’m angry that this person hurt you
0:59:20 because I have deep respect for you as a human being.
0:59:23 Whatever that is, a lot of times it goes back to love.
0:59:26 So if I can start reframing my anger,
0:59:28 allow myself to feel it,
0:59:31 but then understand it’s coming from a place of love.
0:59:34 How then can I fuel that love?
0:59:36 Anger is needing action.
0:59:39 It’s signaling to us that there are alarm bells going off.
0:59:41 We want to be in control of something
0:59:42 that we don’t have control of.
0:59:46 So then how can we take control to bring action to it?
0:59:50 Who do you love? What do you love that’s causing the anger?
0:59:52 And then how can you show up for them?
0:59:54 Or how can you be a part of that cause?
0:59:57 Or how can you use your voice to help them?
1:00:01 So helping do that can help shift our anger
1:00:04 to actually have action behind it.
1:00:05 That’s so good.
1:00:07 So basically whenever you’re angry,
1:00:09 there’s actually something that you love
1:00:12 and you’re really passionate about behind that.
1:00:15 If you can figure that out and lean into the love part
1:00:18 instead of the anger part, that’s really great.
1:00:20 Yeah. And sometimes though,
1:00:22 healing requires you to get pissed, right?
1:00:25 There are people who probably have wronged you
1:00:28 and you have every reason to be upset at it.
1:00:31 You have every reason to just be so pissed off.
1:00:34 And so I say, let yourself be pissed off.
1:00:38 But at some point that has to move through you,
1:00:43 otherwise the one who becomes the most affected by it is you.
1:00:46 And sometimes it’s a love for yourself, right?
1:00:49 So it might be just pouring into yourself
1:00:50 because you love yourself.
1:00:51 How about trauma?
1:00:55 How do you reframe thoughts and memories related to trauma?
1:01:00 I want to first explain the difference between grief and trauma
1:01:01 just so that everyone’s on the same page.
1:01:07 So you can experience grief without experiencing trauma.
1:01:09 So you can have grief, but there’s no trauma attached to it.
1:01:13 But all trauma has grief attached to it.
1:01:14 Does that make sense?
1:01:17 Kind of. How do you experience grief with no trauma?
1:01:18 Like, what’s an example?
1:01:22 So me and you could go through the exact same situation.
1:01:25 Let’s say we were at the exact same event
1:01:27 and something really bad happened.
1:01:30 Based off of my life experiences,
1:01:34 how I’m wired psychologically, my previous trauma,
1:01:38 my previous grief, that event could be something
1:01:40 that completely traumatized me.
1:01:44 Whereas perhaps that event didn’t traumatize you at all,
1:01:46 but just gave you grief.
1:01:51 So a person can go through the same exact thing,
1:01:55 but not have trauma while the other person does have trauma.
1:01:58 And so there’s no definition of,
1:01:59 well, this is what trauma is.
1:02:01 This is what it isn’t.
1:02:02 It’s your reaction.
1:02:05 Trauma is your reaction to an event.
1:02:08 So as you’re trying to process through trauma,
1:02:10 we all need different things.
1:02:14 And this is where I say you need the help of a professional.
1:02:18 Because so often our brains are like,
1:02:21 if you broke your arm right now, where would you go?
1:02:22 The hospital.
1:02:24 You go to the hospital, like no question.
1:02:26 I’m gonna go to the hospital.
1:02:31 Well, if your brain is feeling this brokenness
1:02:34 because of trauma, so often we feel shame
1:02:36 and we don’t get help.
1:02:39 But we should also be going to a professional
1:02:43 that knows how to help us be able to heal our brains.
1:02:45 So there’s things like EMDR,
1:02:48 which literally helps you heal your brain.
1:02:52 There’s psychiatrists, there’s support groups,
1:02:58 there’s places where you can feel safe to go get that help.
1:03:01 Because it is really difficult to get through trauma
1:03:06 on your own and a lot of times it’s so hard to
1:03:09 that it carries with you throughout your whole life.
1:03:12 I think right now a lot of people at least online
1:03:15 have been starting to talk more about generational trauma
1:03:18 and why things are passed down
1:03:20 from one generation to the next.
