AI transcript
0:00:03 The collab that you always wanted is finally here Tim’s and Nutella
0:00:08 It’s time to enjoy Nutella in a new way with your favorite Tim’s baked goods and beverages
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0:00:22 Hey Deb, what is going on with that McMuffin? Oh, it’s a mighty McMuffin sausage and double the bacon on one McMuffin
0:00:28 So you don’t have to choose you should get one. It’s perfect for you. How so you’re not the decision-making type
0:00:31 Oh, I can make decisions
0:00:35 Now should I get it with an iced coffee or a hot one? Oh, maybe both
0:00:40 Should I order in the app or in person? Should I get one hash brown? Oh boy
0:00:43 The mighty McMuffin for a limited time at participating McDonald’s in Canada
0:00:49 Episode 314 through and for Zurich are covering St. Louis, Missouri in 1914
0:00:55 World War one began and the world’s first red and green traffic lights were installed in Cleveland
0:00:59 How do you get a dual-ed toaster out of your rectum?
0:01:03 I don’t know, but I wish you hurry up. It’s getting painful
0:01:10 What does that have to do with anything nothing I just love asplay jokes
0:01:28 Welcome to the 314th episode of the prop 2 pod daddy’s vacation continues so in place of our regular scheduled programming
0:01:34 We’re sharing an episode of fixable a podcast from the Ted audio collective that features a live
0:01:41 Conversation between yours truly and host and Morris and Francis Frye from the Ted 2024 conference back in April
0:01:47 And is a CEO and best-selling author and Francis Fray is a Harvard business professor on the fixable podcast
0:01:53 They give you weekly episodes solving listeners toughest work problems with meaningful and actual insight in 30 minutes or less
0:02:00 The episode we’re sharing today explores a lot of today’s most pressing issues including the loneliness epidemic inclusion in the workplace and personal success
0:02:05 So with that here’s fixable live a conversation with yours truly
0:02:08 Scott Galloway. I’m self-conscious saying my name
0:02:13 Hey everyone, welcome back to another week of fixable
0:02:17 We have something really special for you today a few weeks ago
0:02:22 Francis and I traveled to Vancouver to attend the Ted conference and while we were there
0:02:28 We taped a live episode of the show our very first live episode our first but not the last
0:02:30 Oh, it’s far from our last. It was too much fun
0:02:38 We had a really good time and we had a special guest with us who we will introduce in just a minute
0:02:43 But we got to talk about some really interesting aspects of life and leadership and the world right now
0:02:47 Yes, I think we’ve covered DEI masculinity
0:02:50 Gen Z in the workplace the big three, baby
0:02:58 Yes in a shocking turn of events. We also covered the power of emotions something our listeners know I care a lot about
0:03:04 So today we’re sharing part of that conversation with you and hopefully we’ll get to do another live show sooner rather than later
0:03:06 So stay tuned
0:03:16 Well Scott Galloway welcome to fixable. Thanks for having me and congratulations on your fabulous talk go on
0:03:25 So desperate and addicted to your affirmation so daddy can I have some more?
0:03:32 For our listeners and for anyone who missed it you you really just killed it up there
0:03:37 Well, so how this is gonna work. This is actually our first live show. So thank you all for thank you for coming
0:03:41 Being part of the experiment. Yeah, anything can happen up here
0:03:48 And we’re gonna talk for a while then we’re gonna do some direct live Q&A with the audience
0:03:53 So we want to start by saying nice things about you Scott if you’ll indulge us
0:03:58 We are very big fans of yours like most lesbians. Thanks for saying that. Yeah
0:04:05 Ladies who love ladies also love Scott Galloway. Oh, it’s all right. Thank you for that
0:04:07 And I want to come back to that with a serious
0:04:13 Okay point before this conversation is over, but let’s start with who you are for the record. You’re
0:04:18 Professor at NYU Stern. You’re a best-selling author. You have a new book dropping
0:04:24 Momentarily the algebra of wealth a simple formula for financial security
0:04:27 Your founder advisor to countless organizations
0:04:32 You’ve been on the board of some of our most iconic companies including New York Times
0:04:35 You are a beloved podcaster
0:04:43 best known for prof G and for co-hosting pivot with celebrity lesbian Kara Swisher, and your
0:04:49 Husband father of two growing boys. Is there anything you want to add to that list any plot points?
0:04:54 We miss before we dive into no, I just want to say I’m really enjoying this podcast so far
0:05:02 Scott as you play all of these various roles in the world, it seems like you are
0:05:08 Driven by a higher mission a purpose something bigger than yourself right now
0:05:15 Is that how you think about your work? And how would you articulate your mission? It’s not as noble
0:05:20 As you’re saying my first obligation is to me and my family
0:05:26 I’ve been very driven by economic success, and I’m not proud of that. I didn’t grow up with a lot of money
0:05:30 So from day one I had two goals. I wanted to be rich and awesome
0:05:32 literally that’s what I wanted and
0:05:36 then I got one of those things and
0:05:42 You I got blessed at an early fairly early point in my life with like okay
0:05:45 I have some reasonable semblance of economic security. What do I want to do?
0:05:50 And I decided I wanted to teach the thing that’s been really super rewarding is
0:05:54 Kind of falling into this topic of struggling young men
0:06:00 It’s like, you know, you find something and it just resonates and you see the data and you think people aren’t talking about it
0:06:07 And it was like putting on something that felt so comfortable for me because I was one of those men right right growing up
0:06:10 I didn’t have a great deal of economic success
0:06:14 I didn’t have a lot of romantic success and I thought if I faced the same
0:06:20 Incredibly well resourced technology companies trying to convince me to have a reasonable facsimile of life
0:06:24 Behind a screen with algorithms that I didn’t need a job
0:06:32 I could trade crypto on Coinbase or trade stocks on Robin hood that I didn’t need to go out and take the risk of finding friends
0:06:40 I could find them on Reddit or discord that I didn’t need to endure the rejection and start working out and have a plan such
0:06:45 That I could be attractive to women and endure the rejection that is inevitably part of mating
0:06:49 I just could have been one of these guys, right? I relate to these young men
0:06:53 It’s like there by the grace of God goes I so I can speak to it
0:06:57 I think with some relevance and I just saw a tremendous opportunity
0:07:01 There’s so many advocates for so many groups and because
0:07:07 People who look like me have had so much advantage for so long
0:07:10 There’s a lack of empathy despite the data
0:07:17 For how just how much young men are struggling that they’re paying for the sins of the advantage that I had and my dad had
0:07:22 But if you look at the stats three times as likely to kill themselves twelve times as likely to be incarcerated in the US
0:07:26 We’re gonna have two to one male to female to male college grads
0:07:31 It’s also really bad in my view for women because women if we’re gonna have an honest conversation around mating
0:07:40 At least in the hetero world women made socioeconomically horizontally and up men horizontally and down and the pool of men
0:07:45 Who are horizontal and up is shrinking and some of that is a huge victory because women are doing really well
0:07:48 And we should do nothing to get in the way of that
0:07:51 The thing I saw was that there was this unproductive conversation
0:07:57 Because of this void filled by what I call the manasphere where was this thinly veiled misogyny?
0:07:59 It starts offline
0:08:03 They highlight the problems and then they talk about being fit and taking control
0:08:10 And then it just comes off the rails and they start talking about women as if they’re property and that they need to you need to show
0:08:13 Off your masculinity by yeah, it’s a slippery slide
0:08:16 And and then I wouldn’t take my crypto university course
0:08:23 So I thought there was a an opportunity for okay. How do we start talking about an aspirational vision for masculinity?
