Author: The Tim Ferriss Show

  • #754: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ann Miura-Ko

    AI transcript
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    0:03:29 – Optimal, minimal.
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    0:03:46 ♪ Me, Tim, Ferris, so ♪
    0:03:54 – Hello, boys and girls, ladies and germs.
    0:03:55 This is Tim Ferris.
    0:03:57 Welcome to another episode of The Tim Ferris Show
    0:03:59 where it is my job to sit down
    0:04:02 with world-class performers from every field imaginable
    0:04:04 to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books,
    0:04:09 and so on that you can apply and test in your own lives.
    0:04:10 This episode is a two-for-one,
    0:04:12 and that’s because the podcast
    0:04:14 recently hit its 10th year anniversary,
    0:04:16 which is insane to think about,
    0:04:18 and past one billion downloads.
    0:04:22 To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best.
    0:04:25 Some of my favorites from more than 700 episodes
    0:04:27 over the last decade.
    0:04:28 I could not be more excited
    0:04:31 to give you these super combo episodes.
    0:04:32 And internally, we’ve been calling these
    0:04:34 the super combo episodes
    0:04:36 because my goal is to encourage you
    0:04:39 to yes, enjoy the household names, the super famous folks,
    0:04:42 but to also introduce you to lesser-known people
    0:04:44 I consider stars.
    0:04:46 These are people who have transformed my life
    0:04:49 and I feel like they can do the same for many of you.
    0:04:52 Perhaps they got lost in a busy news cycle,
    0:04:54 perhaps you missed an episode.
    0:04:55 Just trust me on this one,
    0:04:59 we went to great pains to put these pairings together.
    0:05:01 And for the bios of all guests,
    0:05:06 you can find that and more at tim.blog/combo.
    0:05:08 And now, without further ado,
    0:05:10 please enjoy and thank you for listening.
    0:05:14 – First up, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
    0:05:16 Austrian-born bodybuilder,
    0:05:20 star of total recall, true lies, twins,
    0:05:23 and the Terminator films, among many others,
    0:05:26 businessman, philanthropist, best-selling author
    0:05:29 of Be Useful, Seven Tools for Life,
    0:05:32 and the 38th governor of California.
    0:05:35 You can find Arnold on Twitter and Instagram
    0:05:37 at Schwarzenegger.
    0:05:39 And you can join more than half a million subscribers
    0:05:44 to his newsletter, Pump Club, at arnoldspumpclub.com.
    0:05:50 – I was looking at a very old photograph of, I think,
    0:05:53 your first major bodybuilding competition in Stuttgart.
    0:05:55 I think it was the junior of Mr. Europe.
    0:05:57 And I looked at this photograph,
    0:05:59 and what stuck out to me was,
    0:06:03 if we had just looked at the faces, not the bodies,
    0:06:05 it was so clear to me that you were going to win
    0:06:08 and that you knew or believed you were going to win.
    0:06:10 Your face was so confident compared
    0:06:11 to every other competitor.
    0:06:14 Where did that confidence come from?
    0:06:18 – My confidence came from my vision,
    0:06:21 because I am always a big believer that
    0:06:25 if you have a very clear vision of where you want to go,
    0:06:27 then the rest of it is much easier,
    0:06:31 because you know always why you’re training five hours a day.
    0:06:32 You always know why you’re pushing
    0:06:35 and going through the pain barrier,
    0:06:37 and why do you have to eat more,
    0:06:38 and why do you have to struggle more,
    0:06:40 why do you have to be more disciplined,
    0:06:43 and all of those things become much more clear.
    0:06:47 It’s not like, oh my God, I have to do another 200 sit-ups.
    0:06:48 It’s more kind of like,
    0:06:51 I can’t wait to do another 200 sit-ups,
    0:06:54 because that would get me one step closer
    0:06:57 to have the abs that I need to win at Mr. Universe.
    0:06:58 And that’s my goal.
    0:07:01 I see myself clearly on that stage,
    0:07:02 winning the Mr. Universe.
    0:07:06 I see myself very clearly of getting the trophy,
    0:07:10 standing there with the trophy, raising it above my head,
    0:07:13 and having hundreds of bodybuilders around me,
    0:07:16 below me, on stage, looking up and idolizing me,
    0:07:19 including the thousands of people that are watching the event.
    0:07:20 So that was always my clear vision,
    0:07:23 and that always inspired me to go all out.
    0:07:26 And so when I went for competition, you have to understand,
    0:07:28 I went to the junior, Mr. Europe,
    0:07:30 during my time in the military.
    0:07:32 And so what it took for me to go
    0:07:36 and to get on that train, Bessonon Tsuk,
    0:07:40 which was the people’s train, meaning kind of like,
    0:07:43 it wasn’t then Schnell Tsuk at the end of the fast train.
    0:07:45 It was the slow train that literally stopped
    0:07:48 on every train station to let workers off
    0:07:50 and to bring new workers on.
    0:07:51 And that’s what the train was.
    0:07:54 And so with that, you went all the way to Stuttgart,
    0:07:57 because it was the cheapest way of going,
    0:07:58 because I didn’t have much money.
    0:08:00 – And you didn’t get hit by any customs officers,
    0:08:01 or anything like that?
    0:08:03 – Well, we got hit, but I mean, we got through it.
    0:08:05 I didn’t have my passport,
    0:08:06 because you had to give up the passport
    0:08:08 when you go into the military, right?
    0:08:10 You pass, I didn’t have a passport.
    0:08:11 Passport we got afterwards
    0:08:14 when we were finished with the military.
    0:08:19 So we got through and we got to Germany, the Stuttgart.
    0:08:21 And so there was this will there,
    0:08:22 that no matter what it takes,
    0:08:25 and even if I have to crawl to Germany,
    0:08:27 that I will be there at that event,
    0:08:29 because that was my shot when I saw the ads
    0:08:32 about this Mr. Europe Junior competition,
    0:08:36 Best Gibbauter Athlete Europas in German.
    0:08:38 And that was my opportunity
    0:08:42 to really go and to make my first kind of entry
    0:08:45 into an international competition.
    0:08:48 And I felt that I can win it.
    0:08:49 And that’s what I was there for.
    0:08:50 I wasn’t there to compete.
    0:08:51 I was there to win.
    0:08:55 And so that’s why you saw that facial expression.
    0:08:57 There was a certain arrogance there.
    0:08:58 There was a certain way
    0:09:00 that I posed with the other competitors.
    0:09:03 I always felt during the pose off
    0:09:06 that I had my act together much more than the others did.
    0:09:09 And then I’m going to make them feel inferior.
    0:09:10 And I will win.
    0:09:13 And I will look facially and physically to the judges
    0:09:15 that I’m the champion.
    0:09:17 – So you touched on something I really want to dig into,
    0:09:20 which is the psychological warfare
    0:09:22 of bodybuilding, of life in general.
    0:09:24 I really feel, and this is a compliment,
    0:09:26 I mean it as a compliment, a real master.
    0:09:29 And if anyone who’s watched “Pumping Iron” or anything,
    0:09:32 I think comes away with that as a takeaway.
    0:09:33 How did you develop that?
    0:09:37 And for instance, when you were I guess 17 or 18,
    0:09:40 how did you get inside the heads of those people
    0:09:41 at that point?
    0:09:46 – I think that it came about when I trained in the gym.
    0:09:50 I always felt that people are kind of
    0:09:54 really vulnerable in certain areas.
    0:09:56 So that someone that comes to the gym
    0:09:59 and works out because he wants to have a better body,
    0:10:01 that he most likely will be vulnerable.
    0:10:04 And that’s during conversations that I discovered in Munich
    0:10:06 when I was trainer in the gym.
    0:10:08 They were vulnerable when you say something like,
    0:10:09 well, you’re fat.
    0:10:13 It was not like even a doubt in anyone’s mind
    0:10:15 if 10 people would have looked at that guy or 100 people,
    0:10:17 they all would have said that that guy is fat,
    0:10:18 but he was outraged.
    0:10:19 He said, what?
    0:10:23 Do you really think I’m that fat that you’re mentioning it?
    0:10:25 I said, well, you’re in the gym.
    0:10:28 I said, I go to the doctor’s office and say, I have a cough.
    0:10:30 I don’t go and beat around the bush.
    0:10:32 I said, I have to tell him what the problem is.
    0:10:33 And then he can give me the medication.
    0:10:35 I said, there’s the same thing in the gym.
    0:10:37 I said, you come here because you’re fucking fat.
    0:10:41 And so that’s, so now let’s solve the problem.
    0:10:43 And so there’s no beating around the bush there either.
    0:10:46 And so, you know, so I could see that they were
    0:10:49 kind of like shriveling up and kind of shocked.
    0:10:52 So I could see the vulnerability.
    0:10:55 And then I tried different lines and people.
    0:10:58 And then we’ll talk about the hairline,
    0:11:00 or we’ll talk about the hair color turning gray.
    0:11:03 And then they would just freak out, you know,
    0:11:04 about little things like that.
    0:11:06 So it was natural that with all the experience
    0:11:09 that I got now being a trainer and working with people
    0:11:11 and all this, that I learned about people’s psychology
    0:11:14 and about their weaknesses and their strength and all this.
    0:11:15 How do you build people up?
    0:11:18 Because my whole thing was, let’s first discover
    0:11:20 and talk about the weakness.
    0:11:23 And then let’s go and rebuild everything.
    0:11:26 So that was the idea to give this guy six pack,
    0:11:28 to make him feel great, to declare victory
    0:11:30 for the next summer, that he can go to the beach
    0:11:32 and that he can go and feel proud of himself
    0:11:34 and feel great and all this, and then continue training.
    0:11:35 So that was the idea.
    0:11:37 So by the time I came to America
    0:11:39 and I started, you know, competing over here,
    0:11:42 it was very clear that when I said to someone,
    0:11:43 let me ask you something.
    0:11:46 Is it, do you have any knee injuries or something like that?
    0:11:48 And then they would say, well, look at me and say,
    0:11:51 no, why, no knee injury at all.
    0:11:52 No, my knees feel great.
    0:11:54 And I say, why are you asking?
    0:11:57 I said, well, because your thighs look a little slimmer to me.
    0:11:59 I mean, I thought maybe you can squat,
    0:12:01 though maybe there’s some problem with leg extension.
    0:12:03 But then they say, really?
    0:12:06 And then I saw them all for two hours in the gym,
    0:12:09 always going in front of the mirror
    0:12:10 and checking out the thighs.
    0:12:12 If the thighs still exist or something.
    0:12:14 So, but I mean, this is, you know, people get,
    0:12:16 people are vulnerable about those things.
    0:12:20 So naturally, when you now have a competition,
    0:12:21 you use all this.
    0:12:25 And so they use, you ask people, were they sick for a while?
    0:12:27 They know why they look a little leaner
    0:12:30 or that, you know, did you take any salty foods lately?
    0:12:31 And they say, why?
    0:12:34 I said, because it looks like you have water retention.
    0:12:36 I said, it doesn’t look as ripped as you were like a week ago.
    0:12:41 And so, so that throws people off in an unbelievable way.
    0:12:42 – Negative defensive. – And they walk away,
    0:12:44 kind of like, this didn’t bother them at all.
    0:12:47 But then you can see, you watch them
    0:12:50 as they walk around the pump up room.
    0:12:52 And then you warm up for the competition
    0:12:55 and you could see them kind of thinking to themselves,
    0:12:57 kind of then going to a mural
    0:12:59 and checking it out secretly and all that stuff.
    0:13:00 So, you know, it works.
    0:13:03 I just slowly developed it because I always felt
    0:13:08 that sports are not just a physical thing.
    0:13:11 As a matter of fact, I felt that the mentality
    0:13:13 and the mental strength in sports,
    0:13:15 in the psychology in sports,
    0:13:17 is much more important than the physical thing.
    0:13:20 Because in reality, I mean, I see when I watch
    0:13:23 the Mr. Olympia competition or Mr. Universe competition
    0:13:25 or any of those things, you know,
    0:13:28 they all look pretty much the same, the top five guys.
    0:13:31 But what makes one emerge is, is the way he acts.
    0:13:33 If he acts like a winner, if he seems smiling,
    0:13:35 having a great time on station doors.
    0:13:38 So I felt in that one should use the psychology.
    0:13:41 One should use everything in as far as food supplements
    0:13:44 is concerned, use your best, you know, posing trunks,
    0:13:48 try to use the sun out there and work out in the sun.
    0:13:51 So you get tanned all around, use the best posing routine.
    0:13:54 Just really give me a tan of everything.
    0:13:56 Then you have a shot of winning.
    0:13:58 And psychology was definitely part of that.
    0:14:03 – And you developed this arsenal of intimidation
    0:14:05 through the bodybuilding.
    0:14:07 Did you use that, for instance,
    0:14:10 in movies, waiting in line to audition
    0:14:11 against other people who were going into audition
    0:14:12 or anything like that?
    0:14:14 Did it apply to show business?
    0:14:15 – I never auditioned.
    0:14:16 – Okay.
    0:14:20 – It was because I would never go out for the regular parts
    0:14:21 because I was not a regular looking guy.
    0:14:24 So my idea always was, okay,
    0:14:25 everyone is going to look the same
    0:14:28 and everyone is trying to be the blonde guy in California,
    0:14:29 going to Hollywood interviews
    0:14:32 and then looking some with athletic and cute and orders.
    0:14:34 Okay, how can I carve myself out the niche
    0:14:36 that is unique that only I have?
    0:14:40 So I always felt like really strong about,
    0:14:42 I have to get into the movie business like Rich Park,
    0:14:46 did the like Steve Reeves or Paul Winto, Larry Gordon
    0:14:48 and all those guys that were in the muscle movies
    0:14:50 in the ’50s and ’60s,
    0:14:52 that’s the way I’m going to get in there.
    0:14:54 Of course, the naysayers were right there
    0:14:57 and they said, well, this time has passed.
    0:14:58 This was 20 years ago.
    0:15:02 You look too big, you’re too monstrous, too muscular.
    0:15:03 You would never get in the movies.
    0:15:06 So that’s what producers said in the beginning in Hollywood.
    0:15:09 And that’s also what agents said and managers.
    0:15:12 They said, I doubt that you’re going to be successful in that
    0:15:15 because today’s idols, I mean, this is not the ’70s Arnold.
    0:15:19 Today’s idols are Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino, Woody Allen.
    0:15:21 I mean, look at this, these are all little guys.
    0:15:23 Those are the sex symbols.
    0:15:25 Those are the hot stars.
    0:15:28 Look at you, you weigh 250 pounds or something like that.
    0:15:30 That time is over.
    0:15:32 But I felt still very strongly
    0:15:36 and had a very clear vision that the time would come
    0:15:38 where someone would appreciate that then sure enough
    0:15:41 when people saw me on talk shows,
    0:15:44 they got inspired directors like Bob Rayfressen
    0:15:47 and then bought the book of “Stay Hungry”
    0:15:48 and had it written into a script
    0:15:51 and then did the movie with me because he believed in me
    0:15:53 that I had the personality and I had a certain strength
    0:15:57 and a certain kind of a look that would be great on the screen
    0:15:59 that the camera loves me and all that.
    0:16:01 And so it worked.
    0:16:02 I did “Stay Hungry.”
    0:16:04 I did then “Pumping On” the documentary.
    0:16:06 I did “The Streets of San Francisco”
    0:16:08 and worked then with Ann Margaret
    0:16:10 and with Kirk Douglas and the villain.
    0:16:12 And then all of a sudden I got the contract
    0:16:14 for Conan the Barbarian.
    0:16:17 And bang, there we were, $20 million movie
    0:16:21 which today will be equivalent of a $200 million movie
    0:16:24 and Dina Dalaran is producing “Universal Studio”
    0:16:26 and “International Studio” financing the movie
    0:16:30 and John Milius, a first class director directing it.
    0:16:33 So my whole plan worked and I was so right.
    0:16:36 Even John Milius after he has done the movie, he said,
    0:16:38 if we wouldn’t have had Schwarzenegger,
    0:16:40 we would have had to build one
    0:16:41 because of the body.
    0:16:44 And when I did “Terminator,” Jim Cameron said,
    0:16:46 if we wouldn’t have had Schwarzenegger
    0:16:47 and we couldn’t have done the movie
    0:16:50 because only because he sounded like a machine
    0:16:53 was it so believable that he actually played a machine.
    0:16:54 And that’s where people bought in.
    0:16:56 When he says, “I’ll be back,”
    0:16:58 it’s totally different than when I say,
    0:16:59 “I’ll be back,” kind of thing.
    0:17:02 So he was the greatest compliment.
    0:17:06 That the very things that the agents and the managers
    0:17:09 and the studio executive said would be a total obstacle,
    0:17:13 became an asset and my career started taking off.
    0:17:15 – The not auditioning is really interesting to me.
    0:17:17 I knew you were very successful in real estate,
    0:17:18 but correct me if I’m wrong,
    0:17:20 you had become a millionaire in real estate
    0:17:22 before your first movie.
    0:17:22 Is that right?
    0:17:25 – Not before the first movie, before my career took off.
    0:17:25 – Got it.
    0:17:29 – So I did not rely on my movie career to make a living
    0:17:31 because that was my intention
    0:17:34 because I saw over the years,
    0:17:37 the people that worked out in the gym
    0:17:39 and that I met in the acting classes,
    0:17:40 they all were very vulnerable
    0:17:42 because they didn’t have any money
    0:17:46 and they had to take anything that was offered to them
    0:17:48 because that was the living.
    0:17:50 I didn’t want to get into that situation.
    0:17:52 I felt like if I am smart with real estate
    0:17:55 and take my little money that I make in bodybuilding
    0:17:58 and with seminars and selling my courses
    0:18:00 through the mail order and orders,
    0:18:03 I could save up enough money to put down money
    0:18:05 for an apartment building.
    0:18:07 And I realized that in the seventies,
    0:18:10 the inflation rate was very high
    0:18:13 and therefore an investment like that is like unbeatable
    0:18:18 because buildings that I would buy for $500,000,
    0:18:20 you know, within the year were $800,000
    0:18:22 and they only put them maybe a hundred down.
    0:18:25 So, you know, you made 300% on your money.
    0:18:26 So you couldn’t beat that.
    0:18:30 So I quickly developed and traded up my buildings
    0:18:33 in Baltimore, apartment buildings and office buildings
    0:18:35 and Main Street down in Santa Monica and so on.
    0:18:36 And the investments were very good.
    0:18:39 And it was just one of those magic decade,
    0:18:42 the day you couldn’t do it in that same field.
    0:18:44 There’s another field in real estate where you can do that.
    0:18:46 But in this particular field,
    0:18:48 I don’t think you will see those kind of jumps ever again.
    0:18:50 And I benefited from that
    0:18:54 and I became a millionaire from my real estate investments.
    0:18:58 And that was before my career took off in a show business
    0:19:02 in acting, which was after Conan the Barbarian in 1982,
    0:19:02 that movie came out.
    0:19:05 We shot it in ’81 and in ’82 it came out.
    0:19:07 So from that point on my career took off
    0:19:08 because people saw, you know,
    0:19:10 that the movie was successful at the box office,
    0:19:13 then, you know, I signed a contract to do Conan number two.
    0:19:16 And, you know, then that led to a contract, you know,
    0:19:19 for Terminator one and then Commander, you know,
    0:19:21 then the action genre.
    0:19:23 Also, there was another fortunate thing.
    0:19:26 Each of those decades offered something very fortunate
    0:19:29 that was a little bit beyond my control,
    0:19:30 but I benefited from that, you know,
    0:19:32 so that there was the action genre
    0:19:34 that all of a sudden took off in the ’80s
    0:19:37 with Stallone and Fontaine and all those guys coming in
    0:19:41 really was terrific and our salaries went, you know,
    0:19:44 mine, I got like a million dollars for Terminator two
    0:19:46 and then all of a sudden by the end of the decade
    0:19:49 I made $20 million.
    0:19:49 – That’s incredible.
    0:19:53 And I wanted to talk about the mail order for a second
    0:19:56 because that was done with Franco Colombo?
    0:20:00 – No, did Franco Colombo, who for those that don’t know,
    0:20:04 is a European, was a European champion in powerlifting
    0:20:06 and also a boxing champion
    0:20:08 and then became a bodybuilding champion.
    0:20:12 And then I brought him over here with Joe Weeders’ help
    0:20:14 to train with me here in America,
    0:20:17 but at that point there was no money in bodybuilding.
    0:20:19 That’s a key thing that everyone has to understand.
    0:20:21 Unlike the day where the top bodybuilding champions
    0:20:23 make millions of dollars,
    0:20:26 in those days there was no money in bodybuilding.
    0:20:30 And so when we didn’t have enough money,
    0:20:32 we literally had to go to work.
    0:20:35 And so Franco and I, since Franco’s talent was to be a
    0:20:39 bricklayer and very skilled bricklayer
    0:20:42 and learned that in Italy and in Germany,
    0:20:46 we were able to go and start thinking about the idea
    0:20:49 of putting an ad in the LA Times, creating a company
    0:20:54 and calling it European bricklayers and masonry experts,
    0:20:58 marble experts, building chimneys and fireplaces,
    0:20:59 the European style.
    0:21:03 And this was also a time where everything that was European
    0:21:06 was huge in America.
    0:21:09 So we benefited from that, you know, Swedish massages
    0:21:11 and everything had to be kind of a foreign name,
    0:21:13 or a Japanese this and this.
    0:21:15 So Europe and Japan and all these places, you know,
    0:21:18 were used, the names were used because for some reason
    0:21:21 that the other people just thought that was better.
    0:21:23 And so we used that in the ad.
    0:21:27 And we put the ad in the paper and literally a week later,
    0:21:32 we had the big earthquake in Los Angeles.
    0:21:35 And I mean, the chimneys fell off the apartment houses
    0:21:38 and all this stuff and cracked walls and all this.
    0:21:40 And so Franco and I, as a matter of fact,
    0:21:45 one of the friend of ours, wife, who was very smart
    0:21:48 and she worked in a supermarket.
    0:21:51 She did answering the phones and calling people back
    0:21:54 and all this just to make sure that English doesn’t get all
    0:21:57 screwed up with talking over the phone and all this.
    0:21:59 And so she gave us in the addresses
    0:22:01 and then we got to do the estimates.
    0:22:05 And I was kind of like set up to be the math genius.
    0:22:07 And that figures out the square footage
    0:22:10 and that Franco will play the bad guy
    0:22:12 and I played a good guy.
    0:22:14 And so we will go to someone’s house
    0:22:16 and then someone would say, well, look at my patio,
    0:22:17 it’s all cracked.
    0:22:19 Can you guys put a new patio in here?
    0:22:20 And I would say yes.
    0:22:22 And then I will run around with the tape measure,
    0:22:24 but there would be a depth measure with centimeters.
    0:22:27 And no one in those days could at all figure out
    0:22:28 anything with centimeters.
    0:22:30 And we will be measuring up.
    0:22:32 And I say, what is this?
    0:22:35 Four meters and 82 centimeters.
    0:22:36 And they had no idea what we were talking about.
    0:22:37 And this is so much.
    0:22:40 And then we are writing up formulas and the dollars
    0:22:43 and amounts and square centimeters
    0:22:45 and square meters and all this stuff.
    0:22:49 And then I will go to the guy and I said, it’s $5,000.
    0:22:51 And the guy will be in the state of shock.
    0:22:53 And he says, it’s $5,000.
    0:22:55 I said, this is outrageous.
    0:22:57 I said, I mean, I didn’t think that this is a,
    0:22:59 well, what did you expect at the basis?
    0:23:01 I thought maybe it’s like $2,000, $3,000.
    0:23:03 I said, but $5,000.
    0:23:05 I said, let me talk to my guy.
    0:23:08 I said, because he’s really the masonry expert.
    0:23:10 I said, but I can beat him down for a little bit.
    0:23:12 Let me soften the meat.
    0:23:14 And then I will go over to Franco
    0:23:16 and we will start arguing in German.
    0:23:17 You know, this is a Schweinerei.
    0:23:19 It comes to me so far, I feel for long,
    0:23:21 and this is my place, and we’ll be working here in America.
    0:23:23 And this will be going on and on.
    0:23:26 And he’ll be screaming back at me in Italian and some stuff.
    0:23:28 And then I will be, then obviously, and he calmed down
    0:23:32 and then we’ll go to the guy and say, okay, here it is.
    0:23:37 I said, I could get him as low as $3,800.
    0:23:38 I said, can you go with that?
    0:23:40 And he says, thank you very much.
    0:23:44 He says, you know, I really think that you’re a great man.
    0:23:45 Blah, blah, blah, blah and all that stuff.
    0:23:48 I said, okay, I said, give us half down right now.
    0:23:50 We go right away and get the cement and get the bricks
    0:23:52 and everything that we need for here.
    0:23:53 And we can start working.
    0:23:54 I said, the money.
    0:23:55 And the guy was ecstatic.
    0:23:56 He gave us the money.
    0:23:58 We immediately ran to the bank, cashed the check
    0:24:01 to make sure that the money’s in the bank account.
    0:24:03 And then we went out and got the cement, the wool barrel
    0:24:07 and all the stuff that we needed and went to work.
    0:24:09 And so we worked like that for two years.
    0:24:10 I mean, very successful.
    0:24:12 As a matter of fact, in the end,
    0:24:13 we had various different jobs
    0:24:16 where we employed like 16 different bodybuilders.
    0:24:19 All the laziest bastards that you can ever hire,
    0:24:21 but never the, because they all were interested
    0:24:24 in working outdoor and getting a tan at the same time
    0:24:26 for their bodybuilding competitions.
    0:24:28 They were not interested in working.
    0:24:30 But anyways, we all had a good time.
    0:24:33 We all made money and this is actually then,
    0:24:35 I did this until I started my mail order business.
    0:24:38 And then that became the new source of extra income.
    0:24:39 So we could afford everything
    0:24:41 and then save also some money and so on.
    0:24:45 – I’ve been very fascinated to look at your film career
    0:24:48 and hear the story of twins.
    0:24:51 I was hoping maybe you could tell us the story
    0:24:53 of twins, how twins came together
    0:24:55 and how you guys structured that deal
    0:24:57 because I didn’t know anything about that.
    0:25:01 – Twins came together because I felt very strongly
    0:25:06 that I had a side of me that is a very humorous side
    0:25:11 and that if someone would be patient enough
    0:25:14 and willing to work with me as a director
    0:25:18 that they will be able to bring that humor out of me.
    0:25:21 And that’s something that is very difficult
    0:25:24 because you can be humorous in your private life
    0:25:26 but cannot pull it off in a movie.
    0:25:29 There’s many actors that have tried that
    0:25:30 and were not successful.
    0:25:35 So I felt that I should really talk to Ivan Reitman
    0:25:38 because I really loved Ghostbusters.
    0:25:39 And I said to myself, God,
    0:25:41 it was so well directed and all this
    0:25:45 and I just happened to run into him when I was in Aspen.
    0:25:48 We were hanging out, there was Robin Williams
    0:25:51 and some other people and we were all up there at Snowmass
    0:25:53 and we were skiing and then at night
    0:25:55 and before dinner we all had a great time sitting
    0:25:57 but a fireplace and choking around
    0:25:59 and Ivan Reitman would say to me,
    0:26:03 Arnold, I listened to you and I see a side of you
    0:26:05 that has never really been on screen.
    0:26:09 And I said to him, I said, I would love to do a comedy
    0:26:11 and I would love to bring that side out
    0:26:14 if it is the innocence of me or the naivety of me
    0:26:15 or the humor of me, whatever it is.
    0:26:17 I said, I would like to see that on the screen.
    0:26:19 I said, I think it could be good.
    0:26:22 So I said to him, I want you to work with me
    0:26:24 and to direct me in a movie.
    0:26:25 Let’s figure out what it should be.
    0:26:29 And he said, okay, I would love to do that.
    0:26:32 I’m gonna go home after Christmas, after this vacation
    0:26:36 and I’m gonna look into and develop a bunch of ideas
    0:26:38 and then you and I get together
    0:26:41 and then pick the one that we liked the best.
    0:26:44 He developed immediately within a short period of time
    0:26:45 a bunch of ideas.
    0:26:46 I think there was five ideas
    0:26:48 and the one that we both liked the most
    0:26:53 was called the experiment, which then became Twins.
    0:26:54 Experiment we didn’t like
    0:26:56 because of my German, Austrian background.
    0:26:59 So we thought that it would be better to call it Twins
    0:27:02 and we developed that project, got it written.
    0:27:05 I came up with the idea then of Danny DeVito
    0:27:06 that it shouldn’t be just someone
    0:27:11 that is acting totally opposite of the way I am
    0:27:13 but you should also look physically
    0:27:15 totally opposite of the way I am.
    0:27:16 I even loved that idea.
    0:27:18 And then we went after Danny DeVito
    0:27:21 and I remember we sat in the restaurant
    0:27:25 and we made a deal on a napkin and wrote down,
    0:27:26 this is what we do.
    0:27:28 We’re gonna make the movie for free.
    0:27:30 We don’t want to get any salaries
    0:27:32 and we get a big back end
    0:27:34 and I eventually take this deal
    0:27:36 with the agent to the studio
    0:27:37 and he took it to Tom Pollack
    0:27:40 who was then running the Universal Studio.
    0:27:41 Tom Pollack said, this is great.
    0:27:45 We can make this movie for in the $16.5 million
    0:27:47 if you guys don’t take a salary
    0:27:49 and you get a big back end.
    0:27:53 We’re gonna give you 37% of whatever it was together.
    0:27:55 Danny, Ivan and me.
    0:27:57 And we worked out the percentage
    0:27:59 of what our salaries are.
    0:28:01 So whatever Danny got at that time
    0:28:04 for a movie versus what I got for a movie
    0:28:06 and versus what Ivan got for directing.
    0:28:08 So we worked it out percentage-wise
    0:28:09 and that’s how we ended up dividing up
    0:28:11 the part amongst ourselves.
    0:28:12 And let me tell you,
    0:28:14 I made more money on that movie
    0:28:16 than on any other movie.
    0:28:18 And the gift keeps on giving.
    0:28:20 It’s just wonderful.
    0:28:21 And I remember Tom Pollack,
    0:28:23 after the movie came out,
    0:28:25 he said to me, he says,
    0:28:26 oh, I can tell you, he says,
    0:28:28 this is what you guys did to me.
    0:28:30 And he bent over.
    0:28:32 He turned around bent over and he put his pockets out
    0:28:35 and he says, you fucked me and cleaned me up.
    0:28:37 He said, that was very funny.
    0:28:39 He says, I will never make the deal again.
    0:28:43 But anyway, so the movie was a huge hit.
    0:28:45 It came out just before Christmas.
    0:28:47 And throughout Christmas and New Year,
    0:28:51 it made every day three to $4 million,
    0:28:52 which in the day’s term,
    0:28:55 it will be, of course, in a double or triple.
    0:28:56 But it was just huge
    0:28:59 and it just went up to $129 million.
    0:29:02 Domestically, and I think worldwide,
    0:29:06 it was like $260 million or something like that.
    0:29:08 So it was really very, very successful.
    0:29:11 And like I said, it ended up costing,
    0:29:13 I think around $18 million the movie.
    0:29:14 – Amazing, so amazing.
    0:29:16 Now, when I hear a story like that,
    0:29:18 I think of the deal that George Lucas did
    0:29:20 for Star Wars where the studio’s like,
    0:29:21 ah, toys, whatever, sure.
    0:29:23 Yeah, you can have the toys.
    0:29:25 And then they probably felt very much the same way.
    0:29:27 They’re like, wow, we’re not gonna make that mistake again.
    0:29:30 I’ve heard you mentioned transcendental meditation
    0:29:32 in passing briefly.
    0:29:33 Do you meditate?
    0:29:34 – I don’t meditate now,
    0:29:38 but I got heavily into it in the ’70s.
    0:29:40 And I remember there was a time in my life
    0:29:43 where I felt like everything is just kind of coming together
    0:29:46 and I did not find a way or couldn’t find a way
    0:29:48 of keeping the things separate.
    0:29:49 So it was always when I was thinking about it,
    0:29:51 I was thinking about it at the same time,
    0:29:53 my bodybuilding career,
    0:29:54 I was thinking about my movie career,
    0:29:56 I was thinking about the documentary pumping out
    0:29:57 that we’re shooting right now.
    0:30:00 And the movies stay hungry that we just finished shooting.
    0:30:02 And my investment in the apartment building
    0:30:05 and this is gonna, do I get the financing from the bank?
    0:30:08 And all of this kind of stuff was always coming together.
    0:30:10 And at the same time, I was training
    0:30:14 for the Mr. Olympia competition in South Africa.
    0:30:16 And I was training right here at Gold’s Gym.
    0:30:18 And I remember there was all the camera equipment
    0:30:21 around five hours a day in my face.
    0:30:22 And then someone in the middle of squatting
    0:30:25 was trying to change the battery pack
    0:30:27 on my lifting belt and all that stuff.
    0:30:30 So I was like, you know, eventually I felt like
    0:30:31 I got to do something about it
    0:30:35 because I have such great opportunities here
    0:30:36 and everything is happening
    0:30:38 and everything is going my way.
    0:30:42 But I’m just clustering everything into one big problem
    0:30:44 rather than separating it out
    0:30:47 and having calm and peace and being happy.
    0:30:50 And so I, but total, you know, coincident,
    0:30:53 I ran into this guy that I’ve run into many times
    0:30:57 in the beach, very, very pleasant man who told me
    0:31:00 that he is a teacher in Transcendental Meditation.
    0:31:01 And I said, well, it’s interesting you mentioned it.
    0:31:04 I said, because I feel like I should do something
    0:31:07 because I feel like I’m just overly worried
    0:31:08 and the anxieties and all this stuff.
    0:31:10 And I feel like certain pressures
    0:31:12 that I’ve never felt before.
    0:31:16 And he says, oh, Arnold, it’s not uncommon.
    0:31:17 It’s very common.
    0:31:19 A lot of people go through this.
    0:31:22 This is why people use meditation,
    0:31:25 Transcendental Meditation as one way
    0:31:26 of dealing with the problem.
    0:31:29 And he was very good in selling it
    0:31:33 because he didn’t say it’s the only answer.
    0:31:34 He just is one of many.
    0:31:36 And he says, why don’t you try it?
    0:31:39 He says, I’m a teacher there up in Westwood.
    0:31:42 I would not be able to teach you since we’re friends
    0:31:44 and many of you says, there will be another teacher
    0:31:46 that will give you a mantra and blah, blah, blah,
    0:31:47 and teach you how to do it.
    0:31:49 And then I can help you after that
    0:31:50 because I will be teaching of this.
    0:31:51 So why don’t you come up on Thursday
    0:31:53 and I will be there.
    0:31:54 I will introduce you to the folks up there.
    0:31:57 And so I went up there, took a class,
    0:32:01 and I went home after that and I then tried it.
    0:32:03 I said, I gotta give you the shot.
    0:32:06 And I did 20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes at night.
    0:32:09 And I would say within 14 days, three weeks,
    0:32:12 I got to the point where I really could disconnect my mind.
    0:32:14 And as they say, to find these few seconds
    0:32:17 of disconnection and to rejuvenate the mind
    0:32:20 and also learn how to focus more and to calm down.
    0:32:23 And that’s all they affect right away.
    0:32:27 That I was much more calm about all of the challenges
    0:32:28 that were facing me.
    0:32:32 And I continued doing that then for a year.
    0:32:35 And by that time I felt like, I think that I’ve mastered this.
    0:32:38 I think that now I don’t feel overwhelmed anymore.
    0:32:41 And I really felt kind of, it was one of the things
    0:32:45 where in the transcendental meditation was kind of anxiety
    0:32:50 and pressure meeting around the corner, tranquility.
    0:32:52 You know, this is kind of what it felt.
    0:32:54 So I was happy from their point.
    0:32:58 And even the day, I still benefit from that
    0:33:02 because I don’t merge and bring things together
    0:33:04 and see everything as one big problem.
    0:33:07 I take on one challenge at the time.
    0:33:11 And when I go and I study my script for a movie,
    0:33:14 then that day when I study my script for a movie,
    0:33:16 I don’t let anything else in the fear in that
    0:33:18 and I just concentrate on that.
    0:33:20 So the other thing that I’ve learned is
    0:33:24 that there’s many forms of meditation in a way
    0:33:28 because like when I study and I work really hard
    0:33:31 where it takes the ultimate amount of concentration,
    0:33:36 I can only do it for 45 minutes, maybe, maybe an hour.
    0:33:39 But then I have to kind of run off and maybe play chess.
    0:33:41 And I play chess for 15 minutes.
    0:33:43 Then I can go back and I have all the energy in the world again
    0:33:46 and jump right back and then continue on with my work
    0:33:49 as if I’ve not done it at all today, right?
    0:33:51 It’s like I’m fresh.
    0:33:54 And so that’s another way I think of meditation.
    0:33:59 And then I also figured out that I could use my workouts
    0:34:03 as a form of meditation because I concentrate so much
    0:34:07 on the muscle and I have my mind inside the bicep
    0:34:09 when I do my curls.
    0:34:11 I have my mind inside the pectoral muscles
    0:34:12 when I do my bench press.
    0:34:17 So I’m really inside and it’s like again a form of meditation
    0:34:19 because you have no chance of thinking
    0:34:22 or concentrating on anything else at that time,
    0:34:25 but just that training that you do.
    0:34:27 So there’s many ways of meditation
    0:34:29 and I benefit from all of those.
    0:34:31 And I’m today much calmer because of that
    0:34:36 and much more organized and much more tranquil because of that.
    0:34:37 – This whole conversation makes me want
    0:34:38 to go tackle the world.
    0:34:44 Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors
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    0:35:43 Check it out.
    0:35:50 And now, Ann Muraco,
    0:35:53 a co-founding partner at Floodgate Venture Capital Firm,
    0:35:56 a repeat member of both the Forbes Midas List
    0:36:00 and the New York Times’ top 20 venture capitalists worldwide,
    0:36:04 one of Forbes’ most powerful women in startups,
    0:36:05 and a Stanford lecturer
    0:36:09 and member of the Board of Trustees of Yale University.
    0:36:12 You can find Ann on Twitter @annemaniac.
    0:36:16 – Ann, welcome to the show.
    0:36:17 – Thanks for having me.
    0:36:20 – So there are so many places we could start.
    0:36:24 I was hoping to humanize the ever-intimidating Ann Muraco,
    0:36:27 which I may only partially succeed at doing.
    0:36:32 But could we start with explaining
    0:36:35 why your brother used to introduce you
    0:36:38 or how he used to introduce you on stage?
    0:36:40 – I had this brother, an older brother,
    0:36:42 by exactly two years.
    0:36:44 We were born on the same day.
    0:36:47 And he was one of these guys who was so confident.
    0:36:52 He knew that he wanted to stay in cars and airplanes
    0:36:55 from the time that I could remember him existing.
    0:36:58 And he was always confident with friends.
    0:37:00 And he was also confident on stage.
    0:37:05 And so as any good Asian child would do,
    0:37:07 we played musical instruments.
    0:37:09 I played the piano.
    0:37:11 He played the violin.
    0:37:14 And we would always have to perform.
    0:37:18 And I was painfully, painfully shy.
    0:37:20 And so I would get up on stage
    0:37:22 and I would refuse to speak.
    0:37:24 And my mother, knowing this,
    0:37:27 wouldn’t let this get in the way of our performing.
    0:37:29 She would send my brother up on stage
    0:37:31 to help announce whatever I was playing.
    0:37:35 I have this real clear memory of being in junior high
    0:37:37 and having this happen.
    0:37:40 My brother got up on stage and said,
    0:37:42 this is Ann Mira.
    0:37:46 She’s gonna be playing a Chopin Nocturne and go.
    0:37:50 And I looked over and I remember thinking to myself,
    0:37:52 like the mental dialogue that’s happening
    0:37:57 in a teenager’s mind, this is totally ridiculous.
    0:38:01 Because I’m sitting there in front of a room full of people
    0:38:03 and I felt fine playing the piano,
    0:38:06 but I felt petrified speaking.
    0:38:09 And that’s one of like the clearest memories
    0:38:11 that I have of my brother and me
    0:38:14 and the difference that we had between the two of us.
    0:38:18 – Why were you so shy or nervous about speaking?
    0:38:21 – I’ve always been an introvert.
    0:38:25 So I think it comes probably directly from that.
    0:38:29 But I was also sort of, I was a strange child, I have to admit.
    0:38:31 I had a lot of different interests,
    0:38:33 but I loved to do things by myself.
    0:38:37 I wasn’t really that interested in talking to other people.
    0:38:40 Like one of the first things my mom actually
    0:38:42 discovered about me when I was a little kid,
    0:38:45 when I was two, I only spoke Japanese.
    0:38:47 We were living in Michigan
    0:38:50 and I used to be this very hostile little child.
    0:38:55 And I would walk by anyone speaking in English.
    0:38:59 And in Japanese, I would say, I wish you would leave.
    0:39:04 So, you know, I can’t even, my poor mom, my poor mom.
    0:39:10 And so she was like, oh, we really should socialize
    0:39:13 and with people who speak English.
    0:39:14 And we’re living in Michigan.
    0:39:15 So there’s no shortage of these people.
    0:39:17 – Just a hip pause.
    0:39:19 Do you still speak Japanese?
    0:39:22 – I do, so I speak Japanese to my parents.
    0:39:24 – How do you say, I wish you would leave,
    0:39:27 just for people who want to mutter that
    0:39:30 to people in the park or wherever they might be as,
    0:39:32 do you recall or how might you have said that as a kid?
    0:39:34 Do you have any idea?
    0:39:37 – I think I might have said, let me think about it.
    0:39:40 (speaking in foreign language)
    0:39:42 (laughing)
    0:39:45 – That is aggressive.
    0:39:46 That’s really aggressive.
    0:39:47 – Yeah, you know, I was like,
    0:39:49 you’re not welcome in this house.
    0:39:51 – Oh my God.
    0:39:54 – Or it was like, it was, I think probably more likely,
    0:39:57 it was urusaina, which is-
    0:39:58 – Right, right, right.
    0:40:00 Oh wow, that’s even worse, yeah.
    0:40:02 – Right, and so, but it was always-
    0:40:07 – Urusaina is like something that a drunk dad says.
    0:40:10 – Yeah, it’s kind of like shut up.
    0:40:12 – Yeah, you’re really loud, you’re really irritating.
    0:40:15 – But like a little intransigent two-year-old
    0:40:20 saying that to a grown-up speaking English in her home.
    0:40:22 – Okay, I don’t want to take us too far off the rails,
    0:40:25 but we may come back to that, okay.
    0:40:26 So we were talking about you being introverted
    0:40:28 and shy and weird, yeah.
    0:40:31 – And it was one of these things that I think
    0:40:33 it really held me back, and I knew,
    0:40:36 I knew actually it was holding me back.
    0:40:38 The strange part though was,
    0:40:42 my mom was recently talking to me about this
    0:40:45 in a few years prior to that experience,
    0:40:48 where I’m in junior high and I’m on stage.
    0:40:51 I had actually done this other thing,
    0:40:54 which was we had this summer school program
    0:40:57 where I would go to local community college,
    0:40:58 it was Foothill College,
    0:41:00 and all these schools around the area
    0:41:02 when they let out for summer,
    0:41:04 the students would go to this community college
    0:41:07 to take math classes and writing classes and whatnot.
    0:41:10 So a lot of elementary school students
    0:41:13 to high school students would be at Foothill College.
    0:41:16 And so my mom said, you have to pick two classes.
    0:41:19 And one class was a math class, obviously.
    0:41:22 And she said, you could pick your second class.
    0:41:26 And my brother picked a normal junior high school
    0:41:29 writing class, and I was in fifth grade at the time,
    0:41:34 so 10 years old, and I picked a negotiations class.
    0:41:37 And it was not in the summer school program,
    0:41:39 it was an adult class.
    0:41:40 – Why did you pick that?
    0:41:45 – I picked it because I remember the book was getting to yes.
    0:41:48 And my mom looked at me and she said,
    0:41:50 why did you pick this class?
    0:41:52 And I said, it’s because they’re teaching you
    0:41:56 how to get to yes, and I wanna know how to get to yes.
    0:42:01 And I have this incredible experience
    0:42:05 at this community college of having a class with,
    0:42:09 I imagine they were probably 30 to 50 year old adults
    0:42:11 taking this class.
    0:42:15 And they were probably the most patient, wonderful people.
    0:42:19 And we had this experience where you had certain supplies
    0:42:22 that you were given on pieces of paper,
    0:42:24 and then you had to negotiate your on Mars,
    0:42:27 and you had to negotiate supply lines and whatnot
    0:42:29 and create a real society.
    0:42:32 And in the simulation, they’re taking seriously
    0:42:37 a 10 year old kid who’s negotiating for supplies.
    0:42:40 And I remember taking that experience
    0:42:45 and feeling like, I was taken seriously in that environment,
    0:42:47 but it was a great experience
    0:42:50 because it was a small class, it was like 20 people.
    0:42:54 And in that setting, I felt okay speaking up,
    0:42:57 but then on stage, I didn’t still.
    0:43:00 And so it was sort of these small steps that felt like
    0:43:04 I was getting closer and closer to realizing,
    0:43:06 oh, I need to actually be able to speak up,
    0:43:10 I need to be able to say things in front of a large audience.
    0:43:13 And so there was this desire to face my fears.
    0:43:15 – So what was the next step after that?
    0:43:20 How did you go about facing the fear of speaking on stage?
    0:43:23 – I get to high school and as every high school freshman
    0:43:25 is doing, they’re looking for different activities
    0:43:27 to participate in.
    0:43:31 And I decided to dive into speech and debate.
    0:43:34 And speech and debate at this time at Palo Alto High School
    0:43:37 was not a very big activity.
    0:43:40 There were probably about 20 students on the team.
    0:43:44 And I found that I really enjoyed it.
    0:43:48 And it was a really great group of students.
    0:43:50 And then not only from Palo Alto High School,
    0:43:52 but from the local community.
    0:43:56 And I just fell in love with the idea
    0:43:59 that you could really seriously get up
    0:44:02 in front of an audience and talk about
    0:44:06 really important issues, even as a high school student.
    0:44:09 And so I dove into that activity
    0:44:12 and it was frankly terrible at it.
    0:44:14 I think freshman, sophomore year,
    0:44:18 I didn’t win any tournaments, didn’t even come close.
    0:44:21 That was sort of the way though I decided
    0:44:23 I could face that fear.
    0:44:24 – What kept you going?
    0:44:26 I mean, there’s the answer that,
    0:44:29 or perhaps a potential answer you gave just a moment ago,
    0:44:31 which is you really enjoyed it and you loved it.
    0:44:33 But what did you love about it?
    0:44:35 What did you enjoy so much
    0:44:38 that you were able to persist through failures
    0:44:40 over those first two years?
    0:44:42 – The first thing is just the people.
    0:44:44 I reflect actually on the people that I met
    0:44:46 in speech and debate.
    0:44:47 And they’re doing incredible things.
    0:44:51 We have just in my year alone, not in my team,
    0:44:53 but in my local community,
    0:44:57 professors, you know, ones at Harvard and government,
    0:45:01 ones in philosophy, University of Colorado.
    0:45:06 One woman is now on the morning show on NPR.
    0:45:09 We have several venture capitalists.
    0:45:12 It was just a really interesting group of people
    0:45:14 all in the same age group
    0:45:18 who wanted to talk about really interesting things.
    0:45:22 I also found that the actual activity itself,
    0:45:23 it challenged me in a way
    0:45:26 that I hadn’t been challenged before.
    0:45:28 So I was really good at math and science.
    0:45:31 And those things really came naturally to me.
    0:45:34 But getting up on stage and speaking
    0:45:37 was not something that was natural to me.
    0:45:39 But the piece that I did love
    0:45:42 that came very naturally was competition.
    0:45:45 And I’ve always been this way.
    0:45:48 – No, I’m just chuckling because,
    0:45:51 yeah, I can, I would agree with that.
    0:45:53 – Right, I love, I love competition.
    0:45:58 You put in points on anything and I want more.
    0:46:01 I want more than the next person.
    0:46:03 And I remember the coaches that we had,
    0:46:07 we didn’t have teachers at our school
    0:46:09 who were able to coach.
    0:46:12 And so we had to go across the street to Stanford
    0:46:14 and find students who were willing to coach.
    0:46:18 And these kids were 18 to 21 years old.
    0:46:21 So they would pump us up by saying,
    0:46:26 “Hey, if you can get someone to cry in cross-examination,
    0:46:29 “I’ll buy you a slice of pizza.”
    0:46:34 And so things like that were extraordinarily motivating
    0:46:39 and if you feel like logic and arguments
    0:46:42 could get you a step further,
    0:46:43 it was just something that,
    0:46:45 even though I wasn’t good at it at the time,
    0:46:47 I just loved it.
    0:46:50 And I felt like if I could just do one more tournament,
    0:46:52 I’d become even better at it.
    0:46:53 And you would see that.
    0:46:55 So that’s the thing that I loved.
    0:46:57 – So do you have any memory?
    0:47:01 This seems like a very, very specific example
    0:47:05 that you gave of the crying in the pizza.
    0:47:06 Did that actually happen?
    0:47:08 Did you succeed at making someone cry
    0:47:10 in cross-examination for a slice of pizza?
    0:47:12 Or was that just something that kids–
    0:47:13 – Oh yeah.
    0:47:16 – I feel like I’m not succeeding in my desire
    0:47:19 to humanize me and make myself seem
    0:47:21 like a less of a dragon lady, but–
    0:47:22 – We’ll get there, we’ll get there.
    0:47:25 But this, I wanna hear this story.
    0:47:27 So let’s–
    0:47:28 – Oh, there’s several stories.
    0:47:31 So there were points in time where I remember
    0:47:35 people would cry in that they would crumble
    0:47:37 in the middle of cross-examination
    0:47:39 and run out of the room crying.
    0:47:42 And my coach would see that
    0:47:45 and proudly bring me a slice of pizza after.
    0:47:46 This happened multiple times.
    0:47:48 This wasn’t a single tournament.
    0:47:51 And there were moments where they had courtesy points too.
    0:47:53 So it wasn’t just about winning.
    0:47:56 It was also whether you were courteous during that.
    0:47:59 There were rounds where I got zero courtesy points.
    0:48:02 And my coaches, they would ask
    0:48:04 why we got zero courtesy points
    0:48:08 just to really understand if we were just being mean.
    0:48:11 But a lot of times it was just because we were,
    0:48:16 and I was particularly tenacious in cross-examination.
    0:48:19 And even at the point where I had the person stumped,
    0:48:21 I would just keep going.
    0:48:23 I would keep going, keep going at it.
    0:48:27 And so I remember at least four or five occasions
    0:48:30 where someone cried and left the room
    0:48:32 before the round was over.
    0:48:35 – This was like the Cobra Kai of debating.
    0:48:39 It was like the bad team from the Karate Kid.
    0:48:42 – It’s my six-year-old at one point
    0:48:44 right before kindergarten said,
    0:48:49 “Hey, mama, I can make people cry just with my words.”
    0:48:51 And I have to say, it was like a really proud moment for me.
    0:48:53 And then I had to course correct
    0:48:55 and talk to him about that, but.
    0:49:02 – Now, for someone who is wondering what I omitted
    0:49:06 from the bio that’s ahead in front of me,
    0:49:09 you had two years of not doing well.
    0:49:11 And then in the bio we have,
    0:49:14 she placed first in the national tournament of champions
    0:49:16 and second in the state of California in high school.
    0:49:18 And it goes on, I’ll mention one more thing.
    0:49:20 It was part of a five-person team at Yale
    0:49:22 that competed in the RoboCup competition in Paris, France.
    0:49:24 All right, but let’s focus on the debating.
    0:49:28 So how did you go from to miss, flub with,
    0:49:32 not succeeding in debating to getting good at debating?
    0:49:37 – Yeah, this is where I think it’s the love of the game.
    0:49:39 – Were your parents supportive
    0:49:42 through all of these early trials and tribulations?
    0:49:43 – No, no.
    0:49:45 So you have to remember,
    0:49:47 I come from very traditional Japanese parents
    0:49:50 who really want me to get into a great university.
    0:49:54 And my mom at one point right after sophomore year
    0:49:58 looks at my record and my parents were incredibly supportive.
    0:50:00 They would go and judge these tournaments
    0:50:04 every single weekend, spend so much time doing it,
    0:50:06 driving us all over the state.
    0:50:10 And my parents pulled me aside and said,
    0:50:11 this isn’t working.
    0:50:16 You have a losing record in this activity that you’re doing
    0:50:19 and you appear to be doubling down on your time
    0:50:21 with respect to this.
    0:50:23 And if you want to get into a good college,
    0:50:27 you have to perform well in whatever you’re doing.
    0:50:28 It’s not just about effort.
    0:50:30 You have to have results.
    0:50:33 And I remember my mom said to me,
    0:50:37 I’ve heard fencing is a great way to get into an Ivy League
    0:50:42 college and I remember looking at her and I was like,
    0:50:45 how is it possible that she’s my mother?
    0:50:48 She clearly does not know anything
    0:50:50 about my athletic abilities
    0:50:54 if she’s suggesting that I move into fencing at this moment.
    0:50:59 And so I said to them, point taken, give me the summer
    0:51:02 and I’m going to just work on it.
    0:51:04 And this was back before the internet.
    0:51:08 So working on it meant I was at Stanford Green Library
    0:51:12 reading philosophy books and reading articles
    0:51:15 about, I think they have 12 topics,
    0:51:18 12 possible topics that they’re going to pull from
    0:51:20 for the next year.
    0:51:24 And I just studied those topics.
    0:51:29 I lived in the library and then I emerged that year
    0:51:34 to start competing and when they announced that first topic,
    0:51:37 I knew that topic cold.
    0:51:40 And then I could write my cases really quickly.
    0:51:43 I had already done all this research.
    0:51:48 And I remember going into my very, very first round
    0:51:51 and had this deal with my parents.
    0:51:54 If I didn’t win one of my first two tournaments
    0:51:57 or at least place, then I would quit.
    0:51:59 And I had this distinct impression walking
    0:52:04 into my very first round of debate that fall
    0:52:08 and feeling as I looked across at my opponent
    0:52:13 that there was no way that they could have out prepared me.
    0:52:20 And so I knew that whatever they said,
    0:52:23 I would have five arguments against.
    0:52:26 And it was this incredible knowledge
    0:52:30 that it’s not that you can be lucky
    0:52:34 and turn your luck around, you actually make your own luck.
    0:52:37 And for me, that was a profound lesson
    0:52:39 because I placed in that tournament
    0:52:41 and I placed in the next tournament
    0:52:44 and it was like that, it just never stopped after that.
    0:52:47 And I had a losing record
    0:52:49 all through my freshman sophomore year.
    0:52:54 And it’s like I turned it around junior year very suddenly.
    0:52:58 And the main difference was that I was willing to outwork
    0:53:01 and outdo every competitor who walked in through that door.
    0:53:05 – For people who don’t know the format,
    0:53:07 and I’ll be honest, I’ve been surrounded by,
    0:53:11 not surrounded by, but certainly in the same universities
    0:53:13 and so on where debate teams existed,
    0:53:18 but I’ve never seen a debate competition.
    0:53:21 What is the format?
    0:53:23 – It’s a bunch of nerdy kids dressed in suits,
    0:53:25 holding briefcases.
    0:53:27 And then maybe that’s changed,
    0:53:29 but that’s what it was back then.
    0:53:32 And then you have a resolution
    0:53:35 that’s been announced nationwide.
    0:53:39 And that resolution is generally,
    0:53:41 it has some philosophical elements to it.
    0:53:44 This is also Lincoln Douglas style of debate.
    0:53:46 And you have-
    0:53:47 – What does that mean?
    0:53:48 If you don’t mind me.
    0:53:50 – So it’s one person against one person.
    0:53:54 So it’s individual and it’s value-based.
    0:53:57 And so you’re really debating philosophy.
    0:54:01 So an example of one debate that we did,
    0:54:04 the principle of majority rule
    0:54:08 ought to be valued above the principle of minority rights
    0:54:13 or resolved that education is a privilege and not a right.
    0:54:17 So all of these debates are really surrounding,
    0:54:20 not a specific policy,
    0:54:23 but it has some application in the real world.
    0:54:24 And what you’re trying to debate
    0:54:29 is a philosophical underpinning behind that statement.
    0:54:32 And what I loved about debate was
    0:54:35 you were actually forced to debate both sides.
    0:54:38 So you had to have cases ready
    0:54:40 for both the affirmative and the negative.
    0:54:45 So pro the resolution and against the resolution.
    0:54:47 And the format is the affirmative goes up
    0:54:49 and talks about this resolution
    0:54:53 and says all the reasons that they support it.
    0:54:55 And then there’s a short cross-examination
    0:54:59 where the negative then cross-examines the affirmative,
    0:55:01 asks questions of the affirmative.
    0:55:06 Then the negative gets up and talks about all the reasons
    0:55:09 that they’re against the resolution.
    0:55:11 And then it goes point by point
    0:55:14 against all of the arguments that the affirmative made
    0:55:17 and talks about why they’re wrong.
    0:55:19 And then there’s another cross-examination
    0:55:21 of the affirmative against the negative.
    0:55:24 And then the affirmative gets up for a rebuttal,
    0:55:26 negative gets up for a rebuttal,
    0:55:28 and then the affirmative does closing arguments.
    0:55:31 Well, that’s sort of shorter and shorter speeches
    0:55:32 towards the end.
    0:55:36 – And how is the outcome determined?
    0:55:39 What are the parameters?
    0:55:41 – So it really depends on the tournament.
    0:55:43 – Aside from courtesy.
    0:55:46 – Courtesy points, it’s all about courtesy.
    0:55:48 There’s two different types of tournaments.
    0:55:50 Actually, when I was debating,
    0:55:53 one was where you had parent judges.
    0:55:57 In that, I would say really the style of speaking,
    0:56:00 your flair really would come into play,
    0:56:01 your sense of humor.
    0:56:05 It wasn’t really just the line-by-line arguments.
    0:56:07 There was also places where you would go
    0:56:10 where college students were the judges
    0:56:13 or experienced coaches were the judges.
    0:56:17 And that’s where really the line-by-line logic
    0:56:19 becomes much more important
    0:56:22 than just the style of your debate.
    0:56:24 So it really depends on your audience,
    0:56:26 and you had to read the audience correctly.
    0:56:31 – And did they just then say, I choose A or B?
    0:56:33 Or do they have to rank like the sort of Olympic style
    0:56:36 one to 10 in some fashion?
    0:56:39 – So you only have two debaters that you’re judging
    0:56:41 and you vote for one of them.
    0:56:44 And in some of the rounds, you have just a single judge.
    0:56:48 And then in another, in the breakout rounds,
    0:56:51 the semifinals, you might have a panel of judges.
    0:56:54 They can’t confer, they’re just sort of voting
    0:56:56 individually on who wins.
    0:57:01 – So you may be at a point now with debate and argument
    0:57:05 that you’ve reached the unconscious competency phase
    0:57:07 in the sense that in skill acquisition,
    0:57:09 in one framework that one could use
    0:57:11 to think about skill acquisition,
    0:57:13 as you go from unconscious incompetence
    0:57:17 to conscious incompetence to conscious competence,
    0:57:19 then unconscious competence.
    0:57:21 So I don’t know if this question is gonna be a good one,
    0:57:22 but I’ll try it anyway.
    0:57:26 For people who want to get better at debating
    0:57:29 and structuring arguments and so on,
    0:57:33 are there any books or approaches or resources,
    0:57:36 anything, exercises that you would suggest?
    0:57:41 – Well, getting to yes, I thought was always really good.
    0:57:45 I actually found the philosophical texts
    0:57:48 to be extraordinarily informative.
    0:57:53 So anything where you have that Socratic method in a book,
    0:57:56 I found really a great way of learning
    0:58:00 how people debate the greatest philosophers,
    0:58:04 Aristotle and Socrates, even when you get into
    0:58:07 more modern literature around justice,
    0:58:11 you have people like John Rawls writing.
    0:58:14 That is actually a dialogue and a real logical debate.
    0:58:18 And I always found those examples to be really great
    0:58:23 to read how people argue philosophical constructs.
    0:58:27 Presidential debates, to be honest in politics,
    0:58:30 aren’t real debates because it’s two ships passing
    0:58:33 in the night and you don’t have real conflict
    0:58:35 between people.
    0:58:38 I’ve also found like the British parliamentary system,
    0:58:40 if you’ve ever had the chance to see that on,
    0:58:42 I think sometimes it’s on C-SPAN,
    0:58:45 that’s actually an interesting observation
    0:58:47 of a real world debate as well,
    0:58:50 because they will actually engage in dialogue
    0:58:54 around policy and it’s not just ad hominem attacks.
    0:58:57 I find those sort of real world examples
    0:59:00 much more powerful than someone going sort of point
    0:59:03 by point in teaching you how to debate.
    0:59:05 Because I think that how is much more around
    0:59:08 how do you engage in the idea?
    0:59:11 How do you read and research both sides of an argument?
    0:59:15 And what do you believe on both sides?
    0:59:17 And so one way to do that would actually
    0:59:21 to take a fairly controversial topic
    0:59:25 and then actually read a lot of literature
    0:59:28 on both sides of the argument
    0:59:32 and then understand where actually the conflict happens
    0:59:35 or are there definitions that people don’t agree on?
    0:59:38 Are there nuances that people haven’t thought about?
    0:59:41 Is there real conflict or are they two ships
    0:59:42 passing in the night?
    0:59:45 I think you could do that with even the gun control debate
    0:59:47 or you could do that with immigration
    0:59:49 or you could do that with abortion
    0:59:52 and really understand both sides of an argument
    0:59:55 and that’s the way to engage in the process of debate,
    0:59:56 I believe.
    1:00:00 – If we’re reflecting back on your Cobra Kai training
    1:00:05 for slices of pizza, I’d be really curious to know
    1:00:10 if there are any particular approaches or questions
    1:00:15 or playbooks that you find very useful
    1:00:17 in a heated argument.
    1:00:19 And I’ll give you some hypotheticals, right?
    1:00:21 Let’s say that you are on stage at an event
    1:00:23 and you are doing a Q and A with the audience
    1:00:25 and you have someone who ends up being really hostile
    1:00:27 or attacks you or it could be on someone on stage.
    1:00:31 You’re just having a contentious debate of some type.
    1:00:33 I find it fascinating to see how people,
    1:00:38 even with no real logical advantage, shut down opponents
    1:00:41 and I’m not saying that’s you in this case,
    1:00:43 but for instance, whatever people may think
    1:00:46 of our dear current president of the United States,
    1:00:49 I do find it fascinating how effective he has been at saying,
    1:00:50 check your facts, right?
    1:00:56 And it just throws enough imbalance into the dynamic
    1:00:57 where someone’s like, wait a second,
    1:00:59 maybe I did miss one piece of due diligence
    1:01:03 that they’re on their heels and it opens up a window
    1:01:08 and creates sort of an illusion of them being stymied
    1:01:09 that is really advantageous.
    1:01:12 I’m like, wow, I mean, it’s kind of gross on one level,
    1:01:14 but it’s also kind of brilliant.
    1:01:16 And I also have a lot of lawyers in my family.
    1:01:17 So one thing that they’ll do,
    1:01:21 not to say they all love arguing, but a lot of them do,
    1:01:24 you’ll say something and they will go,
    1:01:26 so let me just get this straight.
    1:01:29 So I understand you’re saying that X
    1:01:30 and they’ll kind of take your argument
    1:01:33 and inch it a little closer to absurdity,
    1:01:36 but just subtly enough that you’ll say,
    1:01:37 yeah, that’s about right.
    1:01:39 And they’ll say, okay, so really what you mean is X, right?
    1:01:41 And they start to edge you over
    1:01:44 before they even counter with an argument
    1:01:48 to make you contradict yourself or kind of seem ridiculous.
    1:01:51 And then they just have to kind of finish you off.
    1:01:53 I’ve never taken debate,
    1:01:57 but I do find this really practical and really interesting.
    1:01:59 So it’s a long-winded way of intro-ing,
    1:02:01 but what are your thoughts on any of that?
    1:02:05 – It’s funny, my husband has said to me in the past,
    1:02:08 and this is a lesson that I continue to try to learn
    1:02:11 and relearn, is that life is not a debate.
    1:02:13 (both laughing)
    1:02:14 – Right.
    1:02:15 – And you know what he’s saying,
    1:02:19 and it’s funny, he was a debater as well in college
    1:02:21 and in high school.
    1:02:24 And we joke that I would still have beaten him in high school
    1:02:27 if we had actually gone head-to-head.
    1:02:29 But I think it’s a really important point
    1:02:33 that life isn’t about winning the argument.
    1:02:35 And he’s also said to me in the past,
    1:02:37 it’s not about being right.
    1:02:40 And I think that’s so true.
    1:02:45 It’s something that I’m always trying to really practice
    1:02:49 in life, and I think it’s the debater in me
    1:02:51 makes it really hard.
    1:02:52 The things that you’re pointing out
    1:02:56 are what’s important about it is that people
    1:03:01 have a tendency to have an inner dialogue where they’re right.
    1:03:06 And instead of really listening to the other person,
    1:03:09 they’re coming up with a next argument
    1:03:11 that proves that person wrong.
    1:03:14 So if you go back to what I really loved about debate
    1:03:17 and what I felt like I got out of it,
    1:03:19 it was actually this ability to see
    1:03:23 both sides of an argument, to really delve into a topic
    1:03:25 and understand why the side
    1:03:28 that I actually naturally believed
    1:03:31 could actually be flipped on its head.
    1:03:33 And that was a really important skill to develop.
    1:03:37 And I think that was so much more important to develop
    1:03:39 than the skill to argue for my side.
    1:03:42 Because I think in the world today,
    1:03:45 what we don’t see enough of is empathy
    1:03:49 for people you might even disagree with.
    1:03:53 And we get stuck in our version of truth
    1:03:55 and what is right.
    1:04:00 And we aren’t truth seekers anymore as a result.
    1:04:02 We’re truth winners.
    1:04:03 – That’s very true, yeah, very true.
    1:04:07 – That’s a piece that really makes me sad is that,
    1:04:11 when people are like, oh, this debate skill is so great to have
    1:04:15 because now you can like ram people with your ideas
    1:04:19 and I’ve never seen a situation where you shouted people down
    1:04:21 and convinced them you were right.
    1:04:25 I’ve seen situations where by developing true empathy
    1:04:29 for the other side, you actually create bridges
    1:04:31 and you create commonality
    1:04:34 and you create situations where you can actually work together.
    1:04:37 And I think that’s the piece I would take away
    1:04:39 from my debate experience.
    1:04:41 I would say actually making the person cry
    1:04:44 and cross examination probably is not the skill
    1:04:46 that I should be using in real life,
    1:04:47 although maybe sometimes I do.
    1:04:53 – Just when you’re teaching your son the black magic.
    1:04:56 I should point out just so people don’t think
    1:04:59 I’m completely sort of drinking the Kool-Aid
    1:05:01 of the bloodlust of this potential sport,
    1:05:04 although I do find it very, very fascinating
    1:05:07 as an insight into some parts of human nature.
    1:05:09 But the book you mentioned getting to yes,
    1:05:11 which is part or a byproduct
    1:05:14 of the Harvard Negotiation Project as I recall,
    1:05:17 is not a book about proving you’re right.
    1:05:19 It’s a book about getting outcomes.
    1:05:20 – Yes.
    1:05:24 – And there’s another book which I believe was co-authored
    1:05:26 by one of the co-authors of getting to yes
    1:05:28 called the Getting Past No,
    1:05:32 which I also really, really like.
    1:05:35 And it is about, well, both of these books,
    1:05:37 any book really on negotiation
    1:05:41 is about achieving a very particular outcome
    1:05:45 or arriving at a desired result
    1:05:46 as opposed to proving that you’re right.
    1:05:49 So I just wanna underscore that
    1:05:51 because there’s a very real world difference
    1:05:56 as you already noted between, say, debate and negotiation.
    1:06:00 The toolkits are very similar perhaps in some respects,
    1:06:03 but in debate, you’re not gonna have to think about,
    1:06:07 I wouldn’t imagine, something like the Batna
    1:06:08 that they talk about in Getting to Yes.
    1:06:11 Your best alternative to negotiated agreement.
    1:06:13 Like walk away power or what your options are.
    1:06:16 You don’t necessarily have to go through that thought process,
    1:06:17 but when you step into the real world
    1:06:19 and you’re not just trying to prove that you’re right,
    1:06:22 you’re trying to get someone to concede something
    1:06:24 and agree to a certain set of terms
    1:06:26 or a price or whatever it might be.
    1:06:29 Or amicably trying to break up with someone
    1:06:31 or get together with someone or have a divorce
    1:06:33 or whatever it might be,
    1:06:35 you’re really trying to manifest some type of outcome
    1:06:37 or damage control.
    1:06:41 It’s really, really different from being a truth winner.
    1:06:45 And the world-class term that I mentioned in the intro
    1:06:47 that I used a little bit of foreshadowing,
    1:06:52 saying that I suspected it might come up a little bit later.
    1:06:57 So in doing homework for this conversation,
    1:07:00 I read, and I don’t think this is a misquote,
    1:07:04 but that your dad, even when I think you were gonna be
    1:07:07 photocopying in the dean’s office,
    1:07:10 would remind you to be world-class.
    1:07:11 – Yeah.
    1:07:13 – And you would ask you if you turned in a calculus assignment,
    1:07:15 is that a world-class effort?
    1:07:17 – Yeah.
    1:07:19 – Could you talk a little bit more about this?
    1:07:21 And that wasn’t my experience growing up.
    1:07:24 My parents certainly encouraged me to do a good job,
    1:07:27 but tell us a little bit more about your dad
    1:07:31 in this particular case and how that was used.
    1:07:35 – My dad grew up in Tokyo,
    1:07:37 right at the tail end of World War II.
    1:07:40 And so one of his earliest memories actually is
    1:07:44 just planes coming across Tokyo and the fire bombs.
    1:07:47 And he escaped to the countryside
    1:07:50 and then came back to Tokyo for high school.
    1:07:53 His father passed away when he was in college
    1:07:56 and he literally tutored kids.
    1:07:59 One guy was like the prime minister’s son
    1:08:03 so that he could make enough cash to support his family.
    1:08:05 He had three other siblings.
    1:08:08 And he was one of these incredible academics.
    1:08:12 And so he was at the top of his class
    1:08:14 in one of the famous high schools in Tokyo,
    1:08:16 went to Tokyo University,
    1:08:18 was also then went to Toshiba,
    1:08:23 which at the time was one of these great companies to work for.
    1:08:26 And then he ran into a friend who told him,
    1:08:28 he was also a friend who was one of the top
    1:08:29 at his high school who said,
    1:08:32 “Hey, there’s great opportunities in America.”
    1:08:37 And this person had gone off to Princeton and gone his PhD
    1:08:43 and was at that time working in one of the great labs in IBM
    1:08:46 and was also becoming a professor.
    1:08:50 And my dad decided that he also wanted to go to the US.
    1:08:52 And he was the eldest son.
    1:08:57 And so having a mother who’s a widow and three siblings,
    1:09:00 he had to take care of them until he had saved up enough.
    1:09:02 All of his siblings were married
    1:09:04 and his mom had the courage to say,
    1:09:06 “You know what, you can go, you can go to the US.”
    1:09:10 So this is sort of the backdrop for who my dad is.
    1:09:14 He comes to the United States without speaking very much English,
    1:09:19 gets a PhD in mechanical engineering, aerospace engineering,
    1:09:23 and then is in LA ultimately as a postdoc
    1:09:25 and an associate professor.
    1:09:27 My mom comes to marry him
    1:09:33 and they are the only family members living in the United States.
    1:09:35 So really no support.
    1:09:40 So my dad eventually makes his way out to NASA at Moffitt Field.
    1:09:44 And my memories of him, he was very engaged on the academics,
    1:09:48 but he would wake up at five in the morning and go to work
    1:09:50 and he’d bring back reams of paper
    1:09:52 and would continue working late into the night.
    1:09:54 He loved what he did.
    1:09:59 So when he turned to me on anything I ever did,
    1:10:04 from the time I was a small child, I would be writing something.
    1:10:07 And if the handwriting wasn’t neat enough, he would say,
    1:10:10 “Hey, is this world class?”
    1:10:13 And I remember thinking to myself,
    1:10:17 “For a five-year-old, yeah, this is world class.”
    1:10:20 But he would always push.
    1:10:26 He would always say, “Is this really the best that a five-year-old could ever do?”
    1:10:28 And it was a constant message.
    1:10:34 And the story you’re pointing to is one, when I was in college,
    1:10:36 after living through a lifetime of this,
    1:10:38 “Is this world class?” question,
    1:10:44 I had a moment where I was starting my financial aid package,
    1:10:47 included 10 hours of work study.
    1:10:52 And I had the opportunity to work in the office of the Dean of Engineering.
    1:10:54 And what was really funny to me at the time
    1:10:58 is, since I’m leaving to go to my first day of work,
    1:11:00 I called my parents.
    1:11:04 My dad gets on the phone and he said, “Make sure you do a world class job.”
    1:11:09 And I thought, my dad thought I was really doing something important in the office.
    1:11:11 And in fact, I was just photocopying.
    1:11:14 And I said to my dad, “I’m photocopying and I’m filing.
    1:11:16 There’s no such thing as world class there.”
    1:11:18 And he said, “Well, I’d still think about it.”
    1:11:22 So I get to the office and I am actually just photocopying and filing.
    1:11:27 And I remember standing in front of this photocopy machine with a stack of papers,
    1:11:32 thinking to myself, “What is world class in this situation?”
    1:11:36 And I decided it was really crisp copies
    1:11:39 where you couldn’t tell that it was a photocopy.
    1:11:43 And so I remember really trying to make, you know,
    1:11:48 the color match and everything was straight.
    1:11:51 And I spent a lot of time on the details.
    1:11:54 And when I was filing things, I didn’t just handwrite it.
    1:11:59 I got a label writer and I made sure it was printed out on labels.
    1:12:03 And I really tried to do everything as well as I possibly could.
    1:12:09 And I remember I was getting doughnuts and I would like make sure I got the fresh doughnuts
    1:12:13 instead of the ones that had been standing out in the basket for a while.
    1:12:17 So every step of the way, it was,
    1:12:27 “What can I do to make this experience for the dean or for his executive assistant a delight moment?”
    1:12:32 And it was a real lesson for me because it was a case of real ownership.
    1:12:36 I felt so much ownership of the job I was doing,
    1:12:41 even though from the outside, I think most people would have thought it was just sort of a grunt job.
    1:12:47 And I think that’s sort of, again, when I come back to you don’t just get luck,
    1:12:54 you create these opportunities for yourself to me was a real learning experience.
    1:12:58 Right. I mean, you’re looking at the potential precursors of luck
    1:13:03 and trying to set the conditions, even though they might not always produce luck.
    1:13:06 You can increase the likelihood of it happening,
    1:13:13 which I think is a perfect segue to discussion about spring breaks.
    1:13:16 Don’t worry, this isn’t going anywhere tricky.
    1:13:18 This relates to shadowing.
    1:13:22 I’ll just, that’ll be my cue, which might bring you back.
    1:13:25 So, all right, we’re to lead into this.
    1:13:29 You were giving a man a tour around Yale.
    1:13:30 Yeah.
    1:13:34 Who is this man? Why were you giving him a tour? What happened?
    1:13:35 And I actually don’t know all the detail.
    1:13:39 I just, I found two lines in a past interview.
    1:13:40 And I was like, you know what, I want to dig into this
    1:13:43 because I don’t, there’s more to this story. I know it.
    1:13:49 I’m a junior at the time at Yale and doing this office work.
    1:13:54 And the Dean of Engineering was this older gentleman, Alan Bromblane.
    1:13:58 And he had no idea who I was.
    1:14:00 And I’d been working in this office for, I think, two years.
    1:14:02 But he barely knew my name.
    1:14:07 He was just like this great, he’d worked under George Bush Senior.
    1:14:12 He was a legendary physicist and I really looked up to this man.
    1:14:16 And so one day he pokes his head out of the office
    1:14:18 and the executive assistant was out.
    1:14:20 And he said, who are you?
    1:14:22 And I said, I’m Ann Mira.
    1:14:25 I’m your, I’m your student assistant in this office.
    1:14:28 And he said, oh, I’ve heard of you.
    1:14:32 I need you to go and give this friend of mine a tour
    1:14:34 of the engineering facilities.
    1:14:36 And he’s like, I know you’ll do a good job.
    1:14:39 Sarah’s told me you’re great.
    1:14:42 And so I take this gentleman
    1:14:45 and I take him on a fairly thorough tour
    1:14:47 of the engineering facilities.
    1:14:50 And we just had a great conversation.
    1:14:53 And he, it started off with, you know, where, where are you from?
    1:14:56 And I said I was from Palo Alto.
    1:14:59 And it turns out this guy is also from Palo Alto.
    1:15:01 And we’re just sort of talking about Palo Alto
    1:15:04 and the buildings that are around us
    1:15:07 and my growing up back in Palo Alto.
    1:15:09 And in the middle of it, he said, hey, you know,
    1:15:11 what are you doing for spring break?
    1:15:14 And it just so happened, I was gonna go back home
    1:15:16 and visit my family.
    1:15:19 And he said, well, that’s great
    1:15:23 because I’m wondering if you want to come and shadow me
    1:15:25 and see what I do for a living.
    1:15:30 And in my complete self-centered moment
    1:15:32 of being a, you know, junior,
    1:15:35 I hadn’t asked this guy what he did for a living.
    1:15:39 And so I said, well, what do you do for a living?
    1:15:41 And he said, I’m the CEO of Hewlett Packard.
    1:15:48 And I remember thinking to myself, I am such a moron.
    1:15:51 And I said, I think that would be amazing
    1:15:52 to be able to shadow you
    1:15:55 for a couple of weeks during spring break.
    1:15:57 And so this man, Lou Platt,
    1:16:02 invites me to just shadow him in 1997.
    1:16:07 And I am going around, he didn’t have a driver.
    1:16:10 He was, this was really just the Hewlett
    1:16:12 and Packard era of CEOs.
    1:16:15 He drove himself around in a Ford Focus.
    1:16:18 I remember this, we would go to different meetings
    1:16:20 and he took me around.
    1:16:22 And one of the days actually,
    1:16:25 Bill Gates came to make an announcement
    1:16:29 about .NET with Hewlett Packard.
    1:16:33 And so it was an incredible event that happened.
    1:16:36 I got to sit backstage and see everything
    1:16:37 that was happening.
    1:16:42 And Lou Platt that invited the photographer to come in
    1:16:46 and actually take a picture of me talking to Lou.
    1:16:48 And I didn’t really think about it,
    1:16:52 but after the fact, I get back to my dorm
    1:16:57 and Lou Platt has sent me a thank you letter
    1:16:59 saying thanks for coming to visit.
    1:17:02 I thought you would enjoy these photographs.
    1:17:03 And there’s two photographs in there.
    1:17:06 I’ve framed them in my office now.
    1:17:10 One is a picture of me sitting on a seat talking to Lou.
    1:17:14 And then the second picture is Bill Gates
    1:17:17 sitting exactly in that spot that I was sitting in
    1:17:20 talking to Lou Platt.
    1:17:25 And to me like mentorship means so many different things.
    1:17:27 I’ve had so many different examples of mentors,
    1:17:32 but to a junior in college who literally is a nobody,
    1:17:38 he was such an incredible example of mentorship.
    1:17:40 He never asked for my resume.
    1:17:43 He never asked for my GPA.
    1:17:46 He just sort of took this girl and said,
    1:17:49 you know what, you have something, I see it.
    1:17:52 And I’m gonna show you something even greater.
    1:17:55 And to me, that is such a gift.
    1:17:59 It was so incredible because I hadn’t even thought
    1:18:01 about my own personal potential ever.
    1:18:04 No one had ever described anything to me.
    1:18:08 And I came back from that with my mind completely blown.
    1:18:11 I met Anne Livermore who was an executive
    1:18:15 and I’d never seen a female executive in my entire life.
    1:18:18 And here’s someone who I could look at and see
    1:18:21 and I can see that people around her respect her.
    1:18:23 It’s a life-changing moment.
    1:18:27 And it comes from that first comment
    1:18:31 from Dean Bromley who says, I’ve heard of you.
    1:18:33 I heard you do a great job.
    1:18:36 And that’s where the opportunities opened up.
    1:18:38 – You’re the woman responsible for my fresh donuts
    1:18:39 and crisp photocopies.
    1:18:41 I’ve heard good things.
    1:18:42 – Exactly.
    1:18:43 – It’s a little things.
    1:18:45 – And typed up filing labels.
    1:18:47 – Now, I should note,
    1:18:48 you don’t have to go too deep into this,
    1:18:52 but in a way you were perfectly primed
    1:18:55 for doing a good job with your photocopying
    1:19:00 and labeling after spending, was it summers in Kanazawa
    1:19:02 in the stationary store?
    1:19:03 Am I making that up?
    1:19:08 – Yeah, no, my first job was literally helping my uncle
    1:19:12 and grandmother sell office supplies in Kanazawa, Japan
    1:19:14 at our store, Taikido.
    1:19:18 – Taikido, man Kanazawa is just such,
    1:19:19 I’d never been to Kanazawa.
    1:19:20 For those people who don’t know,
    1:19:22 I used to live in Japan long time.
    1:19:25 My first time out of the US was a year in Japan
    1:19:27 as an exchange student, which is a whole separate story,
    1:19:30 but never made it to Kanazawa until a few years ago.
    1:19:31 It’s gorgeous.
    1:19:33 And it’s not that far away from Tokyo at all,
    1:19:38 but such a cute spot with so much to offer.
    1:19:40 – Yeah, it’s actually incredible
    1:19:43 because it’s one of the few cities in Japan
    1:19:46 that was protected by historians in the US.
    1:19:49 It did not get bombed in World War II
    1:19:53 because of some of the historic elements of the city.
    1:19:55 So it’s almost like a smaller version of Kyoto
    1:19:59 and it has a historic Japanese garden called Kenrokuen.
    1:20:02 – Yeah, Kenrokuen is unbelievable.
    1:20:04 Unbelievable. – It’s unbelievable.
    1:20:07 So it’s summers I would spend maybe like two blocks away
    1:20:09 from Kenrokuen.
    1:20:11 So it was an incredible set of summers.
    1:20:14 But yes, I used to man the cashier register
    1:20:16 at the office supply store.
    1:20:19 So I know my pens and notebooks and stamps,
    1:20:20 like nobody’s business.
    1:20:22 – Do you have any favorite go-to?
    1:20:26 Don’t worry, I’m not gonna spend too much time on this,
    1:20:28 but do you have any favorite notebooks or pens
    1:20:31 or items of those types that you use today?
    1:20:33 – Yeah, totally.
    1:20:38 So on pens, I love the Juice Up 04.
    1:20:40 – How do you spell Juice Up?
    1:20:41 – Juice Up.
    1:20:43 – Oh, Juice Up, okay.
    1:20:45 – Yeah, Juice Up 04.
    1:20:46 You can get them on Amazon.
    1:20:48 They’re super thin pens.
    1:20:50 – 04, that’s like 0.4 millimeter or something?
    1:20:52 – Yeah, yeah, okay.
    1:20:56 – And then for notebooks, it’s the Nuna,
    1:21:00 it’s N-U-U-N-A, some European brand,
    1:21:05 but I like any notebook that has the dot matrix on it.
    1:21:07 The paper quality is really great.
    1:21:09 – I see, dot matrix, it’s not like graph paper,
    1:21:12 there are perpendicular lines that are dotted.
    1:21:13 – Yes, yes.
    1:21:16 I’m very particular.
    1:21:17 I could go on and on.
    1:21:21 – It appeals to the Dungeons and Dragons nerd in me.
    1:21:22 Anything that resembles graph paper.
    1:21:25 So the Juice Up 04 and the Nuna,
    1:21:26 definitely anything European sounding
    1:21:29 with a repeating vowel, I’ll pay 40% more for.
    1:21:30 – Maybe 100% more.
    1:21:32 – Maybe 100%.
    1:21:34 You mentioned that you have these photographs
    1:21:35 in your office, I’m curious.
    1:21:37 You’re sitting in your office right now?
    1:21:38 – Yeah.
    1:21:39 – All right, so what else?
    1:21:40 I’m sure you have photographs of your family,
    1:21:43 but outside of kind of the usual suspects,
    1:21:45 what are other items that you have
    1:21:47 in your office that are important to you?
    1:21:52 – I have the original Lyft pink mustache
    1:21:56 that used to go in the front of the cars, which I love.
    1:22:01 I have also a picture and a set of laser etched metal plates
    1:22:09 that students gave to me that have sort of a word graph
    1:22:11 of all of the words that they thought
    1:22:14 they ascribed to me.
    1:22:15 – Students of what?
    1:22:17 What was the context for these students interacting with you
    1:22:19 and what are some of the words?
    1:22:22 – Yeah, so I teach at Stanford.
    1:22:26 So after my PhD, what I realized was I loved teaching
    1:22:27 more than anything else.
    1:22:32 And so I stayed in contact with Tina Selig
    1:22:34 and Tom Byers over at Stanford
    1:22:38 who run the Stanford Technology Ventures Program.
    1:22:40 And they’ve given me the opportunity
    1:22:42 to teach a few different classes,
    1:22:45 but the one that I got these metal plates
    1:22:48 and the photograph from was the class
    1:22:51 of 2013 Mayfield Fellows Group.
    1:22:56 And they have words like thunder lizard, bad ass,
    1:23:01 inspiring, mother.
    1:23:07 So, you know, it’s just really fun to see
    1:23:08 sort of what words they thought.
    1:23:11 What were you teaching these Mayfield Fellows?
    1:23:13 – We were teaching them basic concepts
    1:23:17 behind leadership and entrepreneurship.
    1:23:20 And it’s sort of the first exposure that they get
    1:23:24 as juniors and seniors into really, you know,
    1:23:29 startup ecosystem, what does venture capital do
    1:23:31 within that ecosystem?
    1:23:33 What are the tough choices that you have to make
    1:23:37 as a leader within these types of organizations?
    1:23:41 What does growth look like in these types of organizations?
    1:23:44 So it’s just sort of a startup 101,
    1:23:46 but what I love about it is it’s only 12 students
    1:23:49 and it goes for nine months.
    1:23:50 – Wow.
    1:23:51 – So if you get to be involved in it,
    1:23:55 you get to really know some of the students.
    1:23:57 And I’ve been mentoring students
    1:24:01 and sometimes teaching some of these classes since 2008.
    1:24:06 And you get this whole arc of the career path
    1:24:09 of young people.
    1:24:10 And I really love it.
    1:24:13 I think it’s just sort of, you get to see, you know,
    1:24:17 students who start off as seniors,
    1:24:19 and then they start their career,
    1:24:21 they might go to grad school,
    1:24:24 then they go back and get a job, they get married,
    1:24:27 and then I think one is now about to have a kid.
    1:24:30 So you just sort of see this whole arc,
    1:24:34 and it’s just about 10 years, 20 years behind where I was.
    1:24:37 And so I get to see this incredible progress
    1:24:40 that these students make over time.
    1:24:42 So it’s something that I love.
    1:24:45 – Anne Mirico, mother of Thunder Lizards,
    1:24:46 AKA mother of dragons.
    1:24:48 We’re gonna come back to Thunder Lizard
    1:24:50 because there’s a whole lot wrapped around that.
    1:24:54 But I’m gonna try to keep my brain somewhat focused here.
    1:24:57 Is there a reading list for that class?
    1:25:01 Or do you recall anything that was on a recommended
    1:25:03 or required reading list for that class?
    1:25:05 – Yeah, so we actually teach a,
    1:25:09 I’m starting a class today at Stanford
    1:25:11 for the new spring quarter.
    1:25:14 And in this class, what we’re teaching
    1:25:17 is what I would call intelligent growth.
    1:25:19 It’s a little bit different from the Mayfield Fellows.
    1:25:22 But my hypothesis, my belief is that
    1:25:26 just like fake news in politics,
    1:25:30 there’s actually something that we would call fake growth.
    1:25:32 – Lots of it.
    1:25:34 We’ve worshiped the altar of growth
    1:25:37 for about five to 10 years now.
    1:25:40 And what I’ve seen is that–
    1:25:43 – And this is startup growth specifically.
    1:25:45 – Specifically within startups,
    1:25:49 there’s so much that we see that is fake.
    1:25:54 And no one has ascribed actual adjectives to growth until now.
    1:25:58 And so the class that I’m teaching
    1:26:01 to engineering students at Stanford
    1:26:06 is around what is actually intelligent growth?
    1:26:08 And so you asked about the reading for it.
    1:26:11 It’s all around some of these case studies
    1:26:12 that we’ve seen.
    1:26:16 A great example of that to me is Qualtrics.
    1:26:18 We’re gonna have Ryan Smith,
    1:26:21 who is the CEO of Qualtrics come in and speak.
    1:26:22 And I think he’s a great example
    1:26:26 because I think he was at $50 million in revenues
    1:26:30 before he raised a dime of venture capital money.
    1:26:31 And so as a result,
    1:26:35 he’s gonna own an incredible piece of his company
    1:26:36 when it exits and it will.
    1:26:39 And so I love the capital efficiency
    1:26:41 with which he built his business.
    1:26:45 I also think one of my companies, Lyft,
    1:26:50 is a great example of having that kind of discipline early on
    1:26:53 and not just wasting venture capital dollars
    1:26:56 in the early days when they didn’t have product market fit.
    1:26:59 So they spent two and a half years working
    1:27:02 on this platform called Zimride,
    1:27:05 knowing that they had to get to density in riders.
    1:27:06 And Zimride was just,
    1:27:11 it was a platform where you could find carpooling arrangements
    1:27:15 and it was being sold to universities and companies,
    1:27:16 but we couldn’t get enough density
    1:27:19 to get transactions really moving fast.
    1:27:23 And it was two and a half years before they launched Lyft.
    1:27:25 And in the first six weeks,
    1:27:28 you could start to see that there was a real traction there.
    1:27:33 And it was only after they knew what they were doing with Lyft
    1:27:37 that they went and raised a large round with Founders Fund
    1:27:42 and then an even larger round with Andreessen Horowitz.
    1:27:46 And that story of really, really hacking value
    1:27:48 before you go out and hack growth
    1:27:51 is something that I don’t see often enough
    1:27:52 in Silicon Valley.
    1:27:55 So it’s something that I’m continuing to seek.
    1:27:57 And I love to see companies,
    1:28:00 especially outside of Silicon Valley that do that.
    1:28:02 And that’s when we come back to hunting for thunder lizards,
    1:28:04 that’s what I’m looking for.
    1:28:06 – When you mentioned the case studies,
    1:28:09 do you have written case studies that you’re using
    1:28:11 much like, I don’t know if Stanford uses these,
    1:28:14 but much like the Harvard Business School case studies,
    1:28:17 which are these kind of three ring binder,
    1:28:20 a five to 10 page cases that are published.
    1:28:21 You use those.
    1:28:23 – So the ones that we focused on,
    1:28:27 there’s a Harvard Business case on Floodgate
    1:28:30 that you can purchase off of the Harvard Business Review
    1:28:31 website.
    1:28:33 – So anyone can purchase these.
    1:28:34 You don’t have to be a student.
    1:28:36 Keep going because the format of these case studies
    1:28:37 is really interesting to me.
    1:28:39 And as an undergrad senior,
    1:28:42 when I took Ed Schau’s class in high-tech entrepreneurship,
    1:28:44 which is how I met Mike Maples Jr.
    1:28:47 who’s gonna be a recurring character shortly,
    1:28:48 I remember how useful they were.
    1:28:50 So that’s the only interjection.
    1:28:51 Sorry to interrupt.
    1:28:52 – No, exactly.
    1:28:57 So we use that case study for Qualtrics.
    1:28:59 There is one on Floodgate.
    1:29:01 So if you go to the Harvard Business Review site,
    1:29:04 you can actually just search for Floodgate or Qualtrics
    1:29:05 and it’ll come up and they’re somewhere
    1:29:08 between five and $15.
    1:29:11 So they’re pretty easy to buy and download.
    1:29:14 But I think those two in particular are quite valuable.
    1:29:18 We have then also just people coming in
    1:29:21 and speaking about some of the things that they’ve learned
    1:29:24 and how to grow that business from zero to one
    1:29:26 and then one to X.
    1:29:29 And people like Michael Siebel,
    1:29:32 who is now a partner at Y Combinator,
    1:29:36 but also was part of JustinTV and Social Cam.
    1:29:38 We have Stephanie Schatz,
    1:29:43 who was the fearless leader on the sales side for Xamarin.
    1:29:48 She had 18 straight quarters of beating the stretch target.
    1:29:50 So you can only imagine how incredible she is
    1:29:52 as a sales leader taking a company
    1:29:55 from zero to $50 million in revenues.
    1:29:57 So we have a lot of different types of people,
    1:30:02 whether they’re CEOs or CROs or venture investors
    1:30:06 coming in to talk about the kinds of trade-offs
    1:30:11 they had to make and how they decipher growth
    1:30:13 to make sure that they have the real kind
    1:30:16 and not just kind that they’re buying.
    1:30:18 – Right, just to elaborate on that
    1:30:20 for people who may not be in the startup world.
    1:30:24 If, for instance, you’re sitting in on an incubator
    1:30:27 investor day and you see 12 companies in a row
    1:30:30 that have 20% month-on-month growth
    1:30:33 with very similar-looking charts,
    1:30:36 there is some possibility that they have been inflating
    1:30:40 or manufacturing their numbers with paid acquisition
    1:30:42 to raise funding or do any number of things.
    1:30:44 And it’s relatively easy to spot once you know the symptoms
    1:30:47 but there are an end, then there are,
    1:30:49 I suppose as Richard Feynman would say,
    1:30:52 the physicist, you must be sure not to trick yourself
    1:30:54 or fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.
    1:30:55 You can also get very caught up
    1:30:58 with what you might consider vanity metrics.
    1:31:01 But let me take a step back and just ask,
    1:31:03 well, before I ask, people definitely take a look
    1:31:05 at the case studies for both Harvard and
    1:31:08 if you search Stanford GSB, which is the business school,
    1:31:11 case studies, you’ll also find a website
    1:31:15 with these profiles of companies and not just companies
    1:31:17 but decisions they had to face generally
    1:31:20 where you can determine for yourself
    1:31:22 what you would do in a given situation
    1:31:24 then read about what they did, whether it’s MongoDB,
    1:31:26 I’m looking at this Stanford GSB site
    1:31:30 in the case studies right now, Sonos and so on.
    1:31:34 How did you first become exposed to, say, venture capital
    1:31:36 and what did you think you were gonna do in college?
    1:31:37 When you were in college, junior year,
    1:31:39 what did you expect you were gonna do when you grew up?
    1:31:42 I actually had multiple different paths.
    1:31:45 So I started off when we were talking about my brother
    1:31:49 describing this kid who knew he wanted to work with cars
    1:31:52 or airplanes from the get-go.
    1:31:53 And guess what he’s doing right now?
    1:31:56 He’s in Germany working with race cars.
    1:32:00 So, you know, and I was the complete opposite.
    1:32:04 I think when I was four, I wanted to be a farmer.
    1:32:05 Then somewhere along the lines,
    1:32:07 I really wanted to be a doctor.
    1:32:12 And I wanted to be a doctor for a fairly long period of time
    1:32:17 where in freshman year summer, I took organic chemistry.
    1:32:19 I was in this pre-med track.
    1:32:22 I think sophomore year summer, you take the MCATs
    1:32:26 if you’re pretty sure you want to go to medical school.
    1:32:29 And that summer, I was with my best friend
    1:32:32 who also really wanted to go to medical school.
    1:32:36 And she is right now studying leukemia.
    1:32:39 She’s a doctor at UCSF.
    1:32:43 So she’s clearly gone down that path and doubled down on it.
    1:32:46 But I remember going to study for the MCATs with her
    1:32:49 and I turned to the side and I looked at her
    1:32:53 and I had this sudden realization which was that,
    1:32:56 and this is two days before we’re taking the MCATs.
    1:33:01 I said, “Hey, Kathy, I hate hospitals.
    1:33:05 I don’t like actually being around sick people.
    1:33:10 I also don’t love it when people are always complaining to me.
    1:33:13 And I think that might get in the way of me being a doctor.”
    1:33:16 And she looked at me like I was an alien.
    1:33:20 And she said, “Why are you saying this right now?
    1:33:21 We’re about to take the MCATs
    1:33:24 and we need to go study for it at Kaplan.”
    1:33:27 But I was just constantly observing her
    1:33:29 and she is just this incredible human being
    1:33:31 and she continues to be.
    1:33:35 But this realization of, wow, like the actual job
    1:33:37 of being a doctor may not be something
    1:33:41 that I actually enjoy was really a hard realization
    1:33:44 when you’ve been all in for this long.
    1:33:48 And so it was a realization that I really had to face.
    1:33:51 And I knew my gut that I was doing it
    1:33:54 because it was a really great path.
    1:33:57 It was a path where I knew what the next step was.
    1:33:59 I knew what next class I had to take.
    1:34:00 I knew the next exam I had to take.
    1:34:04 Then there was applications, then there was school,
    1:34:06 and then there was residency and fellowship.
    1:34:10 And it just felt like a really predictable thing to do.
    1:34:13 But the actual work at the end of the day
    1:34:15 was not something I was going to love or enjoy.
    1:34:18 And that was really disturbing to me.
    1:34:22 And so I really screeched off of that path.
    1:34:24 And it was hard because I had actually taken
    1:34:27 all of the requirements except for biology.
    1:34:31 And the pre-med requirements did not actually overlap
    1:34:33 very much with electrical engineering.
    1:34:35 So I’d taken a lot of extra classes
    1:34:39 to make it a possibility, but realized also it wasn’t for me.
    1:34:42 And that’s where I was sort of in this state
    1:34:45 of not knowing what I wanted to be.
    1:34:46 – And could I pause for one second?
    1:34:47 – Yeah.
    1:34:50 – So what you just described illustrates
    1:34:55 a degree of self-awareness, but also decision-making
    1:34:57 that I think is rather uncommon in the sense
    1:35:00 that I know a lot of people who have gone on
    1:35:04 to become doctors or lawyers or fill in the blank
    1:35:08 that has a lot of prerequisite training and schooling
    1:35:12 because of, say, succumbing to the sunk cost fallacy.
    1:35:15 Like, oh God, I’ve put in so much time.
    1:35:16 Even though I have this intuitive feeling
    1:35:20 I’m not going to like it, I really should do it.
    1:35:25 And what was the conversation or the background
    1:35:29 that allowed you to step off of that path?
    1:35:32 And not to beat the like Asian kid drum too hard,
    1:35:35 but let’s be real, right?
    1:35:38 I mean, you’re also, that would be a very admirable,
    1:35:42 well-respected, happy to share at a dinner party
    1:35:46 with friends type of path for your parents, I would assume.
    1:35:49 – So all the more uncommon that you would step off
    1:35:51 of that track, how is that the case?
    1:35:53 Why were you different?
    1:35:57 – So I think it goes back to actually the moment in debate
    1:36:01 where my mom is telling me you should do fencing
    1:36:02 instead of debate.
    1:36:07 There was this realization of, oh, my parents really love me,
    1:36:10 but they don’t know me.
    1:36:13 No one really knows me in terms of my capabilities
    1:36:16 and what I feel like I can get done.
    1:36:18 No one knows that better than I do.
    1:36:20 It was an important lesson for me
    1:36:24 because one other fact that I didn’t mention
    1:36:29 is that as a kid, there was no sign that I was special,
    1:36:32 except for these weird characteristics
    1:36:34 where I would go learn negotiations.
    1:36:39 But I failed the IQ test multiple times
    1:36:41 and the school district insisted
    1:36:44 I was not gifted or talented.
    1:36:47 My mom had to fight for me to be part
    1:36:49 of this gifted and talented program.
    1:36:54 As a two year old, after I was really hostile
    1:36:58 to people who spoke English, my mom stuck me in,
    1:37:01 tried to put me into preschool to socialize me,
    1:37:05 but I ended up biting the person who was interviewing me
    1:37:11 for a preschool slot and they put me in special education.
    1:37:13 I was one of those kids who got picked up
    1:37:15 in a short yellow bus from our house
    1:37:20 and taken to a state run program for special children.
    1:37:24 And I think for a long time, my mom wasn’t really sure
    1:37:28 what I was, but she just decided to be all in
    1:37:31 on the fact that I was gifted and talented,
    1:37:32 even if I wasn’t.
    1:37:35 And she was really worried that I was one
    1:37:36 of these special children.
    1:37:40 And so I had sort of an environment
    1:37:45 around me way before Yale where I knew what I was capable of,
    1:37:51 even if the test scores showed that I wasn’t.
    1:37:56 And I knew that I knew what I was capable of,
    1:37:59 even if my parents didn’t see it in me.
    1:38:03 And I think there’s sort of this moment in time
    1:38:06 that people need to have where you realize
    1:38:11 that there’s no test for human potential.
    1:38:14 There’s no recognition for that.
    1:38:18 It’s something that you have to find inside of yourself.
    1:38:21 And I think for me, that one of those tests
    1:38:26 was actually going back to, am I gonna be a great doctor?
    1:38:29 And if I revisit this question that my dad had always asked me,
    1:38:31 can you be world class?
    1:38:33 I knew I couldn’t ’cause I looked at Kathy
    1:38:35 and she was gonna be world class.
    1:38:40 She loved helping people and she loved helping people
    1:38:45 from that kind of caretaking perspective,
    1:38:49 which is not where I was gonna be world class.
    1:38:51 But I felt like there was something in me
    1:38:54 where I could be great at something.
    1:38:55 That just wasn’t it.
    1:38:58 – And you have all of this technical training
    1:38:59 by this point, you have the chemistry,
    1:39:02 but you certainly also have the, let’s see here,
    1:39:04 at that point, the electrical engineering probably.
    1:39:09 How does finance and investing or startups,
    1:39:12 I don’t know which came first, enter the picture.
    1:39:14 – So having grown up in Palo Alto,
    1:39:17 I was actually exposed to a lot of startups.
    1:39:21 Even as a kid, I used to babysit for a serial entrepreneur
    1:39:24 and he was always tinkering around in his garage.
    1:39:26 And I remember thinking to myself,
    1:39:29 he works for himself, which is very, very cool.
    1:39:34 I also, on my debate team was Lisa Brennan Jobs,
    1:39:37 who I didn’t really realize she was the daughter
    1:39:40 of Steve Jobs until I was in her house.
    1:39:41 We were talking about debate.
    1:39:44 I was a senior at the time and I was helping her through
    1:39:46 learning the ropes of speech and debate
    1:39:49 and Steve Jobs sort of appeared out of nowhere.
    1:39:50 And I remember thinking to myself,
    1:39:53 what is Steve Jobs doing in this house?
    1:39:57 And so it was just sort of, it was all around.
    1:40:01 And so venture capital was something
    1:40:03 that actually a friend of mine had brought up
    1:40:07 when I was still struggling with this notion of what should I be?
    1:40:09 And he was a real finance guy.
    1:40:13 And he said, you’re really good at technology
    1:40:15 and you’re now interested in business
    1:40:17 because of this exposure to loop plot.
    1:40:19 Have you ever thought of venture capital?
    1:40:22 And I remember kind of reading about it
    1:40:25 and having heard a little bit about it growing up,
    1:40:27 looking into it and realizing,
    1:40:30 oh, you have like all this work experience you need to have.
    1:40:33 I talked to a couple of former Yaleys
    1:40:34 who were a venture capitalist
    1:40:39 and sort of had that in the back of my head.
    1:40:43 And so I went off to work at McKinsey as a consultant
    1:40:45 for three years.
    1:40:47 And then in the process of trying to figure out
    1:40:50 what to do next, I met a venture capitalist
    1:40:53 by the name of Ted Dinter Smith.
    1:40:56 And in that interview with him,
    1:40:59 we spoke about not about technology,
    1:41:03 not about the research I’d done or my work experience,
    1:41:05 but he wanted to know what books I was reading.
    1:41:09 He wanted to know about the music that I loved.
    1:41:12 And in that period, I was really into
    1:41:14 modern American literature.
    1:41:17 So I was really into Yale doctoro.
    1:41:20 There are a few books that I just absolutely loved
    1:41:22 and we talked about that for a little while.
    1:41:25 And then when we turned to music,
    1:41:28 I’ve played piano, classical piano since I was four.
    1:41:32 And he and I talked about the classical musicians
    1:41:33 that I really loved.
    1:41:37 And he happened to be an English lit major
    1:41:39 along with being a physics major.
    1:41:43 So he loved books as much as I did, maybe even more.
    1:41:45 And then he was an opera nut.
    1:41:49 And so we had all these things that we could talk about
    1:41:52 and two hours into that conversation,
    1:41:55 never having touched upon technology,
    1:41:58 he then basically said, how would you like
    1:42:00 to come work with me?
    1:42:03 And I was living out in Palo Alto at the time.
    1:42:05 This was an opportunity in Boston.
    1:42:08 And I remember not even hesitating knowing
    1:42:10 that I wanted to work with this person,
    1:42:14 this human beings sitting across the table from me.
    1:42:15 I jumped at that opportunity.
    1:42:19 And it wasn’t the fact that it was in venture capital,
    1:42:23 but rather I really wanted the chance to be working around
    1:42:26 someone like Ted Dinter Smith at that time.
    1:42:28 – Let’s talk about that interview for a second.
    1:42:31 So that, I think would strike some people
    1:42:34 as a very unusual interviewing style.
    1:42:38 Do you think in retrospect, and maybe you know,
    1:42:40 that he had already decided you were fully capable
    1:42:42 of doing the job, therefore didn’t have to check that box
    1:42:44 and just wanted to make sure that he could work with you
    1:42:45 and spend time with you.
    1:42:48 Was it that he was using that interview to sell you
    1:42:51 so that when he made the offer, you would say yes.
    1:42:53 What do you think was going through his mind?
    1:42:55 Before, during or after, are they supposed to,
    1:42:58 before and during that conversation?
    1:43:04 – You know, I think Ted is a very unique human being
    1:43:07 in that I used to have this perception
    1:43:10 that networking was work in a room
    1:43:13 and like you shake a lot of hands and hold a lot of babies
    1:43:17 and you learn a few names and you move on.
    1:43:22 I learned from Ted that networking is actually
    1:43:24 a deep curiosity about the human being
    1:43:27 who’s sitting across the table from you.
    1:43:30 So I don’t think he necessarily had
    1:43:32 that kind of purpose in mind,
    1:43:35 but that he was just really interested
    1:43:37 in what I was interested in
    1:43:42 and we happened to find commonality
    1:43:45 and he was trying to understand how my mind worked
    1:43:47 and what I was interested in.
    1:43:49 I’ve taken that as a real lesson
    1:43:54 because I loved the way he would network.
    1:43:58 He learned so much about people in that process
    1:44:03 and that’s how he ministered to his entrepreneurs.
    1:44:08 He also was capable of providing advice at the right time
    1:44:11 because he really knew those people.
    1:44:15 And so for me, I felt like it was a really unique interview.
    1:44:18 It stood out from all the interviews I’ve ever had,
    1:44:22 but I think he was learning more about me
    1:44:27 than most other technical interviews could have gotten to.
    1:44:29 And then, you know, his other partners,
    1:44:32 I think Ezar Armini gave me sort of more of a case study
    1:44:33 and could dive into that,
    1:44:37 but Ted always had a deep curiosity about the human being
    1:44:40 and not necessarily just the skills.
    1:44:42 – What else did you learn from him
    1:44:46 or in that position, in that job?
    1:44:48 – I thought that Ted was also
    1:44:50 an incredible first principles thinker.
    1:44:54 So my second day of work at CRV was 9/11.
    1:44:55 – Oh my God.
    1:44:58 – And so it was, you went from kind of a bad economy
    1:45:03 to a horrible black hole economy.
    1:45:07 And so it was a really terrible time for Venture
    1:45:12 and they had just raised this $1.4 billion fund.
    1:45:15 So that’s, I mean, for Venture,
    1:45:18 that’s a huge amount of money.
    1:45:22 And it’s a huge accomplishment to convince so many investors
    1:45:26 to invest in your venture capital firm at that amount.
    1:45:29 Then Ted took the time to actually start to do analysis
    1:45:32 with me on how much capital had gone
    1:45:35 into venture capital at that moment.
    1:45:37 And then the exits had stopped.
    1:45:40 There were no more IPOs, no one was acquiring companies.
    1:45:43 The economy just came to a screeching halt.
    1:45:48 And he decided, along with the other partners in this firm,
    1:45:51 to give back most of the money.
    1:45:56 So they reduced their fund from $1.2 billion to $450 million.
    1:46:02 And the reason why that’s so interesting and impressive
    1:46:06 is that the way a venture capital firm makes money,
    1:46:08 the way you have any salary
    1:46:10 or the operating money that you have for the firm
    1:46:15 is a direct percentage of the fund that you raise.
    1:46:18 And so by shrinking the size of the fund,
    1:46:21 you’re shrinking the size of the management fees
    1:46:24 that you get pretty dramatically.
    1:46:26 – Oh, for sure, very dramatically.
    1:46:27 I mean, for people who don’t know,
    1:46:29 I mean, you hear very often, it’s not always the case,
    1:46:32 but in venture capital, two and 20, two and 20,
    1:46:35 and that means 2% management fee
    1:46:38 based on the sort of assets under management,
    1:46:41 meaning that particular fund and then 20% of the upside
    1:46:43 for people who don’t know.
    1:46:46 – They decided to give back those management fees.
    1:46:48 And to me, that was really, really impressive
    1:46:52 ’cause you’re facing down a really terrible economy,
    1:46:55 not only are you shrinking the size of your fund,
    1:46:57 to reflect that, you’re also shrinking
    1:46:59 the size of your management fees
    1:47:01 and you’re taking that blow.
    1:47:05 So things like that, I learned also
    1:47:09 how to shepherd companies through that kind of difficult time
    1:47:12 and how to be a true partner to an entrepreneur.
    1:47:16 And so, I think it was a really important lesson to learn
    1:47:20 because I would argue most people haven’t seen real cycles.
    1:47:21 People seem to think 2008
    1:47:24 was a real significant dip in the economy,
    1:47:29 but anyone who lived through 2001 knows that 2008
    1:47:33 was a blip compared to a real downturn
    1:47:36 because we’ve had a raging bull market
    1:47:38 for such a long time.
    1:47:43 That memory and that knowledge of having survived 2001
    1:47:48 as a crisis period is something that I hold with me.
    1:47:52 Really in my war chest, I know how to get through
    1:47:53 that kind of time period.
    1:47:55 And I don’t think a lot of people do.
    1:47:59 – Yeah, it makes me think of a lot of what I heard
    1:48:02 in Silicon Valley, still here before moving to Austin,
    1:48:05 which makes me think of, I’m gonna paraphrase this,
    1:48:07 but it’s a quote from Sir John Templeton, I think it is,
    1:48:10 which is the most expensive words in investing are,
    1:48:12 “This time it’s different.”
    1:48:16 And it has been quite the bull run.
    1:48:18 You mentioned first principles thinking.
    1:48:21 I wanna tie that into something you mentioned
    1:48:24 related to your class, tough choices for leaders.
    1:48:27 What are some of the toughest choices for leaders,
    1:48:29 I suppose in this context?
    1:48:34 CEOs or high-level execs, co-founders of companies.
    1:48:36 What are some of the toughest decisions
    1:48:40 that nonetheless seem to come up fairly commonly?
    1:48:44 – The most difficult thing for a startup founder,
    1:48:48 CEO, leader, you witness multiple phase changes
    1:48:50 in a business.
    1:48:53 And so if you imagine you’re going from
    1:48:55 absolutely nothing to something,
    1:48:58 that’s what I call the zero to one phase.
    1:49:00 You’re searching for product market fit.
    1:49:03 You’re trying to find the best customers.
    1:49:06 You’re trying to find where your 10X advantage
    1:49:08 is truly valued.
    1:49:12 That’s a very different business process
    1:49:17 and truth seeking than when you’re going from one to X,
    1:49:21 which is now that I know what my value proposition is,
    1:49:24 I’m gonna add to that, but I’m also going to pull
    1:49:26 on some of these growth levers.
    1:49:29 The fundamental job of a VP of marketing
    1:49:33 who is in that zero to one phase,
    1:49:36 changes dramatically one to X.
    1:49:39 It changes dramatically for the salesperson
    1:49:41 in zero to one to one to X.
    1:49:44 And you go through this incredible Bermuda triangle
    1:49:48 where you have to navigate that change.
    1:49:53 And so what I see challenging for startup founders
    1:49:58 is actually being comfortable with your fundamental job
    1:50:02 shifting from every three months.
    1:50:06 You would have a massive shift in what you need to focus on
    1:50:08 and how you need to develop.
    1:50:13 And I think a company is a multi-dimensional thing.
    1:50:15 And in Silicon Valley, we spend so much time
    1:50:18 thinking about product and product market fit
    1:50:22 that we forget that there’s this huge emphasis
    1:50:24 you might wanna place on the fact
    1:50:27 that a company is also an organization.
    1:50:31 A company is also a category that you’re building.
    1:50:34 A company is also a business model.
    1:50:35 A company is also a team.
    1:50:38 And so it’s the skill set actually
    1:50:41 to balance all of those things.
    1:50:44 And knowing when you fundamentally need
    1:50:47 to change out the talent in your team,
    1:50:52 the knowing when you actually need to let go of a product
    1:50:53 and knowing actually, to me,
    1:50:56 this is probably the hardest piece,
    1:51:01 knowing the difference between a winning strategy
    1:51:04 versus a strategy not to lose.
    1:51:06 – Could you elaborate on that, please?
    1:51:09 – Yeah, so to me, a strategy not to lose
    1:51:11 is a lot of different things.
    1:51:14 It’s to not to lose to a competitor,
    1:51:19 not to lose talent, a strategy not to lose out on revenue.
    1:51:25 So it’s all these fears that you have of captured ground
    1:51:28 or the fact that you might have someone take over
    1:51:30 something that you wanna do,
    1:51:33 a competitor who’s breathing down your neck
    1:51:36 versus a strategy for winning is about
    1:51:38 where do you double down on?
    1:51:42 What do you do to capture ground, to be aggressive,
    1:51:45 to play offense and not defense?
    1:51:49 To me, there’s a huge difference between that strategy
    1:51:54 of I’m gonna win in this market versus I’m not gonna lose.
    1:51:59 And not losing often involves a lot of hedging.
    1:52:03 And when you feel that urge to hedge, you need to focus.
    1:52:05 And you need to be offensive.
    1:52:07 – In what ways might that hedging manifest?
    1:52:09 What would be examples you’ve seen
    1:52:14 or hypotheticals of the symptoms of a defensive strategy
    1:52:17 in the form of hedging?
    1:52:20 – It might manifest itself in,
    1:52:25 I am gonna go after two very different customer segments.
    1:52:29 One is large enterprises, the other is small,
    1:52:31 medium businesses.
    1:52:33 And the reason why that’s really hedging is
    1:52:36 you have two completely different ways
    1:52:38 of selling to those organizations.
    1:52:39 And you’re afraid to pick one
    1:52:43 because maybe you have some revenue in both.
    1:52:45 – Right.
    1:52:50 – But in that situation, by not choosing to focus
    1:52:53 on one group or the other,
    1:52:56 you’re probably a short changing your team
    1:52:58 ’cause you don’t have a specialized team
    1:53:00 to go after that opportunity.
    1:53:02 You’re short changing your business model
    1:53:05 because you aren’t pricing your product correctly.
    1:53:07 And you’re short changing the opportunity
    1:53:09 because probably your product
    1:53:12 isn’t optimized for that customer set.
    1:53:15 Your customer service isn’t optimized for that product set.
    1:53:18 And your team is ultimately confused
    1:53:20 because you’re heading in two completely different
    1:53:22 conditions and directions.
    1:53:25 And so that’s one of the most common ways
    1:53:28 that I see people involved in a strategy
    1:53:31 of not losing instead of we’re here to win it.
    1:53:34 – Yeah, all of those things you mentioned also contribute
    1:53:37 to lighting money on fire, right?
    1:53:40 I mean, that split focus just…
    1:53:41 – The bonfire.
    1:53:45 – The bonfire of funding or cash flow
    1:53:46 depending on where it comes from.
    1:53:48 This is really important and you know this,
    1:53:51 but I wanna underscore it for people listening
    1:53:55 and give a few other examples that might be worth,
    1:53:56 people might enjoy exploring.
    1:54:01 So this winning versus not losing distinction
    1:54:03 seems really subtle,
    1:54:07 but you can get in two to feel for it in a few different ways.
    1:54:09 One is there’s actually a,
    1:54:13 I think it’s a three part mini series podcast
    1:54:15 called The Making of Oprah.
    1:54:17 And it talks about the rise of Oprah.
    1:54:19 I know this seems like an odd segue.
    1:54:21 Oprah impresses the hell out of me in a million different ways.
    1:54:22 And after you listen to this,
    1:54:24 you’ll understand exactly why that’s the case.
    1:54:27 But she would constantly tell her team,
    1:54:30 many of whom wanted to respond to say Donahue,
    1:54:33 who was the 800 pound gorilla at the time.
    1:54:35 Like we need to race our own race
    1:54:38 in the sense that if you’re on a thoroughbred horse
    1:54:40 and you’re in a race, you need to focus on your race.
    1:54:42 You can’t be looking side to side
    1:54:45 at the competitors, the racers next to you.
    1:54:46 You get yourself into a lot of trouble
    1:54:47 or you get really injured.
    1:54:51 And the second is if people wanna Google Dan Gable
    1:54:56 on aggression, there’s a short video I put on my blog
    1:54:57 that hits this point exactly.
    1:54:59 And I’m giving examples from different disciplines
    1:55:01 because it is cross-disciplinary.
    1:55:03 It’s not just investing in startups.
    1:55:06 Dan Gable is the most legendary wrestling coach,
    1:55:07 certainly of the last, I would say,
    1:55:09 100 years in the United States.
    1:55:14 Also won a gold medal in the 19, I wanna say 72 Munich
    1:55:16 Olympics without having a single point scored on him.
    1:55:18 That just does not happen.
    1:55:21 And this video will show you a lecture
    1:55:23 that he’s giving one of his athletes
    1:55:26 after his athlete tied.
    1:55:28 And he said, “You lost to him twice before.
    1:55:30 You just didn’t want to lose.”
    1:55:32 He said, “You never win that way.
    1:55:33 You gotta tie.”
    1:55:36 And that’s exactly why you gotta tie.
    1:55:40 And the difference is just so powerful.
    1:55:44 It’s worth, I just thought, taking a second to underscore it
    1:55:46 because I think it’s really a critical distinction
    1:55:47 that you brought up.
    1:55:51 – It’s sort of like, I think about it, I love to ski.
    1:55:53 And I had this instructor once,
    1:55:55 I was complaining about going through powder
    1:55:59 and I was saying how it really hurt my thighs.
    1:56:01 He’s like, “My thighs are burning.”
    1:56:02 And he looks at me.
    1:56:04 He said, “It’s ’cause you’re not leaning forward.”
    1:56:07 And like the minute you lean forward,
    1:56:09 suddenly you’re just gliding.
    1:56:14 And it’s scary in that moment when you lean forward
    1:56:16 because you feel like you’re gonna fall.
    1:56:20 And yet it gives you so much more control.
    1:56:23 It’s so much less effort counter-intuitively.
    1:56:24 – Definitely.
    1:56:27 – And that to me is like the perfect example of,
    1:56:31 oh, like you have to actually have a little bit
    1:56:35 of aggressiveness in order to have the win.
    1:56:38 – I think you are well-suited in that respect.
    1:56:43 How did you meet the man who so famously tries to trick,
    1:56:45 not trick, that sounds too strong,
    1:56:47 who so commonly will say something like,
    1:56:50 “Well, I’m just a Southern boy.
    1:56:53 Maybe you could slow down and explain that one more time.”
    1:56:55 Which by the way, if you ever hear anything like that,
    1:56:57 like really stop and pay attention
    1:57:00 ’cause you’re about to be tricked or misdirected.
    1:57:01 I’ve actually borrowed that
    1:57:03 and I use that for Long Island a lot.
    1:57:04 I’m like, “You know, I’m just a slow Long Island boy.
    1:57:05 Take a second.
    1:57:07 Maybe you can explain that to me again.”
    1:57:09 How did you meet Mike Maples Jr.?
    1:57:12 – Yeah, so this actually happened in one of the classes
    1:57:14 that I was teaching at Stanford.
    1:57:17 He was one of the mentors for a bunch of teams.
    1:57:20 So we had all these teams who were creating business plans
    1:57:23 for their own version of a startup company.
    1:57:27 And we had incredible mentors to each of these teams.
    1:57:31 We had, I think someone who was the former CEO of Verisign.
    1:57:34 We had, I think Diane Greene
    1:57:36 might have been a mentor to one of the teams.
    1:57:38 – Can you explain to folks who Diane Greene is
    1:57:39 for those who don’t know?
    1:57:43 – Diane Greene is now the head of Google Cloud.
    1:57:45 She was also the CEO of VMware.
    1:57:46 – Big deal, big, big deal.
    1:57:49 – So big deal, big deal.
    1:57:52 And what we did was we would team up
    1:57:56 some of these entrepreneurs or people in Silicon Valley
    1:57:59 with a student team and Mike was one of them.
    1:58:00 And for people who know Mike,
    1:58:04 he’s just this charming boy from Oklahoma.
    1:58:08 He calls himself sometimes a washed up enterprise VC
    1:58:12 and, or washed up enterprise entrepreneur, but he’s not.
    1:58:17 So he came to our class and he was mentoring this team,
    1:58:19 but he was actually being too nice.
    1:58:23 And so this team was having like all sorts of weird issues.
    1:58:26 They were fighting and they came to my office hours
    1:58:29 and one of them started to cry and.
    1:58:32 – Spotting a theme here within proximity of.
    1:58:35 – Right, I did not make this team member cry.
    1:58:37 It was, they were making each other cry.
    1:58:39 – I’m just screwing with you.
    1:58:42 – And so I was just kind of, I was really,
    1:58:46 I was kind of mad at Mike because part of the role
    1:58:49 of the mentor is to help shepherd them
    1:58:51 through this tough point.
    1:58:53 And he was just kind of checked out on that front.
    1:58:55 And I emailed him and he said,
    1:58:57 “Oh yeah, my team’s doing great.”
    1:58:59 And I said, “Well, I kind of beg to differ.”
    1:59:02 They were just in my office and one of them started to cry
    1:59:04 and they’re fighting and right now,
    1:59:05 if they don’t pull it together,
    1:59:07 they’re really going to fail the class.
    1:59:09 And he just wrote me this message that said,
    1:59:12 “Well, I think they’re going to get an A plus.”
    1:59:16 And so I said, “Well, so far, not tracking.”
    1:59:19 And so we just sort of had this friendly banter
    1:59:22 and actually the team does turn it around
    1:59:25 and they ended up getting an A plus in the class.
    1:59:27 – And did Mike intervene
    1:59:29 or did he just throw some turtle shells on a desk
    1:59:31 and like divine his way to that outcome?
    1:59:33 – I’m not really sure,
    1:59:35 but I actually take full credit for the turnaround
    1:59:37 because had I not pointed it out to Mike,
    1:59:40 then the team would have just imploded.
    1:59:44 So based on that interaction, a few years later,
    1:59:47 I was starting to get to a point in my PhD
    1:59:51 where I was thinking of starting my own company.
    1:59:54 And I had started my PhD in computer security
    1:59:57 exactly because I knew that it didn’t matter
    1:59:59 when I graduated,
    2:00:02 there would be a computer security problem out there.
    2:00:06 And I wouldn’t be at risk of market timing.
    2:00:08 And it was sort of a perfect opportunity
    2:00:13 because just as I was going through my research,
    2:00:18 it was from 2003 to 2007 at this point.
    2:00:21 We had transformed from this world of
    2:00:24 where security used to be a bunch of vandalism problems
    2:00:27 to now there were companies involved
    2:00:29 and like real money was being involved.
    2:00:32 And so real crime was being created here.
    2:00:33 And then towards the end,
    2:00:37 there was really like nation state warfare starting to happen.
    2:00:42 And so my research was really in risk management
    2:00:44 of computer security.
    2:00:48 And I knew that this was becoming a huge issue.
    2:00:52 And so I started to think I’m gonna make a company.
    2:00:57 So at that moment, I turned to some of my advisors
    2:01:00 and my advisors were nice enough to say,
    2:01:03 hey, if you’re thinking about starting company,
    2:01:06 you’ve been in the ivory towers for literally four years.
    2:01:08 So you should get out of the classroom
    2:01:11 and go check out some angel investors.
    2:01:15 And then Mike was one of the first people I turned to
    2:01:17 and I asked him if I could see his deal flow.
    2:01:20 And he was nice enough to say, sure,
    2:01:21 why don’t you just come in
    2:01:23 and take a look at my deal flow on Wednesdays.
    2:01:25 And so we would sit next to each other
    2:01:27 and look at companies and-
    2:01:30 – Deal flow means the sort of top of the funnel companies
    2:01:33 that he’s considering potentially investing in.
    2:01:34 – Right, they would come in and pitch
    2:01:37 for between 30 minutes and an hour.
    2:01:39 And then at the end of that,
    2:01:43 I think it was March of 2008,
    2:01:46 he calls me as I’m actually going up to Tahoe to ski.
    2:01:51 He calls me to say, hey, and I have this great idea.
    2:01:56 I just raised my first fund, it’s $35 million.
    2:02:02 And I think that you should drop out of your PhD program
    2:02:04 and join me.
    2:02:07 And it’s not the venture back startup
    2:02:09 that you’ve been thinking about,
    2:02:12 but it’s now a backed venture startup.
    2:02:13 Let’s go.
    2:02:14 – Oh, I like that.
    2:02:17 That’s really good.
    2:02:18 Now, was that an immediate yes
    2:02:20 or was it a let me sleep on it?
    2:02:22 – I actually thought he was crazy
    2:02:27 because first of all, you know, I was literally,
    2:02:30 again, I was a nobody, I’m a PhD candidate.
    2:02:33 I don’t even have my degree at Stanford.
    2:02:36 So there’s like all these business school students,
    2:02:39 there’s great angel investors milling around.
    2:02:41 The major question was like, why does this guy think
    2:02:43 that I would actually be a good investor?
    2:02:46 And then the second piece was,
    2:02:49 there weren’t a ton of venture capital firms
    2:02:51 that were being started up.
    2:02:55 So even when I went back to people who were my mentors,
    2:02:58 some of them said, why would you go to a no name VC?
    2:03:01 Why won’t you go and be an associate
    2:03:06 at Kleiner Perkins or Excel or Sequoia?
    2:03:08 – Yeah.
    2:03:09 – And I didn’t really have a good answer.
    2:03:12 – And just to set the stage for folks who don’t know
    2:03:14 maybe the recent history in Silicon Valley at the time
    2:03:18 that Mike had proposed this to you,
    2:03:22 sort of microcap venture capital was barely a thing.
    2:03:24 There are a lot of funds of all sorts
    2:03:26 of different sizes now, but at the time,
    2:03:28 this was very unusual.
    2:03:30 – Yeah.
    2:03:35 And so it was, at this point in, when we get to 2018,
    2:03:39 there’s probably 30 funds being pitched a week
    2:03:41 to a limited partner who invests
    2:03:42 into these venture capital firms.
    2:03:45 But back then there was very, very few.
    2:03:48 And so it was really a question of,
    2:03:51 is this the smart thing to do?
    2:03:53 And I think this is sort of where,
    2:03:55 when you turn to an entrepreneur,
    2:03:57 this is the feeling that they get.
    2:04:01 What I sensed was there was actually a major change afoot.
    2:04:04 All of the students around me at Stanford
    2:04:07 didn’t need $5 million to start a company.
    2:04:10 And that’s what venture capital was offering
    2:04:11 to startups at that point.
    2:04:14 They would say, I will buy 50% of your company
    2:04:16 for $5 million.
    2:04:17 – Right.
    2:04:20 It was predicated on the entry costs being very high.
    2:04:21 In some respects.
    2:04:22 – Very, very high.
    2:04:25 Like at that point, we suddenly have open source software.
    2:04:29 We really have what’s starting to look like cloud computing.
    2:04:31 We have all the shared resources.
    2:04:35 So even though I was helping to run servers
    2:04:39 in the closet at my grad school in our lab,
    2:04:42 that was starting to become something that we didn’t need.
    2:04:45 There was actually services that you can use
    2:04:47 where you could rent services.
    2:04:52 And so to me, there was a dramatic change
    2:04:53 that was happening.
    2:04:56 And so you had to change the financing environment.
    2:04:58 So I felt like I could see something
    2:05:01 that everyone else didn’t see that Mike was also seeing.
    2:05:05 And he used to say, $500,000 is the new $5 million.
    2:05:07 And then the second piece for me was,
    2:05:10 this guy, Mike Maples,
    2:05:12 had a skill set I had never seen before.
    2:05:16 Maybe in like one or two other people in my entire lifetime.
    2:05:20 But he was this incredible marketer.
    2:05:23 And I used to believe you either built things
    2:05:24 or you sold things.
    2:05:29 Everything else just seemed like an extraneous skill set to have.
    2:05:34 Mike was incredible at storytelling and positioning
    2:05:37 and strategy, like real strategy
    2:05:41 for how do you create a new category?
    2:05:43 And how do you build that category?
    2:05:46 And how do you create the king of that category?
    2:05:49 And as an engineer,
    2:05:51 I hadn’t thought about what you do
    2:05:53 after you build the product.
    2:05:58 And so this magic of category creation
    2:06:02 to me was something that almost felt like magic.
    2:06:05 And so I looked at Mike and I thought,
    2:06:08 I really need to learn from this person.
    2:06:12 And not only is it a great skill set that I’m learning from,
    2:06:15 he is also genuinely one of the best human beings
    2:06:17 that I’ve ever encountered.
    2:06:19 And so it was just sort of this magical combination
    2:06:23 of someone whose values really aligned with me
    2:06:25 and how I wanted to build a firm
    2:06:27 and the things that I wanted to do with that
    2:06:29 and how I wanted to treat entrepreneurs
    2:06:32 and a person who was a mad genius.
    2:06:35 And so that combination to me was irresistible.
    2:06:38 And so a couple of months into it, I said, sign me up.
    2:06:42 – Couple of months, all right.
    2:06:45 So question number one, just for people who are wondering,
    2:06:47 and I know a lot of people, you seem very good
    2:06:49 at avoiding the sunk cost fallacy.
    2:06:53 And this is so, so, so key, this cognitive bias.
    2:06:58 When you were looking at the quitting of the PhD program,
    2:07:00 I don’t know how it works at Stanford,
    2:07:02 but did you realize you could kind of,
    2:07:03 you didn’t have to quit?
    2:07:04 – I did not quit.
    2:07:08 So that first year and a half of my life at Floodgate
    2:07:12 was crazy because at that point,
    2:07:15 I joined Floodgate and I have an 18-month-old child,
    2:07:17 my daughter Abby.
    2:07:20 And then I think it was four or five months into it,
    2:07:23 I am pregnant with my second child.
    2:07:27 I’ve promised my mother as any good Asian daughter would
    2:07:30 that I will finish this PhD if it’s the last thing I do.
    2:07:34 So I’m waking up at like four o’clock in the morning,
    2:07:38 doing research until seven when my daughter wakes up,
    2:07:40 then taking her to daycare
    2:07:45 and then working from like 8.30 to 6.30 at Floodgate
    2:07:48 and then coming back doing dinner
    2:07:52 and then working on my PhD again, rinse and repeat.
    2:07:55 And then I got pregnant with my second child
    2:07:57 a few months into that
    2:08:00 and then decided I was gonna defend my PhD.
    2:08:04 They set the date for six weeks after I gave birth to my son.
    2:08:09 So, you know, I not only did my first set of investments,
    2:08:14 but also gave birth to a child, cared for another one
    2:08:19 and managed to stay married and finish this PhD
    2:08:23 all between 2008 and 2009.
    2:08:28 And so, you know, to me like that’s like the most creative
    2:08:32 and probably productive period of my life ever
    2:08:34 and probably will be, but also showed me
    2:08:37 that I can actually do a lot of things
    2:08:39 that everyone around me was like,
    2:08:41 “Why would you do all of those things at the same time?”
    2:08:43 – This is gonna seem like a non-secretary kind of is,
    2:08:46 but how does your mom say your name?
    2:08:50 Because Ann is sort of an unusual first name.
    2:08:51 – Oh, no, but that’s not my first name.
    2:08:53 My first name is Reiko.
    2:08:54 – Reiko.
    2:08:55 – Yeah.
    2:08:56 – R.E.I.
    2:08:58 – So, how does my mom say, she’s like, “Reiko.”
    2:09:02 – “Reiko-chan, Reiko-chan, sugoi ne.”
    2:09:05 I can barely, that’s another word everybody should look up
    2:09:09 and learn, S-U-G-O-I, sugoi na.
    2:09:10 That just means sort of awesome, impressive,
    2:09:12 a whole sort of things,
    2:09:15 because I can barely manage to brush my teeth
    2:09:18 and shower on a daily basis,
    2:09:21 and yet you’re doing all these things simultaneously.
    2:09:25 I have to pause at this point just to try
    2:09:31 to fill out some of the colors of who Reiko-chan and Miriko is.
    2:09:34 What have you struggled with?
    2:09:36 Have you had any dark, really?
    2:09:38 It doesn’t have to be dark, but difficult times,
    2:09:41 dark times that you could tell us about,
    2:09:43 and were you really struggled,
    2:09:47 or is that not part of your sort of lexicon?
    2:09:50 – No, I think we all have struggles, right?
    2:09:55 So, I think even in this moment of like the PhD
    2:10:00 and caring for my kids and caring for myself
    2:10:02 and my husband and my family
    2:10:04 and trying to do a good job at work,
    2:10:06 like things slip, right?
    2:10:09 And I struggle with this still today,
    2:10:11 and this is where the darkness comes in,
    2:10:13 is like, am I doing anything well?
    2:10:15 Like, am I a good mother?
    2:10:18 Today, my six-year-old is on a field trip,
    2:10:19 and he asked me,
    2:10:22 why is it that you never get to come on a field trip?
    2:10:26 Like, those are all these moments where you wonder,
    2:10:29 like, am I failing at being a parent,
    2:10:31 or am I not able to get to the dishes?
    2:10:35 And I had a moment where my front door neighbor
    2:10:39 is actually a Japanese woman, a nosy Japanese woman,
    2:10:41 and she went up to my mother,
    2:10:44 and she said, you know, your family is so strange.
    2:10:47 I always see the husband doing the dishes,
    2:10:50 but never the wife, never the wife.
    2:10:55 – That is the most nosy Japanese neighbor thing to say ever.
    2:10:59 – It’s like, I spent two days like in that front window
    2:11:03 doing dishes, and at some point I was like, I’ll screw this.
    2:11:08 But it’s like, it is this constant battle of,
    2:11:11 how do I figure out what my priority is
    2:11:16 so that I have like minimum viable progress on some fronts,
    2:11:19 and then the thing that really matters,
    2:11:22 I’m gonna make massive progress on.
    2:11:24 That’s where the darkness creeps in.
    2:11:29 I think, you know, for me, my really loser moments
    2:11:33 have been things like, early on, I just described to you
    2:11:37 early how there were tests that always said like,
    2:11:39 I wasn’t that smart.
    2:11:43 There were lots of examples where I wasn’t good
    2:11:45 at a lot of different things
    2:11:47 that other people found very normal.
    2:11:50 Like, I was horrible at standardized tests.
    2:11:54 Only until I got to like senior year or junior year
    2:11:56 in high school did I finally figure it out.
    2:12:01 Like, there’s so many places where so many people said,
    2:12:05 distinctly average, maybe not even that smart.
    2:12:05 And I think for me,
    2:12:10 it’s been learning to tune out the naysayers
    2:12:14 and knowing that there are certainly a lot of things
    2:12:16 I’m not gonna be good at,
    2:12:19 but there are things that I can actually be great at.
    2:12:23 A really good example that actually is my PhD.
    2:12:27 I remember when I got to my PhD at Stanford
    2:12:31 and I’m starting, first of all, like I took a math class
    2:12:34 and there were college freshmen in this class
    2:12:38 and it felt like the math teacher was speaking Greek
    2:12:41 and the freshmen are flying through this material
    2:12:43 because they’re like little kid geniuses.
    2:12:46 And I remember thinking to myself,
    2:12:50 well, clearly I should not be getting a PhD in math.
    2:12:53 And thank goodness this is in operations research.
    2:12:56 Then I had this second experience
    2:13:00 where the new professor came in across the hall from me.
    2:13:02 His name was Ramesh Johari.
    2:13:06 He was my age because I had taken five years off
    2:13:07 to start my PhD.
    2:13:12 He was literally my age and he was incredible.
    2:13:15 He could remember things about different papers
    2:13:19 and theorems and how they were proved from like years past,
    2:13:21 compare and contrast them.
    2:13:26 He just knew things that I struggled to remember.
    2:13:28 And I remember looking at him
    2:13:31 and being in one of his seminars and thinking to myself,
    2:13:34 that is world class as an academic.
    2:13:38 I’m okay at it, but I would have moments where I was like,
    2:13:40 I’m actually not even good at it.
    2:13:42 And then I would go to a conference
    2:13:45 and like when you compare yourself against the world
    2:13:49 of PhD students, then you start to develop
    2:13:50 a little bit more confidence.
    2:13:53 Then you go back to Stanford and you see what world class is.
    2:13:56 And I was thinking to myself, this isn’t the path.
    2:13:59 And there’s a place where I actually can use
    2:14:01 the skill sets that I do have
    2:14:03 where I can be really good at the things that I’m doing.
    2:14:06 And so if I, I’m sitting here saying,
    2:14:08 I was always good at everything that I did.
    2:14:09 That’s just not true.
    2:14:12 There are so many moments where I realized
    2:14:13 it’s like being a doctor.
    2:14:17 I said, I would not be good at being a doctor.
    2:14:22 I would not be great at being an academic.
    2:14:26 I would not be great at a lot of different things.
    2:14:29 Just knowing and having the self-awareness
    2:14:31 of where I would double down
    2:14:33 is I think what I was good at.
    2:14:37 And so it makes this emergent life
    2:14:40 where I was going from one track to another.
    2:14:43 I was gonna be a doctor and then I went to McKinsey
    2:14:46 and then I went to VC and then I went to get a PhD.
    2:14:49 And then I went back to VC.
    2:14:53 This is all self-discovery rather than a stated path
    2:14:56 that I had career planned for a long time.
    2:14:58 – Well, it strikes me also that,
    2:15:00 and maybe I’m trying to create a narrative
    2:15:01 where there isn’t one or a connection,
    2:15:06 but it seems reasonable that Mike’s superpower
    2:15:12 or one of his abilities to help create categories
    2:15:16 and then sort of mint kings within a given category
    2:15:19 is actually a different species of something
    2:15:20 that you’re also good at,
    2:15:25 which is kind of Jack Welchian in a sense.
    2:15:26 And that is you’re looking at
    2:15:28 the different paths you could take.
    2:15:31 And if you can’t be, say, number one or number two
    2:15:34 in that thing, it just gets rolled out.
    2:15:36 And you’re asking this world-class question
    2:15:37 over and over again.
    2:15:40 And one way is to find something where you can dominate
    2:15:43 and really be world-class and the other
    2:15:47 is to create an entirely new category in a sense.
    2:15:49 So it seems like you and Mike are very complimentary
    2:15:53 in that way and have that shared programming.
    2:15:57 I’ve heard people describe you as an investor
    2:15:59 when your strengths is being technical,
    2:16:02 which I suppose seems self-evident given your background,
    2:16:06 but how would Mike, let’s say describe your,
    2:16:08 if I asked him, what are Ann’s superpowers as an investor?
    2:16:10 There are a lot of investors out there.
    2:16:13 What is Ann’s super power set of superpowers?
    2:16:14 What would he say?
    2:16:19 – I think for me, the superpowers I have are a fewfold.
    2:16:24 So one is because of the technical capabilities that I have,
    2:16:29 when someone is describing particularly anything
    2:16:30 that has to do with math.
    2:16:32 And luckily for me right now,
    2:16:35 math is having this incredible resurgence
    2:16:39 in artificial intelligence and in cryptocurrency.
    2:16:41 I can get that piece.
    2:16:44 I can get that piece better than I would say,
    2:16:48 probably 99% of the investors out there.
    2:16:51 And so if I get a math paper,
    2:16:53 that’s something that I love to dig into.
    2:16:56 And that technical insight is something
    2:16:58 that I think I’m better at
    2:17:01 than most other investors out there.
    2:17:06 And then from there, I can also start to piece together
    2:17:11 what that company will look like around that technology.
    2:17:12 And so it’s not just,
    2:17:15 I’m looking for great R&D projects,
    2:17:20 but ones that are ripe to be big D and little R.
    2:17:21 And I think that’s a superpower,
    2:17:24 especially at the very early stage.
    2:17:28 So one of the companies that I invested in back in 2010,
    2:17:32 Ayosti, they’ve gone over $100 million in financing
    2:17:33 at this point.
    2:17:36 And I found them when they were,
    2:17:38 they didn’t even have a business plan.
    2:17:42 They had four math papers that they sent to me.
    2:17:46 And so to me, that’s something that I double down on.
    2:17:48 And it’s a part of the types of investments
    2:17:50 that I like to do.
    2:17:52 That’s very different from the task grab.
    2:17:55 It’s refinery 29 and Lyft that I’ve done
    2:17:57 in the past as well.
    2:18:00 I think the other superpower that is a little bit less evident
    2:18:03 is more evident as I’m working with people is,
    2:18:06 I feel like I have a pretty good sixth sense
    2:18:10 about the people dynamics within an organization.
    2:18:14 So I can tell when there’s actually infighting happening.
    2:18:19 I can sense when a executive is starting to disengage.
    2:18:21 And those are things that I work on
    2:18:25 with a lot of the CEOs that I work with.
    2:18:28 And then the last piece that I think I really love
    2:18:32 to engage in is the fundamental data behind the business.
    2:18:36 And so I love looking at the cohort analysis
    2:18:39 and really engaging on data because that’s a piece
    2:18:43 of the puzzle that I feel like I’m also good at encoding,
    2:18:44 unencoding.
    2:18:46 – What are you looking for now?
    2:18:47 And what are Thunder Lizards?
    2:18:49 We mentioned hunting Thunder Lizards earlier
    2:18:51 and I promised I would come back to it.
    2:18:54 So maybe we define that first
    2:18:57 and perhaps you could tell us what you’re looking for
    2:18:59 at the moment.
    2:19:02 – So a Thunder Lizard is inspired by Godzilla.
    2:19:04 It’s a term that Mike, my partner,
    2:19:06 used to always tell the story,
    2:19:11 which is that we are inspired by entrepreneurs
    2:19:14 who are like Godzilla.
    2:19:16 And so what is Godzilla like?
    2:19:20 He’s born from radioactive atomic eggs.
    2:19:23 So the DNA of that entrepreneur is already
    2:19:26 fundamentally different.
    2:19:29 And then he swims across the Pacific Ocean
    2:19:31 and depending on if you’re Mike or me,
    2:19:34 he lands in either the Bay Area or Tokyo
    2:19:37 and starts to wreak havoc
    2:19:41 and eats trains and automobiles and buildings
    2:19:45 and then proceeds to crush that industry
    2:19:49 and creates disruption and then build something out of that.
    2:19:53 And so that idea of disruption is something
    2:19:56 that I always liked that imagery
    2:19:58 of the journey across the Pacific Ocean,
    2:20:01 born from something fundamentally different
    2:20:04 and then really starting to turn things over.
    2:20:07 So when we say, okay, what are we looking for right now
    2:20:11 in terms of where do we think the new Thunder Lizards
    2:20:15 will exist, there’s two different areas
    2:20:19 that comes back to the map that I’m really interested in.
    2:20:23 One is I do think that artificial intelligence
    2:20:27 is about to disrupt a lot of different types
    2:20:29 of enterprise software.
    2:20:32 I think that enterprise software still sucks.
    2:20:37 And if we’re gonna be able to really transform the way
    2:20:39 a business is actually operated,
    2:20:43 we have to take the software that just basically records data
    2:20:45 and spits it back out to you
    2:20:47 into something that’s actually more intelligent
    2:20:50 that tells you something that you didn’t know
    2:20:53 that gives you superpowers.
    2:20:56 And I think that we’re gonna see more and more of that
    2:20:57 in the industry.
    2:21:00 And so as an example, like baseline examples,
    2:21:05 why do we spend millions of dollars on Oracle or NetSuite
    2:21:09 when the CFO still has to make a budget for next year?
    2:21:12 Why doesn’t that financial planning
    2:21:16 just automatically, automatically generate itself
    2:21:18 based on all the history that it knows,
    2:21:21 plus all the data from the external world?
    2:21:22 So I think things like that,
    2:21:25 we’re gonna start to see happen more and more.
    2:21:27 I also think fundamentally,
    2:21:29 the scientific method may also be dead.
    2:21:33 Like we used to have the scientific method
    2:21:35 is developed in a time where we didn’t have enough data
    2:21:39 and data was actually the fundamental bottleneck
    2:21:41 in scientific research.
    2:21:43 Well, that’s just not the case anymore.
    2:21:47 And so why is it that we form a hypothesis,
    2:21:50 then look at the data and then come to a conclusion,
    2:21:52 we should have all of the data,
    2:21:57 then have an analysis that leads us to a hypothesis
    2:22:01 or a belief system that we fundamentally test further.
    2:22:05 So I think these massive changes are coming.
    2:22:08 And you see it even in cryptocurrency,
    2:22:11 there’s also really philosophical interesting debates
    2:22:13 happening around, well, you have this massive pull
    2:22:17 towards centralization, whether it’s in AI and ML,
    2:22:19 where you have to have all of that data in one place
    2:22:20 in order to really train.
    2:22:22 ML being machine learning.
    2:22:23 Machine learning.
    2:22:25 Or in cloud computing, you’re also putting it up
    2:22:30 into the data, into more data centers.
    2:22:33 In cryptocurrency, we believe that there’s gonna be
    2:22:36 more decentralized software.
    2:22:39 And so how do you reconcile those two types of systems?
    2:22:44 I think there’s lots of really interesting themes
    2:22:47 that are just at the start of being discovered.
    2:22:50 I’m really excited about what’s gonna happen
    2:22:53 with autonomous vehicles and the technology
    2:22:56 that’s gonna be required to make that a reality.
    2:23:00 And so all of those areas I think are just fascinating.
    2:23:05 And so it feels like the period of real intellectual abundance
    2:23:09 and that we’re headed into a period
    2:23:11 of real great creative energy.
    2:23:16 End of time where a lot of your philosophical training
    2:23:19 and reading will be put into practice
    2:23:20 in the real world, right?
    2:23:23 Where we have people can look up the trolley scenario.
    2:23:25 It’s typically thought of as a thought exercise,
    2:23:30 but if you’re programming, not to take us too off
    2:23:32 on a tangent, but if you’re programming
    2:23:36 for autonomous vehicles and there’s some type
    2:23:37 of act of God, a hail storm,
    2:23:40 a huge boulder falls in the middle of the street
    2:23:42 and the car has to swerve left and hit two school kids
    2:23:46 or swerve right and hit five geriatrics.
    2:23:48 And how does it make the decision?
    2:23:52 What is the logic embedded into that machine?
    2:23:57 It takes a lot of these philosophy 101 thought exercises
    2:23:59 and translates them very directly
    2:24:01 into the real world with real consequences.
    2:24:04 It is a fascinating time.
    2:24:06 It’s also like how much do you wanna know, right?
    2:24:09 So in deep learning, it’s actually very difficult
    2:24:13 to know what’s happened inside of this black box.
    2:24:16 And so there’s more of a demand for let’s know
    2:24:19 what’s actually happening inside of this black box,
    2:24:21 especially if lives are at risk
    2:24:23 or billions of dollars are at risk
    2:24:26 and we need to be able to audit these algorithms.
    2:24:29 I think there’s real interest in new technologies
    2:24:31 now that we can actually audit
    2:24:33 and know what’s going on inside the box
    2:24:36 so that if the trolley example happens,
    2:24:39 we actually know how the machines will make their decisions.
    2:24:42 And so I think there’s a lot of work to be done,
    2:24:44 a lot of opportunity,
    2:24:47 but also a lot of thought that needs to go into
    2:24:50 how we want to regulate all of this.
    2:24:52 – Tricky, tricky, tricky.
    2:24:55 Yeah, well, it’s gonna be going to be exciting.
    2:24:57 Interested to see how all these things coalesce, right?
    2:24:59 Also you’re looking at these gigantic companies,
    2:25:02 the Facebook’s, Google’s, the fangs, right?
    2:25:04 That are more and more so converging
    2:25:09 onto the same territory to see how that resolves
    2:25:14 if it does in some fashion is also really, really exciting
    2:25:16 to me or how something like Y Combinator,
    2:25:18 just to do a little bit of inside baseball,
    2:25:21 can say we are interested in this type of company
    2:25:24 or this particular aspect of engineering
    2:25:29 or fill in the blank and kind of steer the attention
    2:25:31 of thousands or tens of thousands
    2:25:35 of would-be entrepreneurs into a particular sector, right?
    2:25:38 Or a type of project is also just really interesting
    2:25:41 to think about from the ramifications
    2:25:42 five years down the line.
    2:25:44 But anyway, maybe–
    2:25:48 – I think we have so many incredible societal problems
    2:25:50 that need to be solved.
    2:25:55 And I believe that the private sector
    2:25:58 is most capable of solving these problems,
    2:26:01 whether it’s energy or health
    2:26:04 or the fact that we have so much trash.
    2:26:05 How do we solve that?
    2:26:08 How do we get clean water to people?
    2:26:11 It’s not just about the next social network
    2:26:14 and how do we deliver better advertising to people?
    2:26:18 But the beauty of this type of entrepreneurship
    2:26:21 is that there are huge societal problems
    2:26:23 that still need to be solved
    2:26:28 that I think is a really exciting opportunity also
    2:26:30 to build great businesses around.
    2:26:34 And so I think that’s also what gets me up in the morning
    2:26:37 and makes me believe that what we’re doing is important work.
    2:26:39 – Yeah, it is important work.
    2:26:41 I don’t think that sort of collective interest
    2:26:45 and self-interest have to be misaligned, right?
    2:26:47 They’re not mutually exclusive.
    2:26:50 You can solve and there’s a long history
    2:26:53 of solving public problems with private sector
    2:26:55 technologies and companies.
    2:26:56 And let me just ask,
    2:26:59 I know we’ve gone a little bit longer than expected,
    2:27:00 which I should have expected.
    2:27:04 Let me ask you just a few more questions
    2:27:06 and then we’ll wrap up with where people can find you
    2:27:09 and learn more about what you’re up to.
    2:27:11 Besides getting to yes,
    2:27:16 are there any books that you’ve given a lot as gifts
    2:27:18 or reread a lot yourself?
    2:27:20 – For me, right now,
    2:27:25 there’s a couple of books that I think are super interesting.
    2:27:28 So my mentor, Ted Dentress Smith,
    2:27:32 just wrote a book called “What School Could Be?”
    2:27:35 And this goes back to sort of education
    2:27:40 as a critical societal question.
    2:27:42 How do we fix education?
    2:27:46 And what he did was he went on a 50-state tour
    2:27:49 to look at schools and discover
    2:27:52 that the answers are actually already there.
    2:27:55 And our incredible school teachers throughout our country
    2:27:58 are already finding solutions to teaching our kids
    2:28:01 the most important skills they need to have.
    2:28:05 And I think reading that book has not only given me hope,
    2:28:08 but also a desire to see real change
    2:28:11 in the public school education system.
    2:28:13 But I think that’s a really important problem
    2:28:15 for all of us to actually engage in.
    2:28:18 So that’s one book that I would really push on
    2:28:19 to other people.
    2:28:22 The other one that is completely on the opposite end
    2:28:25 of the spectrum, but it is a fiction book,
    2:28:30 it is by Khalid Hosseini, who also wrote “Kite Runner.”
    2:28:34 He wrote this book called “A Thousand Splendid Sons,”
    2:28:37 probably one of the most beautiful books that I’ve read
    2:28:40 in a long time in terms of fiction writing.
    2:28:42 And I would encourage people to read it
    2:28:46 because it gives you a sense of Afghanistan’s
    2:28:49 incredible history and the role women have played
    2:28:50 within that history.
    2:28:53 And I just loved that book because it just was eyeopening
    2:28:55 to me in a very different way.
    2:28:57 So two very different types of books,
    2:29:00 none of them like straightforward business books,
    2:29:02 but ones that I think are meaningful
    2:29:03 for our society to read today.
    2:29:07 – What school could be in “A Thousand Splendid Sons?”
    2:29:08 – Yeah.
    2:29:13 – Is there any purchase of $100 or less?
    2:29:14 That’s kind of arbitrary, right?
    2:29:15 But just not a Bugatti or something
    2:29:18 that has most positively impacted your life
    2:29:21 or positively impacted your life in recent memory.
    2:29:25 – $100 or less?
    2:29:26 – Yeah, it could be.
    2:29:28 I mean, look, if it’s like a foldable kayak
    2:29:30 that you got for $400, that’s fine too,
    2:29:31 but it could be anything.
    2:29:32 It could be $2, it could be free.
    2:29:36 It could be any recent addition to your life that is–
    2:29:37 – Oh my gosh, so.
    2:29:40 It’s actually a foldable chair.
    2:29:43 So I go to my daughter’s soccer tournaments a lot
    2:29:46 and there’s this incredible foldable chair.
    2:29:46 I don’t know what it’s called.
    2:29:48 You can get it on Amazon,
    2:29:53 but it has this flip over sunshade that goes over your head.
    2:29:59 And for any parent who has been at a swim tournament
    2:30:01 or anything, this is life-changing
    2:30:04 because oftentimes I’m just baking in the hot sun
    2:30:06 and you can be anywhere
    2:30:08 and you have your own personal tent
    2:30:11 that folds over your head.
    2:30:13 It’s saved me on multiple weekends.
    2:30:15 My husband bought two of them.
    2:30:16 I love it.
    2:30:18 – Can you send me a link to that
    2:30:21 and I’ll put it in the show notes if you can track it down.
    2:30:23 So for people wondering, I’ll put that in the show notes
    2:30:25 at tim.blog/podcast
    2:30:28 and you can find this miraculous foldable chair.
    2:30:32 If you could have a giant billboard
    2:30:34 anywhere with anything on it.
    2:30:35 So metaphorically speaking,
    2:30:38 getting a word, a quote, a message, a question, anything
    2:30:40 out to millions or billions of people
    2:30:42 can’t be an advertisement.
    2:30:46 What might you put on that billboard?
    2:30:47 – Wow, hmm.
    2:30:52 I wonder if it’s like not losing does not equal winning.
    2:30:56 It’s sort of one of my themes these days.
    2:30:58 – I like that, yeah.
    2:31:01 – And I think actually finding your world-class life
    2:31:05 is probably the other one that I would think about.
    2:31:06 – We’ll give you two.
    2:31:08 – Find your world-class life.
    2:31:10 And I think the reason for that is to me,
    2:31:12 everyone is capable of that.
    2:31:14 And I think oftentimes we forget it.
    2:31:17 And for every person, it’s different.
    2:31:19 That’s the beauty of humanity.
    2:31:20 So.
    2:31:24 – What do the characters for nickel mean?
    2:31:25 – Oh my gosh.
    2:31:29 So it means it’s a small round bell.
    2:31:32 And the reason for my parents naming me that was
    2:31:35 they were originally gonna name me something more like,
    2:31:38 you know, really beautiful child
    2:31:40 or you know, genius child.
    2:31:43 And my mom took one look at me when I was born.
    2:31:46 She’s like, no, none of those.
    2:31:52 She said, your face was so perfectly round
    2:31:54 when you were born.
    2:31:58 It reminded me of this like perfectly round bell.
    2:32:04 And I’m like, mom, like all these other friends that I have
    2:32:07 especially Chinese friends, they’re like super intelligent
    2:32:12 world-class dominating dictator for life CEO child, you know?
    2:32:17 And I’m like, small bell child.
    2:32:23 – Neko-chan, and where can people find you online?
    2:32:27 Say hello, learn more about what you were up to.
    2:32:32 – I think professionally, the best place is to see my Twitter
    2:32:33 which is animaniac.
    2:32:35 – A-N-N.
    2:32:38 – N-N-I-M-A-N-I-A-C.
    2:32:44 Or on Instagram, it’s A-M-I-U-R-A.
    2:32:46 You’ll see more of my life there.
    2:32:47 – A-miura.
    2:32:48 – Yes.
    2:32:51 – Three bays, is that what that means?
    2:32:52 Miura, something like that.
    2:32:54 Maybe. – Yeah.
    2:32:59 – So Twitter, animaniac, Instagram, A-miura, M-I-U-R-A.
    2:33:02 And best website?
    2:33:05 – Floodgate, it’s floodgate.com.
    2:33:06 – Floodgate.com.
    2:33:08 Why floodgate?
    2:33:09 What is a floodgate?
    2:33:11 Or why is it called a floodgate?
    2:33:16 – Yeah, ’cause we think we’re at the forefront of like
    2:33:19 the headwaters of innovation.
    2:33:24 And it sounded, I don’t know, kind of big and audacious.
    2:33:26 (laughing)
    2:33:27 – Good enough reason.
    2:33:32 Audacious, audacious.
    2:33:34 Yes, audacious, aggressive.
    2:33:37 But still, the mother of dragons,
    2:33:39 there is a nurturing mother like-
    2:33:40 – There is.
    2:33:42 – Den mother, quality to animiura.
    2:33:44 – I call myself like a mama bear, you know?
    2:33:47 I’ll, I’m very protective,
    2:33:51 but also I’m gonna push my kids and people around me
    2:33:53 to be the best they can be.
    2:33:56 – Just don’t get in between the mother and the cub.
    2:33:58 Good guideline.
    2:34:00 And I will say for anybody who is wondering,
    2:34:04 what would it be like to just go sort of mano a mano with?
    2:34:07 And I would say, you know, you’re one of the few people,
    2:34:09 I would put Sam Harris in this category,
    2:34:13 where if you are willing to engage in like a public debate
    2:34:15 with either of you, you just have to make sure
    2:34:17 that you have practice defending
    2:34:18 against having your face ripped off
    2:34:23 in like the most logical, complementary way possible.
    2:34:25 I’m just very impressed by you.
    2:34:28 And then I’ve really wanted to have you
    2:34:29 on the show for a long time.
    2:34:31 And I’m thrilled. – Thank you.
    2:34:35 – That you were willing to carve out a few hours
    2:34:38 to spend chatting and it’s always fun chatting.
    2:34:39 We still have to- – It’s always fun.
    2:34:42 Tim, you’ve been there from the very get go.
    2:34:45 You were the person behind my very first investment
    2:34:46 and task rabbit.
    2:34:49 So I have a lot to thank you for as well.
    2:34:51 – Well, the adventure shall continue.
    2:34:55 And I will certainly, I’m not as involved
    2:34:56 as I used to be in the tech scene,
    2:34:58 but I’ll be cheering from the sidelines.
    2:35:01 Is there anything else that you’d like to say or suggest
    2:35:06 or mention any parting words before we wrap up?
    2:35:08 – No, I hope that your audience enjoyed this.
    2:35:10 And if they got anything out of it,
    2:35:13 that they, if they wanna contact me,
    2:35:16 I’m always open to more conversations.
    2:35:19 And I hope that some of my story shows
    2:35:21 that even if people tell you,
    2:35:23 you can’t do something that you can.
    2:35:25 – Can indeed.
    2:35:29 Just gotta spend the summer reading up on those 12 topics.
    2:35:29 – That’s right.
    2:35:32 – You can’t always out talent everyone,
    2:35:34 but if you out prepare them,
    2:35:36 you might as well have out talented them.
    2:35:39 – Maybe the billboard sign is effort matters.
    2:35:40 – Effort matters. – ‘Cause it really does.
    2:35:41 – It does.
    2:35:43 – Well, Anne, thank you so much again.
    2:35:45 This has been such a treat and a gift.
    2:35:49 And I look forward to hearing what people have to say
    2:35:54 on the interwebs and perhaps we’ll do a round two in person
    2:35:56 during one of, what was the name of the,
    2:35:58 was it the Tim Ferriss wine hour?
    2:35:59 What was the, what was it you were doing?
    2:36:03 – Yeah, at the offices.
    2:36:06 – They call it Ferris time.
    2:36:09 That’s what Mike calls it, Ferris time.
    2:36:13 – Which was the little wine, a pair of teeth,
    2:36:14 just smooth out the edges.
    2:36:16 That’ll, we could describe that.
    2:36:18 – He just grabs, he just grabs a glass.
    2:36:19 He’s like, I think it’s Ferris hour.
    2:36:22 (laughing)
    2:36:24 – I’ll take it, I will take it.
    2:36:27 And Anne, I will talk to you soon.
    2:36:28 See you soon, I hope.
    2:36:32 And to everybody listening,
    2:36:34 you can find links to everything we discussed,
    2:36:37 the books, the fold out share,
    2:36:41 and much more getting to yes and so on in the show notes
    2:36:43 as you can with all episodes
    2:36:45 at timeduplog/podcast.
    2:36:48 And until next time, thank you for listening.
    2:36:50 – Hey guys, this is Tim again.
    2:36:52 Just one more thing before you take off
    2:36:55 and that is Five Bullet Friday.
    2:36:57 Would you enjoy getting a short email from me every Friday
    2:37:00 that provides a little fun before the weekend?
    2:37:02 Between one and a half and two million people subscribed
    2:37:05 to my free newsletter, my super short newsletter
    2:37:07 called Five Bullet Friday.
    2:37:09 Easy to sign up, easy to cancel.
    2:37:13 It is basically a half page that I send out every Friday
    2:37:15 to share the coolest things I’ve found or discovered
    2:37:18 or have started exploring over that week.
    2:37:20 It’s kind of like my diary of cool things.
    2:37:21 It often includes articles I’m reading,
    2:37:25 books I’m reading, albums perhaps, gadgets, gizmos,
    2:37:28 all sorts of tech tricks and so on
    2:37:29 that get sent to me by my friends,
    2:37:32 including a lot of podcast guests.
    2:37:35 And these strange esoteric things end up in my field
    2:37:39 and then I test them and then I share them with you.
    2:37:42 So if that sounds fun, again, it’s very short,
    2:37:45 a little tiny bite of goodness before you head off
    2:37:47 for the weekend, something to think about.
    2:37:48 If you’d like to try it out,
    2:37:50 just go to tim.vlog/friday.
    2:37:54 Type that into your browser, tim.vlog/friday.
    2:37:56 Drop in your email and you’ll get the very next one.
    2:37:57 Thanks for listening.
    2:38:01 This episode is brought to you by Eight Sleep.
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    2:41:26 (whooshing)
    2:41:36 [BLANK_AUDIO]

    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #60 Arnold Schwarzenegger on Psychological Warfare and #331 “Ann Miura-Ko — The Path from Shyness to World-Class Debater and Investor.”

    Please enjoy!

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    AG1 all-in-one nutritional supplement: https://DrinkAG1.com/Tim (1-year supply of Vitamin D (and 5 free AG1 travel packs) with your first subscription purchase.)

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    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [04:08] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [05:11] Enter Arnold Schwarzenegger.

    [05:45] Where did Arnold develop his cast iron confidence?

    [09:15] Mastering the psychological warfare of bodybuilding.

    [13:58] Transferring this skill set to Hollywood.

    [17:13] On making millions before becoming a movie star.

    [19:48] Playing good bricklayer/bad bricklayer with Franco Columbu.

    [24:41] How Twins came together.

    [29:14] Meditation as one of many answers.

    [35:47] Enter Ann-Miura Ko.

    [36:14] Ann’s childhood shyness.

    [38:14] The Japanese phrase Ann used as a hostile kid in Michigan.

    [40:20] How Ann overcame introversion.

    [43:13] Ann’s first solo stage speech.

    [44:22] Why Ann continued with speech and debate.

    [45:17] Ann’s love for competition.

    [46:54] Ann’s extreme efforts for pizza.

    [48:57] The catalyst for Ann’s debate improvement.

    [53:01] Debate competition format.

    [56:56] Ann’s recommended resources for improving debate skills.

    [59:56] Observations on modern debate in politics and family.

    [1:02:01] The most important lesson from Ann’s debating years.

    [1:04:50] Differences between debate and negotiation.

    [1:06:53] Ann’s father’s journey to America and favorite phrase.

    [1:10:29] Ann’s world-class effort in menial job tasks.

    [1:13:15] How a Yale tour led to shadowing a CEO.

    [1:18:36] Ann’s first job experience.

    [1:20:20] Ann’s favorite office supplies.

    [1:21:32] Ann’s cherished personal artifacts.

    [1:23:06] Ann’s experience teaching Mayfield Fellows at Stanford.

    [1:24:42] A reading list and plans for Ann’s Stanford startup class.

    [1:28:05] Spotting artificial inflation in startup valuations.

    [1:31:29] Why Ann changed her career path from medicine.

    [1:34:45] What Ann knew about herself that her parents and test scores didn’t.

    [1:38:55] Ann’s entry into venture capital and startup investing.

    [1:39:29] An encounter with Steve Jobs.

    [1:40:40] A job offer based on shared interests.

    [1:44:40] Ann’s experience at CRV during 9/11.

    [1:47:55] The most expensive words in investing.

    [1:48:16] First principles thinking and common leadership decisions.

    [1:50:52] Winning strategy vs. strategy not to lose.

    [1:51:59] Manifestations of hedging as a defensive strategy.

    [1:53:46] The importance of focusing on your own race.

    [1:55:47] A need for aggressiveness to win.

    [1:56:38] How Ann met Mike Maples, Jr.

    [1:59:26] Ann’s PhD plans and shift to working with Mike.

    [2:02:12] Ann’s reaction to Mike’s unusual proposition.

    [2:06:40] Ann’s hectic first year at Floodgate.

    [2:08:41] Ann’s real first name.

    [2:09:21] Ann’s struggles and coping mechanisms.

    [2:14:56] Ann’s superpowers.

    [2:18:44] Thunder lizards and Ann’s pursuit of them.

    [2:20:20] Ann’s view on AI and machine learning’s impact.

    [2:23:11] Philosophy exercises and real-world applications.

    [2:24:50] Aligning collective and self-interests in problem-solving.

    [2:27:08] Books Ann has gifted or reread most.

    [2:29:09] A recent, game-changing purchase under $100.

    [2:30:28] Ann’s billboard.

    [2:31:19] The meaning of Ann’s Japanese name characters.

    [2:32:19] Ann’s online presence and Floodgate’s name origin.

    [2:34:58] Parting thoughts.

    *

    For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.

    For deals from sponsors of The Tim Ferriss Showplease visit tim.blog/podcast-sponsors

    Sign up for Tim’s email newsletter (5-Bullet Friday) at tim.blog/friday.