1:03:24 And it’s because trauma literally physically changes your DNA.
1:03:28 And when no one is taking a breath to be like,
1:03:31 I want this to end with me or how do I heal?
1:03:35 Continues to be passed down through habits,
1:03:36 through our reactions,
1:03:40 through what we then teach our children,
1:03:42 how we treat them.
1:03:46 And so I always recommend professional help for trauma.
1:03:47 Makes sense.
1:03:50 And I agree, I think it’s really important for everyone
1:03:52 to try to heal themselves,
1:03:54 especially in this fifth year, like you were saying,
1:03:57 we all went through stuff in 2020.
1:03:58 And by the time this airs,
1:04:00 it’s going to be right at the start of the year.
1:04:04 So it’s a perfect time to start thinking about this.
1:04:08 So something else that you talk about in your book is fear.
1:04:11 Fear is something that I think a lot of entrepreneurs
1:04:16 go through, especially we work in very uncertain areas.
1:04:19 Most of the time we don’t really know what’s going to happen next.
1:04:20 So how do we reframe fear?
1:04:22 What do we need to know about that?
1:04:26 I don’t know about you, but for me in entrepreneurship,
1:04:30 fear can show up in so many different ways.
1:04:35 But I realize I’m not actually afraid of that thing happening.
1:04:38 I’m afraid of something totally unrelated,
1:04:43 but I have attached fear as the label to the current problem
1:04:48 because it’s masking something else that I just haven’t dealt with.
1:04:53 One of the ways, though, that can help us reframe fear
1:04:56 is by doing the thing that we’re afraid of.
1:05:01 Our anxiety doesn’t go away when we avoid the things that we’re anxious about.
1:05:07 Our fear doesn’t go away when we avoid doing the things that we are fearful of.
1:05:09 In fact, it just continues to feed it.
1:05:14 So a lot of times we need proof,
1:05:17 our brains need proof that it’s not something we need to be afraid of,
1:05:21 and we need confidence that it’s something that we can handle
1:05:25 or walk through or that if things really do go south,
1:05:30 I have confidence in myself that I’m still going to be able to figure it out
1:05:31 because that’s what life is, right?
1:05:35 No one’s life goes exactly according to plan.
1:05:36 That’s not what life is.
1:05:38 It’s what we want it to be.
1:05:45 But then when we find ourselves shying away from doing what we really want to be doing
1:05:51 or really leaning into the areas of our lives that we know would light us up,
1:05:58 but we are afraid of it not working out or us doing it wrong or losing everything,
1:06:00 that fear just keeps getting bigger.
1:06:03 So the only way that we can start reframing that
1:06:07 is by taking action on the things that we’re afraid of.
1:06:12 And when it comes to action, a lot of people are afraid of failure,
1:06:15 but as we all know, failure and growth kind of go hand in hand.
1:06:17 You have this awesome quote.
1:06:21 “You talk about dirt as a fine place to start growing.”
1:06:22 I love that.
1:06:24 So can you elaborate on what you mean by that?
1:06:28 I think that so many of us were afraid of getting knocked down.
1:06:31 We’re afraid of falling flat on our faces.
1:06:36 But it is in that dirt when your nose hits the ground,
1:06:40 the only way back is up.
1:06:49 And a lot of times that is the best place for us to be able to really start our growing journey.
1:06:55 I cannot think of one entrepreneur who has not experienced a significant setback
1:07:02 or failure that then also helped them lead to the next steps of their career.
1:07:11 How could you expect to know exactly what to do if you never learned what not to do
1:07:13 or if you never learned what didn’t work?
1:07:16 Of course, we have to fail.
1:07:18 And no one wants to feel it.
1:07:24 But it’s also in those moments where we can really get a jump start on,
1:07:27 “Okay, I figured this out the hard way.
1:07:33 And now I’m going to do X, Y, and Z and have a clearer path forward this way.”
1:07:39 Honestly, I feel like people who are willing to fail, they’re just so much smarter.
1:07:44 I meet so many people and the most successful people that I know just go for things.
1:07:47 And they do it and it fails and it works and it doesn’t work.
1:07:48 And they just keep trying and trying and trying.