0:08:29 That says empathy is not a zero-sum game gay marriage did not hurt heteronormative marriage civil rights did not hurt white people
0:08:34 So being an advocate for young men who are facing real issues is in no way
0:08:41 Anti-women this is when a man has failed is when he starts blaming women or he starts blaming immigrants
0:08:43 Then you know we’ve lost him
0:08:46 And that he has given up on a truly modern form of masculinity
0:08:54 So I just I saw an opportunity it felt good in a resonated with a marketplace and it just kind of come
0:08:56 organically
0:09:00 Let’s talk about DEI for a second sure just to get the crowd warmed up
0:09:09 We’ll go to the easy stuff first. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like DEI it’s at its best and we get pulled into a lot of these conversations
0:09:16 it seems like this work at its best really is about making workplaces fair and inclusive for everyone on the payroll and
0:09:20 One of the things that I think we get stuck on in person
0:09:23 I want to get you in here is that there should be
0:09:27 Just tremendous room for common ground here
0:09:31 Not only because the goals are shared, but when you actually do get it, right?
0:09:34 Everybody wins. Yep
0:09:36 how do we talk about it or
0:09:42 Do this work in a way that really does bring more people into it
0:09:44 professor and
0:09:47 We wrote an op-ed for the New York Times with our colleague
0:09:52 Carrie Elkins that said, you know the mistake that be the critics of BEI get is it works
0:10:01 Like all of the progress you were talking about it all happened because people understood the demographic tendencies associated with success
0:10:06 They didn’t want to have outcome based success. I’ve never met a DEI program that wants her to be outcome based
0:10:11 It’s all equal access. We’ve been having unequal access to me
0:10:18 I think there is all of this common ground, but I don’t think that that’s what’s behind the desire to tear it down
0:10:24 I think the desire to tear it down has much more to do with misogyny and much more to do with racism
0:10:31 We always want to step over race always want to step over race and get to someone else and
0:10:36 It’s the stain on this country. We have never stopped
0:10:38 and
0:10:43 Confronted what our issues are with race. So I find there to be simmering
0:10:51 Misogyny and racism and I don’t find it any more complicated than that and I adore people who want to go towards the socio-economic
0:10:53 I grew up poor as well
0:10:58 But please stop stepping over race to get there. It’s the wrong thing to do
0:11:06 I mean one of the things that I get stuck on is when we actually get into the trenches of doing this and
0:11:09 Roll up your sleeves and do the work of trying to make organizations better
0:11:15 Mm-hmm. There is real progress you can make within the constraints of changing organizations. I mean there’s a famous
0:11:21 Statistic that seventy percent of change efforts fail. So great
0:11:25 So DEI is tracking roughly to that seventy percent
0:11:33 But you don’t throw out the goals of the work you you learn from the thirty percent that is working and it feels like there’s an
0:11:37 just an absence of grace and an absence of
0:11:44 Charity and compassion around this conversation right now that feels like it’s
0:11:48 It’s there’s something else going on that there’s something else going on and the
0:11:51 Just back to where we started that the to me
0:11:56 it’s the opportunity cost that is so painful because you speak to young men in crisis and
0:11:58 When this work is done well
0:12:06 They are brought into the fold and give an opportunity that they didn’t have before and so I think the frustration that we
0:12:09 are both feeling right now is that
0:12:16 We’re getting so distracted by the conversation about DEI that we’re stop putting energy into actually making progress on it
0:12:20 I think there’s so much nuance here. I think it’s such an interesting. I love the word use grace
0:12:26 That we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about this and you say something not elegant
0:12:31 Or I say something not elegant and that person is cancelled or that we shame them and we get virtue points for shaming them
0:12:37 Because first off, I’m the beneficiary of affirmative action. I got Pell grants
0:12:39 I had unfair advantage
0:12:44 Raised by a single immigrant mother lived and died a secretary our household income was never over forty thousand dollars
0:12:51 And so I feel passionate about that and also if you’re born and this is wonderful in
0:12:57 America, I believe now you have more advantage or less disadvantage if you’re born gay
0:13:04 Or if you’re born non-white than if you’re born poor and it didn’t used to be that way the academic gap
0:13:07 achievement gap in 1960 was double
0:13:12 between black and white then between rich and poor and now it has flipped and
0:13:20 There’s this wonderful progress that it’s not as tightly correlated any longer about race or sexual orientation
0:13:29 so my view is all right, do we need to recalibrate what it means the criteria for who we advantage or disadvantage and
0:13:35 Where I think we can come together is that about 70% of
0:13:38 Those criteria overlap
0:13:45 But if you’re from a non-white family where there’s two parents and mom is a bollared or law firm and making a shit ton of
0:13:47 money that kid
0:13:51 Has a greater likelihood of attending college than some white kid from Appalachia
0:13:54 so I
0:13:58 Think we can come together and say look the key is to recognize some people have
0:14:04 Disadvantage through no fault of their own but also recognize that things have changed I
0:14:10 I don’t know how much time you spend with professional DEI professionals or in DEI
0:14:17 Parts of organizations they’re amongst the most compassionate people big-tent people they care about
0:14:24 socioeconomic they care about veterans they care about race they care about gender so this straw man of DEI
0:14:31 Cares only about this and they will somehow advantage and by the way, I’ve never seen these groups advantaged
0:14:35 I’ve just seen the disadvantages closed or attempting to do it
0:14:40 But DEI is big-tent and what you’re arguing for is big-tent
0:14:48 That’s the part that I genuinely don’t understand is we seem to agree and
0:14:55 Yet we want to tear down the very thing that in its absence. It’s gonna be hard to
0:15:00 Take care of people that are disadvantaged. They say it’s for big-tent reasons
0:15:04 But literally they’ve not spent any time with any of the DEI professionals
0:15:08 I’ve spent time with which is at almost every large company in the world
0:15:15 So I don’t understand the vitriol behind it, which is why I think there’s something cruel behind it
0:15:19 I don’t think it’s a it doesn’t feel logical to me
0:15:24 Well, I think you have to discern between so for example where I think some people have made the mistake is they like the attention
0:15:30 They get accolades from people and then they decide that they’re going to go after all DEI without understanding nuance
0:15:36 I think DEI still has relevance and corporations. I don’t think corporations have come as far as campuses
0:15:41 You know when there’s what is it? There’s more CEOs named John and female
0:15:45 I think I think women just caught up to John just caught up to John
0:15:48 So what that says is all right
0:15:54 But if you look at people under the age of 30 women have made huge progress on almost every level
0:15:57 Sometimes they’re actually superseding them because they’re getting more educational attainment
0:16:02 But something happens and then what I think the data reflects is once you decide to leverage your ovaries
0:16:10 Wham the corporate world doesn’t like you once a woman has decides that kids she goes to 77 cents on the dollar
0:16:14 That means there is neither a quality of opportunity or a quality of outcomes
0:16:21 So I think DEI still has a place in corporations. I would argue professor that at most universities
0:16:24 We have done a pretty good job
0:16:29 And again, I go back to you see that I think it’s going to be a more productive conversation where we can all agree on
0:16:37 Getting to a similar place where there’s more support universal around alumni alumni and faculty
0:16:44 Where it’s based on income as opposed to based on visible characteristics. I also think it does harm to people of color
0:16:51 When their classmates sometimes often question if and why they’re there. I think that they pay the price for that
0:16:54 So I think it requires a lot of nuance
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0:19:59 Let’s talk about those young people graduating going into the workforce
0:20:02 There’s a lot of chatter about
0:20:08 Gen Z at work and we got a lot of great questions about what do I do with my Gen Z employees?
0:20:12 Do you find that this is truly a different generation?