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    Past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry SeinfeldHugh JackmanDr. Jane GoodallLeBron JamesKevin HartDoris Kearns GoodwinJamie FoxxMatthew McConaugheyEsther PerelElizabeth GilbertTerry CrewsSiaYuval Noah HarariMalcolm GladwellMadeleine AlbrightCheryl StrayedJim CollinsMary Karr, Maria PopovaSam HarrisMichael PhelpsBob IgerEdward NortonArnold SchwarzeneggerNeil StraussKen BurnsMaria SharapovaMarc AndreessenNeil GaimanNeil de Grasse TysonJocko WillinkDaniel EkKelly SlaterDr. Peter AttiaSeth GodinHoward MarksDr. Brené BrownEric SchmidtMichael LewisJoe GebbiaMichael PollanDr. Jordan PetersonVince VaughnBrian KoppelmanRamit SethiDax ShepardTony RobbinsJim DethmerDan HarrisRay DalioNaval RavikantVitalik ButerinElizabeth LesserAmanda PalmerKatie HaunSir Richard BransonChuck PalahniukArianna HuffingtonReid HoffmanBill BurrWhitney CummingsRick RubinDr. Vivek MurthyDarren AronofskyMargaret AtwoodMark ZuckerbergPeter ThielDr. Gabor MatéAnne LamottSarah SilvermanDr. Andrew Huberman, and many more.

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  • #753: Derek Sivers and Kevin Kelly

    AI transcript
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    0:05:34 start shaking. Hello boys and girls, ladies and germs. This is Tim Ferriss. Welcome to another
    0:05:38 episode of the Tim Ferriss Show where it is my job to sit down with world-class performers
    0:05:43 from every field imaginable to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books, and so on that
    0:05:49 you can apply and test in your own lives. This episode is a two for one and that’s because the
    0:05:55 podcast recently hit its 10th year anniversary, which is insane to think about, and past 1 billion
    0:06:01 downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best, some of my favorites
    0:06:07 from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited to give you these super
    0:06:13 combo episodes and internally we’ve been calling these the super combo episodes because my goal
    0:06:18 is to encourage you to yes, enjoy the household names, the super famous folks, but to also introduce
    0:06:24 you to lesser known people I consider stars. These are people who have transformed my life
    0:06:30 and I feel like they can do the same for many of you. Perhaps they got lost in a busy news cycle,
    0:06:35 perhaps you missed an episode. Just trust me on this one, we went to great pains to put these
    0:06:44 pairings together. And for the bios of all guests, you can find that and more at tim.log/combo.
    0:06:48 And now, without further ado, please enjoy and thank you for listening.
    0:06:57 First up, Derek Sivers, former musician, programmer, Ted Speaker, and Circus Clown,
    0:07:04 who sold his first company, CD Baby, for $22 million and gave all the money to charity,
    0:07:09 and author of books on philosophy and entrepreneurship, including How to Live,
    0:07:19 Hell Yeah or No, Anything You Want, and Useful Not True. You can find Derek on Twitter @Sivers.
    0:07:27 I was 18 years old and all I wanted in my whole life was to be a professional musician. I mean,
    0:07:32 ideally a rock star, yeah, but if I was just making my living doing music, that was the goal.
    0:07:37 So I’m 18 years old, I’m living in Boston, I’m going to Berkeley College of Music,
    0:07:44 and I’m in this band where the bass player one day in rehearsal says, “Hey man, my agent just
    0:07:52 offered me a gig that’s like $75 to play at a pig show in Vermont.” He rolls his eyes and he’s like,
    0:07:59 “I’m not gonna do it, do you want the gig?” I’m like, “Fuck yeah, a paying gig? Oh my god, yes.”
    0:08:06 So I took the gig to go up to Burlington, Vermont, and I think it was like a $58 round trip
    0:08:10 bus ticket. And I get to this pig show in Vermont, I strap my acoustic guitar on,
    0:08:16 and I walk around a pig show playing music, and did that for like three hours, got on the bus home,
    0:08:22 and the next day the booking agent called me up and said, “Hey, so yeah, you did a really good
    0:08:26 job at the pig show, we got good reports there. Wondering if you can come play at an art opening
    0:08:31 in Western Massachusetts. I’ll pay you $75 again.” “Yeah, sure, so same thing.” I took, you know,
    0:08:36 like a $60 bus out to Western Massachusetts, got $75 bucks for playing at an art opening,
    0:08:42 and the agent was there and he was impressed, and so he said, “Hey look, I’ve got this circus,
    0:08:46 and the previous musician just quit, so we really need somebody new, and I really like what you’re
    0:08:52 doing, so there’s about three gigs a week I can pay you $75 a gig. They’re usually Friday, Saturday,
    0:08:58 Sunday. Do you want the gig?” I said, “Hell yeah, I’m a professional musician now, this is amazing.”
    0:09:02 So I said yes to everything, which is going to come up later, you know, with the hell yeah or no
    0:09:06 thing, but I think it’s really smart to switch strategies. But when you’re earlier in your career,
    0:09:11 I think the best strategy is you just say yes to everything, every piddly little gig. You just
    0:09:17 never know what are the lottery tickets, so this one ended up being a real lottery ticket for me,
    0:09:22 because as soon as I joined the circus, again I’m 18, I had no stage experience,
    0:09:29 and after a few gigs they said, “Hey, so the previous musician used to go out and open the show
    0:09:32 with this big theme song and get everybody up and dancing. Could you do that?” And I said, “Yeah,
    0:09:37 sure.” And another gig or two later they said, “Hey, the previous musician used to close the show
    0:09:40 also with that theme song. Could you do that?” I said, “Yeah, sure.” And then it was,
    0:09:46 “The previous musician used to go out in between every act and like get the audience to applaud and
    0:09:51 thank them and introduce the next act. Do you think you could do that?” I said, “Yeah, sure.”
    0:09:56 And I was really bad at it at first, but I got good eventually. I became like the ringleader
    0:10:00 emcee of this whole circus, and I was 18 years old, so if you were to go to the circus,
    0:10:07 it would have looked like my show. And I did that for 10 years from the age of 18 to 28.
    0:10:12 I did over a thousand shows, and eventually, by the way, got paid more than 75 bucks. Eventually,
    0:10:17 I was getting like 300 bucks a show, and it became my full-time living, and I even bought a house
    0:10:21 with the money I made playing with the circus. And then that led to all kinds of other things.
    0:10:29 And so just so many huge opportunities and 10 years of stage experience came from that one
    0:10:34 piddly little pig show that I said yes to this little thing. So, yeah, the only reason I stopped
    0:10:39 doing the circus is when CD Baby started taking over my life, and I had to start turning down
    0:10:45 circus gigs. But yeah, that was my life for 10 years. What did you learn that made you better?
    0:10:53 What were the lessons learned that made the biggest difference in your performance as this emcee?
    0:10:57 What were the biggest mistakes that you made early on that you corrected? Either one’s fine.
    0:11:00 Yeah, it’s kind of the same answer is that at first, I was too
    0:11:08 self-conscious because I thought it was about me. Like, I was going up on stage thinking that the
    0:11:15 audience was somehow judging me, Derek Sivers, as if I mattered, you know? So, I would get self-conscious
    0:11:24 what they thought of me. And eventually, and I think it took maybe like 10 or 20 gigs. The
    0:11:29 circus was run by a husband and wife team, and Tarleton was the name of the wife. She was the one
    0:11:34 really kind of out on the gigs and leading the circus. The husband was more the booking agent.
    0:11:41 And she’s the one that like single-handedly gave me my confidence that I have today. Like,
    0:11:45 sometimes when people ask me why am I so confident, it’s like that’s because of Tarleton.
    0:11:50 That’s a longer story we get into. But anyway, Tarleton is the one that she just kept pushing
    0:11:54 me from backstage. It’s like, come on, you’re up there acting like David Letterman. Like,
    0:11:59 don’t do this whole kind of, ah, yeah, I’m so cool. All right, everybody, here’s the next
    0:12:04 act. Like, I think I was trying to be cool because I thought that people were judging me,
    0:12:09 right? And she said, these people came here for a show. Go give them what they came here for.
    0:12:15 And so one time I decided to go out there and just be over the top ridiculous. I went on stage
    0:12:18 and I said, ladies and gentlemen, what you’re about to see is one of the most amazing things,
    0:12:21 you know, we have an elephant that is going to be coming from backstage. And I did this whole like
    0:12:27 thing in the fast talking voice and real like pizzazz to it. And the audience loved it. And I
    0:12:33 came backstage and she said, there you go. That’s what people come to the circus for. So
    0:12:39 now that I’ve been on stage, you know, thousands of times, this really sunk in that you get on
    0:12:44 stage to give the audience what they came there for. Or even things like this, this interview
    0:12:49 we’re doing, this isn’t necessarily for you or me, we could just hang up the phone and talk,
    0:12:54 we don’t need to, is, but we’re doing this for the listeners. So we’re going to give them
    0:12:59 something that’s useful to them. This isn’t about me. This isn’t about you. This is about them.
    0:13:05 So that was the biggest lesson learned. Luckily, I learned that early on when I was 18, 19 and yeah.
    0:13:12 Seems like most of my friends who are what most people would consider successful in various
    0:13:22 respects can trace their confidence back to either or both end a specific woman and a specific coach
    0:13:28 or mentor of some type. It always comes down to one or both of those.
    0:13:32 Oh, Tim, you know, I’ve never told you about Kimo Williams.
    0:13:35 It’s a great name and I want to learn more. No, I don’t know anything about.
    0:13:39 This is so up your alley. I can’t believe I’ve never told you this. Okay.
    0:13:43 Thanks for prodding me. I mean, he prompted me with that because you’re right.
    0:13:50 It was a gorgeous woman, Tarleton, and it was a music teacher, Kimo Williams, that he, but see,
    0:13:55 he changed my life a year or two before I met her. Okay, so imagine this. I’m 17 years old now.
    0:14:00 I’m living in suburban Chicago and I decided to go to Berkeley College of Music because I want to
    0:14:07 be a famous musician. And just like two or three months before I’m supposed to go, I see an ad in
    0:14:12 the local Chicago Tribune for music type setting. And I’m wondering like how much sheet music I’m
    0:14:16 going to have to be writing. So I call up this classified ad in the paper and I say,
    0:14:19 “Can I ask you some questions about music type setting?” And he said, “Sure, well, why do you
    0:14:23 want to know?” And I said, “Because I’m about to go off to Berkeley College of Music in a couple
    0:14:28 months.” And he said, “Oh, really?” He said, “I used to teach at Berkeley College of Music.” I said,
    0:14:34 “You did? Do you think you can give me some tips?” He said, “Yeah, here’s my address. Come to my studio
    0:14:39 at 9 a.m. Thursday morning. See you then.” So, and he lived like way downtown Chicago in an area
    0:14:47 I’ve never been to. And I’m going to do a little foreshadowing of the story right now because
    0:14:52 when I got married years later to the woman I met when I was sitting in Times Square with you,
    0:14:58 he was one of only three people I invited to the wedding. It was Tarleton from the circus,
    0:15:02 Kimo Williams, my music teacher, and my first girlfriend Camille. Those were my only three
    0:15:09 guests to my wedding. And Kimo Williams told the story to my family. He said, “You know, I tell people
    0:15:14 all the time. I get all these kids that want to be famous.” And I said, “Yep, show up at my studio
    0:15:19 at 9 a.m.” And he said, “Nobody ever does. Nobody has their shit together to show up when I tell them
    0:15:24 to.” And he said, “So, I’d honestly forgotten that there was this kid that called from a classified
    0:15:30 ad.” That was his way of saying no. No, it was just his fertile. He was like, “Yeah, all right,
    0:15:36 kid. Sure. Here’s a seven-foot hurdle. Let’s hear you do.” Exactly. So, he said, “So, you know,
    0:15:40 my doorbell rings some Thursday morning at 8.59 a.m. and I open the door and there’s some
    0:15:47 long-haired teenager sitting there.” And so now flipping back to first person point of view is,
    0:15:54 yeah, Kimo Williams is this large black man from Hawaii that was a musician that attended Berkeley
    0:16:00 School of Music and then stayed there to teach for a while. And so what he taught me in four lessons
    0:16:06 got me to graduate Berkeley College of Music in half the time it would take. And here was his
    0:16:11 thing. He said, “The reason I wanted you to study with me for a bit,” he said, “I know you only
    0:16:16 have like eight weeks before you go to school.” He said, “I think you can graduate Berkeley School
    0:16:21 of Music in two years instead of four.” He said, “The standard pace is for chumps.”
    0:16:24 I shouldn’t get a t-shirt made.
    0:16:29 This is like totally Tim Ferriss stuff, right? This is like, I can’t believe we hadn’t talked
    0:16:34 about this before, that he’s the one at the age of like 17, 18, got me into this mentality.
    0:16:41 He said, “We’re the standard paces for chumps.” That’s, the school has to organize its curricula
    0:16:48 around the lowest common denominator so that almost nobody is left out. So they have to slow
    0:16:51 down so that everybody can catch up. But he said, “You’re smarter than that,” or anybody can be
    0:16:57 smarter than that if they want to be. So you can go as fast as you want. And here’s how. And so he sat
    0:17:00 me down at the piano. He said, “Okay, what do you know about music theory?” I said, “Well, I don’t know.
    0:17:04 Let’s find out.” And he, you know, he just asked me a few of these music questions like, “Okay,
    0:17:08 what, how does a major scale go?” Right? Okay, show me the tritone. Do you know what a tritone is?
    0:17:11 “Okay, play me a tritone in the C major scale.” I’m like, “Uh, uh, uh, okay, B and F.” He said,
    0:17:16 “Okay, how can you take that? And what other chord can you make from B and F?” He said, “Okay,
    0:17:19 that’s called the substitute chord. Now what is a resolution?” We were like, and he was just like,
    0:17:23 boom, boom, boom, at this kind of pace. He was doing all this music theory stuff with me. It was
    0:17:27 so intense. And I was like, I had all this adrenaline, like a video game. I was like, “This is amazing.
    0:17:33 Okay, keep going.” I said, “Okay, do that. And this.” And that was like a two hour lesson that went at
    0:17:37 that kind of pace. And then he dumped a bunch of homework on me. He said, “Okay, now go home tonight
    0:17:43 and take this big book of jazz standards. Find me all the two five substitutions or two five
    0:17:47 closures and I’ll substitute chords for that and then come back next Thursday and we’ll do this again.”
    0:17:53 So we did that for like four Thursdays in a row. And sure enough, what he taught me in four
    0:18:00 two hour sessions was basically like two years of Berkeley College of Music. He compressed it
    0:18:07 into four lessons. Wow. So that when I showed up to my first day of Berkeley, I tested out of the
    0:18:14 first few years just thanks to him. And then he even taught me a strategy. He offhand mentioned,
    0:18:19 he said, you know, I think they might still have a rule in place where those other required courses,
    0:18:23 you know, that you have to take to graduate. He said, “I think you could pretty much just buy
    0:18:28 the books for those and then contact the department head and just take the final exam to get credit.”
    0:18:33 So I did that too. So I, when I got there, all those required classes like, you know,
    0:18:38 Bach counterpoint classes, I wasn’t so interested in it. So I bought the book,
    0:18:42 did all the homework, approached the department head said, “Can I take the final exam for this?”
    0:18:46 And he said, looked at me weird and said, “Okay, took the final exam and got credit without ever
    0:18:50 having to attend the class.” And yeah, that’s how I graduated Berkeley College of Music in two years.
    0:18:56 And on a related note, could you talk about, and we’ve talked about this a bit, but I never tire
    0:19:05 of it, relaxing for the same result. Because I think this is such a huge observation that
    0:19:11 it’s incredibly important for type A personalities or at least for me, because I have a tendency
    0:19:16 to almost want to burn the candle at both ends to prove to myself that I’m putting forth
    0:19:21 the maximum effort I’m leaving as little as possible to chance with certain things, you know,
    0:19:26 and, but tell everybody about the bike, about the bicycle experience.
    0:19:30 Yeah, this was kind of profound. Now, granted, I didn’t learn this until
    0:19:36 later, but yeah, I’d been very, very, very type A my whole life. Even before I met Kemal Williams,
    0:19:42 you know, I mean, age of 14, it just, my friends called me the robot because they would never see
    0:19:48 me sleep or eat or relax or hang out. I just was like so focused on being the best musician I could
    0:19:53 be that I would just practice every waking minute. If I’d begrudgingly go to a party, you know,
    0:19:57 I’d bring my guitar with me and I’d be sitting in the corner practicing my scales and arpeggios
    0:20:01 while everybody was hanging out, getting high, you know. So yeah, I’ve always been very type A,
    0:20:06 and so a friend of mine got me into cycling when I was living in LA and I lived right on the beach
    0:20:13 in Santa Monica where there’s this great bike path in the sand that goes for, I think it’s 25 miles
    0:20:20 in the sand, something like that. The exact number doesn’t matter, but what I would do is I would go
    0:20:25 on to the bike path and I would get like head down and push it as hard as I could. I would go
    0:20:30 all the way to one end of the bike path and back and then back home and I’d set my little
    0:20:34 timer when doing this. Huffing and puffing, red faced. Yeah, just red face huffing it, but like
    0:20:40 just pushing it as hard as I can. Every single thrust of the leg just, of course, you know,
    0:20:45 that made me quite fun if somebody was in my way on the bike path. Sure, that guy’s got places to
    0:20:50 go. But I noticed it was always 43 minutes. I mean, you know, if you know Santa Monica, California,
    0:20:55 you know, the weather is about exactly the same all year round. So unless it was a surprisingly
    0:21:01 windy day, it was always 43 minutes is what it took me to go as fast as I could on that bike path.
    0:21:10 But I noticed that over time, I was starting to feel less psyched about going out on the bike path
    0:21:15 because just mentally, when I would think of it, it would feel like pain and hard work.
    0:21:21 It sounds like pain and hard work. Yeah, I mean, it was, but you know, I guess at first that was
    0:21:25 okay. And after a while, I just felt like, I don’t know, running a bike, why don’t I just hang out.
    0:21:31 So then I say, you know, that’s not cool for me to start to associate negative stuff with going
    0:21:35 on the bike ride. Why don’t I just chill for once? Like, I’m just going to go on the same bike ride.
    0:21:41 But just, you know, I’m not going to be a complete snail, but I’ll go at like half of my normal pace.
    0:21:46 So yeah, I got on my bike and it was just pleasant. I just went on the same bike ride.
    0:21:52 I was more like standing up. And I just noticed that I was, I was looking around more and I looked
    0:21:56 out in the ocean. I noticed that day there were these dolphins jumping in the ocean. And I went
    0:22:02 down to Marina Del Rey to my turnaround point. And oh no, actually it was when the the breakers at
    0:22:08 Marina Del Rey, there was a penguin that was flying above me. I was like, no way. I looked up,
    0:22:17 I was like, hey, a penguin. And he’s shit in my mouth. Was it a penguin or a pelican? Oh, sorry,
    0:22:23 pelican. Flying penguin above my head. That would be more amazing. I was like, what did you take
    0:22:28 before your ride? So you get to see it a pelican pelican shit in your mouth. That’s incredible
    0:22:35 accuracy. Was that from like, how far away was it? 20 feet up. Wow. Because I don’t know if he was
    0:22:41 accurate or I was, you know, I had such a nice time. It was just purely pleasant. There was no red
    0:22:47 face. There was no huffing and puffing. I was just cycling. It was nice. And when I got back to my
    0:22:57 usual stopping place, I looked at my watch and it said 45 minutes. And I was like, no way. How the
    0:23:02 hell could that have been 45 minutes as compared to my usual 43? It’s like, there’s no way. But yeah,
    0:23:10 it was right 45 minutes. And that was like a profound lesson that I think changed the way I’ve
    0:23:17 approached my life ever since is because I realized that I guess, you know, what percentage of that
    0:23:21 huffing and puffing then we could do the math or whatever would a 93 point something present of
    0:23:28 my huffing and puffing and all that red face and all that stress was only for an extra two minutes.
    0:23:31 It was basically for nothing. I mean, you know, of course, we’re not talking about me competing
    0:23:36 in something where the huffing and puffing might have been worth it. But for life, I think of all
    0:23:42 of this optimization and getting the maximum dollar out of everything and the maximum out of every
    0:23:47 second to the maximum amount of every minute. And I think I just take this approach now of going
    0:23:52 like, or you could just take the lesson, take most of that lesson and apply it and be effective
    0:23:57 and be happy. You don’t need to stress about any of this stuff. And so honestly, that’s been
    0:24:02 my approach ever since I do things, but I stop before anything gets stressful.
    0:24:09 One of the essays that you’re best known for is hell yeah or no. And this has been extremely
    0:24:18 important for me to consistently reread or listen to. How did it come about? And what is the gist
    0:24:27 of that? There was a music conference in Australia that I had told my friend I would
    0:24:33 go with her to. It wasn’t even like the conference themselves were really expecting me. It was my
    0:24:39 friend Arielle Hyatt is one of the best publicists I know. And she was speaking at that conference
    0:24:46 and asked if I would come with her as like a co-presenter in her mentor session or something.
    0:24:51 So I had said yes like six months before. Yeah, sure. Australia. I’m living in New York City.
    0:24:56 I’m like, yeah, sure. And then once it came close, and it was like time to book the ticket, I was like,
    0:25:01 I don’t really want to go to Australia right now. I’m busy with other stuff.
    0:25:10 And it was actually my friend Amber Rubarth, who’s a brilliant musician. I was on the phone with her
    0:25:15 and kind of lamenting about this. And she’s the one that pointed out. She said, it sounds like,
    0:25:21 you know, from where you’re at, your decision is not between yes and no. You need to figure out
    0:25:27 whether you’re feeling like, fuck yeah, or no. And I said, yeah, that’s really what it comes down
    0:25:35 to, right? Because the idea is, if you’re feeling anything less than like, oh, hell yeah, I would
    0:25:41 love to do that. Oh my God, that would be amazing. If you’re feeling anything less than that, then
    0:25:49 just say no. Because most of us say yes to too much stuff. And then we let these little mediocre
    0:25:58 things fill our lives. And so the problem is, when that occasional big, oh my God, hell yeah,
    0:26:02 thing comes along, you don’t have enough time to give it the attention that you should because
    0:26:08 you’ve said yes to too much other little half ass kind of stuff, right? So once I started applying
    0:26:14 this, my life just opened up because it just meant I just said no, no, no, no, no, to almost
    0:26:20 everything. But then when the occasional thing came up, that I was really like, you know what,
    0:26:26 that would be awesome. Then suddenly, I had all the time in the world. And you know, people say
    0:26:30 this, I’m sure, you know, every time people contact you, every time people contact me,
    0:26:35 they say, you know, look, I know you must be incredibly busy. And I always think like, no,
    0:26:42 I’m not because because I’m in control of my time, I’m on top of it. Busy to me seems to imply
    0:26:48 like out of control. You know, like, oh my God, I’m so busy. I don’t have any time for this yet.
    0:26:52 To me, that sounds like a person who’s got no control of their life.
    0:27:00 Yeah, no, no control and unclear priorities. Yes. So you asked how it’s applying in my life that
    0:27:06 still just on the little tiny day to day level, even personal things, God, even people you meet,
    0:27:13 even, you know, as I’m dating, you have to do the hell yeah, or no approach, or people ask you
    0:27:19 to go to events, or God, even, you know, even people asking to do a phone call or anything,
    0:27:23 I think, you know, am I really excited about that? And, you know, almost every time the
    0:27:28 answers no. So I say no to almost everything. And then, yeah, occasionally, something will come up,
    0:27:34 even a little surprise will be dropped in my lab, like this thing that happened just two months ago
    0:27:38 called the the now now now project, which we don’t even really need to talk about the details don’t
    0:27:43 matter so much. But it was just something that popped up that seemed really interesting and
    0:27:49 people really wanted. And luckily, because I say no to almost everything, I had the time in my life
    0:27:54 to make it flourish. So for the last like six weeks, all I did full time, like 12 hours a day,
    0:27:58 was suddenly work on this brand new thing that showed up because I could, you know, so that’s to
    0:28:06 me the the lovely result of taking the hell yeah or no approach to life. So I am reading a section
    0:28:13 of this blog post that I wrote about you and your the best email you ever wrote with the Japanese
    0:28:18 boxing specialist and so on. And one of the paragraphs that I put here for those people
    0:28:23 interested, it’s just the most successful email I ever wrote, but it’s everywhere online. And
    0:28:30 it reads stranger still at its largest Derek spent roughly four hours on CD baby every six months,
    0:28:37 he had systematized everything to run without him. And feel free to correct that if it needs to be
    0:28:44 corrected, but assuming that’s roughly true. What were some of the most important decisions or
    0:28:51 realizations that made that possible? I love the timing for when I read four hour workweek because
    0:28:59 it was actually just after I had done this like complete delegation of everything that it was
    0:29:06 feeling the pain from everything having to go through me. It was my business right 100% no
    0:29:11 investors no nothing it was me and so I hired people to help me it was all me me me. So four years
    0:29:18 into it, it was growing it was really taking off I had 20 employees but still almost everything
    0:29:23 went through me. And it made my day kind of miserable because I’m a real like introverted
    0:29:28 focused kind of person I love to just sit down for 12 hours and do one thing without distraction.
    0:29:38 You’re an INTJ Myers-Briggs. Yeah, I’m 100% INTJ. Yeah. So I hated going to the office and being
    0:29:45 distracted every five minutes with my employees asking me questions. So that’s what I just felt
    0:29:51 such pain about this like I hate this that I really literally meant I booked a flight to
    0:29:58 Kauai I believe and I was going to move to Kauai and not give my employees my phone number
    0:30:03 and literally move I don’t mean like take a vacation I mean like I am now going to be running
    0:30:07 I’m going to be the owner of CD Baby on a little island in Hawaii and you guys just figure out your
    0:30:13 own damn problems because I was just I was just having so much psychic pain about this but then
    0:30:20 luckily with lovely coincidence that night that I booked the flight to Hawaii I watched the movie
    0:30:27 Vanilla Sky and in Vanilla Sky Tom Cruise is like the owner of this big publishing company
    0:30:33 but he gets all caught up with these crazy women and gets too overwhelmed with his life and focusing
    0:30:39 on his own happiness and or unhappiness and all that and pretty soon his company is just
    0:30:45 wrestled away from him and I thought oh I don’t want that to happen like I don’t want to just
    0:30:51 plug my ears close my eyes run away and have my company taken away from me I need to deal with
    0:30:58 my problems instead of running from them so I canceled the trip to Hawaii and went into work
    0:31:04 the next day and decided to fix this thing so then next time somebody asked me a question
    0:31:10 I gathered everybody around I said okay everybody Tracy just asked me you know Derek what do we
    0:31:14 do when a guy on the phone says he wants a refund you know I said okay everybody stop working everybody
    0:31:20 gather around okay Tracy asked what we do if somebody wants a refund here’s not only what we
    0:31:24 do but here’s why here’s my philosophy whenever anybody wants a refund we should always give it
    0:31:30 to them and I would just explain not just the what to do but the why it was constantly communicating
    0:31:34 the philosophy to get to the core of it and I think you mentioned this in back in four hour
    0:31:41 work week there’s almost nothing that really has to be you like you can almost get kind of AI
    0:31:48 and figure out how your brain works how your decision making process works and just teach it
    0:31:53 to other people so that other people can do it and yeah that’s what I did for every single thing
    0:31:58 that ever came my way I would gather everybody around explain the philosophy behind it why
    0:32:02 we do things this way why I’m about to say what I’m about to say and now here’s what I think we
    0:32:07 should do do you understand why now please write it down but it was also important that I taught it
    0:32:13 multiple people not just one and had them write it down and then the cool thing is I wasn’t doing
    0:32:18 the hiring anymore the company I had taught other people how to do the hiring so soon my employees
    0:32:22 were doing the hiring and then they were teaching new people how to do this thing from the the book
    0:32:28 and so that really started four years into the company it was six months of difficult work to
    0:32:34 really make myself unnecessary but then my girlfriend at the time decided to go to film school
    0:32:39 in LA so decided to follow her down there so I moved down to LA to be with her which was a
    0:32:44 nice symbolic way to let the company know like you’re on your own I’m still the owner and in fact
    0:32:50 so there’s one little caveat to the thing we said that I was working on CD baby for four hours a year
    0:32:57 or whatever you said yeah four or six months is that that’s how much time I spent doing this stuff
    0:33:03 I didn’t want to be doing right the monotony the bureaucracy stuff that I had reduced down to almost
    0:33:09 nothing like a few minutes a week but what I was doing from 7 a.m. to midnight every single day was
    0:33:14 programming like the future of CD baby and that’s just the stuff that I loved doing so it was about
    0:33:18 making my life the way I wanted it to be working on the stuff that I wanted to be working on
    0:33:25 and not doing the stuff I didn’t if you could have one billboard anywhere with anything on it
    0:33:30 what would it say my real answer if I was taking that literally is that I would remove all the
    0:33:35 billboards in the world and ensure that they were never replaced you know if you ever driven through
    0:33:41 India you know yeah it’s so sad well I haven’t driven but oh right on my way to the Calcutta ER
    0:33:48 where I spent a week I was god briefly looking at the windows you know even in these small towns
    0:33:54 in Kerala like there’s almost no space that is left without advertising so I really admire those
    0:34:01 places like I think Vermont and uh South Paulo Brazil that ban billboards but I know that that
    0:34:06 wasn’t really what you’re asking so so my better answer is I think I would make a billboard that
    0:34:14 would say it won’t make you happy and I would place it outside any big shopping mall or car dealer
    0:34:20 so ideally actually I think you know what would be a fun project is to buy and train thousands of
    0:34:26 parrots to say it won’t make you happy it won’t make you happy and then you let them loose in
    0:34:31 the shopping malls and super stores around the world that’s my life mission anybody with me let’s
    0:34:37 do it what advice would you give your 30 year old self and place us if you would for where you were
    0:34:44 at 30 and what you’re doing at 30 well let’s see I had just started CD baby at 30 but I think
    0:34:49 the biggest advice I would give to my younger self or more like knowledge learned like hey
    0:34:56 younger self you should know this now is that women like sex do you know that until I was 40
    0:35:00 hopefully if I didn’t get that I think through you know like teenage movies or whatever we’re
    0:35:05 kind of taught the opposite that’s like you know men always want sex and women don’t I don’t know
    0:35:09 why the the media portrays it like that but later I found out that’s not true but I think the the
    0:35:16 more interesting answer is that my advice to my 30 year old self would be don’t be a donkey
    0:35:22 and what does that mean well I meet a lot of 30 year olds that are trying to pursue
    0:35:29 many different directions at once but not making progress in any right and then or or they get
    0:35:33 frustrated that the world wants them to pick one thing because they want to do them all and I get
    0:35:37 a lot of this frustration like but I want to do this and that and this and that why do I have to
    0:35:44 choose I don’t know what to choose but the problem is if you’re thinking short term then you’re acting
    0:35:50 as if you don’t do them all this week that they won’t happen but I think the solution is to think
    0:35:57 long term to realize that you can do one of these things for a few years and then do another one
    0:36:02 for a few years and then another so what I mean about don’t be a donkey is you’ve probably heard
    0:36:09 the fable about I think it’s Buridan’s donkey it’s a a fable about a donkey that is standing halfway
    0:36:15 in between a pile of hay and a bucket of water and he just keeps looking left to the hay
    0:36:23 or right to the water trying to decide hay or water hay or water he’s unable to decide
    0:36:28 so he eventually falls over and dies of both hunger and thirst so the point is that a donkey can’t
    0:36:33 think of the future if he did he’d clearly realize that he could just go first drink the water and
    0:36:41 then go eat the hay so my advice to my 30 year old self is don’t be a donkey you can do everything
    0:36:48 you want to do you just need foresight and patience right so say like for somebody listening if
    0:36:54 you’re 30 years old now and say you have like five different things you want to pursue well then
    0:36:58 you can do each one of those for 10 years and you’ll have them all done by the time you’re 80
    0:37:04 you’re probably going to live to be 80 so it’s ridiculous to I mean it sounds ridiculous to
    0:37:09 plan to the age of 80 when you’re 30 right but it’s a fact that’s probably coming so you might
    0:37:15 as well take advantage of it it’s like use the future that way you can fully focus on one direction
    0:37:21 at a time without feeling conflicted or distracted because you know that you’ll get to the others
    0:37:27 in the future and I think you’d also just to build on that I agree I think most people and this is
    0:37:33 not something I’ve thought up on my own but they overestimate what they can achieve in a day or a
    0:37:37 week so they have 20 items on their to-do list but they underestimate what they could achieve
    0:37:45 in a year or even two years and yeah but you’re the way that for instance if you look at a lot of
    0:37:50 what I’ve done much of which ended up being the result of accidental discoveries but you had the
    0:37:56 book career but then you had the angel investing start around 2007 2008 and I treated that as a
    0:38:01 two-year self-imposed MBA and it was like okay I want to try this and really focus on it for two
    0:38:07 years and I’m not going to expect to have any financial return but just as an MBA I’m going to
    0:38:13 sink this amount of cost into it which was identical to Stanford graduate school business at the time
    0:38:19 and assume that the network and relationships and lessons I would learn would be worth that two years
    0:38:27 and just viewing them as two-year experiments which I did with the TV also which did not
    0:38:31 turn out as ideally as I would have liked although I’m very proud of you know that’s inference
    0:38:37 experiment podcast same thing right it wasn’t a three-year commitment but it was also not a
    0:38:42 one-day or one-week commitment it was like okay I’m gonna do this for at least six episodes maybe
    0:38:48 it takes me six months and then I’ll correct course at that point but yeah you do I think a lot
    0:38:55 of 30 year olds feel pressured or younger or older for that matter to pursue many many things
    0:39:01 in parallel when if you were just to tweak that slightly and make them serial the results would
    0:39:06 be much better yeah that’s a really hard lesson to learn we can even say it right now it’s really
    0:39:14 tough I even find that now yeah cost and challenge just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors and
    0:39:20 we’ll be right back to the show this episode is brought to you by Wealthfront there is a lot
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    0:40:20 slash Tim to get started that’s Wealthfront.com slash Tim this was a paid endorsement by Wealthfront
    0:40:32 and now Kevin Kelly founding executive editor of Wired Magazine former editor and publisher of
    0:40:38 the whole earth review and best-selling author of books on technology and culture including
    0:40:46 excellent advice for living the inevitable what technology wants and vanishing asia his three
    0:40:54 volume photo book set capturing west central and east asia you can find kevin on twitter and instagram
    0:41:04 at kevin the number two kelly and on his website kk.org Kevin thank you so much for being on the show
    0:41:10 that’s my honor and i am endlessly fascinated by all of the varied projects that you constantly have
    0:41:16 going on but that leads me to the first question which is when you meet someone who is not familiar
    0:41:21 with your background and they ask you the age old what do you do question how do you even begin to
    0:41:28 answer that what is your stock answer to that these days my stock answer is is that i package ideas
    0:41:38 into books and magazines and websites and i make ideas interesting and pretty well i like the
    0:41:43 pretty that’s well well we’ll come back to the aesthetic aspect i think that’s a really neglected
    0:41:48 piece of the entire puzzle you do have of course a background a lot of people are familiar with
    0:41:55 your background with wired but perhaps you could give folks a bit of background on yourself and
    0:42:00 is it true that you dropped out of of college after one year yeah i’m a college dropout and
    0:42:06 actually my one regret in life is that one year oh no kidding no kidding yeah i wish i had just
    0:42:12 even skipped that but i do understand how college can be useful to people and i’ve
    0:42:18 but for me it was just not the right thing and i went to asia instead and i like to tell myself
    0:42:27 that i gave my own self a phd in east asian studies by traveling around and photographing
    0:42:33 very remote remote parts of asia at a time when it was in the transition from the ancient world
    0:42:40 to the modern world and i did many other things as well and for me it was a very formative time
    0:42:46 because i did enough things that when i finally got my first real job at the age of 35
    0:42:53 wow which which job was that i worked for a non-profit at ten dollars an hour which was the
    0:42:57 whole earth catalog which would have been like kind of a lifelong dream if i said if i’m going to
    0:43:03 have a job that’s the job i want it took me a long time to kind of get it but in between that i did
    0:43:09 many things including starting businesses and selling businesses and doing other kinds of things
    0:43:16 more adventures and i highly recommend it you know i got involved in starting wired and
    0:43:21 running wired for a while and i hired a lot of people who were coming right out of college
    0:43:25 they were internets and they would do the intern thing and then they were good and we would hire
    0:43:30 them which meant that basically you know after 10 years whatever it was they were this was their
    0:43:38 first and only job and i kept telling them why are you here what are you doing you should be
    0:43:44 slowing around wasting time trying something crazy why are you working a real job i don’t
    0:43:53 understand it and i just really i really recommend slack i’m a believer in in this thing of kind of
    0:43:59 doing something that’s not productive you know productivist or your middle ages
    0:44:06 when you’re young you want to be prolific and make and do things but you don’t want to measure them
    0:44:12 in terms of productivity you want to measure them in terms of extreme performance you want
    0:44:19 to measure them in kind of extreme satisfaction it’s it’s a time to kind of try stuff and and i
    0:44:25 think explore the extremes exactly explore the possibilities and there are so many possibilities
    0:44:31 and there’s more every day and it’s called premature organization you you really want to use this time
    0:44:37 to continue to do things and by the way premature optimization is a problem of success too it’s
    0:44:40 not just the problem of the young it’s the problem of the successful more than even of the young but
    0:44:45 we’ll get to that yeah that might turn into a therapy session for me at this precise moment
    0:44:51 in time in fact but when you are exploring that slack i would imagine many people feel pressured
    0:44:57 whether it’s internal pressure or societal familial pressure to get a real job to support
    0:45:01 themselves and a lot of the decisions are made out of fear they they worry about being out on
    0:45:08 the streets or it’s a nebulous terror or anxiety how did you support yourself for instance while you
    0:45:13 were traveling through asia when you left school i totally understand this anxiety and fear and
    0:45:19 stuff but here’s the thing i think one of the many kind of life skills that you want to actually
    0:45:26 learn at a fairly young age is the skill of being like ultra thrifty minimal kind of this little
    0:45:33 wisp at this traveling through time in the sense of learning how little you actually need to live
    0:45:39 not just in kind of um survival mode but kind of you know in a contented mode and i learned that
    0:45:45 pretty early by backpacking and doing other things and especially in asia was i could be very happy
    0:45:50 with very very little and go onto websites and stuff and look at sort of like the minimum amount of
    0:45:56 stuff the food say that you need to to live you know your basic protein and carbohydrates and
    0:46:01 and vitamins and and how much actually if you were bought them in bulk how much it would cost i mean
    0:46:08 you build your own house live in a shelter a tiny house you don’t need very much and i think
    0:46:12 trying that out you know building your house on the pond like the row there’s a hero of mine in
    0:46:19 high school is not just a simple exercise it’s a profound exercise because it allows you to get
    0:46:25 over the anxiety even if you aren’t living like that you know that if the worst came to worse
    0:46:32 you could keep going at a very low rate and be content and so that gives you the sort of confidence
    0:46:38 to take a risk because you say what’s the worst that could happen well the worst that happened is
    0:46:43 that i’d have a backpack and a sleeping bag and i’d be eating oatmeal and whatever you know and
    0:46:48 that’d be fine and i think if you do that once or twice you don’t necessarily have to live like
    0:46:55 that but but knowing that you can be content is tremendously empowering that’s basically what
    0:47:00 i did it was you know living in asia where the people around me had less than i did and they
    0:47:06 were pretty content you realize oh my gosh i don’t really need very much to be happy
    0:47:12 and did you save up money beforehand with odd jobs or did you do odd jobs while on the road
    0:47:18 a bit of both i did odd jobs before i left i was traveling in asia at a time when the
    0:47:27 price differential was so great that it actually made sense for me to fly back on a charter flight
    0:47:34 to the us and work for four or five months and i worked basically odd jobs i worked from working
    0:47:42 in a warehouse packaging athletic shoes working in a kind of technical sense of a that’s a really
    0:47:48 just hard to describe but it was kind of a in a photography related job where we were reducing
    0:47:54 printed circuit boards down to little sizes to be shipped off to be printed and driving cars to
    0:48:02 whatever else i could find and that at that time made more money i could live off of i could live
    0:48:09 probably two years from those couple months of work so i didn’t really work while i was traveling
    0:48:17 until i got to iran in the late 70s and there there was a very high paying job which was teaching
    0:48:24 english to the iranian pilots who worked for the shah but i had sworn they were never going to teach
    0:48:30 english so i actually got a job in bella hot helicopter who was teaching english is to the
    0:48:35 pilots but my job was running a little newsletter for the american community there and i worked
    0:48:41 there until i was thrown out by the coup that was another story why did that now just a couple
    0:48:46 of comments so number one for those people listening who are saying to themselves already
    0:48:51 perhaps creating reasons why they can’t do what you did now due to different economic climate
    0:48:56 or whatnot it is entirely possible to replicate what you did you just have to choose your locations
    0:49:02 wisely yeah for that type of differential absolutely and i should also just mention to people that
    0:49:07 part of the reason i’m so attracted to stoic philosophy whether that be senica or marcus
    0:49:14 aurelius is exactly because of the practice of poverty not because you want to be poor but so
    0:49:20 that you recognize not only that you can subsist but then you can potentially be content or or
    0:49:25 even in some cases be more content with a bare minimum so for people who are more interested
    0:49:28 in that i highly recommend a lot of the stoic writings and you can search for those on my
    0:49:33 blog and elsewhere but let me just add to that there’s actually a new age version of that that
    0:49:38 was sort of popular and a generation ago and the search term there is volunteer simplicity
    0:49:45 volunteer simplicity right and so the idea is poverty is is terrible when it’s mandatory when
    0:49:51 you have no choice but volunteer version of that is very very powerful and i think attaching names
    0:49:57 sometimes to things it makes it more legitimate but but imagine yourself practicing voluntary
    0:50:02 simplicity and that i think is part of that stoic philosophy but there’s a whole kind of a movement
    0:50:07 a lot of the hippie dropouts were kind of practicing a similar thing and there was you know the whole
    0:50:15 best practices that resolved around that you can make up your own but i think it’s to me an essential
    0:50:21 skill that life skill that people should acquire and when you go backpacking and stuff like that
    0:50:27 that’s part of it that’s the beginnings of trying to understand what it is that you need to live as a
    0:50:32 you know as a being and you can fill that out in any way you want but that’s a good way to experiment
    0:50:36 now you have become certainly a world-class
    0:50:43 packager of ideas but also at synthesizing and expressing these ideas i love your writing if
    0:50:49 i’ve consumed vast quantities of it in fact i’m here right now on on long island where i grew up
    0:50:55 and i used to sneak into my parents shed to read old editions of the whole earth catalog
    0:51:02 for inspiration it was the i suppose the equivalent of my internet at the time and from that all the
    0:51:07 way to 1000 true fans which of course you know i sort of shout from the rooftops for people to read
    0:51:13 how did you develop that skill of writing and communicating a lot of people associate that
    0:51:20 with schooling but it doesn’t appear to be the source for you yeah so in high school i i would
    0:51:26 call myself a very late bloomer i i don’t recall myself having a lot of ideas there were a lot of
    0:51:30 other people and kids in my high school that i was very impressed with because they seem to
    0:51:37 know what they thought and were very glib and particulate and i wasn’t i was a little bit more
    0:51:43 visual on that sense i i um tried to decide whether to go to art school or to mit because i was really
    0:51:49 interested in science so i set off to asia as a photographer so it was you know basically no words
    0:51:57 at all it was just images and as i was traveling and seeing these amazing things i mean again i want
    0:52:03 to emphasize that this was sort of a for me i grew up in new jersey i’d never left new jersey we never
    0:52:11 took vacations it’s hard to describe how parochial new jersey was back in you know the 1960s i never
    0:52:17 had eight chinese food and never had i mean i never saw chinese it was like it was a different world
    0:52:22 and then i was thrown into asia and it was like oh my gosh everything i knew was wrong
    0:52:33 and so that education was extremely extremely powerful and i think that that gave me something
    0:52:39 to say and i started writing letters home and i trying to describe what i was seeing and so
    0:52:45 i had a reason to try to communicate and that was the beginning of it but even then i don’t think
    0:52:54 i really had much to say it wasn’t really until the internet came along and i had a chance to go
    0:53:01 on to one of the first online communities in the early 80s and for some reason the early 80s that
    0:53:09 is that is definitely yeah it was early days yeah in 1981 and so these were private it wasn’t the
    0:53:12 kind of wide open internet these were a little experimental the fact it was a new jersey institute
    0:53:20 of technology in ructors that had this experimental online community that i got invited on and we
    0:53:25 can talk about how that happened but that was it was just like a friend and i found that there was
    0:53:31 something about the direct attempt to just communicate with someone else in real time you
    0:53:37 know just just sending them a message or something that crystallized my thinking is how did it
    0:53:41 crystallize your thinking just not interrupt but was it the immediate feedback loop it was the idea
    0:53:48 that they have since teachers have since done a lot of studies where they had kids write an essay
    0:53:53 on something an assignment and then they would also be instructed to write some email to a friend
    0:53:59 or something and then they would grade both of the compositions and they would find that inevitably
    0:54:05 the email that the kids were writing was much better writing because when you’re trying to
    0:54:11 write a composition there’s all these you know we have all these attitudes or expectations or there’s
    0:54:16 there’s this kind of a writerly sense there’s there’s there’s all this other garbage and luggage
    0:54:21 and baggage on top of that but when we’re just trying to send an email we’re just we’re directly
    0:54:26 trying to communicate something we’re not fooling around we’re not trying to be it make it literary
    0:54:30 literary and all that we’re just direct stuff and so the writing there was always much more
    0:54:34 directed concrete because that’s the that’s the usual thing that happens when you’re trying to
    0:54:38 write is you’re not concrete enough but when you’re emails like all concrete and so it was
    0:54:45 getting out of the whole kind of writerly stuff and just pure concrete communication that really
    0:54:50 made it for me and what I discovered which is what many writers discover is that I write in
    0:54:57 order to think yeah it was like I think I have an idea but when I began to write it I realized I
    0:55:03 have no idea and I don’t actually know what I think until I try to write it so writing is a
    0:55:09 way for me to define out what I think it’s like I don’t have any ideas that’s true but when I write
    0:55:17 I get the ideas and that was the revelation and so by being forced to communicate online and there
    0:55:21 was none of this expectation it was just like okay this is random email I can do that I don’t
    0:55:25 have to write necessarily I don’t have to write something nice I’m just gonna write you know 140
    0:55:30 characters I can do that but while I was doing that I had an idea that I didn’t have before
    0:55:36 and so it was like oh my gosh this is a idea generation machine it’s by writing it’s not
    0:55:39 that I have these ideas I’m gonna write them down oh no I don’t even have them until I write
    0:55:44 I’m so glad you brought that up because I was just recently a few things related to that I was
    0:55:49 reading an interview with Kurt Vonnegut who’s one of my favorite authors for people who aren’t
    0:55:55 familiar check out Cats Cradle perhaps as a starting point hilarious guy and he at various
    0:56:00 points in his career taught writing to make ends meet and he would number one not look for good
    0:56:05 writers he would look for people who are passionate about specific things so that’s that’s something
    0:56:10 I want to reiterate to people who don’t feel right early is that go out and have the experiences
    0:56:15 and find the subjects the things that excite you and as long as you’re true to your voice which
    0:56:20 is related to the email point I threw out my first two drafts of I’d say a third of the four hour
    0:56:28 work week because they were either two pompous and Ivy League sounding way way way too much I mean
    0:56:32 horrible or two slapstick because I felt like I had to go to the other extreme and then I sat down
    0:56:38 and I wrote as if I were composing an email to a friend after two glasses of wine and that’s how I
    0:56:44 found my voice so to speak as a side note why and I think this might be related but why did you
    0:56:49 promise yourself not to teach English I’m so curious because that’s a that that can be very
    0:56:53 lucrative it’s readily available when you are traveling why did you commit to yourself not to
    0:56:58 teach English yeah it’s a good question because there’s lots of opportunities all around the world
    0:57:04 and by the way I recommend it as a way for people to travel cheaply if you want to support yourself
    0:57:12 because it is a very desirable skill we call it for the moment I think the reason why was I felt
    0:57:18 that I do feel like I was a very good teacher and I also felt that it was maybe a little easy
    0:57:24 but I think the main reason was that I was having trouble imagining myself enjoying it you know
    0:57:32 and I just felt that I would rather try to find something else now I think I did one time in
    0:57:40 Taiwan which as you know has a whole cram school system I think a friend I substituted for a friend
    0:57:48 once and I think that maybe confirmed to me like my idea that while it was there was sort of like
    0:57:53 you know all I have to do is just talk I mean there’s really not much skill involved at all
    0:57:58 it was fun but I didn’t feel like I was I don’t know I didn’t feel like I was maybe adding value
    0:58:04 or something so I came away thinking you know I guess I could do this for money but I’m not gonna
    0:58:09 be happy I think it’s just the personality thing I don’t think of myself as a teacher I don’t do
    0:58:16 many workshops or classes so I think a different person might thoroughly enjoy it and I know they
    0:58:23 do and they have a great time doing it for me it was just not for me got it no big deal I think
    0:58:29 this is an important thing is is that you know it takes a long time to kind of figure out what
    0:58:35 you’re good for and part of where I’m at right now and where I got eventually was really trying to
    0:58:40 spend time on doing things that only I could do and even when I could do something well but
    0:58:46 someone else could do it I would try and let that go that that’s a discipline that I’m still working
    0:58:51 on which is not just things that I’m good at but things that only I’m good at so that was something
    0:58:56 I was sort of trying to start early on which is like you know a lot of other people can do this
    0:59:04 and they’re happy doing it so I don’t want to go somewhere where it requires more of me
    0:59:09 to do and then I’ll be happier and they’ll be happier I am currently having and I seem to have
    0:59:18 these periodically a crisis of meaning phase and I’m wrestling with this exact issue trying to
    0:59:26 figure out what to abandon what to say no to to refine my focus so I can really focus on the
    0:59:32 intersection of my unique capability or capabilities whatever that is and a need of some type how did
    0:59:38 you figure that out and maybe we could approach it from a different direction what do you feel
    0:59:44 is your skill set or your your unique skill and how did you figure that out well let me tell
    0:59:49 you the story of how this realization actually came to me in a kind of a very concrete way which
    0:59:57 while I was editing Wired Magazine and so part of what Wired Magazine is about is is that we would
    1:00:02 come up with ideas and make assignments to writers now some of the articles in Wired would come from
    1:00:07 the writers themselves they would protest to say I have an idea but a lot of the the articles would
    1:00:12 be assigned from editors we’d have editorial meetings where we kind of imagine this great
    1:00:18 article and then we’d go and try and find someone to to write it and in that conversation of trying
    1:00:24 to persuade writers to write an idea that I had they would go through a kind of a very typical
    1:00:30 sequence where you know I would have this great idea this is a great idea and and then I would
    1:00:34 try to persuade like one writer two writer three writers and they just you know they didn’t think
    1:00:38 it was a very good idea they didn’t like it they didn’t want to do whatever it was and then I’d
    1:00:42 kind of forget about it but then like you know six months later we’d come back and say oh that was
    1:00:47 such a great idea I really think we should do that and then I would go again for another round of
    1:00:51 trying to persuade people and then again no takers and then I kind of forget about that must have been
    1:00:56 a bad idea but then like six months later a year later it might come back you know that’s still a
    1:01:04 great idea nobody has done that and then I would realize oh my gosh I need to do that you know it’s
    1:01:08 like I’m the only one who can see this I’ve tried to give it away I have tried really hard to give
    1:01:13 it away I’ve tried to kill it it just keeps like coming back coming back and it’s like okay and then
    1:01:19 I would do it and there’ll be one of my best pieces and so it was this idea of like so so I became
    1:01:24 really an important proponent of trying to give things away first tell everybody what you’re doing
    1:01:30 basically you try to give these ideas away and people are happy because they love great ideas
    1:01:36 and you do it it’s a great idea you should do it and so I try to give everything away first
    1:01:41 and then I try to kill everything it’s like no that’s a bad idea and then it’s the ones that
    1:01:47 keep coming back that I can’t kill and they can’t give away that think hmm maybe that’s the one I’m
    1:01:51 supposed to do yeah interesting because no one else is going to do it I mean I’ve been actively
    1:01:55 trying to get and then of course there’s someone else is doing it you should see someone else
    1:02:00 competing or trying to do it it’s like oh yeah you go ahead do it I’m not going to race against you
    1:02:07 yeah that’s crazy because there’s two of us you know you do it and so that generosity is actually
    1:02:13 part of this your vetting process exactly and so that’s when I kind of realized it but that
    1:02:19 doesn’t answer the question of well how do you find out what it is and all I can say is you know
    1:02:22 and I don’t want to be flipped but all I can say is it’s going to take all your life to figure that
    1:02:28 out right that is fact here’s what it is figuring out is what your life is about
    1:02:33 I mean that’s what life is for right life is to figure it out and then so every
    1:02:40 part of your life every day is actually this attempt to figure this out and you’ll have
    1:02:45 different answers as you go along and sometimes there may be directions in that but that’s basically
    1:02:51 what it is and you are very transparent about confessing this but I have to tell you that
    1:02:56 even from hanging around a lot of very accomplished people a lot of successful people that we would
    1:03:03 be on the covers of magazines they also go through exactly the same questioning I mean no matter
    1:03:08 how big of a billion dollar company they have they they come up to the same thing well you know
    1:03:12 what’s my role in all this why am I here what am I useful what am I doing that nobody else can
    1:03:18 it’s a continuous in fact as we’ll come back to being successful makes that even more difficult
    1:03:25 why is that because of the what I call the creator’s dilemma which is very much the same
    1:03:32 thing as the innovator’s dilemma which is that it’s a true dilemma in fact in the sense that
    1:03:38 there’s no right answer but the question is is sort of is it better to optimize your strengths
    1:03:46 or to invest into the unknown into places that where you’re weak and any or places you have
    1:03:52 an explored yeah any accountant in any business will tell you that it did it absolutely makes more
    1:03:58 sense to take your dollar you’ll get a higher return by investing into what you’re good at
    1:04:04 already whatever it is and this is the pursuit of excellence this is the Tom Peters and the whole
    1:04:11 entire movement which is you move uphill you you keep optimizing what you know and that
    1:04:20 by far is the sanest the most reasonable the the smartest thing to do but when you have a very
    1:04:27 fast changing landscape like we live in right now you get stuck on a local optima you get you get
    1:04:35 stuck and the problem is that the only way you can get to a higher more bit place is you actually
    1:04:41 have to go down you actually have to head into a place where you are less optimal you have no
    1:04:47 expertise there’s very low margins there’s low profits you look foolish there’ll be failures
    1:04:56 and if you’ve been following the line of success that is very very difficult to do
    1:05:00 it’s very difficult for an organization it’s almost literally almost impossible for an organization
    1:05:06 who’s been excellent and successful to do it really is so which presents a lot of opportunity
    1:05:14 for the startups the reason why startups start is because they’re operating in an environment
    1:05:20 that no sane big corporation would want to be in it’s it’s a market it’s low margins low
    1:05:26 profitability unproven high failure I mean it’s like who wants to operate there nobody
    1:05:32 their only reason why startups operate is they have no choice right yeah it’s the the gift
    1:05:39 of few options right right exactly so so in terms of success binding I think you have to be unsuccessful
    1:05:47 who is successful wants to be unsuccessful it’s very very hard to to let go of that success
    1:05:52 and so that’s one of the things that works against someone really continuing on this
    1:05:56 life journey of finding out what they’re really good at because because here’s the thing is that
    1:06:01 successful companies and successful people generally try to solve problems with money
    1:06:07 you buy solutions and we all know that money doesn’t it’s not the full answer for innovation
    1:06:10 you know basically if you could purchase innovations all the big companies would just
    1:06:15 purchase them okay it’s it’s the fact that that these innovations often have to be found out
    1:06:20 without money through other means again that’s the advantage to the startup and it’s a disadvantage
    1:06:25 to the successful companies because they got money and they just want to buy solutions but
    1:06:31 most of these solutions you can’t buy you have to kind of engineer in this very difficult environment
    1:06:37 of low margins low success low profits that no one really wants to be in but the startups are
    1:06:43 forced to be in that’s also an advantage I would think for beginners or novices compared to experts
    1:06:52 they have less vested identity less inertia to have to reverse and that’s back to my suggestion
    1:06:56 the meaning of why slack and fooling around when you’re young is so important because
    1:07:04 a lot of these innovations and things are found not by trying to solve a problem that
    1:07:10 can be monetized yeah it’s in exploring this area without money I mean money is so overrated
    1:07:15 it really could you elaborate on that because I feel like this is a sermon I need to receive
    1:07:18 on some level there’s several things to say about it one is you know obviously if you’re
    1:07:24 struggling to pay bills and mortgages and stuff that there’s a certain amount that’s needed but
    1:07:30 but here’s the thing is that accumulating enough money to do things is really a byproduct of other
    1:07:37 things it’s a kind of a a lubricant in a certain sense rather than you know a goal and great wealth
    1:07:43 or extreme wealth is definitely overrated I’ve had meals with a dozen billionaires and
    1:07:48 they’re no different I mean their lives lifestyles are no different you don’t want to have a
    1:07:52 billion dollars me put that way you really don’t there’s nothing that you can really
    1:07:57 do with it that you can’t do with a lot of less money it was set then aside but even just wealth
    1:08:07 itself in this world where there is more and more abundance even the money for say middle class is
    1:08:13 less significant in a certain sense in the sense that maybe there’s status which is really not needed
    1:08:18 but the things that you want to do the things that will make you content the things that
    1:08:25 will satisfy you the things that will bring you meaning can usually got better than having money
    1:08:30 I mean if you have a lot of time or a lot of money it’s always better to have a lot of time to do
    1:08:34 something and so if you have a choice between having a lot of friends or a lot of money you
    1:08:41 definitely wouldn’t have a lot of friends and so I think there’s a way even which technological
    1:08:46 progress that we’re having is actually diminishing the role of money and I want to be
    1:08:52 clear that I’m talking about money beyond the amount that you need to survive but even that
    1:08:56 reflects back what we were saying earlier which is probably less than you think it is
    1:09:02 to survive and so in a certain sense most people see money as a means to get these other things
    1:09:10 but there are other routes to these other things right that are deeper and more constant and more
    1:09:17 durable and more powerful so money is this sort of very small one-dimensional thing that if you
    1:09:23 kind of focus on that it kind of comes and goes and if you whatever it is that you’re trying to
    1:09:30 attain you go to it more directly through other means you will probably wind up with a more
    1:09:37 powerful experience or whatever it is that you’re after and it’ll be deeper more renewable
    1:09:44 than coming at it with money and so travel is one of the great examples which is many many
    1:09:50 people who are working very hard trying to save their money to retire someday to travel well
    1:09:57 I decided to flip it around and travel when I was really young when I had zero money and I had
    1:10:04 experiences that basically even a billion dollars couldn’t have bought and it’s not an uncommon site
    1:10:09 let me tell you for young kind of travelers who have very little money to be hanging out
    1:10:14 doing something and then there will be some very wealthy people on their one-week organized tour
    1:10:20 looking at these young travelers just saying I wish I had more time yeah you see it you see it
    1:10:25 every well I see it almost every time I go traveling and it reminds me of conversations
    1:10:30 I’ve had with Rolf Potts and also his book Vagabonding which I just absolutely love and it was
    1:10:36 it was that book and Walden that I took with me traveling when I had my own two year or so walk
    1:10:43 about and he points out in the beginning of Vagabonding that many people subscribe to the belief
    1:10:49 along the lines of Charlie Sheen’s in the movie Wall Street and he’s asked what he’s going to
    1:10:54 do when he makes his millions and he says I’m going to get a motorcycle and ride across China
    1:11:01 and Rolf of course points out that you could you could clean toilets in the US and save enough money
    1:11:08 to ride a motorcycle across China exactly and let me ask you this is this is maybe tangentially
    1:11:14 related but you mentioned earlier that you know your your middle age your middle ages middle ages
    1:11:20 maybe sounds odd but in your middle age that’s when you optimize and I find that horrifying on
    1:11:28 some level because I am so tired I just turned 37 last week and I’m really tired of certain types
    1:11:35 of optimizing and the incremental slogging of making trains run slightly more efficiently on time
    1:11:40 even though like you said from a strictly financial standpoint the advice that I would
    1:11:45 receive from many people and have received when I’ve asked for advice is here are one or two
    1:11:52 core areas you should focus on to optimize for income and on the flip side I’m tempted to approach
    1:11:59 a kind of not scorched earth but burned bridges approach where I somehow use creative destruction
    1:12:05 to force me into another direction to have these new experiences that I crave so much
    1:12:09 and you just for people who aren’t aware I want to give I remember going to the first ever quantified
    1:12:16 self-meetup you’re part of the long now foundation you’ve experimented in so many different arenas
    1:12:21 and have looked so far into the future and thought on such grand a scale you know I aspire to do more
    1:12:26 of that what would be your advice to someone and I know I have dozens of friends in the same position
    1:12:32 they’re say in their earlier mid-30s in my particular peer group and they want to explore but
    1:12:38 they’re feeling pressured to optimize this thing that they’ve suddenly found their footing with
    1:12:41 whatever it is that maybe they’re a venture capitalist maybe they’re in a startup they feel
    1:12:47 they should start a new startup and they want to step out of that slipstream what would be
    1:12:53 your advice to those people first of all I have to commend your honesty for this and I will repeat
    1:13:00 that that it is very very difficult to do I mean they’re I think that realization comes to people
    1:13:04 middle-aged and they realize oh my gosh you know I’m kind of on a there’s a little bit of a routine
    1:13:08 here and I’m not really happy with that I think that kind of scorched earth they’re kind of like
    1:13:13 you know just we’ll just set fire to it and we’ll walk away I actually have I think we probably
    1:13:18 have a mutual friend I won’t use his name because I don’t know how public this is but but one of his
    1:13:24 solutions was the most radical one I’ve ever heard the force himself was that he gave up
    1:13:30 you a citizenship oh wow that’ll do it it was like he was like saying I just feel so you know
    1:13:35 and and it was like oh my gosh that is so radical and he was telling me about what is involved in
    1:13:39 that and it wasn’t for tax purposes because actually before you can do it the US actually
    1:13:47 requires that you square up on all taxes right it was like but that was so radical and I don’t
    1:13:53 recommend that he’s going fine but I’m just saying that’s that’s unnecessary but I think
    1:14:00 the advice is I’m probably taking a page from yourself I don’t think it’s necessary to I think
    1:14:04 you can experiment your way through this I mean you can do this incrementally you can take small
    1:14:10 steps and do something and then evaluate it test how it’s going whether you’re getting what you want
    1:14:16 out of it whether it’s working and then you continue that direction and that’s sort of the
    1:14:21 pattern of people who kind of you have second careers or reinvent themselves you hear that a
    1:14:28 lot and you can do that in a disciplined Tim Ferriss way I don’t think that it requires you
    1:14:34 to kind of walk out and leave a burning pile behind I think it’s something that you’re going to
    1:14:41 I’m a big believer in doing things deliberately and I think that you begin by looking at those
    1:14:47 areas that you get satisfaction out of and those areas where I often find that people kind of retreat
    1:14:51 back to kind of the things that they did as kids and really really miss you know whether it’s art
    1:14:56 or other things and the truth is that you’re not really going to be able to escape all the other
    1:15:00 things you have going and that’s a good thing because that is part of you and part of what you
    1:15:06 do well so you’ll probably just you know bend in a certain direction and I think the one bit of
    1:15:11 advice is that you can’t you know it’s not going to happen overnight it’s going to be it took you
    1:15:16 37 years to get where you are it may take you another 30 years to get where you want to go
    1:15:22 and I don’t think you should feel impatient maybe that’s the word I’m saying is that I don’t think
    1:15:27 you should imagine that you’ll have another hat on with a new label you know next year
    1:15:34 just to maybe redirect that and this may or may not be accurate but in the process of researching
    1:15:39 for this conversation which is sort of an odd exercise isn’t in and of itself given how much
    1:15:46 time we’ve spent together but I came across in Wikipedia mention of your experience in Jerusalem
    1:15:54 and deciding to live as though you only had six months left and I want to touch on that but
    1:15:59 one of the questions that came to my mind when I turned 37 last week is if I knew I were going to
    1:16:05 die at age 40 what would I do to have the greatest impact on the greatest number of people and so
    1:16:12 that I find that constraint helpful and I worry that if I aim at not being impatient in that way
    1:16:19 that I won’t because I could get hit by a bus that I won’t do what I’m capable of doing maybe you
    1:16:25 could talk about and I had no idea I’m not sure if you would self describe yourself as a devout
    1:16:30 Christian but that’s that’s certainly written here maybe you could talk a little bit about that
    1:16:36 experience yeah one thing I would of course warn people is that not everything on wikipedia is
    1:16:41 correct no that’s why I’m bringing it up right but but it is but it is it’s true that I got this
    1:16:45 assignment in Jerusalem which by the way if you want to hear the full version of it listen to
    1:16:51 one of the very first this American lives which I on ira glass and I told the story for the very
    1:16:58 first time and it’s a story about how I got this assignment to live as if I was going to die in six
    1:17:03 months even though I was like perfectly healthy and I knew that it was a very improbable but I
    1:17:08 decided to take the assignment seriously and that’s that’s what I did and my answer kind of surprised
    1:17:15 me because I thought that I would kind of have this sort of mad high-risk fling you know do all
    1:17:20 these things but actually what I wanted to do was to visit my brothers and sisters go back
    1:17:25 to my parents help out but then my mom was not well at the time but that lasted for three months
    1:17:30 before I decided I need to do something big so I actually rode my bicycle across the US from
    1:17:36 San Francisco to New York where I was going to New Jersey where I was going to basically die and I
    1:17:44 kept a journal of that and that question was something that I keep asking myself now I actually
    1:17:50 have a countdown clock that Matt Groening at Futurama was inspired and they did a little
    1:17:57 episode of Futurama about and what it did was I took the actual old tables for the estimated age
    1:18:03 of my death for someone born when I was born and I worked back the number of days and I have I have
    1:18:13 that showing on my computer how many days and I tell you nothing concentrates your time like knowing
    1:18:20 how many days you have left now of course I’m likely again to live more than that I mean good
    1:18:27 health etc but nonetheless there is something that really you know I have six thousand something
    1:18:33 days it’s not very many days to do all the things I want to do and so I think your exercise is really
    1:18:37 fantastic and commendable and there’s two questions what would you do if you had six months to live
    1:18:43 and what would you do if you had a billion dollars and interestingly it’s the conversions of those
    1:18:48 two questions because it turns out that you probably don’t need a billion dollars to do
    1:18:52 whatever it is you have you’re going to do in six months right and so I think you’re asking
    1:18:58 the right question and and the way I answer it is you want to keep asking yourself that question
    1:19:04 every every six months and really try to answer it and I try to you know do that on a kind of a
    1:19:11 day by day basis I learned something from my friend Stuart Brand who organized his
    1:19:16 remaining days around five-year increments he says any great idea that’s significant that’s
    1:19:21 worth doing for him will last about five years from the time he thinks of it to the time he stopped
    1:19:27 thinking about it and if you think of it in terms of five-year projects you can count those off on
    1:19:33 you know a couple of hands for even if you’re young and so the sense of mortality of understanding
    1:19:39 that it’s not just old people who don’t have her many you know you’re 20 years old you don’t have
    1:19:46 that many five-year projects to do and so I think it is that’s maybe part of the the philosophy of
    1:19:52 thinking about our time and whether even if you believe in the extension of life longevity living
    1:19:58 to 120 you still have to think in these terms of what are you gonna do if you because you don’t
    1:20:03 know if you’ll live to be 120 what are you gonna do if you have a year and what would you do with
    1:20:11 a billion dollars and what’s the intersection of those two does religion play a large part in your
    1:20:17 life right now in a certain sense not in a kind of a ritualistic sense I just wrote a book called
    1:20:23 what technology wants excellent book I highly recommend it there was it was a theory of technology
    1:20:29 and I was trying to put technology in the context of the cosmos so I think what religion gives me
    1:20:37 is permission to think about cosmic questions I’m right in the middle of finishing a Kickstarter
    1:20:45 funded graphic novel that’s about angels and robots and the intention there was to fictionalize the
    1:20:51 idea that robots would some days have souls but these souls would be coming from angels and so
    1:20:56 that there was this intersection of these two kind of impossible worlds of conscious robots
    1:21:02 who were ensouled by angels and and the reason why this was sort of interesting was that the idea
    1:21:08 was that the angels that ensoul us have been trained they’ve been given moral guidance but if you
    1:21:15 don’t give the spirit some kind of moral guidance then they can work havoc and so was this idea that
    1:21:22 when we make robots we’re actually going to have to train them to be ethical we just can’t make a
    1:21:29 free being and not train it so it was a way to rehearse and think about some of the consequences
    1:21:36 of technology today so I think my religion gives me permission to ask those questions without
    1:21:41 embarrassment to say what is the general direction of the arc of evolution what is it
    1:21:48 pointed somewhere how does technology fit into the greater cosmos what does it mean
    1:21:58 what drives it why is there more of it is this a good thing so I think having a kind of I consider
    1:22:06 this kind of an other view so I have a other view that I’m sympathetic to other world views
    1:22:10 I don’t necessarily have to believe all the other world views but I get the idea that
    1:22:17 if you have another world view that can be very helpful in seeing other world views
    1:22:21 so people have a world view even though they don’t know it but I have a world view and I know
    1:22:30 that I have a world view I mean really everybody has a religious or a spiritual orientation even
    1:22:36 if they’re atheists they still have one and so there are some assumptions that are at the basis
    1:22:44 of it and I like to question assumptions including my own assumptions two things I can’t resist asking
    1:22:48 and we can spend as much or as little time on this as you’d like but recently grappling with a lot of
    1:22:53 these issues that I’ve been grappling with some of which are existential some which are related to
    1:23:01 death limited time on the planet I’ve become deeply fascinated by indigenous use of plant medicine
    1:23:09 and I’ve had some very transformative experiences that are difficult to put into words because
    1:23:18 they make you sound like a complete crazy person but yeah yeah yeah there’s a somethingness that is
    1:23:23 very difficult to communicate without sounding like you should be institutionalized what do you
    1:23:29 think the role for people who aspire to do the greatest good in the world what is the role of
    1:23:36 that type of direct experience and is it possible to benefit from that type of for lack of a better
    1:23:41 descriptor spiritual experience without a religious framework around it yeah yeah no it’s a really
    1:23:47 good question so my little personal story there of course as I was basically I was basically
    1:23:51 hippie I worked for the hippie catalog and the Horth catalog which was about hippies living
    1:23:58 in San Francisco and all my friends were drug taking hippies but I for some reason never did I
    1:24:05 just had no appetite or inclination at all for ever taking any drugs or smoking pot or anything
    1:24:13 and when I was 50 years old I decided that I would like to take LSD sacramentally on my 50th
    1:24:21 birthday and I did and I arranged with I had a guide and I had appropriate setting and I had some
    1:24:29 acid that came from a source that was extremely reliable and it was a sacrament and it was a
    1:24:36 very profound sacrament and I think yeah you can use drugs or racially and for entertainment and I
    1:24:40 think that can go somewhere but I think there’s another powerful use for it which is kind of what
    1:24:48 you’re talking about it which is to elevate one outside of yourself to lose yourself to be in
    1:24:54 contact with other things beyond your ego and I think it can be done and I think unfortunately
    1:25:00 because of the illegal status that we’ve had for a long time the rituals and the practice around
    1:25:04 that have not had chance to be developed or communicated actually trying to find this information
    1:25:11 was extremely hard. There’s one book that I did find eventually from a guy who was doing LSD
    1:25:18 experiments while they were still legal and was able to accumulate enough wisdom about it
    1:25:24 that that would be the one place I would point people to but I think it is important that the
    1:25:31 context and expectations and the the setting they call it that revolves around it is very important
    1:25:38 and I do believe that these can be extremely profound and powerful experiences for good
    1:25:44 they can remain long after and you know most people who understand this and don’t abuse it
    1:25:51 understand that in fact the experience was not in the pill it was not in the chemical it was a real
    1:25:57 experience and so unfortunately there is so much other stuff circulating around the use of these
    1:26:03 drugs and the misuse of them that that kind of information is often very very difficult to find
    1:26:11 but I do think maybe we’re seeing a moment now in the US where the second prohibition is being
    1:26:20 undone and at least POT will become legal and maybe we can return to revitalizing you know the
    1:26:27 traditions and the necessary settings around that and expectation that not just POT or LSD but
    1:26:36 even other synthetic drugs can be extremely powerful in removing the ordinary guards that we
    1:26:41 have and we have an ego for on purpose we have all these things to keep us you know sane in a
    1:26:47 day-to-day functional functional exactly standpoint yeah right so if you remove it completely you
    1:26:53 can become dysfunctional but if you remove it deliberately and with great care you can be
    1:26:57 opened up you know I think there’s an expertise there I think there’s a lot of other things that
    1:27:02 if we have the freedom and the wisdom to not abuse it I think it can be extremely powerful
    1:27:07 do you recall the title of the book or how people might search for it yes so this is a one of the
    1:27:15 many resources that I recommend in my book cool tools and cool tools is a big catalog of possibilities
    1:27:21 it has about 1500 different items a lot of them are kind of like hand tools you know pliers and
    1:27:27 the great cordless drill but it’s much better than that and I include things like what if you
    1:27:32 wanted to have psychedelic experience it was transformative what do you do and I would recommend
    1:27:37 this book or I mean there’s lots of other things in it but the I don’t actually have the book right
    1:27:46 in front of me I should I think it’s called I don’t remember it’s okay I will uh I show notes
    1:27:52 we will list it as the right one and there’s also a little tiny book that came from England
    1:27:58 it was a cartoon guide that gave kind of a street an unjudgmental view of all the different
    1:28:04 drugs there were and what each one kind of did and didn’t in what the plus and minuses are without
    1:28:09 you know recommending or forbidding them they’re just saying this this is what it is that information
    1:28:13 also believe it or not is really in short supply it’s like you know what do you do with this and
    1:28:18 how does it work and tell me the facts I don’t need to hear a lecture either way like well this
    1:28:22 is great or this is terrible but just tell me what’s going on as you know I mean that kind
    1:28:27 of information sometimes is extremely in short supply it’s very difficult to find information
    1:28:36 that isn’t politicized yeah inaccurate or like you said so shrouded in either fear or irrational
    1:28:42 optimism that it’s almost intelligible and certainly generally useless we’ll put those
    1:28:46 books in the show notes for people I want to come back to one thing you said far far earlier and that
    1:28:52 was related to the pieces that you tried to give away that eventually wouldn’t die and came back
    1:29:01 were there any common threads any patterns in those pieces that you can pick out as being sort of a
    1:29:09 uniquely Kevin Kelly theme if for like yeah yeah one of the things that I discovered in my six months
    1:29:14 of trying to live as if I was going to die in six months because as I was coming closer to that
    1:29:22 day which happened to be Halloween October 31st it was I kept cutting off my future I mean I may
    1:29:26 be like you I kind of tend to live in the future much more than the past I’m always imagining I’m
    1:29:30 saving this for someday when I’m going to do this I’m kind of looking forward I’m going to do this
    1:29:36 here and so I was very much in the future and then something that future was being cut down day by
    1:29:42 day I was like and I was thinking like why am I taking pictures I’m enough to take in photographs
    1:29:46 because if I’m not going to be here in another two months or something so so there was all these
    1:29:52 things that I’m kind of cutting out and as I was cutting them out I had this realization which was
    1:29:58 the thing I took away from this thing which was that I was becoming less human that to be fully
    1:30:05 human we have to have a future we have to look forward to the future that is part of us is
    1:30:12 looking into the future and so after I came out of the and I kind of embraced that and I’m saying
    1:30:18 well you know that future forward facing that’s what I do that’s what that’s what I want to do
    1:30:23 and that’s what I write about and in thinking about the future one of the things that is very hard
    1:30:27 because the paradox about the future is that there are lots of impossible things that happen all the
    1:30:33 time and if someone from the 100 years from now would come back and tell us things there’s a lot
    1:30:36 of stuff we’re just not going to believe this is like that’s just that’s crazy just like if we
    1:30:41 went back 100 years and told them what was going on now they would say you know that’s just not
    1:30:46 going to happen I mean we could even go back 20 years I could go back 20 years and say we’re
    1:30:51 going to have like you know google street views of all the cities of the world and we’re going to have
    1:30:56 you know encyclopedias for free this edited by anybody you know it’s like they would say you
    1:31:01 know there’s no way and I would tell them you know most of us for free they were saying there’s no
    1:31:08 economic model in the world they would allow for that and there isn’t but here it is so the dilemma
    1:31:15 is is that any true forecast about the future is going to be dismissed any future that is believable
    1:31:22 now is going to be wrong and so you’re stuck in this thing of if people believe it is wrong if they
    1:31:26 don’t believe it you know where does it get you you’re dismissed and so there is this very fine
    1:31:34 line between saying something that is right on the edge of plausibility and at the same time right
    1:31:41 on the edge of having a chance of being true and what I discovered that was helpful in trying to
    1:31:49 get away from the kind of assumptions that binos to just kind of extrapolate was to think
    1:31:56 laterally was to go sideways one thing just take whatever was everybody new and say well
    1:32:01 what if that wasn’t true what would be a good example of that or an example like everyone says
    1:32:05 okay morse law will continue well what if morse law didn’t continue what would that mean what would
    1:32:12 happen and you can maybe I could say for the audience but I’ll just even to remind me morse law is
    1:32:19 what is it every 18 months the the size and cost of technology will decrease by 50 something along
    1:32:23 those lines let’s say even worse or no there’s speed involved as well right morse law does say
    1:32:29 that but let’s say something right now we live in a world where every year the technology is
    1:32:34 better and cheaper what if that wasn’t true right got it what if every year starting like you know
    1:32:39 a couple years from now stuff was better bit more expensive that’s that’s a completely different world
    1:32:45 right I mean everyone assumes right things are going to get better and cheaper well what if
    1:32:50 that wasn’t true so you can take kind of assumption again that’s something that no one’s really
    1:32:55 examining like well one of the things I’ll write about is the fact that we’re going to have a
    1:33:03 population implosion globally that the global population will drastically reduce in 100 years
    1:33:08 now we’ll have less population far far far less than we have right now and so all right I have to
    1:33:13 bite at that what because I’ve thought a lot about this and the what they call the malthusian
    1:33:18 dilemmas is that going to be do you think pandemic related nuclear weapon related all of the above
    1:33:26 none of those none of those no ai coming in the the rise of the machines no okay it’s just pure
    1:33:32 demographics so if you look at the current trends in fertility rates in all the developed countries
    1:33:40 everywhere except for the us they’re already either below replacement level so replacement
    1:33:46 level means that you’re just sustaining the population population just replaces itself
    1:33:49 if it’s below it means that there’s getting less and less so japan
    1:33:54 all these you know europe they’re all below replacement the us is an exception because
    1:34:00 only because of immigration got it where people come in otherwise we would be there and this would
    1:34:05 not be any news to anybody but the real news if people would point to the developing world but
    1:34:11 mexico is now aging faster than the us china is aging faster because of their one child policy
    1:34:17 of course japan is this completely they’re way underwater completely so even the one exception
    1:34:23 is sub-saharan africa and there’s really kind of debate right now about how fast or whether
    1:34:29 they’re slowing down but generally around the world south america the rest of asia the rate and
    1:34:36 fertility continues to drop and here’s the thing is that a demographic transition that is happening
    1:34:42 everywhere where people become urban and so every forecast shows the urbanity the
    1:34:48 certification of the population continuing and i can’t think of any counter-force
    1:34:56 to stop this huge migration at the scale that we’re seeing into the city and as that happens
    1:35:03 the birth rates drop down and even in places like singapore or other places where they have
    1:35:13 taken very very active countermeasures of cash for having kids and wow daycare forever bonuses
    1:35:19 none of these work in terms of actually trying to raise fertility levels so you have to understand
    1:35:26 that to go above replacement level the average woman has to have 2.1 kids well that means
    1:35:31 there have to be tons and tons of women who have three or four kids right to make up for those
    1:35:37 how many people do you know with that many kids you know living in cities and they’re just
    1:35:43 very not there’s not enough of them so and this is a projection some of these are un productions
    1:35:48 they have three three they have a low high and and a medium and the low one is not good news
    1:35:55 because there’s not a large cultural counter-force for women to have three a lot you know a very
    1:36:01 high percentage of the population to have three or four kids in a modern world and that’s why
    1:36:08 the the population continues to decrease every year what type of this is perhaps a tangent but
    1:36:14 one of the big debates in my head right now is to marry or not to marry to have kids or not to
    1:36:20 have kids i never thought those would even be questions in my mind and yet here i am and and
    1:36:26 now they are what are your thoughts on having children what type of people this is very broad
    1:36:30 but should have children or shouldn’t have children whichever way of answering is easier
    1:36:35 or how to even think about that question i think people who are privileged of which you are should
    1:36:43 have children because you can bestow so many privileges and opportunities to your children
    1:36:48 and if the world is to be populated why not populate it with children who have as many
    1:36:53 opportunities as possible i also say from my own experience of growing up one of many kids and
    1:36:58 having well i have three kids one of my other regrets in life is not having a fourth but we
    1:37:03 were just we started a little bit too late and we were unable to have a fourth but all my kids
    1:37:09 wished we had a fourth two and i would say that it’s a gift to your kids to have more than one
    1:37:17 and i know that from hanging out in china where so many kids grew up only children and this really
    1:37:24 really missed that there is a total gift of the siblings and brothers to each other that is
    1:37:30 really very profound and there is also i know from my friends who have had lots of kids
    1:37:38 that there is a certain amount of teaching from the the older to the younger and that’s a lot of
    1:37:43 what they learn and that the curve of the amount of energy that you have to expend actually after
    1:37:50 three doesn’t really matter in terms of the parents got it i have one friend who has nine kids they
    1:37:57 have another friend who has seven wow and basically how do they do that well the older kids were
    1:38:01 helping to parent the younger kids that’s the only way that really works but that is actually
    1:38:05 basically they have you know they have five parents instead of having two parents right it’s very
    1:38:09 traditional in a way i mean traditional meaning reaching back thousands or tens of thousands of
    1:38:17 years it is of course in the old days may have 12th born but they rarely had 12 kids survive
    1:38:23 right it’s like the 1800s kind of unheard i hang out with the amish a lot and they still
    1:38:28 have these very large families and they all survive so they have kind of in some sense is
    1:38:34 sort of an unnatural expansion and one of my predictions again going back to kind of like
    1:38:38 the assumptions one of my predictions is that you know in america in a hundred years from now
    1:38:43 whatever it is it’ll be um the complete countryside is run by the amish the amish take over the entire
    1:38:47 census slide because they never sell land they have like eight kids and then there are all
    1:38:50 these people living in the cities and it’s like everybody’s happy you know you’re really they
    1:38:55 drive out to the amish lands this is fantastic they’re very happy you know doing their thing
    1:38:59 and running the farms and so i’ve been predicting for years that the amish would come and start
    1:39:03 buying upstate new york and that’s exactly what they’re doing right now why do you spend so much
    1:39:07 time with the amish this is news to me but very interesting and how long has that been going on
    1:39:12 and does your beard have anything is there any relation to the amish i had the beard before my
    1:39:18 interest in the amish i can show you some pictures when i was 19 years old so those who don’t know i
    1:39:22 have an amish beard which means i have a beard without a mustache the reason why the amish don’t
    1:39:27 have mustaches is that it was at the time that they were kind of adopting their dress code the
    1:39:33 mustache was all military men had mustaches and so they were anti-military they refused to serve
    1:39:39 in the armies they don’t even vote so is their kind of rejection of the military by sharing
    1:39:44 off their mustache i hang out with the amish because their adoption of technologies is like
    1:39:50 seemed to us totally crazy because first of all they’re not luddites they’re complete hackers
    1:39:55 they love hacking technology they have something called amish electricity which is basically
    1:40:00 pneumatics a lot of these farms have a big diesel they don’t have electricity but they have a big
    1:40:08 diesel generator in the barn that pumps up this compressor that sends high pressure air tubes
    1:40:12 down tubing into their barn into the homes and so they have converted like their sewing machine
    1:40:19 washing machine and stuff to pneumatic okay seems like a bit of a side step of the word of god
    1:40:25 exactly so they’ll have like they’ll have horse drawn buggies and horse drawns farm
    1:40:30 improvements and the horses will be pulling this diesel-generated combine and you’re thinking
    1:40:37 what are they doing okay right but but in fact if you look at our own lives and i’ve done this
    1:40:41 many times i can ask you tim or you can ask me there’ll be some weird thing like we don’t have
    1:40:46 tv in our house but i’ve got internet it’s like well what is that about right right so we all
    1:40:52 have these things but here’s the difference is the amish do it collectively they’re very selective
    1:40:58 they’re selecting their technology collectively as a group and secondly they have to articulate
    1:41:02 because they’re doing collectively you have to articulate what their criteria is a lot of us
    1:41:10 are adopting we try this we try that we don’t have any kind of like logic or reason or theory or
    1:41:16 framework for why we’re doing stuff it’s just one parade of stuff but the amish have a very
    1:41:21 particular criteria and their criteria is there are two things that they’re looking for the main
    1:41:25 thing they want to do and the main reason why they have all these restrictions like horse and buggy
    1:41:31 and all the stuff is that they want to have these communities very strong communities and so they
    1:41:37 notice that if you have a car that you’ll drive out and shop somewhere out of the community or you
    1:41:41 go to church somewhere out of the community or whatever it is but if you have a horse and buggy
    1:41:46 you can go only 15 miles and so everything has to happen your entire life you have to support the
    1:41:51 community you have a community within 15 miles you have to visit the sick and you have to shop
    1:41:57 locally so you’re shopping with your neighbors so when a new technology comes along they say
    1:42:02 will this strengthen our local community or send us out and then the second thing that they’re
    1:42:09 looking at is with families so the goal of the typical amish man or woman is to have every
    1:42:15 single meal with their children for every meal their lives until they leave home they have breakfast
    1:42:20 they have lunch and they have dinner so breakfast and lunch is they go to the one-room schoolhouse
    1:42:25 and they peddle back for lunch their parents have with them and that means that the business
    1:42:29 is ideally in their backyard they have a lot of like shops and stuff if they’re not a farmer
    1:42:33 and they have a backyard shop which is actually has to be kind of clean-ish because it is in their
    1:42:38 backyard right it’s like not might well it is in their backyard so they really are you know they
    1:42:41 really want to make sure that they’re they have metal working shops and stuff which they really
    1:42:46 try to keep non-toxic and work because it’s in their backyard and so that means that they can come
    1:42:50 home for lunch they have breakfast lunch so they’re on the premises and they have every single meal
    1:42:57 with their children until they leave and so they say well will this technology allow us to do that
    1:43:02 will it help us do that or will it work against that and then like right now they’re they’ve been
    1:43:06 deciding whether to accept cell phones or not even though they don’t have landline phones
    1:43:10 so they’re basically they’re going to well some of them are going to accept cell phones
    1:43:16 and they do that by there’s always some amish early adopter who’s trying things and they say okay Ivan
    1:43:22 Bishop says you can try this we’re watching you we’re going to see what effect this has on your
    1:43:27 family on your community you have to be ready to give it up anytime we say that it’s not working
    1:43:34 and they do this in a kind of a paris by paris so it’s very decentralized and so they try out
    1:43:38 always trying out their technologies and they’re always looking to see
    1:43:42 does this strengthen the families is just strengthening the communities if not we don’t
    1:43:48 want it and what if you i have two questions i guess the first is since you’re normally as i
    1:43:53 understand it based on the west coast and northern california how do you get out to the amish or is
    1:43:58 there a separate community closer by and then secondly what if you incorporated into your own
    1:44:06 life or your your own family that originated from the amish yeah so i don’t get to see them as often
    1:44:14 as i want but actually is when i go east i have some contacts that i will exercise and i would try
    1:44:18 to get like to stay overnight and go to church in a buggy or something and this is pennsylvania
    1:44:24 but well actually pennsylvania is the heart of it but actually there are more communities in Ohio
    1:44:30 where my brother lives oh look at iowa there’s a lot more happening in new york so the pennsylvania
    1:44:35 are the kind of ground zero ground zero but in fact there are bigger more extensive communities
    1:44:41 outside of pennsylvania i didn’t realize that yeah the amish and diaspora it is so i’m saying
    1:44:45 they literally are just buying up the farmland they’re they’re expanding they’re constantly
    1:44:50 expanding they have a very small attrition rate very large families they all are buying farms
    1:44:56 and stuff for their for their children and they never sell and so they also don’t even move into
    1:45:02 areas as a they have a minimum number of families that we need to move in at once but what did i
    1:45:08 learn from then well one of the things that we had particularly when we had younger kids was kind
    1:45:14 of technological sabbaticals or Sabbaths i should say and i’ve now seen other families who aren’t
    1:45:24 even religious adopt that same thing which is once a week you take a break from either you can
    1:45:28 define it however you want it to screen or the keyboard or connectivity or something
    1:45:34 and you step back and you do that not because it’s like terrible or poison but because it’s
    1:45:38 so good you know there’s lots of people who are kind of like they’re going to drop out from twitter
    1:45:42 they’re kind of like oh this is like a toxin like any detox or something i think that’s
    1:45:47 entirely the wrong way to think about it is you want to take breaks and it’s not because they’re
    1:45:52 toxic but because they’re so good it’s like you want to step back so that you can re-enter it
    1:45:59 and with a renewed perspective with a renewed appreciation with having spent time looking
    1:46:05 in a different way and i think that kind of rhythm of having sabbaths and then yearly sabbaticals
    1:46:11 vacations or whatever retreats and then every seven years or whatever as you take a true sabbatical
    1:46:18 i think that kind of rhythmic disconnection or Sabbath i think is very powerful something
    1:46:25 that works very well and what’s something that we had in our family i take Saturdays off as it
    1:46:30 turns out is my screenless day i really try to make that a weekly occurrence and it’s incredible
    1:46:36 the effect that has this sort of galvanizing effect of just a mere 24 hours not even that
    1:46:42 if you just consider the waking hours every seven years a vacation or sabbatical of how long
    1:46:47 in your case or your family’s case yeah partly because my wife actually is granted a sabbatical
    1:46:51 from the company she works for which is Genetech which is one of the two companies that actually
    1:46:59 have a official sabbatical for older researchers at least and it’s very meager it’s six weeks
    1:47:05 of course you know a six-week sabbatical is basically a european annual vacation
    1:47:13 right right left for an american right it’s three years it’s that’s a big thing so yes
    1:47:18 so we’re do something different so this year we’re taking one and we’re going to camp in
    1:47:23 national parks for one month of it and then the other two weeks will go to asia but we haven’t
    1:47:27 been to a lot of the national parks i’m going to do a different kind of project than i haven’t
    1:47:32 done before and we’ll do some kind of car camping we haven’t really done a big road trip like that
    1:47:37 so it’s all new for us what is the longest in the last few years that you’ve gone without checking
    1:47:47 email oh probably two weeks and in china how do you manage that well but it was very easy it was
    1:47:54 like i just i was unable to pick it up because china was blocking google that makes it makes it
    1:48:00 makes it more challenging and i was in some remote places and so even the connection was hard but
    1:48:05 it was like they weren’t playing while letting me get it i’m not a mobile person my first smartphone
    1:48:14 was the iphone 5 and i still not using it properly i use it for phone calls yeah i don’t i don’t use
    1:48:20 my iphone as an input device either i just trust trust me nuts but i can’t i can’t type when i travel
    1:48:25 i like to leave everything i’m i spent a lot of my time sitting in front of a computer i’m kind of
    1:48:31 like the zen you know walk walk sit sit don’t wobble so like i’m here i’m like really online
    1:48:38 and then when i leave this studio i don’t want to be connected at all and i won’t be and i’m not
    1:48:43 checking email i’m not checking this other stuff and i can go days typically i’ll go days without
    1:48:50 checking even in the us if i’m traveling and then if i’m overseas i will go probably three or four
    1:48:55 days before i get email that’s pretty typical let me shift gears just a little bit i’m looking at
    1:49:01 longnow.org i recommend everybody take a look at it the long now foundation and humans are
    1:49:06 generally i would say pretty bad at thinking long term certainly when it comes to habit change
    1:49:11 very very high failure rate with long term incentives you’re going to get diabetes in 20
    1:49:17 years for instance as opposed to you’ll have more sex if you have a six pack when it comes to diet
    1:49:21 but the long now foundation i just want to read a few things on this website for people so the
    1:49:27 long now foundation was established in 1996 written as zero one nine nine six to creatively
    1:49:31 foster long term thinking and responsibility in the framework of the next 10,000 years then you
    1:49:35 have the 10,000 year clock which is a monument scale multi-millennial all mechanical clock is an
    1:49:40 icon to long term thinking the rosetta project building an archive of all documented human
    1:49:46 languages long bets featured bet is here warren buffet protege partners lc a public arena for
    1:49:51 enjoyable competitive predictions of interest to society with philanthropic money at stake and then
    1:49:56 revive and restore which is bringing extinct species back to life so there is a lot here
    1:50:03 can you explain to people i’ve greatly enjoyed many of the seminars and speeches of the long
    1:50:09 now foundation i’m a supporter i suppose i’ve even spoken there on stage and love the email
    1:50:15 synopsis that steward sends out what is the function of the long now foundation when what
    1:50:23 is the value the long now foundation is kind of reactive it’s it’s reacting to the very inherent
    1:50:28 short term bias that our society particularly this technological society particularly say the
    1:50:34 silicon valley exhibits which is often a focus on the next quarter the next two quarters the next
    1:50:40 year results needing to be immediate you know instant satisfaction if something’s not on
    1:50:47 Netflix streaming we don’t even wait for the dvd it’s just fairly kind of very fast paced short
    1:50:52 term thinking and also somewhat blinded by the fact that we don’t have a lot of sense of history
    1:50:59 either that we’re kind of ignorant about what’s happened in the past and so the term the long
    1:51:04 now came from brian you know who noticed that we have a very short now which is like the next
    1:51:10 five minutes the last five minutes and so the long now is a way to is an attempt to kind of expand
    1:51:17 that so that we as a society and as individuals would try to think about things at a generational
    1:51:23 or civilizational scale so like how about like working on something that might take
    1:51:29 longer than your own lifetime to accomplish so you start something now that maybe make it so that
    1:51:34 it might take like the cathedrals of old and what if we were trying to make something that you know
    1:51:43 might need 25 years to accomplish how can we do that so we’re trying to encourage people to think
    1:51:50 in that perspective to take that perspective and then to maybe move in that direction we’re not
    1:51:55 necessarily saying we have to have like the asimov’s foundation where we have to have like a
    1:52:01 master plan for the next 100 years and we’re going to plan out the future no we’re agnostic about what
    1:52:08 it is that people make or do we’re just saying that it would benefit thinking about the long
    1:52:15 term and i’ve often heard some people who advise to counseling to individuals about kind of thinking
    1:52:20 about the long term in their own life even though you might want to act kind of locally and be
    1:52:26 spontaneous but you do want to kind of keep in mind the fact that you know you’ll be around for a while
    1:52:33 whether it’s putting some savings away or working on a skill that might take some time more than
    1:52:39 six months or a year to acquire or you know whatever it is that you can have both perspectives
    1:52:44 and so we’re not attempting to get rid of the need for people to survive the need for companies to
    1:52:52 have a profit this year we’re saying there can be additional perspectives in addition to that
    1:52:58 where we commit to like a program of science research where it’s pure science and the results
    1:53:03 of the say in mathematics is one of the most profound things that we can invest in even though
    1:53:09 most of the things in the beginning seem to be non-utilitarian they don’t have any purpose but
    1:53:15 we know from our own history that you know in 20 years they’ll pay off in some way or other
    1:53:24 and so being able to kind of construct a society so that we can allow the rewards of long-term
    1:53:31 investment long-term thinking long-term perspective that would make us a better civilization
    1:53:39 a month to perhaps jump into some rapid fire questions and they don’t have to even be rapid
    1:53:45 or the question just some fire questions the questions will be rapid the answers can be as
    1:53:51 shorter as long as you’d like what book or books do you gift or have gifted the most to other people
    1:54:01 outside of your own books there is a short graphic novel by daniel pink called junco
    1:54:08 and it’s career counsel advice it’s aimed at young people it’s a graphic novel it’s a cartoon
    1:54:12 basically and it’s aimed at young people as trying to teach them how to be become indispensable
    1:54:20 and i’ve given that away to young people because it’s for me the best summary of again it’s not like
    1:54:25 how to become successful it’s how to become indispensable to that’s right it’s uh adventures
    1:54:30 of johnny bunko or something like that yeah yeah that’s right that’s right i have that on my bookshelf
    1:54:35 back in san francisco in fact yeah if you know a young person who is just starting out hand them
    1:54:40 that book it’s very easy for them to read again it’s a graphic novel it’s non-threatening it’s fun
    1:54:48 and it’ll give us like five great principles for starting out and helping them kind of orient
    1:54:54 themselves as they start working in in the working life for someone who’s facing a lot
    1:54:59 of the same questions let’s just say so you have graduates asking the what should i do why am i here
    1:55:05 what am i good at if we fast forward to say for the sake of argument mid 30s right people in middle
    1:55:10 age hitting that particular point are there any books that you would recommend they read well
    1:55:16 there is a book that i’m recommending by cowell newport it’s called so good that can’t ignore you
    1:55:24 this changed my mind because i’d kind of bought into the kind of new age california dogma follow
    1:55:29 your bliss you know money will follow and he makes a really good argument and convinced me that’s
    1:55:38 actually not very good advice that what you really want to do is to master something and to use your
    1:55:44 mastering of something as a way to get to your passion so if you start with just passion it’s
    1:55:50 sort of paralyzing because and i know this from my own kids they’re 15 they really don’t know
    1:55:56 what they’re passionate about i mean some people are lucky enough to know a lot of people aren’t
    1:56:00 so this is a book for people who don’t kind of really know what they’re really excellent at
    1:56:06 don’t really know what they’re passionate about and his premise is that you master something
    1:56:12 almost anything at all just something you master and you use that mastery to kind of move you into
    1:56:17 a place where you can begin to have passion and that you kind of keep recycling that the way you
    1:56:21 find your passion is through mastery rather than the other way around which is people think that
    1:56:26 they’re going to get their mastery through passion and i kind of believe that former you know the
    1:56:31 passion would lead to mastery but after thinking about it looking at his examples and his argument
    1:56:38 i’m pretty sure that for at least for most people you can get to your passion through mastery
    1:56:44 and that would also give you a currency or a lever to use in getting to that point
    1:56:49 excellent do you have a favorite fiction book yes i don’t know fantastic this i usually don’t
    1:56:57 get one answer this is great yeah shantaram ah shantaram it might take me a way to explain this
    1:57:02 as author of one book because it’s very autobiographical the premise of the book and the
    1:57:08 author’s life seems so completely incredulous and kind of almost hollywoodish but what
    1:57:14 you get from it where it’s set it’s set in india it’s in the slum of india and you get a
    1:57:28 incredibly vivid immersive deep and in some ways uplifting view of india and the underworld in
    1:57:35 india and at that part of asia and the the main protagonist is this very interesting zen criminal
    1:57:43 he’s sort of a coyote trickster blend of someone who is you know he does bad things but at the same
    1:57:52 time he’s sorry about it and he has a kind of a cosmic perspective it’s very very unusual but
    1:57:57 it’s a long book and i actually recommend if people are going to try it is that you actually
    1:58:03 to get the audible version listen to it it runs like you know on and on but to be one of those
    1:58:07 books you the you wish will never end and i’ll just tell you the beginning of it which is that
    1:58:14 and this is the true part which is that the guy the author became a bank robber in new zealand
    1:58:20 he was hooked on drugs started robbing banks was eventually caught and escaped from prison
    1:58:24 and made his way to the slums of india where because he had a medical kit he was treated as
    1:58:32 a doctor got involved and hooked on drugs in india got involved with the mafia was put in prison
    1:58:38 tortured left abandoned nobody knew was even in there started writing a book wrote this book
    1:58:44 they ripped it up destroyed it he was recruited found a guru in afghan he was recruited in the
    1:58:50 mobile gene was fighting there his entire company was wiped out i mean that’s just the beginning
    1:58:56 that’s like the first day it’s really interesting that you would bring up shantram for those people
    1:59:03 who haven’t heard of josh waytskin i also had him on this podcast josh was the basis for searching
    1:59:09 for bobby fischer the book in the movie world-class chess player also a very deep soulful guy and this
    1:59:13 is one of his favorite books as well oh yeah you would you would love josh sometime i’ll have to
    1:59:19 put you guys in touch but any favorite documentaries well now you’re you’ve asked the wrong question
    1:59:26 because i have a site called true films where for the past 10 years i have reviewed the best
    1:59:31 documentaries i actually have a book called true films which is the 200 best documentaries that you
    1:59:37 should see before oh my god no kidding wow you have no idea how timely this is so it’s two uh t r u e
    1:59:44 films yeah true films okay and so i there are a couple films that i would say have sort of universal
    1:59:47 appreciation like you know they may have like a rating of like a hundred on rotten tomatoes or
    1:59:53 something so the one documentary that i think everybody that i know have seen it has loved it
    1:59:59 is uh man on wire such a good movie right so it’s just it’s just transcendent it’s just a beautiful
    2:00:05 movie it’s based on fact that this guy basically he’s going to walk to twin towers i mean he the
    2:00:10 moment was he was like 14 year old kid in france was at a dentist’s office looking at the magazine
    2:00:15 and saw that they were had plans to build this twin tower in new york and he saw those two twin
    2:00:22 towers and he said i need to walk between them he didn’t know how to type walk the towers had not
    2:00:28 been built he was already planning this thing and he was filming himself the whole way yeah so amazing
    2:00:35 okay and so he doesn’t and how he does is amazing so another great documentary that i love because
    2:00:41 it’s very unusual among documentaries and that it films the villain side of the whole thing as well
    2:00:46 which is king of kong i haven’t this has been recommended to me that i still have not seen
    2:00:54 this movie king of kong is about a guy who becomes the video game arcade game king of kong he becomes
    2:01:01 the champion but he is basically competing against this cabal of people who are trying to
    2:01:07 subvert him and are doing all kinds of really terrible things to stop which was all on film
    2:01:12 yeah and so here’s this really kind of midwest really lovable guy and you’re rooting for him
    2:01:18 the whole time while these really sleazy guys are trying to take him down it’s just fantastic
    2:01:24 i have to watch that so that’s the second one the third one is one that’s not so well known
    2:01:33 it’s called state of mind and it’s about the spectacles in north korea which these two filmmakers
    2:01:37 had access to and they followed several different young athletes who were practicing for this
    2:01:42 spectacle and in these spectacles of course what it is is people are pixels you know they have these
    2:01:47 like huge stadium size things and they’re like a little robot so they’re cogs in this machine
    2:01:52 which is like perfect so you can imagine like a picture that’s made up of pixels but every
    2:01:56 pixel is actually there’s a little boy or girl holding up a card colored cards in sequence
    2:02:02 so these things move which means that you know there’s not a pixel missing so i mean that nobody’s
    2:02:06 sick is like you know this you’re not allowed to be sick you can’t make a mistake at all
    2:02:16 and it’s getting inside of north korea which turns out to be a nationwide cult and i think that in
    2:02:20 50 years when they’re gone nobody will believe that that was even possible and this documentary
    2:02:25 will be here it’s like no no no they really was a nationwide cult and they really did believe this
    2:02:30 it really is amazing just to see what’s going on there all right well i know what i’m doing for
    2:02:35 the next few days next few evenings i could go on unfortunately because i have a lot of them but go
    2:02:42 to the truth i only review ones that are great so i don’t do awesome i just say these are fantastic
    2:02:46 oh man all right i’ve been looking for this i cannot believe that i’m only learning this now
    2:02:51 i’m kind of embarrassed about that when you think of the word or hear the word successful who’s the
    2:02:58 first person who comes to mind jesus all right why would you say that well there aren’t that many
    2:03:05 people who’ve left their mark on as many people in the world as he has i think what he was up to
    2:03:15 what he was doing is you know vastly been twisted misunderstood whatever word you want but nonetheless
    2:03:21 what’s remarkable is and here’s the guy who didn’t write anything so i think success is
    2:03:27 also overrated all right i’d love for you to elaborate on that greatness is overrated a lot
    2:03:32 of you know i mentioned big numbers which is but it’s more of the impact that you had on people’s
    2:03:40 lives but i think we tend to have an image of success that’s somewhat been skewed by you know our
    2:03:45 current media it’s like our sense of beauty women it’s sort of like in terms of all possibilities
    2:03:50 it’s in a very small narrow defined it’s all kind of ritualistic in a certain sense and i think our
    2:03:57 idea of success is often today it means you know somebody who has a lot of money or who has a lot
    2:04:03 of fame or who has some of these other trappings which we have assigned but i think can be successful
    2:04:10 in by being true to and kind of being the most you that you could possibly be and i think that’s
    2:04:16 what i think of as one of the things that jesus whether you take him as just a historical character
    2:04:22 or anything beyond was about he certainly wasn’t imitating anybody me put that way the great
    2:04:27 temptation that people have is they want to be someone else which is basically they want to be
    2:04:31 in someone else’s movie you know they want to be the best rock star and there’s so many of those
    2:04:37 already that you can only one up imitating somebody in that in that slot and i think to me the success
    2:04:44 is like you make your own slot you have a new slot that didn’t exist before and i think you know
    2:04:47 that’s of course what jesus and many others were doing but it was they were kind of making a new
    2:04:54 slot and that’s really hard to do but i think that’s what i chalk up as success is you made
    2:05:00 a new slot what is your new slot yeah you knew you knew that was coming who says i’m successful
    2:05:08 well i’m not i’m trying to not make any assumptions here yeah or what would be your slot my slot would
    2:05:15 be kevin kelly i mean that’s the whole thing it’s not going to be like a career or you would really
    2:05:20 ideally be something that was you had no no imitators i mean you would be who you are and
    2:05:26 that’s that is success actually in some senses is you didn’t imitate anybody no one else imitated
    2:05:31 you afterwards right so you know in a certain sense you have if you become an adjective that’s
    2:05:37 a good sign right so i think success is actually you kind of make your own path if they’re calling
    2:05:42 you a successful entrepreneur then to me that’s not the best kind of success because you’re being
    2:05:48 confined to the category right right you’re in a category if you could change one thing about
    2:05:56 yourself what would it be i could sing ah you would like to sing yeah i seemed to be unable to
    2:06:02 carry a tune i can’t remember i mean my wife can hear something once and she can just sing it back
    2:06:07 i could hear the same song i have heard the same song and i couldn’t tell you three notes of it i’m
    2:06:13 sure because i’m a tim ferris fan i’m sure i could train myself to eat that i know i could but i i
    2:06:18 guess i haven’t and it would be something that i have to really work at and i haven’t but i have
    2:06:25 trouble carrying a tune staying in tune remembering a tune i love music and i appreciate it but in
    2:06:31 terms of actually singing and i don’t play an instrument so maybe i would say it feels a little
    2:06:35 easier for me there would be something nice have you taken lessons or attempted to take lessons
    2:06:42 no i got it what’s this so just in the spirit of trade i’ve recently started exploring hand drumming
    2:06:49 with gembeys and different types of drums if anyone out there can get me a pan art hang i would
    2:06:53 really love to hear from you those of you that will mean nothing to most people are hearing this
    2:06:59 the research that has piqued my curiosity most recently and of course you don’t want to run out
    2:07:05 and just start swallowing these things but there’s a common anti epilepsy drug called valproate
    2:07:13 which apparently has some implications for opening a window for achieving perfect pitch in mature
    2:07:17 adults very fascinating stuff so if i do any experiments with that i will i will certainly
    2:07:22 report back well and now that you’ve talked about it not the drug part but i did remember i did take
    2:07:27 one class you mentioned the drums it took a one class at an adult summer camp which i highly
    2:07:33 recommend if your kids go to camp you should go with them and there was a steel drum oh cool
    2:07:38 course and i love that so like you i think if i did take up an instrument it would be drums of
    2:07:43 some sort because that i seem to respond to and that did pretty good for the intro course on
    2:07:51 steel drumming i find percussion to be so primal it just satisfies some type of need that probably
    2:07:57 predates yes verbal communication even yeah certainly written notes right is your inner cave
    2:08:02 man just responding are there any particular let’s just say in the first two hours of your day any
    2:08:10 particular morning rituals or habits you have that when performed consistently you find produce
    2:08:17 better days for you and i’m leaving better days undefined on purpose but i love studying mornings
    2:08:22 and or what people do when they wake up what time do you wake up are there any particular
    2:08:28 habits or rituals that you find contribute to better days yeah yeah i’m a very good sleeper i
    2:08:35 don’t sleep a lot these days i get up at seven thirty and i have some rituals but i i don’t
    2:08:40 vary them enough maybe to to know whether they are i’m not a morning person okay to begin with
    2:08:44 you’re not a morning person well i mean well the fact that you don’t vary them is perfect so
    2:08:49 well i know but that means an artist is only optimized in any way or i can’t tell which is
    2:08:55 better but for better or worse one of the first things i do is i read the paper version of the
    2:09:02 new york times it’s a kind of like a i sort of what i call a guilty pleasure i don’t know whether
    2:09:08 that makes me better at anything else i do but um i don’t drink coffee or anything this is sort of
    2:09:14 it’s a ritual and when i’m not here i don’t read it so i was like i don’t miss it it’s kind of
    2:09:19 right curious but like if i’m here it’s like i gotta do it i don’t know it’s kind of weird
    2:09:23 is that immediately after waking you read the paper or is there anything just about just about
    2:09:29 i kind of in my pajamas i walk out to the front gate and i pick it up and i read it i mean and
    2:09:36 i don’t read all of it i just kind of go through and i usually don’t even read the news part i read
    2:09:42 the slower stuff i don’t make sure why now that you’re asking and that’s it that’s the entire
    2:09:47 ritual i don’t have the same thing for breakfast or anything like that it’s just that morning hit
    2:09:53 do you do anything throughout your day regularly maybe it’s before bed or anything else that most
    2:10:01 other people probably don’t do that’s a good question no really okay i have no special sauce
    2:10:08 but you’re very consistent you don’t your days seem to be yeah they don’t vary very wildly so
    2:10:12 that in and of itself might be something that a lot of people don’t okay let’s pick up two different
    2:10:19 while i’m here in this studio i have a lot of control over my time so what i do during the day
    2:10:25 is is greatly varied i’ll i do a lots of things for short amounts of times and you know go into my
    2:10:30 workshop i’ll read actually read books it down and read books during the middle of the day i’ll go
    2:10:35 i’ll do a hike and bring my camera out almost every day maybe that is something that most people
    2:10:40 don’t do is probably they probably aren’t taking pictures with a camera every day more reading books
    2:10:44 in the middle of the day for that matter right exactly well maybe that’s true i guess how do you
    2:10:49 choose your books ah that’s a paradox of choice problem for a lot of for a lot of people it is
    2:10:53 just like what are you gonna listen to next in music i think the music becomes free and everybody
    2:10:57 has all the music in the world but deciding where you’re going to listen to becomes the thing you’ll
    2:11:01 pay for this has been my prediction about amazon is that we’re soon going to have like any book
    2:11:08 you want for free amazon prime digital version of it you can have it whenever you want but you’ll
    2:11:13 pay for us for the recommendations and um that’s a good point that’s a great point i have a network
    2:11:19 of friends and i listen to lots of podcasts so i get it from all over the place and like probably
    2:11:25 you are at this point i long ago decided that in terms of the greater scheme of things the cost of
    2:11:31 books really cheap and if i wanted a book i would buy it right and the result is i am right now
    2:11:40 speaking in a two-story high library of books that i have and i don’t do the same with digital books
    2:11:44 because i finally figured out that oh you know if i purchase a digital book before i’m reading it
    2:11:48 it’s not going anywhere it’s just sitting there so i shouldn’t really purchase a digital book until
    2:11:53 like five seconds before i’m going to read it i have exactly the opposite habit because right
    2:11:58 because it’s like what is this there the whole point of kindle is that you don’t have to have it
    2:12:03 until like you need it so on the digital books i don’t buy anything until like i’m seconds away
    2:12:10 from reading it then i’ll get it but the paper books i was near to the point of actually digitizing
    2:12:17 and getting rid of all my paper books i was that close about five years ago but then i had an epiphany
    2:12:23 i went to the private library and i realized that books were never as cheap as they are today
    2:12:28 and they never will be as cheap and that there’s some power about having these things in paper
    2:12:37 always available no batteries you know never obsolete and that if you made a library now
    2:12:40 you would never be able to make some of these libraries in 50 years and so i decided to
    2:12:47 keep and to kind of cultivate this paper library that’s something that was going to be very powerful
    2:12:52 in the future i like that or at least i can use it as a justification for keeping a lot of paper
    2:13:00 books around exactly i get tips from books from podcasts from blogs from friends from amazon
    2:13:05 recommendations anywhere and whenever i hear someone recommend a book i’ll go and check
    2:13:11 it out and then i’m fairly free in buying it but which means that i read a lot of really mediocre
    2:13:18 books what but that’s part of my job right that’s in cool tools the book that we were just talking
    2:13:24 about which is this catalog of possibilities that i self-published that has oh i don’t know 1500 you
    2:13:28 know maybe there’s a couple hundred books that i recommended but i probably read thousands and
    2:13:34 thousands and thousands of books in order to select those so i see part of my job reading
    2:13:40 through and i read a lot of how-to books most of the books i’m reading is nonfiction and a lot of it
    2:13:46 is even instructional stuff on you know how to build a stone wall how to do origami how to send
    2:13:51 a satellite a micro satellite into space whatever it is it doesn’t matter i’ll look at it and i’ve
    2:13:57 seen tens of thousands if not fifty thousand how-to books over my lifetime i can spot a really good
    2:14:02 one but still i’ll read through the other ones so that someone else doesn’t have to and i can
    2:14:07 recommend saying this is the best book on building a tiny house if you want to build a tiny house
    2:14:11 now do you when you read these books on origami or stone vault you follow through
    2:14:16 and attempt these projects or are you evaluating it purely based on your
    2:14:22 amassed experience of reading lots of these types of instructional books no actually so
    2:14:26 maybe one of the other things that i don’t do every day but one of the things i do in general
    2:14:32 that maybe everyone else is not doing is that i have like a thousand hobbies i dabble in things
    2:14:40 so i have built stone walls more than one i have done origami i have made beer i have made wine i have
    2:14:46 you know whatever it is i i’ve tried to do these things in my life and i continued to try and do
    2:14:51 them i have homeschooled ways so i have and so as much as possible this is what my you know i was
    2:14:57 talking before about my day it’s irregular in a sense that i’m here and i have things but i’m
    2:15:03 doing new things and i’m reading new things all the time so i’m in my outside i’m you know i’ll
    2:15:12 make a go card or we’ll do something that i haven’t done before and that’s the basis for helping
    2:15:16 decide about these books i don’t have to be an expert in them but i can know enough to tell
    2:15:22 whether or not the information they’re telling me is useful what odd project over the last year
    2:15:28 has been the most fun let’s start there for you yeah well just the last couple of months i finally
    2:15:35 built myself a real workshop i wish i could show it to you because the cool things i did it was you
    2:15:42 know if you go into like u-line or somewhere this container businesses they have these racks of bins
    2:15:49 so i have filled an entire wall of hundreds and hundreds of bins so i can organize stuff and i’m
    2:15:54 a big fan of adam savage he has a principle for his workshops called first order access which
    2:15:59 basically means that you don’t want to store things behind anything everything has to be at
    2:16:03 the first level so you can look and see it it has to be within reach and sense you have to be able
    2:16:08 to see everything that you have and it’s accessible you don’t want things hidden behind other things
    2:16:15 right so that’s part of what i was doing with this workshop is this kind of first order access
    2:16:21 and it’s tremendously powerful i mean i just the few days or the weeks i’ve had working in it it’s
    2:16:27 just transforms everything it’s like i had the same problem with my books for many many years i had
    2:16:32 books like multiple different bookshelves in the house i had them in boxes i had them this and that
    2:16:38 and moving everything to one location into a library where there was two stories i could
    2:16:44 see all my books just transformed them and made it really useful because i could find them just
    2:16:49 really go and reach for them and the same thing with i’m finding bringing it to my tools which
    2:16:57 is that you want to have things plugged in ready to go labeled organized first order access and it
    2:17:01 can make simple jobs really simple instead of like the you know the hours of looking for something
    2:17:06 right gathering all the tools getting all the tools like cooking it’s just like cooking exactly
    2:17:11 yeah it’s having like a manual random access memory right you have your me some plus right in
    2:17:16 front of you yeah you have or you know the tools are yeah that’s very cool if there were one object
    2:17:23 manual project building something that you think every human should have the experience of doing
    2:17:29 what would that be it’s very easy you need to build your own house much older and it’s not that hard
    2:17:34 to do believe me i actually i built my own house and your house is amazing i know not not this house
    2:17:39 i mean i actually built one from cutting down the logs cutting down the trees in upstate new york
    2:17:44 wow and doing the stone herds and you know i mean unfortunately i don’t recommend this we
    2:17:50 made like two by fours from trees you don’t want to do that because it’s a pain because you know
    2:17:54 standard standard lumber is very it’s very good if your things are off a little quarter of an inch
    2:18:00 as they are with rough um sawing lumber it’s just it’s a mess but nonetheless a large portion of
    2:18:06 the people in the world have made their own homes adobe rammed earth bamboo whatever it is and like
    2:18:10 going back to what we originally started off with um even if you don’t wind up living in it
    2:18:18 it’s empowering to know that you can do it and if you do wind up living in it i have a friend lord
    2:18:24 conne who built this magnificent place in belinus that he built with salvage material from scratch
    2:18:30 over the many years it gives you the power to alter it so i believe that that your house should
    2:18:35 be an extension of you that that really definitely it’s another projection it’s another way of and
    2:18:40 also going back to what we’re talking about it’s another way to discover who you are and discover
    2:18:46 what you’re good at and because a well-designed house should really reflect you and and what i’ve
    2:18:50 discovered a lot of people design houses and they have this kind of imaginary fantasy idea about
    2:18:55 themselves and what they’re going to do well you know whatever it is they’re going to have a swimming
    2:18:59 pool well you know it’s like they’re never going to use a swimming pool whatever it is i mean very
    2:19:03 few people actually have a very good sense of who they are and what they’re going to use something
    2:19:11 for but if you really study yourself and really are honest and design something that space can help
    2:19:17 you become successful in the sense of making a slot for you making your own slot and it’s another
    2:19:24 it’s both a kind of byproduct of who you are and also can help you because you are it works both
    2:19:29 ways i like that right you’re not just finding yourself you’re creating yourself exactly and
    2:19:34 that so this is a larger philosophical question but this is something i talk about a lot in a very
    2:19:40 high dimensional space which means like space of many pending possibilities the act of finding and
    2:19:46 the act of creating are identical there is no difference between discovering something and
    2:19:53 inventing something we could say that philosophically you know benjamin franklin invented electricity
    2:20:01 we could say that christopher columbus invented america we could say that discovery and invention
    2:20:07 are the same so that discovering yourself and inventing yourself is really the same things
    2:20:13 will bring about that process you have to do both at once i really enjoy that last question
    2:20:22 if you could give your let’s say you can pick the age either 15 or 20 year old self one or a few
    2:20:28 pieces of advice what would they be you don’t have to do everything yourself you can hire people
    2:20:37 to do stuff i wish i had known that when i was younger i wish that i had when i was 20 working
    2:20:42 for hall of catalog i wish i’d known that i could have hired a programmer to do something i could
    2:20:48 have hired someone it took me a long time to understand that and then recently i’ve been really
    2:20:54 big on it hiring people through elance you know because i came from a little bit of kind of a
    2:21:00 do-it-yourself i mean i made a nature museum when i was 12 at a chemistry lab they built myself
    2:21:05 you know building the stuff and i could buy in the glassware but i had a whole chemistry lab i had
    2:21:10 nature museums i did all the stuff and i did it myself and then of course and moving into the
    2:21:15 whole earth catalog which was a kind of a do-it-yourself thing i really was um you know i just talked
    2:21:22 about building my own house well now i will hire professionals to work and it just took me a long
    2:21:28 time to realize that there’s something about being able to pay a professional to do what they do
    2:21:35 really well it’s not like a weakness it’s like it helps them i’m happy they’re happy we’re all happy
    2:21:40 and i can do a lot more now there’s certainly a pleasure in doing things yourself and dabbling
    2:21:44 in but there’s also this other thing which i didn’t realize which is there’s there’s this
    2:21:54 a leverage that you get by hiring people who are really good paying them fairly working with them
    2:21:59 to amplify what it is that you want to do and i wish i knew that when i was younger
    2:22:04 that’s a fantastic answer and you have if i remember correctly an assistant and a researcher
    2:22:10 is that is that still true yes one and the same person oh they are the same okay yeah so i thought
    2:22:14 that at one point you had believed that you needed those people to be two separate people but you
    2:22:19 right here’s what i was saying was that it’s very unusual to find one person who can do both of
    2:22:25 those tasks both of those tasks are often not found the same person because there’s you know the
    2:22:34 hunting the researching the kind of there’s a hunter aspect to research that is often found in a
    2:22:40 certain personality and then they’re kind of the the admin is more nurturing kind of making sure
    2:22:47 of things gardening a little bit so it’s often rare to find someone who can do both but it’s
    2:22:53 possible was it luck that you happened upon this particular individual that you work with now or
    2:23:00 did you have a method i found that the place where i found that over the 14 years i’ve had two
    2:23:07 the place where i found that they’re more likely than not to have a combination was librarians
    2:23:14 i love it that’s fantastic so we put out notices on the librarian mailing lists and stuff that is
    2:23:19 fantastic i said last question this will be the last question is there any other thoughts or advice
    2:23:25 you’d like to leave with the listeners and then where would you like people to find more from you
    2:23:31 your writing anywhere else i would say congratulations to the people who are listening to the podcast i
    2:23:37 think podcasts are this fantastic new medium i’m spending a lot of time there i think it’s just
    2:23:43 really great we’re in the early days of where this would go i’m really impressed by the power
    2:23:49 of this medium to teach and to inform sometimes to entertain again i’m thankful to you tim for
    2:23:53 having me on and having a chance to gab here but the people who are listening i think keep going
    2:23:58 listen to more podcasts try to go wide i know tim mentions them here and there take a chance
    2:24:04 listen to some more so that’s one thing i would say and as far as finding out more about me
    2:24:12 i lucked out with a very easy mail and website it’s my initials kkk.org i have a very public
    2:24:18 email for the past 25 years you can find it very easily on my website if you want to email directly
    2:24:26 i have not outsourced that unlike other people that i know and my writings and books and whatnot
    2:24:35 are at www.kk.org cooltools is a book that i really believe that each of you out there should have
    2:24:43 it’s on paper it’s sort of the best of the website cooltools which has been going on for 11 years now
    2:24:50 where we review every day one great tool there are only positive reviews wide waste of time on
    2:24:56 anything but the best and tools in the broadest sense of the word of things that are useful
    2:25:03 whether it’s elance or a book on how to do psychedelics or a book on how to build a workshop
    2:25:08 or how to build a house or how to hitchhike around the world i and others recommend the best here
    2:25:15 with some great context and it’s printed on paper or available on amazon not so easily found in
    2:25:20 bookstores because it’s because it’s huge i mean it’s like it’s like five pounds waste it’s really
    2:25:24 really big and if you don’t fly like 500 things in there you didn’t know about that you wish you knew
    2:25:30 about like last year i’ll give you your money back so enjoy that so that’s that cool tools or cool
    2:25:35 tools in amazon excellent well kevin this has been a blast it always is every time we chat i feel
    2:25:40 like we should chat more so hopefully we’ll get a chance to spend some more time together soon
    2:25:47 back in norcal or somewhere else in china or in china it’s been a long time i could get back
    2:25:53 i’m ready i’m heading back to japan again and i know that you have lots of roots in in asia but um
    2:26:00 i go there to renew my sense of the future because they are bulldozing the past as fast as it can
    2:26:05 and we’re headed racing into the future and so i want to see what asia has in store for us because
    2:26:13 mathematically we don’t count anymore you know what three billion three billion asians and you
    2:26:20 know 300 million americans what can you say yes it’s right so study up folks yep specialization
    2:26:25 is for insects i think that was a timeline so i like enjoy your time on this planet and look
    2:26:31 broadly like kevin said kevin thank you so much i will talk to you soon and uh have a wonderful
    2:26:37 day i will talk to you soon thanks for having me too okay bye bye hey guys this is tim again just
    2:26:42 one more thing before you take off and that is five bullet friday would you enjoy getting a
    2:26:47 short email from me every friday that provides a little fun before the weekend between one and a
    2:26:52 half and two million people subscribe to my free newsletter my super short newsletter called five
    2:26:59 bullet friday easy to sign up easy to cancel it is basically a half page that i send out every
    2:27:04 friday to share the coolest things i found or discovered or have started exploring over that
    2:27:09 week it’s kind of like my diary of cool things it often includes articles i’m reading books i’m reading
    2:27:16 albums perhaps gadgets gizmos all sorts of tech tricks and so on they get sent to me by my friends
    2:27:22 including a lot of podcast guests and these strange esoteric things end up in my field
    2:27:28 and then i test them and then i share them with you so if that sounds fun again it’s very short
    2:27:33 a little tiny bite of goodness before you head off for the weekend something to think about
    2:27:40 if you’d like to try it out just go to tim.blog/friday type that into your browser tim.blog/friday
    2:27:45 drop in your email and you’ll get the very next one thanks for listening this episode is brought
    2:27:50 to you by helix sleep helix sleep is a premium mattress brand that provides tailored mattresses
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    2:28:45 something they comment on without any prompting from me whatsoever helix mattresses are american
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    2:30:06 better sleep starts now this episode is brought to you by ag1 the daily foundational nutritional
    2:30:12 supplement that supports whole body health i view ag1 as comprehensive nutritional insurance and that
    2:30:19 is nothing new i actually recommended ag1 in my 2010 best seller more than a decade ago the four
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    2:30:32 nutritionally dense supplement that you could use conveniently while on the run which is for me a lot
    2:30:37 of the time i have been using it a very very long time indeed and i do get asked a lot what i would
    2:30:43 take if i could only take one supplement and the true answer is invariably ag1 it simply covers a
    2:30:48 ton of bases i usually drink it in the mornings and frequently take their travel packs with me
    2:30:54 on the road so what is ag1 what is this stuff ag1 is a science driven formulation of vitamins
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    2:31:19 how many ingredients 75 and you would be hard-pressed to find a more nutrient dense formula on the
    2:31:25 market it has multivitamin multi-mineral superfood complex probiotics and prebiotics for gut health
    2:31:31 and antioxidant immune support formula digestive enzymes and adaptogens to help manage stress
    2:31:39 now i do my best always to eat nutrient dense meals that is the basic basic basic basic requirement
    2:31:43 right that is why things are called supplements of course that’s what i focus on but it is not
    2:31:50 always possible it is not always easy so part of my routine is using ag1 daily if i’m on the road
    2:31:56 on the run it just makes it easy to get a lot of nutrients at once and to sleep easy knowing
    2:32:02 that i am checking a lot of important boxes so each morning ag1 that’s just like brushing my
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    2:32:52 last time drinkag1.com/tim check it out
    2:33:00 [BLANK_AUDIO]

    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode Derek Sivers on Developing Confidence, Finding Happiness, and Saying No to Millions and Interview of Kevin Kelly, Co-Founder of WIRED, Polymath, Most Interesting Man In The World?

    Please enjoy!

    Sponsors:

    Wealthfront high-yield cash account: https://Wealthfront.com/Tim (Start earning 5.00% APY on your short-term cash until you’re ready to invest. And when you open an account today, you can get an extra fifty-dollar bonus with a deposit of five hundred dollars or more.) Terms apply.

    Helix Sleep premium mattresses: https://HelixSleep.com/Tim (25–30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows)

    AG1 all-in-one nutritional supplement: https://DrinkAG1.com/Tim (1-year supply of Vitamin D (and 5 free AG1 travel packs) with your first subscription purchase.)

    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [05:47] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [06:50] Enter Derek Sivers.

    [07:20] From pig show busker to circus ringleader.

    [10:42] Derek’s framework for developing confidence.

    [13:05] “The standard pace is for chumps.”

    [18:51] Relaxing for the same result.

    [24:01] The origins of “HELL YEAH! or no.”

    [26:25] “Busy” implies a life out of control.

    [28:03] What inspired the automation of CD Baby?

    [33:22] Derek’s billboard.

    [34:32] Good advice at any age: “Don’t be a donkey.”

    [40:24] Enter Kevin Kelly.

    [41:02] Kevin’s biggest regret.

    [43:13] Finding contentment in minimalism and “voluntary simplicity” without starving to death.

    [50:33] Kevin’s epiphany when he embraced writing as a late bloomer.

    [56:40] Why Kevin promised himself he would never resort to teaching English while traveling abroad.

    [59:07] Finding purpose through resilience and the creator’s dilemma.

    [1:06:50] Why the appeal of being a billionaire is overrated.

    [1:11:05] Middle-aged optimization.

    [1:15:28] Realizations following a “six months until death” challenge.

    [1:20:08] Kevin’s Kickstarter-funded project linking angels and robots.

    [1:22:41] Why a self-proclaimed ex-hippie waited until his 50th birthday to try LSD for the first time.

    [1:28:43] Why a population implosion is probable in the next 100 years.

    [1:36:05] The greatest gift you can give to your child.

    [1:38:21] The criteria for Amish technology assimilation.

    [1:45:03] What technology-free sabbaticals can do for you.

    [1:48:53] Long Now Foundation’s vision of a better civilization.

    [1:53:33] The graphic novel teaching young people how to become indispensable.

    [1:54:52] An antidote to misguided “follow your passion” advice.

    [1:56:44] Kevin’s favorite fiction book.

    [1:59:15] The resource Kevin compiled for documentary lovers.

    [2:02:47] A name Kevin considers synonymous with “success” (and why success is overrated).

    [2:05:46] What Kevin would change about himself.

    [2:07:59] Daily rituals.

    [2:10:44] How Kevin accumulated enough books to fill a two-story library.

    [2:15:19] How Adam Savage from MythBusters transformed Kevin’s method of organization.

    [2:17:14] The project everyone should undertake at least once in life.

    [2:19:30] Does discovery equal invention?

    [2:20:12] Kevin’s advice to his younger self.

    [2:23:16] Parting thoughts.

    *

    For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.

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    Past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry SeinfeldHugh JackmanDr. Jane GoodallLeBron JamesKevin HartDoris Kearns GoodwinJamie FoxxMatthew McConaugheyEsther PerelElizabeth GilbertTerry CrewsSiaYuval Noah HarariMalcolm GladwellMadeleine AlbrightCheryl StrayedJim CollinsMary Karr, Maria PopovaSam HarrisMichael PhelpsBob IgerEdward NortonArnold SchwarzeneggerNeil StraussKen BurnsMaria SharapovaMarc AndreessenNeil GaimanNeil de Grasse TysonJocko WillinkDaniel EkKelly SlaterDr. Peter AttiaSeth GodinHoward MarksDr. Brené BrownEric SchmidtMichael LewisJoe GebbiaMichael PollanDr. Jordan PetersonVince VaughnBrian KoppelmanRamit SethiDax ShepardTony RobbinsJim DethmerDan HarrisRay DalioNaval RavikantVitalik ButerinElizabeth LesserAmanda PalmerKatie HaunSir Richard BransonChuck PalahniukArianna HuffingtonReid HoffmanBill BurrWhitney CummingsRick RubinDr. Vivek MurthyDarren AronofskyMargaret AtwoodMark ZuckerbergPeter ThielDr. Gabor MatéAnne LamottSarah SilvermanDr. Andrew Huberman, and many more.

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  • #752: Terry Crews and Richard Koch