1:07:53 And then they just get so much experience and they’re such a well-rounded, skilled person.
1:07:58 And then you’ve got other people who are just afraid of making any sort of change.
1:08:03 They stay in the same sort of mundane job where they don’t learn anything new and then they’re stuck.
1:08:06 And they don’t really move in life.
1:08:14 And they stay stuck and then the next year, because I hear from a lot of women who are like,
1:08:17 “I feel stuck here, but I don’t know what to do, so I’m just going to stay here.”
1:08:22 And then a year goes by and you still feel that feeling.
1:08:28 And to me, that’s way more uncomfortable than trying something that doesn’t work out
1:08:33 so that then I can find something that does rather than feeling like I’m on this hamster wheel
1:08:37 that’s not getting me anywhere and I know what’s not getting me anywhere.
1:08:44 I would much rather be the person that fails a million times to figure out where I actually
1:08:51 really want to be than the one who just feels like I’m stuck on Groundhog’s Day
1:08:52 every day that I wake up.
1:08:53 Totally.
1:08:56 And so I think a great way to close out this interview,
1:09:00 which also ties to what we’re just saying, which is figuring out what you want to do with your life,
1:09:03 is learning how to do a clarity map, which you talk about in your book.
1:09:07 So first off, tell us about the five daily questions.
1:09:11 You mentioned that you have five daily questions that you came up with years ago.
1:09:17 What are these questions and how do they help us identify what matters before we move on to the next step?
1:09:22 So the five questions you can do in as little amount of time or as much time as you want
1:09:23 every single morning.
1:09:27 So the very first one is, what is my intention today?
1:09:30 The second one is, why am I worthy?
1:09:34 There are so many of us who, when things are going good in our lives,
1:09:39 we can start sabotaging ourselves because we feel like we’re not deserving of it.
1:09:42 We are afraid of life feeling good again.
1:09:43 We’re not good enough to receive it.
1:09:49 And so being able to sit with, why am I worthy for this is actually really helpful to allow yourself
1:09:53 to keep moving forward in a positive way in your life.
1:09:55 The third question is, who can I serve today?
1:09:58 Sometimes it’s going to be yourself.
1:10:03 This is a really good place to check in of, are there needs that I’m not meeting for myself?
1:10:05 Or how are my employees today?
1:10:09 How is that stranger behind me in the grocery store doing?
1:10:10 What about my partner?
1:10:12 When’s the last time that we had to check in?
1:10:15 That’s a really beautiful place to figure that out.
1:10:20 The next one is, what can I set down today or what can I let go of?
1:10:26 You guys, we carry so much heaviness throughout our day, whether that’s the fear,
1:10:31 whether that’s a responsibility for something that is completely off out of our hands,
1:10:36 whether that’s sadness for something that we can’t control.
1:10:41 But what can you just set down for that day so that you have energy to do these other things?
1:10:48 And then the very last question is, how does the truest version of me show up today?
1:10:53 I used to ask myself, how does the best version of me show up today?
1:10:56 But then I realized I would change my answer based off of, well,
1:10:59 what is the best version of a mom?
1:11:01 Or what’s the best version of an employer?
1:11:03 Or what’s the best version of a partner?
1:11:08 And I realized my answers were based off of what I thought other people needed and wanted from me.
1:11:16 So I changed it and I now ask, who is the truest version of me today so that I can show up
1:11:23 as her and lead from that place of authenticity and give the world who I am
1:11:26 instead of letting the world dictate who I am.
1:11:29 So those are the five questions I start with.
1:11:31 Love that.
1:11:35 So as we close out this interview, what should we be doing when it comes to making
1:11:40 lasting change and working through grief, depression, trauma, loneliness?
1:11:41 I love this.
1:11:43 This is one of my very favorite things.
1:11:48 I set intentions and I base my year and how I’m going to move forward
1:11:51 based off of how I want to feel inside.
1:11:55 And a lot of us haven’t checked in internally for a long time.
1:11:57 Like, how do I actually want to feel?
1:11:59 Do I want more peace in my life?
1:12:00 Do I want more clarity?
1:12:04 Do I want to feel like love is driving my decisions?
1:12:05 What is that feeling?