0:20:16 I mean to me it feels like they just have the courage to ask for things that we should have asked for
0:20:19 Should have asked for
0:20:25 It’s a double-edged sword for the most part. They’re a superior generation evolution works
0:20:31 They’re more facile with technology. They understand the world better. They’re more civic-minded. They’re most social-minded
0:20:35 they’re also I find more emotionally fragile and
0:20:42 That because of over parenting helicopter parenting, which I’m capable of because of social media
0:20:47 Because we clear out the obstacles for them by the time they get to college
0:20:51 They have a bit of a princess in the peace syndrome and that is the first time they get their heart broken
0:20:55 The first time they get a C the first time they face some sort of injustice
0:21:00 They have real issues. I think they’re too emotionally fragile
0:21:07 I love what the the Dean or the Chancellor of Michigan State put up the banner on freshman orientation
0:21:13 She put up a banner that said if words offend you call your parents and tell them you’re not ready for college
0:21:17 You know, I get some I used to get so many emails from department heads about
0:21:23 Microaggressions and I thought isn’t the point that we’re supposed to turn them into warriors
0:21:28 That they’re supposed to really and by the way that they let me just in represent
0:21:32 So how does how do organizations do that because they’re all these?
0:21:35 companies and teams absorbing
0:21:41 This generation. Mm-hmm. How do leaders build resilience in a very practical?
0:21:48 Show called fixable. So in a very practical way, how do leaders of teams with Gen Z?
0:21:52 team members build resilience in in this
0:21:55 newest generation the workforce
0:21:57 well, I
0:22:00 Think I think you’re gonna forget more about this and I’m gonna know I
0:22:05 Am somewhat cynical about a corporation’s role what I have found is generally speaking
0:22:11 For-profit companies are so good in America at making money. They should be trusted to do nothing else. I
0:22:18 Don’t think social media is gonna protect our children. I don’t think they give a flying fuck about your kids
0:22:22 Or let me put it this way. I think they’re amoral. I don’t think they’re bad people. I think they’re amoral
0:22:27 I think their job is to make money and they will make a series of incremental decisions on the path to hell
0:22:30 Such that they can become rich and America to be rich is to be loved
0:22:35 It’s to be respected admired have a broader selection set of mates to give your kids health care
0:22:39 So you will make incremental decisions that end up hurting other people that maybe aren’t in your neighborhood
0:22:42 We need laws
0:22:45 We need laws that said we’re gonna see your company if you discriminate
0:22:51 We’re gonna see your company if you send a 14 year old girl who’s having suicidal ideation and email saying here’s some images on
0:22:59 Suicide we thought you might like and the in the email includes images of nooses pills and razors that happened in the UK
0:23:05 So there’s notion that we’re gonna call on CEO’s better angels and that they’re gonna become social engineers
0:23:09 You want to be a good company? You want to be a good in the community?
0:23:15 But I think we need less virtue signaling from companies and less expectations from them and we need more laws
0:23:24 I just don’t trust companies to figure this shit out. I trust them to to put out Instagram saying black lives matter
0:23:27 Okay
0:23:33 What does that mean or to stand up and say I recognize we’re on hallow grounds of native America
0:23:36 You’re gonna give it back if not shut the fuck up
0:23:42 So I think we need more laws, but I’m a bit cynical about
0:23:47 Companies as this whole Bono red agents of change
0:23:51 I think their job is to provide people with economic security
0:23:57 And I think it’s our job to have laws to ensure that if you are making less money because of your gender
0:24:01 Or your sexual orientation that we hit that company really hard in court
0:24:08 I mean really hard and create an algebra of deterrence that says accidentally unwittingly if you’re paying this group less
0:24:15 We’re gonna really hit you so hard such that you put in place the practices to ensure it does not happen again
0:24:18 But I think we
0:24:24 fetishize these corporations and their leaders so much that we expect their better angels to show up and every new
0:24:31 Sam Altman the hush tones. I’m worried about AI. Yeah, we should think about that
0:24:38 I’ve seen what this can do. I’m really concerned. We’ve had 40 congressional hearings on child safety online. We’ve had zero laws
0:24:44 But we think Sam Altman’s gonna be different. We can’t trust these people. We can trust them to do what they’re good at
0:24:50 Which is make money so I find a lot of these initiatives quite frankly our virtue signaling and aren’t that effective and then we need laws
0:24:57 All right, so I’m gonna go to the audience for questions. Yeah, we’re gonna go for and so this is our last question
0:25:01 And then we’re gonna bring in our fabulous Ted audience. This is my serious question about your lesbian fan club
0:25:08 And this is my theory of the case. All right, one of the gifts of being queer and
0:25:11 There are many there are many for the record
0:25:20 but you have more freedom to stand in front of the list of human attributes that the world has labeled masculine and feminine and
0:25:23 decide
0:25:25 What’s gonna work for you? Yeah
0:25:28 You are
0:25:37 Fiercely competitive. You have lots of protector energy. You’re also very willing to cry in public for example
0:25:41 You seem to have given yourself this same freedom
0:25:45 Which in my experience is quite rare
0:25:50 You’re being generous as lesbians. We applaud you game recognizes game
0:25:52 But what?
0:25:57 What made that possible for you? Yeah, I never thought that crying would be such an attribute
0:26:04 I didn’t cry from age of 29 to 44. I didn’t cry my mother died. I didn’t cry when my I got divorced
0:26:10 I didn’t cry when my company went chapter 11 for 15 years. I didn’t cry. I forgot how and
0:26:16 My biggest fear I think about death a lot. It’s actually quite empowering my biggest fear is I’m at the end and
0:26:20 I struggle with anger and depression, which means I’m in the past too much
0:26:26 I have trouble forgiving myself. I did made a couple mistakes on stage today. I’m gonna beat myself up all fucking night tonight
0:26:30 I won’t be able to forgive myself. I’ll feel good. I’ll go online
0:26:36 And I know I can tell by the vibe that I’ll get a bunch of nice compliments. I’m too addicted to other people’s affirmation
0:26:42 It’s really pathetic. Oh, you’re human Scott. No, anyways for God’s sakes. I’m 59 at some point. I’ll just need me
0:26:51 But my fear is I’m so stuck in the past and I’m so in the future all the time because I’m successful and to be successful
0:26:55 You have to be constantly thinking about the future that I’m never actually here and you get to the end of your life
0:26:57 And you think okay
0:27:01 Unbelievable prosperity people that love me that I loved immensely was never there
0:27:10 Never there and one of the ways I have discovered I can slow down and be in the moment is to really lean into my emotions
0:27:18 When I find something funny, I force myself to laugh out loud. I have a weird unattractive laugh
0:27:23 But it informs what I find interesting when I’m inspired by something I
0:27:26 Stop and I think why does this move me?
0:27:30 I’m much more a
0:27:37 Motive if I see a guy who looks cool. I’ll go up to my seat. I just think you look so fucking cool boss and
0:27:44 It puts me in the moment and it makes me it’s like okay. I’m finally living my life
0:27:48 because I can register those emotions so my advice to
0:27:53 People especially men is if you aren’t leaning into your emotions
0:28:00 If you aren’t inspired if you’re not laughing if you’re not just loving this shit out of sex and communicating how much you’re enjoying it
0:28:02 If you’re not crying
0:28:06 You’re not really here. I can guarantee you at the end of your life
0:28:13 You’re not gonna go. Geez. I wish I cried less. I wish I’d laugh less. I wish I’d told people how cool I
0:28:20 Thought they were less. So for me, it’s like cathartic. It’s like fucking finally. I’m living my life
0:28:24 Did you make a decision? What happened at 44 to start crying again?
0:28:32 It wasn’t any one thing and I don’t know if you feel this way. I’m gonna start crying you just brought out the man in me
0:28:34 I’m gonna say
0:28:37 I’m unleashed
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0:30:15 Well, we got a bunch of great submitted question, but I want to reward people who showed up here
0:30:18 So if you have a question raise your hand, we have some
0:30:25 Lovely mic runners and please introduce yourself. My name is Chadburn. I’m long time to turn and just so thrilled that you’re here
0:30:32 Thank you for organizing this. Thank you. There’s a statement in our culture at least in America that I grew up with which is no pain
0:30:37 No gain. Mm-hmm. How do you feel about suffering? Do you think you have to suffer to be successful?
