Financial Expert: Passive Income Is A Scam! Post-Traumatic Broke Syndrome Is Controlling Millions!

0:00:04 People talk a lot about passive income, which is not a thing. Look, there’s two ways to get wealthier
0:00:09 and passive income is not part of that equation. But what’s really important for people is how we
0:00:12 should spend money because I’ve written about money and finance and investing for 20 years.
0:00:16 And I can tell you the correlation between how much you spend and how happy you are.
0:00:21 It can exist, but it is not as simple as you think. Morgan Housel is the legendary financial
0:00:26 guru, revealing that everything we’ve been told about saving and spending money could be our
0:00:31 biggest downfall. And here’s why. If you’re unhappy with your life, it is a very easy assumption to
0:00:35 make that if you had more money, a bigger house, a better car, whatever it might be, things would be
0:00:40 better. And it’s a lie we tell ourselves, of course, because here’s the truth. So much of spending is a
0:00:44 psychological itch that you’re trying to scratch. And that manifests in so many different ways. For
0:00:48 example, life is a competition. It doesn’t matter how well I’m doing. It matters how well I’m doing
0:00:53 relative to you. And the most tangible way to do that is the material stuff. I was reading some funny
0:00:57 stats. They say that if you win the lottery, the probability of your neighbor going bankrupt
0:01:03 increases. It’s an amazing statistic. So be careful who you socialize with, because you’re going to
0:01:07 anchor to them as a baseline level of success and happiness. So is it wrong to buy a Rolex?
0:01:11 Absolutely not. But when it’s controlling your personality, it’s no different than any other
0:01:14 addiction where it’s forcing you to do things that you otherwise don’t want to do.
0:01:17 What about people who don’t seem to spend anything?
0:01:21 It’s just as dangerous. Like there’s something called post-traumatic broke syndrome. And I’ll talk
0:01:25 about that. But I guarantee you that everyone can spend money in a way that’s going to make
0:01:29 them happier. So if I wanted to make a framework to know how to spend my money, where do I start?
0:01:33 But also, based on everything you know about money, if I want to get complete financial freedom,
0:01:35 what’s the five things that I should be thinking about?
0:01:38 The first thing that I think that’s most important is…
0:01:44 I find it incredibly fascinating that when we look at the back end of Spotify and Apple and
0:01:49 our audio channels, the majority of people that watch this podcast haven’t yet hit the follow
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0:01:57 with you. If you could do me a huge favor and hit that subscribe button, I will work tirelessly
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0:02:13 love. If you could do me that small favor and hit the follow button, wherever you’re listening to
0:02:17 this, that would mean the world to me. That is the only favor I will ever ask you. Thank you so much
0:02:19 for your time. Back to this episode.
0:02:29 Morgan. Everybody loves to talk about investing. They love to talk about saving money. But I’ve never
0:02:35 heard anybody emphasize the importance of spending money. You’ve written this book, The Art of
0:02:41 Spending. So it begs the question, why would someone like you, who sells tens of millions
0:02:46 of copies of their books when they write about something and really, really cares about the art
0:02:51 of writing, commit themselves to writing a book about the art of spending when you couldn’t, when you
0:02:55 could have written anything that you wanted to and it would have been a success. So I’ve written about
0:03:03 money and finance and investing for 20 years and almost never had I myself said, what is my spending
0:03:07 philosophy? I could tell you how I invest. I can tell you how I save. I could tell you why I do those
0:03:11 things. If five years ago, if you said, Morgan, tell me your philosophy about spending in your own life,
0:03:16 I’d be like, I don’t really know. And as I looked into it, there are literally tens of thousands of
0:03:22 books on how to invest, how to grow your money, how to get rich, how to help your career. That top,
0:03:29 that topic is endless. There is virtually no book out there written about spending money. And I think
0:03:34 the reason why is because we don’t, I think we intuitively think nothing needs to be said because
0:03:39 the answer should be obvious. More is better. Fancier is better. That’s the end of the topic.
0:03:43 But if you know, particularly wealthier people, I mean, it affects everybody, but particularly
0:03:49 wealthier people, you know, it’s not that simple. That the correlation between how much you spend and how
0:03:54 happy you are, it can exist. Everyone can spend money in a way it’s going to make them happier,
0:04:00 but it is not as simple as you think. And as I started digging into it in my own life of when
0:04:05 have I been envious of other people, of their material possessions? Why was I envious? Why,
0:04:10 when have I been jealous? Why was I jealous? What kind of spending made me happy? What left me
0:04:17 completely flat? It’s a much more complicated topic than it seems at the surface. You know, another title
0:04:20 for the book could have been the psychology of spending money because that’s what this is.
0:04:26 So it’s a look at the psychology of greed and envy and social aspiration and like climbing the social
0:04:31 ladder, who you’re trying to impress, whether those people are paying any attention to you. That’s what
0:04:37 this book is. So for someone like me who wants to improve my relationship with spending, I guess the
0:04:44 question, yeah, I guess the first question is understanding the art of spending money, simple
0:04:48 choices for a rich, what is it going to do for me? How is it going to make my life better to understand
0:04:51 this? Why does it matter to the person that’s listening right now?
0:04:56 I think it is a very easy assumption to make if you’re unhappy with your life, that if you had more
0:05:01 money, those problems would go away. Sometimes it can be true. It’s not automatically false. It’s just
0:05:08 easier to assume that that’s true than it actually is. And so I guarantee you that every single person
0:05:13 listening to this right now has some degree of that. If I had a little bit more money, my problems
0:05:18 would go away, even if they don’t necessarily know it or not. So much of spending is a psychological
0:05:23 exercise. There’s an itch that you’re trying to scratch, and that manifests in so many different
0:05:28 ways. And so I’ve often thought of money, look, is money the root of society, the core of society?
0:05:33 No, there’s obviously a million things more important than money. But I do think it’s the
0:05:38 clearest window that we can look through to try to figure out what’s going on in our own lives and
0:05:44 other people’s lives in society. It shows very starkly what people value, what they’re scared of,
0:05:49 what they’re aspiring to become. There are many more elements to the puzzle. Your health, your friends,
0:05:53 your family, we can go on that forever. But money is a very clear window that if you see how somebody
0:05:58 engages with money, you’re like, oh, I understand your insecurities. I understand your
0:06:01 aspirations. I understand your self-confidence. I understand what you think of other people.
0:06:02 You can learn a lot about that.
0:06:05 It’s kind of like a reflection of your trauma.
0:06:11 Yes. And it manifests in very different ways. There’s a great financial writer named Tiffany
0:06:18 Aliche. And she grew up very, very poor. And now she’s extremely successful. And she calls it
0:06:22 post-traumatic broke syndrome, where even though she has a lot of money right now,
0:06:26 she, I don’t want to put words in her mouth. My understanding is like, she’s, she’s afraid to
0:06:31 spend it because she’s, the feeling in her head is I will never go back to that. I can’t ever go back
0:06:36 to that poor person, post-traumatic broke. And so it can manifest in very different, sometimes opposite
0:06:41 ways. And so the point is not like, if you grew up poor, you’re going to want to display it. But the
0:06:46 point is that it’s a psychological itch. It’s not just, I want the nice car because nice cars are
0:06:50 better. There’s a social signaling. You’re signaling to others, you’re sending to yourself,
0:06:54 a trophy for yourself of what you’ve overcome. The more I dug into it, the more it was so clear
0:07:00 of like spending is not just on material stuff. It’s not just, I want to buy this car or this house
0:07:05 or these clothes or these jewelry because it’s nice. It’s I’m trying to send a signal to others or to
0:07:11 myself of what I’ve overcome. One of the ways I thought about this in my own life was if I was on a deserted
0:07:17 island with maybe just, just me and my family, nobody could see how we were living. Nobody can see your
0:07:21 house. Nobody can see your car. Nobody see your clothes. Nobody can see your jewelry. How would
0:07:26 I live for me? And I think most people in that exercise, you immediately gravitate away from
0:07:31 status and towards utility. Like I would not want a Lamborghini. I probably want like a pickup truck.
0:07:35 Sometimes like more utility. If nobody could see it, I would just want utility. I would not want an
0:07:40 enormous house. I would want a house with a nice view because I’m not trying to show off to other
0:07:46 people. I just want something that is calming and serene to myself. And so once you start seeing the
0:07:52 stark difference between utility and status, what, what, once you, once you force yourself to see it,
0:07:53 you’re like, Oh, it’s everywhere.
0:07:55 Is something inherently wrong with status?
0:07:57 Is it wrong to buy a Rolex?
0:08:00 Absolutely not. Particularly at certain points of your life.
0:08:03 Okay. So when, when is it good? When is it bad? When is it indifferent?
0:08:03 Like indifferent?
0:08:07 I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s hard to say what’s good and bad in terms of a formula because
0:08:14 everybody’s different, but I would say this, my own personal desire to show off materially
0:08:19 happened when I was in my late teens, early twenties. And looking back, I didn’t know this
0:08:23 then, but the reason why is because I had nothing else to offer the world. I had no intelligence. I
0:08:28 had no wisdom. I didn’t know how to love anyone. I had nothing else to offer friends, family,
0:08:33 spouses, whatever it be. And so the last remaining lever, if you’re trying to get attention and respect
0:08:38 is, well, look, I have no intelligence to offer. I have no wisdom to offer. Maybe people will admire
0:08:45 me for my car. That was why I wanted it. And now that I hope in a, I hope to today, 20 years later,
0:08:52 I have a little bit more to offer to my wife, to my friends, to my family, to employers and customers,
0:08:57 whatnot, then my desire for those things has gone down, not to zero, but it’s gone down.
0:09:01 There’s a great Warren Buffett quote where he says, success in life is when the people who you want to
0:09:05 love you do love you. And key to that is like, you have to ask the question, like, who do you want
0:09:12 to love you? And for a lot of people, the quick knee-jerk reaction is everybody. And so you want
0:09:17 to have a nice car, nice clothes, nice jewelry, because you think everyone’s going to stop and
0:09:21 stare. When I drive this down the road, people are going to be, stop and say, look at that guy.
0:09:27 Look at her. That’s amazing. Like they’re so successful. I admire them. I respect them.
0:09:33 And by and large, that is almost never true because no one’s thinking about you as much
0:09:36 as you are. They’re not, they’re not paying attention to your car or your clothes or your
0:09:40 house. They’re busy worrying about themselves. Jimmy Carr, I think you’ve had on the show before.
0:09:44 Is that right? Love Jimmy Carr. He said this a couple of weeks ago. I heard it. And it was one
0:09:48 of those. I had to stop and write it down because it was so profound. He said, in your twenties,
0:09:55 people worry about what other people think of them. In your thirties, you say, I don’t care what
0:09:59 anybody thinks of me. And in your forties, you finally realized the truth, which was nobody was
0:10:04 thinking about you the whole time. They were busy worrying about themselves. And look, that’s not
0:10:08 black and white. Of course, people think about you and look at you and sometimes judge you, but not
0:10:13 nearly to the extent that we think. And that was why I get back to the exercise. If nobody was watching,
0:10:19 how would I live? The truth is because virtually nobody is watching, except the people who I really
0:10:24 love and admire. And they’re going to admire me for things that have nothing to do with the kind of car
0:10:29 that I drive or the clothes that I wear. What’s the evolutionary basis for all of this stuff?
0:10:33 Life’s a competition. It doesn’t matter how well I’m doing. It matters how well I’m doing relative
0:10:38 to you. It doesn’t matter how big my house is. If I’m trying to signal, all that matters is my house
0:10:43 is bigger than yours. That’s true for all wealth. There’s no such thing as you are wealthy once you
0:10:49 have X number of dollars. That does not exist. Everything is relative to other people. And the truth
0:10:54 is we live in a world of such material abundance where the majority of people listening to this will
0:11:01 have some sort of shelter and a car and can buy clothes and whatnot. And because relative to a lot
0:11:07 of history, we live in material abundance. The competition, the arms race for bigger, nicer things is
0:11:13 extraordinary. And it’s way more powerful and potent today than it’s ever been for two reasons.
0:11:18 One is social media. So, I am now aware of the homes that other people live in, the cars that
0:11:21 they drive, the clothes, the vacations that they take. I’m now aware of it in a way that we were not
0:11:29 15 years ago. The other thing is because the internet has democratized access to audience attention,
0:11:36 the ability to become extremely rich is much more powerful than it’s ever been. It’s still rare,
0:11:43 of course, but it’s easier today than it’s ever been to become very, very wealthy, even if only a
0:11:49 small number of people are doing it. Because your potential customer base is now the entire world.
0:11:54 You know, a hundred years ago, if I was a businessman, my customer base was whoever lived in my town.
0:11:57 Now, if you’re a businessman, your customer base can be the entire world.
0:12:02 And so, it’s easier to make a huge fortune. And because of social media, once you make that
0:12:06 fortune, people are probably going to know about it. Because a lot of those people who become very
0:12:11 rich are going to say, look at how I’m living. And so, you have this like trickle down aspiration
0:12:16 of everyone else being like, my definition of wealthy, if you’re a young person today,
0:12:21 a young person’s definition of wealthy might be a multi-billionaire with a private jet and a private
0:12:27 island. Where I think 80 years ago, people’s definition of wealthy was a three-bedroom house
0:12:33 and one car and a happy family. And so, we live in a world where like aspirations have
0:12:39 inflated by such a dramatic degree that the arms race of spending just gets that much higher.
0:12:44 I think there’s something in this idea that you almost have to develop the skill of disconnecting
0:12:49 your admiration from your aspirations if you want to live a good life. Because so many kids will like
0:12:55 look up to you and say, I want to be like Morgan when I’m older. Because they admire what you’ve done.
0:13:01 But the reality is they’re just seeing the sort of shop window of your life. And so, people do this
0:13:02 with Elon all the time.
0:13:06 Right. And Elon has even said, he’s like, you might think you want to be me, but you don’t.
0:13:11 And the clip where he did that, he points to his head and he’s like, it’s a tornado up here.
0:13:14 And I think it’s true that for most people who are extremely successful,
0:13:19 who are the ones that people tend to look up to, like the extreme outlier successes,
0:13:23 a lot of the reason they’re so successful financially and in their career is because
0:13:29 they’ve devoted every second of their life to that career, which most of the time comes at the expense
0:13:34 of everything else. So, they are very successful, made a lot of money, and that came at the expense
0:13:39 of their health, their relationships, relationships with their spouses, their children. So, I make the
0:13:44 point in the book that of the top 10 richest men in the world, there are a cumulative 13 divorces
0:13:48 among the top 10 richest people. And it’s a small sample size. Like, you can’t really,
0:13:53 you know, say that much with that. But this is a group that is almost universally admired,
0:13:58 particularly among young men. You know, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, how amazing would it
0:14:04 be to have that much money? But if you dig into their actual, their whole life, not just their net
0:14:08 worth, not just the house and the jet that they have, but if you look at holistically their entire
0:14:13 life, you’re like, I don’t know. It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s not that great. It’s, it’s one thing
0:14:21 to admire someone if you can pick bits and pieces. I want, I want his house and her car and his career
0:14:26 and his physique, but you can’t pick bits and pieces. You have to take the whole thing. And once you take
0:14:29 the whole thing, you realize that like a lot of the people who you may have been looking up to
0:14:36 either did not have a better life than you did, or it was just marginally better in a way that was easy
0:14:40 to overlook. I had this conversation with a girl in New York last week. I was at a shoot, a client,
0:14:45 like a brand shoot. And she sat me down to interview me for TikTok. And she said, um, she goes,
0:14:51 what age did you become a millionaire? And I said, about 24, 25. And she went, Oh, I’m 24, 25 now.
0:14:57 And I’m not a millionaire. And I remember saying to her, I was like, yeah, but would you, would you take
0:15:03 my trade? And I explained to her, I was like, so I was lonely between the age of 18 and roughly 20.
0:15:07 I was working in call centers. My parents wouldn’t speak to me. So I had no contact with my family
0:15:15 really, um, through that period. And then I started shoplifting at about 18, 19 to feed myself. And my
0:15:20 brother had given me this big, um, sort of industrial packet of oats. And what I had to do is it’s like
0:15:25 powder. I mix the powder with water. And there’s, there’s, there’s a photo online, I think from my
0:15:29 previous TED talk, my first one, where I was just drinking this, this powdered water. So I said to her,
0:15:34 I said, and I was a millionaire at 24, lonely, not speaking to my family, drinking powder,
0:15:40 drinking, shoplifting, working night shifts in multiple call centers. Would you take the trade?
0:15:43 And she went, no, right. She went, absolutely not. She wouldn’t take the trade. And I said,
0:15:48 so you can’t, you can’t pick it apart because I, if you want to, my outcome, you have to take the path
0:15:53 that I took. If you want my specific outcome. And people don’t think about that. Like one of the
0:15:57 things this podcast has actually taught me is to think through the framework of trade-offs.