1:12:11 And I write that on a piece of paper and then around that I draw four boxes for the different
1:12:20 areas of my life for emotional development, spiritual development, finances or business,
1:12:22 and then my relationships.
1:12:28 And in those four boxes, I then set intentions for each of those four categories
1:12:34 that match my overall life intention so that I can have a strategy in those four life
1:12:40 areas to move forward in a way that’s going to support how I am feeling right now in my life.
1:12:44 And if that’s something you want more of, we do a challenge about it.
1:12:48 I talk more about it in my book and in my podcast, but check in with your feelings
1:12:55 and then map out a life that supports your feelings instead of starting with your goals.
1:12:59 And that will help you feel more fulfilled once you bring everything to life.
1:13:01 That’s great advice.
1:13:03 I think that’s fantastic.
1:13:06 So really just focusing on your intentions, not your goals.
1:13:10 So Ashley, I had such a great conversation with you today.
1:13:13 I end my show with two questions that I ask all of my guests.
1:13:16 The first one is, what is one actionable thing our young and
1:13:19 profitors can do today to become more profitable tomorrow?
1:13:22 Ooh, this is such a good one.
1:13:24 I would say invest in your mental health.
1:13:32 There’s that return of being able to really understand who you are and why you are,
1:13:37 how you are, is going to profit you more than anything else in the long run and
1:13:39 help you build a sustainable business.
1:13:43 And this one can go beyond business and finance.
1:13:46 What is your secret to profiting in life?
1:13:50 Wow, this is a good one.
1:13:53 Okay, I’m like, what is my secret to profiting in life?
1:13:58 My secret is to create peace as my priority.
1:14:01 We didn’t get to talk about this.
1:14:02 This is so important.
1:14:08 Yeah, being able to live with peace as my decision maker and as the feeling that
1:14:14 surrounds me, that has allowed me to profit in every area of my life more than
1:14:17 anything else that I have ever tried to do.
1:14:23 And so I base every decision off of, is this going to invite peace in my life?
1:14:28 Or is it going to be something that prevents me from feeling peace?
1:14:35 And that’s the thing, is pursuing peace to have a profitable life in all of the
1:14:37 areas that you want to feel it in.
1:14:41 And when you say peace, because I didn’t get a chance to ask you about this,
1:14:45 and I actually really love this, when you say peace, what is peace to you?
1:14:49 Peace to me is the feeling that can’t be bought.
1:14:52 It can’t be mimicked by anything else.
1:14:55 It can’t be something that someone else gives you.
1:15:04 Peace is this internal feeling that comes when you are in alignment with your life,
1:15:09 with who you believe your higher power to be.
1:15:16 And when you are able to make decisions that invite in more peace,
1:15:22 whether that is setting types of boundaries or whether that is letting things go that
1:15:27 make you kind of feel chained, peace to me feels a lot like freedom.
1:15:32 And there’s a lot of things that can chain us that make us lose it,
1:15:38 whether that’s we feel chained to our job or to social media or to comparison
1:15:46 or to toxic relationships or to these habits we just can’t get out of the cycle of doing because
1:15:50 they’ve just become a part of who we are because that’s what helped us cope for a long time,
1:15:52 but now it’s not serving us anymore.
1:15:57 There’s so many chains in our life that we can have that prevent us from experiencing more peace.
1:16:07 And so to me, peace is something that you cannot receive from any other outside source or thing.
1:16:12 So good. I feel like that’s my favorite advice from the whole episode.
1:16:17 That whole conversation was amazing, but that really spoke to me in terms of
1:16:21 making decisions based on what brings you peace and not.
1:16:24 Is this going to bring me peace or is this going to make me feel unaligned?
1:16:26 And it’s so simple.
1:16:33 It’s so simple. And honestly, you can make faster decisions and decisions that support you more
1:16:40 based off of that answer of doing the gut check of, is this going to bring me peace or not?
1:16:44 And that’s how I base every decision now, and it’s changed my life and my business
1:16:46 and my family’s life.
1:16:47 Yeah, I love that.
1:16:49 Ashley, this has been amazing.
1:16:51 Where can everybody learn more about you and everything that you do?
1:16:54 Gosh, thank you so much, first of all, for having me.