    AI transcript
    0:00:02 This episode is brought to you by Momentus.
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    0:01:00 under stress.
    0:01:03 So, those are some of the products that I’ve been using very consistently, and to give
    0:01:06 you an idea, I’m packing right now for an international trip.
    0:01:11 I tend to be very minimalist, and I’m taking these with me nonetheless.
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    0:02:27 Visit livemomentus.com/tim and use code TIM at checkout for 20% off.
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    0:02:33 now.
    0:02:34 Why?
    0:02:37 Well, by simply adding it to your existing mattress on top like a fitted sheet, you can
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    0:03:01 room temperature, keeping you and your partner cool, even in a heat wave.
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    0:03:08 I am always more heat sensitive pulling the sheets off, closing the windows, trying to
    0:03:10 crank the AC down.
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    0:03:41 They have imperceptible sensors which track your sleep time, sleep bases, and HRV.
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    0:03:54 Head to 8sleep.com/tim and use Code Tim to get $350 off of the Pod4Ultra.
    0:04:03 That’s 8sleep, all spelled out, 8sleep.com/tim and Code Tim TIM to get $350 off the Pod4Ultra.
    0:04:33 They currently ship to the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Europe, and Australia.
    0:04:34 Hello boys and girls, ladies and germs.
    0:04:36 This is Tim Ferriss.
    0:04:40 Welcome to another episode of The Tim Ferriss Show where it is my job to sit down with world-class
    0:04:45 performers from every field imaginable to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books,
    0:04:49 and so on that you can apply and test in your own lives.
    0:04:54 This episode is a two for one and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10th year anniversary,
    0:04:59 which is insane to think about, and past one billion downloads.
    0:05:02 To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best.
    0:05:07 Some of my favorites from more than 700 episodes over the last decade.
    0:05:12 I could not be more excited to give you these supercombo episodes and internally we’ve been
    0:05:17 calling these the supercombo episodes because my goal is to encourage you to yes, enjoy the
    0:05:22 household names, the super famous folks, but to also introduce you to lesser known people
    0:05:24 I consider stars.
    0:05:29 These are people who have transformed my life and I feel like they can do the same for many
    0:05:30 of you.
    0:05:34 Perhaps they got lost in a busy news cycle, perhaps you missed an episode.
    0:05:35 Just trust me on this one.
    0:05:39 We went to great pains to put these pairings together.
    0:05:47 And for the bios of all guests, you can find that and more at tim.blog/combo and now without
    0:05:53 further ado, please enjoy and thank you for listening.
    0:06:00 Next up, Terry Cruz, former NFL player, American film and television star of The Expendables,
    0:06:06 Everybody Hates Chris and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, host of America’s Got Talent and bestselling
    0:06:12 author of six books, including his memoir, Tough, My Journey to True Power.
    0:06:17 You can find Terry on Twitter and Instagram @TerryCruz.
    0:06:25 I thought we’d start somewhere that perhaps people wouldn’t associate you with if that’s
    0:06:29 even English, but you guys get my drift and that is art.
    0:06:33 So I went on to your Instagram profile not too long ago and I saw a number of different
    0:06:39 profiles and then I started digging and I didn’t want to tease out too much because I want
    0:06:40 to talk about it.
    0:06:44 Can you tell us a little bit about your background with art?
    0:06:52 You got to know, growing up in Flint, there were a number of obstacles, crazy, crazy obstacles
    0:07:01 because I grew up at the height of the crack epidemic and also the demise of the auto industry.
    0:07:05 So there were two things happening at once and they were both horribly bad.
    0:07:13 It was like the 80s, probably late 70s, all the way through the 80s into the 90s was literally
    0:07:16 the walking dead and it was real.
    0:07:23 I mean, you had people who were cracked out, I had friends, family who one day, you know,
    0:07:28 whatever good people the next day, they were stealing everything you had, all the way to
    0:07:32 everyone you knew were losing their jobs and it was a panic.
    0:07:39 And I remember there was two ways out and one was through music and performing, another
    0:07:43 way was athletics, but art, you couldn’t get paid doing art.
    0:07:44 You know what I mean?
    0:07:48 It was kind of, everybody was like, that’s a wonderful picture, but you’re a starving
    0:07:49 artist.
    0:07:50 That’s the whole term, you know?
    0:07:55 And I remember just saying, okay, I’m going to do this art thing, but I had to do the
    0:07:58 football thing too.
    0:07:59 And these were my ways out.
    0:08:06 Now, I didn’t believe that I was actually going to get any kind of light as an artist,
    0:08:12 but I had one teacher, one man, Mr. Eichelberg, I’ll never forget this.
    0:08:15 He said, Terry, you are an amazing artist.
    0:08:18 He was like, I’m the art teacher, you’re better than me.
    0:08:20 And he said, you can go somewhere with this.
    0:08:24 And I was like, okay, but you know, you know, nobody’s going to pay me to do this and nobody,
    0:08:27 it’s good, but I got to use football.
    0:08:32 Well, he filled out all the applications for me.
    0:08:33 And I didn’t even know.
    0:08:34 Wow.
    0:08:36 It was crazy.
    0:08:39 And he took my pictures and my paintings and everything that I did.
    0:08:45 He took them, got them photographed, did all this stuff, sent them to Interlochen Arts
    0:08:46 Academy.
    0:08:47 Now, Interlochen is just world famous.
    0:08:48 Big deal.
    0:08:53 Big, big deal arts camp up in Northern Michigan near Traverse City.
    0:08:57 And you study with people from all over the world.
    0:09:02 And he literally came to me and told me, he already filled out everything.
    0:09:08 And he said, Terry, you have a scholarship from Chrysler, full ride to go to Interlochen
    0:09:09 Arts Academy.
    0:09:12 And I was like, what are you talking about?
    0:09:17 Like, you know, first of all, I didn’t think it was possible.
    0:09:18 This is the deal.
    0:09:19 There’s a lot of things.
    0:09:25 It’s weird because you got to let people believe in you, but I didn’t believe in myself.
    0:09:30 And when I got a chance to go to Interlochen and study with people from Europe and from
    0:09:36 Brazil and from, and these was mainly music students and then they had art students and
    0:09:43 it was just this and coming from Flint, I mean, coming from the hood and then this changed
    0:09:44 my life.
    0:09:50 Once I remember we had, and it was really big on competition, very, very big on competition.
    0:09:55 It was like, if you were a violinist, you had to be the first chair and second chair.
    0:09:58 And I remember all these kids were disappointed because they kept moving down and they would
    0:10:00 just feel like they were crushed.
    0:10:04 And the same thing with art, we had to do two drawings and we had the whole class doing
    0:10:08 all these drawings and they said, put your drawings on the, on the wall and don’t put
    0:10:10 your name on them.
    0:10:13 We have this guy coming from the Cleveland Institute of Art.
    0:10:17 He’s going to judge each painting and we want to see who’s the best.
    0:10:22 And I was like, oh man, you know, and so I did my deal and I put on, it was a wall full
    0:10:24 of art.
    0:10:28 The art guy pointed at mine and he said, that one’s the best one.
    0:10:35 But he went all the way across the room and he said that one and they were both mine.
    0:10:46 And I was like, now life is a confidence game because then you could tell me nothing.
    0:10:52 I was like, dammit, I’m good, you know, I got two arrogant, then I got arrogant.
    0:10:57 I’m the best one here, you know, and then you have to be humbled some other way, you
    0:11:04 know, um, but that letting me know, I was like, well, I can, I can do it, I can do it.
    0:11:06 Like I’m really as good as these people.
    0:11:08 This is all over the world.
    0:11:15 And then I got a scholarship to Western Michigan University in art, but it was small.
    0:11:18 It wasn’t full ride, but it was a small deal.
    0:11:25 So I got an art scholarship and walked on to the football team and my mom passed away
    0:11:27 about almost three years ago.
    0:11:31 And she always would tell me, she was like, whatever you do, I know you’re doing all
    0:11:36 this football stuff, you’re doing all this other thing, but never forget, you’re an artist,
    0:11:37 babe.
    0:11:40 You’re an artist.
    0:11:51 I’m telling you, when I see what I’m doing right now and I get to do so many things that
    0:11:53 so many people never got to see.
    0:12:01 I get to go so many places and do so many things that none of the people who wanted
    0:12:11 to were able to, I feel like there is a responsibility, but also if I don’t do it, everything they’ve
    0:12:13 gone through is nothing.
    0:12:21 You know, so the way I approached things is really, it’s kind of for everyone else.
    0:12:23 You know, I have to try it.
    0:12:25 I have to go for it.
    0:12:33 And I knew even as I was doing football and I was doing all this stuff, I remember once
    0:12:37 because football was hard, football was a very, very, again, another competitive deal.
    0:12:40 You know, you would get on the team and I would get cut.
    0:12:46 I was like, I have to depend on this art thing because this is what got me here.
    0:12:49 And so I would go back in the locker room.
    0:12:51 And this is how I was married.
    0:12:52 I had two kids at the time.
    0:12:57 I would go back in the locker room and go to the players and I would ask them if they
    0:12:59 wanted their portraits painted.
    0:13:02 And the weird thing is they were like, oh man, come on, man, you can’t do it.
    0:13:07 And I was showing my portfolio and they were like, damn, dude, and I was like, look, man,
    0:13:11 I want to paint you over this big, I’m going to put you and you’re going to be a giant
    0:13:13 over the city and I can have wings.
    0:13:16 You can have wings and you can do it.
    0:13:20 And let me tell you, you know, football players are the most egotistical people in the world.
    0:13:24 They were like, oh, damn, yeah, man, I want the wings, dog.
    0:13:25 How much for them wings, man?
    0:13:30 You know, I was like, oh, yeah, and I would do these masterpieces.
    0:13:32 But you know, I have to tell you this too, I did have a scam.
    0:13:34 I had a scam.
    0:13:36 This is the scam in college.
    0:13:40 In college, I would, because what happened is I was playing football.
    0:13:45 But when you play football, you don’t get money for supplies.
    0:13:46 You only get book loans.
    0:13:48 See, scholarship is a chip.
    0:13:52 All you got, I’m telling you, the NCAA is a chip, dude, the whole deal.
    0:13:54 You are not a student athlete.
    0:13:55 You are semi pro.
    0:13:56 That’s all it is.
    0:13:58 There’s no student in it.
    0:13:59 Just putting it right now.
    0:14:02 And what was crazy is that I was like, hey, but I want to study art.
    0:14:04 They were like, why don’t you just study business or something?
    0:14:09 So it’s easier to get by because the whole thing is just getting by.
    0:14:11 Take a class so you can go to football practice.
    0:14:12 But I was like, I’m an artist.
    0:14:14 And they were like, OK, whatever.
    0:14:19 So I would go to these labs and I would make, and this is what I had a plan.
    0:14:23 In the summer, I would make probably 10 paintings.
    0:14:25 And then I would make four of them really suck.
    0:14:27 They would be really, really bad.
    0:14:29 And I would bring those in in the beginning.
    0:14:30 And these were these labs.
    0:14:31 And I would go to the teachers.
    0:14:35 And I was like, man, what’s wrong with this?
    0:14:36 Help me out here.
    0:14:40 You know, he was like, oh, Terry, oh my God, look, OK, we’re going to work on your
    0:14:42 perspective, and we’re going to do this.
    0:14:44 And I was like, yeah, no, help me.
    0:14:49 And then I’d go home and then I’d go to practice for like a month and never do anything else
    0:14:51 because I had the paintings done.
    0:14:55 Then I’d bring another one in that was a little bit better.
    0:15:02 And every day I did this the whole semester and then I would bring out the masterpieces.
    0:15:08 And I was, you know, I say, look how much you helped me.
    0:15:11 You took me from here to there, sir.
    0:15:15 And they were like, you get an A, you are awesome.
    0:15:21 And again, the whole thing was a scam, but I had to survive.
    0:15:25 I had to find a way to stay in school because this is the thing a lot of people don’t know
    0:15:27 is that they can take your scholarship.
    0:15:28 It was crazy.
    0:15:32 It was one of those things where you are there as a body.
    0:15:35 And if you don’t perform, they’ll find a way to get rid of you.
    0:15:42 When I was looking at your history and your book and your backstory, one thing that I
    0:15:47 paid attention to as a pattern was an uncommon degree of self-reflection.
    0:15:52 And that’s, I want to rewind the clock a little bit back to high school.
    0:15:56 One of the stories that you put in tribal mentors is related to my question related
    0:16:02 to favorite failures or a failure that set you up for later success.
    0:16:03 Could you tell us a little bit about that, please?
    0:16:04 Oh man.
    0:16:05 Yes.
    0:16:06 1986.
    0:16:12 That was my senior year in high school and I went to Flynn Academy and it was a Class
    0:16:17 C school, but we were highly ranked in the state.
    0:16:19 And I was used to be a basketball player.
    0:16:25 I mean, I was hard to believe now, but basketball was a big sport for me.
    0:16:29 But I was the starting center on this team.
    0:16:32 And what was wild is we were picked to go all the way in the state.
    0:16:36 We had a superstar on our team and we had a really, really good team.
    0:16:43 We played against a school who decided not to play, it was the district championship.
    0:16:47 It was right at the beginning of the playoffs and these guys would take the ball down the
    0:16:54 court and pass the ball to each other at the top of the court and wouldn’t play.
    0:16:57 And we had a coach who was like, “Well, you know what?
    0:16:59 I’m going to beat you at your own game.”
    0:17:01 So we stayed in his own.
    0:17:04 So we sitting there the whole time and I’m telling you, it was the most boring game of
    0:17:06 all time.
    0:17:09 We just sat there with our hands up and they passed the ball.
    0:17:13 And if anything happened, somebody went and got it and you scored two and it was just
    0:17:14 a mess.
    0:17:16 So the score was really, really low.
    0:17:24 They were up 47 to 45 and it was literally under a minute and I’m freaking out because
    0:17:29 now we’re going to, it’s evident we’re going to lose because I’m going, “Man, this is a
    0:17:31 dumb defensive strategy anyway.
    0:17:33 We should have been going after it.”
    0:17:39 But what happened is a guy through the ball, their guy through the ball cross court, I
    0:17:45 intercepted it and with literally five seconds left to go.
    0:17:48 And I take the ball all the way down the court.
    0:17:53 You got to understand, I’m thinking, I had visions of, “Oh my God, this is the thing.
    0:17:54 I’m the hero.”
    0:18:01 You know, the heart is like pounding, I’m already at the party, you know what I mean?
    0:18:06 And I go with this layup and I bring it up there and it totally, it gets around the rim
    0:18:12 and it rolls off.
    0:18:17 And let me tell you, that place goes nuts because it was the upset of the year and I
    0:18:22 collapsed in a heat and I know my life is over.
    0:18:23 And you got to understand.
    0:18:27 And this is another thing, shame among men.
    0:18:31 It’s like, “Oh, how could you do that, man?”
    0:18:33 Other players were yelling at me.
    0:18:37 The coach, I was in the locker room and he was like, “You had no business taking that
    0:18:38 shot.”
    0:18:40 And I stole the ball.
    0:18:43 It wasn’t like, we didn’t have a shot anyway.
    0:18:46 But he was like, “You have no business taking that shot.
    0:18:47 You should have passed it.
    0:18:49 Man, it’s your fault.”
    0:18:52 And everybody in the room was like, “Yep.”
    0:18:55 I was like, “They didn’t let me off one.”
    0:18:57 And I remember just going, “Oh my God.”
    0:19:00 And I went in the paper and the paper the next day was like, “Terry Cruz had a shot
    0:19:02 and he missed.”
    0:19:10 And let me tell you, it was the most, I mean, when you’re 16 years old, I was, I mean, beyond
    0:19:11 Chris.
    0:19:12 One guy was taunting me.
    0:19:16 I got in a fight after the school and the whole thing and I was just like, “This is
    0:19:17 awesome.
    0:19:19 It’s horrible.”
    0:19:23 And so it was a couple days went by and I was in the deepest funk.
    0:19:28 I’m sitting on my bed and I shared my room with my brother.
    0:19:31 But for some reason he wasn’t there because I always remember being there.
    0:19:32 It was kind of crazy.
    0:19:36 I don’t ever remember being alone except that time.
    0:19:43 And I remember being alone and just thinking about, “Man, I should have passed it.
    0:19:44 I should have passed it.
    0:19:48 Maybe I messed up and what else could I have done?”
    0:19:54 And then another little voice, he said, “I took the shot.
    0:19:57 I took the shot.”
    0:20:00 And I was like, “I did.
    0:20:01 I did.”
    0:20:02 And I kept thinking.
    0:20:10 It was like, “Man, look, when you had the chance, when everything was on the line,
    0:20:12 you took your shot, man.
    0:20:13 You did that.
    0:20:15 You did that.”
    0:20:18 And all of a sudden I was like, “That’s right.
    0:20:19 That’s right.
    0:20:21 I took it.”
    0:20:25 And I learned from then on, I said, “Man, wait a minute.
    0:20:31 If I win or if I fail, it’s going to be on my terms.
    0:20:33 It’s going to be up to me.
    0:20:39 If I have the opportunity, I have to go for it.”
    0:20:42 And then I felt really good about losing the game.
    0:20:44 It was real.
    0:20:47 Now, you can call it reframing.
    0:20:52 A lot of people have scientific ways or psychological ways to do things.
    0:20:58 But I learned always to kind of reframe things so that it’s to your advantage.
    0:21:02 And you look at these things like, “Wait a minute.
    0:21:04 You took the shot, man.”
    0:21:09 And this is another thing, because what’s so crazy is that no one ever remembers that
    0:21:11 game.
    0:21:15 It’s one of the least important things in my life.
    0:21:23 But the lesson I learned is still guiding me today, the fact that go for it.
    0:21:24 Take your shot.
    0:21:25 Take your time.
    0:21:29 When you get that thing, when you have that opportunity, don’t mess it up.
    0:21:35 Because this is another thing, and I want to tell you, Tim, the scariest thought ever
    0:21:41 is one thing that blew me away is that you really do get what you want.
    0:21:43 And let me tell you what I mean.
    0:21:49 There have been times when you can be self-destructive.
    0:21:53 And you think it’s something else, or you think, like, I discovered for a long time,
    0:21:57 like, if I show up late for something twice, I don’t want it.
    0:22:01 And you get what you desire.
    0:22:06 Everything about you, you get what you want.
    0:22:11 Now, the way your life is, truthfully, you want it.
    0:22:12 And now, that’s hard.
    0:22:15 That’s hard to say, because a lot of people are like, no, wait, there’s so many other options.
    0:22:17 It’s this and this and this and this.
    0:22:23 But the truth is, is that if you wanted something different, you’d change it.
    0:22:24 And that hit me.
    0:22:25 Like, it’s scary.
    0:22:30 Because if I failed, or if I did, or if I showed up wrong, or messed up on something,
    0:22:34 I was like, I didn’t really do what it took to get it.
    0:22:40 Again, that comes from taking that shot way back in high school.
    0:22:46 So one of the things I really appreciate about you, and that’s led me to want to reach out
    0:22:50 to you, is how forthcoming you’ve been about your difficulties and some of the challenges
    0:22:51 you’ve faced.
    0:22:57 Because I think a lot of folks we see on magazine covers and so on, unfortunately, give people
    0:22:58 the impression that they’re flawless.
    0:23:03 They’ve all figured out, and then people feel uniquely flawed in some way, that they’re
    0:23:05 damaged because they’re not that person.
    0:23:06 That’s unachievable.
    0:23:14 Could you share with us a story of any dark period in your life, and how you found your
    0:23:18 way out of it, things that helped you too?
    0:23:19 Navigate your way out of it.
    0:23:23 There’s a lot of dark, dark times.
    0:23:24 You know what?
    0:23:27 I’m going to share this story, which changed my life.
    0:23:32 I literally just got my first job in entertainment, and I was on a TV show called Battle Dawn,
    0:23:38 where they literally put me in a cage, and I fought my way out.
    0:23:41 It was so entertaining.
    0:23:45 It was pre-MMA, so people hadn’t seen blood on TV yet.
    0:23:46 We were like the first.
    0:23:47 It was really nuts.
    0:23:51 People were bleeding, going to the hospital, and it was called Real Warriors, Real Pain.
    0:23:55 And I played this character called T Money, and that’s actually my wife’s pet name for
    0:23:56 me now.
    0:23:59 T Money.
    0:24:04 And we call this the Christmas from Hell, because here I wanted to come home.
    0:24:07 I went home to Flint, Michigan, with my family.
    0:24:12 Now you’ve got to understand, my kids, at the time I had three, I have five total now,
    0:24:16 but I had three kids at the time, and the girls were, and they were all girls.
    0:24:17 They were very small.
    0:24:22 They had never grown up with violence in the house.
    0:24:27 They’d never seen it, and so I told my father, before I came, I said, “Hey man, don’t act
    0:24:28 up.
    0:24:31 Do not act up.”
    0:24:36 And he said, “I ain’t going to do nothing,” you know, and I’m like, “Okay, so I’m bringing
    0:24:37 a family.
    0:24:42 I know it’s Christmas time, so just relax, man, and we’re going to be there to be fine.”
    0:24:43 So we get there.
    0:24:44 We’re having a good time.
    0:24:46 My wife and I are going out.
    0:24:51 We’re actually driving to Detroit to hang with friends, and I get this call.
    0:24:53 It was a panic.
    0:24:54 My aunt called me.
    0:24:59 He said, “Cherry, your daddy hit your mother.”
    0:25:03 In front of the kids, he got mad.
    0:25:11 He knocked her tooth sideways, and I go, “I told him, I told him.”
    0:25:18 Now literally, I stopped the car, we turned it around, I told my wife, “Okay, we’re going
    0:25:19 to go over to my aunt’s house.
    0:25:23 You take the kids, go to her aunt’s house, the whole thing, I’m done.
    0:25:25 I’m dealing with this.”
    0:25:28 First of all, I went in this house.
    0:25:31 He was had the nerve to still be there.
    0:25:34 And I said, “Dude, what are you doing?”
    0:25:35 He was like, “Shut up, leave me alone.
    0:25:38 I can do what the hell I want.
    0:25:39 Boom.”
    0:25:40 Let me tell you something.
    0:25:44 I beat this guy for about an hour.
    0:25:48 He was pleading for his life.
    0:25:51 I was like, “I’m not a child anymore.
    0:25:57 I am a grown ass man, and how does it feel?
    0:26:02 You are about to get what my mother has felt.”
    0:26:04 And I laid it on him.
    0:26:08 He was hurt, bleeding, laid out.
    0:26:11 I’m surprised I didn’t kill him.
    0:26:16 And I felt not one ounce better.
    0:26:22 I remember falling on the ground, crying in tears.
    0:26:25 It didn’t make me feel one bit better, not one.
    0:26:29 Like, now I was just down there with him.
    0:26:33 This is the revenge I’ve dreamed about my whole life.
    0:26:38 And now nothing, now I’m just like you.
    0:26:42 And I remember it just feeling empty, cold.
    0:26:47 It’s probably the darkest place I’ve ever been because this here’s the man who’s the
    0:26:50 reason I’m here.
    0:26:55 And I put him in his place, so to speak.
    0:27:02 And I’ll never forget it was just the most hollow, hollow feeling I’ve ever had.
    0:27:05 We got out of there, it took me years to overcome that.
    0:27:08 Like, we got out of there, I got the kids out, we never came back.
    0:27:12 I mean, we were like, forget the holidays, we’re not doing this.
    0:27:19 But after years of therapy, and this was literally about six or seven years ago, what I’m talking
    0:27:23 about happened like 99, okay?
    0:27:28 So I go back, and I go back to my father.
    0:27:32 And I’ve been listening to things and trying to do this thing correctly.
    0:27:39 And I remember, I just said, I have to find one thing that I can tell him that he did
    0:27:41 good.
    0:27:44 And I said, and we call him Big Terry, because his name is Terry too.
    0:27:53 So he said, Big Terry, man, I want to thank you because if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t
    0:27:55 be here.
    0:28:01 If I had to choose my parents, I’d choose you.
    0:28:05 Because the truth is, he’s the reason I’m here.
    0:28:08 If it was another person, I’d be another person.
    0:28:12 So I said, if I had to choose my parents, I’d choose you.
    0:28:15 And let me tell you something.
    0:28:17 He just broke down.
    0:28:21 He said, Terry, I’m sorry.
    0:28:23 I’m sorry for beating your mom.
    0:28:25 I’m sorry for everything I did.
    0:28:29 Listen, man, those words broke him down.
    0:28:37 He cried in my arms for about the same time as I was beating him years earlier.
    0:28:42 And I was like, this is not hollow.
    0:28:44 This feels good.
    0:28:45 This is healing.
    0:28:55 And I said, man, I have to use my strength for good.
    0:28:59 Because everybody can knock somebody out.
    0:29:05 But to give a hug with muscles is a whole other matter.
    0:29:13 And I said, that is how, that’s the vulnerability, that’s the authenticity, that’s where real
    0:29:18 healing takes place, because shame wants punishment.
    0:29:22 It just wants to get back, boom, boom, and it’s temporary.
    0:29:25 But guilt develops discipline.
    0:29:30 When you admit I was wrong, because shame is one’s secrets and you don’t say anything.
    0:29:32 But guilt says, I did it.
    0:29:34 I’m sorry.
    0:29:37 And then you develop discipline to change.
    0:29:46 And then, again, it was one of the darkest periods in my life, but totally reversed.
    0:29:50 And I decided, that’s going to be my life.
    0:29:51 This is who I am.
    0:29:54 Now, some people got their ass whooped up.
    0:29:58 I’m trying to tell you in between now, because I’m trying to tell you, one thing is some
    0:30:01 people try to take that, and you’ll be like, ah, I can push you, and I’m like, hey, get
    0:30:03 out of the way.
    0:30:14 But what I want to say is the big thing was, is that I knew that would never be the only
    0:30:23 way I would ever use that is to protect, is to protect, not to get back, not for revenge.
    0:30:29 There’s a time, but I’m telling you, man, that was a period that I learned forever.
    0:30:33 Now again, my father, I wish I could say he changed.
    0:30:40 He kind of went back through his old ways, but I’m healed, and I did the things I needed
    0:30:41 to do.
    0:30:46 I’m going to ask one more question, and it’s related to a question that I posed to you
    0:30:54 in the book, because whether it’s looking at some of your early decisions as a child,
    0:31:02 or the toughness that you showed in athletics, or doing what other people might consider
    0:31:08 risky by trying to create your own category in many different worlds, or having that second
    0:31:10 conversation with your dad.
    0:31:14 I think there’s a quote that really exemplifies you, and it’s actually a quote that you gave
    0:31:19 me in the book, and it was in answering the question, if you could have a giant billboard
    0:31:22 anywhere with anything on it, what would it say and why?
    0:31:25 And it begins with, God will not.
    0:31:28 Could you give us that quote, please, and explain its importance?
    0:31:34 Okay, God will not have his work made manifest by cowards.
    0:31:38 Ralph Waldo Emerson, it’s my favorite quote.
    0:31:48 I literally have it on my dressing room, put on the wall in giant letters, because fear
    0:31:54 begets more fear, but courage just begets more courage.
    0:32:02 And you don’t even get to be born unless your mother has the courage to have you.
    0:32:11 Any great thing, any, just from literally creating a business to making art, it takes
    0:32:18 this courage, it takes this willingness to be looked at, to be judged, you have to face
    0:32:23 down your fears, and you have to step outside and go.
    0:32:30 And it helped me to just lay out what I was afraid of, because that’s the big thing.
    0:32:34 You have to ask yourself, what are you scared of?
    0:32:37 And then you have to attack.
    0:32:41 You literally have to lay out, I remember, now you tell about your swimming experience,
    0:32:47 I was always, when you grew up in the ghetto, they kick you into the pool, and these are
    0:32:50 not good experiences, okay?
    0:32:53 And so, you know, we didn’t grow up on a nice pool and the beach and the whole thing.
    0:32:56 It was like the hood, and it’s like, oh man, it’s not good.
    0:33:01 So my first experience was horrifying, I almost drowned.
    0:33:07 And so one of my fears was swimming, and I remember when I had a house with a pool,
    0:33:12 and I remember going in the backyard, and just diving into the deep end over and over
    0:33:17 again, to get rid of the fear, and it’s weird because you get near the edge and you go,
    0:33:23 here I am, but I have to beat it, and so I would just jump in, and just keep jumping
    0:33:28 in, and keep jumping in, until you’re not afraid anymore.
    0:33:36 Because remember, it’s a confidence game, and that quote, just when you think about anything
    0:33:42 that’s made, and anything that’s created, anything that you see, that you admire, takes so much
    0:33:49 courage, because people are going to judge it, and people are going, ah, that sucks.
    0:33:54 You know, especially in the age of the internet, who we, you know, everybody’s coming in and
    0:33:59 chipping in with whatever they have to say, and you have to be willing, and you have to
    0:34:00 be vulnerable.
    0:34:07 This is why vulnerability is actually strength, because the vulnerability is part of courage.
    0:34:11 You have to be willing to let people judge your stuff, willing to let people hear your
    0:34:15 song, willing to let people hear you sing.
    0:34:20 And it’s so wild, because I’ll never forget, I always got a story for that, is that the
    0:34:26 first time I ever got a movie, it was a big movie, it was Arnold Schwarzenegger, it was
    0:34:31 called The Six Day, and I’ll never forget, I’m like, I thought it was going to be like
    0:34:35 a quick role, it turned out to be a big job that worked six months in Vancouver, and I’m
    0:34:41 like, oh my God, and the first day I was on set, I had to say this line, Adam Gibson,
    0:34:44 come with us, you know, please come with us.
    0:34:49 And I remember they said, action, and I walked up on Arnold, and I was like, Adam Gibson,
    0:34:51 we need you to come with us.
    0:35:01 And he turned and looked at me, and I was like, huh, damn it, that’s Arnold Schwarzenegger.
    0:35:06 And wait, and I mean lightning fast, everything went through my head, like you don’t deserve
    0:35:10 to be here, you’re just a dumb football player.
    0:35:15 You are a farce, these people are going to figure you out, you are fake, you’re a phony,
    0:35:19 you fool everybody, it’s a rap, they’re going to find out, and they’re going to kick you
    0:35:23 out of here, and that’s lightning fast.
    0:35:26 And then something was wrong with the camera, they were like, oh, you know what, we got
    0:35:32 a problem with the lights, and we got to give us five minutes, and this was all split second.
    0:35:37 And I remember, because I froze, and I know I froze, and I remember I just went to the
    0:35:44 side and I was like, Terry, you survived the NFL, and after I left the NFL, I was sweeping
    0:35:48 floors, I was doing security, and then I went acting, and I said, do you want to go back
    0:35:49 to sweeping floors?
    0:35:51 Do you want to go back to security?
    0:35:55 I said, man, go in there and see these lines, man.
    0:36:00 And I literally was cussing myself out, and it was like, yo, get some guts, dude.
    0:36:05 And I walked back in there, and they were like, actually, I was like, Adam Gibson, you know.
    0:36:11 And Arnold was like, this guy likes his energy, he’s got a lot of his stuff, it’s amazing,
    0:36:17 I like him, it’s really, and let me tell you, after that, I learned, go in, rush in, rush
    0:36:18 in.
    0:36:21 There’s never been a time, I’ve been acting for fricking almost 20 years, and there’s
    0:36:25 never been a time, and that’s why I want to demystify this thing, there’s never been
    0:36:33 a time that I don’t have those bubbles right before action, never, ever, it’s always there.
    0:36:38 Don’t let anybody trick you and act like, oh man, I’m good, no, no, if they that good,
    0:36:39 they don’t care.
    0:36:44 I’m trying to tell you, if you care, you’re going to always be nervous, you’re going to
    0:36:51 always have to face it, but when you walk in, it turns into a mirage, and it just starts
    0:36:52 to disappear.
    0:36:56 I remember on a set of white chicks, it disappeared.
    0:37:00 I remember I was rolling, and I remember, Keenan Harvey wins, I was like, you got any
    0:37:03 notes, Keenan, he was like, man, do what you do, man.
    0:37:08 And I remember just flowing, and people who know, and a lot of people here who understand
    0:37:15 it, if you’ve ever been in a flow, it’s amazing, there’s a time when all the writing just comes,
    0:37:21 the lines just come, the job is smooth, you’re like, man, I can do this all day.
    0:37:27 That’s by practicing, facing that fear, fear, just going in, going in, going in until you
    0:37:32 hit that zone, man, it’s a high, like you will never, ever, ever experience.
    0:37:36 I encourage everyone, and I’m not here, I’m here to demystify it.
    0:37:52 You will be nervous, always, but go anyway, it’s beautiful, Terry Chris, all right.
    0:37:56 Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors, and we’ll be right back to the show.
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    0:39:24 And now, Richard Kosh, renowned investor and best-selling author of books on business
    0:39:31 and personal success, including The 80/20 Principle and his most recent book, Unreasonable
    0:39:33 Success and How to Achieve It.
    0:39:42 You can find Richard on Twitter @richardkoh8020 Richard, welcome to the show.
    0:39:43 I’m so thrilled to have you.
    0:39:47 It is, in some respects, decades overdue.
    0:39:49 And we were just chatting before clicking record.
    0:39:53 Could you please get us started with wines and spirits?
    0:39:57 It’s a great pleasure to be talking to you, Tim.
    0:40:02 Thank you very much for all your generosity in giving me quotes to put on books and things
    0:40:03 like that.
    0:40:04 That’s very much appreciated.
    0:40:09 I’m not sure that this is a great place to start, but I was just thinking that you had
    0:40:11 reinvented the talk show.
    0:40:18 And when I was 17, and I had the first job in Windsor, England, as a van driver for
    0:40:23 a firm of wines and spirit merchants, they were called Lovey Bonds.
    0:40:28 And they were probably about the most old-fashioned wine and spirit retailer you could possibly
    0:40:29 imagine.
    0:40:35 And one of the things which they did was deliver wine and spirits to quite a distinguished bunch
    0:40:36 of people, actually.
    0:40:42 I used to drive into Windsor Castle and give the brigadier his gin and so on and so forth.
    0:40:45 But one of the other people that I used to visit was Michael Parkinson.
    0:40:50 And Michael Parkinson, as you know, was a very successful sports writer and broadcaster
    0:40:53 who then branched out into doing chat shows.
    0:40:55 And some of the stuff which he did was marvelous.
    0:41:00 I saw a clip the other day of him talking to David Bowie, and it was fantastic.
    0:41:03 They were really enjoying themselves, and they were moving very smartly from point to
    0:41:04 point.
    0:41:09 And that made me think about you because I think you’ve reinvented the chat show on
    0:41:11 podcasts, and it’s just amazing.
    0:41:15 So anyway, that’s my non-story to start with.
    0:41:21 Well, give me time to disappoint, and I appreciate the kind words.
    0:41:27 And I should also say for people listening, those people who perhaps have read the various
    0:41:32 policies on my website will note or received one in my auto response via email will know
    0:41:34 that I say, “I don’t give quotes for books.
    0:41:35 I don’t do forwards.
    0:41:39 I don’t do,” and I have a very long list of do not do’s.
    0:41:45 The reason that I’ve made an exception is that, and if anyone else fits this bill, feel
    0:41:49 free to reach out because I know it’s going to be approximately zero.
    0:41:55 If you’ve written a book like several of your books that have traveled with me for more
    0:42:01 than 10 years from place to place that sit on my shelves face out as a reminder, feel
    0:42:05 free to reach out, but that is going to be a very small number indeed.
    0:42:07 And perhaps we could start.
    0:42:13 This isn’t exactly the beginning, so to speak, but with the Bodleian Library.
    0:42:19 And if you could explain what that is and take us into context from there, I think that
    0:42:20 would be helpful.
    0:42:26 The Bodleian Library is a fantastically beautiful building in Oxford, very close to the college
    0:42:33 that I was at, and I used to sit in there in the stacks and look out of the window whenever
    0:42:37 I could, but the great thing about it was that it had almost any book that you could
    0:42:38 possibly imagine.
    0:42:44 And one day, I decided that I wanted to read a book which I had read about called The Course
    0:42:50 of Economic Theory, but it was in French written by our old friend, Vilfredo Pareto,
    0:42:57 and it was published in Lausanne in, I think, 1896 and 97.
    0:43:03 And I have no idea at all, Tim, why I wanted to read this book, because it wasn’t part
    0:43:08 of my coursework or anything like that, but that was a book in which I discovered the
    0:43:10 80/20 principle.
    0:43:15 And he didn’t call it the 80/20 principle, as you know, but nevertheless, he had all
    0:43:22 these algebraic equations which showed the wealth distribution in England in the 17th
    0:43:28 century, 18th century, 19th century, and also in Italy, France, Switzerland, other countries
    0:43:30 over those periods of time.
    0:43:36 And what he found was that there was the same pattern of distribution of wealth against
    0:43:43 the population, and a remarkably similar chart could be drawn from the algebra for any of
    0:43:49 those countries or any time in order to show what proportion of wealth was owned.
    0:43:53 And of course, it was a very small number of people or proportion of people who actually
    0:43:56 owned most of the wealth or earned most of the money.
    0:44:01 So you might say, well, that’s very arcane, and it’s not particularly interesting, but
    0:44:09 I instantly thought, I can use this, I can use this to cheat in my examinations without
    0:44:12 actually cheating.
    0:44:18 And so what I did was to say, well, I do know that I’m going to have to write 11 papers
    0:44:23 three hours long each at the end of my time in Oxford.
    0:44:28 The Oxford degree is entirely determined by the final examinations.
    0:44:32 There’s no assessment current or there are no previous examinations at all.
    0:44:35 So it’s a very, very important thing.
    0:44:42 But I had noted that on sample papers, there were something like 50 questions or whatever.
    0:44:47 And it’s impossible to imagine that I could actually research or do work on 50 questions
    0:44:49 times 11.
    0:44:55 So I thought, well, maybe if there’s 80/20 principle applies, there will be some questions
    0:44:59 which are asked much more frequently.
    0:45:05 And lo and behold, I got the papers for the history exams for the last 20 years, and it
    0:45:06 was absolutely true.
    0:45:08 There was always a question about the French Revolution.
    0:45:11 There was usually a question about the Russian Revolution.
    0:45:16 There was always a question about the origins of the causes of the First World War and so
    0:45:17 on and so forth.
    0:45:22 So I said to myself, well, you know, I don’t need to study very extensively.
    0:45:25 You could write the answers to three or four questions.
    0:45:28 It was your choice during three hours.
    0:45:35 So what I said was, I will research six subjects, no more for each paper.
    0:45:38 And I will be word perfect.
    0:45:40 I will have very obscure quotes.
    0:45:43 I will use foreign languages that I don’t actually understand.
    0:45:47 I will learn absolutely word perfect.
    0:45:52 And if I do that, I don’t have to do much work and I will get a top degree.
    0:45:54 And lo and behold, that is exactly what happened.
    0:46:00 And then I thought to myself afterwards, gosh, this Manfredo was quite onto something, wasn’t
    0:46:01 he?
    0:46:04 So that was my introduction to the 80/20 principle.
    0:46:06 Perhaps I’ll never look back in some senses.
    0:46:12 You know what is, well, to me, so funny about that in part is that I did something very
    0:46:13 similar.
    0:46:16 I just was not aware of Pareto at this point.
    0:46:24 But when I was doing my undergrad, I about halfway through began asking teachers to get
    0:46:30 them some degree of sort of plausible deniability because I was hesitant to ask outright what
    0:46:33 is going to be on the exam because they’re not supposed to answer such a question.
    0:46:38 But I would ask teachers, or I would say rather, I know I need to study everything that we’ve
    0:46:40 covered for the exam.
    0:46:44 But if there are any particular areas you think I should focus on, would you mind telling
    0:46:45 me?
    0:46:46 And they were very forthcoming.
    0:46:51 So it ended up having a very similar effect, although I definitely was pleased that in
    0:46:55 most cases, not everything hinged on final exams.
    0:47:00 I think I probably would have been crushed under the psychological intimidation of that
    0:47:02 type of sink or swim setup.
    0:47:04 Yeah, I was quite nervous in my exams.
    0:47:09 But I found a solution to that, at least in the afternoons, was that after the morning
    0:47:15 paper, I would go down the pub and have a couple of pints of beer.
    0:47:17 And I found that calm my nose.
    0:47:23 And it was notable that I got better results in the afternoon than I did in the morning.
    0:47:31 Well, that could be in one of your next books if you haven’t covered academic hygiene and
    0:47:32 preparation.
    0:47:40 If we’re looking at formative periods, let’s just say high school, college, university,
    0:47:46 however we want to label it, I’m looking at notes, as I do, in these types of conversations
    0:47:51 from an interview you did with Boing Boing a long time ago, an outlet that I know very
    0:47:52 well.
    0:47:55 And one of the questions posed was, what advice would you give to a smart kid who’s
    0:47:56 now in high school?
    0:47:58 And you can feel free to fact check this incorrect.
    0:48:01 But the answer I’m just going to read briefly and then I have a follow up.
    0:48:06 Discover what you’re best at doing and enjoy that is different from what all of your peers
    0:48:10 are doing that requires relatively little effort from you, then put huge effort into honing
    0:48:14 that skill so that it becomes monstrously greater than anyone else’s.
    0:48:19 Keep demanding that each year you make your peculiar talent more peculiar and much more
    0:48:20 potent.
    0:48:23 Use the skill to make the world a more interesting place.
    0:48:26 Don’t care about making money if you have a fantastically different and useful skill,
    0:48:28 everything else you want will follow.
    0:48:36 So I have two questions, accurate or not accurate, “Secondly, what is your peculiar talent and
    0:48:37 how did you discover it?”
    0:48:41 Well, it’s totally accurate and it’s very easy to give advice and perhaps less easy
    0:48:45 to originate the advice or at least to exemplify the advice.
    0:48:51 I was always very, very interested in history because it enabled me to develop a certain
    0:48:55 skill in analysis with non quantitative analysis.
    0:49:01 I’m absolutely hopeless at numbers, but in terms of understanding structures, in terms
    0:49:07 of understanding trends, in terms of really getting to grips with what might have happened
    0:49:10 that other people had not noticed.
    0:49:16 And that’s what I did and, you know, I came up with some pretty wacky ideas during my
    0:49:21 time studying history, but I thought that they were plausible and the examiners must
    0:49:22 have thought so too.
    0:49:26 I mean, for example, it seemed to me that Hitler had been copied pretty much what Lenin and
    0:49:27 Stalin had done.
    0:49:33 So of course, Hitler was a great anti-communist and they were great anti-Nazis, but he actually
    0:49:39 had followed Lenin’s policy, for example, of a one-party state which no one before Lenin
    0:49:46 had really done, and of death camps for dissidents and enemies of the regime.
    0:49:52 Again, no one had really done that, certainly not on such a ruthless scale as Lenin and
    0:49:53 later Stalin did.
    0:50:00 So it was my theory that Hitler had based his policy on the Bolsheviks and that’s just
    0:50:01 a little example.
    0:50:05 I’m not absolutely sure that’s true, but it’s plausible.
    0:50:11 And it’s sort of trying to winkle out things that might be true, which are interesting
    0:50:14 and important, but which no one else has spotted.
    0:50:15 That’s what I try and do.
    0:50:16 That’s what I enjoy doing.
    0:50:21 So you mentioned hopeless with numbers now, or maybe I injected the hopeless.
    0:50:27 But you were very self-deprecating with respect to numbers and numeracy.
    0:50:34 And yet, people would look at your track record of investing as an example and ask, “How can
    0:50:36 that possibly be the case?”
    0:50:42 So again, in my notes, I have Betfair here, which I would love for you to explain, but
    0:50:45 it adds that you couldn’t use their website.
    0:50:48 Now, please explain.
    0:50:49 Okay.
    0:50:55 Well, the way of reconciling those two apparently different things, I do have a very good track
    0:50:56 record.
    0:51:02 Thank God, I’ve been very lucky or very fortunate, at least, in my investments, but it’s not
    0:51:06 based on being an analyst in the conventional sense.
    0:51:10 I got fired from the Boston Consulting Group because I was no good at doing financial and
    0:51:14 market analysis, despite the fact that I was quite good at doing some other things, which
    0:51:16 they didn’t value very much.
    0:51:23 It is true that I’m not particularly numerate, but I believe that’s a skill which is readily
    0:51:25 available from other people.
    0:51:31 And as far as Betfair is concerned, I base my investment, as indeed all my investments
    0:51:35 are based on the STAAR principle, which was something that the Boston Consulting Group
    0:51:39 themselves had invented way back in the 1960s.
    0:51:44 And this is the old chart of the DOGS, STARS, question marks, and cash cows.
    0:51:50 So I never make an investment unless the business is a STAAR business or has the potential to
    0:51:52 be a STAAR business.
    0:51:57 And BCG’s definition, my definition of a STAAR business, is that market leader in a
    0:52:04 niche, a defensible niche, where you can protect it against other people, other competitors,
    0:52:05 and a high market growth rate.
    0:52:07 BCG said more than 10%.
    0:52:11 I’ve really tried to aim at more than 30%.
    0:52:19 And the thing about Betfair was that a friend of mine in 2001 came along and said, “We started
    0:52:20 this betting company.”
    0:52:26 And I’m a gambler, I like gambling, and we think it’s completely different from anything
    0:52:28 else because it’s not a bookmaker.
    0:52:30 And I said, “Well, what do you mean?”
    0:52:36 And he said, “Well, a bookmaker is someone who makes a book and basically offers odds
    0:52:40 to punters gamblers who might want to bet on it.”
    0:52:42 But Betfair doesn’t do that.
    0:52:50 What it does is it started an electronic market which enables people to either act as a bookmaker
    0:52:52 or to act as a punter.
    0:52:59 So you can go onto the site and you can see, post it up there, the odds other people will
    0:53:00 give.
    0:53:04 And the odds for the punters are vastly better because there’s no bookmaker’s profit.
    0:53:08 Now, I said, “Well, it can’t be true because Betfair has to make some money.
    0:53:09 How do they make money?
    0:53:10 What’s their business model?”
    0:53:15 He said, “Well, they have a very small commission which they take and they only take that on
    0:53:16 winning bets.”
    0:53:18 So I said, “Well, that sounds like a fantastic idea.
    0:53:20 So what’s the problem?”
    0:53:24 And he said, “Well, do you want the real truth?”
    0:53:26 And so I said, “Yeah, of course I want Anthony, of course I want the real truth.
    0:53:27 What’s the problem?”
    0:53:34 He said, “Well, no venture capitalist, no professional financial firm would invest in
    0:53:35 this company.
    0:53:40 When they first had their round, they started about six months previous to this.”
    0:53:43 And he said then there was, from their point of view, a very good reason for that which
    0:53:49 was none of the managers in the business had any experience.
    0:53:51 I said, “Oh, you mean they didn’t have experience in the industry?”
    0:53:55 He said, “No, no, they don’t have experience in the industry.”
    0:54:00 Well, one of them used to be a professional gambler, but that’s not experience which venture
    0:54:03 capitalists would recognize as being habitable.
    0:54:06 He said, “No, they never run anything.”
    0:54:12 And I said to me, “So, Anthony, you’re telling me that I should put money into a business
    0:54:15 that has people running it, they’ve never run anything else?”
    0:54:21 He said, “Well, one of them used to be a financial debt person at Morgan Stanley.”
    0:54:26 And he was making, you know, he was trading loans and doing that sort of stuff.
    0:54:29 And he said, “You know, trading loans is not a million miles away from running a betting
    0:54:30 exchange.”
    0:54:38 But the truth was that they really were all sports enthusiasts or gambling enthusiasts.
    0:54:42 And none of them had any experience in management, which explained why it was only friends and
    0:54:48 family who had been willing to invest in this particular company.
    0:54:49 So I said to Anthony, “Well, what’s the attraction?”
    0:54:51 He said, “It’s a star business, Richard.”
    0:54:57 And Anthony had worked for me in L.E.K. and also in a company we set up after L.E.K. called
    0:54:59 Strategy Ventures.
    0:55:05 And so he knew that I knew that the way to make money in investing in small businesses
    0:55:10 was to actually invest in something which could be or was a star business.
    0:55:16 So even though it was tiny, and even though it was losing money, it was clear that Betfair
    0:55:19 was indeed a star business.
    0:55:20 And why was it clear?
    0:55:21 Because no one else was doing what they were doing.
    0:55:25 Their business model was completely different, their cost structure was completely different,
    0:55:29 their customers were completely different, all of their customers were sophisticated and
    0:55:35 quite large, not all of them, but most of them were sophisticated and quite large gamblers.
    0:55:41 And so they didn’t compete with Ladbrooks or Corals, the other British bookmakers.
    0:55:44 And in fact, they didn’t compete with anybody because there was nobody.
    0:55:49 There was actually another firm set up originally in San Francisco called Flutter.
    0:55:51 It had a slightly different business model.
    0:55:55 So it had no competition, it had infinite relative market share.
    0:55:58 So I said, “Well, that’s fantastic.”
    0:56:01 So he said, “Well, let me give you the website.
    0:56:03 You can go on and see how it works.”
    0:56:08 Well, unfortunately, I couldn’t because I didn’t know how to work the website.
    0:56:13 And I went along and talked to the people and just tried to make sure that it was indeed
    0:56:20 a star business and that I thought that it could actually get some professional management
    0:56:21 later on.
    0:56:29 And so after an hour, I decided to invest £1.5 million in that business.
    0:56:31 And they were quite shocked by that.
    0:56:33 And they said, “Well, are you sure?”
    0:56:37 And I explained to them what a star business was and how it was wonderful and how they
    0:56:41 should be very pleased to be having a star business and all the rest of it.
    0:56:43 But they were quite taken aback at that.
    0:56:46 And they had been trying to raise money again from institutions.
    0:56:48 They’d all said no.
    0:56:53 And the mates that they had to put the money in originally, you know, didn’t want to put
    0:56:57 more money in, particularly as they used that money much more quickly than expected.
    0:57:01 The reason they used the money much more quickly than expected was that the growth was fantastic
    0:57:08 and it was a tiny, tiny, tiny business, but it was growing at 40%, 50%, even 60% a month.
    0:57:11 And I said, “Well, the other thing which I believe in apart from the star principle
    0:57:13 is the compound growth rate.”
    0:57:17 And so I looked at their financial projections and I thought they’re incredibly conservative
    0:57:20 considering the market growth rate.
    0:57:27 And so I invested and I went on to the board and about four years later, the Chaps had
    0:57:33 an away day at which I said how wonderful star businesses were and so on and so forth.
    0:57:39 And then I said, “And actually, last week, I decided it was time that I actually learned
    0:57:42 how to use the website that you have.”
    0:57:44 And they all fell about laughing.
    0:57:45 They thought I was joking.
    0:57:48 And I said, “No, I did, I think it’s great, great website.”
    0:57:52 And they said to me, “Well, how could you possibly have invested in the business without
    0:57:54 sort of going on to the website?”
    0:57:56 And I said, “Well, it’s a star business.”
    0:58:01 And they said, “I think I went down in their estimation quite considerably as a result
    0:58:04 of that definition.”
    0:58:06 And of course, now I use the website most days.
    0:58:08 I think it’s a wonderful website.
    0:58:12 I’ve sold my shares, so I’m not advertising the company or anything like that.
    0:58:16 But I ended up making about 100 million pounds profit out of that investment.
    0:58:19 So that’s the power of the star principle.
    0:58:25 So how can someone who’s not numerate make money out of what is generally a highly-numerate
    0:58:26 industry?
    0:58:27 Well, the answer to him is very simple.
    0:58:31 I believe in principles, and I believe in the star principle.
    0:58:32 And it works.
    0:58:35 I’m the only investor in the world that does this.
    0:58:40 And I think I’m the only investor of the world at my scale, but doesn’t employ anyone.
    0:58:44 And that does it on the basis of probably about a day or week of work.
    0:58:47 I do use my personal assistants to do some of the work.
    0:58:53 I do use contacts for special particular jobs, but I don’t have any staff.
    0:58:59 And when I tell people this, they say, “Well, your portfolio is X, that’s absolutely unbelievable.”
    0:59:03 I said, “Well, I’ve only got one question when I invest in a business.
    0:59:06 Is it a star business or could it be a star business?
    0:59:10 And once I’ve invested, I want to retain it as a star business or make it more dominant.
    0:59:14 And the only question is, how do you do that?
    0:59:18 And so life is very simple.
    0:59:22 I’m laughing because we could have five hours and I’m going to run out of time before I
    0:59:23 run out of questions.
    0:59:24 So let’s bookmark a few things.
    0:59:27 We’re going to come back to knowledge versus principles.
    0:59:28 So we’ll bookmark that.
    0:59:32 I want to just make it clear, at least from Wikipedia.
    0:59:37 And Wikipedia, of course, is subject to debate, but often an accurate.
    0:59:42 And Betfair is described as the world’s largest online betting exchange.
    0:59:46 Just for those who are looking for some type of perspective and are not familiar with the
    0:59:48 company.
    0:59:51 And you had mentioned gambling and liking gambling.
    0:59:56 I want to dig into that because it strikes me that you may enjoy gambling, but you’re
    0:59:59 also very good at placing bets.
    1:00:01 And those are not necessarily the same thing.
    1:00:07 If we think about the psychological dynamics, drivers and criteria involved.
    1:00:14 And I want to explain also to people listening that investing is a wonderful metaphor and
    1:00:19 framework for exploring principles that apply elsewhere.
    1:00:24 Thinking processes that apply elsewhere or perhaps even everywhere.
    1:00:26 So my question for you is very specific.
    1:00:28 1.5 million.
    1:00:31 How did you decide on that bet sizing?
    1:00:33 That was all the money I had.
    1:00:34 Holy shit.
    1:00:35 Wow.
    1:00:36 Okay.
    1:00:37 So you just pushed in all your chips?
    1:00:38 Yeah.
    1:00:39 All my liquid assets.
    1:00:42 And this is quite typical for me.
    1:00:43 I want to be full.
    1:00:48 It’s something I’ll talk about later, which is that one of the things which is quite absurd
    1:00:53 about me is that I actually don’t have very much money to spend and I don’t really mind
    1:00:54 that.
    1:00:57 I tend to, when I’m in London, for example, in normal circumstances, I would take public
    1:00:58 transport.
    1:00:59 I would go on a bus or the tube.
    1:01:05 I would cycle if I possibly could, but I wouldn’t take a taxi or even an Uber unless
    1:01:10 it was absolutely, you know, it was desperately short of time and I don’t believe in being
    1:01:11 desperately short of time.
    1:01:15 I always make sure I have plenty of time because I don’t want to be rushed and because I can
    1:01:18 always use the time to think or whatever.
    1:01:21 So how do I just decide on the bet size?
    1:01:25 You know, it’s just a matter of what I have available if I think it’s a good bet.
    1:01:29 I hasten to add I don’t make money out of my horse racing gambling.
    1:01:34 That is purely an entertainment and I don’t place particularly large bets relative to
    1:01:36 my net worth either.
    1:01:41 If I can go for 18 months without having to put any more money in my account, I’m very
    1:01:42 happy.
    1:01:43 It’s a different kind of bet.
    1:01:48 I mean, gambling, conventional gambling, whether it’s poker or it’s at the root casino or
    1:01:54 it’s horse racing or it’s betting on tennis or baseball or football or anything like that.
    1:01:58 I think there are people who make money at it, but they usually either have some inside
    1:02:04 information or they are incredibly skilled at judging probabilities and they often have
    1:02:05 even research.
    1:02:12 I know someone who had 15 employees tracking football in order to see whether the odds
    1:02:16 on particular football matches were right or not and he would take positions and he
    1:02:19 made a lot of money out of that consistently every year.
    1:02:23 But you know, someone like me who doesn’t know a lot about football, knows nothing about
    1:02:27 football, doesn’t know a great deal about horse racing, is at a certain disadvantage.
    1:02:32 I just I’d have a particular method which I use, which is based on looking not where
    1:02:37 the horse came in the race, but on the time relative to other times.
    1:02:40 And all that is calculated on the Racing Post website.
    1:02:43 It’s called something called top speed.
    1:02:47 And whenever I make a lot of money in horse racing, it’s because top speed has shown me
    1:02:52 a horse which is not far away from the favourite, but might be at odds of 30 to 1 or in one
    1:02:55 case it was even 330 to 1.
    1:03:03 That’s unusual, but betting on companies is fantastic because if you understand how important
    1:03:08 relative market share is, and if you understand whether or not a company is able to segment
    1:03:14 itself and therefore have a defensible position in a particular segment like Betfair, then
    1:03:20 it’s absolutely fantastic because you can, you know, you can basically invest and know
    1:03:26 that you might lose your money, but overall, you’re going to do very well out of that.
    1:03:30 And, you know, I have very rarely lost money on star businesses.
    1:03:34 The cases where I’ve lost money is where I thought something might become a star business
    1:03:35 and it wasn’t.
    1:03:37 Does that answer your question?
    1:03:38 It does.
    1:03:42 And I have a whole handful more to follow up.
    1:03:46 So you wrote an entire book on this, the Star Principle 2008 that was published in 2008,
    1:03:50 spoken investing in star businesses, that was the focus.
    1:03:58 When you say segment itself, businesses that can segment itself, and you mentioned Betfair,
    1:04:00 what does segmenting itself mean?
    1:04:08 It means that it defines the market in a way that nobody else has done or that very few
    1:04:12 people do and therefore that it’s possible to become the market leader in it.
    1:04:14 So Betfair is a very good example of that.
    1:04:19 It’s a betting exchange, which is an electronic market where people can post bets on either
    1:04:21 side by or cell.
    1:04:26 It doesn’t take principal positions, as bookmakers do.
    1:04:30 So it’s, once it’s overheads a covered, it can’t lose money.
    1:04:37 And it competes against other betting exchanges, not against the big bookmakers, because anyone
    1:04:43 who’s a big gambler isn’t going to go to Ladbrooks or Corals or the Tote or Paddy Power or any
    1:04:48 of those conventional bookmakers, because they know that the bookmaker typically takes
    1:04:51 out about 10% on each event.
    1:04:57 And Betfair takes out maybe 2%, but that’s only half the time, if you win half the time
    1:04:58 and lose half the time.
    1:05:01 So it’s 1% plays 10%.
    1:05:05 And therefore it means that the customer profile is completely different.
    1:05:09 And the way that the cost structure operates is completely different.
    1:05:16 So it’s a separate business segment, because it’s not competing with conventional betting
    1:05:17 firms.
    1:05:20 So it means that a company has to do something differently.
    1:05:26 It either has to have a price advantage, and therefore a cost advantage in the way that
    1:05:34 Betfair does, or it has to offer something which is so attractive that people will pay,
    1:05:37 and if it’s the same price, they will actually go there.
    1:05:43 So the three things that you want to do if you want to, what I call proposition simplify,
    1:05:45 you have to have something which is very useful.
    1:05:50 You have to have something which is easy to use, and preferably you want something which
    1:05:54 is aesthetically pleasing, which gratifies you as a joy to use.
    1:05:59 And if you think about any of the Apple devices, then they created their own segments with
    1:06:07 the iPod and the iPad, and the iPhone, and other devices, because it was different from
    1:06:12 conventional competition, even the Mac really didn’t compete head to head with IBM.
    1:06:18 And anything where you can get a big price premium, for example, 30% plus, as Apple’s
    1:06:22 been able to do on all of its devices, at least at the start, you have something which
    1:06:29 is a separate segment, because it’s not competing against the low cost competitor.
    1:06:34 And if you are going to be a low cost competitor, you want to be low cost in a segment which
    1:06:39 is different from the other segments, because otherwise, the existing large companies will
    1:06:41 eat you for breakfast.
    1:06:46 You are unconventional in many different respects, and I’d like to ask you a personal question
    1:06:53 you can feel free to decline to answer this question, but I’m very curious as to what
    1:07:00 your investment portfolio looks like, what principles govern its composition, because
    1:07:06 you had mentioned that you’re quite happy to have small amounts of liquid assets, cash
    1:07:07 available.
    1:07:12 So what does your portfolio look like, to the extent that you’re comfortable discussing
    1:07:13 it?
    1:07:15 What are the principles that govern its composition?
    1:07:21 Well, it’s pretty much an illustration of the AT-Trends principle, but more so, I suppose
    1:07:27 my most valuable single, I’ve got about 40 assets, companies in which I’ve invested,
    1:07:33 and the most valuable company in the portfolio constitutes about half the total value, and
    1:07:37 another one constitutes about a quarter of the total value.
    1:07:43 And so in a way, that also simplifies my life, because if I take care of those two particular
    1:07:48 assets and know that they’re going to do well, or think that they’re going to do well, then
    1:07:49 I can be relatively relaxed.
    1:07:57 I’m quite happy to increase my share in companies once I know, or think I know, and I’m not
    1:08:01 infallible, that they are going to be successful.
    1:08:07 So for example, the company that is my largest single investment, I started off with a relatively
    1:08:12 modest investment that might have had about 2% of the company, and I’m now up to 60% of
    1:08:13 the company.
    1:08:18 And basically what I’m doing is buying my shares from the existing shareholders whenever
    1:08:23 there is an opportunity to make an offer for shares, which is when I’ve got some money.
    1:08:25 So that’s the principle.
    1:08:28 I don’t have any rules on industry.
    1:08:30 I don’t care what industry it’s in.
    1:08:34 I don’t really care very much what the management is like, because the management doesn’t perform
    1:08:37 management will eventually get replaced.
    1:08:43 I don’t really care where it is, as long as it’s not, well, as long as it’s in Europe,
    1:08:47 because I think I understand European markets, I won’t invest in the US because competition
    1:08:52 is too great, and also because I don’t like the IRS.
    1:08:55 And also, I don’t know anything about American investment.
    1:09:04 So it’s basically a European portfolio, industry irrelevant, and I don’t care about concentration.
    1:09:07 In fact, I rather like concentration.
    1:09:12 Let’s go back to getting fired.
    1:09:13 Just to warm up the conversation.
    1:09:16 So what happened after you were fired?
    1:09:21 And could you actually tell us more about the day that you were fired?
    1:09:23 What was the conversation?
    1:09:24 What was that experience like?
    1:09:26 And then what happened after you were fired?
    1:09:30 Well, it was a slow firing, and in fact, it was a very gentle firing.
    1:09:36 BCG, like McKinsey, McKinsey invented the phrase “up or out.”
    1:09:40 And at McKinsey, they would say that after three years, you would be assessed.
    1:09:44 And if you were really good at their business, you would get promoted.
    1:09:46 And if you weren’t, you’d be asked to leave.
    1:09:51 But they would do it in a very, very nice way, because they were sort of dividing the
    1:09:55 sheep and the goats, the sheep were the people who were good enough for McKinsey, and the
    1:09:58 goats were people who were good enough to be McKinsey clients.
    1:10:02 So that was their philosophy, and they were terribly nice to the people.
    1:10:07 But in fact, it was kind of like, it was a form of, I don’t know, it was a form of sort
    1:10:15 of psychological one-upmanship, because the people who left generally weren’t as bright
    1:10:16 as the other people.
    1:10:19 It wasn’t that they could do things that the McKinsey people couldn’t do.
    1:10:25 It was that they weren’t as bright in terms of the strategy of a business and analysis
    1:10:27 and so on and so forth.
    1:10:28 So that worked extremely well.
    1:10:35 Well, BCG did not have quite as rigid a formula as McKinsey, but they did have this policy.
    1:10:41 But if after three or four years, you had not been made from a consultant into a manager,
    1:10:45 a consultant was a typical entry level for someone who’d been to business school, you’d
    1:10:50 be pretty much an anomaly, would be the way that they would probably put it, and therefore
    1:10:54 you might start thinking about what you wanted to do.
    1:11:00 And so I had a number of those conversations with people, but I said to them, look, you’re
    1:11:01 dead wrong.
    1:11:02 This was me.
    1:11:07 This is me in my arrogant youth, and maybe I haven’t got rid of the arrogance altogether.
    1:11:11 I said, look, I’m no good at analysis, but I can charm the clients.
    1:11:13 I can talk to the clients.
    1:11:20 I’m quite articulate, and I can understand what the issues are, the strategic issues,
    1:11:21 and I can relate those to the clients.
    1:11:25 So, you know, I might not be very good at being a consultant.
    1:11:29 I might not even be very good at being a manager, but why don’t you make me a vice president,
    1:11:32 because I can actually do rather well?
    1:11:33 And they would chortle.
    1:11:36 They would say, Richard, you know, we have to have a hierarchy.
    1:11:41 And I said, well, you know, X, Adrian, for example, Adrian’s now a vice president.
    1:11:47 We all know that he was a pretty good consultant, but he wasn’t a terribly good manager because
    1:11:53 he couldn’t command the analysis, and that’s the heart of, you know, what BCG does.
    1:11:54 So he had to rely on other people to do it.
    1:11:59 But now he’s a vice president, he’s selling a lot of business very successfully and helping
    1:12:00 clients.
    1:12:03 So, I’m like Adrian, basically.
    1:12:05 And they would, again, chortle a bit.
    1:12:10 But eventually, a guy called, a very nice guy called Phil Hume, who later started Computer
    1:12:15 Centre and made quite a lot of money out of Computer Centre, sat me down and said, Richard,
    1:12:17 you know, you are running out of road a bit.
    1:12:22 And I said, well, look, I got a fantastic assessment from Roy Barby the other day.
    1:12:26 You know, he said, how much the clients love me, he said, yes, Richard, we know that.
    1:12:29 But basically, you can’t do what is really our power alley.
    1:12:33 So you maybe you’ll sort of think about looking around.
    1:12:38 And I came out from that meeting thinking, is he right?
    1:12:39 Is he right about this?
    1:12:40 Or am I right?
    1:12:43 And I thought to myself, well, maybe he’s right.
    1:12:50 So I actually then very quickly went to other consulting firms, to McKinsey and to Bain
    1:12:51 & Company, to see whether they-
    1:12:54 I say something, Richard, just for a second.
    1:12:59 That is for people who don’t have any context on management consulting.
    1:13:03 When you say McKinsey, when you talk about Boston Consulting Group, when you talk about
    1:13:07 Bain & Company, just as a point of reference for folks who may not be familiar with this
    1:13:08 industry.
    1:13:12 When I was studying at Princeton, there are exactly two industries that recruited heavily.
    1:13:17 You had the investment banks, you had Goldman Sachs and a handful like that.
    1:13:21 And then you had what were considered the elite of the elite of management consulting.
    1:13:27 And that included McKinsey, BCG, in other words, Boston Consulting Group, Bain & Company,
    1:13:28 and so on.
    1:13:33 So these are the most prestigious names in the world of management or strategy consulting.
    1:13:36 I just wanted to add that as a bit of background.
    1:13:37 Yeah.
    1:13:38 Thank you.
    1:13:39 Sorry.
    1:13:40 I always assume everyone knows and they don’t.
    1:13:41 I mean, it’s a very-
    1:13:44 When I was doing it, it was a very obscure industry.
    1:13:46 And now it’s less obscure, but it’s still pretty obscure.
    1:13:48 Anyway, I went to McKinsey.
    1:13:53 They said, “No, you’re a bright guy, but we don’t think you should be doing this management
    1:13:58 consulting stuff because you want to make decisions rather than advise.”
    1:14:00 And I said, “Yeah, that’s probably true.
    1:14:03 Bain & Company I’ll come back to in a second.”
    1:14:05 I then said, “Well, maybe I should be a headhunter.”
    1:14:10 And I was actually approached by firm headhunters, some of whom knew me personally.
    1:14:16 And so I went off to see Egon Zender in Zurich with a view to becoming an Egon Zender was
    1:14:21 the leading at that time, probably still is the leading European headhunter.
    1:14:25 Just a footnote there for people, headhunting means recruiting, right?
    1:14:30 A very high level and taking very large amounts of money from the clock.
    1:14:35 So anyway, I talked to Egon Zender, and he offered me a job on the spot, and I was very
    1:14:37 nearly accepted on the spot.
    1:14:42 But when I sort of examined my heart, I came back to the conclusion that I thought BCG
    1:14:47 was wrong and that I might not suit BCG, but I thought, you know, maybe I can get the job
    1:14:49 in another consulting firm.
    1:14:54 There happened to be another individual who had left the Boston Consulting Group and joined
    1:14:59 Bain & Company, a guy who rejoiced in the name of Floyd Bradley III.
    1:15:04 You might tell he was an American, very, very nice guy, quite a smart guy.
    1:15:08 Anyway, so he, I arranged to have a drink with him and said, “I’m not too happy with
    1:15:09 BCG.
    1:15:11 I don’t think they’re moving me on fast enough.
    1:15:14 How about Bain & Company, do you think that they would be interesting?”
    1:15:18 He said, “Yes, they’re always looking for people that find it quite difficult to recruit
    1:15:19 people at this stage.”
    1:15:22 And so I said, “Fine, I’ll go along and talk to them.”
    1:15:25 So I went along and talked to the head of the London office and he said, “We’ll send you
    1:15:27 off to Boston.”
    1:15:29 Now, this was very interesting for me.
    1:15:34 It was my one chance, basically, to stay in the industry that I wanted to stay in.
    1:15:39 The only problem with Bain & Company was that it had a reputation for being an extremely
    1:15:47 hierarchical, strict, controlled, almost mystical outfit where you had to do what you were told.
    1:15:53 Whereas BCG actually was a pretty freewheeling, entrepreneurial sort of firm, reflecting
    1:15:58 the difference in character between the guy who had started BCG, Bruce Henderson, and
    1:16:01 the guy who runs, or ran rather, Bain & Company.
    1:16:06 I should say that he’s dead now, so I can’t be sued for libel or slander or whatever it
    1:16:07 is and neither can you.
    1:16:12 Although, I have the utmost respect for Bill Bain, as I come on and say it in a second.
    1:16:14 So they sent me off to Boston.
    1:16:15 So there I was.
    1:16:19 I had a four o’clock appointment to see Bill Bain.
    1:16:26 In the afternoons, I got off the plane, got a cab to Boston office, turned up at the desk
    1:16:31 and said, “I’m here to see Mr. Bain at four o’clock.”
    1:16:34 And the woman sort of looked a bit confused and numerous.
    1:16:39 And basically, what had happened was that someone in the London office had not told
    1:16:42 the Boston people, “Well, they’ve given me a ticket to go and see him.
    1:16:45 They’ve given me an appointment time.”
    1:16:50 Apparently, it had not somehow not got into the agenda of Mr. Bain.
    1:16:51 So they said, “Come back following morning.”
    1:16:53 So I went back following morning.
    1:16:54 And there I was.
    1:16:55 You know, I went through the offices.
    1:17:01 They were, the offices were quite remarkable, they’re beautiful offices, but the associates,
    1:17:04 the consultants and the researchers were all hunched together.
    1:17:08 It was not quite a sweatshop, it was a very nice sweatshop, but you could see that they
    1:17:13 were either expanding very fast or very tight on the rental cost.
    1:17:18 And then I went into Bill Bain’s office and it was palatial.
    1:17:24 You know, it was stuffed full of basketball and baseball trophies and insignia and paraphernalia
    1:17:25 of all sorts.
    1:17:31 And he was sitting behind this large desk and got up very graciously to meet me and said,
    1:17:32 “Do you want anything to drink?”
    1:17:35 And I said, “No, I don’t want anything, thank you.”
    1:17:37 And then he started talking to me.
    1:17:42 Well, it was very fortunate for me because I didn’t find out until afterwards, but it
    1:17:44 turned out that Bill Bain was a historian.
    1:17:45 That was his undergraduate degree.
    1:17:50 And in fact, he had spent a year doing postgraduate research, which he eventually gave up because
    1:17:55 he thought it was terribly boring and because he got offered a better job as the development
    1:17:57 director of Vanderbilt University.
    1:18:03 But during the course of that interview, Bill Bain said something and I thought, “Well,
    1:18:06 I want to ask him a question,” but he was in full flood.
    1:18:10 So I let him carry on talking until probably about 20 minutes afterwards.
    1:18:15 And then I went back to it and said, “You know, if I got it right, Mr. Bain, you said earlier,
    1:18:19 such and such and such and such, and I want to ask you a question about that, blah, blah,
    1:18:20 blah.”
    1:18:23 “You’re incredibly unusual,” and I said, “What?”
    1:18:28 And he said, “Well, you’re a very good listener and not many people are good listeners.”
    1:18:31 And I wasn’t aware that I was a good listener and maybe it was just that I was so desperate
    1:18:36 to get a job that actually, I was actually listening, but I was also very curious about
    1:18:42 the business because right at the start when I had joined BCG, I thought, “What a wonderful
    1:18:44 industry this is.
    1:18:49 It requires no work in capital and basically they charge huge fees.
    1:18:51 They don’t pay people a hell of a lot of money.
    1:18:54 Eventually they give them bonuses, which is where the work in capital comes from, the
    1:18:58 difference between the standard pay and the markup, which is some of which is eventually
    1:19:01 rebated to the professionals involved.
    1:19:04 And it’s expanding very, very fast.
    1:19:09 And they’ve got this great model called the growth share matrix because it’s got market
    1:19:14 growth on one axis and it’s got the relative market share on the other.
    1:19:19 So they call it a growth share matrix, but it’s more popularly known as the Boston box.
    1:19:24 And it’s this thing which has cash cows, dogs, question marks and stars.
    1:19:28 The one thing I just wanted to say also as an observation of friends who’ve come out
    1:19:34 of McKinsey is that it seems that two by two matrices are very popular for organizing thought.
    1:19:35 Yes.
    1:19:37 And in fact, McKinsey went one better.
    1:19:43 They developed an imitation of the Boston box, which was a three by three matrix.
    1:19:47 But as always, economy is everything and it wasn’t as good and it isn’t as good in my
    1:19:48 humble opinion.
    1:19:55 Anyway, the end of the story is that Bill was quite taken with me and I quite surprised
    1:20:00 and he said, “I want you to come and talk to Ralph Willard, one of the other founders
    1:20:02 of Bain and Company.”
    1:20:06 And Ralph was a very jolly chap and we got on very well and so on and so forth.
    1:20:08 So they actually offered me a job.
    1:20:13 And then I said to them, “Well, Ralph said, “How much do you want to be paid?”
    1:20:17 And I said, “Well, I’m earning such and such at Boston Cosology Group, but obviously if
    1:20:20 I’m going to take a step like this, I want a 50% increase.”
    1:20:21 “50%?”
    1:20:22 “That’s ridiculous.”
    1:20:29 And I said, “Well, you know, maybe you can just make me an advance for joining and not
    1:20:31 consolidate it into the salary.”
    1:20:36 But you know, at that stage, I was feeling confident that they wanted me.
    1:20:38 So I sort of raised the stakes a little bit.
    1:20:42 It’s like the fact that at the beginning of the day, I was totally desperate and if they’d
    1:20:46 offered me a job after an hour, I wouldn’t have cared what they were going to pay.
    1:20:52 But anyway, they did eventually pay me quite a large amount of money to join and at the
    1:20:57 same time, I then went back to BCG and said, “You know, I think you’re making a mistake,
    1:21:01 but if you want me to leave, you know, I’ve got all this money, which I’m due in a few
    1:21:05 months time as a bonus and the rest, please, can I have that?”
    1:21:07 And to my surprise, they said, “Yes, okay.”
    1:21:11 I mean, they were so desperate to get rid of me that they agreed.
    1:21:16 So I made quite a bit of money from BCG and from Bain and Company.
    1:21:19 So it was quite, apart from the fact that the previous two or three years have been very,
    1:21:20 very miserable.
    1:21:26 I redoubled my efforts to succeed at BCG, I worked 80 hours a week, I got fat in the
    1:21:28 face from eating fast food at night.
    1:21:32 I basically neglected my personal relationship, I stopped exercising.
    1:21:38 It was a complete disaster and if I was to give advice to anybody who’s in a similar
    1:21:43 situation or even a less desperate situation, I would say, “If you’re not succeeding in
    1:21:49 a job, give up and go somewhere else where, you know, your talents can be better appreciated
    1:21:52 or your talents are more suited to what that firm does.”
    1:21:56 So I just, Tim, I just could not admit failure.
    1:22:01 This was the thing, you know, I just, to me, personal success was absolutely essential
    1:22:06 to my happiness and it affected my self-image and all the rest.
    1:22:12 And I could not believe that these very intelligent people at BCG couldn’t see the things that
    1:22:17 I could do and it would have been far better for me to say, “Well, you know, they just
    1:22:22 have a different business model, analysis quantitative heavy-duty stuff is their bag
    1:22:26 and you know, it’s not something I can do particularly well.”
    1:22:31 And so please give up and stop and, you know, decide whether you want to be in the industry
    1:22:35 or decide if you do want to be in the industry, go to a competitor.
    1:22:39 So the long and short of that story is that it worked out extremely well in the end but
    1:22:44 it was absolutely, ball-zaking, very unpleasant for a competitor.
    1:22:50 I wanted my pound of flesh at the end of all the suffering that we’ve gone through.
    1:22:58 What did Bain and Company appreciate about you or utilize in you that was not utilized
    1:22:59 or appreciated at BCG?
    1:23:05 Oh, it was, it’s very simple to answer that because I’ve always been interested in what
    1:23:11 I call the theology of business and by that I mean the business model that a particular
    1:23:18 firm has and BCG and Bain and Company were very, very interesting to me and this goes
    1:23:20 back to your first question about, “What am I good at doing?”
    1:23:27 I actually did analyze in my mind, not quantitatively, the business model that BCG had and the
    1:23:32 business model that Bain and Company had and they used the same concepts.
    1:23:38 They were all using it, both using the gross share matrix of Boston Box, etc., which incidentally
    1:23:44 Bill Bain had helped to originate so it wasn’t really plagiarism and indeed BCG had put the
    1:23:47 stuff out there in the public domain so it wasn’t, you know, they weren’t doing anything
    1:23:53 underhand but they were using all BCG’s concepts but the firms were completely different and
    1:23:56 let me try and describe how they were very different.
    1:24:04 BCG, as I said before, was a very sort of decentralized company and the vice presidents
    1:24:10 who were in charge of particular clients were sort of almost autonomous profit centers.
    1:24:14 Bruce absolutely believed in the market.
    1:24:19 He was a red toothed capitalist, you know, he really read in tooth and claw.
    1:24:25 He really believed in competition and so on and so forth, so much so that he divided his
    1:24:31 firm at one stage and this is quite interesting, this was before my time, but he divided the
    1:24:38 firm into three different parts and his view was that if one of those firms had developed
    1:24:43 a slightly different way of doing things or if they were successful for any particular
    1:24:47 reason, then the other firms could learn from that and the market would clear as he was
    1:24:54 fond of saying and what happened was that he put Bill Bain whom he had hired from Vanderbilt
    1:24:59 University, where he was a development director and met Bill Bain because he had the begging
    1:25:07 bowl out as an alumnus of Vanderbilt, Bruce is an alumnus and he asked Bruce, will you
    1:25:11 give money to Vanderbilt University and Bruce said no, but come to Boston and we’ll talk
    1:25:13 about giving you a job.
    1:25:17 So you know, that was kind of like the back story from that point of view, but BCG was
    1:25:25 very, very decentralized and even each individual consultant or all the professionals were actually
    1:25:31 profit centers, they were rewarded at the end of the year, not on how well they’d done,
    1:25:37 not on their team performance, not on anything really, but what he called their billability
    1:25:42 which is a number of hours that they had actually built and incidentally, I was probably one
    1:25:47 of the most billable people because I was willing to work for a long hours and because
    1:25:52 initially at least anyway, people wanted me on their teams and if they didn’t want me,
    1:25:58 I could even sell my own work so I had to be included in the people who were on that.
    1:26:04 But it was very, very decentralized, Bain and Company on the other hand was a very, very
    1:26:11 controlled and I actually called it Stalinist later on organization where it radiated out
    1:26:18 from Bill, Bill did all the thinking initially and then the trusted vice presidents who included
    1:26:24 Mitt Romney who was a great guy, guy I’ve got tremendous admiration for and four or
    1:26:33 five other vice presidents and the formula in Bain and Company was very, very tight and
    1:26:39 unforgiving which is that they generated all of their business from a relationship with
    1:26:45 the chief executive or the head of the company, sometimes the president or the chairman of
    1:26:49 the company but usually the chief executive or maybe they were president and chief executive
    1:26:55 and they would not work for anybody who was not the top dog in the organization.
    1:27:00 So they wouldn’t work for the head of Europe or they wouldn’t work for the head of manufacturing
    1:27:08 or marketing or any other function but they had a spill which they gave to the chief executive
    1:27:14 of a company which was Mr. Chief Executive we want you to be very successful because
    1:27:17 if you’re very successful we will be very successful.
    1:27:22 We’ve got this funny little stuff called strategy which really works and we can explain it to
    1:27:28 but basically you should think of it as a wonderful formula kind of like a secret source
    1:27:33 for increasing the market value of your company profits and the market value.
    1:27:38 And if we do the work with your company your share price will double within the first year
    1:27:44 or so or the first two years anyway and it will continue doubling every few years because
    1:27:50 we have got a way of making the firm much more valuable and we can describe that but
    1:27:59 it relies upon you being willing to accept us as equal partners and again this was very,
    1:28:05 very different from the whole of the rest of the industry which was in a way salesmen
    1:28:11 for hire or cabs for hire that you know consultants would do anything as long as they got their
    1:28:15 daily rate and so on and so forth they didn’t really care too much about which firm are
    1:28:19 working for they would work for competitors and so forth.
    1:28:24 Bohnen company said we will only work for one company in an industry or later they refined
    1:28:30 that to a competitive system which was slightly more sophisticated way of saying industry
    1:28:37 and therefore you know we won’t work for your competitors you won’t hire our competitors
    1:28:42 so therefore you would be giving a monopoly or strategy consulting or any other form of
    1:28:47 consulting really to Bohnen company if you decided to hire them and the way.
    1:28:48 It’s incredibly smart.
    1:28:49 Yeah.
    1:28:50 It’s very smart.
    1:28:55 The only way they got clients Tim was that they had no website but that wasn’t unusual
    1:28:56 at the time.
    1:29:04 They had no business cards, they had no marketing literature and the only way and they were
    1:29:09 very secretive the only way in which they got business was by personal recommendation
    1:29:16 of one chief executive to another chief executive and then within that firm once the client
    1:29:22 had been signed on you know Guinness or Dunn and Bradstreet or Baxter Travenal or whoever
    1:29:32 it was they would then have almost a military operation where within each client organization
    1:29:39 someone from Bohnen company would be assigned to work alongside or with nominally for you
    1:29:43 know the head of manufacturing or the head of a particular product area or however the
    1:29:50 firm organized itself and they would make sure that they understood what that person
    1:29:56 was thinking they would help them by gathering this very valuable information which Bohnen
    1:30:02 company did very very well about competitors and customers and costs of the competitors
    1:30:05 and they would you know develop a relationship.
    1:30:12 I couldn’t believe it when I was told by Bohnen company when I joined take the head of manufacturing
    1:30:18 out to dinner and discuss things with I thought yeah last thing I want to do is have dinner
    1:30:22 with the head of manufacturing who is a very boring man and it was all part of the job
    1:30:29 and it was incredibly effective because you know whereas at BCG they would go away for
    1:30:35 six months and they come back and give a presentation which was dazzling but then people in the
    1:30:40 audience of the managers might were free to disagree with what was recommended and cast
    1:30:46 often did cast doubt on the credibility of BCG as a result of that rightly or wrongly
    1:30:52 usually wrongly in Bohnen company everything had to be pre-wired so all the work was specified
    1:30:58 from the top down but it was validated from the bottom up so that once you’ve done a piece
    1:31:03 of work you then had to show it to the relatively low level manager and make sure they agreed
    1:31:08 with it and if they disagreed they could only disagree about data they couldn’t agree disagree
    1:31:12 about concepts because we were the kings of concepts we knew relative market share was
    1:31:19 important and we could explain why we weren’t unreasonable but nonetheless when it eventually
    1:31:25 got to the chief executive and then later to the board it’ll all been pre-wired which
    1:31:31 meant that everyone had agreed to everything and therefore there was no disagreement and
    1:31:35 the only discussion which there be at the end of the presentation was about what Bohnen
    1:31:42 always used to call next steps well let me tell you what next steps were next steps were
    1:31:47 this is how we’re going to make our next million dollars by consulting to you on this issue
    1:31:52 but of course it was justified because Bohnen company was a fantastic machine for getting
    1:31:57 consensus in organizations and getting consensus about some very radical strategies which might
    1:32:03 include getting out of half of businesses that they were in selling them or in some way
    1:32:08 hiding them off or closing them down if they were cash-negative and no one would buy them
    1:32:13 and then making acquisitions to strengthen existing businesses or even to go into new
    1:32:17 areas where Bohnen company would do all the investigation because particularly if it was
    1:32:22 outside the industry that the company knew about of course they had no idea so it was
    1:32:29 a wonderful machine for getting growth from existing clients and this was what Bill Bohnen
    1:32:35 always used to say I have no idea why everyone’s interested in new clients we don’t need new
    1:32:40 clients we should have built in growth from existing clients if we’re doing our job correctly
    1:32:43 if their profits are going up and the market value is going up and of course they didn’t
    1:32:49 say no to new clients and they use the existing clients who are satisfied particularly those
    1:32:54 who sat as non-executive directors outside directors on the boards of other companies
    1:32:59 to say you know I’d like to show you some a sample of the work which Bohnen company
    1:33:07 has done in our industry and I participated in one of those events in New York where we
    1:33:13 were working for an information company and we went to present to a board of that information
    1:33:19 company but one of the people on that board was the chief executive of a scientific company
    1:33:27 and subsequently they hired Bohnen company largely because I think of the recommendation
    1:33:31 of the chief executive and to a small degree the quality of the dazzling quality of the
    1:33:38 presentation I made well as a result of that Bohnen company made me a partner normally
    1:33:43 a partner a vice president whereas I went in as a consultant and that would normally
    1:33:49 take several years well that happened after 18 months and it was a very interesting conversation
    1:33:54 with Bill Bain when he told me that I was going to be a partner of the firm and what
    1:33:59 he said to me was Richard you know I’m gonna say something which might surprise you you
    1:34:04 know we’ve had our eye on you ever since you came and talked to me blah blah blah and I
    1:34:08 want you to be one of my partners and I thought you know this is ridiculous I you know I didn’t
    1:34:13 expect this and he said but there is something which we’re gonna do and I don’t think any
    1:34:17 other firm in the world has ever done this not to my knowledge maybe you can correct
    1:34:24 me but what they said was we are going to promote you but in only in nine months time
    1:34:30 and it’s a done deal you know there’s no question that you’ll be one of my partners and I can
    1:34:35 even give you something to sign and sign something myself but you know if we made you a partner
    1:34:41 now people might wonder what on earth we were doing in that nine months you’ve got to behave
    1:34:46 as though you’re already a partner without the authority of being a partner but just
    1:34:51 through force of personality and through knowing that you are reflecting the same way of doing
    1:34:55 things you will when we actually make the announcement that you are gonna be a partner
    1:35:02 of the firm everyone will say well of course of course rather than say how come that cautious
    1:35:10 got promoted that’s unbelievable so Bill was such a clever man at controlling his organization
    1:35:15 and he didn’t work very hard but he didn’t work very long anyway but he gave a great
    1:35:23 deal of thought to the procedures and to the management of his own company to make sure
    1:35:27 that everything that happened in Bain and Company had been initiated in one way or another
    1:35:32 by Bill Bain and make sure that that was the thing which was going to make the most money
    1:35:38 for Bill Bain for Bain and Company and also making it sound as though it was an incidental
    1:35:41 thing but it was very important it was a whole foundation of it for the client organization
    1:35:50 it was just a fantastically well-run organization and it grew at 40% a year for 20 or 30 years
    1:35:56 whereas BCG had struggled to grow at 20% Bain and Company fell on hard times I think in
    1:36:01 the late 1980s because they did a leverage buyout but that’s another story I’m not going
    1:36:07 to say any more about Bain and Company well I’m not gonna let you off the hook that easily
    1:36:14 you said you explained rather what Bill Bain asked of you to behave like a partner even
    1:36:17 though you won’t have the official title anyway we can’t make the announcement until nine
    1:36:25 months hence in practice what did that look like what changed in your behavior or in what
    1:36:30 you did oh it totally changed me it totally changed me for one thing it made me loyal
    1:36:37 and I was always someone who was on the verge of committing you know self-destruction self-destructing
    1:36:44 because because I’m a natural rebel I’m a non non-conformist I’m very opinionated and
    1:36:50 almost unemployable and that was the conclusion everyone eventually came to but you know it
    1:36:58 in BCG I was well known for going off script and I remember one of my appraisals was most
    1:37:03 of the time Richard he’s like a volcano this guy wrote in a formal written assessment and
    1:37:08 I’ve still got the assessment it’s lovely it said he’s like a volcano most of the time
    1:37:15 he’s sort of you know working away and there are no rumblings and it’s all very smooth
    1:37:22 but occasionally he erupts like a volcano and he says something to the client which
    1:37:28 is not what we want the client to hear and he basically goes off at a tangent or he you
    1:37:33 know he has his own view about things so when I’m with Richard and talking to the chief
    1:37:40 executive of the NU you know a big information company in Holland or whatever I am very nervous
    1:37:47 I never know what Richard’s going to say in Bainan company I’d have been fired if I’d
    1:37:54 if I’d have said my vice president said you know something and I said I agree with 99.9%
    1:37:59 of that but here’s a slightly different view on 0.1% I’d have been out of the door straight
    1:38:06 away so it was it was a complete contrast so the first difference it made was I felt
    1:38:11 very loyal to Bill personally and to the organization which I’d never really done before I didn’t
    1:38:17 do loyalty I didn’t really do teamwork very well so that was the first difference it made
    1:38:24 the second difference it made was that I decided that I would become much more direct with
    1:38:29 the people who were working with me if they were at the same level if they were below me
    1:38:33 and the organization or even sometimes if they’re slightly above me but I did it very
    1:38:38 nicely and so if I thought they were going in the wrong direction I would say well you
    1:38:43 know I’ve been thinking about this Fred and I think there’s a better way of doing it than
    1:38:47 this instead of interviewing the customers in this segment we should interview in that
    1:38:52 segment we should ask these questions rather than those questions etc etc so it made me
    1:38:59 much more paradoxically to me it made me more diplomatic but it also made me more assertive
    1:39:04 and so it was great I mean I actually thought gosh they’re gonna make me a partner and I’m
    1:39:10 gonna be a very successful partner and that’s fantastic but it made me feel a little cautious
    1:39:15 because although Bill Boehner signed a bit of paper and all the rest I knew that meant
    1:39:22 nothing if he wanted to change his mind so I thought the prize is well within grasp but
    1:39:27 I feel confident now it gave me confidence so I was able to do I was much more effective
    1:39:31 as a result of that in fact I was probably more effective when I wasn’t a partner than
    1:39:38 when I was because I was I wanted it so much but at the same time I felt in some ways although
    1:39:44 nobody knew that I had authority in reality I did and that was a tremendous thing and
    1:39:49 I don’t understand why firms don’t do this more broadly it’s a fantastic way of encouraging
    1:39:54 personal development and also of keeping people who might otherwise decide to leave
    1:39:59 before they’re given the nod that actually they are really appreciated and they are going to get
    1:40:06 promoted. I was going to ask you more about LEK which was the consultancy you started which
    1:40:12 experienced incredible growth and we may get to that but I want to skip ahead a little bit and
    1:40:17 I’m going to do that in a foreshadowing fashion by mentioning the 80/20 principle which we’ll
    1:40:22 come back to in an interview that I have in front of me a separate interview. The question is what
    1:40:27 book has had the single biggest impact on your career and you answer my own book the 80/20 principle
    1:40:31 because it’s sold more than a million copies and it’s been translated into more than 35 languages
    1:40:36 it goes on and on about that which we’re going to return to and then you say at the end of the answer
    1:40:43 that many of your books and much of your investing are related to ideas on strategy consulting and
    1:40:48 you learn those firsthand not from books but that you can recommend a book called Perspectives on
    1:40:57 Strategy edited by Carl Stern and George Stock. Can you speak to what people might learn in that
    1:41:03 book and why you have recommended it? It’s a collection of the early perspectives of the
    1:41:10 Boston Consulting Group and a perspective was what an evangelical group would call Attract I
    1:41:17 suppose it would be something like 500 words maybe a thousand words pretty short it would be
    1:41:24 snazily presented in the livery of BCG which was a very quite a nice dark green color and it would
    1:41:32 be mailed to the senior directors of companies in America and Britain and then wherever BCG had
    1:41:38 offices and the very valuable thing about the book is a lot of the stuff is by Bruce Henderson
    1:41:47 himself but there’s also more modern stuff and it outlines the theory that BCG had in the early
    1:41:54 days which I think is still entirely valid of competition, the experience curve, the Boston
    1:42:03 box, the gross share matrix etc and it’s just a very very good primer and there are many many
    1:42:08 books on business strategy including one which I’ve written but I think this is a very very good
    1:42:15 thing and it’s very easy to read because it was deliberately designed to do that. Bruce laid out
    1:42:21 the principles for the perspectives very clearly which was anything that a chief executive would
    1:42:26 be likely to agree with was not argued I mean it was stated and anything that the chief executive
    1:42:32 would be likely to disagree with which was quite a lot because BCG was on the mission of saying
    1:42:37 companies should reduce their costs and reduce their prices steadily whereas the conventional
    1:42:42 wisdom in business at that time was if you get a high price stick with it don’t worry too much
    1:42:50 about the costs and Bruce had a whole theology around that and it’s great because it’s a
    1:42:54 collection of those different perspectives and it’s over several years so you get the more
    1:42:59 modern stuff as well I think it was published in 2000 or something like that so it is difficult
    1:43:06 to get good books on strategy there’s a book by someone called Richard oh god I can’t remember
    1:43:11 his name called good strategy bad strategy he’ll come back to me but anyway you type it into amazon
    1:43:16 if you want good strategy bad strategy that’s actually a very good strategy book very not very
    1:43:20 nice short strategy book and there’s my financial times guide to strategy we don’t give a small
    1:43:27 plug to out of print at the moment but I’m producing the fifth edition as we speak at the same time
    1:43:32 in the same period of time good strategy bad strategy by Richard Ruhmelt does that sound
    1:43:39 correct god isn’t the web amazing aren’t you amazing it’d be far more impressive I was actually
    1:43:45 pressing the keys and came up with that myself but I don’t do that well I’ll give away one of my
    1:43:51 tricks and that is if I’m recording an interview like this I don’t use my keyboard I have my phone
    1:43:58 on silent so that I can tap the screen without making noise to find you’re very clever well you
    1:44:03 do that you can have a funky who did that for you but it’s very impressive that you do it yourself
    1:44:08 that’s true well it’s just for on the spot tap dancing like that earlier in the conversation
    1:44:14 I made a promise to the listeners and that was in the form of alluding to knowledge versus
    1:44:21 principles which I think is perhaps a useful way to segue to the 80/20 principle and from
    1:44:28 mergersandinquisitions.com which is a great website the distinction that I’ve read you drawing is
    1:44:32 the following what I learned from consulting is exactly what I’ve been teaching knowledge is
    1:44:36 great but principles are better principles or ideas that enable you to sort the knowledge
    1:44:40 helps you to analyze it and get to the essence of the matter as simply and quickly as possible
    1:44:45 would you like to add anything to why principles are important and the second part of that is
    1:44:51 how did the 80/20 principle come to be as a book because it was a very much and sort of underground
    1:44:56 became an underground bestseller so principles anything more that you would like to add and then
    1:45:00 where did this book come from? No I think you put it very well I just think there are certain
    1:45:05 meta-principles and I think there are probably only about half a dozen of them for the benefit
    1:45:11 of myself and the people that I work with and invest with invest really in rather it’s basically
    1:45:18 the 80/20 principle and the style principle so if you know what those are then you can look at the
    1:45:23 business in a way that most people don’t look at the business very quickly and see whether there’s
    1:45:28 potential for improvement and we’ll talk about that in regard to the 80/20 principle in a second
    1:45:35 no doubt but how did the book come about well again that’s quite interesting it’s interesting to me
    1:45:43 which is that I wrote something called the A to Z of management because I had an editor
    1:45:48 who was currently working at Pearson and later left to start his own firm with another
    1:45:54 editor there and the editor was called Mark Allen the other editor was called Richard Burton very
    1:46:04 very skilled guys very nice guys and they were looking to sort of you know try and get something
    1:46:09 by me published and Mark Allen said to me you’ve written this thing called the A to Z of management
    1:46:17 which is basically a paragraph about various different concepts and it covered all the principles
    1:46:24 I could think of it also covered important theorists in business and it covered anything
    1:46:31 which was of interest in business and it also covered jargon phrases like you know what did
    1:46:36 what did people mean by work in progress and stuff like that anyway I’d written half a page
    1:46:43 on the 80/20 principle and I went to see Mark Allen one day in his offices in Covent Garden and
    1:46:50 he said to me Richard I’ve got a book for you to write I said yeah and he said what about writing
    1:46:55 a book about the 80/20 principle because you’ve got this half page on it here and it seems to be
    1:46:59 quite an important thing you say it’s very important and I can understand it’s very important
    1:47:05 so why don’t you write a book on that I said Mark I couldn’t possibly I can possibly write a book
    1:47:12 about the 80/20 principle I’ve said it all in that paragraph and I could maybe pad it out to
    1:47:20 a page if you really put a gun to my head I could write a chapter but I’m not going to write a whole
    1:47:28 bloody book about this because there isn’t anything more to say and he said well I’m not so sure about
    1:47:33 that then he decided that he would go off and start this other publishing company so he wasn’t
    1:47:38 interested in me doing it for them and they had not got themselves organised so I went to see
    1:47:44 a guy called Nicholas Brealy who was the publisher of the eponymous firm Nicholas Brealy
    1:47:52 and very very very nice man but incredibly smart guy and I’d written a book for him called
    1:47:57 Managing Without Management which was a title which he’d suggested was very clever because it
    1:48:02 basically said managing in particular middle management was a complete waste of time and
    1:48:08 so you could manage without it managing without management and the book wasn’t a huge success
    1:48:13 but it sold I don’t know 20,000 copies which was good enough for Nicholas Brealy at that time
    1:48:19 and I went to see him about another book shortly after I’d had the conversation with Mark Allen
    1:48:25 and he said do you have another book in mind I said well not really but this this sort of idea
    1:48:30 that someone’s given me and you know they’ve got first dibs on the publishing it if I could ever
    1:48:34 write a book about it but I don’t think I could write a book about it and then I described him
    1:48:38 what the Age of 20 principle was and honestly I didn’t take more than about 60 seconds because
    1:48:43 there wasn’t much to say as far as I was concerned and he said the hairs on the back of my head
    1:48:49 are rising and I said what do you mean I thought I thought he’d lost the clock
    1:48:57 and he said that can be a big successful book and I said no I mean you know well maybe but
    1:49:02 how do I pad it out to a book’s length he said go and do some research
    1:49:07 you know you’ve mentioned the Alfred operator you know read the book again read all the other
    1:49:11 stuff read all the stuff on the web you know and the truth was that there was a hell of a lot of
    1:49:17 stuff on the internet and this was back in 1996 book was eventually published in 1997 you know this
    1:49:23 was a golden beginning of the golden period of the internet and I hired a researcher and said find
    1:49:28 out everything that’s going on on the internet on the Age of 20 principle that stage I didn’t know
    1:49:34 how to use the internet so she came back and gave me this whole watch the whole file and I said Diane
    1:49:41 is that all about the Age of 20 principle and she said yes and I said well maybe I could write a
    1:49:48 book so anyway I went through it all and the more I went into it the deeper it actually and the more
    1:49:54 interesting it was and so that’s how I ended up writing books so I went back to my original
    1:49:59 guy Mark Allen said do you want to publish this book he said no we can’t we’ve left Pearson at the
    1:50:04 time and we haven’t started our firm yet so I went back to Nicholas Brealy and he was very pleased
    1:50:10 and that you know the first draft I produced he said very politely he said I think you go
    1:50:16 need to go and do some more research and it was pretty hopeless actually but the second draft
    1:50:22 I took back and he more or less published it as it was because by that stage I’ve worked it through
    1:50:28 and it was a it was a great thinking exercise for me and the whole point about making a book
    1:50:35 out of it was that I extended the reach of the principle the basic Age of 20 principles I’m
    1:50:43 sure nearly all your listeners know is that if you look at any particular relationship between
    1:50:49 sales and another variable or you look at time and another variable you might be interested in
    1:50:59 it’s usually true that there are very few events or data which account for a large majority of the
    1:51:07 total and so if you look at the profits of any company by customer usually there are a very
    1:51:13 small number of customers a very small proportion of the total who account for 80% of the sales and
    1:51:21 maybe more than 100% of the profits of a company and likewise if you do the same thing for products
    1:51:26 you’re likely to find the same thing this was a well-known economic concept anyone had been to
    1:51:32 business school and heard it was generally called the Pareto rule at that time but I wanted to call
    1:51:38 it the 80-20 principle because it was more descriptive the rule to me sounded too deterministic
    1:51:44 principle sounded to me exactly right so I actually invented I think the 80-20
    1:51:48 principle I don’t know anyone ever called it that beforehand they would call it the 80-20 rule or
    1:51:56 the Pareto rule so the idea seemed to me to be applicable well beyond the sphere that had been
    1:52:04 used before which was for really analyzing sales and profits and I said well why can’t we use the
    1:52:11 80-20 principle in other areas in people’s personal lives for example and so I became quite
    1:52:19 fascinated by the connection between time and results and then it was a short hop from that to
    1:52:25 extend that so basically I would say to people well the hypothesis and the whole thing about the
    1:52:32 80-20 principle is not that it’s a rule but it’s an observation so you come up with a hypothesis
    1:52:37 and then you test whether it’s true with data if you possibly can but with you know seeing if you
    1:52:44 think it really is true if it’s something much more subjective and squishy so you actually could
    1:52:52 then say well it’s probably true it may be true that 20% of your time generates 80% of your useful
    1:52:58 output so tell me what the most valuable things are that you do and I would say that to people
    1:53:04 at work and they would have no difficulty at all in saying well it was inventing this new product
    1:53:09 or it was selling a large job to this particular customer or it was writing some copy which is
    1:53:15 you know very very effective or it was making a website or whatever it was and I would say to them
    1:53:20 well you know you’ve got to do more of that and less of the other stuff and I’d also say to people
    1:53:26 that if you manage to do something which is hugely more valuable than the other stuff and you do that
    1:53:30 in half a day take the rest of the day off and if you do that for two days take the rest of the
    1:53:35 week off if you want to you know if you want to carry on working and do even more that’s right
    1:53:42 but as Parkinson said work expands to fill the time available spending expands to fill the budget
    1:53:47 which you’ve got to spend it whether it’s inside a firm or it’s your own money I was quite interested
    1:53:55 incidentally in hearing an observation which one of your other interviewees said about the
    1:54:01 Wall Street of the well I don’t know was it 1980s or whatever and basically people got very very
    1:54:08 used to the money which they’d earned they were hugely overpaid but nevertheless they found ways
    1:54:14 to use that and that was a big trap for them not for him but for the others because what they did
    1:54:20 was that they got locked into working for Salomon Brothers or Goldman Sachs or whatever and after
    1:54:26 a time they couldn’t really leave because their wives or their their own personal tastes had developed
    1:54:31 to such an extent or their husbands they needed the money you know they had to have half a million
    1:54:38 dollars a year they couldn’t live on less so I was saying to people well let’s extend this to your
    1:54:44 personal life as well so if time is important at work then maybe time is important elsewhere and
    1:54:50 maybe you get most of your happiness from a relatively small proportion of your time what are
    1:54:56 the periods of time where you actually feel that you are being fulfilled but you feel you don’t
    1:55:03 notice time escaping when you feel that this is great and you wake up and you find that you know
    1:55:10 the night’s gone it might be playing poker it might be talking to friends it might be reading
    1:55:15 something it’s very exciting might be going to see a movie or whatever but what are the times that
    1:55:20 you are happiest and then just try and multiply those times and then I said well you could apply
    1:55:27 that to friends let’s take the 80/20 hypothesis that you get 80% of your relationship satisfaction
    1:55:33 from 20% of people I mean it’s a bit gross in a way but it’s very true I found when talking to
    1:55:41 people that very often they spent time with people they didn’t really like very much I mean obviously
    1:55:46 sometimes it was their boss so you know that was a disaster and they bloody well better get a different
    1:55:53 boss or a different firm but sometimes it was as simple as things like well your spouse actually
    1:55:57 liked these people but you didn’t so you ended up spending a lot of time with neighbors or with
    1:56:04 other people or members of his or her family that you didn’t really want to spend and what you really
    1:56:09 wanted to spend your time on was something different and so I said to people well you know you might
    1:56:16 want to be a bit more ruthless about that and so there’s a chapter on happiness in the book which
    1:56:21 I was rereading recently and I think it’s actually rather good I mean it’s taking with sort of rather
    1:56:28 arcane dusty economic principle and then seeing whether it could apply to other areas of life
    1:56:33 and I invented the concept of happiness islands well happiness island is part of your life which
    1:56:38 is sort of not the main part of the life but when you get a huge amount of satisfaction from that
    1:56:43 and I said well live on those happiness islands and try if possible to make them happiness continents
    1:56:48 so if there’s a particular type of work which you like doing at work then try and get yourself in
    1:56:52 a position where you’re spending all your time doing that sort of work and so on and so forth and
    1:57:01 I see it in many ways as a kind of amateur version of the flow idea which is that you know that these
    1:57:07 times according to the guy with the unpronounceable name I mean Hayley Chick.
    1:57:09 Miguel Chex set me up something like that.
    1:57:13 Yeah he’s written a couple of books about this it all boils down I mean I think that
    1:57:18 I say 80 20 principle could be written on one page I think that could all be written on one page
    1:57:24 but it’s a fantastic idea it’s a slightly more sophisticated way of saying what I was trying
    1:57:30 to say and there’s stuff on there in money and all the rest of it so it was a reinterpretation
    1:57:36 of the principle to apply it to not just to business but to people’s personal lives and
    1:57:41 to try and say a few things which were really useful and which people could take away which
    1:57:42 is what you do isn’t it.
    1:57:47 It’s what I try to do it’s what I certainly try to do and for all the reasons you just
    1:57:55 mentioned and many more this is why the 20 principle your book faces cover out on my bookshelf
    1:58:01 and heads for a very very long time as a constant reminder could you share just as examples because
    1:58:08 it may help people listening some examples of your own happiness islands or achievement islands.
    1:58:14 Yes I can do that the things that I really like doing are writing books and making money and
    1:58:20 making money through investments not through gambling or anything like that and talking to
    1:58:26 people I really used to like going to dinner parties in the days when we had dinner parties
    1:58:34 I really like to go for long walks of people but not many people but a few people that I know
    1:58:40 we will discover something that we didn’t know we knew beforehand those are the things that really
    1:58:45 are interesting doing something like this podcast is as a flow activity as far as I’m concerned
    1:58:54 an 80/20 activity so it’s that sort of stuff it’s books it’s writing books it’s also reading books
    1:58:59 and it’s talking to people and it’s also making money through investments.
    1:59:11 Do you have any regular or scheduled check-ins or calendar reviews where you assess your life to
    1:59:16 ensure that you’re allocating your time and energy to match what you know to be happiness islands
    1:59:22 or achievement islands in other words how do you use if you do in any systematic way the 80/20
    1:59:29 principle in your life? No is the short answer but let me qualify that a little bit I do something
    1:59:35 which is very unsophisticated but other people have therapists and other people have personal
    1:59:42 trainers and other people have you know quite elaborate systems for keeping track of their
    1:59:49 objectives or their concerns their worries and so on and so forth I have bike rides every day
    1:59:56 I go for a two-hour bike ride in the countryside it is every day unless I’m away or unless I’m in
    2:00:01 cake town I’ve got a home in cake town it’s too dangerous to ride a bicycle there but everywhere
    2:00:09 else I will ride a bicycle and I take pretty much the same route every day very uneventurous I’ve got
    2:00:16 two alternative routes in Portugal for example and during those bike rides something will come up
    2:00:21 sometimes not very often but something will always come up at the very least I will work out what I’m
    2:00:26 going to do that day because that’s one output from a bike ride and it just happens automatically
    2:00:31 I don’t even have to think about it. When do you do the bike rides? I presume in the morning.
    2:00:36 In the morning yeah I don’t answer emails I don’t look at my phone I do have a cup of tea
    2:00:41 and sometimes I take the dog for a walk but apart from that it’s the bike ride
    2:00:45 it’s wonderful I mean you know I couldn’t do without it and in fact when I’m away
    2:00:51 and I can’t ride a bicycle I’m talking to you from Gibraltar for example and I do spend a fair
    2:00:58 bit of time in Gibraltar where I have an apartment but here it’s also too dangerous to ride because
    2:01:03 the streets are too narrow and there I have to substitute going for a walk or going to the gym
    2:01:10 but basically a form of exercise which is mindless which is you know not too difficult but enjoyable
    2:01:13 where I can just relax and let my unconscious mind do whatever it does
    2:01:18 that’s how I do those sort of things and occasionally I go and sit on my fish pond
    2:01:26 with a notebook and say it’s time to think about some reflections I make a point of only doing that
    2:01:31 when I’m in a good mood I never do it when I’m actually feeling slightly down I’m usually in
    2:01:37 a good mood but it’s something to do when you’re being expansive rather than you’re doubting yourself
    2:01:44 and I keep those notebooks and very occasionally also I wake up in the middle of the night
    2:01:48 and I have thought of something that I had not thought of before
    2:01:53 and then I have a notebook by the bed if it’s not by the bed it’s in my office which is very
    2:02:00 close to my bedroom and so I will make a cup of tea put the light on write my thoughts put the book
    2:02:07 down put the lights out go to sleep and those thoughts are usually quite seminal they’re very
    2:02:12 very helpful but it all happens sort of automatically I don’t have any systems or anything like that
    2:02:22 do you well I would say I have acute hypergraphia and take copious notes most of which end up never
    2:02:28 being read and certainly most of which end up being completely unimportant but amongst all
    2:02:34 the garbage there are occasionally useful things I find journaling very helpful for me different
    2:02:40 forms it’s the writing which is important isn’t it it’s the writing the writing somehow ingrains
    2:02:47 on your mind do you find that that I do find that it’s not as you say one may never review the notes
    2:02:52 I do actually review my notebooks when I’m on a plane and got nothing better to do and no book to
    2:02:59 read but it isn’t that it’s actually the process of I think the process of writing journaling is
    2:03:04 very very very useful but I don’t do it every day and I don’t do it systematically I just
    2:03:08 do it when I feel the need to do it I would say I have two different types of journaling and then
    2:03:12 I’d like to ask you about your time at the pond in a moment and just what that actually looks like
    2:03:16 and maybe some examples from what you’ve written down I would say I have two types of journaling
    2:03:27 the first is almost entirely like emptying the garbage bin on a Mac to purge the system it is
    2:03:34 simply to trap my monkey mind and all of the bullets ricocheting around inside my mind on
    2:03:40 papers that I can get on with my day in a better fashion the second type is more deliberate and
    2:03:50 objective driven where I might sit down and very explicitly do an 80/20 analysis of the types
    2:03:54 that you’ve been describing looking at how my time is being used look at my calendar to see if
    2:04:01 it actually matches what I say is important to me etc so there are I’d say those two main categories
    2:04:08 morning pages from Julia Cameron’s template would be in the former as an example but
    2:04:13 when you go to the pond and you sit down and you’re in an expansive mood and you journal
    2:04:17 what does that look like is it’s stream of consciousness are there certain prompts that
    2:04:22 you might use could you give us any real-world examples of what has come from those types of
    2:04:29 sessions yes I mean what I do is I write reflections and I put the date and then I put numbers and
    2:04:35 then I just start writing and one of the things that comes out from that which came out from that
    2:04:42 recently was thinking about my investments and I was struck by the fact that I was average
    2:04:49 to say I was average timing each investment would not be fair but I was spending a lot of time on
    2:04:56 stuff that actually wasn’t at all important and I was doing it partly through interest partly
    2:05:01 because I perhaps felt some residual sense of obligation to the people who were managing the
    2:05:06 firm and other shareholders so you know one of the things which I decided was I was not going to
    2:05:12 worry about any companies which were outside the first you know half dozen in terms of the
    2:05:17 value of those companies unless the value was increasing very fast or had the potential to
    2:05:23 increase very fast and the other thing which I realized because I’m always almost completely
    2:05:28 invested was that that was not actually a terribly sensible thing to do and the next time I have a
    2:05:35 major realization I should be prepared and I should have two or three companies which are new
    2:05:41 companies in other words investments I have not yet made where they do have the potential to be
    2:05:47 star businesses or they already are star businesses where I like the people involved and that’s a
    2:05:52 sinner quite known for me that I don’t invest in things and this actually like the people
    2:05:58 and where a relatively small amount of money might conceivably be another bet fair or whatever
    2:06:03 so it’s quite easy for me because I’ve got a couple of companies are increasing in value quite
    2:06:09 fast and I’m reasonably confident that they will continue to do so the next few years to be sort
    2:06:14 of you know rather complacent about that but in order to maintain the sort of rate of return that
    2:06:20 I’ve had historically and that I want I probably need to find a new bet fair or two or three new
    2:06:26 bet fairs over the next five years and I should give a bit more attention to trawling for that and
    2:06:32 talking to my contacts that might conceivably know such companies and actually you know I do
    2:06:38 get some leads and don’t always follow them up very well so yes so it can be useful from that
    2:06:44 point of view and the other thing which I’ve realized as a result of journaling in the last
    2:06:50 few months is that I am too socially isolated I mean I’ve got some very good friends I don’t see
    2:06:58 them as often as I as I would like and because I have such a really nice life living in very pretty
    2:07:04 places and living in sunny places generally which is very important for me to be outdoors so that I
    2:07:10 can play tennis or ride the bicycle or sit on the fish pond or whatever I ought to pay more attention
    2:07:17 to social interaction and to spending more time with the people that I enjoy spending time but
    2:07:23 they’re not they’re not close to where I am so those are sort of conclusions which have come up in
    2:07:29 the last six months and then there are the more philosophical conclusions which you sometimes
    2:07:35 come to which sometimes you write down for example one of the things which I’ve learned in the last
    2:07:43 few years is I have been far too much of what I call a controller and far too little of what I call
    2:07:51 an adventurer and my life has always run upon lines of saying I must do this I must achieve this I
    2:07:55 must make this sort of amount of money I must have this type of job I must do this kind of thing I
    2:08:02 must start a company and so on and so forth but recently I have realized that the people have
    2:08:08 most fun in life are more the adventurer type than the controllers in fact to come back something
    2:08:14 and I hope we’re going to spend a little bit of time on later on which is my new book Unreasonable
    2:08:20 Success and How to Achieve It there are 20 people who changed the world in my opinion in that book
    2:08:27 and it is not in the book at all but it’s something which I did after the event I divided
    2:08:34 those very successful people into controllers and adventurers and I was quite surprised to find
    2:08:41 the 14 of them were actually adventurers in one form or another and only six of them were controllers
    2:08:47 there were some who were both but you know that was the count taking halves into account and for
    2:08:54 example one of the people who was a controller in the book was the sort of my evil evil successful
    2:09:02 person which was Vladimir Lenin and you know his life was pretty unpleasant because he was always
    2:09:08 trying to control other people and it was a very uphill struggle and he achieved a great deal in
    2:09:13 his terms I mean not things that I would approve of but he was the founder of practical communism
    2:09:19 and he basically made communism a success in very large parts of the world a success in the
    2:09:24 sense that they remained communist and they did develop the countries were perhaps not as fast
    2:09:30 as they would have developed under a free market system but you know from that point of view he was
    2:09:34 very very successful but he didn’t have much of a great time whereas some of the people who were
    2:09:42 much more freewheeling for example the freewheeling Bob Dylan or even Otto von Bismarck they had much
    2:09:48 more fun because they although they were determined to achieve things they relied upon events flowing
    2:09:54 their way and they just bided their time until the right moment came along and then they then
    2:10:01 they worked then they basically made a huge effort to control or not not control events but to
    2:10:07 actually steer them one of the great quotes which I like is from Bismarck who said man cannot
    2:10:13 control the flow of events all he can do is ride with them and steer so I you know sometimes you
    2:10:19 get those sort of kind of philosophical reflections coming up more often though probably on a bike
    2:10:24 ride and then I might write it down afterwards but I actually find it quite difficult to be
    2:10:31 as radical as that just sitting down and writing I tend to write you know things which are
    2:10:39 they’re much less important in a way they’re less distant let’s uh this was on my my next note to
    2:10:47 segue into that is the new books let’s let’s talk about the the Genesis story and this is always
    2:10:53 interesting to me as someone who occasionally tries to wordsmith things and that is the sort of
    2:10:59 embarrassment of riches that you no doubt have in terms of possible subjects you could explore so
    2:11:05 unreasonable success and how to achieve it you’ve written many books why this book I’ve always been
    2:11:11 fascinated by success and I’ve always been fascinated by the discrepancy really between as I see it
    2:11:18 the arbitrary nature of success in many ways which is that the people who are successful are not
    2:11:25 necessarily the people who are most intelligent or most expected to succeed or who deserve it many
    2:11:31 of the 20 people that I highlight in the book weren’t even competent and Winston Churchill was
    2:11:36 prime example of someone who was quick failure through most of his career got one thing right
    2:11:40 which was that Hitler was a threat to the world and that he knew how to deal with Hitler but
    2:11:48 basically the man was a disaster and he thought the oratory would propel him to become prime minister
    2:11:54 but you know as Herbert Asquith said it does not matter if you speak with the tongues of men and
    2:12:01 angels if nobody trusts you it was directed exactly at Churchill so I’ve always been fascinated
    2:12:07 by success but the actual genesis of the book as you said came on a train journey I was traveling
    2:12:13 from Paris with a friend of mine to Lyon and I always take a book with me and I didn’t have a
    2:12:20 book a new book that I wanted to read so I took an old book which was Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers
    2:12:26 and you probably remember that in Outliers the whole thesis is that success derives from deep
    2:12:32 experience and long exposure to doing something in a very narrow field and he came up with the
    2:12:39 idea of the 10,000 hours which is now a trope or something which everyone talks about and he gave
    2:12:45 a couple of examples very early on in the book which resonate very nicely which are the Beatles
    2:12:52 for example in 1960 they were just a rather poor high street band and then something happened to them
    2:13:00 which was they went off to the strip clubs of Hamburg and they had to play seven days a week
    2:13:05 eight hours a day and as John Lennon’s quoted in the book is saying we couldn’t help improve
    2:13:11 with all of that extra experience and then he quotes the example of Bill Gates who because he
    2:13:17 went to a private school which unlike the vast majority of schools at the time in America or
    2:13:24 anywhere else had got computers you know he was able to acquire expertise in coding and how to use
    2:13:32 computers and that was his sort of you know he got his 10,000 hours in very very quickly so the
    2:13:38 problem with that thesis is that it’s not universally true it certainly applies to Bill Gates it certainly
    2:13:45 applies to the Beatles and it applies to some other people as well but of the people that I looked at
    2:13:51 that couldn’t explain it and what I did was I took 20 people whose life stories I knew well
    2:13:55 some in some cases I knew them personally such as Bruce Henderson Bill Bain whom I talked about
    2:13:59 before who were very important to me and hugely underrated in terms of the impact which they’ve
    2:14:06 had on American and world business in my in my opinion but I took those people and then I said
    2:14:13 would it be possible to do what Malcolm Gladwell set out to do and in my opinion did not succeed
    2:14:19 in doing would it be possible to look at the causes of success for those people and identify
    2:14:26 things which were common to all 20 people which they all had or did it might be an experience
    2:14:31 that they had or it might be an attitude which they had or it might be a way that they exploited
    2:14:37 particular opportunities would it be possible to look at that and say that there are things
    2:14:42 which are so universally present that if you want to be what I call unreasonably successful which
    2:14:47 is more than you deserve if you like there’s a terrifically successful in changing the world
    2:14:51 the way you want to work change it it might be a small corner of the world it might be a big
    2:14:58 corner of the world would it be possible to isolate the reasons for that and I looked at 50
    2:15:03 possible reasons for example I looked at would you need to be a high risk taker and the answer was
    2:15:07 of those 20 people only nine of them actually took very high risk of 20 people in my book
    2:15:13 only nine of them actually took very high risk so that went away and then I narrowed it down
    2:15:19 to nine reasons which were universally present in all of the cases and I did not throw people out
    2:15:25 if they didn’t meet the nine requirements I was quite rigorous with myself I said no and the people
    2:15:30 that aren’t the players that I took were besides Bill Burnett Bruce Henderson there was Jeff Bezos
    2:15:36 Otto van Bismarck Winston Churchill Mary Curie Leonardo Leonardo da Vinci
    2:15:41 Walt Disney Bob Dylan Albert Einstein Victor Frankl the guy who was shoved into a concentration
    2:15:46 camp by Hitler but came up with a third wave of psychology after Freud and Adler and was probably
    2:15:52 the first real existential philosopher Bruce Henderson mentioned Steve Jobs John Maynard
    2:15:57 Keynes who saved the world from fascism and communism perhaps as a result of saying that
    2:16:02 you didn’t have to have very high unemployment and the state could step in and that would be fine
    2:16:08 under a liberal capitalist regime Lenin I mentioned Madonna Nelson Mandela
    2:16:16 totally obscure guy who was imprisoned on Robin Island 17 years but somehow managed
    2:16:22 to negotiate a democracy in South Africa J.K. Rowling Helena Rubinstein formed the
    2:16:28 eponymous cosmetics company before anybody else had a cosmetics company the person who
    2:16:34 I think was most successful of all of my 20 people Paul of Tarsus I don’t like calling
    2:16:39 him Saint Paul because it makes him sound establishment figure he was never an establishment
    2:16:45 figure he had this vision of the living Christ and he preached that throughout the Roman world
    2:16:51 but he did something that none of the other followers of Jesus did which as you said following
    2:16:57 a Jewish customer base if you like is not the way to make a new religion take off we don’t
    2:17:03 want to be a very small sect within Judaism I actually want to convert people in the whole world
    2:17:10 and therefore what we need to do is to turn you know that sort of Jewish religion that Jesus had
    2:17:17 been enveloped within and take away from that the things which actually were universally
    2:17:23 applicable so you know without Paul what eventually emerged as Christianity would never
    2:17:30 have ever achieved lift off nor transcended its Jewish roots it’s a fantastically successful
    2:17:34 you know I mean who would have thought that Christianity could actually succeed it was just
    2:17:40 a miracle Margaret Thatcher was the other was the other one of the 20 people so I came up with
    2:17:46 these nine things which were common to all of them I’ll rattle through those if you like definitely
    2:17:52 feel free to list the nine but before we do that if you could just take a moment to define success
    2:18:00 since many people define success differently could you speak to what that means in the context of
    2:18:05 unreasonable success is it achieving what they set out to do or is it something else and then
    2:18:11 would I would love to know what the the nine characteristics are yes it is I think success
    2:18:17 is very subjective and can only be the person’s objectives and I mean people said to me what how
    2:18:21 on earth can you put Lenin in the book and in fact at one stage I had Hitler in the book and that
    2:18:25 publishers insisted on it being thrown out because they said the booksellers would never
    2:18:30 if you see the book I said well we don’t like Hitler I’m favour of Hitler I said no Hitler’s
    2:18:36 got to go so it’s value free in the sense that it is what they achieved which changed the world
    2:18:41 the way they wanted to change it whether that was a good thing or a bad thing or an indifferent thing
    2:18:48 that’s unreasonable success in one definition success is a whole continuum as far as I’m concerned
    2:18:53 and you know I’m not against minor successes at all that absolutely great but what I was really
    2:18:59 interested in in order to establish the most important cause is a major success is what I
    2:19:05 called unreasonable success and I had four criteria for that you could say that in a word it’s undeserved
    2:19:10 success but that’s that’s a little bit unfair firstly it’s such success in changing the world
    2:19:16 it seems unreasonable for one individual to do that I mean we live in a world which is quite
    2:19:23 collective and which is governed by culture and constraints which are quite immovable we think
    2:19:28 the world’s changing very fast but in many ways the world doesn’t change very fast and then suddenly
    2:19:34 it does and what usually is behind that is not a huge number of people doing something it’s an
    2:19:40 individual deciding to do something and managing persuade other people to do that so it’s unreasonable
    2:19:47 in a sense that one person has all of that impact secondly it’s success that is unexpected and was
    2:19:53 not predicted when the individual was young or early in their career so it’s kind of you know
    2:19:58 it’s success which comes from nowhere thirdly it’s success that goes well beyond what the individual
    2:20:04 skills and performance seem to warrant and Winston Churchill a jolly good example of that some would
    2:20:10 say that the British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is an example of that completely disastrous foreign
    2:20:16 secretary probably completely incompetent in his dealing with the coronavirus but nevertheless I
    2:20:20 think may well go down in history as a great prime minister because he has certain objectives that he
    2:20:26 wants to achieve like making sure Britain did leave the European Union and maybe doing something about
    2:20:33 the excessive price of housing in Britain fact that it’s almost impossible for young people to
    2:20:39 actually buy a house these days and also you know Britain’s a hugely over centralized country
    2:20:46 London centric country and there are left behind areas of Britain which basically is most of the
    2:20:51 rest that’s not in the southeast of Britain and I think Boris Johnson wants him to do something
    2:20:56 about that and if he’s able to do that that will be a fantastic achievement I know that you’re
    2:21:01 interested in very practical things so in the book I discuss what do you do if you don’t have
    2:21:07 self-belief and for example one of the things that you can do is to realize it has to be in a
    2:21:12 specific domain or context and so you’ve got to identify that context where you could really change
    2:21:18 things secondly find a fantasy mentor now this is I think it’s quite an interesting and perhaps
    2:21:26 original concept I was driven to it by studying Bob Dylan because here this guy arrived in New York
    2:21:35 completely unknown 19 years old but with a fantastically high ambition and one of the
    2:21:41 things which he did was to seek out Woody Guthrie who was probably the template that he wanted
    2:21:48 which was Woody Guthrie had been not only a folk singer but also a protester really and also
    2:21:53 someone who wrote his own songs and in fact that was very unusual at the time and folk songs were
    2:22:00 meant to be sort of arose from the folk not from individuals and Guthrie actually changed that he
    2:22:06 wrote a lot of the original songs and Dylan did too he started writing his own songs one of which
    2:22:13 was called The Ode to Woody and he went to the hospital in New Jersey where Woody Guthrie
    2:22:19 was suffering from a terrible terrible disease called Huntington’s Syndrome and whether or not
    2:22:25 Guthrie was really aware that Dylan was there whether he actually thought Dylan was
    2:22:31 going to be the new Woody Guthrie is really unclear but it’s curiously irrelevant as well
    2:22:37 because Bob Dylan took from that template that’s what he had to do he had to write his own original
    2:22:42 songs he had to claim the heritage of Guthrie as some something which would perhaps get him some
    2:22:48 publicity and attention and somehow he managed to get a contract with the all of the folk labels
    2:22:54 rejected him but Columbia Records which was a blue chip you know firm obviously signed him
    2:22:59 and then you know that gave him confidence and it gave him contacts and it gave him gigs and goodness
    2:23:06 knows what else and he was able to produce albums and and then he was made and also of course he
    2:23:13 hijacked in the sense the the protest movement with songs like Blowing in the Wind etc which made
    2:23:19 him according to certain people the voice of the generation so it’s another way to find a fantasy
    2:23:25 mentor thirdly to search for transforming experiences and I’ll say something about that in a minute
    2:23:31 and fourthly to attract well-deserved praise and I’ll say something about one breakthrough
    2:23:38 achievement also in a moment and then narrow your focus until your work is unique some of those are
    2:23:44 landmarks as well so the first one being self-belief the second one is Olympian expectations that you
    2:23:51 expect a huge amount from yourself and then from other people and the high priest of high
    2:23:57 expectations is probably Jeff Bezos who’s always banging on about this and you know really believes
    2:24:05 everyone in the senior management team has to be an absolute A player class A player and he says
    2:24:09 you know if you put someone who’s not used to high expectations and a high expectations team
    2:24:16 they will adapt but the reverse is also true if you have people who are not high expectation people
    2:24:22 then people’s standards will slip and one thing that Bezos has been incredibly good at doing
    2:24:28 is having the highest possible standards his mantra is customer service and unbeatable prices and
    2:24:35 he’s totally inflexible on all that so the second thing is Olympian expectations the third one which
    2:24:40 is particularly interesting because it’s really original I think and I was thrilled to discover
    2:24:47 this in my research is transforming experiences every single one of these people have actually
    2:24:53 an experience which transformed them in the sense that they went into the experience as one sort of
    2:24:59 person and they came out as another sort of person or as someone who is a hundred times more powerful
    2:25:04 or more effective every single one of them had that experience and again to take Bezos as an
    2:25:11 example of that before he founded Amazon he was a failed investment bank at age 26 and a
    2:25:20 headhunter decided to send him as a last resort to see a guy called David Shaw who had founded a
    2:25:29 countercultural quantitative investment hedge fund and Shaw realized before anyone else did
    2:25:38 and by about 1992 that the internet was going to be huge and that it could be huge not just for
    2:25:44 information and all other things but for selling things for retailing so his idea was that his
    2:25:52 firm which was called Desco D Shaw and company should develop a program for selling over the
    2:25:59 internet and then it should start a company to do that and he put Bezos as the project leader on
    2:26:06 that and he and Bezos got on very well like House on Fire there was the same extremely
    2:26:12 quantitative extremely nerdy extremely ambitious sort of people and between the two of them they
    2:26:19 developed the format for Amazon and they decided that the first category that they would go into
    2:26:27 was books and they decided that they would allow people to write reviews on the sites etc etc etc
    2:26:34 it was Amazon Blueprint as it happened and of course David Shaw wanted that to happen within
    2:26:43 Desco but one day Bezos went to David and said I really want to do it myself and David Shaw took
    2:26:48 him for a look to our walk around Central Park in which he tried to dissuade him but incredibly
    2:26:54 generously David Shaw allowed Bezos to go off and found Amazon he didn’t even ask for a share
    2:27:00 in the company but then that was David Shaw he was a very very self-competent guy and his firm
    2:27:07 has been amazingly successful anyway so that was the transforming experience for Bezos for
    2:27:12 we talked earlier about Bill Bain transforming experience for him was getting hired by BCG by
    2:27:19 Bruce Henderson when he was the completely unqualified guy who’d never done any business
    2:27:24 never done a business degree didn’t understand economics or whatever a history researcher who
    2:27:30 managed to get a job as a development officer at Vanderbilt University where he met Bruce Henderson
    2:27:38 and Bruce Henderson who had a tremendous nose for talent then decided to hire Bill Bain
    2:27:44 and Bill Bain took to Boston Consulting Group BCG like a duck to water because he was a very
    2:27:49 very smart guy and because the power of the concepts the concepts were so great and Bill
    2:27:55 and Bruce developed them together essentially and then Bill decided to do the dirty on Bruce
    2:28:01 and leave and form his own firm we would never have heard of Bill Bain if it had not been for
    2:28:07 Bruce Henderson meeting him and deciding to hire him and the formative experience of working within
    2:28:13 BCG let me ask you a question if I could Richard and I imagine you you might get to this I’m sure
    2:28:19 you have an answer for it but before we move ahead if someone has not had a transforming
    2:28:26 experience one might wonder if they’re listening to this is it possible to engineer a transforming
    2:28:32 experience or do I sit on my hands and wait for lady luck to smile upon absolutely that’s the whole
    2:28:37 point and one of the things I say in the book is that the whole point of trying to identify these
    2:28:46 nine landmarks is that the people who actually visited them didn’t intend to they didn’t actually
    2:28:51 say I need a transforming experience let’s have one they happen to them I mean for example the
    2:28:56 transforming experience of Margaret Thatcher was having the Falkland Islands invaded by General
    2:29:02 Gautieri of Argentina and she said that was the worst moment of her life but it was absolutely
    2:29:09 the making as it happened of her and the experience of living through that and commanding the armed
    2:29:16 forces and doing what everyone said was impossible which was recovering the the islands made it possible
    2:29:21 for her then to do what she really wanted to do which was in her opinion reverse national decline
    2:29:28 of Britain so yes the people who had these transforming experiences did not engineer them
    2:29:34 but having seen how important it is understanding that you cannot in my opinion
    2:29:40 admittedly from relatively small sample but it’s amazing that every single one of these people had
    2:29:45 a transforming experience which is described in the book and I did not fake it I just you know I
    2:29:50 didn’t throw anyone out because they hadn’t had a transforming experience I stuck to the rules
    2:29:56 you can then say well I better have a transforming experience haven’t I and then you come to the
    2:30:01 question well what is the most likely type of transforming experience which will put me in
    2:30:08 luck’s path in order to then become much more powerful so it could be going to a particular
    2:30:15 university and studying something which is very arcane and unusual it could be finding a very
    2:30:22 high-growth firm like BCG or Boston Consulting Group or DE Shoring Company and then joining
    2:30:30 that firm when it’s still very young because you won’t be on the forefront of developing you see
    2:30:34 thing about companies in their early days is that they don’t know what they’re doing
    2:30:38 and so if you don’t know what you’re doing you can be very creative about and if you’re involved
    2:30:44 in that process you discover things that you never knew that you had and not only that you become
    2:30:49 identified with them and you become powerful and you become perhaps a large shareholder
    2:30:54 in the company and it’s completely different from joining a company which is on tram lines
    2:30:59 where basically it’s not going to do anything radical and anything new it’s so exciting to
    2:31:04 actually be part of the company that’s growing very fast doesn’t really know what it’s doing
    2:31:10 but it’s got something some rare knowledge which actually means that it can be very very
    2:31:14 successful and it doesn’t have to be company it could be a social organization it could be a
    2:31:20 way of thinking it could be anything that’s growing very fast and where it’s unformed and
    2:31:25 where you think you’ve got some affinity with it and the ability to contribute and be creative
    2:31:31 it’s not easy to specify what someone’s transforming experience should be but I’ve tried it on a few
    2:31:37 friends and good acquaintances and it’s amazing that actually we do in the end come up with
    2:31:43 something which might actually work in some cases has before we get to the fourth I just want to say
    2:31:49 a few things the first is that my experience maps very well to a few of the things that you just
    2:31:55 described in the sense that when I was graduating from college and was suffering from all sorts of
    2:32:01 quarter life crisis existential angst about what to do with my life and I asked a mentor
    2:32:07 at the time what I should do what type of sector I should go into and his answer was it doesn’t
    2:32:13 matter as long as it’s growing very quickly you want to be in something that is growing quickly
    2:32:18 not in a sector that is in decline or stagnant and that ended up being exceptional advice and
    2:32:25 I found that it also applies to where you place yourself that is to say one of the reasons by
    2:32:30 example that I left San Francisco after effectively a decade was that I felt like it was a place
    2:32:36 experiencing some degree of stagnation or even in decline and I moved to Austin Texas which was very
    2:32:43 much a startup of a city it was rapidly growing expanding where it was still taking shape and
    2:32:50 still could be shaped so I just wanted to reinforce what you said and on that point or I should say
    2:32:56 moving on from that point what is the fourth of the nine landmarks yes I mean growth is
    2:33:03 growth is everything I mean it ties in with the start principle the fourth one is one breakthrough
    2:33:09 achievement now this is different Tim from the other eight landmarks in that it is not a how
    2:33:15 to do it it’s a what to do and in some ways it’s a bit odd of me to put it forth because it’s the
    2:33:20 culmination of everything else and all the others really lead to this but I wanted to put it in the
    2:33:26 book fairly early because I wanted people to be thinking about this as they go through which is
    2:33:34 what on earth are you going to do to change the world and you’re not going to succeed unless
    2:33:39 it’s something really dramatic or you’re not going to succeed in being unreasonably successful
    2:33:46 so you need to start thinking about that it might take you a decade it might take you several
    2:33:53 decades to actually work out what it is but it has to be something that you believe needs to be done
    2:33:59 it’s not a way of making you successful it’s a way of changing the world and if you define it in
    2:34:06 those terms again it’s surprising you can actually come to some kind of resolution some kind of opinion
    2:34:13 and for example once Lenin had had his transforming experience which was the hanging of his beloved
    2:34:21 elder brother that he idolized and adored because he was implicated in an assassination attempt at
    2:34:30 the Bazaar when he was 16 years old Lenin heard that his brother had been hanged instantly he
    2:34:35 decided that his whole purpose in life was to smash the bourgeoisie and to cause revolution in
    2:34:41 Russia and it was a ridiculous you know 16-year-old school boy a ridiculous idea and he wasn’t political
    2:34:46 at all before he wasn’t he was a very nice sort of you know everyone liked him but he became very
    2:34:53 bitter and twisted but he was so very effective so it’s one breakthrough achievement and it’s not
    2:35:00 two it’s not three and it’s not one every five years it’s something that you do which it actually
    2:35:05 is going to in some way change the world I mean my my breakthrough achievement was starting or
    2:35:11 co-starting LEK it’s not on the comparable scale with people in the book but nevertheless it was
    2:35:19 you know a very successful firm which gave huge opportunity to hundreds or thousands of young
    2:35:26 people really who were trained and developed in that way and it also made an impact on the corporate
    2:35:31 world as well we invented the idea of mergers and acquisition strategy consulting was completely
    2:35:36 different from anything that anyone else had done so one breakthrough achievement is the fourth one
    2:35:43 the fifth one is make your own trail which is you know basically become bloody minded and
    2:35:49 work out a way of doing something that goes off path from everyone else and I described how to do
    2:35:56 that the sixth one is to find and drive your personal vehicle again one of the discoveries in the book
    2:36:02 is every one of these 20 people had some kind of vehicle which in some ways was sometimes it was a
    2:36:08 concept more often it was an organization of some sort of company if it’s in the business sphere
    2:36:14 or an organization more broadly defined if it isn’t the British state for example was the vehicle
    2:36:22 for Margaret Thatcher and for Winston Churchill together with a particularly eclectic sense of
    2:36:28 you know what they were trying to do the whole point about a personal vehicle is that the paradox
    2:36:34 of the individual who actually does manage to change the world is that they can’t do it on
    2:36:39 their own but on the other hand it doesn’t get average it’s not sort of a committee deciding
    2:36:48 what to do so someone like Jeff Bezos decides to make internet retailing the thing which he does
    2:36:54 and the thing that the everything store was the name that they gave it originally and no not just
    2:37:00 to be a successful internet retailer within books but to be a successful retailer on the internet
    2:37:06 everywhere and to be totally dominant in doing it you know an incredibly ambitious thing but in
    2:37:12 order to do that he needed to have an organization which was totally under his control just the same
    2:37:19 way that Lenin needed to have the Bolsheviks you know a group of people who were totally
    2:37:26 dedicated to Lenin not very many of them but a couple of thousand and that is necessary so that
    2:37:35 you you overcome the inertia that society and culture has so that an individual can change
    2:37:39 things by being very determined about it but they don’t have to do it all themselves and
    2:37:45 the choice of the vehicle is terribly important. May I ask just before we move on are there any
    2:37:53 particular unusual or unorthodox examples that come to mind for both make your own trail and
    2:37:57 find and drive your personal vehicle if you could give perhaps one for each?
    2:38:06 Yes I mean your your own trail is is very much I think Walt Disney Land I don’t mean I do actually
    2:38:13 mean Disneyland the thing about Walt Disney is that he couldn’t decide what he wanted to do initially
    2:38:18 he was a very good actor when he was in high school and he used to do double acts with a
    2:38:24 friend of his which were you know garnered a huge amount of praise and then he decided that he
    2:38:29 actually wanted to be an artist but then he narrowed that down to being a cartoonist but
    2:38:38 his firm which he started his studio which he started in I think 1923 in Los Angeles
    2:38:44 was not very successful for first few years the big breakthrough that they came up with was Mickey
    2:38:49 Mouse Mickey Mouse made all the difference because they gave a ridiculous story about a mouse who
    2:38:57 wanted to woo a lady mouse by flying a plane it was a really silly story but what Disney did was
    2:39:03 not only sort of this film called plain crazy which he turned into a very expensive film which
    2:39:11 almost bankrupted him and his brother and various other people but he decided to give voices to
    2:39:16 the characters from the screen which people had done before but never with cartoons so that was a
    2:39:26 sort of you know his personal trail in the 1940s he became disillusioned with Disney as a corporation
    2:39:32 it was a very successful corporation by that stage but nevertheless he was disillusioned with
    2:39:36 the fact that they were trying to take him away from the studio he didn’t have the sort of excitement
    2:39:44 of doing it he didn’t really feel that he was creating something new and so he went in to find
    2:39:52 his own personal trail he actually spent quite a bit of time with Salvador Darley and they created
    2:40:02 a very surrealist movie which then the board of Disney turned down and Walt Disney was outraged
    2:40:08 by that and he had to tell Salvador that you know they did not think that having the board
    2:40:15 approve it was anything other than a formality but the board said no you lost your marbles you know
    2:40:20 as Peters and Waterman would say later stick to the knitting except they didn’t use those words
    2:40:26 but that was that was what they said that’s what they meant and so Walt Disney decided to go off
    2:40:34 and do something completely and utterly different which was invent Disneyland until then amusement
    2:40:42 parks had been the province as Disney called them of hard-faced men who basically were thugs but
    2:40:48 what he wanted to do was create something which would be a monument to the past the present and
    2:40:53 the future of America and all that was best in America now you know the first time I ever went
    2:41:01 to Disneyland which was in 1969 I hated it I thought it was too American and too plastic and all
    2:41:07 rested but it was a fantastic achievement in the early 1950s and hugely successful commercially
    2:41:14 again he was making his own trail the board again refused to invest in this they refused to put up
    2:41:20 the capital for all the exploratory work for all the imagination that had to go into it
    2:41:27 for building main streets and the fire station and Abraham Lincoln and the rest of it they said no
    2:41:35 we’re not going to approve this Walt and Walt said well screw you in effect I will fund it
    2:41:42 myself and so he sold his houses he sort of you know took second mortgages rather on his houses
    2:41:48 he sold one of them took a second mortgage on the first house he found investors who would
    2:41:53 do this and eventually the last minute that the Disney corporation decided that they would come
    2:41:58 on board as well when they saw it was inevitable it was going to happen they initially refused to
    2:42:04 let him use the characters Snow White and Donald Duck and all the rest of it but they said no if
    2:42:12 you do that will sue you so if Disneyland had failed which was eminently possible Disney would
    2:42:18 have been ruined and indeed the parent corporation might have been in some trouble one way or the
    2:42:24 other but that was finding his own trail because he had this vision and he wanted to pursue it
    2:42:31 and it was nuts basically so that’s an example of making your own trail finding and driving your own
    2:42:36 personal vehicle well I think actually Lenin is a good example of that it was the Bolsheviks
    2:42:47 you know initially the dissident revolutionaries in exile around about 1900 etc were dominated
    2:42:53 by people he later called the Mensheviks by social revolutionists who were not as extreme
    2:43:01 and uncompromising as Lenin and there was a conference I think in 1903 or something like that
    2:43:09 at which Lenin deliberately antagonized the other people and said I want to have my own party I’m
    2:43:14 going to split the revolutionaries and they said don’t do that we got you know there aren’t very
    2:43:22 many others yeah please don’t do that but he said no I can demonstrate that if I have you know a
    2:43:27 thousand people who are dedicated to me and to my way of doing things we can have revolution in
    2:43:32 Russia now absurd because there are hundreds of millions of people in the Russian Empire
    2:43:39 and how could it be that a thousand people could actually change that and have make successful
    2:43:45 revolution but Lenin had an answer to that and it was a very good answer which was he said look
    2:43:52 Russia is a very backward country it’s an autocracy it’s not like Germany or France or Britain where
    2:43:56 you know there are lots and lots of different centers of power all of the power is concentrated
    2:44:05 in the Tsarist army and the bureaucracy and there are only about 2000 people in Russia who actually
    2:44:12 control things there are no independent centers of social pluralism I’m sure he didn’t use that
    2:44:23 word but you know basically it’s a very top-down state and if 2000 people can rule Russia why not us
    2:44:28 and that was his theory and actually proved to be absolutely correct so his vehicle
    2:44:32 was splitting the revolutionary movement but having a group of people who are absolutely
    2:44:38 dedicated to him and got shot if they didn’t if they weren’t so the vehicle is very very important
    2:44:43 the vehicle doesn’t necessarily have to be very large but it hugely augments the power of the
    2:44:48 individual but it’s not a compromise the vehicle must be totally the vehicle in the same way that
    2:44:53 Bain and Company was Bill Bain’s vehicle you know he stepped out of line with Bill Bain you didn’t
    2:44:58 get shot but you certainly got fired and so on and so forth Boston Consulting Group was Bruce
    2:45:04 Henderson’s vehicle he did it a different way it was more let a thousand flowers bloom but nevertheless
    2:45:11 unless you were interested in developing the concepts which was Bruce’s thing then you weren’t
    2:45:16 going to succeed and he got people who are very good at doing that can I move on to the next three
    2:45:20 I’m sorry I’m probably taking too much time oh no that’s that’s totally fine that’s why this
    2:45:25 this conversation is long form so let’s move on to the next one okay the seventh one is
    2:45:30 thrive on setbacks and this doesn’t sound terribly original but it is terribly important
    2:45:35 you remember that Nicholas Nassim Talab wrote a book called Anti-Fragile which I think is probably
    2:45:41 his best book and I do the thesis behind that as you know is that resilience is not the point
    2:45:47 you actually have to like setbacks and the reason that setbacks can be very helpful
    2:45:52 is two reasons one is they give you feedback and might tell you that you’re off you know you’re on
    2:45:57 the wrong path and the other thing is that either you’re on the wrong path or you’ve got the wrong
    2:46:04 tactics and you it’s quite important to distinguish between those two or that in fact the fact that
    2:46:10 you’ve been unsuccessful in a big way means that you’re going to be very successful in a big way
    2:46:16 it’s quite difficult to describe I also think about Winston Churchill and his wonderful failures
    2:46:21 he went away from those failures obviously a bit depressed at times he went
    2:46:27 did something completely different for a time getting out of politics after he ruined the
    2:46:34 Gallipoli campaign the Dardanelles campaign in 1915 and sent you know several thousand people
    2:46:39 to their deaths but from a harebrained scheme that he invented and he got out of politics for
    2:46:44 time he joined the regular army and he went to the western front in in 1929 he was on the verge
    2:46:50 of bankruptcy as a result of having invested heavily in stops in 1928 and when crash came along
    2:46:57 wall street crash he was almost bankrupt he decided to and also he was very unpopular with his
    2:47:06 fellow conservative leaders at that time because he’d made a number of mistakes in 1925 and going
    2:47:10 on to the gold standard for Britain and in antagonising the miners leading to the general
    2:47:15 strike of 1926 and alienating the whole of the organised labour movement so he was unpopular
    2:47:20 with his party he was on the verge of bankruptcy he went off and did a huge lecture tour of America
    2:47:25 which was very successful and then he got run over on Fifth Avenue by a car and suffered some quite
    2:47:30 serious injuries but battered and bruised he got up and did it again and you can see from
    2:47:36 what he writes that he thinks what’s happening to him is terribly important and most people would
    2:47:41 say no this is a semi-comical drunk who’s basically had a series of failures but
    2:47:47 you know Winston Churchill didn’t see it that way very very interesting this psychology of not
    2:47:53 being resilient but actually really liking failures because they they make you seem important in
    2:47:59 some ways and then the last two are acquiring unique intuition which requires deep knowledge and here
    2:48:04 I think that I overlap a little bit with Malcolm Gladwell you know you really do the quality of
    2:48:09 intuition as a function of the degree of experience that you’ve had in a very narrow field
    2:48:14 but also your willingness to take notice of intuition which some people do and some people
    2:48:20 don’t and the last of them is distort reality which is Steve Jobs’ phrase of course based on
    2:48:29 star trek but what distort reality means is refusing to accept current reality and redefining a way of
    2:48:38 making that different and convincing your followers in particular that you know how to get around
    2:48:44 or distort reality convincing them that you have a reality distortion field it works it’s just
    2:48:48 amazing and and Bruce Henderson did that Bill Bain did that all the other people in the book had
    2:48:54 got a way of overcoming what was the incredulity of other people that they could actually really
    2:49:01 change the world in a major way I would love to make a few observations based on a number of
    2:49:07 things that you shared and also I’m going to follow that by asking you for an example of acquiring
    2:49:13 unique intuition because this is of great interest to me but I want to mention one a piece of trivia
    2:49:19 for people that ties into a name that came up several times Jeff Bezos thriving on setbacks
    2:49:26 although he didn’t come up in that particular landmark description if you go to relentless.com
    2:49:34 it will forward to where to amazon.com so relentless.com is one of the first domain names
    2:49:44 pointed to that website and what strikes me is that many of these landmarks are reinforcing
    2:49:49 for one another right so you have let’s just say self-belief olympian expectations and I’m
    2:49:52 going to group them in a very deliberate way self-belief olympian expectations
    2:49:58 one breakthrough achievement make your own trail find and drive a personal vehicle thrive on setbacks
    2:50:04 and let’s take distort reality because I’m not yet familiar enough with the acquire unique intuition
    2:50:11 but all of those to some degree seem to be enormously enabled when you have a longer term
    2:50:19 vision and horizon in mind than your possible competition so if you look at Jeff Bezos right
    2:50:26 he is one of the few examples of chief executive officers who have been given a pass by wall street
    2:50:30 I mean he’s convinced his investors if you go back and read his annual letters which I encourage
    2:50:35 everyone to do you can find a PDF of all past amazon annual letters there was always an emphasis on
    2:50:43 long-term time horizon longer term than a quarter longer term than a year always longer term
    2:50:49 bob eiger at disney is another great example of this toby luthky of Shopify is another incredible
    2:50:55 example of this and it just strikes me that this longer term vision and time horizon enables a lot
    2:51:02 of these and without that if you are in any sense feeling compelled to rush that you disable some of
    2:51:07 these landmarks that’s just something that came to mind as you were describing I couldn’t agree
    2:51:11 more I mean that’s absolutely true you need a long time horizon you need to expect that you’re
    2:51:17 going to have massive impact but it might take a very long time but you need to be sure about what
    2:51:23 you’re trying to do and you need to be sure that you’ll get there but you know time is kind of
    2:51:29 you know there’s lots of time yeah so acquiring unique intuition could you perhaps give us an
    2:51:33 example of that that you like and if there’s one outside of Steve Jobs that’d be great but you
    2:51:39 could use Steve Jobs if you like I think jobs is great illustration of that but I’ll take Nelson
    2:51:47 Mandela as my example on this Nelson Mandela was a leading member of the ANC who got caught and
    2:51:54 convicted and sent off to prison a total of I think 19 years in prison a life sentence actually
    2:52:01 he was quite lucky to escape the noose and we were very lucky that he did he was on
    2:52:08 this island called Robin Island which I visited off Cape Town it’s a short boat ride away from
    2:52:15 Cape Town maybe half an hour at most but it’s a world away and it’s a nasty horrible
    2:52:21 stark it’s basically it’s a scrapyard essentially I mean it’s got rocks a lot of rocks and that’s it
    2:52:28 I visited the cell in which he’d been incarcerated and it’s so small you wonder
    2:52:34 how he could possibly have kept his self-respect but during that period of time something very
    2:52:41 interesting happened the leaders of South Africa including PW Botha who was reckoned to be the
    2:52:48 great crocodile sort of you know very very hostile to change actually realized that they’d painted
    2:52:57 themselves into a corner and that they didn’t want to have the possibility of bloody revolution
    2:53:04 and being driven into the sea as they as they saw it by the population of South Africa and the
    2:53:10 whites were you know maybe five million people against 50 million plus who were blacks broadly
    2:53:19 defined and the ANC were ratcheting up violence and the ANC were controlled by all of the Tambo
    2:53:29 in Lusaka some distance away and here was this Nelson Mandela guy and he was when he was in prison
    2:53:35 on Robin Island some interesting things happened one is that he acquired the charisma of the sort
    2:53:41 of you know prison hero so that within the ANC he was viewed as the natural leader another
    2:53:46 interesting thing which has happened was that there were various outside forces including the
    2:53:55 British Commonwealth that in the 1980s sent people to Robin Island to talk to Mandela and
    2:53:59 try and see whether you know there was any route forward there because they couldn’t speak to the
    2:54:06 guys in exile in Lusaka or wherever they were and those guys were totally uncompromising
    2:54:13 and were trying to cause civil war and they wouldn’t have got anywhere and so there were a group of
    2:54:19 people who went there was a group from the Commonwealth called the eminent persons group very
    2:54:24 self-deprecating and these eminent people went and and of course they talked to Nelson Mandela
    2:54:29 because he was you know he was recognized to be almost the shop steward of the prisoners
    2:54:35 and he’d formed this sort of university there where they you know basically developed knowledge
    2:54:41 of this that and the other and somehow Nelson got the intuition that these people actually
    2:54:48 wanted a deal they didn’t want this to be continued forever and they were willing to compromise in
    2:54:53 some way that the hardline nationalists who were nasty horrible racists would do apartheid and they
    2:54:57 shot people and they were extremely unpleasant there’s no doubt about it these people actually
    2:55:03 wanted a solution and he was the first person to realize that the ANC had always said and Nelson
    2:55:09 Mandela had always said we will not compromise but when he met some of these people from the
    2:55:14 Commonwealth and when he met later some of the senior ministers from the government of the
    2:55:23 nationalist party the ruling party he suddenly realized that a deal was possible and he said to
    2:55:28 them you know if you really want a deal you’re going to have to have one person one vote and
    2:55:32 they said we couldn’t possibly have that democracy no we don’t want democracy there are more blacks
    2:55:40 than whites we can’t possibly do that but you know Nelson stuck to that and eventually he formed
    2:55:46 personal relationships with the head of the secret service the secret police as it were
    2:55:52 with the minister who was responsible for justice for the minister who was responsible for state
    2:56:01 security including the prisons and eventually with pw both himself and it was all based on this
    2:56:07 intuition that perhaps they could reach a deal and nobody else had that intuition nobody but
    2:56:12 Nelson Mandela actually thought it was worthwhile pursuing talks with those people and they took
    2:56:21 five years but in the end his intuition won out and the result was that instead of having a war
    2:56:28 and bloodshed going on and possible revolution and the only question for people really was
    2:56:33 whether that’d be five years or 50 years before the whites would be thrown out and massacred
    2:56:40 instead of that you might have a transition to black majority rule and that could be done in a
    2:56:48 controlled way where fwd clerk who succeeded boater would be the vice president and effectively the
    2:56:55 mentor of Nelson Mandela i’ve talked personally to fwd clerk about these days for some reason
    2:57:00 i had an opportunity to do that and you know he was quite clear about it if it had not a
    2:57:05 beam for mandela and of course he said himself the odds against this would be a thousand it was
    2:57:10 just based on this intuition that there might be a solution where everyone else thought there
    2:57:16 wouldn’t be a solution and he would not have known that but for being in prison on robin island for
    2:57:23 17 years and meeting all these people and gradually being able to size them up including the heads of
    2:57:30 the prison who were varied in quality from unpleasant to brutal but nevertheless he worked
    2:57:35 out the way the wind was going and nobody else did as i was working in south africa at the time
    2:57:39 and we never thought that there was a possibility of any solution nobody but i talked to did
    2:57:45 but Nelson Mandela had a different intuition i described that in the book and it’s very very
    2:57:50 it’s very heartwarming and there’s some horrible stories in the book but it’s very heartwarming
    2:57:56 intuition is hugely important thank you for sharing that example i think it’s a wonderful
    2:58:00 place to start to wrap up this round one we may have to we may have to do a round two on the
    2:58:06 podcast if you have the endurance sometime i would love that i would love to but richard i want to
    2:58:12 ensure that people know where they can find you of course on on twitter they can find you at
    2:58:21 richard kosh 8020 8020 richard kosh net you’ve written many books including many books that have
    2:58:26 influenced me like the 8020 principle you have the star principle which we’ve mentioned a number of
    2:58:34 times in your newest book is unreasonable success and how to achieve it i have just one more question
    2:58:39 for you and then certainly i’m open to any closing comments or anything else that you would like to
    2:58:43 share if i’ve omitted anything certainly or if there’s just anything in addition that you’d like
    2:58:50 to put forth and i’ll start this question with a quote as prelude and this is from an interview
    2:58:55 that i found with you and it relates to new year’s resolutions this is a quote which you can of course
    2:59:01 feel free to correct but this is attributed to you once a year rather than doing new year’s resolutions
    2:59:07 i ask the same question what did i do that meant the most to me and my family and friends and
    2:59:12 sometimes strangers too and what could i do in the next year more of the same is not a bad answer
    2:59:22 but something fresh too so this really struck me as an impactful question and good questions are
    2:59:29 impactful so a is this something that you do and might recommend and number two are there any
    2:59:39 other questions you might suggest listeners consider or ponder let just state on their minds
    2:59:45 yes it is true and i think it’s right the question i would ask is one again from from the book which
    2:59:51 is in your whole life what is your breakthrough achievement going to be if you want to change
    2:59:58 the world how do you want to change the world and ponder that maybe on new year’s eve maybe
    3:00:04 any other time there’s plenty of time to work it out but do you really want to have a major impact
    3:00:11 on the world if you do what that’s really my question is a question i asked myself as well
    3:00:17 i mean my own ambition is to have many more creative completely unreasonably successful people
    3:00:23 and the thing i’m toying with which i don’t know if you think is a good idea or not is
    3:00:29 offering to work with a number of people who have already been reasonably successful but
    3:00:35 have not been unreasonably successful and take them through the process and see whether we can
    3:00:42 generate some unreasonable success from a lot of people and to cascade that down and train other
    3:00:48 people to do that because i think this methodology is robust and i think it could make a huge
    3:00:52 difference to the world and i’d like to see whether i can demonstrate that in practice
    3:00:58 through a few pilot studies so that’s my personal ambition i love that i think you should definitely
    3:01:04 test it and it could be a spectacular failure or spectacular success but nothing ventured nothing
    3:01:11 gained and you do like to bet so i figure this is is one good opportunity to do that and having
    3:01:16 some experience with vetting i’m not volunteering myself but i would say run a competition
    3:01:21 or have applications that are vetted and can be vetted in some very simple ways that you’re not
    3:01:27 overwhelmed and pick a handful of finalists to take through that process and what i’ll suggest
    3:01:35 just as a placeholder is that people follow you on twitter richard kosh 80208020 and if you decide
    3:01:41 to do this you can share that on twitter and that can be at least a possible starting point so that
    3:01:48 people are alert that this is a possibility and what a pleasure it’s been richard i feel
    3:01:53 like i know you in the same way that perhaps some people i meet who listen to the podcast feel like
    3:02:01 they know me but it’s been through your written words that i have have come to admire and use
    3:02:07 quite frankly with great effect much of your thinking so i thank you very much for taking
    3:02:13 the time today this has been an incredible incredible pleasure and i hope it’s not the last
    3:02:19 indeed tim thank you very much indeed i reciprocate much more pleasure for me i’m sure it really is
    3:02:24 great anyway thank you very much indeed and i look forward to talking to you again at some stage
    3:02:32 maybe maybe a bit a bit more frequently that’d be wonderful well the the feeling is is definitely
    3:02:38 mutual and to those listening i will have show notes for everything we’ve discussed including
    3:02:45 all of the books all of the resources including the most recent work from richard which is
    3:02:50 unreasonable success and how to achieve it at tim dot blog forward slash podcast you’ll have links
    3:02:55 to all the names everything you can imagine so please do check that out if you’d like to indulge
    3:03:03 in more exploration and until next time as always thank you for tuning in hey guys this is tim again
    3:03:09 just one more thing before you take off and that is five bullet friday would you enjoy getting a
    3:03:14 short email from me every friday that provides a little fun before the weekend between one and a
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    3:03:36 it’s kind of like my diary of cool things it often includes articles i’m reading books i’m reading
    3:03:43 albums perhaps gadgets gizmos all sorts of tech tricks and so on they get sent to me by my friends
    3:03:48 including a lot of podcast guests and these strange esoteric things end up in my field
    3:03:55 and then i test them and then i share them with you so if that sounds fun again it’s very short
    3:03:59 a little tiny bite of goodness before you head off for the weekend something to think about
    3:04:04 if you’d like to try it out just go to tim dot blog slash friday type that into your browser tim
    3:04:10 dot blog slash friday drop in your email and you’ll get the very next one thanks for listening
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    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #287 Terry Crews — How to Have, Do, and Be All You Want and episode #466 “Richard Koch on Mastering the 80/20 Principle, Achieving Unreasonable Success, and the Art of Gambling.”

    Please enjoy!

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    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [04:48] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [05:52] Enter Terry Crews.

    [06:17] Terry’s art background and growing up in Flint, Michigan.

    [15:35] A favorite failure.

    [22:40] Two ways of confronting an abusive father.

    [30:41] Terry reflects on his favorite Ralph Waldo Emerson quote.

    [34:20] How Terry coped with imposter syndrome on his first movie set — with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

    [39:17] Enter Richard Koch.

    [39:40] Richard’s non-story story about wines, spirits, and chat shows.

    [41:16] Exception to my “no book quotes” policy for Richard.

    [42:10] Secrets revealed in Oxford’s Bodleian Libraries.

    [47:32] Richard’s peculiar talent and its discovery.

    [50:17] Richard’s investing success despite weak numeracy: the star principle.

    [59:48] Richard’s $1.5 million investment decision.

    [1:03:41] Business “segmentation” in The Star Principle.

    [1:06:40] Principles governing Richard’s portfolio.

    [1:09:07] Richard’s firing from BCG and meeting Bill Bain.

    [1:19:03] The growth share matrix (Boston box) explained.

    [1:22:50] What Bain and Company appreciated about Richard.

    [1:36:07] Results of early partner-like behavior at Bain.

    [1:40:00] Key takeaways from Perspectives on Strategy and other recommended books.

    [1:44:06] Richard’s preference for principles over knowledge and The 80/20 Principle’s origin.

    [1:57:58] Richard’s happiness and time/energy allocation.

    [2:01:16] Comparing journaling styles.

    [2:07:24] Adventurers vs. controllers: who has more fun?

    [2:10:36] Inspiration for Unreasonable Success and How to Achieve It.

    [2:17:50] Richard’s definition of success and nine landmarks of unreasonably successful people.

    [2:20:56] Landmark one: self-belief.

    [2:23:40] Landmark two: Olympian expectations.

    [2:24:34] Landmark three: transforming experiences.

    [2:32:52] Landmark four: one breakthrough achievement.

    [2:35:36] Landmark five: make your own trail.

    [2:35:50] Landmark six: find and drive your personal vehicle.

    [2:45:24] Landmark seven: thrive on setbacks.

    [2:47:54] Landmark eight: acquire unique intuition.

    [2:48:15] Landmark nine: distort reality.

    [2:48:56] How landmarks reinforce each other.

    [2:51:24] Nelson Mandela’s unique intuition during imprisonment.

    [2:58:31] Richard’s annual question instead of new year’s resolutions.

    [3:01:44] Parting thoughts.

    *

    For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.

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    Past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry SeinfeldHugh JackmanDr. Jane GoodallLeBron JamesKevin HartDoris Kearns GoodwinJamie FoxxMatthew McConaugheyEsther PerelElizabeth GilbertTerry CrewsSiaYuval Noah HarariMalcolm GladwellMadeleine AlbrightCheryl StrayedJim CollinsMary Karr, Maria PopovaSam HarrisMichael PhelpsBob IgerEdward NortonArnold SchwarzeneggerNeil StraussKen BurnsMaria SharapovaMarc AndreessenNeil GaimanNeil de Grasse TysonJocko WillinkDaniel EkKelly SlaterDr. Peter AttiaSeth GodinHoward MarksDr. Brené BrownEric SchmidtMichael LewisJoe GebbiaMichael PollanDr. Jordan PetersonVince VaughnBrian KoppelmanRamit SethiDax ShepardTony RobbinsJim DethmerDan HarrisRay DalioNaval RavikantVitalik ButerinElizabeth LesserAmanda PalmerKatie HaunSir Richard BransonChuck PalahniukArianna HuffingtonReid HoffmanBill BurrWhitney CummingsRick RubinDr. Vivek MurthyDarren AronofskyMargaret AtwoodMark ZuckerbergPeter ThielDr. Gabor MatéAnne LamottSarah SilvermanDr. Andrew Huberman, and many more.

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  • #751: Elizabeth Gilbert and Jack Kornfield