0:16:02 Yeah. So think about everything as a trade-off. Think of a Zenpec as a trade-off. There’s a trade
0:16:06 you’re making somewhere. And even, you know, when you aspire or you admire people, if you admire
0:16:10 what we’ve done here, for example, think about the trade-off. Like even with this team, the team
0:16:16 have been working here every single day, including the weekends from morning till night for the last
0:16:22 14 days here in New York, every single day. Right. Do you want to, do you want to, do you want
0:16:27 a podcast? Like, do you want the trade? And if you do fine, but just be informed about, as you say,
0:16:31 both sides of the trade. Another Jimmy Carr quote that I love. He’s a profound individual. Not only is
0:16:37 he hilarious, he’s very smart. The quote is everyone is jealous of what you’ve got. Nobody’s jealous of
0:16:41 how you got it. Yeah. And I think it’s just so easy to overlook. One of the things I write in the
0:16:46 book is what’s called the reverse obituary, which is, it’s a very good, helpful exercise to
0:16:52 write down. It’s kind of morbid, but what do you want your obituary to say? Kind of a weird thing,
0:16:56 but for me, everyone’s different. But for me, I would want it to say Morgan was a good father,
0:17:01 a good husband, a good friend, helped his community, was a good worker. That’s what I would want it to
0:17:08 say. Never in a million years in that obituary, what I wanted to say, what my income was, how big
0:17:14 my house was, how many times I went on vacation, how many horsepower my car had. Like it’s ridiculous
0:17:17 to think that that’s what it would be. I would want it. You instantly drift towards
0:17:23 the things that you know you’re actually, you actually want in life. And of course, it’s going
0:17:27 to be different for everyone, but I found it a helpful thing because you realize that it would
0:17:32 be completely absurd to put the things that I might be chasing in my life in my obituary.
0:17:36 And so if in any given day, in any given year, you’re like, I got to earn a higher income and I
0:17:39 want to buy a bigger house and I got to need a new car and all, do you see, they came out with this
0:17:43 watch. But at the end of your life, you know, that’s not going to matter. What’s going to matter
0:17:48 is, were you a good spouse, a good parent, a good worker? Were you honest? Were you a good friend?
0:17:51 Were you funny? That’s it. You know, that’s what’s going to matter because that’s what you want in
0:17:56 your obituary. I think part of the reason people spend in the way that they do as well is linked
0:18:00 to that, which is sometimes that behavior, which is also linked to the point about trauma at the start
0:18:05 might result in a savings addiction. I often wonder this because, you know, when I was younger,
0:18:11 I had this crazy spending problem and I’ve also seen people who don’t seem to spend anything and
0:18:15 they’re just like hoarding capital. You talk about this a bit in the book, like what is that equally
0:18:18 bad behavior? Yeah, I think it’s equally bad because both of them are the exact same thing,
0:18:24 which is money’s controlling you. Money should be a tool that you use to become a better version of
0:18:30 yourself, to become a happier, more content version of yourself. But when it’s controlling your
0:18:37 personality, it’s no different than like any other addiction where it’s forcing you to do things that
0:18:42 you otherwise don’t want to do. And that can manifest on either end of the side. Either people can’t stop
0:18:46 spending or they cannot spend enough. A lot of financial advisors will tell you one of the biggest
0:18:52 problems that they have are clients who have saved enough money for retirement. Good job. You saved for
0:18:56 40 years. You maxed out your 401k. You did everything you were supposed to. And now you’re 70 years old
0:19:02 and you have enough money to travel and play golf and you won’t. You won’t do it. And I think it’s
0:19:08 because they become so accustomed to the identity of I’m a saver. Every month I save and every month my
0:19:13 net worth goes up and they cannot bring themselves into switching gears and going in the other direction.
0:19:18 And for a lot of those people, the money is in full control over their identity. It’s telling them
0:19:25 how to live, what to like, what to aspire to, what to enjoy. The money is totally in control of their
0:19:31 personality. And it’s just as dangerous and just as detrimental as you when you were a teenager of,
0:19:37 I can’t stop spending. And both of those are in, the money is like playing the marionette doll of
0:19:42 your life. It’s telling you exactly what to do and when to do it. If I wanted to make a framework to
0:19:47 know how to spend my money, where do I start? Do I have to get clear on something? And I guess the
0:19:51 other question, which is somewhat linked to this, is this overarching debate around, can money make you
0:19:55 happy? Right. But I’m trying to figure out like, where do I start? Because I want to, one of the
0:19:59 things I want to get out of today is I want to have a clearer framework for how to spend my money.
0:20:04 Well, those two points that you just brought up, I think are very related. The first on the point of,
0:20:08 can money make you happier? The answer is yes, but there’s a, there’s a, there’s an asterisk next to
0:20:13 it that we need to get to. For years, there was a big academic debate of, does more money make you
0:20:18 happy? A lot of, some of the studies showed, yes, clearly it does. Others show, studies showed, no,
0:20:24 it really doesn’t. And the academics, the economists were like battling for decades. It’s kind of been
0:20:28 cleared up in the last, just the last couple of years, this last couple of decades with some nuance,
0:20:34 which is this. If you are already an unhappy person, if you’re already anxious, if you’re already
0:20:39 depressed, by and large, having more money will not help you at least that much. It might help you a
0:20:44 little bit around the margins. If you’re, if you start as an unhappy, depressed, anxious person,
0:20:51 if you are already a happy, content, joyful, laughing person, having more money will give you a better
0:20:56 life. So in either direction, it’s just leveraging who you already were. It’s not going to change you
0:21:00 that much. It’s just going to leverage who you already were. Very similar to like, they say this
0:21:05 about power. Like once you gain power in politics or something, it just leverages the personality that
0:21:13 you already had. Money is very much like that. And so it’s, it’s not a, a, a panacea in the sense of
0:21:16 like, Oh, like if you’re miserable, like if you had more money, it’s going to clear up your problems.
0:21:21 It can make some of your problems a little bit easier to deal with. But I mean, think about it in
0:21:27 these stark terms. Let’s say you are overweight and unhappy. You hate your job and you’re recently
0:21:33 divorced and your kids won’t talk to you, but you live in a mansion that has a Ferrari in the driveway
0:21:39 and you got all kinds of fancy stuff. Is, is, is that a good life? If all, if everything else in
0:21:42 your life sucked and you woke up every morning going, Oh, I got to go to work today. I hate my
0:21:48 job. I can’t stand my job. I’m, I’m lonely. I’m miserable. I’m overweight. I can’t sleep. I’m
0:21:51 addicted to alcohol, whatever it might be. Of course, it’s a terrible life. The house and the car don’t
0:21:54 matter at all, but you can flip that around and say like, let’s say you live in a very modest
0:22:02 middle-class house and you drive a 10-year-old Honda Civic, but you love your job. You love
0:22:08 your coworkers. You have a great relationship with your spouse. Your kids admire you. You have your
0:22:12 friends over for a barbecue every Friday night. Materially, it’s very modest. You have what you
0:22:17 need. You’re not impoverished. You’re not homeless. You have the food that you want, the shelter that you
0:22:25 want, but you would be an absolute maniac to choose the miserable person in the mansion versus the
0:22:31 content, happy person in the middle-class house. If your goal is to live a good life, it’s psychotic
0:22:36 to pick one of one over the other. I felt this quite starkly recently because I flew to Cape Town on my
0:22:41 own. I’ve only ever been there with my girlfriend and with other friends. And the first time I’ve only
0:22:45 been there a few times. I’ve got a house there and it’s a very big house. And the first time I came
0:22:50 with my family. Second time it’s with my girlfriend and my friends. This time I came on my own. And I
0:22:58 felt this deep existential feeling waking up, walking through that house alone, thinking, fuck me.
0:23:04 Like, it was so clear to me that the point of such a, such a thing is to fill it with people.
0:23:08 Yes. That’s what I made. I make this point in the book of like the very simple question,
0:23:13 will a big house make you happier? I think it will make you depressed if it’s empty.
0:23:18 Yes. Because that’s how I felt. I was like, I’d rather be in a studio apartment alone than
0:23:23 a big house on my own. Right. I had a similar realization to you a couple of years ago when
0:23:27 I took my, my, my, my, my family and I went to Maui for a vacation and I love Maui. It’s my favorite
0:23:33 place in the world. And now they have kids. So I’m building sandcastles with my kids on the beach in
0:23:37 Maui. And that I remember thinking like, this is, this is a 10 out of 10. This is like, this is peak
0:23:42 life for me building sandcastles with my kids. Everyone’s happy in the sun. But then I had this
0:23:47 realization of like, if that’s a 10 playing with Legos at home on the living room floor with my kids
0:23:53 is like a nine. Like it’s really close because realization was what I enjoy is like quality time
0:23:58 with my kids. And I think a lot of the reason that people like vacate, like travel is not because they
0:24:02 like getting on an airplane and flying around the world and being jet lagged and cramped into a small
0:24:08 hotel. What they like is uninterrupted time away from work, away from all the other stresses of
0:24:12 everyday life. That’s what they actually enjoy. That’s what they like travel. It’s not necessarily
0:24:17 the location. It’s like what the location is doing for you. So the question of will a big house make
0:24:22 you happier? It will, to the extent that it makes it easier to have your friends and family over
0:24:26 because your friends and family are the ones who are actually making you happy. And so the answer can
0:24:31 be kind of, will it, will a nice house make you happy? The answer can be yes. If you’re using it for
0:24:34 the right reasons. There was this article in the New York Times, this is probably 10 or 15 years ago.
0:24:42 And the article said, two things happened to Julia Roberts this week. One, she won the Academy Award
0:24:47 and two, she found out her husband was cheating on her. And so the column said, pop quiz, did Julia
0:24:52 Roberts have a good week? And it’s like, you’d be a fool to say yes. It was probably the worst week of
0:24:59 her life, I imagine. But what we see from the outside was dolled up in a beautiful dress, accepting
0:25:04 the highest honor of her career and saying like, wow, that must be an amazing, but it gets back to
0:25:08 once you see the full picture, you’re like, nah, it’s not as easy as it seems. You say on page 23 of
0:25:14 your book, a quote that I loved, show off the inside of your house, not the outside. Right. Because the
0:25:18 inside of your house are what your friends and your family are seeing. Is there like a hack here?
0:25:23 Like, is there, you know, because you have all these like internet communities that come up with
0:25:27 these like hacks, these other ways to live. They, they, they step outside of the matrix and they
0:25:32 form their own little, their own little cult that are like doing it differently and not, not abiding by
0:25:36 the rules of the quote unquote matrix. I very much feel like most of us are trapped in the matrix.
0:25:36 Yeah.
0:25:41 We’re trapped in this like status game, competing against each other, not, not searching for happiness.
0:25:45 Like what is the, the hack here? How do I get out of the matrix? And what does that look like?
0:25:49 I think if there is a formula that I lay out in the book and I make the point that like,
0:25:53 there’s, there’s no formula for how to spend money, but if I did try to make a formula for
0:25:57 a pretty good life, and this extends way outside of money, the formula for a pretty good life
0:26:02 is independence plus purpose. If you want to say like, how can I be a happy person? You need to
0:26:07 be independent. You need to be able to do what you want to do when you want to do it with whom you
0:26:11 want to do it with. And you need some kind of purpose that is higher than yourself. And that could
0:26:14 be a million different things. It could be friends. It could be family. It could be career. It could be
0:26:19 religion, whatever it might be. I think it is very difficult to imagine anyone having a good life
0:26:25 without those two things. If your entire life and your schedule is dictated by somebody else of,
0:26:30 you have to go to this job that you don’t like. You have to have a long commute that you don’t like.
0:26:35 You have to do this when you don’t want to do it. It’s, it’s hard to be happy. And if you don’t have
0:26:41 any kind of purpose that you’re doing it for, it’s difficult to be happy. And so the idea that to me,
0:26:46 the best thing to spend money on is independence. And I view it as purchasing. I don’t view it as
0:26:51 saving money. I view it as purchasing independence. That’s how I view. I feel like I’m buying independence
0:26:58 when I save. And so to me, the biggest thing that I spend my money on, and this sounds weird,
0:27:03 but I is saving. And I view that as buying independence. I view that as every dollar that
0:27:08 I save is a little bit more independent than I was before. It’s a little bit of my future that I now own
0:27:12 and control. And if you’re listening to this and you’re like, look, I’m not financially
0:27:17 independent. I have no, I have no possibility of being financially independent. Independence exists
0:27:22 on a spectrum. And literally every dollar that you save is a little bit more independent than you were
0:27:28 before. If you have a hundred dollars in the bank in savings, that can make it so that if you were to
0:27:31 lose your job, you have a little bit more flexibility for rent or groceries or whatever it
0:27:37 might be that you didn’t before. If a thousand dollars, $10,000, any amount that you have
0:27:42 is a little bit more independent than you were before. And so when you view one of the cores of
0:27:48 living a good life is independence and any amount of saving money will buy you independence. I think
0:27:52 that’s a powerful observation for people. And then the purpose part is going to be different for
0:27:58 everyone. For me right now in my life, it’s being a good father. That’s what I want my identity to be.
0:28:03 That’s my overarching goal in life is to be a good dad. I think the vast majority of parents
0:28:10 will tell you that there was no greater joy purpose than watching their kids thrive. It can also bring
0:28:13 a lot of sorrow and a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of anxiety and a lot of worry that comes along
0:28:20 with it. But nothing that I’ve experienced or any of the other parents that I know would say that
0:28:24 anything in their life has come before that, that it’s been a great thing. So we got on this point
0:28:28 because the formula is independence plus purpose. For me, the purpose is being a parent. That’s not
0:28:31 going to be true for everyone. But you’re trading independence for that.
0:28:38 I’m trading. It’s internal independence that I’m giving up. I want to sacrifice for my kids. I want
0:28:45 it like loyalty to people who deserve your loyalty is a wonderful thing. Loyalty to people who don’t
0:28:50 deserve your loyalty sucks. And so if you are working, if you’re giving your loyalty to a company that
0:28:55 doesn’t respect you, that sucks. That’s terrible. Loyalty to people who deserve it is a very
0:28:57 fulfilling thing. So my kids deserve my loyalty.
0:28:58 How did they earn that loyalty?
0:29:02 Just by being my kids. And there’s some days where I feel like they don’t appreciate it,
0:29:07 of course. But I think that tends to be true. People get into problems when they are loyal to
0:29:12 people or organizations or political affiliations who don’t deserve the loyalty. That’s when it gets
0:29:13 dangerous.
0:29:19 Do you think the promise of independence and freedom has a secret, hidden, dark trade-off that
0:29:23 people don’t talk about? Because there’s this culture right now of like, you know, be your own boss and
0:29:28 stand on your own two feet. And when you think about what makes humans happy, it seems to be
0:29:32 collective things. It seems to be actually, in your case, as you were saying, dependence.
0:29:36 Your kids depend on you. In some ways, you depend on them. All the things that seem to me like
0:29:39 having my friends at my house made me happier than being in the house alone.
0:29:45 But the public narrative is all about optimizing for freedom, whatever that means, and really
0:29:50 more so optimizing for independence, not depending on someone else. When you look at the people that
0:29:57 seem to be the most unhappy, they seem to be the most independent.
0:30:03 Right. Because if you picture someone living in a cabin by themselves in the middle of Montana
0:30:04 with no one around them or whatever it might be.
0:30:10 No family, no pets, freelance work on a laptop on their own, in a glass box in Dubai,
0:30:14 no big obligations, not in a church.
0:30:17 But back to the formula, independence was purpose. Those people have no purpose.
0:30:18 Oh, yes.
0:30:25 And so I think it’s, I think, yes, everyone is going to be, I’m dependent on my wife, my kids,
0:30:30 but you know, there is dependency there, but I’m choosing. I chose her as a spouse. I chose to have
0:30:35 kids. And so I still did it on my terms. And so you’re never going to be, or I think you don’t
0:30:41 want to be 100% independent in the sense that you don’t rely on anyone and no one relies on you because
0:30:46 then you have no purpose. It’s choosing who you want. I think it’s, I think you’re not independent if
0:30:51 you have to be loyal to a job that you hate, but you have to have it because it’s the only job you got
0:30:56 and you, and you have to do it. And you’re, you, you have to pay this exorbitant rent on
0:31:00 an apartment that you don’t even enjoy that much. Like those are dependence on things that you don’t
0:31:05 want, but like, I want to be dependent on my family because that gives me purpose.
0:31:06 It’s like the independence to make the choice, I guess.
0:31:09 To make the choice of who you’re going to be dependent on. Right.
0:31:16 Good. And on this earlier point, you’re talking about saving and that you, your favorite form of
0:31:21 spending is saving. Yeah. Someone’s listening now. How much money do you think they should
0:31:26 at a minimum have saved? If you try to get technical about it, I would say, what are the
0:31:32 odds that at some point in your life, you’re going to lose your job and not be able to find another job
0:31:37 for six months? The odds are not bad that that will happen to you at some point, not very comfortable
0:31:41 to think about. Maybe it’s already happened to you already, but the odds that at some point that will
0:31:45 happen are pretty good. And therefore, if you were to say like, look, a good measure
0:31:52 of some level of higher end independence, not a low level of independence, but like a medium
0:31:58 level of independence is six is, is I can keep myself going for six months. And for a lot of
0:32:01 people, that’s a daunting task. And like, it’s okay. You’re probably not going to achieve that
0:32:05 when you’re 18. It might, it’s going to take some savings to get there, but that is a level at which
0:32:11 you can exhale to a degree that most people have never been able to do before of like, there’s going
0:32:15 to be some bad stuff happening in your life. It’s going to be uncomfortable, but it’s going to be okay.