0:30:40 well, okay, so I
0:30:45 Do a survey of my kids when I say my kids and me my students every year
0:30:48 how much money do you expect to make by the time you’re 30 and
0:30:53 They expect to be in the top 2% of income earners by the time they’re 30 and
0:30:56 Then they use the word balance
0:30:59 No, okay
0:31:01 Do you have rich parents?
0:31:03 No
0:31:08 Give up on the balance part. I’m not suggesting you can’t stay fit. I’m not suggesting you can’t find a maid
0:31:10 I’m not suggesting you can’t have a good time
0:31:16 But unless you’re smart enough to be born rich if you want to be wealthy in a competitive economy
0:31:21 Plan to do pretty much nothing but work for 20 years
0:31:24 That’s what I found
0:31:29 I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve had balance been in great shape good relationships. That’s usually when I’m losing money
0:31:36 And from the age of 25 to 45, I’m not proud of this. I did nothing but work. I
0:31:39 Mean almost nothing. I tried to work out
0:31:44 I still found time to drink and try and have the occasional mating opportunity
0:31:49 but for the most part I just worked because I wanted economic security and
0:31:53 what I tell young people is they can have it all they just can’t have it all at once and
0:31:59 So I have a sober conversation with yourself. And by the way, I’m not saying that’s the right way. It was my way
0:32:01 It cost me my hair
0:32:03 It cost me my first marriage
0:32:05 It cost me a lot of stress and it was worth it
0:32:09 Because now I have a great deal of balance in my life
0:32:14 And so I just suggest all young people have a an honest conversation around the trade-off
0:32:16 So you can have it all you can’t have it all at once
0:32:20 You know Jay-Z followed his passion and got rich assume you are not Jay-Z
0:32:23 That’s a great question
0:32:26 I’ve got two kids that are 10 and 12 and
0:32:33 It dawned on me. I’m 52. It dawned on me about a year ago. I was sitting in a
0:32:39 case study class with Harvard Business School folks and they were teaching us about authentic leadership and
0:32:45 Ethics and diversity and all these great things about how to run great companies and I was like man
0:32:52 I’ve been pretty successful in my life. I’m just learning some of this stuff now. What if I learned this when I was my kid’s age
0:32:54 What if I learned this when I was 10 when I was 12?
0:32:59 So I started sharing some of those concepts with my 10 and 12 year old and found they could grok it
0:33:05 And I’m just curious, you know, two things one what’s something you wish you knew when you were 10 or 12?
0:33:08 That would have helped you have been a better leader and
0:33:15 How would you have taught it to your kid or to yourself or to the kids that you were surrounded with if there’s one skill?
0:33:20 Someone asked me. I was kind of go to business if there’s one skill I could give my kids
0:33:26 It would be not computer programming or STEM or biology or Mandarin or anything
0:33:30 I try and teach them and I’m trying to do this my kids to be storytellers. I
0:33:37 Think that is the the skill that stands up to the test of time. You want to be an entrepreneur. You got to be a great storyteller
0:33:40 You want to score above your weight class?
0:33:42 Romanically you got to have a good rap
0:33:48 And your ability to communicate your ideas in a compelling way to either raise money
0:33:52 To handle difficult situations with people to attract
0:33:55 someone of high character
0:33:58 To be friends it comes down to storytelling
0:34:01 So that is the one skill I’d want to give the kids
0:34:04 but
0:34:09 You know, I mean I have teenagers all the time calling me and asking me for advice
0:34:12 My 16 year old has never asked me for advice on almost anything
0:34:17 And it’s kind of heartbreaking. It’s like, do you know how important I am among young men?
0:34:22 So I don’t know I would just I would just want to tell myself
0:34:26 You know figure out storytelling and everything’s gonna be fine
0:34:31 You guys have any thoughts you have sons the conversation. We’ve been having recently around the dinner table is
0:34:36 about comfort with discomfort being the ultimate superpower and
0:34:44 That all of their hopes and dreams are in the zone of discomfort. And so if they can get even a little bit more comfortable
0:34:51 With even this the physicality of being uncomfortable. That’s great. Then then it life opens up
0:34:56 I love that dramatic ways. I love that. So just along the lines the thing I love about
0:35:00 I don’t know if you’re encouraging your boys to do sports or kind of competitive academic whatever it is
0:35:03 the thing I took away from crew
0:35:11 was at some point it was such a gift to me and I was easily the worst athlete at UCLA is that
0:35:17 At one point the air coming down your esophagus is literally on fire. You can’t feel your legs
0:35:20 You are about to pass out. I’m not exaggerating. You’re about to pass out
0:35:23 that’s at 800 meters and you go to 2000 and
0:35:31 What it gave me was it when I’m really like so depressed. I see no way out. I’m at my limit
0:35:38 I cannot work any harder. I cannot take this emotional disappointment anymore. I’m so upset at myself
0:35:44 I just can’t handle anymore what crew and sports gave me as a young man as I realized when you’re at that point
0:35:48 You’re actually about at a third of your limit. Yes, our older boy
0:35:55 Decided to wrestle this year to great sport. It’s a great sport as a mom to watch
0:36:00 Very hard to watch because he would just go and get the ship beat out of him
0:36:03 He’s never been happier. He’s never had more confidence
0:36:10 It’s amazing. I mean now he does pull-ups every night until exhaustion
0:36:13 Yeah, it’s been the most amazing thing. Love that
0:36:16 People will often say what’s the key to your success on my rejection?
0:36:22 I ran for sophomore class president junior class president senior class president lost all three times based on my track record
0:36:25 I ran for student body president where I went on to wait for it lose
0:36:33 Applied to nine schools got into one way listen. I mean rejection. Oh my god
0:36:35 I can’t tell you how many women have rejected me and
0:36:38 That’s the key
0:36:40 Never losing your sense of enthusiasm
0:36:45 And so your son the fact that he’s losing wrestling matches and is still enthusiastic about it
0:36:51 That is a gift. That is a gift. That’s what we tell him every morning at breakfast
0:36:54 Send them back out there. Yeah
0:37:01 Bring home an L bring home another L. Don’t get it big guy. Don’t get it. Yeah, that’s great
0:37:04 All right. Well, I think we have to wrap there. It’s a great way to end
0:37:12 Thank you Scott you’re you’re a total star and it was our privilege to host you on the stage
0:37:14 Thank you
0:37:16 Thanks everybody
0:37:30 Thanks for listening if you want to figure out your workplace problem together, please send us a message
0:37:37 We would love to have you on the show email fixable at Ted comm or called two three four fixable
0:37:40 That’s two three four three four nine two two five three
0:37:45 And if you’re under the age of 35, you can also text us
0:37:51 Honestly any way you want to communicate with us. We are delighted to hear from you
0:37:57 We are so grateful for everyone who’s written called texted. We couldn’t make the show without you quite literally
0:38:05 Fixable is brought to you by the Ted audio collective and Pushkin Industries. It’s hosted by me and Morris and me Francis Frye
0:38:15 Our team includes Izzy Carter, Constanza Gallardo, Ban Ban Chang, Michelle Quint, Corey Hagem, Alejandra Salazar and Roxanne Highlash
0:38:18 This episode was mixed by Louie at Story Yard
0:38:24 If you’re enjoying the show make sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcast and tell a friend to check us out
0:38:34 [BLANK_AUDIO]
0:00:08 It’s time to enjoy Nutella in a new way with your favorite Tim’s baked goods and beverages
0:00:12 Try them all today at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time
0:00:22 Hey Deb, what is going on with that McMuffin? Oh, it’s a mighty McMuffin sausage and double the bacon on one McMuffin
0:00:28 So you don’t have to choose you should get one. It’s perfect for you. How so you’re not the decision-making type
0:00:31 Oh, I can make decisions
0:00:35 Now should I get it with an iced coffee or a hot one? Oh, maybe both
0:00:40 Should I order in the app or in person? Should I get one hash brown? Oh boy
0:00:43 The mighty McMuffin for a limited time at participating McDonald’s in Canada
0:00:49 Episode 314 through and for Zurich are covering St. Louis, Missouri in 1914
0:00:55 World War one began and the world’s first red and green traffic lights were installed in Cleveland
0:00:59 How do you get a dual-ed toaster out of your rectum?