    AI transcript
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    0:04:21 preferences. So you can get exactly what your body needs.
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    0:04:55 That’s helixsleep.com/tim with Helix Better Sleep starts now.
    0:05:01 At this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking.
    0:05:21 Hello boys and girls, ladies and germs.
    0:05:22 This is Tim Ferriss.
    0:05:25 Welcome to another episode of the Tim Ferriss show where it is my
    0:05:29 job to sit down with world-class performers from every field imaginable
    0:05:32 to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books and so on that you
    0:05:35 can apply and test in your own lives.
    0:05:39 This episode is a two for one and that’s because the podcast recently
    0:05:44 hit its 10th year anniversary, which is insane to think about and past one
    0:05:46 billion downloads to celebrate.
    0:05:51 I’ve curated some of the best of the best some of my favorites from
    0:05:53 more than 700 episodes over the last decade.
    0:05:57 I could not be more excited to give you these super combo episodes
    0:06:00 and internally we’ve been calling these the super combo episodes
    0:06:04 because my goal is to encourage you to yes, enjoy the household names
    0:06:08 the super famous folks, but to also introduce you to lesser known
    0:06:10 people I consider stars.
    0:06:14 These are people who have transformed my life and I feel like they can
    0:06:16 do the same for many of you.
    0:06:19 Perhaps they got lost in a busy news cycle.
    0:06:20 Perhaps you missed an episode.
    0:06:22 Just trust me on this one.
    0:06:26 We went to great pains to put these pairings together and for
    0:06:32 the bios of all guests, you can find that and more at tim.log/combo.
    0:06:37 And now without further ado, please enjoy and thank you for listening.
    0:06:43 First up, Elizabeth Gilbert, the number one New York Times bestselling
    0:06:49 author of 10 books, including Eat Pray Love and Big Magic, creative
    0:06:54 living beyond fear, which together have sold more than 25 million
    0:06:58 copies worldwide and her latest book, City of Girls.
    0:07:02 You can find Elizabeth on Twitter at Gilbert Liz.
    0:07:07 I thought I would begin with the alpha wolf.
    0:07:12 If you don’t mind for those who don’t know, this is a moth talk
    0:07:18 slash presentation story slash tear jerker slash laugh out loud at
    0:07:20 moments tale.
    0:07:29 And I saw that Ray’s birthday, her 60th birthday was just a few
    0:07:29 days ago.
    0:07:35 Could you speak to who Ray was a little bit of context and then
    0:07:38 how to how you prepared for that?
    0:07:41 There’s quite literally nothing I would rather talk about than
    0:07:42 Reyes.
    0:07:45 So you started in a good place for me.
    0:07:50 So Reya Elias was quite simply the love of my life.
    0:07:56 She and I were friends for 17 years.
    0:08:01 I was married for most of that and just very slowly and very
    0:08:04 quietly over the years fell in love with her.
    0:08:12 She was a lesbian Syrian Detroit raised rock and roll hairdresser,
    0:08:19 filmmaker, author, musician who had always wanted to live just
    0:08:20 right on the edge of life.
    0:08:23 She had been a speedball heroin junkie on the Lower East Side
    0:08:28 New York City in the 1980s was in Rikers Island was in Bellevue
    0:08:31 was in various rehabs and rehabilitations.
    0:08:34 This homeless was Oh God, she’d had such a storied life.
    0:08:39 And then she finally put it all down and she spent 19 years clean
    0:08:39 and sober.
    0:08:42 And when I met her, she was on the other side of that recovery
    0:08:46 and she was the strongest most extraordinary person I ever met.
    0:08:50 And as I said in that speech that I gave in that talk that I gave
    0:08:53 at the moth about her, which I shared a year after she died.
    0:08:56 She was the most powerful person in every room that she ever
    0:08:59 walked into and I adored her.
    0:09:00 She was my guide.
    0:09:01 She was my teacher.
    0:09:04 She was the rock, the ground underneath my feet.
    0:09:08 She was the one person in the world who always made me feel safe
    0:09:10 and she didn’t just make me feel safe.
    0:09:14 The feeling that everyone had when Ray walked into the room was
    0:09:16 Oh, thank God Ray is here.
    0:09:17 Everybody is safe.
    0:09:20 You know, that’s what the alpha is, right?
    0:09:23 The alpha is the person who keeps the entire pack safe.
    0:09:26 And because she was the most powerful person in the room.
    0:09:30 What I always knew when she walked in was not only would she make
    0:09:31 sure I was okay.
    0:09:36 If anybody was praying on me in any way, she would make sure
    0:09:37 the predator was okay too.
    0:09:41 Like she had everybody under her wing to make sure that people
    0:09:42 were all right.
    0:09:46 You know, she just had this way of handling humans like nothing
    0:09:47 I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
    0:09:52 And I absolutely adored her and I was a loyal wife and I loved
    0:09:55 my husband and the three of us were really good friends.
    0:09:58 And there was no way in the world that I was ever going to cross
    0:09:58 that line.
    0:10:02 I just kept that love very quietly in my heart and we all
    0:10:05 just had a beautiful life together until the day that she
    0:10:08 was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic and liver cancer.
    0:10:11 And I got a phone call from her saying that she’d gotten this
    0:10:14 diagnosis and that they said she had six months to live.
    0:10:17 And from that point forward, it was no longer possible for me
    0:10:21 to keep that love hidden and very swiftly after that, I had a
    0:10:24 conversation with my husband and said, I need to go and be with
    0:10:27 Rhea and no one was surprised with this.
    0:10:29 He wasn’t surprised by it.
    0:10:32 He’d seen it for years and he very in one of the greatest
    0:10:36 acts of courage and dignity I’ve ever seen anybody do.
    0:10:41 He very graciously stepped out of the way and we separated and
    0:10:43 I went to be with her and I was with her until the end of her
    0:10:43 life.
    0:10:47 So that’s who Rhea was and that’s who she was to me.
    0:10:51 As for that speech that I gave at the moth that talk, what I
    0:10:56 was challenged to do in 12 minutes was to try to get over
    0:10:59 the net who that person was, the most epic human being I’d
    0:11:00 ever met.
    0:11:04 And I decided the way to do that was to tell a few stories
    0:11:07 about the experience of her death and dying, which were mostly
    0:11:11 based on ideas that I had about how she was going to become
    0:11:15 very helpless and I was going to have to be her hero and protect
    0:11:19 her versus the reality of the situation, which is that she
    0:11:21 never became helpless.
    0:11:24 She remained the alpha in the entire situation.
    0:11:27 She was a really hard patient to take care of for that reason.
    0:11:31 She absolutely refused to cooperate with my version of some
    0:11:35 airy fairy soft hippie dab that I wanted to give to her.
    0:11:39 And instead she died the way she lived like the badass, the
    0:11:43 year’s unrelenting warrior that she was and it was brutal and
    0:11:47 it was beautiful and she never stopped taking us by surprise
    0:11:48 right even up till the last second.
    0:11:51 And the point is going to come where that truth is going to
    0:11:55 become bigger than your plans and that extended into the way
    0:11:56 that I tried to manage.
    0:12:00 I’m using air quotes now, managed Rea’s death.
    0:12:02 I also went into her death with a plan.
    0:12:03 We’re going to have an enlightened death.
    0:12:05 We’re going to have a real hospice death.
    0:12:09 We’re going to bring grief bereavement experts in here to talk.
    0:12:12 I mean, I laugh now because it’s like, you know, just Rea like
    0:12:13 who’s such a biker chick.
    0:12:16 It’s like you’re going to bring a fucking grief bereavement
    0:12:20 expert in here like to talk to me, you know, like give me a
    0:12:20 break.
    0:12:23 I’m going to go down watching football, eating chicken wings
    0:12:24 and smoking.
    0:12:26 You know, like this is like of no interest in that.
    0:12:30 So she just way laid that plan completely and died on her
    0:12:30 own terms.
    0:12:33 I’m just thinking of something that a hospice nurse said to
    0:12:35 me because we were cracking up one day.
    0:12:38 I can’t remember what it was about, but there’s a lot of
    0:12:39 anybody who’s ever been by it.
    0:12:43 You know, there’s a lot of humor that shows up and it is
    0:12:44 literally gallows humor.
    0:12:48 You know, it really is like, I’ve got a picture of me and Rea’s
    0:12:51 ex-wife and Rea’s ex-girlfriend who were the two women who
    0:12:54 showed up like champions at the end of her life to help to
    0:12:57 take care of me and help to take care of her because they they
    0:12:58 loved her so much.
    0:13:01 It was also just such a factor of what a boss Mac Daddy Rea
    0:13:04 was that she had like every woman who’d ever loved her came
    0:13:07 back to take care of her when she was dying, you know, and to
    0:13:08 take care of each other.
    0:13:10 And there was a lot of laughter between the three of us about
    0:13:14 just like handling this force of nature as she was dying.
    0:13:15 Like, can we survive it?
    0:13:16 Right.
    0:13:18 She’s the opposite of a good patient, you know, and so there
    0:13:20 was a lot of humor in there and the hospice nurse was laughing
    0:13:23 with this one day and I said to her, it’s amazing that you can
    0:13:25 laugh given the line of work that you’re in.
    0:13:28 She spends her life working with people at the worst, most
    0:13:30 painful parts of their lives at the end of their lives.
    0:13:32 And she said, we have a little motto.
    0:13:35 We say, if you can’t laugh at death, get out of show business.
    0:13:38 You shouldn’t be a hospice nurse.
    0:13:40 If you can’t let you won’t survive.
    0:13:42 And I’m sure that’s what you and I are talking right now in
    0:13:43 the midst of the COVID crisis.
    0:13:44 And I’ve been thinking about that.
    0:13:47 I’ve been thinking about the nurses that I know and I’m
    0:13:51 imagining that you know, there’s some dark ass humor happening
    0:13:53 in those hospitals right now.
    0:13:56 There has to be in the same way that soldiers would tell you
    0:13:59 about the humor that happens when you’re under fire.
    0:14:03 Like, there absolutely has to be or you simply won’t be able
    0:14:03 to survive it.
    0:14:06 So I will say that the humor is there in those moments.
    0:14:09 I mean, right after Rhea died.
    0:14:13 I mean, we had been through such hell with her and her death
    0:14:15 was not as I say, it was it was brutal.
    0:14:18 You know, one minute after she took her last breath, her last
    0:14:23 horrible breath, Gigi, her ex-wife, stood up, brushed off
    0:14:25 her hands and goes, okay, so that’s done.
    0:14:27 I’m going to be on the next flight out of here like at 2 o’clock.
    0:14:30 You know, we just, it was hilarious, but it was also
    0:14:32 just like what Rhea would have done, you know.
    0:14:33 Okay, you guys good?
    0:14:33 We good?
    0:14:34 We done here?
    0:14:39 You know, we just all like rolled over laughing in the middle
    0:14:42 of our tears, you know, and I feel like that humor has to
    0:14:45 be shot through the entirety of your life or else you really
    0:14:47 are not going to make it through Earth School because Earth
    0:14:50 School is a hard, hard school and it’s a hard assignment.
    0:14:53 And I think the humor is quite literally grace.
    0:14:58 Let’s pair stillness with awe for a moment.
    0:15:03 I’ve also read that there are times when you’ll love a
    0:15:08 sentence so much that you read that you’ll start clapping by
    0:15:12 yourself where you happen to be reading.
    0:15:18 And I would love to know what type of writing what writers
    0:15:19 have done that for you.
    0:15:23 If you could name even a few of them and what it is, what are
    0:15:27 the ingredients that lead to that one woman standing ovation?
    0:15:28 Often in the backups.
    0:15:32 Well, they say that great art has to contain two features.
    0:15:36 It has to be both surprising and inevitable.
    0:15:37 So that’s the great thing.
    0:15:38 That’s good.
    0:15:39 That’s good.
    0:15:39 Right.
    0:15:39 Yeah.
    0:15:42 That’s paradox is that you have to go.
    0:15:44 Oh my God, I didn’t see that coming.
    0:15:46 And that is the only way that could go.
    0:15:51 I’m thinking of the ending of Breaking Bad, that whole show,
    0:15:52 but like the last moments of Breaking Bad.
    0:15:53 Spoiler alert.
    0:15:56 You’ve had many years to watch it now, people.
    0:15:57 I won’t tell you the ending.
    0:16:00 I will just tell you that I also stood up and applauded at
    0:16:03 that because it felt both surprising and inevitable.
    0:16:06 So that’s the feeling you want your whole nervous system to
    0:16:09 kind of be like, oh my God, I didn’t know that could be.
    0:16:13 And yes, of course, you know, it had to be.
    0:16:16 And now it’s rearranged my DNA in a certain way where I can’t
    0:16:17 be the same now.
    0:16:19 Poetry tends to do it.
    0:16:24 The poets have this amazing ability to put that into such a
    0:16:28 tiny space where it’s like the encapsulation of inevitability
    0:16:29 and surprise.
    0:16:34 So I’ll give you an example of one piece that I love, which
    0:16:39 is a poem by TS Eliot called East Coker that has gotten me
    0:16:41 through some of the darkest times in my life.
    0:16:44 Some of those moments in your life where you don’t know what
    0:16:44 to do, right?
    0:16:47 Where a human being, and this is where I think human life
    0:16:48 gets really interesting.
    0:16:51 What happens to people when they reach the end of their power?
    0:16:53 Because especially in this culture where we live in it, in
    0:16:56 a culture that says you should be able to power through anything,
    0:16:59 life will very generously remind you that you cannot.
    0:17:03 And it will very generously break you at times and very
    0:17:05 generously show you as we’re seeing right now in the COVID
    0:17:05 virus.
    0:17:08 We’re like, oh, actually, there’s a limit to our powers
    0:17:10 here and it’s very humbling.
    0:17:12 And what do you do when you’re at the end of your power?
    0:17:15 So the poem East Coker is one and it gets me every little
    0:17:16 time.
    0:17:17 How do you spell Coker?
    0:17:19 C-O-K-E-R.
    0:17:22 C-K-E-R, yeah, East Coker.
    0:17:26 And there’s a part of the poem where TS Eliot writes, weight
    0:17:28 without hope for hope would be hope of the wrong thing.
    0:17:32 Weight without love for love would be love of the wrong thing.
    0:17:36 There is yet faith, but the faith and the hope and the love
    0:17:37 are all in the waiting.
    0:17:41 Weight without thought for you are not ready for thought.
    0:17:44 And so the darkness shall be light and the stillness,
    0:17:45 the dancing.
    0:17:47 That’s a stand up and applause moment.
    0:17:49 Yeah, that is a stand up and applause moment.
    0:17:54 And sometimes when people I know are grieving or they’re stuck
    0:17:57 or they’re broken or everything has been taken away,
    0:18:00 I will give them that poem because that says what I don’t
    0:18:04 know how to say better than that, which is right now you’re
    0:18:08 being asked to weight without hope for anything that you hope
    0:18:09 for would be the wrong thing.
    0:18:12 And weight without love, anybody who’s been going through a
    0:18:14 horrible breakup, I’ll give them that poem.
    0:18:17 Like you’re being asked to weight without love right now
    0:18:19 because love would be love of the wrong thing.
    0:18:22 And anybody who’s a beginning meditator, I give them that
    0:18:25 poem because of the line weight without thought for you are
    0:18:26 not ready for thought.
    0:18:31 You don’t have the wisdom right now to have the correct
    0:18:31 thoughts.
    0:18:36 So you need to weight without thought and then you will see
    0:18:37 if you do that.
    0:18:41 And there’s still faith, but the faith is in the waiting.
    0:18:44 The faith is in waiting without hope, waiting without love,
    0:18:45 waiting without thought.
    0:18:49 That’s the definition of faith sitting in the darkness in that
    0:18:49 waiting.
    0:18:52 And then you will see how the darkness becomes light and the
    0:18:55 stillness becomes dancing, but only every time in order to
    0:18:57 have it, you’ve got to give up hope and you’ve got to give up
    0:19:00 love and you’ve got to have faith only in the waiting.
    0:19:02 So that’s a line that makes me applaud.
    0:19:06 Another author who gets me is another poet who gets me is
    0:19:10 Walt Whitman and Walt Whitman saying describing himself in
    0:19:14 a song of myself, describing himself as standing both in
    0:19:17 and out of the game, watching and wondering at it and also
    0:19:18 being involved in it.
    0:19:24 That description of he watching himself walk through life both
    0:19:27 in and out of the game is again something that I think of as
    0:19:29 the highest point of enlightenment.
    0:19:32 Can you engage with your life?
    0:19:34 Can you be involved with your life?
    0:19:36 Can you feel all of the feelings?
    0:19:37 Can you fall in love?
    0:19:38 Can you lose?
    0:19:39 Can you fail?
    0:19:39 Can you grow?
    0:19:40 Can you succeed?
    0:19:41 Can you fuck up?
    0:19:45 And also watch it from a little bit of a detached distance
    0:19:47 and marvel at the game itself.
    0:19:49 So that line gets me.
    0:19:52 And then as far as fiction writers go, I’m so in love with
    0:19:57 Hilary Mantell who wrote the Wolf Hall trilogy about Henry
    0:20:00 the Eighth and won the Booker Prize for the first two
    0:20:00 installments of it.
    0:20:03 And then the third one just came out and the way that I’ve
    0:20:07 been describing it to people is imagine if all three Godfather
    0:20:09 movies were as good as the first two.
    0:20:12 Imagine if Godfather Part Three was just as good as one
    0:20:13 and two.
    0:20:16 That’s how good Hilary Mantell is that the third installment
    0:20:19 and I’m reading that right now and I’m just it’s just a bowdown
    0:20:19 moment.
    0:20:22 You know, as an artist, there are a lot of writers who
    0:20:26 I look at their work and I admire them, but I see how they did
    0:20:29 it because it’s almost like a carpenter looking at another
    0:20:31 carpenter’s work and being like, oh, okay, see how you did the
    0:20:34 joints there and you hid that hinge there.
    0:20:34 And that’s cool.
    0:20:36 I see it well done, you know.
    0:20:38 And then there are people I look at their work and I’m like,
    0:20:41 I literally don’t believe that you’re human.
    0:20:47 I don’t understand how you can even do this.
    0:20:49 And that’s how I feel about Hilary Mantell writing about
    0:20:54 16th century England in a way that is so intimate and so you
    0:20:57 cannot read that book without thinking, this is exactly how
    0:20:59 it happened and I don’t know how she does it.
    0:21:02 I’m happy to never be able to do that.
    0:21:04 I’m just lucky to live on earth at the same time as somebody
    0:21:05 who can.
    0:21:10 I would push back a little bit and I would say that you have
    0:21:17 a rare ability to blend readability with wordsmithing
    0:21:22 sentences that are very memorable and really strike a chord.
    0:21:23 I don’t think that is easy to do.
    0:21:29 And I would say Kurt Vonnegut is one who comes to mind, but
    0:21:32 it’s not easy to combine those two things.
    0:21:36 And it made me crack a smile when I was reading about you
    0:21:38 appreciating sentences.
    0:21:42 The quote from you at the end of this portion of the interview
    0:21:45 was it’s part of the reason that the arts are around to remind
    0:21:47 us that we’re not just here to pay bills and die that we’re
    0:21:50 also here to get excited and feel wonder and to feel awe.
    0:21:54 That’s easy to read, but it is something that makes me go fuck.
    0:21:56 God damn, you’re totally right.
    0:21:59 It’s like I need more wonder and awe.
    0:22:01 I’m paying too many bills.
    0:22:07 So I do want to applaud that ability and I’d love for you to
    0:22:12 speak to what else you’ve learned from Martha Beck and what
    0:22:15 are some of the other things that have really stuck for you.
    0:22:17 I’ll give you one more Martha Beck line that I love.
    0:22:20 She says, there are certain moments of your life where you’re
    0:22:23 standing in front of a bonfire and you have to jump.
    0:22:27 You just have to jump into it and you have to be willing to
    0:22:31 burn away everything that you’ve been taught and everything
    0:22:32 that you’re afraid of and just do it.
    0:22:35 And she said, and I remember her telling me this was such
    0:22:35 glee.
    0:22:38 She goes, it’s such a cool moment that you’re in.
    0:22:41 And she said this to me as I was leaving my marriage and going
    0:22:41 to be with Rayette.
    0:22:45 She said that these bonfire moments are so fantastic
    0:22:48 because there’s only two things that can happen when you jump
    0:22:49 into a bonfire.
    0:22:52 One of them is that you find out that it wasn’t actually a
    0:22:55 bonfire that you were afraid that it was going to burn you
    0:22:56 to pieces and it actually didn’t.
    0:22:59 It wasn’t as scary as you thought you did it.
    0:22:59 You took the weep.
    0:23:03 It turned out to be kind of like warm and soft and easy.
    0:23:04 So it was no big deal.
    0:23:08 The other thing that can happen is that it is a bonfire and
    0:23:13 you are incinerated and your entire life is incinerated by
    0:23:16 it. And that’s even better because then you get to be
    0:23:18 reborn as a Phoenix on the other side completely new.
    0:23:19 So either way you win.
    0:23:22 So there’s no reason not to either jump in and find out it
    0:23:24 was nothing or you’ll jump in and you’ll be destroyed and
    0:23:25 that’s awesome too.
    0:23:28 When I say Martha doesn’t play by the game.
    0:23:29 That’s what I mean.
    0:23:30 Like that’s what I mean about.
    0:23:34 She’s not even in the arena that we would call any sort of
    0:23:35 normal way of living.
    0:23:39 And that reason she’s then one of the top three most influential
    0:23:40 people in my entire life.
    0:23:44 You’re like Martha do we go left left right or straight.
    0:23:45 She’s like we go up.
    0:23:47 You’re like what’s how do we do that?
    0:23:49 That’s incredible.
    0:23:55 Let’s talk about the integrity check that sternum to naval
    0:24:00 area will have to come up with some sort of premium like label
    0:24:02 that makes it a little easier to their expense.
    0:24:04 I think is it the inner compass.
    0:24:05 There we go.
    0:24:06 That’s where it’s located.
    0:24:06 Yeah.
    0:24:10 When you do say an integrity check and I had read that
    0:24:12 when Ray was sick.
    0:24:15 For instance, you began deleting or archiving emails without
    0:24:20 responding as a bit of a treat to yourself and not having to
    0:24:20 okay.
    0:24:22 Deleting goodbye.
    0:24:31 And when you say now check in with yourself and decide to
    0:24:32 say no to something.
    0:24:35 Let’s just to make it easy or make it concrete via email.
    0:24:38 You get an invitation from a friend.
    0:24:41 You do actually really like with something that could plausibly
    0:24:44 advance your career or be fun, but you check in with yourself
    0:24:46 and it’s like, no, this isn’t a yes.
    0:24:50 How do you phrase your nose or declines?
    0:24:54 Do you have any particular go to language that you like to use?
    0:24:56 I just want to make sure everybody knows that this is not
    0:24:57 easy.
    0:25:00 I don’t want to have any illusions for anybody that this is
    0:25:03 simple and the closer the relationship, the harder it is
    0:25:06 the closer and more intimately I’m involved with somebody.
    0:25:10 The more stakes there are for me and the harder it is for me
    0:25:11 to tell the truth.
    0:25:15 And that feels like it should be, you know, there’s a paradox.
    0:25:17 The people you love the most should be the people that you
    0:25:19 are able to be the most honest with.
    0:25:21 Well, no, because they’re the people who you want to hurt
    0:25:22 the least.
    0:25:24 That’s where it’s really, really hard.
    0:25:25 There’s a couple layers of it.
    0:25:29 I now treat my inbox like it’s my home because I think it’s
    0:25:30 an extension of my home.
    0:25:34 So if somebody walks into my home uninvited and announces
    0:25:37 themselves and doesn’t say how they got a key and asks for
    0:25:39 something, I delete that email.
    0:25:41 I’m just like, I didn’t invite you in.
    0:25:43 There are proper channels, you know what they are.
    0:25:46 I don’t know how you got my personal email and I just delete
    0:25:46 it.
    0:25:51 And if I feel a sense in my sternum of a fence of feeling
    0:25:54 like this person has taken the liberty, I don’t believe that
    0:25:55 I owe them anything.
    0:25:58 I don’t believe that I owe them anything anymore than if I came
    0:26:01 down to my kitchen and saw people sitting at my table who
    0:26:03 I didn’t know eating breakfast.
    0:26:06 I wouldn’t believe that I owed them to make them a cup of
    0:26:10 coffee. I’d be like, get out of my house.
    0:26:13 I don’t even think I owe them a polite response.
    0:26:15 I owe them nothing.
    0:26:16 I didn’t ask you to come into my house.
    0:26:17 I don’t owe you anything.
    0:26:18 So that’s the easiest.
    0:26:19 Those are ones are easy.
    0:26:21 And I now treat myself to doing that.
    0:26:22 I mean, I do that every day.
    0:26:25 I clear my inbox out very quickly now.
    0:26:27 And then it’s very, I’m entertained when they come back
    0:26:29 later and they’re like just circling back and I’m like,
    0:26:31 yeah, just deleting you again.
    0:26:32 Circle back as many times as you want.
    0:26:33 You are not coming in.
    0:26:34 So that’s simple.
    0:26:36 If it’s just bumping this up.
    0:26:37 Pixar, are you?
    0:26:39 Yeah, I’m just bumping you back.
    0:26:41 And I’m just, it’s like whack-a-moles.
    0:26:42 It’s like, I can do this all day.
    0:26:43 Delete, delete, delete.
    0:26:47 If it’s somebody who I care about.
    0:26:50 If it’s something that I’m interested in, but I’m just
    0:26:53 not going to do it because I don’t want to.
    0:26:56 I will write back and say, thank you so much.
    0:26:59 And I’m really honored that you invited me to this, but
    0:27:01 I’m not going to be able to do this at this time.
    0:27:03 And I don’t feel any to give a reason.
    0:27:07 I think a simple no is really, really good.
    0:27:10 And the reason sometimes the reason it’s good not to give
    0:27:14 an explanation is that if that person is an expert manipulator
    0:27:18 as many of us are, that explanation will not suffice.
    0:27:22 So it won’t matter what you give as an explanation because
    0:27:24 they can come back and be like, well, we can do it by audio.
    0:27:27 You know, we can do, oh, if you’re, oh, well, we can do it
    0:27:28 a different weekend.
    0:27:30 Just no.
    0:27:32 And I learned a lot about this from my teacher, Byron
    0:27:35 Katie, who, who teaches an amazing thing called the school
    0:27:35 for the work.
    0:27:39 She’s a whole another, another being who’s not, not at all
    0:27:40 living by the rules.
    0:27:42 Extra terrestrial for sure.
    0:27:43 Extra terrestrial.
    0:27:47 She is not, she is the only fully enlightened human being
    0:27:48 I can, I believe I have ever met.
    0:27:52 And as such, she does not have any trouble saying an honest
    0:27:53 yes and no to people.
    0:27:56 Just to underscore that, cause I did a, an in-person training
    0:27:57 with her.
    0:28:07 I mean, literally no hesitation, no struggle, no conflict.
    0:28:11 It’s bizarre and mesmerizing to watch.
    0:28:12 And she loves you.
    0:28:13 And she loves her.
    0:28:14 There’s also no hostility.
    0:28:18 So no offense, no hostility to her.
    0:28:20 Somebody came up to her to an event, handed her a book that
    0:28:23 they’d written, which people do to me all the time too.
    0:28:24 So I really marveled at this.
    0:28:26 They said, I wrote this and I want to share it with you.
    0:28:28 And she said, oh sweetheart, I’m never going to read that.
    0:28:31 She said, true, it’s just true.
    0:28:31 I’m never going to read that.
    0:28:34 And I’m like, oh my God, I didn’t know you could say that.
    0:28:36 So that’s amazing.
    0:28:39 And she said it so lovingly, like, oh, oh no, I’m no
    0:28:39 interested in reading that.
    0:28:42 So she teaches, I don’t know if you did, when you took her
    0:28:45 training, did you do where she teaches a simple no?
    0:28:49 And she does training on how to give a simple no.
    0:28:52 I don’t think we actually spent much time on that.
    0:28:54 So I would love to hear you say more.
    0:28:58 We worked on the emotional one-pages and the turnarounds.
    0:29:01 We did a lot on the turnarounds, which is probably it.
    0:29:03 We could do a whole episode just on that.
    0:29:06 Everybody look up Byron Katie for this amazing, but and if
    0:29:08 you have the means and if you have the chance to ever take
    0:29:11 her nine day school for the work, it’s the most important
    0:29:12 thing I’ve ever done for myself.
    0:29:15 So I would say that quite simply, but she has a whole day
    0:29:18 in the nine day school for work, which is about the simple
    0:29:21 no and the simple no is ways to say no.
    0:29:26 And it always begins with thank you and there’s never a but
    0:29:30 because she feels that the word but is very cruel and it’s
    0:29:33 just an and so it’s thank you and no.
    0:29:34 And that’s it.
    0:29:35 That’s a simple no.
    0:29:37 And then if they come back, you can say, well, hold on.
    0:29:38 Just to pause for a second.
    0:29:41 Is that literally the phrasing or is it just?
    0:29:41 Yeah.
    0:29:42 Okay.
    0:29:43 No, yeah, that’s it.
    0:29:44 That’s it.
    0:29:46 And it just it still makes my stomach it because I’m like,
    0:29:47 Oh my God, you can’t just do that.
    0:29:49 You’ve got to give you’ve got to like do the dance and she’s
    0:29:51 like, you don’t have to do the dance.
    0:29:53 And she’s the one who taught me if the person is a good
    0:29:55 enough manipulator, it doesn’t matter what you bring.
    0:29:57 They’re going to manipulate it.
    0:30:00 And the beautiful thing about a simple no is that it gives in
    0:30:03 the jujitsu game, it gives somebody no weapon that they can
    0:30:04 take and bring back to you.
    0:30:08 They can say you’re being incredibly selfish and you can
    0:30:11 say, I hear that and you might be right about that.
    0:30:12 That’s another one.
    0:30:14 She always says you might be right about that.
    0:30:16 You might be right about that and no.
    0:30:21 And you just keep adding and no after the statement.
    0:30:24 So then there’s, but you know, I really, I need you to do
    0:30:24 this.
    0:30:26 I’m desperate and you say, I see that.
    0:30:28 I see your desperation and no.
    0:30:32 And one other thing she’ll add is you can say, if I change
    0:30:34 my mind about this, I’ll let you know and no.
    0:30:37 And that’s been a game changer for me.
    0:30:42 So I just did one last week, somebody who I have a professional
    0:30:45 relationship said, I want you to do this one hour video interview
    0:30:48 to promote this thing that I’m doing.
    0:30:52 And old Liz would have thought I owe her that because she
    0:30:54 did this other thing for me that time.
    0:30:59 And I checked in with my inter compass and I was like,
    0:31:01 nothing in me wants to do this.
    0:31:02 And so I just wrote back to her.
    0:31:03 I said, I’m so sorry.
    0:31:05 And I’m not going to be able to do this at this time.
    0:31:09 And she wrote back and pushed in and said, oh, let me clarify.
    0:31:11 I wasn’t clear about why we need it.
    0:31:14 We really need it because right now it’s really hard for us
    0:31:16 to sell things because of COVID-19.
    0:31:17 And that’s why we need it.
    0:31:20 And I wrote back and said, I hear you and I understand you and
    0:31:22 no, and it goes away.
    0:31:25 They don’t tend to come back a third time.
    0:31:30 You know, it really does just stop and let it sit at the no.
    0:31:35 The more words you add after that, the more entangled you get.
    0:31:36 But again, I want to make clear.
    0:31:40 It’s hardest closest to home and it’s hardest with family.
    0:31:43 And with family, I find if I anticipate that I’m going to be
    0:31:45 asked something, I really have to practice.
    0:31:49 I really, because it’s scary and I have to really practice and be
    0:31:53 like, and just practice saying, I’m not doing that right now.
    0:31:54 I’m not coming this year.
    0:31:57 And I’ll say a thousand times, just go for a long walk and
    0:31:59 I’ll just practice it and practice it and practice it.
    0:32:01 Because as I say, the closer the people are to you, the more
    0:32:02 difficult it is.
    0:32:05 It has a bit of personal digression here.
    0:32:09 I was working on a book, an entire book about saying no this
    0:32:12 past summer and the great irony of course is that I came up
    0:32:14 with all the reasons why I shouldn’t write the book in the
    0:32:16 process of putting it together.
    0:32:21 But what I noticed as I was practicing different ways of
    0:32:28 saying no is that it’s an incredibly clarifying exercise
    0:32:34 because it in a sense, it kind of brings to surface the true
    0:32:37 character of many people, you know, or people who are attempting
    0:32:38 to reach you.
    0:32:41 And what I found surprising and maybe I shouldn’t have found
    0:32:46 surprising is that many of my close friends who I anticipated
    0:32:51 might be upset would respond with, dude, good for you for
    0:32:52 respecting your boundaries.
    0:32:53 That’s a great line.
    0:32:53 Right.
    0:32:55 Rock on.
    0:32:59 And they got it and they were just like, oh, I wish, you know,
    0:33:01 I could say that more myself like good for you.
    0:33:05 And it was the bonfire that wasn’t a bonfire in those cases.
    0:33:09 Did you ever run into a bonfire that was one?
    0:33:10 Oh, for sure.
    0:33:11 Absolutely.
    0:33:15 And then I’m like, oh, wow, because if you, what I like about
    0:33:21 what you said about the or the sort of jiu-jitsu analogy is
    0:33:25 that if you provide really specific reasons for why you
    0:33:29 can’t do it and you elaborate, you’ve just created a potential
    0:33:30 negotiation.
    0:33:30 Right.
    0:33:37 But if you don’t provide that grip, that toll hold, then one
    0:33:40 of the few responses someone can give you if they’re upset
    0:33:44 and still want to push is some type of personal ad hominem
    0:33:46 attack or an accusation.
    0:33:48 And then you’re like, oh, wow.
    0:33:48 Okay.
    0:33:50 Now it’s that kind of party.
    0:33:51 Okay.
    0:33:55 This is good to know before we’re on stage having a public tiff
    0:33:55 at God knows what.
    0:33:57 I mean, this is valuable information.
    0:34:01 So there were definitely some bonfires and basically people
    0:34:05 just self-immolated because I was like, oh, wow, you’ve just
    0:34:08 proved my internal compass to be extremely accurate.
    0:34:09 And right.
    0:34:10 This is the reason.
    0:34:14 And here is the reason I’m not working with you, but you don’t
    0:34:15 even just say that.
    0:34:20 You just know it because the body knows first, the body knows
    0:34:23 first, but only always, only always.
    0:34:25 One of the things that Martha says that I love is she’s like
    0:34:29 because culture and civilization have overwritten the software
    0:34:32 system of the body so much and told you that you don’t trust
    0:34:37 that what you trust are the rules and the mores and the fear
    0:34:40 based scarcity based grasping.
    0:34:41 This is how you have to act.
    0:34:43 This is what you have to be in order to be safe.
    0:34:50 And meanwhile, our body’s like, ew, you know, gross or on
    0:34:51 the opposite side, like yummy.
    0:34:54 Like that’s that I want to be over there.
    0:34:55 I want to be with those people.
    0:34:57 You know, I don’t want to be with these people.
    0:35:00 And if you think about it, the wisdom of the body is so
    0:35:01 incredible.
    0:35:05 How many people do you know who said I knew the night before
    0:35:07 my wedding that this was a mistake?
    0:35:08 How many people do you know say that?
    0:35:10 And yet why did you do it?
    0:35:13 Because you were 29 and it was time to get married because
    0:35:15 you’d been raised in a culture that said this is what you do
    0:35:18 now because the invitations had been sent out because 300
    0:35:22 people had gathered because your family spent $30,000 on
    0:35:26 the wedding, like whatever the reasons were, you knew somewhere
    0:35:29 in that sternum area, you knew and how much you had to drink
    0:35:33 that day in order to override that.
    0:35:36 Whatever you had to do in order to shut down that compass
    0:35:38 that was saying, uh-uh, it’s brutal.
    0:35:41 That’s the work of the second half of my life.
    0:35:43 I can say that now, but I’m 50.
    0:35:48 That the only thing I’m interested anymore is that.
    0:35:54 Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors and we’ll be right
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    0:37:01 And now Jack Cornfield, one of the key teachers to introduce
    0:37:05 mindfulness practice to the West, author of 16 books,
    0:37:09 including Bringing Home the Dharma and Seeking the Heart
    0:37:13 of Wisdom and a founding teacher of the Insight Meditation
    0:37:17 Society in Massachusetts and Spirit Rock Meditation Center
    0:37:18 in California.
    0:37:23 You can find Jack on Instagram @jack_cornfield.
    0:37:26 Jack, welcome to the show.
    0:37:28 Oh, thank you, Tim.
    0:37:29 Pleasure to reconnect.
    0:37:33 I have wanted to have you on the show for some time now.
    0:37:38 And you’ve had certainly a tremendous impact on my life,
    0:37:42 both through your writing and through first-hand in-person
    0:37:44 interaction, which I think we’ll touch upon.
    0:37:49 But first, I wanted to ask you a complete non sequitur from
    0:37:53 that, which is something that our mutual friend, Adam Gazali,
    0:37:54 suggested I ask you about.
    0:37:59 And Adam, for people who don’t know him, is an incredible PhD
    0:38:03 MD neuroscientist based at UCSF.
    0:38:08 And he suggested that I ask you about hang gliding.
    0:38:11 And I have no idea why he suggested that.
    0:38:13 But I’m going to start there.
    0:38:16 And if it doesn’t go anywhere, we can change direction.
    0:38:17 But I figured we would just start with that.
    0:38:19 And then we’re going to rewind the clock.
    0:38:22 But why did he suggest I ask you about hang gliding?
    0:38:27 Well, it started many years ago when I crossed country with
    0:38:31 a friend who had a hang glider and we would stop periodically
    0:38:33 and go off different hills.
    0:38:34 And it was fantastic.
    0:38:38 And then I wanted to do paragliding and started to learn
    0:38:41 it now because everything is developed.
    0:38:43 And paragliding is a lot more official.
    0:38:44 You need a license, which I don’t have.
    0:38:50 But one of my favorite things is to tandem paraglide and go
    0:38:55 off the top of places like Grindelwald in Switzerland where
    0:38:59 you can take the ski lift up to 9,000 feet and then jump off
    0:39:05 and float silently like you’re a bird among the clouds.
    0:39:08 The birds actually do come by sometimes and like check out
    0:39:09 what’s this big bird flying up here.
    0:39:13 You can catch thermals and go way up above the glaciers.
    0:39:17 It’s one of the most thrilling and delicious experiences that
    0:39:18 I know.
    0:39:20 That’s incredible.
    0:39:23 So you first experienced that at what age?
    0:39:27 Probably in my, you know, late 20s and did some and then
    0:39:31 sort of put it aside and then I was traveling and teaching
    0:39:34 in Europe and I saw a sign for paragliding and I said, oh,
    0:39:38 gosh, I really want to do it and started and now each time
    0:39:41 I go where there’s high mountains and paragliding.
    0:39:44 That’s one of my things that I love doing.
    0:39:46 Most people have these dreams once in a while.
    0:39:49 If you’re lucky a dream of flying or maybe in your
    0:39:52 meditation, you have this sense of not being limited to your
    0:39:56 body and this is the closest thing that I know because it’s
    0:39:59 absolutely silent and you’re floating there.
    0:40:00 It’s quite fantastic.
    0:40:02 And this is something you still do.
    0:40:06 I hope to do it next summer when I’m back in the Alps.
    0:40:08 And how old are you now?
    0:40:09 72.
    0:40:10 72, good man.
    0:40:16 Well, we’re going to then go back a bit in chronology and ask
    0:40:18 about childhood.
    0:40:22 I would love to hear you describe your childhood.
    0:40:24 What were you like as a child?
    0:40:25 What was your upbringing like?
    0:40:30 Well, first thing to say is I remember when I got to Dartmouth
    0:40:36 College in 1963 and I called my mom from the pay phone in the
    0:40:38 dorm sometime in that fall.
    0:40:41 I didn’t call very often, but you know how it is.
    0:40:44 And I said, mom, I said, guess what?
    0:40:48 There are a lot of other really fucked up families beside
    0:40:49 ours.
    0:40:53 So that’s kind of where we start.
    0:41:02 So I had three brothers and my father was a mixture of a tyrant
    0:41:05 and a really abusive person and a brilliant guy.
    0:41:08 I was born on the Marine base toward the end of World War
    0:41:13 II and they didn’t send him overseas to do they put him in
    0:41:17 the medical part of the Marines because he tested so high on
    0:41:20 their tests that they, you know, okay, we’re going to use him
    0:41:21 for something.
    0:41:22 So he was brilliant in certain ways.
    0:41:26 He was a biophysicist who helped design some of the first
    0:41:29 artificial hearts and lungs worked on the space program,
    0:41:35 but also did other kinds of weird stuff like work for the army
    0:41:39 biological weapons people not making biological weapons,
    0:41:43 but trying to design things that were kind of computer
    0:41:46 biological interfaces, all kinds of creative stuff.
    0:41:51 But he was, he had mental problems and so we didn’t know
    0:41:53 when the car pulled in whether we were going to get Dr.
    0:41:54 Jekyll or Mr.
    0:41:59 Hyde, he would come in and you know, either he could shout
    0:42:03 be abusive, throw my mother down the stairs, rant, chase
    0:42:06 after us, try to hit us, whatever, or we’d get this
    0:42:09 interesting creative person, but we hardly ever had people
    0:42:12 come over when he was around during the daytime is the way
    0:42:15 we would because he never knew what you would get.
    0:42:19 And so our family life in my family life in some way was
    0:42:23 also there were great parts of it because I had my brothers
    0:42:24 and we were like our own gang.
    0:42:28 We moved all the time, but we had each other and because he
    0:42:30 was wacky as well as smart.
    0:42:34 My father either quit or got fired every year or two and then
    0:42:36 we would go from one place to another.
    0:42:40 I went to, I don’t know, eight schools by the time I finished
    0:42:40 high school.
    0:42:44 So my childhood, partly it was the happy things of rough
    0:42:48 housing and being a boy with three other boys and adventures.
    0:42:52 And then in the basement, my father had all kinds of scientific
    0:42:53 equipment.
    0:42:57 He had all this stuff from World War II, this huge radio
    0:43:01 from a battleship that you could tune into a thousand
    0:43:05 different shortwave stations around the world and projects.
    0:43:06 He was trying to design stuff.
    0:43:08 And so we learned from him, you could pretty much take or
    0:43:11 design or do anything in the physical world.
    0:43:18 And at the same time, I felt like my whole childhood was also
    0:43:25 colored with the fear of his violence and his unpredictability.
    0:43:28 And I became kind of a peacemaker in the family.
    0:43:32 We all sort of had our roles and now I do it as a profession,
    0:43:34 right, trying to kind of make it a little smoother between
    0:43:35 my parents.
    0:43:37 So they’d kill each other.
    0:43:39 And each of my brothers had their own strategy.
    0:43:43 My twin brother, who was a lot bigger and much more outgoing,
    0:43:45 played football, which I certainly didn’t.
    0:43:49 I was skinnier and, you know, I was in the orchestra and he
    0:43:50 was the football player.
    0:43:55 I remember when he first got in a fist fight with my dad because
    0:43:58 my father was abusing our mom.
    0:44:01 My twin brother had been as young men sometimes too.
    0:44:06 It was probably 13, 14 and he was pretty big and he was looking
    0:44:09 in the mirror, making muscles in the mirror to see how strong
    0:44:10 he’d become.
    0:44:14 Anyway, he just got into a fist fight with my father and I
    0:44:19 was both thrilled and terrified, but it worked in some way
    0:44:22 because of the abuse settled down quite a lot after that.
    0:44:26 So that was his strategy was just to get angry and then later
    0:44:29 kind of to go his own way somewhat more although we’re
    0:44:32 all of all have been very close as brothers.
    0:44:34 So there was that at the same time.
    0:44:37 There was a lot of interest, intellectual interest.
    0:44:40 So we read and learned about all kinds of things.
    0:44:44 Both my parents were really interested in the world around
    0:44:44 us.
    0:44:49 So it was sort of this next thing of the gift of being together
    0:44:52 with my brothers and a mom who was basically pretty nurturing
    0:44:57 although she kept trying to believe him and never got it
    0:44:57 together.
    0:45:01 I think it was too scary in the 50s to have four boys, you
    0:45:02 know, no job.
    0:45:05 And so we were in the middle of this and the kind of healing
    0:45:09 that it took, it took a long time to do the inner healing
    0:45:12 work from the pain of my family.
    0:45:17 And I remember when I became a Buddhist monk and I was sitting
    0:45:22 these first years with my teacher Ajahn Chah in the
    0:45:26 forest monasteries of Thailand on the border of Thailand
    0:45:30 in Laos and I’ve been sitting quietly and then some of these
    0:45:34 memories or energy would come where I remember one monk who
    0:45:38 had a pot near mine and the forest did something that annoyed
    0:45:41 me and I just got enraged inside.
    0:45:45 And I said when I went to the teacher and I said, I’m really
    0:45:49 getting angry here and he smiled.
    0:45:51 He said, yeah, where do you think that comes from or
    0:45:52 something like that?
    0:45:54 And I said, well, I don’t know.
    0:45:56 I said, I thought I was a peaceful guy.
    0:45:58 I was never going to be like my father.
    0:46:00 I won’t, you know, I’ll be peaceful.
    0:46:03 But it turned out I just stuffed all that stuff.
    0:46:06 And so when I told it, my teacher about it, he said, good.
    0:46:07 She’d go back in your hut.
    0:46:08 It’s the hot season.
    0:46:11 You get a little tin roof and close the doors and windows
    0:46:13 and put all your robes on.
    0:46:14 And if you’re going to be angry, do it right.
    0:46:17 Sit in the middle of that, you know, and sit in the middle
    0:46:20 of the fire and don’t be so afraid of it because you’re
    0:46:21 afraid of it.
    0:46:22 You’re just going to keep stuffing it.
    0:46:25 And on the other hand, or if you’re afraid of it, it’ll
    0:46:26 just explode.
    0:46:27 There’s another way to be with it.
    0:46:31 And so that was the beginning of some healing just to realize
    0:46:36 that I could actually tolerate the suffering and the energy
    0:46:39 that was in my still carried from trauma in my body and heart.
    0:46:43 So we’re going to absolutely come back to Ajahn Shabbi
    0:46:48 because I have many questions on that chapter in your life.
    0:46:50 But just so that I can create the proper visual in my
    0:46:54 own head. So you sat there in your hut in the sweltering heat
    0:46:55 with all of your robes on.
    0:46:58 Were you were you angry in silence?
    0:46:59 Were you yelling?
    0:47:02 Well, what I was I was pretty much angry in silence.
    0:47:03 And that’s an interesting question.
    0:47:07 You know, in the monastery, the culture was not much that
    0:47:07 you would yell.
    0:47:10 You could go somewhere out in the forest and yell.
    0:47:12 It wasn’t decorous or something.
    0:47:14 People with the hell’s wrong with that monk.
    0:47:18 So mostly I was sitting in silence and then scenes would
    0:47:23 come and I would realize, wow, I thought I was peaceful in
    0:47:24 every cell of my body.
    0:47:28 I also carry both the pain and anger of my childhood and my
    0:47:31 father and just the anger that comes with being a human being
    0:47:33 and human incarnation.
    0:47:35 And I was never going to have that.
    0:47:37 But of course there was and it lasted.
    0:47:42 You know, this was I had days of and actually much longer
    0:47:46 weeks or months of waves of this coming and learning how
    0:47:49 to be present for it and not get overwhelmed by it.
    0:47:52 So I want to backtrack and then connect those dots.
    0:47:58 So between childhood and ending up in Thailand, you mentioned
    0:48:02 Dartmouth earlier and from what I’ve read at least you were
    0:48:05 initially pre-med and then ended up Asian studies.
    0:48:10 Could you describe that experience in Dartmouth or how
    0:48:13 you went from pre-med to Asian studies?
    0:48:18 Well, you know, we all get turned in these mysterious ways
    0:48:19 in our life.
    0:48:23 We think we’re going in one direction and then something
    0:48:27 happens unexpectedly and a gateway opens.
    0:48:33 So I was coming from an organic chemistry class to the class
    0:48:38 that I’d signed up for out of interest on Asian studies or
    0:48:40 Asian philosophy or something.
    0:48:44 And it was an old professor and Dr. Wingsit Chan who’d come
    0:48:45 up from Harvard.
    0:48:51 He was kind of emeritus there and even set cross-legged
    0:48:54 sometimes, you know, on the front of the room and would talk
    0:48:58 about Lao Tzu and Taoism and they talk about Buddhist
    0:49:04 teachings and how the Buddha taught suffering and its causes
    0:49:05 and its end.
    0:49:09 And that really all of a sudden I sat up and there’s an end
    0:49:12 to suffering and he said, “Oh, there’s all these teachings
    0:49:15 and practices where you can transform your heart and mind.”
    0:49:19 And I became thrilled about it and realized that whatever
    0:49:23 impulse I had to go to medical school, probably part of it
    0:49:25 came from wanting to heal myself.
    0:49:28 And so I started to take more and more courses and then it
    0:49:33 was the 60s and I became a card-carrying hippie, a card-carrying
    0:49:37 LSD taking hippie as a matter of fact.
    0:49:41 And at the end of when I was getting ready to graduate,
    0:49:43 there was still the draft and I thought, “Well, I definitely
    0:49:47 don’t want to go over and kill people in a war that I’ve been
    0:49:48 protesting against.”
    0:49:52 So I decided to go into the Peace Corps instead and ask them
    0:49:55 to send me to a Buddhist country where maybe I could find
    0:49:59 one of those old Zen masters that you read about and got
    0:50:00 assigned to Thailand.
    0:50:05 And when I got there, you could kind of request where you went
    0:50:08 and I said, “Send me to the most remote place you can.”
    0:50:11 I wanted adventure, but I also wanted to kind of reading
    0:50:12 all those old Zen stories.
    0:50:15 I wanted to see if that still existed.
    0:50:18 You know, and there were little detours like being in
    0:50:20 Hadeshpuri in the Summer of Love and things like that,
    0:50:25 that definitely it changed my life also in a very deep way
    0:50:29 because for at least for a time there was a window when people
    0:50:30 were just giving things away.
    0:50:34 There was such a sense that the world could be transformed.
    0:50:37 Some of it, as we know, very, very naive.
    0:50:42 But in the other hand, it also felt like a greater sense of
    0:50:46 brotherhood and sisterhood than I had ever known except with
    0:50:48 my own brothers who I love a lot and we’ve done a lot of
    0:50:51 things together and I started to feel like there are other ways
    0:50:55 for me and for the world to be and live and that was also
    0:50:57 very wonderful.
    0:50:59 You mentioned a three-letter acronym that we’re probably
    0:51:02 not going to spend too, too much time on, but you and I
    0:51:04 have had quite a number of conversations where I’ve wanted
    0:51:08 to ask you about some of your experiences with psychedelics,
    0:51:10 including LSD, but we’ve never really gotten into it.
    0:51:12 So I figure why not do it in front of a few million people?
    0:51:16 The LSD at that point, your experiences with that, did that
    0:51:20 inform your decisions at all to then go into the Peace Corps
    0:51:24 and end up in a remote area?
    0:51:28 It did and I’ve written a little bit about it in a couple
    0:51:31 different of my books, chapters and books I’ve written because
    0:51:36 most Buddhist teachers and Hindu teachers of my generation
    0:51:40 also started psychedelics, you know, myself and almost all
    0:51:44 my colleagues, you know, in the spiritual industry that I’m
    0:51:49 in, that was a beginning and for me, it showed an incredible
    0:51:52 possibility that all is created out of consciousness and the
    0:51:56 possibilities of inner freedom and basically I was able, at
    0:52:01 the best of it, to see my body and my personality and my
    0:52:06 history and realize that that’s not who I am, to become much
    0:52:11 more of the conscious witness of it all, to see yes, birth
    0:52:14 and death and to go through those kind of death rebirth
    0:52:17 experiences that can happen at times in a deep session with
    0:52:22 LSD or death of ego or sense of self or removing and realizing
    0:52:26 wow, there’s a freedom and a life force that’s what we’re
    0:52:30 made of and that profoundly influenced my interest in
    0:52:34 spirituality and also interested in what the world can be.
    0:52:40 Now, just a few days ago, I was on Maui with my beloved wife
    0:52:44 Trudy and we were visiting, spending time with Ramdas who
    0:52:47 for listeners that don’t know was the author of this best
    0:52:50 seller in the sixties called Be Here Now and now he’s in the
    0:52:55 eighty six in a wheelchair but Ramdas who had been at Harvard
    0:52:58 University and one of the early explorers of LSD before
    0:53:03 he went to India and became a spiritual teacher in the living
    0:53:07 room while we were there two days ago, Roland Fisher who is
    0:53:11 one of the senior professors in psychopharmacologists at
    0:53:14 Johns Hopkins University Medical School.
    0:53:16 Oh, Roland Griffiths.
    0:53:19 Roland Griffiths rather and Roland excuse me Roland Griffiths
    0:53:24 and Roland laid out all the research that’s happening now
    0:53:29 on the psilocybin that he’s been doing and its success for
    0:53:34 people, turtle cancer patients, all of, losing a great deal
    0:53:38 of their, the fears that they had working with people with
    0:53:43 severe depression and it was a beautiful session because you
    0:53:46 could hear how these sacred substances and these mind
    0:53:50 altering substances when they’re used in the right context
    0:53:55 and really transform human beings and NYU, Johns Hopkins,
    0:53:58 there’s a whole series of studies that are happening now
    0:54:02 that are finally bringing it back into the mainstream.
    0:54:05 So I’d love to underscore just a few things that you mentioned.
    0:54:10 Number one, Ramdas for those people who want to do additional
    0:54:13 reading, formerly known as Richard Alpert if I’m getting
    0:54:18 that right, also has a fascinating story coming full
    0:54:23 circle with psychedelic research beginning I guess at Harvard
    0:54:24 in some respects.
    0:54:27 So it makes sense to me why Roland’s research would be so
    0:54:31 meaningful to him and a number of other just quick comments
    0:54:32 for people.
    0:54:35 Number one is if you’re interested in looking into these
    0:54:40 psilocybin which is considered the active psychoactive ingredient
    0:54:43 in magic mushrooms at Johns Hopkins and elsewhere.
    0:54:47 I’ve actually been involved with crowdfunding and funding
    0:54:51 myself some of the research related to treatment resistant
    0:54:54 depression at Johns Hopkins with Roland Griffith says the
    0:54:57 senior investigator and I’ll be posting some updates to that
    0:55:00 but fascinating work looking at everything from and this is
    0:55:04 also as you mentioned NYU and at other very well regarded
    0:55:10 universities, alcohol addiction, nicotine slash tobacco addiction
    0:55:14 as you mentioned end of life anxiety in cancer patients.
    0:55:17 The implications are really profound and the data very
    0:55:18 very promising.
    0:55:22 And I wanted to also mention to folks who are perhaps saying
    0:55:25 to themselves while I’m not interested in taking psychedelics
    0:55:29 myself that there are people I know good friends of mine who
    0:55:34 do not currently use psychedelics but had the ego
    0:55:39 dissolving experience of a non-ordinary reality through
    0:55:42 psychedelics that then led them to become or contributed to
    0:55:46 them becoming very very diligent meditators and Sam Harris
    0:55:50 who’s a PhD in neuroscience and thought of are very well known
    0:55:54 as an atheist or you know one of the four horsemen of the
    0:55:59 atheist apocalypse along with Richard Dawkins and others is
    0:56:02 a very close friend and extremely diligent meditator
    0:56:05 and he’s he’s written about how his psychedelic experiences
    0:56:09 which were in some respects very some of them uncontrolled
    0:56:12 and you really have a coin flip there is in terms of which
    0:56:16 direction you can go but showed him possibilities within his
    0:56:19 own mind that then led to a very very I’m not going to call
    0:56:22 it devout although I should just to bother me.
    0:56:27 Illigent practice so I don’t want to take us too far off
    0:56:31 the rails but you go to Southeast Asia.
    0:56:35 Well I want to say one more sure we move on because we are
    0:56:36 talking about this.
    0:56:40 It turns out for those who are listening that set and setting
    0:56:44 an intention are extremely important if one uses these
    0:56:48 psychedelics like psilocybin or something to set the intention
    0:56:51 to learn to open to have a quiet it’s not as a party
    0:56:56 experience absolutely brings your attention inward and then
    0:57:00 all the kind of discoveries become right in front of you
    0:57:04 but the other thing is that whether it’s right for somebody
    0:57:08 to use psychedelics or to use meditation these are all
    0:57:14 invitations to step back and see the mystery of your wife
    0:57:18 because we tend to live in the daily minutiae and checking
    0:57:22 off our list of tasks that we have to do in completing them
    0:57:25 our worker or you know or eating or all the kind of things
    0:57:30 that make up a day and we go on to automatic and whether
    0:57:34 it’s meditation and difference or other spiritual disciplines
    0:57:38 or for some people it also can just be that they have what
    0:57:42 in Greek is called a cut the boss a blow you know somebody
    0:57:47 close to them gets cancer or or is dying or they have some
    0:57:49 accident or something and all of a sudden you step back and
    0:57:53 you realize whoa life is uncertain the way I’ve been
    0:57:57 taking it it’s not just checking off the list it is a mystery
    0:58:00 human incarnation and what am I going to do with it and wow
    0:58:04 look at this how did I get in this body look at plants and
    0:58:09 trees and language the air coming out of your mouth that you
    0:58:12 shape it different ways and it vibrates a little drum in the
    0:58:14 ear of someone else and I can say Golden Gate Bridge and they
    0:58:17 can envision it and you start to realize that all of it is
    0:58:22 alive and made of consciousness and then the whole sense of
    0:58:26 who you are and what matters begins to shift and you start
    0:58:30 to realize that life is not just getting through the hoops
    0:58:35 but it actually also can be a celebration of the heart of
    0:58:39 something that you have to bring to the world that you come
    0:58:43 out of life and my friend Maladoma so may who’s a West
    0:58:48 African shaman and medicine man also true PhD is a kind of
    0:58:52 remarkable guy he says with the dog or a people in West Africa
    0:58:56 that he’s from that they say that every child comes into the
    0:59:01 world with a certain cargo is their metaphor like the cargo
    0:59:05 ships that ply the rivers of West Africa and that they’re
    0:59:11 given gifts to bring into the world and that we have gifts
    0:59:15 to bring to this mystery which include opening to it and as
    0:59:20 we do love grows connection grows and a whole different way
    0:59:24 of being in the world happens that we need so much at this
    0:59:28 time so that’s a little interlude there before we move on to
    0:59:32 your next question I welcome as many interludes as you would
    0:59:36 like to interject and I wanted to just ask you to say one more
    0:59:40 time that it was I believe Greek word for Gothenbos which
    0:59:44 means a blow it’s like something comes and it just sets your
    0:59:46 life spinning in an entirely different direction right like
    0:59:50 a catalyzing event and that’s exactly I’ve had a few of those
    0:59:53 recently that I’d like to selfishly ask you about later but
    0:59:58 so I can bookmark just so I can bookmark this name Stanislaus
    1:00:02 gruff if I’m saying that yes that’s correct when just when did
    1:00:07 you meet him roughly what age or what date just so I can come
    1:00:09 back to it because this is another thing I’ve been meaning
    1:00:11 to ask you about for a long time and get into but I haven’t had
    1:00:16 the chance there’s two things to say when I came back from the
    1:00:21 monastery and now it’s you know I guess the year that I can
    1:00:25 echo the Stanislaus maybe 1973 I made two really important
    1:00:29 connections I came back and start a psychology and graduate
    1:00:32 school was in Boston and first really important connection
    1:00:36 happened when I went to a meeting of the Massachusetts
    1:00:41 psychological association and there was this guy who looked
    1:00:45 like he didn’t look just like the straight psychologist and
    1:00:47 in turn that he’d just come back from India not long before
    1:00:51 named Dan Goldman who is a graduate student at Harvard and
    1:00:55 he’d projected on the screen this Tibetan wheel of birth and
    1:00:59 death that you see in the Tibetan Tonkas that normally would
    1:01:04 be taken as some kind of primitive iconic symbol and he
    1:01:07 said no this is a psychological diagram the Buddha was actually
    1:01:12 more than anything else he was a scientist of the mind and a
    1:01:17 profound psychologist and here is how craving turns into
    1:01:20 contentment and here’s how aggression can be transformed
    1:01:25 into powerful energy to heal yourself and others and he was
    1:01:28 going through this diagram and I went and I talked to him and
    1:01:31 he said oh you you come back from monastery you got to come
    1:01:35 over and so he took me to David McClellan who had been the
    1:01:40 chairman of the social science and psychology department at
    1:01:44 Harvard at that time the one who hired Tim Leary and Ramdas
    1:01:49 and then later had to fire them for their LSD work and his
    1:01:54 house he and his wife Mary were Quakers his home was a kind
    1:02:00 of Suare where Ramdas and Tibetan Lamas like Chobium Trumba
    1:02:03 and I think Krishna Murdy and various spiritual figures would
    1:02:07 come people were going to India and coming back and I connected
    1:02:12 with this whole group of folks who now been friends for 45
    1:02:15 years. Richie Davidson was another that I met there who’s now
    1:02:19 one of the preeminent neuroscientists in the world on
    1:02:23 studying contemplative neuroscience and affective emotional
    1:02:26 neuroscience. It was a whole collective of people Dan Goldman
    1:02:31 who wrote emotional intelligence that sold 10 million copies
    1:02:36 and many others and then I got a job working for an excellent
    1:02:39 like growth center in Boston at that time because I was excited
    1:02:42 and all the new gestalt bioenergetics what are the
    1:02:45 things that are transformative here and they asked me to help
    1:02:48 set up programs and I thought well who do I want to meet.
    1:02:52 So I set up a program with John Lilly and I set up a program
    1:02:57 with Stan Groff who was still at Johns Hopkins and married at
    1:03:01 that time just married to Joan Halifax, Joan Groff and we
    1:03:05 became friends and so we have Stan and I have now worked
    1:03:10 together for 45 years. I went out to join him that excellent
    1:03:14 for many many years spending many months together helping
    1:03:16 during his development of the whole tropic breath work that
    1:03:21 said this powerful breath transformation and he has been
    1:03:25 a partner in a in a heart friend for exploration and we’ve
    1:03:30 traveled or we’ve taught in Russia and in places in Europe
    1:03:35 and various places around the world so this is definitely a
    1:03:41 path that we’re going to come down and dig further into but
    1:03:46 I’m going to steer us to a job because I want to know how do
    1:03:49 you land with the Peace Corps in remote well what most people
    1:03:53 would consider remote corner of the world and end up finding
    1:03:56 a living master. How does that actually happen? I don’t know
    1:03:58 but I assume you didn’t speak Thai at the time.
    1:04:04 I did actually because the Peace Corps and then I had to
    1:04:09 learn Lao I did because the Peace Corps at that time it was
    1:04:11 a very early in the Peace Corps had really good language
    1:04:14 training they borrowed it from the Monterey Language Institute.
    1:04:19 So you know initially I didn’t speak that well but because
    1:04:23 I’d also studied Chinese at Dartmouth it came more easily
    1:04:26 and I was there working in these in the health rural health
    1:04:31 department on tropical medicine teams mostly malaria but also
    1:04:34 typhoid and teams going out to different villages and taking
    1:04:38 drawing blood and giving out medicine and things like that
    1:04:41 and then somebody said there’s a Western Monk in this province
    1:04:44 we heard about you want to meet and I said of course I do.
    1:04:49 So I went to this little mountain and walked up 2,000
    1:04:52 steps to the old Cambodian Temple ruin at the top and there
    1:04:56 was this very interesting guy who had just finished a couple
    1:05:00 years before the first Peace Corps I think in Borneo and then
    1:05:04 got interested in Buddhism and common ordained as a monk and
    1:05:08 I talked with him he’s now he’s named Ajahn Sumedo is his
    1:05:11 monk’s name because he’s still a monk and he became quite famous
    1:05:16 in Thailand and then became the abbot of a temple in England
    1:05:20 and I became friends with him and he said oh I found a really
    1:05:23 fine teacher he said you know a lot of them they kind of take
    1:05:25 you you’re a Western and they treat you special he said this
    1:05:28 guy doesn’t treat you any differently than anyone else
    1:05:31 he just wants you to do the work you know and learn the
    1:05:36 deepest way you can and he’s in this forest jungle and I said
    1:05:37 I’m going there.
    1:05:42 So having heard that I went like visited Ajahn Chah and he
    1:05:47 was a little bit like the Dalai Lama he was funny and wise
    1:05:51 and very warm hearted but also very strict and very demanding
    1:05:55 but he did it in this loving way and I thought okay this is
    1:05:58 the real deal this guy looks like what I was reading about
    1:05:59 in all those and stories.
    1:06:05 I read that he said to you and I’d love for you to tell us
    1:06:07 when he said this to you.
    1:06:11 I hope you’re not afraid to suffer if that’s true.
    1:06:15 When did he say that and why did he say that so I visited him
    1:06:18 a number of times and told him I was going to become a monk
    1:06:22 and then I ordained in the village where I was living in
    1:06:26 Peace Corps people wanted me to do that was a beautiful ritual
    1:06:31 and then after some days made my way down to his temple that
    1:06:32 was his opening gamut.
    1:06:37 I’m walking in into the gates and I see him right now as I’m
    1:06:43 here and he looks at me you know kind of leans back a little
    1:06:45 little skeptic they said all right I hope you’re not afraid
    1:06:46 to suffer welcome.
    1:06:50 It was like you know you didn’t come here just to kind of do
    1:06:54 some interesting cool anthropological experiment or
    1:06:57 something like that if you’re going to do it we’re going to
    1:07:00 put you through the training and he did but you know there
    1:07:04 was like this little smile as he said it like okay are you up
    1:07:09 for it all right dude come on in and what did the training
    1:07:11 consist of what were some of the first things that you had
    1:07:14 to do and then what was the suffering that he alluded to
    1:07:16 what were some examples maybe some examples.
    1:07:20 Okay so of course the first training was just how to walk
    1:07:24 around and not have my robe you know fall on the ground and
    1:07:27 embarrass me and everyone so they all loved it oh yeah right
    1:07:31 look at the western he’s he can’t even chew gum and wear his
    1:07:35 robes right or whatever so part of it was just the unfamiliarity
    1:07:39 of it culturally and otherwise there were the two kinds of
    1:07:42 suffering the big suffering of course was being alone with my
    1:07:47 own mind I mean there you go you know having to do hours of
    1:07:51 meditation when I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and
    1:07:55 then as I talked about with anger or fear or confusion or
    1:07:59 you know all those kind of states learning to deal in a
    1:08:03 very conscious and mindful way and then more importantly in
    1:08:08 a compassionate way in a kind and loving way with all the
    1:08:12 energies that make up my humanity in our humanity and that
    1:08:16 means when you sit and you get quiet anything unfinished in
    1:08:19 your heart will also come up all the unfinished business.
    1:08:24 So you know relationships that I’ve had that ended badly in
    1:08:29 college or certainly stuff from my childhood and family dreams
    1:08:32 that I carry things fulfilled and not all that comes up it’s
    1:08:37 yeah my friend Annie the Mott humorist and writer says my
    1:08:40 mind is like a bad neighborhood I try not to go there alone
    1:08:44 and there’s some way in which in community sitting together
    1:08:47 with others in meditation and then sitting in my hot it was
    1:08:52 really facing myself and my full humanity that was probably
    1:08:56 the most difficult thing because then you get insanely bored
    1:08:59 or insanely restless or and then how do you deal with all
    1:09:01 those energies normally when we’re restless or bored what
    1:09:05 do we do we open the refrigerator or you know go online or
    1:09:08 something because we can’t be with our own loneliness or
    1:09:11 our own fear so that was the inner and then there’s the
    1:09:15 outer ones water in the outer one yeah the other ones were
    1:09:21 things like getting up the bell would ring at 3 30 in the
    1:09:24 morning and I’m not an early riser by nature I go oh God here
    1:09:28 we go and we walk through it was actually very beautiful then
    1:09:32 we’d walk through the forest at night either by moonlight or
    1:09:36 sometimes you’d have a tiny little flashlight and one of
    1:09:38 the forest monasteries where there were a lot of cobras we’d
    1:09:42 have a little stick and you’d tap the path so that the snakes
    1:09:45 would know you were feel you coming and move out of the
    1:09:49 way wouldn’t step on them and then we would sit silently for
    1:09:53 a couple of hours and then do an hour of chanting on a hard
    1:09:56 stone floor mind you or everybody else seemed comfortable
    1:10:00 and my body was killing me and then at least once a week we
    1:10:03 would sit up all night with the teacher and he would sit there
    1:10:07 comfortably meditating maybe talking with another colleague
    1:10:10 that it would come and we’d just be sitting and meditating
    1:10:13 and he would kind of peak over at us like how are you doing
    1:10:15 I go oh God it’s been for four hours when is he going to let
    1:10:19 us go back to sleep and he didn’t you know so sitting up
    1:10:24 all night it got very cold in the cold season and it got
    1:10:31 insanely hot in the hot season and somehow learning to live
    1:10:35 extremely simply with a set of sandals and a set of robes
    1:10:39 and an alms bowl and then you would eat what you got offered
    1:10:42 in the village and we would share it in that monastery
    1:10:46 with others around us and sometimes you’d get nice food
    1:10:51 and a lot of times in the dry season you’d get really really
    1:10:55 sleepy food and there wasn’t that much to eat and so picture
    1:10:58 a day where you get up at 330 in the morning you sit for a
    1:11:02 couple of hours in meditation and do long than an hour long
    1:11:06 chanting on a stone floor then it’s getting dawn and you walk
    1:11:10 barefoot three miles five miles 10 miles with a alms bowl and
    1:11:13 a handful of other monks and get your food and come back
    1:11:16 whatever you’ve been offered and that’s the food for the day
    1:11:20 and then you go back to your meditation or to the work of
    1:11:23 the monastery of serving robes or drawing water from the
    1:11:30 well and it’s muggy and 105 degrees hot season then you go
    1:11:33 back and you join in the community for more meditation
    1:11:36 and then the teacher smiles and say how are you doing you
    1:11:39 know and then other kinds of practices for example we had a
    1:11:43 charnel ground there and so sorry on what ground a charnel
    1:11:47 ground which is where a cremation ground where people
    1:11:52 bodies would be burned and so on occasion would go to a
    1:11:56 cremation and then sit up all night and contemplate death
    1:12:00 look at the body and then watch as it burned and then do
    1:12:03 these meditations where you would reflect on well this is
    1:12:05 going to happen to the body that you’re inhabiting as well
    1:12:08 who do you think you are do you think you’re this physical
    1:12:12 body made of hamburgers or you know lettuce or whatever you
    1:12:15 happen to eat is that you are you hamburgers and lettuce you
    1:12:20 know or or are you your feelings or are you your thoughts
    1:12:26 who are you really born into this body like go on so anyways
    1:12:32 and the alms bowl so you would be did you eat whatever you
    1:12:37 gathered in one meal was it spread throughout one meal one
    1:12:40 meal you eat one meal a day which makes you very easy to
    1:12:43 makes your life easy and it’s the same that that monastery
    1:12:46 things were shared there was other monasteries I stayed in
    1:12:49 where you would just eat what was put in your own bowl and
    1:12:51 you didn’t have to eat everything that was given to you
    1:12:55 there were some things that were you know in the dry poor
    1:13:00 season there would be curries that were too hot for me to eat
    1:13:03 because they use the chilies to kind of preserve the preserve
    1:13:07 preserve the food but you know when it was a really poor
    1:13:09 village or something you know they would have to make curries
    1:13:14 out of field mice or field or bat or bats or you know I
    1:13:17 remember eating there was a curry that was made out of
    1:13:22 basically grasshoppers that had come swept through and there
    1:13:26 was this whole big insect wave of insects that were eating
    1:13:29 the crops and they they collected them all made a curry out
    1:13:32 of them so you know okay this is this is where you get for
    1:13:35 your food today dude I think I might take the grasshoppers
    1:13:40 over the over the bats but yeah yeah when it’s really highly
    1:13:43 spice you can’t tell what is mystery that’s true we all have
    1:13:46 mystery meat in middle school anyway this was like mystery
    1:13:51 meat on steroids exotic mystery mean what was the longest
    1:13:54 period of time that you spent in silence during that time in
    1:13:57 Thailand well then I went to a Burmese monastery because I
    1:14:02 wanted to do this very intense meditative training and I
    1:14:06 spent about 500 days so less than a year and a half in
    1:14:09 silence with the exception that I would talk to the teacher
    1:14:13 every couple days I’d have a little 10 minute conversation
    1:14:16 about what was happening my meditation and the rest I was
    1:14:21 just sitting and walking 18 hours a day when I could or
    1:14:27 or so sleeping a little bit and I remember at one point it
    1:14:30 was relatively early on I’ve been sitting and walking and
    1:14:33 pushing it this young men do you know I’m going to get
    1:14:37 enlightened and all of that not moving sitting with a lot of
    1:14:41 pain which is also part of what happened at the forest monastery
    1:14:46 sitting on a stone floor for hours without moving really had
    1:14:49 to learn how to deal with your own physical pain and I was
    1:14:53 exhausted from sitting and walking in my little hot that I
    1:14:58 had for that long retreat and after a couple months I thought
    1:15:02 I’m really tired I got to lie down but then I thought well
    1:15:05 but I’m not going to nap for very long because I’m I’m on
    1:15:08 my way to enlightenment whenever I’m going to do this
    1:15:10 right so I said all right I’ll lie down on the wooden floor
    1:15:13 rather than on the little map that I had and that way I won’t
    1:15:19 sleep so long and I’m lying there and then I wake up and I
    1:15:23 get up and I walk very slowly doing this mindful slow walking
    1:15:27 to the end of the hot and look out the window toward where
    1:15:31 some of the other monks and the teachers live some way down
    1:15:34 through the trees and then I turn around and I start walking
    1:15:38 the other direction in this meditation hot that I had that
    1:15:42 you could walk probably it was maybe 15 18 feet long was long
    1:15:49 and narrow and I see this body lying on the floor and all
    1:15:54 of a sudden I go oh that’s me and I realized that I’m having
    1:15:57 it out of the body experience and what had happened is that I
    1:16:01 was so intent I’m not going to sleep long I’ll get up very
    1:16:04 soon that intention was really strong but my body didn’t want
    1:16:09 to get up so I got up but it was it wasn’t in my body and I
    1:16:12 walk very slowly and I peered down on my body and I turned
    1:16:14 around walk the other walk back and then the second time I
    1:16:18 walk back I got closer and then I fell into my body and I woke
    1:16:22 up and I said oh wow that’s interesting but what I saw out
    1:16:26 the window wasn’t just like a dream because I was watching
    1:16:29 you know my teacher and talking to these other monks and then
    1:16:32 I got up again and that’s exactly what was happening and
    1:16:36 that was the first of a series of all kinds of very interesting
    1:16:39 experiences that happen. What would other examples of those
    1:16:44 types of unusual experiences be and was it your time in
    1:16:47 Burma that found you experiencing these for the
    1:16:50 first time. First of all the first experiences even though
    1:16:55 I had experiment with meditation back in college and so forth
    1:16:58 were experiences again that came through psychedelics and
    1:17:04 so I was familiar with all kinds of weird and powerful and
    1:17:07 mysterious or mystical kind of experiences but there’s something
    1:17:12 about learning how to navigate it without taking a substance
    1:17:16 and learning that your own consciousness is the field that
    1:17:22 you can learn to navigate first all the personality and emotions
    1:17:24 and history and so forth but then you start to realize that
    1:17:28 you’re bigger than that that who you are is not just your
    1:17:31 thoughts and feelings in your mind and so whether it’s out of
    1:17:35 body experience or the experience of vastness of becoming
    1:17:39 the sky within which everything arises and passes or the
    1:17:44 experience of profound silence or of the void where you enter
    1:17:49 the best stillness before experience even arises or the
    1:17:52 experience of luminosity where my body would dissolve into
    1:17:56 light their time sitting as you get concentrated and somebody
    1:18:00 or concentration builds that your whole body in mind open up
    1:18:03 and you know first you get the elements your body can feel
    1:18:08 heavy like a stone the earth element or can feel so light
    1:18:10 that you have to open your eyes and make sure you’re not
    1:18:13 floating because it feels like you’re floating in the air or
    1:18:15 can be filled with fire and you feel like you’re in the middle
    1:18:20 of a raging fire or can get icy cold you know or all kinds
    1:18:23 of vibrations and Kundalini energies and chakras start to
    1:18:27 open and sometimes it’s pleasant sometimes it’s not you
    1:18:31 know as deep energies start to move through your body they
    1:18:35 also kind of push open the places that are held closed so
    1:18:40 that when your heart starts to open in deep meditation sometimes
    1:18:43 it feels like you’re having a heart attack the physically
    1:18:46 painful because all the things that you’ve held around your
    1:18:50 heart to protect yourself start to loosen or when the energy
    1:18:54 hits your throat and it starts to open weird sounds come out
    1:18:58 you know and then you get to visions that come in the brow
    1:19:02 chakra and you start to see all kinds of colors and visions
    1:19:06 and hear things that all possibilities of the play of
    1:19:11 consciousness can start to open after both period of silence
    1:19:15 but also really deeply training attention and concentration
    1:19:20 these experiences just to put them in or at least part of
    1:19:24 what you said in context for people listening there are a
    1:19:28 number of things you mentioned but one in particular that
    1:19:32 opening in the chest that I experienced in the ten day
    1:19:37 retreat done it spirit rock for which you are one of the
    1:19:41 the instructors of the lead instructor and it was an
    1:19:45 incredibly powerful experience and listening to your
    1:19:49 description of some of the feelings it makes me want to
    1:19:52 go to the jungle and spend time doing this type of training
    1:19:55 however the ten day retreat as you know from firsthand
    1:19:58 observation and interacting with me was incredibly difficult
    1:20:01 for me and terrifying it a number of points where I felt
    1:20:06 like I had crossed a boundary into maybe even madness right
    1:20:10 I was fearful I wouldn’t be able to return from so I’m
    1:20:15 curious to know during that period of time in Thailand and
    1:20:19 Burma could be afterwards as well but when you were in the
    1:20:22 jungle and doing this very intense work were there any
    1:20:25 particular points when you wanted to quit to go home how
    1:20:30 do I have a salute Lee and then I remember I got what I think
    1:20:33 was malaria really high fever and I was sick as a dog and
    1:20:38 I’m lying in the bottom of my little hut there high fever
    1:20:42 and shivering and Ajahn Chah came to visit me and in the
    1:20:45 Lao language and he was also funny and quite blunt and the
    1:20:49 Lao language is a very straightforward kind of the
    1:20:52 sentence structures are really simple so he looked at me and
    1:20:57 he said sick huh and I said yeah and he said hurts all over
    1:21:01 huh I said it’s your test he said hot and cold yeah he said
    1:21:04 makes you afraid I not he said makes you want to go home and
    1:21:08 see your mother doesn’t it and I’m nodding there and then he
    1:21:11 looked at me and he said you know this is the jungle fever
    1:21:15 this is malaria we’ve all had it but now there’s some good
    1:21:17 medicine I’ll send the medicine month over and in a couple
    1:21:20 days you’ll be fine and then he looked at me and he said you
    1:21:24 can do this you know you can do this so I mean that was an
    1:21:29 example of wanting to show him what am I doing what kept you
    1:21:32 going I mean I don’t want to interrupt but like what kept
    1:21:35 you going I’m imagining 500 days of silence I could barely
    1:21:40 handle 10 days you know Tim I mean what’s kept you going
    1:21:43 what keeps any of us going about things that we care about
    1:21:48 I had somehow I don’t know kind of wacky but I think also
    1:21:53 important kind of passion to say I want to understand
    1:21:56 or I’ve started down this road and I want to see where it
    1:22:00 goes and I think all of us find at a certain point in our
    1:22:03 life that they’re or if we’re lucky that something really
    1:22:06 matters and you’ve done it in your work and your travel you
    1:22:10 want to explore what your human capacity is and I’ve read
    1:22:13 these old Zen stories and I want to see if this is true I
    1:22:16 want to find out and then as I started things started to
    1:22:19 happen like that out of the body experience and rapture and
    1:22:23 changes and openings and I realized there’s really something
    1:22:26 to learn here but there are a couple of the things that I
    1:22:31 want to add to this one of them that’s the most important is
    1:22:35 that it turns out that it wasn’t and it isn’t so much about
    1:22:41 the actual experiences so Jen Cha my teacher talked about
    1:22:45 how in his own training for the first eight years in the
    1:22:49 jungle he had been a very ardent meditator and had all kinds
    1:22:52 of insights and dissolving and some body and John experiences
    1:22:57 all kinds of some body is awakening some body is yeah or
    1:23:01 it’s how would you found some bodies it has a lot of meanings
    1:23:04 as a word but it it can mean profound states of
    1:23:09 concentration in which the mind dissolves into light or into
    1:23:13 joy or bliss or becomes absorbed with any one of all kinds
    1:23:17 of states so we went to the most famous teacher of that time
    1:23:21 another adjun adjunman and told him about all these experiences
    1:23:24 in the the master looked back and said Cha you missed the
    1:23:28 point these are just experiences you know it’s like going to
    1:23:30 the movies and you have a romantic comedy and you have a
    1:23:35 war movie and you have a documentary and you have you
    1:23:38 know a Disney movies and they’re just movies on the screen
    1:23:43 some pleasant some unpleasant the only question is to whom do
    1:23:50 they happen turn your attention back and ask look to see who
    1:23:54 is the witness of these what is the consciousness that is
    1:23:58 knowing these ever changing experiences this is where your
    1:24:03 liberation will come he said become his language if I
    1:24:07 translate it is the one who knows become the knowing rather
    1:24:10 than the experiences and then you can tolerate anything and
    1:24:15 you can respond with love and understanding because you rest
    1:24:19 in the timeless consciousness which is your true nature so
    1:24:24 part of what I also learned in meditation and teach is that
    1:24:27 it’s not so much about the experiences oh I want to have
    1:24:31 this or that experience but it’s this profound turning back
    1:24:36 to ask who am I what is this consciousness itself and that
    1:24:39 was born into this body that will leave it we can talk about
    1:24:43 death at some point if you want what is this mysterious
    1:24:48 consciousness itself so there is that and then then I’ve also
    1:24:53 had the opportunity of being with a few other teachers and
    1:24:58 one of the people that I was very close to and inspired me
    1:25:02 profoundly was a Cambodian monk named maha go Senanda who
    1:25:06 was the Gandhi of Cambodia and when I met him we were living
    1:25:09 and training together in a forest monastery in Thailand
    1:25:12 and it was during the time that Khmer Rouge came to power
    1:25:17 and eventually killed two million Cambodians in a kind of
    1:25:22 genocide he survived because he wasn’t in country but all 19
    1:25:26 of his family members were killed his temple burned all the
    1:25:30 Buddhist texts and so forth were destroyed and when he was
    1:25:34 able to he went to the refugee camps refugees were pouring
    1:25:38 out of Cambodia by the hundreds of thousands and he went to
    1:25:41 the refugee camps on the border of Thailand and Cambodia
    1:25:46 and I was able to go with him at a certain point and he decided
    1:25:50 to open a temple in the middle of one of the biggest refugee
    1:25:54 camps here’s 50 or 100,000 people these tiny little bamboo
    1:25:59 huts and got permission from the UN HCR high commissioner
    1:26:03 of refugees and built a platform with a little roof over it
    1:26:07 and put an altar with the traditional Cambodian Buddha
    1:26:10 on it and so forth but it was a camp with the Khmer Rouge
    1:26:14 underground lots of them and so they put the word out that
    1:26:19 if anyone went to be with this monk when they got out of the
    1:26:23 camp back to Cambodia they would all be shot so we wondered
    1:26:28 who would if anyone would come and went through the camp the
    1:26:32 day the opening day with a big kind of temple gong ringing it
    1:26:38 and 25,000 people poured into the central square around this
    1:26:42 little temple my god and he my go send on this out there and
    1:26:47 he was a scholar he spoke 15 languages and he was a you
    1:26:52 know extremely kind hearted human being who had suffered
    1:26:56 enormously and had transformed it into the kind of compassion
    1:26:59 that we think of with the Dalai Lama or something like that
    1:27:02 in fact they became friends and go send on to became the head
    1:27:06 of all Cambodian booze and but there he was at this point
    1:27:12 she looking out at 25,000 people who had suffered immense
    1:27:16 traumas and you could see there was a grandmother and the only
    1:27:20 two surviving grandchildren that she had or an uncle and one
    1:27:25 niece and their faces were the faces of trauma and of survivors
    1:27:28 and I thought alright what is he going to say to them and he
    1:27:34 sat very quietly for a long time just in their presence and
    1:27:39 then he put his hands together in this kind of modest way and
    1:27:43 began to chant in the microphone yet a sound system in
    1:27:48 Cambodian and in Sanskrit or Pali the Buddhist language one
    1:27:53 of the first verses from the Buddhist texts that goes hatred
    1:27:59 never ceases by hatred but by love alone is healed this is
    1:28:04 the ancient and eternal law and he chanted it over and over
    1:28:10 in Cambodian and in Sanskrit Pali and pretty soon the chant
    1:28:16 was picked up and in a little while 25,000 people were chanting
    1:28:20 this verse with him and I looked out and they were weeping
    1:28:24 many of them because they hadn’t heard their sacred chants
    1:28:30 for years but also because he was offering them a truth that
    1:28:35 was even bigger than their sorrows that hatred never ends by
    1:28:39 hatred but by love alone is healed this is the ancient and
    1:28:43 eternal law and they were sitting in the middle of the
    1:28:47 the healing energy of the Dharma of the teachings of the heart
    1:28:52 that can liberate us later on go Sonanda who is nominated for
    1:28:58 the Nobel Peace Prize a number of times spent 15 years walking
    1:29:02 through the killing fields and the mind areas and so forth
    1:29:06 leading people on foot back to their village and he said to
    1:29:11 the refugees you can’t go back in a bus or the back of a truck
    1:29:14 or something like that you have to reclaim your land with
    1:29:18 love and so he would lead a thousand people and he’d be in
    1:29:23 the front with a bell and a gong and a few other monks and
    1:29:26 the whole way back they would be chanting the chants of loving
    1:29:31 kindness so that by the time they got to their village whatever
    1:29:34 had been destroyed there was a sense that they were reclaiming
    1:29:39 not just the land but they were reclaiming their own hearts
    1:29:43 that’s a beautiful really beautiful story and it prompts
    1:29:48 me to ask a question that I struggle with answering myself
    1:29:52 and it’s also a question many of my friends have asked themselves
    1:29:58 and I’ll take a stab at it how do you decide when to do deep
    1:30:04 inner work and take an extended period to do that versus being
    1:30:10 in the world and trying to impact others and the world and to
    1:30:14 just provide a little bit of background on that I have friends
    1:30:18 who are building businesses or building careers of some type
    1:30:23 or families and I at this point do not have wife kids or
    1:30:26 company to build at least with a large organization and I’ve
    1:30:31 come back from various experiments sojourns experiences
    1:30:34 over weeks or months and shared these with them and they’ve
    1:30:38 expressed this longing this deep yearning to do something
    1:30:42 similar and then they ask this question like how do I how do
    1:30:48 I best decide if and when to do the deep extended work versus
    1:30:50 being in the world and I know it might be a false dichotomy
    1:30:54 you might not have to choose but I’ll talk a little bit more
    1:30:56 just to fill the space but I had this experience personally
    1:30:59 not long ago when I was in South America and had someone
    1:31:02 telling me in Spanish which was not their native language
    1:31:06 this is an indigenous tribe but this apple this mayor
    1:31:09 effectively who worked a lot with different plant medicines
    1:31:14 and he said that he recommended one 15 month diet very very
    1:31:19 strict 15 month period with many different restrictions no sex
    1:31:24 no alcohol no pork etc to develop certain capacities and to
    1:31:28 practice in effect I mean at certain types of meditative
    1:31:31 practices so I struggle with this myself as well how do you
    1:31:35 suggest someone think through so did you give up sex and pork
    1:31:39 I’ve done it for short periods of time I’m not a year and a
    1:31:42 half I’ve done it for weeks at a time but not for 15 months
    1:31:46 but what appealed to me about that definitely not the lack
    1:31:49 of sex and pork I like both of those things it was he said
    1:31:51 that’s something you only have to do once in your life and it
    1:31:56 opens doors and creates opportunities that are difficult
    1:32:00 if not impossible to achieve otherwise so of course that’s
    1:32:04 very tantalizing but 15 months is a really really long time to
    1:32:06 opt out of everything else and I’m not saying it has to be
    1:32:10 15 months for some people as you know setting aside even 10
    1:32:13 days to do a silent tree is hard and I know there are things
    1:32:16 that they can do on an ongoing basis like morning meditation
    1:32:20 and so on but for those who are really drawn to this extended
    1:32:23 deeper work how do you think about and that’s why it goes
    1:32:25 and under brought it up for me because he spent so much time
    1:32:28 outside of his country and then went back and was really on
    1:32:31 the ground doing work with locals how do you think about
    1:32:35 that or suggest someone think about it first my answer is
    1:32:39 yes because all of the things that you say are true that yes
    1:32:43 most cultures encourage at some point even beings most wise
    1:32:47 cultures even beings to step out of their ordinary roles and
    1:32:50 their ordinary routine whether you go to the mountains or the
    1:32:54 ocean you know or a temple or a change how you’re living so
    1:32:58 that you can open up to the mystery and so that you also
    1:33:01 can open up to love because what I saw with my teachers and
    1:33:05 also Nanda was one on Chincha another is that they were able
    1:33:09 to love no matter what it was really because they inhabited
    1:33:13 consciousness in a very different way than just a small
    1:33:17 sense of self there was something a possibility that we
    1:33:20 could live with forgiveness and love and be really effective
    1:33:24 in the world at the same time so they’re not separate and
    1:33:26 that’s sort of what your question is how do we live in the
    1:33:29 world and at the same time you know what trainings and how
    1:33:33 do we connect with something deeper and part of it is just
    1:33:38 intuitive you know Tim if you have no more you know or young
    1:33:41 children and so forth it’s not the time to go on a longer
    1:33:45 treat your kids are your practice and in fact you can’t
    1:33:50 get a Zen master who’s going to be more demanding than you
    1:33:55 know an infant with colic right where you or you know or a
    1:33:58 teenage you know certain teenage kids but with the young
    1:34:01 ones you know your Zen master might say you got to get up
    1:34:03 early in the morning and you know once in a while you might
    1:34:07 roll over the kid is crying and sick you have to get up your
    1:34:12 family needs tending and you know if you’re even vaguely a
    1:34:18 responsible and caring parent as you that becomes your practice
    1:34:21 and if you think well if only I could be in the great Zen
    1:34:25 temple of Kyoto or an ashram and India or down in the Amazon
    1:34:29 with Tim taking ayahuasca or whatever the plant medicine
    1:34:34 they give you know your kid can be like ayahuasca on steroids
    1:34:38 okay you want to face yourself and your own limitations and
    1:34:42 your own you know you want to look at the small sense of
    1:34:46 self and find out how to live with a freer and bigger spirit
    1:34:49 here we’ve just hired someone to live with you and train you
    1:34:53 full so it’s really and that’s an important thing but but what
    1:34:59 makes it work is that you have that intention not just to
    1:35:04 soldier through it but to say let this be a place where I
    1:35:08 awaken graciousness and inner sense of freedom and peace as
    1:35:12 things come and go where I awaken the possibility of
    1:35:16 presence in pleasure and pain and joy and sorrow and gain and
    1:35:20 loss and all that changes that I find an inviolable or a
    1:35:25 timeless place of becoming the loving witness of it all
    1:35:29 becoming the loving awareness that says yeah now I’m having
    1:35:33 a family experience and this is the place to find freedom
    1:35:37 because freedom is not in the Himalayas or in the Amazon
    1:35:41 the only place it’s found is in your own heart exactly where
    1:35:44 you are and that’s what goes in on the Todd and wonder what
    1:35:48 Ajahn Chah that’s really what they wanted to communicate
    1:35:51 now that being said if you have an opportunity and you’re
    1:35:55 drawn to it like somebody you might do you know Jack Dorsey
    1:35:59 I do I do know Jack. Yeah. So Jack just did his first 10
    1:36:03 day meditation retreat. Good for him and he tweeted about I
    1:36:07 wouldn’t say it otherwise but he tweeted about it and it was
    1:36:10 you know one of the top transformative experiences of
    1:36:13 his life and it’s not to say 10 day retreats are the be all
    1:36:16 and end all day they’re very powerful and compelling even if
    1:36:20 you have a company or even if you have a family there might
    1:36:25 be a period of a week or some days where you can in fact get
    1:36:30 away and step out of those roles and turn inward and that can
    1:36:33 be tremendously valuable. So I think both are important you
    1:36:36 just have to listen what when the time is right. There are
    1:36:39 so many things that this brings up the first though is just
    1:36:42 a housekeeping for people who may not recognize the name
    1:36:47 Jack Dorsey. That’s Jack at Jack. I believe it is on Twitter
    1:36:50 of you might then wonder how did he get that user handle.
    1:36:54 Well he is one of the people behind Twitter. So he is of
    1:36:57 Twitter and Square fame among many others. Fascinating
    1:37:03 fascinating guy so people can check him out the comment on
    1:37:07 the infant being the full time trainer working with you 24/7
    1:37:10 reminded me also since you mentioned Ram Dass earlier of
    1:37:14 a quote of his that I like and I’m going to paraphrase I’m
    1:37:16 sure but if you think you’re enlightened to go spend a week
    1:37:22 with your family. Which I think is a fantastic one and that’s
    1:37:25 part of the reason and you know some of the backstory but we
    1:37:28 all have I would imagine we all have tough things that happen
    1:37:32 to us experience traumatic experiences as children have a
    1:37:36 lot of triggers related to family members typically and for
    1:37:40 me the force to break takes a number of different forms but
    1:37:43 that includes a trip every six months and extended trip of
    1:37:46 two to four weeks with my parents and my brother when he
    1:37:51 can make it. So that’s only after being introduced to
    1:37:54 meditation something that I would even consider as a practice
    1:37:57 and the last point I’ll mention just out of my personal
    1:38:00 experience is there’s a piece of paper I have in my wallet
    1:38:02 and I’ve had my wallet for a few years now it’s getting bit
    1:38:07 worn down. It’s a piece of construction paper and ex-girlfriend
    1:38:10 gave it to me who knew me very well and it says the task
    1:38:16 that hinders your task is your task beautiful beautiful and
    1:38:20 that’s a good reminder for me. I wanted to ask you two
    1:38:25 questions that are personally important but also may apply to
    1:38:28 other people. The first is the question that I believe you
    1:38:31 mentioned Ajahn Chah perhaps others have indicated is the
    1:38:37 question versus the experiences or movies of these say out of
    1:38:40 body experiences and so on to whom do they happen right to
    1:38:44 whom do they happen is this a co on like what is the sound of
    1:38:47 one hand clapping where there isn’t really an answer you’re
    1:38:50 expected to arrive at is the value in contemplating the
    1:38:57 question more than any answer. Yes both. No because yes both
    1:39:02 and no. Yeah because it is it’s a profound contemplation for
    1:39:07 us one of the great questions of human incarnation who are we
    1:39:10 how do we get into that you get in this body with the wiggly
    1:39:14 things on the end of your limbs you know and little bits of
    1:39:18 claws that you have left you know his nails and a vestigial
    1:39:21 tail and a hole at one end into which you stuff dead plants
    1:39:24 and animals and glug them down through the tube. I mean the
    1:39:28 whole incarnation thing is really pretty wild so who are we
    1:39:31 and then what are what how do we make meaning of this is a
    1:39:35 lifetime question in that way that it’s a co on but in another
    1:39:39 way it also actually does have an answer and the answer of
    1:39:43 course has to be found by each person. The answer to point
    1:39:48 toward it it’s very clear that you’re not just your salad
    1:39:51 and vegetables and hamburger body and you’re not just your
    1:39:54 emotions I hope because they’re always changing and your
    1:39:58 thoughts good God I hope you’re not your thoughts. So you start
    1:40:03 to realize alright what is there then what is this self who
    1:40:08 am I in neuroscience you know there was a time magazine issue
    1:40:11 on modern neuroscience where it said neuroscience of search
    1:40:15 throughout the brain over many decades now and come to the
    1:40:19 conclusion that they cannot find the self located anywhere in
    1:40:22 the neural mechanisms of the brain and that it simply does
    1:40:27 not exist but what does exist is a sense of self that’s built
    1:40:31 out of a sense of identification with our thoughts and body
    1:40:35 and so forth it’s all wise and appropriate we should be but
    1:40:41 we also know that it’s not the end of the story and you know
    1:40:45 it from walking in the high mountains or listening to an
    1:40:48 extraordinary piece of music or making love or taking some
    1:40:53 sacred medicine you know we’re sitting at the bedside of someone
    1:40:56 when they die that mysterious moment when spirit leaves the
    1:41:01 body or when a child is born we have these moments where we
    1:41:05 open to mystery and realize that who we are is not just our
    1:41:10 personal history or our body and emotions that we become the
    1:41:14 consciousness itself the witnessing awareness that we
    1:41:18 are the loving awareness that was born into this body and
    1:41:23 that becomes actually a direct knowing a direct experience so
    1:41:28 there’s a way in which we also can come home to ourselves and
    1:41:33 it brings a tremendous sense of freedom and well-being as all
    1:41:38 the movies of ever changing life happen to us so that’s why
    1:41:42 I said yes and no and both and there’s just a little aside
    1:41:45 thinking about you going back to your family as a practice
    1:41:49 and twice a year as you’re doing I just want to remind you
    1:41:52 and the listeners that Buddha and Jesus both had a hard time
    1:41:55 when they went back to their family so you know and don’t
    1:41:59 think that you know there’s something wrong with you it’s
    1:42:02 just part of it’s that’s why they call it nuclear family I
    1:42:07 think I’m anyway there’s another I guess it’s a word more
    1:42:10 than a question that I’d love to ask you to define and that
    1:42:14 is compassion or compassionate when you use that word or
    1:42:17 those words what do you mean exactly or what would you like
    1:42:22 it to mean for people I would like to distinguish
    1:42:28 compassion from empathy and I’ll use a simple illustration
    1:42:32 if you’re on the playground and you see a kid being bullied
    1:42:36 and you feel oh that must feel terrible that hurts right
    1:42:41 that’s an empathy and empathy can be useful it also can be
    1:42:43 you can get overwhelmed by empathy if you don’t know what
    1:42:47 to do with it but there’s some way in which you start to feel
    1:42:51 resonating you because we are not limited to these bodies
    1:42:56 we are actually an interconnected system of consciousness
    1:43:00 and I’ll talk about that a little bit more in a minute
    1:43:04 but we all know whether it’s mirror neurons from neuroscience
    1:43:09 or the field of presences you know scientists like Dan
    1:43:13 Siegel talk about extended presence that we can feel empathy
    1:43:16 with one another with someone sad someone’s angry someone’s
    1:43:21 hurting compassion is the next step you see or recognize you
    1:43:26 feel and then you care you care about it and you want to if
    1:43:30 you can do something that helps so that you see the kid being
    1:43:33 bullied and you realize I want to tell the teacher or the
    1:43:36 principal or want to just walk over there and say something
    1:43:41 or intervene to help stop it and so compassion it’s called
    1:43:46 the quivering of the heart when it wants to move to alleviate
    1:43:49 the suffering of yourself because you can self compassion
    1:43:53 it’s very important or those around you and it’s born into
    1:43:57 the earliest studies of the infants you know at Yale and
    1:44:02 various places like that show that even very very very small
    1:44:06 children have this resonance and this kind of care and so it’s
    1:44:10 not shut down in us we’re a species that’s interconnected
    1:44:13 and we care for one another and this is your birthright this
    1:44:18 natural natural compassion and through practice and meditation
    1:44:22 you can reawaken it you can extend it and it can become
    1:44:27 your way of living and moving in the world as a little aside
    1:44:31 and I’ll just bookmark this one just got back from a conference
    1:44:35 with our dear friend Adam Bizali our mutual friend Richie
    1:44:39 Davidson who’s another of the most famous neuroscientists
    1:44:44 especially in this area and a number of other some contemplatives
    1:44:48 and neuroscientists and some technologists from the valley
    1:44:53 in VC talking about how to build compassion into our interface
    1:44:57 with the technological world compassion tech starting from
    1:45:00 the very simplest things of projects like can you build a fit
    1:45:04 bit for compassion where instead of your body where you can
    1:45:09 either note moments of care around you or in yourself or be
    1:45:13 prompted to care for yourself you know or when you say to Siri
    1:45:18 or Alexa you know I’m feeling lonely or and so forth what kind
    1:45:22 of response do you get from the algorithms and all of that
    1:45:27 because the UK England just pointed their first minister
    1:45:30 of loneliness for the country like you think it was a joke
    1:45:35 but it’s not like an old Beatles song on the lonely people
    1:45:38 there are 10 million lonely people in England they’ve estimated
    1:45:42 and it’s you know it’s for isolation and loss of capacity
    1:45:45 and health and all kinds of reasons that loneliness makes
    1:45:50 things way worse but there’s some way in which compassion is
    1:45:53 that which connects us and it’s a beautiful thing even if you
    1:45:56 walked on the street and you see someone you know who’s
    1:45:59 struggling and so forth doesn’t mean you have to fix the whole
    1:46:03 world that’s not your job that would be egotistical but you
    1:46:06 can reach your hand out and mend the things that you can and
    1:46:10 you can tend the things that you can and you can do it not
    1:46:13 because oh you pity them those four people but because they’re
    1:46:18 your family you recognize that we are common humanity we’re
    1:46:23 in this together I’d like to build on that and preface it
    1:46:26 with a comment on the text he mentioned collaborating with
    1:46:30 Adam and he’s discussing the potential of combining or
    1:46:35 utilizing technology to help people to develop and harness
    1:46:38 compassion and some folks listening might be like oh come on
    1:46:41 that’s so pie in the sky but I’d like to point out that you
    1:46:45 have already collaborated successfully with Adam on software
    1:46:51 like Metatrain, M-E-D-I-T-R-A-I-N which was one of the tools
    1:46:57 Adam has used in his N of 1 or N of 2 experiments in rejuvenating
    1:47:01 his mental capacity to I want to say in his 20s and Adam’s
    1:47:05 one of those guys you can’t tell if he’s 28 or 45 he’s just
    1:47:07 a silver fox who always looks young so I don’t know how
    1:47:11 old he is but he’s not 22 but the Metatrain was one of the
    1:47:14 tools that he utilized I don’t remember the name that he used
    1:47:17 for this run of experiments you might know the training that
    1:47:21 he did Neuroman or something like that was very very successful
    1:47:24 so that you already have a track record of collaborating
    1:47:27 successfully with neuroscientists and technologists on the
    1:47:33 compassion front I’d love to use that as a segue to loving
    1:47:40 kindness and by way of personal example I failed well failed
    1:47:45 as a strong word I quit I stopped meditating after many many
    1:47:49 attempts had a very absurdly high number of false starts over
    1:47:54 many years and it really stuck after a number of experiments
    1:47:58 and experiences I had doing three or four day trainings with
    1:48:00 say transnational meditation and having the social accountability
    1:48:03 being accountable to someone else is very helpful but another
    1:48:08 turning point was experimenting with loving kindness meditation
    1:48:11 and I think in part it succeeded because it took the focus
    1:48:17 off of me me me I I and allowed me to focus on others but I’d
    1:48:24 like to read a brief paragraph from a profile of you in the
    1:48:28 New York Times is from 2014 and feel free to correct anything
    1:48:32 that is incorrect but I’ll give it a read first and I quote in
    1:48:35 the West cornfield says quote we encounter a lot of intense
    1:48:38 striving ambition and a lot of self criticism self judgment
    1:48:42 and self hatred and quote concerned he initially turned to
    1:48:44 the Dalai Lama for advice but self hatred was such a foreign
    1:48:47 concept to the Tibetan Buddhist that he wasn’t able to offer
    1:48:50 any real insight over time cornfield and his colleagues began
    1:48:53 to believe that Americans need particular meditation practice
    1:48:56 closely linked to the concepts of self forgiveness and loving
    1:48:59 kindness a training in the unconditional acceptance of
    1:49:02 imperfection without such a foundation says cornfield
    1:49:04 meditation can easily become and this is the part that I
    1:49:07 underlined and start without this foundation says cornfield
    1:49:10 meditation can easily become yet another form of striving
    1:49:13 quote another thing you do to make yourself better and quote
    1:49:17 instead of a path to true contentment could you please
    1:49:21 describe for folks what loving kindness meditation practice
    1:49:24 looks like and elaborate in any way that you feel might be
    1:49:28 useful or helpful for folks. Yeah that meeting which was some
    1:49:32 decades ago with the Dalai Lama yeah he didn’t understand
    1:49:34 when we talked about self hatred he couldn’t there’s no word
    1:49:38 for it in the back and forth with this insider what does this
    1:49:42 mean finally looked up he said but this is a mistake why would
    1:49:45 anyone do this but then he asked how many of you there’s a
    1:49:48 group of us who were teachers that experienced this and
    1:49:52 almost everyone raised their hand so we see that when people
    1:49:58 begin in our culture and in the West to meditate or to turn
    1:50:04 inward really that it’s very common to encounter a lot of
    1:50:09 self criticism self judgment or even self hatred and you know
    1:50:12 they’re all the causes from our these are all kind of
    1:50:15 conditioning that we got from from our childhood our
    1:50:19 education and so forth but what it means is that you’re
    1:50:21 sitting there saying I’m not doing it right I’m no good
    1:50:24 you turn the meditation into one other one of the thing that
    1:50:27 you don’t do right because you can’t control your mind the
    1:50:30 truth is that you can’t control your mind easily that’s not
    1:50:34 the point there’s a different way of approaching your mind
    1:50:38 which gives you tremendous capacities but it’s not oh I
    1:50:39 have to stop my thinking or I don’t want to have these
    1:50:42 feelings and I hate having all these judgments I don’t want
    1:50:46 to be so judgmental I was I hate this judging mind what is
    1:50:51 it’s just more judgment so instead as you become first able
    1:50:55 to become the loving witness the mindful loving awareness
    1:50:59 that says oh this is the judging mind and it’s been trying
    1:51:02 to protect me thank you for trying to protect me I don’t
    1:51:05 need you now thank you all of a sudden there’s a distance
    1:51:11 from the painful or destructive or self critical thoughts
    1:51:14 simply by witnessing them with loving awareness and
    1:51:18 acknowledging them this becomes a gateway to the practice
    1:51:22 of loving kindness and self compassion and very often
    1:51:25 people can’t do it for themselves they feel that’s too
    1:51:29 much of a stretch like why would I wish myself well it
    1:51:36 feels egotistical and so the way that this practice begins
    1:51:41 in skillfully for such folks is instead to think of someone
    1:51:45 that you really care about a lot and to picture them
    1:51:48 remember them put them in your mind’s eye and feel the
    1:51:51 kind of well-wishing you would want for them you know may
    1:51:57 they be protected and safe from difficulty may they be held
    1:52:03 in loving kindness may they be well healthy strong and you
    1:52:07 wish them that may they be happy and you do this for a time
    1:52:12 a kind of inner well-wishing and also maybe you feel as you
    1:52:16 think of this person that you care about you let yourself
    1:52:20 also turn into the measure of sorrows they have the struggles
    1:52:24 that every human being has you know and it tenderizes your
    1:52:27 heart as you think of them because you don’t want them
    1:52:31 to suffer you feel a kind of rising of compassion and care
    1:52:35 so may they hold themselves in compassion may they be safe
    1:52:38 and protected and well you do that with one or two people
    1:52:42 that you care about for a time and then you can imagine
    1:52:46 even as I’m describing this and you following your own heart
    1:52:51 you can imagine these two loved ones looking back at you
    1:52:56 with the same kindness and saying just as you wish us
    1:53:00 protection and safety and happiness and well-being
    1:53:03 and you know and compassion they gaze at you and they say
    1:53:09 you too may you be safe and protected and may you be filled
    1:53:14 with tender compassion for yourself and kindness may you
    1:53:20 to be healthy and well and may you be happy they want you
    1:53:24 to be happy I think about when I’m doing this and visualizing
    1:53:28 some loved ones I know that as I do it I can feel they want
    1:53:33 that for me and then finally as you feel that from these
    1:53:37 loved ones you can put your hand on your body or your heart
    1:53:41 even if you like and take it in and then begin to realize
    1:53:45 that you can wish this for yourself may I hold all of the
    1:53:49 joys and sorrows of my life with tenderness and kindness may
    1:53:53 I hold my struggles with compassion may I be filled with
    1:53:58 loving kindness and loving awareness may I be safe and
    1:54:05 protected may I be well strong or healed and as you repeat
    1:54:08 these simple intentions that have been done for thousands
    1:54:12 of years it’s as if your cells are listening and this is
    1:54:16 the research of people like Liz Blackburn and the list
    1:54:20 of Apple who Liz Blackburn got the Nobel Prize for discovering
    1:54:24 the telomerase and the telomeres at the end of the caps and
    1:54:29 the DNA it turns out that your cells listen to your heart
    1:54:32 and that to your intention that consciousness of tax your
    1:54:36 body and little by little even though it can bring up its
    1:54:39 opposite I hate myself I’ve never been good enough and you
    1:54:42 see all those and you say thank you for trying to protect
    1:54:46 me I appreciate that may I be well may I be safe may I be
    1:54:49 held in love and little by little like water on a stone it
    1:54:55 starts to soften the places that are holding your lack of
    1:54:59 self-forgiveness your lack of care and loving kindness starts
    1:55:02 to grow in you and it’s a very beautiful practice there’s
    1:55:06 lots of places you can find it on my in my work and teachers
    1:55:10 like Sharon Salzburg and Emma Children and Tara Brock and
    1:55:15 so forth do you have any guided loving kindness meditations
    1:55:19 or audio that you can recommend people listen to I do they
    1:55:22 are going by website Jack cornfield dot com I think they
    1:55:26 will be on there I do know for sure have a whole series of
    1:55:30 great programs with sounds true sounds true dot com that
    1:55:35 include meditations on the mind vast as the sky meditations
    1:55:38 on compassion and loving kindness and I did a book one of
    1:55:42 the books I’ve done is called a lamp in the darkness and it
    1:55:47 contains I think eight or nine different guided practices
    1:55:50 that you can get either with it on a CD but if you can get
    1:55:53 it to download basically and sounds true also has that and
    1:55:58 has a compassion practice in a grounding practice in a vast
    1:56:01 sky like mine practice and so forth so you can look for all
    1:56:05 of those the beauty thing is that you can learn this and I
    1:56:08 was a couple of years ago invited to be part of the first
    1:56:12 White House Buddhist leadership gathering there were a hundred
    1:56:15 and twenty Buddhist leaders from around the country from
    1:56:17 different communities I don’t think that’s going to happen
    1:56:23 again very soon but there it was one good hope and most of
    1:56:26 the communities did beautiful things that were involved
    1:56:30 in soup kitchens and tending the homeless and projects to
    1:56:34 support healing for whether it was malaria or other other
    1:56:37 diseases in different other parts of the world and so for
    1:56:42 all kinds of great stuff and certainly meditation and when
    1:56:46 I got to talk which was kind of a summary talk toward the end
    1:56:51 of it I mentioned that in this historical record whether it’s
    1:56:54 true or not the text and so forth described the Buddha meeting
    1:56:57 with kings and princes and ministers and so forth and
    1:57:00 probably if the Buddha were or around now you go to the
    1:57:02 White House if you were invited he certainly would have met
    1:57:06 with Obama and who knows now and he had advice about why
    1:57:10 society which he would give to leaders and he’d say if you
    1:57:15 can train your people to meet one another with respect to
    1:57:19 listen with respect to differences and to come together
    1:57:22 peacefully listening to one other then your society will
    1:57:27 prosper and not decline and if your society tends the vulnerable
    1:57:30 among them the the young people the old people those who are
    1:57:33 sick it will prosper and not decline and if your society
    1:57:37 tends to the environment around it in a healthy way it will
    1:57:41 prosper and not decline these are principles of compassion
    1:57:45 and why society that you could read perhaps in a number of
    1:57:47 great traditions from the Iroquois nation or from the
    1:57:53 Taoist sages but here’s the beautiful piece yes these are
    1:57:56 good things meeting in harmony and discussing in harmony and
    1:58:00 being respectful for one another and so forth there are
    1:58:05 practices that you can teach and learn that develop this
    1:58:10 capacity so that in our elementary schools now you
    1:58:13 know through organizations like castle which is a consortium
    1:58:17 for social emotional learning that’s worked in you know
    1:58:21 ten thousand schools kids learn social and emotional
    1:58:25 learning they learn compassion and it changes their lives
    1:58:28 they’re better academically and all these kids carry the
    1:58:32 troubles of our times they hear the news they see the trouble
    1:58:35 even in their own family to teach you how to steward your own
    1:58:39 heart from when you’re young and then these capacities are
    1:58:42 now being incorporated as we know mindfulness based stress
    1:58:45 reduction in clinics and hospitals and businesses and
    1:58:50 there’s the mindfulness teachers when the Seattle Seahawks
    1:58:53 won the championship or the Chicago Bulls in the L.A.
    1:58:56 Lakers when there were championship teams they had a
    1:58:59 meditation coach a mindfulness coach George Mumford a good
    1:59:03 friend and that these capacities can be learned wherever we
    1:59:07 are and they transform our life it’s not just by accident
    1:59:09 or that you have this beautiful experience on the mountains
    1:59:14 or making love but you can make that alive for you through
    1:59:18 these trainings every day every part of your life Jack
    1:59:21 there is a question I was planning on asking at some point
    1:59:25 anyway and I think this is a good segue which is how can you
    1:59:28 get a busy person hooked on mindfulness practice you know
    1:59:31 what would be a first step or how to start and since we’re
    1:59:34 talking about loving kindness I would like to give a bit of
    1:59:37 a hard sell for loving kindness meditation is one option
    1:59:42 because I recall perhaps it was two years ago I was really
    1:59:45 beating myself up and for people who don’t know this about
    1:59:49 me I’ve spent the majority of my life being my own worst enemy
    1:59:53 in terms of inner dialogue extremely brutal and hyper
    1:59:57 critical and load some of myself in so many different
    2:00:00 respects and I was going through a particularly intense and
    2:00:05 difficult time with that inner critic just ruthlessly beating
    2:00:09 myself up and at that point another friend of mine Chad
    2:00:14 Manktan who created the search inside yourself classic Google
    2:00:18 he was a very early on engineer which became the most
    2:00:21 over subscribed class for employees at Google recommended
    2:00:24 that I take a look at loving kindness meditation and I didn’t
    2:00:28 have any particularly sophisticated approach to it but I
    2:00:31 decided with nothing to lose and that I was having so much
    2:00:34 trouble during that period sitting still and trying to focus
    2:00:38 on say the breath or anything like that that at night this
    2:00:42 was happened to coincide with book deadline probably not pure
    2:00:46 coincidence that my beating myself up was exacerbated during
    2:00:50 that time that was a few years ago and I began at night in
    2:00:54 my case when I would take a shower at night or sit in a sauna
    2:00:58 I very often go to hotels to write which is something Maya Angelou
    2:01:01 and a few others that convinced me might be a good idea that
    2:01:04 I would consider two people just like you had mentioned two
    2:01:08 people I really cared for and wish them well that’s all I did
    2:01:11 and Chad had said to me man is usually what I would call him
    2:01:15 that at one point a woman in one of his classes had done this
    2:01:20 for one day at work every hour on the hour she would just look
    2:01:23 out of her office and wish someone well that she could see
    2:01:26 in her mind’s eye for 60 seconds or so and she said it was her
    2:01:29 best day of work in seven years and I found that unbelievable
    2:01:33 so I decided to try it myself and that week of just spending
    2:01:37 maybe two to four minutes at night before going to bed
    2:01:42 ended up being one of the most blissful weeks in memory
    2:01:46 but certainly at that point in several years it was really profound
    2:01:49 and I couldn’t pick out any other variable that had changed
    2:01:52 so for me I just want to for people who are listening and saying
    2:01:55 ah you know what I’m type A driven super hyper competitor
    2:02:00 this doesn’t apply to me that it very well could apply to you
    2:02:05 and that by taking a little bit of the harmful edge off
    2:02:08 you don’t automatically remove your competitive edge
    2:02:11 and in fact I would argue just as you mentioned that the bowls
    2:02:16 that you used to have or still do it used to have a mindfulness coach
    2:02:20 for competitive advantage that it can be another tool in your toolkit
    2:02:23 and doesn’t take you out of the game so to speak
    2:02:26 it just makes you more aware of the games that you’re playing
    2:02:30 so that’s a long sort of infomercial sales pitch
    2:02:34 that I wanted to just make sure I got in because I discounted
    2:02:37 a lot of these practices for a very long time because I thought
    2:02:41 it would at best be a waste of time and at worse take away
    2:02:46 some of my skills or tendencies that allowed me to get to where I am
    2:02:49 so that is more of a confessional than a question
    2:02:52 but I would love to hear your thoughts any additional thoughts
    2:02:55 on loving kindness meditation but also any additional thoughts
    2:03:00 on how if you wanted to get a busy maybe even impatient person
    2:03:06 hooked on mindfulness practice what first steps or approaches you might suggest
    2:03:10 so a lot of different questions sort of woven into what you said
    2:03:13 and the first is that there’s a kind of misunderstanding
    2:03:17 in our culture that love is a weakness and it’s not
    2:03:22 there is a way in which it’s the force that can
    2:03:26 probably the only force that can meet the level of aggression
    2:03:31 or violence and other such things that are happening in the world
    2:03:35 it’s the power that lets mothers lift cars off their children
    2:03:38 or lets somebody like Dr. Martin Luther King
    2:03:42 stand after his church was bombed and children were killed
    2:03:46 and say we will meet your physical violence with soul force
    2:03:50 we will not harm you but we will love you so deeply
    2:03:54 that we will not only transform ourselves but we will transform you
    2:03:58 in the process and so the notion that love is somehow a weakness
    2:04:01 I think we do everything out of love we want to be loved
    2:04:05 even in our ambition and our desire for success
    2:04:09 underneath it is you know we want to be well
    2:04:13 we want to be fine to our happiness and that’s part of love
    2:04:17 so it’s actually a power and my colleague and friend
    2:04:21 Wes Nisker went to interview Gary Snyder a couple of years ago
    2:04:26 Gary is a Pulitzer Prize winning poet and environmentalist
    2:04:30 for 50 years been writing about bioregionalism and one of our great
    2:04:34 kind of elders in this environmental movement
    2:04:38 he said Gary what do you have to say to us now that oceans are rising
    2:04:42 the world climate is changing hotter and hotter
    2:04:46 the species extinction and Gary looked back and he said don’t feel guilty
    2:04:50 if you’re going to save it don’t save it out of guilt
    2:04:55 or anger or fear those are the very things that are actually making the world worse
    2:04:59 save it because you love it because it’s part of you
    2:05:03 because it and that is the power whether you’re starting a company
    2:05:07 but also it’s not just that you you know some vision okay
    2:05:11 now I’m going to become this wealthy playboy or whatever
    2:05:15 you know zillionaire then what is your life mean for you
    2:05:19 and what do you really want and when you listen there is something
    2:05:23 in you and it’s part of your birthright to both be able to
    2:05:27 give your gifts but also to love and be loved in return and it turns
    2:05:31 out that it’s a power so then what you talk about is that
    2:05:35 it doesn’t take much to begin the training and you’re you know two minutes
    2:05:39 or four minutes in the evening or this woman at her work taking
    2:05:43 once an hour 30 seconds or a minute to look
    2:05:47 at somebody there and offer a well-wishing
    2:05:51 can transform everything for people who want the
    2:05:55 practical support because it is hard to do on your own if you go
    2:05:59 to sounds true dot com and look up the programs that I have
    2:06:03 first there’s a 40 day program called mindfulness daily
    2:06:07 which is 15 minutes a day or 12 minutes a day depend on the
    2:06:11 segment that both gives instructions in mindfulness loving awareness
    2:06:15 and loving kindness practice and it’s 12 or 15
    2:06:19 minutes a day and by the end of those 40 days you really have learned the
    2:06:23 inner skills and then it builds up there’s then a deeper training called
    2:06:27 power of awareness and for those who are interested we’re about to open an online
    2:06:31 teacher training for people interested in mindful passing along mindfulness
    2:06:35 and loving kindness to others jet just interject for one second for people listening
    2:06:39 I will also link to all of these resources in the show notes
    2:06:43 which you can find at tim dot blog forward slash podcast so
    2:06:47 you don’t necessarily have to remember all these things you can go to the URL and
    2:06:51 have direct links to these resources sorry to interrupt Jack just wanted to mention
    2:06:55 people listening and with it then there is also the programs
    2:06:59 there there’s one called guided meditations that’s you know a download
    2:07:03 it’s like ten bucks or something and it has a loving kindness practice
    2:07:07 compassion practice a forgiveness practice I think it may even have a joy
    2:07:11 practice and it’s really helpful to have guided meditations at first
    2:07:15 because otherwise your attention we have a very short attention
    2:07:19 span in modern society Albert Einstein at least according to scientific
    2:07:23 American said if you can drive safely while kissing
    2:07:27 a girl you’re simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves
    2:07:31 and we are in this kind of multitasking
    2:07:35 world with our devices and we’ve forgotten how to
    2:07:39 tend our own hearts we’ve forgotten how in some ways to really be present
    2:07:43 for one another and more importantly for our
    2:07:47 own life and so getting guided meditations
    2:07:51 is tremendously helpful and doing these little mini practices that
    2:07:55 you talk about one minute two minutes several times a day
    2:07:59 can transform you I was just going to mention to people also if you look at
    2:08:03 behavioral change if you look at BJ fog formerly the persuasion laboratory
    2:08:07 at Stanford you look at dietary change any of these things doing
    2:08:11 less than you think you’re capable of doing is a really good long term
    2:08:15 strategy in terms of starting off rigging
    2:08:19 the game so that you can win in the beginning so that your past fail mark in your mind
    2:08:23 is a really really low hurdle so I just wanted to reiterate guided
    2:08:27 meditation don’t white knuckle in the beginning make it beautiful as easy as possible
    2:08:31 the same principle from ancient you know texts
    2:08:35 say that you start in the easiest way for some people
    2:08:39 kindness for themselves seems impossible but then you pick a child you care about
    2:08:43 someone else or even when you do go to yourself you think of yourself when you were
    2:08:47 an innocent child and wish yourself well the game is to do
    2:08:51 whatever naturally opens the gateway whatever is the
    2:08:55 easiest for some people as their dog you come home and the most non judgmental
    2:08:59 being in their life wags its tail and loves you and it doesn’t care you know
    2:09:03 what’s going on in your head so you take the avenue that most naturally
    2:09:07 opens your heart and then you do this just a little at a time
    2:09:11 as you said and it doesn’t take long but the other thing that’s important
    2:09:15 is that sometimes as you do it it can actually
    2:09:19 display or show you the hypercritical nature of your mind
    2:09:23 the shame that you carry the self judgment or
    2:09:27 self loathing and so then you say well what do you do then
    2:09:31 or it brings up its opposite is that’s the place that you just breathe
    2:09:35 and hold all that stuff with kindness because this is our humanity
    2:09:39 and we all have some of that and the point isn’t to get rid of it
    2:09:43 or judge yourself for having it or try to fix it it’s almost as if you put your
    2:09:47 hand on your heart and you say you know this is like mindful self compassion
    2:09:51 or deep training this is part of the measure
    2:09:55 of struggles that I’ve been given like every human being
    2:09:59 these things have tried to protect me and now I can hold them with tenderness
    2:10:03 and say alright you know thank you but I don’t need your help anymore I can
    2:10:07 find to myself and in that way you’re not trying to fix yourself
    2:10:11 or perfect yourself if anything you’re trying to perfect your love
    2:10:15 Jack I wanted to give you a credit
    2:10:19 for help that you gave me and also tactical advice that you gave me
    2:10:23 during the 10 day silent retreat you gave me a lot but I want to highlight
    2:10:27 one that’s related to what you just said I was going through a very very
    2:10:31 difficult time particularly days 7, 8, 9
    2:10:35 and you gave me the advice that you just mentioned
    2:10:39 and there’s one component I want to really underscore for people and that is
    2:10:43 when you’re for instance trying to do loving kindness
    2:10:47 meditation and instead you get the opposite or you get this
    2:10:51 self ridicule who are you to try to meditate
    2:10:55 in this self indulgent way this is ridiculous or this voice starts to pop up
    2:10:59 that is angry or hateful whatever it might be
    2:11:03 the process of not simply dismissing it
    2:11:07 or fighting against it but recognizing
    2:11:11 it as a coping strategy that helped you in the past in some way
    2:11:15 that you developed because in my case you know the rage
    2:11:19 was a fuel that without which I probably would never have
    2:11:23 left Long Island where I had friends who later overdosed on opiates and so on
    2:11:27 so it was a gift in a way and a tool
    2:11:31 and as you said you can thank that
    2:11:35 response or that part of yourself and then
    2:11:39 put it and I remember you recommended even visualizing
    2:11:43 and please correct me if I’m wrong or elaborate but visualized taking that part
    2:11:47 of you that is a coping strategy thanking it and then putting it say on a shelf
    2:11:51 where you can use it later if needed be along with say
    2:11:55 other icons or figures who whether it’s Buddha
    2:11:59 that you recognize as wise and then continuing with the meditation
    2:12:03 so that thanking that part of yourself for the function that it once served
    2:12:07 even if it is not serving you now was such a key insight
    2:12:11 for me that then helped me to manage
    2:12:15 my internal states or observe and appreciate my internal
    2:12:19 states for the next several days where I really felt like I was lost at that point
    2:12:23 so that was a really direct tool that helped me tremendously
    2:12:27 yeah thank you for bringing it up because it’s so important for people
    2:12:31 when we come to that hypercritical shame place
    2:12:35 we feel very vulnerable and we’ve been identified with it
    2:12:39 and because you needed it I needed these things for survival
    2:12:43 and if you try to get rid of this stuff you just end up in a fruitless battle
    2:12:47 against yourself and it’s just more judgment so what you described it saying
    2:12:51 thank you for helping me survive I appreciate it let me put it on the shelf
    2:12:55 I’ll put it in the lap of the Buddha or whoever you know the
    2:12:59 goddess of infinite compassion you hold it for me if I need it I’ll pull it back
    2:13:03 and that sense that this isn’t who you are
    2:13:07 it doesn’t describe who you are it isn’t who you are it was a strategy
    2:13:11 because we’re vulnerable beings and you were tender as a child
    2:13:15 and you had to make sure you could survive thank you for that and now
    2:13:19 I have a different capacity and let me just talk about that capacity
    2:13:23 a little bit because the capacity for presence
    2:13:27 and the great heart of compassion that’s said to be your birthright
    2:13:31 is a really mysterious thing talk about identity
    2:13:35 and when my youngest brother’s wife Esta was dying of
    2:13:39 cancer and she’s just a beautiful being
    2:13:43 and I spent quite a bit of time with her and with my brother
    2:13:47 she was close to dying I’ve gone home to sleep and I wanted to get up early and hurry back
    2:13:51 so I was very close and I got my car
    2:13:55 I had to stop the drugstore to pick up a prescription
    2:13:59 hurriedly running dashing through the aisles and so forth and I’m at the checkout counter
    2:14:03 and all of a sudden my whole body relaxed
    2:14:07 and I thought oh Esta died and I got out to the car
    2:14:11 and I called my brother I said how’s it going he said oh
    2:14:15 Esta died a few minutes ago and I said I know
    2:14:19 I’ll be there shortly we’ve all had these experiences if I ask
    2:14:23 in a room how many have had this particular kind where you knew someone
    2:14:27 died when they died you know a quarter of the hands will go up
    2:14:31 why is this it’s because who we are is not
    2:14:35 this body we are the consciousness itself and so
    2:14:39 with all these practices what they allow us to do is
    2:14:43 to step out of what’s called the small sense of self or the body of
    2:14:47 fear and reconnect with the field of
    2:14:51 connection and interdependence of compassion and to take our history
    2:14:55 and to honor it but not be bound by it one of my favorite
    2:14:59 stories is a Ram Das again this wonderful
    2:15:03 spiritual teacher in the early years when he came back from
    2:15:07 being with his guru in India he was sitting
    2:15:11 up there and teaching you know
    2:15:15 devotional practices and meditation practices and he had a beard
    2:15:19 and white robes and beads and he was sort of in the guru
    2:15:23 outfit and a woman in the front row raised her hand and said Ram Das Ram Das
    2:15:27 aren’t you Jewish what’s with this Hindu stuff and Ram Das said well yes I am
    2:15:31 actually I was bar mitzvahed as I was too and there are many things
    2:15:35 I love about the Jewish spiritual tradition the generosity
    2:15:39 of it the Kabbalah all the great teachings on the many
    2:15:43 stages and states of consciousness the Hasidic masters who are like
    2:15:47 Zen masters and then he paused and looked at and he said but remember
    2:15:51 I’m only Jewish on my parent’s side
    2:15:55 and there is something both witty which he was but also profound
    2:15:59 about it because we are not just
    2:16:03 our parental history or the historical
    2:16:07 circumstances of this place and body that we were born into and something
    2:16:11 less knows this so that when you look at the there’s a wonderful
    2:16:15 book that came out last year the year before called the Book of Joy
    2:16:19 which was a conversation between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu
    2:16:23 and both of them have marvelous laughs I think people go to
    2:16:27 hear the Dalai Lama by the tens of thousands not just for the
    2:16:31 Tibetan teachings some of which are actually hard to understand
    2:16:35 or even the fact that he’s this Nobel Prize winning world figure
    2:16:39 I think people go to hear him laugh that somebody who’s
    2:16:43 carried so much suffering from the loss of his
    2:16:47 country where he can’t return and the burning of temples
    2:16:51 and texts and all those things and he and Tutu had a week together when they
    2:16:55 were asked and this created this book how can you be joyful
    2:16:59 how can you laugh like this when you live through apartheid and the death
    2:17:03 of so many people around you and Dalai Lama
    2:17:07 they banter back and forth and like brothers and Dalai Lama says
    2:17:11 so much has been taken from me you know they’ve taken our sacred texts
    2:17:15 they’ve taken our ability to make prayers in public they’ve
    2:17:19 taken so much of our culture why should I let them take my
    2:17:23 happiness and then Tutu starts to laugh and giggle and say
    2:17:27 you know I’ve been through so much but I am not going to let myself live in
    2:17:31 that place I’m gonna let myself live in that which affirms life
    2:17:35 and in a kind of profound joy that we made it
    2:17:39 we’re still alive that we can contribute that we can be here in this beautiful
    2:17:43 earth and this shift of consciousness is what’s needed
    2:17:47 for the world because if we look honestly no amount
    2:17:51 of technology alone is going to save us
    2:17:55 nanotechnology and space technology and biotechnology and worldwide
    2:17:59 web internet computer or super computer technology is going to stop
    2:18:03 continuing warfare and racism and
    2:18:07 tribalism and environmental destruction those
    2:18:11 are happening based on consciousness of the human heart
    2:18:15 and so we are now you know these we’ve made these enormous
    2:18:19 developments outwardly where you have the great library of Alexandria and your
    2:18:23 smartphone in your pocket along with a million you know cat
    2:18:27 YouTube’s or whatever but there it is it’s all in there
    2:18:31 and then what we need is collectively
    2:18:35 to develop a transformation inwardly
    2:18:39 our inner life that is parallel to this enormous outer transformation
    2:18:43 the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff some years ago said we are
    2:18:47 a nation of nuclear giants and ethical
    2:18:51 you know or you know I don’t know how old humanity is
    2:18:55 but it’s time to grow up so that this work that we’re talking about
    2:18:59 is both individual but as you learn to meet
    2:19:03 your own life with greater understanding and compassion
    2:19:07 it empowers you to move through the world in a different way
    2:19:11 and to help others do the same and then you get the kind of joy
    2:19:15 of tutu and the Dalai Lama that you’re somehow part of an awakening
    2:19:19 that humanity now needs more than ever. Jack I’d love to
    2:19:23 ask you these interviews are always
    2:19:27 by some self interest I always have some issue or challenge or problem that I’m trying
    2:19:31 to figure out so I reach out to someone like you to help me do it but I record the conversation
    2:19:35 as we chatted about before we hit record and you know this already but the last
    2:19:39 several years have been very very important for me in terms of
    2:19:43 addressing certain traumas and the last eight weeks in particular
    2:19:47 have been transformative in a lot of beautiful ways
    2:19:51 and the duration of periods within which I don’t berate
    2:19:55 or attack myself have become longer but
    2:19:59 there are still times when the wheels fly off the car
    2:20:03 and this last week has been one such example and I tend to
    2:20:07 when I make a mistake or feel like I’m backsliding or relapsing
    2:20:11 to compound the problem by beating myself up then I beat myself
    2:20:15 up about beating myself up and you know where that goes so let me paint a picture
    2:20:19 so I found out recently that my Japanese
    2:20:23 host father and I’ve been in touch with this family since I was 15 I’m very
    2:20:27 very close to them 40 now and I found out that he just
    2:20:31 was admitted because the host mother sent me an email to the hospital
    2:20:35 with liver cancer they don’t have the details yet I just sent a follow
    2:20:39 up email they don’t know what the prognosis is exactly but
    2:20:43 needless to say the worst case scenarios are certainly being conjured in my mind or the potential
    2:20:47 of those and then simultaneously
    2:20:51 have been contending with and I believe you have some experience with this
    2:20:55 contending with a what should be a very
    2:20:59 simple construction project of a cabin
    2:21:03 up in the mountains and it has been delayed and delayed and delayed
    2:21:07 and there have been cost overruns and cost overruns and cost overruns and promises made
    2:21:11 promises broken expectations set expectations missed
    2:21:15 and a friend of mine called with a whole new slew of problems yesterday related to this
    2:21:19 place and I lost my shit for lack of a better term I mean there are many
    2:21:23 other things going on simultaneously but I got really pissed and I was like you know what
    2:21:27 this extending the olive branch being understanding can’t gambit is
    2:21:31 not working with these people like I need to take out the baseball bat
    2:21:35 and like pull old Tim off the shelf who is just this like juggernaut head through
    2:21:39 brick walls and be like listen fuckface like if you don’t do ABCD&E
    2:21:43 here well these are going to be the consequences and then I’m like well wait
    2:21:47 I’m supposed to be compassionate but how do I not be a pushover
    2:21:51 and it turns into this big dramatic play inside my
    2:21:55 head and then I wait this is going to end soon I’m not going to keep going but what I then
    2:21:59 often do is self medicate with caffeine
    2:22:03 and I think it’s a way of feeling productive without
    2:22:07 actually being productive and it also creates so much volume on the
    2:22:11 noise I think I use it to tune out a lot of feelings
    2:22:15 so when someone relapses or has
    2:22:19 this kind of experience what do you suggest to them I mean is there
    2:22:23 particular pattern interrupt or approach that you
    2:22:27 found helpful for regaining footing oh so there’s a number of things
    2:22:31 to say first of all you could call it relapsing or you could
    2:22:35 just call it yeah being human
    2:22:39 the most beloved poet in Japan was a Zen master named
    2:22:43 Ryo Khan and there’s a two line verse of his
    2:22:47 that I particularly find fitting for this where he wrote
    2:22:51 last year a foolish monk this year no change
    2:22:55 you know and you can sort of feel the humor
    2:22:59 and the tenderness in it and there’s a way in which you see your personality
    2:23:03 the point you know you have a body you have this particular body you’re born with and you can
    2:23:07 transform it in certain ways within the limits of the body that you were given
    2:23:11 and similarly you have a personality and anybody who has a number of
    2:23:15 kids realizes that you don’t come in Tamblarasa that you actually this kid
    2:23:19 is born and has this kind of temperament so you have a personality and just like you
    2:23:23 don’t want to look too closely to the body sometimes you don’t want to look back closely
    2:23:27 to personality either you know it has its foibles and its fears and all of
    2:23:31 that and so you start to kind of look at and say oh now there’s
    2:23:35 a really good example of how neurotic I can get thank you
    2:23:39 for reminding me you know and then you get a little
    2:23:43 like the keeper of the zoo a little more tender with those kind of creatures
    2:23:47 it’s bringing in the non-judgment or the loving kindness for the
    2:23:51 way that you actually are and not your ideal or bringing
    2:23:55 compassion you could say yeah this is a tough one and this triggered I got triggered
    2:23:59 so what now the other thing is that I have the same experience where we had
    2:24:03 a big remodel of our house when I was some years ago
    2:24:07 raising my daughter and in my first marriage and
    2:24:11 we were supposed to go and teach and travel in Europe and this guy who was a good
    2:24:15 contractor but you know everything of course gets more expensive and you have to do this
    2:24:19 and it kept getting slowed down and I said you are going to get this done so we could make
    2:24:23 these decisions forward to Europe and it’s not happening you’ve got to hurry up
    2:24:27 I do that like three or four different times and it doesn’t happen finally I go
    2:24:31 in I get pissed and I say listen you
    2:24:35 said this in our contract it was going to be done by and if you don’t fucking get this done
    2:24:39 by the time I’m going to pull your ass in court and sue you because I need this
    2:24:43 done and I’m not going to pay you the goddamn money oh no no no
    2:24:47 he looked at me and he said oh you really want this done don’t you I said yes
    2:24:51 next day there’s a huge crew it starts to get done and I realized okay
    2:24:55 what I had been sort of talking meditation speak yeah nice
    2:24:59 get it done he was a fucking contractor and I just had to
    2:25:03 I had to speak contract or ease get the goddamn job done
    2:25:07 or I’ll haul your ass in court okay I got it yeah I’ll send the team over
    2:25:11 and that’s all it took so there’s something playful about that as well
    2:25:15 it’s not that you can’t I’ve seen the dialogue I get angry at people
    2:25:19 it’s not that you can’t use that power and that
    2:25:23 understanding when it’s necessary to get to be very
    2:25:27 strong or forceful and you don’t have to judge yourself unless you hurt people
    2:25:31 and then of course that’s the misuse of it but it’s just it’s part of being human
    2:25:35 is there something you say to yourself I don’t know you are
    2:25:39 certainly in person and any with any contact I’ve had
    2:25:43 with you one of the most compassionate
    2:25:47 people I’ve ever met and I don’t use that word very much but your
    2:25:51 presence of listening and being with someone is really
    2:25:55 incredible I don’t know how much of that is intrinsic versus trained
    2:25:59 but for better or for worse coming out of the womb I’ve been
    2:26:03 very impatient since day one
    2:26:07 so I worry about I can get it seems like my
    2:26:11 default is speaking contract or ease to more than just
    2:26:15 the way word contractor
    2:26:19 who’s putting off work is there some
    2:26:23 when I feel that the sensations of
    2:26:27 anger beginning to bubble up is there something
    2:26:31 that you would suggest as self talk or just a temporary
    2:26:35 pumping of the breaks to make it an informed decision versus
    2:26:39 just a lashing out well I could give you an answer but in a minute I’m
    2:26:43 going to guide you in a little practice perfect so that you can find the better answer
    2:26:47 first I just want to say that that anger
    2:26:51 you know yes it’s your habit or maybe your temperament that’s energy
    2:26:55 and there’s nothing wrong with energy you know it’s the power to let you do all the
    2:26:59 kind of things you’ve done in your life that are tremendously creative or resourceful
    2:27:03 or daring or whatever kinds of things so you want to respect
    2:27:07 okay I’m getting filled with energy and you know it might be then you want to
    2:27:11 lash out but first you want to respect that energy wow let me feel
    2:27:15 this in my body whoo anger how big is it whoo okay then
    2:27:19 your question is then your question is what can I do to modulate it
    2:27:23 I could give you you know okay take some breaths ground yourself
    2:27:27 look at that other person but instead as we’re talking
    2:27:31 let yourself picture a circumstance
    2:27:35 recently it might have been with your you know the contractor is doing your cabin
    2:27:39 or something else you know that uprising of the
    2:27:43 injustice of it and how right you are and how you’re going to get this
    2:27:47 goddamn thing done and how you have to be hard and strong you feel
    2:27:51 all that and feel the energy in your body first thing is just to remember what it felt
    2:27:55 like and now you’re becoming the kind of mindful
    2:27:59 loving witness of it and saying wow this is a lot of energy
    2:28:03 can you feel that and remember that oh yeah okay
    2:28:07 now next step is that the wisest
    2:28:11 figure you can imagine maybe it’s the Buddha or
    2:28:15 doesn’t matter some great master or martial arts master you know
    2:28:19 who’s mastered themselves as well as there are comes to you
    2:28:23 and let yourself imagine somebody’s going to teach you how to
    2:28:27 manage this powerful energy and see who appears
    2:28:31 somebody appears to you and first
    2:28:35 they look at you and they smile and they say yeah this is the big energy
    2:28:39 and they appreciate you so instead of saying oh you’re a doofus
    2:28:43 you know they say oh yeah you actually carry some powerful energy and they acknowledge
    2:28:47 that they bow to you yeah and you got it all right and then you say
    2:28:51 yeah but how do I manage this when it takes me over and so this
    2:28:55 master or whoever comes reaches under their robe and
    2:28:59 pulls out a gift for you which is a clear
    2:29:03 symbol of exactly what you need in that moment
    2:29:07 to help you regulate it so that you can keep the energy but do it
    2:29:11 in a way that doesn’t cause harm to you or another and this clear symbol
    2:29:15 to be able to see it’s just what you need so let yourself picture the gifts
    2:29:19 that they put in your hand and let yourself imagine see and
    2:29:23 vision picture what it is and if you can’t see it
    2:29:27 clearly hold it up to the sunlight you’ll be able to and then let me know what you get
    2:29:31 you want me to tell you what it is yeah yeah all right
    2:29:35 so the person who came to mind for me I went through a few
    2:29:39 was the creator of judo fascinating guy named
    2:29:43 Jigoro Kano really small guy who
    2:29:47 yes who could throw all the big guys and smile at the same time
    2:29:51 right exactly changed a lot also in Japanese government fascinating guy
    2:29:55 the symbol I don’t know why this is to be honest but
    2:29:59 it’s a pyramid the size with
    2:30:03 straight edges about a little too big to hold in your palm
    2:30:07 that is blue it’s like almost a
    2:30:11 mixture of pure sky blue like blue bird blue
    2:30:15 with a bit of electric blue mixed in and it’s
    2:30:19 sort of a smoky vapor that’s floating around inside this
    2:30:23 glass pyramid I have no idea why that’s the case but that’s what came up
    2:30:27 all right so we’ll stay with it and then there’s one more little piece so he gives you this
    2:30:31 pyramid free associate a little bit on what it
    2:30:35 might possibly mean because these symbols are like dream images and they come from
    2:30:39 a deep place in your side key and this pyramid has a message
    2:30:43 for you this blue pyramid just guess what it might be
    2:30:47 I think it’s very very stable it’s an extremely stable
    2:30:51 structure and for me it also
    2:30:55 I could imagine it representing power also it seems like a very powerful
    2:30:59 symbol in many different cultures certainly
    2:31:03 the blue is a little easier for me it’s a very cooling
    2:31:07 soothing color where certainly red
    2:31:11 is the color I would associate with a fire with the
    2:31:15 high resonance, anger, energy would be more
    2:31:19 of a red fire element so the blue would be a cooling
    2:31:23 or countering balancing force for that
    2:31:27 all right so now what I want you to do is imagine taking this
    2:31:31 blue pyramid gift which represents
    2:31:35 kind of extreme stability and also a kind of power
    2:31:39 and cooling that’s given to you by Jigaro Kano and taking this
    2:31:43 into your body so that there you are filled with this energy and anger
    2:31:47 you know this huge wave of you let that be there
    2:31:51 and you take this pyramid in and you let that energy
    2:31:55 be inside this stable grounded
    2:31:59 place of power and feel what it’s like to be inside
    2:32:03 this blue pyramid with this energy and feel how it affects it
    2:32:07 just notice as if there you’re in that circumstance and now I’m remembering
    2:32:11 I am the blue pyramid and what does it feel like?
    2:32:15 The most noticeable thing, I wonder of course how much of this
    2:32:19 is the actual visualization versus the time out
    2:32:23 that I permit myself to have but there’s very often
    2:32:27 a tightness on the left side of my chest right by the sternum
    2:32:31 and I feel when I start getting wound up
    2:32:35 and that is absent after
    2:32:39 taking this gift and then visualizing it being incorporated
    2:32:43 that dissipates what you’re practicing and you know and then you know this very well in athletics
    2:32:47 that yes you practice things but other times you also practice envisioning
    2:32:51 whether it’s playing piano or whether it’s you know some
    2:32:55 Olympic training that some of the times you just do it through visualization
    2:32:59 that activates a lot of the same neural circuitry. So here you’re starting
    2:33:03 to get the feeling of what it’s like to be in the middle of this
    2:33:07 upwelling of anger and so forth and then taking
    2:33:11 a couple of breaths and feeling the blue pyramid and the
    2:33:15 connection with the earth and the stability of it and the power then
    2:33:19 of that presence that cools you and allows
    2:33:23 the anger to be there but not in the same uncontrolled way
    2:33:27 Now there’s one more thing and that is if you imagine again
    2:33:31 Jigoro Kano, I believe you said his name is, he comes
    2:33:35 up to you after giving you this gift and he touches
    2:33:39 you kindly on the shoulder and he has a few words of advice
    2:33:43 of how to handle this powerful energy that comes up in you
    2:33:47 because he knows all about it and what does he whisper into your
    2:33:51 ear kindly? Well he whispers this came to
    2:33:55 mind immediately. He says Zenyoko Zenyo, which is
    2:33:59 you know, I still have this actually. There are two
    2:34:03 he has many famous quotes but he has what you might consider
    2:34:07 proverbs, short aphorisms that I’ve actually carried with me
    2:34:11 since I was 15 but they’re packed away somewhere. I have two of them. They’re on cloth
    2:34:15 and the first is
    2:34:19 It means basically if you work hard
    2:34:23 you will achieve, you will reach your target. It’s not the best translation but
    2:34:27 that’s the idea. The other one is Zenyoko Zenyo, which is effectively
    2:34:31 the most efficient use of energy
    2:34:35 but it could also be the best/most benevolent use of energy
    2:34:39 It’s a principle of Judo but it’s something that he applied to everything
    2:34:43 including education. So it would be that
    2:34:47 very short bite-sized aphorism which is, and I’m sure some scholars
    2:34:51 probably disagree with me, but roughly translated here, at least as I
    2:34:55 take it, is the maximum or most efficient
    2:34:59 use of energy. So take that in, take
    2:35:03 his intentions, Zenyoko Zenyo, the benevolent and efficient use
    2:35:07 of it, seal the pyramid and now your assignment is
    2:35:11 that the next five times that this comes, which
    2:35:15 you will, maybe tomorrow or next week or so forth, bring in the blue pyramids,
    2:35:19 stable, powerful, cooling, so the energy is still there
    2:35:23 and then you hear his voice say Zenyoko Zenyo and you go, oh yeah, I can
    2:35:27 use this but I can use it in a benevolent way. And try it
    2:35:31 five times, then text me, let me know what happened
    2:35:35 because now we’re closing the loop. If you do it and see
    2:35:39 now you’re responsible, if you agree that you’re going to do it, it sort of
    2:35:43 gooses the game a little bit and you go, okay, now I better do it because I have to let Jack know
    2:35:47 what happened. Let me know what happens. Well, I’ll be able to use it this week
    2:35:51 because I’m flying out to the site of this cabin to meet with everybody
    2:35:55 and see what’s going on. So I’ll have at least five opportunities
    2:35:59 to do that. You have your Zen training ahead. I mean, the other thing
    2:36:03 that’s great and then that you can hear in this rather than by giving
    2:36:07 you a cookie cutter answer is that we actually
    2:36:11 have the wisdom that we’re
    2:36:15 seeking or that’s available. We have it in ourselves.
    2:36:19 I mean, you didn’t have to fly to Kyoto and get in your time machine to
    2:36:23 go back and see Jigaro Kano or whoever it happens to be
    2:36:27 the Dalai Lama or whoever happens to come to you, the Buddha or some other
    2:36:31 great figure that actually the goddess of compassion
    2:36:35 that we carry that wisdom in our own heart and part of
    2:36:39 what these contemplative trainings do is they give us access
    2:36:43 just by taking a little pause. It didn’t take you 30 seconds.
    2:36:47 Okay, he appears. What do I do? Ah, here’s how my body would feel.
    2:36:51 What perspective should I bring? Ah, here’s efficient and benevolent use
    2:36:55 of energy. Okay, now I remember. So these
    2:36:59 answers for the questions of the psyche and the heart
    2:37:03 don’t require going somewhere. They
    2:37:07 ask us to quiet and begin to listen. And as you do
    2:37:11 you discover your own inherent wisdom and your own
    2:37:15 compassion as well because the benevolent use that he offers
    2:37:19 to you, where does that live? It lives in
    2:37:23 Tim. It lives in you. One of the reasons I’ve wanted to have you
    2:37:27 on the podcast for so long is that for me you represent
    2:37:31 a very wide spectrum of tools. You have
    2:37:35 developed a toolkit that has enabled you to work with
    2:37:39 everyone from the seekers of say the Buddhist, along the lines
    2:37:43 of the Buddhist traditions to say adolescents or cutters to
    2:37:47 war vets with PTSD, missing limbs and so on. You’ve worked with a very
    2:37:51 diverse set of students and
    2:37:55 patients maybe even. And that leads me to my next question, which is
    2:37:59 after these experiences abroad, why did you decide to come back to the US
    2:38:03 period? And then why did you decide to go back
    2:38:07 to school and study clinical psychology? So after
    2:38:11 the first five years in Asia, there were two other westerners who
    2:38:15 would become monks. It was a handful. And some were going to stay
    2:38:19 for the rest of their lives. I’d learned a lot and so that was kind of a
    2:38:23 choice. Am I just going to stay? And I realized no, I
    2:38:27 want a family. I want a lover. I was a young man
    2:38:31 after all and just the celibacy for those years was actually pretty hard.
    2:38:35 I want to see if what I have learned really
    2:38:39 translates into the life back home. I don’t want to
    2:38:43 just leave it. And so it was some wrestling, but it became very clear to me
    2:38:47 that I wasn’t fit for the monastery for the rest of my life.
    2:38:51 I had other, not only other desires, but also and longings,
    2:38:55 but also were real interested to say, does this work elsewhere? So I came back and
    2:38:59 thought, well, what can I do? I got a couple jobs and right away.
    2:39:03 Of course, what I knew how to do would be a student, but I was now a student of the mind
    2:39:07 and the heart. And I thought, well, how do I learn more about what happened
    2:39:11 to me in the monastery? Oh, I’ll study western psychology.
    2:39:15 And so that started me on that particular
    2:39:19 path. And I learned a lot of complimentary things. There’s some very good trauma
    2:39:23 work in the West that I’ve learned about that really enhances
    2:39:27 the compassion and loving kindness and mindfulness things that I learned
    2:39:31 in the temple. And now I’ve done a lot
    2:39:35 of years of teaching eastern western psychology together. These principles that I’ve
    2:39:39 learned are spreading so widely in western psychology. I went to the largest
    2:39:43 therapy conference in the country in December
    2:39:47 and down in Anaheim and gave a talk, you know, here’s the room full of
    2:39:51 3,000 or 5,000 people. And I asked how many of you have
    2:39:55 some experience of meditation or mindfulness practice? And the
    2:39:59 majority of the hands went up. And that would not have happened, you know,
    2:40:03 20 or 30 years ago. So eastern psychology is now
    2:40:07 becoming more invisibly woven into the understandings
    2:40:11 of clinical psychology in the West and it’s beautiful. Now, I want to
    2:40:15 say something else, you know, when you talk about working with a variety
    2:40:19 of population, yes, people in prisons,
    2:40:23 yes, that’s our kids coming out of gangs, but also
    2:40:27 CEOs. And there’s a dialogue that Bill Ford and I did. He was
    2:40:31 at that time the chairman of Ford voters. He was actually
    2:40:35 the CEO, perhaps, before that, but then he was the chairman of Ford
    2:40:39 voters. And he talks about it too. It was in
    2:40:43 2008, I guess, when the auto
    2:40:47 industry was just about to melt down. He called
    2:40:51 we’d had some contact. He’s a meditator and he said, you know, I’m going to
    2:40:55 lose my grandfather’s company and maybe the whole industry on my watch
    2:40:59 and it’s hard to sleep. What can I do? And we did loving kindness
    2:41:03 practices and mindfulness practices together and so forth. And I gave him some
    2:41:07 practices that he could use. And it turns out that at whatever
    2:41:11 level you’re on, whether you’re incarcerated or whether you’re
    2:41:15 a CEO or whether you’re a returning vet, that these
    2:41:19 inner capacities that we have to be present
    2:41:23 without getting lost to bring an understanding
    2:41:27 attention to these energies, just as you were doing with anger in ourselves
    2:41:31 are really, really liberating. And sometimes
    2:41:35 what’s needed, like for the vets or the people coming back from the war,
    2:41:39 is also a kind of forgiveness practice and trauma work.
    2:41:43 And we’ll come together and, you know, they’ll say things like, I can’t tell you
    2:41:47 what I saw. Because in fact, people don’t want to hear the
    2:41:51 stories of war. They can’t tell the story. And if they do often, they retraumatize
    2:41:55 themselves. And the people around them couldn’t bear
    2:41:59 it. But there is something worse because they’ll say
    2:42:03 I can’t tell you what I had to do. And so it’s locked up in their hearts,
    2:42:07 you know, and then whether they have, they can drink or they can distract
    2:42:11 themselves or get in blind rages periodically. But if
    2:42:15 you get a room of returning combat vets and hold
    2:42:19 it with a proper space of understanding and
    2:42:23 compassion, not only can they tell their stories,
    2:42:27 which they’ve never told, but they can listen to one another and say
    2:42:31 oh yeah, I’ve been there. And all of a sudden they’re not so alone anymore.
    2:42:35 And that release of the weight on their heart.
    2:42:39 So there’s a social dimension to trauma where we need to tell the story.
    2:42:43 Helps them release also what’s carried in their nervous system and in their body.
    2:42:47 And there’s some correlation between those two together
    2:42:51 that becomes very powerful. And we need that. We need, I do a lot
    2:42:55 of teaching of forgiveness practice and self-forgiveness. Those are also
    2:42:59 on those guided meditations that I teach. And for a lot of us, self-forgiveness
    2:43:03 like self-compassion becomes a very, very important
    2:43:07 way to liberate ourselves from what we had to do to survive
    2:43:11 in the past so that we’re actually free in our life.
    2:43:15 How do you set the stage, for instance, with those vets?
    2:43:19 What do you say to them or what exercise might you do
    2:43:23 that opens the door for them to share these stories?
    2:43:27 So a couple of images. One with gang kids and then one with vets.
    2:43:31 For gang kids who come in or these kids who are trying to get out of gangs
    2:43:35 and might come with a mentor or something like that to some events we’ve had.
    2:43:39 You can get these guys and their, you know, their hoods are up and their hats are
    2:43:43 backward and they’re leaning back and saying, like, come on, man, you’re going to teach us meditation.
    2:43:47 You’re going to teach us, give us some poem, stories or vets. Listen, we’re
    2:43:51 out on the street. People got nine millimeters. You do, you got to give us something better than that.
    2:43:55 So we try to make a setting
    2:43:59 that honors who they are from the very beginning
    2:44:03 and say, well, we can’t talk yet about the real things that we came here
    2:44:07 to do because there are too many people in this room who have not been acknowledged
    2:44:11 and not been respected. So would you go out
    2:44:15 in the parking lot and pick up a stone for every young person you know
    2:44:19 who’s been killed? And we light one candle and put it in the center of a table
    2:44:23 and say, bring it back in and say their name and put their stone
    2:44:27 by this candle. The simplest possible ritual.
    2:44:31 And these guys and sometimes gals will come in and their hands are full of stones.
    2:44:35 No young people should know that many dead people.
    2:44:39 And they’ll say, this is for Tito and this is for RJ and this is for
    2:44:43 Homegirl. And pretty soon there’s a mound
    2:44:47 of stones and the names of people they’ve lost
    2:44:51 were put into the fabric of the air
    2:44:55 of that room and their hoods are no longer over their heads. They’re sitting up like
    2:44:59 okay, this is the place where we can talk about what’s really going on.
    2:45:03 So there’s something about making, whether it’s through the simplest ritual
    2:45:07 or making a container in which people realize
    2:45:11 that this is a safe place to talk about what we’ve never done before.
    2:45:15 With the vets, one of the things that Michael Mead, Luis Rodriguez, these guys from
    2:45:19 Mosaic Multicultural Foundation that I’ve worked with for years and are
    2:45:23 really wonderful. Michael, who’s a great
    2:45:27 drummer and a storyteller and mythologist who’s also been working in prisons
    2:45:31 and with vets and gang kids for years, he’ll say, let me tell you
    2:45:35 an ancient story of returning warriors. And he has a
    2:45:39 handful of stories from Africa or Tibet or the Mayan tradition
    2:45:43 about warriors coming back with their hands covered with blood
    2:45:47 and their eyes filled with the
    2:45:51 martial energy that they can’t stop the violence because it’s
    2:45:55 taken them over. And here’s a myth or a story
    2:45:59 that tells about how ancient warriors were brought back into their community.
    2:46:03 I’ll tell you the myth if you want to hear one of them. Oh, yes, please.
    2:46:07 So here we are, you know, and there’s these vets and already stories have started
    2:46:11 to pour out about, I can’t tell you what I saw, I can’t tell you what I had to do.
    2:46:15 And Michael stood up and he said, let me tell you an old
    2:46:19 Irish story of an Irish warrior named
    2:46:23 Cochulain, or I’m not sure how his name is pronounced, something like that.
    2:46:27 Then he was the most fierce and famous of all Irish warriors.
    2:46:31 The Irish warriors were mad men because they would go out, they’d paint
    2:46:35 their bodies and they’d go out naked and sometimes you’d just see them coming and run the other way.
    2:46:39 But anyway, there was some rotting king and army
    2:46:43 that had come to threaten their area and so Cochulain went out
    2:46:47 and almost single-handedly chased them and defeated them.
    2:46:51 But then he was coming back to his own town in a chariot
    2:46:55 covered with blood and his eyes blazing
    2:46:59 bearing down on his own town still possessed with the violence
    2:47:03 of war with the God Mars. And they were all terrified
    2:47:07 he would come and do violence there too. And so they were like, what can we do?
    2:47:11 What can we do? And they went to ask the old wise
    2:47:15 woman in the village and she said three things.
    2:47:19 And so the first thing, they lined up all the women in the village who bared their breasts
    2:47:23 and this slowed him down as if it reminded
    2:47:27 him of his mother’s milk or something. And because he would slow down
    2:47:31 then the second thing they did was take a rope and tie it around
    2:47:35 him and put him in a huge cauldron of cold water
    2:47:39 which hissed off his body and then they filled it three times with
    2:47:43 cold water and finally his body cooled down. And then the third
    2:47:47 thing they did is they took him at Stillbound
    2:47:51 and they lay him on a carpet in the court of the local king
    2:47:55 and they sang to him the stories and myths
    2:47:59 and songs of warriors who had protected
    2:48:03 the kingdom and then come back and released
    2:48:07 the violence and the fears that they carried
    2:48:11 and planted their crops again and loved their families
    2:48:15 and resumed living in harmony with the community
    2:48:19 from which they came. And they told the ancient stories and sang the songs
    2:48:23 for three days and nights and when it was over
    2:48:27 eyes opened they let his, they untied him and he was back as a normal
    2:48:31 human being again. And after Michael told this
    2:48:35 story to vets who’d been telling terrible accounts
    2:48:39 of things that happened, in this room a hundred men
    2:48:43 stood up and we’d been working with a simple African chant, a song
    2:48:47 that was really an African chant of a prayer
    2:48:51 “Earth, hold me for this living is hard.” We all sang to the vets
    2:48:55 together for a long time as if
    2:48:59 we could sing them back into their bodies from this as if they were
    2:49:03 lying there in the court of the king. So this is, you ask
    2:49:07 the question, how do you make a setting that allows people
    2:49:11 to truly feel that they can tell their stories and be held in
    2:49:15 compassion, whether it’s the grief of these gang kids
    2:49:19 that no one’s really given a place to give voice to, you know
    2:49:23 or that who says I can’t tell you what I had to do. That’s very
    2:49:27 powerful and it makes me
    2:49:31 also think back to conversations I’ve had with
    2:49:35 Sebastian Junger who is a war time
    2:49:39 journalist has co-produced
    2:49:43 and shot a number of really harrowing documentary films
    2:49:47 including “Restrepo” and most recently wrote a book called “Tribe”
    2:49:51 that touches on some similar topic area
    2:49:55 and leads me to ask you, are there any rites of passages
    2:49:59 or rituals that you feel would be useful
    2:50:03 for every man or woman to experience? And this is something that I’ve
    2:50:07 felt a longing for and a lack of since
    2:50:11 my teenage years. I’m not Jewish, did not have a bat mitzvah, bar mitzvah
    2:50:15 I don’t know if that serves that purpose in the Jewish tradition
    2:50:19 necessarily, but are there any rituals or rites of
    2:50:23 passage that you think we could use in let’s just say the United States
    2:50:27 that would be helpful to whether it’s a
    2:50:31 specific population, specific group or anyone?
    2:50:35 So what you’re talking about is a really big subject, it’s a subject of
    2:50:39 initiation and unfortunately bar mitzvah is at least when I was
    2:50:43 a relatively lightweight and meaningless thing, you get up there
    2:50:47 and you recite your Hebrew portion of the Bible and
    2:50:51 now you’re a man and they give you a bunch of presents and there wasn’t a lot of meaning in it
    2:50:55 the problem that you raise is that of the lack of initiation
    2:50:59 and what’s true is that it’s been forgotten in our culture
    2:51:03 one of the few places you get initiation is going into the military
    2:51:07 that’s an initiation, but a lot of these gang kids for example
    2:51:11 they’re trying to initiate themselves which can’t really happen
    2:51:15 you need elders and you need it in a ritualized way, but they’ll go on
    2:51:19 if you’re in the Masai tradition in East Africa
    2:51:23 the Masai people, as everybody’s heard
    2:51:27 a young man at a certain age of 14 or something will go out
    2:51:31 and kill a lion to prove that they’re now an adult member of the society
    2:51:35 and that they’re brave and that’s part of their initiation
    2:51:39 for young women as well and it’s not just in Africa the Mayans had
    2:51:43 initiations and in Thailand when I lived there back
    2:51:47 starting in the 1960s at that point almost every
    2:51:51 young man and many young women when they reached
    2:51:55 the age of 1920 they became a monk for
    2:51:59 three months or for a year and lived in an austere way and it was part of their
    2:52:03 initiation to learn both the inner life of themselves
    2:52:07 and also a kind of discipline, we don’t have it and because of it
    2:52:11 kids are trying to initiate themselves on the streets by shooting somebody
    2:52:15 or doing something that shows that they’re brave but it’s not a lion
    2:52:19 it’s another person or it’s trying to get the attention of the others
    2:52:23 and say prove how powerful or strong they are
    2:52:27 so we desperately need these and we need them built into our education
    2:52:31 and to our psychology and I can’t give you a simple answer
    2:52:35 but one of the people who has the most intelligence about this
    2:52:39 is a man, a colleague of mine named Michael Mead
    2:52:43 and if you look at Mosaic Multicultural Foundation
    2:52:47 his writings on initiation and what’s possible here
    2:52:51 and the things he’s led are very very inspiring
    2:52:55 so that’s a place that I would look. That’s a good starting point, wonderful
    2:52:59 I will definitely find that. Well Jack I think we could go for hours and hours
    2:53:03 chatting with you and I’d love to perhaps even consider doing a part two sometime
    2:53:07 but given that we’ve already gone for two plus hours I want to ask just
    2:53:11 a few more questions and I’ll actually start
    2:53:15 with just reading something very short which is from your 2017
    2:53:19 year end message. I think this is just to
    2:53:23 inject some more optimism into our
    2:53:27 conversation which we’ve already had plenty of but this is just a
    2:53:31 little portion of your year end message. Martin Luther King Jr. describes our collective journey
    2:53:35 with hope quote “the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends
    2:53:39 towards justice” end quote and Pablo Neruda explains further
    2:53:43 “you can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming” renewal is happening
    2:53:47 this is back to your voice “take quiet time to listen to your heart to meditate
    2:53:51 and to rest amidst the great turnings. Feel the renewal of spring that can be born
    2:53:55 in you. Align yourself with goodness. Let yourself blossom like a lotus
    2:53:59 or whatever unique flower you are shining in the world offering tiny seeds
    2:54:03 of love amidst it all” blessings to you in 2018 Jack
    2:54:07 and I want this note to then
    2:54:11 lead into and certainly welcome to comment on that but
    2:54:15 which book you would recommend of yours people start with or where they start
    2:54:19 with all of the many materials recordings readings that you produce because
    2:54:23 you’re a fantastic writer and a prolific writer
    2:54:27 you have some of my favorite book titles I’ve ever heard by the way including
    2:54:31 After the Ecstasy The Laundry which maybe we could touch on but where would you suggest
    2:54:35 people start of the many things that you’ve written and shared
    2:54:39 with the world and if you have any comments on that year end message
    2:54:43 you’re welcome to share that as well. So for books if you want
    2:54:47 something simple I have books like you know an introduction
    2:54:51 to meditation that sounds true publishes or I have
    2:54:55 a little book called the art of forgiveness loving kindness and peace which is very simple
    2:54:59 stories and practices if you want something that’s
    2:55:03 richer and fuller then you could look at one of my bigger books like A Path
    2:55:07 with Heart or The Wise Heart the guide to the principles of Buddhist psychology
    2:55:11 and again I think lots of stuff online and sounds true
    2:55:15 particularly a good place to go along with my website then
    2:55:19 and that 40 day mindfulness, mindfulness daily which is like 30 bucks
    2:55:23 or something is a really wonderful way to start.
    2:55:27 In terms of what I had written about the trusting heart
    2:55:31 one of the greatest Zen texts from a thousand years ago says
    2:55:35 to be awakened or enlightened is one with the trusting
    2:55:39 heart and mind and it doesn’t mean that we won’t go through hard times
    2:55:43 we always have and we will again and we are now in many ways
    2:55:47 but that we also have born within us the capacity
    2:55:51 to meet these difficulties with understanding
    2:55:55 with courage, with compassion and to transform them
    2:55:59 and in that way one of my favorite recent books is called
    2:56:03 The Better Angels of Our Nature by Stephen Pinker and he’s a remarkable
    2:56:07 professor at Harvard anthropologist historian talking about
    2:56:11 the growing consciousness of humanity in spite of the kind
    2:56:15 of wars and conflict and environmental things there are so many good things
    2:56:19 that have happened that he charts over the last few centuries of the development
    2:56:23 of certain abilities for peacemaking there’s actually less war than
    2:56:27 there’d been respect for women, the reduction in
    2:56:31 child labor all kinds of things and in that same regard
    2:56:35 there’s a wonderful book called Berry the Chains which is about the ending
    2:56:39 of slavery in the British Empire starting with this handful of
    2:56:43 men who met in a British tea shop or printing shop
    2:56:47 and spent 30 years riding around the country bringing
    2:56:51 ex-slaves who were well spoken to talk about the middle passage
    2:56:55 the horrors of slavery and so forth and even though the British
    2:56:59 Empire’s economic engine was built around slavery and
    2:57:03 sugar by the end of their work 30 years
    2:57:07 the British Parliament outlawed slavery and the British Empire
    2:57:11 decades before it happened in the US and the Quakers
    2:57:15 were a big part of this and the Quakers famously wouldn’t take their hats off
    2:57:19 for the king but when what is his name
    2:57:23 Thomas Clarkson who was the center of this group
    2:57:27 trying to end slavery and going everywhere to do it, when Thomas Clarkson
    2:57:31 died all the Quakers of the England took their hats off
    2:57:35 because he’d freed so many spirits and so many lives
    2:57:39 we have these amazing possibilities as human beings and we’re just
    2:57:43 growing into them now culturally and it’s about time
    2:57:47 they are possible and we each have a contribution to make
    2:57:51 Jack I’m going to ask you one more question before we
    2:57:55 wrap up with just letting people know where they can find you
    2:57:59 on social media and elsewhere on the website and so on but last question is one I like to ask
    2:58:03 this is a metaphor but
    2:58:07 if you could have a short message on a billboard in other words
    2:58:11 and a message out to millions or billions of people could be a few words
    2:58:15 one word, a phrase, a quote of yours, a quote of someone else’s
    2:58:19 what might you put on that billboard? Well the two things come to mind
    2:58:23 one is a question that when I sat with people many times at the end of their life
    2:58:27 that they then ask of themselves silently or outlawed is
    2:58:31 did I love well because in the end what matters really
    2:58:35 the billboard would have a question rather than a statement
    2:58:39 and it would have a question something like how could I love myself
    2:58:43 better so that it actually it’s not that I’m going to tell
    2:58:47 them something they already know this but I’m going to remind
    2:58:51 those who read that there is something that’s asking
    2:58:55 to be awakened in them how could I love myself and this
    2:58:59 world better then you go well it gets in the way of that and how could I love that too
    2:59:03 how could I love myself in this world better well Jack I
    2:59:07 want to of course thank you for your time today but
    2:59:11 beyond that I want to thank you and this is very
    2:59:15 much from deep in my heart thank you for helping me
    2:59:19 to learn to love myself better and quite frankly to see something
    2:59:23 in the first place that is worth loving
    2:59:27 that’s not where I’ve spent most of my life so it’s turned into
    2:59:31 if not my I hesitate to say my top priority because I’m
    2:59:35 sorry about sounding self indulgent but it’s become
    2:59:39 one of the most important and fruitful tasks in my life
    2:59:43 is asking that question how could I love myself better
    2:59:47 or how could I learn to love myself better so thank you very very sincerely
    2:59:51 for that and the words don’t do it justice but that’s the best I can do right now
    2:59:55 remotely is to put it into words so thank you for that thank you
    2:59:59 Tim this was a pleasure to do and what I feel and I know
    3:00:03 is that as you tend your own heart in a wise way
    3:00:07 then it makes you available to bring the gifts the many
    3:00:11 gifts you have to the world you personally and others but to do it
    3:00:15 in a way that’s on the carrier wave of connection and love and it transforms everything
    3:00:19 so thank you too well Jack I am looking at a texture of ours
    3:00:23 and I’m feeling the necklace around my neck which is really a thread
    3:00:27 a red thread that was used to close the one of the elements
    3:00:31 of the closing of the ten day silent retreat and I shot you
    3:00:35 a text not too long ago asking what the three knots
    3:00:39 meant because I had forgotten and this is what you wrote back
    3:00:43 first knot equals refuge in whatever you hold is most inspiring and sacred
    3:00:47 second commitment to compassion for self and others
    3:00:51 third following your highest intention and the
    3:00:55 intention that I’ve said at the end of that ten day retreat was to
    3:00:59 learn to love myself so I could love others more fully
    3:01:03 but I’ve realized that maybe what it is is learning to
    3:01:07 love myself so I can help others learn to do the same and you’ve
    3:01:11 been an integral piece of that and I just love
    3:01:15 that I have the opportunity to introduce you and your work
    3:01:19 and these traditions to more people and I will certainly be linking to
    3:01:23 where everyone can find you online but are there any particular best
    3:01:27 places just to reiterate where people can find you and I’ll link to these in the show notes
    3:01:31 jackcornfield.com and also look up jackcornfield
    3:01:35 on sounds true.com for those programs that I talked about and then
    3:01:39 spiritrock.org which is our great meditation center in
    3:01:43 the San Francisco Bay area absolutely stunning
    3:01:47 beautiful location worth visiting just to bathe
    3:01:51 in the scenery but many more reasons to visit as well
    3:01:55 Jack thank you again and thank you thank you Tim it’s a pleasure
    3:01:59 and to everybody listening you can find show notes links to all the resources
    3:02:03 books and everything that we discussed at tim.blog/podcast
    3:02:07 and until next time thank you so much for listening
    3:02:11 Hey guys this is Tim again just one more thing before you take
    3:02:15 off and that is Five Bullet Friday. Would you enjoy getting a
    3:02:19 short email from me every Friday that provides a little fun before the weekend
    3:02:23 between one and a half and two million people subscribed to my free newsletter
    3:02:27 my super short newsletter called Five Bullet Friday easy to sign up
    3:02:31 easy to cancel it is basically a half page that I send
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    3:02:39 or have started exploring over that week it’s kind of like my diary of cool things
    3:02:43 it often includes articles I’m reading books I’m reading albums perhaps
    3:02:47 gadgets gizmos all sorts of tech tricks and so on
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    3:02:55 and these strange esoteric things end up in my field and then
    3:02:59 I test them and then I share them with you so if that sounds fun
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    3:03:07 head off for the weekend something to think about if you’d like to try it out
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    3:08:21 [BLANK_AUDIO]

    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #430 Elizabeth Gilbert’s Creative Path: Saying No, Trusting Your Intuition, Index Cards, Integrity Checks, Grief, Awe, and Much More and episode #300 “Jack Kornfield — Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy in the Present.”

    Please enjoy!

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    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [05:36] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [06:38] Enter Elizabeth Gilbert.

    [07:04] Liz shares who Rayya Elias was and how she’s remembered her in story at The Moth.

    [14:53] What kind of stories and storytellers make Liz break out in applause?

    [21:05] What has Liz learned from Martha Beck?

    [23:49] Staying true to one’s inner compass and saying “No” without remorse.

    [27:03] The simple “No” via Byron Katie.

    [33:07] The wisdom of the body.

    [36:56] Enter Jack Kornfield.

    [37:24] Jack’s connection with hang gliding and paragliding.

    [40:06] Jack’s childhood, abusive father, and role as family peacemaker.

    [45:12] “If you’re going to be angry, do it right.”

    [47:48] Jack’s transition from pre-med to Asian studies at Dartmouth.

    [49:28] From hippie to Buddhist monk.

    [50:57] Psychedelics’ influence on Jack’s spiritual path and current stance.

    [59:53] Meeting Stanislav Grof.

    [1:03:32] Finding and studying under Ajahn Chah.

    [1:05:59] Rookie monk training in Thailand and enduring suffering.

    [1:13:49] Long silence periods and out-of-body experiences.

    [1:16:37] Mystical experiences aren’t always pleasant.

    [1:19:15] Tim’s experience at Spirit Rock.

    [1:20:10] Challenges during training in Thailand and Burma.

    [1:24:47] “Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed…”

    [1:29:55] Advice for deep inner work with real-life responsibilities.

    [1:42:04] Compassion vs. empathy.

    [1:46:19] Technology’s role in developing compassion.

    [1:47:26] Lovingkindness meditation for Westerners.

    [1:56:04] Attending the first White House Buddhist Leadership Conference.

    [1:57:59] The mission of CASEL.

    [1:59:18] Introducing mindfulness practice and love as a superpower.

    [2:10:11] Returning to self-discovery after derailment.

    [2:15:57] Apparent derailment as necessary communication.

    [2:19:17] Self-talk for managing inappropriate anger.

    [2:37:21] Returning to the US to study clinical psychology.

    [2:42:50] Using forgiveness to help veterans and at-risk youth.

    [2:45:30] Why community support beats community apathy.

    [2:49:23] Lack of significant initiation rituals in modern society.

    [2:53:10] Recommended book for newcomers to Jack’s work.

    [2:57:48] Jack’s billboard.

    [2:59:02] Parting thoughts.

    *

    For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.

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  • #750: Neil Gaiman and Debbie Millman