0:32:19 And for, for, for most people, for most of history, it was, there’s bad things going to happen to you
0:32:24 and you’re not going to be okay. It’s going to be very traumatic. And, and one of the important things
0:32:30 there is when you lose that job, the ability to go find a good job, even a better job where you want
0:32:34 doing what you want with the people who you like working with is very important. If you don’t have
0:32:40 any savings, you’re going to have to, by default, pick the very first job that you can come across.
0:32:44 Even if it’s a terrible job in a location that you hate doing something, you hate working with
0:32:49 people you don’t like. And so the flexibility to give yourself time to find a job that is a little
0:32:52 bit easier and better for you. That is the purpose of savings.
0:32:59 And that goes back to your point about independence, which is you want to sit building up those
0:33:03 savings is building up the independence or the freedom to make a choice about who you work with.
0:33:04 Right.
0:33:07 If the worst were to happen, you don’t have to necessarily go get a job at, you know,
0:33:09 some awful place, some, some terrible place.
0:33:14 You talk about jealousy in the book as well. And, um, I was reading some stats that are quite funny
0:33:19 stats, but they, they say that essentially that if you’re, if you win the lottery, the probability
0:33:22 of your neighbor going bankrupt increases.
0:33:25 It’s an amazing statistic, right?
0:33:28 So what’s, what’s happening there?
0:33:33 Well, you’re looking at your neighbor who won the lottery and your neighbor probably bought a
0:33:37 vacation house, bought a new car, sending their kids to private school, whatever it might be.
0:33:42 And you watching that are like, I need that for myself.
0:33:47 It’s, it’s unfair that they have it and I don’t, and I’m going to go do any reckless financial
0:33:52 decision to get that. So much of what we think is, is normal. Our definition of success
0:33:58 is what other people around us have. And so if you are watching your neighbor live a better life
0:34:02 than you, then all of a sudden your definition of a good life is what they’re doing. And you will
0:34:07 do some reckless things to get it. I think that’s, that’s what happens. And so one of the
0:34:11 takeaways there is like, be careful who you socialize with because you’re going to anchor
0:34:16 to them as a baseline level of success and happiness. Be very careful with what you do
0:34:21 and who you look up to and who you aspire to. I grew up in Lake Tahoe, California, and this
0:34:25 was before tech money when it was not a wealthy area. It is now because all the tech money from
0:34:31 San Francisco came up, but Tahoe in the nineties and early two thousands was, was just a out in the
0:34:36 woods. And, you know, you could buy a house for nothing. And most people in town didn’t have any
0:34:41 money. And then I went to college in Los Angeles where there is a lot of wealth. There are high
0:34:46 expectations and there are Lamborghinis and Rolls Royces and whatnot. And one of my observations was
0:34:52 people were happier in Tahoe. And I think the reason why is because the definition of success
0:34:58 in Tahoe back then was a two bedroom house and a pickup truck. That was success. In Los Angeles,
0:35:04 the definition of success was a mansion and a, and a Bentley. And so it was, it was easier for
0:35:08 people to in Tahoe to be like, I’m good. I checked the boxes. Like, look, I’m successful. Look at,
0:35:12 look at my tiny little house and my beat up pickup truck. That’s success. Right. And so that was like,
0:35:16 be careful who you socialize with. Cause you’re going to anchor to their level of success.
0:35:23 I have a, some graphs in front of you there. Um, I think one of them is the spectrum of financial
0:35:28 independence. Yeah. Could you explain to me what that is and how that’s useful to understand
0:35:33 and why that’s useful to understand? I think it’s, I had this friend, uh, 10 or 10 or 20 years ago.
0:35:38 And he said, I don’t save any money cause I don’t see the purpose. All I’d be able to save is a hundred
0:35:42 bucks a month. And what’s that going to do for me? And since I don’t think it’s going to do anything
0:35:47 for me, I might as well just go spend it. And I think it not, no, that’s like a hundred dollars in
0:35:52 savings. Or if you do it for a year, $1,200 in savings is $1,200 more independence than you had
0:35:57 before. And again, not if, but when you lose your job or your car breaks down, you’re going to realize
0:36:03 how unbelievably valuable that money is. And it’s not savings. It’s independence that it’s giving you.
0:36:08 So the idea that independence is on a spectrum, it is not, you either don’t have to work or you have to
0:36:13 work. It’s not that stark, but most people think of it in those terms. Why would I try to become
0:36:18 independent if I have no chance of not working? And the simple way to view it is every dollar that you
0:36:24 save is a piece of your future that you own, that you control, that is yours. The flip side of that is
0:36:29 like every dollar of debt that you have is a piece of your future that somebody else controls. It’s a, it’s
0:36:35 a moment in time in the future that is not yours. It belongs to somebody else. And so I’ve always viewed
0:36:41 it on a spectrum. When I was younger and much poorer, I was a big saver, even though like, was I
0:36:44 independent? Like, no, of course I had to work. I had to work to pay my rent and pay my groceries,
0:36:50 of course. But I viewed it as like every $20 that I saved, every $50 that I saved put me in a better
0:36:55 position than I was before. And looking back on it, I don’t think I could have articulated that 20 years
0:37:01 ago, but it’s what I felt. A lot of that for me back then was coming from a place of fear. I didn’t
0:37:06 have a lot of self-confidence in myself and my career. So I was like, I need to save to prepare for when
0:37:11 this all comes crashing down. And even though it didn’t come crashing down, I’m so glad that I did it.
0:37:15 Because I’ve had a sense of financial security and I’ve had a sense of independence
0:37:21 financially since I was in my early twenties. Not because I had saved a ton, I hadn’t,
0:37:29 but any amount that I saved, I viewed as like the cushion that gave me a much higher sense of confidence
0:37:34 that if or when things go wrong, I’m not going to be flailing. I’m going to have some cushion to fall back
0:37:39 on. And what is this, this spectrum? What are the stages of this spectrum?
0:37:43 So let’s start at the very bottom. You’re homeless, you’re panhandling, reliant on the kindness of
0:37:49 strangers. As you go up from there, you can be completely reliant on your boss in a job that
0:37:53 you don’t like. Now that’s, that’s, that’s a, that’s another low level. As you go up from there,
0:37:58 you have, look, I’m, I’m relying on my job and relying on my paycheck, but I probably have some
0:38:01 opportunities. I could go work at another job. I could, I could choose to work here. I could choose to
0:38:06 work there. And then you just go up from there. It’s like, yo, I, I like my job and I have some
0:38:10 savings. So if I’ve lost this job, I can fall back onto it from there. You can go up from there to
0:38:14 have, you can live where you want. You can work where you want. You can change fields. You can,
0:38:19 you can go and you can do a completely different job. You can take two months off and travel if you
0:38:24 wanted to. Like you’re working your way up all the way to the highest level of financial independence,
0:38:29 which is I don’t need to work anymore. I’ve saved enough and I can, I can, I can wake up every
0:38:33 morning and do whatever I would like to do. That’s obviously an aspiration that for most people
0:38:38 will never be reached until there may be in their seventies and they’re retiring and they have
0:38:43 social security and some other savings from there. But for most people, like a good level
0:38:49 of independence as a good goal is enough savings so that if you lost your job, if your car broke down,
0:38:54 if you needed to replace the roof on your house, you would be able to do it without losing that much
0:38:57 sleep. That is a realistic level that I think almost anyone can achieve.
0:39:02 Based on everything you know about money, if I want to get to that highest level of complete
0:39:08 financial freedom, what’s like the five things that I should be thinking about at just a sort of a very
0:39:12 simple level? You know, cause so many people listening right now think, you know, my goal in life isn’t to
0:39:17 become a billionaire or tens of millionaire. My goal in life is just to get to that point of freedom as
0:39:22 soon as I can, where I can start calling the shots. And there was someone who I was speaking to the
0:39:27 other day and said that there’s, there’s this internet movement of kids who are trying to get,
0:39:31 what do they call it? It’s like, they’re trying to get to the point where they can retire early.
0:39:32 Fire. Fire something.
0:39:34 Financial independence, retire early.
0:39:35 Okay, you get that.
0:39:36 Yep. Yep.
0:39:37 Like how do I get, how do I get there?
0:39:41 The first thing that I think that’s most important, this is the first and the last thing,
0:39:46 this is the most important part, is that all wealth, your feeling of wealth is what you have
0:39:51 minus what you want. And it’s so easy to ignore the latter. I talk about in the book, my, my late
0:39:55 grandmother-in-law, my wife’s grandmother, she passed away a couple of years ago. For 30 years,
0:40:02 she lived off of nothing but 17 or $1,800 a month in social security. Not a lot of money. By most
0:40:08 accounts, very little money, but she didn’t want anything more. She did. She, if she made $1,700 a
0:40:15 month, she did not want $1,700 and $1. She was perfectly happy. She, she found all of her
0:40:19 happiness working in her garden, going for walks, watching the birds, watching the sunrise,
0:40:23 watching the sunset, talking to her friends, hanging out with her family. But if you asked her,
0:40:27 you said, you only make $1,700 a month. You’re broke. Doesn’t that make you unhappy? She’d be
0:40:32 like, what? Like, do you think having more money makes the sunset more beautiful? Do you think having
0:40:36 more money makes going for a walk more pleasant? And I’m not saying you should live like you should
0:40:40 be content with that amount of money. But the point is like, she was content. She was totally
0:40:46 content. And it was her choice. And I think she was happier financially than some billionaires.
0:40:50 Because there’s a lot of billionaires who have a billion dollars, but they want two. They have
0:40:54 two billion, but they want four. One of the things is that happiness might be the wrong word here. The
0:41:00 word that people want is content. When you sit here and daydream about having the bigger mansion,
0:41:05 what you’re actually doing is you are imagining yourself in the mansion, being content with it.
0:41:10 You imagine yourself sitting in that house and saying, I don’t want anything more than this.
0:41:15 The feeling that we are aspiring to is just being content. Happiness is always like a 30-second
0:41:19 emotion. It’s like laughter. Like if I tell you a funny joke, you’ll laugh for 30 seconds and then
0:41:25 it’s over. Like very few times in life are you happy for more than a couple of minutes at a time.
0:41:29 But what you want that is like a durable emotion is being content. Just saying like,
0:41:32 I’m good. I’m good with this. I don’t want anything more.
0:41:39 I interviewed Dr. Anna Lemke and she’s like the scientist who’s most renowned for talking about
0:41:41 and writing about dopamine. Yeah.
0:41:45 And I was wondering how much the molecule dopamine dovetails into this, because I think one of the
0:41:49 things she said to me was that dopamine is the chemical for wanting. Yeah.
0:41:51 And people have, I think, mistaken it for being the pleasure.
0:41:53 Happiness. Yeah, happiness.
0:41:56 Which is not, it’s more, more, more, more. It’s like you want more.
0:42:01 And she told me this crazy study about this rat where they removed the dopamine receptor from its
0:42:05 brain. So it couldn’t produce dopamine. And then they put food two inches from its mouth
0:42:11 and the rat starved to death because it, it, it, and in that, I’ve always thought about that. It’s
0:42:15 like, okay, so that’s what dopamine is. It’s the motivation to go get, to go get, to want, to pursue.
0:42:17 What role is dopamine playing here?
0:42:23 It’s huge. And that’s actually a good realization to be like, a lot of this is not something that you
0:42:27 can solve on a spreadsheet. It’s not something you can solve with a formula. It’s chemicals in your
0:42:30 brain. And obviously some people are going to be more susceptible to that than others. I think
0:42:35 my grandmother-in-law just had for whatever it was, was, was wired differently than most
0:42:38 people. Part of that was like, she was a product of the great depression. She grew up during the
0:42:42 great depression, which probably like lowered her expectations. She never had social media
0:42:46 and whatnot. But of course, I think some people are wired differently than others for a level
0:42:52 of contentment. But I think just, there’s a big thing in psychiatry where diagnosing a mental
0:42:56 illness is sometimes more important than the treatment. If you just get a diagnosis of like,
0:43:01 oh, you’re ADHD, whatever it is, just knowing just like the fact that you can stop questioning,
0:43:04 why am I having these thoughts? You can, you can understand why you have those thoughts is more
0:43:09 important than the treatment sometimes. And I think that’s true here. If, if you, it’s easier said than
0:43:15 done to completely control your desires, but just knowing why you’re doing it and realizing that it’s
0:43:19 probably not going to give you the happiness that you want. That it’s just like any addiction,
0:43:25 that the more you chase it, the further away it’s going to get can go a big ways. And so for me,
0:43:30 myself, there’s all the time. There are moments where I’m like, oh, I should, I should get that car.
0:43:35 Maybe we should get a bigger house. I have those feelings daily. So the feelings don’t go away,
0:43:40 but I think I’m better now than I’ve been in the past. I’m reminding myself of like, it’s not going to
0:43:45 make you happier. You know that you’ve tried this before you’ve tried it before and it didn’t make you
0:43:48 happy. What is going to make you happy is spending time with your kids, having a good relationship
0:43:52 with your wife and your own physical health and laughing with your friends and having good times
0:43:56 with people who you enjoy. You know, that’s going to make you happy. And you know, that’s not.
0:44:00 And I have to remind myself because it’s not intuitive. And I have dopamine that tells me
0:44:05 you should want more, more, more, more, more. So you never get over it. But I think once you’ve
0:44:10 diagnosed the problem, it becomes easier at just like spotting that emotion and realizing that it’s
0:44:14 telling you a story that’s probably not true. I wonder if you, I could trade the addiction
0:44:18 because you, you know, you referred to it there as being an addiction. If it’s for dopamine equation,
0:44:23 could I not shift my addiction to something more productive? And would that mean that my
0:44:26 spending would get better? So actually when I think about me as 18 years old and having that
0:44:32 horrific spending problem, maybe I just shifted the, the thing that gave me dopamine to like
0:44:39 building businesses or to podcasting or to writing books or being a great dad. I don’t know.
0:44:43 I think it’s probably true that everybody without exception is addicted to something
0:44:48 and it’s just harnessing that, that process for whatever it might be. So some people are
0:44:51 addicted to, my wife’s addicted to gardening, let’s say she, she couldn’t care less about,
0:44:57 about investing or spending money on a nice, she could not care less about her car or my car or your
0:45:01 car. But if you have a good gardener, if you have, you have, you have a pretty gardener, she’s,
0:45:04 she’s all over. So everybody’s got their thing. And it’s just like, can you harness that for
0:45:09 productivity? I think a lot of like extremely successful people are people who took their,
0:45:16 their natural addiction and harnessed it for productivity into their business. And that’s,
0:45:20 that’s why they’re so successful. This became obsessed with one thing. And it’s, it’s a good
0:45:25 question of whether we can actually guide that addiction or if it’s just kind of pre-wired in
0:45:29 itself. I think it’s true for myself. Someone who’s written books about money for 20 years,
0:45:35 thought about money for 20 years. My mom tells a story that when I was three, I would sit there and
0:45:39 count pennies. I don’t want to count seashells. I don’t want to count cards. I don’t want to count
0:45:46 rocks. I want to count money. And so I think I’ve always had this disposition towards being fascinated
0:45:47 with money. Why?
0:45:51 I don’t know. Cause I did when I was three, I did it before I could even think through it,
0:45:55 but I think everyone has their little thing. It’s always been fascinating to me. I don’t think I’m
0:46:01 obsessed with money. I don’t think it controls my life, but I’ve had to go out of my way to have a
0:46:04 healthier relationship with it. But I think it’s definitely been true that the reason that I’ve
0:46:09 found myself in this career is that it’s always been my thing. And I think everybody has that thing
0:46:10 in their life.
0:46:14 You know, people talk about addictive personalities and I was reflecting on one of my best friends who
0:46:20 was an alcoholic, had a problem with gambling, then had a problem with eating, then got obsessed with
0:46:25 marathons. And he traded each one of those things for the next thing. So now he’s like obsessed with
0:46:29 health and fitness. And so I was, when I was thinking about people that are struggling with money
0:46:33 problems and even my own historical struggle with money, I think I probably just traded it for
0:46:38 something. And actually I’m kind of happy about that because I traded it for a better addiction.
0:46:46 Which is your career, my career. And, um, I guess doing this, I’m pretty addicted to doing this.
0:46:49 Right. And, but I think you enjoy it and it’s healthy in the plasma screen.
0:46:55 It’s exactly. Yeah. I think what’s true about a money addiction is that it tends to be the classic
0:47:00 addiction of like, you tell yourself, if only I get one more hit, so to speak, then I’ll be
0:47:04 satiated. Then, then, then that’ll be enough. And the answer is like, no, it absolutely will not.
0:47:08 I’ll tell you like a personal thing. I don’t think this is true, but it made me laugh. My wife and I
0:47:13 bought a new house about a year ago. It’s an awesome house. We love it. It’s great. And my brother-in-law
0:47:17 came over the other day and he goes, you know, you’re only going to live here for two years before you
0:47:23 want to buy a bigger house. And I had to laugh because I’m like, like, I don’t think that’s true.
0:47:28 But I know what you’re saying is right. That’s the natural guide towards it. That
0:47:33 when we bought the house, it was like, oh, this is going to be so great. Can you imagine we’re going
0:47:36 to get to do this and get to do that? And we have these neighbors and whatnot. And you become
0:47:41 accustomed to that very quickly. And then your gaze shifts a little bit higher and you’re like,
0:47:45 yeah, but look at that house over there. That one’s nicer, isn’t it? That’s always the natural
0:47:50 thing. And that’s dopamine at work. That is dopamine purely at work. Because the truth is our
0:47:53 previous house was great. And our previous house used to be our dream.