0:01:03 I don’t know, but I wish you hurry up. It’s getting painful
0:01:10 What does that have to do with anything nothing I just love asplay jokes
0:01:28 Welcome to the 314th episode of the prop 2 pod daddy’s vacation continues so in place of our regular scheduled programming
0:01:34 We’re sharing an episode of fixable a podcast from the Ted audio collective that features a live
0:01:41 Conversation between yours truly and host and Morris and Francis Frye from the Ted 2024 conference back in April
0:01:47 And is a CEO and best-selling author and Francis Fray is a Harvard business professor on the fixable podcast
0:01:53 They give you weekly episodes solving listeners toughest work problems with meaningful and actual insight in 30 minutes or less
0:02:00 The episode we’re sharing today explores a lot of today’s most pressing issues including the loneliness epidemic inclusion in the workplace and personal success
0:02:05 So with that here’s fixable live a conversation with yours truly
0:02:08 Scott Galloway. I’m self-conscious saying my name
0:02:13 Hey everyone, welcome back to another week of fixable
0:02:17 We have something really special for you today a few weeks ago
0:02:22 Francis and I traveled to Vancouver to attend the Ted conference and while we were there
0:02:28 We taped a live episode of the show our very first live episode our first but not the last
0:02:30 Oh, it’s far from our last. It was too much fun
0:02:38 We had a really good time and we had a special guest with us who we will introduce in just a minute
0:02:43 But we got to talk about some really interesting aspects of life and leadership and the world right now
0:02:47 Yes, I think we’ve covered DEI masculinity
0:02:50 Gen Z in the workplace the big three, baby
0:02:58 Yes in a shocking turn of events. We also covered the power of emotions something our listeners know I care a lot about
0:03:04 So today we’re sharing part of that conversation with you and hopefully we’ll get to do another live show sooner rather than later
0:03:06 So stay tuned
0:03:16 Well Scott Galloway welcome to fixable. Thanks for having me and congratulations on your fabulous talk go on
0:03:25 So desperate and addicted to your affirmation so daddy can I have some more?
0:03:32 For our listeners and for anyone who missed it you you really just killed it up there
0:03:37 Well, so how this is gonna work. This is actually our first live show. So thank you all for thank you for coming
0:03:41 Being part of the experiment. Yeah, anything can happen up here
0:03:48 And we’re gonna talk for a while then we’re gonna do some direct live Q&A with the audience
0:03:53 So we want to start by saying nice things about you Scott if you’ll indulge us
0:03:58 We are very big fans of yours like most lesbians. Thanks for saying that. Yeah
0:04:05 Ladies who love ladies also love Scott Galloway. Oh, it’s all right. Thank you for that
0:04:07 And I want to come back to that with a serious
0:04:13 Okay point before this conversation is over, but let’s start with who you are for the record. You’re
0:04:18 Professor at NYU Stern. You’re a best-selling author. You have a new book dropping
0:04:24 Momentarily the algebra of wealth a simple formula for financial security
0:04:27 Your founder advisor to countless organizations
0:04:32 You’ve been on the board of some of our most iconic companies including New York Times
0:04:35 You are a beloved podcaster
0:04:43 best known for prof G and for co-hosting pivot with celebrity lesbian Kara Swisher, and your
0:04:49 Husband father of two growing boys. Is there anything you want to add to that list any plot points?
0:04:54 We miss before we dive into no, I just want to say I’m really enjoying this podcast so far
0:05:02 Scott as you play all of these various roles in the world, it seems like you are
0:05:08 Driven by a higher mission a purpose something bigger than yourself right now
0:05:15 Is that how you think about your work? And how would you articulate your mission? It’s not as noble
0:05:20 As you’re saying my first obligation is to me and my family
0:05:26 I’ve been very driven by economic success, and I’m not proud of that. I didn’t grow up with a lot of money
0:05:30 So from day one I had two goals. I wanted to be rich and awesome
0:05:32 literally that’s what I wanted and
0:05:36 then I got one of those things and
0:05:42 You I got blessed at an early fairly early point in my life with like okay
0:05:45 I have some reasonable semblance of economic security. What do I want to do?
0:05:50 And I decided I wanted to teach the thing that’s been really super rewarding is
0:05:54 Kind of falling into this topic of struggling young men
0:06:00 It’s like, you know, you find something and it just resonates and you see the data and you think people aren’t talking about it
0:06:07 And it was like putting on something that felt so comfortable for me because I was one of those men right right growing up
0:06:10 I didn’t have a great deal of economic success
0:06:14 I didn’t have a lot of romantic success and I thought if I faced the same
0:06:20 Incredibly well resourced technology companies trying to convince me to have a reasonable facsimile of life
0:06:24 Behind a screen with algorithms that I didn’t need a job
0:06:32 I could trade crypto on Coinbase or trade stocks on Robin hood that I didn’t need to go out and take the risk of finding friends
0:06:40 I could find them on Reddit or discord that I didn’t need to endure the rejection and start working out and have a plan such
0:06:45 That I could be attractive to women and endure the rejection that is inevitably part of mating
0:06:49 I just could have been one of these guys, right? I relate to these young men
0:06:53 It’s like there by the grace of God goes I so I can speak to it
0:06:57 I think with some relevance and I just saw a tremendous opportunity
0:07:01 There’s so many advocates for so many groups and because
0:07:07 People who look like me have had so much advantage for so long
0:07:10 There’s a lack of empathy despite the data
0:07:17 For how just how much young men are struggling that they’re paying for the sins of the advantage that I had and my dad had
0:07:22 But if you look at the stats three times as likely to kill themselves twelve times as likely to be incarcerated in the US
0:07:26 We’re gonna have two to one male to female to male college grads
0:07:31 It’s also really bad in my view for women because women if we’re gonna have an honest conversation around mating
0:07:40 At least in the hetero world women made socioeconomically horizontally and up men horizontally and down and the pool of men
0:07:45 Who are horizontal and up is shrinking and some of that is a huge victory because women are doing really well
0:07:48 And we should do nothing to get in the way of that
0:07:51 The thing I saw was that there was this unproductive conversation
0:07:57 Because of this void filled by what I call the manasphere where was this thinly veiled misogyny?
0:07:59 It starts offline
0:08:03 They highlight the problems and then they talk about being fit and taking control
0:08:10 And then it just comes off the rails and they start talking about women as if they’re property and that they need to you need to show
0:08:13 Off your masculinity by yeah, it’s a slippery slide
0:08:16 And and then I wouldn’t take my crypto university course
0:08:23 So I thought there was a an opportunity for okay. How do we start talking about an aspirational vision for masculinity?
0:08:29 That says empathy is not a zero-sum game gay marriage did not hurt heteronormative marriage civil rights did not hurt white people
0:08:34 So being an advocate for young men who are facing real issues is in no way
0:08:41 Anti-women this is when a man has failed is when he starts blaming women or he starts blaming immigrants
0:08:43 Then you know we’ve lost him
0:08:46 And that he has given up on a truly modern form of masculinity
0:08:54 So I just I saw an opportunity it felt good in a resonated with a marketplace and it just kind of come
0:08:56 organically
0:09:00 Let’s talk about DEI for a second sure just to get the crowd warmed up
0:09:09 We’ll go to the easy stuff first. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like DEI it’s at its best and we get pulled into a lot of these conversations
0:09:16 it seems like this work at its best really is about making workplaces fair and inclusive for everyone on the payroll and
0:09:20 One of the things that I think we get stuck on in person
0:09:23 I want to get you in here is that there should be
0:09:27 Just tremendous room for common ground here
0:09:31 Not only because the goals are shared, but when you actually do get it, right?