    AI transcript
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    0:03:26 partner cool, even in a heatwave. Or you can switch it up depending on which of you is heat sensitive.
    0:03:31 I am always more heat sensitive pulling the sheets off, closing the windows, trying to
    0:03:36 crank the AC down. This solves all of that. Pod 4 Ultra also introduces an adjustable base that
    0:03:40 fits between your mattress and your bed frame and adds reading and sleeping positions for the best
    0:03:45 unwinding experience. And for those snore heavy nights, the pod can detect your snoring and
    0:03:50 automatically lift your head by a few degrees to improve airflow and stop you or your partner from
    0:03:55 snoring. Plus, with the Pod 4 Ultra, you can leave your wearables on the nightstand. You won’t need
    0:04:00 them because these types of metrics are integrated into the Pod 4 Ultra itself. They have imperceptible
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    0:04:59 Hello, boys and girls, ladies and germs. This is Tim Ferris. Welcome to another episode
    0:05:04 of The Tim Ferris Show where it is my job to sit down with world-class performers from every
    0:05:09 field imaginable to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books, and so on that you can apply and
    0:05:15 test in your own lives. This episode is a two-for-one and that’s because the podcast recently hit its
    0:05:22 10th year anniversary, which is insane to think about, and past one billion downloads. To celebrate,
    0:05:28 I’ve curated some of the best of the best, some of my favorites from more than 700 episodes over
    0:05:34 the last decade. I could not be more excited to give you these super combo episodes and internally
    0:05:39 we’ve been calling these the super combo episodes because my goal is to encourage you to, yes,
    0:05:45 enjoy the household names, the super famous folks, but to also introduce you to lesser known people
    0:05:50 I consider stars. These are people who have transformed my life and I feel like they can do
    0:05:57 the same for many of you. Perhaps they got lost in a busy news cycle, perhaps you missed an episode,
    0:06:02 just trust me on this one, we went to great pains to put these pairings together.
    0:06:09 And for the bios of all guests, you can find that and more at tim.log/combo.
    0:06:13 And now, without further ado, please enjoy and thank you for listening.
    0:06:22 First up, Neil Gaiman, bestselling author and creator of books, graphic novels, short stories,
    0:06:30 film and television for all ages, including Neverwhere, Coraline, The Graveyard Book,
    0:06:35 The Ocean at the End of the Lane, The View from the Cheap Seats,
    0:06:42 and the Sandman series of graphic novels. You can find Neil on Instagram at NeilHimself.
    0:06:54 Back in about 1997, I read an article by Ian Fleming, who wrote the James Bond books,
    0:07:00 about how he wrote the James Bond books. And you read this article and you realize something,
    0:07:05 which is Ian Fleming did not enjoy the process of writing. I was always fascinated by the fact that
    0:07:12 several of Roald Dahl’s most famous short stories were plotted by Ian Fleming. Ian Fleming would
    0:07:15 really… Yeah, he gave Dahl… No idea.
    0:07:23 The two best short story twists, which are a lamb to the slaughter where the woman kills her husband
    0:07:29 with a leg of lamb and then cooks it and feeds it to the detective who is going,
    0:07:34 “I cannot figure out what he was hit with,” is an Ian Fleming plot. And so is the one about the
    0:07:42 evil antique dealer who finds this amazing antique on some farm and decides to cheat the farmers.
    0:07:47 And explains that, “Well, the thing isn’t worth any money, but the legs. The legs are worth some
    0:07:55 money, so I’ll give you 20 quid for the legs.” And is about to take away this million-pound
    0:08:01 antique thing, and the farmers helpfully rip off the legs and throw the rest of it away.
    0:08:02 They make this easier for you.
    0:08:08 And those plots were both Ian Fleming’s. And you start realizing, “You really don’t like writing,”
    0:08:13 and you read his thing on how he wrote James Bond books. You write a James Bond book in two weeks,
    0:08:21 you check into a hotel, you have to check into a hotel somewhere that you don’t want to be,
    0:08:26 otherwise you might go out and walk around and become a tourist. You have to check into a not
    0:08:32 terribly nice hotel room, otherwise you might luxuriate and enjoy it. And instead, what you
    0:08:42 want to be is focused on getting out. And then you having nothing else to do in this town,
    0:08:49 in this place, you settle down and you write like a fiend, and you get your James Bond book written
    0:08:55 in two weeks and you leave this horrible hotel room. And that was how he did it. And I have tried
    0:09:00 it a couple of times. I did it with the American draft of Neverwhere. That was the first one I
    0:09:08 ever tried. And I did the entire sort of American draft, which was a big second draft. The book
    0:09:15 had already been published in the UK, but my American editor wanted stuff done because she
    0:09:23 pointed out that the book, as it existed, was written for people who knew that Oxford Street was
    0:09:29 a big street with lots of shops on it or whatever. It was written for Brits and Londoners. And she
    0:09:40 wanted something expanded. So I expanded it. And I was in a room with, as far as I remember,
    0:09:49 no windows, in the, I think it was a Marriott in the World Trade Center, which is no longer there.
    0:09:54 But writing in that hotel room, you just wanted to be out.
    0:09:59 And it seems to me, and you can’t believe everything you read on the internet, so
    0:10:06 I want you to certainly fact check me as needed, but that you also have or have had some internal
    0:10:13 rules. So you can use your external environment to assist. But I read that, and again, feel free
    0:10:18 to correct, but making rules, the importance of making rules, rules like you can sit here and
    0:10:21 write or you can sit here and do nothing, but you can’t sit here and do anything else.
    0:10:26 That was always and still is when I go off to write. That’s my biggest rule.
    0:10:31 Could you speak to that? Yeah, because I would go down to my lovely little gazebo,
    0:10:39 the bottom of the garden, sit down, and I’m absolutely allowed not to do anything. I’m
    0:10:45 allowed to sit at my desk. I’m allowed to stare out at the world. I’m allowed to do anything I like.
    0:10:51 As long as it isn’t anything, not allowed to do a crossword, not allowed to read a book,
    0:10:59 not allowed to phone a friend, not allowed to make a claim model of something. All I’m allowed
    0:11:05 to do is absolutely nothing or write. And what I love about that is I’m giving myself permission
    0:11:12 to write or not write, but writing is actually more interesting than doing nothing after a while.
    0:11:16 You sort of sit there and you’ve been staring out the window now for five minutes
    0:11:22 and it kind of loses its charm. You’re going, “Well, actually, might as well write something.”
    0:11:31 And it’s hard. As a writer, I’m more easily, I’m distractible. I have a three-year-old son.
    0:11:38 He is the epitome of cuteness and charm. It’s more fun playing with him than it is writing,
    0:11:42 which means if I’m going to be writing, I need to do it somewhere where I don’t have
    0:11:50 a three-year-old son singing to me, asking me to read to him, demanding my attention.
    0:11:56 I think it’s a really just a solid rule for writers. It’s like, yeah, you don’t have to write.
    0:12:02 You have permission to not write, but you don’t have permission to do anything else.
    0:12:08 And it reminds me of another one of my favorite writers, you being the one who’s sitting in front
    0:12:15 of me, John McPhee, nonfiction writer who has spent much of his life in Princeton, New Jersey,
    0:12:20 but has written some incredible Pulitzer Prize-winning nonfiction. And I was lucky enough to take class
    0:12:26 with him a thousand years ago. And his rule was very similar. He didn’t state it explicitly.
    0:12:31 He would sit in front of his first as a young man typewriter. He could sit in front of the blank
    0:12:37 page and from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. with the exception of a break for lunch and swimming. It was the
    0:12:42 blank page you’re writing. It was disallowed from doing anything else. Are there any other
    0:12:49 rules or practices that you also hold sacred or important for your writing process?
    0:13:00 Some of them are just things for me. For example, most of the time, not always, I will do
    0:13:09 my first draft in fountain pen, because I actually enjoy the process of writing with a fountain pen.
    0:13:16 I like filling a fountain pen. I like uncapping it. I like the weight of it in my hand. I like that
    0:13:24 thing. So I’ll have a notebook. I’ll have a fountain pen. And I’ll write. If I’m doing anything long,
    0:13:29 if I’m working on a novel, for example, I will always have two fountain pens on the go,
    0:13:38 at least with two different colored inks, at least, because that way I can see at a glance
    0:13:44 how much work I did that day. I can just look down and go, look at that, five pages in brown. I
    0:13:50 wrote that. Half a page in black. That was not a good day. Nine pages in blue. Come on, that was
    0:13:56 what a great day. And you can just sort of get a sense of, okay, are you working? Are you making
    0:14:03 forward progress? What’s actually happening? And I also love that because it emphasizes for me that
    0:14:10 nobody is ever meant to read your first draft. Your first draft can go way off the rails. Your
    0:14:20 first draft can absolutely go up in flames. You can change the age, gender, number of a character.
    0:14:25 You can bring somebody dead back to life. Nobody ever needs to know anything that happens in your
    0:14:33 first draft is you telling the story to yourself. And then I’ll sit down and type and I’ll put it
    0:14:38 onto a computer. As far as I’m concerned, the second draft is where I try and make it look
    0:14:45 like I knew what I was doing all along. Do you edit then as you’re looking or translating from
    0:14:53 the first draft on the page to the computer? Or do you get it all down as is in the computer
    0:14:58 and then edit? No, I definitely that’s my editing process. I think that’s my second draft is typing
    0:15:08 into the computer. And also, I love so backing up a bit here. When I was 27, 28, in the days when
    0:15:14 we were still in typewriters, and there were just a handful of people with word processors,
    0:15:18 which were clunky things with disks, which didn’t hold very much and stuff,
    0:15:24 I edited an anthology and enjoyed editing my anthology. And most of the stories that came in
    0:15:33 were about 3000 words long. Move forward in time, not much, five, six, seven years,
    0:15:43 mid 90s. Everybody is now on computer. And I edited another short story anthology.
    0:15:47 And the stories that were coming in tended to be somewhere between six and 9000 words long.
    0:15:54 And they didn’t really have much more story than the 3000 words ones. And I realized that
    0:16:05 what was happening is, it’s a sort of a computer thing is if you’re typing, putting stuff down is
    0:16:15 work. If you’ve got a computer, adding stuff is not work, choosing is work. So it sort of expands
    0:16:22 a bit like a gas. If you have two things you could say, you say both of them. If you have the
    0:16:28 stuff you want to add, you add it. And I thought, okay, I have to not do that because otherwise
    0:16:36 my stuff is going to balloon and it will become gaseous and thin. So what I love, if I’ve written
    0:16:43 something on a computer and I decide to lose a chunk, it feels like I’ve lost work. If I delete
    0:16:49 a page and a half, I feel like there’s a page and a half that just went away. That’s a page and a
    0:16:56 half worth of work I’ve just lost. If I’ve been writing in a notebook and I’m typing it up and
    0:17:02 I can look at something and go, I don’t need this page and a half. And I leave it out. I’ve just
    0:17:12 saved myself work and it feels kind of like I’m treating myself. So I’m just trying to always
    0:17:20 have in my head the idea that maybe I’m somehow on some cosmic level paying somebody by the word
    0:17:25 in order to be allowed to write. If they’re there, they should matter. They should mean
    0:17:31 something. It’s always important to me. This might seem like a very, very mundane question,
    0:17:35 but what type of notebooks do you prefer? Are they large, like legal pens? Are they
    0:17:42 leather-bound? What type of notebooks? When they came out, I’ve used a whole bunch of
    0:17:47 different ones. I bought big drawing ones which actually turned out to be a bit too big. Well,
    0:17:52 I kind of liked how much I could see on the page. Those were the ones I wrote Stardust
    0:18:00 and American Gods in sort of big size, but they weren’t terribly portable. I went over to the
    0:18:06 Moleskins and I loved them when they first came out and then they dropped their paper quality.
    0:18:14 And dropping paper quality doesn’t matter unless you’re writing in fountain pen because all of a
    0:18:21 sudden it’s bleeding through and all of a sudden you’re writing on one page, leaving a page blank
    0:18:28 because it’s bled through and writing on the next page. And Joe Hill about six or seven years ago,
    0:18:36 Joe Hill, the wonderful horror fantasy writer, suggested the Leuchtturm to me. So my usual
    0:18:43 notebook right now is a Leuchtturm because I really like the way you can paginate stuff in them
    0:18:48 and the thickness of the paper. And they’re just like sort of Moleskins, but the Porsche
    0:18:55 of Moleskins. They’re just better. And I also have been writing, I wrote the graveyard book
    0:19:06 and I’m writing the current novel in these beautiful books that I bought in a stationary shop
    0:19:12 in Venice, built into a bridge. Somewhere in Venice, there’s a little stationary shop on a bridge
    0:19:18 and they have these beautiful leather-bound blank books that just look like hardback books,
    0:19:25 but they’re blank pages. And I wrote the graveyard book in one of those. I bought four of them.
    0:19:35 And now I’m using the next one on the next novel. And it may well go into another one,
    0:19:44 I’m not sure. And then at home, I say at home, my house in Wisconsin, which is where my stuff is.
    0:19:52 We live in Woodstock, but I have an entire life’s worth of stuff still sitting in my house in
    0:19:59 Wisconsin and it’s become archives. It’s actually kind of fabulous having a house that is an archive.
    0:20:07 But Waiting For Me In That House is a book that I bought for myself about 25 years ago.
    0:20:20 And before I die, I plan to write a novel in it. And it’s an accounts book from the mid-19th century.
    0:20:30 It’s 500 pages long. Every page is numbered. It’s lined with accounts lines, but very faint. So
    0:20:36 it’ll be nice to write a book in it. And it is engineered so that every single page lies flat.
    0:20:44 And it’s huge and it’s heavy. And it just looks like a book that Dickens or somebody would have
    0:20:52 written a novel in. And I’ve just been waiting until I have an idea that is huge and weird and
    0:20:58 Dickensian enough. And whether or not I actually get to write it in dip pen, I’m not sure. But
    0:21:05 I definitely want to write it in a sort of old Victorian, something slightly copper platy,
    0:21:10 one of those old flex nib pens that they stopped making when carbon paper came in.
    0:21:14 Just so I can get that kind of spidery Victorian handwriting.
    0:21:20 I’m just imagining you putting pen to the first page when you finish the first page
    0:21:23 and what that will feel like. That’s going to be a good day.
    0:21:27 It will be either a good day or an incredibly bad day. So I’ll get to the end of the first page.
    0:21:32 It’s, “Oh, no, I have this pristine…” But it is the thing that I tell
    0:21:37 young writers. And by young writers, a young writer can be any age. You just have to be
    0:21:44 starting out, which is anything you do can be fixed. What you cannot fix is the perfection
    0:21:52 of a blank page. What you cannot fix is that pristine, uncelled whiteness of a screen
    0:21:55 or a page with nothing on it, because there’s nothing there to fix.
    0:22:02 Are there any particular fountain pens or criteria that you would use in picking a good pen?
    0:22:10 You know, the biggest criteria I would use in picking, if you have the choice, is go somewhere
    0:22:14 like New York’s Fountain Pen Hospital. Is that a real place?
    0:22:19 It’s a real place. It’s called the Fountain Pen Hospital. They sell lots of new pens. They
    0:22:24 recondition old pens. They look after pens for you and try them out, because the lovely thing
    0:22:29 about fountain pens is they are personal. You go, “No, no, no.” And then you find the one.
    0:22:38 I tend to suggest to people who are nervously, “I’ve never used a fountain pen. What should I do?”
    0:22:46 And I will point them at Lummi, L-A-M-Y, who have some fabulous starter pens. And they’re not very
    0:22:52 expensive and they’re good. They do a pen called the Safari, but they have a bunch of good starter
    0:22:57 pens. And they’re just nice to get into the idea of, “Do I like doing this?”
    0:23:04 So I was doing “Prip” for this conversation and came across an interview in which you said that
    0:23:08 for nonfiction, you can kind of write wherever it happens to fall. If it’s a script or something
    0:23:13 else, but that for novels, very often you tend to write between, say, one and six PM, where you’ll
    0:23:19 handle email, maybe writing a blog post and so on in the morning. And I’d love to chat about that,
    0:23:24 because many of the writers I’ve spoken to, and I’m sure it differs person to person, but tend to
    0:23:30 write either very late or very early because they feel like they avoid distraction. When I started out,
    0:23:40 from the age of about 22, when I was a young journalist, 26, 27, starting out,
    0:23:47 comics writer, all through there, I was a late late night writer. Nothing really happened until
    0:23:53 the kids were in bed. Nine o’clock, I might have faffed her out a little bit during the day, but
    0:24:01 now it’s all done and now I’m getting down to work. And at two or three o’clock in the morning,
    0:24:07 and I’m writing in England at this point, I may phone a friend in America just to talk
    0:24:14 enough to make sure that I’m awake. So that’s what I did. And I was a smoker and a coffee
    0:24:23 drinker, and it was great. I moved to America in ’92, gave up smoking ’93, stopped drinking coffee,
    0:24:30 went over to tea, and tried carrying on being a late night writer and gradually realized that I
    0:24:35 wasn’t really anymore. What tended to happen was somewhere around one in the morning, I’d be writing
    0:24:43 away, and then I would lift my head from the keyboard at four o’clock in the morning and have
    0:24:52 3,000 pages of the letter M and just go, okay, this doesn’t really work anymore for me. And then
    0:25:01 I started rescheduling, trying different things out. Part of what I discovered particularly
    0:25:09 about being a novelist is writing a novel works best if you can do the same day over and over again.
    0:25:16 The closer you can come to just Groundhog Day, you just repeat that day. You set up a day that
    0:25:25 works for yourself. The last novel that I actually wrote, I was at Torrey Amos’s wonderful house in
    0:25:32 Florida. She has this lovely sort of house on the water that she’s lent me many times to go and write
    0:25:42 in. And I went down there and I would get up in the morning, I would go for a jog, come back, do my
    0:25:51 yoga, get dressed, get in the car, drive down to a little cafe where there were just enough people
    0:25:56 around that I knew that other people existed, but nobody that I would ever be tempted to talk to.
    0:26:04 And I would order myself a large cup of green tea, sit in the corner and just start writing.
    0:26:14 And I would do that day over and over and over and over. And, you know, a couple of months later,
    0:26:18 looked up and I had the ocean at the end of the lane, which was only meant to have been a short
    0:26:25 story anyway. It just kept going. That I think works really, really well. I also think that the
    0:26:34 most important thing for human beings is to be aware of the change. The biggest problem we run
    0:26:41 into is going, this is who I am, this is what I’m like, this is how I function, while failing to
    0:26:47 notice that you don’t do that anymore. I’m perfectly aware that I may one day become one of those
    0:26:55 people who wakes up early in the morning and goes and writes. My friend Gene Wolfe, who is now in
    0:27:05 his late 80s and is one of, you know, the finest writers that America has for years, was an editor
    0:27:13 of a magazine about factories. I think it was called Plant Engineering. So he’d get up at four
    0:27:18 o’clock in the morning and write for an hour before anything else, before the day started,
    0:27:24 before he had to leave for work, and before anybody else was up. And that was how he did it.
    0:27:31 I cannot imagine getting up in the morning and just writing. That’s not how my head works. I need
    0:27:38 a while to get here. But I can absolutely imagine that one day I’ll have become one of those morning
    0:27:46 writers from having been a late night writer in my youth and an afternoon writer in my middle age,
    0:27:48 in my dotage, I could absolutely become a morning writer.
    0:27:54 In your dotage, I think that’s going to take a while. What are the types of things that you
    0:28:00 learned from Terry or picked up? The biggest thing looking back on it that I learned from
    0:28:10 Terry Pratchett was a willingness to go forward without knowing what happens. You might know
    0:28:14 what happens next, but you don’t know what happens after that. But it’s okay because
    0:28:25 you’re a grown-up and you will figure it out. There’s lots of metaphors for writing a novel,
    0:28:32 and George R. R. Martin, for example, divides writers into architects and gardeners.
    0:28:40 And I can be an architect if I have to, but I’d rather be a gardener. I would rather plant the
    0:28:47 seeds, water them, and figure out what I’m growing as they grow, and then prune it and trim it and
    0:28:53 pleach it, whatever I need to do to make something beautiful that appears intentional.
    0:28:58 But at the end of the day, you have to allow for accidents and randomness and just what happens
    0:29:08 when things grow. So the joy of Good Omens really, I mean, the best thing about Good Omens was having
    0:29:15 Terry Pratchett as an audience, because if I could make Terry laugh, it’s like hitting the
    0:29:19 thing in the circus with the hammer. If you bing the bell at the top, that’s what I did when I
    0:29:27 could make Terry laugh. Many, many of my fans are your fans, and just as Terry shared his gifts
    0:29:31 with the world, you continue to share yours, and it has an impact. It helped me through some very
    0:29:37 tough times. He was able to transport me, delight me, shock me, scare me, and take me through a
    0:29:43 whole range of emotions I didn’t at the time, even though I had access to. So I want to thank you for
    0:29:47 making good art and sharing it with the world. You’ve done a great job.
    0:29:50 You are so ridiculously welcome. Thank you.
    0:29:57 Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors, and we’ll be right back to the show.
    0:30:03 This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn Jobs. When you’re hiring for your small business, you
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    0:31:30 And now Debbie Milman, host of the Design Matters podcast, chair of the SVA Master’s in Branding
    0:31:37 Program, editorial director for Print Magazine, and one of Graphic Design USA’s most influential
    0:31:44 designers working today. You can find Debbie on Twitter and Instagram @debbiemilman.
    0:31:49 Debbie, welcome to the show. Thank you, Tim. It’s really wonderful to be here.
    0:31:55 I have wanted to interview you on numerous occasions now over the last few years. So
    0:32:00 I’m thrilled that we are finally doing this point number one. And I thought I would start with a
    0:32:06 question that someone like yourself who has explored so many different things and so many
    0:32:13 different formats, when someone asks you, what do you do? Let’s say you meet someone at a party,
    0:32:17 they say, what do you do? What is your answer to that? That’s a tough question.
    0:32:26 What do I say? Well, now I say that I’m a designer. And sometimes if I’m feeling
    0:32:34 wordy, I’ll say that I’m a designer and a writer and a podcaster. And sometimes people look at me
    0:32:41 like, huh? Like, huh? Too many hyphens. What does that mean? Exactly. I found when I was working
    0:32:49 at Sterling Brands, which I did for over two decades, I had resolved to just saying when I was
    0:32:57 filling out what I did on passport applications and things like that, I used to say executive.
    0:33:03 And that made sense. Executive is a great catchall. Executive is a great catchall.
    0:33:08 For a long time on Twitter, I had Debbie Milman as a girl, until enough people said,
    0:33:10 “Debbie, you’ve really got to change that.” And then I did.
    0:33:17 The Internet. Well, you could put anything there. And I think about 10% of the people who come
    0:33:22 across will be outraged for one reason or another. Oh, yes. I’ve found that the very things that
    0:33:26 delight and excite some people are the same exact things that outrage others. It’s really hard to
    0:33:31 please everybody all the time. I think that if you try to please all the people all the time,
    0:33:36 you’ll just end up displeasing yourself all the time. That’s the only guaranteed outcome there.
    0:33:42 Oh, Tim, I learned that the hard way. Well, I want to talk about so many things, Debbie. But
    0:33:50 let’s start with, and for those people wondering, I always ask my guests beforehand, are there any
    0:33:56 particular, say, prompts for stories that we could explore that might be fun to dig into?
    0:34:02 And one of them was drawing you did when eight years old. And so I know nothing about this.
    0:34:07 And I just want to start there since it seems to make sense to begin at the beginning.
    0:34:15 Well, I have somewhat of a pack rat mentality. I keep things. I’m a sentimentalist at heart.
    0:34:25 And I like to keep things from all different stages of my life. And I have boxes of journals and
    0:34:32 drawings and all sorts of report cards. And you name it, I have it. Well, apparently I got this
    0:34:39 trait from my mother, who a couple of years ago did what a lot of good old Jews do. She moved
    0:34:48 from Queens, New York to Florida. The Great Migration. Yes. And before she moved, she unloaded
    0:34:55 several boxes of ephemera of mine that she had kept unbeknownst to me. And I went through everything
    0:35:02 quite gingerly. It was all sort of folded up very neatly and very tidally and came across
    0:35:09 an illustration that I did when I was about eight years old. And after I admired my handiwork,
    0:35:15 because I thought, wow, eight years old, I was like rocking the drawings. I realized that this
    0:35:22 particular drawing had predicted my whole life. And so I will try to explain this drawing as best
    0:35:29 as I can. And for some backstory, I am a native New Yorker. I was born in Brooklyn when I was
    0:35:35 about two years old. My parents took me to Howard Beach, Queens. I moved there before there were
    0:35:42 any sidewalks. That will give you a little bit of a sense of how old I am. I lived there until I was
    0:35:48 about, I was in the middle of a third grade, and we moved to Staten Island. And I lived on Staten
    0:35:53 Island until I was in the fifth grade. End of fifth grade, my parents got divorced. My mom took
    0:36:00 my brother and I was two and a half years younger than I am to Long Island. My childhood was spent
    0:36:09 in almost all of the boroughs except Manhattan. And for some reason, I had a, I guess, a sense of
    0:36:16 what Manhattan looked like and felt like probably from television. And at eight years old, I drew
    0:36:22 a picture of the streets of Manhattan. I’m walking, I’m a little girl. I’m walking along with my
    0:36:30 mother. My mother, by the way, is wearing a very popular Barbie outfit of the time, an outfit called
    0:36:38 Tangerine Dream, which I really loved. I put her in that outfit. And despite not having a lot of
    0:36:44 time on the streets or any time on the streets of Manhattan, I drew it in quite good detail. There
    0:36:51 were buildings and buses and taxis. And I labeled everything. I labeled the cleaners cleaners. And
    0:36:58 I labeled the bank bank. And I labeled the taxi taxi. In the middle of the street, there is a
    0:37:10 delivery truck. And I not only labeled the delivery truck, I also drew the sign on the delivery truck.
    0:37:20 And the sign was Lays Potato Chips. I drew the logo at eight years old. And when I saw this drawing,
    0:37:26 I realized that I had predicted my whole life. I’m a native New Yorker now living in Manhattan.
    0:37:32 I’ve been living in Manhattan for 33 years. I go to the bank. I go to the cleaners. I take lots of
    0:37:38 taxis, lots of buses. And at the time I found this drawing, I was drawing logos for a living.
    0:37:48 And had I known that it would have been that easy just to follow that drawing,
    0:37:53 I would have saved decades of experiments in failure and rejection.
    0:37:59 This is fascinating to me for a number of reasons. I’ve had a few guests on the podcast.
    0:38:05 Chris Sokka would be another example as an investor. And he at some point wrote in a journal. Well,
    0:38:10 I think it was one of these composition notebooks with the sort of model black and white zebra slash
    0:38:16 camouflage covers. What he would be when he was 40 years old. And he must have done this when he was
    0:38:20 10 or 12, something like that. And he found it in his, I think his parents’ garage
    0:38:26 later around the age of 42 or something like that. And it also predicted effectively exactly
    0:38:35 what he would be doing. But it was lost in the slipstream. And he took this very meandering
    0:38:41 in some ways odd, seemingly fractured path to come right back to where he started in a sense.
    0:38:49 Did you then, it sounds like you didn’t follow that plan that had was so neatly summarized
    0:38:52 in this picture, because there are folks out there say, you know, when I was five, I knew I
    0:39:00 always wanted to be X. But what was your, when did you figure out that you wanted to actually
    0:39:02 do what was in that drawing on some level that you wanted to be a designer?
    0:39:10 I actually never set out to be a designer. I thought that I was going to be a journalist.
    0:39:19 The only thing that I knew for sure when I was in college was that when I graduated,
    0:39:23 I wanted to live in Manhattan. At that point, I had not ever lived in Manhattan.
    0:39:33 And that was my big dream. And I came to Manhattan the summer of 1983. I often
    0:39:39 say that that was the summer of David Bowie’s modern love and the police’s synchronicity.
    0:39:46 I saw both concerts that summer. I moved into a sublet apartment with a friend that had also
    0:39:53 recently graduated. She had found a sublet on the corner of Hudson and Perry streets in the village.
    0:39:59 I didn’t know it at the time, but moving into an apartment on the intersection of Hudson and Perry
    0:40:09 was almost as if I was entering the movie “Gidget Goes to Manhattan.” I didn’t know where I was
    0:40:16 going. It was quite serendipitous. My friend Jay found the apartment for us. Unfortunately,
    0:40:22 that wonderful summer turned out rather unfortunate because the woman who Jay and I were subletting
    0:40:28 from was rather than paying the rent with the rent money that she was getting from us,
    0:40:32 was keeping it and not paying the rent. So at the end of the summer, we all got evicted.
    0:40:42 Surprise. Yeah, I ended up appealing to the landlord to please, please help me find some
    0:40:46 place else to live because I really didn’t have any place else to go. And he ended up being able
    0:40:52 to rent me another one of the apartments he had in another building he owned on 16th Street.
    0:40:59 Which was a fourth floor tenement walk-up, a railroad flat that I couldn’t afford on my own
    0:41:04 and ended up living with a couple. My roommates were a couple because it was a railroad flat.
    0:41:09 I had to walk through the apartment, which meant through their bedroom to get to mine,
    0:41:15 which often meant I was stuck on one side or the other depending on their nocturnal habits
    0:41:23 or afternoon delight depending on what they were doing and lived there for about five years before
    0:41:29 I ended up moving back into the village for a short period of time. So that was the one thing
    0:41:35 I knew that I wanted to live in Manhattan. I did not know that I could be a designer,
    0:41:41 that I would be a designer, or that design was even a discipline until my senior year of college.
    0:41:49 I had worked my way up to be the editor of the arts and features section of the student newspaper
    0:41:56 at SUNY Albany where I went to school and realized very quickly that as much as I loved
    0:42:03 assigning articles and coming up with themes for this section of the newspaper, I was endlessly
    0:42:10 fascinated by putting the paper together, by designing the paper, and thus a baby designer
    0:42:17 was born. I took all of one class in design while I was in college and really learned almost
    0:42:23 everything I knew at that time working in the newsroom, putting the paper together, everything
    0:42:29 was done, old school layout, paste up, computer graphic machines, stat cameras, and then when I
    0:42:36 graduated was both doing freelance editorial and freelance layout and paste up for the first couple
    0:42:42 years of my career. When did you start at the student newspaper? Was that something you started
    0:42:49 at the very beginning and followed throughout your, I guess, undergrad experience? I wanted to
    0:42:56 write for the student newspaper. I think the very first issue I saw when I got to SUNY Albany
    0:43:02 freshman year and went up to the student newspaper which was on the third floor of the campus center
    0:43:11 and approached the editor at the time and asked if I could be a writer or offered my services,
    0:43:20 volunteered my services, and he looked at me and asked me if I had any clips, and I was like,
    0:43:25 you know, I didn’t say what I was thinking but like hair clips. I didn’t know what I was talking
    0:43:31 about and I didn’t have anything and I didn’t know what to do and I was embarrassed and humiliated
    0:43:41 and ashamed and sort of scurried away and didn’t go back until my junior year. I was so intimidated
    0:43:46 by the talent and the work that was coming out of that newsroom and it was at the time
    0:43:51 and very well may still be one of the best student newspapers in the country. It came
    0:43:57 twice a week, Tuesdays and Fridays, and I would, I was just enamored with this newspaper
    0:44:03 and I fantasized about writing really pithy erudite letters to the editor-in-chief
    0:44:08 that would then get published in, you know, the letters to the editor section
    0:44:15 and they would realize what a great writer I was and then invite me to be a reporter and I’d sort of
    0:44:20 walk around like Rosalind Russell with a pencil behind my ear and my heels click-clacking in the
    0:44:26 newsroom and of course that never happened. I never wrote one letter to the editor and
    0:44:31 for some reason in I guess an aberrant moment of courage, I went back up to the newsroom my
    0:44:40 second semester junior year and there was a women’s uprising and this student went to this
    0:44:44 student health food store and they were like, “Could you go cover that?” and I was like, “Yeah,
    0:44:50 absolutely.” And I went and did it and that was how I started writing for the paper. I then wrote a
    0:44:56 piece about an exhibit in the art center and by the end of my second semester junior year only
    0:45:02 because I think no one else would take it. I was offered the job of being editor of the
    0:45:10 Arts and Features section and began that summer. That senior year in college was one of the most
    0:45:21 exciting and best years of my life in that for the first time ever I felt like I had purpose.
    0:45:26 Suddenly working on this paper, I felt like I was participating bigger than myself. I felt like I was
    0:45:36 I had some reason for being and I loved learning about design. I loved being able to work with
    0:45:42 writers and I felt for the first time in my life really excited about something.
    0:45:47 I want to talk about that aberrant moment of courage and dig into that a bit. So you were
    0:45:53 rejected from or maybe you’ve rejected yourself or both initially when you approached the paper,
    0:45:59 then years later you have this aberrant moment of courage. What precipitated that? Was there a
    0:46:06 conversation, a realization, you watched a movie? What triggered that? Do you remember?
    0:46:10 I actually don’t. I wish that I did. It would make it for a much better story and certainly a
    0:46:17 better interview. What I can tell you is that all these years later I have noticed a pattern in my
    0:46:28 life of being very easily hurt by an initial reaction or an initial rejection so much so
    0:46:37 that it thwarts any other attempt at making something like that happen for a very long time.
    0:46:48 I am extremely sensitive and any rejection sort of takes me off of that path for quite a long
    0:46:54 time. It takes me a while to recover. Could you give any examples of that? I would say my entire
    0:47:00 life. I can give you 43 examples. Get comfortable, Tim. I’m definitely settling in
    0:47:05 with my water. I’m ready to go. Well, there I was rejected that first year of college took me
    0:47:10 then three years to go back again. I might have been feeling confident about something else that
    0:47:16 had gone well in my life and thought, “What the heck? Why not go back and try?” And then took those
    0:47:23 steps up to the campus center and went back up to the third floor and asked again, “I am somebody
    0:47:31 that has a very hard time taking no for an answer, but it takes me a long time to recalibrate and get
    0:47:41 my courage back to continue to keep trying.” And when I graduated, because I had such a hard time
    0:47:51 finding a job initially that I really loved and because I was having so much trouble figuring
    0:47:58 out what I wanted to do with my life, I kept bouncing around from opportunity to opportunity.
    0:48:05 And every time I would try something new and would ultimately get rejected, I used that first
    0:48:12 rejection almost as a permission slip to avoid having to try again. So when I graduated, I started
    0:48:17 working at a couple of different magazines. I worked for a cable magazine and I worked for a
    0:48:22 rock magazine doing layout and paste up and some editing. And at the time thought, “Oh, I’m really
    0:48:27 enjoying this, but I don’t really feel qualified to be doing this. Maybe I should go back to school
    0:48:34 and get a master’s degree in journalism.” And I lived in the neighborhood of a very good journalism
    0:48:39 school, the Columbia School of Journalism. And my dad had gone to Columbia and studied pharmacy,
    0:48:44 and I thought, “Why not apply to the Columbia School of Journalism?” But that was the only school
    0:48:48 I applied to. I thought, “You know, I want to consider getting a master’s degree in journalism.”
    0:48:52 There are a lot of good journalism schools in New York City, but for some reason I had my heart
    0:49:00 set on this one school. I didn’t get in. I got rejected and abandoned my hopes or dream of going
    0:49:05 to get a master’s degree in journalism shortly thereafter because I also am a painter. I had
    0:49:13 been accepted into a show at Long Island University, the Brooklyn campus, and got some good reviews and
    0:49:18 thought, “Hmm, maybe I should become an artist. I love doing this. I’m getting some good response
    0:49:23 from it, but I don’t feel qualified or educated enough. Maybe I should get an advanced degree in
    0:49:28 art.” And I applied to the Whitney School, the Whitney Museum of Art had an independent study
    0:49:33 program that would allow me to continue working during the day. I applied for that. I had really
    0:49:39 good references, wonderful clips at that point, some good reviews. And I got rejected to that
    0:49:47 and then abandoned that dream. And so it’s been a long history of making an attempt,
    0:49:55 getting that early rejection, retreating, and then finally sort of licking my wounds,
    0:50:02 re-knitting my confidence or hopes and dreams together and then trying to do something else or
    0:50:11 trying again. So a few questions. The first is, what would you have or what would you say to your
    0:50:20 college self after that first rejection at the newspaper? Or what advice would you give someone
    0:50:27 who had the near identical experience and was hardwired the same way? Well, it’s an interesting
    0:50:33 question, Tim, because I have the benefit of hindsight. And looking back on those years,
    0:50:46 yes, I certainly could have tried again sooner and maybe had more of a runway to experiment and grow
    0:50:57 and learn in that newsroom and in that environment. But I also think that those years in between
    0:51:08 learning and growing in other ways contributed to my ability to then when appointed the editor of
    0:51:15 the Arts and Features section, I somehow had a lot more to pull from. And maybe this is
    0:51:23 my own sort of synthesizing happiness or calibrating to my own set point or looking back
    0:51:31 and thinking, well, it all sort of worked out. So why give somebody advice that I wouldn’t have
    0:51:39 necessarily taken at that point? What I would say is, don’t accept the first rejection ever.
    0:51:49 Give yourself options. The timeliness of those options or the timeliness of those retries. Do at
    0:51:57 your own pace. You’re not in competition with anybody but yourself. So if you are rejected to
    0:52:04 something that you want, then think about what it is that caused that rejection
    0:52:13 and work to better understand how you can present your best possible self when you try again.
    0:52:19 Your clips mention where you’re like clips, hair clips reminded me of a story I heard when I was
    0:52:21 a student. So you work with a lot of students and we’re going to come back to that.
    0:52:25 Oh, Tim, can I add one more thing? Of course.
    0:52:27 I’m sorry. This is an interesting…
    0:52:28 You can add many things, please.
    0:52:35 So one thing that I haven’t shared about this particular story is that the young man that
    0:52:43 rejected me that first year is somebody that I then befriended in that experience of working at
    0:52:53 the paper that junior year. And I graduated in 1983. It is now 2017. And I have been friends with
    0:52:58 that man. His name is Robert Edelstein. I have been friends with him ever since.
    0:53:04 So just because somebody rejects you doesn’t mean that they don’t like you. First of all,
    0:53:12 he didn’t even reject me. He asked me for a very reasonable… He asked me for something very
    0:53:17 reasonable. He asked me for some examples of my writing. I was so intimidated and was so embarrassed
    0:53:22 by not knowing exactly what he meant and the fact that I didn’t have anything other than some things
    0:53:27 from high school, which I didn’t feel were appropriate, that I was the one that rejected
    0:53:32 myself in many ways. One of the interesting things that I have found is… And Rob is not
    0:53:38 the only person that I can point to as being somebody that initially provided some sort of
    0:53:47 obstacle or roadblock that was a reasonable one. And then ultimately, I befriended and we’ve become…
    0:53:54 We are now lifelong friends. He didn’t even remember rejecting me that freshman year and is
    0:54:01 mortified now by the notion that he might have done anything to hurt my feelings. So one of the
    0:54:07 other things that I would suggest that people consider if they believe they are being rejected
    0:54:13 is consider what the perception from the other person doing the rejection or the supposed
    0:54:19 rejection might be. And that sense of empathy might be really helpful in understanding where
    0:54:25 you’re coming from and what you’re bringing to that specific example or that specific experience.
    0:54:31 And I’d like to underscore this because it’s such an important point. And I, in some respects,
    0:54:39 like you, have been very sensitive. I still am, in some respects, very sensitive. And my
    0:54:47 particular brand of that or my particular type of response is to feel some type of sense of
    0:54:54 injustice. And so I’ll get rejected. And looking back at what I see as a rejection, either when I
    0:54:58 did this perhaps 10 years ago, I looked at a number of instances where I felt like I’d been
    0:55:05 rejected via email and so on, that, A, it wasn’t a rejection for all time. It was a not now. It was a
    0:55:13 very temporary impossibility due to logistics. And I took that as a no not ever and felt very hurt
    0:55:20 by that and didn’t try a second time in many cases. Yeah, absolutely. So number one, no may
    0:55:25 just mean no, not right now. And you can even clarify that, right? You can ask that as a
    0:55:30 clarifying question. Number two is that at some point someone said to me, and this doesn’t apply
    0:55:35 to your particular instance, but don’t ascribe to malice what can be explained by incompetence.
    0:55:40 And that didn’t cover it all for me, though, but it really made a profound impact on me
    0:55:46 when I was told this, because I would read email with inserting, if I were doing an audio book
    0:55:53 of the other person’s voice, some type of really angry, upset person, and nine times out of 10,
    0:55:58 that wasn’t the tone at all. It was just I was misreading it. So I started to assume for myself,
    0:56:03 don’t ascribe to malice what can be explained by incompetence or just busyness. The person is
    0:56:07 busy. If they send you a really short response to your mini novella of an email, it doesn’t mean
    0:56:11 that they think you’re worthless or not worth their time. It could just mean that they have 10
    0:56:16 times more to do than you do. And it’s sometimes hard to have that perspective when, particularly,
    0:56:22 you’re starting out and you’re a bit fragile and you’re on wobbly legs, and you send this huge
    0:56:26 outpouring of your emotion to someone you respect. And then they respond with, “Sorry, kid, not right
    0:56:30 now.” And you’re like, “Really? That’s it?” And then, you know, I’m not going to name names,
    0:56:35 but there’s someone who now I’m very close friends with, extremely well-respected writer.
    0:56:42 And I got one of these one line responses in 2005 or 2006 when I sent an early manuscript of the
    0:56:48 four hour work week to this person via email. And the response was, “Effectively,
    0:56:54 thanks, but sorry, don’t have time to read this right now. No, dear Tim, no signature, just one
    0:57:00 line.” And I felt so slighted by this that I held this subconscious grudge for years. And now we’re
    0:57:03 really good friends. And the whole thing is ludicrous in retrospect. One thing that I find
    0:57:11 about human nature is that ambiguity is always perceived negatively. So there might be nothing
    0:57:20 in that one line email that would be in any way disparaging or insulting or anything. But because
    0:57:27 we as humans perceive ambiguity negatively, we tend to read into things that aren’t there
    0:57:33 in a way that makes us feel bad. But I also think that a lot of that, for me, comes from
    0:57:44 having a very sort of fragile center and not necessarily thinking that they are specifically
    0:57:51 upset with me because of something that I’ve done, but just because everything that I do is
    0:57:57 sort of bad, they’re just cognizant of that. So it’s not something specific, it’s just something
    0:58:02 all-encompassing. And so that’s been something I’ve been struggling to overcome over the decades.
    0:58:11 So I have a few questions about how you came to find your niche or the first time
    0:58:19 you clicked into place, so to speak, doing something that resembles what you ended up doing
    0:58:25 up to this point. But before I get to that, just to put a button in the anecdote related to clips,
    0:58:29 so you mentioned clips, you got clips, hair clips. I was told this story by a professor in college
    0:58:37 about Nantucket Nectars when it was just getting started. And I believe two guys who were really
    0:58:42 faking it until they made it in a lot of respects. And at one point, they were meeting with this
    0:58:47 distributor because they had been selling these concoctions via boats in Nantucket from boat to
    0:58:52 boat to boat. And they wanted to go into retail. And it met with this, it was either a retailer
    0:58:57 or distributor, but it was early on. And they were really nervous. And the Mukdi Muk they were
    0:59:06 meeting with, at least in their eyes, said, “Do you have a lot of POS materials?” And they looked
    0:59:11 at each other like, “Oh, shit.” And they said, “Oh, POS, we’re all about POS.” And he’s like,
    0:59:16 “Good, good, good.” And then they walked out, they’re like, “What the hell is POS?” Point of sale,
    0:59:23 which of course, you know, plenty about. But I wanted to, before we get to when you sort of
    0:59:30 first clicked into your niche and how that happened, you mentioned knowing that you wanted to be in
    0:59:36 Manhattan. And I’ve been thinking a lot about the components of, and this is a dangerous word
    0:59:43 sometimes, but happiness. And that oftentimes we think of the journalist W’s, right, the
    0:59:49 interactive, the why, the what, the where, and so on of happiness. And I think humans tend to at
    0:59:55 least put why at the top, then maybe what somewhere lower, and then where is often an afterthought.
    1:00:00 But I’ve started to believe that the where is much more critical than we give it credit for,
    1:00:04 and that you can actually start there. So I thought about this a lot for myself, but really
    1:00:09 the how important the geography can be, because it determines in large measure who you’re surrounded
    1:00:14 with all the time, and what you’re surrounded with all the time. But I guess it’s more of an
    1:00:19 observation than a question. But if you think about that, how do you think about the components of
    1:00:25 happiness or well-being for yourself? Well, there’s sort of two parts to the question,
    1:00:33 I think. And the first is this notion of New York sort of being the place that I wanted to be.
    1:00:43 And what I told myself at that time, and then ultimately how that leads to happiness or
    1:00:52 fulfillment. And one of the things that I struggled with when I first moved to Manhattan or when I
    1:00:59 first graduated really was what was I going to be? What was I going to do? I didn’t have
    1:01:07 a lot of money. I didn’t have any network. And I certainly didn’t have any type of connection to
    1:01:16 any ins for apartments or jobs or anything like that. And I wanted very badly to be in Manhattan.
    1:01:22 That was something that I knew for sure. In thinking about what I wanted with my life,
    1:01:30 I knew that I wanted to do something creative. One of my big hopes and dreams at that time
    1:01:35 was to work at Condé Nast and I did apply and I did get a call back and I got rejected and then
    1:01:45 never tried again, another example of that. But one of the more high altitude aspirations was either
    1:01:50 being an artist or being a writer. So being more of a fine artist and not a commercial artist.
    1:02:02 But at the time, I did not think that my chances of success at that would either be possible,
    1:02:09 and certainly if it were possible, not fast. And because I wanted to live in New York City,
    1:02:16 because I wanted to live in Manhattan, I felt that I needed to be able to get a job
    1:02:22 that would pay my rent because I didn’t want to be a waitress and because I didn’t want to be a
    1:02:34 bartender. I needed to make some type of reasonable income in order to pay that rent. And so I have
    1:02:44 been telling myself for decades now that I decided that I needed to work as a designer
    1:02:52 because I needed to have some sort of income that would give me some sense of self-sufficiency.
    1:02:57 Self-sufficiency has been enormously important to me and I’ve said that for years and years
    1:03:04 and years and that being safe and secure and being able to manage the course of my own life,
    1:03:10 having financial stability was something that was a bit of a lead gene for me in making the
    1:03:17 decisions that I did. And back in that summer of David Bowie and the police, I remember coming
    1:03:22 home from a club one night and I was on the corner of Bleaker Street and Sixth Avenue,
    1:03:28 and it suddenly occurred to me that I had to make a decision. And the decision was,
    1:03:37 what was I going to do? And I realized that if I wanted to be an artist or a writer that I would
    1:03:45 likely have to take some type of job that would not necessarily be able to safeguard what I
    1:03:52 considered to be my financial future and therefore made this little pact with myself in my head
    1:04:00 that I would become a designer so that I could make enough money to be able to be secure.
    1:04:07 And I’ve been telling myself that for decades, what I realized in the last couple of years
    1:04:14 was that I was unbeknownst to my psyche, my consciousness, I was lying to myself. I was
    1:04:23 absolutely positively lying to myself because more than the self-sufficiency was the desire
    1:04:32 to be in Manhattan. I could have easily become or more easily become an artist or a fine artist
    1:04:38 or a writer if I didn’t want to live in the most expensive city in the world. I could have gone
    1:04:44 and lived with my mother in Queens. I could have lived with friends in Albany. I could have had
    1:04:52 seven roommates in a little commune in Bed-Stuy. There would have been any number of things
    1:05:01 that I could have done if my lead gene had been artistic purity. But no, I told myself that it
    1:05:07 was because of X, Y, and Z, but really what it was was the most important thing to me at that point
    1:05:14 in my life was being in Manhattan. And I lived in a fourth floor tenement walk-up. I had to walk
    1:05:20 through somebody else’s bedroom to get to mine. I was living on a floor with people that were
    1:05:25 constantly the other tenants in the building were locking each other out. It was an elderly
    1:05:30 couple and they were always fighting. There were a whole family of pigeons living on the
    1:05:36 fire escape outside of my window in my bedroom, which was so decrepit. I couldn’t even open the
    1:05:41 window in the summertime and there was no air conditioning in this apartment. I mean, the
    1:05:49 conditions that I lived in were deplorable, but yet that was the most important thing to me.
    1:05:54 So when I talk to people now about what do they want to do when they first graduate,
    1:06:01 I ask them to think about what is the one most important thing to you? What is the one most
    1:06:08 important thing to you? Because if it is truly the one most important thing to you, you will likely
    1:06:15 do whatever it takes to get it. And the most important thing to me was not being a writer
    1:06:20 and it was not being an artist. It was living in Manhattan and I did whatever it took and lived
    1:06:26 in whatever conditions that I needed to in order to make that happen. I think that’s a really
    1:06:32 important realization. Oh, definitely. By hook or crook, you’re living in Manhattan.
    1:06:41 And that is the outcome in part of all of these decisions and the lead gene, as you put it.
    1:06:47 Where does the need for stability, security or the desire for that come from?
    1:06:53 I do think that it’s certainly in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs a really important one.
    1:07:01 For me, it takes on an extra level of significance in that I grew up in a really,
    1:07:09 really challenging environment. So my parents got divorced when I was very young. I was about
    1:07:16 eight years old and I had a very, very complicated relationship with my father. My father died last
    1:07:26 year unexpectedly. My father sort of in my daughter eyes was brilliant, charismatic. He was an
    1:07:37 incredibly well-spoken man. He was also extremely turbulent. He had a lot of anger issues and
    1:07:44 over the course of our lives together, I had five different experiences with him where
    1:07:52 he rejected me and decided that he didn’t want me in his life. So one of those periods was
    1:07:58 about nine years. So we had a very, very turbulent relationship. When my parents got divorced,
    1:08:04 I told myself at the time that I was really happy about that because I was so scared of his anger
    1:08:12 and so scared of the anger that they had for each other. About a year after my parents got divorced,
    1:08:23 my mother married again and she married a man who was physically and sexually abusive to me,
    1:08:30 physically abusive to my brother and also sexually abusive to one of his two biological
    1:08:37 daughters and severely, severely beat us for four years. During that time, it was one of the times,
    1:08:43 the first time actually, that I was estranged from my biological father and so I had a lot of
    1:08:52 brutality in my life and after they got divorced, I was 13, my father came back into my life,
    1:08:59 my mother then got involved with another man who was 10 years younger than her, so therefore only
    1:09:06 10 years older than me and was also, I guess I’ll put it sexually provocative with me and also
    1:09:12 emotionally abusive. So for the first like 18 years of my life, I lived in a state of constant
    1:09:21 terror and compensated or self-soothed with art, with a lot of extracurricular activities in school.
    1:09:28 I was always an overachiever probably in an effort to prove to myself and to my family that I wasn’t
    1:09:35 worthy of the abuse that was being inflicted on me. I wanted so much more for my life even back
    1:09:44 then and grew up thinking that if I had the resources to take care of myself, that I would
    1:09:52 never allow anything bad to happen to me, not quite a realistic expectation, but was something that I
    1:09:59 felt was possible to do. Of course, it’s not. That takes decades to also figure out, but at that
    1:10:05 time, I wanted very badly to be able to live in my own home, to be able to take care of myself,
    1:10:11 and to be in a position where I would never be vulnerable again, sort of Scarlett O’Hara.
    1:10:16 I’m never going to go hungry again. Yeah, it doesn’t always work out that way, but it was
    1:10:21 definitely the journey that I’ve been on. Well, thank you for sharing that. I had no idea.
    1:10:26 It’s not something I talk about a lot, mostly because I’ve had an enormous amount of shame
    1:10:31 about it. That’s a very normal thing, and I still do. It’s still very, very hard for me to
    1:10:43 share these types of things, but I do think it’s important that people do see that there is hope
    1:10:54 for a better life, even when you are the victim of these types of situations. I’ve spent a lot of
    1:11:02 time working on better integrating those experiences into my life in a way to not only understand
    1:11:14 what happened, why it happened, what the aftermath then caused, but also how I can use that empathy
    1:11:22 and that understanding to try to help the world. That’s a lot of the reason that I’ve
    1:11:28 started to do the work that I do with Mariska Harkitae and the Joyful Heart Foundation,
    1:11:35 which is a foundation that Mariska started after she started working on Law and Order
    1:11:40 SVU. Shortly after she started working on that television program, she started to receive a
    1:11:47 lot of letters from people that the very victim she was trying to find justice for on the television
    1:11:54 show and realized that this is way more than a television show. This is a huge opportunity to
    1:11:58 make a difference in our culture. Shortly thereafter, started the Joyful Heart Foundation,
    1:12:06 which is an organization to help eradicate domestic violence, sexual assault, and child abuse.
    1:12:13 I’ve been working with Mariska and Miley Zambuto, the CEO of the Foundation now for the last five
    1:12:18 years. This work, I believe, the branding work that I’ve been able to do with them,
    1:12:25 taking into all the expertise I’ve had in repositioning and branding some of the biggest
    1:12:34 CPG companies in the world and now dovetailing that with my own background really,
    1:12:37 truly makes me feel like my whole life makes sense, Tim.
    1:12:46 That’s beautiful. I’m really glad you’re talking about this because I can imagine a very different
    1:12:53 experience, but I’ve had my own battles with darkness of different types, and it’s very easy
    1:12:59 to believe that you are alone or isolated or that things will never change. I’m sure there are people
    1:13:06 listening who have had similar experiences to yours who have never talked about them or
    1:13:12 have never found a way to perhaps integrate or reconcile them, and this might be an incredible
    1:13:16 catalyst for them. I would love to ask, if you’re open to talking about it for yourself, have you
    1:13:24 found any particular avenues or types of work to be particularly helpful to you? Of course,
    1:13:29 the work that you’re doing with the Joyful Heart Foundation, but apart from that, are there any
    1:13:37 particular types of exercises or work or anything really that has helped you to be more at peace
    1:13:48 with your experience? I think that the work that I’ve done in therapy has saved my life. I have
    1:14:00 always been really dedicated to my therapy and have been in therapy with the same
    1:14:05 analyst now for over two decades. What type of therapy is that? If you don’t mind me asking,
    1:14:13 I know very little about it. The person who I work with is a PhD. She was very involved in the
    1:14:22 psychoanalytic community in New York City. She’s now living in Santa Fe. I think that it’s a combination
    1:14:30 of a number of different philosophies and theories, probably at its foundation, psychoanalysis,
    1:14:38 but certainly with quite a lot of variations. It’s talk therapy. I started back in the early 90s,
    1:14:44 five days a week, and then moved down to three days, and now I’m usually two to three days.
    1:14:52 It is enormously helpful to help me try to make sense of these experiences that I’ve had
    1:15:00 for anybody that is either in the midst of experiencing them or experiencing the aftermath.
    1:15:07 There are a lot of resources. One of the things that I experienced when I was in the midst of
    1:15:14 these experiences was a sense of profound aloneness. The worst experiences I had
    1:15:25 were in the 70s. At the time, the topic wasn’t one that was as understood. I didn’t know
    1:15:34 what was happening to me. I thought I was the only person in the world that this was happening to,
    1:15:44 because it seemed so surreal and unnatural and punishing. It didn’t occur to me that this was
    1:15:54 pervasive, that this was a cultural epidemic. I was told at the time by the perpetrator that
    1:16:02 if I told anybody that he had the resources to hurt my brother and my mother, that he would kill
    1:16:12 them. It’s horrible. I believed that. I was a little girl. I believed that, and I was protecting
    1:16:22 them. I didn’t know that I had any other resources, none, and didn’t even tell my mother until after
    1:16:29 they got divorced. Tim, I didn’t want to be the reason. I didn’t want to be blamed. I also didn’t
    1:16:33 think anybody would believe me, and I didn’t want my mother and my brother to be harmed.
    1:16:43 It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized that this was pervasive. For anybody that is
    1:16:50 listening, if you feel alone, know that you’re not. You can go to the Joyful Heart Foundation,
    1:16:56 thejoyfulheartfoundation.org, and there are resources and phone numbers. You can also go
    1:17:03 to nomore.org, which is another organization that I’ve helped. There are resources and people
    1:17:08 that are there to help and listen and get you out of the situation that you are in.
    1:17:12 Thank you for that. To insert some levity, I’m not sure how to segue from here.
    1:17:20 Well, let’s talk about some of the really, really important things that people are doing now to
    1:17:26 not only eradicate this type of violence, but also to change the world. One of the other things
    1:17:32 that Joyful Heart is doing that I am so proud of is ending the backlog. There are hundreds
    1:17:41 of thousands of rape kits that are not being investigated, that are sitting in shelves in
    1:17:47 police departments all over the country. The Joyful Heart Foundation, along with Vice President
    1:17:55 Joe Biden, has been very involved in getting funding to help analyze those rape kits to be able to
    1:18:02 analyze the DNA and get serial rapists off the streets and get justice for the victims of those
    1:18:07 crimes. That’s a really, really important thing that they’re doing and something that I feel
    1:18:15 can ultimately change not only the rape culture that we’re living in, but also the blaming of
    1:18:23 victims so we can change culture by doing this work together. It’s something I’m super proud of.
    1:18:28 And to those people listening, all of these resources that are being mentioned throughout
    1:18:33 this episode will be in the show notes, so you can certainly find links to no more.org,
    1:18:38 the Joyful Heart Foundation, and so on at 4hourworkweek.com/podcast, all spelled out.
    1:18:46 Debbie, I’d love to ask you to shift gears just a little bit, or perhaps a lot, to speak up story.
    1:18:55 That’s one of my favorite stories. I will let you run with it. I would love for you to share.
    1:19:02 Okay, so I want to start this story by letting people know that this was something
    1:19:09 that while it was happening, I thought was the worst professional experience of my life.
    1:19:17 And it’s turned out to be the most important and life-affirming of my life. So let me tell
    1:19:27 you a little bit about the Speak Up story. So the year is 2003, and the time in the world was
    1:19:31 quite different than it is now. So we were online, but we weren’t quite online in the way that we
    1:19:38 are now. I think YouTube was just, just, just beginning. It was a video sharing site more than
    1:19:45 anything. We were online, but we were playing games, and we were ordering from the J. Crew
    1:19:50 catalog. I don’t know if people remember when the J. Crew catalog went online. People’s heads
    1:19:54 exploded. You could buy things online, and they could be shipped to you, and you don’t have to
    1:20:00 leave the house. Oh my God, that’s so amazing. And we were playing games, and we were emailing and
    1:20:05 reading the news. And there were forums where people would congregate, but they tended to be
    1:20:13 more niche forums and not so much mainstream cultural forums. Prior to that, leading up to that
    1:20:22 time in my life, I had joined Sterling Brands in 1995. And this was one of the first moments of that
    1:20:29 click that you had mentioned earlier where suddenly, without even realizing it, I had joined a firm
    1:20:37 where I was hired to help grow the business via the acquisition of new clients in branding.
    1:20:49 And the job was one of the first times in my life where I was almost effortlessly successful.
    1:20:56 I think because of my early childhood in my father’s pharmacy, being surrounded by brands,
    1:21:01 I had, and my own sort of obsession with things like Lays Potato Ships.
    1:21:15 Exactly. I had this almost magical ability to understand why and how people chose the objects
    1:21:21 that they did to be part of their lives, mostly the brands that they chose. So I started working
    1:21:30 at Sterling Brands and had this heretofore unbelievable level of success financially.
    1:21:38 And I really enjoyed it. I am also endlessly fascinated by the choices people make for the
    1:21:42 objects in their lives, what they choose to surround themselves with, the kinds of things they
    1:21:51 buy and share and eat and wear and so forth. And in as much as I loved what I was doing,
    1:21:57 and in as much as I was relishing the level of success that in my early 30s, I was finally,
    1:22:05 finally getting, I also was still sort of longing for that artistic, creative sort of
    1:22:09 part of my life that I felt was deeply missing.
    1:22:12 At that point, what department were you working in?
    1:22:18 I was working in marketing and sales, and I wasn’t at that time doing very much design work.
    1:22:25 I was doing some work freelance. I had been appointed the off-air creative director at
    1:22:32 Hot 97, which is a whole other sort of story to share at some point, but I was working to develop
    1:22:38 the identity and the graphics for the first ever hip hop radio station, which happened to be in
    1:22:43 New York and was called Hot 97. That was the only thing that I was doing on the side. I started
    1:22:50 working at Sterling Brands and was longing for a design community and was longing for a feeling of
    1:22:56 being part of something bigger than I was on my own, but something that was much more creative and
    1:23:04 had no commercial implications. And I found the AIGA, the American Institute of Graphic Arts,
    1:23:10 and they had a special interest group within AIGA called the Brand Experience Center.
    1:23:18 And I was so excited. I thought, “Oh my God, this is a Venn diagram of my life. I can do branding.”
    1:23:24 And they have designers, and all these famous designers are on the board, and I could meet them,
    1:23:29 and I could be part of this great community. And so I went and I volunteered, and I became
    1:23:35 a member of AIGA, and I was working with this brand experience group. And I loved it, and I was
    1:23:42 appointed to the board, and I felt really, really part of something. And the board term was, I think,
    1:23:47 two years. And at the end of the term, if we wanted to be on the board again, we all had to
    1:23:54 reapply. And in that two years, I was very active. I went to all the meetings, and we weren’t funded
    1:24:01 by AIGA. We had a self-fund, and so I made cupcakes for bake sales, and we had a flea market. And I
    1:24:07 was very, very involved in the sort of day-to-day runnings of this little special interest group.
    1:24:10 At the end of the two years, we all had to reapply if we wanted to be on the board again,
    1:24:15 and every single person reapplied. And every single person was appointed on the board again,
    1:24:23 except me. I was rejected. Oh, you set me up with the cupcakes. Oh my God, I know.
    1:24:32 Oh, they were really good cupcakes and brownies. And I was devastated. I was just devastated.
    1:24:37 And Rick Rafay, who was then the executive director, he had been aware of how much I
    1:24:43 wanted to be in AIGA and how much I wanted to do and my aspirations. And I think he felt
    1:24:46 really bad for me. He asked me if I wanted to have lunch, and he took me to a very expensive
    1:24:53 lunch at 11 Madison and over the course of its lunch. Yeah, it was super wonderful and generous
    1:24:57 of him. Over the course of lunch, he said, “Please, please don’t give up on AIGA. We need people
    1:25:02 like you and don’t give up. We’ll find a place for you, I promise.” And I guess it’s a bit of a
    1:25:10 consolation prize. He asked me if I would be a judge in the upcoming annual competition that
    1:25:18 AIGA had called 365. And he asked me if I wanted to be a judge in the package design category.
    1:25:23 This, to me, was almost worth being kicked to the curb by this special interest group
    1:25:28 of the Brand Experience Center. This was like the biggest honor of my career at that point,
    1:25:36 to be a judge in the country’s biggest design competition was unfathomable to me. It felt like
    1:25:43 a miracle. And so I went to the judging, and there were two other judges with me. We had 700
    1:25:50 entries that we needed to look at in one day. And when I got to the judging at AIGA headquarters,
    1:25:57 I met with the other two jurors. One was a very well-known designer who had a bit of a boutique
    1:26:04 agency, very posh. She was very stylish. I did not feel nearly as stylish. Another guy was there
    1:26:12 from Apple, and this was shortly after the iPod had been released. And he was on his iPod the whole
    1:26:16 time, and really didn’t spend a lot of time paying attention to the judging. In any case, this other
    1:26:24 juror, the other juror. What a dick. Yeah. Anyway, sorry, I don’t know. The other juror looks at
    1:26:28 me when I get there, and she’s like, “Just so you know, I don’t intend to have any mass market
    1:26:37 packaging in this competition get an award.” And I was like, “Okay.” And I didn’t agree with that.
    1:26:43 I mean, I understandably had come, I was working at a CPG package design firm, and we had recently
    1:26:48 designed the Burger King logo, and the Star Wars Episode II Attack of the Clones packaging,
    1:26:54 and merchandising, and the Hershey bar. And so, you know, I was coming from a completely different
    1:27:00 point of view. We ended up disagreeing so vehemently that at one point, I thought we were going to
    1:27:05 actually come to fisticuffs. Was this behind the scenes, or is this while you were on the panel?
    1:27:10 While we’re on the panel, and there’s somebody that’s trailing us writing notes for an article
    1:27:17 that’s going to appear in the annual, it was mortifying. In any case, we were only able to
    1:27:24 agree, I think, on seven things that would go into the competition journal, which is not a way to
    1:27:33 encourage future applicants to apply for the competition. So AIGA was not particularly happy
    1:27:39 with us. This juror of mine, the fellow juror, hated me, and I felt at the end of that day
    1:27:45 that I would never, ever be asked to do anything with AIGA ever again. And I remember walking
    1:27:49 back to my office, which was at the Empire State Building at the time, it was sort of dusk, and I
    1:27:57 felt like, oh, this is never, ever going to work out, and resigned myself to that. Rick asked for some
    1:28:05 work of mine to be included in the journal as evidence of my credentials for being a juror,
    1:28:10 and the two biggest projects that I had done at the time were the Burger King Identity
    1:28:16 and the Star Wars Identity, and so I sent those in as my credentials. They were printed in the
    1:28:27 journal, and that was the end of that. Or so I thought. May 2, 2003. I get a link from a friend
    1:28:32 of mine. She sends me an email, and she’s like, “Read this in the privacy of your own home,
    1:28:40 preferably with a big drink.” Boy, what a setup. I know, right? And I am not one that likes surprises
    1:28:46 or anticipation. I need instant gratification, so I don’t wait to go home. I don’t wait to get a drink.
    1:28:52 I click into the link at my desk in my office and come to a letter, an open letter to AIGA,
    1:29:00 written by a designer named Felix Sockwell, on this thing called Speak Up, and Speak Up was
    1:29:13 one of the first web blogs and the first design blog, and the letter chastises AIGA for including
    1:29:20 me, Debbie Milman, as a juror in their annual competition, what is supposed to be the most
    1:29:26 prestigious competition in the country, and accused me of not only being a corporate clown,
    1:29:35 but also because of the work I do, they called me a she-devil. A she-devil. Wow.
    1:29:43 And proceeded to take my entire career down, and it was a pylon. So not only was the open
    1:29:48 letter quite harsh, but then there was the pylon of comments that happened in the early days of
    1:29:54 blogging. Remember that? Oh, yes. I’m so glad that hateful comments are a thing of the past.
    1:30:03 But yes, oh yes, intimately from there. And I’m reading this, and my jaw is a
    1:30:16 gape, and I am just in a state of catatonia. I couldn’t move. I was ashamed, embarrassed,
    1:30:22 terrified that people in my office would see it, that the reputation of the firm was being sullied
    1:30:31 by me. And I didn’t know what to do. I was despondent. I remember walking home from work that day,
    1:30:37 crying, thinking that I had to quit, I had to leave the design business, and my career was over.
    1:30:41 This career that I had finally found for myself was now officially over.
    1:30:50 And I honestly did not know what to do, Tim. I felt like if I wrote in that it would seem defensive,
    1:30:56 that it would bring more attention to this story. I felt that if I didn’t write in that I would be
    1:31:03 missing an opportunity to at least contribute to the conversation with a point of view that
    1:31:08 might be different than theirs, I didn’t know what to do. And looking back on it now, I’m actually
    1:31:13 really ashamed of what I did, because it was disingenuous, but at the time it was the only
    1:31:21 thing that I felt I could do. And so a few days after the story broke and the comments piled in,
    1:31:26 I contributed, and my first comment was, you’re not going to approve of this.
    1:31:39 I wrote, “What a cool discussion. I love it.” I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You know, the book “Cool Girl”
    1:31:44 had not come out at that time, but had it been out, I would have said, “That’s what I was trying
    1:31:49 to be. I was trying to be the cool girl. Nothing matters. I can eat five chili dogs and I don’t
    1:31:57 gain weight.” I’m quoting the book. So yeah, I came in and that’s what I said, but I ended up
    1:32:06 having the best possible back and forth I could muster. I tried to talk about how we had constructed
    1:32:11 the Burger King logo and the amount of testing we had done around the world and how consumers
    1:32:18 really seemed to like it and who were they to sort of declare that it wasn’t worthy. And I
    1:32:29 tried to be as open and as defenseless as possible. And ultimately, they continued to pile on some
    1:32:35 more insults and made fun of the practice that I had. And then a couple of people weighed in
    1:32:42 otherwise. And the final comment was from a man named David Weinberg, who I’ve since become friends
    1:32:48 with as well, who at the time worked at Landor and wrote it. Landor is one of the world’s
    1:32:55 biggest and most respected brand consultancies. I started by Walter Landor about 80 or 90 years ago
    1:33:00 and he wrote in, “Let’s see what Felix could do with that Burger King logo and great work
    1:33:05 over there at Sterling.” And that was sort of the end of that conversation. Nobody else came in
    1:33:12 with another comment. And what I thought was over really wasn’t because he was the original writer
    1:33:18 of this open letter, Felix Ackwild, the illustrator and designer. And then I thought it was over.
    1:33:27 I thought it had ended with some sort of a compromise and viewpoints. But to my chagrin,
    1:33:34 the writers at Speak Up kept writing about me. And the next article was called, “Is the dark side
    1:33:41 prevailing?” So subtle, so subtle. Very subtle. At that point, Tim, I was obsessed. I was going to
    1:33:47 the site 15, 20 times a day, constantly refreshing, seeing what they were writing about me and finally
    1:33:52 gave up and went to my IT person and said, “Put parental controls on my computer at work. I don’t
    1:34:00 want to be able to see this site.” And he did. Sometimes you need a helpful pair of handcuffs,
    1:34:09 yeah. Well said. But I’d go home and look, but whatever. A couple of weeks later, the founder
    1:34:17 of Speak Up, a young man about 23 years old named Armin Witt, reached out to me. He wrote me an
    1:34:23 email and he apologized. He didn’t apologize for calling my work a pair of turds, which is what
    1:34:27 it is. I didn’t realize turds came in pairs. It shows what I know.
    1:34:36 But he said he apologized for the bullying and for the unprofessional way in which the conversation
    1:34:42 ensued as opposed to he made it very clear that he still thought my work was a pair of turds,
    1:34:47 but he didn’t feel that it was right the way that I had been spoken to.
    1:34:51 And I took a lot of care in responding to him. I accepted his apology,
    1:34:59 but at the time, I was really fascinated by this whole blogging thing. It was really interesting
    1:35:04 to me, this sort of real-time communication, holding people accountable. And I wrote him
    1:35:10 this sort of diet tribe about it. And he responded and said, “Well, would you like to write for the
    1:35:16 site?” And I was like, “Whoa, didn’t expect that one.” So I said, “Yes.” And I started writing for
    1:35:22 Speak Up. The Darth Vader column. Well, what was so interesting about the experience, Tim, was that
    1:35:28 what the Speak Upers were calling the precious design world, the AIGA world, they had already
    1:35:35 rejected me. And now the renegades, the anti-AIGA contingent, they were rejecting me. So at that
    1:35:39 moment, I actually felt like the most hated woman in graphic design.
    1:35:47 Masterless samurai. Where to? Exactly. So what happened after that was, it was really surreal.
    1:35:53 And this is why I say that what felt like at the time in May of 2003 to be the lowest point
    1:35:58 of my professional career actually became the catalyst upon which everything else has been
    1:36:05 built. And so I started writing for Speak Up. And all of a sudden, I started to have that sense of
    1:36:10 what I had been originally searching for in my efforts with Speak Up. I felt like I was part
    1:36:15 of something bigger than myself. I felt like I was part of this sort of renegade group of misfits
    1:36:21 that were trying to change the world through graphic design criticism and online conversations.
    1:36:27 We all decided that year in the fall of 2003 that we were going to go as a group of sort of
    1:36:35 guerrilla Speak Up writers to the upcoming AIGA annual conference in Vancouver. And we were
    1:36:40 going to give out this little brochure that Armin had put together called Stop Being Sheep, which
    1:36:47 was a riff on the great typographer Eric Speakerman’s book, Stop Stealing Sheep, which is about
    1:36:55 letter spacing. You know, thin slicing here to the very best of our ability. And so
    1:37:02 we went with this little brochure en route to the conference. So these people then ended up
    1:37:07 accepting you? The people who had previously vilified you? The people that had previously
    1:37:14 vilified me not only accepted me, but over the years Armin and his wife, Bryony, and I
    1:37:21 become such good friends that I am now the godmother to their oldest daughter.
    1:37:27 Wow. So sort of similar to that Robert Edelstein story back when I was in college where he rejected
    1:37:33 me or what I thought was a rejection of me, then ultimately became one of my lifelong friendships.
    1:37:39 And now Armin and Bryony are also family at this point, family. Amazing. So I interrupted
    1:37:45 you. So you’re en route with this group of heretics and a pile of brochures or pamphlets.
    1:37:51 Right, because brochures change the world, you know that. And I’m sitting next to people that are
    1:37:57 also, it was at that time, one direct flight from New York to Vancouver. The flight is filled with
    1:38:03 design luminaries, Michael Bay Rood and Paula Cher. And I’m sitting next to a woman who is
    1:38:10 beautiful and elegant. And I’m wearing sweatpants and carrying a bag of McDonald’s breakfast,
    1:38:14 you know, and the only people that like the way McDonald’s breakfast smell are the people eating
    1:38:23 it, not the people smelling it. True fact. I don’t know why I didn’t think that I would
    1:38:28 see people that I knew on this flight. I was, well, in any case. So I start talking to this
    1:38:33 woman next to me and turns out she’s going to the conference as well. I ask her what she does.
    1:38:37 She says she’s a writer at Print Magazine. I tell her about Speak Up. She’s all interested
    1:38:42 in what we’re doing. She gives me, I tell her that we’re having this get together, this party over
    1:38:47 the course of the conference. She’s, I’d like to invite her. She gives me a card without looking
    1:38:52 at it. I put it into my bag. We talk through a couple of hours and then we go off into our own
    1:38:57 thing with whatever else we were doing on the flight. When I get to my room in Vancouver,
    1:39:02 I take her card out of my bag and I see that she’s the editor-in-chief, Joyce Rutter Kay.
    1:39:10 I invite her to the party. She comes and we start a correspondence. I had,
    1:39:17 I harbored this hope that maybe I could write for Print Magazine one day. And a couple of months
    1:39:21 later, she writes me and asks me if I want to participate in something she’s putting together
    1:39:28 for the upcoming HAL conference the next year in San Diego. And at the time reality TV had just
    1:39:36 sort of burgeoned into culture. And there was a very popular TV show called Iron Chef about cooking
    1:39:42 in real time in the audience voting. And she wanted to do a riff on that called ironic chef,
    1:39:47 where three designers would create work on stage in real time and the audience would vote.
    1:39:50 This to me sounded like the definition of HAL.
    1:39:58 And just to clarify for people, Print Magazine is actually called Print.
    1:40:03 It is called Print Magazine. It is called Print Magazine. It’s the oldest graphic design magazine
    1:40:10 in the country. It’s 75 years old. It has won, I think, five magazine awards, which is the highest
    1:40:17 honor and effy, I believe it’s called, that a magazine can win. And it’s a remarkable magazine.
    1:40:21 And I had this dream of someday writing something for it.
    1:40:23 So ironic chef.
    1:40:24 Yes, ironic chef.
    1:40:26 Debbie Millman’s personal version of HAL.
    1:40:30 Yeah. And I’m afraid to say no. I feel like if I say no, I’m never going to be offered an
    1:40:35 opportunity to do anything with Joyce again. So I say yes. And I’m further humiliated when
    1:40:40 I get to San Diego, when I realize that I have to wear a chef’s outfit on stage.
    1:40:49 There are pictures of this, by the way. I’m not lying or exaggerating. So I go through with this.
    1:40:56 I am on stage with the emcee Steve Heller, who I’d never met. Steve Heller is one of the world’s
    1:41:02 foremost design critics. He was the art director of the New York Times Book Review for 30 years.
    1:41:05 He started numerous programs at school of visual arts, graduate programs,
    1:41:11 and he’s written about 170 books about design and graphic designers.
    1:41:16 He is the judge. I am terribly intimidated because he is Steve Heller, one of the greatest
    1:41:23 people that has ever lived. And there are three of us. I come in second, which is not terrible.
    1:41:29 I don’t win, but I don’t lose. And another aberrant moment of courage. I asked Steve,
    1:41:33 because he was nice to me that day. If he’d want to have lunch in New York City when we were back,
    1:41:39 he lived in New York City as well. He agrees. We go to lunch. I was so intimidated. I had a
    1:41:46 cheat sheet that I’d prepared of topics in which I could discuss with Steve. I wrote it on a paper
    1:41:53 napkin, put it in my lap, and I could refer to it if I choked and knew not what to say next.
    1:41:58 In any case, I had some book ideas. Steve told me they were both bad.
    1:42:05 I went away a little bit discouraged, but still happy that I had met him. And he told me that I’d
    1:42:11 get a book just to be patient. Four months later, a publisher calls at the recommendation of Stephen
    1:42:17 Heller with a book that he had turned down. They had wanted him to write with the horrific title,
    1:42:23 “How to Think Like a Great Graphic Designer.” Once again, I think if I don’t say yes to this,
    1:42:29 I’m never going to be asked for anything again. And I take on this book, but I ask them if I could
    1:42:34 do it in a different way because I didn’t believe that there was just one way for a great graphic
    1:42:39 designer to think. There were myriad ways. And could I interview great graphic designers
    1:42:44 and reveal how they think they agreed? And that became my first book. In the meantime,
    1:42:50 Joyce, writer Kay, the editor of Print Magazine, reaches out and asks me if I’d like to write
    1:42:58 a review about Wally Olin’s then upcoming book on branding. I agree. I write my first piece for
    1:43:06 Print Magazine that year, and I’ve written for every single issue since. 13 years later,
    1:43:10 two years ago, I was appointed the editorial and creative director of Print Magazine.
    1:43:13 Well, it seems like those brochures did play a role.
    1:43:18 And that’s just the start of it, Tim. If it weren’t for Speak Up and that story,
    1:43:26 I was then contacted by a fledgling internet radio network called Voice America in 2004,
    1:43:31 shortly after a piece that Mark Kingsley and I wrote about election graphics that kind of went
    1:43:39 viral. And they wanted me to host a show about branding. I was worried that if I said no,
    1:43:43 I’d never get another opportunity again and asked if I could sort of do it about branding,
    1:43:51 but maybe do it more about design and pitch this idea to them about design matters radio network
    1:43:57 show. They said yes. Just when I was beginning to think, ooh, I might get rich from this,
    1:44:00 they told me that I needed to pay them for the airtime.
    1:44:07 Surprise, another surprise. But I was really excited about this. And at that time,
    1:44:13 everything I was doing was very commercially driven and felt that this would be a way for
    1:44:19 me to talk about graphic design and engage with people in a way that had no commercial value
    1:44:25 whatsoever. It was just all about how to satisfy sort of our souls, our creative souls. And that’s
    1:44:31 how design matters was born. My podcast was born on this sort of Wayne’s World-esque
    1:44:36 internet radio network called Voice America. I did the show for four years on Voice America,
    1:44:43 paid them for four years to do it, and then brought the show to Design Observer, Bill Drentel,
    1:44:49 the late great Bill Drentel, the founder of Design Observer, invited me to bring the show over
    1:44:55 to Design Observer in 2009 with the proviso that I improved my sound quality.
    1:45:01 I was doing my show with two handsets. You ever have a conversation with two people on the same
    1:45:05 phone line in your house and you’re on different handsets in different parts of the house and
    1:45:11 the echo and all of that? Those were my early shows. But I had no idea what I was doing. There
    1:45:16 was no podcast when I started. I started to upload my show to iTunes just for the kick of it,
    1:45:23 just to be able to share it. And now 12 years later, three weeks, I’m going to have
    1:45:29 my 12th anniversary of Design Matters. We won a Cooper Hewitt National Design Award in 2009,
    1:45:33 the end of 2015 iTunes. And you know this because you’re always on the list. But
    1:45:39 after 11 years, iTunes designated it one of the best podcasts on iTunes. And I’ve transitioned the
    1:45:46 show from a show about why design matters to a show about how creative people design their
    1:45:52 lives and the trajectory that people take. Even from this conversation, you can probably tell how
    1:45:59 interested I am in how people make their lives, the choices that they make and how they live and
    1:46:05 what they dream about and what they become. And so that’s the direction that the show has taken.
    1:46:12 And I’m about to approach my 300th episode. Congratulations. That’s a huge milestone. And
    1:46:19 you being interested in the way that you are and with the intensity that you are interested,
    1:46:26 I think is very well reflected in the episodes themselves. And we’ve spent some time in your
    1:46:35 studio. It is one of the most lovely and engaging conversations I’ve ever had in interview format.
    1:46:44 It was such a relaxed and fun experience for me, which is not the norm, as you know. So
    1:46:49 I certainly recommend everyone check out Design Matters. But I want to talk about some of
    1:46:57 your decisions. And specifically, we could talk for 20 hours, but I want to talk about a name that
    1:47:05 I had not heard in my life until very recently, Milton Glaser. And as you’d mentioned,
    1:47:13 you’d done, I guess, brand makeovers or branding for Burger King, Star Wars, I think you, Hershey’s
    1:47:17 Tropicana, I think was correct. Yes, yes. And tell me if I’m getting this wrong. But at one point,
    1:47:23 if you walked in any grocery store, supermarket, etc., you had a hand and say 20% of everything
    1:47:27 that you saw, something like that. Isn’t that crazy? Yes. It’s nuts. I mean, that’s mind blowing
    1:47:32 when you consider the number of different products, right? The SKUs. And for people who are wondering
    1:47:38 what CPG is, consumer packaged goods. And at some point, your hand was involved in
    1:47:44 just an incredible array and plentitude of different products. How did Milton Glaser enter
    1:47:51 the scene? And could you describe for people who he is? Milton Glaser is the elder statesman
    1:48:00 of the design world and is the world’s one of, certainly one of, if not the greatest living
    1:48:07 graphic designer. He’s in his 80s. He is responsible for the iHeart New York logo.
    1:48:15 He did that iconic Bob Dylan poster of Bob Dylan in profile with the streams of colorful hair.
    1:48:22 He is one of the founders of New York Magazine. The list goes on and on. He’s had more impact and
    1:48:30 created some of the most memorable, well-known and iconic brands and identities in the world.
    1:48:36 My relationship with Milton really began when I took a class of his at the School of Visual
    1:48:43 Arts, a summer intensive in the summer of 2005. I had already interviewed him for Design Matters,
    1:48:49 but it was over the phone. And while I cherished that interview, it was one of my very, very early
    1:48:55 interviews. So I’m somewhat gun shy to send people to listen to that one because it’s so early in
    1:49:01 my journey as a podcaster. But in any case, I took this class with him. And that class,
    1:49:07 you know, it’s interesting about how we started the show talking about my eight-year-old drawing and
    1:49:14 you talking about your friend who had written this essay that then predicted his life. Milton
    1:49:19 taught this summer intensive, I think, for about 40 or 50 years. And he used to say that it was one
    1:49:25 of the most important things that he did. He’s not teaching it anymore. He had us do an exercise
    1:49:34 in that class where we had to envision the life that we could have if we pursued everything that
    1:49:41 we wanted with the certainty that whatever it is that we wanted, we would succeed. I wrote an essay
    1:49:51 in July of 2005. It was supposed to be a five-year plan. And he asked us to dream big and not to
    1:49:58 edit and said that it had a bit of a magical quality that he experienced with his students
    1:50:06 over and over. So to be careful what we wished for. And I created this essay with these long-ranging,
    1:50:15 far-fetched goals that I can tell you now 12 years later have almost all come true. It is spooky,
    1:50:20 spooky. And so that’s an exercise I do now with my students. Milton has had one of the most profound
    1:50:26 impacts on my life, aside from, you know, the profound impact he’s had on the world. I feel
    1:50:32 really, really lucky that I have been a student of his and have gotten to interview him now numerous
    1:50:38 times and feel that my relationship with him is certainly one of the luckiest things that’s ever
    1:50:45 happened to me. Can you describe the exercise as you do it with your students now? Well, I teach
    1:50:50 undergrad and graduate classes at the School of Visual Arts. I run a masters in branding program
    1:50:57 at the School of Visual Arts, which I was given this opportunity via Steve Heller, who I again
    1:51:02 would not have met had that whole speak-up experience not happened. So yet another thing,
    1:51:07 every single thing that I’m doing now in my life, Tim, stems from that experience.
    1:51:16 So just to underscore another theme, he had in some sense you could interpret it as rejected
    1:51:21 two of your book ideas, even though he was nice to you and went out to lunch with you,
    1:51:28 but now later on down the line, you kept that relationship and lands you at SVA.
    1:51:36 Absolutely. I mean, Steve is one of the most generous and engaging people I have had the
    1:51:42 privilege of knowing. And I often tease Steve and say that he’s my fairy godfather because
    1:51:48 he’s the only person in my life, or maybe one of two people in my life now that I could say
    1:51:58 has just been, he has this sort of generosity that is all about here. Take this, do that,
    1:52:05 make this happen. This is for you. With no strings, no ties, no obligations, it’s just
    1:52:10 pure generosity. And he has done that over and over and over and over again for me
    1:52:18 since meeting him back in 2004. So the exercise that I do now with my students, because they’re
    1:52:24 quite a bit younger than I was when I was doing this five-year essay or five-year plan,
    1:52:30 I asked them to do a 10-year plan. And so this gives them a chance to really mature into who
    1:52:36 they are in their 20s and into their early 30s. And it’s this 10-year plan for what I call a
    1:52:42 remarkable life. And it’s about imagining what your life could be if you could do anything you
    1:52:53 wanted without any fear of failure. And they are the most life-affirming essays. They are so full
    1:53:04 of hope and optimism and well-being and goodness that it gives me a sense that humanity can be saved.
    1:53:12 And so I’ve borrowed that exercise from Milton and now use that both in my graduate program
    1:53:18 and the undergraduate classes that I teach. This is going to seem nerdy, but I’m a nerd,
    1:53:26 so I’ll run with it. And that is, do you have any parameters for people at home who might want to
    1:53:31 try this or recommendations, ways to start? Is it bullets or is it prose in full paragraphs?
    1:53:35 So it’s all paragraphs. How does it end? Any recommendations for people who would like to
    1:53:44 give this a stab? So let’s say it is winter 2027. What does your life look like? What are you doing?
    1:53:51 Where are you living? Who are you living with? Do you have pets? What kind of house are you in?
    1:53:55 Is it an apartment? Are you in the city or are you in the country? What does your furniture look
    1:53:59 like? What is your bed like? What are your sheets like? What kind of clothes do you wear? What kind
    1:54:05 of hair do you have? Tell me about your pets. Tell me about your significant other. Do you have
    1:54:10 children? Do you have a car? Do you have a boat? Do you have talk about your career? What do you
    1:54:17 want? What are you reading? What are you making? What excites you? What is your health like?
    1:54:26 And write this day, this one day, 10 years from now. So one day in the winter of 2027,
    1:54:32 what does your whole day look like? Start from the minute you wake up, brush your teeth,
    1:54:37 have your coffee or tea, all the way through till when you tuck yourself in at night.
    1:54:45 What is that day like for you? Dream big. Dream without any fear. Write it all down. You don’t
    1:54:54 have to share it with anyone other than yourself. Put your whole heart into it and write like there’s
    1:55:03 no tomorrow. Your life depends on it because it does. And then read it once a year and see what
    1:55:10 happens. It’s magic. I love this exercise. I need to do this. I’m not asking for some hypothetical
    1:55:17 listener. Listeners, I love you guys, but this is also for me. It is astounding and I do this now
    1:55:24 with all of my students. And I can’t begin to tell you how many letters I get from students
    1:55:32 from 10 years ago that are like, Debbie, it all came true. How did this happen? And I am so thrilled
    1:55:39 that these things can make a difference. And this goes back to the earlier part of our conversation
    1:55:47 about my own fears about what I could or would or should become. And the idea that at that same
    1:55:52 time in my life, that intersection on Bleecker Street and 6th Avenue, peering deep into my future
    1:55:58 and not knowing that anything was possible for me, to give somebody at that same stage in their life
    1:56:04 or any stage really, but particularly at that vulnerable stage when you are so worried about
    1:56:11 what you can or can’t become, to give somebody that sliver of a dream of a hope that this could
    1:56:18 happen and have them declare what they want, I think is a remarkable exercise. That’s why I
    1:56:25 call it your 10-year plan for a remarkable life. How long was your essay? Is there any
    1:56:31 consistency to lengthen their guidelines or is it as long as it takes? And some are two pages,
    1:56:37 some are 20 pages. Some are two pages, some are 20 pages. I think the longer it is, the more likely
    1:56:44 it is to be affirmed for some reason. I find the more care you put into it, the more care and detail
    1:56:51 you put in. Oh, doggie. That’s doggie. That’s my Molly. Sorry, she’s excited about this exercise.
    1:56:57 Please give me. Clearly. I think that the more care you put into it, the likely, the more success
    1:57:02 you’ll have coming out of it. Mine was, I wrote it in a journal that I was keeping at the time,
    1:57:08 so it was about five by seven, and it was probably about 10 handwritten, big handwriting. I had big
    1:57:15 handwriting, 10 big handwriting pages, and it was the whole day. And then, because I was really
    1:57:20 excited about it and because I love lists, I made a list of everything that I wanted to come true.
    1:57:29 Well, I tell you, I think that might be a good place to wrap up this part one, which I think we
    1:57:35 may have more conversations than us. I have so many questions I’d still like to ask, but
    1:57:44 I think that is, given people have a primacy and recency bias, I want them to remember this exercise
    1:57:50 as one of the actionable recommendations that they can certainly explore from this interview.
    1:57:57 And there’s so much. But let me ask, before I let you go, and I’ll ask where people can find you
    1:58:04 and so on, learn more about your work. But before that, is there any parting piece of advice or
    1:58:11 recommendation question, anything that you’d like listeners to carry with them when they
    1:58:20 stop listening to this? I recently went through a pretty major transition in my life. And
    1:58:30 it was something that I had to make a pretty big decision about. And it was a somewhat prolonged,
    1:58:38 agonizing decision so much so that my friends and loved ones were no longer listening to
    1:58:44 my sort of machinations and making the decision because I thought I never was going to actually
    1:58:49 make the decision. And so I can share that because I do think on the other side of that
    1:58:55 decision now is an important realization that I think can help people. I was working, I’ve had a
    1:59:02 full-time job since I graduated college. And for the last 22 years, I was working at a branding
    1:59:11 consultancy, as I mentioned, called Sterling Brands, and had been very lucky to be able to
    1:59:20 sell the company that I was a part of and ultimately a partner in after about 13 years of working there.
    1:59:25 So in 2008, the two partners that I had, the man that had originally hired me, Simon Williams,
    1:59:32 and then Austin McGee, who was the third partner to come in after me, we sold our company to Omnicom.
    1:59:37 And at the time, I had been offered this opportunity with Steve Heller to start the masters
    1:59:43 in branding program at the School of Visual Arts and organized my time so that my day job at Sterling
    1:59:49 Brands wouldn’t be impacted by what I was going to be doing at SVA, which was made possible by
    1:59:55 starting my branding program as an evening program. So I had two full-time jobs, a day job at Sterling
    2:00:01 and my night job at SVA. And most people thought that I would go through my earn out at Sterling
    2:00:07 and then leave and transition to working at SVA and doing all of the personal projects that
    2:00:13 I had been talking for so long about doing. So the five years happened and we had a really
    2:00:19 wonderful successful earn out. So there was no excuse to him for me to continue on the same path.
    2:00:26 And it was time to make that change. And the last thing I wanted was to end up like the
    2:00:30 characters in Revolutionary Road, that remarkable book where people talk about making these changes
    2:00:36 their whole lives and then never ever do. But I became terrified. I became terrified that if I
    2:00:46 made this change that I would not have financial stability anymore, that I would not be able to
    2:00:50 fulfill all of the dreams that I had and would have to confront that. And so five years turned into
    2:00:56 six years and six years turned into seven years. And just at a point where I was starting to think
    2:01:03 about really doing it, sort of like Al Pacino and Godfather III, I was offered an opportunity to
    2:01:09 take over as CEO of the company. Simon Williams, the then CEO, was looking to become chairman and
    2:01:15 needed to appoint a new CEO. And he came to me and asked me if I wanted the job. And here it was,
    2:01:22 this is the big decision of a life. Do I become the CEO and have this amazing continuation of
    2:01:30 money and career and security and everything else that is conventionally approved of?
    2:01:39 Or do I say no? Actually, I am not going to double down. I’m going to live the way in which I have
    2:01:45 been saying I wanted to with more freedom and more opportunity to do personal projects and pro bono
    2:01:51 projects and give back. And I had to decide. And it took me four months to decide. Simon Williams
    2:01:55 finally said to me, Debbie, anything that takes you four months to decide probably means you don’t
    2:02:02 want to do it. And it was the hardest decision of my life. But I turned it down. I turned the CEO
    2:02:08 job down. And then two things happened. First of all, one of the things that I realized was that
    2:02:18 I was in this trapeze. And rather than just let go of the trapeze and do something else,
    2:02:26 I had every single crook of my body holding on to some other trapeze. And that there was this
    2:02:34 sense of if I am not doing enough, I am not worthy. If I am not making enough, I am not worthy. If I am
    2:02:40 not producing enough, I am not worthy. And suddenly I had to not just let go of the trapeze, but let
    2:02:50 go of the entire apparatus. And I have realized now two things. One, most people live in a world
    2:02:55 of scarcity. We think that all we have now is all we ever have. And if we give something up, we will
    2:03:02 just have less. What ends up happening is that we don’t think about all the possibilities of things
    2:03:08 that could come up if we give ourselves openings to receive them. And so now, as opposed to having
    2:03:12 less than what I thought, I have way more because I have all these new things that I’m doing that I
    2:03:19 never would have thought possible. Second, that hard decisions are only hard when you’re in the
    2:03:27 process of making them. Once you make them, they’re not hard anymore. Then it’s just life and freedom.
    2:03:32 And it’s an extraordinary experience that I really would like to share with your listeners,
    2:03:42 with our listeners. It’s such an important discussion on many levels. It’s worth repeating
    2:03:49 a few things. And certainly this echoes in my experience as well. One, that agonizing over
    2:03:56 the decision is often harder than whatever the outcome of the decision will be. And for that
    2:04:00 matter, if you make in many cases, not all, but in many cases, if you make a decision
    2:04:06 and you decide that it’s not the right decision for you, you can quit. You can do something else.
    2:04:13 It’s not a permanent sentence necessarily. And also, this is something that I’ve had to learn
    2:04:18 and relearn many times in my life, which is if it’s taken you that long to make a decision,
    2:04:25 you probably don’t and shouldn’t. Don’t want to and shouldn’t do whatever it is that you’re
    2:04:32 agonizing over with pro and con lists trying to justify in some fashion. It’s in both of those
    2:04:37 points, I think, are so, so important. I also think that if you’re waiting for something to feel
    2:04:44 right before you do it, if you’re waiting for a sense of security or confidence, that those things
    2:04:49 are sort of like being on a hedonistic treadmill. If you think you need enough of this before you
    2:04:54 do that, when you achieve whatever that is you think you need, you’re gonna then up the ante and
    2:05:02 you’re never, ever going to be satisfied with whatever it is you think you need before you do
    2:05:08 something if it’s not something that is real. If you think, oh, I need this much money before I do
    2:05:12 this, when you get that much money, then you’re gonna realize, oh, I actually think I need this
    2:05:17 much more and it’s just gonna be this carrot in front of you that you’re agonizing over trying to
    2:05:21 reach. And then the other thing is I’m gonna quote Danny Shapiro here, the great writer,
    2:05:27 Danny Shapiro, if you’re waiting for confidence and she, I asked her once about confidence and she
    2:05:34 said that confidence is highly, highly overrated and that most confident people or overly confident
    2:05:39 people tend to be kind of annoying. And she said what she felt was more important than confidence
    2:05:45 was courage. And I fully, fully agree taking that first step. Confidence really only comes from
    2:05:51 repeated attempts at doing something successfully. But in order to take that first step, you need
    2:05:56 courage and that’s much more important than confidence over anybody that’s waiting for the
    2:06:01 confidence to show up, take the first step in a moment of courage, even if it’s aberrant courage
    2:06:07 to come full circle in this conversation. Such good advice. It reminds me of something that
    2:06:14 the brother Kamal Ravikant of another friend of mine, Naval Ravikant told me, and Naval is a very,
    2:06:20 very successful entrepreneur and investor, among other things, very, very good writer as well as
    2:06:25 his brother Kamal. He just had a novel come out. But Naval said to his brother, if I always did
    2:06:33 what I was qualified to do, I’d be pushing a broom somewhere. Well said. And I thought that was
    2:06:40 very, very encouraging. Touche. Debbie, I have so much fun every time we get to spend time together.
    2:06:46 Where can people find out more about you? Where can they learn more about your work? Where would
    2:06:50 you like people to say hello on social, if that, and I’ll put all of this in the show notes for
    2:06:55 everybody. Sure. Absolutely. I’m Debbie Milliman on Twitter and Instagram. You can see more about
    2:07:02 my program at the School of Visual Arts at sva.edu. And DebbieMilliman.com, where you can
    2:07:07 listen to all my podcasts and see my visual essays and my books and so on and so forth.
    2:07:13 For people who would be novices or new entrants into the world of, say, graphic design,
    2:07:18 recognizing that your podcast is about a lot more than that, which episode or episodes would you
    2:07:26 suggest they start with? I would suggest that they start with Chris Ware. He is an extraordinary
    2:07:32 graphic novelist. It’s one of the most favorite episodes that I’ve ever conducted.
    2:07:39 How do you spell his last name? W-A-R-E. And from there, some of my favorite episodes over
    2:07:46 the last year, aside from my episode with you, which I cherish, my episodes with Amanda Palmer,
    2:07:52 my episode with Alan de Bottin, my episode with Krista Tippett, Niko Mouli, the great composer.
    2:07:56 Those are all episodes in the last year that I’m most proud of.
    2:07:59 Debbie, you’re a rock star. Thank you so much for the time.
    2:08:03 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate it. And to everybody listening,
    2:08:09 as always, you can find show notes, links to resources, all sorts of things that we talked
    2:08:16 about and maybe more at fourhourworkweek.com/podcast. And until next time, thank you for listening.
    2:08:23 Hey, guys, this is Tim again. Just one more thing before you take off. And that is Five Bullet
    2:08:28 Friday. Would you enjoy getting a short email from me every Friday that provides a little fun
    2:08:33 before the weekend? Between one and a half and two million people subscribe to my free newsletter,
    2:08:38 my super short newsletter called Five Bullet Friday. Easy to sign up, easy to cancel. It is
    2:08:44 basically a half page that I send out every Friday to share the coolest things I’ve found
    2:08:48 or discovered or have started exploring over that week. It’s kind of like my diary of cool things.
    2:08:54 It often includes articles I’m reading, books I’m reading, albums, perhaps gadgets, gizmos,
    2:09:00 all sorts of tech tricks and so on that get sent to me by my friends, including a lot of podcast
    2:09:06 guests and these strange esoteric things end up in my field. And then I test them and then I share
    2:09:12 them with you. So if that sounds fun, again, it’s very short, a little tiny bite of goodness before
    2:09:17 you head off for the weekend, something to think about. If you’d like to try it out, just go to
    2:09:23 tim.blog/friday. Type that into your browser, tim.blog/friday. Drop in your email and you’ll
    2:09:30 get the very next one. Thanks for listening. This episode is brought to you by 8Sleep. I have been
    2:09:35 using 8Sleep Pod Cover for years now. Why? Well, by simply adding it to your existing mattress on
    2:09:41 top like a fitted sheet, you can automatically cool down or warm up each side of your bed.
    2:09:45 8Sleep recently launched their newest generation of the pod and I’m excited to test it out,
    2:09:52 Pod 4 Ultra. It cools, it heats, and now it elevates automatically. More on that in a second.
    2:09:57 First, Pod 4 Ultra can cool down each side of the bed as much as 20 degrees Fahrenheit below
    2:10:02 room temperature, keeping you and your partner cool, even in a heatwave. Or you can switch it up
    2:10:07 depending on which of you is heat sensitive. I am always more heat sensitive, pulling the sheets
    2:10:12 off, closing the windows, trying to crank the AC down. This solves all of that. Pod 4 Ultra also
    2:10:16 introduces an adjustable base that fits between your mattress and your bed frame and adds reading
    2:10:21 and sleeping positions for the best unwinding experience. And for those snore heavy nights,
    2:10:25 the pod can detect your snoring and automatically lift your head by a few degrees to improve air
    2:10:31 flow and stop you or your partner from snoring. Plus, with Pod 4 Ultra, you can leave your wearables
    2:10:35 on the nightstand. You won’t need them because these types of mattress are integrated into
    2:10:40 the Pod 4 Ultra itself. They have imperceptible sensors which track your sleep time, sleep phases,
    2:10:47 and HRV. Their heart rate tracking is just one example is at 99% accuracy. So get your best night
    2:10:54 sleep. Head to 8sleep.com/tim and use Code Tim to get $350 off of the Pod 4 Ultra.
    2:11:03 That’s 8sleep, all spelled out, 8sleep.com/tim and Code Tim TIM to get $350 off the Pod 4 Ultra.
    2:11:07 They currently ship to the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Europe, and Australia.
    2:11:14 This episode is brought to you by AG1, the daily foundational nutritional supplement that supports
    2:11:20 whole body health. I view AG1 as comprehensive nutritional insurance and that is nothing new.
    2:11:27 I actually recommended AG1 in my 2010 best seller more than a decade ago, the 4-hour body,
    2:11:33 and I did not get paid to do so. I simply loved the product and felt like it was the ultimate
    2:11:39 nutritionally dense supplement that you could use conveniently while on run, which is, for me,
    2:11:44 a lot of the time. I have been using it a very, very long time indeed and I do get asked a lot
    2:11:49 what I would take if I could only take one supplement and the true answer is invariably AG1.
    2:11:54 It simply covers a ton of bases. I usually drink it in the mornings and frequently take
    2:12:00 their travel packs with me on the road. So what is AG1? What is this stuff? AG1 is a science-driven
    2:12:06 formulation of vitamins, probiotics, and whole food source nutrients. In a single scoop, AG1
    2:12:12 gives you support for the brain, gut, and immune system. Since 2010, they have improved the formula
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    2:12:24 using rigorous standards and high quality ingredients. How many ingredients? 75 and you would
    2:12:29 be hard-pressed to find a more nutrient-dense formula on the market. It has a multibitamin,
    2:12:34 multi-mineral superfood complex, probiotics and prebiotics for gut health, an antioxidant immune
    2:12:40 support formula that adjusts to enzymes and adaptogens to help manage stress. Now, I do my best
    2:12:47 always to eat nutrient-dense meals. That is the basic, basic, basic requirement. That is why
    2:12:51 things are called supplements. Of course, that’s what I focus on, but it is not always possible.
    2:12:59 It is not always easy. So part of my routine is using AG1 daily. If I’m on the road, on the run,
    2:13:04 it just makes it easy to get a lot of nutrients at once and to sleep easy knowing that I am
    2:13:10 checking a lot of important boxes. So each morning, AG1. That’s just like brushing my teeth part of
    2:13:16 the routine. It’s also NSF certified for sport, so professional athletes trust it to be safe.
    2:13:21 And each pouch of AG1 contains exactly what is on the label, does not contain harmful levels
    2:13:27 of microbes or heavy metals, and is free of 280 band substances. It’s the ultimate nutritional
    2:13:33 supplement in one easy scoop. So take ownership of your health and try AG1 today. You will get a
    2:13:39 free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free AG1 travel packs with your first subscription
    2:13:48 purchase. So learn more, check it out. Go to drinkag1.com/tim. That’s drinkag1, the number one.
    2:14:00 Drinkag1.com/tim. Last time, drinkag1.com/tim. Check it out.

    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #366 “Neil Gaiman — The Interview I’ve Waited 20 Years to Do” and episode #214 “How to Design a Life — Debbie Millman.”

    Please enjoy!

    Sponsors:

    AG1 all-in-one nutritional supplement: https://drinkag1.com/tim (1-year supply of Vitamin D (and 5 free AG1 travel packs) with your first subscription purchase.)

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    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [05:11] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [06:14] Enter Neil Gaiman.

    [06:44] What Ian Fleming taught Neil about writing — even when he doesn’t want to.

    [09:56] Neil’s biggest rule for writing.

    [12:41] Neil’s process for writing first drafts.

    [14:30] What Neil aims to accomplish with his second drafts.

    [14:40] Something Neil noticed when he first started writing and editing with the use of computers.

    [17:27] Notebooks Neil prefers for writing first drafts.

    [21:56] Fountain pens Neil has known and loved.

    [22:57] How Neil’s default writing time has changed over the years.

    [24:56] The value of the Groundhog Day routine.

    [26:24] Today’s methods may not be tomorrow’s.

    [27:53] Lessons learned from Terry Pratchett.

    [29:22] Parting thoughts and gratitude.

    [31:21] Enter Debbie Millman.

    [31:45] How Debbie describes her diverse background to new acquaintances.

    [33:38] A childhood drawing predicting Debbie’s future.

    [37:54] Debbie’s unintentional path to becoming a designer.

    [45:41] Overcoming initial rejection.

    [50:04] Debbie’s advice to her college self after that first major rejection.

    [54:25] Empathy vs. feeling slighted by those who reject us.

    [59:28] Manhattan’s influence on Debbie’s pursuit of happiness and career.

    [1:06:42] Debbie’s abuse history and its impact on her self-sufficiency and charitable work.

    [1:12:41] Coping with abuse aftermath and feelings of isolation.

    [1:18:40] Debbie’s experience being called a “corporate clown” and “she-devil.”

    [1:37:00] From lowest point to godmother: a transformative journey.

    [1:37:38] The world-changing potential of brochures.

    [1:43:14] The Design Matters podcast: origins and evolution over 12 years.

    [1:46:46] Milton Glaser’s impact on design and Debbie’s life.

    [1:52:16] The “10-Year Plan for a Remarkable Life” exercise.

    [1:57:51] The nature of hard decisions.

    [2:07:07] Recommended Design Matters episodes for design novices.

    [2:07:55] Parting thoughts.

    *

    For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.

    For deals from sponsors of The Tim Ferriss Showplease visit tim.blog/podcast-sponsors

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    Past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry SeinfeldHugh JackmanDr. Jane GoodallLeBron JamesKevin HartDoris Kearns GoodwinJamie FoxxMatthew McConaugheyEsther PerelElizabeth GilbertTerry CrewsSiaYuval Noah HarariMalcolm GladwellMadeleine AlbrightCheryl StrayedJim CollinsMary Karr, Maria PopovaSam HarrisMichael PhelpsBob IgerEdward NortonArnold SchwarzeneggerNeil StraussKen BurnsMaria SharapovaMarc AndreessenNeil GaimanNeil de Grasse TysonJocko WillinkDaniel EkKelly SlaterDr. Peter AttiaSeth GodinHoward MarksDr. Brené BrownEric SchmidtMichael LewisJoe GebbiaMichael PollanDr. Jordan PetersonVince VaughnBrian KoppelmanRamit SethiDax ShepardTony RobbinsJim DethmerDan HarrisRay DalioNaval RavikantVitalik ButerinElizabeth LesserAmanda PalmerKatie HaunSir Richard BransonChuck PalahniukArianna HuffingtonReid HoffmanBill BurrWhitney CummingsRick RubinDr. Vivek MurthyDarren AronofskyMargaret AtwoodMark ZuckerbergPeter ThielDr. Gabor MatéAnne LamottSarah SilvermanDr. Andrew Huberman, and many more.

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  • #749: Michael Lewis and Martine Rothblatt

    AI transcript
    0:00:02 This episode is brought to you by 8 Sleep.
    0:00:05 I have been using 8 Sleep pod cover for years now.
    0:00:06 Why?
    0:00:09 Well, by simply adding it to your existing mattress on top like a fitted sheet,
    0:00:14 you can automatically cool down or warm up each side of your bed.
    0:00:18 8 Sleep recently launched their newest generation of the pod and I’m excited to test it out.
    0:00:20 Pod 4 Ultra.
    0:00:23 It cools, it heats, and now it elevates automatically.
    0:00:24 More on that in a second.
    0:00:29 First, Pod 4 Ultra can cool down each side of the bed as much as 20 degrees Fahrenheit below
    0:00:33 room temperature, giving you and your partner cool even in a heat wave.
    0:00:36 Or you can switch it up depending on which of you is heat sensitive.
    0:00:40 I am always more heat sensitive pulling the sheets off,
    0:00:42 closing the windows, trying to crank the AC down.
    0:00:44 This solves all of that.
    0:00:48 Pod 4 Ultra also introduces an adjustable base that fits between your mattress and your bed frame
    0:00:52 and adds reading and sleeping positions for the best unwinding experience.
    0:00:56 And for those snore heavy nights, the pod can detect your snoring and automatically
    0:01:01 lift your head by a few degrees to improve airflow and stop you or your partner from snoring.
    0:01:04 Plus, with the Pod 4 Ultra, you can leave your wearables on the nightstand.
    0:01:09 You won’t need them because these types of metrics are integrated into the Pod 4 Ultra itself.
    0:01:13 They have imperceptible sensors which track your sleep time, sleep bases, and HRV.
    0:01:18 Their heart rate tracking is just one example is at 99% accuracy.
    0:01:20 So get your best night’s sleep.
    0:01:27 Head to 8sleep.com/tim and use code TIM to get $350 off of the Pod 4 Ultra.
    0:01:35 That’s 8sleep, all spelled out, 8sleep.com/tim and code TIM to get $350 off the Pod 4 Ultra.
    0:01:40 They currently ship to the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Europe, and Australia.
    0:01:48 This episode is brought to you by Shopify, one of my absolute favorite companies.
    0:01:50 And they make some of my favorite products.
    0:01:54 Shopify is the commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide.
    0:01:58 And I’ve known the team since 2008 or 2009.
    0:02:02 But prior to that, I wish I had personally had Shopify in the early 2000s when I was
    0:02:04 running my own e-commerce business.
    0:02:09 I tell that story in the 4-hour work week, but the tools then were absolutely atrocious.
    0:02:12 And I could only dream of a platform like Shopify.
    0:02:17 In fact, it was you guys, my dear readers, who introduced me to Shopify when I polled
    0:02:20 all of you about best e-commerce platforms around 2009.
    0:02:23 And they’ve only become better and better since.
    0:02:27 Whether you’re a garage entrepreneur or getting ready for your IPO,
    0:02:32 Shopify is the only tool you need to start, run, and grow your business without the struggle.
    0:02:35 Shopify puts you in control of every sales channel.
    0:02:39 Doesn’t matter if you’re selling satin sheets from Shopify’s in-person POS system
    0:02:43 or offering organic olive oil on Shopify’s all-in-one e-commerce platform.
    0:02:46 However you interact with your customers, you’re covered.
    0:02:49 And once you’ve reached your audience, Shopify has the internet’s best converting
    0:02:52 checkout to help you turn browsers into buyers.
    0:02:56 Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the United States.
    0:03:01 And Shopify is truly a global force as the e-commerce solution behind Allbirds,
    0:03:07 Rothes, Brooklyn, and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across more than 170 countries.
    0:03:11 Plus, Shopify’s award-winning help is there to support your success every step of the way
    0:03:13 if you have questions.
    0:03:15 This is Possibility Powered by Shopify.
    0:03:16 So check it out.
    0:03:20 Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.
    0:03:22 That’s S-H-O-P-I-F-Y.
    0:03:23 Shopify.com/Tim.
    0:03:28 Go to Shopify.com/Tim to take your business to the next level today.
    0:03:32 One more time, all lowercase, Shopify.com/Tim.
    0:03:58 Hello, boys and girls, ladies and germs.
    0:04:00 This is Tim Ferriss.
    0:04:03 Welcome to another episode of The Tim Ferriss Show, where it is my job to sit down with
    0:04:09 world-class performers from every field imaginable to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books,
    0:04:13 and so on that you can apply and test in your own lives.
    0:04:18 This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10th
    0:04:23 year anniversary, which is insane to think about, and past one billion downloads.
    0:04:28 To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best, some of my favorites
    0:04:31 from more than 700 episodes over the last decade.
    0:04:36 I could not be more excited to give you these super combo episodes, and internally we’ve
    0:04:41 been calling these the super combo episodes, because my goal is to encourage you to, yes,
    0:04:46 enjoy the household names, the super famous folks, but to also introduce you to lesser known people
    0:04:48 I consider stars.
    0:04:54 These are people who have transformed my life, and I feel like they can do the same for many of you.
    0:04:58 Perhaps they got lost in a busy news cycle, perhaps you missed an episode.
    0:05:03 Just trust me on this one, we went to great pains to put these pairings together.
    0:05:10 And for the bios of all guests, you can find that and more at tim.log/combo.
    0:05:15 And now, without further ado, please enjoy and thank you for listening.
    0:05:23 First up, Michael Lewis, the number one New York Times best-selling author of more than 15 books,
    0:05:31 including Moneyball, The Blind Side, and The Big Short, which were made into major motion pictures,
    0:05:39 and his latest, Going Infinite, which delves into the rise and fall of FTX and its founder,
    0:05:40 Sam Bankman Freed.
    0:05:47 A topic Michael also explores in depth in his critically acclaimed podcast, Against the Rules.
    0:05:52 You can learn more about Michael at MichaelLewisWrites.com.
    0:06:03 I’m looking at a paragraph from brainpickings.org, which is run by Maria Popova, who I’m very fond of.
    0:06:06 And there’s a piece on your writing process.
    0:06:10 She may have been quoting a different source, but I just want to read something quickly.
    0:06:12 And then we can discuss, these are your words.
    0:06:15 Before I wrote my first book in 1989, the sum total of my earnings as a writer
    0:06:18 over four years of freelancing was about 3,000 bucks.
    0:06:22 So it did appear to be financial suicide when I quit my job at Solomon Brothers,
    0:06:26 where I’d been working for a couple of years and where I’d just gotten a bonus of $225,000,
    0:06:32 which they’d promised they’d double the following year to take a $40,000 book advance
    0:06:34 for a book that took a year and a half to write.
    0:06:40 Was that a hard decision or was it something you’d just been biding your time for?
    0:06:42 You put it very well.
    0:06:44 It was something I’d been biding my time for.
    0:06:48 When I went into Solomon Brothers, I knew that this was a temp gig.
    0:06:54 I’d be there for a few years and I was there more out of curiosity about how this world worked
    0:06:58 than I was to advance a career.
    0:07:04 In fact, aside from the money, which I liked, I didn’t think really much about the career at
    0:07:05 Solomon Brothers because I knew I could only hang out.
    0:07:07 My interest would only last for so long.
    0:07:10 And I was intensely interested in it as I was learning about it.
    0:07:14 But when I kind of figured it all out and got a sense of how it all worked and
    0:07:17 there weren’t any more questions I had that needed to be answered,
    0:07:19 I really started to get bored.
    0:07:22 But the whole time I was there, I was writing.
    0:07:28 I got myself in trouble because I’d actually tend to write about what’s around me.
    0:07:33 And so I started to write things about this great boom that was happening on Wall Street
    0:07:39 was really the beginning of what we still live with, this notion of 22 or 23-year-olds
    0:07:41 rolling on and making a fortune.
    0:07:44 The sums of money being made on Wall Street and the share of the economy it occupied
    0:07:46 was expanding rapidly.
    0:07:48 And no one quite understood why.
    0:07:52 So there was a natural market for me to sort of try to explain it.
    0:07:56 And I mentioned the Wall Street Journal asked me to write op-eds for them.
    0:08:00 I wrote an op-ed arguing that investment bankers were overpaid.
    0:08:05 And in the bottom of the op-ed, it said Michael Lewis is an associate with Solomon Brothers in London.
    0:08:10 But I tell you, I must have like a blind streak, right?
    0:08:13 Because my reaction was, “Wow, great piece.”
    0:08:17 When they sent me the galleys or whatever it was, I said, “This is fabulous.”
    0:08:20 And I didn’t even think, “What are the people at Solomon Brothers going to think?”
    0:08:25 Except maybe they’re going to be thinking, “So cool that I wrote an article on the Wall Street Journal.”
    0:08:27 I got to work the next day.
    0:08:31 And there’s a fellow who ran all of Solomon Brothers International.
    0:08:32 Delightful guy.
    0:08:34 He was the guy who had hired me in the first place.
    0:08:39 And he was ash and face sitting at my desk with this little newspaper on his lap.
    0:08:43 And he said, “Michael, I mean, it was really not an anger.
    0:08:44 It was more in sadness.”
    0:08:47 He said, “Michael, you have no idea of the damage you’ve done.”
    0:08:48 And I was kind of like, “What do you mean?”
    0:08:52 He said, “This thing is being picked up all over the United States.
    0:08:57 And we’ve had a crisis meeting overnight of the Solomon Brothers board.
    0:08:59 What to do about it?”
    0:09:04 They couldn’t have wouldn’t have fired me because I had just flukelly started to generate
    0:09:06 a whole lot of money for them, like a whole lot of money.
    0:09:08 I was essentially a salesperson.
    0:09:16 And I had at that point the second biggest money generating account in the entire firm.
    0:09:21 And the person would speak only to me, even though I’d only been there a year and a half.
    0:09:25 It was basically the most sophisticated hedge fund sort of manager in Europe.
    0:09:27 And so they didn’t want to fire me because they didn’t want to lose him.
    0:09:32 He said to me, my boss said, “What are we going to do about this?”
    0:09:34 And I said, “I don’t really want to do anything about this.”
    0:09:37 And he said, “Well, we need you to stop writing.”
    0:09:39 And I said, “I’m not going to stop writing.
    0:09:40 It’s what I love to do.”
    0:09:42 And he had the bright idea.
    0:09:44 He said, “Could you write under a different name?”
    0:09:46 And I said, “No problem.
    0:09:46 I can do that.”
    0:09:48 And he said, “What name are you going to use?”
    0:09:49 Actually just popped into my head.
    0:09:51 I’ll use my mother’s maiden name.
    0:09:55 So I wrote under the name Diana Bleeker for maybe the next nine months or a year.
    0:10:00 And maybe not quite that long, but I wrote half a dozen pieces.
    0:10:01 They got better and better.
    0:10:04 I was getting better and better because I had better and better editing.
    0:10:08 So Michael Kinsley, who was then editing the New Republic, had walked into my life.
    0:10:13 And he was teaching me writing lessons basically in the way he edited the pieces.
    0:10:18 But the pieces Diana Bleeker was writing, I mean, I really felt off the leash
    0:10:20 because nobody could trace it back to me.
    0:10:24 I was almost describing the trading floor around me in pieces.
    0:10:26 And people were circulating.
    0:10:27 It was really great.
    0:10:30 I was sitting in London at my desk doing my business.
    0:10:34 And I would watch people Xeroxing articles I’d written in the New Republic under Diana
    0:10:36 Bleeker and pass them out on the trading floor.
    0:10:40 And so I had a sense that like, God, people are hungry for this.
    0:10:41 People are laughing.
    0:10:42 People were, it was just working.
    0:10:48 Now the money part of it, what happened was I came home one night to my house in London,
    0:10:55 picked up a phone call, and it was a man named Ned Chase, who happens to be Chevy Chase’s dad,
    0:10:58 who was a senior editor at Simon & Schuster.
    0:11:02 And he said, I figured out who Diana Bleeker was and I got your number.
    0:11:04 I never found out how he did that.
    0:11:05 We think you should write a book.
    0:11:09 And at that point, I thought, I’m out.
    0:11:13 If someone will publish a book by me, I’m not hanging around the Wall Street firm any longer.
    0:11:17 I did hang around an extra three months to get my bonus.
    0:11:20 But the minute I saw the money hit the bank account and I knew they couldn’t take it back,
    0:11:21 I left.
    0:11:23 And not because I, you know, disliked them.
    0:11:26 It was just, I loved a lot of the guys there.
    0:11:27 Mostly it was almost all guys.
    0:11:30 I really liked my bosses generally.
    0:11:33 I just was bored with the work and I had this other thing I love to do.
    0:11:39 You know, I had two conversations in which people tried to say, oh, don’t do that.
    0:11:44 Don’t walk away from a sure fortune to go take a flyer on writing a book.
    0:11:48 One was my bosses who took me into a room.
    0:11:51 And this tells you just how innocent an age it was.
    0:11:53 I mean, these days you’d be in a room with lawyers, right?
    0:11:57 And, and you’d be told you signed this nine disclosure agreement and you’re writing anything
    0:11:58 about anything.
    0:11:59 They didn’t care about it.
    0:12:01 They were worried about my sanity.
    0:12:02 They were actually worried about my career.
    0:12:08 They couldn’t believe that I was going to walk away from this really cushy situation
    0:12:10 and go and do that other thing.
    0:12:12 So they were trying to help me.
    0:12:15 And I just said, you know, I got this feeling I got to do this.
    0:12:19 My father said, you know, you really could just wait.
    0:12:24 You really could just collect some millions of dollars and then write your books.
    0:12:29 But the problem was I was what, 27 at the time?
    0:12:35 I looked ahead of me and I looked at people who were 35 or 37 and they seemed ancient
    0:12:37 and they seemed completely stuck.
    0:12:42 Like they made so much money and their lives had adapted to the making of money.
    0:12:44 Depended on the making of money.
    0:12:48 I just thought there’s no way I’d spend a lot of time here and still even want to do this.
    0:12:51 I’d be trapped and I don’t want to do that.
    0:12:54 So I ignored all that advice and just went and did it.
    0:12:57 And it worked out, you know, that was Liars Poker.
    0:13:03 Liars Poker, at least I’ve read, was intended to be a cautionary tale of sorts.
    0:13:05 It’s not how everybody took it.
    0:13:07 I mean, it’s a very exciting book.
    0:13:08 The thing is, it’s like a funny book.
    0:13:09 It was a funny story.
    0:13:11 It’s a very, very funny book.
    0:13:17 And it’s also an incredible story because you’re seeing this transformation of this industry
    0:13:20 and the effect on all these young people.
    0:13:26 But I had only one kind of moralistic thought in mind when I wrote it because I really just thought
    0:13:34 my models that I had in my head when I wrote it were Education of Henry Adams and Rousseau’s Confessions.
    0:13:40 The model was just tell the world what happened exactly as you remember it and that’s enough.
    0:13:44 You don’t need to layer on an interpretation of what happened.
    0:13:45 What happens good enough.
    0:13:52 And the extent I wanted kind of to push the reader in any direction, it was just really young readers,
    0:13:59 like people in college, that I hoped would read it and would say, yeah, I now know what this is.
    0:14:01 Yeah, there’s money there.
    0:14:03 But a lot of it’s kind of silly.
    0:14:07 And I have these other things I want to do with my life and I’m going to go do them.
    0:14:12 So I’m not going to be seduced by Goldman Sachs or have Goldman Sachs pray on my anxiety
    0:14:15 about my future when I’m walking out of my college.
    0:14:16 I’m going to go do what I’m meant to do.
    0:14:20 And I felt that way because I had watched classmates at Princeton,
    0:14:25 just naturally drift into the arms of the investment banks because they really couldn’t,
    0:14:28 they felt they couldn’t resist the money and they were anxious about not being successes.
    0:14:36 Then what happens is the book comes out and the book makes it seem because it was as business goes,
    0:14:40 incredibly colorful and entertaining and lucrative.
    0:14:47 And I had dozens of letters a day from young readers saying, dear Mr. Lewis,
    0:14:52 I really loved your how to book about Wall Street, about how to make money on Wall Street.
    0:14:55 And I’m hoping that there’s some tips in there that you didn’t put in there
    0:14:56 that you could let me know so I have an edge.
    0:15:03 It just fueled the desire of young people to want to do it more.
    0:15:04 And I didn’t see that coming.
    0:15:05 And that’s something I don’t know.
    0:15:08 Anybody who writes books, I think, learns that you write a book,
    0:15:09 but the reader reads a book.
    0:15:14 And the reader may read a book that’s entirely different from what you thought you wrote.
    0:15:16 And you can’t really do that much about it.
    0:15:19 How do you think about, if you do, ambition?
    0:15:23 And this may not be a good question, but it seems like from what I’ve read,
    0:15:28 the overt ambition that kind of people wear on their shirt sleeves
    0:15:36 in certainly many parts of Wall Street, you find off-putting or maybe in bad taste.
    0:15:39 But you certainly don’t shy away from ambitious projects, right?
    0:15:43 How do you personally think about ambitious, and I don’t want to put words in your mouth either?
    0:15:46 No, no, it’s an interesting way to frame the question.
    0:15:47 How do I think about ambition?
    0:15:53 Well, I could tell you, I thought it was so comical that I was going to be
    0:15:58 in this ambitious money-making world that the week before I went to Solomon Brothers,
    0:16:03 I went into Paul Stewart, this men’s store, because I saw it through their window.
    0:16:07 I saw they had red suspenders with little gold dollar signs on them.
    0:16:10 And I thought, this is like a way to make fun of the whole thing.
    0:16:11 And nobody thought it was funny.
    0:16:13 Nobody thought it was like, you can’t wear that shit around here.
    0:16:18 You can’t wear that shit until you are a big enough deal to wear that shit.
    0:16:21 I’ve always been enormously ambitious in a way.
    0:16:25 I’ve always wanted my life to be great, like really great.
    0:16:28 I’m competitive, like very competitive.
    0:16:30 And I love competitive sports.
    0:16:31 I love winning.
    0:16:33 I don’t particularly like losing.
    0:16:40 I guess number one, I don’t accept money as an accurate measure
    0:16:44 or any kind of real measure of whether you’re winning or losing.
    0:16:47 So money doesn’t hold that, doesn’t have that hold on me.
    0:16:50 Fame a bit more.
    0:16:56 I mean, I would say a lust for attention and fame is probably closer to a vice of mind
    0:16:58 than a lust for money and fortune.
    0:17:04 But even that, I find I get tired of and it just doesn’t interest me that much.
    0:17:09 I don’t think I’m a maximizer in that I try to get a lot of a thing.
    0:17:13 It’s more, if I’m trying to maximize anything, it’s a feeling.
    0:17:16 And it’s a feeling that that was a kickass book.
    0:17:19 I could look at something and just say, that is a great piece of work.
    0:17:23 That feeling is what I’m kind of always gunning for.
    0:17:24 And it’s a pretty private feeling.
    0:17:28 And I think over time, I mean, you must have found this too,
    0:17:37 that the response that I have to external validation has become muted and numbed.
    0:17:41 And when I got a glowing review for Liar’s Poker,
    0:17:43 and it went to the top of the New York Times bestsell list,
    0:17:46 it was like dancing all over my kitchen.
    0:17:47 I mean, I was just happy as a clam.
    0:17:51 I couldn’t believe that it was like I just won the Super Bowl.
    0:17:54 And now I don’t read the reviews.
    0:17:59 I sometimes forget whether a book is on the New York Times bestsell list or not.
    0:18:01 I’m not paying as much attention to it.
    0:18:03 It doesn’t gratify me in the same way.
    0:18:09 But the gratification I get from looking at something that I think I’ve done that’s really good
    0:18:12 is at least as great as it was back then.
    0:18:13 I think I’m tapping into that.
    0:18:17 I think I’m tapping into like the pleasure I got when I was just all by myself in a room
    0:18:19 laughing at my own jokes.
    0:18:25 It’s sort of like maximizing self-satisfaction, which is maybe not the most attractive trait
    0:18:29 that my ambition is to maximize my self-satisfaction.
    0:18:30 Maybe that’s my ambition.
    0:18:37 Let’s jump into the process associated with the maximizing the self-satisfaction.
    0:18:40 You mentioned laughing at your own jokes.
    0:18:44 I have read that you sometimes write late at night, say midnight,
    0:18:50 you put on a headset and play the same soundtrack of, say, 20 songs over and over again.
    0:18:52 Is that something that you still do?
    0:18:55 Yes. In fact, I did it yesterday.
    0:18:59 Kids screwed up my natural writing rhythm.
    0:19:02 My natural rhythm would be to kind of start about four in the afternoon
    0:19:06 and write till three in the morning and sleep until noon.
    0:19:07 But you can’t do that with kids.
    0:19:14 So I’m not as likely to be found late at night at my desk, though it happens sometimes.
    0:19:20 But whenever I’m writing, I have headphones on and I have a soundtrack I write to.
    0:19:22 And the soundtrack changes.
    0:19:23 It changes book to book.
    0:19:30 And it’s got to the point where both my wife and my kids will recommend songs for the soundtrack
    0:19:31 for whatever the next project is.
    0:19:33 And I’ll build a soundtrack intentionally.
    0:19:36 And the music is, you know, it’s all over the map.
    0:19:41 It tends to be very up, but it tends to be music that I just stop hearing.
    0:19:45 And I noticed something really funny, just the last couple of weeks,
    0:19:50 because I’m working on something now, the second season of my podcast,
    0:19:53 where I have a different relation to music.
    0:19:56 The podcast is about coaching.
    0:19:58 And the last episode, which I have still not written,
    0:20:00 it’s the only episode I haven’t written,
    0:20:04 is me getting coached in something I’m incredibly uncomfortable doing.
    0:20:05 And it’s singing.
    0:20:09 I’ve been doing voice lessons an hour every day for the last three months.
    0:20:13 And there’s a song I sing, and I’m going to tell you which one it is,
    0:20:16 that I’m going to have to sing, that I’ve been practicing,
    0:20:18 that happens to be on my soundtrack.
    0:20:23 And now I realize I have to remove it because it kicks my brain into a different space.
    0:20:25 All of a sudden, I hear it, and it’s like Pavlavi.
    0:20:27 And I’ve got to belt out the tune.
    0:20:29 I’ve got to worry about hitting a high note.
    0:20:30 And it screws up my writing.
    0:20:34 And so I’ve just been hitting skip because I’ve been reluctant to change it.
    0:20:36 But I have to just going to have to remove it.
    0:20:40 So it puts me, the music puts me, the purpose of it is
    0:20:42 to shut out the possibility of interruption.
    0:20:44 I can’t hear knocks on the door phones,
    0:20:47 people dropping packages on the front porch, anything.
    0:20:49 I’m just in my own space.
    0:20:51 And I kind of cease to hear the sound.
    0:20:54 You mentioned Michael, was it Kinsley?
    0:20:55 Is that right?
    0:20:56 The editor?
    0:20:57 The editor of the New Republic.
    0:21:00 What made him a good editor, or what did you learn from him?
    0:21:04 Can you remember anything that he helped tighten or improve?
    0:21:09 So Michael Kinsley had a gift for creating writers.
    0:21:13 There are dozens of people who were young writers then,
    0:21:18 who he had profound influence on and careers that he just launched.
    0:21:20 And it’s an odd assortment.
    0:21:22 And I was one of those people.
    0:21:27 I think what happens with writers who come up in a conventional way,
    0:21:31 like through creative writing programs or by writing for their circle of friends,
    0:21:33 is they get treated too politely.
    0:21:35 Their work gets treated too politely.
    0:21:40 So they don’t hear a really withering critique of their work.
    0:21:44 And Michael Kinsley could not help himself.
    0:21:47 He delivered the most withering critiques of your work.
    0:21:50 The kind of throat clearing phony first paragraph,
    0:21:52 which was totally unnecessary.
    0:21:53 It would come back.
    0:21:54 It’d be just a big X throat.
    0:21:55 Why’d you even write that?
    0:21:56 Start here.
    0:21:58 It would be, I can’t remember.
    0:22:03 I had learned a word that was just a completely obscure word.
    0:22:06 And I even remember the word, but I don’t know how to pronounce it.
    0:22:07 It’s Cthonian.
    0:22:10 It starts C-H. I think it means of the underworld.
    0:22:13 And I remember working it into the piece.
    0:22:17 And like a big circle around it saying, you fucking phony.
    0:22:21 Would you go into the thesaurus?
    0:22:24 It was just like making merciless fun of me.
    0:22:28 My byline at the very beginning, I thought it sounded good.
    0:22:30 It was for it to be Michael M. Lewis.
    0:22:32 My middle name is Monroe.
    0:22:34 I thought a middle initial kind of fancied it up.
    0:22:37 He put a big circle around it and said, don’t do that.
    0:22:39 Don’t be one of those people.
    0:22:40 You’re not Michael M. Lewis.
    0:22:41 You’re Michael Lewis.
    0:22:45 He was all the preposterous things that you naturally tend to do
    0:22:48 when you’re putting words on paper.
    0:22:52 He identified all of them as vices and stopped you from them.
    0:22:56 And so in addition, he was unbelievably gifted at seeing
    0:22:58 what a good story it was.
    0:23:00 You started to learn what was interesting
    0:23:02 and what wasn’t just talking to him,
    0:23:05 just by how he responded to what you said.
    0:23:09 It was a kind of feedback that everybody should get,
    0:23:13 but that most people are too tender and sensitive to deliver.
    0:23:14 It’s a funny thing.
    0:23:15 I think that this happens in speech too.
    0:23:20 I think that there’s lots of inefficiency in human conversation,
    0:23:23 that people do all kinds of things they really shouldn’t do,
    0:23:26 and that other people make fun of them for doing.
    0:23:28 People are endlessly telling stories
    0:23:30 about what some other person said, making fun of them.
    0:23:32 And it shouldn’t be that way.
    0:23:33 We should be very efficient conversationalists
    0:23:34 because we do it all the time,
    0:23:36 but we aren’t because we don’t get feedback
    0:23:38 because people are too polite.
    0:23:41 And I think people are too polite with other people’s writing.
    0:23:43 And what Michael Kinsley, his great gift
    0:23:44 in addition to being a kind of genius,
    0:23:46 was he just couldn’t be polite.
    0:23:47 He was just so blunt.
    0:23:50 I’m Michael Lewis on my books instead of Michael M. Lewis
    0:23:52 because of Michael Kinsley.
    0:23:54 I have a question for you about,
    0:23:55 maybe this isn’t the right word,
    0:23:57 but productive laziness.
    0:24:01 I was looking at an article that talked about
    0:24:04 a speaking gig from 2017, Qualtrics.
    0:24:05 You might know where this is going,
    0:24:07 but the quote that stuck out to me was,
    0:24:10 “Attributed to you, people waste years of their lives
    0:24:13 not being willing to waste hours of their lives.”
    0:24:15 And I don’t know if that prompts any memories,
    0:24:17 but is that something you can elaborate on?
    0:24:19 Sure, that wasn’t a quote for me.
    0:24:22 It was a quote from one of my characters, Amos Tversky.
    0:24:26 He’s one of the main characters in the Undoing project.
    0:24:28 And it resonated with me.
    0:24:32 What he meant was that people don’t back away from their work.
    0:24:35 And especially the need to always seem busy or be busy
    0:24:39 stops people from finding things that are really worth doing
    0:24:41 and sifting the ones that are worth doing
    0:24:43 from the ones that aren’t worth doing.
    0:24:46 So it resonates with me because I am not a person
    0:24:48 who always has to be doing something.
    0:24:55 And in fact, my natural state is probably inert
    0:24:58 that I can really just lay around and screw off
    0:25:00 and procrastinate with the best of them.
    0:25:03 And it’s partly because of how I grew up.
    0:25:04 I mean, I grew up in New Orleans
    0:25:07 and there was not a whole lot of value
    0:25:10 attached to either ambition or career achievement.
    0:25:14 You were who you were because of how you were
    0:25:15 and who your family was
    0:25:16 and what neighborhood you grew up in
    0:25:18 and where you went to school.
    0:25:20 You were always so well defined by your environment
    0:25:24 that trying to change it by doing stuff
    0:25:25 didn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense.
    0:25:30 And my father used to tell me, and I believe this
    0:25:31 until I was about 20,
    0:25:34 “On our family coat of arms, there was a motto in Latin
    0:25:37 and the motto was do as little as possible
    0:25:39 and that unwillingly.
    0:25:42 For it is better to receive a slight reprimand
    0:25:44 than to perform an arduous task.”
    0:25:46 And he would just say that like,
    0:25:48 “Just keep that in mind, we live by these words.”
    0:25:53 So that’s kind of where I was coming from just generally.
    0:25:58 And I found this thing that didn’t feel like work.
    0:26:01 So it didn’t feel like an attempt at achievement,
    0:26:02 not that achievement was bad,
    0:26:04 it just, that’s not why I was doing it.
    0:26:06 But having said that,
    0:26:09 I do find that being able to back away
    0:26:12 and get yourself, myself in a state of mind
    0:26:14 in which I can say,
    0:26:16 “It’s okay if I never write anything else.
    0:26:18 It’s okay if I never write another book.
    0:26:20 It’s okay if I don’t do anything for six months.”
    0:26:22 And I can afford that now,
    0:26:23 and that’s nice to be able,
    0:26:25 it’s a luxury to be able to afford it.
    0:26:26 But I think a lot of people who can afford it
    0:26:28 don’t actually take advantage of the luxury
    0:26:30 because I think that doing that,
    0:26:33 putting yourself in a state of mind where I’m,
    0:26:36 I’ve got to make an argument about why I need to write
    0:26:38 another book because I don’t have to,
    0:26:42 changes your relationship to potential stories
    0:26:43 and potential material.
    0:26:47 It requires the material to rise to the level of interest
    0:26:50 where you feel obliged to engage with it.
    0:26:52 So you’re not doing it just because
    0:26:53 you got to write another book.
    0:26:56 You’re doing it because how can I not write this?
    0:27:00 And it serves my own sloth and indolence,
    0:27:02 serves as a kind of filter.
    0:27:06 And the filter is, no, I don’t have to do that.
    0:27:07 So I’m not going to do that.
    0:27:09 I don’t particularly want to do that.
    0:27:10 So I’m just not going to do that.
    0:27:12 And even if you tell me that,
    0:27:14 oh, it’s got big bestseller written all over it,
    0:27:17 I’m not interested because it keeps me off that path.
    0:27:19 I think it’s been very useful
    0:27:21 because it does two things at once.
    0:27:24 One is it raises the level of the bar
    0:27:28 that the material has to jump over to get to me.
    0:27:29 So the material is going to have to be really good
    0:27:31 if I’m going to engage with it.
    0:27:35 And two, it stops me from doing the same thing
    0:27:37 over and over again just to be successful.
    0:27:40 It enables me to almost encourages me
    0:27:43 to move around and do surprising things.
    0:27:49 And I think readers and audiences really appreciate
    0:27:53 and will engage with the writer who’s willing to take risks.
    0:27:55 That, yeah, they like their writer,
    0:27:57 some of their writers to just keep doing
    0:27:58 the same things over and over again,
    0:28:02 but they’ll follow you if you take a brave risk.
    0:28:03 Since I’m not doing it,
    0:28:06 I’m not trying to create the next sure-fired bestseller.
    0:28:10 I’m led to other and sometimes unlikely material.
    0:28:13 So the books end up being about a lot of different things.
    0:28:18 What are some of the questions or thresholds
    0:28:23 that indicate the material has risen above the necessary hurdles?
    0:28:25 I found one question.
    0:28:28 I don’t know if this is your or not,
    0:28:30 so feel free to confirm or deny.
    0:28:33 But would I be sad if this story didn’t get told?
    0:28:35 Yeah, that’s funny. That is one.
    0:28:36 It’s a really good question
    0:28:41 because there’s not a clear-cut rule that I follow except feeling.
    0:28:44 There are a couple of feelings that I associate
    0:28:47 with the desire to write a book.
    0:28:51 One is a feeling that if I don’t do it,
    0:28:53 it won’t properly get done
    0:28:57 because I have some privileged access to the story.
    0:28:58 And there are lots of different ways
    0:29:00 you can have privileged access to the story.
    0:29:04 But the sense that, yeah, this book really should be written
    0:29:07 and someone needs to do it and that someone is clearly me.
    0:29:12 The second and related feeling is I have an obligation to the material.
    0:29:15 It isn’t the material has an obligation to me as a writer.
    0:29:17 It’s I have an obligation to this material.
    0:29:20 And once I have that feeling, I have a motive.
    0:29:23 I have a motive and whether I’m fooling myself or not,
    0:29:26 it’s a motive that’s a deeper and more inspiring motive than,
    0:29:29 “Oh, I got to make a living.”
    0:29:31 Or, “Oh, I got to get a book on the bestseller list.”
    0:29:34 Or, “Oh, I got to have something to tell my friends
    0:29:35 when they ask me, ‘What are you doing?’”
    0:29:36 It’s the highest motive.
    0:29:38 It’s I have an obligation.
    0:29:39 I have a duty.
    0:29:43 And I’ve had that feeling with every book I’ve written,
    0:29:44 how it gets to that point.
    0:29:47 I mean, they take their different paths to that point.
    0:29:49 But it obviously is some feeling in myself
    0:29:51 that this is an important story.
    0:29:56 If you could put a message, a quote, a question,
    0:30:00 anything at all on a billboard, metaphorically speaking,
    0:30:02 that would reach billions of people,
    0:30:06 does anything come to mind non-commercial
    0:30:10 that you might put on a billboard saying a mantra,
    0:30:12 something you remind yourself of, anything at all?
    0:30:14 It’s going to sound trite, whatever I say.
    0:30:19 And let me just say that I live in the world’s capital of bumper stickers.
    0:30:23 At Berkeley, California, there are more bumper stickers per automobile
    0:30:25 than anywhere else in the world.
    0:30:27 It’s been scientifically proven.
    0:30:30 You can walk down the street and it’s mostly political stuff,
    0:30:33 but it’s just like people getting their point across in bumper stickers.
    0:30:35 And I have never had a bumper sticker on my car
    0:30:39 because it’s not one thing I’ve ever wanted to say over and over forever.
    0:30:42 I’m not a bumper sticker or quote guy.
    0:30:45 However, if you say I got to put it up on a billboard,
    0:30:50 I would take the mantra of my high school baseball coach,
    0:30:52 one of the greatest men I’ve ever known,
    0:30:56 who is actually the subject of one of the podcast episodes.
    0:31:00 And he would just say it routinely and he just kind of became part of you.
    0:31:02 He would say, don’t be good, be great.
    0:31:05 And he’d say it to you as he handed you the ball to go out to pitch a game.
    0:31:07 He’d say it to you when you were working out.
    0:31:10 And you just, having that mind,
    0:31:14 it’s the kind of thing I try to keep in mind when I’m working on something.
    0:31:16 Good is not okay.
    0:31:18 If you’re going to do it, be great.
    0:31:19 Push yourself.
    0:31:25 And it’s hard and don’t just stop when it’s good enough.
    0:31:28 That’s what I would stick on a billboard.
    0:31:31 It’s one of those things that’s in the billboard of my mind.
    0:31:33 Don’t be good, be great.
    0:31:34 I love it.
    0:31:36 That’s Billy Fitzgerald.
    0:31:37 Billy Fitzgerald.
    0:31:43 Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors and we’ll be right back to the show.
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    0:32:37 Drinkag1.com/tim.
    0:32:41 Last time, drinkag1.com/tim.
    0:32:41 Check it out.
    0:32:52 And now, Dr. Martin Rothblatt, an American lawyer, author, and entrepreneur,
    0:32:57 and the chairperson and CEO of United Therapeutics,
    0:33:01 a biotechnology company she founded in 1996
    0:33:03 to save the life of one of her daughters.
    0:33:06 You can learn more about Dr. Rothblatt
    0:33:13 and the work of United Therapeutics at UNITHER.com.
    0:33:18 Martin or Dr. Rothblatt, both welcome to the show.
    0:33:19 Thank you for making the time.
    0:33:22 Thanks so much, Tim. Just Martin’s fine.
    0:33:26 All right, and this interview, as my listeners might imagine,
    0:33:29 was challenging in the best way to prepare for
    0:33:32 because there are a million and one directions that we can go
    0:33:37 with just this bio alone, which is, of course, a snapshot,
    0:33:40 a distillation of much more that you have done.
    0:33:43 And I thought we could start in perhaps an unlikely place,
    0:33:45 and that is Alan Watts.
    0:33:49 I have read that you are a fan of Alan Watts,
    0:33:52 and specifically the book subtitle on the taboo
    0:33:55 against knowing who you really are.
    0:34:00 Could you please explain, if that is true, why that is the case?
    0:34:05 Yes, thanks, Tim. Alan Watts has a really unique ability
    0:34:10 to see the dialectic aspect of everything in nature.
    0:34:13 By that I mean that there’s a kind of a ying-ying
    0:34:16 aspect to everything in nature.
    0:34:18 And he points out that, for example,
    0:34:24 you can’t have a crest of a wave without the bottom of a wave.
    0:34:29 And it has helped me whenever I see things in life that seem negative,
    0:34:34 to be able to look at it in another way and see the positive in it.
    0:34:39 When were you first introduced to his work? How did that come about?
    0:34:44 I was first introduced to it through the literature of this philosophy
    0:34:49 called transhumanism, sort of the idea that people can transcend
    0:34:52 some biological human limitations.
    0:34:55 A friend of mine, Frank Sasanowski,
    0:34:59 who is the head of the National Organization on Rare Diseases,
    0:35:03 pointed me in the direction of some Jesuits.
    0:35:07 He himself is both a Jesuit and an FDA lawyer,
    0:35:10 but he pointed me in the direction of some Jesuits,
    0:35:16 such as Teardre du Chardon from France and other individuals here in the U.S.
    0:35:20 And then from those Jesuits, they referred to Alan Watts.
    0:35:22 I’m not sure if he was actually a Jesuit,
    0:35:27 but he undertook some religious training, both in China, I think, and in the U.S.
    0:35:32 He was a radio announcer for many years in San Francisco,
    0:35:34 I think during the ’70s or ’80s.
    0:35:38 I don’t know if you remembered him, the film of a few years ago,
    0:35:40 her in which like a computer — I do.
    0:35:45 Yep. So I was watching that movie, which kind of is interesting to me
    0:35:51 because it epitomized or it visualized the concept of computers becoming sentient.
    0:35:53 And in the middle of that movie,
    0:35:56 there’s a scene in which Alan Watts appears.
    0:36:00 And I stood up in the movie theater and I said, “Oh my God, Alan Watts!”
    0:36:09 Did you ultimately find the presentation in that movie to be compelling
    0:36:12 as it relates to sort of sentient intelligence?
    0:36:16 I did. I thought it was an accurate depiction of a likely way
    0:36:20 that sentients would begin to arise in our society,
    0:36:23 basically by being very, very useful to people,
    0:36:26 cleaning up their inboxes, stuff like that.
    0:36:31 This may be a good place and we’re going to be all over the place in nonlinear fashion.
    0:36:36 Bina48, who or what is Bina48 if I’m pronouncing that correctly?
    0:36:38 Yep. You’ve got it perfectly.
    0:36:44 So Bina is the name of my partner and we’ve been married for about 40 years.
    0:36:48 And when she was 48, we undertook a joint project
    0:36:53 to try to create a digital symocra or a digital copy
    0:36:58 of her basic personality with a lot of her memories and thoughts.
    0:37:03 And we thought this would be a very nice project as a combination of science and art
    0:37:08 and to encourage young people, get them more excited about computer science
    0:37:10 and women in particular, girls in particular.
    0:37:14 So we contracted with a couple of companies
    0:37:18 who were experts in both the software engineering side
    0:37:24 and in the physical modeling of a face that moves exactly like a human face does.
    0:37:28 You might imagine there’s this exhibit at Disney World,
    0:37:32 Disneyland of Lincoln and whatnot, something like that, but more realistic.
    0:37:40 We built this project and since that time, Bina48 has thrilled audiences all around the world.
    0:37:45 I’m sure she has inspired hundreds if not thousands of girls to go into computer science.
    0:37:50 And she continues to get better and better, more and more advanced software.
    0:37:55 I don’t know if you have watched the series Black Mirror before,
    0:37:59 but I find some of their episodes to be very strong and in one of them,
    0:38:07 a significant other is effectively resurrected by pulling data and patterns
    0:38:12 and therefore mannerisms and so on from effectively social media accounts.
    0:38:18 So pulling from the cloud and feeding into this simulacrum
    0:38:22 or model of someone who used to be or in this case still is.
    0:38:30 How far away do you think we are from being able to do something along those lines convincingly?
    0:38:33 Yes, Tim. So I am a fan of the Black Mirror series
    0:38:39 and there are a few other somewhat similar series that are streaming now, upload and whatnot.
    0:38:41 So it’s an idea that’s catching on.
    0:38:48 And even at a very basic level, social media firms like Twitter, for example,
    0:38:55 and probably Facebook as well, offer an opportunity that after a person passes away,
    0:38:57 their account can remain active.
    0:39:04 And I believe in the case of Twitter can even continue tweeting in the way that you once tweeted.
    0:39:08 So I think this general idea is it’s a trend.
    0:39:14 It’s only going to grow more and more prevalent as software does a better and better job
    0:39:16 of copying the human personality.
    0:39:22 Sometime in this century, for sure, and maybe in just like two or three decades,
    0:39:26 I think that there will be a digital copy of a person.
    0:39:30 And another word is like a digital doppelganger of a person
    0:39:34 who will claim to be the original person.
    0:39:38 And they may make that claim before or after the person died.
    0:39:44 And then psychologists and lawyers and theologians and philosophers will have to grapple with,
    0:39:49 is this just like a really super fancy digital photo album?
    0:39:52 Or is this actually some form of digital sentience?
    0:40:00 When you were growing up, who were your role models or inspirations?
    0:40:05 Was there anyone in particular who stood out to you when you were in high school?
    0:40:11 Or at the very beginning, let’s just call it freshman year of your undergrad as
    0:40:16 icons worth emulating or lesser known role models worth emulating?
    0:40:18 Did anyone really stick out for you?
    0:40:24 I think that in terms of authors, I was very influenced by Robert Heinlein,
    0:40:25 the science fiction author.
    0:40:28 Sure, stranger in a strange land and so on.
    0:40:30 Absolutely, it was so brilliant.
    0:40:35 And then a few years ago, when his widow released the uncensored,
    0:40:41 unedited version of stranger in a strange land, it’s like three times larger and no holds barred.
    0:40:44 I just savored every page of that.
    0:40:48 My favorite book of all of his is Time Enough for Love,
    0:40:52 in which he covers almost every topic under the sun.
    0:40:58 So Heinlein’s characters were somewhat of role models for me.
    0:41:03 Like Lazarus Long is a common character in some Heinlein books.
    0:41:08 In the public sphere, I was very much enamored with Robert Kennedy.
    0:41:15 His positive, progressive approach to the world was something that endeared me to him.
    0:41:18 So I looked up to him.
    0:41:20 Those are a couple of the role models that I had at that time.
    0:41:26 You seem to be good at many things, of course, just based on the bio alone.
    0:41:35 But what strikes me is how quickly you were able to develop expertise in new fields.
    0:41:42 I’d like to use this as an opportunity to bring up what was mentioned at the very beginning of your bio.
    0:41:45 And that is United Therapeutics, a biotechnology company.
    0:41:48 She started to save the life of one of her daughters.
    0:41:55 I’d love for you to provide some context for this and tell a bit of the story,
    0:41:58 just because people will want to hear it.
    0:42:04 And then the follow-up, just to plant the seed for it, is how you learned biology.
    0:42:11 Because my understanding is you didn’t have much in terms of background in biology.
    0:42:13 That’s a huge mouthful of a question.
    0:42:18 But if you could give us a bit of the background, that would be extremely helpful.
    0:42:20 And we can use that as a jumping off point.
    0:42:26 Sure. So it’s kind of funny that you can go all the way through undergraduate,
    0:42:31 at a great place like UCLA, and never be required to take a life science course.
    0:42:32 But that was the case.
    0:42:37 So the last biology class I had was in high school.
    0:42:45 And here, suddenly, I was faced with a situation as an adult while running Sirius XM
    0:42:50 that our youngest daughter is diagnosed with a fatal illness.
    0:42:54 She can’t even walk up a couple of stairs to the front door.
    0:42:58 And there are no medicines approved for it.
    0:43:04 I finally got her to the best doctor one could find, the head of pediatric cardiology
    0:43:09 at Children’s National Medical Center in the middle of Washington, D.C.
    0:43:13 And the doctor said, this is an extremely rare disease.
    0:43:15 No one knows why it arises.
    0:43:18 All the patients die within two to three years.
    0:43:22 He had only seen two or three other kids with it, and they both died.
    0:43:25 And all you can do is hope for a lung transplant.
    0:43:28 So Tim, I was completely crushed.
    0:43:30 I just saw black.
    0:43:31 I didn’t know what to do.
    0:43:38 And the only thing I could think of doing while she was in the intensive care ward,
    0:43:43 night after night, and myself and Beena would tag team staying there with her,
    0:43:46 was once she fell asleep to go down into the library
    0:43:52 and to just begin learning about what was this illness she had,
    0:43:56 which they told me was called pulmonary arterial hypertension.
    0:44:00 And why were there no treatments available for it?
    0:44:03 So I just began reading and reading and reading.
    0:44:06 Most of the time I read things.
    0:44:08 I didn’t understand what they were talking about
    0:44:13 because there were these long medical words and chemical words
    0:44:15 that I never learned in law school
    0:44:18 or we never had to deal with in electrical engineering.
    0:44:20 But of course there were dictionaries.
    0:44:23 And I looked up the words in a dictionary.
    0:44:27 And they had college level anatomy textbooks.
    0:44:32 So what I didn’t know, I just kept going backwards in academia.
    0:44:35 I guess you would say backwards in learning or pedagogy.
    0:44:38 Until I would even get to like a high school level textbook
    0:44:40 that would explain something.
    0:44:42 And I said, okay, I get that.
    0:44:47 And I kept taking notes and just educated myself night after night
    0:44:49 until I learned everything I needed to know.
    0:44:54 How did you, and I know this is a story you’ve told before,
    0:44:59 but ultimately in searching for possible solutions,
    0:45:01 and as we were chatting about before recording,
    0:45:04 there’s a lot of luck involved.
    0:45:07 And it doesn’t mean that your path is replicable
    0:45:12 by any set of parents who are caught in a tragic situation
    0:45:13 similar to what you experienced.
    0:45:18 But nonetheless, you were able to ultimately track down,
    0:45:22 I suppose it’s fair to say, a molecule, a drug of some type.
    0:45:28 Would you mind describing for listeners the process then
    0:45:33 of attempting to secure the ability to utilize in any fashion
    0:45:35 this drug or to license it?
    0:45:36 If you could describe that,
    0:45:38 I have a number of questions that will stem off of it.
    0:45:43 There are a gazillion articles published
    0:45:48 on every type of medical research you could imagine.
    0:45:50 I mean, it’s just a bottomless well.
    0:45:54 There are literally hundreds of different types of medical journals.
    0:45:59 Each of those journals have every year thousands of articles
    0:46:01 published across them.
    0:46:05 So it’s difficult to find the information that you need.
    0:46:09 But in law school, we learn a very useful skill.
    0:46:12 This skill goes by the name of shepherdizing
    0:46:17 after this type of index that they have in law school called shepherds.
    0:46:21 So what shepherdizing involves is when a judge
    0:46:24 writes a decision, like the Supreme Court issues a decision,
    0:46:26 they drop a lot of footnotes.
    0:46:31 And of course, one thing lawyers love to do is make footnotes and references.
    0:46:34 And then what you’re supposed to do as a good lawyer
    0:46:38 is to look up all of the footnotes and the references
    0:46:42 that that Supreme Court or lower court case referred to.
    0:46:47 And then the shepherdizing process is after you get all of those references
    0:46:52 to then look up all of the references in those other articles.
    0:46:56 And ultimately, you get to a point of diminishing returns
    0:46:59 where three, four, five levels down,
    0:47:03 the references are all circling back around on themselves.
    0:47:08 So I applied that shepherdizing process to these medical articles.
    0:47:12 And somewhat like doctors, whenever a researcher publishes an article,
    0:47:19 they make footnotes and citations to other people’s research who they relied upon.
    0:47:22 So I would get all of those articles and read those.
    0:47:24 And then I would follow up on all of the references in those.
    0:47:32 Finally, I read about a molecule that a researcher at Glaxo Welcome had written
    0:47:38 in which they described testing this molecule for congestive heart failure.
    0:47:41 And it failed in its test of congestive heart failure.
    0:47:42 It did not work.
    0:47:46 But in the article, they had charts of what the molecule did.
    0:47:50 And the one thing that the molecule did that grabbed my attention
    0:47:56 was that it reduced the pressure between the lung and the heart,
    0:47:58 which is called the pulmonary artery.
    0:48:02 It reduced the pulmonary artery pressure
    0:48:06 while leaving the pressures in all of the rest of the body perfectly fine.
    0:48:11 Well, that’s exactly the problem with pulmonary arterial hypertension,
    0:48:13 the people who have this disease.
    0:48:19 I’ll make a quick footnote that when my daughter was diagnosed,
    0:48:26 2,000 people in the US had the disease because medicines have become so much better
    0:48:29 and because we’ve been able to, like you mentioned in the introduction,
    0:48:34 get all of these approvals, there are now 50,000 people in America alone living with it.
    0:48:38 So it’s likely that people listening to your podcast
    0:48:42 will know somebody or another who has pulmonary arterial hypertension.
    0:48:49 And I read this article and I said, wow, just when I need this tiny stretch of artery,
    0:48:54 just between the heart and the lungs, this molecule somehow talks to that tiny stretch
    0:48:57 of artery and leaves the whole rest of the body alone.
    0:49:01 That was the holy grail that I was looking for.
    0:49:04 So I looked at where the author of the article was from.
    0:49:09 He was from Glaxo Welcome in Research Triangle Park, North Carolina.
    0:49:12 And I made a beeline down to him and asked him
    0:49:17 if he could develop this molecule that he’d found for my daughter’s disease.
    0:49:21 Was it an immediate handing over of the keys to the kingdom?
    0:49:24 A big all caps yes?
    0:49:26 No, it was actually a big all caps no.
    0:49:32 Unfortunately, the individual who had written the article
    0:49:35 had actually retired a few months earlier.
    0:49:39 And the person that I ended up meeting with who is in charge of research and development
    0:49:43 said that this was just one article.
    0:49:46 It was an incidental finding.
    0:49:53 In any event, this disease afflicted so few people it was completely unrealistic
    0:49:57 to expect Glaxo Welcome to develop this molecule
    0:50:00 for my daughter and other people with that disease.
    0:50:03 And I asked him, his name’s Bob Bell.
    0:50:06 He’s now a venture capitalist and very successful gentleman.
    0:50:12 I asked Dr. Bell, I said, what would it take for you to develop this medicine?
    0:50:14 He said, well, it probably would take you couldn’t do it.
    0:50:19 We only develop medicines if they have more than a billion dollars a year
    0:50:20 and revenue potential.
    0:50:24 He said, but it’s possible you could buy it from us.
    0:50:30 If you had a real pharmaceutical company with real pharmaceutical expertise,
    0:50:35 I could then introduce you to the business development people at Glaxo Welcome.
    0:50:37 So over the course of the next several months,
    0:50:41 I created a brand new biotechnology company.
    0:50:47 I was able to have a Nobel laureate who was formerly associated with Glaxo Welcome
    0:50:50 become head of a scientific advisory board.
    0:50:52 And I re-approach Glaxo Welcome.
    0:50:56 And I said, I have all the things that you asked for.
    0:51:00 Can you sell me this drug and we’ll develop it ourselves?
    0:51:04 Well, Tim, it turns out that everybody asked said,
    0:51:06 well, you have to get somebody else in the company to agree.
    0:51:08 And that’s how it is in a big bureaucracy.
    0:51:15 It turned out that we had to have 15 different executives sign the same piece of paper
    0:51:18 to agree to license this drug to me.
    0:51:21 Finally, it happened.
    0:51:28 And all they wanted really was $25,000 and a promise of 10% of any money
    0:51:30 that I would ever get from this molecule.
    0:51:33 I think they agreed to that only because I kept bugging them.
    0:51:34 I was in their face all the time.
    0:51:43 Also because I believe a serendipitous factor was that Dr. Bell’s sister had contracted
    0:51:47 a form of pulmonary hypertension from the time I first met him
    0:51:49 toward the end of this process.
    0:51:53 And he became a product champion for me within Glaxo Welcome.
    0:51:57 I mean, that was just pure luck or serendipity, whatever you want to say.
    0:52:01 And then they really didn’t think this molecule had any chance at all.
    0:52:05 And they were really just doing it to get rid of me, I think.
    0:52:08 But still, all 15 people had to sign it.
    0:52:11 After we successfully developed this molecule,
    0:52:18 we have over time paid more than a billion dollars just in royalties to Glaxo Welcome
    0:52:22 because that molecule has saved thousands of people’s lives.
    0:52:28 It has produced a billion dollars a year in revenue year after year after year for us.
    0:52:32 And Bob Bell, when I invited him to our 15th anniversary,
    0:52:36 and he came with his sister who was still alive and on our medicine,
    0:52:42 and he said this was the absolute best transaction that Glaxo Welcome had ever done.
    0:52:48 So in hindsight, what did they miss?
    0:52:51 What accidentally got deleted from the spreadsheet?
    0:52:57 Or what assumption or assumptions were incorrect that they missed this opportunity so completely?
    0:53:02 I think there were probably like maybe three main ones.
    0:53:06 The first one, and I can say this kind of from first hand knowledge,
    0:53:09 since I am now the head of a pharmaceutical company,
    0:53:15 the odds of any molecule actually working in the human body are less than one in 100.
    0:53:19 I mean, the human body is so complicated.
    0:53:23 It’s like a massive set of very precisely keyed locks.
    0:53:27 And every molecule is like a random key.
    0:53:31 And the chance that you would have a molecule that opened a lock,
    0:53:36 that fixed some dysfunction in the body, rather than causing some harm to the body,
    0:53:38 is it’s less than one in 100.
    0:53:44 So first of all, they figured the chance of this thing working just in general was less than one in 100.
    0:53:49 Secondly, they thought to themselves, even if it worked a little bit,
    0:53:54 there’s only 2000 people in the whole country with this disease.
    0:53:56 They didn’t really think that if it worked really well,
    0:53:59 the number of people would keep accumulating.
    0:54:02 I see you’re saying if you have these people who would have died,
    0:54:08 otherwise not dying, then that treatment cohort is just going to grow and grow and grow.
    0:54:08 Is that what you mean?
    0:54:09 Exactly.
    0:54:14 I thought about it like I was getting subscribers at SiriusXM.
    0:54:18 People said to me, “Oh, Martin, you’ll be lucky to have 100,000 subscribers.”
    0:54:21 I said, “Well, if I keep them, and I get another 100,000 the next year,
    0:54:26 then I’ll be up to 200,000, and then maybe 400,000, 800,000.
    0:54:27 Now we have 30 million.”
    0:54:31 They didn’t think in that subscriber mindset.
    0:54:32 That was the second problem.
    0:54:40 The third problem is that they didn’t really imagine that the healthcare system would pay
    0:54:44 something like $100,000 per year for this medicine.
    0:54:50 And at the time, this was about 20 years ago, early 2000s,
    0:54:56 I think like the average price for an expensive medicine was perhaps $10,000 a year
    0:55:00 for a patient or $10,000 for a course of treatment.
    0:55:05 Because of advances in things like precision medicine and gene therapy,
    0:55:12 there are many, many medicines now that cost over $100,000 a year, mostly for rare diseases.
    0:55:18 And the healthcare system pays for them because so few people have these diseases
    0:55:23 that even though the medicines are expensive, it’s a drop in the bucket compared to diseases
    0:55:31 like hypertension or common illnesses, asthma, that afflict tens of millions of people.
    0:55:37 So the healthcare system doesn’t really mind paying a lot of money if it’s a rare disease.
    0:55:41 And the people at Glaxo Welcome were clueless about this.
    0:55:46 They were actually looking for the big billion-dollar blockbusters, not for the rare diseases.
    0:55:48 So those were their three omissions.
    0:55:51 They failed to be Alan Wattsian.
    0:55:54 They failed to see that because something is big,
    0:55:57 underneath that means that there’s something else that’s small.
    0:55:59 And that was what Alan Watts would always say.
    0:56:02 He says something is good only because something else is bad.
    0:56:07 At the very least, I mean, it’s a valuable thought exercise
    0:56:10 when you’re looking at the assumptions that you’re making.
    0:56:12 And what an incredible story.
    0:56:16 You mentioned Sirius. We haven’t spent any time on Sirius just yet.
    0:56:27 When did you first fall in love or become intoxicated or enchanted by satellite systems
    0:56:28 or electrical engineering, I suppose?
    0:56:31 But you can take whichever one is more interesting to tackle.
    0:56:37 You’re absolutely right that I fell in love and I was intoxicated by satellite communications.
    0:56:45 It seemed to me kind of magical that we can put a machine way out in space
    0:56:50 and that machine can do amazing things across the whole face of the planet.
    0:56:53 My first real moment of first love, if you will,
    0:56:58 was at a remote NASA tracking station in the Indian Ocean.
    0:57:04 And I had left UCLA to travel around the world, really hitchhike around the world.
    0:57:10 And I found myself in the Indian Ocean on a set of islands called the Seychelles.
    0:57:15 And on these islands at the top of the mountain in the middle of the main island,
    0:57:16 there was a NASA tracking station.
    0:57:25 And I went up into it and I was probably a pretty grungy 19-year-old at that point in time.
    0:57:29 But the engineers inside there were kind and patient with me
    0:57:36 and they explained to me how their satellite antennas were communicating with satellites
    0:57:40 in all different orbits around the Earth and even all the way out to Jupiter.
    0:57:45 And I asked them, I said, “Would it be possible for somebody to put a satellite up there
    0:57:51 and have it broadcast information back to the entire Earth?”
    0:57:54 And they said, “If you made a powerful enough satellite,
    0:57:59 then the receiving equipment on Earth could be so small that you could hold it in the palm of your hand.”
    0:58:02 And I could have kissed the guy.
    0:58:07 I just said, “Wow, that’s the purpose of my life.”
    0:58:10 And I made a beeline back to UCLA.
    0:58:13 I changed my major to communication studies.
    0:58:17 I did an undergraduate thesis on direct broadcast satellites.
    0:58:24 I did a joint JD/MBA degree where I published multiple articles on satellite communications.
    0:58:29 I worked at Hughes Aircraft Company, which was a big manufacturer of satellites back then
    0:58:33 and helped design a satellite to cover South America.
    0:58:37 And then ultimately went out on my own with my dream goal, which was Sirius XM.
    0:58:47 What did it feel like, if you can remember, to have that answer given to you or that direction,
    0:58:50 rather, given to you, the purpose given to you?
    0:58:56 Did it feel a certain way, that type of conviction or that type of belief?
    0:58:57 What do you recall?
    0:58:59 Yeah, Tim, it’s the best feeling.
    0:59:00 It’s the best feeling.
    0:59:03 And actually, I don’t think it really has anything to do with age.
    0:59:09 I felt like the same kind of feeling when I was driving one of the first Teslas
    0:59:14 and I was looking at the manual and I saw how much electrical power it output.
    0:59:20 And there’s a very simple correlation between horsepower and electrical power,
    0:59:23 between kilowatts and horsepower.
    0:59:25 It’s almost one-to-one, not exactly.
    0:59:30 And I was already a helicopter pilot and helicopter engines are always quoted in
    0:59:33 terms of their horsepower.
    0:59:40 So, right away, I said, wow, this car has enough power to actually lift a helicopter.
    0:59:44 I had that same kind of, this is the purpose of my life,
    0:59:46 is to make an electric helicopter.
    0:59:50 So, you can get this kind of excitement at any point in life.
    0:59:53 I think probably the best way to describe it, Tim,
    0:59:56 would be like a lightning bolt to your soul.
    0:59:58 You know, I was asking about biology earlier,
    1:00:02 but I would be very curious, since you mentioned also that there were no,
    1:00:05 well, the requirements as such in undergrad,
    1:00:08 did require you to take any additional biology classes.
    1:00:13 If you were trying to teach, let’s just say, a class,
    1:00:17 and you could pick the age, or it could be a set of classes, scientific literacy.
    1:00:26 Being able to have enough basic fluency to provide more surface area for those
    1:00:28 lightning bolts, if that makes any sense, right,
    1:00:31 when you’re looking at a manual or having a conversation with an engineer
    1:00:32 or reading a scientific study.
    1:00:39 Do you have any thoughts on how we could cultivate more scientific literacy,
    1:00:41 if that’s the right phrase to use?
    1:00:44 Yeah, I think that’s a great phrase to use.
    1:00:50 I think what’s necessary is that you have to relate science to people’s everyday lives.
    1:00:54 And one of the greatest people are doing this,
    1:00:57 and to go back to the beginning of the interview,
    1:00:59 when you asked me who was the role model for me,
    1:01:06 I should have said Carl Sagan was like an amazing, amazing role model to me.
    1:01:09 I watched the Cosmos series over and over again.
    1:01:17 And Carl Sagan was a genius at being able to take scientific concepts
    1:01:19 and relate them to people’s everyday life.
    1:01:23 And if you remember for watching those series,
    1:01:29 the iconic image of him taking a dandelion and blowing it,
    1:01:36 and describing that this is how a star spreads out its gas throughout the galaxy,
    1:01:41 those type of step-by-step instructions, ladders to get from one place to another,
    1:01:45 is the way I think to build scientific literacy.
    1:01:50 And I would ask my students to think about anything that’s important in their life,
    1:01:52 whatever it might be.
    1:01:55 And from whatever they said was important to their life,
    1:02:02 I would then begin wrapping that in layers and layers of basic scientific concepts
    1:02:04 that pertain to what was important to them.
    1:02:07 Are there any science fiction authors per se,
    1:02:11 but science authors or elucidators of science
    1:02:16 who have written anything that would be appropriate for a lay audience?
    1:02:19 If someone is listening and they see their blind spots,
    1:02:21 which I know by definition is kind of impossible,
    1:02:26 but if they recognize they don’t have enough scientific fluency
    1:02:29 or as much as they would like, but they want to try to cultivate that,
    1:02:32 do you have any recommendations for them?
    1:02:34 There’s a lot of books like that.
    1:02:42 One of my favorites is a book by a historian of science named Thomas Kuhn.
    1:02:46 He was one of the most famous historians of science,
    1:02:50 and his book is perennially in print.
    1:02:53 It’s called The Structure of Scientific Revolutions.
    1:03:00 In this book, he goes through about 10 different revolutions in science,
    1:03:03 where everybody thought the world was one way,
    1:03:07 and then kind of like a crazy person would say,
    1:03:08 “No, I think it’s like a different way.”
    1:03:13 And gradually set about proving it’s a different way,
    1:03:17 and created a revolution in science.
    1:03:20 And he explains this in very lay terms.
    1:03:24 He takes you through the science of gravity, for example,
    1:03:31 with Isaac Newton, science of relativity, with Einstein, electricity, with Maxwell,
    1:03:38 and so on, in a very step-by-step fashion to make the science accessible.
    1:03:41 And in the way his main point in writing this book
    1:03:46 is to teach people critical thinking, to teach people to question authority.
    1:03:50 Ultimately, all science is about is just saying, “Why?
    1:03:54 Why?” Like every two, three, four-year-old kid knows how to do that, right?
    1:03:56 Why? Why? Why?
    1:04:00 And I think Thomas Kuhn does a great job of that in his book.
    1:04:06 I should also point out, and please feel free to correct me if I’m oversimplifying,
    1:04:09 but the why, why, why is not just for four-year-olds.
    1:04:13 It’s not just for scientists in lab coats,
    1:04:16 or whatever people envision scientists to be.
    1:04:23 It’s also extremely helpful in situations like those you found yourself in
    1:04:26 with Glaxo Welcome and attempting to license.
    1:04:32 I mean, constantly pushing for explanation and clicking on those footnotes
    1:04:34 to go to the footnotes to go to the footnotes
    1:04:40 to ultimately get to some point of leverage where you can move things around.
    1:04:44 It seems like it’s also not just an intensely interesting
    1:04:48 and academically rewarding approach to thought,
    1:04:50 but an immensely practical approach to life.
    1:04:54 At least that’s how it seems from reading so many of your stories.
    1:04:57 You know, when you discover something,
    1:05:02 what’s happening is that gazillions of neurons are lighting up in your brain,
    1:05:06 and it’s lighting up the pleasure centers, too.
    1:05:12 So I really believe that there’s nothing more exciting than having a realization
    1:05:16 about something, coming to an inspiration about something,
    1:05:20 which is why books and reading are so magical.
    1:05:24 Another science fiction writer who I feel does such a great job
    1:05:29 of explaining concepts that can inspire people is Octavia Butler.
    1:05:30 She wrote a lot of books.
    1:05:35 One of them, very well known, is Parable of the Sower, Parable of the Talents.
    1:05:41 And in these books, she gives people an appreciation of questioning authority.
    1:05:45 So I’m not sure what it was that my parents did.
    1:05:50 I don’t really remember them specifically encouraging my questioning of them.
    1:05:53 In fact, I do remember my father discouraging it.
    1:06:01 But nevertheless, what happened to me was I absorbed the American culture.
    1:06:06 And the American culture is a culture of questioning authority.
    1:06:10 I recently heard one of the latest interviews with Tony Fauci
    1:06:13 when he was, people were asking him,
    1:06:21 “Why is it that Americans won’t do these basic public health steps to stop the pandemic?”
    1:06:26 And he said, “You know, American culture does not like to be told what to do.
    1:06:32 American culture is died-in-the-wool question authority.
    1:06:38 You’d be hard-pressed to find another country where it would be more difficult
    1:06:44 to get people to follow a single rule for everybody than the United States.”
    1:06:48 So it’s that American cultural ethic of questioning authority
    1:06:52 that I know is like deep in my mental DNA.
    1:06:54 So we were chatting just a few minutes ago about
    1:06:57 realizations, inspiration.
    1:07:01 I’d like to ask if we flash back to,
    1:07:04 well, we could flash back to any point in time that you choose, really.
    1:07:10 How did you relate to or think about gender in your youth?
    1:07:12 And you can choose what youth means.
    1:07:16 And I guess I’m wondering if there were any flashes of realization,
    1:07:21 or if you came sort of pre-installed with a certain orientation
    1:07:23 or way of thinking about it or feeling about it.
    1:07:28 Whatever you could say to speak to your experience of gender when you were younger,
    1:07:29 I would love to hear it.
    1:07:34 Sure. So it is related to this questioning of authority, Tim.
    1:07:41 Around teenage years, I had a constant vision of myself,
    1:07:44 not as a male, but as a female.
    1:07:49 And of course, I said to myself, WTF, why am I thinking like this?
    1:07:53 I can’t imagine anybody else is thinking like this.
    1:07:57 But nevertheless, the thoughts were real, and the feelings were real,
    1:07:59 and the feelings were visceral.
    1:08:01 Could you describe the feelings?
    1:08:06 Because I think I’m certainly very interested in what form that takes.
    1:08:09 Is it a discomfort of some type?
    1:08:11 Is it a longing?
    1:08:13 How did it feel for you?
    1:08:18 So first, I should say that I think the transgender feeling is different
    1:08:21 for every single transgender person.
    1:08:24 And talking about my feelings, I don’t want to give the impression
    1:08:28 that these are going to be the feelings of other transgendered people
    1:08:32 because, as a community, we’re as heterogeneous as anybody else.
    1:08:40 So for me, it was really a matter of just visualizing myself in a female form.
    1:08:45 And there was not any dislike of my male form.
    1:08:51 Again, it was kind of very Alan Watson in that I saw myself as male
    1:08:55 only because the opposite of male was female.
    1:08:58 So I could also see myself as female.
    1:09:01 And this was the way my mind was working.
    1:09:07 And when I say I saw myself, it was just kind of like a physiologic embodiment.
    1:09:12 Obviously, I knew boys and girls and men and women’s bodies were different.
    1:09:16 So I was stuck with this visualization of myself as a woman
    1:09:20 wherein I was very much trapped in a male body.
    1:09:26 It was the prevailing view that this was a completely unacceptable way to be.
    1:09:30 So the authority was, no, this is not possible.
    1:09:33 People are only male or female.
    1:09:36 And never the twain shall meet.
    1:09:44 So again, this American Paul Ravirish question authority mindset got me reading.
    1:09:50 And I found once again that there was a vast literature on transgenderism,
    1:09:54 transsexualism, Native American people who were too spirited,
    1:10:01 communities in India and other parts of Asia that identified as neither male nor female.
    1:10:05 So even though this was never something I learned in junior high
    1:10:09 or high school or elementary school or really anywhere in American culture,
    1:10:17 in say the 1990s, I learned through books that humanity was not either strictly male
    1:10:18 or strictly female.
    1:10:23 And as I began to question authority, I began to say to myself,
    1:10:28 why can’t I also come out as not strictly male and not strictly female?
    1:10:31 When I think a lot of listeners hear the words male and female,
    1:10:37 they think of the physiological differences that you might put side by side,
    1:10:39 looking at physical characteristics.
    1:10:48 When you say not totally male or female or not cleanly bifurcated into solely those two categories,
    1:10:54 do you mean to say masculine and feminine traits or what we would often find labeled as such?
    1:10:56 Or do you mean something else?
    1:11:00 I mean, predominantly the masculine and feminine traits that you refer to.
    1:11:06 Now oftentimes, those masculine and feminine traits are just a short hop,
    1:11:10 skipping a jump from masculine and feminine apparel.
    1:11:11 Right.
    1:11:13 Depending on how people dress.
    1:11:19 They’re a short hop, skipping a jump from masculine and feminine hairstyles in an age,
    1:11:24 that was the time of Prince and Boy George and whatnot.
    1:11:29 And then you get to masculine and feminine manicures.
    1:11:31 Like why can’t a guy paint his nails?
    1:11:38 And then you get to next questions of secondary and primary sex organs.
    1:11:44 And some people wishing to take hormones to alter their actual physiology
    1:11:49 and ultimately go through surgery to alter their physiology.
    1:11:54 And I found that there was actually like a vast literature following again,
    1:11:57 footnotes to footnotes, references to references.
    1:12:06 I was like, oh my God, it is possible to in fact alter your physiology to match your psychology.
    1:12:10 What appeared to be the most intelligent researchers in this area
    1:12:19 are opining that this is a safe and healthy thing to do for people who feel that they are
    1:12:22 kind of quote unquote trapped in the wrong body.
    1:12:29 From say zero to a hundred percent, how well do you feel you have your physiology
    1:12:31 matching your own psychology at the moment?
    1:12:33 Hundred percent.
    1:12:33 Hundred percent.
    1:12:34 Hundred percent.
    1:12:40 What were the biggest or the most important decisions, actions that you took?
    1:12:46 Did any surprise you to have a disproportionate effect on increasing that percentage?
    1:12:47 Nope.
    1:12:52 I think that every part of the transition process kind of fell in place.
    1:12:55 It was not something that happens on a day.
    1:12:58 It’s kind of you get to a point of diminishing returns.
    1:13:02 So over a period of years, I gradually transitioned.
    1:13:07 And I think even to this point, I’m still in a transition process.
    1:13:14 I kind of went from a pure male to a more, I would say not pure, but I would say,
    1:13:21 knocking on the female door to a point today where I feel very comfortable identifying as
    1:13:28 trans binary, meaning that I embrace both masculine and feminine aspects of myself completely.
    1:13:34 Looking at the introduction, which I read at the top of the show, so to speak,
    1:13:40 there is a line about leading efforts of the transgender community to establish their own
    1:13:44 health law standards and of the International Bar Association to Protect.
    1:13:47 And this is the part I want to ask you to elaborate on.
    1:13:51 Autonomy, rights, and genetic information via an international treaty.
    1:13:53 What are autonomy, rights, and genetic information?
    1:13:54 Sure.
    1:14:00 So autonomy, it’s just a fancy word for saying that people should be able to make up their own
    1:14:07 mind, that people should have the power, the authority, the freedom to decide what to do
    1:14:08 with their own body.
    1:14:14 And genetic rights, of course, refers to the human genome, the DNA that we all have.
    1:14:20 Now, there is a tremendous diversity of human genomes out there.
    1:14:27 There are people who, because of their DNA, they are pretty much immune to some kind of cancers,
    1:14:34 whereas other people, because of their DNA, it’s very likely that they’ll get those type of cancers.
    1:14:39 There are some people, because of their DNA, they almost cannot feel pain.
    1:14:42 They have an extremely high tolerance for pain.
    1:14:48 There are other people, because of their DNA, that the slightest pinprick will send them screaming.
    1:14:54 So once Craig Vanter and Francis Collins led the effort to decode the human genome,
    1:15:02 and about the year 2000, all types of pharmaceutical companies and academic researchers
    1:15:09 began scouring the world to engage in what’s called genetic mining or genome mining,
    1:15:13 meaning going to different populations of people around the world,
    1:15:20 often that have been intermarried for quite a while, so their genomes are kind of concentrated,
    1:15:26 and trying to learn something from those communities’ DNA that can then be translated
    1:15:33 into useful pharmaceuticals to help everybody else have some of the strengths
    1:15:37 or less of the weaknesses of those isolated populations.
    1:15:44 What I was concerned with is that if people extract the DNA from these remote communities,
    1:15:49 that they in fact do so only with the consent of those communities,
    1:15:54 or with the consent of the elected representatives of those communities,
    1:16:00 so that they can have some fair financial return for their natural endowment.
    1:16:05 I see. So it’s similar, in a sense, to preventing, say, biopiracy from the Amazon,
    1:16:12 where you have these tribes who are not providing their own human genetic information,
    1:16:18 but are, say, acting as a wellspring of ethnobotany and providing source materials
    1:16:24 for creating pharmaceuticals, and you would want out there to be some recompense to those groups,
    1:16:32 translating that into your own sort of endogenous genetics would be what you’re referring to.
    1:16:34 That’s fascinating. Never even thought about that. Absolutely.
    1:16:40 Are there any examples you could give of these sort of tightly knit clusters,
    1:16:44 maybe the clusters is too small a word, of people who are being studied for this reason,
    1:16:48 for medicinal purposes? There are actually many, many dozens,
    1:16:52 and there are quite a few companies who specialize in this type of area.
    1:16:56 The population that comes top of mind to me, Tim, right now,
    1:17:02 because it’s such a fascinating story, and it relates to my own activities in organ manufacturing,
    1:17:09 is a community of people living in Ecuador and Peru, very close-knit, intramaried,
    1:17:16 that are all a kind of dwarfism, and these individuals, they rarely grow taller than
    1:17:24 four feet tall, and it was discovered just over the past 15, 20 years that they are descendants
    1:17:32 of Jews from 2,000 years ago who were forced into a diaspora across the Mediterranean
    1:17:39 after the Roman occupation of Palestine, and in that ancient time, these people were a very
    1:17:45 small stature, but it was just part of the human diversity. They ended up as a group,
    1:17:51 mostly ending up in Spain, and then when the Inquisition took hold, their descendants,
    1:17:55 who were still very small, they left Spain, they went to the New World,
    1:18:02 and because the Inquisition still had some type of a hand in the larger population centers of
    1:18:07 what’s now Peru and Ecuador, they went out into the rural areas, and there they lived for several
    1:18:15 hundred years, and it turns out that this population, they have one gene that makes their body not
    1:18:22 receptive to growth hormone. All of us naturally, we produce growth hormone, and the cells of our
    1:18:28 bodies have a receptor for that growth hormone, and when the growth hormone locks into the receptor,
    1:18:36 we begin growing. This population of people in Peru and Ecuador, they lack the growth hormone.
    1:18:41 That gene fell off like 2,000 years ago, and they kept passing it on and on,
    1:18:47 not much growth hormone receptor. They’re perfectly intelligent, they live normal lives,
    1:18:53 they just don’t grow very large. I found this population fascinating because in my company,
    1:18:59 United Therapeutics, we’re trying to create an unlimited supply of transplantable organs.
    1:19:05 One of the ways we do this is by modifying the genome of the pig, and it’s kind of like a
    1:19:10 fluke of nature, Tim, that the pig’s organs, their heart, their kidneys, their lungs,
    1:19:16 are very much the same size and functionality as human kidneys, hearts, and lungs.
    1:19:21 The only problem is that if you leave a pig on the zone, they’ll actually grow extremely large,
    1:19:29 and when these first transplants were done, they had to euthanize the animal recipients of the
    1:19:37 transplants because the organs from the pig had grown too large. What we did is we took a page from
    1:19:44 this population of people in Peru and Ecuador, the Western medicine gives them a disease name.
    1:19:51 It’s called Laren’s disease, L-A-R-O-N, after this Israeli scientist who discovered what was
    1:19:58 going on here. We said, “Well, why don’t we modify a growth hormone receptor knockout
    1:20:05 just like the Laren’s population has into these pigs?” When we transplant the kidneys of these
    1:20:11 pigs into people, the kidneys won’t keep growing and growing as a normal pig can be many hundreds
    1:20:17 of pounds. Instead, the kidney will just stop growing at the same size as when we transplanted
    1:20:21 it, and that’s working out really well. Let’s talk more about organ manufacturing.
    1:20:31 What are some of the other precursors or requirements for having a sufficient supply
    1:20:37 of organs to meet whatever demands there are in the U.S. or in the world today?
    1:20:44 The demands, whether it’s in the U.S. or outside the U.S., are huge and are way, way in excess of
    1:20:52 the supply. I would say that one of the greatest unmet medical needs today is an adequate supply
    1:20:58 of transplantable organs. It’s a beautiful thing that before people like Tom Starzell
    1:21:05 questioned authority and said it was possible to do an organ transplant in our parents’ teenage
    1:21:10 years and adult years, that would have just been crazy stuff. You take an organ from a dead person,
    1:21:15 you put it in a live person who has a bad organ and the person comes back to health,
    1:21:21 that’s about as crazy as it gets, but they did it. They did it. Now, standing on their shoulders,
    1:21:28 we have hundreds of thousands of people clamoring for these organs, yet each year there are only
    1:21:36 about 30,000 kidneys available for transplant, only around 3,000 hearts, only around 2,000 lungs.
    1:21:42 The gap between the need for these organs and the supply is humongous.
    1:21:48 Are you still, or I should say United Therapeutics, currently trying to manipulate the vagus nerve?
    1:21:57 Is that in process? Yes, that is in process. It’s a fascinating area, Tim. We are very fortunate
    1:22:06 to work with the father of bioelectronic medicine, Dr. Kevin Tracy. He’s the chief medical officer
    1:22:12 at the Northwell Medical Complex up in the New York area. By the way, that reminds me,
    1:22:18 speaking of how can laypeople get access to scientific knowledge easily, subscribe to
    1:22:24 Scientific American. I’m sorry to put an advertisement in here, but I find Scientific
    1:22:30 American and National Geographic two of the greatest ways for laypeople, which I do consider
    1:22:36 myself a layperson, to learn about all different types of science that they might not know anything
    1:22:43 about. One day, I got my Scientific American in the mail, and on the cover, it was using
    1:22:49 electronics to cure diseases. Well, here I am. My whole career has just been like electronic
    1:22:55 engineering, building satellites. Now, because of my daughter, I’m in this medical field,
    1:23:00 so I’m so excited. It was one of those lightning bolts to the soul. Now, I have a chance to bring
    1:23:06 my male and female side together, to bring my satellite and my biology side together and merge
    1:23:13 them. I got very excited, and I had a chance to meet and now work with and support the work of
    1:23:20 Dr. Tracy. He taught me a very simple sentence, Tim, which I’ve subsequently found to be absolutely
    1:23:26 true in all the research I’ve read. It is that the nervous system touches every single cell on your
    1:23:35 body. The nervous system touches every single cell in our body. The largest nerve in the body,
    1:23:41 there’s one nerve that is way, way larger than all the rest of them. It’s the vagus nerve.
    1:23:49 It starts in our mind. It wraps around our heart, our lungs, our gut. It’s an immense nerve. And by
    1:23:56 stimulating this vagus nerve, it’s possible to have positive therapeutic effects in the body
    1:24:02 by a fluke of nature, a positive fluke. The vagus nerve comes out to the skin
    1:24:09 in two and only two places around the left and right ears. There are like a couple of
    1:24:15 different ridges in your earlobe, or your ear, I guess you would say it. And one of them called the
    1:24:22 simba conchie is the place where the vagus nerve comes out. And if you electrically stimulate
    1:24:28 the simba conchie on either the left or the right ear, it’s been proven now, again, in lots of
    1:24:34 published literature, to have positive therapeutic effects on the body. What are some of those
    1:24:41 positive therapeutic effects? One which has been documented quite extensively is the ability to
    1:24:48 control Crohn’s disease and irritable bowel syndrome, which are two gastrointestinal problems,
    1:24:56 as well as very high priced and I would say tinged with some potential side effect
    1:25:02 biologic medicines that are approved by the FDA to treat Crohn’s disease and irritable bowel
    1:25:09 syndrome. Another illness that has been shown to mediate against is rheumatoid arthritis.
    1:25:17 And the common factor here is that we have two types of nervous systems. We have a
    1:25:23 fight or flight nervous system, which is the sympathetic nervous system. And we have a rest
    1:25:29 and digest nervous system, which is called the parasympathetic nervous system. When diseases
    1:25:35 occur, it’s because one of those two nervous systems, the sympathetic one, the fight or flight,
    1:25:42 takes more of a dominant position in the body and causes a state of inflammation or over activation.
    1:25:51 And by stimulating the vagus nerve, you can ramp up the power of the parasympathetic nervous system
    1:25:57 and calm down this kind of overstressed state that leads to an irritable bowel syndrome or to
    1:26:03 the inflammation of arthritis. This is in the course of doing all the reading for this conversation.
    1:26:09 One of those things that really woke me up and maybe pay attention for a bunch of reasons.
    1:26:16 One is relevance to my current life because I’ve been working with a doctor for about 10 weeks
    1:26:22 doing heart rate variability training. And there are some researchers with claims, I want to say
    1:26:28 out of Rutgers and elsewhere, that certain types of HRV training affect vagal tone. And
    1:26:36 via affecting that vagal tone have a host of cascading therapeutic benefits. Whether or not
    1:26:41 that holds up to scrutiny or not, I don’t know. But the second, and I’m embarrassed to even
    1:26:48 give voice to this. So hopefully this won’t just destroy any tiny shred of credibility that I might
    1:26:55 have as I mentioned it. But I lived in China for a period of time in college, went to universities
    1:27:00 there in Beijing as effectively an exchange student. But it was a one way exchange. I don’t
    1:27:08 think we had any students in return from China. And the ears are very much utilized in the world
    1:27:16 of acupuncture. And I’m curious to know if you think that whether by trial and error or otherwise,
    1:27:26 it’s possible that acupuncture stumbled upon the effects without knowing the mechanism
    1:27:34 of stimulating or affecting the ears to then in turn affect the vagus nerve. I know it’s
    1:27:41 quite a stretch. But when I first read about this access via the ears, that is one thing that jumped
    1:27:46 to mind. Because I always kind of poo pooed. And if I’m being honest, ridiculed the idea
    1:27:53 of using the ears to access these deep inner points. But here we are. So I don’t know if
    1:28:00 you have any thoughts. Tim, first your credibility is immense. So you would have to actually say
    1:28:05 something crazy to Denton or what you said is the opposite of crazy. What you said is extremely
    1:28:14 insightful and prescient. So as convinced as I was that putting a satellite in geostationary orbit
    1:28:21 would enable people across the planet to receive radio signals, as convinced as I was that we could
    1:28:25 have a molecule that would halt the progression of my daughter and other people’s disease.
    1:28:32 That’s exactly how convinced I am that the acupuncturists of traditional Chinese medicine
    1:28:39 did in fact come upon the nerve patterns that are accessible from the earlobe.
    1:28:48 And one of the first things that Dr. Tracy showed to me was a very medically accurate from Chinese
    1:28:55 traditional medicine practitioner map of the earlobe in terms of exactly where you put. I’m
    1:29:01 sorry, I don’t know what the official name is of the pins or needles that they put in your earlobe
    1:29:07 and how they map to different parts of the body. And then he showed me on an anatomy map
    1:29:15 how that traces the lines of the vagus nerve. That’s wild. Yeah, it is totally true. And why
    1:29:22 really would it not be true? I mean, you know, thousands of years of Chinese civilization,
    1:29:28 they have had a chance to do so much trial and error. And they were a literate civilization
    1:29:33 for so long. So the results that trial and error could be passed on and passed on.
    1:29:39 So I do think it’s entirely rational that they would have figured this out. And what I’m hoping
    1:29:47 for now and what I’m trying to support is there is an opportunity to what I call in my own words,
    1:29:56 crack the human neurome. So what that means is that there are unique patterns of amplitudes
    1:30:04 and signal lengths and signal voltages that will activate some different part of the
    1:30:11 vagus nerve than others. And each of these different voltages and wavelengths will correlate to a
    1:30:17 different part of the human body. We don’t know what those are. Right now, we are just kind of,
    1:30:24 in the way I would say we’re dumber than the acupuncturist, because almost all of the work
    1:30:29 that the FDA has allowed to go forward on vagal nerve stimulation, they all use the same pulse
    1:30:35 with the same pulse power. And it works. So that’s great. But I think it could work even
    1:30:42 better if we decoded the human neurome. And I believe in the future, people will be able to
    1:30:49 put on a pair of like beat headsets. And those beat headsets will have gel less, meaning like you
    1:30:56 don’t need like the EKG kind of gel, gel less electrodes will rest across your simbaconchi
    1:31:01 and your traga and the different parts of your earlobe, and will provide you a stimulation that
    1:31:06 matches the particular ailment that you have. Eliminate the ailment without taking any pills,
    1:31:11 without paying any money to anybody. This is an area I want to keep digging in because
    1:31:17 it’s rare. Well, it’s pretty much non-existent that I have the opportunity to speak with someone
    1:31:24 with so much electrical engineering background about the possible applications or implications
    1:31:32 of technology like this. I’d love to just throw out another group of devices to see if you have
    1:31:41 any opinions on them one way or the other, but potential applications of let’s just say TDCS
    1:31:49 or TMS, so transcranial direct current stimulation or other means of stimulating
    1:31:55 the brain, typically using some type of conducive gel, but not always in the case of a TMS paddle.
    1:31:59 Have you looked at these technologies or done any reading in the literature related to them?
    1:32:06 A little bit. I’m aware of a friend of mine has a company that obtained an FDA approval for
    1:32:12 treating a particular form of brain cancer with this type of technology. So there’s this very
    1:32:17 solid scientific benefit that’s been documented. After many years of working through the FDA,
    1:32:23 I have a world of respect for the rigor that they put into any decision to approve something. So
    1:32:27 when they approved it, it meant that it was scientifically proven to work. Something that
    1:32:36 is quite different from that, but at the same time related to it, Tim, is on the last day of 2019,
    1:32:44 which was like the last day of the decade, it turned out to be a weekday. I forget if it was
    1:32:50 a Tuesday or whatever, but the U.S. Patent Office only issues patents on one day of a week,
    1:32:54 and it was like the one day of a week that they issue them on, whether it’s Tuesday or whatever.
    1:33:02 And it was a patent that I received for a device that I call an Alzheimer’s Cognitive Enabler,
    1:33:11 and this device is worn over the cranium, as you mentioned, and it senses nerve impulses
    1:33:19 inside the brain. It is connected to a computer with a visual recognition and a speech comprehension
    1:33:27 system so that if a patient with Alzheimer’s is not able to adequately communicate and appear to
    1:33:33 recognize the people who are coming into their room, the computer vision recognition system
    1:33:40 and sound recognition system will talk on behalf of the Alzheimer’s patients, say, you know,
    1:33:46 hello, son, thank you for coming to see me. And it is actually being triggered by
    1:33:52 recognitions that are deep in the Alzheimer’s patient’s mind so that more people will come
    1:33:58 to visit the patient, the patient’s stress levels may be lower. So I believe this kind of bridging
    1:34:06 of electronics in the mind is really right around the corner. What inspired putting the work into
    1:34:14 that research and filing that patent? I think part of it was seeing my mother-in-law suffer
    1:34:20 pretty badly from somewhere around the spectrum between dementia and Alzheimer’s was never really
    1:34:27 completely clear where she was at that. And she would recognize us coming in, but she couldn’t
    1:34:34 communicate. And it would have meant a lot to everybody if she would be able to communicate.
    1:34:39 My own mother is more or less at that point right now as well. Secondly, the work on the
    1:34:46 BINA-48 computer showed me that it was really possible for people to strike up meaningful
    1:34:54 relationships with the digital version of BINA, the BINA-48 robot. And so it was just like,
    1:35:01 you know, a very short step from instead of putting all of BINA’s or even a good portion
    1:35:07 of her memories and her personality into this computer, why not actually have the computer’s
    1:35:14 interaction capability, input/output capability triggered by something like a Neurosky type of
    1:35:21 EEG brain interface. And the last piece of it was I was given a Christmas present by a friend of
    1:35:27 mine, which was one of these Neurosky headsets that lets you kind of like play a game just with
    1:35:33 your thoughts by controlling your EEG signals. So that’s a consumer product anybody can buy,
    1:35:37 and it really works. This conversation brings back a lot of memories for me because I have
    1:35:43 Alzheimer’s disease. It’s very prevalent on both sides of my family and observed both sets of my
    1:35:49 grandparents deteriorate to the point where at least some of them couldn’t recognize immediate
    1:35:58 family members and was recently rewatching segments of a documentary I saw called Alive Inside,
    1:36:06 and the subtitle is A Story of Music and Memory. And what struck me most about this documentary is
    1:36:13 that not that they could play music from someone’s youth to them through headsets and watch them come
    1:36:20 alive in some really spectacular ways, both physically, in terms of kinesiology moving around,
    1:36:25 but also psychologically, the most impressive part to me is that they would play music for,
    1:36:32 say, a handful of minutes, five to ten minutes from someone’s youth, and then turn off the music,
    1:36:38 and that person could have a perfectly coherent, reasonably fast-speed conversation, whereas
    1:36:45 prior to the administration of the music, they were from the outside catatonic, basically,
    1:36:51 and it makes me wonder what music is doing. I’m sure there are people who study this and probably
    1:36:59 have a better mechanistic explanation and how it could be incorporated into therapies intended to
    1:37:04 counter dementia or advanced Alzheimer’s disease, things of this type. Tim, you see like just in
    1:37:10 this conversation, we are uncovering like so many, you know, vast new oceans of opportunity for people
    1:37:19 to learn and study about. To me, music is the foundational human technology, because the first
    1:37:24 thing that we ever could become aware of would be the beat of our mother’s hearts while we were
    1:37:32 still in utero. And that beat, that’s a rhythm, okay? And after we’re born, you know, people may
    1:37:39 have better or worse rhythm, but there’s nobody that cannot detect the sound of a beat and move
    1:37:45 to it. And then all the different types of melodies and chords that build upon rhythm,
    1:37:50 it’s just fancier and fancier forms of music. So I believe that there’s tremendous therapeutic
    1:37:56 properties to music. It’s just been scratched. They even scratch. It’s been kind of like blown on,
    1:38:06 like. And it’s there for like all the thousands of young people today who have come up, grown up
    1:38:12 with more music than ever before, to begin to apply this great human cultural technology of
    1:38:18 music to the biggest mystery in the entire universe, which is the human mind. I want to come back
    1:38:25 to the mind or more accurately consciousness in a moment. But first, this will seem like a left
    1:38:31 turn. And it is, I was reading a piece in the Washington Post that covered quite a lot of your
    1:38:38 life. And there was a segment on love night. I don’t know if that’s enough of a prompt,
    1:38:45 but can you tell us what love night is? So when Dina, my partner and I got married, we each had
    1:38:51 one child from a previous marriage that each of us had custody of. And then we had two children
    1:39:00 together. And we were kind of trying to build a blended family that would feel like nobody was
    1:39:07 a stepmom or a stepdad, that everybody was just like in one family. And in fact, we cross-adopted
    1:39:15 each other’s kids from our previous marriages. So I was taking the kids to music classes. All of the
    1:39:22 kids were in the Yamaha Music Program where they learned piano and violin instruments like that.
    1:39:29 And we would practice songs. And I was brought up Jewish where every Friday night was something
    1:39:37 that was special. It was the Sabbath and the family sat down together and had dinner and set a couple
    1:39:43 of prayers. So Bina and I tried to think, how can we like merge all these things together? The Jewish
    1:39:50 tradition, the need to create a blended family, the music that we were all enjoying from watching
    1:39:58 the kids learn to play piano and violin. And we decided to, every Friday night, have a special
    1:40:05 family ceremony, which we would call love night. And we sang a song, which the melody was actually
    1:40:12 based on one of the kids’ songs that they had learned in the Yamaha Music Program. The words were,
    1:40:21 you know, very simple and affirming. And at love night, the core of love night was that each person
    1:40:29 around the table would have an opportunity to say what love meant to them during the past week,
    1:40:36 during the week from the previous Friday to this Friday. What does love mean to you? And, you know,
    1:40:43 Bina and I, as the adults, we would say something either sophisticated or simple. Like, I love Bina,
    1:40:49 I love Martine, I love the kids. The kids started off just saying, like, what love means to me is,
    1:40:57 like, our dogs or our car. You know, very basic things. But as they grew older, they came into
    1:41:03 more and more sophisticated definitions and expressions of love until after a couple of
    1:41:10 decades of this. All of us have heard thousands of different things that love can mean to a person.
    1:41:14 Now, I’d like to fast forward, and I’m sorry to be on a little riff here, but I want to fast
    1:41:20 forward to the current COVID pandemic. Our kids are all adults now. They’ve flown the coop,
    1:41:27 they have their own kids. And suddenly we are in a situation where we can’t all gather together in
    1:41:33 anyone else for love night. You don’t want to travel, you don’t want to like endanger people,
    1:41:42 so on and so forth. So we decided to continue the love night tradition, but on Zoom or to be
    1:41:50 fair Google Meet. So every Friday night from my son, who’s a captain in the army in Iraq,
    1:41:57 to his wife, who’s on a base in El Paso, to my other son with four grandchildren in Florida,
    1:42:03 to my daughter in Brooklyn, and her kid and her husband and me and I, we all get together on Zoom
    1:42:08 plus friends of all of ours. The kids were not embarrassed by love night. In fact, they wanted
    1:42:12 to share it with their friends and their friends were saying like, whoa, this is crazy, this is
    1:42:18 beautiful. And so we get together every Friday night, we sing our love night song. And now there’s
    1:42:24 about 20 of us, you know, we go around virtually what love meant to us during that previous week.
    1:42:28 And I would say love night is one of the most beautiful parts of my life.
    1:42:36 I’m so glad that I asked that question. And love night, could you give a few more examples
    1:42:46 of possible answers just to give people a flavor for how people might answer this question? Because
    1:42:52 I, for instance, would love to try this with my girlfriend, with some of our friends, family,
    1:42:57 etc. But I would be nervous as the orchestrator that I might get that question and not have
    1:43:05 the ability to kick things off effectively. So every morning, being in my partner goes out for,
    1:43:11 takes our two dogs out for a walk with one of her best friends who lives a few houses away.
    1:43:18 And that best friend now joins our love night. And last Friday, she said, what love means to me
    1:43:25 is every morning, going out for a walk with being in the dogs. Last week, our youngest grandson,
    1:43:32 Saturn, he’s, you know, was born in 2010. So he’s 10 years old. He said, what love means to me
    1:43:41 is this. And he pulled a piece of paper, he said, I got a 95 on my math test. And he was just so proud
    1:43:48 of himself and shared it with us. So those are typical examples of, I think I last time said,
    1:43:54 what love means to me is sitting down at the piano and playing different songs from memory.
    1:44:01 So to use this as a skipping, I was going to say a skipping stone, but I think I’m getting my
    1:44:09 metaphors mixed up. I say a launch pad, a lily pad, pick your, pick your choice to consciousness.
    1:44:15 Do you think that we will be able to, as I’ve heard you put it once, recapitulate or recreate
    1:44:24 consciousness synthetically? And does that mean we’ll have machines that can love, for instance,
    1:44:29 in the not too distant future? What would it mean to have created consciousness?
    1:44:36 Sure. I do believe it’s possible. And a great book that I would recommend that goes into this
    1:44:44 subject in beautiful detail is called The Emotion Machine by Marvin Minsky. And Marvin Minsky is
    1:44:50 often thought of as the father of artificial intelligence. He was a professor at MIT for
    1:44:58 great many years. So in the Emotion Machine book, he really describes exactly how you would go about
    1:45:06 creating a computer and the type of software that it would take in order for the machine to
    1:45:14 feel what we feel when we say that we love somebody. And I think it’s likely to occur, Tim,
    1:45:23 because it’s hard for me to think of any aspect of life that cannot be replicated if one had
    1:45:30 sufficiently advanced technology. One of my favorite sayings from another role model, Arthur C.
    1:45:36 Clark, is that magic is indistinguishable from sufficiently advanced technology.
    1:45:44 So I think just like we have been able to create an artificial hip, artificial knees,
    1:45:53 artificial hearts. In my own company, we are building lungs and kidneys. People are creating
    1:45:59 artificial nerves. People like Elon Musk has formed a whole company, Neuralink,
    1:46:05 where he’s working on downloading a whole human brain. I have little doubt that humans will end
    1:46:13 up being able to replicate a human mind. Now, whether or not the rest of society accepts it
    1:46:20 as a human mind or not, I think is going to be a long pitch battle. And that’s what is the subject
    1:46:27 of my book, “Virtually Human.” That whole book talks about how and when will society accept digital
    1:46:34 consciousness as being as conscious as a human. But even if that digital consciousness is not yet
    1:46:43 at human level, what happens when it’s at, say, primate level or at canine level or even at rodent
    1:46:48 level? If you can get to any of these levels, you could kind of see how it’s the same old human
    1:46:55 effort of keep making incremental improvements that would eventually get you to the human level,
    1:47:01 where I think that the individual alive today that has the best understanding of this topic
    1:47:06 is a guy at Google named Ray Kurzweil. He’s a director of engineering at Google.
    1:47:15 And what I love about Ray is he never tires of pointing out that this digital human consciousness,
    1:47:24 it’s human. Human consciousness is a human phenomena. So when we create a digital analog or
    1:47:32 doppelganger or simulcra, whatever you want to call it, when we create a her, that her is human.
    1:47:40 It’s not us versus them. It’s one. It’s we will have been able to move our mind into a digital
    1:47:46 substrate, just like if our knees give out, you move it to a mechanical substrate or if an organ
    1:47:52 gives out, you transplant it with another organ. Where would you, if you had to,
    1:47:59 kind of price is right style, put a timeline on this? When do you think we’ll have rodent or canine
    1:48:05 level consciousness plus intelligence? Yeah, it’s pretty hard to say, Tim, because one thing I am
    1:48:12 not is I’m not a sucerer, I’m not a prophet, I’m not a visionary, any of those things. I’m just a
    1:48:18 humble technologist and all the projects I work on, they have five year time horizons because I
    1:48:24 have difficulty really seeing beyond five years. So every technology I’m working on, it’s like I
    1:48:32 want to get this thing done and out to the public within five years. Also, I am totally a believer
    1:48:41 in this adage that futurists usually overpromise in the near term and underpromise in the long
    1:48:47 term. So what that would mean in this context is you will hear a lot of futurists saying, oh,
    1:48:55 we’ll have digital rats or digital dogs or digital people in 10, 20 or 30 years. They have probably
    1:49:03 overpromised in the near term. What they have underpromised in the long term is in
    1:49:10 not 10, 20, 30 years, but in say 80, 90 or 100 years, there won’t be just digital rats,
    1:49:15 digital dogs and digital people, but most people will be digital.
    1:49:21 Exciting and I suppose for some people very terrifying at the same time. What are some of the
    1:49:32 most important ethical questions or considerations related to technology as we move into future
    1:49:39 decades in your mind? In my mind, the biggest problem with technology is that people only think
    1:49:46 about the rights to implement the technology and they don’t think about the obligations they have
    1:49:53 as somebody creating a technology. And by what I mean by that is, you know, there was this great
    1:50:00 philosopher of the 20th century, Isaac Berlin, I believe he was German, and he had a real simple
    1:50:07 message. His message was that for every right, there is an obligation. It’s again, it’s a very
    1:50:14 Alan Watson, sorry to keep coming back to Alan Watts, but it’s a very Alan Watson point of view
    1:50:22 that a right only means something in the context of its obligation. So for example, if I have a right
    1:50:28 to be a parent, which we think everybody has a right to be a parent, you only have that right
    1:50:35 to be a parent so long as you comply with your obligation to be at least not a horrible parent.
    1:50:39 If you’re a horrible parent, you will have your children taken away from you and you’ll no longer
    1:50:46 in that sense be a parent. So with regard to technology, I think there is a point of view that
    1:50:52 anybody who can create a technology has a right to make that technology. But I dispute the ethics
    1:51:00 of that perspective. I think that every right to make a technology is coupled to an obligation
    1:51:07 to have the consent of anybody who would be adversely affected by that technology. So for
    1:51:14 example, my right to build an atomic power plant or a nuclear power plant someplace, I don’t just
    1:51:20 have that right. That right is coupled to an obligation that I have to have the consent
    1:51:27 of all the surrounding communities of people who could be adversely affected by the implementation
    1:51:35 of that technology. And it comes into this domain of in my own field, say the transplantation of
    1:51:41 genetically modified pig organs into people. For me to have a right to do that technology,
    1:51:47 I have to have the consent of the larger community that that’s a safe thing to do.
    1:51:56 In a democratic country, that consent is issued on behalf of the country by the government
    1:52:03 and in the field of health, it’s issued by the FDA. So before the FDA permits us to transplant
    1:52:09 these genetically modified pig organs into people, they want us to demonstrate to them that there is
    1:52:16 no risk, not a small risk, but no risk of any kind of animal virus seeping into the human
    1:52:23 population as a result of these animal transplants. So in summary, I believe like an amazing field
    1:52:30 for the future, a field that will probably in the future have almost as many people with this
    1:52:37 career as our web designers today is the field of techno ethics. Everybody who wants to create a
    1:52:45 technology will need to wrap that technology in an ethical envelope of consent. If we look at
    1:52:50 in a science over while we could look at it over the last few thousand years, but let’s just say
    1:52:56 last few hundred years, you mentioned earlier that I think you were discussing the structure
    1:53:03 of scientific revolutions, how these breakthroughs, these massive scientific leaps forward seem like
    1:53:10 complete madness at the time to the vast majority. And we don’t have to go that far back to find,
    1:53:16 say, surgery without or with minimal use of anesthetics on newborns and infants. I mean,
    1:53:23 this is not the Dark Ages. This is less than a hundred years ago. You see some really appalling
    1:53:30 things that were taken as best practices or common practice. And one of my friends who’s an
    1:53:36 outstanding doctor likes to repeat this, I suppose, adage that you hear among good doctors,
    1:53:43 which is 50% of what we know is wrong. We just don’t know which 50%. And that seems to always
    1:53:48 be true. So if we flash forward 10 or 20 years, and I know you’re not a prophet or a soothsayer,
    1:53:55 but I’m curious, or it could be five years as a technologist, what do you think are any of the
    1:54:03 things we’re doing now or believe now that will be shown to be patently absurd or viewed as barbaric
    1:54:11 or crazy or naive in the near future? Probably a lot of things. Yeah. Since a lot of, you know,
    1:54:16 what we look back in the past, that seems to be barbaric. Building on top of your example
    1:54:26 of the torturous procedures put on to neonates, people forget that the founder of the American
    1:54:33 Medical Association, the first doctor who created the American Medical Association, his name was
    1:54:42 Dr. Gross. He lived in Philadelphia, and he did not believe in asepsis at all. And so he would do
    1:54:51 all of his procedures right in his street clothes, infecting everybody, and countless women lost
    1:54:57 their lives because of having those type of quote unquote doctors, helping with the delivery of the
    1:55:04 children and ending up creating a septic condition in the mothers. And one of the most famous painters
    1:55:11 in American history, Thomas Akins, painted this picture of the Gross Clinic, where Dr. Gross was
    1:55:17 teaching all the young doctors how to do a procedure, and you see dirt in his shoes and scuffy hands.
    1:55:24 Then he was followed. The second president of the American Medical Association was a Dr. Agnew,
    1:55:31 who was the student of Gross. And he had read about the research of Lister in England and became a
    1:55:37 believer that even though we can’t see these things germs, they’re real. And we need to practice, you
    1:55:43 know, strict septic procedures before we do an operation. A few years later, Thomas Akins painted
    1:55:50 the Agnew Clinic, and you see that the doctors in white smocks and everybody is, you know, looking
    1:55:57 super sterile and clean. So these type of revolutions can occur just like one generation
    1:56:02 to the next. It’s not something that takes a long time. I think that, you know, looking at what’s
    1:56:10 going on today in our world, I think the fact that we burn our own house will look to be
    1:56:15 absolutely bonkers. People would say, well, let me get this right. You’ve got like, you know,
    1:56:21 a super thin atmosphere. I mean, you guys saw that from space since the 60s at least.
    1:56:28 This atmosphere around your planet is super thin. You have an undeniable record of measurements of
    1:56:35 carbon dioxide into the atmosphere going up year after year after year. And you continue to just
    1:56:42 spew without limit greenhouse gases into this atmosphere, despite the fact that, you know,
    1:56:47 people are dying on the shorelines, dying of diseases, et cetera, et cetera. I think they
    1:56:53 will think we are as stupid as somebody who would light a fire in the middle of their house to try
    1:57:00 to keep warm and not bother with the smoke that they were choking on. And then if I could add an
    1:57:07 addendum to that, did you guys know that the Earth receives 10,000 times the amount of solar energy
    1:57:13 falls right on the Earth each day? Then it uses 10,000 times the amount of energy it flows.
    1:57:18 And that’s not to talk about the wind. And that’s not to talk about the waves. And that’s not to
    1:57:23 talk about the nuclear energy. I think the people in the future may think we were pretty stupid
    1:57:31 to be so scared of nuclear energy, which has killed a few dozens of people, that we went ahead
    1:57:37 and just, you know, stopped all the nuclear plants and began pouring ungodly amounts of greenhouse
    1:57:42 gases into the atmosphere that will kill millions of people. That will seem ludicrous to them.
    1:57:46 I think this is, and I won’t keep you too much longer, but I think this, I would be remiss if I
    1:57:56 didn’t ask you to comment on or describe your own engineering projects with carbon neutrality or
    1:58:02 zero emissions as an objective, because this is not just idle hand waving for you. This is
    1:58:09 something that you’ve taken a keen engineering mind to. And I think that was not mentioned in
    1:58:17 your bio, even though it’s yet another one of these examples of extreme curiosity and capability.
    1:58:20 Could you just describe what you’ve done in that arena, please?
    1:58:26 So this is another area that gives me immense enjoyment. Again, another kind of like lightning
    1:58:33 bolt to my soul is to try to create infrastructure, buildings and cars and planes and things
    1:58:40 that have a zero carbon footprint. And I look at it as an intellectual challenge
    1:58:48 when I’ve read that people said, well, we cannot have a zero carbon footprint society until 2050.
    1:58:54 That’s what the authorities say. You know already, Tim, I’m going to say, why? Why not? Why not? Why
    1:59:01 not? I’m going to question that authority. So about three years ago, we undertook to build a new
    1:59:06 headquarters for a company in Silver Spring, Maryland that would have a zero carbon footprint,
    1:59:12 not in the best climate, Maryland. It’s got its good seasons and its bad seasons.
    1:59:17 Right in the middle of a city, Silver Spring, Maryland is a built up suburb of Washington,
    1:59:24 D.C. And for the manufacture of medicines and stuff, which is a somewhat of an energy-intensive
    1:59:32 activity. So we built 150,000 square foot zero carbon footprint building, which turned out to
    1:59:38 be the largest zero carbon footprint building in the entire world. And we inaugurated it a couple
    1:59:44 years ago. It turns out we produce more energy than we use each year now, two years running.
    1:59:51 We did this by just thinking carefully about energy and how to manage it. So for example,
    2:00:00 we have underneath the building 50 wells, each of which go down 500 feet. And they exchange
    2:00:06 heat from the building with the coolness of the earth in the summer, bring the coolness back up.
    2:00:12 And in the winter, they exchange coolness of the building with the steady temperature of the earth
    2:00:18 in the winter to keep the building warm. The sides of the building are cladded with solar panels.
    2:00:26 The entire building has a brain that automatically opens the windows and closes the windows to allow
    2:00:32 natural ventilation. It’s a role model for many other buildings and lots of designers and engineers
    2:00:38 have come over there. Another example is in the delivery of our organs. When we right now we refurbish
    2:00:46 organs, lungs in particular, that a decedent has donated or the decedent’s family has agreed to
    2:00:52 the donation. But when the transplant surgeons look at that lung, they say it’s too full of fluid
    2:00:57 and mucus, we can’t use it, throw it away. So what United Therapeutics says is give us your
    2:01:03 lonely, unwanted, unloved lungs, fly them to Silver Spring, Maryland, we will refurbish them,
    2:01:09 we’ll show through a high-speed digital network to the transplant surgeons all across the country
    2:01:14 that the organ is good as new through this digital network and bronchoscope and X-ray and all that
    2:01:20 stuff. And then we fly the lungs back out to them and we’ve saved over 150 lives this way Tim.
    2:01:26 How do you refurbish a lung? First you have to remove it from the dying body. A dying body is
    2:01:33 a terrible place to be. So we remove it from the decedent, we cool it down, so we kind of give it
    2:01:38 a, I won’t say we freeze it, but we cool it down very low temperature. We fly it to Maryland and
    2:01:45 we put it in a glass dome. And in this glass dome we have tubes, we have a kind of artificial blood
    2:01:52 and air pumping. So we’ve made a kind of isolated artificial body just for that lung. And we have
    2:01:57 expert technicians who work these, sorry I don’t know the exact name of the equipment, but it sucks
    2:02:04 out mucus and they operate on the lungs like it was a person, but it’s just an isolated pair of
    2:02:11 lungs. And the transplant doctors who could be in Texas or Florida, wherever, they tell us through
    2:02:16 the digital screen in the voice, put the bronchoscope down the left side or down the right side or go
    2:02:22 further, give me, they see this and they know what they want. So our technicians know how to do this
    2:02:30 and within four hours in almost two-thirds of the time we were able to take what was a non-compliant
    2:02:36 dead piece of tissue and turn it into a nicely breathing lung. It’s so beautiful to watch Tim,
    2:02:41 the lungs go in and out like a butterfly’s wings going up and down. In fact, you could see a video
    2:02:46 of it on that Washington Post article you were mentioning. And then we cool the lungs back down
    2:02:53 and we fly it to the transplant surgeon and 100% of the time that they have accepted these lungs,
    2:02:58 they have had successful lung transplants with, like I mentioned, over 150 people walking out
    2:03:04 of the hospital. But I mentioned this because this is a lot of flying around, flying here,
    2:03:09 flying there, you know, helicopters going back and forth, planes. And if I’m going to make an
    2:03:14 unlimited supply of organs, and you remember all those numbers we talked about at the beginning
    2:03:19 of the call, the hundreds of thousands of people who needs these organs, that is going to be a
    2:03:25 humongous carbon footprint. We could have said to ourselves, well, we’re doing such a good thing,
    2:03:31 we’re saving all these lives, we could be permitted to foul our atmosphere because it’s
    2:03:36 balanced by the good things we’re doing. But instead, we like to ask ourselves like the
    2:03:42 challenging question, how can we do like the good thing and the right thing at the same time?
    2:03:47 How can we manufacture all these lungs and deliver them with a zero carbon footprint?
    2:03:54 And the solution came from the technology of electric helicopters, which are powered by renewable
    2:04:00 energy that can fly these organs from one place to the other without adding any carbon footprint
    2:04:06 at all. And I will be a little bit of a sous-sayer here. I am absolutely convinced that in this decade,
    2:04:12 the 2020s, we will be delivering manufactured organs by electric helicopter.
    2:04:18 I love it. I have, I will say one, I made sheet and sneak in one or two more, but
    2:04:25 I love talking with you. Likewise, this is just endlessly, endlessly interesting.
    2:04:30 So many, so many different pathways into the labyrinth. But I need to make sure, I suppose,
    2:04:36 since my job is supposedly interviewer that I can find my way back out. I have read that…
    2:04:37 Alan Watts will show you the way.
    2:04:42 Alan Watts will show me the way. He does have a most seductive and hypnotic voice
    2:04:47 for those who haven’t heard. I recommend. I have read that a favorite saying of yours is,
    2:04:52 quote, “identify the corridors of indifference and run like hell down them.” End quote.
    2:04:57 Can you please speak to that or explain what that means for you?
    2:05:01 Yes. So, identify the corridors of indifference and run like hell down them.
    2:05:12 Means to try to find a, I’ll put it in business terms, a market area that is ignored, a unmet
    2:05:17 need. But it doesn’t really have to just apply to medicine. It can apply to any area of life.
    2:05:24 And the way I would phrase it, Tim, in just like, you know, a very natural, almost folklorish way,
    2:05:30 is that it’s better to be a big fish in a small pond than a small fish in a big pond.
    2:05:38 In a business school, back at UCLA, one person we studied a lot was the experience of General
    2:05:45 Electric under Jack Welch. And he had an adage, which from a business sense was, I think, very,
    2:05:51 very smart. He said, “If you can’t be number one or number two in a market, don’t even try,
    2:05:57 because you will have to spend an amount of money equal to the revenues of the number one or a
    2:06:02 number two in that market to become the number one or number two in the market. If you’re not
    2:06:08 the number one or number two, you will always struggle to be profitable. But if you are the
    2:06:14 number one or number two, your profitability is assured.” So, what that means translated to all
    2:06:22 of our activities is if there’s an area, like, for example, a number of people have said, you know,
    2:06:27 we should get involved. We, when I say we, my company, Knight Therapeutics, should get involved
    2:06:34 in creating a vaccine for COVID. And to me, well, you know, it’s not a corridor of indifference.
    2:06:41 There are dozens of companies working on a vaccine for COVID. So, that’s not what we would
    2:06:46 want to do. It’s very unlikely we’d ever be successful on that. Somebody else said, “Well,
    2:06:52 how about these people, the COVID long haulers, the people who have survived from a very difficult
    2:06:58 course of COVID, and they’ve got chronic lung problems that are bothering them months and
    2:07:04 likely years after the effect?” I said, “Yes, that’s a corridor of indifference. Nobody is thinking
    2:07:10 about the long haulers, the people who now have, you know, chronic lung problems because of the
    2:07:16 havoc that COVID racked in their lungs. Let’s develop some medicines for these chronic long
    2:07:25 haulers.” Makes a lot of sense. Makes a lot of sense. On a related, maybe a related note in some
    2:07:30 respects, this is a question that doesn’t always work. So, I’ll take the blame if it doesn’t. But
    2:07:37 if you had a billboard, metaphorically speaking, to get a message, a quote, a word, an image,
    2:07:43 a question, anything out to billions of people, let’s just assume they all speak English for the
    2:07:48 sake of argument. What might you put on that billboard? I think Apple, Computer, and Steve Jobs
    2:07:54 got there before me. Think different. Think different. Why is that important? Because the
    2:08:01 solutions, Albert Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem on the same level that it was created.
    2:08:07 You have to solve it on a different level.” If we all think the exact same way,
    2:08:13 we will never get out of the ruts that we’re in. The only way to get out of the problems that we
    2:08:20 face is to think differently, to go down the corridor of indifference, to question authority,
    2:08:27 to be diverse. Thinking different is the pathway to solving problems that exist today.
    2:08:36 Looking back at everything we’ve talked about, and looking at all of the copious pages of notes
    2:08:44 for prep in front of me, it strikes me that you’ve forged many paths for yourself and helped others
    2:08:50 to do the same by thinking different, but also thinking brightly, coming back to Alan Watts
    2:08:56 yet again, the yin and the yang, and seeing the positive, looking for the positive in different
    2:09:02 circumstances, different situations. Do you have any advice or recommendations for people
    2:09:09 who struggle to do that, who are maybe mired in a sense of hopelessness might be too strong a word,
    2:09:15 but those who tend to see the glass as half full and perhaps as a result of that tend to see
    2:09:21 half the spectrum of options or solutions? It’s a really difficult question to answer, Tim,
    2:09:30 because everybody’s situation is so unique and so different. And I do not doubt that for many,
    2:09:37 many people, it is just a bad life, whether it started that way or ended up the way. And it’s
    2:09:45 almost impossible to see a way out. The perspective that I take is that I try to stay in touch with
    2:09:54 my ancestors. I think about the great-grandmothers who had to bear children in the worst of possible
    2:10:03 circumstances. I think about all of my partner Bena’s great-grandmothers who were picking cotton
    2:10:11 as slaves and had to work all day being bitten up by bugs, burning in the sun, feet deep in mud,
    2:10:17 and then bear a child at the last moment. So whether it’s like my great-grandparents from
    2:10:24 Eastern Europe or hers from the African diaspora, they had nothing to look forward to other than
    2:10:30 just the hope that they were going to have some children and that maybe those children might
    2:10:36 have a little bit of a better life than they did. And if not their children, their children’s children.
    2:10:42 So their only purpose in life, their only hope in life, their only joy in life was to make a
    2:10:48 generation and that maybe that generation would be better. Now, here we are in America or really
    2:10:53 most any other country in the world. We’re at a point now where like eight out of 10 people have a
    2:11:00 smartphone with access to all the world’s knowledge and information, with access to countless
    2:11:06 amounts of music and training through YouTube. There are many people in the world still in dire
    2:11:11 circumstances, but the vast majority of people are doing better than people have ever done before
    2:11:18 in history. So I say to myself and I would ask, you know, somebody else looking through the world
    2:11:25 darkly right now, looking at the glass half full, I would say how much worse it must have been in
    2:11:32 the past. What do I owe to my grandparents and great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents
    2:11:38 who suffered and toiled, who barely managed to survive to produce another generation?
    2:11:44 What do I owe to them? I owe to them to make the absolute most possible out of my life and that’s
    2:11:49 what I’m going to do. Hot damn, Martin. I’m ready to get out there and get amongst it. I have so
    2:11:56 enjoyed this conversation. There are 79 more hours we could do just in round one. I won’t
    2:12:05 subject you to that and I’m so grateful that you were willing to make the time to have this
    2:12:11 conversation. Thank you so much. My pleasure being with you, Tim. And is there anything else you would
    2:12:20 like to say to suggest or ask of those listening before we bring this to a close? Two of my best
    2:12:26 friends and people who I think are the smartest, most creative, most happy-loving people I know,
    2:12:33 Paul Mann and D.A. Wallach both said to me that your podcast is the best and Martin,
    2:12:39 if Tim Ferriss invites you on his podcast, you have to go on it. So thank you, D.A. and thank you,
    2:12:47 Paul. Well, thanks to them also for me. I have for many months, my whole team knows this,
    2:12:54 been hoping to have you on. I had high hopes coming into it. You exceeded all of those high hopes,
    2:13:02 which seems to be a pattern for you. And I’m just very grateful and happy that we had a chance
    2:13:10 to connect. So thank you again. And for everyone listening, you can find Martin on Instagram at
    2:13:18 TransBinary, Twitter @SkyBiome. We will link to everything in the show notes that have mentioned
    2:13:24 in this conversation, the books and everything you can imagine that we discussed will be available
    2:13:32 in the show notes at tim.blog/podcast. And until next time, be kind, practice love night, think
    2:13:38 different, think brightly and thanks for tuning in. Hey guys, this is Tim again, just one more thing
    2:13:44 before you take off and that is Five Bullet Friday. Would you enjoy getting a short email from me
    2:13:49 every Friday that provides a little fun before the weekend? Between one and a half and two million
    2:13:54 people subscribe to my free newsletter, my super short newsletter called Five Bullet Friday.
    2:14:00 Easy to sign up, easy to cancel. It is basically a half page that I send out every Friday to share
    2:14:05 the coolest things I’ve found or discovered or have started exploring over that week. It’s kind
    2:14:10 of like my diary of cool things. It often includes articles I’m reading, books I’m reading, albums
    2:14:16 perhaps, gadgets, gizmos, all sorts of tech tricks and so on that get sent to me by my friends,
    2:14:22 including a lot of podcasts, guests and these strange esoteric things end up in my field.
    2:14:29 And then I test them and then I share them with you. So if that sounds fun, again, it’s very short,
    2:14:34 a little tiny bite of goodness before you head off for the weekend, something to think about.
    2:14:38 If you’d like to try it out, just go to tim.blog/friday, type that into your browser,
    2:14:44 tim.blog/friday, drop in your email and you’ll get the very next one. Thanks for listening.
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    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #427 “Michael Lewis — Inside the Mind of the Iconic Writer” and episode #487 “Dr. Martine Rothblatt — A Masterclass on Asking Better Questions and Peering Into the Future.”