0:48:00 And dopamine exists when there’s a gap between where you are and where you want to be with
0:48:04 something. And when that gap closes, they often refer to that as the arrival fallacy.
0:48:05 Yeah, right.
0:48:06 Which is really kind of what you’re describing.
0:48:12 You tell yourself, once I get there, then I’ll be good. Then that’s enough. And it’s a fallacy
0:48:15 because you know that’s not true. As soon as you get to that, whatever that mountaintop is,
0:48:21 there’s another mountain above it. It pushes you in a way that is not easy. Nobody should pretend that
0:48:27 you can just go do this today. But it pushes you into appreciating what you have now and finding your
0:48:33 joy, finding your happiness through other things that don’t have the arrival fallacy. Never have as
0:48:39 I, as a parent, have I said, oh, if only I had one more kid, then that would be great. There’s really
0:48:45 no arrival fallacy for kids. You just kind of be like, I just appreciate being around you. I just
0:48:49 appreciate all the, and if anything, it’s the opposite. It’s you look back and you’re like,
0:48:56 oh, I miss when you were younger. It was like, oh, it’s sad how fast you’re growing up. If anything,
0:49:00 rather than like looking ahead and being like, oh, it’s going to be better then, you’re looking back
0:49:04 and you’re like, oh, I wish I had appreciated that phase a little bit more.
0:49:09 When you talked about one of the ways to get to early retirement and to live a better life is to
0:49:15 want what you have and basically want less things. I go back and forward a lot with this idea because
0:49:22 there’s like the monks who say that like happiness is not wanting something. And then there’s like
0:49:28 the reality of life where striving for things seems to make me happy. And everybody describes the journey
0:49:30 as being the most enjoyable part.
0:49:30 That’s your purpose.
0:49:35 Yeah. So like, what, what, how do, how do I make sense of this? That like the monks are telling me
0:49:39 that not to want anything, cause that’s going to make me frustrated and unsatisfied.
0:49:44 And then my lived experiences, striving for things with a group of people makes me,
0:49:45 seems to make me happy.
0:49:50 I think there’s a, there’s a difference. It’s a subtle difference, but between pursuing something
0:49:54 that you genuinely enjoy doing, which for you is this and your, your business and whatnot,
0:49:58 versus being addicted to something that chasing something that you don’t have yet.
0:50:02 And so I imagine you can correct me if I’m wrong, but I imagine when you’re doing this,
0:50:07 you don’t tell yourself, I need to work harder so that one day the podcast can be up here.
0:50:11 I imagine, tell me if I’m wrong, but I imagine you come to work every day and you’re like,
0:50:14 I like doing this today. I like today. I liked yesterday. I’m going to like tomorrow.
0:50:18 And so you’re not chasing a false goal. You just actually enjoy doing it.
0:50:24 Do you know what? It’s a weird thing. Cause it’s, it’s, uh, I’m going to be honest. Cause I’m only
0:50:30 a useful position to take. It’s, it’s a weird combination of both. So I say like, it’s important
0:50:37 for us to have some like goal, but also live in the, in, in the total understanding that the goal
0:50:41 doesn’t actually matter. And it’s this weird dichotomy I live in was like, if we become the
0:50:48 biggest podcast in the world, like set that as a goal, because it gives us something, something to
0:50:54 chase. I get that KPI and then like put timeframes against and get excited by and focus on, but then
0:51:00 also living in the total realization that it’s not going to matter at all. Nothing is going to change
0:51:05 in my life. Zilch. Right. What am I going to get a better black shirt? It’s like, but here’s the
0:51:10 truth. The reason that we live in a world with a ton of technology and a ton of great businesses and
0:51:16 great medicine, whatnot is because virtually everybody for all of human history has woken up every morning
0:51:21 and said, it’s not enough. I need more. That’s the fuel of progress. And I don’t want to live in a
0:51:26 world where everyone wakes up and says, I have all I need. Cause then progress would stop that day.
0:51:30 We’d probably start declining that day. And so there is a paradox here of like,
0:51:36 as a whole society, I’m grateful. And you should be grateful that people wake up unfulfilled because
0:51:41 we live in a way better world today than existed a hundred or 200 years ago because of that. And
0:51:47 the richest people in the world who I think are by and large tortured psychologically have created
0:51:52 amazing technology that you and I benefit from. And the reason we’re doing this podcast is because
0:51:57 people before us who are way wealthier than you and I woke up in the morning and said, this is not
0:52:02 enough. Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, all those people, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, they woke up and said,
0:52:06 I don’t care if I have a hundred billion dollars. It’s not enough. I need, I need to create better
0:52:11 technology. And that’s great. We benefit from that. And so there is a paradox here that what is all,
0:52:17 and that will never change, will never change. So there’s a paradox that like the more, the better
0:52:23 society becomes, I think. Like it’s always going to be the case that as a whole society, we’re going
0:52:29 to have a level of angst and anxiety and not be satisfied and say, it’s not enough. At the individual
0:52:34 level though, I think you can recognize that game and contextualize it within your own life and say,
0:52:42 like, look, I want more money. I want to sell more books and have a better career. I want to save more
0:52:46 money. I also have to go so far out of my way to put it into context and say, none of it’s going to
0:52:52 matter unless I have a higher purpose beyond that money. So I think you can aspire for more and still
0:52:58 go out of your way to realize what the expectations game is. Even if you can’t perfectly control it,
0:53:04 it’s similar to like, I want to eat a good diet. Of course I want to eat healthy food. I’m not going
0:53:08 to pretend for a second that I don’t want Oreos and ice cream because they’re great and they’re always
0:53:13 going to taste great. And so I’m never going to get to a point where I say, I don’t want a nicer
0:53:18 house. I’m a human. And so are you. So is everyone else. You’re always going to have those feelings,
0:53:23 but you can recognize the game. You can recognize the voice that’s talking to you and realize when
0:53:27 that voice lies to you and when it’s telling you a story that is either false or just a little bit
0:53:34 incomplete. I think if you had to like say, who is the happiest person in the world on average,
0:53:38 not like naming a person, but if you had to describe the life of like, who’s the happiest
0:53:43 person out there? My guess is it’s probably something close to a middle-class family that
0:53:50 lives in a three bedroom house and has a five-year-old car, but they have an amazing marriage, tons of
0:53:57 friends. They’re in good health, but they are by any other statistic, ordinary. And at the end of their
0:54:03 life, more than the people who are very, very successful, that ordinary family is going to look back
0:54:07 when they’re on their deathbed, when they’re 95 years old and be like, that was good.
0:54:08 That was, that was a good time.
0:54:12 Do you think, um, this is a very strange question to ask, but do you think I could make myself like
0:54:13 that?
0:54:18 No. Here’s the truth. I think on the nature nurture spectrum,
0:54:25 most of what we believe and the feelings that we have is forged at conception. And it’s just,
0:54:28 we’re just wired that way. And there’s not much we can do about it. Some people have different
0:54:32 aspects. Elon Musk was born wired very differently than you and I,
0:54:36 and there’s nothing we can do about that. So we are who we are, but I think we can
0:54:42 put those feelings into a better context. Even if we can’t control having those feelings, we can
0:54:47 choose, we can put, tell ourselves a more complete story about why we’re having those feelings
0:54:51 and what those aspirations will actually do to our happiness.
0:54:56 So on this point of how to retire early, the first one was about managing what you want. Is there
0:55:00 anything else there that if, if I’m trying to increase the probability that I get to retire
0:55:03 early, um, I should know in terms of tactics and strategies?
0:55:06 Well, one of the things, this is a little bit different than the point, than the question that
0:55:10 you asked, but one of the things that’s important is that a lot of the people who do retire early,
0:55:14 who they tell themselves, I’m going to save so much money. I’m going to retire when I’m 32.
0:55:19 And then life’s going to be great. What actually happens is they retire at 32 and six months later,
0:55:23 they’re bored out of their mind. And they realize that like, what actually makes you happy is purpose.
0:55:29 And for a lot of people, their purpose can be their career, or they realize they had this idea that when
0:55:33 they retired, it was just going to be a great life. But the truth is all of their friends are working
0:55:38 and don’t have time to go play golf with them on Tuesday afternoon. And so a lot of people who
0:55:43 retire early end up going back and they realize it was not what it was meant, what it was made out to
0:55:47 be because they had, if the formula is independence plus purpose, they gained independence, but they
0:55:51 kind of lost their purpose. And then the four, and so it was incomplete. They didn’t get what they
0:55:56 wanted. What about passive income? People talk a lot about passive income. I had a friend DM me the
0:55:59 other day and say, Steve, I’ve got some debts, et cetera. But if I could just figure out a way to
0:56:05 create some passive income, then that should solve the problem. And this term passive income has become
0:56:10 completely overused because for example, a lot of people, when they talk about passive income,
0:56:13 they’re like, Oh, I’m going to own real estate. I mean, I have some rentals and that’s passive
0:56:17 income. If you think owning a rental property is passive income, you’ve never owned a rental
0:56:22 property because there’s nothing passive about it. It is a constant chain of broken toilets and leaky
0:56:26 roofs and tenants who don’t pay you on time on, and there’s nothing passive. That’s a full-time job
0:56:32 doing that. And so I heard someone say this recently, that there’s two ways to get wealthier.
0:56:39 You can sacrifice more or you can want less and that’s it. And gain passive income is not part
0:56:43 of that equation because- What’s the first one? Sacrifice more? Sacrifice more. What does that
0:56:49 mean? Work harder. Work in a job that has a lot of downsides, that might stress you out and requires
0:56:54 you to wake up early and go to work and do some things that you don’t want to do and spend time
0:57:01 away from your kids in a way that you don’t want to do. Sacrifice more or want less. Those are your two
0:57:06 choices. And I think that’s important in the passive income debate because I don’t think
0:57:10 there’s, but there by and large is not a thing of passive income. Even if you’re just like,
0:57:16 you know, you put your money in a savings account that pays 3% interest. Well, you had to sacrifice
0:57:22 to earn that money and to save that money and to delay the gratification of that money. I really
0:57:26 think it’s an ironclad formula. Sacrifice more or want less. Those are your two options.
0:57:32 It’s not nice. But it’s true. People want, you know, tell me which crypto to
0:57:37 invest in to get that. Of course, everyone’s always going to want the easy answer. Just like for health,
0:57:43 the answer is eat a better diet and exercise. Nobody wants that. They just say, what’s the secret
0:57:48 potion? What’s the secret formula? And maybe now we have Ozempics. Maybe now it’s closer to a secret
0:57:55 formula. But the truth is, what’s the secret to better health? Sacrifice more because working out and
0:57:59 lifting weights and running is a sacrifice. It’s not fun. It hurts. That’s why it’s good.
0:58:05 Or want less. Be happier with your imperfect body. And I think it’s a great analogy between health and
0:58:10 wealth. Often the difference between a company succeeding or failing isn’t down to its product
0:58:16 or strategy. It’s down to the people on the inside. After all, the definition of the word company is
0:58:21 group of people. And some of the best companies in the world have been largely built by A-players
0:58:26 because I’ll let you in on a little secret. When you hire an A-player, they go on to hire more A-players
0:58:32 and it perpetuates. The challenge is finding those first few A-players. I found the majority of mine
0:58:38 on LinkedIn who are a sponsor of this show. LinkedIn provides talent I could not find anywhere else.
0:58:42 Talent with the necessary skills and culture fit that I’m looking for. Whenever I’ve paid to promote
0:58:48 a role on LinkedIn, I’ve been able to hire faster and of course, better. Their data supports this too.
0:58:53 You’ll actually get three times more qualified applicants than if you posted the same role for
0:58:57 free. So if you’re trying to build something truly great, you can get started by posting a job for free
0:59:04 by visiting linkedin.com slash D-O-A-C. That’s linkedin.com slash D-O-A-C. And you can post your
0:59:10 role for free there. Terms and conditions of course apply. How much do I need to understand what’s going
0:59:15 on in the wider world and the economy in order to understand my own spending behaviors, what I should
0:59:20 spend on how to get wealthy, how to save? Is it important to have any understanding around the
0:59:26 macro? Because most people that listen to this show will probably hear these terms being spouted out
0:59:33 by political commentators like the Federal Reserve interest rate, tariffs, etc. And should I understand
0:59:38 any of this? Does any of it really impact me in a way that matters to me and my family?
0:59:42 I don’t think it’s necessary. And you can point to people I’ve written about in my books who had
0:59:47 no financial education, no training, did not read the Wall Street Journal, could not tell you how the
0:59:53 Federal Reserve works. But they had control of their psychology, control of their emotions. They worked
0:59:58 hard. They saved their money. They invested it. And that’s all you need. So the answer is you don’t
1:00:04 need to know how this works. Just in the same way that in order to be healthy, you don’t need a PhD in
1:00:08 biology. You don’t need to understand how cell division works in order to be in good shape.
1:00:13 And I think it’s the same for the economy. And it can actually backfire for a lot of people that once
1:00:18 they start reading the Wall Street Journal and learning a bit about finance, it increases their
1:00:22 confidence more than their ability. So they’re like, oh, like I read the Wall Street Journal. I should go
1:00:28 day trade crypto now because I read a thing that teaches me how the Federal Reserve works. So now I’m
1:00:34 going to, it increases your confidence more than your skill. So interesting. And so I think it’s
1:00:40 important to be an informed citizen and the Federal Reserve impacts your life and tariffs impact your
1:00:44 life. So it’s important to have some baseline understanding. But I think that’s more about
1:00:50 being an informed citizen and informed voter than it is having financial skill. Of all of my best
1:00:55 friends, there’s like five or six of them. The one that’s most cash rich is the one that knows
1:01:00 the least about, I think he’s the most rich period, to be honest. He’s the one that knows least about
1:01:04 finance. And he knows the least about investing. He knows the least about crypto.
1:01:10 Well, what’s the meme of like the tail spectrum of like the poor person drives a Toyota, the middle
1:01:15 person has a Porsche, a BMW, a Mercedes, and the rich person goes back to Toyota. Of like, it’s like
1:01:23 whether you are very uneducated or extremely wise, you tend to end up, that’s it. And so I think it does
1:01:27 tend to be the truth that the people who do the best financially, either have like no financial
1:01:33 education or extreme financial education. And it’s a person in the middle that has their confidence
1:01:38 is increased much faster than their ability. And they’re like, oh, no, no, I read this thing on
1:01:44 Reddit that taught me about day trading. So now I’m going to go bet my entire net worth on this company
1:01:50 I’ve never heard of. So funny. But so what is it that the person on the left and right side of the
1:01:55 spectrum are both doing that is the same here? So for anyone that can’t see, I’ll put it up on the
1:02:01 screen, but it just shows the bottom axis says net worth. And it basically says that people with low net
1:02:07 worth by a Toyota, people with like in the middle, that sort of middle percentage by Lamborghinis and
1:02:12 Porsches and Jaguars, and then people with extremely high net worths by Toyotas. And obviously,
1:02:17 obviously, it’s not it’s not it’s not exactly perfectly true. But I think people like a lot of
1:02:21 comedy, you see it like it’s funny, because people are like, yes, that’s true. That’s how it works.
1:02:29 I think a lot of it is like, the richer you become, you realize that the big house and the fancy car
1:02:34 didn’t do anything for you. It didn’t give you what you thought it was going to give you. And then so
1:02:38 you’re like, look, I’m just going to go back to utility, like status didn’t do it for me. So I’m going to
1:02:44 go back to utility. It can also be the case that if you’re successful and rich, you can gain your
1:02:50 admiration and your attention through what the business that you built, or the intelligence that
1:02:55 you have, or the the friendship that you can offer others. And therefore, your desire to be like,
1:02:58 look at my car, look at how cool my car is just goes down from there.
1:03:04 The way I also interpret it is that when you’re when you don’t have much money, when you don’t have a
1:03:09 huge financial understanding, like my friend, you end up playing the really boring money games.
1:03:14 And when you have a huge financial understanding, you probably also spend a lot of time playing the
1:03:20 boring money games. And by boring money games, I mean, index funds. Yeah. And the S&P 500 versus like
1:03:27 crypto. Yeah, I think you’ll see that in investing that like, the absolute lay person will invest in
1:03:34 index funds. And the extremely experienced Wall Street veteran will invest in index funds as well.
1:03:37 And it’s a person in the middle that just has like a little bit of intelligence, a little bit of
1:03:42 experience, a little bit of information that is trying as hard as they can to outperform the market.
1:03:48 I kind of learned that from reading your book, The Psychology of Money, because I think, like many
1:03:53 people thought there was some trick or hack that this book was going to teach me to figure out how to
1:03:57 trade coins at the right time or to like do Forex trading or whatever. But ultimately, the book,
1:04:07 if there was one overarching lesson it taught me, was that like patience and more boring investing
1:04:13 is the way to get to build my wealth over the long term. And that like all other strategies have
1:04:16 hidden trade-offs, which lead you to being broke.
1:04:22 Yeah. I think there’s a truth too, that like there’s an optimal level of intelligence that
1:04:27 you want for investing where you want to be smart enough to understand the basics, but not so smart
1:04:32 that the basics bore you. And a lot of people get so smart that they’re like, look, index funds,
1:04:38 compound interest, like it’s too boring. Like I need something really complex to satisfy the
1:04:44 intelligence that I have. And there’s a sweet spot where like for me, I’m just like, oh, index funds and
1:04:48 compound interest. Like that’s, that’s kind of as high as my intelligence goes here. But I think the
1:04:53 truth is that that is the best position to be in. Smart enough to understand the basics, but not so
1:04:57 smart that they become boring to you. Because once they’re boring to you, you’re just like, ah, sweep
1:04:59 those away. Let’s try to pull some more levers here.