0:09:34 Everybody wins. Yep
0:09:36 how do we talk about it or
0:09:42 Do this work in a way that really does bring more people into it
0:09:44 professor and
0:09:47 We wrote an op-ed for the New York Times with our colleague
0:09:52 Carrie Elkins that said, you know the mistake that be the critics of BEI get is it works
0:10:01 Like all of the progress you were talking about it all happened because people understood the demographic tendencies associated with success
0:10:06 They didn’t want to have outcome based success. I’ve never met a DEI program that wants her to be outcome based
0:10:11 It’s all equal access. We’ve been having unequal access to me
0:10:18 I think there is all of this common ground, but I don’t think that that’s what’s behind the desire to tear it down
0:10:24 I think the desire to tear it down has much more to do with misogyny and much more to do with racism
0:10:31 We always want to step over race always want to step over race and get to someone else and
0:10:36 It’s the stain on this country. We have never stopped
0:10:38 and
0:10:43 Confronted what our issues are with race. So I find there to be simmering
0:10:51 Misogyny and racism and I don’t find it any more complicated than that and I adore people who want to go towards the socio-economic
0:10:53 I grew up poor as well
0:10:58 But please stop stepping over race to get there. It’s the wrong thing to do
0:11:06 I mean one of the things that I get stuck on is when we actually get into the trenches of doing this and
0:11:09 Roll up your sleeves and do the work of trying to make organizations better
0:11:15 Mm-hmm. There is real progress you can make within the constraints of changing organizations. I mean there’s a famous
0:11:21 Statistic that seventy percent of change efforts fail. So great
0:11:25 So DEI is tracking roughly to that seventy percent
0:11:33 But you don’t throw out the goals of the work you you learn from the thirty percent that is working and it feels like there’s an
0:11:37 just an absence of grace and an absence of
0:11:44 Charity and compassion around this conversation right now that feels like it’s
0:11:48 It’s there’s something else going on that there’s something else going on and the
0:11:51 Just back to where we started that the to me
0:11:56 it’s the opportunity cost that is so painful because you speak to young men in crisis and
0:11:58 When this work is done well
0:12:06 They are brought into the fold and give an opportunity that they didn’t have before and so I think the frustration that we
0:12:09 are both feeling right now is that
0:12:16 We’re getting so distracted by the conversation about DEI that we’re stop putting energy into actually making progress on it
0:12:20 I think there’s so much nuance here. I think it’s such an interesting. I love the word use grace
0:12:26 That we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about this and you say something not elegant
0:12:31 Or I say something not elegant and that person is cancelled or that we shame them and we get virtue points for shaming them
0:12:37 Because first off, I’m the beneficiary of affirmative action. I got Pell grants
0:12:39 I had unfair advantage
0:12:44 Raised by a single immigrant mother lived and died a secretary our household income was never over forty thousand dollars
0:12:51 And so I feel passionate about that and also if you’re born and this is wonderful in
0:12:57 America, I believe now you have more advantage or less disadvantage if you’re born gay
0:13:04 Or if you’re born non-white than if you’re born poor and it didn’t used to be that way the academic gap
0:13:07 achievement gap in 1960 was double
0:13:12 between black and white then between rich and poor and now it has flipped and
0:13:20 There’s this wonderful progress that it’s not as tightly correlated any longer about race or sexual orientation
0:13:29 so my view is all right, do we need to recalibrate what it means the criteria for who we advantage or disadvantage and
0:13:35 Where I think we can come together is that about 70% of
0:13:38 Those criteria overlap
0:13:45 But if you’re from a non-white family where there’s two parents and mom is a bollared or law firm and making a shit ton of
0:13:47 money that kid
0:13:51 Has a greater likelihood of attending college than some white kid from Appalachia
0:13:54 so I
0:13:58 Think we can come together and say look the key is to recognize some people have
0:14:04 Disadvantage through no fault of their own but also recognize that things have changed I
0:14:10 I don’t know how much time you spend with professional DEI professionals or in DEI
0:14:17 Parts of organizations they’re amongst the most compassionate people big-tent people they care about
0:14:24 socioeconomic they care about veterans they care about race they care about gender so this straw man of DEI
0:14:31 Cares only about this and they will somehow advantage and by the way, I’ve never seen these groups advantaged
0:14:35 I’ve just seen the disadvantages closed or attempting to do it
0:14:40 But DEI is big-tent and what you’re arguing for is big-tent
0:14:48 That’s the part that I genuinely don’t understand is we seem to agree and
0:14:55 Yet we want to tear down the very thing that in its absence. It’s gonna be hard to
0:15:00 Take care of people that are disadvantaged. They say it’s for big-tent reasons
0:15:04 But literally they’ve not spent any time with any of the DEI professionals
0:15:08 I’ve spent time with which is at almost every large company in the world
0:15:15 So I don’t understand the vitriol behind it, which is why I think there’s something cruel behind it
0:15:19 I don’t think it’s a it doesn’t feel logical to me
0:15:24 Well, I think you have to discern between so for example where I think some people have made the mistake is they like the attention
0:15:30 They get accolades from people and then they decide that they’re going to go after all DEI without understanding nuance
0:15:36 I think DEI still has relevance and corporations. I don’t think corporations have come as far as campuses
0:15:41 You know when there’s what is it? There’s more CEOs named John and female
0:15:45 I think I think women just caught up to John just caught up to John
0:15:48 So what that says is all right
0:15:54 But if you look at people under the age of 30 women have made huge progress on almost every level
0:15:57 Sometimes they’re actually superseding them because they’re getting more educational attainment
0:16:02 But something happens and then what I think the data reflects is once you decide to leverage your ovaries
0:16:10 Wham the corporate world doesn’t like you once a woman has decides that kids she goes to 77 cents on the dollar
0:16:14 That means there is neither a quality of opportunity or a quality of outcomes
0:16:21 So I think DEI still has a place in corporations. I would argue professor that at most universities
0:16:24 We have done a pretty good job
0:16:29 And again, I go back to you see that I think it’s going to be a more productive conversation where we can all agree on
0:16:37 Getting to a similar place where there’s more support universal around alumni alumni and faculty
0:16:44 Where it’s based on income as opposed to based on visible characteristics. I also think it does harm to people of color
0:16:51 When their classmates sometimes often question if and why they’re there. I think that they pay the price for that
0:16:54 So I think it requires a lot of nuance
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0:19:59 Let’s talk about those young people graduating going into the workforce
0:20:02 There’s a lot of chatter about
0:20:08 Gen Z at work and we got a lot of great questions about what do I do with my Gen Z employees?
0:20:12 Do you find that this is truly a different generation?
0:20:16 I mean to me it feels like they just have the courage to ask for things that we should have asked for
0:20:19 Should have asked for
0:20:25 It’s a double-edged sword for the most part. They’re a superior generation evolution works
0:20:31 They’re more facile with technology. They understand the world better. They’re more civic-minded. They’re most social-minded
0:20:35 they’re also I find more emotionally fragile and
0:20:42 That because of over parenting helicopter parenting, which I’m capable of because of social media
0:20:47 Because we clear out the obstacles for them by the time they get to college
0:20:51 They have a bit of a princess in the peace syndrome and that is the first time they get their heart broken
0:20:55 The first time they get a C the first time they face some sort of injustice
0:21:00 They have real issues. I think they’re too emotionally fragile
0:21:07 I love what the the Dean or the Chancellor of Michigan State put up the banner on freshman orientation
0:21:13 She put up a banner that said if words offend you call your parents and tell them you’re not ready for college
0:21:17 You know, I get some I used to get so many emails from department heads about
0:21:23 Microaggressions and I thought isn’t the point that we’re supposed to turn them into warriors
0:21:28 That they’re supposed to really and by the way that they let me just in represent
0:21:32 So how does how do organizations do that because they’re all these?