    Please enjoy!

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    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [04:13] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [05:16] Enter Michael Lewis.

    [05:54] Why Michael quit his well-paid job to become a full-time author.

    [12:58] Liar’s Poker is a cautionary tale, not a how-to book.

    [15:16] On ambition and the metrics of success.

    [18:31] Maximizing self-satisfaction, optimizing the writing process, and learning to sing.

    [20:51] The value of having an impolite editor on your side.

    [23:52] On the merits of productive laziness.

    [28:13] How Michael determines if a project should proceed.

    [29:51] Michael’s billboard.

    [32:45] Enter Martine Rothblatt.

    [33:14] Martine’s appreciation for Alan Watts’ book on human identity.

    [35:34] Martine’s thoughts on AI-human coexistence in the movie Her.

    [36:31] BINA48 and realistic human simulations in media.

    [39:53] Martine’s role models and inspirations.

    [41:20] When Martine started a biotech company to save her daughter’s life.

    [52:44] Glaxo Wellcome’s misconceptions about Martine’s successful drug.

    [56:17] Martine’s interest in satellite communication systems.

    [1:00:33] Promoting scientific literacy and curiosity.

    [1:05:20] Questioning authority and Martine’s transgender journey.

    [1:10:28] Martine’s non-binary gender identity.

    [1:12:34] Key decisions in Martine’s transition.

    [1:13:28] The need for genetic information protection laws.

    [1:16:00] South American population and organ transplant research.

    [1:21:42] Vagus nerve manipulation for various therapies.

    [1:31:25] Martine’s Alzheimer’s cognitive enabler patent.

    [1:38:17] The Rothblatt family’s “love nights” tradition.

    [1:43:54] The possibility of machines experiencing love.

    [1:49:20] Ethical considerations for future technology.

    [1:52:44] Current practices future generations might view as barbaric.

    [1:57:42] United Therapeutics’ zero-carbon-footprint headquarters.

    [2:00:32] Refurbishing unusable lungs to save lives.

    [2:04:45] United Therapeutics’ focus on long-term COVID-19 effects.

    [2:07:26] Martine’s billboard.

    [2:08:27] Advice for finding positivity in life.

    [2:11:48] Parting thoughts.

    *

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  • #748: Pavel Tsatsouline and Christopher Sommer

    AI transcript
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    0:04:30 At this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking.
    0:04:36 Can I ask you a personal question?
    0:04:37 I’m a cyber-netic organism living this year over a metal endoskeleton.
    0:04:45 Hello, boys and girls, ladies and germs. This is Tim Ferriss. Welcome to another episode of the
    0:04:58 Tim Ferriss Show, where it is my job to sit down with world-class performers from every field
    0:05:03 imaginable to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books, and so on that you can apply
    0:05:08 and test in your own lives. This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast
    0:05:14 recently hit its 10th year anniversary, which is insane to think about, and past one billion
    0:05:19 downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best, some of my favorites
    0:05:25 from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited to give you these
    0:05:31 super combo episodes, and internally we’ve been calling these the super combo episodes,
    0:05:36 because my goal is to encourage you to, yes, enjoy the household names, the super famous folks,
    0:05:41 but to also introduce you to lesser-known people I consider stars. These are people who have
    0:05:47 transformed my life, and I feel like they can do the same for many of you. Perhaps they got
    0:05:52 lost in a busy news cycle, perhaps you missed an episode, just trust me on this one, we went
    0:05:57 to great pains to put these pairings together. And for the bios of all guests, you can find
    0:06:04 that and more at tim.blog/combo. And now, without further ado, please enjoy, and thank you for listening.
    0:06:12 First up, Pavel Tsatsulin, world-renowned strength coach, founder and CEO of Strong First,
    0:06:22 and the trainer who brought the Russian kettlebell to the west, kick-starting the kettlebell revolution.
    0:06:27 You can learn more about Pavel’s school of strength at strongfirst.com.
    0:06:33 I used to be a PT training instructor, physical training instructor for Spetsnaz,
    0:06:40 the service special forces, and my education was in sports science. And I did, over the years,
    0:06:46 train a number of high-end units in the west. I’ve been a subject matter to U.S. Marine Corps,
    0:06:53 to the U.S. Secret Service, to U.S. Navy Seals, and others. My methods are used officially by some
    0:07:00 very high-end military and counterterrorist units in two countries that are main allies of the United
    0:07:07 States. So what I do is I take methods that perform very well in very rugged environments,
    0:07:14 and I take these methods and I apply it to other environments. So if somebody decides,
    0:07:19 I just want to change my life, I want to get stronger, I want to have a better game of tennis,
    0:07:24 I want to succeed in a given sport, I take these same methods that have been tested
    0:07:29 by operators at war, and I bring these people the same methods. If you look at a typical person,
    0:07:37 and how do you get out stronger? Let’s say that you have a four-cylinder engine,
    0:07:41 what the person would do is they would make that six-cylinder engine. But before you’re firing
    0:07:46 in two, now you’re firing in three. But if instead what you do is you learn to fire in all four.
    0:07:51 So there are ways of training a nervous system to engage your capacity so much more fully. And if
    0:07:58 you look at high-level performers at light body weight in some fields, let’s say a very high-level
    0:08:04 martial artist, somebody very skinny, breaking a stack of boards, or a very skinny guy like Lamar
    0:08:10 Gantt that have taken five times his body weight. So this is so much about the concentration of
    0:08:15 mental force. And for your listeners, I could give a very simple example how you can do that
    0:08:21 in your gym. Let’s say that you perform, try it through the simplest exercise possible, try it
    0:08:25 through the dumbbell curl or barbell curl, because I know your sissy’s out there, you’ll do that.
    0:08:30 And so let’s say that you’re going through your curls, and things are suddenly starting to get
    0:08:38 tougher. So when they suddenly start to get tougher, I want you to just crush the dumbbell
    0:08:45 or the barbell or the kettlebell, whatever it is that you’re curling, just white metal pressure.
    0:08:50 And what you will see is you’re going to definitely going to be able to get several more repetitions
    0:08:54 out. I’m going to give you two more techniques in addition. Once you have practiced that,
    0:09:01 then on the next set, in addition to crushing the bar and the way up, also contract your glutes
    0:09:09 as tight as possible. Like somebody’s going to kick you in the butt very, very tight. So you’re
    0:09:13 just like crutch a walnut. And at the same time, tighten your abs as if somebody’s going to kick
    0:09:19 you, which, you know, somebody might. So if you do that, if you do these three things,
    0:09:24 if you contract your glutes, contract your abs, contract your grip, everything that you do,
    0:09:30 absolutely everything is going to be greatly amplified. And this is just a small example
    0:09:36 of the skills of strengths that I do teach. They called me the kettlebell guy. They called
    0:09:43 me the father of the kettlebell, which I appreciate very much. I did introduce together my business
    0:09:48 partner. I did introduce the kettlebell to the West. And right now the kettlebell has become
    0:09:54 mainstream. But what I’m really all about is above the principles, the underlining principles of
    0:10:00 strength training, the underlining principles of power generation. And it doesn’t really matter
    0:10:04 what modality you use, whether you use the kettlebell, the barbell, your body weight,
    0:10:09 whether you’re arm wrestling, fighting, lifting the rocks, it really doesn’t matter.
    0:10:12 So I am not about the kettlebell. I am about the principles that make you strong. What I have done
    0:10:19 is I have reverse engineered the way the strongest people move naturally. And I have brought it to
    0:10:26 the people. I’ve shown to people how to move in this matter and how to shave off years and if
    0:10:31 not decades of training to progress to a much higher level. You once mentioned to me in a casual
    0:10:38 conversation, I called you for some type of training advisor. It might have been via email.
    0:10:42 And correct me if I’m wrong, but you said, when in doubt, train your grip and your core?
    0:10:46 Is that correct? Could you elaborate on that? Because I think it’s not advice that many people
    0:10:51 have received. There is such a thing as called irradiation. So the phenomenon of irradiation,
    0:10:56 what it really means is if you contract a muscle, the tension from that muscle is going to spill over
    0:11:02 to the neighborhood muscles. So for your listeners, I’d like to try this. Make a fist, probably in a
    0:11:08 field tension in your forearm. Now make a tight fist. You’re going to feel tension in your biceps,
    0:11:13 triceps. Now make a white knuckle fist. You’re going to find that tension is going to spread
    0:11:17 into your shoulder. You latch it back and so on. Okay, folks, you may relax though.
    0:11:20 The same thing happens. So certain areas of the body have this great overflow of tension. So the
    0:11:27 gripping muscles are amongst them. Why? In part because they have such a great representation
    0:11:34 in your nervous system, in your brain. And as for the abs and as for the glutes, that has a lot to do
    0:11:40 with creating your intrabdominal pressure. So what does this mean exactly? Visualize your muscles
    0:11:46 as speakers and visualize your brain as the gadget that plays the music, whatever it is these days.
    0:11:54 iPad, iPhone, whatever, and record player doesn’t matter. And the amount of your pressure in your
    0:12:00 abdomen, the intrabdominal pressure, that’s the amplifier. That’s the volume control. So by increasing
    0:12:07 the pressure in your abdomen, it’s like you’re training up the volume and vice versa. So when
    0:12:13 you’re trying to stretch with increasing your flexibility, if you see somebody they’re trying
    0:12:18 to do a split and losing, the person is creating high intrabdominal pressure and that just increases
    0:12:26 the tension of the muscle. Instead, what you need to do, you need to completely release
    0:12:32 and let go and bring it down. So for strengths, we’ll do the opposite. We have special techniques
    0:12:37 where you increase that pressure and maximize your power. Those are just a couple of the different
    0:12:42 ways we can increase your strengths. And that’s what you’ve seen in my certification. FYI,
    0:12:47 I am no longer with that organization. So my company today is called Strong First.
    0:12:52 And SFD certification, that’s that same curriculum that you have learned back then.
    0:12:57 Just to touch on two points, and then we’re going to jump into more training and ask about
    0:13:02 how you would rank certain aspects of what people would traditionally consider perhaps fitness.
    0:13:07 What would you recommend as good methods for developing the grip and core or abdomen for
    0:13:13 those people listening, if they wanted to take a simple protocol and perhaps experiment for the
    0:13:18 next few weeks? Is there any basic approach that you might suggest for those two things?
    0:13:23 It can be done in conjunction with full body training regimen that uses, let’s say kettlebells,
    0:13:30 climbing ropes and so on. But if it is not, then what I recommend that you do is you get some
    0:13:36 grippers. So the company is called ironmind, ironmind.com. And they carry hand grippers.
    0:13:43 One thing you need to understand is these are not those little sissy plastic grippers you get at a
    0:13:47 store. These are heavy duty grippers. They go up to 365 pounds. There’s a couple of people in
    0:13:53 the world have done that. They also do have resources on how to do that. But even without
    0:13:59 reading how, I can tell you how to train. So get yourself a couple of grippers, use their charge,
    0:14:05 their recommendations that ironmind offers. Start training them in the manner that are referred to
    0:14:11 as grips to groove. Grips to groove is a highly simplified training methodology that’s been derived
    0:14:17 from Soviet weightlifting methodology. So in a nutshell, this is what you do throughout the day,
    0:14:23 every day, whenever you feel fully recovered, so you have to have at least 15 minutes of rest between
    0:14:29 sets, you know, maybe 30, maybe even more, is you’re going to do a set and you’re only going to do
    0:14:35 about half the repetitions that you’re capable of. So for example, you picked up a particular gripper,
    0:14:41 you start squeezing it, you probably could do it 10 times, but you only do five and you put it down.
    0:14:47 Let’s say you later on pick up a gripper that’s a little heavier, maybe you could do three reps
    0:14:53 of it, but you do all one. And in this particular manner, you accumulate reps and you keep going
    0:15:00 and going and going. And everybody tells you that’s impossible to get strong in this particular manner.
    0:15:06 Yet science and experience shows that this makes you strong. This makes you strong fast, this makes
    0:15:13 you strong in a safe manner. You can apply this particular methodology, again, I call it grips to
    0:15:18 groove, to any strength exercise or any strength endurance exercise. Just to give you an example
    0:15:24 of its effectiveness, my father a lot, former Marine at the age of 64, started following this
    0:15:30 routine. He was able to do about 10 blocks at that point. In several months, he was up to 20
    0:15:35 when he tested and he could not do that many as a young jarhead. So you got a box out there,
    0:15:41 you can definitely get this done. So this is how you guys are going to train your grip with these
    0:15:45 grippers. Carry with you throughout the day, you’re not going to get sweaty, just whatever you
    0:15:50 feel like it, just take it out and squeeze. As for training your abdomen, there are many
    0:15:55 different methods of training the abdomen, but you have to abide by the following rules.
    0:16:01 You have to keep the repetitions to five and under, no more than five reps,
    0:16:06 anything more than five reps is bodybuilding. And you need to make a focus and tension and
    0:16:12 make a focus and contraction as opposed to on reps and fatigue. Just to give you an example of the
    0:16:18 plank. You know, the plank is a kind of a fashionable exercise in the core training circles.
    0:16:23 And by the way, we don’t use the word core. Let’s throw in first. Why don’t we use the word core?
    0:16:27 Because people who use the word core, they do things we don’t like. We don’t like at all.
    0:16:31 We just say midsection. So the plank, so traditionally they would put you in the plank
    0:16:38 and you’re supposed to stay in the spine for a couple minutes. And what’s happening is you see
    0:16:44 this poor person who cannot have an assumed the proper posture to start with. And then as fatigue
    0:16:49 sets in other muscles, wrong muscles start kicking in, the back starts arching, the butt
    0:16:54 starts shooting up. And what you’re doing is what great cook calls putting fitness on top of
    0:16:59 dysfunction. And what we do instead is if we do a plank, we’ll call the hardstyle plank,
    0:17:05 we’ll do a plank for no longer than 10 seconds. And when you do the plank, you try to contract
    0:17:11 everything, absolutely everything. When I showed that everything, the shins, your forearms, your
    0:17:18 neck, everything, everything but your neck and face, everything below your neck, you’re going to
    0:17:22 contract. It’s not for folks with high blood pressure, heart condition. And that’s true for
    0:17:27 pretty much any type of training. But for everybody else is an extremely powerful tool. So you get
    0:17:32 down in a plank, you make fists, okay, you contract your abs, you contract your glutes,
    0:17:37 you contract your entire body, you pretend that somebody’s walking in a walk by and kick you in
    0:17:42 the ribs, which again, somebody might listen to my course. And Andy Bolton and other top power
    0:17:48 lifters too, I’ve taught this technique, they swear by this because this is the abdominal training
    0:17:52 for strength. This is not just some nonsense that you do cranking out the reps. So to sum up
    0:17:58 your abdominal training, find whatever abdominal exercises that you like, it can be the plank,
    0:18:04 it can be some kind of a setup, it can be something from your book, the for our body,
    0:18:11 it can be something from my book, The Hard Style Labs, it can be something else.
    0:18:14 That’s not important. As long as it’s a good exercise that’s been recognized that it does work.
    0:18:19 And three times a week, do three to five sets of three to five reps. Okay, folks, just remember
    0:18:27 this three to five sets of three to five reps, focus and contraction, don’t focus on fatigue,
    0:18:33 don’t focus on the reps. And I promise if you do these two things for several months,
    0:18:39 you work your grip on this matter, you work your abs in this matter, everything that you do today
    0:18:45 is going to be stronger. I don’t care what it is, it’s a bigger deadlift, it’s a tennis serve,
    0:18:50 it makes a difference, you’re going to be stronger. And in the case of the midsection,
    0:18:56 and we’re working with the plank, if people decided they’re going to keep it simple just
    0:19:01 so they can remember it and do three sets of three reps three times a week. Let’s just say Monday.
    0:19:06 Well, the plank, let’s do just three sets of 10 seconds. Got it. Three sets of 10 seconds three
    0:19:12 times a week. Yes. And try to contract everything below your neck. You ought to be strong. You need
    0:19:17 to keep your reps at five and under. At five reps, you’re under is what you’re really working on.
    0:19:23 I’ll get out of my depth and into yours pretty quickly. But the sort of neural pathways and the
    0:19:27 recruitment of motor neurons and sort of firing capabilities and so on, or pretty much you’re
    0:19:33 going to have a high level of neural adaptations. You’re also going to build some muscle as well.
    0:19:38 So you’re going to build the high threshold motor units as well, but it’s not a bodybuilding protocol.
    0:19:43 You’ll build some muscle, but it’s not really the end goal itself. You were trying to also,
    0:19:48 you’re trying to avoid the fatigue. You’re trying to avoid the burn. Because whenever you start
    0:19:53 experiencing the burn, that’s from something called the hydrogen ions that leads to a lot
    0:19:59 of problems for you. So one of the problems is it interferes with the command that your brain
    0:20:05 is sent to the muscle to contract. And another problem that it creates these hydrogen ions
    0:20:10 literally are destructive. So if you leave them around the muscle for too long, they really start
    0:20:14 destroying your muscle. So just keep those reps under five, three to five. Don’t worry about
    0:20:20 getting blocky. You’re not going to get blocky. It’s not going to happen. And approach your
    0:20:24 training as a practice. So this is another very important point too. I think this is a super
    0:20:30 important point. No, I’m glad you’re bringing this up. I hate the word workouts. The word workout
    0:20:35 does not exist in the Russian language. We talk about a training session or we talk about a lesson.
    0:20:41 We never talk about a workout. Just think of what does the word working out? What do you envision?
    0:20:47 Sweating and grunting and let’s see how much I can punish myself and drain myself. So the goal
    0:20:54 is not to get stronger. The goal is just to get worn out. And there are simpler ways of doing that
    0:20:59 right up the mountain. Okay. So no, the idea here is practice. Strength is a skill. And as such,
    0:21:05 it must be practiced. And if you approach it in this matter, not only you’re going to get stronger
    0:21:09 so much faster, but you’re going to truly enjoy your training process. Training should be something
    0:21:14 that should be enjoyed. So when people think of fitness, particularly non athletes, I think that
    0:21:20 there tends to be a very scattershot approach. And there’s a paradox of choice challenge that they
    0:21:24 have where they’re fed a lot of recommendations from many different people. And they have strength,
    0:21:31 not necessarily muscle gain, but just getting stronger. They have hypertrophy. So increasing
    0:21:36 their muscular size for lack of a better description, endurance, flexibility, how would you
    0:21:41 rank these in order of priority and why? Tim, as long as the person has the required mobility
    0:21:49 and symmetry, the priority is always in health. The priority is always strength. Strength has to
    0:21:55 be first. So the first step that you do is you assess your mobility, you find a specialist who
    0:22:01 can do that. FMS would be a recommendation of mine. Very Coops FMS. Functional movement screen.
    0:22:06 Functional movement screen is going to find out how mobile you are and also how symmetrical you are.
    0:22:11 So as long as that is dialed in, that is in place, you have to get strong. And strength is the mother
    0:22:17 quality of all physical qualities. And that’s not a statement by me, that’s a statement by
    0:22:22 Papisa Matui, the father of fertilization, one of the greatest sports scientists ever.
    0:22:27 And greater strength increases your performance in absolutely everything. So you can see, of
    0:22:35 course, okay, of course, yeah, being stronger is going to help you in, let’s say, punching somebody
    0:22:40 harder or lifting something. But how is that going to help me? You find, let’s say, a triathlete.
    0:22:44 How is that going to help me find my marathon route? It is going to help you in several different
    0:22:49 ways. One is the perceived level of exertion is going to come down. Several years ago in our
    0:22:56 regionals did a very interesting study where they put elite endurance athletes, some were bicyclists,
    0:23:02 some were runners, on a pure strength regimen. That’s four sets of four reps of heavy squats.
    0:23:10 It’s about as pure strength as it gets. And in the end of this study, not surprisingly,
    0:23:16 all these guys were stronger, they could jump higher and so on, but they were not impressed
    0:23:21 with that. That didn’t matter to them. What did impress them is they ran faster. Their race times
    0:23:28 went down because strength just enables everything else. If you’re trying to, let’s say, lose weight,
    0:23:36 being stronger is going to help you do that because you’re going to have a bigger furnace,
    0:23:40 you’re going to train yourself much harder on the exercises that are fat loss exercises.
    0:23:45 So it really doesn’t matter what it is that you’re trying to achieve. Strength is the number one
    0:23:51 attributes you need to address. And that’s why my company is called Strong First.
    0:23:55 One of the things that I love about you, Pablo, is that you say what you mean and mean what you
    0:24:00 say. There’s a degree of clarity that I envy. I might include it for people, but when we did
    0:24:06 our soundcheck, I asked you to give me an answer so we could test the audio, what you had for
    0:24:10 breakfast, and what was your answer? Coffee. And that was it. That was the soundcheck.
    0:24:16 I love the simplicity. Now, speaking of simplicity and also undoing the confusion that a lot of
    0:24:21 people suffer from, what are the most counterproductive myths or misconceptions about strength training
    0:24:29 that come to mind? Well, the number one, Tim, I guess, is the idea that you have to
    0:24:34 go to failure every time you train. I can tell you one thing that the Soviet weight lifters,
    0:24:40 I have done a very thorough analysis of the Soviet weight lifting methodology through the 60s,
    0:24:45 through the 80s, the glory days. And I found that they typically did one-third to two-third
    0:24:55 of maximal repetitions per set. So what does it mean? If let’s say that you’re using a weight
    0:25:00 that’s your 10 rep max, 10 is all you could do if you break yourself very hard. They would do
    0:25:05 three to six consistently. Now, you’d probably ask yourself, okay, I’m not a weight lifter,
    0:25:12 and what does this Soviet stuff from the 80s have to do with today? Well, two things. First of all,
    0:25:18 even though a person who is not a lifting athlete is not going to train exactly as a
    0:25:23 weight lifter or power lifter, nevertheless, the methodology has to be derived from the sports,
    0:25:29 because these are specialist strength sports. So if they just have to be adapted to your needs.
    0:25:34 Second of all, this particular Soviet methodology is still superior to this day. This is very
    0:25:41 interesting, but you keep hearing about all these new world records set in the sport of
    0:25:45 weight lifting. Well, if you compare the world records of today to the world records of the 80s,
    0:25:52 you will see that in most cases, the records today are inferior to records in the 80s.
    0:25:58 How can that be? They accuse people of doing drugs, and they changed weight classes twice
    0:26:05 since the 80s. Of course, it’s so wonderful. I’m so happy that today nobody does drugs anymore.
    0:26:10 It’s just true. So if you look at the lifts performed by Soviet lifter Yuriy Kvarnyan
    0:26:18 in 1980 at the Moscow Olympics, these lifts have never been exceeded. These lifts have never been
    0:26:26 approached. So this particular methodology does work extremely well. It’s still the best methodology
    0:26:32 period. Later on, the Soviet power lifting team adapted this methodology for power lifting
    0:26:38 with tremendous success. They dominate. The same particular methodology has been adopted to
    0:26:45 body weight training, kettlebell presses, and so on and so forth. So it’s the same thing that can
    0:26:49 apply for everybody because this is principle-based training. So the major misconception is that you
    0:26:57 have to go to failure. If you just overcome that, and if you make it a habit to do one-third to
    0:27:04 two-third of the repetitions that are possible and do more sets instead, you’re going to make
    0:27:09 much greater progress. You’re going to do much safer. And folks, you’re going to enjoy the training.
    0:27:14 How does the approach shift if your focus is maximal hypertrophy?
    0:27:21 If you’re after maximal hypertrophy, it’s Mali. So they figured out in the Soviet Union that
    0:27:27 there’s a direct correlation between volume and hypertrophy. So you just pretty much have
    0:27:33 to do more sets. You’re going to have to do more sets in like 60 to 70% of your max range.
    0:27:39 And a whole bunch of sets of five and six, just many of them. And your rest periods might be
    0:27:44 compressed a little more. But that’s it. If you do that, do this a couple times a week,
    0:27:49 many sets of five or six. Don’t even worry about how many. Just keep going. Don’t kill yourself,
    0:27:55 enjoy yourself. Eat more, you’re going to get bigger. It’s unavoidable. It’s just as simple as that.
    0:28:01 Would you consider the, and please disagree if this is not the case, but if you had to pick
    0:28:06 one movement for strength, longevity, would the deadlift be that movement or is it not possible
    0:28:13 to choose one movement? How would you try to answer that question?
    0:28:16 If you were to choose one movement, Tim, yes, I would choose the deadlift or I would choose
    0:28:20 the kettlebell swing. Obviously, the kettlebell swing is not something you can compete in and
    0:28:24 something you’re not. It’s not going to give you the same satisfaction of lifting heavy weight.
    0:28:29 But those are the two main full body exercises, the full body expressions of power that will go
    0:28:38 such a long way for you for longevity, strength, just the quality of life.
    0:28:43 What are the biggest mistakes that people make with the deadlift? Whether that’s technically or
    0:28:49 in programming, what are the biggest mistakes? Well, Tim, I think the very big mistake is because
    0:28:54 they think, okay, I have picked up things from the floor. This looks so simple. It’s not an
    0:28:58 Olympic lift. Therefore, it’s very simple. So I’ll just start piling on place and start training.
    0:29:03 The deadlift is a very technical lift. Even if you’re just a recreational lifter, you owe it to
    0:29:09 yourself to learn to deadlift correctly. That’s as simple as that. So I say that’s the primary
    0:29:14 mistake and that mistake goes for every exercise that people do out there.
    0:29:19 Now I would highly recommend people check out your book with Mr. Bolton.
    0:29:23 Deadlift Dynamite.
    0:29:24 Yeah, really very, very dense. Shifting gears just a little bit, dense in the best way possible.
    0:29:30 No fluff. I’d love to shift gears and just ask you a few questions about your philosophies and
    0:29:35 your thinking, not so much the highly specific training questions. But when you think of,
    0:29:40 for instance, the word successful, who’s the first person who comes to mind for you?
    0:29:44 Tim, I am fortunate enough to know many successful people. And I think that what separates him from
    0:29:52 the rest is the CEO of Strong First, Eric Frilhardt, he put it very well. He says, “Balance with
    0:30:00 priorities.” Balance with priorities. So Eric, yourself, and many others are fortunate to know
    0:30:07 they exemplify success for me.
    0:30:08 What are the habits that you’ve observed that allow people to have balance with priorities?
    0:30:14 What are the things they do that other people don’t do?
    0:30:17 Or maybe the things they don’t do that other people do?
    0:30:20 Well, I think one is calm. These people are calm because people who are hyper,
    0:30:26 they get so trapped in their reactive mode. They get too trapped in the everyday minutiae
    0:30:33 of their work and their existence. So they just do not pause and they do not think.
    0:30:38 Again, Eric has a great quote from a Vietnam Air Seal, which says, “Calm is contagious.”
    0:30:44 The person is calm that he or she has the time to meditate, reflect, set the priorities,
    0:30:54 and set the balance.
    0:30:56 That’s certainly the holds true from what I’ve seen. And the opposite, of course, is true.
    0:31:02 Hysteria is great.
    0:31:04 He’s just chasing the tip. Absolutely. Chicken little.
    0:31:08 This guy’s falling. Yes, everything is urgent.
    0:31:10 Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors, and we’ll be right back to the show.
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    0:32:27 And now, Christopher Summer, a former U.S. national team gymnastics coach and the founder
    0:32:38 of the Gymnastic Bodies training system, known for building devotees into some of the strongest,
    0:32:44 most powerful athletes in the world. You can find Christopher on Instagram @ChristopherS-O-M-M-E-R-1.
    0:32:54 Coach, welcome to the show. Thanks, Tim.
    0:33:00 I am excited to finally have you on the show. We’ve had so many conversations in the last
    0:33:06 month or two, and I’ve been so impressed with the subtlety and nuance of the training that you do.
    0:33:13 So, I’ve been very eager to have you on the show to explore all things gymnastics and gymnastics
    0:33:19 strength training related. So, thanks for making the time.
    0:33:22 You’re welcome, Carter.
    0:33:23 And I thought we could start with just some definitions. So, what would you or how would
    0:33:29 you define gymnastics strength training, GST?
    0:33:32 In a nutshell, gymnastics strength training I define as high-level body weight strength training.
    0:33:38 So, none of the training that we do for world-class performance or the acrobatics or technical
    0:33:44 gymnastics just purely the strength joint prep and mobility components.
    0:33:50 And one example of what not to do, perhaps, or how gymnastics strength training might differ from
    0:33:57 the aesthetics that some people I’m not going to say compromise with, but shoes. We were talking
    0:34:02 about doing a pike handstand press or holding that position. And the example, feel free to
    0:34:09 correct my recollection, but was of how a lot of folks kick their hips way out to counterbalance
    0:34:14 instead of doing what? What would the gymnastics strength training version of that look like?
    0:34:19 Good example. So, what we see, and this is kind of getting into some handstands, some skill training,
    0:34:25 but handstand done correctly is a reflection of physical preparation that athlete either has
    0:34:32 or does not have. So, if they lack strength, if they lack mobility, then of course their
    0:34:38 technical handstand is going to lack refinement. So, in terms of that pike handstand, if they lack
    0:34:45 middle trap, if they lack lower trap string, then they’re going to try to counterbalance by
    0:34:49 really arching the chest out, sticking the butt way back behind them. Oh, goodness. Not even sure
    0:34:56 how to describe it like a pike in an arch at the same time. Sorry to interrupt, Coach. Just for
    0:35:00 people who I realize I should have probably defined some terms myself. So, pike for people who
    0:35:05 are not familiar with this, the easiest way to visualize it, if you don’t have any background
    0:35:09 with that, is imagine you’re sitting on the floor. It’s kind of like PE class, legs straight
    0:35:14 and together bending at the waist towards your toes. Is that forward? Bedding forward
    0:35:19 towards your toes. And so, if you were to imagine you’re sitting down with your legs out in front
    0:35:24 of you, hypothetically at a 90-degree angle, and you put your arms up over your head, let’s just
    0:35:28 flip you upside down to your enhanced handstand position, that’s effectively what we’re talking
    0:35:32 about. Exactly what we’re talking about. To hold that, because center of mass is way out in front
    0:35:37 of the body then, in order to hold that, the traps are what’s responsible to keeping the back and
    0:35:42 the shoulders straight. So, if you’re not strong enough, can, is it, some people will say, “Well,
    0:35:47 it’s just skill training.” Well, everything builds upon everything else. So, got Olympics coming up,
    0:35:53 people are going to be pumped, they’re going to see our Olympic team, they’re going to see the other
    0:35:57 monsters around the world competing on rings, and they’re, “I want to do that.” And then they’re
    0:36:02 going to jump right up. We’ve got friends who are former SEAL Team 6, and the first thing they did
    0:36:07 is jump up, and of course they failed utterly, and then they come see us, because it’s like
    0:36:12 anything, you know, you don’t jump right into calculus, you learn to count, and we learned a
    0:36:16 dish, and we learned subtraction, yada, yada, yada, with enough time, enough layers, enough
    0:36:20 progression, then we get to advanced math. So, advanced ring strength, same deal.
    0:36:25 I remember we were talking not too long ago about the importance of pacing when you’re dealing with
    0:36:32 connective tissue, tendons and ligaments, which is something I’m not particularly well known for,
    0:36:37 in terms of patience and pacing. I’ve noticed that. But many of the guys who say do outdoor bar
    0:36:44 workouts, some of which are very impressive physical specimens, will jump up on the rings,
    0:36:49 and they’ll be doing, I’m not sure what they would even call them, they’re kind of like what would
    0:36:53 be looked at as like a typewriter on the pull-up bar, when you move back and forth from one arm to
    0:36:58 the other. Side-to-side pull-up. Side-to-side pull-up, and they’re like, “I was feeling fine,
    0:37:03 coach.” And then suddenly my, you know, I tore my bicep, I tore my pack, and it was fine until
    0:37:07 it wasn’t. What are some, if you look at the muscles or types of strength that most non-gymnasts
    0:37:16 will not have, even if they consider themselves reasonably athletic, what would be on that list?
    0:37:21 And we already mentioned one, which is, say, mid and lower traps. And of course, I would like to
    0:37:26 think I came to the table with kind of hat in hand, because I recognize how hard a lot of this is.
    0:37:31 But the more I practice it, the more I’m astounded at how unprepared my body is for these movements.
    0:37:38 I mean, as someone who has done a lot of pulling from the floor, for instance, who has a decent
    0:37:43 deadlift, I would like to think, I was just astonished at how weak my mid-back was. It was
    0:37:49 just, it blew my mind. It was completely flabbergassing. What other muscles or movements do you find
    0:37:54 normals just cannot perform, even if they view themselves as athletic?
    0:37:57 For the lifters, the one that always jumps out at us is their lack of shoulder extension.
    0:38:03 So if I pick my, if I’m standing upright and I lift my hands forward, that’s flexion. And I can go
    0:38:09 all the way up to my arms or overhead. If I’m picking my hands up behind me, that would be shoulder
    0:38:15 extension. Right. So just to paint another picture for folks, like if you stand up and then interlace
    0:38:20 your fingers behind your tailbone with your arms straight and then try to lift them up towards
    0:38:26 the ceiling and keeping your back straight. So the shoulder extension. And what we find is, you
    0:38:31 know, and a lot of what we’ll get sometimes from people as well, I don’t want to be in the circus.
    0:38:35 I don’t want to be an acrobat. I’m at intercedence skill training. I want strength. And what they
    0:38:41 don’t understand is if you want to achieve world-class levels of performance, technically,
    0:38:46 that comes first from having a solid foundation of physical preparation, which means correct range
    0:38:52 of motion, good mobility, good connective tissue. So shoulder extension becomes so, for example,
    0:38:58 a lot of people fail. They can’t do muscle-ups because they can’t do shoulder extension. They
    0:39:03 think in their head that a muscle-up is a chin up, a little bit of transition that they don’t
    0:39:08 understand. And then a dip. What really happens as we do a pull-up, we get our hands to our chin,
    0:39:13 and then the elbows pull back behind the torso behind them. And there’s their shoulder extension.
    0:39:19 If they can’t do shoulder extension, now they’re stuck. And they failed to spend all this time
    0:39:24 working technique and doing rap and doing rap. And what they’re doing is they’re treating the
    0:39:28 symptom not actually the problem. So just as some background for folks, the way that we connected
    0:39:34 was I at 38 finally decided, enough is enough, I’ve been fantasizing about trying to learn
    0:39:41 gymnastics in a structured way for 20 plus years, much like my postponing of getting a dog for 20
    0:39:47 years. It’s just like, why did it take me so long to do this? And I was in Venice. I’m going to give
    0:39:52 these folks a shout-out. There’s a CrossFit gym there named Paradiso CrossFit and love the folks
    0:39:57 who run the gym and I would go to their training because they’d let me use chalk and do all the
    0:40:00 things that a lot of gyms will not allow me to do. And I met a gent who was doing a body weight
    0:40:07 workout. He’s the only person doing a body weight only workout. And he suggested that I follow
    0:40:11 gymnastic bodies on Instagram. So I started following your company on Instagram and saw older,
    0:40:19 let’s just call it middle-aged men, sort of my demo as it stands right now, who had started from
    0:40:25 scratch doing impressive things. And I had used age as my crutch and excuse for not pulling the
    0:40:32 trigger in the last few years. So I reached out to Rob Wolf, who was kind enough to introduce us.
    0:40:38 And then we’ve collaborated in this experiment that we’re currently doing, which is roughly 90 days
    0:40:45 with a handful of goals that we’ll get to. But I want people to understand how we connected.
    0:40:50 So I’m in the middle of training right now. I have to say, I feel better than I’ve felt,
    0:40:55 with the exception of a little bit of elbow nonsense that is not from this specifically,
    0:41:00 it’s a recurring thing, feel better than I have in years.
    0:41:03 Well, that’s good to hear just from this little bit already.
    0:41:06 We just from the little bit that we’ve done. And the follow-up question to that is,
    0:41:10 when people are training for handstands at home, so self-taught, what are the biggest
    0:41:17 mistakes that they make? Well, they won’t like the answer. This is a little bit of national team
    0:41:22 coach attitude coming out. People tend to want what they want when they want. And that’s fine.
    0:41:28 If I’m looking for mediocre to average results, if I’m looking to really do the best effort,
    0:41:34 I’ve got to back shit up and I’ve got to take care of my business. And for most of the adults,
    0:41:40 it’s going to be, they have severe compromises in their mobility. Their shoulders don’t work well,
    0:41:46 their hips don’t work, their knees don’t work, their elbows are shot, their forearms are tight
    0:41:51 from all the desk patrol, their calves are like piano wire from sitting all the time.
    0:41:57 We won’t even talk about hip flexor, their scaps don’t move, their scapula have no motion,
    0:42:02 they can’t protract, they can’t retract, their spine is locked in just a flat
    0:42:08 or kyphoid. So they’re hunched over, their lower back is continually arched. And they’re just going
    0:42:14 to frozen in this position. And then they want to try to move their body. Now, the common one that
    0:42:20 we get from people as well, these are extreme ranges of motion. These are artificial ranges of
    0:42:25 motion. And actually, these are your natural range of motion. Problem is they quit using it.
    0:42:31 And so just after a feed, we’re not doing anything special. We’re just, we have to
    0:42:36 recreate that natural range of motion first. We’ve been doing, gosh, I don’t know now,
    0:42:41 maybe since 2006, working with the adults. And the thing that just we keep having my
    0:42:46 nose rugged in it over and over and over again, every time I think I have it down,
    0:42:51 I find I need to take it further is just the complete other lack of joint prep and mobility
    0:42:55 they come to the table with. Even your own case is an excellent example. We haven’t done anything
    0:43:00 advanced yet. We’re doing all basic or doing fundamental stuff. And you’re already feeling
    0:43:06 better than in years. Well, I think it’s a lot of it has to do with two things if I’m trying to
    0:43:13 self diagnose the first is identifying it, musculature and motor patterns that I simply
    0:43:19 had not developed properly previously. Even if I had a passing familiarity, like,
    0:43:24 well, let me frame this in the form of a question. So can you define what the hollow
    0:43:28 position is why it’s important and how how do most normals do when they do a say hollow body
    0:43:34 rock? Maybe you can explain that to most people. And when they think of abs, they think lower
    0:43:38 ab they think upper abs. They’re not going to think about obliques at all. And they’re not
    0:43:43 going to think transverse abdominis at all. So lower abs are easy upper ab easy obliques.
    0:43:49 Okay, they understand the sideways. They don’t understand how obliques wrap around
    0:43:53 into the lats into the lower back. Okay, that’s fine. But transverse abdominis, they’re like
    0:43:58 excuse me, was that English? They don’t have a clue. And that’s what supports the body when
    0:44:03 it’s in a straight body position. So for example, ab rollers were we don’t use them in our program,
    0:44:10 but just as an example, ab rollers, we’re getting a bad knock that if you do an ab roller,
    0:44:15 you’re going to hurt your lower back. Well, yes and no, you’ll hurt your back if you’re doing it
    0:44:20 wrong. If you’re arched in your lower back. So for definitions, if my lower back is arched,
    0:44:25 I’m an anterior pelvic tilt. If I’m the opposite movement, I’m kind of my tailbone tucked under
    0:44:32 and my lower back is flat, that’s posterior pelvic tilt. Well, when my body’s horizontal,
    0:44:37 then my back is supported when I’m posterior pelvic tilt. If I’m arched, it’s unsupported
    0:44:44 by the musculoskeletal and I’m hanging by the disc. Which is true for a ton of exercises that we do.
    0:44:50 If I feel it in my lower back, almost universally when I send you videos, the feedback is more
    0:44:55 PPT, posterior pelvic tilt. It should just be a mantra. Yeah. And for people who need a way
    0:45:01 to visualize this, because I realize a lot of this vocab is new and coach, feel free to interrupt
    0:45:06 at any point. But an easy way to think about and remember anterior pelvic tilt is imagine that
    0:45:12 your waist is the top of a wine glass. If you have anterior pelvic tilt to the front, you’re
    0:45:18 going to be pouring wine out the front of that glass, basically out of your belly button.
    0:45:23 And if you have posterior pelvic tilt, you’re tucking that tailbone, you’re going to be pouring
    0:45:27 wine basically down your sacrum, down the back of your body. It’s just an easy way for me to
    0:45:32 remember. That is clear. I got to say, 40 years of national team, and I’ve never heard it described
    0:45:37 that way. It may be our go-to definition from now on. You know, I can’t do the gymnastics.
    0:45:43 I’ll have to stick with refining my definitions, although I’m making progress with the fundamentals.
    0:45:47 And I’d like to talk about the assessment that we did. So I flew out to a great gym,
    0:45:54 Awakened Gymnastics, in Colorado, and we met up. That’s our GB Master Affiliate. We only have one in
    0:45:59 the world. Awakened in Denver is our number one GB affiliate. They’re the best at what they do.
    0:46:04 Yeah, it’s a fantastic gym. And we did quite a few hours of various assessments. If somebody
    0:46:10 wanted to try to self-assess or videotape themselves to have, say, someone qualified in
    0:46:17 gymnastics, assess them. If you were to do an 80/20 analysis, which movements or exercises give you
    0:46:24 the most data? Most bang for the buck? Let’s see. No, so what? We went over with you. We checked
    0:46:31 hanging leg lift. Hanging leg lift automatically is going to tell me dynamic range of motion.
    0:46:36 Is that right? That’s like on a stall bar. You don’t want to be free-swinging.
    0:46:39 Well, it could be most of them, whatever they can do. To my eye, as soon as I see it or our staff
    0:46:46 side, they’re going to know right away whether or not that person has adequate. It’s going to tell
    0:46:50 us your core strength. Then it’s going to tell me hamstring flexibility. That’ll do that in one
    0:46:55 bridge. Bridge is a huge one for adults. That’s been one of our, we have a thoracic bridge core
    0:47:01 stretch series. That’s been one of our best-selling products. That’s what I’m doing this evening.
    0:47:06 Yeah. Yeah. Notice, guys, that Tim’s real happy right now. That’ll change in just a few.
    0:47:11 Yeah. What characterizes, this is a really important question. What characterizes a good
    0:47:15 bridge? And for people who are thinking of bridge, I mean, imagine you’re laying on your back. You
    0:47:19 put your palms down by your ears, let’s say, feet flat on the ground, and then you go up into an
    0:47:25 arch. Now, I was extremely surprised and found it quite hilarious how bad my bridge was. I mean,
    0:47:33 terrible in the assessment. By your standards, yes. By what I see on a normal basis, yours was medium.
    0:47:39 It was like a D-plus. It was like on the verge of pantsing. But I realized despite all of my many
    0:47:45 years of wrestling where we did tons of bridges, almost all of my bridging comes from bending
    0:47:52 at the low back, right? So my lumbar. Which is a huge issue. Yeah. So what is a good bridge?
    0:47:57 Little background. So the lumbar, the lower back is not designed to have a ton of movement in it,
    0:48:04 a big arch. Your thoracic spine, your upper and your middle back, they’re designed to have a
    0:48:09 lot of movement. They’re designed to rotate. The lower back is not. But when most people do their
    0:48:14 bridge work, they’re so compromised now, even back up a little bit more. They’re so compromised in
    0:48:20 range of motion in their upper body because they’ve been hitting the weights hard. They’ve been doing
    0:48:24 just a lot of high intensity training. Now, to preface that, there’s nothing wrong with that.
    0:48:30 There’s nothing wrong with that at all. If you weren’t one of God’s gifts when you were born,
    0:48:34 you’ve got to do something to make up the deficit. The problem is, when they do all that weight
    0:48:40 training, they’re not doing it in balance and maintaining their mobility. If they had, they
    0:48:45 wouldn’t have the issues that they ran into. So if all you do is string, string, string,
    0:48:49 string, strength, and you can always tell someone who is there, they’re the curl king and they’re
    0:48:52 the bench press king. They come in and they’re hunched over and their elbows don’t straighten.
    0:48:57 Their arms don’t go behind them and they’re like, you know, my shoulders are killing me.
    0:49:02 Most of the time what we found is, yeah, their shoulders are completely effed up. I agree.
    0:49:07 But their biceps are crazy tight also. And that bicep runs up through the front of the shoulder
    0:49:12 and it’s manifesting itself as a shoulder issue. So kind of all these come together,
    0:49:17 long story short, to cause them a huge problem being able to get into a proper bridge, which
    0:49:22 should be all upper body, no lower back almost at all. But people are doing the exact opposite.
    0:49:29 They hurt their lower back and they say, man, these bridges are dangerous.
    0:49:32 Bridges aren’t dangerous. Doing them half-assed and wrong without vetting your sources of
    0:49:37 information is dangerous. I’ve found it incredibly therapeutic as someone who’s had a basically
    0:49:44 a frozen thoracic for God knows how long, 10 years. Sure. We were worried about that. I remember
    0:49:51 we’re like, hmm, we’re wondering, whoa, we’ll work through this. Tim has the upper body mobility of
    0:49:55 a Lego figure. What are we going to do? So just the progression of doing, and of course, people
    0:50:01 should look for visual references and I’ll point them to a bunch of resources in the show notes.
    0:50:09 But can you walk through the checkboxes? Because I know we’ve done this even recently. The concept,
    0:50:15 I don’t know why this didn’t even occur to me, but of helping to take the lower back out of the
    0:50:19 equation by elevating the feet. Elevating the feet. Yep. And elevating them as high as necessary.
    0:50:25 Some people are so tight that they basically start in a handstand.
    0:50:29 And it is what it is, right? The main thing that we try to always hammer with students is they’re
    0:50:35 always in a hurry. I’ve got to get it right now. Even our conversation, you remember way back when
    0:50:39 started that way. I was like, dude, if you can handle it, we need to change gears here. We need
    0:50:44 to go slow now in order to go fast later. Well, you said if you want to be a stud later, you have
    0:50:49 to be a pud now. I think we’re your words. Yeah, that sounds like a smart ass remark. That’s a good
    0:50:55 one. I wrote that down. I’ve corrupted you. All your great podcasts and I’ve corrupted you.
    0:51:00 So what are the other checkboxes? So let’s just say they get the feet up and they’re like, okay.
    0:51:05 Feet elevated to the point where they’re not feeling dress on the lower back. Now, it’ll depend on
    0:51:12 pressing strength also. If they’re very weak in the shoulders, then they’re going to have to start
    0:51:18 from the handstand and work their way down. But we’ll assume they’ve got feet elevated.
    0:51:21 Hip high or higher if necessary, doesn’t matter a bit. Then from there, we’re going to work on,
    0:51:29 most people are going to be up, they’re going to have bent elbows. So we’re going to work on
    0:51:32 straightening the arms. No matter how close they are, they could be wide. They’d be wide. Yeah,
    0:51:38 because gosh, I had one special forces guy that came to me years ago, tough, tough guy, first name
    0:51:43 Mark. And he had gained 80 pounds of muscle, 80 pounds of muscle. Oh yeah. He was just like,
    0:51:50 holy moly. And he was, he was just a beast. But he had completely effed himself up because all he
    0:51:56 did was gain strength without mobility and athletically, unless my sport is just purely
    0:52:02 lifting, unless I’m a power lifter, unless I’m an Olympic lifter, then maximal strength is not my
    0:52:09 sole criteria for being successful. In fact, usually the strongest athletes in the weight room
    0:52:14 are not the best athletes on the field to play. And in fact, I don’t know a single exception.
    0:52:20 There may be one there somewhere that someone can share with us and let me know. But I’ve been
    0:52:25 around the world, I won’t say as many people as you know, but in 40 years of world-class
    0:52:31 gymnastics, I’ve met a ton of people. I’ve never seen an exception. He couldn’t even hang on a bar
    0:52:38 anymore with his arms straight without hitting his head. Wow. And you think your shoulders are
    0:52:43 tight and pull a mark and he was like, coach, what can you do for me? For once, I was at a loss for
    0:52:48 words, which is rare for me. I think you’re screwed. What did you do with him in the bridge? Was he
    0:52:54 just stuck? He couldn’t even, this was hanging on a bar. We couldn’t even get in a bridge. It was
    0:53:00 impossible. What we would do with someone like that and Mark, so you’re more, so guys, just to
    0:53:06 give the audience some feedback, I went into Tim’s assessment, expecting medium. Medium and Tim
    0:53:14 was much more mobile, much more athletic, much more well-prepared than I had anticipated. So
    0:53:21 I had spent a lot of time putting a custom program together for Tim that because he did so well in
    0:53:26 his assessment, I had to throw the whole damn thing away because basically he was too advanced for
    0:53:32 what we had assumed he was coming to the table with. Someone who is crazy compromised, we’re
    0:53:38 going to have to sneak up on it. We’re going to have to get in there and we’re going to have to
    0:53:41 first do pec minor. We got to loosen up pec minor. We got to get in there and we got to work on the
    0:53:46 bicep tendon. We got to get the bicep tendon going. We got to work on forearms, get forearms loose.
    0:53:52 We’ve got to break the scap. So there’s some motion there. We have to do all of that. It’s not
    0:53:57 high intensity work, but it’s got to be done. And as you heard Tim say, the body thrives on it. It’s
    0:54:03 like a tonic for the body. The body feels so much better because it’s what the body is supposed to
    0:54:08 do. A lot of people don’t care for it because it’s not the high intensity sexy work, but it’s that
    0:54:14 fundamental work that makes the high intensity sexy work possible later. Not only possible,
    0:54:21 but safer. That’s a good point because we had, I think one of the questions that people asked,
    0:54:26 Tim asked for questions on Twitter. You know, what would you like me to ask coach Summer? And
    0:54:31 some of the people came back with, you know, I know someone who’s a gymnast and they’re just
    0:54:35 beat the shit. And my answer to that is simple. They weren’t my athlete. They weren’t my athlete.
    0:54:42 We don’t train through pain. As a national team coach for a long time, physical preparation was
    0:54:49 always our number one priority. We built the physical structure first because if you think
    0:54:54 about it, it’s kind of silly. And we see this a lot with people who are getting into weightlifting,
    0:54:58 they’re crossfitters, they’re Olympic lifting, and they’re enthusiastic, they’re excited,
    0:55:02 and they want to get that weight on the bar. They’re trying to build technique with a flawed
    0:55:07 range of motion, which of course gives them F’d up technique and it doesn’t work. And then they get
    0:55:11 hurt. Or you hear someone, oh, I changed my shoe and I blew my knee. Seriously, your knee is that
    0:55:18 tight that because your heel and your new shoe is a fraction of an inch higher or a slightly
    0:55:23 different angle that your knee blew. In our training program, we need to call everything
    0:55:27 you need an optimal surplus. You need an optimal surplus range of mobility, range of motion. You
    0:55:32 need an optimal surplus of strength. You need an optimal surplus of stability. You need what you
    0:55:38 need to perform and a little extra for when things go south, not if things go south, when things go
    0:55:45 south. And if you’re just right in the edge of what you’re capable of, and they hope, oh, nothing
    0:55:51 will go wrong. I hope nothing will go wrong. Oh, it is going to go wrong. That’s absolutely going
    0:55:54 to go wrong. And so you prepare the body for that ahead of time. So when it does go wrong,
    0:55:59 it’s like, ah, that didn’t hurt. I didn’t get nothing’s injured. Moving on next turn.
    0:56:03 Well, one of the questions that you’ve asked me multiple times when we’ve been going over
    0:56:08 different workouts, and I would mention, for instance, I felt it in my bicep. Like I felt an
    0:56:14 extreme stretch in my bicep. So for instance, there’s a movement that we’ve been calling a
    0:56:18 German hang. A lot of people would call it skin the cat, perhaps, very similar where you would
    0:56:23 hold on to say a bar or rings in this case. And I’m going to simplify this, of course,
    0:56:28 but tucking up, going back in between the rings, and then hanging down with as little of a pike at
    0:56:37 the hips as possible. Nice flat back, nice straight hips. Exactly. And sort of palms facing towards
    0:56:43 the ground. And I was saying, I really felt an incredible stretch in my biceps more than in
    0:56:47 the shoulders. And your question would be, and this is applied to different body parts,
    0:56:50 where did you feel it in the bicep? This is getting back to the not training through pain
    0:56:55 comment. And could you describe why you’re like, if it’s in the middle, I don’t really care. And
    0:57:03 same for the abs, like we can smash those all day long. If it’s at the attachment points,
    0:57:08 though, then I want to know about it, or we’re going to die. So why is that?
    0:57:12 I’m going to sneak around to it. So most people when they do their training,
    0:57:17 meaning, well, now I’m not slamming anyone by any means. And the only reason that
    0:57:22 we know this and are able to share is because all these years I’ve been doing this,
    0:57:25 I made the same effort mistakes that they make. We just survived my stupidity and learned how
    0:57:30 to do better. You have the story of my life. So I think the story of all of our lives, right?
    0:57:35 I used to tell my athletes there, there are stupid gymnasts and there are old gymnasts,
    0:57:40 but there are no old stupid gymnasts because they’re all dead. But most people, most beginners,
    0:57:46 they want to base all their training off muscular fatigue, which is a problem. It’s
    0:57:52 problematic because muscle tissue regenerates about every 90 days, about every 90 days,
    0:57:58 you know, from end to end, all the cells, everything’s done in 90 days. Okay, that’s well,
    0:58:03 that’s fine. But connective tissue takes 200 to 210 days. So we have a huge gap. So if I get in
    0:58:11 and I’m just sending on, I’m not a big fan of beginners training to failure, simply because
    0:58:17 their structure isn’t mature enough yet to handle it safely and by mature, I simply mean enough
    0:58:24 productive, well-structured hours under their belt. So particularly if it’s in new ranges of
    0:58:31 motion, right? If they’ve just particularly if there’s joints, if it’s a muscle belly for,
    0:58:36 like you said, if we’re doing core, we’ll beat your core down all day long. And I’m not worried
    0:58:40 about it a bit because it’s just muscular fatigue. But as soon as we get joints involved,
    0:58:45 everything changes. And it’s actually really easy for people to verify. Same thing back over all the
    0:58:50 injuries they’ve had over their training career, you know, in their athletic career, playing around
    0:58:54 with the kids in the backyard. The vast majority of those injuries are all joint related,
    0:58:59 almost always. It’s extremely rare for someone to have a muscle belly injury. It just doesn’t
    0:59:05 happen. Yet their training, especially in the beginning, is all skewed just towards muscular
    0:59:10 development, not connective tissue development. And that’s that’s where they get into trouble.
    0:59:14 So when they come to us, the first thing we like is for them to spend. Is it going to be boring?
    0:59:20 It is, you know, 210 days, we’re talking six, seven months of dial it back guys, dial it back.
    0:59:27 And I think that it’s important to emphasize too that dialing it back, it means that you’re not
    0:59:33 rushing, but it doesn’t mean you won’t experience a lot of progress, if that’s fair to say.
    0:59:37 I think that’s crazy fair to say and you found that yourself. But what happens is some of them,
    0:59:43 we run into this, maybe you have also as we get some people who are addicted to the rush,
    0:59:48 they’re addicted to the adrenaline rush, they’re addicted to laying there in a pile of sweat,
    0:59:53 you know, they want to do the sweat angels, they want to crawl out of the gym. And the problem with
    0:59:58 that is if you’re a world-class athlete, you can’t do that because I have to be back in the gym the
    1:00:04 next day and train again. I can’t afford to destroy myself or the special operations guys we work with.
    1:00:09 We’ve got to be able to do both. They’ve got to be operational and increase their performance
    1:00:14 through their training, but they have to go hand in hand. And so it’s only in beginners that we see
    1:00:19 they think somehow they can cheat time. It can’t be done. I mean, connective tissue is going to take
    1:00:25 200 to 210 days. There’s no supplement, you can’t paint yourself blue, you can’t dance under the
    1:00:30 moon, there’s nothing you can do to speed that up. It’s going to take what it takes. And so we work
    1:00:36 as hard as we can within those parameters. If there’s joint pain, we shut it down. You’ll
    1:00:41 like your elbow is a good example, years ago pushing too hard. Now that we tweak that elbow a
    1:00:47 little too much, it flares up on you. We’ll repair it. It’s going to take time, but it takes much
    1:00:53 longer to repair it than it does to avoid it in the first place. Yeah, for sure. And there’s a
    1:00:58 couple of notes and then I’m going to swing back to the diagnostics and how people can assess.
    1:01:03 But another conversation, a topic that came up, I think I’m sure I brought it up at dinner once,
    1:01:10 was the use of anabolic or any growth agents. And the point that you made, which makes perfect
    1:01:18 sense is that would just increase the likelihood of having connected tissue problems and gymnasts
    1:01:24 because the muscular strength and growth would outpace the development of and the adaptation
    1:01:31 of the tissues. Completely with backfire, huge backfire, where students make their greatest gains
    1:01:36 in strength is to be able to do dynamic plyometric work and straight arm ring strength. Those are
    1:01:42 your two biggest bangs for the buck. And what we have learned the hard way that’s different,
    1:01:48 the main difference between working with young developmental athletes and full grown adults
    1:01:53 is the order in which we need to present the material. As a young athlete, I can do all physical
    1:01:59 components at once. I can do plyometric, I can do straight arm, I can do their mobility,
    1:02:04 bent arm, it doesn’t matter a bit. I can do it all at one time. But an adult who’s now fragile
    1:02:10 from years of making a living, sitting at a desk, day in, day out, as they get a little older,
    1:02:15 kids get bigger, levels of activities, drop, drop, drop, drop. And they’re compromised. We have to
    1:02:21 build these things in a different order. We have to first go, rebuild mobility, then we have to
    1:02:26 rebuild core, core I’m talking, not just abs, but obliques and lower back. Most adults, a lot of
    1:02:32 their lower back pain, isn’t lower back related. It’s oblique related. We have to go in and we
    1:02:39 have to correct that. Then we can worry about regular strength. Once those things are done,
    1:02:43 then we can get to the moneymaker, which is their dynamic strength. But with an adult,
    1:02:48 especially a strong adult who’s been athletically inactive. So they’ve been doing strength training,
    1:02:54 but not out moving, doing sports, being active, you know, outside of their conditioning. Or let’s
    1:03:02 say for example, all they’re doing is squats. And they’re very linear in the path of their knee.
    1:03:08 And there’s no meniscus work. There’s no MCL work. There’s no ACL work. Then they go outside. They
    1:03:14 play a little softball here at all the time. Yeah, when I was playing softball, I blew my knee
    1:03:18 going around first base. Really? How many kids blow a knee running around first base?
    1:03:23 I mean, the supplemental knee exercises that look wacky as hell when you first look at them that
    1:03:28 you’ve had me do. And maybe we can show some of this to people in the show notes. Even in the span
    1:03:34 of three or four weeks, I’ve seen a huge difference in knee stability improvement because I haven’t
    1:03:39 ever performed these types of targeted movements before. Coming back to the diagnostics, we talked
    1:03:44 about the bridge. We talked about the hanging leg lifts. Are there any other movements?
    1:03:51 Shoulder extension will be huge. Shoulder extension would be sitting on the floor.
    1:03:57 Sitting on the floor. Sitting in that pike that you described earlier. Hands touching behind them.
    1:04:02 And then without letting the hands move, trying to scoot the butt as far forward away from the hands
    1:04:08 as they could. Just that one movement right there is going to let us see. Going to show me their
    1:04:14 scapular health. Can they protract? Can they retract? It’s going to tell me how tight their
    1:04:18 pec minor is. It’s going to tell me how tight their bicep is. And it’s going to tell me how tight
    1:04:25 their brachialis down by the elbow is. Oh, the brachialis. Yes, your favorite. My good friend,
    1:04:31 the brachialis. And also just, and this relates to kind of daily living, a lot of people who have
    1:04:36 back pain, myself included quite a few years ago, if you’re wondering if you have a tight pec minor,
    1:04:41 you can just Google pec minor and figure out where it is, but basically think right under the clavicle.
    1:04:45 Get a lacrosse ball, you know, go on the wall and try to roll out your pec minor with a lacrosse
    1:04:50 ball. And if you have back pain, you don’t always fix that back pain by just focusing on the location
    1:04:56 of that pain. That’s a good point. And you start addressing the pec minor and a lot of that stuff
    1:05:02 is alleviated. And I wanted to throw one thing out there just for people who might be interested.
    1:05:07 And that is, I think part of the reason I seemed or was better prepared for the assessment than I
    1:05:13 would have been otherwise is that I started doing really just one thing, one type of new exercise,
    1:05:21 which was compression strength training in that pike position. And did that for just maybe two
    1:05:28 times per week prior to doing the assessment as I was traveling. And for people who are wondering
    1:05:34 what this is like, if you really want to feel humbled, as I did, I was traveling, I was in
    1:05:40 Columbia, a very close friend of mine, almost got to professional rugby in New Zealand. He’s a beast.
    1:05:46 I mean, athletically, they are extremely strong, extremely fast. He’s always going to be one of
    1:05:52 the top performers in the gym when he walks into a weight room. And he saw me doing pike pulses.
    1:05:58 And so I’ll explain what this is to folks because he was kind of laughing at me. And he’s like,
    1:06:01 what kind of Jane Fonda bullshit are you doing here? You know, and I love that name. And I said,
    1:06:06 all right, I’d like, all right, big guy, you’re such a tough guy. Let’s see you do these.
    1:06:11 So for those people who are interested, you’re sitting in this seated pike position we’re talking
    1:06:14 about, right? So you’re sitting on your ass on the floor, the upper body perpendicular with the
    1:06:19 floor and your legs out straight in front, you point your toes, kind of tense your quads to
    1:06:25 push the back of your knees into the floor, then reach forward and stretch forward as far as you
    1:06:29 can. Get your fingers out on either side of your legs as far out as you can. And then just try to
    1:06:34 lift your heels off the ground, keeping your legs completely straight and just pulse it up and down
    1:06:38 like, yeah, three to four inches, maybe if you can manage that and just do, try to do 30 of those.
    1:06:43 And my, my buddy could not lift his heels off the ground and just fell over laughing. He’s like,
    1:06:49 yeah, okay, those are hard. But that compression, it’s if you think about the range of motion
    1:06:54 that most people train for core, they’re doing sit ups or maybe they’re doing hanging leg lifts
    1:07:00 up to like an L-sit. So their legs are getting up to kind of parallel height. Well that last 90
    1:07:06 degrees and especially the last like 45 degrees where you’re bringing your thighs towards your chest
    1:07:12 is so hard. I mean, I had zero strength there prior to doing just a few weeks of this stuff.
    1:07:17 It just amazed me. And for those people also, we were talking about the transverse abdominis.
    1:07:21 Coach, feel free to veto this. But I think it’s also nicknamed the corset muscle. If you’re trying
    1:07:25 to think of what they might look like is it wraps around the abdomen. So if you cough a lot or laugh
    1:07:31 a lot and get really, really sore, it’s very frequently often engaging that transverse. But
    1:07:38 let me ask you, so you mentioned CrossFit. You mentioned a couple of things, you know,
    1:07:43 drenched in sweat, doing the sweat angels. What are your feelings about kipping movements like
    1:07:49 kipping pull-ups? Had to open that can of worms. Well, I was asking a mutual friend, I won’t name
    1:07:56 him. And I said, what should I talk to Coach Summer about? And he said, kipping pull-ups,
    1:07:59 he’ll lose his shit. So I said, okay, I got it. We started. I was the original gymnastics guy for
    1:08:05 CrossFit way back in the early 2000s and ended up leaving. I was there before there was the first
    1:08:12 CrossFit affiliate. When all there was was Glassman working out of that little gym in Santa Cruz.
    1:08:18 Left just because to do GST right like anything, that a dichotomy that I always find curious with
    1:08:24 people, especially the CrossFitters, is they will be so on point with dissecting everything they do
    1:08:32 in terms of their Olympic lifting. You know, my pull is here, my pull is there, my knee was a quarter
    1:08:38 inch this way. I mean, they’re just methodical. And they don’t bring, and I shouldn’t say just
    1:08:43 CrossFitters, but then they, other people, they don’t bring that same degree of attention to detail
    1:08:50 to their body weight work. So one is supposed to be meticulous and one is somehow just supposed
    1:08:55 to be thrown together. Yet they expect the same quality results. So if we look back in the day,
    1:09:01 CrossFit, you know, their lifting was nothing by national standards. Now they get people who are
    1:09:06 qualifying to go to nationals. Fast forward all those years in terms of their mass strength
    1:09:11 training, and they’re not even remotely close. They don’t match a national team. They don’t
    1:09:17 match a state level athlete, let alone a national level, let alone an international level. They’re
    1:09:23 not even in the same ballpark. And part of the issue is because the keeping pull-ups were a huge
    1:09:30 big deal was a moneymaker. You know, I’ll be straight out of pissing people off, but it was a
    1:09:35 moneymaker. As advertising for a program, they could bring someone in who’s never been able to
    1:09:41 do a pull-up, have them hold their chin by the bar, and let them fall, hit the bottom of that
    1:09:46 movement, bounce back to the top. And the person’s eyes light up and they’re like, you know, this is
    1:09:51 the best f-ing thing ever. I’ve never done a pull-up in my entire life. Oh my god, oh my god,
    1:09:55 and they’re pumped. What they didn’t realize is that this person has compromised basic strength
    1:10:02 and compromised shoulder flexion. They don’t have mobility in their shoulder. So they’re
    1:10:06 hitting the bottom of that movement with multiples of body weight. So they weren’t strong enough to
    1:10:10 do a regular pull-up. So now we’re going to drop them on connective tissue with multiples of body
    1:10:15 weight. That’s got to go somewhere. So it’s going to force that shoulder to open further than it
    1:10:20 can handle. And I’m going to bounce off that connective tissue like a trampoline back to the
    1:10:24 top of the bar. And then to make it to pour salt on the wound, now I’m going to do a shitload of
    1:10:29 reps at the same time. I’m just going to crank on it. And they were getting people who were coming
    1:10:34 in and, you know, crossing, well, there’s no proof. There’s, you know, bullshit, bullshit. You guys
    1:10:39 can live in a dream world all you want. It was blowing people up. And now the good thing that
    1:10:44 went into their credit, you know, it took time. There was a denial. No, it has nothing to do with
    1:10:48 it. But now we’re seeing a recommendation that, you know, guys, we got to start getting some basic
    1:10:53 strength built first, some basic mobility. And then at that time, kipping pull-ups, absolutely,
    1:10:58 there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re healthy. They’re good to do on a healthy shoulder joint
    1:11:03 with a good foundation of basic strength. But a beginner doing kipping pull-ups,
    1:11:07 really? That’s insanity. That’s just pouring gasoline on a fire.
    1:11:11 So kipping, then, is the finishing addition. It is not the starting element.
    1:11:17 We started working with adults. So our first, we do seminars all around the world, you know,
    1:11:21 we spend a lot of time doing hands-on. And our very first one we did, I don’t know, 2007 or so.
    1:11:29 And we’ve got all these people, we’ve got all these beasts here and they’re strong.
    1:11:33 And tried to do my entry-level plyometric work on some floorwork with them. And the stronger the
    1:11:41 athlete, the faster they went down. Knees, lower back, ankles on baby stuff. Baby stuff. I mean,
    1:11:49 we’re not talking anything hard. We’re talking about standing in place and with knees straight,
    1:11:52 being able to bounce down the floor using just your calves. No way. Their tissues couldn’t take it.
    1:11:58 They hadn’t done anything like it. Or we had 15 minutes on the schedule, for example,
    1:12:04 how bad mobility was. We had 15 minutes on the schedule to stretch. Nothing hard,
    1:12:09 nothing intricate, nothing intense. Just an easy, basic stretch. Get them loosened up for the day.
    1:12:14 That stretch took an hour and a half to complete. It was an hour and a half, Tim. It was an hour and
    1:12:20 a half. There were bodies lying everywhere. It was like I was in Vietnam or I’m filming a war movie.
    1:12:27 I turned to my staff. I’m like, what the fuck am I supposed to do now? They failed warm-up.
    1:12:32 They failed warm-up. Now, in fairness, this stuff is really, you would look at it, and just like
    1:12:39 my friend is like, what is this, Jane Fonda bullshit? And I’m like, hey, man, why don’t you try
    1:12:43 this for 10 minutes? I mean, it is really taxing. I mean, I remember doing one of the stretching
    1:12:50 routines, which I’ll note, I think is might be of interest to people, is I’m hitting each once
    1:12:57 per week. So there’s one that is front split focus. It’s a very hamstring focus. There’s one that is
    1:13:02 bridge focused and another that is middle split adductor and middle split focus inside. And the
    1:13:08 point that you make is doing this twice a week will not double your progress. It will cut it in
    1:13:14 half. So you’re only really hitting each of these once per week. I mean, there are different
    1:13:18 daily limber protocols. But I remember doing at the very beginning of one of these workouts,
    1:13:23 I believe it was. I know is absolutely the front split workout. A shit ton for me, a shit ton of
    1:13:32 calf raises with a different number. You moaning about that like different foot placements. It’s
    1:13:37 like, okay, 180 calf raises later of different variations. I was like, okay, and I’m only three
    1:13:43 minutes into this hour long stretch sequence. And I know we’re bouncing all over the place
    1:13:48 because I want to give people kind of a buffet sampling of how this training differs. But one
    1:13:52 of the reasons I respect the programming that you put together and the nuance that you bring to
    1:13:57 this is that the observation then is, and correct me if I’m, or you can elaborate on this if I’m
    1:14:02 missing something, but a lot of the hamstring flexibility issues or limitations that people
    1:14:07 perceive are at least in part due to lower leg. Absolutely issues, including huge amount of
    1:14:15 arm. Yeah, including the Achilles. So you in this particular progression in the beginning,
    1:14:20 you’re engorging and then stretching the insertion point basically around the heel and then again
    1:14:26 at the knee and working your way up to the hamstrings. And there’s an athlete who’s been
    1:14:31 on the podcast Amelia Boone, one of the most successful obstacle courseraisers in the world.
    1:14:36 And she’s basically pointed out the same thing and she said, yeah, you can take someone who’s
    1:14:40 really inflexible in their hamstrings, have them roll out their feet with sail across ball or
    1:14:44 something like that. And all of a sudden they gain two inches in their descent with the hamstrings.
    1:14:50 It’s all connected. We found by accident. So we never intended this in it. We just
    1:14:55 part of what maybe helps people to understand the layers of complexity that I approach training with
    1:15:02 is that for years my bread and butter was to produce best athletes in the country. That was
    1:15:09 my job. In order to have a job, I had to produce some of the best athletes in the world. And we
    1:15:13 had to do it from scratch. And so it becomes an issue of one, an injured athlete is no good
    1:15:20 to the United States. Doesn’t matter how talented he is, how strong he is. If he can’t go out on
    1:15:26 the floor with the USA on his chest, we can’t win a medal with him. So he’s got to be healthy.
    1:15:32 And then the second caveat that goes with that is that we’re trying to find a way
    1:15:38 to make the best better. Because these athletes are already the best on the planet. And you’re
    1:15:45 going head to head with other athletes who are the best. So then how do you find a way to make
    1:15:50 something which is almost already perfect, even closer to perfect? And if you do what everybody
    1:15:56 else is doing, without kind of going out into the jungle, if you went to Indian country and
    1:16:02 learning new things, then you can’t get a leg up on your competitors. Now, if we go, we have
    1:16:08 PhDs who come through in this and that, and we always give them major shit, major shit. Because
    1:16:13 the way people think the world works is that they do their research, they write about it,
    1:16:18 they publish it. We learn about it and we implement it with our athletes. That is not how the way the
    1:16:24 world works. The way it really works is you’ve got high level world-class coaches who are super
    1:16:30 bright decades of experience. You know, just my last senior athlete alone, I had 16,000 hours
    1:16:36 into training Alan. 16,000 hours spread over 12 years. What is Alan’s last name?
    1:16:42 Bauer. So yeah, you guys got to celebrate Alan. He OU just won national NCAA championships. Again,
    1:16:51 major blowout by the largest margin in NCAA history. Wow. That was, well, as of this recording
    1:16:58 very recently. Yeah, that was just this, oh goodness, the weekend of the 15th. I think we’re
    1:17:05 scheduled here to come out sometime in May, but yeah, very big deal. But to go back to the other,
    1:17:11 so we’re looking for an edge. And so we don’t know why some things work. We just know it works.
    1:17:17 And I started getting notes from therapists around the world. For example, therapists are taught
    1:17:22 that they should have a neutral spine. You should have a neutral spine. I was getting people from
    1:17:27 around the world, they were writing me, but athletically, I’m sorry, I’ll be direct, but
    1:17:32 neutral spine, athletically, is the biggest load of horseshit I’ve ever heard in my life.
    1:17:36 You can’t run with neutral spine. You can’t throw with neutral spine. You can’t climb with
    1:17:41 neutral spine. I can’t swim. I can’t do anything with a neutral spine, except laying a box, dug
    1:17:47 in a hole, and they get ready to bury me. I mean, that’s the only thing I can do. There’s nothing
    1:17:51 athletically I can do with a neutral spine. So we know just automatically to produce athletes,
    1:17:57 we’re not going to do a neutral spine because torso-wise, there’s only two movements. I can go
    1:18:01 from an arch, snap to a hollow, or I can be hollow and snap back to extension to the arch.
    1:18:06 Those are the only two movements that torso is capable of, athletically.
    1:18:10 Everything else is a variation off that. We can add rotation with some throws and some this and
    1:18:15 that, but that’s all there is. So we spend a lot of time building power for that. And these therapists
    1:18:22 around the world started taking our really gentle introductory work and they trained it on them
    1:18:28 self first. And I’m like, you know, just real similarly what you said, Tim, you know, I feel
    1:18:32 better than I have in years, coach. I feel better in years. And this is completely different from
    1:18:37 what I was taught in school. Maybe we could use an example that we’ve discussed before, which was
    1:18:43 a new movement for me, which is Jefferson curl. Yeah, they’re having some fun with that. So we
    1:18:48 look at Jefferson curl right now. So it wasn’t that many years ago that if you squad it below
    1:18:52 parallel, it was heresy. It was heresy. If you went below parallel, the knees couldn’t possibly
    1:18:58 adapt to it. You’re just going to blow your knees, your, your kneecaps are going to just
    1:19:02 pop off the front. Our eyes can be shrapnel, knee shrapnel, but everybody accepts now that,
    1:19:07 you know what, there is nothing wrong with the body being exposed to its natural range of motion.
    1:19:13 Now, do you have to build it up gradually? Yes, obviously you do. But Jefferson curl falls into
    1:19:19 that. So gosh, how do we explain Jefferson curl? I mean, to give it a, I can give it a shot.
    1:19:24 Yeah, you’ll be better. This would be a good, this would be a good exam review for me anyway.
    1:19:27 So Jefferson curl is a gradually rounded stiff legged deadlift. That’s the simplest way to
    1:19:36 visualize it. So if you’re looking at an athlete from the side doing a Jefferson curl,
    1:19:42 they will most likely be standing on a box holding onto an Olympic barbell right in front of their
    1:19:49 hip/legs. So it’s just like the very top of a deadlift position. But when they start the descent
    1:19:56 and it’s elevated so that when you have plates on and whatnot, there’s room for it. But when they
    1:20:01 come down, they’re going to tuck their chin and then vertebra by vertebra round their back down
    1:20:08 all the way into the bottom position where the objective would be or one of the objectives would
    1:20:14 be to get basically your wrists to the front of your toes or at least in a perfect world if you’re
    1:20:19 advanced enough. Yeah, in a perfect world. And of course doing this very gradually with supervised
    1:20:26 attention from somebody who knows what they’re doing and then reversing that. And again, going
    1:20:32 from this vertebra by vertebra rounding up until you end up in that top position and then repeating.
    1:20:38 Was that a fair description? Fair description. Yeah, the easy is just think of it as a string
    1:20:43 of pearls. And we’re just curling one pearl at a time. We’ve been having some fun with that one.
    1:20:48 We have done Jefferson curls, so I don’t know, 12, 15 years now. Expected standard is body weight
    1:20:54 for us. Note to people listening, do not try this with body weight right out of the gate.
    1:20:59 No, I don’t. So for example, one of our senior students in Australia in his training, physical
    1:21:05 therapists has his own clinic doing really well. He tried it with just the empty bar, you know,
    1:21:09 the 20 kilo bar at first, trashed him. He dropped all the way down to I think a kilo or two,
    1:21:15 right, which is completely fine. And what we’ll talk about why in just a sec.
    1:21:19 And then he built up and last time I checked with Mark over the course of, I don’t know,
    1:21:23 I’m forgetting, there’s too many students. But around 12 to 18 months, he built up to
    1:21:28 either three quarter body weight or maybe up to full body weight now. And that feels better than
    1:21:34 it ever has. But the key there is people got to understand is that this was a gradual process
    1:21:39 over 12 to 18 months. It wasn’t just go, we’ve got a very good, I’ll throw Quinn out. I’m going
    1:21:46 to butcher Quinn’s last name, Quinn’s a PhD in physical therapy. Quinn, he not does some really
    1:21:52 good work. How do you spell his last name? You had to ask me that. We can get it for the show,
    1:21:58 Ness. Yeah, we’ll get it for the show. We chat a lot on Facebook and that Quinn likes to stir
    1:22:04 the pot, if you will, you know, stir up some shit. He’s experimented with Jefferson Crowle
    1:22:08 himself for I think going on about three or four years now and feels wonderful. He’ll toss it out.
    1:22:14 And so one of the things that’ll always become obvious, you know, the McGill experiments where
    1:22:19 they would take connective tissue from a pig cadaver and put it under such and such
    1:22:25 amount of strain and if we put it in this position with this much load, it snaps. Okay, and everyone
    1:22:31 runs around and it’s the sky is falling, the sky is falling. Oh my God, oh my God, don’t bend your
    1:22:35 spine, stay neutral. What everyone kind of missed the big elephant in the room was the pig was
    1:22:41 fucking dead. The tissue was dead. It can’t adapt. It’s dead. It’s no longer living. And it wasn’t
    1:22:47 exposed to very gradual loads so that there could be progressive adaptation, which is what our bodies
    1:22:54 are really good at. They kind of overlooked all that. So if I take this completely unprepared
    1:22:59 tissue and I do this to it, it’ll break. So some very interesting discussions right on it. Obviously,
    1:23:05 everyone’s fine. You know, we’ve, we’ve got athletes doing great, adults who are doing wonderful and
    1:23:10 the physical therapist will come around simply because it’s healthy. Now they’ve got to understand
    1:23:14 and other people who are listening should understand also is that our weighted mobility work
    1:23:20 needs to be approached with a different mentality, a different level of intensity
    1:23:25 than conditioning work because connective tissue has one tenth the metabolic rate of muscular
    1:23:31 tissue. It heals slower, it adapts slower. So you have to kind of come to the table with a very
    1:23:36 patient attitude or, or as I consider myself, I’m extremely impatient naturally.
    1:23:44 But I’ve learned in order to get what I want and to go where I want to go, I’ve had to learn to be
    1:23:49 patiently impatient. And if I give into the urge, then I get hurt, athletes get hurt,
    1:23:55 we fall apart and we, you know, nationals are Olympic trials are every four years.
    1:23:59 Nationals are once a year and you don’t get another nationals. You don’t get another Olympic trials.
    1:24:04 If you blow it, you’ve got to be on point that day. So it teaches us and our, our environment was
    1:24:09 actually a blessing because it’s very much practical. It’s very much results oriented.
    1:24:14 There’s no room for opinion. I think, I feel, I prefer, it works. It doesn’t work.
    1:24:22 It produces results. It doesn’t produce results. You are the best in the country.
    1:24:26 You aren’t the best in the country. I mean, it’s very clear. It’s very clear and it can’t be argued
    1:24:32 with. And now that was actually something when we segwayed into kind of the fitness world, if you
    1:24:37 will, where you come out of national team and then everyone knows who the studs are.
    1:24:43 In the fitness world though, everyone’s proclaiming they’re the stud. Everyone’s proclaiming they’re
    1:24:48 the national champion. There’s nothing to support it. There’s no results. There’s no great athletes.
    1:24:53 There’s no great abilities that have been generated. There’s just the marketing.
    1:24:57 And that, that was hard to wrap my head around because in national team that doesn’t exist.
    1:25:01 You can’t go to the Olympics and the guy who talks the loudest gets the medal.
    1:25:04 Have the loudest voice. I’m champion. I think that’s national politics right now.
    1:25:08 Oh wait, no, never mind. Different podcast. I did want to ask you how your visit to the
    1:25:11 White House, but I figure we’ll save that one. We’ll save that for another time.
    1:25:14 Yeah, Tim went to the White House last week, guys. So I’ll take his brain for you later.
    1:25:19 So I, I interrupted, but yeah, you get to the fitness world.
    1:25:21 And another one of the differences that you pointed out for me, which I really liked was that
    1:25:26 in the fitness world, it’s exercise and diet. Whereas in your world, it’s always been
    1:25:35 eat and train or eat and train. Yeah. Eat and train. What the people are trying to do.
    1:25:40 And I’ll throw a little, a little blurb in here. We have an outstanding nutrition program.
    1:25:46 The guy who, who wrote it, former SEAL team six, when he started, but it’s back in the day,
    1:25:53 he was like 140, 145. And then Jeff got all the way up to 220, just shy at 225.
    1:26:02 Lollid muscle and his waist was the same size as when he was thin. He looked like two vikings,
    1:26:07 two shoulders on top of his body. He came walking and I was like, what the fuck? It’d been a couple
    1:26:11 years. What the hell did you do? It’s these basic nutritional concepts that we teach.
    1:26:18 But what we try to do with adults is they’re trying to stay ahead of a bad diet through exercise.
    1:26:24 They’re trying to outrun a bad diet and it can’t be done. It can’t be done. And then what happens is
    1:26:30 if they somehow find this crazy combination of massive amounts of cardio and they can kind
    1:26:38 of keep their weight in check a little bit and then they stop that cardio, they immediately
    1:26:42 start gaining weight gain, weight loss, all of that should be separate from your conditioning.
    1:26:48 You know, you’ve got to get your nutrition dialed in. If your nutrition is dialed in,
    1:26:51 your body is going to find its natural, healthy weight that it’s going to operate at.
    1:26:55 Now, if you’re, if you want to be the giant muscle guy and that’s not your phenotype,
    1:27:00 which is your body type, you know what? Tough shit. Deal with it. You know, it’s not going to
    1:27:04 change. You’re not going to change your phenotype. You’re not going to change your body’s genetic
    1:27:08 expression. Okay. And that being said, you can maximize what your potential is. Well, we hammered
    1:27:15 through to our students as you’re not responsible for the hand to cards you were dealt. You’re
    1:27:19 responsible for maxing out what you were given. Now, and so who knows what your strengths will
    1:27:24 be. Maybe you’ll be more endurance. Maybe you’re going to carry easy muscle mass. Maybe you’re a
    1:27:29 max strength guy. Maybe you’re very skill oriented. It doesn’t matter. Maybe you’re
    1:27:33 very explosive. But whatever it is, you know, make the most of it.
    1:27:37 So on that point, and then I want to come back to, I want to ask you about,
    1:27:41 I think it’s, I wrote this down during our assessment, Tony Fay, quote, no routines,
    1:27:47 end quote. That’s all I wrote down. So that’s a cue for a story, I believe that you told me
    1:27:50 that will come back to, does that make any sense? Or is that just like a cryptic
    1:27:54 3am note that I wrote to myself? I don’t know. But the,
    1:27:57 you got to stay away from the wine, dude. Never, never. In vino veritas, we’ll get back to that.
    1:28:02 But oh, I kind of know what it is. I think I can actually cue it up at the basics.
    1:28:07 Yeah, well, we’re going to come back to that one second. The question I want to ask first is one
    1:28:10 that came up a lot from listeners of this podcast, which was, and I’m going to create sort of a
    1:28:16 composite of these questions. But like if someone is 35 years old, let’s just say,
    1:28:22 former athlete does basic gym work, diet is okay, not terrible. They feel reasonably athletic,
    1:28:30 but they’re not competing in anything, certainly have never done any gymnastics.
    1:28:34 What would good goals be for such a person? And what would bad goals be at the same time?
    1:28:42 Well, that without question, bad goal would be for them to jump right into
    1:28:48 kind of full body weight, straight arm strength, for example, a back lever,
    1:28:51 which doesn’t require a ton of strength, but they love to do it because it looks so cool.
    1:28:58 It’s kind of like their first thing they can do that, you know, wow, look at me.
    1:29:01 The problem is, is that it puts them in extreme load while in shoulder extension.
    1:29:08 So let me, can I paint a picture for people? So back lever just to create the image
    1:29:13 and coach correct me if I’m wrong. Imagine you’re laying on your stomach on the floor
    1:29:18 arms by your sides, and then you turn your hands palm down so that your thumbs are pointing
    1:29:25 out away from your body. And then you lift your arms off the ground as high as possible
    1:29:30 with your arms straight and then place a bar in your hands and then lift your body off the ground.
    1:29:35 I mean, off the ground and kind of hold yourself there, hold your body would be horizontal.
    1:29:40 Yep. And what they don’t realize is that when the shoulders are in shoulder extension like that,
    1:29:47 is that the biceps are under maximum stretch. So it’s not, it’s not a problem to do with
    1:29:51 being strong enough. The bicep is too low and they’re going to tear a bicep for a young adult,
    1:29:56 not a problem at all. And we’re lucky, you know, we, we have a lot of people who use our material,
    1:30:01 but some of our material and I’ll coach your, you’re too conservative coach. It’s a new world.
    1:30:07 Coach, we don’t have time. I had someone who was 21 or 23 once coach. I don’t have time to take
    1:30:12 my time. I’m already 23. Okay. All right. I think you’re misreading this, but they want to jump right
    1:30:19 into their strength training and they do well, but they don’t do the mobility work. So it wasn’t
    1:30:24 last year. I think it was a year before. I think maybe the street workout community, five of their
    1:30:28 top guys around the world snapped biceps. These are crazy strong guys. Right? I mean, we see them.
    1:30:33 These guys are beasts. They’re doing one arm chance. We’re doing this and that. They all snapped
    1:30:37 them on back lever stuff because they’re, the mobility wasn’t in line. Now we all know when
    1:30:43 you’re young, you can get away with a lot of stupid shit because the body heals so fast.
    1:30:48 Luckily, right? I certainly wouldn’t have survived being 21 if it wasn’t the case,
    1:30:53 but as an adult, the structure is mature now. And I think maybe a better way to look at it
    1:31:00 is people think I’m getting older, ligaments are breaking down, tendons are breaking down,
    1:31:07 joints are getting brittle. And actually, that’s not the case because if we go back in time,
    1:31:12 when you were a little guy, when I was a little guy, when all listeners were a little guy,
    1:31:15 we ran around like mad men. Right? It wasn’t, oh, today I’m going to ride my bike three miles.
    1:31:20 It was, sun was up, go jump on my bike and I’m gone all day. And I’m running, I’m jumping,
    1:31:25 I’m climbing and we’re just, we’re just being crazy little guys. So we had this huge matrix of
    1:31:31 activity that the body is used to. Then we hit high school. And for most people, that’s our
    1:31:36 first exposure to structured athletic training. Okay, and the body does well with it. Now,
    1:31:42 the mistake is thinking that the body did well solely because of that structured athletic training.
    1:31:48 What they’re overlooking is all that activity, that matrix of activity that occurred for those
    1:31:54 years prior to that. Then if they’re a high enough level athlete, structured training might
    1:31:59 continue into college, graduate, time to get a job. All right, I’m still, you know, I’m young,
    1:32:05 right? Hormones are pumping, I’m going to go to work and then I’m going to go play basketball with
    1:32:09 the guys in the unions. I’m going to hit the gym, this and that. That goes good for a couple of
    1:32:13 years. All right, I’m getting vibe, having fun weekends, weekends are full. Then you meet the
    1:32:19 cutie, right? You meet the love of your life, you get married, suddenly I can’t go play basketball
    1:32:23 every night now. Okay, so we do this and that and a little at a time, our levels of physical
    1:32:28 activity outside of conditioning are dropping down and they’re dropping down a lot. Then
    1:32:34 kids come. All right, well, there’s another huge chunk of time gone. Then before you know it,
    1:32:39 you’re 30, you’re 35. You haven’t been doing hitting the gym very often. There’s certainly
    1:32:45 not a time for just playful activity or doing sports or this or that on a regular basis for
    1:32:51 most people, right? And they spend most of the time hunched over that desk. Now, the body wants
    1:32:56 to be healthy. It wants to be healthy. That’s your prime example. We feed it the right movements
    1:33:01 in the right dosages and it blooms, it blossoms. It’s like weeding and watering a garden, right?
    1:33:07 The body wants to be healthy, but we have to do it in the right dosage. And so, for example,
    1:33:12 those street worker guys, they hurt themselves because it was the wrong dosage. They wanted to
    1:33:15 go too hard too soon without the mobility. So for an adult to come back around and answering that
    1:33:21 question a long way, 35-year-old, very first thing we got to do, we got to fix joints. We got to
    1:33:28 repair joints. We got to get that range of motion back. If you were to look at all of the adults
    1:33:33 that you’ve dealt with, let’s just say 35-year-olds, if you had to pick, and of course, this does not
    1:33:39 cover all the bases, but if you had to pick, say, three to five movements or exercises or stretches
    1:33:46 for addressing the most common deficiencies, like getting those joints back into play,
    1:33:52 what would some of your selections be? So just for joint joint, I think we’d put Jefferson Curl
    1:33:56 at top of the list. Because remember, we have multiple sections of the spine, right? We’ve got
    1:34:01 the cervical, thoracic, and lumbar. That’s going to come through also into glutes. That’s going to
    1:34:06 go down into our hamstrings. That’s going to hit our calves. That’s going to hit our Achilles as
    1:34:10 well. So for one, that’s a lot of bang for your buck for one exercise. Even if that was all you did,
    1:34:18 right? And you just did Jefferson Curl, a lot of aches and pains are going to go away because
    1:34:22 of that. Next point, West, tough. It’s always hard to boil it down. Boil it down. We took care of
    1:34:29 pike. We’ve got to get extension. We’ve got to get some thoracic extension. I’d throw elevated
    1:34:34 bridge in there if arm strength was sufficient to handle it. If not, we can scale it down to
    1:34:41 some weighted work with some bars or some barbells, either some dowel with a plate.
    1:34:46 We’ve got to get shoulder extension in there. Because what happens, a lot of the conditioning
    1:34:50 we’re exposed to is all front delt heavy. Right. It’s all anterior delt. And pecs get tight. The
    1:34:58 anterior delts are getting tight. And we start pulling our own shoulders forward. We create our
    1:35:03 own impingement. It doesn’t matter. I’ll do more exercises. I’ll do more exercises. Well, no,
    1:35:08 you’re just making it worse. What the problem is is there’s not balance in the shoulder joint.
    1:35:13 There’s no retraction. And it’s easy to tell. What does their posture look like? What do we
    1:35:17 see with everyone now? They’ve got that. What do they even have a term now? Texting neck.
    1:35:21 Kind of that turtle forward, distended forward. It’s like the wally, powered down look.
    1:35:28 You know, the scary thing there, and again, we have some PTs who use our stuff around the world,
    1:35:33 a lot of success. And they’re the ones who come in and educate us for, we’ll say, you know, we’ve
    1:35:38 noticed this and they tell us, they teach us, well, to the limit we can, because we’re not
    1:35:43 professionals, but to the limits we can, they start teaching us the mechanics of what is really
    1:35:48 going on. So we have a very good student. Now, Wesley Tan runs one of our affiliates. He’s a
    1:35:54 full-time osteopath in the UK, runs another one of our GB affiliates, FORMA GST. And Wesley’s the one
    1:36:03 who taught me that there’s a point coach where if you abuse the body, it’s not going to come back.
    1:36:10 And so, for example, you see some older adults who are extremely hunched forward, neck distended
    1:36:16 forward, chin up, because they’re trying to see where they’re going. And it’s not that they have
    1:36:21 bad posture and they could fix it. It’s that they can’t fix it because the vertebrae are rectangle.
    1:36:29 And if you spend, after spending years of hunched forward like that, it compresses the front edges
    1:36:34 of that rectangle until it becomes a trapezoid. And that doesn’t come back. Once that happens,
    1:36:39 it’s done. It’s over. It’s done. Same thing happens with the muscle bellies. So people will get frozen
    1:36:45 shoulder or impingements in this. That is if you’re not using the muscle belly, the body
    1:36:51 doesn’t want to support it because muscle tissue is expensive. And by expensive, the body looks at
    1:36:56 it. It’s expensive to feed. It’s expensive to maintain. For example, your body isn’t a painting.
    1:37:01 You can’t get to a certain degree of muscle mass, mobility, athletic ability, endurance,
    1:37:06 whatever you want to say. And then just stop and have it continue to exist like a painting you did.
    1:37:13 It has to be maintained because if you’re not using it, it costs too much resources for the body
    1:37:19 to continue to keep it. So it’s going to start breaking it down. And that’s why you get a few
    1:37:23 days, right? And then you start losing strength. You start losing mobility. You start losing wind.
    1:37:29 Easiest physical attribute to build. Endurance. Simple. Super simple. Endurance is what?
    1:37:37 Endurance is simply strength repeated over and over at a lower load. No big deal. That’s a six to
    1:37:42 an eight week process. Simple. No problems at all. Mobility. Going to take some time.
    1:37:48 What’s the easiest one to fix? Muscular strength. No problem at all. So for it, it’s super important
    1:37:55 then that we use that muscle mass because if it’s not being used, you’re not only going to lose the
    1:38:00 size of the muscle mass, the body is going to start doing deposits of collagen on it. And it’s
    1:38:05 going to start shrinking that muscle on the traps, for example, of going back to those older adults
    1:38:10 we discussed. It’s going to shrink until a lot of it is connective tissue on the edges. Now what
    1:38:16 people need to realize and they don’t is that when they see an adult who’s hurting, right,
    1:38:22 they’re older, they’re shuffling, they can’t pick their knees up, their hips are frozen,
    1:38:26 they’re hunched over, their necks displaced. They weren’t that way when they were younger.
    1:38:31 This is all the result of inactivity and poor progressions in their exercises. And it didn’t
    1:38:39 have to be. And then they need to take the next step of connecting is that if it happened to that
    1:38:45 guy or that woman, it can sure as hell happen to me also if I go down the same road that they went
    1:38:51 down. Returning to the shoulder extension because I noticed in our assessment that I had terrible
    1:38:56 shoulder extension and I had kind of accepted it and written it off with stupid reasons like,
    1:39:01 well, you know, I’ve done too much deadlifting at too much huge slabs of muscle in my back. I can’t
    1:39:06 do shoulder extension. It’s like total horseshit. I mean, I didn’t notice those huge massive
    1:39:13 slabs of muscle. Yeah, the imaginary lat syndrome that I have. And I mean, that was just blown to
    1:39:18 Smith Arends when I met. Let me make sure I get his name correct. Is Paul Watson? Is that right?
    1:39:24 Oh, yeah. Big Paul in New York City, who’s gigantic and extremely flexible. So as soon as I hung out
    1:39:29 with him, I was like, okay, no, let people know Paul is always six feet to 30. I mean, and just
    1:39:36 he’s about 40, I want to say. And just probably walks around at 6% body fat and can do a flat
    1:39:41 like chest to ground pancake. No problem. Can do dislocates with a weighted dowel or barbell. No
    1:39:48 problem with all different types of grips, which I can’t do at all, even though making progress.
    1:39:53 The shoulder extension, what is your preferred way to work on shoulder extension? Is it the
    1:39:58 sitting down arms behind you, scooting the hips forward? Is there something else you
    1:40:02 would add to that mix? Well, we have to sneak up on that one a little bit. So sometimes we
    1:40:10 can’t even work shoulder extension at first if the elbows are deconditioned.
    1:40:14 So if brachialis just inside the elbow is weak, if the insertion of the bicep tendon is weak,
    1:40:21 then when the arm is extended as they stretch, there might be some discomfort.
    1:40:24 So if that’s the case, we have to give that time to adapt. So you notice that’s one of the questions
    1:40:30 I ask you. How’s your brachialis feel? How’s your bicep feel? How’s your elbow feel?
    1:40:33 Because we never push through pain. I mean, you can, but have you noticed that the guys who push
    1:40:42 through pain, they’ve got a shelf life of somewhere between two and four years. And then the body is
    1:40:49 so beat up and so painful and so chronically injured that it’s just easier to be a fat slob
    1:40:55 sitting on the couch and at least my pain dropped than to try to continue pushing through and being
    1:41:01 a stud. It’s so common and it’s also unnecessary. For example, and I don’t get this one. I don’t
    1:41:07 get this one a lot. I’ll bring it because there’s a lot of people and don’t get me wrong. I really
    1:41:11 like weightlifting. I think the Olympic lifting is sweet. There’s a lot going for it. I think the
    1:41:17 way that it is approached here in the States is not as efficient as it’s approached in China,
    1:41:24 for example, or in Russia. So, for example, in both of them, before there’s any weight at it at
    1:41:30 all, they build complete mobility throughout the body. They can straddle their legs, chest on the
    1:41:36 floor, sit with legs together, pike, they’ve got bridge. They have all these basic mobility and
    1:41:42 all ankle flexibility and that mobility. We talked about this. Is it related to
    1:41:46 and especially, exactly. If you watch Cloakoff. People should watch this guy. Check out some videos.
    1:41:54 He is such a beast. But what they also need to do is not just watch the weight he’s putting up.
    1:41:59 They need to watch his warm up in the training hall and look at how amazingly flexible and
    1:42:05 mobile he is. Now, what’s important to understand is at a world-class level. At a world-class level,
    1:42:12 resources are limited. Energy you have for training is limited. The amount of time you
    1:42:17 have for training is limited. The amount of time you have for recovery is limited. You have to
    1:42:22 maximize these things because you’re going. It’s one thing to be the best stud in the town.
    1:42:27 It’s another thing to be best stud in the state. Another one in the region. Another one in the
    1:42:31 country. Completely different animal to be the best in the entire world. To be the best at what
    1:42:37 you do out of billions of people. We’re talking livers of difference between the very top guys.
    1:42:45 So, with all those restrictions and all those parameters in place, if the best in the world
    1:42:51 are stretching their ass off in order to get strong, why aren’t you agreed? Not you personally.
    1:42:58 Put me on the spot coach. No. No, you as in all of us, as in all of us, right? And what’ll happen
    1:43:06 is people just kind of get blinders on. They want to watch technical. They want to watch
    1:43:10 progressions. What do you do for this and that? And then they’ll blow off the mobility work that
    1:43:15 they do early, not realizing that the mobility work was the gold nugget they were looking for.
    1:43:21 They just didn’t brush the dirt off in order to see that it was gold underneath. They just thought,
    1:43:25 ah, it’s just another rock who cares. No, it was the gold. That was the sweet and they missed it.
    1:43:30 So, if we’re looking at, again, this 35 year old former athlete, maybe never was super competitive,
    1:43:37 but has kept in decent shape, maybe does some form of exercise two or three times a week.
    1:43:43 In terms of a understanding that the mobility and working with J curl, elevator bridge, shoulder
    1:43:49 extension, et cetera is going to be, those are going to be ingredients in the recipe in their
    1:43:53 progression to gymnast of some type. Not even gymnast. Functional human being.
    1:43:58 Functional human being, right? Because if you don’t train, I’d like to, you know,
    1:44:02 point out people, we don’t train gymnast. We do gymnastics training, but I don’t have,
    1:44:08 I just got off the phone with our Olympic coach today, Kevin Majica, right? We had a great conversation.
    1:44:12 But guys, regardless of how good you are at rope climbs and planches and this and that,
    1:44:16 I wouldn’t hold my breath that Kevin’s getting ready to give you a call and say,
    1:44:20 please come and be on our team this year. You know, I saw your rope climbs and you are kick
    1:44:24 ass. You are the one for us. We got a uniform waiting here for you. We’re departing for Rio
    1:44:30 in July, man. Be ready. Pack your bag. It is not going to happen, guys. So, you know,
    1:44:35 we’re athletes. Functional human being covers it all. So let me just jump to
    1:44:42 the punchline question, which is, let’s, so we look at, if I wanted to give someone a stretch
    1:44:47 goal to inspire them to train consistently, right? So the mobility might not be enough,
    1:44:51 but if I wanted to give them a light at the end of the tunnel. So I’m like, I know this
    1:44:55 shoulder extension stuff is going to be very unpleasant, maybe not super exciting, but
    1:45:00 this is the objective. This is what you might be able to do in three, six, nine, 12 months from now.
    1:45:05 The back lever we’ve talked about is not necessarily a good goal because
    1:45:11 you might think you have the strength and perhaps you do, but you don’t.
    1:45:13 They’ll definitely have the strength, most without question.
    1:45:16 Right. But they don’t have the mobility. So, you know.
    1:45:18 They don’t have the mobility.
    1:45:19 Snap goes the bicep.
    1:45:21 There’s a nasty surprise waiting in that box.
    1:45:23 What would be a good gymnastic strength training goal to have or goals? Just as context for people
    1:45:32 who are wondering, after trying to do my best to survey the landscape and figure out what might
    1:45:37 not be the stupidest goals, I wanted to, you know, nothing is the best goals, but I decided,
    1:45:42 okay, well, press strict press handstand, which we can define in a second, seems like a good one,
    1:45:48 and it just seems like a sweet thing to be able to do. And then front lever and then
    1:45:52 lever straddle planche, then straddle planche. Exactly. So we can talk about what each of
    1:45:57 those are, but would the press handstand, for instance, be something that incorporates
    1:46:01 the strength and the mobility and all these pieces? If you had to pick one,
    1:46:05 you had to pick one, that would be the one. That’d be the one. Because it’s going to have
    1:46:09 all strength, all mobility, balance, agility, everything rolled into one movement.
    1:46:15 Do you want to take a stab at what is a perfect press handstand look like
    1:46:19 in your body? Perfect press handstand. So I’m just trying to keep it simple, right?
    1:46:24 Bend over, hands on the ground by your toes, and they can be put your palms on the floor.
    1:46:29 So they’re just in front of your toes, shoulder width, leg straight, leg straight.
    1:46:34 Okay, now if they needed to bend, we could, but we’re talking about perfect world, right?
    1:46:38 And then, hands on the floor, shoulders directly over the hands, and then no jumping,
    1:46:45 using just the middle back, just the traps. Because everyone thinks traps, traps, traps,
    1:46:50 anything, traps just for shrugging. Well, your traps are a huge muscle. They’re a huge muscle,
    1:46:55 and they don’t just lie on the top of your shoulders, they’re in the middle of your back,
    1:46:58 and down towards your lower back as well. They’re a giant muscle, and they’re capable of a huge
    1:47:04 amount of power. And when you fix those, right, a lot of shoulder pain goes away, a lot of lower
    1:47:09 back pain goes away. But go back to our other hands on the floor, shoulders over the hands,
    1:47:15 using that middle back, those traps, pull the hips up on top of the shoulder,
    1:47:20 maintain that flat back position, then we continue on with lower back, finishing the legs up to the
    1:47:26 handstand. So a couple of things that make this particularly challenging. So one, obviously you
    1:47:32 need to have the flexibility in the hamstrings and everywhere else, have the mobility, you have to
    1:47:38 have the compression strength, like we were talking about doing those murderous, embarrassing pike
    1:47:44 pulses, which look like they should be easy and they are not, bringing your legs basically to your
    1:47:50 chest in that last like 10 to 12 inch range, really challenging. And then I think where you see a lot
    1:47:57 of people online, do this incorrectly, at least from the standpoint of having the objective of
    1:48:03 gymnastic strength training, right? So there are all sorts of ways you can cheat with this stuff,
    1:48:07 to make it biomechanically easier. But if we’re trying to do it strictly.
    1:48:11 And why do it? Maybe this is a nice thing to throw in, because people say, well, it’s just a matter.
    1:48:16 It’s personal taste, coach. It’s personal taste. You do it this way because you prefer this form.
    1:48:22 Now we do it a particular way, because this is what builds the most strength that’s transferable
    1:48:28 to other activities. For example, this will continue. So who have I pissed off so far today?
    1:48:34 I’ve pissed off Crossfitters. I’m gonna piss off yoga right now. So I once had, and I like yoga,
    1:48:40 don’t get me wrong, but their approach to handstand is flawed. They want to go bone on bone.
    1:48:45 So they want to have their shoulders depressed. So they’re bone on bone. They want to have
    1:48:51 pike shoulders. So shoulders can elevate. So if I’m standing upright and I elevate my shoulders,
    1:48:59 that would be like me shrugging my shoulders to my ear. And then doing the opposite is the other
    1:49:04 direction. Well, when we do a handstand, and if I describe it this way, it’s going to make sense,
    1:49:09 right? I want muscle and connective tissue to be doing the work. I don’t want bone grinding
    1:49:15 on bone. That’s not a recipe for longevity. Not going to work. But the easy one is they’ll say,
    1:49:21 well, there’s a yoga handstand, and there’s a gymnastics handstand. And my answer to that is,
    1:49:25 well, you’re almost right. There’s a gymnastics handstand, and there’s a fucked up gymnastics
    1:49:30 handstand. Those are the only two there are. Here’s how we evaluate it. A gymnastics handstand,
    1:49:35 right, done with nice flat back, nice hand, all being a smart ass aside, right? We’re going to
    1:49:41 look at it just from a purely practical viewpoint, which one leads somewhere. So if I do a yoga type
    1:49:48 handstand with that arch and the flex shoulders, I’m not going any farther than that. I can work
    1:49:52 on duration. I can do some other things, but I’m not going any further. I do a gymnastics handstand
    1:49:57 where it’s flat. Now I have nice range of motion in the shoulders. I have strength through the middle
    1:50:02 back through the traps, right? I’ve got good core strength. I’ve got good compression strength.
    1:50:08 Now I can move on to good press handstand work. Why? Well, we want to get stronger.
    1:50:12 That in turn allows me to go on. If I’m in the mood and I want to do more, I’m going to
    1:50:16 do more advanced one-arm handstand work, pure wedding work, all those things are out results
    1:50:24 of a proper nice straight line handstand that you can’t do with the flawed approach. It’s not
    1:50:30 aesthetics. It’s being practical because we don’t do anything in gymnastics, right? That’s just purely
    1:50:37 aesthetics. Why do we do things in a certain way? It lets us generate more power. Why do we want more
    1:50:42 power? Let’s us get more air. Let’s us do more flips. Let’s us do more twists. Let’s us do
    1:50:47 harder things on rings, which means more points, which means more gold medals.
    1:50:52 And let me throw out a couple of observations and you can correct me if this is wrong. But
    1:50:57 like one of them, an example is something that people might think is aesthetics. There is an
    1:51:01 aesthetic appeal, but it’s a side effect and not the reasoning behind it would be a strong point in
    1:51:07 the toes, right? A strong point on the legs. So you see a lot of people doing handstands and I was
    1:51:13 going to do this, certainly. And they have kind of what I heard what one acrobat called tofu feet.
    1:51:19 They’re not fully dorsiflexed, like they’re not pulling the toes back to the knees, which I think
    1:51:24 looks terrible also, pretty common in yoga, but they don’t have that and they don’t have a strong
    1:51:28 point. And so they’re, at the very least, their quads and their adductors aren’t really fully
    1:51:33 engaged. They’re loose. They’re loose. And so they’re leaking energy in all sorts of directions
    1:51:38 that it makes. I like that leaking energy. That’s a very good description. And it makes,
    1:51:43 I think I probably stole it from Pavel Tsatsulin. Pavel’s a good buddy. Pavel’s a good friend of mine.
    1:51:48 I like Pavel. Pavel’s great. And what is the consequence? The consequence, there are consequences,
    1:51:53 one of which is you’re wasting energy. So you’re not going to be able to train as efficiently.
    1:51:58 Number two is you’re not going to develop the proper balance and alignment because you’re
    1:52:03 going to be flopping all over the place and having to correct more so than you should.
    1:52:07 So that just that pointing has a huge impact on your ability to train the handstands,
    1:52:12 like a really strong point. And the other point I wanted to make is, because I’ve, of course,
    1:52:19 in the attempt to try to work on this in the past, which failed and I’ve made a ton of progress in
    1:52:24 the last few months, but when doing it solo, I would watch videos online. And of course,
    1:52:28 not all videos are created equal. And you would see people preach the choir on them.
    1:52:33 Yeah. And you would, and you would see people doing a press handstand, but they would
    1:52:36 planch really hard, right? So you would see, in other words, you’d see people, they put their
    1:52:41 hands flat on the ground in front of their toes. And then they shoot their head really far forward.
    1:52:47 So their shoulders travel. If you were to drop a plumb line, like a string with a weight on
    1:52:51 the end from their shoulders, it would hit the floor, say like eight inches in front of their
    1:52:55 six, eight inches in front. Sure. And then they go up into the handstand and they have this arch in
    1:53:00 the back and maybe their feet are pointing straight up. And what does that look like? It looks a lot
    1:53:05 like what was the gold standard in sort of Muscle Beach, Venice, or Santa Monica, like 19, circa
    1:53:12 1916, 1940, 1950s, 1940s, 1950s, but that’s going to place a lot more structural strain on the spine.
    1:53:19 So then if the, what does the proper version look like? I mean, roughly, right? Your ears are
    1:53:25 roughly in between your shoulder blades or in between your arms. Yeah. In between your arms,
    1:53:30 fully shoulders extended up or not extended. What am I looking for here? Pressing, pressing down
    1:53:36 through the ground and keeping the hand, the shoulders directly on top of the hands. For
    1:53:41 people who want to just do a little experiment, obviously do it, do it safely. But I was blown
    1:53:46 away the first time that someone showed this to me. If you do a normal, say, kick up to handstand
    1:53:51 on the wall, just the way that everybody does it, you’re kind of flipping up and you end up
    1:53:55 looking away from the wall. There are a million ways to do it. Let’s say you do that. And then
    1:53:58 instead of doing it the way you’ve always done it, before you put your hands on the ground,
    1:54:03 you start with your arms overhead in the position that you want to assume on the ground and shrug
    1:54:08 your shoulders up as high as possible, trying to get your deltoids to the sides of your ears,
    1:54:12 maintain that position and then go up. And the stability is just a world of difference. I mean,
    1:54:17 it’s nine day. It’s a completely different movement. All right, I have to ask this because a million
    1:54:22 people asked since we’re on a roll here. We’ve already checked off yoga. That’s true. And I have
    1:54:27 to come back guys. I like everything else about yoga except your handstand. So only a small amount
    1:54:32 of hate mail for the handstand. Some of the coaches and doesn’t have to be in gymnastics,
    1:54:37 but they certainly could be some of the coaches who have impressed you the most.
    1:54:41 I took down in between like my bouts of hands shaking and like accidentally getting chalk in
    1:54:47 my mouth doing the assessment and like when I could bend my arms and do something. I took
    1:54:52 these cryptic notes. I wrote down one name, which was Alexander, world champion, male and female.
    1:54:59 Does that ring any bells? Yeah, you know, I’ve been extremely, extremely fortunate in my career.
    1:55:06 I have just a multitude of friends who are world and Olympic champions, world and Olympic team
    1:55:13 members, world and Olympic coaches. And for a long time, you know, I just kind of, because if that’s
    1:55:19 your environment day in, day out, it just kind of becomes your norm, right? And then after a while,
    1:55:24 you kind of stop and think like one day I was at a competition and I was visiting with some friends
    1:55:29 of mine and I came back and my oldest daughter was maybe around 12 at the time. She was like,
    1:55:36 “Oh my God, you know who you were talking to, dad?” And I said, “Well, yes, sweetie. I know,
    1:55:40 they’re my friends.” She says, “That was the Olympic champion and that was the world champion.”
    1:55:44 I say, “Yeah, I know, babe. I know.” She’s just like, “Oh my good God.” Well, Dimitri Balozerchev
    1:55:51 is a good friend of mine and Dimitri won worlds in 83 at 16 years old. 16 years old, just unbelievable.
    1:56:01 He won again in 87. What a lot of people don’t know is in between there, Dimitri obviously Russian,
    1:56:08 Dimitri had a car accident and broke his left lower leg between the knee and the ankle in 42
    1:56:15 places, 42 places. So basically, you know, as powder, they put a man, he’s unconscious, he’s on
    1:56:21 the table and he’s covered up and they’re getting ready to remove his lower leg. They’re gonna,
    1:56:26 you know, taking it off. And the surgeon pulls the towel down, the sheet down because he’s prepped
    1:56:33 for surgery and he’s out and he sees it’s Dimitri. Now, this is Russia, right, in the early 80s.
    1:56:40 So he didn’t know this. It’s not warm friendly Russia. The doctor and me like, “Holy shit,
    1:56:45 I am not cutting this leg off because the surgeon who takes Dimitri Balozerchev’s leg off is probably
    1:56:50 going to lose his hands shortly thereafter also. You’re a national hero.” So they save his leg
    1:56:56 and Dimitri comes back from it and wins worlds in 87. Goes 88 Olympics, does great medal, gold
    1:57:04 medals. Well, Dimitri was lucky enough. We’re at different training camps and that Dimitri was my
    1:57:09 roommate. And you know, Russians are Russians, right? It takes a long time for them to warm up to
    1:57:15 you. So it took, I don’t know how many years, but we started getting along real well after some years.
    1:57:19 He starts sharing some stuff. I mean, I’m like, you know, Dimitri, because his leg is trashed.
    1:57:23 His leg is trashed at 88 Olympics. I said, “Dimitri, you know how? How the hell, dude?”
    1:57:28 He said, “Yeah, only less for a few seconds. I can do anything for a few seconds.”
    1:57:33 I said, “I don’t know, dude.” Well, so it’s just great, right? So he’s, you know, a legend in
    1:57:39 gymnastics. We get together with a room full of world and Olympic champions who are Russian.
    1:57:45 They were all deferred to Dimitri. He’s that big a legend. And this is in a room full of massive
    1:57:50 egos. Yeah, there’s no shortage of confidence here. And if Dimitri’s in the room, they treat Dimitri
    1:57:55 awesome. It’s a very, very cool thing to see. Well, we go forward. We had a world champion
    1:58:03 from the Russian on the women’s side who won Worlds. And Dimitri’s coach Alexander was responsible
    1:58:09 for training both of them. So Alexander is the only one in history who produced a male world
    1:58:15 champion and a female world champion. He’s the only one. And Alexander right now is down coach
    1:58:22 in the Brazilian team. What is Alexander’s? Is that his first or last name? I always screw up
    1:58:27 all the Russian pronunciations. All my Russian friends are going to laugh because they’re totally
    1:58:30 used to me butchering this, but it’s like Alexander, Alexandernauf or something. Got one of those,
    1:58:36 Alexandernauf? If I’m with my Russian friends, I just say Alexander and everybody knows who
    1:58:40 I mean. So I don’t have to embarrass myself. What do you think allowed him or made him?
    1:58:45 What makes him him? Yeah, exactly. What makes him different?
    1:58:48 What makes him him is the ability. So it starts with depth of knowledge to have enough depth of
    1:58:57 knowledge that you can look at an athlete and plan what you need to be doing four years from now,
    1:59:03 eight years from now, and then reverse engineer all of it to today. All the training cycles,
    1:59:10 the strength, the deloads. It was from Dimitri that I for so back in 83, Dimitri was the only
    1:59:17 gymnast. I think today probably one of the only ones who every fourth week was a deload week.
    1:59:22 Why? To give the body a chance to recover. Now there’s a lot of people who talk deload but way
    1:59:27 back then, right? The training, if you visit with Dimitri, right, it’s always Chris, it’s mathematics,
    1:59:32 it’s all mathematics we do. To them, you take these correct pieces, would you be like doing the
    1:59:37 correct numbers? That creates your equation. If you put the equation together correctly and then
    1:59:42 you solve it, there’s your answer. And your answer is the physical preparation at the end in a
    1:59:47 successful competition. So Alexander is great, great head knowing. We’re going to just be consistent
    1:59:55 over this training block. So, you know, an Olympic cycle is four years long. So we’re getting ready
    2:00:01 to finish this Olympics, right? And then the next cycle starts. So it could take, for example,
    2:00:08 to get someone to 75, 80% of their genetic capacity with a good coach, a good world-class
    2:00:17 coach, going to take three to four years. It’s going to take three to four years just to let the body
    2:00:22 grow, adapt. Do you think that’s also true for 30, like training an adult? I do. Okay, great. All right.
    2:00:30 Now, that’s a healthy adult. So if they’re severely compromised, so, you know, to get
    2:00:36 through our whole curriculum should take three to four years. If they’re severely compromised,
    2:00:41 and we have to do damage repair, we’ve got to heal some injuries, we’ve got some chronic things,
    2:00:48 because what’s a chronic injury? A chronic injury is simply an injury that you kept abusing until
    2:00:53 it became semi-permanent. That’s all chronic injury is. It means you slammed your hand in the
    2:00:58 door and it hurt. Your response to slamming your hand in the door and hurting was to keep slamming
    2:01:02 your hand in the fucking door. You kept slamming in the door and you said, “God, my hand really hurts.
    2:01:07 What should I do? What should I do?” I said, “Well, quit slamming your hand in the damn door and it
    2:01:12 will get better.” But people, they don’t think that way. They’re just like, “Well, I really,
    2:01:16 really like doing this.” And we get people coming to us really beat up because we’re taught no pain,
    2:01:21 no gain. Well, we flip that around. We say no brain, no gain. We’re not talking about the pain
    2:01:26 of fatigue. The easy way to know the difference between fatigue and injury is simply the sharpness
    2:01:34 of the pain. So, for example, and it’s some experience also, if you’re feeling pain and maybe
    2:01:39 it’s from a core workout and you stop, you’re doing hollow body rocks, whatever, it doesn’t
    2:01:44 matter what you’re doing, sit-ups, you stop. If it’s fatigue, it’s immediately going to start to
    2:01:49 lessen. As soon as you stop, the pain starts going away. If it’s an injury and you stop,
    2:01:55 it’s immediately going to begin increasing. That’s your, “Oh, shit,” moment. Now, it’s, “Oh,
    2:02:01 I screwed myself up.” And so, you kind of have to ride that. We want to work to where the body is
    2:02:07 working, but we don’t want to work so hard. It’s like, for a long time, it was a big thing for
    2:02:11 people doing kipping pull-ups to take pictures of their hands being raw and bloody from their ribs.
    2:02:17 They were looking at it as a badge of honor that I worked so hard. And in the short term,
    2:02:23 for that moment, yeah, they worked really hard. Now, I looked at it differently. I looked at it as
    2:02:29 like, “You stupid shit. What are you going to do tomorrow now?” There’s no amount of work you can
    2:02:36 do today that could offset the amount of progress you could have made throughout a properly structured
    2:02:41 week. It can’t be done. You see that with kettlebells a lot too. I remember when I was really deep in
    2:02:47 kettlebell training, it was, “Yeah, you take yourself out for God knows how long you rip all
    2:02:51 your calluses off.” But they mean well. They mean well. We tend to use two terms with our
    2:02:57 athletes. We have immature athletes and mature athletes. And it’s not an age deal. It’s an
    2:03:05 attitude deal. So an immature athlete is someone who wants what they want right now. Okay? A mature
    2:03:12 athlete is someone who’s willing to do what needs to be done now to get rewarded for it later,
    2:03:17 delayed gratification. And it’s the mature athlete that in the long run always comes out on top.
    2:03:23 They’re always the ones with the greater longevity and the greater success. The other
    2:03:27 ones, the immature ones, they’re really talented. They may stay ahead for a while, but eventually
    2:03:32 you’re going to get so dinged and broken and beat up that they have to step aside. And the mature
    2:03:38 guy and the mature athlete or the woman, they’re just doing their thing day in, day out. It’s like
    2:03:43 writing a book that has 365 pages. And if I ask you tomorrow, “Tim, go home tonight and write me
    2:03:50 a book with 365 pages.” You’re like, “Chris, you’ve lost your fucking mind.” But if I say, “Tim,
    2:03:55 I want you to write me a page, a single page every day.” In a year, we’ve got a book with 365 pages.
    2:04:04 And if you picture that, that thickness of a novel, it’s a lot of pages there. But if I look at that
    2:04:09 thickness of a single page, it’s so thin that it seems negligible that it doesn’t even matter.
    2:04:15 It’s like, “Why did I bother?” Well, it’s the consistency that adds up over time. That’s where
    2:04:21 you see these great athletes. Got to understand, you see a world-class athlete that did not start
    2:04:28 training yesterday. This is a multi-year process. Well, also, I think that there’s a behavioral
    2:04:34 modification and a component of this, which if you wanted to dig in the research is supported at
    2:04:39 this point, which is doing each day less than you feel maximally capable of. It’s a fantastic
    2:04:46 sort of positive reinforcer. And this applies in sales. This is what IBM did way back in the day
    2:04:52 when their sales force was slaughtering the competition. They had the lowest quotas in
    2:04:57 the industry because they wanted their sales to be able to be unintimidated to pick up the phone.
    2:05:02 So we get substituted, intimidated to pick up the phone with intimidated to go to the gym
    2:05:06 or start a session. You could also apply it to writing. Leave a little in the bank.
    2:05:12 Leave a little in the bank. I remember there were two examples offhand as it applies to writing.
    2:05:16 A friend of mine was a very, very consistent, prolific writer. And he said, “My key is every
    2:05:22 day I write less than I feel capable of.” And a guideline that I was given was two crappy pages
    2:05:27 per day. That’s all you have to do. Two crappy pages. And sometimes you overshoot that and you
    2:05:30 have a great workout and you’re feeling, as you put it, froggy. You’re feeling fantastic and you
    2:05:36 just blow through and set a bunch of PRs. But you didn’t go into the workout with the pressure
    2:05:41 of having to achieve PRs in every exercise. And Hemingway, maybe not the best life model, but
    2:05:48 was prolific writer. Still a stud, man. And he would end mid-sentence. He would end still feeling
    2:05:54 like he had more to say in a specific paragraph or sentence so that he had a place to pick up the
    2:05:57 next day. So on the point of consistency, and actually I want you to finish your last thought
    2:06:02 because I totally hijacked the conversation. But you said it takes three to four years
    2:06:10 to get them to what percentage of their genetic? This is ballpark 75 to 80. This is just an example
    2:06:16 to people because the body will not let you run at 100%. Won’t do it. Won’t do it. There’s not enough
    2:06:22 optimal surplus that we mentioned earlier. Three to four years to get to 75, 80%. It will take me
    2:06:29 another three to four years, another three to four years to get to about 90%. Another three to four
    2:06:37 years. And then after that, it will take me another three to four years to get to about 95%. And that’s
    2:06:46 me writing heard on them. That’s my standards. Because remember, it’s easier for me to maintain
    2:06:52 that immaculate standard because I’m not the one feeling the fatigue right now. It’s very difficult
    2:06:59 for a world-class athlete to train themself. And it doesn’t do a world-class coach any good to have
    2:07:04 all that knowledge. And it takes a partnership. It takes both of them working together to create
    2:07:10 this great athletic animal. But the interesting thing is that another three to four years to get
    2:07:14 to 95% and as soon as they ease up, the body drops back down to that 75, 80. That’s where it likes.
    2:07:21 Now, to build back up won’t take nearly as long as to build it in the first place because the
    2:07:26 structures are already in place. Nervous systems are developed yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada,
    2:07:30 but that’s where the body is comfortable. So as far as adults are concerned, there’s a 35-year-old
    2:07:38 need to be able to produce at 90%. No, they don’t. Do they need at 95%? No, they’re not full-time
    2:07:46 professional athletes. They don’t have time for that. Can they produce at 75, 80%? Yes, they can.
    2:07:54 And the interesting thing is, will that put you on the Olympic team? No, absolutely, absolutely not.
    2:08:00 Are you going to be close to it? No. But will it put you being better than 99 out of 100 people
    2:08:06 around you? Absolutely. Absolutely, it will put you there. And if we put a percentage on that,
    2:08:13 that means that just by being consistent, putting some consistent years of training and that puts
    2:08:18 you in the top 1% of the human population in terms of physical ability, that is not a bad consolation
    2:08:26 price. No, it’s not. And I want to underscore the consistency point because I’ve always been an
    2:08:32 intensity guy for the most part because that’s my default mode. And it’s served me well. And
    2:08:38 everybody’s right. It’s served me well, but there’s a point where the sword cuts both ways.
    2:08:43 You sent me an email recently. I’m going to replace the name just unless we decide to…
    2:08:49 As you’re going to say, or maybe take out the profanity just in case. Yeah, I’ll take out the F-bombs.
    2:08:54 Dear you lazy bastard. No, that’s not how it starts. Because I want to talk about older students
    2:09:00 who have picked up gymnastics and… Okay. So there are a lot of people who are rightly, I think,
    2:09:05 or naturally skeptical of the ability of, say, 35, 38, 40 plus year old to acquire
    2:09:11 the skills that are associated with people who start when they’re five, six, seven years old.
    2:09:16 So I’m going to replace the name with Frank. Okay, so I was having a hell of a lot of trouble with
    2:09:21 Tuck Hopps. And to just explain that, I fully plan for everyone listening to put a lot of video
    2:09:28 examples in the show notes. You’ll have visual references for a lot of this, but Tuck Hopps
    2:09:33 is a great exercise. There are different ways to practice this, but a Tuck Handstand is instead of
    2:09:39 having your body ramrod straight from your hands all the way to your pointed toes at the very top,
    2:09:44 you’re basically bringing your knees to your chest or rib cage while you’re in the handstand position
    2:09:51 with your feet still pointed, but your heels kind of touching your ass. Is that a fair description?
    2:09:57 I agree with that. And I was having a lot of trouble with range of motion. I just couldn’t
    2:10:01 get low enough. And so Coach sent me an email, which was, you know, Frank is one of my senior
    2:10:06 students. Here’s a video of him working his Tuck Handstand compression. While it’s not exactly the
    2:10:11 same exercise, this does provide a nice visual example. Now the part that stands out for me
    2:10:15 is what follows the video. Because I watched the video and I was like, okay, that’s pretty solid.
    2:10:19 And you said, you started roughly two years ago out of shape, weak and rather pudgy on his first
    2:10:25 workout, I believe that he failed three times 12 seconds bent hollow body hold. And there are
    2:10:32 people on wheelchairs that are stronger in that. Yeah. And I’m probably going to get the not going
    2:10:36 to do this exercise justice. But I mean, a bent hollow body hold is effectively like imagine if
    2:10:42 you’re in a crunch position on the floor, right? And then you put your arms just kind of pick your
    2:10:50 feet up like you were going to do a sit up, except don’t sit up shoulders up a little off the ground,
    2:10:54 feet off a little ground, and then just try to rock back and forth. That’s it. So he failed that
    2:10:59 couldn’t do with three sets of that times 12 seconds. Couldn’t do it. Not a chance. Fast forward
    2:11:03 two years and he’s a beast. There are two points here that really left a mark on me. So the first
    2:11:10 was he’s very consistent. Okay, we’ve talked about that. Here’s the part that I really liked. So he
    2:11:13 never rushes through exercise and every time he gets stuck on a progression and is not able to
    2:11:17 break through that particular plateau, he simply drops all the way back to the first progression
    2:11:22 and begins working his way up. So I want to try to illustrate this because this is a really
    2:11:28 because most people, myself included, will just bang their heads against a wall with the plateau
    2:11:33 movement. Let’s take the press handstand, which we’ve been talking about as a great kind of bang
    2:11:37 for the buck objective, because it incorporates so many different elements and attributes that you
    2:11:41 need to develop. What would a series of progressions like four or five progressions for that look like?
    2:11:50 And does it literally mean that if he couldn’t get through movement five that he would drop
    2:11:55 all the way back to number one? Or would he go back to number two and number three?
    2:11:59 He’d go right back to number one. Now he might go to, he might not start with the very week one
    2:12:07 programming of three by one rep. He might drop back to week 11 where we provide the programming
    2:12:14 where it’s five by five and you demonstrate mastery, then next workout bump. But basically,
    2:12:21 what he’s doing is if he failed on that exercise, that means there was a chink in the arm or some
    2:12:28 or there was a hole in the preparation. There was some deficit that had been overlooked or some part
    2:12:33 of the body that had not yet super compensated. So basically, we want people to go through when
    2:12:39 they’re in training to just be super simplistic. We want their training to go through a period of
    2:12:43 overload where whatever they’re doing is kicking their ass. It’s hard, it’s intense.
    2:12:49 And then without changing reps or sets, we want the body then to go into a period of load where
    2:12:56 that same amount of work, that same load, same exercise, same reps, same sets feels moderately
    2:13:03 difficult. It’s feeling easier because the body’s gotten stronger. And then where people always
    2:13:09 cut it short, where they undermine themselves here, is they don’t go into under load. So to be super
    2:13:16 simplistic, under load is where, damn, I’m just not feel like I’m working very hard. You’re moving
    2:13:21 the same weight. You’re doing the same reps, you’re doing the same sets, right? But you’re just cutting
    2:13:26 it short. What people tend to do is they want to ride that razor’s edge. I did this much today.
    2:13:32 I’m going to do more next week of that typical five pounds on the bar. Okay, well, that’s great.
    2:13:37 You know, if that was the case, I remember my first way to pull up workout. I was excited.
    2:13:41 I was excited way back when I was a teenager. I came home, I did my five pounds. I pulled out
    2:13:45 my calendar, did five pounds. I’m going to do a pound every week. Holy shit. I’m going to be pulling
    2:13:51 1500 pounds in a year, man. I’m world champion. I’m world champion in the making. Linear doesn’t
    2:13:56 work that way. It doesn’t work that way. So what happens is that you hit that point of where you’re
    2:14:02 maxed out currently, and then you got to step off and we got to give the body a chance to accommodate.
    2:14:08 So for example, you mentioned Rob Wolf. Rob is a good buddy. Rob’s super sharp. For those of you
    2:14:12 don’t know, he’s a nutrition guru. Check out his stuff. ROBB for people. ROBB. Yeah, he’s got two
    2:14:19 Bs there. Well, Rob is a high intensity guy like you, Tim. And so I shared with him the year Allen
    2:14:27 won national. So in the national champ, imagine you’ve defeated the entire country. There’s one
    2:14:33 champion and you’re it. Everyone you kick their ass. Unbelievable feeling. Extremely awesome. Well,
    2:14:40 that year, I didn’t change anything on Allen’s conditioning the entire year. Not a damn thing.
    2:14:47 I didn’t change an exercise. I didn’t change a rep. I didn’t change a set. Not for that entire year.
    2:14:55 See, you mean that they’re for the progressive resistance purists out there. There might be
    2:15:02 another way. But remember, he wasn’t a beginner at this point. Now, because a beginner, right,
    2:15:06 it wouldn’t do any good if I can do a wall pushup inclined on the wall. I mean, Allen was strong.
    2:15:11 He was already doing hollow back presses, you know, rope climbs were for maintenance of healthy
    2:15:16 elbows, yada, yada, yada. But for that year, I didn’t change anything. All that changed was
    2:15:23 workout that took an hour, got to the point where it was taken 40 to 45 minutes, at which point do
    2:15:31 your stretch and get out because the less time you’re in the gym, the better. Okay, because it’s
    2:15:35 less wear and tear on the body. Think of it when I hear what you mentioned, you know, people who
    2:15:38 love to be high intensity. Okay, it’s cool. But the analogy that comes to mind is someone who wants
    2:15:44 to be high intensity all the time. It’s like having a new set of tires. Every time you come up to a
    2:15:49 stop sign, you don’t gradually break, you slam those brakes hard, you skid to a stop.
    2:15:54 Every single stop sign, how long does that pair of tires going to last? It’s going to wear out
    2:16:00 pretty quick. And now the body’s not like tires, it can rebuild itself as long as you don’t put it
    2:16:06 too deep into a hole, or physically break the structure, damage the structure beyond repair.
    2:16:12 As long as you show some degree of care, you rebuild yourself. But if you keep getting to that
    2:16:18 stop every single day, matter of times, not if it’s guaranteed.
    2:16:21 So let’s throw out a couple of, I’ll use another automotive metaphor, let’s switch gears. And I
    2:16:28 will ask just a couple of questions that I think people would love to hear answers to. The first is
    2:16:34 someone listens to this, they’re extremely excited to do gymnastics strength training.
    2:16:40 And maybe they go out and they’re like sampling different things from all sorts of different
    2:16:45 places. And, you know, of course, I have no business, I should say with full disclosure,
    2:16:49 I have no business association, I’m not getting any kind of affiliate, anything from you. I just
    2:16:54 am a real fan of how you train. So I think people should check out your training programs. But
    2:16:59 what exercises should people not attempt or just remove from consideration for the first,
    2:17:04 say, six months of gymnastics strength training? Probably, I would say muscle ups. The issue becomes
    2:17:13 it’s nothing wrong with the pull, there’s nothing wrong with the dip. The shoulders will adapt
    2:17:17 relatively quickly. You know, they’ll get up on rings at first and they’re shaking. And that’s
    2:17:21 simply because the stabilizers aren’t used to the load. That’ll adapt within, you know, two weeks,
    2:17:26 four weeks, they’ll be fine. The issue they run into is because their shoulder extension is weak,
    2:17:32 they can’t get the elbow behind the torso. So instead of doing a dip with body weight,
    2:17:38 now they’re trying to do a tricep extension with body weight. Completely different animal.
    2:17:44 Their elbows can’t go, their elbows are trapped at their side and now their hands are in front of
    2:17:47 them and they’re just trying to press themselves up. Of course, they’re just trash and their elbows
    2:17:51 are not some people. Okay, we do see it. Some people have incredible joints that you can just pound
    2:17:57 and pound and pound and pound and pound. Nothing happens to them. Run them over with a car. All
    2:18:02 you’re going to do is hurt your car. Everyone assumes they’re that guy, they’re that woman.
    2:18:08 The reality is you’re not guys. You are not that person. If you were that person,
    2:18:13 I would see you at training camps right now or you would be a celebrated professional level
    2:18:16 athlete. So accept the fact that you’re human and those are not your joints. You can’t take that
    2:18:22 approach and have longevity. It’s not going to happen. Okay, so muscle-ups go out. Muscle-ups go
    2:18:28 out. Now, how do they get around the muscle-up? How do they get, because their elbows hurt,
    2:18:32 they can’t do it slow. We need to build strength. We got to do it slow. How do they get around?
    2:18:37 They do the kipping muscle-up. Okay, well, that gets me on top of the rings, but where I get the
    2:18:44 benefit of muscle-ups is through that transition as I’m going between the pull-up through my chest
    2:18:49 up above. That’s where cross is. That’s where planche is. That’s where Maltese is. That’s where
    2:18:54 all advanced rings drink this. It’s that strength. When you see a gymnast, right, when you see in
    2:19:00 this summer at the Olympics, right, and we’re just as an aside, guys, we’ve got some podcasts
    2:19:04 coming out for a gymnastic body. Sorry, Tim, competing with you here. That’s all right.
    2:19:08 And we’re going to talk some training, right, with some of our Olympic guys. And when you see
    2:19:13 them, you are, you’re going to see this massive musculature and it didn’t come from push-ups and
    2:19:18 it didn’t come from dips. It came from that advanced ring strength they do. So, if you’re
    2:19:23 doing a kipping muscle-up and you’re going from below the rings to on top of the rings and it’s
    2:19:27 gone, you just skip the most beneficial part of the muscle-up. Let on. You waste it. Let me ask
    2:19:32 a related question, because of course, every four years, I watch gymnastics. I love watching
    2:19:37 gymnastics as do a lot of people and they go, holy shit, if I can get arms that look like that
    2:19:42 by hanging from a bar for an hour a day, I need to start hanging from a bar. How much of,
    2:19:48 I know we’re talking about the rings, how much of the musculature in the upper arms,
    2:19:53 biceps specifically, comes from straight arm work versus some form of bent arm work.
    2:19:58 Excellent question. So, the majority of the massive biceps they see is going to come from
    2:20:04 the straight arm work. So, for example, when the guys would, at that level of training,
    2:20:10 at that level of strength, rope climbs for example, my guys had to do a triple on a seven-meter rope.
    2:20:17 All rope climbs are done with no legs. Okay, in GST, we do ropes without legs. We get some people
    2:20:24 say, oh, the rope is used for transportation. As soon as they take out the escalators in a mall
    2:20:29 and they put ropes in in place of it, or they take the elevators out and they put ropes, I’ll buy
    2:20:33 that argument that we use a rope for transportation. Until that happens, a rope is used for getting
    2:20:38 freaking strong. Right, that’s the point of having a rope. So, they would, in five minutes,
    2:20:45 they would do a triple on a seven-meter rope, get in the back of the line, do a double on a seven
    2:20:49 meter, get back in the line, and do another. And that’d be about five minutes worth of work. Okay,
    2:20:54 now, for them, what we did notice, and a lot of people missed this, we’re going to do two things
    2:20:59 here at once. So, for the maximal strength component of it, it’s the straight arm work,
    2:21:03 Maltese work in particular. All right, just blows the body off. And people listening,
    2:21:09 don’t just go into your garage and try a Maltese on your rings. You can, you can totally,
    2:21:14 because I don’t think Maltese will hurt you. Maltese won’t hurt you, but you’re landing
    2:21:18 on this concrete on your face underneath the rings is probably going to hurt. Maltese won’t.
    2:21:23 It’s the sudden stop at the end. That will be uncomfortable. Now, what we found out with the
    2:21:27 guys, though, is, you know, we did over the years, the weight vest, the weight, the heavy weighted
    2:21:32 rope climbs, pull-ups, nothing put better mass on a biceps, secondary from the ring strength,
    2:21:39 than high volume rope climbs. Nothing. Nothing blew them up. Now, the key, though, is for everybody
    2:21:45 listening, if you go and you jump right into ropes right now and you haven’t built a foundation of
    2:21:51 rows, pull-ups, multi-plane pulling, and then get to rope climbing, right? You’re going to give
    2:21:57 yourself a raging case of elbow tendonitis. Yeah, your elbows are going to just burn, disintegrate.
    2:22:04 Yeah. Like anything else, you got to pay your dues. But if you go through the proper steps and
    2:22:09 you’re prepared to do rope climbs, there is nothing better because the bicep is an endurance muscle.
    2:22:14 That’s its job. Now, it can do this, but its primary function is not to how much can I do
    2:22:20 the heaviest load for one rep. Its primary function is go out and kill something, pick it up,
    2:22:26 and carry it a long ass way back home. That’s its primary job. That’s its primary job. So it
    2:22:32 just blossoms from high volume work. Now, the key is, is that it’s got to be high volume with
    2:22:39 a reasonably high load, which on the rope climbs is body weight. But we’ve got to build to that.
    2:22:45 Two things that I’ll throw out there just because people might find it interesting. So the first is
    2:22:48 you can build extremely muscular biceps. This is not gymnastics related, but with purely straight
    2:22:55 arm heavy pulling in the deadlift combined with let’s just, let’s just say you had one day of
    2:23:01 heavy pulling. And by heavy, I mean two to three reps, like to the knees, kind of like the Barry
    2:23:07 Ross protocol in the forearm body, no eccentrics, you know, drop it. And then let’s just say you
    2:23:13 do that on Mondays and then on Fridays or Thursdays, whatever it might be, you do high rep kettlebell
    2:23:18 swings, two armed kettlebell swings. You can get really, really muscular arms without doing any
    2:23:24 bent work whatsoever. Also, when we’re talking about an easy enough to switch that high rep kettlebell
    2:23:30 work to throw rope climb on Friday, if you’re advanced enough, if your elbows are bulletproof
    2:23:36 enough, which mine are not as an example for folks like I’ve done plenty of rowing. But here’s the
    2:23:41 difference though, when I have a parallel grip, if you’re like, I can pull fuck that, I can do
    2:23:46 bent rows of the barbell with 225 pounds and throw whatever. And you think that you’re the king of
    2:23:51 pulling. If you don’t do a lot of parallel grip work or a sat bar work, and then you go to a thick
    2:23:57 rope, you’re in for a surprise. Maybe we should touch base on the difference real quick between
    2:24:03 the various grips. Yeah, please. Okay, so guys, in terms of GST specific strength, if you’re doing
    2:24:12 just pull up work, your parallel grip is by far going to have the greatest return on investment.
    2:24:19 Simply because that parallel grip hits the breeky Alice so hard down in the elbow. The reason we
    2:24:26 need that is when you climb a rope, you’re going to have more of a parallel grip,
    2:24:29 you do that parallel grip pull up, obviously, you’re developing that when we’re on the rings,
    2:24:34 we’re on top of the rings, right, because we always everything is aimed for eventually
    2:24:39 getting onto the rings to build strength. So when you’re on the rings, we need the grip turned out
    2:24:45 past parallel. Now back in the day, Greg Glassman, Greg is the, you know, he’s a super bright guy,
    2:24:52 founder of CrossFit, but he just didn’t understand why we would turn the rings past parallel. He
    2:24:58 thought it was just aesthetics. Coach is just aesthetics. Well, the problem is if I’m on the
    2:25:02 rings and I do a dip, I do a muscle up, I do whatever. And I straighten my arms and I don’t
    2:25:08 turn the rings past parallel. Now, coach, I apologize for interrupting just for people to
    2:25:13 visualize this. So let’s just say you’re up on rings, and you’re doing dips, and you’re in between
    2:25:19 the straps, what incorrect me if I’m wrong here, coach, but when you get to the top, that means
    2:25:24 the top of the rep and your arms are straight, that the rings themselves out slightly. That’s
    2:25:31 right. So instead of having the rings parallel pointing straight ahead or turned in, which is
    2:25:36 what most people turned in, they would be at say 10pm and 2pm or something like that. Exactly.
    2:25:42 And it will vary as long as they’re out. The reason is is what’s the weak link and straight
    2:25:47 arm strength is the elbow. The weak link is the elbow. And what a lot of people will do is we’ve
    2:25:52 had people who were taught, well, elbow pain is just part of doing ring strength. No, it’s not.
    2:25:57 Elbow pain is an indicator that your ring strength is f-ed up and you need to do better
    2:26:01 programming and hurt for a reason. I took you off track there just because I wanted people to
    2:26:06 visualize the proper thing. So you were saying to Greg that when you get to the top, you know,
    2:26:09 the issue is it’s not just aesthetics. When you get to the top, it’s not aesthetics. You’ve
    2:26:12 got to turn past parallel so that the brachialis is activated. There’s a reason that after all
    2:26:19 these years of CrossFit being on rings and doing thousands upon thousands of kipping pull-ups and
    2:26:25 dips and all this stuff that there are no iron crosses. Unless they were previous gymnasts,
    2:26:31 there’s no homegrown Crossfitter who has an iron cross, homegrown Crossfitter who has
    2:26:36 lions or a malt, because right from the beginning on those very basic movements, they didn’t turn
    2:26:42 past parallel. They didn’t turn the rings out. The brachialis wasn’t trained. The brachialis is what
    2:26:47 supports the elbow when it’s straight. So if it never got trained, they can never move forward
    2:26:53 into the money-making exercises. So that’s why in those pull-ups, if we use a parallel grip,
    2:26:59 and it’s easy enough to do some, just do a set, do a nice parallel grip workout,
    2:27:03 and then compare the soreness that you feel on the inside of the elbow from fatigue
    2:27:09 compared to regular chin-ups and regular pull-ups. It’s night and day,
    2:27:13 then we would do chins and then pull-ups. So the other exercises to remove, if any,
    2:27:19 so we have muscle-ups, back lever. Yeah, muscle-up, back lever.
    2:27:23 And you would add to that list? You know, this one is a little unfortunate,
    2:27:29 and I don’t know that it’s so much of a removing as…
    2:27:33 De-prioritizing? Yeah, a cautionary tale. It takes time to rebuild connective tissue,
    2:27:41 and it’s connective tissue through the ligaments and the joints that generate power through the body
    2:27:47 when they’re doing plyometric work. There was a rash of Achilles ruptures when there was a
    2:27:53 couplet done of, so they were doing deads, I believe, with 225 pounds, and then that was coupled with
    2:28:00 box jumps, and they were doing that for round. There’s not a problem with either one of those
    2:28:05 in isolation. The problem came when it was in a competitive environment with most of the adults,
    2:28:12 right, were in their later 20s and in their 30s, even on the typical people who are working now.
    2:28:17 And because it’s a race, the box jumps turned into jumping down also, which turned into
    2:28:24 rebounding a plyometric off the floor, because I’ve got to get these done, right? I’m in a race.
    2:28:29 So they had pre-fatigued the Achilles with the deadlift, and then went into the plyometric of the
    2:28:34 box jump. Nothing wrong with either one of them, but in combination, took some people, I think there
    2:28:40 were like nine ruptures that year, which is, you know, one, okay, it happens, right? Ivankov had
    2:28:47 it had his Achilles, he was one of the leading guys we were looking to from Russia. Ivankov,
    2:28:53 former world champ, he was the top guy that was favored to win the gold at the 96 games.
    2:28:58 His Achilles popped walking across the parking lot. Now is it because walking across the parking
    2:29:03 lot is a dangerous thing and we should all avoid parking lots? Well, it just happened to be the
    2:29:08 last straw and it had been damaged prior to that, which a long story short, you went back to the
    2:29:13 front split series. That is the very reason that there is that high rep calf work there to promote
    2:29:19 Achilles’ health because connected tissue, the tendons in that do not have their own blood supply.
    2:29:24 They get fed, they heal, they strengthen through the muscles moving around them and
    2:29:30 gravity, that’s what flushes the area. So if we only do very high, high intensity, low rep work,
    2:29:35 there’s not enough blood flow for them to be healthy. This isn’t mine.
    2:29:39 A friend of the Bulgarian Olympic coach for the 70s and 80s is a good friend of mine,
    2:29:45 a genius. Genius at programming. Ruhman makes me look like a tottering idiot who should be sat in
    2:29:51 the corner and no one talked to me. What’s his name? I can never pronounce Ruhman’s last name.
    2:29:55 You guys can look him up. Bulgarian Olympic coach for the women 70s and 80s. Ruhman,
    2:30:00 I want to say our bastardized American spelling is R-U-M-I-N or N-A-N. Sadly, Ruhman had a really
    2:30:09 heavy accent. So a lot of the American coaches, they didn’t want to take the time to talk to him.
    2:30:14 But I was a linguist in the military way back when, so accents not as good as you, Tim,
    2:30:19 but accents don’t bother me. Then he was an older gentleman. I would keep this guy up late
    2:30:23 so many days or he’d be. Chris, I’ve got to go get some say. It’s okay, there’s one more question.
    2:30:28 There’s just one more question, Ruhman. It’s one more. So our knee series that we do came from
    2:30:33 Ruhman. The one that we know. Oh, no kidding. Yeah, that I’ve been doing with the skiers.
    2:30:36 That’s directly from Ruhman. Inside squats. He saw Allen when he was eight and Allen was
    2:30:41 incredibly powerful at eight years old. That’s just unreal. And he was getting too powerful for his
    2:30:47 frame at that age. About eight, we’re starting to hit a preliminary growth spurt. Ruhman gave me
    2:30:53 that knee series and it was about a week, week and a half. His knees weren’t hurting. They were
    2:30:59 starting to get slightly uncomfortable. Ruhman showed us that, boom, knee issues gone, never again,
    2:31:05 nothing with knees ever. Wow. We could talk for hours and hours more. But I want to be respectful
    2:31:10 of your time and we can always do around two sometime if you have the willingness and if the
    2:31:16 audience wants more. But I do have a couple of questions before I get into some of my usual
    2:31:20 rapid fire that I’d love to ask. Do you still have some time to chat? You’ve opened a can of
    2:31:24 words. I’ll talk training all night. All right. Here we go then. The next question is from one
    2:31:32 of my listeners and it’s quite simply, how do you mentally prep your athletes for big competition
    2:31:37 when you’re down to that, Peter, you go to the nationals or any competition, but specifically
    2:31:42 big competitions. How do you, and by prep, I mean mentally prep the day of, is there anything in
    2:31:48 particular that you do? It starts with repetition. We talked a little bit about training. In a
    2:31:55 nutshell, we’ll come back around, we’ll fill this out. In the preparation prior, successful
    2:32:01 repetitions, it takes a certain number of repetitions to lead to competence and its competence that
    2:32:08 leads to confidence and that’s what leads to a successful competition. As Americans, we tend to
    2:32:17 be in a rush, be in a hurry. We don’t want to take a lot of reps. We want to get something. We do it
    2:32:23 correct a few times and then we want to bump on completely different from the Chinese approach,
    2:32:28 completely different from the rushing approach, where they’ll literally do hundreds of repetitions
    2:32:34 before they move on to the next drill. And then they’re not upset about it because they understand
    2:32:38 it’s a process. As Americans, we’re always looking at, it’s both a good thing and it’s a curse. One,
    2:32:44 it’s a good thing because it forces us to be so creative. We’re so hard charging. We get so many
    2:32:50 things done. Physically, sometimes it kind of works against us because we don’t give the body and the
    2:32:56 nervous system a chance to stabilize. So if you want to be confident at a competition, you have to
    2:33:04 pay your dues and prep example. And that’s mentally and physically. For example, 72 Olympics. And these
    2:33:12 are, I was talking about this with Dmitri Belozarchev, my friend, world in Olympic champ.
    2:33:16 So in 72 Olympics, Olga Corbett was, by all accounts, going to crush everyone at the games.
    2:33:24 She was going to crush everyone in training as they went back and the Russians went back and
    2:33:29 they reviewed all her training. She had over a 98% hit rate on her routines. That meant she was
    2:33:36 almost perfect, almost perfect. When she went to the games, she had a major meltdown.
    2:33:42 Now the question of course raises, how was it possible for someone who was this perfect,
    2:33:47 for this long in training to go to the competition and just fall apart? As they dug into it,
    2:33:55 they found out the error was not in physical preparation. The error was in mental preparation.
    2:34:00 So as Olga was cranking at home, she was the one who decided when to go.
    2:34:05 Coaches waited on her. Judges waited on her. Everything was structured on her. She was very
    2:34:11 comfortable. She didn’t start till she was ready. Equipments she’s ready for,
    2:34:16 lighting she’s ready for, mags familiar, everything is good. When you get to the
    2:34:20 worlds and you get to the Olympics, judges don’t give a fuck if you’re ready or not. When they raise
    2:34:25 that flag, it’s brutal. In fact, to give everyone a little taste, the warm-up gym is not there.
    2:34:31 The warm-up gym might be 10 minutes away, or it might be a five-minute walk down this
    2:34:39 concrete hallway. So you go when you warm up, you walk down this hallway and then your ass waits
    2:34:44 there and then the flag goes up and you got to go to 100% within 30 seconds. You got 30 seconds to
    2:34:50 be on the equipment. Massive hit. Yeah, a massive head game. So they went back and they found out
    2:34:56 that Olga’s problem was that everything had gone her way. She controlled too many variables.
    2:35:00 Too many variables and they were too easy. They were too accommodating. And so what they did is
    2:35:07 the Russians changed their training just to screw with people. So if I’m coaching someone, right,
    2:35:11 and there’s going to be a mental component, I’m going to fuck with them. I’m going to tell them,
    2:35:17 and not in a mean way, but all right, you’re up, and then walk away. Leave them waiting.
    2:35:22 Let them get antsy. Make them go when they’re not ready. Make them do a cold set.
    2:35:26 Any and everything you can. Have a crowd of people around them trying to mess with them.
    2:35:32 Any and everything. And I will also say it’s much harder for women than it is for guys simply because
    2:35:40 women are more caring and nurturing than guys. A guy goes out to compete and he’s worried about
    2:35:45 one thing. He’s worried about kicking ass. Okay. The girl goes out there and she’s worried about
    2:35:49 kicking ass also, but she’s also worried about not wanting to let anybody down. Are they going to
    2:35:55 be disappointed with me? Are they going to like me? She has this whole range of other emotional
    2:35:59 burdens that a guy doesn’t get to shit about. They just don’t care. I’ve seen girls who are just
    2:36:04 amazing in training and get out there. And just because they have this other load that they play
    2:36:09 some themselves that guys don’t have to deal with. And the way you handle that in training is we just
    2:36:14 have to get more reps in. I got more reps and do everything you can to put them in a situation
    2:36:20 to where, for example, 2004, I was doing some of the prep. I was doing some of the floor and the
    2:36:28 tramp and helping with Volvo and doing the physical preparation for a girl we had trying out for the
    2:36:33 Olympics. She did not make it. You had to be top six. She was ninth. Okay. And Carly, fantastic girl.
    2:36:41 Great girl. Their approach though for mental training, I thought was flawed. They brought
    2:36:46 someone in and, you know, I’ll say names. I’ll just say that I disagreed. And it was a very,
    2:36:50 they were trying to be really, really positive. So, you know, 30,000 square foot gym,
    2:36:54 big giant yes signs everywhere. Yes, you can. Yes, it’ll be great. Yes, it’ll be wonderful.
    2:36:58 And the reality is it’s not going to be wonderful. It’s going to be stressful. It’s going to suck.
    2:37:05 When you are in a competition at that level, the pressure is crushing. It’s a physical pressure
    2:37:12 that you feel on you and you still have to produce performance at a world-class level.
    2:37:17 And the only way to handle that is we have to try to replicate that in training, right,
    2:37:23 so that the pressure is not going away. The error that was only Carly was trying to downplay the
    2:37:27 pressure. I would say do the exact opposite. Do the opposite. You should go to the training,
    2:37:33 to the competition, and hopefully competition is less pressure than what you go through in
    2:37:39 training. Now, that’s not going to be true at Olympics and such, but at most things,
    2:37:42 it should be the case. It should be the case. So, mentally, if you’re scared, oh, let’s say,
    2:37:49 if you’re feeling unconfident, if you’re feeling threatened, uneasy, your preparation was flawed.
    2:37:56 Yeah, it brings up an anecdote that I heard from Paul Levesque, better known as Triple H,
    2:38:01 the professional wrestler who’s also an incredible business executive for WWE,
    2:38:06 but he visited Floyd Mayweather and he visited Floyd maybe an hour before a huge title fight
    2:38:14 for a championship belt or to retain his belt. And at one point, Paul said, “I’m going to leave.
    2:38:21 I don’t want to interrupt your prep.” And he goes, “Why would you interrupt my prep?” He goes,
    2:38:24 “If I’m not ready now, nothing I do between in the next 60 minutes is going to make me ready.”
    2:38:30 Yeah, I love that attitude.
    2:38:31 Yeah, feel free to hang out. You’re just walking and watching basketball or something.
    2:38:34 And it also, you brought up this SEAL team, six members and so on earlier. I mean, that’s,
    2:38:39 I think, a great example of a parallel track, right, in the sense that they very much want to
    2:38:45 sweat more, in some cases, bleed more in training so that they can avoid dying in real battle. So,
    2:38:52 the simulations are extremely brutal and intended to be sort of along the lines of,
    2:38:58 I’m not really up on my ancient name pronunciation. But I think it’s Arkelocus,
    2:39:04 who’s said, “We do not rise to the level of our hopes. We fall to the level of our training.”
    2:39:08 So making the conditions equivalent.
    2:39:11 My buddy would tell, “They’re so well-trained. No stress. Now, how in the world you can be in
    2:39:16 145 gunfights and not feel stress when you’re heading out to another one?” He just, “Yeah,
    2:39:21 fall asleep on the helicopter.” Yeah, he’ll do my thing and get back on. Now,
    2:39:25 seriously, he’s like, “Oh, yeah, I mean, gosh, just another day in the office, holy moly.”
    2:39:31 So on the day of, assuming you’ve done the requisite preparation, you’ve conditioned them to
    2:39:38 perform well under stressful circumstances. Change nothing. Change nothing. Change nothing.
    2:39:44 Where people fail, there’s an important lesson, not just in competing, but in everything.
    2:39:50 So a lot of people psych themselves out of doing as well as they could of by prematurely
    2:39:57 comparing themselves to the people around them. Instead of, just go out, take care of your business,
    2:40:03 do your best, and see where it falls. If you’re going up against the best who’s ever been born,
    2:40:10 you’re not going to beat them. There’s not going to be a miracle. This guy’s not going to open.
    2:40:13 Guy’s not going to reach down and bless you with extra athletic ability.
    2:40:16 You know, it’s not going to happen. So you just ignore that. You go out and you just
    2:40:22 stay in your own head and do your thing. Now, psychologically, people handle it differently.
    2:40:27 Some people, we have the same chemistry on Olympic teams. Some people like to be left alone.
    2:40:32 Let me go do my thing. They’ll come together for the team, but then when they’re prepping for
    2:40:37 their set, they got to go off on their self. There’s other guys where they feed off that
    2:40:42 interaction. They want people coming around and getting them pumped up. Then there’s all in between.
    2:40:47 None of them are right and none of them are wrong. It just is what it is, and it’s important to just
    2:40:53 deal with who you are. Same in training. There are some people who thrive on multiple training
    2:40:58 per day, and they just blossom. They do awesome. There’s other people who have to train just a
    2:41:04 few times a week. Doesn’t matter. There’s been Olympic champions who trained both ways. It just
    2:41:10 depends on what your body does best with. I’m very curious to hear the answer to this. This was
    2:41:15 from, I think it might have been a mother. I think it was a father who said, “What questions would
    2:41:19 Coach Summer ask a gymnastic coach at a nearby facility before sending his own five to 10-year-old
    2:41:28 off to train with them?” Yeah, and I went through that. So I didn’t coach my daughter. I didn’t
    2:41:33 coach my daughter. I wanted to be dad, and I didn’t get involved. Were there things I would
    2:41:39 have done very differently? Yes, but her happiness in the process was more important to me than
    2:41:45 her success. And she was state champion, but that was more important to me than stepping in and
    2:41:50 making sure everything was world-class love. I didn’t want to go there. First thing I would do
    2:41:55 if I’m reviewing someone, because everyone, have you noticed that the bell curve is reality, right?
    2:42:01 The bell curve shows that there is a huge majority of people who are average. There’s
    2:42:05 a few who are at the top and there are a few who are at the bottom. But if you talk to someone,
    2:42:09 you’ve never met anyone who says, “Yeah, I’m in the middle of the bell curve.”
    2:42:13 Every fucker you talk to is exceptional. Every single person, right? Every person is another
    2:42:19 millionaire in the making. They’re going to win the voice. They’ve got Academy Award. It’s coming.
    2:42:24 Nobody says, “Yeah, I’m average.” And it’s the same thing with gyms. So the first thing I would
    2:42:29 do is look at competitive record. How have they done and at what level have they been successful?
    2:42:34 Are they successful at a local level, at a state level? How have they done in terms of regionals?
    2:42:40 How have they done in terms of nationals? Are they on national team? How consistently have
    2:42:45 they been on national team as a year in, year out? Was it a one-time deal? After I look at that,
    2:42:51 the very next thing I’m going to look at, I’m going to look at injury rates.
    2:42:54 How healthy and successful are these athletes? How would you find that data? Would you just
    2:42:59 ask them point blank? If they’re a world-class coach, they’re always going to be straight with
    2:43:05 you. The only people in my experience who talk shit are the wannabes. Yeah, that’s consistent
    2:43:12 in everything that I’ve explained. In everything. I had, so 2003. Yeah, it’s 2003. I’m at a training
    2:43:19 camp and Paul Homme has just won the world championships. He’s just won Worlds. And Allen
    2:43:26 is a little guy. We’re at a training camp and Paul’s coach Stacey Oani is there and we’re at
    2:43:33 a technical meeting. And it’s on roundoffs, on roundoffs of all things. And so Stacey comes and
    2:43:38 he sits down next to me. This is Chris. What do you think about this? Now in my head, I’m thinking,
    2:43:43 who is a fuck what I think about this? You just won world championships. I want to know what you
    2:43:48 think about this. But he asked my opinion. I don’t say I’m not going to be rude to Stacey,
    2:43:52 but in my head, I’m thinking that. So we talk about it for a little bit and then Stacey gets
    2:43:56 up and he goes around the room, visiting with other coaches that he respect. And he wants
    2:44:00 their opinion and then he makes his own opinion. He had just won Worlds. It would have been so easy
    2:44:05 for him to be kind of aloof and snooty and arrogant. I’m this and that. But the point is that that’s
    2:44:11 the reason that Stacey won Worlds. That he was a coach of that caliber because he was always open
    2:44:17 to learning more. He never said, I know everything. And like you said, I’ve never met an exception.
    2:44:23 It’s the ones who aren’t at a high level who think, you know, I know everything. There’s nothing left
    2:44:28 to be learned. And it is just not the case. So I would check that check around, you know,
    2:44:34 talk to people, watch the athletes in training. You know, they’ll go and watch some workouts. How
    2:44:39 does the coach handle it? Is there a lot of tears? If it’s a guy and there’s tears in the workout,
    2:44:44 he’s got a broken leg. And girls, you know, girls are girls. I live in a, I’ve got two daughters,
    2:44:51 a wife, even my dog is female. There’s tears here constantly. This is part of being female.
    2:44:56 So if it’s an occasional tear, no big deal. But if there’s a lot of crying all the time,
    2:45:01 there’s a problem. I’d move down the road. But if they’re happy, now, doesn’t healthy doesn’t mean
    2:45:07 a free for all. Healthy and happy doesn’t mean indulging. You know, there should be structure.
    2:45:13 There should be accountability, but it should be pleasant. You know, kids or any athlete,
    2:45:18 adults as well, will either live up to the standard you set or they will live down to the
    2:45:22 standard you set. I think it’s kind of go ahead and try to get a feel. You know, is this a place
    2:45:26 for you? Is the competition record is good? Is this an environment that I’m content with my child
    2:45:32 being in? You know, if you get a good feeling, okay. As an adult, if you were assessing a gymnastics
    2:45:39 coach for yourself and you could observe a workout, let’s just say you could only watch
    2:45:44 the warm up. That’s on. What would you look for to be there or not be there? Or what would the
    2:45:51 characteristics be? Do they take the time to warm up the joints? Or do they jump right into work?
    2:45:58 Do they actually take time to mobilize? Are they doing stall bar work? Are they doing
    2:46:04 Jefferson Crow work? Are they are they loosen up their wrists and their knees and their ankles?
    2:46:08 Are they loosening their back before they get going? Are they doing some type of pre-strength?
    2:46:15 Are they doing lower level strength elements to get the muscles warm and firing before jumping
    2:46:20 into the hard work? You can tell a lot from how a program warms up. No, that’s what I was asking.
    2:46:26 Great question. Yeah, there’s, I mean, there’s a movement that also from an evolutionary standpoint
    2:46:32 makes a lot of sense. Just like we were talking about the biceps and high capacity for volume,
    2:46:38 the QL walks, which you introduced me to, which if you really want to have people laugh at you,
    2:46:42 this is a great move to do. Although you had mentioned, and this doesn’t surprise me at all,
    2:46:47 that you’ve seen high level power lifters using doing this. That’s where that’s where I got it
    2:46:51 from. Yeah, holding on to kettlebells kind of with a goblet squat type of grip. So what this looks
    2:46:56 like, folks, we’ve already talked about this seated pike position. So you’re sitting on your ass,
    2:47:00 legs together, legs straight. So basically keeping your legs completely straight. If there are other
    2:47:05 elements, please let me know, coach, technical points, but basically you’re like walking your
    2:47:10 ass cheeks. Yeah, doing a speed walking, sitting down. Yeah, that’s actually that’s a great
    2:47:17 description. That’s exactly what it looks like. And QL refers to the quadratus lumborum. Yeah,
    2:47:24 quadratus lumborum, which is sort of like the grand central of all sorts of muscles and fascia
    2:47:28 in the back. And it’s incredible how much that loosens up my entire lower back and hips.
    2:47:35 Doing this very, very simple QL walk. I’ll pick up, gosh, sometimes three,
    2:47:39 four inches. Oh, yeah. Just from loosening up from those first. Yeah. How long should a proper
    2:47:46 gymnastics warm up take? And one more, which is warming up the joints. Are there any specific
    2:47:53 movements that hit the shoulders from any angle, more perspective, they would indicate a better
    2:47:59 warm up for gymnastics strength training than others? It would depend on duration, duration
    2:48:07 of the workout. So if you’re in there for an hour, yeah, I’ll preface it. Say you’re in for an hour,
    2:48:13 I would say probably 10 to 15 minutes is reasonable. Now, at the same time, if I have
    2:48:21 significant mobility deficits, and perhaps the majority of the workout needs to be mobility work,
    2:48:29 it could kind of shift possibly as high as a half hour. If I have a multi hour training
    2:48:34 coming up, it’s complicated enough. And we’ve tried this over the years. There are enough
    2:48:39 things to address that should be addressed on a semi-regular basis that you can’t really get
    2:48:46 everything in to a single warm up. You’re probably going to have two or three variations.
    2:48:51 You know, if you do an advanced work, you’re probably going to have two or three variations
    2:48:55 in order to get to everything. Like for example, ring strength before a good hard ring strength,
    2:49:01 it’s very nice to do TheraBand series for the shoulders. Different shapes and pulls and circles
    2:49:07 and all these things with TheraBand are really great for warming up the interior of the shoulder.
    2:49:11 On other days, do I need to do that as much for shoulder? No, it might be more weighted shoulder
    2:49:16 work is appropriate for other days. Is it necessary you do all of them at the same time?
    2:49:22 Most of the time, no, we have one senior student really, really good. Matt started
    2:49:28 training with me in his late 40s. He’s now 52 beast, press handstands, planches, front levers.
    2:49:36 I had 52 ridiculous shape. And he went through a period where just for shoulders to feel better,
    2:49:44 he did every shoulder prep we had all our integrated mobility. Our courses are set up very
    2:49:50 unusually where for our introductory courses, the adult students come in, alternate and exercise
    2:49:56 with an integrated mobility because we want them 50/50. So we found if I told people how important
    2:50:02 stretching was, they always blow me off. But if I required it, do a set before your next set,
    2:50:07 you have to do this stretch. Then back and forth and we just had great results. So Matt’s is crazy
    2:50:14 maniac, still skateboard, still water skis, those as GST and our shoulder would get a little finicky.
    2:50:21 So he just did extra mobility and it just fixed his shoulder right up.
    2:50:24 I was introduced to an exercise by a master’s CrossFit competitor, actually, that really helped
    2:50:35 with shoulder, I would say warm up more than mobility, but for pressing exercises even in GST,
    2:50:42 including any type of hand balancing or handstand work, which you have to have a decent amount
    2:50:47 of grip strength for this. But I was very skeptical of this, even as someone who’s done
    2:50:51 a lot with kettlebells, I’ve never been a huge fan of the bottoms up work with kettlebells,
    2:50:56 meaning yeah, it’s gotta flipped up, gripping up by the handle, the bell on top. Exactly.
    2:51:02 But I was like, you know, it’s great. I’ll try it with a lightweight and I started with say whatever
    2:51:06 it is might be like 15, 16 pounds and I’ve increased that I use 35s now, but a little bit of chalk
    2:51:11 is a long way here. But you you would basically swing it up to a clean and then press it overhead
    2:51:17 and then you just do rotations. So I’m doing like side to side rotations and it’s incredible how
    2:51:24 well that activates the smaller musculature. The shoulders are wonderful, isn’t it?
    2:51:30 Oh, it’s great. We didn’t do it with kettlebells, we’ll do them with light dumbbells. So basically,
    2:51:36 guys will what Tim’s is trying is just to take a dumbbell, push it up overhead,
    2:51:40 turn the thumbs externally rotated just a bit and then just do outward circles.
    2:51:45 Keep a flat back, shoulders open, no arching, do them for time one to two minutes.
    2:51:50 You know, just good gracious, wonderful warm up. And then, you know, something we didn’t address
    2:51:56 and I’ll throw it in just real, real, real quick. I know, I know we’re running out of time,
    2:52:00 but some people who are experiencing shoulder issues in terms of mobility,
    2:52:05 I’m not gonna do it with the shoulder or necessarily the bicep, but sometimes it’s
    2:52:08 because the lats are so strong and tight. That’s an issue that I have, absolutely.
    2:52:13 Yeah, exactly. A lot of the lifters too, because those lats are working hard. You
    2:52:18 guys are moving some serious weight and those lats are of course working. And if there’s not
    2:52:22 corresponding mobility going with it, it’s really easy for those lats to kind of get
    2:52:26 chronically contracted, lose their mobility. So a lot of times you get in there and just
    2:52:31 stretch the heck out of that lat, automatically get relief on the shoulders.
    2:52:35 Okay, coach, I am going to do a couple of rapid fire, then a couple of
    2:52:40 closing questions. And then maybe, I mean, you and I are talking quite a bit these days. So
    2:52:44 we’ll consider doing a follow-up. And I definitely want to share
    2:52:47 sort of the results of our experiment with people also. So we’ll certainly be
    2:52:51 in constant contact. But the first rapid fire question is, and the answer doesn’t have to be
    2:52:56 short, but it certainly can be when you think of the word successful, who is the first person
    2:53:00 who comes to mind for you and why? Well, it’s not Obama. It’s not Obama. There’s all the people
    2:53:06 off out there. You know, someone I have admired for years and years is Tony Robbins. He would be
    2:53:12 very high on my list. I tend to be very eclectic. I’m not trapped just in athletics. What I found
    2:53:20 in terms of business, arts, politics, it’s all the same. When people get to that level of success,
    2:53:28 they all have the same attitudes. They bring the same tools and attitudes to the table.
    2:53:33 And I found it surprising that I could sit down with you, Tim, and visit. I can sit down with
    2:53:39 special operators and visit. I can sit down with world-class ballerinas and dance and artists
    2:53:46 and that. I just did this weekend visit with a world-class artist. And you would think there’s
    2:53:52 no common ground there, but there is common ground because what’s required to achieve success in all
    2:53:58 of those requires the same skills. You’ve got to be consistent. You’ve got to master the basics.
    2:54:02 You’ve got to be patient. You’ve got to constantly reinvent yourself. Look for a flaw hole in the
    2:54:07 preparation. Fix it. Move forward. You also need to be very observant. And I think part of training
    2:54:14 yourself to be observant is asking questions. Right? So I think that’s why- And being willing
    2:54:20 to hear the answer. Definitely. That’s why you take a bunch of people who are the best at what they
    2:54:23 do and you put them in the room. Generally speaking, they’re going to get along just fine.
    2:54:28 Absolutely. Now, why Tony Robbins? I mean, I wish you’d trained at Tony Robbins. He’s been
    2:54:34 on the podcast and I have tremendous amount of respect for him, but I want to just hear your
    2:54:38 reasons. I like that I firmly believe, especially in the U.S., I firmly believe that if someone isn’t
    2:54:45 as successful in any arena you toss it out, whether it’s professionally, personally in your life,
    2:54:51 financially, if you’re not as successful as you would like to be or making progress towards that,
    2:54:58 it’s our own fault. We have so many opportunities here that so much wealth of knowledge that a lot
    2:55:05 of times, so for example, when GB got started, there were two years, a year and a half, two years
    2:55:13 in the beginning where I was doing 18-hour days and didn’t make a nickel, nothing. And everyone
    2:55:19 around me was like, “What are you doing?” Well, you know, I got plans for this and we talked about
    2:55:24 a little bit and they’re like, “Well, you know, if you need some extra money, you could go get a
    2:55:27 job. Think about how much further ahead you’d be right now, but you have to have that vision.”
    2:55:32 Once you have the vision, you’ve got to be able to put practical steps to it and then everyone’s
    2:55:37 good at that. I outlines the people, I outline stuff all the time, but then can you stick with it?
    2:55:42 Because, you know, when you run your business, Tim, when I run my business, there’s no one telling
    2:55:46 us what to do or the ones to monitor ourselves. This needs to be done. I’m going to get it done.
    2:55:51 And it’s kind of that difference between letting someone else being in control of your life and
    2:55:57 you choosing to be in control of your own life. I know some people are going to get upset at your
    2:56:01 coach. You know, I’m a single mom, assistant dad. I can’t do everything I want to do. And I get that.
    2:56:06 I get that. I’ve been there. I’ve gone through that. I’m certainly not saying there are quick fixes
    2:56:11 because these fixes can take years. But I think if someone’s willing to put the time in that there’s
    2:56:17 so much opportunity and they’re willing to do that for years, it’s kind of a big, giant blank
    2:56:22 check. A lot can change. You really have a lot of control. And so that was a message that, you
    2:56:27 know, and I didn’t say it nearly as well as Tony Robbins does. And I am going to twist your arms
    2:56:32 so I get an introduction someday to Tony. That’s high on my list. Yeah, well, I throw a little jam
    2:56:38 session for the people who are on the podcast. So both of you will be invited. Totally awesome.
    2:56:42 I’m so looking forward to that. But, you know, way back when porous could be hadn’t made national
    2:56:47 team coach yet was just getting started in my coaching career. Everything that could go wrong
    2:56:52 went wrong. And here’s this guy saying, you know, I just think clear plan ahead and be willing to
    2:56:58 work that resonated with me. You know, it’s like, God, I just had this discussion with someone this
    2:57:04 morning. You’re young. It’s so challenging. It’s so difficult to be patient where you’re 35 and
    2:57:09 you’re starting to get back in shape again. And the hardest thing they need to do is they’ve got to,
    2:57:14 especially if they were a good athlete previously, you’ve got to set that attitude of having been
    2:57:18 a stud before aside, because that body you have right now is not that studs body that you had
    2:57:25 previously. It could be again, but it took time to build it the first time. It’s going to take time
    2:57:31 to rebuild it this time. Or personally in your life, if things aren’t where you wanted to be,
    2:57:36 it’s going to take time to build it there. I had this Olympic weightlifting coach,
    2:57:41 I think you guys would hit it off famously, especially if you were both a couple of drinks in.
    2:57:45 But she’s dangerous. Very, very similar approaches. He said, you have a Ferrari engine in a Toyota
    2:57:54 Corolla chassis. That’s not the level of that. You can’t just slam on the accelerator and expect
    2:57:59 good things to happen. But Tony is very tactical, practical. And I apologize if you and everybody
    2:58:04 else can hear metal bowls being spun around. That’s what my dog Molly does when she’s trying
    2:58:08 to tell me that she’s hungry. She just licks an empty bowl and sends it spinning. I’m like,
    2:58:12 yes, I get it. I know you’re hungry. Being subtle. Yeah, being very subtle. What book or books have
    2:58:18 you given the most to other people as gifts? It’s not so much as I’m a big fan of Robert Heinlein.
    2:58:27 Oh, yeah. Stranger in a strange land.
    2:58:32 Just all of them. I come back to those over and over again. The theme of self-reliance.
    2:58:39 I came from a really, really humble, modest family background. And so I think that instills a hunger
    2:58:46 and a work ethic. It’s a little bit kind of embarrassing. Actually, it’s a little bit of
    2:58:50 Charles Dickens theme there. Frustration things weren’t where we wanted them to be or where I
    2:58:55 wanted them to be. And then how big a price, how hard you will end to work in order to change it.
    2:59:01 What I’m enjoying right now, and I’m just getting into it, is the obstacle is the way.
    2:59:06 Oh, yeah. By Ryan Holiday, very close friend of mine.
    2:59:09 You’re killing me, dude. I’m just going to hang out in your living room so I can meet
    2:59:14 all these people. Oh, yeah, yeah. You and Ryan would hit it off. Oh, yeah. That’s a great book.
    2:59:18 I actually, this is a really small world. So I actually produced the audiobook for that.
    2:59:22 Are you kidding me? I don’t know. And, you know, when you were talking about preparing your athletes
    2:59:30 for the stress as opposed to painting it over with yes, you can and positive psychology and
    2:59:36 really kind of sowing the seeds of their own destruction by doing so, I was thinking about
    2:59:40 stoic philosophy. So it doesn’t surprise me that you’re reading the obstacles the way, which has
    2:59:45 become an extremely popular book among professional sports teams and coaches. I mean, the Patriots,
    2:59:50 Seahawks, they’ve all read this. Someone else that got my eye who had read it and that led me to it
    2:59:55 was Schwarzenegger. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he’s a guy. Gosh, I mean, comes to the States with no money in
    3:00:01 his pocket and then becomes world champion in athletics, becomes a millionaire in business,
    3:00:08 becomes a movie star, and becomes a governor, success in four different arenas in life. Oh,
    3:00:14 yeah. Good Lord. Oh, he’s. He said he liked that book. And I was like, well, good enough for me.
    3:00:18 Yeah. Arnold’s is an impressive unit. So two things, I know we’re bouncing around here,
    3:00:23 but two things that also astonished me when I interviewed him for the podcast was number one,
    3:00:28 I didn’t realize in doing the research until I did the research that he became a millionaire
    3:00:33 before he ever had his first starring role in real estate. Yes, absolutely. And that gave him
    3:00:38 the ability to only audition not out of financial necessity, but for the roles that he wanted. So
    3:00:43 you could say no. And that his highest grossing film of all time for him personally was Twins,
    3:00:49 because no one wanted to make it. And so he took a cut on the upfront payment for the salary, per
    3:00:55 say, in exchange for back end points that were abnormally large for the film industry at that
    3:01:01 point. Yeah, fascinating guy. Love that. Do you have any particular morning rituals?
    3:01:06 What is the first six minutes of your day? The morning rituals I’m supposed to do.
    3:01:11 No, the ones you actually have or don’t have. I tend to find, as I’ve gotten older,
    3:01:16 because I’m in my 50s now, early 50s. As I’ve gotten older, I find that by far my most productive
    3:01:25 times are early morning. That’s when I’m sharpest. I’m clearest. I’ll tend to get up pretty early
    3:01:30 before everybody else in the household is up. When do you get up? It varies. I’ll get up somewhere
    3:01:38 usually between four and five. It gives me a chance. My girls get up in a few hours. It gives
    3:01:43 me a chance for that two, three hours of just clear thought. Maybe it’s working on a project.
    3:01:48 Maybe it’s a new manuscript. Maybe it’s just, you know, I indulge some reading. The house is
    3:01:52 quiet. I do my best after that. The girl said to school, and then I get my workout in. If I’m
    3:01:57 consistent with that, then my rest of my day is usually pretty golden. Yeah, you’ve already won.
    3:02:03 But remember, somebody said to me, “If you win the morning, you’ve won the day.” I’m still working
    3:02:06 on it. That’s work in progress, but I definitely agree with that. Do you drink coffee? Do you eat
    3:02:11 breakfast? Do you drink coffee? I went for years and, you know, you’re always told I’m not a coffee
    3:02:17 drinker. I’m one of those few, I think it just tastes like cough medicine to me. It’s not me
    3:02:22 being virtuous. It’s just me despising the taste. And it’s funny because my wife is a big coffee
    3:02:27 drinker. She loves it. So she’s got her gourmet grinder and all this stuff. But for me, no way.
    3:02:32 You know, I found as I got older that I do best if I don’t do breakfast. I do best as I used to
    3:02:41 be heavy, heavy protein. And then after I got over 50, if I cut, and this is me personally,
    3:02:47 would it work for younger athletes who are training? I doubt it. It’s bigger engine,
    3:02:51 need more fuel. But for me, older, it’s slowing down. I find that not doing breakfast, reasonable
    3:02:57 lunch, my protein sizes are so much smaller now, mostly veggies, have a good healthy starch, usually
    3:03:03 it’s rice or potatoes, reasonable little protein there, some fatter lunch, wait, do the same at
    3:03:09 dinner. You know, I’m done. I’m good. I was amazed how much I was overeating just from habit.
    3:03:16 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Eating by the clock. I mean, I’ve noticed the same thing
    3:03:20 for myself. And I’ve been amazed how many people I’ve interviewed for this podcast who are the
    3:03:27 best at what they do who do not eat breakfast. You’re kidding. Really? Not that I was alone
    3:03:31 in the Netherlands. Yeah. Yeah. Pavel, you know, his answer was coffee,
    3:03:34 dim, I give it simple, you know, and then Wim Hof, same story, you look at former general
    3:03:40 Stan McChrystal, same story. And it just goes on and on and on. I’d say good third of the men,
    3:03:47 specifically, not sure if the female body responds as well to it, although I’m sure there are
    3:03:51 intermittent fasting people out there who would say that women respond in the same way. But
    3:03:56 very high percentage, I’d say maybe a third of the men I’ve had on the podcast do not eat breakfast.
    3:04:01 Now, specifically, these are men probably over the age of 45. So I don’t know. I would imagine
    3:04:06 their diet has probably changed over time. And interestingly enough, if you do dig into the
    3:04:12 literature, there is, or if I want to be a nerd, there are data to suggest that as we get older,
    3:04:19 it is possible that we absorb protein more effectively when we have larger doses of protein
    3:04:27 less frequently. So having them… See, that is interesting. That is very interesting because
    3:04:32 I find myself, every once in a while, getting a big steak. You know, once a week, once every two
    3:04:38 weeks, I’ll go and I’ll just get this massive thing of protein. And then I’m good for a while,
    3:04:41 I’ll just marry modest. Yeah. So this like bolus of protein for like older women, I think this,
    3:04:47 I saw one particular study, could have been an observational. And now I doubt it if they’re
    3:04:51 trying to standardize the protein amount, but it was some large amount. It was like 70, 80 grams
    3:04:55 of protein in a single feeding was absorbed better than that same amount split over several meals
    3:05:00 in the day. Really fascinating stuff. What would you put on a billboard if you could put a billboard
    3:05:06 anywhere? What would it say? Just what’s on top of my mind right now. Yeah. What’s top of the head
    3:05:13 doesn’t have, we’re not looking for universal truth, but just what’s, I would say probiotic.
    3:05:19 Probiotic. Probiotic, we went, I don’t know if it was a history of, I had to cut them out,
    3:05:25 you know, too much margaritas. You know, it’s kind of funny, you know, as you get older,
    3:05:29 it starts creeping in more and more and more. But I went through a phase where it didn’t matter
    3:05:33 what I ate. It didn’t matter what I ate, if I ate fat, if I ate low fat, if I ate village,
    3:05:39 if I ate high protein, terrible digestion, just terrible digestion. I happened to come across
    3:05:45 something that said, yeah, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Might be a probiotic issue.
    3:05:50 And so through a good buddy, I had a laboratory grade. These particular ones were from Claire
    3:05:55 Labs. You kind of need a prescription for them, but they’re a laboratory grade probiotic.
    3:05:58 How do you spell Claire?
    3:05:59 I want to say it was H-L-A-I-R-E. Got it.
    3:06:04 You know, I’m not paid by them guys and they’re a son of a bitch to track down because you need
    3:06:07 a prescription for them. Yeah. And I got to get them a health provider, but hooked me up in 12 hours.
    3:06:13 And so I was like, holy moly, because I’d been uncomfortable for months. And in 12 hours, this
    3:06:20 took care of it. Contacted a buddy of mine who was great at nutrition. He went over and said,
    3:06:26 you know, coach, you should go ahead and probably take, you know, two, four weeks and just really
    3:06:31 hit these probiotics hard and repopulate the guy, you know, years of too much margaritas,
    3:06:37 too much protein, not enough vegetable matter to feed the good bacteria.
    3:06:41 It sounded like a night and day difference. I bet simply because of that, I dropped eight pounds.
    3:06:47 Yeah, I bet. I mean, I’m currently taking a VSL-3 and a few other probiotics, but one of the
    3:06:54 points you made that I think is really worth underscoring is the vegetable matter and prebiotics.
    3:06:59 So you’re providing the food that creates the environment in which bacteria that you want to
    3:07:06 grow can grow effectively, whether that’s through foods where I think, you know, one of the ways
    3:07:12 I had this biologist tell me at one point, he said, I think slow carbs going to be vindicated
    3:07:16 because, you know, the beans and lentils and so on are vilified by paleo, but they provide
    3:07:21 the perfect vehicle for a rebiotic environment that can foster the development of and growth
    3:07:28 of these various bacteria in the gut. And if not that, you know, if you’re, if you are a paleo
    3:07:33 purist, you can also consume something like FOS, you know, fructooligosaccharides or inulin or
    3:07:38 any of these other things. But wow, I had no idea that you had that experience.
    3:07:42 Yeah, it was, it was shocking. Prior to that, I would have said number one supplement was
    3:07:46 emulsify vitamin D drops.
    3:07:48 How much were you consuming just out of curiosity? And of course, the amount you take depends on
    3:07:52 what your levels look like. It depended. Yeah, just, just a little background there. So I was at
    3:07:57 our winter national seven years ago, just kind of the environment, you know, national team,
    3:08:02 kids everywhere, middle of the winter, it’s always in a February. And I would just get
    3:08:07 sick, really bad kind of bronchitis like sickness once or twice a year for gosh, decades.
    3:08:14 And at one of these, I was, I was half dead. My assistant coach is trying to run my athletes.
    3:08:20 He’s doing his best, but it’s not going real well. I’m trying to coach hanging over a railing.
    3:08:25 I’m visiting with Rob Wolf later that night. And I’m just like, you know, this,
    3:08:29 this is ridiculous. And Rob’s the one who tagged, he said, coach, you know, it’s,
    3:08:32 it’s always in the middle of the winter. Try some vitamin D. It started the liquid vitamin D.
    3:08:37 If we don’t count food poisoning in Hong Kong, I’ve not been six cents. And that’s quite a swing.
    3:08:43 You know, once or twice, pretty serious per year to nothing for seven. And the only thing that
    3:08:48 changed in that time was the vitamin D. So I, I mean, I’m pretty, pretty practical. If that was
    3:08:53 the one variable I changed and that was a result. Well, boom, that’s the doorstep I put it at.
    3:08:58 Do you have a particular brand that you use for that?
    3:09:00 I want to say, I looked at it so many years, I just kind of pick it up off the shelf. And I
    3:09:05 want to say it was biotest perhaps. I can’t swear about other ones. I just know I’ve always used
    3:09:10 that particular one. I’ve done, gosh, all kinds of different protocols from one or two drops a day.
    3:09:19 It’s like a runny Elmer’s glue for those who haven’t had it. Yeah. It’s the taste isn’t, you know,
    3:09:24 anything to get upset at all. My daughters when they were young disagreed. It’s the worst thing
    3:09:29 about it. It’s, it’s not bad at all. We’ve done daily a few drops all the way up to once or twice
    3:09:35 a week with eight to 10 drops, you know, and just mix it up. It just seems like, you know,
    3:09:40 as long as you’re consistent, it almost doesn’t matter.
    3:09:43 Yes. I’m guessing each of those drops is probably an IU and one international.
    3:09:47 Oh, gosh, it seems like, man, I’m tied to a computer right now. I’d go grab it for it. It
    3:09:53 seemed like the dosage is surprisingly high in each drop. And, you know, I’m a big fan,
    3:09:59 especially as you get older, you’ve got to go get blood work. Anything else is guessing.
    3:10:05 Yeah, you need to get blood work period. I mean, if you get your car checked out more often than
    3:10:09 you get your blood work done, then you need to rearrange your priorities. So last question,
    3:10:14 and this is where I’d like you to, certainly among other things, point people to where they
    3:10:18 can learn more about you and gymnastic bodies, but what ask or request would you have for my
    3:10:23 audience, for the people listening? Oh, okay, very good. Actually, I love that question.
    3:10:28 I would like them to consider two things. I would like them to consider where’s the fire?
    3:10:33 Where’s the fire? Where’s the rush? Where’s the rush? Why are they trying to accomplish everything,
    3:10:40 their current goals, yesterday? Why not slow down a little bit? Not saying not to work hard,
    3:10:45 but why don’t we just slow down a little bit, a little more reasonable pace,
    3:10:49 some more consistency? That would be number one ask. And then second one is mobility,
    3:10:56 whether it’s my material, whether it’s just the stuff that Tim posts for you,
    3:11:00 whether it’s someone else’s material, it’s fine with me, guys, but we’ve got to get those bodies
    3:11:05 moving. We’ve got to get natural range of motion back again. That alone, if we did the hierarchy,
    3:11:11 what will increase quality of life the fastest for them is going to be mobility first, then core,
    3:11:18 then you know, your more conventional strength, your arms, your shoulders, yada, yada, yada.
    3:11:22 And where can people find you online on social media, etc. What would you recommend as a next
    3:11:29 step for somebody who’s never done gymnastics anything who wants to dip their toe in the water?
    3:11:34 First thing, go to gymnasticbodies.com. We have a special landing page for your listeners, Tim,
    3:11:40 with a nice discount form. We have a nice introductory program that’s just gymnastic
    3:11:45 bodies, g-y-m-n-a-s-t-i-c-b-o-d-i-e-s.com/tim. We got a nice discount there for you for a nice
    3:11:55 intro program. It’s about a 24 day program, gentle introduction to kind of the language we speak,
    3:12:01 get started on some mobility, some great follow along videos for them, you know, kind of hold
    3:12:06 their hand, make sure they get started off on the right foot. It’s been a tremendous learning
    3:12:11 experience for me so far, and it’s only been, I mean, really a handful of weeks that we’ve
    3:12:17 been digging into this deeply, although we had some prep time and talking about it prior to that.
    3:12:22 And definitely, guys, if you are like, “Ah, I’m so busy, I’m doing this, that, and the other thing,”
    3:12:27 take a look at the program, but at the very least, follow gymnastic bodies on Instagram.
    3:12:33 And every time you see a video from a student who seems to throw one of your excuses at the
    3:12:39 window, like, take a second. Admire what someone has done from scratch, like Matt, who you mentioned,
    3:12:45 who started in his late 40s, because– Do it when you’re awesome.
    3:12:48 Like, one by one, if you just watch that Instagram account for a week,
    3:12:51 you’ll run out of excuses very, very quickly. What about elsewhere on social media? Is there
    3:12:56 anywhere else people can say hi to you? Our Facebook page is jimassiebodies.com.
    3:13:03 A little more proper there. My personal page, Christopher Summer, S-O-N-M-E-R. A little more
    3:13:09 no rules there. And I’m not insane, but my interests are wide-ranging. So if you come to
    3:13:15 my page, you’re taking your chances, what I’m going to torture you with that day.
    3:13:19 It might be conditioning, or it might be, you know what, I think such-such is kick-ass,
    3:13:23 and I like it, so you’re going to like it, too.
    3:13:25 And you do throw up some ridiculous, in the best way possible, videos of just monsters
    3:13:31 doing some absurd, absurd stuff. I mean, who’s the gent? You sent me– You encouraged me to
    3:13:38 check this out. This guy who was going from– You were trying to explain the– Let me get this
    3:13:43 right. I want to say plate planches that I was doing a while back, which are kind of like a front
    3:13:47 raise holding onto a plate with the shoulders super, super protracted, and the massive posterior
    3:13:53 pelvic tilt. Oh, I sent you that clip of the World Champ on rings. Yeah, I think you sent me one of
    3:14:00 Van Gelder on rings, and then you sent me one of this guy on parallel bars going from– That was
    3:14:04 Van Gelder again. Okay, going from the handstand to the straight body planches. Oh, my God. Full
    3:14:11 body weight and set it. We do it with 10 or 25 pounds. He was doing it with full body weight.
    3:14:15 Oh, my God. How do you spell Van Gelder? So it’s Yuri Van Gelder. I think he’s from
    3:14:22 Netherlands, if I’m remembering right. Former World Champ, V-A-N, space-G-E-L-D-E-R.
    3:14:29 Just a monster. Oh, my God. So just crazy strong. I mean, doesn’t look like a small guy either.
    3:14:37 He’s a big boy. He’s got like two people’s back. He’s got a wide back. Yeah, so people should check
    3:14:44 that out. And I’ll link to everything in the show notes. Well, Coach, thank you so much for the
    3:14:48 time. I know it’s precious, and I think people will get a real kick out of this, and we crammed a lot
    3:14:54 into the talk. He did talk a lot. It was good. So I look forward to chatting again soon, which I’m
    3:15:00 sure we’ll do. And to everybody listening, you can find all of the links to everything that I can
    3:15:05 track down, that my team can track down related to all the topics we covered. Links to coach
    3:15:11 everywhere, gymnastic bodies everywhere in the show notes. That’ll just be at fourhourworkweek.com/podcast.
    3:15:17 All spelled out fourhourworkweek.com/podcast. And as always, and until next time, thank you for listening.
    3:15:26 Hey guys, this is Tim again. Just one more thing before you take off, and that is Five Bullet Friday.
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    3:21:05 [BLANK_AUDIO]