1:05:06 What is going on in the world at the moment, Morgan? There’s, it feels like people are more
1:05:10 divided than ever before. And I feel like a lot of these subjects we talk about are somewhat
1:05:15 interconnected. It feels like there’s a rise in inequality. You probably know the numbers better
1:05:21 than I do. I mean, there’s a graph in front of you there, which shows, I think it’s, is it wage growth?
1:05:25 Yes. Monthly wage growth going back for about 25 years.
1:05:27 And it appears to be going down.
1:05:34 Well, but this is growth. So in any given year, even if the growth is 2%, that’s 2% higher than the
1:05:39 previous year. So this is not wages over time. Now it is true that if you look over a 25 year period,
1:05:44 and you took the average American family, not everybody, but the median, that their wages
1:05:50 adjusted for inflation have gone up. Not, not up as much as people would want over 25 years,
1:05:56 but that they are better off than they were 25 years ago. What is also true is that the average
1:06:02 median family would probably disagree with that statement, even if it is true statistically for
1:06:08 several reasons. One of which is their expectations have gone up over the last 25 years. The other is,
1:06:15 even if you’re looking at average wages, average, and when we talk about these statistics, does not
1:06:19 refer to any specific family. This is just a statistical number. Everyone spends their money
1:06:24 differently. So if I told you, hey, average family, you’re richer than you were in the year 2000.
1:06:28 And they’re like, yeah, but I’m trying to put my kids through college. And have you seen the price
1:06:32 of college? And like, yeah, that might be true because the price of TVs has gone down. But have you seen
1:06:37 the price of rent and housing? Like at the individual level, these statistics don’t really
1:06:42 mean that much and never have. I think a lot of economists get into a problem with that when
1:06:48 they’re like, well, statistically X, Y, and Z has happened. But ignoring the psychology and the
1:06:53 individuality of like what’s happening actually on the ground in people’s heads and how they spend their
1:06:59 money. There’s a, there’s just endless amount of nuance in here. And so I think it’s, it’s always been
1:07:04 true that we live in a world where over long periods of time, there’s good economic growth.
1:07:09 We become wealthier. We’d be, we have bigger, better things. We have more income. We have
1:07:14 better medicine. It’s equally true to that. Like there is always something legitimate to complain
1:07:18 about. And it’s legitimate to complain about. It’s not just like, oh, you should be more grateful.
1:07:23 It’s a real thing. And so when I look at a graph like this, actually what, like, if I was thinking
1:07:29 just like with my math head, I’d be like, oh, there’s been quite a bit of growth for the last 25 years.
1:07:34 Like the growth has been gone up and down, but it’s growth. You know, never in this chart is growth
1:07:39 below zero. I guess the question there is, are rich people getting richer and are the poor getting
1:07:45 poorer? It depends. I mean, it’s at the end of our rich, are the rich getting richer? Yes.
1:07:50 Are the poor getting poorer? Statistically? No.
1:07:52 Even adjusted for inflation?
1:07:58 I mean, it depends what period we’re talking about here. There was about a 20 or 30 year period where
1:08:02 the answer was unequivocally yes. There was an interesting trend over the last 10 years where
1:08:10 in percentage terms, the, the group of, of wage earners who had the highest percentage growth
1:08:15 were actually the low wage. That was true for two or three years after COVID, where if you were a low,
1:08:19 if you were a minimum wage worker, those were in percentage terms, great years for you for getting
1:08:26 wages, it’s tapered off. So I, the answer to your question is the rich are getting richer. The poor,
1:08:31 I think are treading water by and large. There’s, there’s always people who are doing differently
1:08:37 than that. But when one group of society is getting richer, treading water feels like you’re falling
1:08:43 and the, the specifics of how people spend their money. So even if on average adjusted for inflation,
1:08:48 their wages are flat, but if your rent skyrocketed, or you’re trying to send your kids through college,
1:08:52 or you have a long commute and you got to put gas in your tank, the individual level,
1:08:55 things can feel very, very different from what the statistics show.
1:08:59 And what role do you think this sort of wealth inequality that is widening between the very,
1:09:04 very top and everybody else is playing in everything that we’re seeing play out at the
1:09:08 moment? Because in the UK, it’s almost like there’s, we’re on like the verge of riots,
1:09:16 it seems. And I think last, last month, there was millions of people in London protesting against
1:09:21 immigrants coming over on boats and society becoming more multicultural. I’m so fascinated
1:09:26 by this subject because, you know, earlier on, we said that unless you have immigration in the Western
1:09:28 world, you have population decline.
1:09:32 But what’s when population decline sucks because you have what’s the biggest problem
1:09:35 right now throughout a lot of the world, at least one of the biggest perceived problems is,
1:09:36 is immigration.
1:09:40 And the same is playing out in the United States. If I go on X, although I know, I know what X
1:09:47 is. It’s people, maybe it’s just my algorithm, but it’s people attacking immigrants and immigration
1:09:50 and people that are brown and black and whatever else it might be. I’m wondering how all of this
1:09:59 is intertwined and, and if it, if it is connected at all, in your view, I think as a amateur student
1:10:04 of history, across cultures, all over the place, all through history, what you want to avoid more
1:10:10 than anything in society is when probably a third of the population wakes up every morning and says,
1:10:15 this isn’t working. That’s the point at which it’s going to collapse from there is when enough
1:10:19 people wake up in the morning and just have this feeling of like, whatever this is, it’s not working
1:10:24 out for me. You want to avoid that part. And so like, look, I’m a, I tend to be a free markets guy.
1:10:29 I’m a capitalist. I think people should be able to become very wealthy, et cetera, et cetera.
1:10:35 You also don’t want to get to a point where people become so wealthy that a big chunk of society just
1:10:38 wakes up every morning and says, fuck this. This is not, this is not going to work out for me.
1:10:43 And I think we’ve got, we’ve, we’re either there or precariously close to there in a lot of areas
1:10:47 in the world. Social media, that’s always been the case. And social media makes it a hundred times
1:10:53 worse than it’s ever been. For example, you and I are recording this a day after Charlie Kirk was
1:11:02 assassinated yesterday. And there were, who knows what number percentage it was, but I think it was
1:11:07 not hard on social media to find people who were celebrating it yesterday. Now, when Martin Luther
1:11:12 King was assassinated, did those people exist too, who celebrated assassination? Of course, but because
1:11:17 social media, by and large, you did not hear from them unless you were part of that group. Whereas
1:11:24 today, virtually everybody yesterday saw people celebrating Charlie Kirk’s assassination. And so
1:11:29 even if those feelings existed in the past, they’re much more apparent today. You see them today in a way
1:11:34 that you did not before. So because of that, it’s easy to say we’re more divided today. We’re more
1:11:39 extreme today. We’re more pessimistic than today. I think the nuance is that’s not actually true.
1:11:44 You’re just more aware of it. But those feelings always existed. They existed in the 1990s. They
1:11:49 existed in the 1950s. It was just much easier to contain those. And for the average citizen who got
1:11:56 their information from one newspaper, one evening news program to feel like things were much more stable
1:12:00 and in control and that people were much more uniform in their opinions than they actually were.
1:12:07 Before we start recording, we were talking about the Charlie Kirk shooting and how social media’s
1:12:15 ability to dehumanize other people at probably a faster rate than history would have done it is
1:12:19 pretty remarkable. And you see a lot of that. You see a lot of it taking place on both sides. I think
1:12:25 both sides describe each other as being like animals and inhumane. And one side’s calling the other side
1:12:30 Nazis. And then the other side is calling the other side, referring to them in animal terms because of
1:12:37 maybe the color of their skin or their behavior. We saw a lot of that when that heinous individual
1:12:45 killed the young lady on the train in America. And the way that this person is the fucking worst thing on
1:12:54 planet Earth. But the language was very, it was putting that person in a group of other people.
1:12:55 Yes.
1:12:58 And then making the whole group a pack of animals.
1:13:02 Right. Because in that situation too, we talked about this earlier. I don’t know that individual’s
1:13:07 name doesn’t matter, but no one refers to him by his name. It’s them. It’s they. And that once you
1:13:11 dehumanize any group of people like that, and this has been the case for all of you in history,
1:13:19 that 99.9% of people cannot kill another human, but they’re perfectly fine killing them. They,
1:13:23 that group. Once you dehumanize, you can do anything. And at a much lower level, everyone
1:13:28 realizes this with road rage. I’ve had road rage. The person cut me off. Son of a bitch. Honked my
1:13:35 horn. I don’t get too extreme with it. But in things I would never do eye to eye. But once I’m looking at
1:13:43 a car, then it’s, it’s, there’s no human there. And my ability to have a level of anger is so much higher
1:13:47 than it would be if we were just looking eye to eye. I had this experience a couple of years ago where
1:13:52 I was pulling into a gas station and I inadvertently cut somebody off. It was an accident, but I totally
1:14:00 cut them off. And he honked and threw up his middle finger at me. And we, since we pulled into the same
1:14:05 gas station, we were now like eye to eye. And I walked over to him and I think he thought I was
1:14:09 like coming to like confront him. And I put on my hands and said, I just want to apologize. I didn’t,
1:14:15 I didn’t mean to cut you off. I’m so sorry. I did. It was not on purpose. And he, I think he was so
1:14:19 surprised and he was like, wow, thank you. Thanks for like, and we had this moment of like almost
1:14:23 hugging of just like, ah, I’m so like, I hope, hope you have a great day. It was one of those of like,
1:14:28 once in the moment when it was, you stripped the humanity out of it, when it was two cars,
1:14:33 each other, both of us were like, fuck you. Once we looked eye to eye, it was like, oh brother,
1:14:37 like, it’s okay. It’s okay. And I think that was just like, for me, that was an individual example
1:14:41 of what happens at society. When you strip the humanity off it, we’re capable of so much anger
1:14:47 and hate eye to eye. We’re like, oh, that’s all good. And I think all of us know somebody who we
1:14:52 disagree with politically, regardless of what it might be. And it’s easy to be like, oh, that person’s an
1:14:56 idiot. They’re stupid. They’re ill-informed. And actually, if you sit down and talk to them,
1:14:59 you’re like, ah, look, we might have some disagreements here, but it’s all good. Cheers.
1:15:04 Let’s have a good night. Like eye to eye, the vast majority of people get along and get together,
1:15:07 but social media has turned all of life into road rage.
1:15:12 Gosh. Yeah. I mean, you know that more starkly than anyone as a podcaster, because I sit here with
1:15:17 everybody of all political opinions, extreme left, you know, pretty extreme right. And at this table,
1:15:21 we get along. Right. And even off camera, we get along.
1:15:24 I think so many people have said this in the last 24 hours about Charlie Kirk.
1:15:30 One of the most common phrases I’ve heard, it was, I didn’t agree with everything he said,
1:15:34 but at least he was brave enough to have a conversation with people who he disagreed with.
1:15:38 That was what he did by and large was going into schools and being like, I know you disagree with me.
1:15:43 Let’s talk. And, and he turned it from road rage into a conversation between people.
1:15:48 And even if you disagreed with him, I think he did it very right in that sense. And I think that’s
1:15:54 what’s why people from all over the spectrum are devastated in the last 24 hours. It was like,
1:15:56 he was one of the people who was doing it right. Even when you disagreed with them,
1:16:00 he was having a conversation face to face and bringing people together.
1:16:04 I think that absolutely hits the nail on the head, which is, I think, you know,
1:16:07 there’s things that I absolutely don’t agree with him on, but I actually think that’s just
1:16:11 completely beside the point. It’s beside the point. I want to live in a world where there’s people
1:16:14 that I disagree with. Like I actually wouldn’t choose the world where everyone I encountered
1:16:17 agreed with my opinions. There’d be no intellectual growth. There’d be no understanding. There’d be
1:16:25 no real progress. But also as you’ve highlighted, the way that Charlie Kirk went about it was he
1:16:28 would went to Oxford university and went on the formalized debate panel.
1:16:33 He didn’t hide in an office and a pine on social media. He went face to face and said,
1:16:35 I know you disagree with me. Let’s talk.
1:16:39 Yeah. And I’ll listen to what you, he wasn’t interrupting people all the time. He was hearing
1:16:44 by and large, respectful about it. And what is missing from all political discourse today?
1:16:49 It’s that it’s, I know you disagree, but let’s talk and let’s try to be respectful about it.
1:16:55 And I can’t think of anyone on either side who, who did that as consistently as he did.
1:17:03 Even if I disagree with him, the idea that we’re only going to talk to people who we agree with is
1:17:04 what causes all the problems.
1:17:07 I don’t understand these fucking people. I don’t understand.
1:17:14 It’s much more comfortable to surround yourself with people who agree with you than to accept the
1:17:21 nuance of life. And this is the problem with a lot of political media is that it creates much better
1:17:26 content when people say, this is right, this is wrong. He’s right. He’s wrong to make it very
1:17:30 explicit, binary, black and white than it is to accept the truth, which is like, it’s complicated.
1:17:35 I think I was like traumatized yesterday when I watched that, when I saw the video of him being
1:17:42 shot. I think it was this weird, like deep sense of likes, like, uh, I’ve not been able to articulate
1:17:48 what it is, but it was, I don’t know Charlie Kirk. I’ve never met him. There was a time when, you
1:17:51 know, we were potentially going to have him on the show and we were trying to figure out like, you know,
1:17:54 who to, who to have here with him. Cause he’s such an unbelievable debater that he would have
1:17:58 fucking rings around me. I was like, who can you put?
1:18:00 By the end of the show, you’d be like, you’d be like, fine, I’m conservative.
1:18:07 But there was something really surprising in how I felt when I, when I both heard the news and saw,
1:18:14 um, him being shot, this young guy, family person who was out debating, who had ideas that many people
1:18:20 disagreed with, but was in a forum where he was having them challenged, could be executed in public
1:18:25 on live stream in a way that his children are going to watch that video when they grow up probably
1:18:30 multiple times. And I was like, oh God, yeah. What does this say about the society we live in and where
1:18:34 we’re heading? You know, I know guns play a huge role in this and we have to acknowledge that because
1:18:38 it’s very, very unlikely that could have happened in the UK because we don’t have guns there.
1:18:41 So you could have thrown a rock or something, but you couldn’t have killed the guy.
1:18:49 But it’s almost, it feels like a crescendo of the moment where division in algorithms and now that,
1:18:52 you know, X has gone a certain way and other platforms are going certain ways. And if you look
1:18:57 at the stats, there’s more social networks now that have more than 20 million active users than at any
1:19:02 time in human history. It’s gone up by 50% in recent times, which means we’re becoming more splintered.
1:19:05 And then if you, if you understand the commercial models of these algorithms,
1:19:10 their commercial model is dependent on you spending more time there. So how do I get you to spend more
1:19:14 time there? Well, I give you more of the things that are going to trigger your amygdala, which is,
1:19:19 you know, your fear senses and, and the things that are going to drive, you know, drive you into rage
1:19:25 and debate and engagement and these, and sharing things. And so I don’t know, I, I wonder if there’s a way
1:19:26 back from here.
1:19:32 I have a, an optimistic view and this is not a forecast because I don’t have a hundred percent
1:19:40 faith in this, but there are so many endless examples in history when people discount how powerful
1:19:47 cycles cycles can be. And so my optimistic, my hope, it’s not even a forecast. It’s a hope is that 15 or 20
1:19:55 years from now, we look back at this era as when things bottomed politically from which we grew out
1:20:00 of, we improved more. We’re going to look back and be like, man, the, the 2020s were so bad and we were
1:20:06 so divided, but that was also a bottom that we came out of like a generational bottom. And that sounds
1:20:10 crazy today, but that’s always been the case. If you and I were talking about the economy in the 1930s,
1:20:17 it would have been preposterous, completely insane to say the 1950s are going to be the greatest,
1:20:21 most unbound prosperity, middle-class prosperity we’re ever going to have. That would have seemed
1:20:27 insane. If this was the 1970s and we just had a raft of political assassinations in the sixties,
1:20:34 John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Robert F. Kennedy, and then Richard Nixon is impeached and
1:20:39 resigned for Watergate. It would have been completely insane for you and I to say, Hey, do you know what?
1:20:44 The eighties and nineties are going to be an era of political stability and political faith and trust
1:20:50 in government? But it’s insane. Like it’s always when things are the lowest that you feel like you’re
1:20:54 never going to recover. But if you understand how cyclical things can be, it’s usually the case that
1:20:59 looking back, you’re like, man, it was bad, but looking back, that was the bottom. And I have no idea
1:21:05 if the bottom was yesterday or if it’s going to come 10 years from now, but I would bet that the most
1:21:09 likely scenario, whenever that bottom comes is that we will look 15 or 20 years back and be like,
1:21:14 that was terrible. And at that moment, everyone assumed it would go on forever. But looking back,
1:21:19 that was actually a bottom when enough people came together and said, stop, stop. This is, this is too
1:21:24 much. The forces that we’ve gone too far in the other direction. We need to, we need to come around
1:21:29 from them. It is always impossible in real time to wrap your head around that and to forecast it.