0:21:35 companies and teams absorbing
0:21:41 This generation. Mm-hmm. How do leaders build resilience in a very practical?
0:21:48 Show called fixable. So in a very practical way, how do leaders of teams with Gen Z?
0:21:52 team members build resilience in in this
0:21:55 newest generation the workforce
0:21:57 well, I
0:22:00 Think I think you’re gonna forget more about this and I’m gonna know I
0:22:05 Am somewhat cynical about a corporation’s role what I have found is generally speaking
0:22:11 For-profit companies are so good in America at making money. They should be trusted to do nothing else. I
0:22:18 Don’t think social media is gonna protect our children. I don’t think they give a flying fuck about your kids
0:22:22 Or let me put it this way. I think they’re amoral. I don’t think they’re bad people. I think they’re amoral
0:22:27 I think their job is to make money and they will make a series of incremental decisions on the path to hell
0:22:30 Such that they can become rich and America to be rich is to be loved
0:22:35 It’s to be respected admired have a broader selection set of mates to give your kids health care
0:22:39 So you will make incremental decisions that end up hurting other people that maybe aren’t in your neighborhood
0:22:42 We need laws
0:22:45 We need laws that said we’re gonna see your company if you discriminate
0:22:51 We’re gonna see your company if you send a 14 year old girl who’s having suicidal ideation and email saying here’s some images on
0:22:59 Suicide we thought you might like and the in the email includes images of nooses pills and razors that happened in the UK
0:23:05 So there’s notion that we’re gonna call on CEO’s better angels and that they’re gonna become social engineers
0:23:09 You want to be a good company? You want to be a good in the community?
0:23:15 But I think we need less virtue signaling from companies and less expectations from them and we need more laws
0:23:24 I just don’t trust companies to figure this shit out. I trust them to to put out Instagram saying black lives matter
0:23:27 Okay
0:23:33 What does that mean or to stand up and say I recognize we’re on hallow grounds of native America
0:23:36 You’re gonna give it back if not shut the fuck up
0:23:42 So I think we need more laws, but I’m a bit cynical about
0:23:47 Companies as this whole Bono red agents of change
0:23:51 I think their job is to provide people with economic security
0:23:57 And I think it’s our job to have laws to ensure that if you are making less money because of your gender
0:24:01 Or your sexual orientation that we hit that company really hard in court
0:24:08 I mean really hard and create an algebra of deterrence that says accidentally unwittingly if you’re paying this group less
0:24:15 We’re gonna really hit you so hard such that you put in place the practices to ensure it does not happen again
0:24:18 But I think we
0:24:24 fetishize these corporations and their leaders so much that we expect their better angels to show up and every new
0:24:31 Sam Altman the hush tones. I’m worried about AI. Yeah, we should think about that
0:24:38 I’ve seen what this can do. I’m really concerned. We’ve had 40 congressional hearings on child safety online. We’ve had zero laws
0:24:44 But we think Sam Altman’s gonna be different. We can’t trust these people. We can trust them to do what they’re good at
0:24:50 Which is make money so I find a lot of these initiatives quite frankly our virtue signaling and aren’t that effective and then we need laws
0:24:57 All right, so I’m gonna go to the audience for questions. Yeah, we’re gonna go for and so this is our last question
0:25:01 And then we’re gonna bring in our fabulous Ted audience. This is my serious question about your lesbian fan club
0:25:08 And this is my theory of the case. All right, one of the gifts of being queer and
0:25:11 There are many there are many for the record
0:25:20 but you have more freedom to stand in front of the list of human attributes that the world has labeled masculine and feminine and
0:25:23 decide
0:25:25 What’s gonna work for you? Yeah
0:25:28 You are
0:25:37 Fiercely competitive. You have lots of protector energy. You’re also very willing to cry in public for example
0:25:41 You seem to have given yourself this same freedom
0:25:45 Which in my experience is quite rare
0:25:50 You’re being generous as lesbians. We applaud you game recognizes game
0:25:52 But what?
0:25:57 What made that possible for you? Yeah, I never thought that crying would be such an attribute
0:26:04 I didn’t cry from age of 29 to 44. I didn’t cry my mother died. I didn’t cry when my I got divorced
0:26:10 I didn’t cry when my company went chapter 11 for 15 years. I didn’t cry. I forgot how and
0:26:16 My biggest fear I think about death a lot. It’s actually quite empowering my biggest fear is I’m at the end and
0:26:20 I struggle with anger and depression, which means I’m in the past too much
0:26:26 I have trouble forgiving myself. I did made a couple mistakes on stage today. I’m gonna beat myself up all fucking night tonight
0:26:30 I won’t be able to forgive myself. I’ll feel good. I’ll go online
0:26:36 And I know I can tell by the vibe that I’ll get a bunch of nice compliments. I’m too addicted to other people’s affirmation
0:26:42 It’s really pathetic. Oh, you’re human Scott. No, anyways for God’s sakes. I’m 59 at some point. I’ll just need me
0:26:51 But my fear is I’m so stuck in the past and I’m so in the future all the time because I’m successful and to be successful
0:26:55 You have to be constantly thinking about the future that I’m never actually here and you get to the end of your life
0:26:57 And you think okay
0:27:01 Unbelievable prosperity people that love me that I loved immensely was never there
0:27:10 Never there and one of the ways I have discovered I can slow down and be in the moment is to really lean into my emotions
0:27:18 When I find something funny, I force myself to laugh out loud. I have a weird unattractive laugh
0:27:23 But it informs what I find interesting when I’m inspired by something I
0:27:26 Stop and I think why does this move me?
0:27:30 I’m much more a
0:27:37 Motive if I see a guy who looks cool. I’ll go up to my seat. I just think you look so fucking cool boss and
0:27:44 It puts me in the moment and it makes me it’s like okay. I’m finally living my life
0:27:48 because I can register those emotions so my advice to
0:27:53 People especially men is if you aren’t leaning into your emotions
0:28:00 If you aren’t inspired if you’re not laughing if you’re not just loving this shit out of sex and communicating how much you’re enjoying it
0:28:02 If you’re not crying
0:28:06 You’re not really here. I can guarantee you at the end of your life
0:28:13 You’re not gonna go. Geez. I wish I cried less. I wish I’d laugh less. I wish I’d told people how cool I
0:28:20 Thought they were less. So for me, it’s like cathartic. It’s like fucking finally. I’m living my life
0:28:24 Did you make a decision? What happened at 44 to start crying again?
0:28:32 It wasn’t any one thing and I don’t know if you feel this way. I’m gonna start crying you just brought out the man in me
0:28:34 I’m gonna say
0:28:37 I’m unleashed
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0:30:15 Well, we got a bunch of great submitted question, but I want to reward people who showed up here
0:30:18 So if you have a question raise your hand, we have some
0:30:25 Lovely mic runners and please introduce yourself. My name is Chadburn. I’m long time to turn and just so thrilled that you’re here
0:30:32 Thank you for organizing this. Thank you. There’s a statement in our culture at least in America that I grew up with which is no pain
0:30:37 No gain. Mm-hmm. How do you feel about suffering? Do you think you have to suffer to be successful?
0:30:40 well, okay, so I
0:30:45 Do a survey of my kids when I say my kids and me my students every year
0:30:48 how much money do you expect to make by the time you’re 30 and
0:30:53 They expect to be in the top 2% of income earners by the time they’re 30 and
0:30:56 Then they use the word balance
0:30:59 No, okay
0:31:01 Do you have rich parents?