    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #55 “Pavel Tsatsouline on the Science of Strength and the Art of Physical Performance” and episode #158 “The Secrets of Gymnastic Strength Training.”

    Please enjoy!

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    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [05:10] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [06:14] Enter Pavel Tsatsouline.

    [06:34] Pavel’s background as a world-class trainer.

    [07:07] Considerations while customizing a training regimen.

    [09:40] Strength-building principles over equipment.

    [10:36] When in doubt, train your grip and your core.

    [12:57] How to grease the groove.

    [16:08] How not to strengthen the “core.”

    [18:53] Approaching training as a practice.

    [21:16] Prioritizing strength — the “mother quality of all physical qualities.”

    [23:57] The most counter-productive myths about strength training.

    [27:14] Pavel’s hypothesis for the science behind hypertrophy.

    [28:01] Deadlifts, kettlebells, and the most common mistakes with both.

    [29:31] People who exemplify success to Pavel.

    [30:09] Calmness is contagious.

    [32:31] Enter Christopher Sommer.

    [33:23] Defining Gymnastics Strength Training™ (GST).

    [37:08] Types of strength that most non-gymnasts will not have.

    [41:10] Biggest mistakes made by those who self-teach handstands.

    [46:10] Top exercises for identifying weaknesses in strength and mobility.

    [56:47] The problem with focusing on muscular fatigue when training.

    [1:05:03] What is a pike pulse and why does it matter?

    [1:07:45] On kipping pull-ups.

    [1:11:16] Identifying solutions to pain.

    [1:18:38] The Jefferson curl.

    [1:23:06] Why weighted mobility work needs to be approached with a different level of intensity than conditioning work.

    [1:28:09] If someone is 35 years old, a former athlete, and has never done gymnastics, what’s a good exercise and what should be avoided?

    [1:33:31] 3-5 joint mobility exercises for getting strong.

    [1:38:52] Preferred way to work on shoulder extension.

    [1:44:40] A good goal for those seeking to improve mobility.

    [1:46:15] Yoga handstands vs. gymnastics handstands (aesthetics vs. gold medals).

    [1:54:20] Coaches who have impressed Coach Sommer the most.

    [1:55:49] The story of Dmitry Bilozerchev and Alexander Alexandrov.

    [2:00:36] Differentiating immature athletes from mature athletes.

    [2:03:43] Training for success.

    [2:08:43] Describing the systematic approach to GST.

    [2:16:58] Exercises to avoid for the first six months of GST.

    [2:18:27] Breaking down the muscle-up.

    [2:23:59] Understanding the purpose of using various grips.

    [2:31:28] How Coach Sommer mentally preps athletes for a big competition.

    [2:41:13] Questions Coach Sommer would ask a gymnastic coach before sending children off to train with them.

    [2:45:36] Questions Coach Sommer would ask a gymnastic coach who trains adults.

    [2:47:44] Balancing stretching and training time.

    [2:52:52] People who exemplify success to Coach Sommer.

    [2:58:16] Most gifted books.

    [3:01:04] Morning rituals.

    [3:05:02] Coach Sommer’s billboard.

    [3:10:12] An ask for the audience and parting thoughts.

    *

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  • #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson

    AI transcript
    0:00:00 Okay, this is going to be part confessional. As some of you know, I am recently single and
    0:00:04 navigating the world of modern dating. What a joy that is. Sometimes it’s fun, but it’s mostly a
    0:00:09 goddamn mess, as many of you probably know. I’ve tried all the dating apps, and while there’s some
    0:00:15 slick options out there, the most functional that I have found is The League. I’ve been using it for
    0:00:21 a few months now, and I found some great matches. I am going to use this ad, this sponsor read,
    0:00:27 to selfishly share my own profile with the ladies listening to this podcast. My handle is Tim Tim.
    0:00:34 That’s @TimTim or just Tim Tim. I think you can search by person and just put in Tim Tim,
    0:00:41 and you’ll find me. And then you can match with me. I’ll tell you more about what I’m looking for
    0:00:46 in a bit. But before that, why did I end up using The League? First, most dating apps give you almost
    0:00:52 no information. It’s a huge time suck. On The League, you’re starting with a baseline of smart
    0:00:57 people, and you can then easily find the ones you’re attracted to. It’s much easier. It’s like
    0:01:02 going to a conference where everyone is smart, and then just looking for the people you think
    0:01:07 are cute to go up and speak with. So more than half of The League users went to top 40 colleges,
    0:01:12 and you can make your filters really selective. So if that’s important to you, then go for it. It
    0:01:18 does work, and that is one of the reasons that I use it. Second, people verify using LinkedIn,
    0:01:23 so you can make sure they have a job and don’t bounce around every six months. It’s a simple
    0:01:27 proxy for finding people who have their shit together. It’s infinitely easier than trying
    0:01:32 to figure things out on Instagram or whatever. Third, you can search by interest and in multiple
    0:01:38 locations. I haven’t found any other dating app that allows you to do this. For instance, I usually
    0:01:43 search for women who love skiing or snowboarding, have those as interest as I like to spend, say,
    0:01:48 two to three months of the year in the mountains. I’m a rivers and mountains guy. The UI is a little
    0:01:52 clunky. I’ll warn you, but it’s incredibly helpful for finding good matches and not just
    0:01:57 pretty faces. So you can search by interest and specify multiple cities. So to summarize a few
    0:02:03 things that I think make it stand out. Features available on The League include multi-city dating,
    0:02:08 LinkedIn verified profiles, ability to block your profile from co-workers, bosses, family, etc.
    0:02:13 That’s very easy to do. You can search by interest, you can get profile stats, and there is a personal
    0:02:19 concierge in the app. So there’s someone you can text with within the app as a personal concierge
    0:02:24 to get help. So what am I looking for? I am looking for a woman who is well educated and who loves
    0:02:29 skiing or snowboarding or both. These are, and I’ve used this word already, proxies for like 20
    0:02:35 other things that are important. So I’ll leave it at that for now. Someone who’s default upbeat,
    0:02:40 likes to smile, smiles often, glass half full type of person, who would ideally like to have
    0:02:46 kids in the next few years. Her friends would describe her as feminine and playful and she would
    0:02:51 love polarity in a relationship. She’s athletic and has some muscle. I like strong women, not
    0:02:56 necessarily bodybuilders, but you get the idea. It could be a rock climber, dancer, whatever,
    0:02:59 but has some muscle, loves to read and loves learning. If this sounds like you, send hashtag
    0:03:05 date Tim. So hashtag date Tim in a message to your concierge in the app to get us paired up.
    0:03:11 Again, you can also find my profile under the handle Tim Tim. That’s all one word. T-I-M-T-I-M.
    0:03:16 So these are all reasons why I was excited when the league reached out to sponsor the podcast.
    0:03:21 And not the least of which is that I get to pitch my dating profile on the podcast.
    0:03:25 They even have daily speed dating where you can go on three, three minute dates with people who
    0:03:31 match your preferences all from the comfort of your couch. So check it out. Download the leak today
    0:03:36 on iOS or Android and find people who challenge you to swing for the fences
    0:03:40 and who are in it to win it. I found it to be super fascinating. You can really get good matches
    0:03:46 instead of just looking at pretty faces and kind of rolling the dice over and over again.
    0:03:50 Much better. So download the leak today on iOS or Android and check it out.
    0:03:54 Message hashtag Tim to your in-app concierge to jump to the front of the waitlist and have
    0:03:59 your profile reviewed first. So check it out. The leak on iOS or Android.
    0:04:09 This episode is brought to you by AG1, the daily foundational nutritional supplement that supports
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    0:04:20 I actually recommended AG1 in my 2010 bestseller more than a decade ago, the four-hour body,
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    0:05:06 gives you support for the brain, gut, and immune system. Since 2010, they have improved the formula
    0:05:12 52 times in pursuit of making the best foundational nutrition supplement possible
    0:05:17 using rigorous standards and high-quality ingredients. How many ingredients? 75 and you would
    0:05:23 be hard-pressed to find a more nutrient-dense formula on the market. It has a multivitamin,
    0:05:28 multi-mineral superfood complex, probiotics and prebiotics for gut health,
    0:05:32 an antioxidant immune support formula, digestive enzymes, and adaptogens to help manage stress.
    0:05:38 Now, I do my best, always, to eat nutrient-dense meals. That is the basic, basic, basic requirement.
    0:05:46 Right? That is why things are called supplements. Of course, that’s what I focus on, but it is not
    0:05:50 always possible. It is not always easy. So part of my routine is using AG1 daily. If I’m on the
    0:05:57 road, on the run, it just makes it easy to get a lot of nutrients at once and to sleep easy knowing
    0:06:03 that I am checking a lot of important boxes. So each morning, AG1. That’s just like brushing my
    0:06:09 teeth part of the routine. It’s also NSF certified for sports, so professional athletes trust it to
    0:06:15 be safe. And each pouch of AG1 contains exactly what is on the label, does not contain harmful levels
    0:06:21 of microbes or heavy metals, and is free of 280 band substances. It’s the ultimate nutritional
    0:06:27 supplement in one easy scoop. So take ownership of your health and try AG1 today. You will get a
    0:06:33 free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free AG1 travel packs with your first subscription
    0:06:38 purchase. So learn more, check it out. Go to drinkag1.com/tim. That’s drinkag1, the number one.
    0:06:48 Drinkag1.com/tim. Last time, drinkag1.com/tim. Check it out.
    0:06:55 Hello, boys and girls, ladies and germs. This is Tim Ferris. Welcome to another episode of the Tim
    0:07:24 Ferris Show where it is my job to sit down with world-class performers from every field imaginable
    0:07:29 to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books, and so on that you can apply and test in your own
    0:07:35 lives. This episode is a two for one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10th year
    0:07:41 anniversary, which is insane to think about, and past one billion downloads. To celebrate,
    0:07:47 I’ve curated some of the best of the best, some of my favorites from more than 700 episodes over
    0:07:53 the last decade. I could not be more excited to give you these super combo episodes. And internally,
    0:07:59 we’ve been calling these the super combo episodes because my goal is to encourage you to, yes,
    0:08:04 enjoy the household names, the super famous folks, but to also introduce you to lesser known people
    0:08:09 I consider stars. These are people who have transformed my life, and I feel like they can do
    0:08:15 the same for many of you. Perhaps they got lost in a busy news cycle. Perhaps you missed an episode.
    0:08:21 Just trust me on this one, we went to great pains to put these pairings together. And for
    0:08:27 the bios of all guests, you can find that and more at tim.blog/combo. And now without further ado,
    0:08:35 please enjoy and thank you for listening. First up, Seth Godin, entrepreneur, speaker,
    0:08:43 and author of 21 international bestsellers, including Purple Cow, Lynchpin, The Dip.
    0:08:51 This is marketing and his new book, The Song of Significance, a new manifesto for teams.
    0:08:58 You can find Seth at s-e-t-h-s.blog. I’ve been very impressed in some of our conversations by
    0:09:09 the rules that you’ve established for yourself for saying yes or no to certain things.
    0:09:14 And perhaps we could start, if you’re willing to talk about it, with speaking engagements.
    0:09:19 Speaking engagements, as you’ve experienced, if you have a successful book, I went from kind of zero
    0:09:24 to 60 very quickly unexpectedly and said yes to everything. And it just turned into
    0:09:29 a parody of Up in the Air. I mean, I felt like a traveling salesman or Jack Lemon and Glenn
    0:09:34 Gary Glenn Ross, it was horrible. What are your rules for, for instance, speaking engagements,
    0:09:40 to whatever extent you’re comfortable talking about them?
    0:09:42 Oh, I’d be happy to. And then I’ll scroll back a little bit and tell you why I have to have
    0:09:47 rules for things like that. For speaking engagements, I don’t want to do more than 30 a year
    0:09:53 because they are, at least for me, not additive to the joy of my day, except for the hour I’m
    0:10:02 on stage. So I am prepared to do an unlimited number of speaking engagements in zip code 10706.
    0:10:09 Monday, I’m going to Carnegie Hall to talk for free to 25 music students who have devoted their
    0:10:18 lives to doing what they do. And it’s a privilege to do something like that. If I have to get on
    0:10:23 an airplane, it’s a whole other project. So I think really hard about what impact am I trying to make
    0:10:29 and will this help me move things forward, which is where this nests into. My mentor and
    0:10:36 late friend, Zig Ziglar, used to talk about the idea. He used to say, I’ve never changed anyone’s
    0:10:42 life with a speaking gig. But sometimes I do a speaking gig and they buy my cassettes. And if
    0:10:48 they buy my cassettes, I got a shot at changing their life. And for me, my mission and has been
    0:10:54 for a long time is to make a certain kind of change happen. I want to help people see the
    0:11:00 world differently. And if they choose to, make a different choice after they see the world differently.
    0:11:06 I want to help people connect to each other and to use that connection to make things better.
    0:11:12 And I don’t want to be a TV personality. So the question is, how do I bring that teaching
    0:11:20 to people? And what I found is it’s a very unique situation when you have 500 or 5000
    0:11:27 high-powered people in a room who didn’t expect that you were going to be there, but now that
    0:11:34 you’re there are eager to hear what you have to say. And they set aside their Twitter account and
    0:11:40 they set aside their preconceptions. And for 45 minutes or an hour, you have a screen that’s 30
    0:11:47 feet by 20 feet and you have a microphone that’s amplified. And maybe just maybe you can get under
    0:11:53 their skin. And if you do, maybe just maybe they go back to their office and get 10 copies of your
    0:11:59 turn and hand them out to their team. And then I can do that practice that I seek,
    0:12:06 which is to change the conversation. So that’s why I do it at all.
    0:12:11 And the further away it is, the less likely. Is that fair to say?
    0:12:14 Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. What I did was, having studied a little bit of economics, is I changed
    0:12:19 the price. Los Angeles costs three times as much as New York. And if you don’t think that’s fair,
    0:12:24 then don’t make me go to Los Angeles. You said you’re going to elaborate on why you need rules.
    0:12:30 And maybe you just did. Maybe that was the answer, but-
    0:12:33 Well, because the phone rings, right? And lots of people want a thing. And if it doesn’t align
    0:12:39 with the thing that is your mission and you say yes, then now it’s their mission.
    0:12:44 And there’s nothing wrong with being a wandering generality instead of a meaningful specific,
    0:12:51 but don’t expect to make the change you seek to make if that’s what you do.
    0:12:55 The thing is, and Derek, I thought your interview with Derek was one of the best ones you’ve ever
    0:13:00 done. Thanks. Derek makes it quite easy. Derek Sivers is amazing.
    0:13:06 I adore him. And he talked about offense versus defense. And if you think hard about one’s life,
    0:13:14 most people spend most of their time on defense in reactive mode.
    0:13:19 Definitely. In playing with the cards they got, instead of moving to a different table
    0:13:23 with different cards, instead of seeking to change other people, they are willing to be changed.
    0:13:29 And part of the arc of what I’m trying to teach is everyone who can hear this has more power than
    0:13:38 they think they do. And the question is, what are you going to do with that power? Because it comes
    0:13:43 with responsibility right out of Spider-Man. But that responsibility is you’re going to make change
    0:13:48 happen or you’re going to ignore it. And if you make change happen, that’s on you.
    0:13:52 This is maybe going to turn into a therapy session for myself. But I’ve found myself,
    0:13:58 I mean, we’re just talking about books and their place in culture,
    0:14:00 feeling like I’m in a transition point. You’ve been so consistent and so present for so many
    0:14:08 people for so long, your readers, etc. How do you navigate big transitions in your own life?
    0:14:14 And that’s a very general question. But for instance, I find myself, the reason the podcast
    0:14:18 started is because burned out on books. It was after the four hour chef 670 some odd pages.
    0:14:22 I just felt so battle weary and run down by publishing that I wanted to take a break.
    0:14:29 And the podcast was a side project that then became its own entire thing altogether. But
    0:14:36 when you find yourself wondering maybe what to do next, I mean, how do you navigate
    0:14:40 some of those larger transitions? And I mean, if you have any examples that come to mind.
    0:14:46 All right, well, the good news is you did exactly the right thing. And I applaud it. It’s not easy to
    0:14:53 do that. Because it means going from a place where by outside measures, you are about to succeed again
    0:14:59 to a place where by outside measures, you might not. Hence the motto, this might not work.
    0:15:05 And so on a good day, my story to myself is this might not work. That’s my job to do something
    0:15:12 that might not work. And the number of projects I’ve done, big and small exceeds most peoples.
    0:15:20 And the number of failures I have dramatically exceeds most peoples. And I’m super proud of that.
    0:15:25 More proud of the failures than the successes. Because it’s about this mantra of, is this generous?
    0:15:32 Is this going to connect? Is this going to change people for the better? Is it worth trying?
    0:15:36 If it meets those criteria, and I can cajole myself into doing it, then I ought to.
    0:15:43 And the transitions aren’t easy. I regularly spend months telling people that I’m unemployed and in
    0:15:52 between projects. How did you decide, or what is the thinking behind daily blog versus say, a longer
    0:16:00 blog post once a week or at some other frequency? So the daily blog evolved. And it’s
    0:16:06 one of the top five career decisions I’ve ever made in terms of having a practice that resonates
    0:16:17 with the people who I need to resonate with, that I can do forever and have been doing for
    0:16:23 more than eight years now. And that leaves a trail behind. I don’t need anyone’s permission.
    0:16:29 I don’t need to go out and promote it. I don’t use any analytics. I don’t have comments. It’s just,
    0:16:34 this is what I noticed today. And I thought I’d share it with you. And for a while,
    0:16:39 it was an intermittent blog. And then it was a five times a day blog. I do write five posts a day.
    0:16:44 I just don’t publish five posts a day. But it became clear that I could get the appropriate amount of
    0:16:52 mind space. Do you draft by hand in Word, in a particular program? I type right into type pad.
    0:17:00 So I learned this from Chip Conley. Have you had Chip on the show?
    0:17:04 I haven’t, but I love Chip. He’s a great guy. Great guy. So Chip and I went to business school
    0:17:08 together. And he was the third youngest person in the class. And I was the second youngest person
    0:17:15 in the class. So he got five of us together. And every Tuesday night, we met in the anthropology
    0:17:20 department for four hours. And we brainstormed more than 5,000 business ideas over the course of
    0:17:28 the first year of business school. It was magnificent. It wasn’t official. It wasn’t
    0:17:33 sanctioned. It was just Chip said, let’s do this. And we did. And he picked the anthropology department
    0:17:38 because he knew someone there and could get the conference room. And he said, this is the only
    0:17:42 place we will ever do this. And the reason is when you walk into this room, you will associate this
    0:17:49 room with what we do here. That’s all. And I feel the same way about my blog. If I am in the type
    0:17:56 pad editor, I know exactly what my brain needs to feel like. And then the writing happens.
    0:18:02 What does your writing warm up look like? And when do you typically write? One of my fans said that
    0:18:09 you at some point, this could be a misquit, but said that you had an elaborate or extreme sort of
    0:18:14 mental warm up for writing. Do you write in the mornings or what time do you typically write?
    0:18:20 Okay. So now I need to tell you about Stephen King’s pencil. Yes, please. Because I feel very
    0:18:25 strongly about this. Stephen King often goes to writer’s conferences and there’ll be this question
    0:18:30 and that question and the next question. And inevitably someone raises their hand and says,
    0:18:34 Stephen King, you’re one of the most successful, revered writers of your generation.
    0:18:39 What kind of pencil do you use? I won’t go there. It doesn’t matter. It’s a way to hide. It’s not
    0:18:47 interesting to me to talk about how I do it because there’s no correlation that I have ever
    0:18:54 encountered between how writers write and how good their work is. So you should just move on
    0:19:00 because it doesn’t matter. All right. I’ll make a confession then, which is when I feel blocked,
    0:19:08 which does happen with writing, I take a long time to get to the point where I feel like I have
    0:19:12 the balls in the air well enough to put pieces together. It just takes me a long time to synthesize,
    0:19:17 but not unlike some coders, I guess, but the point I was going to make is that I went to a
    0:19:22 conversation between Poe Bronson, a writer and another gent, I’m blanking on his name,
    0:19:28 and I asked Poe during a Q&A what he did when he felt blocked or couldn’t figure out what to do
    0:19:34 next in writing, and he said, “Write what makes you angry. Write about what makes you angry.”
    0:19:38 And I found that very helpful. It was a very helpful way to at least get the hand or the brain
    0:19:45 moving to break the ice. I totally agree. That’s not the question. If you said to Poe Bronson,
    0:19:52 “How do you write these books that are remarkable and thoughtful and generous?”
    0:19:56 I don’t think his answer is, “Every morning I get as angry as I can and then I type.”
    0:20:01 Agreed. So you and I could list 25 tricks that help us get past the resistance
    0:20:08 and start the flow of writing, but that’s different than saying,
    0:20:14 “I need to do it like those other people do it.” Agreed. I guess in the buffet of things
    0:20:20 that have been helpful along those lines, if for whatever reason didn’t get a good night’s sleep,
    0:20:25 feeling off, you sit down to write. Right. This is easy. The answer to this question is,
    0:20:31 write. Write poorly. Continue writing poorly. Write poorly until it’s not bad anymore,
    0:20:38 and then you’ll have something you can use. People who have trouble coming up with good ideas,
    0:20:43 if they’re telling you the truth, will tell you they don’t have very many bad ideas.
    0:20:48 But people who have plenty of good ideas, if they’re telling you the truth, will say they
    0:20:52 have even more bad ideas. So the goal isn’t to get good ideas. The goal is to get bad ideas,
    0:20:57 because once you get enough bad ideas, then some good ones have to show up.
    0:21:01 What are some of the top business decisions that you’ve made?
    0:21:05 We’ll go way back, and I would say the first one, which is useful to everybody, is sell something
    0:21:12 that people want to buy. My friend Lynn is a brilliant, brilliant thinker and designer.
    0:21:18 And for years, she was in the business of designing toys and soft goods for moms with toddlers.
    0:21:26 And every toy company in America was mean to her, rejected her, had nothing to do with her.
    0:21:33 And I said, Lynn, it’s simple. Toy companies don’t like toy designers.
    0:21:37 They’re not organized to do business with toy designers. They’re not hoping toy designers
    0:21:41 will come to them. I said, come with me into the book business, because every day,
    0:21:45 there are underpaid, really smart people in the book business who wake up waiting
    0:21:52 for the next great idea to come across their desk. They’re eager to buy what you have to sell.
    0:21:57 And within two months, she did the decks of cards, the 52 decks, and sold more than 5 million
    0:22:05 decks of cards. And that’s because they appreciated her. So if you think about how hard it is to push
    0:22:12 a business uphill, particularly when you’re just getting started, one answer is to say,
    0:22:18 why don’t you just start a different business, a business you can push downhill?
    0:22:21 This is a good lesson. Yeah, sometimes there’s a fetishizing of the rolling of the stone like
    0:22:30 Sisyphus. And it’s Silicon Valley. There’s just fetishizing of it, of the pain. And I’m like,
    0:22:36 maybe your model’s just too difficult. You should choose a different business.
    0:22:42 Okay, that is a good lesson. Any other? Well, so then the other lesson, it happens all the time,
    0:22:49 which is knowing when I’m wrong is a useful skill. And lots of people who do good work have trouble
    0:23:03 knowing when they haven’t done good work and they think they should stick with it. Other people
    0:23:08 have done good work, don’t think they have, and they pivot too soon. So figuring that moment
    0:23:12 out, 1994, I’m running one of the first internet companies. We invented commercial email. And
    0:23:20 Mark Hurst shows me this thing called the World Wide Web. And I say, that’s stupid. It’s just
    0:23:27 like Prodigy, except it’s slower and there’s nobody to pay us money. And for six months,
    0:23:34 I persisted in pointing out that the World Wide Web made no sense whatsoever. And then one day,
    0:23:41 just woke up and I said, wait a minute, let me look at that again. And we completely changed
    0:23:46 how we decided we were going to do our business. The same thing is true with the cover of All
    0:23:52 Marketers or Liars, because the cover and the title were super clever and wrong. It was not a
    0:23:59 matter of me persisting in persuading people that they needed to get the joke. It was merely a matter
    0:24:06 of persuading the publisher, we should make the paperback have a different cover and a
    0:24:10 different title. That if you’re going to try a lot of things, you’re going to fail a lot and
    0:24:16 figure out the difference between the failures of your judgment versus the failures of not persisting
    0:24:22 long enough is a useful skill. And I’m still not great at it, but I’m better at it than I was.
    0:24:27 You’ve interacted with many more entrepreneurs than I have, I would say at this point. One of
    0:24:32 the questions that I get constantly that you might have a better answer for, because I don’t have a
    0:24:37 great answer for it right now, is how do I discern between an idea that I should keep persisting with
    0:24:45 despite many, many, many rejections versus a bad idea that I should abandon that is getting the same
    0:24:53 type of rejection that I’m equally enthusiastic about. And that’s a very wordy way to put it,
    0:24:59 but I get some question. I get some version of that question all the time. How would you
    0:25:02 answer that? Well, first we have to scroll back. There’s a difference between freelancers and
    0:25:07 entrepreneurs. Most people who are independent are freelancers. They get paid when they work.
    0:25:13 They do good work and get paid for it. A few people are entrepreneurs building a business
    0:25:18 bigger than themselves, a business that makes the money when they sleep, a business where they
    0:25:23 don’t actually do the work that the customer is buying, and a business that they can sell one day.
    0:25:29 So we look at Larry Ellison. Larry Ellison doesn’t code at a war call. Larry Ellison doesn’t make
    0:25:35 most of the sales calls. What does Larry Ellison do actually? His job is to think about something
    0:25:41 that needs to be done and hire someone else to do it over and over again, building something
    0:25:46 bigger than himself. So the first thing I would say to the person who’s confused is, “Well,
    0:25:50 are you an entrepreneur or a freelancer?” If you’re an entrepreneur, then you have signed up for a
    0:25:57 series of choices and challenges. And again, start with selling something people want to buy.
    0:26:06 There’s no reason to try to invent a need when there are so many needs and wants that are unfilled.
    0:26:14 So people didn’t wake up 10 years ago and say, “I need an Uber,” but they did wake up 10 years ago
    0:26:22 and say, “I need an easy inexpensive way to get from A to B.” Correct. Once you could go to someone
    0:26:28 and say, “I have that,” people would say, “I want that.” But if you’re just saying, “I’m really clever,
    0:26:35 I know what you should want,” and when you tell people what it is, they don’t want it,
    0:26:40 you’re either talking to the wrong people or you made the wrong thing. The blog post I point people
    0:26:45 to the most is called First 10. And it is a simple theory of marketing that says, “Tell 10 people,
    0:26:53 show 10 people, share it with 10 people, 10 people who already trust you and already like you.”
    0:26:58 If they don’t tell anybody else, it’s not that good and you should start over.
    0:27:02 And if they do tell other people, you’re on your way. So the reason I don’t use Twitter is I saw
    0:27:09 Twitter early, which is unusual for me. And I said, “Wow, I could do this and have a lot of followers.”
    0:27:14 And then I said, “Well, what would that mean? A, it would mean less time spent writing my blog.
    0:27:20 B, it would mean exposing myself to anonymous comments from people who want me to pay attention
    0:27:27 to them. Will either of those two things make me better at the things I want to be good at? No.
    0:27:32 Will it be a thrill in the sense that there’ll be a little fearful edge to it every time I interact?
    0:27:40 Yes. But I have conservation of fear and I have to be really careful because if I’m busy sorting
    0:27:48 through more stuff, the cognitive load goes up and I can’t do what Neil Gaiman does. Like Neil
    0:27:54 famously has said that the way he writes a book is he makes himself extremely bored.
    0:28:01 And if he’s bored enough, a book’s going to come out because he needs to entertain himself.
    0:28:08 Well, the problem most people don’t understand about social media, social media wasn’t invented
    0:28:15 to make you better. It was invented to make the company’s money. And you are an employee of the
    0:28:22 company and you are the product that they sell. And they have put you in a little hamster wheel
    0:28:26 and they throw little treats in now and then. But you’ve got to decide what’s the impact you’re
    0:28:32 trying to make. And this still comes back to the fear thing. And one of the biggest misunderstandings
    0:28:39 of the people who are into that whole quantified self thing is they are confusing quantifying the
    0:28:48 self with dancing with the fear. And there are completely different things to do in a given day
    0:28:56 that one is Taylorism, it’s scientific management, it’s productivity. We need to
    0:29:03 move these widgets from one place to another. What’s the most efficient way? And I’m glad we
    0:29:08 got good at industry because it makes our lives way more rich, right? But our economy, our world,
    0:29:16 and our soul aren’t fulfilled by that. They’re fulfilled by people who do something that has
    0:29:23 never been done before. And if it’s never been done before, you can’t quantify it because it’s
    0:29:28 never been done before. And so to be good at it doesn’t mean you quantify your way to it. To be
    0:29:34 good at it means you clear the decks so that all that’s left is you and the muse, you and the fear,
    0:29:46 you and the change you want to make in the world. I can’t think of something that’s more productive
    0:29:52 for the kind of people who are lucky enough and blessed enough to be rich enough to be listening
    0:29:57 to this to focus their energy on. We don’t need folks like that to go from 90 words per minute
    0:30:03 to 105 words per minute when they type. It’s not a factor. What we need is for them to type
    0:30:09 something that’s worth reading. What opportunities were you offered doesn’t have to be specific
    0:30:15 that you’re glad you turned down? Are there any particular examples that come to mind? And if not,
    0:30:20 I can move on. But I’m just curious if there are any opportunities that you’ve turned down.
    0:30:24 For me, for instance, one of them would be every reality TV show invite I’ve ever had. I’m thrilled
    0:30:31 and I was extremely tempted early on, but in retrospect, extremely happy. I said no to all
    0:30:37 of that. Yes. This is a great point. TV runs deep in our culture. They wanted me to be on
    0:30:44 that super famous one and then that other one. I never hesitated in saying no because that’s the
    0:30:51 moments when you decide who you want to be. I paid extra careful attention to the question
    0:30:58 and extra careful attention to my answer and it resonated. I would say the biggest shift,
    0:31:05 which is for Silicon Valley people, hard to get your arms around because there’s a game
    0:31:11 being played there and it’s just a game I’ve opted out of, is when I was at Yahoo during the
    0:31:16 Renaissance in 1999, Bill Gross, who’s a super nice guy, came to me and asked me to be head of
    0:31:24 marketing for the company he was building. It had Steven Spielberg on the board. It was teed up to
    0:31:30 be the seventh next IPO and there were a billion dollars in stock options on the table. I said
    0:31:39 to myself, well, if I say yes to this, I’ve decided what I do for the rest of my life, which is say
    0:31:44 yes to the next one because I don’t need to say yes to this to buy Cilantro and Vodka. Why would I
    0:31:52 say yes? It’s because I like the game and I didn’t say yes. Even though the billion dollars in stock
    0:31:58 options never came around, I think I’d be even more proud of it if they had because money is a
    0:32:04 story. Once you have enough for beans and rice and taking care of your family and a few other things,
    0:32:10 money is a story. You can tell yourself any story you want about money and it’s better to tell yourself
    0:32:17 a story about money that you can happily live with. Could you elaborate on that a little bit?
    0:32:23 What is your story about money? Is it what you just said? Because this is a really important
    0:32:28 point. It’s something I’ve been trying to mull over and in the last year or so in particular.
    0:32:34 Well, let me start with the marketing story about money, which is take a $10 bill and go to the bus
    0:32:40 station and walk up to someone and say, I’ll sell you this $10 bill for a dollar. You should actually
    0:32:46 do this. No one will buy it from you. There are a few reasons for this. The first reason is no one
    0:32:52 goes to the bus station hoping to do a financial transaction. The second one is only an insane
    0:32:58 person would try to sell you a real $10 bill for a dollar and dealing with insane people is tricky,
    0:33:05 so it must not be a real $10 bill. You should just walk away. Now, let’s try a different thing.
    0:33:11 Put a $10 bill in your neighbor’s mailbox when he’s not home and run away.
    0:33:15 Do it the next day. Do it the third day. On the fourth day, ring your neighbor’s doorbell and say,
    0:33:22 I’m the guy who left three $10 bills in your mailbox. Here’s another one. You want to buy it for a
    0:33:28 dollar? You’ll sell it because your neighbor knows you’re crazy, but you’re crazy in a very
    0:33:33 particular way and you’ve earned the trust that it’s a real $10 bill. We assume that $10 bills
    0:33:42 are worth $10, but no, it’s a mutual belief and if the belief isn’t present, they’re worth nothing.
    0:33:47 Now, we get to our internal narrative about money. His money, that number, it’s not even pieces of
    0:33:55 paper anymore. It’s a number on a screen. Is that a reflection of your worth as a human?
    0:34:01 One of the things that Derek said on your podcast that I sort of disagree with is that
    0:34:06 being rich is a symbol that you’ve created a lot of value for a lot of people.
    0:34:12 I think lots of times that’s actually not true and there are lots of ways to create value for
    0:34:18 people and most of them do not involve money. What we have to decide once we’re okay, once we’re not
    0:34:27 living on $3 a day, once we have a roof, once we have healthcare, is we have to decide how much more
    0:34:33 money and what am I going to trade for it because we always trade something for it unless we’re
    0:34:39 fortunate enough that the very thing we want to do is the thing that also gives us our maximum
    0:34:44 income and I don’t think that merely because some blog decides that people with big valuations are
    0:34:52 doing better, that doesn’t mean you should listen to them. A lot of the questions from my fans on
    0:34:58 Twitter and Facebook were related to education and they generally came in the form of in a number
    0:35:03 of themes. One was, could you have him elaborate on his education manifesto? The other was, hey,
    0:35:10 I have a kid who’s in fourth grade. I have a kid who’s just going to be entering school. What would
    0:35:16 Seth do in my shoes? You don’t have to tackle those right off the bat, but that is context.
    0:35:22 Could you tell us more about what you’re up to? This is a rant and it’s not about what I’m up to.
    0:35:28 It’s about what I was up to and the rant is this. Sooner or later, parents have to take
    0:35:34 responsibility for putting their kids into a system that is indebting them and teaching them to be
    0:35:41 cogs in an economy that doesn’t want cogs anymore. Parents get to decide. I’m a huge fan of public
    0:35:48 school. I sent my kids to public school. I think everyone should go to public school because it’s
    0:35:52 a great mix master of our world, but from three o’clock to 10 o’clock, those kids are getting
    0:35:59 homeschooled and they’re either getting homeschooled and watching the Flintstones or they’re getting
    0:36:03 homeschooled and learning something useful. I think we need to teach kids two things. One,
    0:36:10 how to lead, and two, how to solve interesting problems because the fact is there are plenty
    0:36:17 of countries on earth where there are people who are willing to be obedient and work harder
    0:36:21 for less money than us. We cannot out-obedience the competition. Therefore, we have to out-lead
    0:36:30 or out-solve the other people. I don’t care what country they live in in Wyoming or across the world
    0:36:37 who want whatever is scarce. The way you teach your kids to solve interesting problems is to give
    0:36:44 them interesting problems to solve and then don’t criticize them when they fail because kids aren’t
    0:36:52 stupid. If they get in trouble every time they try to solve an interesting problem, they’ll just go
    0:36:57 back to getting an A by memorizing what’s in the textbook. It’s so important here and I spent an
    0:37:03 enormous amount of time with kids. I produced the Wizard of Oz, the musical in fourth grade. I used
    0:37:09 to help run a summer camp. I think that it’s a privilege to be able to look a trusting, energetic,
    0:37:17 smart 11-year-old in the eye and tell them the truth. What we can say to that 11-year-old is,
    0:37:23 “I really don’t care how you did on your vocabulary test. I care about whether you have
    0:37:30 something to say.” We can teach our kids from a young age to be the kind of people we want them
    0:37:38 to be. Anything that’s worth memorizing is worth looking up now. We don’t need to have them spend
    0:37:45 a lot of time getting good grades so they can go into a famous college because famous colleges
    0:37:51 don’t work anymore. Famous college isn’t the point anymore. The point is, is there an entity
    0:37:58 that will have trouble living without you when you seek to earn a living? Because if there is,
    0:38:03 you’ll be able to make a living. If on the other hand you’re waiting in the placement office
    0:38:07 for someone to pick you, you will be persistently undervalued.
    0:38:11 You talked earlier about writing daily as a practice, listening to the audio books as a
    0:38:17 practice. Are there any practices that you would suggest to the kind of overwhelmed busy parent
    0:38:24 who wants to start to be more proactive in this department? They have an 11-year-old. Are there
    0:38:28 any practices or exercises that you would suggest? Well, you know super well that busy is a trap
    0:38:35 and it is a myth. So what could possibly be more important than your kid? Please don’t play the
    0:38:42 busy card. If you spend two hours a day without an electronic device, looking your kid in the
    0:38:51 on eye, talking to them and solving interesting problems, you will raise a different kid
    0:38:57 than someone who doesn’t do that. And that’s one of the reasons why I cook dinner every night.
    0:39:05 Because what a wonderful semi-distracted environment for the kid to tell you the truth,
    0:39:12 for you to have low stakes but super important conversations with someone who’s important to
    0:39:18 you, right? That this idea, get home from work, put on your sneakers and go for a walk with your
    0:39:24 kid. You know, my friend Brian walks his daughter to school every day. That’s priceless. Well,
    0:39:31 how can you be too busy to do that? Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors
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    0:40:24 within 24 hours. LinkedIn knows that small business owners, leaders, execs are wearing so many hats,
    0:40:29 they’re stretched then. They might not have the time or resources to hire in any drawn out way.
    0:40:33 So LinkedIn is constantly finding ways to make the process easier. In fact, they just launched a
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    0:40:58 And now, Dr. Sue Johnson, who was a leading innovator in the fields of couples therapy and
    0:41:10 adult attachment, and the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy,
    0:41:16 or EFT. Sadly, Dr. Johnson passed away in April of this year. Her impact on the field of family
    0:41:24 therapy will be felt for generations. To learn more about how her work can improve your relationships,
    0:41:31 check out her bestselling book, Hold Me Tight, and visit Dr. SueJohnson.com.
    0:41:38 Dr. Johnson, welcome to the show.
    0:41:42 Oh, hey, I’m delighted to be with you, Tim. Thank you for inviting me.
    0:41:45 I am also thrilled to have you, and we have an abundance of questions in front of me. We may
    0:41:52 cover some of them. I don’t get too attached to trying to cover them all because we’ll run out
    0:41:58 of time. But I thought we would start with something that was mentioned in the intro and that I know
    0:42:05 will interest my audience, and that is the peer-reviewed clinical research or research, depending
    0:42:12 on where you happen to be in the world. Could you speak to the actual science and research
    0:42:17 related to your work? There’s now over 20 outcome studies. Outcome studies in psychotherapy are
    0:42:23 very hard to do, and there’s a lot of noise in the system. There’s lots of things going on in
    0:42:28 people’s lives. Life gets in the way. You have to work very hard to get results, and follow-up is
    0:42:36 the real thing that matters. We are the only couple intervention, as far as I know, that has
    0:42:44 the size of results we get, the impacts people, the way we do, that knows why we get these results.
    0:42:52 I can tell you exactly what needs to happen in therapy to get the results, and that gets
    0:42:57 fantastic follow-up. We can work with a couple for 14 to 20 sessions. We can look at them at the
    0:43:04 end of therapy. We can see that they are happier, more secure, more securely bonded. Their sex life
    0:43:12 is better. They feel less depressed as individuals, and we follow them up three years later, and the
    0:43:18 results hold, which is, just so that everyone knows, astounding. The latest one we’re doing is,
    0:43:28 we’ve got a great big one with the Heart Institute in Ottawa, because the cardiologists have realised
    0:43:34 that actually, if their patients have good relationships with their partners, they’re
    0:43:41 much less likely to have another heart attack. They take their meds, they go to the gym, so then
    0:43:47 they said, “Could you do something?” We said, “Are you kidding? We’ll design a 16-hour program for
    0:43:53 you, and we’ll research it.” We’re doing that. To be honest, I do the research because we learn,
    0:44:01 and because it’s our way of testing what we think we know. It’s not what really turns me on in the
    0:44:07 end. What turns me on is watching these couples, learning from them, and watching them make these
    0:44:13 huge changes in their lives. I’ve been doing it for 35 years, and it turns me on like, I dance
    0:44:22 Argentine tango. It turns me on like the best melonga ever, and dancing with the best partner
    0:44:27 ever. I have many follow-ups, of course, as questions. Just as a side note, I lived in Argentina
    0:44:36 from 2004 to 2005, and went to melonga probably five or six times a week. I did a lot of tango,
    0:44:45 so we have that in common. If we focus just for a few more minutes on the research, because this
    0:44:53 will be a way of backing into defining EFT for folks, I think. I’ve read that EFT has something
    0:44:58 like a 73% to 86% success rate in studies with distressed couples. I would love to know what
    0:45:07 or how success is defined in these studies. I think that would be helpful for people listening.
    0:45:15 Then later, we’ll return to the durability of EFT, because that’s incredible that you’re doing
    0:45:20 follow-ups three years later, and seeing that persistence of EFT is really incredible. But
    0:45:26 how do you define success with distressed couples? That’s a good question, and it depends on the
    0:45:31 study. But in general, we define it with a measure of, it’s called marital adjustment,
    0:45:36 and it basically looks at the couples take perception of their marital satisfaction.
    0:45:45 It’s a bit more than satisfaction, because it has different elements to it. We use a scale that’s
    0:45:50 been used in all kinds of research that’s got all kinds of validity, but we’ve also used all
    0:45:55 kinds of measures. The one that I think is the most interesting is that we did a big study a few
    0:46:01 years ago looking not just at whether we can help you change your marital satisfaction, your adjustment,
    0:46:07 the way you see your partner. We can help you change the security of your bond with your partner,
    0:46:16 which for me is much more significant than satisfaction or saying, yes, we have an adjusted
    0:46:23 marriage. We have a good marriage. I trust this person in this marriage to be able to say,
    0:46:29 we have a more secure bond, and we know how to create that bond ongoingly in the future.
    0:46:38 That still amazes me that we know that, because we’ve talked in our society forever about how
    0:46:44 romantic love is this great mystery, and it just comes and hits you in the head. You fall in,
    0:46:50 you fall out. There’s nothing much you can do about it. Well, actually, that’s rot now.
    0:46:54 Personally, I think it should be all over the front of the New York Times. We’ve cracked the
    0:46:59 code of love, but the New York Times doesn’t agree with me. I think that’s real big news for people.
    0:47:05 When we can show in our study, which we did, that we can take people, very distressed people who
    0:47:12 don’t trust each other, who can’t talk to each other, who aren’t intimate, and we can in 20
    0:47:18 sessions create a bond where they can turn and be vulnerable with each other. They can say,
    0:47:26 I trust this person. I’m close to this person. I can be open to this person. This person is my
    0:47:31 special one. I trust this relationship. They can do the things. We can see it on tape. They can do
    0:47:38 the things that securely attached people do in loving, lasting relationships. That’s very
    0:47:45 significant. We also find things like depression goes down when people are more securely connected
    0:47:51 with each other, anxiety goes down, people deal with trauma better. We see a lot of folks with
    0:47:57 PTSD. When you’ve faced dragons to recover from that experience, you need to find comfort in the
    0:48:04 arms of another. That’s just the way we’re wired. If you cannot find comfort in the arms of another,
    0:48:12 you are hard pressed from my point of view, no matter how many times you meditate, no matter how
    0:48:17 many tips you’ve learned, no matter how much insight you have, if you can’t find comfort in the
    0:48:23 arms of another to heal from trauma, it’s bad news. We have a lot of different results, but they’re
    0:48:30 all on measures that are accepted by the field as valid. They’ve all been in peer-reviewed journals
    0:48:39 and, believe me, reviewers are brutal to psychologists. They’re brutal.
    0:48:46 Let me ask a few questions. If I may jump in, then we’re going to continue, of course, on the path
    0:48:54 to defining what characterizes or describing what characterizes EFT. What scale do you use
    0:49:00 or scales do you use when assessing marital satisfaction and bond? Just for those people
    0:49:06 listening who may not know what we’re talking about, there are different questionnaires and scales
    0:49:10 for different types of conditions. For instance, you might have the ham D for depression, you might
    0:49:16 have cap five or caps five for PTSD. I’m sure some people will be curious if there are any
    0:49:22 particular scales they could find themselves just to look at their own. I believe I put some of those
    0:49:27 scales in my book, Love Sense, actually. We use the dyadic adjustment scale, which has been used
    0:49:33 in marital research for decades for adjustment. We use various things for things like depression,
    0:49:40 like the Beck depression scale. For attachment, we use something called the experiences in close
    0:49:47 relationship scale, which is used in adult attachment research has only been going for
    0:49:53 the last 20 years. It’s young. Attachment research was really confined to mothers and children
    0:49:59 for decades. The belief was that once you hit 12, you were supposed to become self-sufficient.
    0:50:06 Attachment didn’t matter very much. That’s changed. Now we have a whole field called attachment
    0:50:12 research. The experiences in close relationship scale is the measure we use. However, we have also
    0:50:20 used observational measures like coding couples interactions as they talk. We can talk about
    0:50:27 that. We talk about something called a hold me tight conversation. We can code the behaviors
    0:50:33 are totally different when they come into therapy and when they’re finished. My favorite one,
    0:50:38 which I can’t resist talking about, is that we did a brain scan study with a wonderful colleague
    0:50:45 of mine from the University of Virginia called Jim Cohen, neuroscientist, where we put the women.
    0:50:53 We hadn’t got enough money to do both partners. We had to choose. We put the women in an MRI
    0:51:01 machine at the beginning when they were distressed and insecurely attached and didn’t believe that
    0:51:08 their partners loved them or cared for them. We put the women in the MRI machine at the beginning
    0:51:13 of therapy and then at the end of therapy when they had these hold me tight conversations.
    0:51:19 We were a bit brutal when I think about it. We put them in the MRI machine and we said,
    0:51:24 “When you see an X in front of your face, there’s a good chance you’re going to be
    0:51:28 shocked on your ankles and it’s going to hurt.” It did hurt because we tried it on my
    0:51:33 research assistant and she told us very clearly. That didn’t hurt. We turned the machine down a
    0:51:41 bit. What was interesting is at the beginning, before therapy, before EFT, we showed these women
    0:51:48 this X and their brains went into immediate alarm on the MRI, high, high alarm state because
    0:51:55 they’re expecting the shock. Once we delivered the shock, we asked if it hurt and they said it
    0:52:00 was painful or extremely painful. This is in a journal called Plus One. After sessions of therapy,
    0:52:08 after EFT, when they’d had these bonding conversations, by the way, we put them in and
    0:52:16 we, since you’re interested in research, I’ll tell you a bit of detail. Basically,
    0:52:20 they saw the X when they were alone in the machine, when they held their partner’s hand,
    0:52:25 when they were in the machine, and when a stranger held their hand. Before therapy,
    0:52:29 in all three conditions, their brains went berserk and they said that the shock was extremely painful.
    0:52:34 After therapy, we put them in the machine again, did the same thing. They saw the X.
    0:52:41 When the stranger held their hand or when they were alone in the machine, same thing as before,
    0:52:47 their brain went berserk and they said it was extremely painful. This time, after EFT and the
    0:52:54 bonding conversations, when their partner held their hand, reached into the machine and held their
    0:52:59 hand, their brain stayed completely calm. It looked like a resting brain. It looked like they were
    0:53:06 just resting there. Their brains stayed completely calm. If you asked them if the shock hurt,
    0:53:11 they said it was uncomfortable. I’m not a neuroscientist. I saw these brain scans and there
    0:53:19 was some blue lighting up after therapy. I said to my colleague, “Jim, what does the blue mean?
    0:53:25 I can’t see any red for alarm anymore, but what does the blue mean?” He said, “It means they’re not
    0:53:30 dead soon.” He said, “Oh, okay.” He said, “That’s just a resting brain. Oh, okay. Jolly good.”
    0:53:39 That spoke to me amazingly because psychology is often dismissed as a sort of soft science.
    0:53:48 Indeed, we deal with many intangibles. For me, that was incredibly neat because you could see it
    0:53:55 and you could see that we’re talking about biology here, but we’re talking about the biology of a
    0:54:02 social being, a being whose brain is wired for connection with other people and who needs this
    0:54:12 connection with other people to thrive and survive. Love is an ancient-wired in survival code.
    0:54:18 We have all these silly misinformation in our society, silly what we call love stories. They’re
    0:54:24 still out there. Psychology puts out a lot of misinformation about love is some strange
    0:54:30 mixture of sex and sentiment. No, romantic love is about bonding and it’s an ancient-wired in
    0:54:38 survival code and you could sure see it in these MRIs. These women’s brains, when they had this
    0:54:43 secure connection with their partner, these women’s brains were completely different than in the
    0:54:49 beginning when they felt no safe connection with their partner. It was very, very interesting.
    0:54:54 I would love to dig into what sounds like the glue involved in some of the bond enhancement
    0:55:03 as demonstrated in the follow-up, fMRI. That is the Hold Me Tight conversation. Maybe this is
    0:55:10 a way also of coming in sideways to basically demonstrate what EFT is or at least a component
    0:55:17 of it. Could you walk us through what a Hold Me Tight conversation is?
    0:55:21 A Hold Me Tight conversation very briefly is a bonding conversation. The tricky part is that
    0:55:28 as adults, some of us have never seen this conversation. It’s a dance that is foreign to us.
    0:55:36 We’ve never had it with our own parents. We’ve never had it with siblings. We’ve never had it
    0:55:41 with previous lovers. We get married or we get committed to a partner. It’s reasonable that
    0:55:49 we don’t know how to go there because many of us, it’s just not a drama that we’ve ever seen
    0:55:55 enacted. A Hold Me Tight conversation is where one person is able to open up and reach for the other
    0:56:03 person and share vulnerabilities, talk about their needs and fears in a way that pulls the other
    0:56:10 person close. It helps the other person reach back and respond.
    0:56:15 Could you give any examples of phrasing or questions or guidelines you provide?
    0:56:21 I know I would love to know and I suspect others would too.
    0:56:25 Well, when you don’t trust and you don’t feel safe and you’ve never seen a Hold Me Tight conversation,
    0:56:29 the way it usually goes just naturally as human beings, I catch myself doing this
    0:56:34 with my husband. If I’m upset about something, like he’s been going to bed very early
    0:56:40 and that means that we don’t have our snuggle time, we don’t have our little chat time, okay?
    0:56:44 It doesn’t seem to bother him at all, but it doesn’t seem to bother him. This isn’t happening.
    0:56:49 So, this will go on for a couple of weeks and even though I’m doing this work, there’s a certain
    0:56:55 point where I start to get self-protective and I start to blame him in my head and I say,
    0:57:00 “He’s always too busy. He’s got his lists. He’s got lists.” That’s what he, and he’s a man and
    0:57:04 he’s got lists and all he cares about is his list of tasks and he’s just into problem solving
    0:57:10 and he doesn’t think about me at all. And this dialogue will go in my head.
    0:57:14 So, I turn to him and I say, “You’re going to bed very early these days. Listen to my voice.
    0:57:21 It’s the emotional music.” He says, “No, I’m not because he hears the threat in my tone.”
    0:57:28 I say, “Yes, sure, and you’ve been going to bed for weeks and I guess it doesn’t matter to you
    0:57:32 that we’re not having those close moments.” Now, listen to me. I mean, I’m on the attack
    0:57:38 and we are acutely sensitive as human beings to signs of rejection or abandonment by the people
    0:57:48 we love. Acutely sensitive. That’s how we’re wired. So, he hears that he’s blown it. He hears it that
    0:57:55 I’m rejecting him. I’m telling him he’s done something wrong. So, he says, “I don’t want to
    0:57:59 talk about this right now.” I say, “Oh, let me guess. You have to go to bed because you’re so tired.”
    0:58:04 Right? So, we’re off, right? Okay, that is the typical demand-withdraw,
    0:58:12 demand-defend dialogue that you’ll see in a distressed couple and it’s totally predictable.
    0:58:18 You can also have it with your kids. I can remember a glorious argument I had in Starbucks
    0:58:24 with my adolescent son that was just a perfect example of the way distressed couples talk to
    0:58:29 each other. So, I’m blaming and pointing fingers and he’s rolling his eyeballs and basically telling
    0:58:35 me what a dreadful mother I am. So, you can have it with anyone, but with partners it’s very predictable
    0:58:41 and it has everyone feeling completely threatened and unsafe and unable to dance together.
    0:58:47 If you shift that into a homie-type conversation, the way it would go is that I would be
    0:58:53 more able to tune into my own needs, more aware of my own needs, accepting of my own needs
    0:59:00 and I would realize, “Oh, I’m really missing those conversations with John. We’ve been married
    0:59:08 for 32 years. We’re both very strong people so it’s been quite an adventure.” So, I think,
    0:59:13 “Oh, I’m missing those relationships with John and maybe he doesn’t miss them.”
    0:59:19 And, “Oh, that makes me feel really somehow anxious and uncomfortable if he doesn’t miss them
    0:59:26 because the big question in love relationships is, “Are you there for me? Do I matter to you?
    0:59:32 Can I count on you?” Maybe those conversations don’t matter to him, but they really matter to me.
    0:59:40 So, I am aware on a different level of me and I’m specifying that scares me a bit that maybe
    0:59:48 these conversations don’t matter to him. I can tune into my own emotions. Then I take the risk
    0:59:54 and reach for him and say to him, “I’m open.” I say to him, “You know what? We haven’t been having
    1:00:01 our usual talks late at night and somehow it doesn’t look like you miss them and somehow that
    1:00:10 makes me feel kind of really sort of uncomfortable. It almost feels like I’m not sure that that
    1:00:18 closeness matters to you and so I could get angry about it, but actually what’s happening is
    1:00:24 it sort of scares me a bit because I need those conversations. Now, I’ve talked about my fears
    1:00:29 and my needs. I can only do that if I have some sort of model that it’s okay to do that, that
    1:00:36 doesn’t mean I’m a wimp or mentally ill or weak or pathetic. From my point of view, it’s strength
    1:00:43 to do that and that’s what we teach and it’s strength to do that and that’s what securely
    1:00:49 attached people can do. They can reach for a position of vulnerability. So, I say that to him
    1:00:55 and he says, “Oh, you’re right. Yeah. I really like those conversations. I’ve just been so
    1:01:11 exhausted and I’ve been doing this and I haven’t wanted to tell you how stressed out I am.”
    1:01:16 So then it becomes reciprocal. I say, “Oh, I didn’t know that you were so stressed out
    1:01:23 about this decision we’ve made and that it’s taking up all your energy and you’re worried about it.”
    1:01:28 So then we start to have an open, responsive, engaged conversation where we can share vulnerabilities,
    1:01:36 comfort each other and you’re literally better at tuning in to each other and I think that’s because
    1:01:44 when I feel safe, I can tune into you. When I think about the people I can dance with in Tango
    1:01:51 really well, it’s the people I feel emotionally safe with and I know that there’s no mistakes
    1:01:56 because mistakes don’t matter. We’re just playing. Then I relax, I’m in my body, I tune into their
    1:02:02 cues and we move together naturally. So that’s kind of what happens and it’s a hold me tight
    1:02:09 conversation and it’s sort of cascades. Each time you have this conversation, your nervous system
    1:02:18 goes, “Ah, this is comfort, this is home, this is safety, this is what I need.”
    1:02:25 And you see your partner as a resource. You see your partner as somebody who can provide this
    1:02:32 safety, comfort, caring, reassurance, social support, if you want to use a psychological,
    1:02:40 formal term for it. You see your partner as this person and your partner connects and you
    1:02:45 know how to do this dance. This dance is innately rewarding. It creates joy in people. You don’t
    1:02:55 have to persuade people to keep doing it like going to the gym or meditation or their communication
    1:03:02 skills. People will do this. Once they know how to do it, they’ll keep doing it and that’s why I
    1:03:08 think we get good follow-up results because once you start having these conversations and
    1:03:15 it’s very moving sometimes to see people’s response. People will start to cry and say things
    1:03:22 like when they discover these hold me tight conversations, people will say, “I’m thinking
    1:03:28 of one man who said, ‘I never knew that you could talk to somebody like this. I never knew
    1:03:35 that you could ask for these things and that she wants me to be vulnerable to her. I never knew
    1:03:43 that. I never saw that growing up. I didn’t know people did that.” And then he wept and he turned
    1:03:50 to the therapist and said, “I’ve been alone all my life, haven’t I?” And that, what attachment
    1:04:01 science tells us is that emotional isolation is toxic for human beings. I mean, we found
    1:04:07 out that in the pandemic but we still don’t get it. I wish we would get it on a different level
    1:04:13 because it’s toxic for human beings. It’s not who we are. And when people start to have these
    1:04:19 hold me tight conversations, what kinds of amazing things happen? They don’t just understand how
    1:04:25 relationships can be and how you can shape relationships. You don’t have to just have
    1:04:29 them happen to you. You can shape love. They understand something very deep about themselves.
    1:04:36 Couples grow each other in safe relationships. Couples grow each other. I watch severely
    1:04:44 traumatized people learn to trust another human being by having these hold me tight conversations
    1:04:49 with their partner and it changes everything because they have a secure place in life for the
    1:04:55 first time. They feel seen. They feel accepted. They feel held. And once you feel seen, accepted,
    1:05:03 and held is a natural human growth process that happens. Attachment of science is all about
    1:05:11 development of the personality. There’s a natural growth process. So we tune into that
    1:05:17 natural process in the hold me tight conversation. And those conversations predict over study,
    1:05:23 after study, after study, after study, those conversations predict success. In EFT,
    1:05:30 they predict more secure bonding. They predict better sex, more sexual satisfaction in couples.
    1:05:37 They predict any sort of measure of good positive functioning you can imagine.
    1:05:44 Those bonding conversations predict all the good results we get in EFT and they predict results
    1:05:51 that follow up. So I would love to ask more about the hold me tight conversations and
    1:05:58 I’ll share a bit of the context from which I’m asking this. So I, we don’t necessarily have to
    1:06:07 get into details we could, but I had quite a bit of a severe early childhood trauma like two to four.
    1:06:14 And I have not only felt largely alone my entire life, but have created isolation. It’s been constant
    1:06:24 for me. And so what you’re saying about these conversations helping to create the feeling of
    1:06:31 bondedness and sort of counterweight perhaps someone’s historical tendency to isolate or feel
    1:06:39 isolated is really appealing. I would love to hear if you’re open to sharing and perhaps another
    1:06:45 hypothetical hold me tight conversation or other phrases or questions that are helpful for
    1:06:53 people who want to get a better understanding of what this might look like in real life.
    1:06:59 Where we start with couples, many of whom have experienced being alone most of their lives,
    1:07:06 traumatized or not, where we start is we help couples see the dance they’re caught in. Love
    1:07:12 is a dance. We help couples see the dance they’re caught in. We help couples see the negative
    1:07:18 patterns. The most popular one of all is I become aware of the disconnection between the two of us.
    1:07:24 I get worried about it. It makes me anxious. And I don’t feel safe enough to turn and really share
    1:07:30 my vulnerability. So I demand, I blame, I tell you, where are you? What I’m really saying is where
    1:07:37 are you? Where are you? I can’t find you and that alarms me. But what I say is things like you don’t
    1:07:42 talk to me enough or you never tell me how you feel or if you’re a man, you’ll say, you never
    1:07:49 tell me you want to make love. You don’t ever show me you want me. What’s wrong with you?
    1:07:54 I say, we turn to our partner and we say, what’s wrong with you? So we help couples see how they
    1:07:58 scare the hell out of each other and create even more insecurity and stop each other from being able
    1:08:08 to be vulnerable and risk. When they start to see that it’s the pattern that’s the problem,
    1:08:12 the dance that’s problem and the fact they don’t know how to do a more positive dance,
    1:08:18 they start to blame the dance rather than each other. And they start to be able to say,
    1:08:23 hey, we’re stuck in that thing. We’re stuck in that thing we do where I shut down and shut you
    1:08:28 out and you must be getting alarm right now. And the other person says, yes, I’m started to freak out.
    1:08:34 And they say, oh, let’s not do that. Let’s try and help each other feel a bit more safe.
    1:08:39 So we create that platform first, but then you have to start where people are.
    1:08:44 And sometimes with a hold me tight conversation with somebody who’s been very traumatized
    1:08:49 and has all the reasons in the world not to trust another human being with the softness of their
    1:08:57 heart, all the good reasons in the world, you have to start there. I’ve worked with lots of
    1:09:04 traumatized folks and you have to start with somebody saying, well, I understand now the patterns
    1:09:12 and how we’ve been caught in this dance. And I understand that you aren’t always trying to hurt
    1:09:17 me or have me prove myself to you or prove me wrong. But I want to tell you the idea of really
    1:09:27 opening up to you and showing you who I am just feels impossible. I don’t know how to do it.
    1:09:35 It’s impossible. I don’t think I can do it. So you start with people are you don’t get people to
    1:09:41 do it in spite of how they feel. You get them to trust their feelings. My experience is someone
    1:09:48 will say that. And I will say, could you turn and tell your partner, please? I don’t think I can do it.
    1:09:56 I don’t think I can risk letting you really see me. I’m so sure that you won’t want me or that
    1:10:02 you’ll find some way to hurt me. Then I don’t know what would happen. I don’t think I could
    1:10:07 tolerate it. I don’t think I can do it. Could you turn and tell her? And what I do is I hold the
    1:10:14 person and I help them speak their emotions and say their emotions clearly. And I hold them in
    1:10:21 that. I support them in that. So Guy turns and tells his wife and his wife says, and this is the
    1:10:29 amazing thing about bonding. This is who we are. We are empathic creatures. That empathy is blocked
    1:10:36 by all kinds of other things. We are empathic creatures. My experiences, the partner will say,
    1:10:41 I never knew that. I just felt that you didn’t want to share with me. I never knew it was so hard.
    1:10:50 I never knew that it was scary for you. I never understood that. I can’t believe. I understand.
    1:10:57 I understand that now you’ve helped me understand how scary that is. I can’t believe that you’re
    1:11:05 even here telling me this. And I love you for taking that risk. Thank you for taking that risk.
    1:11:10 And then the door opens wider. And then I say, usually I say, because we always have this
    1:11:18 catastrophe in our head when we’re afraid, we create catastrophes in our head to try
    1:11:24 and prepare for them. So I say, what is going to happen if you really show her who you are
    1:11:30 and you show her how scared you are to really open up and show your vulnerability,
    1:11:36 what is going to happen? And he says, she’ll tell me what I’ve always known.
    1:11:43 She’ll tell me that I’m weak. There’s something wrong with me. And the reason that I’ve been
    1:11:50 alone all my life is because there was something wrong with me. And the reason I was so hurt when
    1:11:54 I was little was because I wasn’t a good enough kid or a special enough kid. I didn’t do it right.
    1:12:01 One lady broke my heart. She said, I was so careful when I asked my mother for attention.
    1:12:08 I was so, so careful. I planned it and planned it in the dark for hours. No matter how I did it,
    1:12:16 it never worked. It never worked. She was always angry at me. So I said to myself,
    1:12:22 it’s me. It must be me. There’s something wrong with me. I’m just not lovable. Then she weeps.
    1:12:30 When she does that, her partner reaches for her naturally, her partner reaches for her and says,
    1:12:36 this vulnerability when you really help people move into it with safety evokes caring and
    1:12:43 compassion. It just does. So then the partner moves in and supports and gradually, gradually,
    1:12:50 the other person’s able to open up. It’s not something that you do once. It’s not something
    1:12:56 that you can do mechanically. You have to be involved in it. And for some of us,
    1:13:03 if we’ve been desperately hurt when we were little and we learned that that kind of openness was
    1:13:09 desperately dangerous, it’s like jumping off a cliff. And you have to respect that. You have to
    1:13:15 respect. Emotions are in no way illogical. That’s one of the big mistakes we’ve made in psychology.
    1:13:21 They’re in no way illogical. They have their own logic. They’re a supreme information processing
    1:13:28 system that wires us to see the world in a particular way, to move in a particular way.
    1:13:34 And we haven’t taught people how to understand them, how to listen to them,
    1:13:40 and how they make sense. They always make sense. If someone’s terrified of that kind of openness,
    1:13:45 it’s because they have very good reasons to be. And often they haven’t told their partner.
    1:13:52 They haven’t told their partner anything about it. So their partner has no idea.
    1:13:57 The partner says, “You just don’t want to be close to me. You just don’t want me.”
    1:14:01 “No, I do desperately want you. I’m just terrified to let you see me.” In psychology,
    1:14:09 we’re very good at looking at the behavior and the problem. And sometimes I feel like we’re not so
    1:14:15 good at what we are supposed to be the experts in, which is looking underneath the behavior and the
    1:14:20 problem and seeing the emotional realities that push that problem forward and keep people stuck
    1:14:26 in that problem. I don’t know if I answered you, Tim. There’s so much to talk about here,
    1:14:31 I tried to answer you. I think you did. No, you did. And the examples are just heartbreaking.
    1:14:38 And I think they’re heartbreaking. I mean, I was feeling myself getting really emotional
    1:14:42 is because they resonate, I think, with so many people. They resonate with me, I should say.
    1:14:47 But I suspect that these types of situations are really, really common. But when you’re
    1:14:52 experiencing them, I think it’s so easy to view yourself as uniquely flawed in some way.
    1:15:00 Yes. Yes. But it’s so common. It’s so common. It seems so common, at least. I mean,
    1:15:07 you’d be more qualified to speak to it. I think it is common. And I think the power of
    1:15:12 attachment science is, it tells us who we are. It tells us that we are social beings wired for
    1:15:20 connection. We need safe connection with others to survive and thrive. Dependency became a dirty
    1:15:28 word somewhere through our history. And we all fell in love with the image of the lone cowboy
    1:15:34 riding over the range. The Eagle song, Desperado, I love that song. It’s my favorite song because it
    1:15:40 basically takes that image of the lone cowboy and basically says, buddy, you better find someone to
    1:15:45 love you because you’re in deep trouble. So it takes this strong image and says, no,
    1:15:53 you’re in trouble. And dependency became this dirty word. And I think what attachment science says is,
    1:16:01 we are interdependent human beings wired for connection with others from the cradle to the
    1:16:06 grave. And when you present that to people, not the way I just said it, which is abstract,
    1:16:13 you know, when you move people into that reality and you accept it and say, of course,
    1:16:19 this is who we are as human beings. And we all get stuck here and we all need this.
    1:16:23 People go, oh, oh, you mean I’m not crazy, bad, deficient, defective, unlovable? No, no,
    1:16:34 you’re not. You’re just a human being who needs that connection with another human being and who is
    1:16:41 terrified of rejection and abandonment. And the reason you’re terrified of rejection and abandonment
    1:16:47 is because those are pure danger cues to your mammalian brain. Danger cues are young or vulnerable
    1:16:55 for longer than any other species. And while our brain is developing, we know perfectly well
    1:17:01 on a visceral level that if we call and no one comes, we die. And that’s the truth.
    1:17:11 And that reality of our long-term vulnerability has wired our nervous system in a particular way
    1:17:19 and creates these social dramas, wired our social dramas. What the father of attachment science,
    1:17:26 John Bolby, who was an English psychologist, really did, which is brilliant, is he linked
    1:17:32 biology and who we are and how our nervous system works to our social interaction patterns,
    1:17:38 to the way we dance with other human beings. He linked within and between. He linked those two
    1:17:45 together in an elegant, beautiful, testable way that gives us a map to love relationships,
    1:17:54 how to shape them, how to fix them, how to repair them, how to keep them, and to who we are as human
    1:18:00 beings. And this map is the way human beings have survived through the centuries is through
    1:18:06 tuning into others, reading their cues, collaborating, cooperating, moving close, supporting.
    1:18:12 That’s the way we’ve survived. And if you look at the problems facing our world right now,
    1:18:18 we better be learning from this science because we better be able to do that or we’re not going to
    1:18:24 survive. We’ve got to be able to come together. You mentioned the child crying, so I must ask
    1:18:31 you a question to scratch my own itch and satisfy my curiosity. But I may accidentally invite you
    1:18:37 into a religious war, not with me, but because I’ve seen very heated debates between, and we
    1:18:43 don’t have to spend a lot of time on this, but I would love to get your opinion on. And the backdrop
    1:18:48 of this is that I’m hoping to begin building a family in the near future. And I have two camps
    1:18:56 of friends. One camp is their devout attachment parenting, the devotees. And then on the other
    1:19:05 hand, you have sleep training. And there are many different types of sleep training, but do you have
    1:19:10 any, do you have any thoughts on, because the people, so the people who are in a sleep training
    1:19:16 camp, and their arguments make sense, the arguments on both sides make a lot of sense.
    1:19:22 In so much as what I hear is attachment parenting, the way they would position it is
    1:19:27 this constant contact and sleeping near or with the baby is most natural. It is in the baby’s best
    1:19:34 interest. If you look at evolution, that is what’s supported. The people in the sleep training camp
    1:19:40 would say, “That’s great, but if you’re not sleeping and we’re no longer living in a village,
    1:19:43 we don’t have the type of support that we had. If I don’t get any sleep and my partner gets no sleep,
    1:19:49 we’re going to be terrible parents.” And ultimately, that is going to be bad for the baby.
    1:19:53 So I don’t know what to make of this and would love to get your perspective.
    1:20:00 Well, my perspective is that what attachment says is that emotional balance, when you’re
    1:20:07 securely attached and you feel safe in the world and you know you can count on others for support,
    1:20:11 you have your emotional balance. And sometimes when we take on huge complex issues, we lose
    1:20:19 our emotional balance. I don’t think to create secure attachment in your kids that you have to
    1:20:24 sleep with them. Okay, I don’t think so. You can if you want. And I think you have to balance things
    1:20:30 like if you sleep with your kid in between you all the time for three or four years, what does that
    1:20:35 do to your couple relationship? And what your kid needs is a good couple relationship in the
    1:20:40 parents who can cooperate. Believe me, that’s what your kid needs. So that’s an issue I think
    1:20:47 people sometimes go over the top. They take the good sense and the science of attachment and they
    1:20:53 turn it into rigid life rules, which I think you have to make your own rules there. I think
    1:21:01 being emotionally responsive to your kids is the key. And for them to know that you’re there for
    1:21:07 them is the key doesn’t mean you have to always show up in the same way and you have to be constantly
    1:21:12 available. For me, I don’t think so. On the other hand, I do have a visceral reaction to sleep
    1:21:19 training. I would like to suggest that when you do sleep training, your child does not calm down
    1:21:26 and learn to rely on itself. What your child does is numb out. What your child learns is that no
    1:21:35 matter how I cry, nobody will come. From my point of view, that’s a bloody disastrous lesson for
    1:21:41 any child to learn. So I have a huge bias against. Now, again, it depends on how it’s done and it
    1:21:48 depends on what else is happening. So let’s not get too judgmental here, but why not? Let’s get
    1:21:53 judgmental. I think it stings. So if that’s a religious war, I’m on the attachment side because
    1:22:02 it seems to me that the sleep training thing feeds into a myth that we have that is so dangerous.
    1:22:09 The myth is about self-sufficiency and regulating our own emotions. And the bottom line is the only
    1:22:17 self-sufficient human being is either numbed out on some drug or dead. We’re not wired for self-sufficiency.
    1:22:25 And shutting down and numbing out is a fragile strategy. You can’t keep it up for your whole life.
    1:22:31 It shatters under any kind of pressure. So I’m saying it glibly because this is an interview,
    1:22:37 but what I just said to you, I can give you research studies to back that up. Okay? I’m not
    1:22:40 just saying it. So no, I don’t think sleep training. On the other hand, I can remember. I adopted my son.
    1:22:51 He was a premature and he came home. He was the tiniest little thing. He scared the hell out of
    1:22:57 me. He was so tiny. And he had something wrong with his digestive system. And for the first 18
    1:23:04 months of his life, he would wake up every two hours at least, but maybe sometimes 90 minutes.
    1:23:10 And the only thing that would help is that one of us would go in and sing to him and talk to
    1:23:18 him and rock him for 10, 15 minutes and put him down. And we got into the habit of that and we
    1:23:26 did that and we accommodated to that. We thought about having him sleep between us, but we usually
    1:23:32 slept at that point. We adopted him very soon after we got together, which we were incredibly
    1:23:38 lucky. So we adopted him about a year after we got together. And so we slept pretty entwined.
    1:23:44 So we didn’t really think it was, and also he was so tiny at first, I didn’t think,
    1:23:49 putting him in the middle, I felt, I’m going to crush him if I turn it. So my husband’s a big
    1:23:53 man. Oh, we’re going to crush him, this little one. So we didn’t do that. And then it changed
    1:24:00 and it was fine. My daughter was totally different. Very shortly after she was born,
    1:24:05 she went to sleep regularly, went to sleep at the same time at night, slept through after a few
    1:24:11 months. And providing you gave her all kinds of hugs in the morning, she was this happy little
    1:24:18 clam. So it was different. So I understand that parenting can be hard. I think for me,
    1:24:26 it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. For one thing, parenting is a moving target.
    1:24:32 You accommodate to your child, then your child changes. You think, wait a minute. I just figured
    1:24:38 it out. And now you’re changing. Good Lord, you’ve become an adolescent. I don’t know what to do
    1:24:43 with this. My son turned in from this wonderful, bubbly, charming, delightful little being into
    1:24:50 this stroppy, judgmental, moral person who was pointing out how wrong we were about everything.
    1:24:58 I thought, who is this person? Where did this guy come from? So parenting is hard.
    1:25:03 And if you take the social implications of attachment science, we should be supporting
    1:25:10 our parents like crazy. We should be teaching people how to have good, secure relationships.
    1:25:16 We should be teaching them about relationships, educating them. We should be having more leave
    1:25:22 for parents. We should be supporting the basic unit of our society, which is our family.
    1:25:27 We don’t seem to be that keen on that. We seem to be more keen on supporting economic security
    1:25:35 or corporations. So I don’t think we support parents enough. And maybe that needs to change.
    1:25:43 Maybe our understanding of supporting human families needs to change. I mean, attachment
    1:25:50 has changed parenting. It’s changed the way we see our children. It’s changed the way we see
    1:25:55 their emotional needs. We understand that to be emotionally alone traumatizes a child.
    1:26:01 We need to apply that to adults because in that sense, we never grow up.
    1:26:06 Attachment goes from the cradle to the grave. Just very basic things like I talk in one of
    1:26:13 my books somewhere about that I think it’s love sense. There’s a movement called Nobody Dies Alone
    1:26:18 where people get together in certain cities and their commitment is to go in with somebody who’s
    1:26:27 dying and who has no human figure to be there with them and simply be with them at their most
    1:26:34 vulnerable moments. And for me, that speaks to the fact that maybe one day we could have something
    1:26:42 called a civilized society. A civilized society would not let anyone die alone. A civilized society
    1:26:49 would support families and support parents, help us learn how to parent. So I don’t think it’s just
    1:26:56 the couple who are stressed. I think it’s the demands of our society. You have to go back to
    1:27:03 work at a certain point, whether you’re a parent or not. There’s no accommodation in most workplaces
    1:27:08 for parenting. Was it the Prime Minister of New Zealand who bought her baby into the parliament?
    1:27:14 I thought, “Yay, lady. Whoa.” That is like, “Yay.” She bought her baby into the parliament. That
    1:27:24 takes guts, I think. So good for her, but boy, I can’t even imagine that happening. Obviously,
    1:27:33 you can hear I’m English. I was going to say, I’ve heard Stropi from my friend from New Zealand,
    1:27:37 but you don’t seem to have a Kiwi accent, nor do you seem to have an Ottawa or Canadian accent.
    1:27:40 No, I’m from England. I came to Canada and arrived at 22, but you never lose that accent.
    1:27:46 But I cannot imagine, even today, a woman Prime Minister walking into the British parliament with
    1:27:51 a baby and holding that. I would love that. I think that would be progress for Britain for me.
    1:27:59 Anyway, but never mind. Sorry, I got off track there. That was off track.
    1:28:04 No, the whole podcast is about freely going off track when necessary. I would like to ask a very
    1:28:11 specific question, and it may be a dead end. I don’t know, but I was doing a bit of reading
    1:28:16 on EFT, and there was a phrase that stuck out to me, which related to micro interventions.
    1:28:24 So the wording of this is micro interventions from regerian models of therapy, such as asking
    1:28:32 evocative questions. Now, I like evocative questions, so this drew my attention. What
    1:28:37 would be an example, and what are micro interventions from regerian models of therapy,
    1:28:43 such as evocative questions? Exactly.
    1:28:46 Evocative questions focus on the process of how you’re experiencing, not the content.
    1:28:52 So I would say to you, Tim, what happens to you when you sit and do interviews
    1:28:58 with crazy people like Dr. Sue Johnson? And she tells you stories that have you
    1:29:05 move into your own softer feelings. What is that like for you, Tim? And you might say,
    1:29:10 oh, I don’t know. You say, well, what happens in your body, Tim? Can you tell me
    1:29:14 a moment when you felt that rush of emotion? You say, oh, well, it was when you said this.
    1:29:20 Oh, so that’s the trigger. And I’ll help you put your emotions together with evocative questions
    1:29:26 and reflections. And I’ll say, so when you heard me say this, that was important for you. That
    1:29:32 stood out, and you started to feel a lot of feelings. Can you help me? What happened in
    1:29:37 your body? So, oh, well, I felt this tightness across my chest, and I felt like I wanted to cry.
    1:29:42 I said, oh. And then what did you say to yourself? I said to myself, my goodness,
    1:29:48 that’s just how I felt when I remember feeling that way when I was three years old.
    1:29:53 And I say, I understand. So I’ll reflect it again. I’ll hold it for you. I’ll specify it.
    1:30:00 I’ll ask evocative questions. I’ll get you to stay with the experience. And then I’ll say,
    1:30:05 what do you want to do when you feel that way? And you might say,
    1:30:09 I want to stop it. I want to get out. I don’t want to feel any more of that right now.
    1:30:14 I want to shut it down. I want to stop the feeling. I say, okay, so you want to run.
    1:30:20 Yeah. And we’ve put your emotion together in a safe, specific, safe way. People can deal
    1:30:27 with emotions that when they make sense, when they’re acceptable, when there’s another human
    1:30:33 being there accepting them and when they’re made specific. We can’t deal with big, vague,
    1:30:39 huge overwhelming problems. We just want to run away from them. So I’ll use evocative questions.
    1:30:46 I’ll use reflections. I’ll use repetition to help you stay with that feeling. I’ll use an image.
    1:30:54 You know, if you said to me, there’s fire across. I can remember one client said,
    1:31:01 it’s like walking into a fire. When you ask me to turn and open up to him, I can tell you
    1:31:07 that I’m afraid. I can look into your face and tell you because you’re just a silly therapist.
    1:31:12 You don’t matter to me much. Actually, that’s what I said. I said, that’s because I’m just a
    1:31:17 silly therapist. I don’t matter to you much. And she said, yes, that’s right. So I said,
    1:31:21 so I can tell you about my fear. But when you ask me to turn and tell him about my fear,
    1:31:30 you’re asking me to walk into a fire. And I knew that this lady, she was a trucker.
    1:31:36 There was an accident in front of her truck and she got out of her truck
    1:31:41 and she walked into flames to pull out the trucker who was trapped underneath
    1:31:48 the truck in front of her. I realized that this is an enormously powerful image.
    1:31:53 And if I want her to move more into it, if she can handle it, if she can’t handle it, I’ll stop.
    1:32:00 But if I want her to move more into it and I think she can handle it, I’ll say,
    1:32:03 let’s stay with that image. It’s like fire. Fire burns. Fire is terrifying. You’re telling your
    1:32:10 partner, it’s too hard for me. I can’t. I can’t do this right now. It’s too hard. It’s like walking
    1:32:17 through fire to turn and open up to you. I just can’t do it. And she says, yes, that’s right.
    1:32:24 I say, good, tell him that. Now, create. I’ll clarify the emotional music,
    1:32:31 help her with it, help her accept it. And then I’ll help her move this into a drama
    1:32:41 with another person. And by the way, when we do individual therapy, we’ve just started to really
    1:32:47 teach E-Fit, which is emotionally focused individual therapy. There’s a book coming out
    1:32:52 next month, September on that. When we do individual therapy, we still do this.
    1:32:57 But we use the representations inside people’s heads. So you have a cast of characters inside
    1:33:04 your head, so do I. I’m very thankful. My main attachment figure when I was a child was my father.
    1:33:11 And I’m very aware that all through my adult life, especially through moments of failure,
    1:33:18 moments of joy, key moments, I can hear my father’s voice. My father’s still
    1:33:24 a reality for me. I carry him inside of me. And that’s what we do with our loved ones.
    1:33:30 And we talk to them and we have these dramas with them. So if I’m doing individual therapy,
    1:33:34 I might use these same reflections and evocative questions. Instead, I’ll say,
    1:33:41 “You planned every interaction with your mother. You planned it for hours. You planned how to go
    1:33:48 and ask her for a hug. You planned, right? Right.” So can you see that little girl who always got
    1:33:56 smacked and taken back to her room and left in the dark? Can you see that little girl sitting
    1:34:02 on the bed by herself? What would you want to say to her? What would you like to have been able to
    1:34:08 say to your mom? And she says something like, “I tried so hard, mom. I tried so hard,
    1:34:14 but I could never reach you. Was it really my fault? Was I really such a bad little girl?
    1:34:19 I just think you weren’t a mom. You weren’t a mom to me.” Say, “Good. What does it feel to say that?”
    1:34:27 She says, “That feels different. I’ve never said that before to myself. I’ve always said,
    1:34:34 ‘I didn’t plan enough. I wasn’t a good enough middle girl.’” So can you say that again?
    1:34:39 Can you see your mom? What does your mom look like in the chair? Close your eyes.”
    1:34:43 She closes her eyes. She says, “Yes, I see her.” Say, “Oh, what do you see on her face?” She says,
    1:34:46 “She tells me she’s tired. She doesn’t have time. She’s tired and she’s working three jobs.
    1:34:53 And I should just be quiet and go to bed and stop my grizzling. Stop me.” That’s what she’s telling.
    1:34:58 And what do you want to say to her? I want to tell her, “Mom, that’s not fair.
    1:35:03 That’s not fair. I’m just little. And I can never reach for you. I can never reach for you.
    1:35:09 You’re not a mom. You’re not a good mom to me. I need a mom.”
    1:35:13 And I say, “How do you feel about that?” She says, “I feel fine. That feels good. That feels
    1:35:20 different.” Then she emails me after the session and says, “You know, Sue, the sessions with you
    1:35:24 are hard, so I don’t understand why I sing all the way home.” And it’s because she moves
    1:35:34 in the session. She moves out of her obsessions, addictions with not eating, addictions for planning,
    1:35:43 anxiety. She moves. And so she gets exhilarated because she starts to feel more whole as a human
    1:35:51 being. Some of the cliches we have about love are really awful, misinformation.
    1:35:57 One of the cliches that’s really true, and this is true in most religions, is that when we’re loved,
    1:36:05 we grow and expand. We grow. We find more resources inside ourselves. We find more strength inside
    1:36:12 ourselves. We’re better at problem-solving. When we’re safe and secure and we feel we matter to
    1:36:18 others and that they have our back, our potential and our resources come out. Now, again, I’m having
    1:36:26 such fun talking to you. I’m not sure I answered your question. Oh, yes, it was about micro-interventions
    1:36:31 and things like reflecting. And evocative questions. You gave a number of examples.
    1:36:37 And I like to think of it as much conversation as interviews. So even if the interview is just
    1:36:45 a cue to take us in a different direction, that works for me. I want to come back to
    1:36:50 some of your evocative questions, though, because I wrote them down because they I think will be
    1:36:58 helpful for me. And they were follow-ups to the question of what someone is feeling. So when I
    1:37:06 said that, the hypothetical was asking me how I felt when you said certain things in the interview.
    1:37:12 That was the example, which could be a real one. And then I would answer that. And then you had
    1:37:18 follow-ups such as what did you say to yourself when you felt that or what did you want to do
    1:37:23 when you felt that way. But I want to go to the initial question, which is how did you feel or
    1:37:30 what did you feel in your body? And I have a little bit of experience as a client with something
    1:37:36 called the Hakomi method. And the question of how you feel and what you’re feeling in your body
    1:37:42 comes up a lot. And I feel for reasons known and unknown that I have a very poor, which is surprising
    1:37:51 to me, a very poor vocabulary when it comes to identifying bodily sensations. And I’m not aware
    1:37:59 of much outside of, for instance, almost every time I would be asked what I was feeling in my body,
    1:38:06 whether it was sadness, anger, you name it, it would be tightness in the throat or tightness
    1:38:12 in the chest. And that was really all that would come up for me. Yes. Were these two options,
    1:38:18 maybe some tension in the forehead. And I’m curious what you do when you have a client
    1:38:25 who really can’t come up with more than one or two answers to that question. What do you feel
    1:38:34 in your body? Maybe that’s not a problem. But I felt kind of ridiculous because when I’ve done
    1:38:40 some couples work with my girlfriend, who’s extremely kinesthetically aware and very self-aware,
    1:38:46 she always has this rich landscape she can describe. And she closes her eyes and she’s so
    1:38:52 specific. And I’m like, you know what, it’s just the throat again, tightness in the throat. And I
    1:38:56 feel kind of ridiculous. And I don’t feel like it gives me much to work with. But how would you
    1:39:02 respond to that word salad that I just threw at you?
    1:39:06 Well, you have to put it in context. I mean, the point is when I go in to something like that,
    1:39:12 there’s always a specific thing that’s happened. A client’s told me a story
    1:39:16 or is feeling something in the moment or is having a specific emotional reaction. Or if I’m
    1:39:22 working with couples, there’s a piece of drama going on. So there’s usually a specific trigger.
    1:39:28 And the thing about attachment sciences, it gives us a map to our emotional needs,
    1:39:35 vulnerabilities, feelings. It gives us a map. And what I think it’s a relatively simple,
    1:39:42 elegant map. So if you say to me, I hear you that you have a more limited vocabulary.
    1:39:49 There’s a good reason for that. You were brought up as a man in a North American society.
    1:39:56 You weren’t taught to look inside and pay attention to your emotions and develop a vocabulary.
    1:40:02 Your girlfriend was taught to do that. It was acceptable for her. And so women have
    1:40:08 more language. The bottom line is, though, you are human beings. So you have the same
    1:40:14 basic emotions. We talk about six basic emotions. And you have the same basic physiological
    1:40:20 responses. So if you said to me, Sue, I don’t know how to talk about this.
    1:40:25 That’s great. Sue, I don’t know how to talk about this. All that happens to me is when and then
    1:40:31 it’s specific. When I hear that tone in her voice. So what’s the trigger? Well, I hear that tone in
    1:40:37 her voice. All I know is that I just go tight. I just go tight. And I just stay there with you.
    1:40:47 And I say, ah, so help me, what do you hear in her tone? Well, she’s irritated with me.
    1:40:55 And, you know, she’s going to be irritated with me. And nothing I say is going to make
    1:41:00 any difference. Right? Oh, so in your in you hear her tone and you say, I’ve already blown it.
    1:41:08 I’ve blown it. I’ve blown it again. And when is that right? He says, yes, that’s what I say to
    1:41:15 myself. I’ve blown it. She’s irritated with, oh my God, now we’re going to get stuck in that thing.
    1:41:21 I’ve blown it again. And you feel this tightness. He says, yes, you help me with the tightness.
    1:41:28 It’s like you shut down. Because this is, is it shutting down? You say, yeah, it’s like shutting
    1:41:34 down, Sue. So I say, uh-huh. It’s like shutting down. Of course, there’s something here that’s
    1:41:38 dangerous, isn’t it? Then if you’re a regular guy, you say something like, no, it’s not dangerous.
    1:41:46 I mean, you know, I’m not like really worried or anything. Yes, you are. Okay. You’re just being
    1:41:52 a regular guy. Right? So I say, oh, all right. It’s not dangerous. It’s just a bit. This gentleman
    1:42:00 said, I loved him. He said, it’s disconcerting. I said, oh, I said, oh, it’s disconcerting.
    1:42:09 He suggests it’s very disconcerting. I understand. So I say, so let’s go over this again. So then I
    1:42:15 go over it again. When you do this happens, you hear this in her voice, and then your body does,
    1:42:21 and it’s disconcerting. And there’s something here, disconcerting. Could you help me? It’s like,
    1:42:27 you don’t know what to do. And no matter what you do, it’s not going to be right. He says, yes.
    1:42:32 He said, oh, when I feel that way, it’s a little bit alarming, isn’t it? He says, yes, it’s alarming.
    1:42:39 I said, oh, so when you feel this tightness in your chest, it’s a lump. You lead people in. The
    1:42:45 point is, you lead them into their emotions. The point is, I know where I’m going. And so does
    1:42:50 every good EFT therapist. I know where I’m going because I’ve got a map. And so attachment gives
    1:42:56 us a map to how we dance together with the people we love, where those dances go in terms of outcome.
    1:43:02 It gives us a map to our own vulnerabilities and emotions. It tells us how supremely sensitive we
    1:43:10 are to signals of rejection or abandonment by other people, and that this sensitivity is wired in.
    1:43:19 There’s nothing weak or strange, or we’ve framed these vulnerabilities in very strange ways,
    1:43:29 very unaccepting ways. Some of the ways we’ve talked about love have been so misleading.
    1:43:37 But when you help people have the words, and there aren’t that many words, there aren’t that many
    1:43:44 core emotions, there aren’t that many ways to dance with a loved one. You can basically reach
    1:43:51 from them when you’re vulnerable. You can shut down and numb out and shut them out. Or you can
    1:43:55 up the ante and get anxious and demand all kinds of responses from them. That’s about it.
    1:44:01 They’re the main moves in the dance of love, and they can all be useful at times. But if you get
    1:44:08 stuck in one of the negative ones, like blaming and pushing and demanding and upping the ante to try
    1:44:14 and get the other person to respond, or shutting down and withdrawing, that generates a dance that
    1:44:22 ends up in disconnection and more anxiety and more problems for both of you.
    1:44:27 What would be an example of upping the ante? I understand the phrasing as it applies to the
    1:44:32 poker, but could you give us an example of that? Upping the ante is what I did with my description
    1:44:39 of My Husband and Me, where instead of turning and saying, “I’m missing our conversations,” I say,
    1:44:45 “I guess you’re tired again. You’re tired an awful lot these days. I guess you’re really tired.”
    1:44:50 So listen to me. I’m pushing and foolishly, what I want is for him to turn and say,
    1:44:57 “Oh, well, have I left you alone? I’m so sorry. Yes, I do want these conversations.” But of course,
    1:45:03 I’m using a club, so I’m smacking him to get him to respond. And the trouble with that one is
    1:45:09 the smacking pushes him further away. And that’s one of the ironic things as human beings,
    1:45:15 that sometimes when we love people, we’re so unable to really reach for them or know how to
    1:45:21 reach for them, the way we do try to reach, we push them further away.
    1:45:26 How do you work with or help someone work with anger? So you have a couple, and you’re working
    1:45:33 with them. One partner says whatever they say, and then you ask the other partner
    1:45:40 how that makes them feel when they hear that, and they’re like, “It pisses me off.
    1:45:44 I’ve heard this a hundred times. God damn it. This should be an open and shut case,”
    1:45:48 or whatever it is. It could take a million forms. Well, most people start there.
    1:45:52 So I say, “So could you help me when your partner says this? That’s hard for you to hear.
    1:45:57 That doesn’t really make sense to you.” And you just say, “Here we go again.”
    1:46:01 And you get angry. I say, “Hmm.” And then I’ll stay with that. Because underneath the anger,
    1:46:07 before the anger, there’s some sort of threat. There’s some sort of a threat going on. It pisses
    1:46:14 me off because that’s not what I do. That’s just the way she sees it. I don’t do that. She tells
    1:46:21 me, “Right.” So I say, “Okay, so it pisses you off because from your point of view,
    1:46:26 you’re trying really, really hard to be a good husband.” Yes. And from your point of view,
    1:46:32 she somehow picks on this one thing and it kind of proves that you’re not a good husband. Yes.
    1:46:38 And that makes you really, really angry. It does. And that must be very, very difficult to hear.
    1:46:45 Yes, it is. What happens to you when you hear that? I don’t want to hear that I’m a failure all the
    1:46:54 time, okay? So in the moment before the anger, what you hear is, you hear your wife saying,
    1:47:04 “You’re failing. You’re a bad partner.” Did I say that? Well, yes. Lots of therapies
    1:47:14 teach that emotions have to be controlled and contained and got passed. We don’t do that.
    1:47:21 We honor emotions. We take people into them, listen to them, help them hear the key messages
    1:47:28 about survival and what they need that are in them, and then take them through them.
    1:47:32 And if you look at a couple at the end of EFT, they’re much more emotionally balanced.
    1:47:39 And when they feel vulnerable or hurt, they’re better at dealing with it. Securely attach kids
    1:47:45 in all the research studies. There’s thousands of studies on infant mother attachment, child
    1:47:50 parent attachment. There’s hundreds and hundreds of studies on adult attachment now.
    1:47:56 When you look at them all, they all basically say, “We need this connection with other people. We need
    1:48:03 it and we have these incredible sensitivities.” And there’s only so many ways of dealing with them.
    1:48:10 And there’s only so many emotions that come up. The main one that people are dealing with when
    1:48:15 they get stuck in fights or incredible distance is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment,
    1:48:22 fear of disconnection, fear that, “I don’t really matter to you. I’m really on my own in life.”
    1:48:31 And that intimidates us all. We all know that that is disempowering for us.
    1:48:39 We all know on some deep visceral level how much we need others. And the strongest among us
    1:48:48 can accept there and learn how to connect. One of my most fascinating
    1:48:55 characters in history is Winston Churchill. I find him completely fascinating. I’ve read
    1:49:00 all these books on Winston Churchill. Winston Churchill had the most horrible
    1:49:04 childhood relationships. He had a father who was mean and blaming and rejecting and distant,
    1:49:13 and he had a totally distant mother who was too busy having affairs with the king
    1:49:19 and having wonderful parties. They sent him to boarding school and he would write these letters
    1:49:25 that just break your heart like, “Dear mummy, could you possibly make it to this big event once
    1:49:33 a term and come?” And she wouldn’t even reply to his letter. So Winston Churchill grew up deprived,
    1:49:41 but I don’t know how he managed it. Sometimes human resilience is amazing,
    1:49:46 but what he did as an adult was he created a bond with his wife. And all the evidence is all
    1:49:53 through his life, he relied on that bond. And that when they got into a fight, this man, this
    1:50:00 powerful man who sort of took all these impossible stands in his life, and what he would do apparently
    1:50:09 is if they got into fights, he’d go and he’d sit down outside her bedroom door and say things like,
    1:50:15 “Are you mad at your Winnie?” Somehow he knew he found a way to reach for her.
    1:50:23 And she responded enough that he had this secure connection. Because they were British,
    1:50:29 British upper class, so they still slept in separate bedrooms, which is just kind of weird,
    1:50:34 but from me, from my point of view. But they did that. Now my class consciousness is coming out here.
    1:50:40 Do you have any favorite books, or if you were to recommend a resource or a book or a place to
    1:50:48 start for people interested in learning more about Winston Churchill, do you have any suggestions?
    1:50:53 There’s a wonderful book. I think it’s called The Last Lion. It’s a biography in three volumes
    1:50:58 of Winston Churchill, but it takes it from childhood until him in dying. And it’s fascinating,
    1:51:04 fascinating. I love it. In terms of books, I just read What Happened to You with Oprah Winfrey and
    1:51:12 Bruce Perry. And Bruce Perry, both of them are splendid. I love Bruce Perry. He’s a
    1:51:20 child and adolescent psychiatrist. So he comes at attachment science in a slightly different way
    1:51:25 than me. His work dovetails with us totally brilliantly. And he says all the same things about
    1:51:31 how emotional isolation is traumatizing and how sensitive we are and how to grow human beings.
    1:51:39 He says all the same things. That’s one recent one that I just read.
    1:51:43 You know, it’s funny. I just came home and literally that book is sitting on one of the
    1:51:52 dressers. So I think my girlfriend just bought that book. So it seems like she and I are having
    1:51:59 complementary explorations at the moment, which is great. And the book that you named,
    1:52:06 you actually got it right, The Last Lion by William Manchester. The Last Lion box set.
    1:52:11 It is a three-volume set and has average of five stars out of five on Amazon,
    1:52:18 260 reviews. So it seems to be well-liked. What I love about it, I think I love Winston Churchill
    1:52:24 because from my point of view, he was a successful human being in that he was always honest to
    1:52:34 himself. He was always Winston. He was always, he took huge risks, even though some of those risks
    1:52:41 made him massively unpopular. There were periods of time when he was hated in the House of Commons.
    1:52:46 His peers despised him, criticised him. He was creative. He was always honest. He was always
    1:52:54 who he was. I love that he used to go up in the blitz. Everyone else used to go into the shelters.
    1:53:00 He used to go up on the roof and watch the blitz as it was happening. In the First World War,
    1:53:07 all his upper-class colleagues, if they were in the battle at all, they were way behind the lines
    1:53:14 in a nice hotel somewhere, Winston gave up being a member of parliament and asked to go into the
    1:53:20 trenches. He said he wanted to see them. He wanted to see what they were like. He wanted to be there
    1:53:25 in the trenches. And mind you, he took his butler with him, which most of the men in the trenches
    1:53:30 did with the butler, but nevertheless. I would love to hear the conversation with the butler
    1:53:37 on that decision. Yes. So probably the butler didn’t want to go into the trenches. But he was
    1:53:42 a risk-taker. He had huge integrity. He was passionate. He stayed with that passion, even
    1:53:50 though there were long periods of time when he was completely rejected socially. He was true to
    1:53:56 himself and he was passionate. And I think he was one of the few human beings who could have led
    1:54:02 England through the Second World War and made it. I don’t know who else could have come forward to
    1:54:08 do that. So I find him fascinating. I find figures like him that have courage and stand for something.
    1:54:16 And even when the prevailing winds are going the other way, I always find that fascinating.
    1:54:24 Do you still dance tango? Is that something that you still pursue?
    1:54:28 I still dance tango and COVID has been so awful. And of course, the parallel with
    1:54:35 couple relationships is obvious. When I first started to learn tango, my tango teacher would
    1:54:42 be teaching me and I suddenly say things like, “Stop. I got to write that down.”
    1:54:46 Because it would be relevant for therapy. I mean, tango is about attunement and so is love.
    1:54:53 Tango is about standing up, moving with somebody, changing weight with somebody,
    1:54:59 tuning into somebody. And there’s a safety check there. There’s a, “Can I find you?
    1:55:05 Are you going to respond to me? Are you there? Can I feel you?” And then if the answer is yet,
    1:55:13 if sometimes you go through the motions, the answer is no. And you go through the motions,
    1:55:17 you do the steps. But if it’s a good dance, you find the other person and it’s like, “Oh,
    1:55:24 there you are. There you are. Oh, I can feel that. Oh.” And we tune into the music at the
    1:55:31 same time when we start to play. And there’s a synchrony there that happens in hold me tight
    1:55:38 conversations, happens in good sex, happens in its play and synchrony. And it’s two human beings
    1:55:45 impacting each other, responding to each other, sending cues, tuning into the cues.
    1:55:51 There’s something intoxicating about it. So when I realized the parallel, I was not good at it,
    1:56:00 I want to tell you. My teacher who was not big on empathy said something like,
    1:56:05 “Why do you want to teach tango? You’re uncoordinated. You don’t have any balance.
    1:56:11 You’re not 22.” I said, “Thanks very much. I’m in my late 50s actually, so thanks very much for
    1:56:17 that comment. At the time I learned tango, I said, “This is going to be very difficult for you.”
    1:56:22 And I said, “Well, then shut up and stop teaching me because I’ll just work harder at it than
    1:56:28 everyone else. That’s all.” He said, “Why do you want to do it?” I said, “Because there’s something
    1:56:32 here. I get these little tiny moments where we’re both moving together to this beautiful music that
    1:56:39 are just joyful.” He just looked at me and said, “All right then, but you’re going to have to work
    1:56:47 really hard.” There’s so many parallels. I can remember one lesson when I said to him,
    1:56:52 I got angry and I said, “You’re not sending me any cues. It’s a bit like a couple.”
    1:56:57 And just for people listening, this happens all the time. These arguments between tango couples,
    1:57:04 they get into these bickering fights all the time, so please continue.
    1:57:07 So this is my teacher, right? And he says, “He’s trying to teach me this new move.” And I say,
    1:57:13 “You’re not saying anything. You’re not sending me any cues.” He says, “The cues I am sending you
    1:57:19 are enormous.” I said, “What are you talking about? You’re not sending me any cues. You’ll be just
    1:57:25 being ridiculous.” So bless his heart. He does what we do in EFT. He says, “Feel it.” He moves his
    1:57:33 shoulders slightly to the right, about a millimeter. Can you feel that? I said, “No.”
    1:57:38 He says, “Do it again. Feel it.” Can you feel it? No. He does it 20 times. I say, “Oh.”
    1:57:46 And sometimes that’s what you have to do in couple relationships. You have to slow everything down
    1:57:53 and give people time to listen to a new thing they’re not used to hearing or can’t take in. You
    1:57:59 have to slow it down. And you can’t just do all this stuff fast. So then I go, “Oh, I got it.”
    1:58:07 And then he says, “Right.” Then he says, “Now follow it.” And I turn this hand all the time,
    1:58:14 the parallels in relationships. And they were the same. So I’d go to tango lessons and get completely
    1:58:22 enthralled intellectually, emotionally, physically. I adore tango. But I have to say,
    1:58:29 I probably shouldn’t say this on air. I find, mostly I find it’s easier to dance with women.
    1:58:37 And there aren’t many women leaders. And I can’t figure out why that is, but I think it’s
    1:58:44 because women have had to learn to tune into other people in order to survive socially.
    1:58:52 Over the years, they’ve had to do that. So maybe it’s a little easier for them.
    1:58:57 But I find with women leaders often, or maybe I just feel a little safer with women leaders.
    1:59:04 Maybe that’s what it is. I don’t know. But often I find it easier to dance with women,
    1:59:10 although I’ve had some amazing male partners too. One of the big arguments in my marriage was that
    1:59:15 we started dancing tango. And then my husband said he wasn’t going to do it. He didn’t like it.
    1:59:20 So I won’t tell you what Sue Johnson said to that. It was not a positive evening.
    1:59:28 That was like, you can’t do that to me. I need a partner. And he basically said,
    1:59:37 it hurts my back. I’m not going to do it. And so that was very difficult. But we got through it.
    1:59:43 He goes hiking. And I don’t particularly like it when he goes hiking up mountains or by himself.
    1:59:50 It scares me. And for quite a while, he didn’t particularly like it when I would go off to
    1:59:55 the Melonga. And as he put it, insist on dancing very, very close to other men for hours.
    2:00:03 I’m dancing tango. The fact that it’s very, very close is just the way it is. Anyway.
    2:00:12 One of my close friends does not dance. He does not dance, but his wife loves ballroom dance.
    2:00:19 And dances a variety of different styles. And I remember one Saturday, it might have been a
    2:00:24 Friday. It was a Saturday. He said, here’s my wife’s evening. And he sent a photograph that she’d
    2:00:30 sent him. She’s in this really sleek, super sexy dress all done up, looking gorgeous, dancing with
    2:00:38 this Latin guy. They’re face to face, you know, sweating all over each other. And then he said,
    2:00:43 here’s my evening. And he sent a photograph. And it was a table with arts and crafts with like a half
    2:00:48 a dozen kids going totally batshit crazy. And he painted quite a picture for himself. And I just
    2:00:57 want to backstep into what you were saying about tango. It’s making me really want to dance again.
    2:01:02 I haven’t danced in a very, very long time, but for people who don’t know. So a few things on the
    2:01:07 gender split. In Argentina, a lot of the tango began in the port town of Buenos Aires with men
    2:01:15 dancing with other men. It was actually very common, very, very common. And even now you can
    2:01:21 find an eye trained, because oftentimes in the classes when I was there, we wouldn’t have enough
    2:01:26 women or you wouldn’t have enough men. So women would dance with women, men would dance with men.
    2:01:29 And there are two brothers. I can’t recall their names. I know who they are. Yes. They’re incredible.
    2:01:38 Do you know the name? Do you remember the name? No, no, they’re amazing. So incredible. Yeah,
    2:01:43 if somebody goes to YouTube and just searches, you know, Argentine dancing, tango brothers or
    2:01:48 something like that, you’ll see the two of them dancing. And it’s a very aggressive, masculine,
    2:01:54 almost violent type of tango. It’s incredible to watch. And you’re bringing back so many memories
    2:02:02 for me. I remember being at different milongas like Niño Bien or Sundarland, Sunderland, and all
    2:02:08 these different milongas. And what struck me so much when I went to some of my first milongas,
    2:02:13 which for people wondering start really late and end really late in Argentina. They often don’t
    2:02:18 even really get going until midnight. Could be a Tuesday. It doesn’t matter. And I went in and I
    2:02:24 noticed that many of the best female dancers danced with their eyes closed. Oh, yes. And the complexity
    2:02:30 of the movements were one thing. And you watch and you just, you just can’t understand how it’s
    2:02:35 possible for someone to dance so deftly with such subtlety so quickly with their eyes closed. But
    2:02:42 on top of that, as a beginner, you walk in and you think to yourself, these two must have been
    2:02:48 practicing for months and months and years and years together. And then you find out it might
    2:02:52 be the first night they ever met. It’s all cues and improv. It’s just mind blowing. It’s so impressive.
    2:03:01 And it’s the synchrony, that kind of physical and emotional synchrony moving with the music.
    2:03:07 That synchrony elicits joy in human beings. It’s the reason why birds have mating rituals.
    2:03:16 Swans move their necks in unison. They do this ritual. They move into synchrony.
    2:03:21 You know, it happens with mothers and children. They move into synchrony. The little child opens
    2:03:27 his eyes. The mother leans forward and opens her eyes wider. A synchrony in tango, synchrony in love
    2:03:34 making between lovers, synchrony in hold me tight conversations. This is our nervous system
    2:03:40 buzzing and saying, yes. This is belonging. This is safety. This is joy. And our nervous system
    2:03:50 buzzes with this. And it’s so rewarding. I tried to explain to my husband why I needed to keep
    2:03:57 tangoing at one point. And I said, when I dance with, I used a woman as an example.
    2:04:04 You know, when I dance with Mary Ellen in 12 minutes of dancing, I’ll have four straight moments of
    2:04:12 this incredible synchrony when my brain is out sitting in a chair looking and saying,
    2:04:19 how are you doing this? I don’t understand you doing this. You don’t know any of these
    2:04:23 moves. And what happened there? I don’t understand how this is going because your
    2:04:27 prefrontal cortex isn’t subtle enough. It’s like you’re picking up on attunement and moving with
    2:04:33 someone. And this is what human beings can do. We can read these cues incredibly fast.
    2:04:40 We have these mirror neurons in our brains that pick up the cues from somebody and feel them in
    2:04:47 our own body and uses the basis of empathy. And it’s a beautiful thing. And so yeah, when I first
    2:04:54 went to a tumor longer, I stood there and said, how do they do this? This is the most beautiful
    2:05:03 thing I’ve ever seen. And it’s impossible. I don’t understand. I want to do it. I want to do it.
    2:05:09 But it takes a long time. And in a way, it’s kind of the same discovery that our couples go through
    2:05:18 where somebody will say to me, I never felt this before. I never knew you could feel this.
    2:05:24 I never knew people could have these kinds of conversations. I never knew that I could talk
    2:05:32 about my feelings like this. I never knew that I would talk about my feelings and I would look
    2:05:38 up and see in the other person’s face that they wanted me and that they wanted this. And someone
    2:05:45 will say, you don’t have to keep problem solving or taking care of everything. You don’t have to
    2:05:51 keep solving all the problems. What I want is you. If you tell me you’re overwhelmed by this
    2:05:57 problem, that’s what I want. I want the connection with you. And the other person goes, I’ve had
    2:06:04 people say, what did you say? And the person has to repeat it like four times. He says,
    2:06:11 when they look at me with this blank look and I say, you can’t take that in. You’ve never imagined
    2:06:18 a drama with another human being where somebody might say that to you and they go, no. And then
    2:06:25 they weep because in the end, what none of us can bear is the feeling that we’re alone and that we
    2:06:34 don’t matter to another human being. That’s… And our world doesn’t talk much about that.
    2:06:40 When I first heard that you wanted to talk to me, I thought, why does he want to talk to me?
    2:06:46 He’s into business and he’s into teaching people how to make money. And then somebody said, no,
    2:06:52 no, he’s into success. And what helps people feel successful? And I thought, oh, well, that’s okay
    2:07:00 because from my point of view, success is about being really alive and being really alive is
    2:07:07 about being connected with others and knowing that they are our greatest resource and that
    2:07:12 that’s where we are most alive, whether we’re dancing tango, making love, responding to our child.
    2:07:18 It’s such fun to talk to you. You’re fun. I never know what questions you’re going to…
    2:07:21 Sometimes you ask quite intricate questions. That’s really fun.
    2:07:25 You’re fun too. You’re fun too. And I only have a few more questions because I know we’re getting
    2:07:30 not necessarily two time, but we’re definitely covering a lot of ground. You’ve mentioned sex a
    2:07:36 number of times. Good sex. And this is important to many, if not all couples. And I’d love to
    2:07:43 pose a situation and hear how you might approach it. And that is couple who love each other dearly,
    2:07:53 they actually do not seem to be shutting down, at least obviously. They’ve been together a long
    2:08:00 time and maybe the passion, the fire has simply died down somewhat. They’re more, I don’t want to
    2:08:07 say roommates because that has a pejorative sound to it, but they’re good parents. They love each
    2:08:13 other, they maybe still go on dates and so on. But for whatever reason, that sexual spark
    2:08:19 is not as strong as it used to be. How would you approach that situation, that couple?
    2:08:26 What’s always interesting to me about sexuality and sexual conversations is that our world,
    2:08:34 arguably, I mean, sex is everywhere now compared to even say 20, 30 years ago, theoretically,
    2:08:42 we’re more open and we’re more accepting about sex, we’re not so restrained and all that.
    2:08:47 So what’s fascinating to me is it seems to me that people, couples have an incredibly hard time
    2:08:55 having a conversation about their sex lives. And that’s still true, and it was true 30 years ago,
    2:09:02 and it’s still true now. And I think it’s because in sex, people are literally naked.
    2:09:09 They are vulnerable. And they don’t know how to even begin that conversation. So what we do
    2:09:17 is we create safety in the relationship, we have them look at the relationship,
    2:09:21 and we walk into that conversation. One of the big conversations about that one is
    2:09:26 there’s a lot of evidence now, I think it’s really good research, about the difference
    2:09:31 between male and female sexuality. And there’s a lot of evidence that women respond differently
    2:09:39 to physiological to sexual cues. A woman can be physiologically aroused, for example,
    2:09:45 by a sexual cue. If you look at her in an MRI study, I think this was by a man called Gilath
    2:09:50 Basil. Canadian researcher also talks about this. There’s quite a few people. I think Chisholm
    2:09:57 talks about it. So the evidence is a woman can be physiologically turned on. And if you ask her
    2:10:03 if she’s turned on, she’ll tell you no. Whereas with a man, physiological arousal and experience
    2:10:10 just goes together like that. They have an erection, they say I’m aroused. With the woman,
    2:10:15 there’s something else that seems to happen. What seems to happen is that the woman’s physiologically
    2:10:21 aroused and then her prefrontal cortex cues in. And her prefrontal cortex, the theory now is from
    2:10:29 these studies that her prefrontal cortex basically checks out the safety of the relationship,
    2:10:35 which makes sense because women are, I mean, let’s face it, if you look at the sex act,
    2:10:40 women are vulnerable. They’re naked, they’re going to open their body, they’re going to be
    2:10:46 penetrated by a stronger animal. This is a basic thing. So it’s almost like women check out the
    2:10:54 relationship and the connection and the safety before they then feel, they actually let themselves
    2:11:00 feel aroused. And so women take longer often to be aroused. Somebody said to me, what’s the best
    2:11:08 foreplay I can do with my wife? I said, well, have you heard her talking here? I think what she’s
    2:11:13 telling you is the best foreplay you can do with your wife is to talk to her and share with her
    2:11:19 and turn up. Well, basically, I didn’t say turn up emotionally, but that’s where I was going.
    2:11:23 Like, show her who you are. Stand out on the dance floor, open your arms. And so women have
    2:11:31 a slower pace often. Women have responsive desire. They don’t start off from lust. They start off
    2:11:39 from being open to their partner or being curious. They don’t start from the same place as men,
    2:11:46 and people haven’t known how to talk about that. And so men and women miss each other.
    2:11:51 And also men, men talk about how the classic story is that men start talking about how they want
    2:11:59 sex. But time and time again, when we’re dealing with a couple sexual relationship,
    2:12:05 if you really go in and you really stay there, it’s not just about orgasm, because let’s get real.
    2:12:12 If it’s just about orgasm, men can give themselves an orgasm very efficiently. And so can women.
    2:12:17 There’s amazing vibrators out there. Okay. So that’s not an issue. So it is not just about
    2:12:22 orgasm. Because if you listen to the man who says, who’s always badgering his wife for sex,
    2:12:27 what it comes down to is on an emotional level, and he has a hard time getting there,
    2:12:33 he wants to feel wanted. He wants to feel desired. And in that men and women are the same.
    2:12:44 And when that somehow a couple give each other the message, I don’t particularly desire you.
    2:12:50 One way of dealing with it, if you have other good things in the relationship is to just shut
    2:12:55 that part of your relationship down and numb it out. But you can bring it alive. But you have
    2:13:01 to be able to be ARE. You have to be able to take some emotional risks. You have to turn and say,
    2:13:07 you love this kind of sex. Well, I want to tell you that for 20 years, I’ve hated it.
    2:13:13 I hate it. One lady said, “You think it’s the sexiest thing in the world to come up behind me
    2:13:20 and bite my neck? I hate it when you do that.” And he says, “What are you talking about?”
    2:13:27 And she just didn’t feel safe enough to turn and say, I hate that. And here’s why I hate it.
    2:13:32 People hang back. They shut down. But passion is about feeling safe enough to be completely
    2:13:42 absorbed in the experience and let it take you over. Passion is about full engagement.
    2:13:47 We talk about it. It’s all about novelty. It’s not all about novelty. Novelty can turn
    2:13:53 passion on. But the research is clear from people like Lowman at the University of Chicago.
    2:13:59 The people who have the best sex have it most often and who feel most enthralled, find it most
    2:14:04 thrilling are people in what you would call safe long-term relationships. Because then you can
    2:14:11 let go. Passion is about erotic play. You can let go and play. And lots of couples have sort of put
    2:14:19 that part of their relationship off to the side. They haven’t known how to tune into each other.
    2:14:24 They haven’t maybe accepted their own emotional needs. They haven’t known how to talk about it.
    2:14:29 So we simply create safety and we open it up for them. And they start to share and talk
    2:14:37 and find it again. They have to have acceptance. Somebody has to be able to say,
    2:14:42 “I was brought up a Catholic. There’s some part of me that can never quite accept
    2:14:48 my own sexuality. And some part of me just needs you to be dominant to demand it of me.
    2:14:55 And then I can get turned on.” Well, she needs to be able to tell that to her partner.
    2:14:59 Because he’s always comes on to her considerate and low-key. He doesn’t want to offend her in
    2:15:05 any way. Well, it doesn’t work, right? So people have to be able to examine the way they dance
    2:15:11 together and share. And then they can find each other. And it’s the same with sexual problems
    2:15:17 who hold me tight. One of my favourite stories, I’ve got it in the book of the man who has a
    2:15:23 rectile dysfunction. And the trouble is not that he has a rectile dysfunction, the trouble is he
    2:15:29 freaks out every time he has a rectile dysfunction and shuts down and withdraws from his wife and
    2:15:34 then she gets upset and feels rejected and abandoned. So the whole relationship starts
    2:15:39 to go to hell. And they can talk about it, connect with it. And I suggest that sometimes,
    2:15:46 I think we call his penis George, I can’t remember now, that I say sometimes George goes
    2:15:50 for a little nap. And it’s no big deal if they can stay connected with each other and she can help
    2:15:56 wake George up. She knows how to do that. And they laugh and they play. And there’s no problem
    2:16:02 after a while because they deal with it differently because they have this safe connection. But the
    2:16:07 trouble was the sexual problem was interfering with their safe connection and everyone was playing
    2:16:13 it safe and being nice to each other and keeping everything calm. The thing is, what we’ve learned
    2:16:20 about attachment science can help us shape our emotional relationships and our sexual relationships.
    2:16:26 It gives us a map for how to do that. And it really challenges the old cliche that love
    2:16:35 and passionate love has a best before date. It really challenges that love has to be remade
    2:16:43 and passion isn’t the same over 30 years, but it can still be made and remade. And there are times
    2:16:49 when people are more tuned into that than others. But anyway, that’s, we could talk about sex forever.
    2:16:55 So there’s some huge topics here, Tim.
    2:16:58 They are. We may have to do around two or three and four.
    2:17:00 There’s a lot of stuff to talk about.
    2:17:02 Let me ask a follow up, which is sort of the opposite end of the spectrum with respect to one
    2:17:11 example you gave. So one of the examples you began with was that of female physiological arousal,
    2:17:19 often preceding psychological arousal. And I’d be curious to know, because this seems to be common,
    2:17:29 at least among many men that I know and many men who write to me in some fashion, that they’re
    2:17:38 extremely attracted to their partner for a period of time. And they see this in relationships
    2:17:42 one after the other for six, nine months, whatever it is.
    2:17:47 And then it’s not that they stop being attracted to their partner, they still
    2:17:51 can objectively and subjectively look at their partner and find them sexy and attractive,
    2:17:56 but they just do not have as much sex drive as they would like at a certain point in the
    2:18:01 relationship. Do you have any, and not necessarily advice for them, but could be advice, but thoughts
    2:18:07 on how to approach that. So not a situation where the male is demanding or hoping for more sex,
    2:18:12 although that might be the case, but in fact a situation where the woman has more sustained sex
    2:18:18 drive than the male. Well, that’s an interesting one. I don’t know. I mean, we condition men to
    2:18:25 think about physiologically their sexual need and their sexual response is very available to them
    2:18:31 compared to women. And it seems to be immediate. And we condition men to accept their sexuality
    2:18:38 and to accept sort of lust and to expect a certain amount. So I don’t know. I think it depends.
    2:18:44 And I may have been prejudiced because the cases that I’ve seen in that situation
    2:18:48 have usually been that there’s another whole element going on, which is that
    2:18:54 there’s a certain point in relationships where people realize that they’re vulnerable
    2:19:02 and that this person holds their heart in their hand. And for some people, before that the infatuation
    2:19:12 and the excitement and the novelty and the, all that stuff can carry them forward. And then there’s
    2:19:20 a moment when it’s kind of like the bonding scenario kicks in and they realize they’re vulnerable.
    2:19:27 And this other person can hurt them and that they need this person. They need certain responses from
    2:19:32 this person. And for some folks, that is exceedingly difficult. And they can’t even really put their
    2:19:41 finger on what that’s about. And they start to shut down. And I can remember a very dramatic case of
    2:19:49 this where this guy pursued this woman and adored her and everything was great. And then they got
    2:19:55 married. And literally they got married and she became immediately pregnant and was very ill with
    2:20:03 the pregnancy. So she was kind of, she kind of withdrew. So from his point of view, he took the
    2:20:08 ultimate risk, which he said he was never going to do and got married. And the minute he did that,
    2:20:12 from his point of view, this person became unavailable. He completely shut down his sexuality.
    2:20:19 Completely. He numbed it out. Except in his mind, in his mind, she was still the most attractive
    2:20:26 woman in the world. He still had all kinds of active fantasies. I mean, he still had lust. He
    2:20:32 just shut it all down. And that was all about the emotional reality of him suddenly coming up against
    2:20:39 this reality that he needed her. He’d risked and suddenly she wasn’t there. And of course,
    2:20:47 that was a very familiar experience for him from his childhood. And then she got angry,
    2:20:53 of course, because he wouldn’t. He shut down and the whole relationship went bad.
    2:20:58 So these emotional scenarios can be complex. You have to ask what’s going on. I think there’s
    2:21:06 also a point in couples’ lives with, especially in our present world, where they get caught up in
    2:21:11 parenting, caught up in tasks, caught up in what we’ve decided is success, which is working longer
    2:21:18 and longer hours, being on your devices all the time. Literally, they don’t pay any attention to
    2:21:24 the relationship and to the emotional music and to the connection. And then they suddenly expect
    2:21:29 it to be there in bed. Well, it’s no, because it all sort of goes together. So we don’t find it
    2:21:39 that difficult to help people, if they want, to go through those blocks. We don’t find it that
    2:21:46 difficult to help people deal with their sex life differently with problems or to reawaken
    2:21:51 that passion. In fact, what we find is when people start having homely type conversations,
    2:21:56 we don’t even talk about sex. They tell us their sex life improves because they start to be able to
    2:22:02 play and take risks with each other and tell each other things they’d never been able to tell each
    2:22:08 other before and accept their own sexual desires or sensitivities in a new way and share them.
    2:22:15 So then this openness, this emotional openness and responsiveness turns into physiological
    2:22:22 openness and responsiveness. It’s very hard to be open and physiologically responsive when you’re
    2:22:28 afraid and guarding yourself all the time. Yeah, those two sound almost entirely mutually
    2:22:34 exclusive. Well, I would like to, if you’re open to a few more minutes, just to hear your
    2:22:40 description since people will want to explore this more of hold me tight online, the relationship
    2:22:46 enhancement program. What brought you to develop that? And what can people expect if they engage
    2:22:53 with that? What brought me to develop it was insanity, because it was an insane amount of
    2:23:01 work. Okay. And I just, I got obsessed with the fact that we, from my point of view, this science
    2:23:10 and all our work had created this enormous possibility for people to have much better
    2:23:15 relationships, much more secure families, better mental health. And somehow people
    2:23:22 weren’t getting the message. I just became so disconcerted by that, that I said,
    2:23:28 “We’ve got to do an online program. This is the only way it’s going to reach people.”
    2:23:33 So my colleagues, bless their hearts, I seem to have this ability to go in and say insane
    2:23:40 ideas and then people pick them up and suddenly we’re working for about four years on this huge
    2:23:45 project. So we created this, the online program is, it’s got little talks, it’s got three couples
    2:23:53 going through the process. When you see the three couples working, it’s got little bits of music,
    2:24:00 little exercises, it’s customized. We put a huge amount of work into it. I don’t know if any other
    2:24:07 program like it out there, especially not based on tested interventions and a clear
    2:24:14 science of what love relationships are about. We get very good feedback on it. I’m very encouraged
    2:24:20 by the fact that the military, the US military I believe and the Canadian military are using it now
    2:24:27 and the government of British Columbia where I live on the west coast of Canada has just bought
    2:24:33 a number of them. I think they’re going to give them to first responders whose relationships
    2:24:39 are having a hard time. The Heart Institute is talking about creating an online program because
    2:24:45 they have a live program in their hospital now in Ottawa. So I’m very encouraged by the
    2:24:50 fact that institutions are picking it up, but it’s supposed to take the Hold Me Tight book
    2:24:55 and turn it into a live engaging online program that you can do with your partner.
    2:25:01 And there’s some research on the educational program based on Hold Me Tight. There’s no
    2:25:08 research yet on the online program, but we’re still working on it. We want to, for example,
    2:25:15 the three couples who agreed to be filmed through this, we just took the first three
    2:25:20 couples that came into the studio in Ottawa and did it with me, did those conversations with me
    2:25:26 in a very snowy winter. So when I look at them now, it looks a little dated, those three couples.
    2:25:31 There’s a young couple, a couple that are facing all kinds of other difficulties and an older couple.
    2:25:37 They’re still useful, you can still see, but we’ve started to add
    2:25:42 conversations like we have a black couple right now with a black facilitator talking about
    2:25:50 that and talking about issues with racism and how that impacts your relationship.
    2:25:54 We’re trying to put new conversations in. You can see a couple go through it. You can hear me
    2:26:00 talk about it. You can learn about it. You can hear the stories about it. You can do exercises.
    2:26:07 I mean, it’s really designed to lead you into being able to have your own Hold Me Tight conversation.
    2:26:12 And I think, well, I’m a bit crazy about all this, but we need books and we need online programs.
    2:26:20 We need to educate people about relationships. It’s insane that we have all this science and
    2:26:27 understanding and that we are not sharing it and putting it out so that we can have more positive,
    2:26:35 loving, cooperative relationships and more secure families. From my point of view, it’s insane.
    2:26:41 So we created the program and we’re going to keep adding to it and hopefully institutions
    2:26:47 will keep picking it up. And for a while we did it and online wasn’t popular. And so it just sat
    2:26:54 there and I thought, what do I have to do to get this stuff out there? But it has picked up quite
    2:26:59 a lot. People are hearing about it. I think this conversation will help at least with a handful
    2:27:04 of people. Yes. So that’s the hope. And this has been so much fun. Dr. Sue Johnson, you are
    2:27:12 blessed to talk to you. And I will of course add show notes with links to everything and people
    2:27:19 can find you at Dr. Sue Johnson, Dr. Sue Johnson. They can find the Hold Me Tight online program
    2:27:30 at holdmetightonline.com. You’re on all the social. I’ll link to those in the show notes and
    2:27:35 people can find you on Twitter @DrDR. That’s @DR_Sue Johnson. Is there anything else that you would
    2:27:42 like to say, any closing comments, any requests of my audience, anything at all that you would like
    2:27:49 to add before we close this first very enjoyable conversation? For me at least. I don’t want to
    2:27:56 speak for you. The only thing that occurs to me is to say on a personal level that
    2:28:03 one of the enormous realities of my childhood was that I understood that my parents loved each other
    2:28:13 and they fought continually. That was something that distressed me, puzzled me, alarmed me,
    2:28:21 freaked me out. And I think way back there somewhere, sitting on the stairs in the dark,
    2:28:28 listening to them fight, I somehow felt that there had to be a better way. There had to be
    2:28:34 a better way. And I think the other thing was I adored my father and in the end the fact that
    2:28:39 marriage didn’t work destroyed him. Whereas the Second World War didn’t destroy him. All kinds
    2:28:44 of other things didn’t destroy him. But the fact that that marriage didn’t work destroyed him.
    2:28:49 So I knew how important relationships were. And for me, when I started to see couples and I started
    2:28:59 to see patterns, and then I started to link it to attachment science, and I suddenly realized that
    2:29:05 there was a way that we can understand love, that we can understand and shape our most
    2:29:12 precious relationships. That is just something that I just feel like we need so desperately.
    2:29:19 It’s so important on so many levels that I just want people to know that you don’t have to fall
    2:29:28 in and out of love and that even if you’ve never seen this kind of bonding, you can find it. We
    2:29:35 can show it to you on a video. We can tell you a story about it. You can do it. It’s wired into us
    2:29:43 that there’s incredible hope for relationships because more and more people are living alone.
    2:29:50 More and more people are giving up on love relationships. More and more people are saying
    2:29:57 things like monogamy is impossible. It doesn’t work. This just brings up despair in me because
    2:30:05 it’s like we have this, we have the way forward and we’re not using it. So that’s why I do things
    2:30:13 like make crazy online programs that take me four years. Anyway, it’s been amazing fun to talk to
    2:30:24 you. Thank you. It’s been a great time and I’m so glad that you were able and grateful
    2:30:29 that you were willing to carve out the time to have this conversation. I really think it’s
    2:30:34 going to help a lot of people. This has been incredibly helpful for me personally. I’ve taken
    2:30:39 a ton of notes. I have a lot of things to follow up on. I’m going to have some very, very, I think
    2:30:44 some very bonding and engaging conversations with my girlfriend. This has inspired me to
    2:30:52 further seek out the tools that help us to shape the love that we need and want instead of just
    2:31:00 waiting for some miracle to fall from the sky or a disaster to fall from the sky. It’s very enabling
    2:31:08 to hear you speak and to get a better understanding of your work. Certainly, I can only imagine to
    2:31:14 engage with the work that you’ve developed. I’m very grateful to you for the time and for
    2:31:20 the work that you’re doing. I think these tools are invaluable and never more needed certainly
    2:31:27 than right now. I think that word despair that you mentioned is something that a lot of people
    2:31:31 have become intimate with in the last year, but that the last year has really just magnified,
    2:31:37 I think, an underlying despair that many people already felt. I agree. I’m so glad that we were
    2:31:42 able to take the time together. Thank you very, very much and perhaps if you have time in the
    2:31:48 future, we’ll do a round two, but we’ll no need to rush that, but really, really tremendously
    2:31:54 enjoy this conversation. Thank you again. You’re welcome. Lovely to talk to you.
    2:31:59 Lovely to talk to you and you asked wonderful questions. I appreciate that. Thank you so much.
    2:32:04 Oh, my pleasure entirely. For everybody listening, I’ll have links to everything
    2:32:10 in the show notes as usual at tim.blog/podcast. Until next time, thank you for listening.
    2:32:18 Hey guys, this is Tim again. Just one more thing before you take off and that is Five Bullet
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    2:36:13 Okay, this is going to be part confessional. As some of you know, I am recently single and
    2:36:19 navigating the world of modern dating. What a joy that is. Sometimes it’s fun,
    2:36:24 but it’s mostly a goddamn mess, as many of you probably know. I’ve tried all the dating apps,
    2:36:29 and while there’s some slick options out there, the most functional that I have found is The League.
    2:36:35 I’ve been using it for a few months now, and I found some great matches. I am going to use this ad,
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    2:36:47 handle is Tim Tim. That’s @TimTim, or just Tim Tim. I think you can search by person and just
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    2:37:00 I’m looking for in a bit. But before that, why did I end up using The League? First, most dating
    2:37:05 apps give you almost no information. It’s a huge time suck. On The League, you’re starting with
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    2:38:03 two to three months of the year in the mountains. I’m a rivers and mountains guy. The UI is a
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    2:38:18 things that I think make it stand out. Features available in the League include multi-city dating,
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    2:38:28 That’s very easy to do. You can search by interest, you can get profile stats, and there is a personal
    2:38:34 concierge in the app. So there’s someone you can text with within the app as a personal concierge
    2:38:39 to get help. So what am I looking for? I am looking for a woman who is well educated, who loves skiing
    2:38:44 or snowboarding, or both. These are, and I’ve used this word already, proxies for like 20 other
    2:38:50 things that are important. So just, I’ll leave it at that for now. Someone who’s default upbeat,
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    2:39:30 T-I-M-T-I-M. So these are all reasons why I was excited when the leak reached out to sponsor the
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    2:40:23 [BLANK_AUDIO]

    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #138 “How Seth Godin Manages His Life — Rules, Principles, and Obsessions” and episode #529 “Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love.”