1:16:57 And I would love to meet all of your young and proffereders.
1:17:00 You can come find me on Instagram @ashleykailamu.
1:17:03 We love hanging out over there every day.
1:17:05 You can also come and listen to my podcast.
1:17:06 It’s called Healing Her.
1:17:10 And if you are wanting more support on your journey,
1:17:14 you can go to my website to see what that looks like at AshleyLamu.com.
1:17:16 Amazing.
1:17:19 Ashley, thank you so much for joining us on Young and Profiting Podcast.
1:17:21 Thanks for having me.
1:17:26 Yeah, bam.
1:17:31 Well, that was such a deep and therapeutic episode with Ashley.
1:17:34 And I think a lot of entrepreneurs, including yours truly,
1:17:39 handle grief and stress by sinking our energies deeper into our work.
1:17:40 And it might work for a while.
1:17:45 You may even grow your company, hit your targets, achieve some great things.
1:17:48 But still, such a strategy is not sustainable.
1:17:49 We all know that.
1:17:53 And we are really only delaying coming to terms with our pain and fear.
1:17:58 As Ashley put it, grief can only be pacified by work or achievement.
1:18:01 And at some point, you’re going to have to confront that grief
1:18:04 and give yourself the space to sit with it.
1:18:09 You can’t run a business on fumes or by running away from your own problems.
1:18:13 But one of the good things about success is that it can be a wonderful buffer.
1:18:17 Having resources should give you the time and space you need to ensure
1:18:20 that your internal development matches your external achievements.
1:18:23 You just need to eventually take that time.
1:18:25 And once you do take that time,
1:18:28 you can start observing your own thoughts and reframing the negative ones
1:18:30 to be less impactful.
1:18:33 You can be open about your own anger and frustrations
1:18:35 and even find a silver lining there.
1:18:39 Remember that a lot of our anger comes from a place of passion and love.
1:18:41 And you just have to figure out how to lean
1:18:44 into the more constructive power of that passion.
1:18:48 And sometimes this also means coming to terms with our failures,
1:18:52 realizing that we’ve hit rock bottom and need to start over.
1:18:55 I really believe that the best entrepreneurs have to fall flat on our faces
1:18:58 from time to time in order to really succeed.
1:19:01 But when you do, just remember that, like Ashley said,
1:19:04 the dirt is a fine place to start growing.
1:19:08 Thanks for listening to this episode of Young and Profiting Podcast.
1:19:11 If you listen learned and profited from this conversation
1:19:13 with the insightful Ashley Lemieux,
1:19:17 then please help us grow it by sharing with somebody that you know.
1:19:19 And if you enjoyed the show and you learned something,
1:19:22 then drop us a five star review on Apple, Spotify, Cast Box,
1:19:24 wherever you listen to the show.
1:19:25 I want to hear from you.
1:19:27 I love to read your reviews.
1:19:30 I read them every single day, and it makes me so happy to see them.
1:19:33 So drop us a review if you listen to the show.
1:19:37 If you’re new to the show, maybe you found me from Funnel Hacking Live,
1:19:38 and now you’re following the show.
1:19:39 Welcome to the YAP BAM.
1:19:43 I’m so happy to have you guys as new subscribers.
1:19:45 And if you prefer to watch your podcasts
1:19:47 and you like watching your podcasts on YouTube,
1:19:48 all of our videos are on YouTube.
1:19:50 I do everything on video.
1:19:52 I’ve got a lot more in-person content.
1:19:55 I just interviewed Mel Robbins in person, Gary Vee in person.
1:19:57 So all that is on there.
1:20:00 You can also find me on Instagram @yapwithhalla or LinkedIn.
1:20:02 Just search my name, Hala Taha.
1:20:06 I of course want to give a big shout out to my YAP production team.
1:20:08 I have an agency, YAP Media,
1:20:10 and I’ve got the best team in the world.
1:20:12 Thank you guys for all your hard work.
1:20:14 This is your host, Hala Taha,
1:20:16 aka the Podcast Princess, signing off.
1:20:20 [MUSIC PLAYING]
1:20:23 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
1:20:26 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
1:20:30 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
1:20:40 [BLANK_AUDIO]