1:21:34 It’s only looking back that you’re like, yes, that was the, that, that there was the bottom.
1:21:40 And you can see things getting so bad. Trust in government is so low. Polarization is so high.
1:21:43 They would not surprise me in the slightest if we look 20 years from now and be like, oh, things,
1:21:44 things got better.
1:21:49 I understand that from an economic standpoint. I struggle with it because of the presence of how
1:21:54 we like, because of the medium in which we communicate now with social media. And I was
1:22:00 looking at the, some of the stats here and it says in 1994, only 20% of Americans held a very
1:22:10 unfavorable view of the other party. By 2022, that number has jumped to 72% among Republicans and 63%
1:22:16 among Democrats, according to Pew Research. And this is particularly pronounced in the United States
1:22:24 and in the UK and other parts of Europe. In this report, it says that social media and also cable
1:22:29 news’s role has only amplified echo chambers, making the divide sharper and more emotional.
1:22:34 And I, I can’t, especially with AI and the way I go, well, AI is going to make those algorithms
1:22:40 even smarter at understanding exactly what to show me to increase my engagement, therefore
1:22:44 increase their advertising dollars. So I’m like, what, what would be the mechanism in this context?
1:22:51 I have no statistic or even strong thing to back this up with. My gut tells me that the younger
1:22:59 generation in particular is going to be the one that looks at social media and looks at AI and recognizes
1:23:03 the bullshit that can come out of it. It’s the older generation. It’s the boomers today on social
1:23:07 media who believe everything that they see. And I think that tends to be where a lot of the polarization
1:23:11 comes from, not to blame everything on the older generation. But I think if you were to look at
1:23:15 statistically, who is the most gullible on social media of believing every post in their feed, it’s
1:23:20 the older generation. And it would not surprise me if the younger generation is much more attuned
1:23:25 to how quickly you can be led astray into some bullshit rabbit hole that is not reflective of
1:23:29 how the broader world works. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but if you were to ask me to
1:23:35 articulate why we’re going to get around the social media bubbles, it would be that the generations who
1:23:39 have been doing this the longest are going to be the best at recognizing how dangerous it can be.
1:23:44 You’re a very smart guy and you’re someone that studies, has studied history and understands.
1:23:50 You wrote the book Same as Ever, which shows a guide to what doesn’t change through history and how
1:23:55 things can often stay the same. So this is a bit of a peculiar question for you. But in the wake of
1:24:02 what happened to Charlie Kirk yesterday, his public murder, and all that’s rising from that,
1:24:09 what should someone like me and you, who have public platforms, who reach people on a daily basis,
1:24:10 do to help?
1:24:16 I think we have to remind ourselves two things about social media. One is that it’s been designed by the
1:24:22 smartest people of our generation to deliver you in your feed, not the best information, not the right
1:24:27 information. Basically, what’s going to give you the most FOMO, the most anxiety, what’s going to
1:24:33 pull out the starkest reaction in you. And the smartest people of our generation have gone to work
1:24:38 at Facebook and Google and whatever, and TikTok to make an algorithm that’s going to give you that.
1:24:42 It’s going to give you the thing in your feed that’s going to make you go, whoa, what? That’s so out.
1:24:48 And two is that even when it’s not that, even when it is just people’s thoughts,
1:24:52 people go on social media to perform.
1:24:56 They go on, like, they are trying to give you, and I’m trying to do this on social media,
1:24:59 so I don’t want to give you any random thought in my head.
1:25:03 I’m going to specifically give you what I think is going to be interesting and whatnot.
1:25:08 So if we view social media as a proxy for the real world, and I think everyone, it kind of intuitively
1:25:11 does, even if they, when you say it out loud, you’re like, no, of course it’s not the real world.
1:25:15 But it’s easy to assume that when I open up Twitter or Facebook or Instagram,
1:25:18 I’m like, I’m just, I’m just seeing a window into the world.
1:25:23 And you’re like, no, this are people performing for you and the smartest minds in the world
1:25:27 ordering that performance for what’s going to give you the most anxiety.
1:25:32 Are you optimistic about the Western economy, the US economy?
1:25:36 I could be optimistic long-term and realistic about what growth means.
1:25:42 The reason we tend to have growth in the economy and in the stock market is because,
1:25:46 it’s specifically because there’s short-term chaos.
1:25:48 So am I optimistic about the next 30 years?
1:25:49 Absolutely.
1:25:52 I know that my kids will be living a better material life than you and I are.
1:25:56 They’ll have better medicine, they’ll have better technology, they’ll have flying cars,
1:25:56 whatever it is.
1:26:02 Does that, but I’m equally confident, if not more confident, that the path between now and
1:26:03 then is going to be chaos.
1:26:06 And that’s not exclusive, that’s not mutually exclusive.
1:26:12 Like the fact that I know I’m extremely confident that there’s going to be a lot of growth and that
1:26:17 it’s going to be a constant chain of setback and suffering and misery between now and then.
1:26:20 Is there anything that you see creating a setback?
1:26:24 I mean, there’s these new protagonists in the story, there’s AI, there’s the declining
1:26:26 birth rates, which is going to have an impact on the population.
1:26:29 Is there anything that you think is your most focused?
1:26:30 There’s tariffs as well.
1:26:35 There’s Trump economics, which can cause some instability.
1:26:40 Historically, the biggest risk by far has always been the thing that nobody’s talking about.
1:26:46 So when you and I survey the world today, we talk about exactly what you just said, tariffs,
1:26:47 birth rate, people know about those things.
1:26:51 There’s never been a period when the biggest risk was something that was knowable.
1:26:56 It’s always something like COVID, which nobody saw coming, September 11th, which nobody saw
1:27:01 coming, the Great Depression, like all these things, Pearl Harbor, all these things that were
1:27:03 not on people’s radar that did the most damage.
1:27:08 And so it’s not that I don’t worry about tariffs or that I don’t worry about birth rates.
1:27:13 I do, but I would guarantee you that the worst economic story of the next 10 years, the biggest
1:27:16 risk is something that you and I are not talking about whatsoever.
1:27:18 It’s a risk that’s going to come completely out of the blue.
1:27:19 That is not in any newspaper.
1:27:21 It’s not in any podcast.
1:27:23 That’s going to be the biggest risk.
1:27:28 Is there a particular chapter in the psychology of money, which was the book that sold, I hear
1:27:33 almost 10 million copies and had a profound impact on my life and my family’s life.
1:27:37 Is there a particular story or chapter in this book that is your favorite?
1:27:45 I think the chapter on reasonable versus rational, which to very quickly summarize, it is don’t
1:27:50 pretend like you are purely rational and you’re a spreadsheet and your financial decisions have
1:27:52 to like make perfect sense.
1:27:57 Everyone is a little bit flawed, a little bit emotional, different family situations,
1:27:57 different goals.
1:28:02 As long as your financial decisions are merely reasonable, that’s good.
1:28:05 And I think a lot of people, for me and for a lot of people, they’re like, oh, thank you for
1:28:08 giving me permission because I have this quirky thing that I do with my money and it doesn’t
1:28:12 make any sense, but it’s reasonable and it makes sense for my personality.
1:28:16 And like, as long as it’s reasonable, like don’t be unreasonable, but don’t think that every
1:28:20 one of your financial decisions has to add up perfectly in a spreadsheet.
1:28:22 You want to use money as a tool for a better life.
1:28:27 And there’s many different ways to do that, a lot of which might make sense to me, but
1:28:28 not make sense to you or vice versa.
1:28:29 And so that’s fine.
1:28:36 And so I think that to me of just like, hey, this is not an exercise in a spreadsheet where
1:28:38 I’m just trying to make sure all the numbers add up.
1:28:43 I’m just trying to use money to be a little bit happier and to sleep better and to give
1:28:45 myself, my family a little bit of a better life.
1:28:48 Even if it doesn’t always make sense, this is a tool to give me a better life.
1:28:53 If money is a tool for happiness, I guess you have to get really clear, which you talk
1:28:55 about in your new book, The Art of Spending Money.
1:28:57 You have to get really clear on what your goal is.
1:29:00 And I think most of us have never actually done an exercise to get clear on that.
1:29:00 Yes.
1:29:02 Which is quite shocking.
1:29:06 Jeff Bezos talks about this in a way that I think was really profound, where he’s like,
1:29:11 he thought about building Amazon with what he called the regret minimization framework,
1:29:17 which was he envisioned himself being 90 years old or whatever on his deathbed and looking
1:29:18 back.
1:29:23 And he said, the goal for life was to be on your deathbed and have as few regrets as possible.
1:29:29 And he said, if he started Amazon and it failed, he would not have regretted that.
1:29:31 But if he never tried to start it, he would regret it.
1:29:35 And so it was an easy, of course, he has to do it because he wants to have as few regrets
1:29:36 as possible.
1:29:42 But I just think that very simple framework of the overarching goal in life, if you have like,
1:29:44 what is the base of the pyramid for how to live a good life?
1:29:50 If you want to have as few regrets as possible, not take as few risks as you can, just have
1:29:51 as few regrets as possible.
1:29:57 And I think what’s hard is that people, by and large, don’t have a good concept of what
1:29:58 they will regret.
1:30:01 It’s easy to do because a lot of things kind of compound slowly.
1:30:07 So if you eat a poor diet or if you’re like not treating your friends as well as you should,
1:30:08 that’s like a slow thing.
1:30:10 You might regret it eventually, but you’re going to look back.
1:30:13 But in real time, you don’t really understand what you’re doing.
1:30:17 So to have a good sense of what you’re going to regret is a difficult thing.
1:30:19 But to me, that’s the ultimate goal in life.
1:30:27 There is a, you know, I heard the story one time of a guy who his last words on his deathbed
1:30:30 were so much wasted time.
1:30:31 Those are his last words.
1:30:35 And I remember thinking like, that’s, that’s, that’s as worse, that’s, that’s as bad as it comes
1:30:40 to be on your deathbed and look back and being like, man, what a, what a regret.
1:30:44 It’s just filled with regrets of the things you didn’t do, of the way that you treated people,
1:30:46 of the risks that you didn’t take.
1:30:49 And so I think that if there is an overarching philosophy, it’s that.
1:30:53 And I ask myself a lot, like, do I have a good sense of what I’m going to regret?
1:31:00 And for every decision that I make, do I ask myself, will I regret doing or not doing this
1:31:00 thing?
1:31:03 Easier said than done, but something I think about a lot.
1:31:10 I think it’s generally just hard for us to appreciate that there will be a future self.
1:31:14 I was reading a study where they put people in these MRI scanners and then asked them to
1:31:18 think about themselves and then a celebrity and then themselves in 10 years time.
1:31:22 And that when they thought about themselves, a certain part of the brain lit up.
1:31:26 When they thought about a celebrity or themselves in 10 years time, a different part of the
1:31:32 brain lit up, which kind of makes you think that we don’t really, our future self is a
1:31:33 stranger.
1:31:33 Yeah.
1:31:34 And so we act.
1:31:37 And I think this about the people that I sit here with, I think probably most of the people
1:31:41 that I sit here with learning from, if you could like distill it down to why they’re here,
1:31:44 it’s because they were able to think about themselves in 10 years time.
1:31:49 They were able to, so they became an athlete and trained or they became a CEO or they became
1:31:50 an expert in something.
1:31:53 They were able to like think and they got through the PhD and all that.
1:31:54 I don’t know.
1:31:56 There’s a great quote from Jerry Seinfeld.
1:31:59 He says, self-control is empathy with your future self.
1:32:06 It’s, you are making a decision to either do or not do something today because you have
1:32:09 respect for your future self and you care about your future self.
1:32:13 You know, there’s going to be a Steven 10 years from now and you want to do something today
1:32:16 with compassion for that person 10 years from now.
1:32:20 I’m guessing kids help in some regard because they give you a future.
1:32:21 To think about.
1:32:21 Yeah.
1:32:22 Right.
1:32:27 Something that’s going to outlive you and you want to teach them something and, and, you know,
1:32:30 push them into becoming someone that’s going to outlive you.
1:32:33 So you’re, you’re having like, by default, you’re thinking about something that’s going
1:32:34 to outlive yourself.
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1:34:01 there is nothing stopping you from turning that idea into reality in a matter of minutes.
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1:34:48 You talk in the book about trying new things and why that is – there’s a chapter called Try Something New.
1:34:53 And I think a lot of us actually get stuck in ruts in life and that ends up – we get stuck in routine.
1:34:56 It’s weird how as we age, we like routine more.
1:34:59 But intuitively, everyone would say that routine makes them –
1:35:00 Boring.
1:35:00 Boring.
1:35:00 Right.
1:35:04 Life less spontaneous, less interesting, less awe, less wonder.
1:35:11 I mean, there’s that thing – people realize this, that summer vacation, when you’re 10 years old, seems like it lasts forever.
1:35:13 But when you’re an adult, summer goes by in three seconds.
1:35:16 And you’re like, why is time going faster?
1:35:24 At least one of the theories for why it seems like time goes faster as you age is because when you’re a child, every day is something new.
1:35:26 You’re experiencing something for the first time.
1:35:28 It’s a constant chain of novelty.
1:35:32 When you’re an adult, it’s probably the same commute, going to the same job, living in the same house.
1:35:36 And one day blends into the next, and before you know it, 10 years has passed.
1:35:41 And so, the idea of trying something new, I think, is important.
1:35:49 The point I made in the book about trying something new is you don’t know what your thing that you really are going to enjoy in life is.
1:35:50 It might not be intuitive.
1:35:51 Some people value travel.
1:35:53 By and large, I don’t.
1:35:55 Some people enjoy spending a ton of money on wine.
1:35:56 By and large, I don’t.
1:35:59 But I do spend my money on things that you might not appreciate.
1:36:00 Everybody’s different.
1:36:03 There’s no formula for how to do it.
1:36:07 You have to try a million different kinds of spending before you’re like, oh, I like this.
1:36:07 I don’t like that.
1:36:09 I want to focus more on this.
1:36:11 And it’s not intuitive what that thing is going to be.
1:36:14 My wife and I also had this realization in the last month.
1:36:18 So many people, when they think about money and spending, they’re like, I want to travel.
1:36:20 I want to have more money so I can travel.
1:36:22 And I think, by and large, that’s great.
1:36:23 Travel is an amazing thing.
1:36:26 My wife and I realized that, like, I think we’ve done so much of it.
1:36:29 And because we have kids right now that we’re like, I don’t think we enjoy it that much.
1:36:37 And it wasn’t until we were looking at our summer schedule that we’re like, okay, we got two more trips coming up that we were like, oh, really?
1:36:43 And we realized the best part of the last several trips that we’ve taken is coming home.
1:36:46 The most enjoyable part of the trip was coming home.
1:36:50 And we were like, can we just admit that maybe we shouldn’t be doing this as much as we do?
1:36:55 Even if society tells us that we should do it and everyone else, I travel a lot for work.
1:36:58 So, like, my idea of a vacation is not going on an airplane.
1:37:02 But you have to realize, like, everyone’s unique and different.
1:37:05 Like, if travel is your thing or someone listening to this, awesome.
1:37:06 Please go do it.
1:37:11 We had to just admit to ourselves that at least at this phase of our life, we want to do a little bit less of it.
1:37:13 So the idea that everyone’s different is important.
1:37:14 I think, I mean, I think exactly that.
1:37:20 I think what underpins much of your message here is this ability to cultivate self-awareness.
1:37:20 Yeah.
1:37:29 And I think a lot of what throws people off with money is chasing a lifestyle that is right for somebody else but not right for them.
1:37:37 And that it can be a very hard thing to do because you’re like, man, this person over here, he’s working this hard.
1:37:41 And she has this house and they’re living this lifestyle and it looks like they’re pretty happy.
1:37:43 And then you try to do it and you’re like, bah, but I’m not happy.
1:37:50 And the truth may have been that working that hard and spending money on that was right for that person, but it’s not right for you.
1:37:51 That’s what we don’t understand.
1:37:59 If you and I had Jeff Bezos’ ambition, Elon Musk’s ambition, I think we’d drive ourselves absolutely crazy.
1:38:00 It’s right for them.
1:38:01 It might not be right for us.
1:38:05 And so when we view it as it worked for them, so I should do it too.
1:38:06 No, no, no, no.
1:38:07 It doesn’t work like that.
1:38:08 You have to figure it out for yourself.
1:38:10 But also the inverse, right?
1:38:12 It didn’t work for them, so it won’t work for me.
1:38:14 It’s also incorrect.
1:38:14 Right.
1:38:19 I think it’s immature for people to say, I like this thing and therefore you should too.
1:38:21 Or the reverse.
1:38:23 This didn’t work for me and therefore nobody should do it.
1:38:24 This is the whole work-life balance debate.
1:38:26 That’s not how life works, right, right.
1:38:33 And this is what you see raging on LinkedIn is one group of people saying that amount of work and sacrifice is toxic.
1:38:34 You should do it.
1:38:35 Or the reverse.
1:38:36 Which is you’re lazy.
1:38:37 You have to hustle.
1:38:39 You’re lazy if you don’t live the life that I do.
1:38:40 And both sides are wrong.
1:38:41 Yes.
1:38:46 It comes from a sense of immaturity that everyone else should enjoy life in the exact same way that I do.
1:38:49 I think there’s a few psychological forces at play here.