0:31:03 No
0:31:08 Give up on the balance part. I’m not suggesting you can’t stay fit. I’m not suggesting you can’t find a maid
0:31:10 I’m not suggesting you can’t have a good time
0:31:16 But unless you’re smart enough to be born rich if you want to be wealthy in a competitive economy
0:31:21 Plan to do pretty much nothing but work for 20 years
0:31:24 That’s what I found
0:31:29 I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve had balance been in great shape good relationships. That’s usually when I’m losing money
0:31:36 And from the age of 25 to 45, I’m not proud of this. I did nothing but work. I
0:31:39 Mean almost nothing. I tried to work out
0:31:44 I still found time to drink and try and have the occasional mating opportunity
0:31:49 but for the most part I just worked because I wanted economic security and
0:31:53 what I tell young people is they can have it all they just can’t have it all at once and
0:31:59 So I have a sober conversation with yourself. And by the way, I’m not saying that’s the right way. It was my way
0:32:01 It cost me my hair
0:32:03 It cost me my first marriage
0:32:05 It cost me a lot of stress and it was worth it
0:32:09 Because now I have a great deal of balance in my life
0:32:14 And so I just suggest all young people have a an honest conversation around the trade-off
0:32:16 So you can have it all you can’t have it all at once
0:32:20 You know Jay-Z followed his passion and got rich assume you are not Jay-Z
0:32:23 That’s a great question
0:32:26 I’ve got two kids that are 10 and 12 and
0:32:33 It dawned on me. I’m 52. It dawned on me about a year ago. I was sitting in a
0:32:39 case study class with Harvard Business School folks and they were teaching us about authentic leadership and
0:32:45 Ethics and diversity and all these great things about how to run great companies and I was like man
0:32:52 I’ve been pretty successful in my life. I’m just learning some of this stuff now. What if I learned this when I was my kid’s age
0:32:54 What if I learned this when I was 10 when I was 12?
0:32:59 So I started sharing some of those concepts with my 10 and 12 year old and found they could grok it
0:33:05 And I’m just curious, you know, two things one what’s something you wish you knew when you were 10 or 12?
0:33:08 That would have helped you have been a better leader and
0:33:15 How would you have taught it to your kid or to yourself or to the kids that you were surrounded with if there’s one skill?
0:33:20 Someone asked me. I was kind of go to business if there’s one skill I could give my kids
0:33:26 It would be not computer programming or STEM or biology or Mandarin or anything
0:33:30 I try and teach them and I’m trying to do this my kids to be storytellers. I
0:33:37 Think that is the the skill that stands up to the test of time. You want to be an entrepreneur. You got to be a great storyteller
0:33:40 You want to score above your weight class?
0:33:42 Romanically you got to have a good rap
0:33:48 And your ability to communicate your ideas in a compelling way to either raise money
0:33:52 To handle difficult situations with people to attract
0:33:55 someone of high character
0:33:58 To be friends it comes down to storytelling
0:34:01 So that is the one skill I’d want to give the kids
0:34:04 but
0:34:09 You know, I mean I have teenagers all the time calling me and asking me for advice
0:34:12 My 16 year old has never asked me for advice on almost anything
0:34:17 And it’s kind of heartbreaking. It’s like, do you know how important I am among young men?
0:34:22 So I don’t know I would just I would just want to tell myself
0:34:26 You know figure out storytelling and everything’s gonna be fine
0:34:31 You guys have any thoughts you have sons the conversation. We’ve been having recently around the dinner table is
0:34:36 about comfort with discomfort being the ultimate superpower and
0:34:44 That all of their hopes and dreams are in the zone of discomfort. And so if they can get even a little bit more comfortable
0:34:51 With even this the physicality of being uncomfortable. That’s great. Then then it life opens up
0:34:56 I love that dramatic ways. I love that. So just along the lines the thing I love about
0:35:00 I don’t know if you’re encouraging your boys to do sports or kind of competitive academic whatever it is
0:35:03 the thing I took away from crew
0:35:11 was at some point it was such a gift to me and I was easily the worst athlete at UCLA is that
0:35:17 At one point the air coming down your esophagus is literally on fire. You can’t feel your legs
0:35:20 You are about to pass out. I’m not exaggerating. You’re about to pass out
0:35:23 that’s at 800 meters and you go to 2000 and
0:35:31 What it gave me was it when I’m really like so depressed. I see no way out. I’m at my limit
0:35:38 I cannot work any harder. I cannot take this emotional disappointment anymore. I’m so upset at myself
0:35:44 I just can’t handle anymore what crew and sports gave me as a young man as I realized when you’re at that point
0:35:48 You’re actually about at a third of your limit. Yes, our older boy
0:35:55 Decided to wrestle this year to great sport. It’s a great sport as a mom to watch
0:36:00 Very hard to watch because he would just go and get the ship beat out of him
0:36:03 He’s never been happier. He’s never had more confidence
0:36:10 It’s amazing. I mean now he does pull-ups every night until exhaustion
0:36:13 Yeah, it’s been the most amazing thing. Love that
0:36:16 People will often say what’s the key to your success on my rejection?
0:36:22 I ran for sophomore class president junior class president senior class president lost all three times based on my track record
0:36:25 I ran for student body president where I went on to wait for it lose
0:36:33 Applied to nine schools got into one way listen. I mean rejection. Oh my god
0:36:35 I can’t tell you how many women have rejected me and
0:36:38 That’s the key
0:36:40 Never losing your sense of enthusiasm
0:36:45 And so your son the fact that he’s losing wrestling matches and is still enthusiastic about it
0:36:51 That is a gift. That is a gift. That’s what we tell him every morning at breakfast
0:36:54 Send them back out there. Yeah
0:37:01 Bring home an L bring home another L. Don’t get it big guy. Don’t get it. Yeah, that’s great
0:37:04 All right. Well, I think we have to wrap there. It’s a great way to end
0:37:12 Thank you Scott you’re you’re a total star and it was our privilege to host you on the stage
0:37:14 Thank you
0:37:16 Thanks everybody
0:37:30 Thanks for listening if you want to figure out your workplace problem together, please send us a message
0:37:37 We would love to have you on the show email fixable at Ted comm or called two three four fixable
0:37:40 That’s two three four three four nine two two five three
0:37:45 And if you’re under the age of 35, you can also text us
0:37:51 Honestly any way you want to communicate with us. We are delighted to hear from you
0:37:57 We are so grateful for everyone who’s written called texted. We couldn’t make the show without you quite literally
0:38:05 Fixable is brought to you by the Ted audio collective and Pushkin Industries. It’s hosted by me and Morris and me Francis Frye
0:38:15 Our team includes Izzy Carter, Constanza Gallardo, Ban Ban Chang, Michelle Quint, Corey Hagem, Alejandra Salazar and Roxanne Highlash
0:38:18 This episode was mixed by Louie at Story Yard
0:38:24 If you’re enjoying the show make sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcast and tell a friend to check us out
0:38:34 [BLANK_AUDIO]
This is an episode we think you’d enjoy of Fixable, a podcast from the TED Audio Collective.
Hosts Anne and Frances sat down with the Dawg for a conversation on loneliness, resilience, inclusion in the workplace, raising healthy boys, and what it takes to be personally and financially successful. They wrap up with an unexpected emotional audience Q+A.
Fixable is a podcast hosted by two of the top leadership coaches in the world: CEO and best-selling author Anne Morriss and her wife, Harvard Business Professor Frances Frei. Together, talk to guest callers about their workplace issues and solve their problems – in 30 minutes or less. You’ll always be left with meaningful and actionable advice that can apply to you no matter your position on the company ladder.
If you want to hear more Fixable, find it anywhere you get your podcasts.
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