1:39:03 One is, if you’re looking at a bunch of people working really hard and you’re not, it’s in a weird way holding a mirror up to you and implicitly sort of like indirectly saying that you’re not enough.
1:39:03 Yeah.
1:39:07 And then maybe on the other side, there’s some other force going the other way.
1:39:12 But I think both sides are kind of like misunderstanding that everybody is not them.
1:39:13 Yes.
1:39:17 That I can pick apart elements of your life.
1:39:21 I say, wow, Stephen, this podcast is this and he’s got homes here and he’s doing this.
1:39:26 But there’s a million different components of your life and my life and everybody’s life that are invisible.
1:39:36 And most people, because of self-preservation or because they’re trying to get ahead in life, will not disclose what the bad parts of their life are.
1:39:38 Of course, everybody does this.
1:39:39 I do this.
1:39:39 You probably do it.
1:39:40 Everyone does that.
1:39:48 Because either they don’t want to admit them to themselves or they don’t want to talk about it because they think other people are going to judge them for the bad parts of their life.
1:39:54 So it’s very easy to look at other people’s lives and have a sense of like, oh, well, theirs is better than mine.
1:39:57 Because all you can see is what they are advertising.
1:40:05 And because of that, it’s very easy to be jealous or envious of people and say, if only I had their life, things would be better.
1:40:07 And part of it is good.
1:40:11 It’s a part of it’s good for me to look at and be like, man, Stephen’s been so successful doing this kind of content.
1:40:12 Maybe I should do.
1:40:13 That’s motivation.
1:40:24 But once I say, their life looks better than mine, and if only I had what they had, I would be happier, is a very treacherous path to go down.
1:40:26 Jack is the producer on the show.
1:40:29 He’s done the show with me since the very beginning of us launching on YouTube.
1:40:33 And so he understands the intricacies of my life very well.
1:40:34 He understands my business.
1:40:37 He understands what it takes and the trade-offs.
1:40:41 So Jack, would you want my life?
1:40:43 Absolutely not.
1:40:47 No hesitation there.
1:40:51 There’s no world where I could even imagine being in your world.
1:40:59 The amount of people that are bidding for your attention on a daily basis is mind-blowing to me.
1:41:01 The podcast is such a huge part of your life.
1:41:11 But the fact that I barely hear from you on a weekly basis can probably put into a little bit of perspective how much you have on your plate.
1:41:15 I just couldn’t imagine having the magnifying glass on me that much.
1:41:21 The whole world is kind of looking at me and thinking, like, has an opinion on you.
1:41:26 And you run lots of businesses, so you almost have to perform a little bit.
1:41:32 And I think I see the worst of you, and I actually take that as a huge compliment, because you can be yourself around me.
1:41:35 I remember the time when you had to schedule your lunch.
1:41:38 I still schedule my lunch.
1:41:40 It doesn’t happen, but I schedule it.
1:41:42 You schedule it because you, like, don’t get time for your lunch.
1:41:49 Like, you went out of here, you went to the toilet, and people are asking you questions in between going from here to the toilet.
1:41:52 It’s stuff that needs to be asked, but that is your life.
1:41:55 That’s the kind of thing that you’ve gone into.
1:41:59 And I don’t know if that kind of answers your question.
1:42:01 I could probably go on for a long, long time.
1:42:04 But you should do a whole episode while he’s doing this to you.
1:42:05 I’ve got a last question, then.
1:42:06 So I’ve got two more questions.
1:42:10 The next question is, do you think that I, do you think I’m happy in my life?
1:42:15 Yes.
1:42:16 I don’t think you’re content.
1:42:18 I think you’re happy, but I don’t think you’re content.
1:42:20 And what do you mean by content?
1:42:21 Like, what do you mean by content?
1:42:29 You’re always trying to chase the next thing, and I’m not sure why.
1:42:33 Like, you could so easily just do this podcast, and it would do so well for you.
1:42:35 Like, it does do so well for you.
1:42:40 You could spend all your time doing this, and I think you’re super happy when you do do this.
1:42:44 But then there’s also other stuff that clearly makes you happy that you want to do.
1:42:47 But then you’ll come to me, and you’re like, we should start this new YouTube channel.
1:42:51 And I’m kind of like, yeah, great idea.
1:42:53 But I don’t know why you want that extra effort.
1:42:55 To your core, you’re a businessman.
1:42:57 So you’re constantly trying to build and scale.
1:43:03 But on, like, a personal reflection of how much extra toll that takes on you, and also for Mel.
1:43:05 I know that your relationship with Mel, you don’t see her that much.
1:43:09 So I think that’s quite an interesting one.
1:43:13 But yes, I do think you’re happy, but I don’t think you’re content.
1:43:14 And last question.
1:43:16 What would you like from my life?
1:43:18 What would I like from your life?
1:43:20 Yeah, so you said you wouldn’t want my life.
1:43:22 What elements?
1:43:25 Yeah, what elements of my life would you like?
1:43:31 It’s actually quite interesting, because I think I was talking to Jem and Cozzy about this last night.
1:43:34 Your life is so engineered to be super efficient.
1:43:39 So you have someone books your cars for you, someone books your flights for you.
1:43:44 You basically, as far as I’m aware, I don’t think you do much kind of normal admin that I would do.
1:43:46 I don’t even pick what I eat.
1:43:47 Yeah, exactly.
1:43:50 I get the surprise, I walk out here and it’s there, and I go, okay, well, I’m having broccoli today.
1:43:58 And I think so much of the joys of what comes from life is the little messiness of life.
1:44:00 And I actually think Morgan kind of touched on this at the start.
1:44:06 That simple kind of family that just, they’re not like super ambitious, but they’re super happy.
1:44:10 Now that messiness of life is kind of, there’s so much beauty in that.
1:44:14 I know you asked me what you would want from your life, but I think on the surface, I probably would like that stuff.
1:44:17 But I understand and appreciate the beauty of doing those.
1:44:22 I ask the question around, do you think I’m happy?
1:44:31 Because even though you heard all of that stuff and you go, fuck me, this guy, he doesn’t have much time and he’s always working.
1:44:34 And like we took a toilet break, which the audience probably won’t know.
1:44:37 But yeah, as I walked out of there, two different team members came up to two issues.
1:44:40 They said, someone wants to come on the podcast tonight.
1:44:44 I’ve got this huge meeting in New York City tonight with this major investor for four hours.
1:44:48 And they asked me in the hallway, they said, do you want this major guest to come on the show tonight
1:44:50 or to cancel this huge meeting with this?
1:44:51 And you have to make the decision in four seconds.
1:44:51 Four seconds.
1:44:52 Right.
1:44:54 So you saw me sit down and go, tell the team yes.
1:44:55 I did see that.
1:44:57 Which was me making that executive decision.
1:44:59 And I was on my phone for two and a half seconds trying to make the decision.
1:45:03 But it also means that date night is impacted with my girlfriend.
1:45:06 So like that was a little representation of my life.
1:45:14 And I asked Jack if he thinks I’m happy because my opinion, and I could be living in a delusion,
1:45:17 is that I am happy.
1:45:25 And the way that I would hazard a guess that I’m happy is I’m not unhappy and I don’t have
1:45:26 unhappiness.
1:45:32 My guess too is that you, if you said, I’m going to quit the podcast, quit all this,
1:45:37 close the business down, you would be beside yourself with anxiety and depression.
1:45:42 And so it’s less about like, is doing this, does doing this make you happy?
1:45:45 I think the better answer is not doing this would make you miserable.
1:45:46 Yeah.
1:45:47 But that’s who you are.
1:45:51 And that’s how, and I, again, I’m so grateful that people like you exist because I get to
1:45:54 benefit from the sacrifices that you made.
1:45:55 Millions of people.
1:45:55 It’s not a sacrifice to me.
1:45:58 Yes, I get that.
1:46:03 But what, from my perspective, would be a sacrifice I get to benefit from because you make great
1:46:04 content that I listen to and whatnot.
1:46:09 And so I like living in a world where most people wake up in the morning and say, this isn’t
1:46:09 enough.
1:46:11 And I think I do that too.
1:46:13 I want to write more books, better books.
1:46:19 And, but if you don’t have some capacity to say, look, I have ambitions.
1:46:20 I have goals that I want to achieve.
1:46:21 I want to work hard to achieve those.
1:46:25 I want to sacrifice to achieve those, but I’m never going to have a good life unless I can
1:46:29 take a step back and be like, man, like, look what I have right now.
1:46:33 Even if it’s not that much, there’s a very good book written by a gerontologist named Carl
1:46:33 Pillemer.
1:46:38 He wrote a book called 30 Lessons for Living, where he interviewed a bunch of elderly Americans
1:46:40 that were like 90 to 100 years old.
1:46:43 And he just said, tell me the secret to a good life.
1:46:44 You’ve experienced a lot of life.
1:46:45 Tell me what you know.
1:46:51 And he has a section where he says, of the thousand people who we interviewed, not a single
1:46:54 person looking back at their life said, I wish I made more money.
1:46:59 Not a single person said, I wish I would picked a career that paid more money.
1:47:04 Not one, but almost every single one of them looking back at their life said, I wish I was
1:47:05 nicer to people.
1:47:06 I wish I was more helpful to my friends.
1:47:08 I wish I spent more time with my family.
1:47:09 That was universal.
1:47:13 So if you want to talk about like regrets, what are we most likely, what are you and I most
1:47:14 likely to regret when we’re 90?
1:47:15 It’s not making more money.
1:47:19 It’s spending time with the people around us that we love and appreciate.
1:47:24 I find myself switching between states and sometimes it’s because of a thought, but I
1:47:29 find myself switching between these states of being like in a moment and in a mode of gratitude.
1:47:31 So last night I did the Jimmy Fallon show here in New York.
1:47:32 My team were there.
1:47:34 It was this really wonderful moment.
1:47:36 You know, I woke up this morning feeling incredibly grateful.
1:47:38 Last night I was like listening to some of my favorite music.
1:47:39 I felt incredibly grateful.
1:47:40 I’m really happy.
1:47:46 And then I know that I’m going to switch into the lack of contentment that Jack’s referring
1:47:46 to.
1:47:48 Happiness is always a five minute emotion.
1:47:48 Yeah.
1:47:52 And like today I’m back to business and it’s like build, build, build, build, build.
1:47:56 And then I have this moment last night where I was making the Instagram posters to announce
1:47:57 that I’ve been on Jimmy Fallon.
1:48:01 And I noticed my girlfriend next to me in bed had fallen asleep.
1:48:04 And this thought comes through my head all the time now, probably from doing this podcast,
1:48:10 which is exactly what you said, which is I am going to regret not spooning her and cuddling
1:48:13 her while I have the chance, especially I think because Charlie Kirk had just been shot
1:48:13 and I’d seen this family.
1:48:15 You never know how fragile life is.
1:48:15 Yeah.
1:48:17 Maybe that’s why it was front of mind for me.
1:48:21 And I remember putting the phone down and thinking, the thing I’m going to regret is
1:48:22 not cuddling her.
1:48:22 Yeah.
1:48:24 And so I put the phone down and cuddled her.
1:48:32 And so, yeah, I’m strange, I think, because I flock between these states and sometimes on
1:48:36 an hourly basis, sometimes on a daily basis, sometimes on like a minute by minute basis.
1:48:41 The fact that you’re just merely aware of those states and the false story that those
1:48:44 states can tell you puts you way ahead of most people.
1:48:50 I think to some extent that there’s an interesting book called 10% Happier, and it’s about meditation.
1:48:55 And the point, the title came from, everyone’s like, oh, can meditation change your life?
1:48:58 And his point was like, it can make you 10% happier.
1:48:59 But like, that’s pretty cool.
1:49:04 And I think that’s true for money as well, of like, can it completely change your life
1:49:07 and turn you into a much better person and way happier?
1:49:12 Like, I kind of feel like no, but it can make you 10, maybe 20% happier in life.
1:49:13 I think that’s probably right.
1:49:17 But just being aware of its limitations, like, is a huge relief, I think.
1:49:21 Be like, no, if you want a happier life, you’re going to have to find it through your purpose
1:49:26 and your friends and your family and your health and your other philosophies of life
1:49:27 that have nothing to do with money.
1:49:27 It can help.
1:49:30 It can make you 10, 20, maybe 30% happier.
1:49:34 But understanding its limitations and what it’s not going to do for you is pretty important.
1:49:40 That lack of contentment, I think I sometimes feel guilty about because I sit with so many
1:49:44 people, especially like people that are monks and such, and they tell you that wanting will
1:49:46 make you despair and make you unsatisfied.
1:49:51 But I find myself as being one of those people that you described that constantly wants to chase
1:49:52 and pursue and pursue.
1:49:55 And I think that I do have, like, am I supposed to feel guilty about that?
1:49:56 Is that something, like, wrong with me?
1:49:57 No.
1:50:02 I mean, I think that’s how humans have evolved is to, because at the core of it is competition.
1:50:07 Like, where you have that, I think, drive, everyone has that drive, is not necessarily
1:50:13 because you want to build another business or build a, grow your podcast.
1:50:17 It’s competition with others who might be doing that better than you or who might take your
1:50:18 place if you were to step back.
1:50:19 That gives you the anxiety.
1:50:21 I think that’s what everything is as its core.
1:50:25 And that’s why I like asking the question, if nobody was watching, what would you want
1:50:26 to do?
1:50:33 If nobody was watching your podcast, would you still want to do these interviews?
1:50:39 If nobody could see your house, would you buy a house that was as big as the one you did?
1:50:41 Sometimes the answer is yes.
1:50:43 The answer might be yes to both of those questions.
1:50:47 But it’s an important question to ask of, are you doing this because it actually fulfills you?
1:50:51 Or because you are competing with other people and you think you’re gaining their attention
1:50:52 by doing these things?
1:50:56 I think everyone who was answering honestly would say for most of the decisions in their
1:51:00 life, especially the big ones, the answer is both.
1:51:05 So like choosing Harvard versus the other university, which might have been better, but it’s Harvard.
1:51:10 Or buying the house where you bought it or that watch that you bought or the Apple watch instead
1:51:10 of the whatever.
1:51:12 And signaling is important.
1:51:18 You can’t just discount it because if you want to attract the right friends, the right spouse,
1:51:20 the right employers, there’s a signaling aspect.
1:51:21 A college degree is signaling.
1:51:23 It’s not the education you obtained.
1:51:29 It’s you’re giving a signal to an employer that for four years I showed up and did the
1:51:30 material and got the right answers.
1:51:33 It’s like signaling can be very, very important.
1:51:34 It’s not to discount it.
1:51:37 But there’s a right and wrong kind of signaling.
1:51:39 There’s a right kind of like, I’m doing this.
1:51:43 I’m dressing in a way and displaying myself and cutting my hair in a way that’s going to
1:51:46 attract the right friends and the right mates, the right boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever
1:51:47 it might be.
1:51:52 There’s also signaling of like, I’m going to aspire to buy this car that’s a huge pain in the
1:51:57 ass and I actually hate driving, but I think strangers are going to look at me and pay more
1:51:57 attention to me.
1:51:59 That’s the wrong kind of signaling.
1:52:04 I think this is the thing that both sides misunderstand in the debate is that someone who is a workaholic,
1:52:06 believe it or not, can be happy.
1:52:07 Yeah, absolutely.
1:52:11 And someone who does no work or works one day a week can be happy.
1:52:12 Yeah.
1:52:16 And this is like a really difficult concept for either side to understand about the other side.
1:52:19 And that’s why as well, I asked the question about Jack, like, do you think I’m happy?
1:52:22 Because Jack would know that if I’m like, if I walk out of here and he sees me,
1:52:26 as this depressed person who never smiles, never laughs and has no joy in my life, doesn’t
1:52:31 have, you know, then I would very much fit the stereotype of like the tortured workaholic
1:52:31 or whatever.
1:52:34 But it’s, yeah, it’s surprising.
1:52:35 It’s surprising.
1:52:37 I think we all just want contentment.
1:52:41 So like we, I think we get into a lot of trouble when we chase happiness, when what we’re actually
1:52:42 going for is contentment.
1:52:45 We actually just want to get to an area where we’re like, I’m good.
1:52:46 I’m all set.
1:52:50 What’s the most important thing or the most interesting thing in your book that you can
1:52:54 remember that we didn’t talk about that maybe we should have talked about?
1:52:59 I think the relationship between money and kids is, is an, is an interesting one where every
1:53:03 parent wants to use their hard work, what money they might have.
1:53:05 It doesn’t have to be a ton.
1:53:07 You don’t have to be rich, but they want to use their hard work in order to give their
1:53:08 kids a better life.
1:53:13 When a lot of times what the kid needs to do is learn on their own and they’re going
1:53:16 to learn vicariously the values that you have about money.
1:53:18 They’re going to learn just by watching.
1:53:21 You don’t need to sit your kids down and say, let me teach you how to budget.
1:53:22 Let me teach you how to save.
1:53:23 Let me teach you how to invest.
1:53:26 They’re going to figure, they’re going to watch you and figure it out.
1:53:29 And so you have to just lead by example with those kids.
1:53:31 You cannot lecture values into them.
1:53:36 They’re just going to watch how you spend, what you value, how you save, how you judge other
1:53:37 people and talk about other people.
1:53:40 And they’re going to form a philosophy of money based off of that.
1:53:45 I often think about money in terms of like attachment styles, you know, in like dating
1:53:49 psychology and romance, they talk about anxious, avoidant.
1:53:52 And then what’s the middle person called?
1:53:54 They’re like basically neutral.
1:53:59 But I think I had an avoidant money attachment style.
1:54:04 I think money was like the third parent in my household.
1:54:11 And I learned that money causes problems, that it doesn’t come around as much as we would
1:54:17 like, that it’s really why we argue in the household, that it’s the reason why I am embarrassed
1:54:19 when we pull up in that terrible car.
1:54:23 And I try and get my, I hope the traffic lights change in a certain way so that I can be dropped
1:54:25 or further away from the school so no one sees me.
1:54:28 Like my relationship with money was established at such a young age.
1:54:34 And it was, it’s almost like I had like a unhealthy, like they say relationship, but yeah, like an
1:54:35 attachment style to it.
1:54:41 And I just wonder like, is that a useful frame to think through that?
1:54:47 You have this, yeah, like this romantic-esque relationship with this thing.
1:54:53 And in order to change that, you need to unlearn the lessons.
1:54:59 I think a lot of like the lessons that we learn about money when we’re younger are because,
1:55:02 like I said earlier, it’s because when you’re young, particularly you’re a teenager, you’re
1:55:08 in your early twenties, most people in that situation have very little other skills to offer
1:55:08 the world.
1:55:10 Humor, intelligence, some people more than others.
1:55:15 But in that situation, you’re always going to gravitate towards, if only I had a nicer
1:55:18 car when I was being dropped off at school, then they would pay attention to me.
1:55:22 But the truth is, if you were the funniest kid in class, it doesn’t matter if you’re dropped
1:55:25 off in a dull, junky car, people still respect you because they’re like, man, he’s a star
1:55:26 of the football team.
1:55:27 Like, it’s hilarious.
1:55:28 It doesn’t matter what kind of car he’s driving.
1:55:31 You gain your attention and your respect from something else.
1:55:35 But if you’re not the star football player, if you’re not funny, if you have nothing else
1:55:39 to offer, then you seek your admiration through, oh, he’s dropped off in an Escalade.
1:55:40 He’s cool.
1:55:42 That’s where you want your attention to come from.
1:55:44 Is there anything else we should have talked about that we haven’t talked about, Morgan?
1:55:50 For people that are trying to get a grip of their life, be happy, make better money
1:55:50 choices.
1:55:55 To me, like the common denominator between all three of those books that you’re holding
1:56:00 is the idea that we talked about quite a bit on all the shows we’ve done together, which
1:56:02 is that there is no formula for it.
1:56:04 And that’s very disheartening for a lot of people to hear.
1:56:09 There’s no formula for here’s what I want you to go out and do, which is a lot of what people
1:56:13 want out of content, whether it’s a book or podcast, like, just tell me what to do.
1:56:16 And the answer is like, I can’t because I don’t know you and you don’t know me.
1:56:17 We’re all different.
1:56:19 But I think that’s actually the biggest like relief.
1:56:24 That’s actually the best news that you don’t have to follow somebody else’s playbook.
1:56:25 You can do it your own way.
1:56:30 And it’s easier to do it your own way when you come to terms with the fact that nobody is
1:56:32 paying as much attention to you as you think they are.
1:56:39 You can do it your own way, free of judgment and other people, you know, making fun of you
1:56:42 or judging how you’re living life because they’re too busy worrying about themselves.
1:56:45 You have to figure out what works for you and do it.
1:56:48 And that’s as close as we can get as a formula for living a better life.
1:56:51 It’s funny because the book is called The Art of Spending Money.
1:56:54 But much of the through line throughout the book is really about happiness.
1:56:57 And I guess that’s really what money is for many people.
1:56:59 A tool to become happier.
1:56:59 A tool to become happy.
1:57:05 I remember when I interviewed Mo Gordat, who wrote a book about happiness, he said to
1:57:06 me a line that’s what he stayed with me.
1:57:10 He said, happiness is when your expectations of how your life is supposed to be going are
1:57:10 met.
1:57:11 Yes.
1:57:13 And so through that lens, I look at everything.
1:57:15 I look at like the food that you’re given in a restaurant.
1:57:19 And if you expected it to be this and it doesn’t come like that, there’s unhappiness, even
1:57:22 if it’s like a five star A5 Wagyu steak or whatever.
1:57:27 And then your relationships, all of my arguments I’ve ever had with my girlfriend, all stem back
1:57:28 to unmet expectations.
1:57:28 Expectations.
1:57:33 I was saying, if you ride the Amtrak train from like New York to Washington, D.C., on
1:57:34 every train, they have what’s called the quiet car.
1:57:38 And in the quiet car, you’re not supposed to talk at anything above a whisper.
1:57:39 No phone calls.
1:57:39 No talking with your friends.
1:57:40 It’s the quiet car.
1:57:43 And people go there for peace and quiet and serenity.
1:57:49 And the irony is that people are so uptight in there because if they hear one peep out of
1:57:51 everyone, they’re like, would you shut up?
1:57:51 We’re in the quiet car.
1:57:56 They’re so frustrated about it because your expectation is I’m going to get quiet.
1:57:58 And if it’s anything other than quiet, you lose your mind.
1:58:02 And it’s like at that point, that’s when your high expectations are actually working against
1:58:03 you.
1:58:07 People are actually calmer in the normal car where there’s chaos all around them because
1:58:08 that’s what they expect.
1:58:09 So that’s the unhappiness car.
1:58:10 Right.
1:58:12 You’re like your expectations are a debt that has to be repaid.
1:58:18 That gives us a controllable element to our happiness, doesn’t it?
1:58:19 What’s your expectations?
1:58:24 Because your expectations are more in your control than things like what the economy of
1:58:25 the stock market is going to do next.
1:58:29 Like I have no, nobody has any control of what the stock market is going to do next.
1:58:34 But you have, you do have more control over your expectations of how much money to expect
1:58:35 to make next week.
1:58:36 What do you expect out of the stock market?
1:58:38 What do you expect out of your career?
1:58:39 What do you expect out of your spouse?
1:58:42 Like that is more in your control than influencing other people’s behavior.
1:58:46 And this is probably why all these Eastern traditions talk about gratitude because gratitude
1:58:50 is the very realization that expectations I once had are currently being met.
1:58:55 And it just, even when you start to think about dreams you once had that you are now living
1:58:58 out, for me, it makes me feel, yeah, that feeling of contentment.
1:59:00 It makes me feel really, really good inside.
1:59:03 So like even yesterday where I took a moment and I was on the Jimmy Fallon show and it’s like
1:59:05 this crazy thing to me that I could never have imagined someone like me doing.
1:59:12 And I took a minute to just like think about how far beyond my expectations this stuff
1:59:13 was.
1:59:15 If you feel overwhelmingly good about it.
1:59:21 But the truth was relative, if you just thought about yesterday, you expected to go on the
1:59:22 Jimmy Fallon show.
1:59:24 That made your expectations for the day.
1:59:27 If you looked at your calendar for the day, it was, I need to go to Jimmy Fallon.
1:59:28 I need to perform.
1:59:29 I need to say the right things.
1:59:32 But over the longer scope, that’s off the charts of your expectations.
1:59:37 And that’s the zooming out is where we see the gratitude fills us up.
1:59:41 And it’s very difficult to say this without sounding ridiculous, but you can even zoom
1:59:45 out and be like, God, I’m so grateful to live in a world with antibiotics and Advil.
1:59:48 Like it sounds crazy because we expect them.
1:59:51 Whenever we take penicillin, we’re like, yeah, like it’s just a thing that exists.
1:59:56 But can you imagine living in a world without that as 99% of humanity did before us?
2:00:00 Like it’s, it’s impossible to think of like the most basic things that we take advantage
2:00:04 of, but that’s where gratitude, like you have to zoom out to become more grateful to these
2:00:04 things.
2:00:07 And you’re not going to be content until you can exercise that level of gratitude.
2:00:12 You said something earlier, which dovetails into this, where you said that at different
2:00:14 levels, people will aspire, you know, the billionaire wants 2 billion.
2:00:18 And I was reading a study many years ago that said roughly all the way up the income wealth
2:00:20 spectrum, people want like three times more than they have.
2:00:23 Two to three times is what seems like the amount that’s going to keep you happy.
2:00:27 So if you have $10,000, people are like, once I have 20, then I’ll be good.
2:00:31 And if you have $20 million, people are like, ah, 40 seems like the right amount.
2:00:33 It’s always two or three times what you have.
2:00:36 And that’s just the intentional creation of an expectation gap.
2:00:39 It’s like creating misery for yourself.
2:00:39 Yes.
2:00:44 It’s this idea that like, if only I had a little bit more money, then these problems that I
2:00:48 have, this anxiety, this unfilled hole that I have will finally be filled.
2:00:50 And it’s a, it’s a lie we tell ourselves, of course.
2:00:53 And everyone listening right now has that.
2:00:55 Everyone has a number in your head where you think if I got there.
2:00:57 Then it’d be good.
2:00:57 I have that.
2:00:58 You have that.
2:00:59 We all do.
2:01:04 And if you and I have met that number, previous versions of that number, it’s the same thing.
2:01:06 We’re like, okay, but double would be great.
2:01:08 Double would be awesome.
2:01:12 I met someone the other day whose income, annual income is almost exactly 2x mine.
2:01:14 We were being very open with each other.
2:01:14 He’s a good friend of mine.
2:01:18 And the instant feeling I had, I didn’t say this, but the instant feeling I had is like,
2:01:22 okay, if I had that, everything would be great.
2:01:22 And it’s, it’s absurd.
2:01:23 We do that all day.
2:01:28 And I’m sure if my friend met someone whose income was 2x of his, he would be like, oh,
2:01:30 that’s the level.
2:01:31 That’s the one.
2:01:36 Because your overheads go up, but then your competition comparison group also increases.
2:01:40 So you’re now poorer in a different class of comparison.
2:01:45 Like, yeah, you’re like, when you bought that new house you just bought, that must have
2:01:46 moved you to a new neighborhood.
2:01:49 And there’s houses in the neighborhood nicer than ours.
2:01:49 Yeah.
2:01:51 And my wife and I talk about them.
2:01:51 Really?
2:01:52 It’s absurd.
2:01:52 It’s absurd.
2:01:57 Now, I think I’m, I think because I write about this stuff, I think I’m a little bit better
2:02:00 at catching myself in those moments, but I won’t pretend that I don’t have those moments.
2:02:01 They’re almost unavoidable.
2:02:02 What has worked for you?
2:02:08 Is there anything that has actually worked for you in terms of detaching you from comparison
2:02:09 and what people think?
2:02:11 Is there anything at all that’s worked?
2:02:12 I like this term, humble bubble.
2:02:13 I want to live in a humble bubble.
2:02:17 It has to be humble because I don’t want to live in a bubble where I don’t have empathy
2:02:18 for other people.
2:02:22 I want to take in the experience of others so I can try to understand the world that I
2:02:22 live in.
2:02:28 But I want to live in a bubble in the sense of like, I want my expectations not to leave
2:02:29 my own house.
2:02:31 Easier said than done.
2:02:36 But when my expectations don’t leave my own house, I’m like, I want good health for myself.
2:02:37 I want happy kids.
2:02:38 I want a good marriage.
2:02:40 And those things don’t leave my roof.
2:02:46 Once my expectations leave my bubble, once they expand outside of my house, I’m like,
2:02:47 oh, look at his house.
2:02:53 It’s like, I just want to, I always think about that humble bubble of like, the only thing that’s
2:02:56 going to make me happy exists underneath my roof.
2:02:57 And I know that.
2:03:02 And as soon as my aspirations are for, or leave that, I know it’s just going to spin
2:03:02 out of control.
2:03:05 I try to think about that a lot.
2:03:09 And as I mentioned before, the idea of if nobody was watching, what would I care about?
2:03:12 That’s, that’s the most powerful exercise to me.
2:03:17 If nobody could see anything that I was doing, what, how would I choose to live?
2:03:24 I’ve always wanted to counter, um, this point with some thinking, which is, but if I put
2:03:27 myself in a higher status position, I’m going to get more opportunities, which means more
2:03:31 money, which is then going to better allow me to focus on utility.
2:03:34 Not that that’s how it ever plays out for anybody.
2:03:34 Yeah.
2:03:37 But the thinking is, well, actually status does equal revenue.
2:03:38 Yeah.
2:03:39 In a lot of the world.
2:03:40 Revenue can give you independence.
2:03:40 Yeah.
2:03:42 The, the, I think that’s right.
2:03:45 I think to many extents, that’s been my goal.
2:03:50 How can I be successful in my career so that I can make enough money to not have to work in
2:03:51 the career anymore?
2:03:53 Like, it’s not that stark, but it’s kind of like that.
2:03:56 The flaw in it is that I like writing.
2:03:58 You like podcasting.
2:04:02 And so if we get more successful, like I’m not, I’m not chasing success so that I can stop
2:04:03 doing what I’m doing.
2:04:04 I just want to do things that I enjoy.
2:04:08 We have a closing tradition where the last guest leaves a question for the next, as
2:04:11 you know, do you have major regrets in life?
2:04:15 Then it says they prove no real purpose.
2:04:17 Do you still have regrets?
2:04:20 Nothing huge.
2:04:22 There are some regrets.
2:04:26 I was thinking about this the other day, my wife and I, we have two kids and we’re done
2:04:27 having kids.
2:04:32 And there’s part of me that’s like, what would have life been like if I had four kids, three
2:04:34 kids, if we’ve done that?
2:04:40 Like each, both of my kids have given me so much meaning and purpose.
2:04:43 And I wonder what a life would have been like if it had fed more.
2:04:46 And I can’t imagine having just one kid.
2:04:50 I can’t imagine just having zero kids, but there’s an alternative life in which I had four
2:04:51 or five kids.
2:04:53 And you know, life gets crazy at that point.
2:04:58 And that’s not a regret, but you realize like once you’ve kind of closed that door on your
2:05:01 life, you’re like, man, what would have life been if I had done it, if I had done it
2:05:06 differently because it’s given me more purpose than anything that I ever could have imagined.
2:05:09 And I could have had more and maybe it would have been worse.
2:05:12 But I wonder what that would have been.
2:05:16 I think it’s not until you’ve, we’ve chosen to close that door, that chapter of our life
2:05:19 that we’re like, man, what if we had, what if I had done it a little bit differently?
2:05:22 Do you wish you had frozen embryos?
2:05:23 No.
2:05:24 Because that would have kept the door open theoretically.
2:05:29 Not really, because I think there is a point of like, you want, you need youthful energy to
2:05:30 be a parent.
2:05:34 I couldn’t imagine having a newborn at 50 or 60.
2:05:39 I think you need the energy of a 30 year old or 25 or a 30 year old to do that.
2:05:44 And it’s not a regret because I’m very satisfied with the family that I have now.
2:05:49 But it’s one of those things of like, you realize you’re, you’re, there’s an infinite
2:05:50 number of paths your life can go down.
2:05:52 And we could have had no kids.
2:05:53 We could have had four kids.
2:05:56 We chose this path, but it’s one of just one.
2:05:58 It’s one of multiple paths that it could have gone down.
2:06:01 Morgan, thank you.
2:06:03 Thank you for doing what you do.
2:06:05 You’re my favorite author of all time.
2:06:09 And I think I’ve told you this before, but it’s the way that you write.
2:06:10 I find it so unbelievably engaging.
2:06:12 The message within your book is a profound one.
2:06:16 All of your books are profound ones, but it’s actually the way that you tell the stories.
2:06:18 And if anybody’s listened to you speak today, they’ll understand exactly what I mean.
2:06:21 Your books are a mirror of that.
2:06:25 The Psychology of Money, as I told you before, is the book that changed my financial life.
2:06:29 The one book, my brother, who’s a very smart person, told me to read.
2:06:31 And there’s no wonder that it’s one of the bestselling books of all time.
2:06:34 I think it might be the bestselling book of all time in its category.
2:06:39 And your new book, The Art of Spending, continues on the same trend, incredibly accessible,
2:06:41 incredibly engaging, incredibly human.
2:06:45 But within there, there’s a profound lesson that stands the chance of changing our lives
2:06:46 for the better.
2:06:50 So I highly recommend everybody goes and gets this book, The Art of Spending Money, which
2:06:51 comes out tomorrow.
2:06:53 October 7th.
2:06:54 October 7th.
2:06:57 So I’m going to link it below for anybody that wants to grab a copy of this book.
2:07:01 And if you’re someone that does want a happier life, it is a book about spending, but it’s
2:07:04 also more broadly a book about happiness and regret.
2:07:07 And it tells stories that allow you to make better decisions in your life.
2:07:12 And it’s through stories, not through frameworks alone or data, that I think we’re most influenced.
2:07:15 And you can probably relate to this if you’re listening to this.
2:07:16 You probably have heard stats before.
2:07:17 You probably know you should save.
2:07:23 But it’s sometimes hearing real stories from real people that stick into your amygdala and
2:07:24 create that behavioral change.
2:07:26 And that’s exactly how Morgan writes.
2:07:30 He writes through the context of great stories that stand the chance of changing your life.
2:07:32 So it’s a wonderful, wonderful book to read.
2:07:33 And I highly recommend you do.
2:07:33 Thanks so much for having me.
2:07:34 Thank you so much, Morgan.
2:07:36 Hope to see you again sometime soon.
2:07:36 Likewise.
2:07:36 Likewise.