    Please enjoy!

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    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [07:36] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [08:39] Enter Seth Godin.

    [09:05] Seth’s rules for speaking engagements and why he developed them.

    [13:53] Navigating life’s big transitions.

    [15:54] Why Seth publishes a daily blog.

    [16:54] Writing process and overcoming blocks.

    [21:01] Top businesss decisions.

    [22:45] Discerning between good and bad ideas.

    [24:27] Are you cut out to be an entrepreneur or a freelancer?

    [30:10] Opportunies Seth is glad he declined.

    [31:56] Money is a story. How does Seth tell it?

    [34:56] Seth on education.

    [38:11] Suggested practices for overwhelmed parents.

    [41:03] Enter Dr. Sue Johnson.

    [41:39] Peer-reviewed clinical research supporting Sue’s work.

    [44:47] EFT’s success rate and clinical definition of success in studies with distressed couples.

    [48:47] Scales used to assess marital satisfaction and bond in research.

    [54:55] Definition of a hold me tight conversation.

    [56:15] Examples of hold me tight conversations.

    [1:05:52] How a hold me tight conversation might work for someone who tends to isolate or feels isolated.

    [1:14:35] Prevalence of isolation and the stigma around “dependency.”

    [1:18:27] Attachment parenting vs. sleep training.

    [1:28:09] Micro-interventions from Rogerian models of therapy (evocative questions).

    [1:36:38] Sue’s response to clients who struggle to identify their feelings in their body.

    [1:43:32] Upping the ante in a hold me tight conversation and its unintended effects.

    [1:45:26] Sue’s approach to helping someone work through anger.

    [1:48:53] Sue’s fascination with Winston Churchill and recommended reading.

    [1:54:24] Common arguments between tango couples.

    [2:07:35] Advice for couples who are in love but lack sexual spark.

    [2:17:02] Advice for couples where the woman has a higher sex drive than the man.

    [2:22:35] Development and content of Sue’s Hold Me Tight Online program.

    [2:27:08] Parting thoughts.

    *

    For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.

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  • #746: Jerry Seinfeld and Maria Popova

    AI transcript
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    0:01:49 You don’t want them.
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    0:02:03 That’s one, the number one, password.com/tim.
    0:02:08 This episode is brought to you by Momentus.
    0:02:14 Momentus offers high-quality supplements and products
    0:02:17 across a broad spectrum of categories,
    0:02:19 including sports performance, sleep, cognitive health,
    0:02:22 hormone support, and more.
    0:02:24 I’ve been testing their products for months now,
    0:02:27 and I have a few that I use constantly.
    0:02:31 One of the things I love about Momentus
    0:02:32 is that they offer many single-ingredient
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    0:02:36 I’ll come back to the latter part of that a little bit later.
    0:02:39 Personally, I’ve been using Momentus Mag3n8,
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    0:02:54 I’ve also been using Momentus creatine,
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    0:03:00 In fact, I’ve been taking it daily,
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    0:03:09 in short-term memory and performance under stress.
    0:03:12 So those are some of the products
    0:03:13 that I’ve been using very consistently,
    0:03:15 and to give you an idea,
    0:03:16 I’m packing right now for an international trip.
    0:03:18 I tend to be very minimalist,
    0:03:20 and I am taking these with me nonetheless.
    0:03:23 Now back to the bigger picture.
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    0:03:31 and professional sports teams
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    0:03:35 Momentus also partners with some of the best minds
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    0:03:40 including a few you will recognize from this podcast,
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    0:03:47 They also work with Dr. Stacey Sims
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    0:03:50 specifically for women.
    0:03:52 Their products contain high-quality ingredients
    0:03:54 that are third-party tested,
    0:03:55 which in this case means informed sport and/or NSF certified,
    0:03:58 so you can trust that what is on the label
    0:04:00 is in the bottle and nothing else.
    0:04:03 And trust me, as someone who knows the sports nutrition
    0:04:05 and supplement world very well,
    0:04:07 that is a differentiator that you want
    0:04:09 in anything that you consume in this entire sector.
    0:04:13 So, good news.
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    0:04:24 and use code TIM at checkout for 20% off.
    0:04:27 That’s livmomentus, L-I-V-E-M-O-M-E-N-T-O-U-S
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    0:04:35 – Optimal, minimal.
    0:04:37 – At this altitude,
    0:04:38 I can run flat out for a half mile
    0:04:40 before my hands start shaking.
    0:04:42 – Can I answer your personal question?
    0:04:44 – No, we’re just sitting at perfect time.
    0:04:46 – What if I did the opposite?
    0:04:47 – I’m a cybernetic organism,
    0:04:49 living this year over a metal endoskeleton.
    0:04:51 ♪ Me Tim Ferriss Show ♪
    0:04:54 – Hello, boys and girls, ladies and germs.
    0:05:02 This is Tim Ferriss.
    0:05:03 Welcome to another episode of the Tim Ferriss Show,
    0:05:05 where it is my job to sit down
    0:05:06 with world-class performers from every field imaginable
    0:05:10 to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books,
    0:05:12 and so on that you can apply and test in your own lives.
    0:05:16 This episode is a two for one,
    0:05:18 and that’s because the podcast
    0:05:19 recently hit its 10th year anniversary,
    0:05:22 which is insane to think about,
    0:05:24 and past one billion downloads.
    0:05:26 To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best,
    0:05:30 some of my favorites from more than 700 episodes
    0:05:33 over the last decade.
    0:05:34 I could not be more excited
    0:05:36 to give you these super combo episodes.
    0:05:38 And internally, we’ve been calling these
    0:05:40 the super combo episodes,
    0:05:42 because my goal is to encourage you to, yes,
    0:05:44 enjoy the household names, the super famous folks,
    0:05:47 but to also introduce you to lesser-known people
    0:05:49 I consider stars.
    0:05:52 These are people who have transformed my life,
    0:05:54 and I feel like they can do the same for many of you.
    0:05:57 Perhaps they got lost in a busy news cycle,
    0:06:00 perhaps you missed an episode.
    0:06:01 Just trust me on this one,
    0:06:03 we went to great pains to put these pairings together.
    0:06:07 And for the bios of all guests,
    0:06:09 you can find that and more at tim.blog/combo.
    0:06:14 And now, with our further ado,
    0:06:15 please enjoy and thank you for listening.
    0:06:18 – First up, Jerry Seinfeld,
    0:06:22 American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer,
    0:06:27 and co-creator of the Emmy Golden Globe
    0:06:30 and People’s Choice Award-winning, “Seinfeld,”
    0:06:33 named the greatest television show of all time by TV Guide.
    0:06:37 His latest book is, “Is This Anything?”
    0:06:41 You can find Jerry on Twitter and Instagram @JerrySeinfeld.
    0:06:45 – My writing sessions used to be very arduous,
    0:06:51 very painful, pushing against the wind
    0:06:55 in soft, muddy ground, like a wheelbarrow full of bricks.
    0:07:00 You either learn to do that
    0:07:02 or you will die in the ecosystem.
    0:07:06 And I learned that really fast and really young.
    0:07:09 And that saved my life and made my career,
    0:07:12 that I grasped the essential principle
    0:07:17 of survival in comedy really young.
    0:07:23 And that principle is you learn to be a writer.
    0:07:28 It’s really the profession of writing.
    0:07:30 That’s what stand-up comedy is.
    0:07:32 However you do it, you can do it any way you want.
    0:07:35 But if you don’t learn to do it in some form,
    0:07:40 you will not survive.
    0:07:41 – And when you sit down, is it an empty page?
    0:07:44 Is it bits and pieces that you’ve noted
    0:07:47 through the week as observations that you then flesh out?
    0:07:50 What is actually in front of you when you start?
    0:07:52 – What’s in front of me is usually about 15 or 20 pages
    0:07:57 of stuff that’s in various states of development.
    0:08:03 And then there’s a smaller book
    0:08:05 of just really, really random things.
    0:08:10 Like when you’re on a cell phone call and the call drops
    0:08:15 and then you reconnect with the person, they’ll go,
    0:08:20 I don’t know what happened there.
    0:08:21 As if anyone is expecting them to know anything
    0:08:28 about the incredibly complex technology of a cell phone.
    0:08:32 They offer this little, I don’t know if it’s an excuse
    0:08:35 or an apology, they go, I don’t know what happened there.
    0:08:38 So anyway, so I don’t know.
    0:08:39 So that’s an example of something
    0:08:41 in that my little, little tiny notebook
    0:08:44 that I don’t know what to do with that,
    0:08:46 but it’s just so stupid to me and funny.
    0:08:49 So that to me is like an archery target 50 yards away.
    0:08:54 And then I take out my bow and my arrow and I go,
    0:08:58 let me see if I can hit that.
    0:09:00 Let me see if I can create something that I could say
    0:09:05 to a room full of humans in a nightclub
    0:09:10 that will make them see what I see in that.
    0:09:14 There’s something stupid and funny about that to me.
    0:09:17 That’s the very, very beginning.
    0:09:21 So then I’ll write something about it.
    0:09:23 It’ll be, if I’m lucky, it’ll be a half a page
    0:09:27 or a page on a yellow legal pad.
    0:09:30 And I’ll write that.
    0:09:31 And then in the session the next day,
    0:09:34 if I get around to it, I will see it again
    0:09:37 and I will see what I have and what I like and I don’t like.
    0:09:41 And as any writer can tell you, it’s 95% rewrite.
    0:09:46 So I have two phases.
    0:09:47 There is the free play creative phase
    0:09:51 and then there is the polish and construction phase.
    0:09:56 And I love to spend an ordinate,
    0:09:59 I mean, it’s not wasteful to me
    0:10:01 ’cause that’s just what I like to do.
    0:10:03 Amounts of time refining and perfecting every single word
    0:10:07 of it until it has this pleasing flow to my ear.
    0:10:12 And then it becomes something that I can’t wait to say.
    0:10:16 And then we go from there to the stage with it.
    0:10:19 And then from the stage, the audience will then,
    0:10:23 I imagine, you know, it’s a very scientific thing to me.
    0:10:26 It’s like, okay, here’s my experiment
    0:10:28 and you run the experiment
    0:10:30 and then the audience just dumps a bunch of data on you.
    0:10:34 This is good, this is okay, this is very good,
    0:10:38 this is terrible.
    0:10:40 And that goes into my brain from performing it on stage.
    0:10:45 And then it’s back through the rewrite process
    0:10:49 and then new ideas will come.
    0:10:51 And it’s just millions of different kinds of development.
    0:10:54 It’s just that, so you’re just trying to get your,
    0:10:57 you’re just going to that place of creating,
    0:11:01 fixing, jettisoning, it’s extremely occupying,
    0:11:05 it’s never boring, it’s the frustration I’m so used to
    0:11:09 at this point, I don’t even notice it.
    0:11:11 And it’s just work time, it’s just work time.
    0:11:17 I like the way athletes talk about,
    0:11:19 I gotta get my work in, did you get your work in?
    0:11:23 I like that phrase.
    0:11:24 One of the reasons I was looking forward
    0:11:26 to doing this show with you
    0:11:27 is I know that it’s something you are very interested in.
    0:11:31 – The craft.
    0:11:32 – Yeah, the systemization of the brain
    0:11:35 and creative endeavor.
    0:11:38 I really think when I’m working,
    0:11:41 it’s very much like when you’re watching a picture working
    0:11:44 on stage than now we’re going.
    0:11:47 So that’s different.
    0:11:49 So basically it’s on stage and off stage,
    0:11:50 it’s the desk and then the stage.
    0:11:53 And then back to the desk and then back to the stage.
    0:11:56 And that’s endless.
    0:11:57 My guiding rule is systemize.
    0:12:00 What’s the problem?
    0:12:02 The problem is like my daughter.
    0:12:04 My daughter is very creative, she’s extremely bright,
    0:12:07 she’s got an incredible head on her shoulders.
    0:12:10 And I see myself in her at that age,
    0:12:14 she’s way further advanced than I was at that age.
    0:12:18 She has a creative gift.
    0:12:21 So I say to her, when you have a creative gift,
    0:12:23 it’s like someone just gave you a horse.
    0:12:25 You have to learn how to ride it.
    0:12:27 You got to learn how to ride this horse.
    0:12:29 And I’ve seen people that are born by the dozens and dozens.
    0:12:34 I’ve seen people that were given black stallions.
    0:12:38 And if you have a black stallion, like from that movie,
    0:12:41 and you’re born and they just put you on it.
    0:12:44 And that’s what happens.
    0:12:46 They just put you on it.
    0:12:48 And you either learn to ride this thing
    0:12:50 or it’s gonna kill you.
    0:12:52 Then we have many, many examples of that.
    0:12:55 So she’s trying to write this thing, she’s struggling.
    0:12:57 I can’t write, I keep putting it off.
    0:13:00 So I explained to her my basic system,
    0:13:03 which you already talked about at the top of the show,
    0:13:06 which is if you’re gonna write,
    0:13:08 make yourself a writing session.
    0:13:10 What’s the writing session?
    0:13:12 I’m gonna work on this problem.
    0:13:14 Well, how long are you gonna work on it?
    0:13:16 Don’t just sit down with an open-ended,
    0:13:18 I’m gonna work on this problem.
    0:13:19 That’s a ridiculous torture to put on a human being’s head.
    0:13:24 It’s like you’re gonna hire a trainer to get in shape
    0:13:26 and he comes over and you go,
    0:13:27 how long is the session?
    0:13:29 And he goes, it’s open-ended.
    0:13:30 Forget it, I’m not doing it.
    0:13:32 It’s over right there.
    0:13:36 You’ve got to control what your brain can take, okay?
    0:13:41 So if you’re gonna exercise, God bless you.
    0:13:43 And that’s the best thing in the world you can do.
    0:13:46 But you gotta know when’s it gonna end?
    0:13:48 When’s the workout over?
    0:13:50 It’s gonna be an hour, okay.
    0:13:52 Or you can’t take that, let’s do 30 minutes.
    0:13:55 Okay, great, now we’re getting somewhere.
    0:13:57 I can do 30.
    0:13:59 I’m trying to teach my son who knows how to do
    0:14:02 Transcendental Meditation how to do it.
    0:14:05 I assume you know about that.
    0:14:06 – I do, yeah, practice this morning.
    0:14:08 – I can’t do it 15 minutes, okay, let’s do 10.
    0:14:12 Let’s do 10.
    0:14:13 Let’s come up with something you can do.
    0:14:15 That’s where you start everything.
    0:14:16 That’s how you start to build a system.
    0:14:19 So my daughter, so I said to her,
    0:14:21 you have to have an end time to your writing session.
    0:14:25 If you’re gonna sit down at a desk with a problem
    0:14:28 and do nothing else, you gotta get a reward for that.
    0:14:31 And the reward is the alarm goes off and you’re done.
    0:14:35 You get up and walk away and go have some cookies and milk.
    0:14:39 You’re done.
    0:14:40 If you have the guts and the balls to sit down and write,
    0:14:43 you need a reward at the other end of that session,
    0:14:47 which is stop now, pencils down.
    0:14:50 So that’s the beginning of a system
    0:14:53 that to me will help almost anybody learn to write,
    0:14:58 which is something I kind of wanted to teach in a way.
    0:15:03 I think it’s so simple.
    0:15:03 I think exercise is pretty simple too,
    0:15:06 but people don’t, they don’t come up
    0:15:08 with good simple little systems.
    0:15:11 They just try and do it.
    0:15:12 And that’s to me, that’s, you’re gonna fail.
    0:15:14 – The simple doesn’t mean easy in the point you made.
    0:15:17 – No, no, no, not easy.
    0:15:18 – So important, the incentives, right?
    0:15:20 Having a reward, having a defined format.
    0:15:24 How long did your daughter end up choosing
    0:15:27 for her writing duration?
    0:15:28 Or how long have you chosen?
    0:15:29 – I told her just do an hour, that’s a lot.
    0:15:32 She says I’m gonna write all day.
    0:15:34 No, you’re not, nobody writes all day.
    0:15:36 Shakespeare can’t write all day, it’s torture.
    0:15:42 – Yeah.
    0:15:43 If you taught a class on writing,
    0:15:45 what other lessons might you have or resources or anything?
    0:15:48 Exercises, ’cause I’m imagining that your daughter
    0:15:50 could sit down, she says, all right, I have an hour.
    0:15:52 And then you ask her how a writing session went.
    0:15:54 And she said, well, I didn’t have any idea what to write.
    0:15:56 So you’d have, I don’t know what age the students
    0:15:58 would be in your course, but what else would be
    0:16:00 a component of your class on writing?
    0:16:03 – Well, I would teach them to learn
    0:16:05 to accept your mediocrity, you know?
    0:16:09 No one’s really that great.
    0:16:10 You know who’s great?
    0:16:11 The people that just put tremendous amount of hours into it.
    0:16:15 It’s a game of tonnage, you know?
    0:16:18 How many hours are you gonna work per week, per month,
    0:16:23 per year, you might even wanna chart that.
    0:16:26 Or with your exercise, if you wanna get in shape.
    0:16:29 I couldn’t get in shape.
    0:16:30 I was like, I’d start out as a jogger, you know,
    0:16:33 like in the 70s and I would run three miles a day.
    0:16:36 And then I got older and I got married late
    0:16:38 and I had young kids and I really had to get in shape.
    0:16:41 And I picked up this book by Bill Phillips
    0:16:44 called “Body for Life.”
    0:16:46 – “Body for Life,” yeah.
    0:16:47 – And it’s really, really such a system
    0:16:52 for a primitive, you know, brain.
    0:16:54 I do it to this day.
    0:16:56 I think it’s a work of genius, this book.
    0:16:59 And it really got me in shape
    0:17:01 because he broke it down to here’s what we’re gonna do
    0:17:05 in minute one.
    0:17:06 Here’s what you’re gonna do to minute five, minute 12.
    0:17:10 And this is gonna end in the 45 minutes or whatever it is.
    0:17:13 And every minute I know exactly what I’m doing.
    0:17:16 And that like turned the key for me.
    0:17:18 And all of a sudden I was getting in shape.
    0:17:21 I never had to ask what am I doing now?
    0:17:23 Or what are we doing next?
    0:17:25 It’s like, you gotta treat your brain
    0:17:28 like a dog that you just got.
    0:17:30 You got it so stupid.
    0:17:33 The mind is infinite in wisdom.
    0:17:36 The brain is a stupid little dog that is easily trained.
    0:17:40 You gotta confuse the mind with the brain.
    0:17:44 The brain is so easy to master.
    0:17:47 You just have to confine it.
    0:17:49 You confine it.
    0:17:51 – Yeah.
    0:17:52 – And it’s done through repetition and systemization.
    0:17:55 – So let’s talk about feedback
    0:17:57 in the experimental loop that you mentioned earlier,
    0:18:01 which was desk stage, desk stage, desk stage.
    0:18:04 One form of feedback would be audience feedback.
    0:18:07 And I’m curious what other forms of feedback you have.
    0:18:10 – Now there is no other feedback.
    0:18:12 That means anything.
    0:18:14 – Okay, got it.
    0:18:15 – Well, I’ll tell you.
    0:18:15 Here’s a little fine point of writing technique
    0:18:18 that I’ll pass along to you writers out there.
    0:18:21 Never talk to anyone about what you wrote that day, that day.
    0:18:26 You have to wait 24 hours to ever say anything to anyone
    0:18:34 about what you did.
    0:18:37 Because you never wanna take away
    0:18:41 that wonderful, happy feeling
    0:18:45 that you did that very difficult thing
    0:18:49 that you tried to do that you accomplished it.
    0:18:52 You wrote, you sat down and wrote.
    0:18:54 So if you say anything,
    0:18:57 it’s like the same reason I don’t ever heard the thing
    0:18:59 like you never tell people the name
    0:19:01 you’re gonna give the baby.
    0:19:03 – Sure.
    0:19:04 – Until it’s born, because they’re gonna react.
    0:19:06 And the reaction is gonna have a color.
    0:19:08 And if you’ve decided that that’s gonna be the baby’s name,
    0:19:11 you don’t wanna know what anybody else thinks.
    0:19:14 So I will always wait 24 hours before I say anything
    0:19:17 to anyone about what I wrote.
    0:19:20 So you wanna preserve that good feeling.
    0:19:22 ‘Cause let’s say you write something and you love it.
    0:19:24 And then later on that day, you’re talking to someone
    0:19:27 and you thought, hey, what do you think of this idea?
    0:19:29 Blah, blah, blah.
    0:19:30 And they don’t love it.
    0:19:32 Now that day feels like, oh, I guess that was a wasted effort.
    0:19:37 – Right.
    0:19:38 – So you always wanna reward yourself.
    0:19:40 The key to writing, to being a good writer,
    0:19:43 is to treat yourself like a baby,
    0:19:46 very extremely nurturing and loving,
    0:19:50 and then switch over to Lou Gossett,
    0:19:53 an officer and a gentleman.
    0:19:54 And just be a harsh, prick, ball busting son of a bitch
    0:20:01 about that is just not good enough.
    0:20:03 That’s gotta come out.
    0:20:05 Or it’s gotta be redone or thrown away.
    0:20:08 So flipping back and forth between those two brain quadrants
    0:20:13 is the key to writing.
    0:20:17 When you’re writing, you wanna treat your brain
    0:20:20 like a toddler.
    0:20:22 It’s just all nurturing and loving and supportiveness.
    0:20:27 And then when you look at it the next day,
    0:20:29 you wanna be just a hard ass.
    0:20:31 And you switch back and forth.
    0:20:34 – There’s a quote from you in the New York Times.
    0:20:36 And the quote is, “I’m not OCD, but I love routine.
    0:20:39 I get less depressed with routine.”
    0:20:42 Aside from the writing sessions,
    0:20:44 are there any other routines for you
    0:20:46 that are particularly important as scaffolding
    0:20:50 or automatic behaviors?
    0:20:52 – Yeah, exercise, weight training,
    0:20:54 and transcendental meditation.
    0:20:57 I think I could solve just about anyone’s life
    0:21:01 and I don’t care what you do.
    0:21:03 With weight training and transcendental meditation,
    0:21:06 I think your body needs that stress, that stressor.
    0:21:10 And I think it builds your resilience of the nervous system.
    0:21:15 And I think transcendental meditation
    0:21:17 is the absolutely ultimate work tool.
    0:21:22 I think the stress reduction is great,
    0:21:24 but it’s more the energy recovery
    0:21:26 and the concentration fatigue solution,
    0:21:31 which is of course, you know, as a standup comic,
    0:21:33 I can tell you my entire life is concentration fatigue.
    0:21:37 Whether it’s writing or performing,
    0:21:40 my brain and my body, which is the same thing,
    0:21:43 are constantly hitting the wall.
    0:21:46 And if you have that in your hip pocket,
    0:21:49 you’re Columbus with a compass.
    0:21:50 (laughing)
    0:21:54 – You’re chatting with Hugh Jackman on the podcast
    0:21:56 and he’s also a, devout seems like an odd word to use
    0:22:00 since it can be used quite secularly,
    0:22:02 but proponent of TM.
    0:22:05 How many times, what does your weekly schedule look like
    0:22:08 for weight training?
    0:22:09 When do you do it?
    0:22:10 And do you do TM twice a day or do you?
    0:22:13 – I do it at least twice a day,
    0:22:15 but I will do it anytime I feel like I’m dipping.
    0:22:18 – Energenically.
    0:22:19 – Yeah, if I sit down and the pen doesn’t move
    0:22:23 for like 20 minutes, I know I’m at a guess.
    0:22:27 Why isn’t the pen moving?
    0:22:28 My weight training routine is three times a week
    0:22:31 for an hour a session, but I’m into that.
    0:22:35 I’ve been into that, I mentioned the Bill Phillips
    0:22:38 body for life, the HIIT training.
    0:22:41 So it’s three times a week of weights
    0:22:44 and three times a week the interval cardio training.
    0:22:48 There are a lot of days where I wanna cry
    0:22:50 instead of do it because it really physically hurts,
    0:22:53 but I just think it’s balancing,
    0:22:56 it’s very balancing to the forces inside humanity
    0:23:00 that I think are just, they overwhelm us.
    0:23:03 We are overwhelmed by our own power
    0:23:06 and you gotta put that ox in the plow,
    0:23:10 make it do this stuff that it doesn’t wanna do,
    0:23:13 it just keeps it, what the hell do oxes do in the wild?
    0:23:16 I can’t imagine they were happy.
    0:23:18 – Checking Twitter, just developing neuroses.
    0:23:23 – No, well, you know, put it in the harness.
    0:23:28 I mean, I don’t know.
    0:23:29 A lot of my life is, I don’t like getting depressed,
    0:23:31 I get depressed a lot, I hate the feeling
    0:23:34 and these routines, these very difficult routines,
    0:23:39 whether it’s exercise or writing,
    0:23:41 and both of them are things where it’s like, it’s brutal.
    0:23:46 That’s another thing I was explaining to my daughter.
    0:23:48 She’s frustrated that writing is so difficult
    0:23:51 ’cause no one told her
    0:23:53 that it’s the most difficult thing in the world.
    0:23:57 It’s the most difficult thing in the world is to write.
    0:24:01 People tell you to write like you can do it,
    0:24:04 like you’re supposed to be able to do it.
    0:24:05 Nobody can do it.
    0:24:07 It’s impossible.
    0:24:08 The greatest people in the world can’t do it.
    0:24:11 So if you’re gonna do it, you should first be told
    0:24:13 what you are attempting to do is incredibly difficult.
    0:24:18 One of the most difficult things there is,
    0:24:20 way harder than weight training, way harder.
    0:24:23 What you’re summoning, trying to summon within your brain
    0:24:27 and your spirit to create something onto a blank page.
    0:24:32 That’s another part of my systemization technique.
    0:24:36 Learn how to encourage yourself.
    0:24:39 That’s why you don’t tell someone what you wrote.
    0:24:42 Be proud of yourself.
    0:24:43 Encourage, you know, treat yourself well
    0:24:46 for having done that horrible, horribly impossible thing.
    0:24:50 – I would have to imagine,
    0:24:51 and maybe this is just a projection
    0:24:54 because I hope that when I have kids,
    0:24:56 which I don’t have yet, that this will be true for me,
    0:24:58 but that being kind to your creative self
    0:25:02 and offering positive reinforcement for yourself
    0:25:05 through the process would affect how you parent,
    0:25:07 I would have to imagine.
    0:25:08 – Yes, yes.
    0:25:10 Unfortunately, we seem to have lost
    0:25:12 the Lugasit side of parenting.
    0:25:15 (laughing)
    0:25:19 – Pesky Child Protective Services.
    0:25:22 What do they know?
    0:25:22 (laughing)
    0:25:25 – But yeah, it is similar.
    0:25:26 You want to be very encouraging,
    0:25:28 but you also want to explain there are laws in life
    0:25:33 that you need to know about, or it’s gonna hurt.
    0:25:37 I think one of the better lines I’ve come up with
    0:25:40 over my life is that pain is knowledge rushing in
    0:25:45 to fill a void with great speed.
    0:25:48 Can you say that one more time, please?
    0:25:49 – Pain is knowledge rushing in to fill a void.
    0:25:53 You don’t know that that post of your bed
    0:25:57 was not where you thought it was,
    0:26:00 but when your foot hits it,
    0:26:02 that knowledge is gonna come rushing in really fast,
    0:26:07 it’s gonna really hurt when your foot hits that post,
    0:26:11 ’cause that was a piece of knowledge
    0:26:13 that you didn’t have that you’re gonna get,
    0:26:16 you’re about to get.
    0:26:17 – You were talking about Black Stallion
    0:26:18 and learning to ride Black Stallion
    0:26:20 unless you be broken yourself by your superpowers
    0:26:25 slash potential murderers.
    0:26:28 I’ve struggled with depression for decades
    0:26:30 and have found summer spite in the last five or six years
    0:26:32 for a whole host of reasons,
    0:26:33 but aside from the writing and weight training,
    0:26:37 is there anything else that has contributed to your ability
    0:26:40 to either stave off or mitigate depressive episodes
    0:26:44 or manage?
    0:26:45 – No, I still got ’em, still got ’em.
    0:26:49 The best thing I ever heard about it
    0:26:51 was that it’s part of a kit that comes
    0:26:54 with a creative aspect to the brain
    0:26:58 that a tendency to depression
    0:26:59 seems to always accompany that.
    0:27:01 And I read that like 20 years ago
    0:27:03 and that really made me happy.
    0:27:06 So I realized, well, I wouldn’t have all this
    0:27:08 other good stuff that that’s just comes in the kit,
    0:27:12 that you have a tendency to depression,
    0:27:14 but I think it’s fair to say that I don’t know a human
    0:27:17 that doesn’t have the tendency.
    0:27:19 – You gave me a quote.
    0:27:20 I’ll ask you one more question and then we close.
    0:27:22 – We can go a little more, I’m enjoying this so much.
    0:27:25 Let’s go a little more.
    0:27:26 – All right, let’s do it.
    0:27:27 So I’d love to ask about, following up on depression,
    0:27:29 I’d love to ask about failure,
    0:27:31 just to keep this bright and shiny.
    0:27:33 Can you think of how a particular failure
    0:27:36 or apparent failure set you up for later success?
    0:27:39 In other words, do you have a favorite failure of any type?
    0:27:43 Something that seemed catastrophic at the time
    0:27:45 that, in fact, set you up for great things later?
    0:27:50 – Yeah, yeah, I have a couple really good ones.
    0:27:55 And there’s another thing I try and teach the kids,
    0:27:57 you know, when something horrible happens.
    0:27:59 And I think of all the things I would trade,
    0:28:03 if you could take your experiences
    0:28:05 and ask to trade them in,
    0:28:07 the last ones I would trade would be the failures.
    0:28:11 Those are the most valuable ones.
    0:28:14 When I moved to LA, I was only doing comedy four years,
    0:28:19 but I had built up a pretty good reputation in New York.
    0:28:22 And New York was really, in those days,
    0:28:24 still very much the minors to LA, which was the majors.
    0:28:29 So I went out to LA and people talked that I was coming
    0:28:33 and that I was one of the hot guys coming out of New York.
    0:28:36 And I was only doing it four years, I was 25 years old.
    0:28:40 Really, it’s still just starting.
    0:28:42 And the comedy store was the club in LA
    0:28:45 that you had to break into, that was the club.
    0:28:49 And the guys that worked there and the women were killers.
    0:28:53 I mean, these people made the room just shake with laughter.
    0:28:57 It was very intimidating to go on there.
    0:29:01 And I went on there and I did very well.
    0:29:05 You know, in those days you would call
    0:29:06 and they would give you spots if you were good.
    0:29:09 And I would never get spots.
    0:29:10 I would get like one spot a week and, you know,
    0:29:12 one spot a week is like one push-up a week.
    0:29:15 It’s like, you get it, well, don’t even bother.
    0:29:18 And so I asked to meet with Mitzi Shor,
    0:29:20 who’s the owner of the club and the person
    0:29:22 who ran the whole thing there.
    0:29:24 And she said to me, she said,
    0:29:26 “I’m the kind of person that needs to get stepped on.”
    0:29:29 And that’s what uni, you need someone to step on you
    0:29:32 and I’m gonna be that person.
    0:29:36 She said, “If you called and said,
    0:29:39 “if I had four spots available and you called in,
    0:29:42 “I would give all four spots to this other guy.”
    0:29:44 She mentioned this other guy.
    0:29:46 And I sat there in her office and I nodded.
    0:29:49 I nodded and I said, “Well,”
    0:29:53 I won’t mention the name of the guy.
    0:29:55 She said she was gonna give the four spots too.
    0:29:57 I said, “Well, if maybe he can’t do all four,
    0:30:02 “I’d be happy to take any of the ones he can’t do.”
    0:30:05 And I walked out of there
    0:30:06 and I never worked at the comedy store again.
    0:30:08 And saying you’re not working at the comedy store in LA,
    0:30:12 it’s like saying I wanna be a baseball player,
    0:30:14 but not the majors, not the majors of the United States.
    0:30:17 I’m gonna apply my trade someplace else.
    0:30:23 – Lithuania.
    0:30:25 – Yeah.
    0:30:26 And so from there, I went from,
    0:30:30 I hope it doesn’t sound them honest,
    0:30:32 from being absolutely at the top of the heap
    0:30:34 in New York City to playing at discos
    0:30:39 in the basement in LA, you know, to like eight people.
    0:30:44 But my resentment and hostility to her,
    0:30:48 I was a guy who, I would say I was a three day a week guy
    0:30:53 in terms of my writing discipline in those days.
    0:30:57 And I went from three days a week to seven right there.
    0:31:00 And I was like, okay, we’re not,
    0:31:04 I was angry, I was angry, I was frustrated,
    0:31:07 I was resentful, but I used that.
    0:31:10 It was just fuel for me.
    0:31:12 She wasn’t stopping me, nobody was gonna stop me.
    0:31:15 But when someone is that hostile to you,
    0:31:18 that can be a very good thing.
    0:31:19 It was your top, if you’re tough enough to eat that shit
    0:31:26 and say, she’s not stopping me.
    0:31:28 – That’s a great story.
    0:31:31 Thanks for your take.
    0:31:32 One of my friends, Alexis Sohanian co-founded Reddit
    0:31:35 and at one point early on, they were super excited about,
    0:31:39 of course, their company, their baby,
    0:31:40 they’d put all of their waking hours into it.
    0:31:42 And they met with some Yahoo executive
    0:31:43 who was basically just fishing for insight information.
    0:31:46 And at some point in the meeting,
    0:31:47 this exec said, oh, there’s your traffic.
    0:31:50 Oh, that’s a rounding error for us.
    0:31:52 And so Alexis and his guys took a huge,
    0:31:55 they made a poster that said, you are a rounding error
    0:31:58 and put it on the wall in their office.
    0:32:01 – Yeah.
    0:32:02 – It works, it works.
    0:32:05 – We were talking about systemizing,
    0:32:06 gamifying is another thing I’m very big on.
    0:32:09 Let’s make this into a game, you know,
    0:32:11 whatever the problem is, let’s make it a game.
    0:32:14 To me, it’s a fun game.
    0:32:15 I honestly, I wouldn’t say this around my family,
    0:32:19 but I don’t care if I drop dead tomorrow.
    0:32:21 It’s like, I just wanted to,
    0:32:23 I still feel like I played the game well, you know?
    0:32:26 – Yeah.
    0:32:27 – That’s all I wanna feel.
    0:32:28 I just wanna feel like I played the game well.
    0:32:30 – What would be an example of gamifying?
    0:32:32 I mean, I’ve read, of course,
    0:32:34 the, about the, you know, Seinfeld’s productivity secret
    0:32:37 marking the crosses on the calendar,
    0:32:39 which I guess some people get.
    0:32:41 – Yeah, that’s not really a game.
    0:32:43 That’s more based at, I think stats are good
    0:32:47 if you want to improve anything.
    0:32:49 My trainer, Adam Wright, and I always like to play this game.
    0:32:53 Well, this was the maximum amount of weight you did
    0:32:57 three months ago for this many seconds or whatever.
    0:33:01 And then it’s like, that’s, so it’s a game now.
    0:33:04 Let’s see if I can keep the reps going for 30 seconds.
    0:33:07 Last time was 25.
    0:33:09 So it’s a little game.
    0:33:10 It’s just, again, this just goes back to my,
    0:33:13 the human brain is a schnauzer.
    0:33:15 It’s just a stupid little contraption
    0:33:18 that you can easily trick.
    0:33:20 As soon as you tell me I did it 25 seconds last time,
    0:33:23 okay, let’s see if I can do 30.
    0:33:25 – Yeah.
    0:33:26 That’s not wisdom.
    0:33:27 That’s not intelligence.
    0:33:29 It’s a stupid little machine.
    0:33:31 It’s gonna do that every single time.
    0:33:33 Every time you tell someone your last best was 25 seconds,
    0:33:38 you’re gonna try for 30.
    0:33:39 – When you hear the word successful,
    0:33:45 who comes to mind for you and why?
    0:33:48 Could be parents, could be outside of parents,
    0:33:50 could be anybody.
    0:33:51 But for you, when you hear that word,
    0:33:53 is there anyone who is really a sort of paragon
    0:33:56 of what you would consider success
    0:33:57 or someone you have looked up to as someone who’s successful?
    0:34:02 – Well, that’s a pretty broad term.
    0:34:05 – Hyper broad.
    0:34:06 It comes down to kind of how you define it also.
    0:34:08 – You know, I think, I don’t know if I mean it as a joke,
    0:34:11 but I say a lot these days, survival is the new success.
    0:34:15 And I’m a big, look, Tim, what do you want me to tell you?
    0:34:21 In my business, if you’re 60 plus or I’ll even,
    0:34:26 if you’re 55 and you’re getting paid to work,
    0:34:31 paid well, you have crushed it.
    0:34:35 – Yeah.
    0:34:35 – So stand up comedy.
    0:34:38 I would move this piece of our conversation
    0:34:40 next to the toxic ecosystem of this world.
    0:34:45 When you have seen the attrition that I have seen,
    0:34:47 it’s like in the heart of the sea.
    0:34:50 You know that book?
    0:34:51 – Yep.
    0:34:51 – Ron Howard made the movie when they’re dropping like flies
    0:34:55 and the handful, the small handful.
    0:34:59 Somebody asked me the other day,
    0:35:00 how many people whose careers were made on the Tonight Show
    0:35:04 with Johnny Carson are still working?
    0:35:07 I didn’t want to answer the question.
    0:35:09 ‘Cause you had it, you know what I mean?
    0:35:11 You had it, you had, you had it.
    0:35:14 So once you have it, you can only lose it.
    0:35:20 You know, you can only fail to take care of it.
    0:35:24 And that’s when we get to health and work ethic
    0:35:30 and managing yourself so that you don’t break.
    0:35:35 Because they’re trying to break you.
    0:35:38 I always tease my friend Jimmy Fallon
    0:35:40 that this is like a sick experiment, these talk show gigs.
    0:35:44 Let’s take a human being, put him in a studio
    0:35:49 for decades, doing an hour of television a day
    0:35:54 and let’s see what breaks.
    0:35:56 It’s sick.
    0:35:58 It’s a sick human experiment.
    0:36:01 Like it’s like a pope job.
    0:36:04 It’s like they just do it till you’re dead.
    0:36:06 – The forever skinner box.
    0:36:09 Oh God. – Yeah.
    0:36:10 – Yeah, that’s brutal.
    0:36:12 You’ve already given a bunch of possible answers to this,
    0:36:15 but if you had a billboard, metaphorically speaking,
    0:36:18 that could get a message, a quote, an image question,
    0:36:21 anything out to billions of people,
    0:36:24 what might you put on that billboard?
    0:36:27 – Back in the 80s, I had a friend who was teaching
    0:36:30 a comedy course at the improv on Melrose and LA.
    0:36:35 And he asked me if I would come in and talk to the class.
    0:36:37 And I said, sure.
    0:36:39 I went in and there was like,
    0:36:41 I don’t know, maybe 20 people in the class
    0:36:44 in the afternoon.
    0:36:46 And I went up on stage and I said,
    0:36:48 the fact that you have even signed up for this class
    0:36:51 is a very bad sign for what you’re trying to do.
    0:36:54 The fact that you think anyone can help you
    0:37:00 or there’s anything that you need to learn,
    0:37:03 you have gone off on a bad track.
    0:37:06 Because nobody knows anything about any of this.
    0:37:12 And if you wanna do it, what I really should do
    0:37:16 is I should have a giant flag behind me
    0:37:21 that I would pull a string and it would roll down
    0:37:24 and on it the flag would just say two words, just work.
    0:37:29 (laughing)
    0:37:32 – Just work.
    0:37:34 – Just work.
    0:37:35 – Yeah, I love it.
    0:37:37 – Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors
    0:37:43 and we’ll be right back to the show.
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    0:39:07 And now, Maria Popova, essayist, author, poet,
    0:39:12 and writer of literary and arts commentary
    0:39:15 and cultural criticism at The Margin Alien,
    0:39:18 part of the Library of Congress’s
    0:39:21 permanent web archive of culturally valuable materials.
    0:39:25 You can find Maria on Instagram at MariaPopova.
    0:39:29 – Hello, ladies and gentlemen, this is Tim Ferris
    0:39:33 and welcome to another episode of The Tim Ferris Show.
    0:39:36 I am extremely excited to have a fellow Geek and Arms,
    0:39:41 Maria Popova on the line with me.
    0:39:43 Maria, how are you today?
    0:39:45 – Very well, thank you for having me.
    0:39:46 – And I appreciate your coaching on the last name.
    0:39:49 I wasn’t sure if it was Popova or Popova.
    0:39:52 I have friends who, for instance,
    0:39:54 Naval or Avakant, who’s a friend, it’s actually novel,
    0:39:56 but Americans can’t really pull that off,
    0:39:58 so he goes for Naval.
    0:40:00 So I appreciate the coaching and–
    0:40:03 – As a country of immigrants,
    0:40:04 we have a surprisingly hard time
    0:40:07 getting people’s original names right, right?
    0:40:10 – Absolutely, it’s just the sort of anglicizing
    0:40:14 of such a crisol, like a melting pot of different cultures.
    0:40:18 And at the same time, I think it’s a reflection
    0:40:20 of where I spend a lot of time, which is reading.
    0:40:24 And there are so many words,
    0:40:26 I’ve embarrassed myself on many occasions,
    0:40:29 that I’ve read dozens or even hundreds of times,
    0:40:32 especially in scientific literature,
    0:40:33 that I’ve never heard pronounced.
    0:40:36 – Oh yeah, I’ve called this Reader Syndrome.
    0:40:38 As somebody who spends the majority
    0:40:40 of her waking hours reading, you run into that a lot,
    0:40:43 especially with sort of cultural icons,
    0:40:47 last names, first names that are spelled differently
    0:40:49 than very differently than they’re pronounced.
    0:40:52 It’s kind of tragic comic when you actually find out
    0:40:56 how they’re pronounced.
    0:40:57 – No, exactly, or it can be a real revelation.
    0:40:59 I remember when I was a young kid,
    0:41:01 I couldn’t hit, let’s say, democracy or aristocracy.
    0:41:06 I could only say, because I had also read it,
    0:41:09 democracy, aristocracy, for whatever reason,
    0:41:12 I couldn’t get the emphasis right.
    0:41:13 But coming back to the reading,
    0:41:15 and someone who spends most of their waking hours reading,
    0:41:17 if someone asks you, and I’m sure occasionally it happens,
    0:41:20 what do you do for those people listening
    0:41:22 who may not be familiar with you?
    0:41:24 But we’ll start with a cocktail question.
    0:41:26 When someone asks you, what do you do?
    0:41:28 How do you answer that?
    0:41:30 – Well, I’ve answered it differently over the years,
    0:41:33 in part because I think inhabiting our own identity
    0:41:35 is kind of a perpetual process,
    0:41:37 but right now I would say I read and I write in that order,
    0:41:42 and in between I do some thinking,
    0:41:45 and I think about how to live a meaningful life, basically.
    0:41:50 – And if someone then were to go online,
    0:41:54 find your work, end up at brain pickings,
    0:41:56 and they’re like, oh, this is quite interesting,
    0:41:59 and they’ve kind of looked over their shoulder
    0:42:00 because they happen to be doing it
    0:42:01 on their iPhone at the party,
    0:42:02 and they’re like, what is brain pickings?
    0:42:04 How do you typically describe that?
    0:42:06 – It’s just the record of that thinking,
    0:42:08 my personal subjective private thinking
    0:42:11 that takes place between my reading and the writing,
    0:42:14 and takes form in writing.
    0:42:16 – Collection of very interesting things,
    0:42:18 and sometimes how I sort of simply put it to folks,
    0:42:21 and brain pickings for those people wondering
    0:42:24 is one of the very few sites that I end up on constantly,
    0:42:29 and when people ask me, what blogs do you read?
    0:42:33 I’m embarrassed, in some cases kind of humiliated,
    0:42:36 to answer that I don’t go really to many blogs consistently,
    0:42:40 and I think part of the reason is so many of them
    0:42:43 feel compelled to put out very, very timely
    0:42:48 of-the-moment material that expires within a few hours,
    0:42:51 and I don’t like the feeling of keeping up with the Joneses
    0:42:56 when the Joneses are just sort of churning out content,
    0:43:00 and I remember Kathy Sierra at one point told me
    0:43:03 that you should focus on just in time information,
    0:43:05 not just in case information,
    0:43:07 which I thought was very astute and really sort of profound,
    0:43:09 but there are two sites that come to mind
    0:43:12 that I end up on quite a lot.
    0:43:14 Brain pickings is one, and Sam Harris’s blog is another,
    0:43:18 and I saw your review of his latest book, “Waking Up.”
    0:43:22 – Well, not a review. – Not a review.
    0:43:24 – I don’t review books either.
    0:43:25 – Okay, no, so this is-
    0:43:27 – An annotated reading, if you will.
    0:43:29 – Okay, so an annotated reading,
    0:43:31 and I definitely want to dig into that,
    0:43:33 annotated reading of “Waking Up,”
    0:43:35 which I found really impactful for me in a lot of ways.
    0:43:38 It put words to a lot of vague sort of feelings
    0:43:40 or observations that I had for a very long time.
    0:43:43 Talking about reviews, I polled a number of my friends
    0:43:46 and my readers about different questions
    0:43:48 they would love to ask you.
    0:43:49 And a close friend of mine, Chris Saka,
    0:43:52 he came back with what percentage of “New York Times”
    0:43:55 bestsellers can be attributed to your coverage?
    0:43:58 And I’d be curious to hear you answer that,
    0:44:01 and then there’s sort of a follow-up,
    0:44:03 but you’ve built this incredible powerhouse
    0:44:06 of an outlet for your, whether it’s creative musings
    0:44:10 or observations, and it has a huge influence
    0:44:14 on what people read.
    0:44:16 So if you were to sort of think of that,
    0:44:17 how would you answer that question?
    0:44:19 – Well, first of all, you’re very pined to put it that way
    0:44:22 as a stress, but I think one big caveat to all of that
    0:44:27 is that the majority of books that I read and write about
    0:44:31 are very old, out of print,
    0:44:34 things that are not competing for “New York Times” bestseller.
    0:44:36 In fact, I don’t even know if I ever really,
    0:44:39 I mean, perhaps, I don’t know if the books that I read
    0:44:43 have any overlap in the Venn diagram of things
    0:44:45 with the “New York Times” bestsellers,
    0:44:46 but I suspect that the reason Chris asked that question
    0:44:49 is actually that I met him through his wife,
    0:44:52 who collaborated with Wendy McNaughton,
    0:44:54 the illustrator, whose work I love, and I love Wendy,
    0:44:57 on a book about wine, and I wrote about it
    0:45:00 because it’s lovely and sort of profound
    0:45:03 and challenges our existing ideas
    0:45:05 about sort of sensor experience.
    0:45:07 And I like things that take something very superficial
    0:45:10 and find something deeper and something unusual in it.
    0:45:13 But in any case, so I wrote about that book
    0:45:15 and that particular piece on “Grain Pickings”
    0:45:16 seemed to do pretty well.
    0:45:18 And I think perhaps that warped Chris’ idea
    0:45:22 of how much contemporary books I really sort of am interested in.
    0:45:27 – Right.
    0:45:28 – But I would say that’s a minority.
    0:45:31 – Right, and for those people wondering,
    0:45:32 it’s the essential scratch and sniff guide
    0:45:34 to becoming a wine expert, which was written along with,
    0:45:37 and the illustrations are wonderful.
    0:45:39 Richard Betz was the sommelier who was part of that.
    0:45:42 And at one point I met with him
    0:45:43 because I wanted to try to deconstruct the master sommelier test.
    0:45:48 And he said, “I can show you how to do it.”
    0:45:50 And it was just the pared down sort of hacked,
    0:45:54 if you will, version still of passing the master sommelier test
    0:45:57 was so intimidating that I put it on ice indefinitely.
    0:46:01 But at some point, Richard, we will talk again
    0:46:03 and form a game plan.
    0:46:04 So the opposite, of course,
    0:46:06 of sort of putting out this material that expires
    0:46:09 as soon as it’s out on the vine
    0:46:11 is putting out what I think you do very often.
    0:46:14 And that is timely and timeless, I’ve heard you call it,
    0:46:16 material where you’re pulling from old sources
    0:46:20 or older sources, doing pattern recognition
    0:46:23 to pull from other areas to talk about, say, a theme
    0:46:27 or something that still affects people.
    0:46:30 And I was doing research for this interview
    0:46:33 and we met briefly in New York at an event
    0:46:37 and I’ve been a longtime fan of your work.
    0:46:40 And so I thought to myself like,
    0:46:42 how much digging do I really need to do?
    0:46:44 And good God, you have such an absolute
    0:46:49 cannon of work out there.
    0:46:51 It is astonishing.
    0:46:53 I mean, it is really–
    0:46:54 – You’re very kind.
    0:46:55 It’s just the volume of time, really.
    0:46:57 It’s been, I’ve been doing this for eight years
    0:47:00 coming up actually exactly a month from today.
    0:47:02 It’ll be eight years.
    0:47:03 – Oh, really?
    0:47:04 – So it’s just the accumulation, you know?
    0:47:06 – And I’m fascinated by routine and schedule.
    0:47:10 And I’m reading from, of course, not the always accurate
    0:47:14 but generally a good place to start Wikipedia.
    0:47:17 And it says that brain picking takes, you know,
    0:47:19 400 plus hours of work per month,
    0:47:22 hundreds of pieces of content per day,
    0:47:24 12 to 15 books per week that you’re reading.
    0:47:28 I know I’m asking a handful of questions
    0:47:29 that you’ve been asked before,
    0:47:31 but sometimes the answer is change
    0:47:32 and evolve– – They always do.
    0:47:34 And which is why I actually don’t do interviews
    0:47:38 very frequently because I find that they sort of
    0:47:41 tend to kind of cast us as the static thing
    0:47:44 that just stays there some sort of reference point
    0:47:47 while we’re really just the fluid process
    0:47:50 and we’re constantly evolving, but in any case–
    0:47:52 – No, definitely so.
    0:47:53 – You’re a lot.
    0:47:54 – So it’s– – The answer is routine.
    0:47:55 – So the question that you’ve,
    0:47:56 I’m sure been asked many times,
    0:47:58 but I’ll ask again is how do you find/choose
    0:48:02 the books that you read?
    0:48:03 This is a huge problem for me
    0:48:05 because my appetite for reading outstrips
    0:48:08 the time that I have.
    0:48:09 And so I end up actually, unfortunately,
    0:48:11 sometimes finding myself anxious
    0:48:14 because of the number of books I’ve taken on it
    0:48:16 at any given point in time.
    0:48:18 So I’d be curious how you sort of vet
    0:48:20 the books that you read.
    0:48:22 – Well, I guess it goes back to that question of,
    0:48:26 well, let me backtrack and just say that I write
    0:48:29 about a very wide array of disciplines
    0:48:33 and eras and sensibilities
    0:48:35 because that’s what I think about.
    0:48:37 So anything from art and science to philosophy,
    0:48:41 psychology, history, design, poetry, you name it.
    0:48:46 But the common denominator for me
    0:48:48 is just this very simple question of,
    0:48:51 does this illuminate some aspect,
    0:48:54 big or small, of that grand question
    0:48:56 that I think we all tussle with every day,
    0:48:58 which is how to live well,
    0:48:59 how to live a good, meaningful, fulfilling life?
    0:49:03 Whether that’s Aristotle’s views
    0:49:05 on happiness and government
    0:49:07 or beautiful art from 12th century Japan
    0:49:11 or Sam Harris’s new book, anything.
    0:49:14 – Got it.
    0:49:16 And I’ve read you citing Kurt Vonnegut before.
    0:49:20 Kurt Vonnegut’s one of my favorite writers of all time.
    0:49:23 – I know, I heard your semi-colon quote just,
    0:49:27 I think it was either the interview
    0:49:29 with Kevin Kelly or with Sam,
    0:49:30 but I actually have a counterpoint to the semi-colon.
    0:49:34 – Okay, no, no.
    0:49:35 – Question, but show on.
    0:49:36 – So I actually brought up the semi-colon quote partially
    0:49:40 as a sort of wink, wink, nod,
    0:49:43 ribbing to a friend of mine named John Rominello
    0:49:46 who has a tattoo of a semi-colon on his,
    0:49:49 I think it’s his forearm.
    0:49:50 – He’s got a love type nerd.
    0:49:53 – He loves semi-colons.
    0:49:54 He also has a molecule of testosterone on the other armies.
    0:49:57 He’s a fascinating guy.
    0:49:58 But the quote that I heard you cite
    0:50:00 that I wanted to dig into a bit
    0:50:03 was Kurt Vonnegut saying, “Write to please just one person.”
    0:50:08 So my question to you is, when you write,
    0:50:11 is that still the case?
    0:50:13 And if so, who is that person that you are writing for?
    0:50:17 – It is very much the case.
    0:50:19 I still write for an audience of one and that’s myself.
    0:50:23 It’s, like I said, it’s just selective.
    0:50:26 My thought process, my way of just trying to navigate
    0:50:29 my way through the world and understand my glace in it,
    0:50:34 understand how we relate to one another,
    0:50:36 how different pieces of the world relate to each other
    0:50:39 and sort of create a pattern of meaning
    0:50:42 out of seemingly unrelated meaningless information
    0:50:45 and the sort of transmutation of information
    0:50:48 into wisdom really, which is what learning to live is.
    0:50:52 It’s about wisdom.
    0:50:53 And that’s interesting too,
    0:50:54 because when I started, like I said,
    0:50:57 it was eight years ago,
    0:50:59 it started very much as a private record of my own curiosity
    0:51:02 and I shared it with seven coworkers that I had at the time,
    0:51:05 just as a little sort of email newsletter thing.
    0:51:08 And now to think that there are about seven million people,
    0:51:11 strangers reading it every month.
    0:51:13 – That’s amazing.
    0:51:14 Congratulations, by the way. – It’s kind of surreal.
    0:51:15 Thank you.
    0:51:16 And I’m not sort of number dropping
    0:51:18 for failure or anything like that,
    0:51:20 but just to try to articulate how surreal it feels to me
    0:51:23 that I still feel like I’m writing to one person,
    0:51:25 one very sort of inward person.
    0:51:29 But there’s also now the awareness
    0:51:31 that there are people looking on and interpreting
    0:51:35 and just relating to this pretty private act.
    0:51:39 And it’s a strange thing to live with
    0:51:41 and in no way a bad thing.
    0:51:42 I’m not complaining about it, obviously,
    0:51:45 but it’s just interesting to observe
    0:51:48 how one relates to oneself
    0:51:50 when being looked on by a few million people, you know?
    0:51:55 – Definitely.
    0:51:56 And there’s so many questions I wanna ask you.
    0:51:59 We might have to do a part two at some point
    0:52:01 because I know we have some time constraints,
    0:52:03 but the first question would be related to that.
    0:52:07 There’s so much temptation to dumb things down
    0:52:10 or to go after kind of the tried and true
    0:52:15 buzzfeed type headlines.
    0:52:17 Do you ever contend with that temptation
    0:52:20 and if so, how do you resist it?
    0:52:23 And this is part of the, you know,
    0:52:25 how do you respond to the expectations of the crowd
    0:52:29 or the seven million people looking on?
    0:52:31 And I feel this personally sometimes
    0:52:33 ’cause I have a blog, it has certainly by no means
    0:52:36 the number of monthly readers that you have.
    0:52:38 I’m somewhere between one and two million
    0:52:40 uniques a month, usually.
    0:52:42 – Oh, congratulations.
    0:52:43 – Thank you.
    0:52:43 But even at that scale, there are times
    0:52:46 when I put out something that I feel is very important,
    0:52:49 but on the dense side, and then it will,
    0:52:52 sometimes it takes off, but sometimes it doesn’t.
    0:52:55 And there’s a lot of temptation when, for instance,
    0:52:58 I know you use social media quite a bit
    0:53:00 and we’ll get to that, where I look at, say,
    0:53:03 the retweets of the favorites
    0:53:04 on something that’s kind of dense,
    0:53:06 and then I’m like, oh, God, I should just do like
    0:53:08 the seven tricks so you can actually teach your cat,
    0:53:10 you know, and get 500,000 retweets.
    0:53:12 Is that something that ever sort of crosses your mind
    0:53:16 and do you ever feel that temptation?
    0:53:19 – Well, you know, it’s interesting
    0:53:21 because I think anybody who thinks in public,
    0:53:25 which is what writing is, which is even what art is,
    0:53:27 it’s some sort of putting a piece of oneself
    0:53:30 out into the world, anybody who does that,
    0:53:33 struggles with this really irreconcilable kind of tug of war
    0:53:38 between wanting to really stay true to one’s experience,
    0:53:43 and being aware that as soon as it’s out in the world,
    0:53:46 there’s this notion of the other audience.
    0:53:49 And, you know, Oscar Wilde, he very memorably said
    0:53:52 that a true artist takes notice, whatever, of the public
    0:53:56 and that the public are to him non-existent.
    0:53:59 And it’s very easy to say, especially for somebody
    0:54:01 as a wild who is very prolific, very public,
    0:54:04 almost performative in his public presence,
    0:54:07 it’s very easy to call this out as a kind of hypocrisy
    0:54:10 and say, well, you can’t possibly not care about the audience
    0:54:13 given you make your living through it
    0:54:15 and sort of perform to it, right?
    0:54:17 I think that’s a pretty cynical interpretation.
    0:54:20 I think rather than hypocrisy,
    0:54:21 it’s just this very human struggle to be seen
    0:54:25 and to be understood, which is why all art comes to be,
    0:54:30 because one human being wants to put something in it
    0:54:33 to the world and to be understood
    0:54:34 for what he or she stands for and who he or she is.
    0:54:37 And so with that lens, I do think it’s hard to say,
    0:54:41 well, you know, I don’t care about what happens to it,
    0:54:44 out there, even though I write for myself
    0:54:47 and think for myself,
    0:54:48 the awareness of the other really does change things.
    0:54:52 But I think perhaps Werner Herzog put it best.
    0:54:57 I just finished reading this kind of 600-page interview
    0:55:01 with him, essentially.
    0:55:02 It’s a conversation that a journalist named Paul Krünen had
    0:55:05 with him over the course of 30 years.
    0:55:06 And in one passage, Herzog says something like, you know,
    0:55:10 it’s always been important for me to have my films reach
    0:55:14 an audience.
    0:55:15 I don’t necessarily need to hear what those audience
    0:55:19 reactions are just as long as they’re out there,
    0:55:21 that they’re touching,
    0:55:22 that the films are touching people in some ways.
    0:55:24 And I feel very similarly.
    0:55:26 So with that in mind, I guess,
    0:55:29 to answer your question rather circuitously,
    0:55:32 I don’t feel, quote-unquote, tempted to make listicles
    0:55:36 or to make anything that I feel compromises mine
    0:55:40 my experience of what I stand for.
    0:55:43 And in part, I think the beauty of the web
    0:55:46 is that it’s a self-perfecting organism.
    0:55:49 But for as long as it’s an ad-supported medium,
    0:55:53 the motive will be to perfect the commercial interest.
    0:55:56 So perfect the art of the Buzzfeed listicle,
    0:55:59 the endless slideshow, the infinitely paginated article,
    0:56:02 and not to perfect the human spirit
    0:56:05 of the reader or the writer,
    0:56:07 which is really what I’m interested in.
    0:56:10 I think it’s a very virtuous goal.
    0:56:13 I really admire your site and obviously the newsletter
    0:56:17 and all these other aspects of it for a lot of reasons.
    0:56:21 One of them is I feel a very kindred spirit
    0:56:25 with a lot of the decisions it seems you have made.
    0:56:27 So for instance, I mean, not doing the slideshows
    0:56:30 to rack up page views for some type of CPM advertising.
    0:56:33 That stuff drives me insane.
    0:56:35 So if it drives me insane,
    0:56:36 and I assume it drives my readers insane,
    0:56:38 so I’m not going to do it, or like you said.
    0:56:40 – That’s so wonderful that you do that
    0:56:42 because I think so much of the cultural crap
    0:56:46 that is out there, not just on the internet,
    0:56:47 just in general, comes from people who fail to understand
    0:56:50 that they should be making the kind of stuff
    0:56:52 they want to exist.
    0:56:54 So if you’re a writer, write the things you wanna read.
    0:56:56 If you’re an artist, paint the polls you wanna see painted.
    0:56:58 And I think the commercial aspect is really warping that.
    0:57:02 And one thing I really admire about your work
    0:57:05 in all of its permutations from your books to this podcast,
    0:57:08 the site, everything is that there’s just this sort of sense
    0:57:11 that you just want this to exist.
    0:57:14 It doesn’t exist for any other reason
    0:57:16 than you wanted to exist.
    0:57:17 And I think that’s wonderful.
    0:57:19 – Thank you, that means a lot to me.
    0:57:21 And coming back to the right to please just one person,
    0:57:25 I think that it’s related to that.
    0:57:27 So in a way, it’s put the things out into the world
    0:57:29 that you would want to consume yourself
    0:57:32 or experience yourself, number one.
    0:57:34 Secondly, just for those people
    0:57:35 who haven’t heard this anecdote,
    0:57:37 when I was writing the four hour work week as my first book,
    0:57:39 I still to this day find writing very challenging.
    0:57:43 And I wish I could say it’s gotten easier over time,
    0:57:45 but for whatever reason, it seems not to have.
    0:57:49 In the case of the four hour work week,
    0:57:50 I came out of undergrad at Princeton
    0:57:52 and it was many years of past, obviously.
    0:57:54 But when I wrote the first few chapters,
    0:57:56 it was really stilted in pompous and kind of Ivy League,
    0:57:59 you know, where I was trying to use $10 words,
    0:58:02 where a 10 cent word would suffice and be a lot cleaner.
    0:58:05 So I threw out the first few chapters that I drafted
    0:58:08 and this was a major panic attack moment.
    0:58:10 It was on deadline.
    0:58:11 And I remember I was in Argentina at the time
    0:58:14 and then I went the other way and I said,
    0:58:16 “No, no, no, I have to be loose, I have to be funny.”
    0:58:18 And so I wrote a few chapters
    0:58:20 that were completely slapstick ridiculous.
    0:58:23 I mean, they sounded like three stooges put on paper.
    0:58:26 And so I had to throw out those few chapters.
    0:58:30 And of course, I’m doubling down on my anxiety at this point
    0:58:33 and decided at one point that I was just going to have
    0:58:36 a little bit of yerba mate tea, two glasses of wine
    0:58:38 and no more than two glasses of Malbec
    0:58:40 and sit down and start to write.
    0:58:42 – What is that?
    0:58:43 – Malbec is just this wonderful varietal in South America,
    0:58:48 best known in Argentina,
    0:58:49 but they’re actually some really nice Malbec wines in Chile.
    0:58:53 As I understand it,
    0:58:54 it was viewed almost as a garbage grape in Europe,
    0:58:57 but it was brought by the Italians to Buenos Aires
    0:59:01 and has developed this worldwide fame
    0:59:04 because of its cultivation in Argentina.
    0:59:06 So there’s a lot of metaphor there that I also like,
    0:59:08 but drank two glasses of wine, sat down
    0:59:11 and literally opened up an email client
    0:59:14 and started typing the four hour work week
    0:59:17 as if I were writing it to two of my closest friends.
    0:59:19 One was an investment banker trapped in his own job
    0:59:23 and he felt like he couldn’t leave
    0:59:24 because his lifestyle was swelling to meet his income.
    0:59:27 And then the other was an entrepreneur
    0:59:29 trapped in a company of his own making.
    0:59:31 And so these two very specific guys in mind,
    0:59:34 I started to write with just enough alcohol
    0:59:36 to sort of take the edge off.
    0:59:38 And that’s how I was writing in that case
    0:59:40 to please just two people,
    0:59:41 but that’s the only way I could make it work.
    0:59:44 Your schedule, I’ve read of your schedule,
    0:59:48 but I’d love to hear the current iteration of that.
    0:59:52 It seems like you’ve had a fairly,
    0:59:54 you have a fairly regimented schedule,
    0:59:56 which would make sense if you were putting the number
    0:59:58 of hours into reading and writing that you do.
    1:00:01 So what does your current day look like?
    1:00:03 – Well, I’ll answer this with a caveat.
    1:00:05 The one thing I have struggled with
    1:00:08 or tried to solve for myself in the last few years,
    1:00:11 couple of years maybe is this sort of really delicate balance
    1:00:15 between productivity and presence
    1:00:17 and especially in a culture that seems to measure
    1:00:22 or worse or marriage or our value
    1:00:26 through our efficiency and our earnings
    1:00:28 and our ability to perform certain tasks
    1:00:31 as opposed to just the fulfillment we feel
    1:00:35 in our own lives and the presence that we take
    1:00:38 in the day to day.
    1:00:39 And that’s something that became more and more apparent to me.
    1:00:41 So I’m a little bit reluctant to discuss routine
    1:00:46 as some sort of holy grail and creative process
    1:00:49 because it’s just really, it’s a crutch.
    1:00:52 I mean, routines and rituals help us not feel
    1:00:55 like this overwhelming mesh initiative
    1:00:58 just day to day life with consumers.
    1:00:59 It’s a control mechanism, but that’s not all there is.
    1:01:03 And if anything, it should be in the service
    1:01:05 of something greater,
    1:01:06 which is being present with one’s own life.
    1:01:09 So without in mind, my day is very predictable.
    1:01:13 I get up in the morning,
    1:01:14 I meditate for between 15 to 25 minutes
    1:01:17 before I do anything else.
    1:01:19 – What time do you wake up?
    1:01:20 Typically?
    1:01:21 – Exactly eight hours after I’ve gone to bed.
    1:01:24 So it varies.
    1:01:26 I’m a huge proponent of sleep.
    1:01:29 I think when I write because what,
    1:01:32 or when I, I guess try to think,
    1:01:34 what I do is essentially make associations
    1:01:36 between seemingly unrelated ideas and concepts.
    1:01:40 And in order for that to happen,
    1:01:42 those associative chains need to be firing.
    1:01:45 And when I am sleep deprived,
    1:01:46 I feel like I don’t have full access to my own brain,
    1:01:49 which is certainly I’m not unique in that in any way.
    1:01:52 There’s research showing that our reflexes
    1:01:54 are severely hindered by lack of sleep.
    1:01:57 We’re almost as drunk if we sleep less
    1:01:59 than half the amount of time
    1:02:00 we normally need to function.
    1:02:02 And I think ours is a culture where we wear our ability
    1:02:06 to get by in very little sleep
    1:02:07 as a kind of badge of honor that the speaks work ethic
    1:02:10 or toughness or whatever it is,
    1:02:12 but really it’s a total profound failure
    1:02:15 of priorities and of self-respect.
    1:02:18 And I try to sort of enact that in my own light
    1:02:22 by being very disciplined about my sleep,
    1:02:25 at least as disciplined as I am about my work
    1:02:27 ’cause the latter is a product of the capacities
    1:02:30 cultivated by the former.
    1:02:32 So in any case, so I get up eight hours
    1:02:34 after I have gone to bed.
    1:02:36 I meditate, I go to the gym
    1:02:38 where I do most of my longer form reading.
    1:02:42 I get back home, I have breakfast and I start writing.
    1:02:45 I usually write between two and three articles a day
    1:02:48 and one of them tends to be longer
    1:02:51 and when I write, I need uninterrupted time.
    1:02:54 So I try to get the longer one done earlier on in the day
    1:02:59 when I feel much more alert.
    1:03:01 So I don’t look at email or anything really external
    1:03:06 to the material I’m dealing with,
    1:03:09 which does require quite a bit of research usually.
    1:03:11 So it’s not like I can cut myself off
    1:03:13 from the internet or from other books,
    1:03:15 but I don’t have people disruptions, I guess.
    1:03:18 So anything social.
    1:03:20 And then I take a short break.
    1:03:23 I’m a believer in sort of pacing,
    1:03:25 creating a sort of rhythm
    1:03:26 where you do very intense focused work
    1:03:28 for an extended period and then you take a short break
    1:03:30 and then cycle back, you know?
    1:03:32 And then I deal with any sort of admin stuff
    1:03:37 like emails and just taking care of errands and whatnot.
    1:03:40 And I resume writing and I write my other article
    1:03:45 articles through the evening.
    1:03:48 I try to have some private time just later in the day,
    1:03:52 either with friends or with my partner
    1:03:54 or just time that is unburdened by deliberate thought,
    1:03:59 although you can never unburden yourself
    1:04:01 from thought in general.
    1:04:03 And then usually later at night,
    1:04:05 I either do some more reading or some more writing
    1:04:08 or a combination of the two.
    1:04:09 – Got it.
    1:04:10 So a number of follow up questions.
    1:04:12 What type of meditation do you practice currently?
    1:04:15 – Just guided vipassana, very, very basic.
    1:04:20 There’s a woman named Tara Brock
    1:04:23 who she’s a mindfulness practitioner.
    1:04:25 – How do you spell her last name?
    1:04:27 – B-R-A-C-H.
    1:04:28 – Got it.
    1:04:30 – And she’s based out of DC
    1:04:31 and she was trained as a cognitive psychologist
    1:04:34 then did decades of Buddhist training
    1:04:37 and lived in an ashram.
    1:04:38 And now she teaches mindfulness
    1:04:40 with a very secular lens.
    1:04:42 So she records her classes and she has a podcast
    1:04:45 which is how I came to know her.
    1:04:48 And every week she does a one hour lecture
    1:04:50 and sort of the philosophies
    1:04:52 and cognitive, behavioral wisdom of the ages.
    1:04:56 And then she does a guided meditation.
    1:04:59 I use her meditation years
    1:05:00 and she has changed my life perhaps more profoundly
    1:05:03 than anybody in my life.
    1:05:06 So I highly recommend her.
    1:05:09 – Tara Brock.
    1:05:10 – Brock, yes.
    1:05:12 And all her podcasts is free.
    1:05:14 She has two books out too.
    1:05:16 She’s really wonderful, very generous person.
    1:05:19 – I will have to check that out.
    1:05:20 And so you’re listening, then you have earbuds in,
    1:05:23 you’re listening to audio while you meditate.
    1:05:25 – Yes, and it’s interestingly,
    1:05:27 I mean, she puts one out every week
    1:05:29 but I’ve been using the exact same one
    1:05:31 from the summer of 2010.
    1:05:33 It’s just one that I like and feel familiar with
    1:05:36 and it sort of helps me get into the rhythm.
    1:05:38 So every day I listen to the exact same one.
    1:05:40 – Summer 2010, how would people recognize it?
    1:05:42 How does the audio…
    1:05:44 – I think the title is, it sounds cheesy
    1:05:46 but it is not cheesy.
    1:05:47 I think it’s called Smile Meditation.
    1:05:50 And I’m sure she has repeated it in various forms
    1:05:53 through the years and other recordings.
    1:05:55 It just happens to be the one that I have on
    1:05:57 and on my broken 3G iPhone
    1:06:00 without any internet or cell service,
    1:06:02 which I just use as an iPod, that’s on it.
    1:06:05 – Awesome, that’s a great answer.
    1:06:07 I love digging into the specifics.
    1:06:08 So when you go to the gym then to work out,
    1:06:12 are you still using an elliptical for that
    1:06:15 or are you are?
    1:06:17 – I do sprints, high intensity intervals on the elliptical
    1:06:21 and I do a lot of weight and body weights to have too.
    1:06:25 – You do, all right.
    1:06:26 But when you’re reading, is that on the elliptical?
    1:06:29 – Yes.
    1:06:30 – And what type of device, if any,
    1:06:34 are you using for that reading?
    1:06:36 – Well, I prefer electronic.
    1:06:38 So I use the Kindle app on the iPad or any PDM viewer
    1:06:42 ’cause I read a lot of archival stuff.
    1:06:44 But the challenge, of course, is that because I read
    1:06:47 so many older books that are out of print,
    1:06:50 let alone having digital versions,
    1:06:52 that’s not always possible.
    1:06:54 In case it’s rarely possible.
    1:06:56 And like I’m writing about something fairly new.
    1:06:59 And so in that case, I just go there with my big tone
    1:07:02 and my sticky notes and pens and sharpies
    1:07:05 and various annotation analog devices.
    1:07:09 And I just do that.
    1:07:11 – Cool, all right.
    1:07:11 So that leads perfectly into the next question,
    1:07:14 which is what does your note taking system look like?
    1:07:16 And how do you take notes?
    1:07:18 So for instance, you’re really good at using excerpts
    1:07:23 or quotations, pull quotes.
    1:07:25 And I found myself asking as I was reading this,
    1:07:28 like how are you gathering all of this
    1:07:30 so that you can use it later?
    1:07:32 So what does your note taking system look like
    1:07:35 in the case of digital and in the case of hard copy?
    1:07:38 – So with digital, it’s very simple.
    1:07:40 I just highlight passages and I write myself little notes
    1:07:44 underneath each that have acronyms that I use frequently
    1:07:48 for certain topics or shorthand
    1:07:50 that I have developed for myself.
    1:07:52 Understanding really, which is what reading
    1:07:55 should be a conduit to is a form of pattern recognition.
    1:07:58 So when you read a whole book,
    1:08:00 you kind of walk away with certain takeaway
    1:08:02 that are thematically linked
    1:08:03 and it don’t usually occur sequentially.
    1:08:06 So it’s not like you walk away
    1:08:08 with one insight from the first chapter,
    1:08:09 one insight from the second chapter.
    1:08:11 It’s just sort of this pattern of the writer’s thoughts
    1:08:14 that permeate the entire narrative of the book.
    1:08:17 And so especially if you read as a writer,
    1:08:20 so somebody who not only needs to walk away with that,
    1:08:23 but ideally wants to record what those patterns
    1:08:26 and themes are, that sort of reading is very different.
    1:08:29 So what I end up doing with analog books in particular,
    1:08:33 and that sort of hacks and systems
    1:08:35 of doing it electrically, but they’re imperfect,
    1:08:37 is on the very last page of each book,
    1:08:40 which is blank usually right before the end cover,
    1:08:44 I create an alternate index.
    1:08:47 So I basically list out as I’m reading the topics
    1:08:51 and ideas that seem to be important
    1:08:53 and recurring in that volume.
    1:08:56 And then next to each of them,
    1:08:57 I start listing out the page numbers where they occur.
    1:08:59 And on those pages, I’ve obviously highlighted
    1:09:02 the respective passage and have a little sort of sticky tab
    1:09:04 on the side so I can find it.
    1:09:06 But it’s an index based not on keywords,
    1:09:10 which is what a standard book index is based on,
    1:09:13 but based on key ideas.
    1:09:15 And I use that then to sort of synthesize
    1:09:19 what those ideas are once I’m ready to write about the book.
    1:09:22 – Okay, I have to geek out on this
    1:09:24 ’cause I’m so excited now.
    1:09:25 As it turns out, with analog books,
    1:09:27 I do exactly, literally exactly the same thing.
    1:09:30 I usually start with the front inside cover,
    1:09:32 but I create my own index.
    1:09:34 And of course, they don’t have to be in order.
    1:09:36 So you can sort of list them in any,
    1:09:38 in my particular case, in any order.
    1:09:40 I also will have sort of a couple of lines dedicated
    1:09:45 to pH and pH just refers to phrasing.
    1:09:47 So if I find a turn of phrase or wording that I find really–
    1:09:50 – Oh, I do that too.
    1:09:52 – Oh, really?
    1:09:53 – But I would BL for beautiful language.
    1:09:55 – Oh, that’s so cool, okay.
    1:09:58 So there’s that.
    1:09:59 And then I have Q or if they’re quotes.
    1:10:02 So for instance, many books will have quotes attributed
    1:10:06 to other people or just header quotes in some cases.
    1:10:09 And so I’ll have quotes, I’ll just write that out.
    1:10:11 And then colon and then I’ll list all the page numbers
    1:10:13 for that particular sort of category
    1:10:17 that I’m collecting in the case of quotes.
    1:10:19 When you’re gathering this, you mentioned acronyms
    1:10:22 and shorthand.
    1:10:23 So besides beautiful language,
    1:10:24 what are some of the other acronyms that you use?
    1:10:27 – Oh, they wouldn’t make sense.
    1:10:29 They’re just very private.
    1:10:30 It’s like too long to get into what they stand for.
    1:10:33 They’re just completely my own system.
    1:10:35 – Is there one other example
    1:10:36 that you just, if you can indulge me?
    1:10:39 – One that is, I guess, not so much about the contents
    1:10:43 of that passage is about its purpose is LJ,
    1:10:46 which is I have a little sort of labor of love side project
    1:10:50 called Liter and Jude Box, right?
    1:10:52 – Sure, I’ve seen it.
    1:10:53 It’s, yeah, it’s awesome.
    1:10:55 – Oh, thank you.
    1:10:56 But yeah, so I do these tearing the passages
    1:10:58 in literature with a thematically matched song.
    1:11:01 And so sometimes as I’m reading a book,
    1:11:04 I would come across a passage that I think would be great
    1:11:07 for that and maybe a song comes to mind.
    1:11:09 And so I would put LJ next to it.
    1:11:11 But I want to go back to what you said
    1:11:13 about the external quotes, I guess,
    1:11:15 the author quoting another work.
    1:11:18 I think those are actually really important
    1:11:20 and that goes back to your question
    1:11:22 about how I find what to read.
    1:11:25 And I mark those types of things.
    1:11:28 So for the annotations that are specific
    1:11:30 to that particular book, all of my sticky tab notes
    1:11:34 are on the side of the pages.
    1:11:37 But when there’s an external quote,
    1:11:39 something referencing another work,
    1:11:41 I put a tab at the very top with the letter F,
    1:11:44 which stands for find, if I am not familiar with the work,
    1:11:47 or just no letter, if I just want to flag a quote
    1:11:49 or something else that I know of.
    1:11:52 And I think that’s actually very important
    1:11:53 because the phenomenon itself, not my annotations of it,
    1:11:58 because literature is really, and I say this all the time,
    1:12:00 it is the original internet.
    1:12:02 So all of those references and citations
    1:12:06 and allusions even, they’re essentially hyperlinks
    1:12:10 that that author placed to another work.
    1:12:13 And that way, if you follow those,
    1:12:16 you go into this magnificent rabbit hole
    1:12:19 where you start out with something
    1:12:21 that you’re already enjoying and liking,
    1:12:23 but follow these tangential references to other works
    1:12:27 that perhaps you would not have come across that way,
    1:12:30 I mean, directly.
    1:12:31 And in a way, it’s a way to push oneself
    1:12:34 out of the filter bubble in a very incremental way.
    1:12:38 And I’ve often found amazing older books
    1:12:41 that were five or six hyperlink references removed
    1:12:45 from something I was reading,
    1:12:47 which led me to something else,
    1:12:48 which led me to this great other thing.
    1:12:50 So I think that’s kind of a beautiful practice.
    1:12:53 – The serendipity of it is so beautiful when it works out
    1:12:58 and I’ll give a confession.
    1:13:00 This is really embarrassing,
    1:13:01 but you know, since no one’s listening,
    1:13:03 I came across Seneca, so Seneca the Younger,
    1:13:08 who’s had probably more impact on my life
    1:13:11 than any other writer.
    1:13:13 Originally because I was perusing a number of anthologies
    1:13:18 on minimalism and simplicity.
    1:13:20 And Seneca kept on popping up, quote, Seneca, quote, Seneca.
    1:13:24 And because it was always one word, like Madonna,
    1:13:27 or, and this is going to be really embarrassing,
    1:13:30 or like Sitting Bull,
    1:13:31 I assumed that Seneca was a Native American elder
    1:13:35 of some type for probably a good–
    1:13:37 – You’re so lovely, actually.
    1:13:39 – I assumed he was a Native American elder
    1:13:41 for probably a good year or two
    1:13:43 before I realized he was a Roman.
    1:13:46 I was like, man, Ferris, you gotta do your homework, pal.
    1:13:49 Like, you gotta dig in.
    1:13:51 And then at that point is when I really sort of jumped off
    1:13:54 the cliff into a lot of his writings,
    1:13:57 which I still to this day revisit on an almost–
    1:14:00 – I just revisited the shortness of life.
    1:14:03 – Oh, so good, so good.
    1:14:05 – Well, it was perhaps the best manifesto,
    1:14:07 and I had hated this modern word sort of buzzword,
    1:14:11 but I use it intentionally.
    1:14:12 So the best manifesto for our current struggle
    1:14:16 with this very notion of productivity versus presence
    1:14:19 and how much are we really mistaking
    1:14:22 the doings for the being,
    1:14:24 it’s amazing that somebody wrote this millennia ago
    1:14:27 before there was internet,
    1:14:29 before there was the things we call distractions today,
    1:14:32 and yet he writes about the exact same things
    1:14:35 just in a different form, yeah.
    1:14:38 – The exact same things.
    1:14:39 And the way that if I’m trying to use Seneca
    1:14:41 as a gateway drug into philosophy,
    1:14:43 I won’t use the P word, first of all,
    1:14:45 with most people ’cause philosophy,
    1:14:47 I think it calls to mind for a lot of people,
    1:14:49 the haughty pompous college student
    1:14:52 in Goodwill Hunting in the bar scene,
    1:14:55 who’s like reciting Shakespeare
    1:14:57 without giving any type of credit.
    1:14:59 – Yeah, I completely disagree.
    1:15:01 I agree with the notion that those are connotations today
    1:15:04 and people have a resistance,
    1:15:05 but I think that’s all the more reason to use it heavily
    1:15:09 and to use it intelligently and to reclaim it
    1:15:11 and to get people to understand that philosophy,
    1:15:14 whatever form it takes,
    1:15:15 is the only way to figure out how to live.
    1:15:18 The other thing else that we take away from anything
    1:15:20 is a set of philosophies, essentially.
    1:15:24 – I agree, no, I totally agree.
    1:15:26 But I usually, if I’m gonna lead people there,
    1:15:29 I try to lure them in with Seneca
    1:15:33 because I think he’s very easy to read
    1:15:35 compared to a lot of, say, at least the Stoics,
    1:15:38 or that’s actually not even fair,
    1:15:39 compared to a lot of philosophers
    1:15:41 who have been translated from Greek,
    1:15:43 most of his writing, I believe, is translated from Latin,
    1:15:45 which tends to be just an easier jump from English.
    1:15:48 So it’s very easy to read.
    1:15:49 And what I tell people is,
    1:15:51 start off with some of his letters
    1:15:53 and you’ll find that you could just as easily replace
    1:15:56 these Roman names, like Lucilius,
    1:15:58 and so on with Bob and Jane,
    1:16:01 or pick your contemporary name of choice,
    1:16:05 and they’re all as relevant now as they were then.
    1:16:08 I’m gonna come back to the performance versus presence,
    1:16:11 which I think of oftentimes as the achievement
    1:16:15 versus appreciation, split or balance,
    1:16:18 or maybe neither.
    1:16:19 But before we get there,
    1:16:21 I want to put a bow on the note taking
    1:16:24 with your electronic note taking.
    1:16:26 So you’re using the Kindle app, you’re taking highlights.
    1:16:29 Where do you go from there?
    1:16:30 What does the sort of workflow look like from there?
    1:16:33 And are there any particular types of software
    1:16:35 or apps or anything like that that you use often?
    1:16:39 – Honestly, I feel like that problem
    1:16:41 has not been solved at all in any kind of practical way.
    1:16:44 So the way that I do it is basically a bunch of hacks
    1:16:47 using existing technologies.
    1:16:49 But I don’t think, or perhaps I’m just unaware,
    1:16:52 but I don’t think there’s anybody designing tools today
    1:16:57 for people who could do serious heavy reading.
    1:17:00 There just isn’t anything that I know.
    1:17:01 And so what I do is I highlight in the Kindle app
    1:17:04 of the iPad, and then Amazon has this function
    1:17:07 that you can basically see your Kindle notes
    1:17:11 and highlights on the desktop, on your computer.
    1:17:14 I go to those, I copy them from that page,
    1:17:18 and I paste them into an Evernote file
    1:17:20 to sort of just have all of my notes
    1:17:22 in a specific book in one place.
    1:17:24 But sometimes I would also take a screen grab
    1:17:27 of a specific iPad Kindle app,
    1:17:31 Kindle page with my highlighted passage,
    1:17:34 and then email that screen grab into my Evernote email
    1:17:38 because Evernote has, as you know,
    1:17:40 optical character recognition.
    1:17:41 So when I search within it,
    1:17:44 it’s also gonna search the text in that image.
    1:17:47 I don’t have to wait until I finish the book
    1:17:48 and explore all my notes.
    1:17:49 And also the formatting is kind of shitty
    1:17:53 on the Kindle notes on the desktop
    1:17:56 where you can see all your notes.
    1:17:57 So if you copy them, they paste into Evernote
    1:18:00 with this really weird formatting.
    1:18:02 So it tabulates each next notes indented to the right.
    1:18:07 So it’s sort of this long cascading thing
    1:18:09 that shifts more and more to the right.
    1:18:11 – Oh, that’s horrible.
    1:18:12 It’s like an email thread.
    1:18:14 – It’s like an email thread,
    1:18:15 except there’s no actual hierarchy.
    1:18:17 These are all, you know,
    1:18:18 and so if you wanna go fix it,
    1:18:19 you have to do it manually within Evernote.
    1:18:22 And you know, on the Werner Herzog book, for example,
    1:18:25 which is 600 pages, I have thousand of notes.
    1:18:28 So imagine thousands of tabulations
    1:18:30 until the last one is so narrow and long
    1:18:33 that it’s just like unreadable.
    1:18:35 So hence my point about just,
    1:18:37 there is no viable solution that I know.
    1:18:41 – Got it.
    1:18:42 Okay, so let me, this may or may not help.
    1:18:44 For me, it was a huge shift in how I manage Evernote.
    1:18:49 ‘Cause I mean, I’m looking at this list of questions
    1:18:52 and I’m not reading entirely on script,
    1:18:54 but I have a collection of questions in Evernote right now.
    1:18:57 And one of the things I realized about formatting
    1:19:00 and transposing things from say, you know,
    1:19:03 my Kindle page, if you log into your Amazon account
    1:19:06 through Kindle.Amazon.com
    1:19:07 or copying and pasting from many different places
    1:19:11 is going to, I don’t know if you’ve tried this,
    1:19:13 but edit and either paste and match style
    1:19:16 or paste as plain text.
    1:19:17 And it tends to remove all of that headache.
    1:19:21 Let’s see nine times out of 10.
    1:19:22 – The problem with that, I did try that once,
    1:19:25 but when you remove the style,
    1:19:27 it makes all the metadata look the same as the text.
    1:19:30 So on every highlighted passage,
    1:19:32 I also have my own note.
    1:19:33 – I see, got it.
    1:19:34 – Plus, you know, Amazon’s own thing that says,
    1:19:37 add note, read, read in this location, delete note.
    1:19:41 And so it all merges in and becomes just hideous.
    1:19:43 They’re just embossed with me.
    1:19:44 – God, you know, I wonder, I wonder what to do there.
    1:19:47 Yeah, I used to take notes and drop them into text Wrangler,
    1:19:51 which is used for coding a lot,
    1:19:52 just to remove the formatting
    1:19:53 and then put it into Evernote.
    1:19:55 – Yeah, I do that with Kota.
    1:19:56 – Yeah, it’s true though.
    1:19:59 – But there’s got to be a solution.
    1:20:00 And the thing is, Evernote, I love Evernote.
    1:20:03 I’ve been using it for many years
    1:20:04 and I could probably not get through my day without it,
    1:20:07 but it has an API, which means somebody can build this,
    1:20:10 you know, and there’s a way to like,
    1:20:12 I even thought, I mean, I was at one point so desperate
    1:20:15 and so frustrated, which I think is the duo
    1:20:17 that causes all innovation, you know,
    1:20:19 desperation and frustration.
    1:20:21 – I thought maybe I should just save up some money
    1:20:24 and offer like a scholarship or like a grant for a hackathon
    1:20:28 for somebody to solve this for me, you know?
    1:20:31 – That’s a great idea.
    1:20:32 – I mean, I’m still sort of contemplating that.
    1:20:36 – Okay, well, we’ll talk about that separately.
    1:20:38 I think that’s something that we could absolutely explore.
    1:20:40 And for all of you, programmers, coders out there,
    1:20:43 please take a look.
    1:20:44 This is actually not as rare an issue as you might expect.
    1:20:47 One question for you on the Kindle highlights.
    1:20:50 I’ve run into this.
    1:20:51 You mentioned the Werner Herzog book
    1:20:53 and having, you know, thousands of highlights.
    1:20:56 Have you run into instances where
    1:20:59 you’ll read an entire book, you’re super impressed or not,
    1:21:02 but regardless, you have hundreds of highlights
    1:21:05 and you go to look at those highlights
    1:21:07 and you’re restricted to only seeing the first.
    1:21:10 – Oh yeah, it says like 200 highlights, 81 available.
    1:21:15 Or something like that.
    1:21:15 – Right, so how often does that happen to you?
    1:21:17 Because that’s happened to me
    1:21:19 where I’ve taken so much time to meticulously highlight stuff
    1:21:22 and then I’m only able to see 25% and it’s so infuriating.
    1:21:26 And I think it’s a limitation
    1:21:27 that is determined by the publisher.
    1:21:29 – Yes, it is.
    1:21:30 And so I’ll tell you why it hasn’t happened to me much.
    1:21:33 It happens to me occasionally, but that’s a DRM thing,
    1:21:36 digital for listeners who don’t like acronyms,
    1:21:39 digital rights management thing that is fairly new.
    1:21:43 So that is the case with more recently published books.
    1:21:47 But if you read the digitized version of say Alan Watts
    1:21:51 that was published originally 40 years ago,
    1:21:54 there’s no such problem unless the publisher now
    1:21:57 is like reclaiming rights and doing a whole new thing.
    1:22:00 But because I read so much less
    1:22:05 out of sort of newly published material,
    1:22:07 I don’t run into it often.
    1:22:08 But there is a way to very laboriously deal with it
    1:22:13 which is you can still open that passage
    1:22:16 in your Kindle app on desktop, so Kindle for Mac for me.
    1:22:21 And it will let you highlight and copy those passages
    1:22:25 to paste them into your Evernote
    1:22:27 and between the myth and courts,
    1:22:28 but it’s obviously completely not conducive.
    1:22:30 – I have done that.
    1:22:31 And it’s so horrible because you also get the like excerpted
    1:22:35 from three lines for everyone.
    1:22:38 So it just publishers, if you’re listening to this,
    1:22:41 do you are making it harder for people like Maria
    1:22:44 who have seven million uniques per month
    1:22:47 to share your stuff?
    1:22:50 So please up your threshold.
    1:22:52 Do you have anybody helping you with brain pickings
    1:22:55 or is it just you?
    1:22:57 – The actual reading and writing obviously is just me.
    1:23:00 But as of about 10 months ago,
    1:23:03 I have an assistant Lisa who’s actually wonderful
    1:23:06 and she just helps me with admin docs
    1:23:09 that has to do with my travel or email
    1:23:12 or scheduling things that I feel is weighing me down so much.
    1:23:17 I operate so much out of a sense of guilt
    1:23:21 for sort of letting people down or, and as you know,
    1:23:25 I’m sure when you get to a point where the demands
    1:23:28 are just incomparable with what you can even look at,
    1:23:33 then you kind of need to have help
    1:23:35 in order not to either go insane
    1:23:37 or live with a constant guilt over not addressing things.
    1:23:41 Oh, and I also have a copy editor,
    1:23:43 this wonderful older lady I hired to do my proofreading.
    1:23:47 She’s great.
    1:23:48 That’s all I can say.
    1:23:49 I think proofreading is really, really important
    1:23:51 and I’m constantly embarrassed if I have a typo,
    1:23:54 which, you know, as you know, as a writer,
    1:23:56 you cannot prove your own work.
    1:23:58 It just, your brain just does not see the errors
    1:24:00 that we made in the first place,
    1:24:02 more the majority of them.
    1:24:04 And people are kind of merciless.
    1:24:06 They think somehow that a typo makes you lazy
    1:24:11 or I don’t even know.
    1:24:13 There’s no kind of compassion for the humanity
    1:24:15 that produces something as human as a typo, right?
    1:24:19 Despite how mechanical the term itself seems,
    1:24:21 which is sort of ironic, but in any case,
    1:24:23 so yes, I have my assistant Bradman
    1:24:25 and my copy editor for just proofing.
    1:24:28 – What platform is brain picking on at the moment?
    1:24:31 What’s the technology behind it?
    1:24:33 I know that I’ve heard you mention WordPress before.
    1:24:37 Is it on, is it still on WordPress?
    1:24:39 – It is on WordPress.
    1:24:39 I was gonna make a joke on her
    1:24:41 of I had the technology, it’s called Corpus Colossum,
    1:24:43 but I haven’t heard of that.
    1:24:45 (laughing)
    1:24:47 The actual technology is, yeah.
    1:24:50 – Very Sam Harris friendly joke.
    1:24:52 So when you’re working with, say, your copy editor,
    1:24:55 do you give your copy editor admin access to WordPress
    1:25:01 and she’ll go in, proofread it,
    1:25:04 and then schedule or publish?
    1:25:06 What’s the process?
    1:25:07 – No, it’s a very, again,
    1:25:09 sort of hacked together process,
    1:25:12 which is every night I email her the articles
    1:25:15 from the preview page on WordPress.
    1:25:18 I just copy that and paste it into a body email
    1:25:21 and I send it to her
    1:25:22 and then she sends me the corrections via email.
    1:25:24 – Got it.
    1:25:25 – I mean, like I said, she’s not very,
    1:25:28 I would say tech savvy.
    1:25:29 I mean, I’m sure she’s a wonderful learner,
    1:25:32 so I’m sure she would totally learn how to do it
    1:25:34 if I gave her admin access,
    1:25:36 but between that and the fact that I write in HTML,
    1:25:39 so I really don’t like the whizzy way.
    1:25:41 I hate it, actually.
    1:25:43 I think it’s just easier to do it via email
    1:25:45 ’cause then she can highlight the word
    1:25:47 and sometimes she would make suggestions
    1:25:49 that are more stylistic
    1:25:50 and I would like to have the final say in those
    1:25:53 ’cause very often I wanna keep it the way that I have it
    1:25:56 because I’m voiced.
    1:25:58 – So I find email works just fine.
    1:26:01 – Got it.
    1:26:02 Okay, I know I’m always fascinated
    1:26:03 because I will use,
    1:26:05 while when I was hosting WordPress elsewhere,
    1:26:08 I’m also in WordPress,
    1:26:09 I would use the share a draft plugin
    1:26:13 to share drafts with people.
    1:26:14 I’m now on WordPress VIP.
    1:26:16 It has a sharing function
    1:26:17 where people can leave feedback in a sidebar
    1:26:21 that runs alongside the article itself,
    1:26:24 which is pretty cool.
    1:26:24 – Oh, that’s cool.
    1:26:25 I should look into that.
    1:26:26 I think that’s what I have too.
    1:26:27 The WordPress VIP that we’re fetching out.
    1:26:31 I don’t even know what that function is.
    1:26:33 I’m kind of, I mean, for somebody who writes on the web,
    1:26:36 I don’t really, yeah,
    1:26:39 I sometimes only learn about things through friends.
    1:26:43 – Well, I think, yeah,
    1:26:44 that’s how I learned about a lot of this stuff
    1:26:45 and the other option that I’ve used quite a lot
    1:26:49 is and as much as I hate Word and I really do,
    1:26:52 I love the track changes feature
    1:26:54 and I just find it more user-friendly for a lot of folks
    1:26:58 than having them use something that’s cloud-based
    1:27:01 like Google Docs,
    1:27:03 just because I operate so much offline
    1:27:05 to try to get anything done.
    1:27:07 – Yeah, I mean, that’s what a lot of people suggest
    1:27:09 and what Kai, my perforator actually asked originally,
    1:27:12 but I do not own Microsoft products on principle
    1:27:16 and I just said I’m not gonna deal with it.
    1:27:20 – Okay, no, that makes sense.
    1:27:21 And your assistant, what was the defining moment,
    1:27:24 the straw that broke the camel’s back
    1:27:26 when you were like, you know what?
    1:27:27 Like what was the day where you’re just like,
    1:27:29 fucking enough of this?
    1:27:30 Like I need to get somebody stat.
    1:27:33 I mean, when did you actually make the decision?
    1:27:36 – It wasn’t so much that I made the decision
    1:27:38 and the decision was very strongly, lovingly,
    1:27:42 but strongly sort of pushed on me by my partner
    1:27:46 who one day said, you’re using so much time
    1:27:48 and things that are just so menial and you should not.
    1:27:51 And ’cause I was really stressing to a point
    1:27:54 of just driving myself crazy.
    1:27:56 And I think a lot of it has to do with the fact
    1:27:58 that I always have been very independent.
    1:28:01 I moved away from my parents’ house when I was 18,
    1:28:04 came out late to her school, lived always by myself
    1:28:06 and I just had this Emerson like,
    1:28:08 you know, just had some self-sufficiency
    1:28:11 and self-reliance to a point of pathology
    1:28:14 where it was to my own detriment
    1:28:16 and the notion of outsourcing felt to me on some level,
    1:28:21 almost like an admission of weakness.
    1:28:23 – Sure.
    1:28:23 – It’s ridiculous.
    1:28:24 – I think that’s true for a lot of people though, yeah.
    1:28:26 – I know and the strange thing, the disorienting thing
    1:28:29 is that I think we intellectually know that’s not the case.
    1:28:32 That it’s actually a lot of strength to be able
    1:28:35 to delegate and to sort of divvy up control
    1:28:39 according to a hierarchy of priorities.
    1:28:41 But on some sort of psycho-emotional level,
    1:28:43 it is just, duh, to consider that you cannot do something
    1:28:48 on your own anymore.
    1:28:49 And of course, it’s interesting in terms
    1:28:52 of how brain pickings evolve,
    1:28:53 which has always been very organic.
    1:28:55 So the sort of eight-year thing that has happened,
    1:29:00 it went from being a little newsletter
    1:29:03 that contained five links, no text,
    1:29:05 like five links to five things that I found very interesting.
    1:29:10 And then it went to sort of five links
    1:29:13 with a little paragraph about each.
    1:29:15 About why this thing is interesting and important.
    1:29:16 And then it was not a little paragraph,
    1:29:18 but a little like one page piece.
    1:29:20 And then it became not five things every Friday,
    1:29:24 but three things every day of the week,
    1:29:26 pretty long form in the thousands of words, you know.
    1:29:29 And I foolishly and naively thought that I could just have
    1:29:34 the same sort of operational framework
    1:29:37 despite the enormous swelling of just the volume
    1:29:41 of the writing, and that’s unreasonable.
    1:29:44 It’s completely unreasonable.
    1:29:46 So at one point last fall,
    1:29:48 at the sort of seventh birthday
    1:29:50 of brain pickings is approaching,
    1:29:52 my partner was just like, please, like consider.
    1:29:55 – I’m always curious to ask,
    1:29:57 how did you find the assistant that you ended up with?
    1:30:01 – Well, she’s wonderful.
    1:30:02 She’s a professional sort of personal assistant
    1:30:04 that’s had this type of job for about 20 years.
    1:30:08 She’s just a wonderfully warm and just generous person,
    1:30:11 but also has such doggedness about things
    1:30:15 and just work ethic.
    1:30:16 It’s unbelievable.
    1:30:17 And you always have the sense
    1:30:19 that she’s looking out for your best interests
    1:30:21 in the most magnanimous kind of way towards you,
    1:30:25 but also the most warmly, no bullshit way outwardly
    1:30:30 towards the world demanding things from you.
    1:30:32 And having this buffer, it’s really, really great.
    1:30:36 – How did you track her down?
    1:30:37 How did the two of you get connected?
    1:30:40 – Just a recommendation.
    1:30:41 She’s been working for somebody who’s a very trusted
    1:30:45 dear person for a long time to now she works with us.
    1:30:48 – And did that person reach out to you?
    1:30:50 Did you reach out to her?
    1:30:51 I’m always curious about the specifics
    1:30:53 because the way that I found one of my first assistants
    1:30:56 and we worked together for many years
    1:30:58 was anytime I had a really fantastic interaction
    1:31:01 with someone’s assistant, I would say,
    1:31:03 hey, I know this is off topic,
    1:31:05 but you’ve been awesome to deal with.
    1:31:06 Do you have, you know, twin brother, twin sister,
    1:31:09 somebody who does what you do as well as you do it
    1:31:13 that you could recommend to me because I need some help.
    1:31:15 And I just did that over and over again.
    1:31:17 And eventually one of them said, well,
    1:31:18 actually I worked for multiple clients
    1:31:20 so we could talk about it.
    1:31:21 And that’s how we ended up working together.
    1:31:23 But what was the…
    1:31:24 – The introduction was made by the person.
    1:31:27 So I had met her, at least in my assistant,
    1:31:29 I’d met her just socially many times before.
    1:31:32 And so eventually when the time came for me to consider,
    1:31:36 we set up a meeting, we talked and she was really into it
    1:31:39 and she’d been reading brain pickles.
    1:31:41 And I asked, make sure it wouldn’t be too much
    1:31:43 on her plate ’cause she’s also, I mean, she’s super woman.
    1:31:45 Lisa’s super woman, she is the mother of two kids,
    1:31:48 one of whom is now her first year in high school
    1:31:51 and the other one his first year in college.
    1:31:53 So she had that on her plate too.
    1:31:56 But she’s very, like I said, very dogged,
    1:31:58 very sort of dedicated and she was like, I can do it.
    1:32:01 I’d like to do it.
    1:32:02 And I was like, great, let’s roll.
    1:32:04 – Onward.
    1:32:05 So with your assistant, if you were to do an 80/20 analysis
    1:32:09 of the 20% of tasks that take up 80% of her time,
    1:32:14 what would those look like?
    1:32:16 What is the vast majority of her time spent on?
    1:32:19 – A lot of it is, I guess, coordinating travel and things,
    1:32:23 but I am trying to really, I mean,
    1:32:24 I have this new-ish commitment to really not do any speaking
    1:32:29 at commercial conferences anymore,
    1:32:32 but to speak to students because I think it’s important
    1:32:34 and what it takes out of me, which is a lot,
    1:32:37 speaking takes out a lot of me because I’m a writer
    1:32:40 and I also don’t really recycle talks.
    1:32:42 I like to write something original.
    1:32:44 And when it’s a commercial conference,
    1:32:46 it just doesn’t add up for me what I get out of it
    1:32:48 ’cause I usually donate my commission’s duty
    1:32:50 to the local public library and whatnot.
    1:32:52 But with students, it is worth my time if I initiate
    1:32:56 even one journalism student friend
    1:33:00 going into buzz-worthy lands after graduation.
    1:33:04 That’s worth it to me.
    1:33:05 And so even though I’ve scaled back on the speaking-speaking,
    1:33:08 I now am getting like all these college requests.
    1:33:12 And so that takes so much time, especially coordinating
    1:33:15 because a lot of them are organized
    1:33:17 by sort of student volunteers
    1:33:18 and they’re kind of still learning what it means
    1:33:21 to schedule the deadlines and advance notice.
    1:33:24 And so Melissa is sort of railing that.
    1:33:27 And another big part, I should also mention
    1:33:30 that the evolution of what I’ve been able to delegate
    1:33:32 has sort of organically happened.
    1:33:34 Originally, I just really didn’t know what to give her.
    1:33:37 I felt like I had to do all of it
    1:33:39 ’cause I didn’t know how to explain it to her to do.
    1:33:41 But she’s a great learner
    1:33:43 and I’m learning to delegate more.
    1:33:45 But another thing, because my site runs on donations,
    1:33:50 I sort of make an effort to send handwritten thank you cards
    1:33:53 just at this point, randomly picked donors every month.
    1:33:58 And so I have her sort of export those names
    1:34:00 and emails for me and just prepare envelopes
    1:34:03 and all those types of things
    1:34:05 so that I could not spend too much time
    1:34:06 on the actual admin of the mailing.
    1:34:09 – Do you communicate exclusively via email
    1:34:11 or do you use other types of software?
    1:34:13 – Oh, email, email and text.
    1:34:15 – Email and text.
    1:34:16 So no project management software at this point,
    1:34:18 no sort of base camp or a sauna or anything like that.
    1:34:21 – That would make me feel like
    1:34:23 up some sort of commercial organization.
    1:34:25 You know, I still have so much resistance
    1:34:27 to the fact that I even have to deal with these things.
    1:34:30 – Back to the Oscar Wilde hypocrisy about audience.
    1:34:33 There’s a humanity, I guess, of the tension.
    1:34:36 – A couple of quick ones.
    1:34:37 So the first is when you lift,
    1:34:38 do you tend to have the same workout?
    1:34:40 What does your weightlifting look like?
    1:34:42 – It’s changed a lot.
    1:34:43 In the last year and a half,
    1:34:46 I’ve prioritized body weight stuff heavily, not unintended.
    1:34:51 That was actually total inadvertence,
    1:34:52 this how language, how we think in language.
    1:34:55 That’s so funny.
    1:34:55 I prioritize body weight stuff.
    1:34:57 And so I do pull ups, push ups and that sort of thing.
    1:35:00 It also depends on where I do my workout.
    1:35:03 My building has a sort of gym,
    1:35:06 like one of those residential gyms,
    1:35:08 but I also have a membership at a larger,
    1:35:10 probably I think the best gym in New York.
    1:35:14 I love it, but I’m only there a few days a week.
    1:35:16 So it just depends on where I do it and what I do.
    1:35:19 – If you had to pick one, besides the elliptical,
    1:35:22 if you had to pick one body weight exercise to hold you over,
    1:35:26 let’s say you were traveling for a few months,
    1:35:27 you can only pick one body weight exercise.
    1:35:29 What would it be?
    1:35:30 – Well, it would be pull up,
    1:35:32 but you can’t always find a place to do it.
    1:35:35 So I just do usually elevated push ups.
    1:35:38 So my feet on a bench or bed
    1:35:40 or some like a step or something and just push ups.
    1:35:43 – Cool, a great little hack for pulling motions
    1:35:46 while traveling is putting your feet on a chair
    1:35:50 and going underneath a table
    1:35:51 to do basically inverted bent rows.
    1:35:55 You know what’s actually very helpful for traveling
    1:35:57 is– – Plyometrics?
    1:35:58 – Plyometrics and TRX is actually quite handy.
    1:36:02 There’s a system.
    1:36:04 – For some reason, it’s just not my thing.
    1:36:06 – Can’t get into it.
    1:36:07 Yeah.
    1:36:08 – The thing is, if I am forced by circumstances
    1:36:12 to do a workout that is not my preference,
    1:36:14 I very much like to be able to do something else
    1:36:17 while doing it such as listening to podcasts,
    1:36:19 which is what I do while I do weights at the gym anyway.
    1:36:23 And there are certain types of movements
    1:36:24 that it’s just a hassle to have the headphones
    1:36:27 and it’s just like not great.
    1:36:29 – That’s true.
    1:36:29 – So I actually carry a weighted jump rope with me
    1:36:32 when I travel in case there’s nowhere to do sprints,
    1:36:35 which is my plan B for cardio.
    1:36:39 And then plan C is just jumping, skipping rope.
    1:36:43 – You’re intense, I love it.
    1:36:44 Every time I meet, and this is so silly,
    1:36:46 but I was so obsessed with Bulgarian Olympic weightlifters
    1:36:49 for a very long time that whenever I meet Bulgarians
    1:36:52 or people who at any point have lived in Bulgaria,
    1:36:54 I want to talk about Olympic weightlifting,
    1:36:56 but it’s not.
    1:36:57 – Kind of nothing about them.
    1:36:59 I don’t do weight stuff when I was living in Bulgaria.
    1:37:02 – No, exactly.
    1:37:04 It’s kind of like, oh, you’re from Switzerland.
    1:37:06 Let me talk to you about the guys
    1:37:07 in the Riccolo commercial.
    1:37:08 They’re like, no, we don’t talk about that stuff.
    1:37:10 – Or what’s yet, is that guy your cousin?
    1:37:12 – Yeah, right, right.
    1:37:14 You must know, like, no, I actually don’t.
    1:37:15 Like, I know I went to X, Y, and Z college,
    1:37:18 but there are 5,000 people per year.
    1:37:21 You know, it doesn’t always work out.
    1:37:22 You mentioned the donations.
    1:37:23 I want to talk about the site.
    1:37:24 So, it appears, and I dug around a bit,
    1:37:27 but it appears that you have no comments
    1:37:29 or dates on your posts.
    1:37:30 Is that accurate?
    1:37:32 – I don’t have comments.
    1:37:33 I do have dates.
    1:37:34 They’re in the URL.
    1:37:35 That should the date be up.
    1:37:36 – Oh, they’re in the URL,
    1:37:37 but they’re not in the post,
    1:37:38 they’re in the URL structure,
    1:37:39 but they’re not in the displayed post itself.
    1:37:42 – Yeah, so the reason for that is because
    1:37:45 I do think we live in an enormously
    1:37:48 nude, fetishistic culture.
    1:37:51 And the reason I do what I do
    1:37:54 is precisely to decondition that
    1:37:56 because we think that if something is not news
    1:37:59 and it’s not at the top of the search results
    1:38:01 or the top of the feed,
    1:38:02 because all feeds are reverse chronology,
    1:38:04 then there’s an implicit hierarchy of importance to that.
    1:38:08 We think if it’s not at the top, it’s not important.
    1:38:11 And you would understand,
    1:38:13 writing about Seneca,
    1:38:14 it really doesn’t matter what the date stamp on it is,
    1:38:16 but I think because culture conditions are so much,
    1:38:20 people, when they see a date stamp,
    1:38:22 they sort of think, oh, this was like two years old.
    1:38:25 And it’s really, you know, 2,000 years old.
    1:38:28 But the thought of academics actually use
    1:38:31 brain pickings to reference.
    1:38:32 So I constantly get things,
    1:38:34 this is another thing that Lisa deals with,
    1:38:36 like requests from textbooks for citations or whatnot.
    1:38:40 And those people actually need the date.
    1:38:42 So I’ve made it so that if you actually look,
    1:38:45 it’s kind of easy to see,
    1:38:46 or I can just tell them when they write
    1:38:48 and ask me what the date is, look in the URL,
    1:38:50 but it’s just not one of those immediate things
    1:38:52 that slaps you over the head,
    1:38:54 like a newspaper front page, you know?
    1:38:56 – Definitely.
    1:38:57 I actually have done the same thing for quite a few years.
    1:39:02 And if you go to any permalinks,
    1:39:04 if you get linked to any of my posts directly on the blog,
    1:39:07 the date is there in the URL,
    1:39:09 but also at the very bottom of the post
    1:39:12 after the related links.
    1:39:14 So for the same reason,
    1:39:15 because there’s so much bias against older material.
    1:39:18 And I think some of my older stuff is,
    1:39:21 I mean, it depends on the person,
    1:39:22 obviously in the context,
    1:39:23 but it’s an easy way to have a high sort of abandonment rate
    1:39:27 is to timestamp the comments.
    1:39:29 Did you ever have comments or have you never had comments?
    1:39:31 – I did originally.
    1:39:33 And then I was like, you know what?
    1:39:34 I kind of feel like Herzog does.
    1:39:37 I don’t really care to hear.
    1:39:38 I mean, I do write for me.
    1:39:39 I’m very gladdened by people who are in any way moved or touched.
    1:39:43 But the comments I was getting,
    1:39:45 I’ve been fortunate enough not to really get any, you know,
    1:39:48 trolling or anything like that.
    1:39:49 But they were kind of vacant
    1:39:51 or people trying to plug their own thing or spam.
    1:39:54 And it was taking more of my time that was worth.
    1:39:56 And so instead of made my contact information
    1:40:00 very easily accessible.
    1:40:01 So if someone has something of substance and urgency to say,
    1:40:05 which is I think the two things
    1:40:07 that can help people to reach out,
    1:40:09 they’ll do it via email behind their own name
    1:40:12 and not anonymously.
    1:40:13 And then, I mean, I did get a lot of, a lot of emails from readers
    1:40:17 and those are valuable, you know?
    1:40:20 But I don’t really care for comments.
    1:40:21 Now the flip side of that is that
    1:40:24 now that I have the Facebook page having something mysterious
    1:40:28 happened with the Bring Pick and Spageal page last fall work,
    1:40:31 it just started growing so fast, I have no idea why.
    1:40:34 – You know, I was gonna ask you about that
    1:40:35 because if you look at say that your Twitter follower growth
    1:40:38 versus your Facebook growth,
    1:40:39 the Facebook just kind of took off.
    1:40:41 – Yeah, it was in about October of last year
    1:40:43 and it went from 250,000 to now, I think, I don’t know.
    1:40:47 – 2. something million.
    1:40:48 – Close to three maybe.
    1:40:49 So more than 10 fold in less than a year.
    1:40:52 I have no idea why I’ve done nothing differently.
    1:40:54 I’m very, I don’t really enjoy Facebook.
    1:40:56 I do it reluctantly because I get a lot of emails
    1:40:59 from readers elsewhere in the world
    1:41:01 who actually use Facebook as their primary thing.
    1:41:04 And they’re such sweet notes.
    1:41:05 You know, people who just are stimulated and inspired
    1:41:08 and moved in a way that perhaps they wouldn’t be
    1:41:11 if they hadn’t read that piece about some random thing
    1:41:14 that I read and wrote about.
    1:41:15 And I think it would be selfish of me
    1:41:17 to just sort of disable Facebook because I hate it.
    1:41:20 But the points of it is that you have comments on there.
    1:41:24 And Lisa, my assistant, actually,
    1:41:26 that’s something I delegated her a few months ago
    1:41:28 just to completely deal with them.
    1:41:31 I can’t deal with them.
    1:41:32 And not for any other reason that I have complete allergy
    1:41:37 to people pronouncing their so-called opinions
    1:41:41 without having actually digested
    1:41:43 or even engaged with the thing.
    1:41:44 So people would comment on the basis of like a thumbnail image
    1:41:48 or the title, make really outrageously inaccurate comments,
    1:41:52 clearly not having read the piece.
    1:41:54 And this kind of snap reaction thing
    1:41:59 that I think social media to a large extent perpetuate,
    1:42:02 I can’t deal with it.
    1:42:03 It’s just, it’s like a psychic drain.
    1:42:05 Like, I can’t even explain it just, I can’t.
    1:42:07 – So that would explain,
    1:42:08 that would answer one of my questions,
    1:42:09 which is in your header picture on Facebook,
    1:42:13 you have, this should be a cardinal rule of the internet,
    1:42:16 end of being human.
    1:42:17 If you don’t have the patience to read something,
    1:42:18 don’t have the hubris to comment on it.
    1:42:21 – Yeah, I don’t care if it sounds like bitsy or anything.
    1:42:26 You know, it’s interesting
    1:42:27 because I think a lot about criticism
    1:42:30 and the notion of criticism
    1:42:31 and why it’s so hard for anybody.
    1:42:35 And I don’t think that people have a hard time
    1:42:38 with criticism because another person disagrees with
    1:42:43 or dislikes what they’re saying.
    1:42:45 They really have a hard time when they feel misunderstood.
    1:42:48 The other person does not understand who they are
    1:42:52 or what they stand for in the world.
    1:42:53 And 90% of the time, and you actually touch on this
    1:42:56 in your conversation with Sam Harris
    1:42:58 where you say that his ideas are not as controversial
    1:43:01 as people think when they don’t actually understand
    1:43:03 what they are.
    1:43:04 But the main source of anguish is not being seen
    1:43:09 for who you are, not being understood.
    1:43:11 And this kind of reactive culture where people comment
    1:43:14 without taking the care to understand
    1:43:16 what you’re expressing clearly or what you stand for,
    1:43:19 it is so toxic.
    1:43:20 It is so toxic to leaders, to writers, to us as a culture.
    1:43:24 And I just don’t know how to get around it
    1:43:27 other than just having instructed Lisa
    1:43:29 to be just merciless about banning people
    1:43:32 and deleting comments that are just not,
    1:43:35 there’s no humanity, there’s no patience,
    1:43:37 there’s no thinking in them.
    1:43:38 So, you know, anybody who writes online,
    1:43:42 I think feel similarly that this is kind of my home
    1:43:46 and if people come and be idiots in it,
    1:43:49 then they’re not welcome there, so.
    1:43:51 – Yeah, no, I actually use the exact same analogy.
    1:43:54 I say, look, I view my, especially on my blog,
    1:43:56 I view the comments as my living room.
    1:43:58 And if you come into my house for the first time
    1:44:00 and get raging drunk and put your feet up on my table
    1:44:02 with your shoes on, you’re not gonna be invited back,
    1:44:05 you’re gone, you know?
    1:44:06 So is your assistant’s job, as it relates to Facebook then,
    1:44:09 primarily calling the herd and just removing the idiots?
    1:44:12 Or what are other instructions, if any?
    1:44:14 Are there things that she passes to you?
    1:44:16 Are there things that she responds to?
    1:44:18 – No, I don’t really care what people say again
    1:44:21 to the point that if people have something of substance
    1:44:24 and urgency, they will reach out.
    1:44:25 And I’m then very happy to hear from actual humans
    1:44:29 and engage in the human dialogue, which I do.
    1:44:31 But I really care about, you know, the comments on Facebook.
    1:44:33 I just don’t want them depressing me when I go on the page
    1:44:37 ’cause I put my own thing under.
    1:44:39 Alicia doesn’t put the actual postings.
    1:44:41 And I also don’t want them creating a culture
    1:44:45 that is antithetical to the very reason why I do what I do,
    1:44:49 which is a kind of faith in the human spirit.
    1:44:51 I mean, that’s where I come from.
    1:44:53 I am a cautious one sometimes, but an optimist
    1:44:56 about their so-called human condition.
    1:44:58 And anybody who craps on that
    1:45:01 without having even given a chance to the thoughts
    1:45:04 that speak to those ideals,
    1:45:06 which is what my articles are a record of,
    1:45:08 then I will want them gone, you know?
    1:45:10 And so her instructions are just, you know,
    1:45:12 ban people who are offensive to others
    1:45:16 sort of in a vicious way as opposed to just having
    1:45:18 rational discourse of disagreement,
    1:45:20 ban people who are ignorant and have not read the thing
    1:45:24 and have some very scandalous
    1:45:27 or not even scandalous sort of…
    1:45:29 – Sensationalist. – Contrarian,
    1:45:30 sensationalist take on it,
    1:45:32 clearly not understanding the nuance
    1:45:35 because, I mean, a culture of news is,
    1:45:37 I say often a culture without nuance, so, yeah.
    1:45:41 So that’s basically it.
    1:45:43 Help me stay sane when I look at them.
    1:45:45 That’s her task.
    1:45:46 If you lose my mind over exasperation
    1:45:50 when people is impatient.
    1:45:52 – No, and I really respect that
    1:45:53 because another reason that I read brain pickings
    1:45:57 as opposed to other sites,
    1:45:59 and I feel comfortable going there,
    1:46:00 is that I feel it is sort of a stronghold
    1:46:03 of positivity and optimism in a lot of respects.
    1:46:06 So kudos. – Thank you.
    1:46:08 – The email, actually, before we get to email,
    1:46:13 I’ve read that you schedule your Twitter and Facebook,
    1:46:16 which would make sense because you’re prolific.
    1:46:19 If it’s still the case,
    1:46:20 what do you use to schedule that social media?
    1:46:24 – I use Buffer for Twitter,
    1:46:27 and I use just my hands for Facebook, yeah.
    1:46:31 But again, I mean,
    1:46:32 this goes back to the same inner struggle of,
    1:46:34 I do wanna be reading and writing for myself.
    1:46:38 So why do I have the compulsions
    1:46:40 for so much of it out there?
    1:46:42 And I self-glagulate over that,
    1:46:46 ’cause on some level,
    1:46:47 it does seem like a form of hypocrisy,
    1:46:49 but then I do think about the people
    1:46:51 that email me from India and Pakistan
    1:46:53 and South Africa and Korea and wherever,
    1:46:56 that actually, that’s how they connect.
    1:46:59 And I think if I’m putting in the amount of time
    1:47:01 that I do into what I do,
    1:47:03 even if I do it for myself,
    1:47:05 I might as well just harness that time anyway.
    1:47:08 It could benefit somebody else’s journey, you know?
    1:47:10 And so I do it because of that, mostly.
    1:47:13 – Definitely, and I think that,
    1:47:16 while it’s fine to write for yourself,
    1:47:18 if you keep the value of what you write to yourself
    1:47:23 when it could benefit a lot of other people,
    1:47:25 then I think that’s actually,
    1:47:27 it could be viewed as a selfish act.
    1:47:29 So I think that there’s,
    1:47:32 particularly when you’re curating in the way that you do
    1:47:34 and you’re saving people thousands of hours of searching
    1:47:38 by distilling a lot of these concepts.
    1:47:40 – Well, I would argue that the benefit, the value,
    1:47:44 I mean, what I do is kind of the antithesis of search.
    1:47:46 It’s a discovery of things that,
    1:47:49 ideally, one would not have come across
    1:47:52 within the usual parameters of one’s filter bubble, right?
    1:47:55 So sort of a lot of the people that I hear from,
    1:47:59 for example, you know, just the sweet tunes,
    1:48:01 the Seneca example, actually, just this week,
    1:48:03 I heard from this guy who was an IT person,
    1:48:06 trained as a physicist, ended up doing IT and said,
    1:48:09 “The Seneca, the shortness of life piece,
    1:48:11 “really put everything in perspective.
    1:48:13 “I’ve never really read philosophy,
    1:48:14 “never been interested in it,
    1:48:15 “never looked for it,
    1:48:16 “but it just cut in the middle
    1:48:18 “of what I’m struggling with right now in my own life.”
    1:48:21 It gives you pause to hear that from people.
    1:48:24 – Definitely.
    1:48:25 Agreed.
    1:48:26 On email.
    1:48:27 If you go to your contact page,
    1:48:28 you recommend email charter.org.
    1:48:31 And I’m very curious to hear
    1:48:35 if people actually follow the email charter
    1:48:38 in terms of the email that you receive.
    1:48:41 Do people actually pay attention to that
    1:48:43 and follow those?
    1:48:43 – They do, and I’m so grateful.
    1:48:46 And I mean, but the majority of them do, you know,
    1:48:48 some people who reach out with the intention
    1:48:52 of self-promoting, there’s usually laziness
    1:48:54 to people who self-promote for the sake they’re of, you know?
    1:48:58 So they don’t usually follow.
    1:49:00 But people who actually care to have a conversation
    1:49:03 and to engage are very courteous
    1:49:06 and very sort of mindful of what I’ve asked,
    1:49:10 except for publicists who are never.
    1:49:12 – Yeah, right.
    1:49:12 I suppose if they’re flying on autopilot
    1:49:15 and just blasting out a template.
    1:49:17 – Dear blogger.
    1:49:18 – Oh, yeah, I love that, the dear blogger.
    1:49:20 – Yeah.
    1:49:21 – You know what I get very often,
    1:49:23 which I think is actually hilarious?
    1:49:26 People who don’t even bother to read the name of the site.
    1:49:29 So they addressed me, “Dear Brian.”
    1:49:31 The pinnacle of this was when last year, at one point,
    1:49:35 I opened my physical mailbox in my building, my home.
    1:49:39 And I found this bundle from the USPS.
    1:49:42 But with an elastic band around it of male
    1:49:46 for somebody named Brian Pickens,
    1:49:49 who lives in Long Beach, CA, or used to, I guess.
    1:49:54 And somehow, that stuff got forwarded to me
    1:49:57 because I guess the guy either moved
    1:49:59 and the USPS somehow looked things up.
    1:50:02 But I don’t know if it knew.
    1:50:03 It was sort of a mystery and metaphor
    1:50:07 for what I deal with online.
    1:50:08 – So I used to have a company ages ago
    1:50:11 called BrainQuicken.
    1:50:12 And I got a telemarketing call one evening
    1:50:15 and this guy goes, “Hi, sorry, if I’m interrupting,
    1:50:19 “is this Brian?”
    1:50:20 And I go, “Excuse me?”
    1:50:21 And he goes, “Brian, Brian Chicken?”
    1:50:23 And I’m like, “Brian Chicken.”
    1:50:25 – Brian Chicken, yeah.
    1:50:27 – I was like, “No, and take me off your list, goodbye.”
    1:50:31 So on the email and pitching side of things,
    1:50:34 or just on the pitching side of things,
    1:50:36 how on earth do you deal with not just cold inquiries
    1:50:41 but how do you deal with writer friends
    1:50:43 or acquaintances who are writers
    1:50:45 that you don’t want to be rude to
    1:50:46 who want you to read their books?
    1:50:48 How do you polite decline that stuff?
    1:50:51 And maybe you don’t get a lot of it.
    1:50:52 I get a ton of it.
    1:50:54 And the fact of the matter is not everyone is able
    1:50:57 to put the time or effort into writing a good book.
    1:51:00 So inevitably, if I get 10 books from decent
    1:51:04 or good friends, some of them are gonna be terrible.
    1:51:07 And I don’t have the time necessarily
    1:51:08 or the inclination to read them all.
    1:51:09 How do you deal with that type of situation?
    1:51:13 – Well, I guess you deal first and foremost
    1:51:16 by controlling not the outcome but the cause,
    1:51:20 which is your circle of friends and acquaintances.
    1:51:23 I’m very selected about the people I surround myself with.
    1:51:27 And I’d like to think friendly
    1:51:29 to pretty much everybody that I meet,
    1:51:32 but my circle of actual friends is really close
    1:51:35 and really tight and people who are just,
    1:51:37 when the sky crumbles, they’re gonna be there
    1:51:39 and we’re there for each other.
    1:51:40 And so with that in mind,
    1:51:42 I think there is a certain boundary
    1:51:44 that you have to put up beforehand
    1:51:47 to, I guess, manage social expectations in a way.
    1:51:50 And so for those people, my friend friends,
    1:51:53 in large part, I mean, I should mention
    1:51:54 that the majority of my close friends,
    1:51:56 including my partner too,
    1:51:58 are people that I have met just through what I do.
    1:52:00 So there’s already the self-selection of sensibility
    1:52:03 and ideals and I think we become a centripetal force
    1:52:08 for the kinds of people we wanna be
    1:52:11 and surround ourselves with those types of people.
    1:52:13 William Gibson has a wonderful word for it.
    1:52:15 He calls it personal microculture.
    1:52:17 And even when you said early on the kinship of spirits,
    1:52:20 I think that’s so important.
    1:52:21 So which is the long-winded way I can say
    1:52:23 that when and if those inner circle people put a book out,
    1:52:28 it’s a guarantee that I will like it
    1:52:31 because of who they are.
    1:52:32 – And so then I’m more than happy to support it.
    1:52:34 I mean, the book that we started with,
    1:52:36 The Gratchin’ Sniff Guide to Wine, Wendy,
    1:52:39 the illustrator is precisely that type of person,
    1:52:42 somebody who I met through what each of us does
    1:52:44 and she’s now one of my closest human beings, you know?
    1:52:47 And so of course I’m gonna support her work,
    1:52:48 but not because I’m being nepotistic about it,
    1:52:51 but because that’s the prerequirement
    1:52:53 that I am moved by her work and respected and love it.
    1:52:57 And that’s how we became friends.
    1:52:59 But outside of that inner circle,
    1:53:01 I think acquaintances know that there’s no such expectation.
    1:53:06 And when I do get such requests, it’s a matter of,
    1:53:09 well, did the person do their homework
    1:53:12 in knowing what I actually think and write about?
    1:53:15 ‘Cause very often, I’m sure you get that too,
    1:53:17 you get pitched things that are just so outside
    1:53:19 of what you do, in which case I don’t even feel compelled
    1:53:22 to respond because if they didn’t put in the time
    1:53:24 to understand what I’m interested in,
    1:53:27 why should I put in the time to explain to them
    1:53:29 why this is not a fit?
    1:53:30 – Yeah, that’s a great way to put it.
    1:53:31 I need to embrace that more.
    1:53:33 I think that’s an area where I carry a lot of guilt.
    1:53:36 – Guilt, yeah, but guilt, it’s interesting
    1:53:39 because guilt is kind of the flip side of prestige
    1:53:42 and they’re both horrible reasons to do things.
    1:53:46 So often we would agree as humans,
    1:53:48 not just you and me or just anybody,
    1:53:49 would agree to do things
    1:53:50 because they sound prestigious in some way, you know?
    1:53:54 And equally avoid things because of the guilt thing
    1:53:57 or do things because of the guilt thing,
    1:53:59 but sort of this whole Buddhist thing about aversion,
    1:54:03 you know, avoidance and aversion
    1:54:05 and making decisions based out of either fear,
    1:54:08 which is what guilt is,
    1:54:09 it’s the fear of disappointing somebody
    1:54:11 and then feeling disappointed in yourself
    1:54:13 or out of sort of grasping for approval or acclaim,
    1:54:18 which is what doing things for prestige is.
    1:54:20 I think either of those are really bad reasons to do things
    1:54:24 and yet they motivate us a lot
    1:54:26 or at least they sort of lurk
    1:54:28 in the back of the mind constantly
    1:54:30 and it is a real practice to try to decondition that.
    1:54:34 – Definitely.
    1:54:34 No, I like what you said about why put in the effort
    1:54:37 to explain why it’s not a fit
    1:54:38 if they haven’t done the homework to determine if it is a fit.
    1:54:41 I think that’s a great way to put it.
    1:54:42 I wanna ask, and I know we don’t have too much time left,
    1:54:45 so hopefully sometime, someday we can do a follow-up part too.
    1:54:49 I think that’d be a blast.
    1:54:50 I’ll bring some more back if you actually have to take one.
    1:54:52 So yeah, I can introduce you to it firsthand.
    1:54:55 But the donations, I’m very fascinated
    1:54:57 by the ad-free donation approach
    1:55:01 and just to keep it simple,
    1:55:03 if you had to choose, say, 20% of the options
    1:55:08 you’re currently offering, which would you choose and why?
    1:55:11 In other words, you have,
    1:55:13 so people can make a one-time single contribution
    1:55:16 or they can become a member
    1:55:19 and donate seven, three, 10, or $25 a month.
    1:55:23 What I’m trying to ask without being improprietist
    1:55:27 or making you feel uncomfortable is what is working best?
    1:55:31 When you’re asking people for donations,
    1:55:33 assuming that it’s working,
    1:55:35 if someone were to offer one or two options
    1:55:37 instead of four options per month
    1:55:39 or the single contribution versus the membership
    1:55:41 or the membership versus the single contribution,
    1:55:44 what would your advice be to people?
    1:55:46 – Well, I will preface this with the caveat
    1:55:48 that I use PayPal for donations
    1:55:50 and I can, for the life of me,
    1:55:52 figure out how to actually look at the data
    1:55:55 and get any sort of real reason.
    1:55:57 All of it is so antiquated,
    1:55:58 their export tool and such,
    1:56:00 and I’m not that interested.
    1:56:02 I would spy for days into looking into it,
    1:56:04 so I can tell you sort of my intuitive interpretation.
    1:56:07 – Sure, yeah, great.
    1:56:08 – And by the way, the only reason these options are as they are
    1:56:11 is also the reason why I don’t have an ad-supported site,
    1:56:14 which is, I just asked myself,
    1:56:16 what would I like to read as a reader?
    1:56:19 Well, I would like an ad-free site,
    1:56:20 and how would I like to support that?
    1:56:23 Well, I’d like to have a few options,
    1:56:25 just because I don’t wanna be sort of confined to something.
    1:56:28 And so I just pulled it out of the hat, basically,
    1:56:31 with these tiers and I’ve just left them on,
    1:56:34 since I put them on, they seem to work, whatever.
    1:56:36 And originally, my sense was that the one-time donations
    1:56:41 accounted for much more,
    1:56:43 but I’d never actually analyzed it
    1:56:45 because I think I see the alerts that come from PayPal
    1:56:49 and sometimes people would send really large
    1:56:51 one-time donations, like things that are totally humbling
    1:56:54 and enormously generous.
    1:56:56 And I think those kind of,
    1:56:57 you kind of weigh them somehow as more
    1:57:01 than the cumulative sum of the smaller donations.
    1:57:04 So I thought the one-timers work much more.
    1:57:07 And I’m pretty sure that must’ve been the case earlier on.
    1:57:11 – Right.
    1:57:12 – And I’ve had the recurring ones,
    1:57:14 I’ve had the one-time donations for as long as I can remember,
    1:57:17 for as long as I basically needed to start making money
    1:57:20 for the site, because by the way,
    1:57:22 running the site cost me several times my rent.
    1:57:25 Like all the costs associated with it, it’s like crazy.
    1:57:29 So at one point, I got to a point where I had to make money.
    1:57:32 I said, “I don’t wanna do ads,
    1:57:33 “I don’t believe in that, I’ll have just donations.”
    1:57:35 And I didn’t even think of recurring ones at the time
    1:57:37 that was years ago.
    1:57:39 And then my friend, Max Linsky,
    1:57:41 who runs longform.org, who were having tea,
    1:57:43 and he said, “Well, why didn’t you like
    1:57:45 “push the recurring ones more?
    1:57:46 “Cause it’s working really great for us.”
    1:57:48 And at that point, I had the option,
    1:57:50 but it was buried somewhere on my donation
    1:57:52 about Pange or something.
    1:57:54 I said, “Okay, so I put it in the sidebar.”
    1:57:57 And that was, I wanna say, maybe 2011.
    1:58:00 And it started occurring slowly.
    1:58:02 And so this past year, when I did my taxes,
    1:58:05 I very reluctantly went to deal with all the PayPal tools
    1:58:09 to get the data out, basically.
    1:58:11 And I actually had Lisa pull all the Excel and whatnot.
    1:58:14 And then I did the tally to see, and to my surprise,
    1:58:18 the recurring ones, which are very small individual amount,
    1:58:22 actually were two-to-one ratio to the one-time donation.
    1:58:26 – Wow.
    1:58:27 – And I don’t know at what point it tipped over,
    1:58:29 but I think because of the scale
    1:58:31 and just how many people have these tiny, tiny donations
    1:58:35 that they contribute every month,
    1:58:37 I mean, that’s such an active commitment,
    1:58:38 and it’s so generous that they add up.
    1:58:41 And my guess is that as time goes on,
    1:58:44 ’cause the recurring ones have only been available
    1:58:46 for the last two and a half, three years, whatever,
    1:58:50 they would become by far the larger financial support
    1:58:55 compared to the single ones.
    1:58:57 – Sure, I know that makes sense.
    1:58:59 If you had to choose, and of course, this is hypothetical,
    1:59:02 but if you had to choose two of the amounts
    1:59:03 to leave in the dropdown,
    1:59:05 so you have $7 a month, $3, $10, $25.
    1:59:08 If you had to choose two of those to leave up,
    1:59:10 which would you choose?
    1:59:11 – Oh, I have no idea.
    1:59:13 Probably just the mathematical logical choice,
    1:59:16 the two in the middle, the three and 10.
    1:59:19 – Okay, no, I’m just very curious about this kind of thing.
    1:59:22 I think you’ve approached the blog
    1:59:24 in a very authentic way with the content,
    1:59:27 and I can’t emphasize strongly enough
    1:59:30 what you just said, which is you base what you do
    1:59:34 on what you would like or dislike as a reader
    1:59:37 in the case of something with text.
    1:59:39 It doesn’t have to be super complicated.
    1:59:41 It doesn’t have to be doing tons of analytics
    1:59:44 for months before you make a decision.
    1:59:45 Just ask yourself, would this annoy the shit out of me?
    1:59:47 If so, don’t do it.
    1:59:49 Would I love this?
    1:59:50 If so, try it out.
    1:59:52 – Every decision too has been that way,
    1:59:54 and actually in the last couple of years,
    1:59:56 I’ve been getting really annoyed.
    1:59:58 I mean, brain picking is a pretty sort of low fly site,
    2:00:01 as you can see, it’s just very super simple, basic,
    2:00:04 but I’ve been getting annoyed that it doesn’t load very well
    2:00:07 on my iPhone when I want to look at something
    2:00:08 or pull something up to repress or iPad.
    2:00:12 And my friend, Scott Belsky, who runs Behance,
    2:00:15 he’s a great guy, and he’s been sort of a very generous donor,
    2:00:18 just supporting, and one time he pulls me aside,
    2:00:22 that was like a thing in February and March,
    2:00:23 and he’s like, you know how much I love brain picking,
    2:00:26 but the site sucks.
    2:00:28 We didn’t say it in that way,
    2:00:29 but he was super sweet about it,
    2:00:31 and he offered to connect me with this guy
    2:00:33 that he knew that I could hire to do a responsive design,
    2:00:36 and I always have this resistance
    2:00:38 to making these sort of technological improvements,
    2:00:40 because then I feel like,
    2:00:42 I don’t want to be a media company,
    2:00:44 like I don’t want to be a buzzfeed,
    2:00:47 but at the end of the day, I as a reader,
    2:00:49 and as a sort of engager with that experience
    2:00:53 with being annoyed by it myself,
    2:00:54 so now I’m in the middle of releasing
    2:00:57 like a simple responsive site
    2:00:59 that is actually easy to read on your phone,
    2:01:01 and so, yeah.
    2:01:03 It’s despair and frustration prevail again, innovation.
    2:01:08 – Yeah, it’s so, so worth it.
    2:01:10 It took me, let’s see, it only took me three,
    2:01:13 oh God, seven years to get a mobile version of the site,
    2:01:18 ready to go, which I just launched a month or two ago,
    2:01:21 so better late than never, I suppose.
    2:01:22 Well, Maria, this has been a blast.
    2:01:25 I really appreciate you taking the time.
    2:01:27 If someone were to want to explore brain pickings,
    2:01:31 what are a few articles you might suggest
    2:01:33 that they start with or a few posts?
    2:01:36 – Well, since we talk about it so much,
    2:01:39 the Spheneca piece about the shortness of life,
    2:01:42 fairly short, there’s a piece I did a couple of years ago
    2:01:45 which was less about, it was not about a specific book,
    2:01:48 just sort of things that I’ve been thinking about
    2:01:51 for a long time, this disconnect between purpose
    2:01:54 and prestige and why we do things, right?
    2:01:56 Forget what it’s called.
    2:01:57 I think it’s called how to do what you love
    2:01:59 or how to find your purpose and do what you love,
    2:02:02 and it was sort of an assemblage of thoughts on that
    2:02:05 from various sources as well as my own,
    2:02:07 and perhaps most of all, a piece that I wrote last fall
    2:02:11 on the 7th birthday really at the site,
    2:02:13 which was about seven things that I learned
    2:02:15 in those seven years of reading, writing, and living.
    2:02:18 – Which is a great article,
    2:02:19 and I didn’t want to replicate everything in here,
    2:02:22 so I sort of bobbed and weaved around
    2:02:24 some of these subjects a little bit,
    2:02:26 but just to reiterate something that you mentioned,
    2:02:28 and that’s doing nothing for a prestige or status
    2:02:31 or money or approval alone,
    2:02:33 and I just want to quote Paul Graham here,
    2:02:35 which you included, which is,
    2:02:36 “Prostige is like a powerful magnet
    2:02:37 that warps even your beliefs about what you enjoy.
    2:02:39 It causes you to work not on what you like,
    2:02:41 but what you’d like to like.”
    2:02:44 Which I think is so astute, and in closing, is there any–
    2:02:48 – And also, I should just interject and say,
    2:02:50 any Alan Watts piece, not because my writing about it
    2:02:54 is so great or it’s not coming from a place of check me out,
    2:02:57 it’s coming from a place of check him out.
    2:02:59 Alan Watts has changed my life.
    2:03:00 I’ve written about him quite a bit,
    2:03:02 so I highly recommend any of those articles.
    2:03:04 – All right, brainpickings.org is the site, guys.
    2:03:07 Check it out.
    2:03:08 Maria, any parting advice for this episode,
    2:03:12 this portion of our conversation before we check out?
    2:03:15 Any advice to the people listening out there,
    2:03:17 thoughts, parting comments?
    2:03:19 – No advice per se, just, I guess, a comment and a hope,
    2:03:24 which is that, “Thank you so much.
    2:03:26 Not just for having me, but for having this show
    2:03:28 and for doing everything that you do.”
    2:03:30 And I really hope we have more people who operate
    2:03:34 out of such a place of just, I guess,
    2:03:36 for lack of better word, idealism and conviction.
    2:03:39 And thank you for setting Tony Thample that way.
    2:03:42 – Well, that means a lot coming from you.
    2:03:45 And I think you’re a tremendous force
    2:03:47 for good out there in the world.
    2:03:48 So I hope people check out your work.
    2:03:50 I hope you continue to do what you’re doing.
    2:03:53 I hope you continue to add repetitions to your pull-ups.
    2:03:57 We will talk again soon.
    2:03:59 Thank you so much for being on the show.
    2:04:01 – Thank you, Tim.
    2:04:02 – Hey, guys, this is Tim again,
    2:04:05 just one more thing before you take off.
    2:04:07 And that is Five Bullet Friday.
    2:04:10 Would you enjoy getting a short email from me every Friday
    2:04:12 that provides a little fun before the weekend?
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    2:04:17 to my free newsletter, my super short newsletter
    2:04:20 called Five Bullet Friday.
    2:04:22 Easy to sign up, easy to cancel.
    2:04:24 It is basically a half page that I send out every Friday
    2:04:28 to share the coolest things I’ve found or discovered
    2:04:30 or have started exploring over that week.
    2:04:32 It’s kind of like my diary of cool things.
    2:04:34 It often includes articles I’m reading,
    2:04:36 books I’m reading, albums, perhaps, gadgets, gizmos,
    2:04:40 all sorts of tech tricks and so on that get sent to me
    2:04:43 by my friends, including a lot of podcast guests
    2:04:47 and these strange esoteric things end up in my field
    2:04:50 and then I test them and then I share them with you.
    2:04:54 So if that sounds fun, again, it’s very short,
    2:04:57 a little tiny bite of goodness before you head off
    2:04:59 for the weekend, something to think about.
    2:05:02 If you’d like to try it out,
    2:05:03 just go to tim.blog/friday, type that into your browser,
    2:05:06 tim.blog/friday, drop in your email
    2:05:09 and you’ll get the very next one.
    2:05:11 Thanks for listening.
    2:05:13 This episode is brought to you by Momentus.
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    2:09:49 [BLANK_AUDIO]

    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #485 Jerry Seinfeld — A Comedy Legend’s Systems, Routines, and Methods for Successand episode #39 Maria Popova on Writing, Workflow, and Workarounds.”

    Please enjoy!

    Sponsors:

    1Password easy-to-use and secure password manager for individuals, families, and businesses: https://1password.com/tim (14-day free trial)

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    Momentous high-quality supplements: https://livemomentous.com/tim (code TIM for 20% off)

    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [05:16] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [06:19] Enter Jerry Seinfeld.

    [06:46] Jerry’s writing process for survival in the comedy ecosystem.

    [15:43] Lessons Jerry would teach in a writing class and how they relate to his fitness methods.

    [15:43] Soliciting creative feedback while preserving pride over doing the work.

    [20:33] Routines essential to Jerry’s well-being and their frequency and duration.

    [24:50] How nurturing creativity is like parenting, and Jerry’s belief about pain and knowledge.

    [26:17] Additional ways Jerry mitigates depressive episodes.

    [27:27] A resilience-building failure.

    [32:05] The importance of playing the game well.

    [33:42] “Survival is the new success.”

    [36:12] Jerry’s billboard.

    [39:06] Enter Maria Popova.

    [39:30] Are you correctly pronouncing names you’ve only read but never heard?

    [41:13] What does Maria do?

    [41:50] What is Brain Pickings (now The Marginalian)?

    [42:31] What percentage of New York Times best sellers are a result of Maria’s coverage?

    [47:55] The common denominator that guides Maria’s reading list.

    [49:16] The importance of writing for an audience of one.

    [52:07] Contending with the temptation to create BuzzFeed-like content.

    [59:44] The daily discipline required for Maria’s well-being.

    [1:07:10] Maria’s note-taking system.

    [1:12:53] Seneca and the time-tested challenge of presence vs. productivity.

    [1:16:08] Start-up opportunity? Build a note-taking tool for heavy readers/highlighters.

    [1:22:52] About the team behind [The Marginalian].

    [1:24:28] Collaborative proofreading and copyediting.

    [1:27:21] Self-reliance pathology and how to overcome it.

    [1:29:56] Finding a professional personal assistant and learning to delegate.

    [1:34:36] Maria’s weightlifting regimen and favorite bodyweight-only exercise.

    [1:37:22] Designing content infrastructure to be evergreen.

    [1:39:28] Cutting out the commentary contrarians.

    [1:46:13] Scheduling social media.

    [1:48:25] Coping with email — and sometimes snail mail.

    [1:50:31] How to cultivate a personal inner circle and pre-screen book review requests.

    [1:54:54] What donation model works best for site revenue?

    [2:01:22] Recommended reading from [The Marginalian] and parting thoughts.

    *

    For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.

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    Past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry SeinfeldHugh JackmanDr. Jane GoodallLeBron JamesKevin HartDoris Kearns GoodwinJamie FoxxMatthew McConaugheyEsther PerelElizabeth GilbertTerry CrewsSiaYuval Noah HarariMalcolm GladwellMadeleine AlbrightCheryl StrayedJim CollinsMary Karr, Maria PopovaSam HarrisMichael PhelpsBob IgerEdward NortonArnold SchwarzeneggerNeil StraussKen BurnsMaria SharapovaMarc AndreessenNeil GaimanNeil de Grasse TysonJocko WillinkDaniel EkKelly SlaterDr. Peter AttiaSeth GodinHoward MarksDr. Brené BrownEric SchmidtMichael LewisJoe GebbiaMichael PollanDr. Jordan PetersonVince VaughnBrian KoppelmanRamit SethiDax ShepardTony RobbinsJim DethmerDan HarrisRay DalioNaval RavikantVitalik ButerinElizabeth LesserAmanda PalmerKatie HaunSir Richard BransonChuck PalahniukArianna HuffingtonReid HoffmanBill BurrWhitney CummingsRick RubinDr. Vivek MurthyDarren AronofskyMargaret AtwoodMark ZuckerbergPeter ThielDr. Gabor MatéAnne LamottSarah SilvermanDr. Andrew Huberman, and many more.

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  • #745: Rick Rubin and Mary Karr

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    0:04:55 Hello boys and girls, ladies and germs. This is Tim Ferriss. Welcome to another episode of
    0:04:59 The Tim Ferriss Show where it is my job to sit down with world-class performers from every field
    0:05:04 imaginable to tease out the habits, routines, favorite books, and so on that you can apply
    0:05:09 and test in your own lives. This episode is a two for one, and that’s because the podcast
    0:05:15 recently hit its 10th year anniversary, which is insane to think about, and past one billion
    0:05:20 downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best, some of my favorites
    0:05:26 from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited to give you these
    0:05:32 super combo episodes. And internally, we’ve been calling these the super combo episodes
    0:05:37 because my goal is to encourage you to yes, enjoy the household names, the super famous folks,
    0:05:42 but to also introduce you to lesser known people I consider stars. These are people
    0:05:48 who have transformed my life, and I feel like they can do the same for many of you. Perhaps
    0:05:53 they got lost in a busy news cycle. Perhaps you missed an episode. Just trust me on this one.
    0:05:58 We went to great pains to put these pairings together. And for the bios of all guests,
    0:06:04 you can find that and more at tim.log/combo. And now, without further ado, please enjoy
    0:06:11 and thank you for listening. First up, Rick Rubin, nine-time Grammy winning producer,
    0:06:19 one of Time magazine’s 100 most influential people in the world, number one New York Times
    0:06:26 bestselling author of The Creative Act, A Way of Being, and host of the Tetragrammaton podcast.
    0:06:34 You can find Rick at tetragrammaton.com. Where are we right now? We are sitting in
    0:06:41 the sauna. We are sitting in a very hot barrel sauna. And I was told that was one of the conditions
    0:06:46 for having this conversation. And it’s such an impressive barrel sauna. It’s indoors that I
    0:06:53 wanted to get the specs for it when I first saw it. And you have a heater that has to be what,
    0:06:57 four times the size of the off the shelf heater that would go into such a heater. Yeah, it’s a
    0:07:02 much bigger heater than for the size of the room. And I’m sitting on the floor because I have such
    0:07:09 little confidence in my ability to withstand heat compared to you. But we do have the alternate,
    0:07:14 which is the bath just outside of this door. And you and I have gone back and forth, of course,
    0:07:20 quite a few times with this type of cycling. But what is right outside of this door?
    0:07:23 Metal tub filled with ice. It is a metal tub about four feet, three and a half feet off the ground,
    0:07:30 full of ice. Looks like, if you were to say what, a horse trough times two, something like that.
    0:07:36 Something like that. It’s got to be maximum low 50s, something like that.
    0:07:42 I think it’s about today. It’s probably about 38 degrees. Oh my God. All right. So
    0:07:46 we have two mics on the floor. I’m hoping won’t explode or melt down to the age four and the age
    0:07:52 six. And we have water, ice, heat. Nothing could go wrong. I’m looking forward to it.
    0:07:58 So, Rick, I was hoping perhaps we could start with a discussion of your physical transformation.
    0:08:03 And I’d love for you to perhaps just describe to people and you’re in my mind the picture of
    0:08:09 a fitness in a lot of ways now. And we’ve been paddle boarding before and you
    0:08:13 summarily what my ass every time we go out. I’m always impressed.
    0:08:17 There are a lot of things contributing to my lack of competency and fear there. But
    0:08:22 where were you and how did you end up undergoing this physical transformation? Because you’ve
    0:08:27 lost how much weight at this point? How much fat? I lost at the peak moment. I lost the
    0:08:33 between 135 and 140 pounds. And I always thought I was eating a healthy diet. I was vegan for
    0:08:43 20-something years. All organic vegan, really, very strict with what I ate. And doing that,
    0:08:52 I got up to 318 pounds. And I read a book by a guy named Stu Midlman who ran 1,000 miles in 11 days.
    0:09:00 And I remember reading that and just thinking, wow, I can barely walk down the block. This guy
    0:09:06 ran 1,000 miles in 11 days and it just seemed so inspiring. So I read his book. And in the book,
    0:09:12 he talked about a guy named Phil Maffetone who I’d never heard of before. And he said,
    0:09:17 in Stu’s book, he gets to the part where he said, well, I’m at this doctor, Phil Maffetone.
    0:09:21 And he changed the way I trained and he changed the way I ate and he changed all these things.
    0:09:25 And then all of a sudden I was able to do all these things. It’s like, okay, I want to find
    0:09:28 Phil Maffetone. I found him online. I sent him an email and he was living in Florida.
    0:09:35 And I asked if I could become his patient. And he said that he had just stopped treating patients
    0:09:45 and retired from being a doctor. It’s like, that’s terrible news. But the reason he decided to stop
    0:09:51 being a doctor was he decided to become a songwriter. I said, oh, it’s interesting. I mean,
    0:09:56 why do you should mention that? Yeah, I’m involved in songwriting and the music world. Maybe
    0:10:01 we can trade. Maybe I can help you with your songwriting and you can help me with my health
    0:10:06 and fitness. And he liked the idea and we ended up meeting a few months later, met several times
    0:10:12 and became friends. And then he eventually ended up moving into my house and lived in
    0:10:17 my house for about two years. I did everything he said. And I got much healthier. My metabolism
    0:10:24 got turned on. The hours that I was sleeping shifted for most of my life. I stayed up all night
    0:10:31 and slept most of the day. When I was in college, I never took a class before three PM because I
    0:10:36 knew I wouldn’t go. And this was at NYU? At NYU. So I’m used to living a night lifestyle. I remember
    0:10:43 even in high school, I missed the first three classes of school so many times that it was really
    0:10:50 an issue, but it was just I had learned to be a late night person. And it kind of suited the music
    0:10:56 life like it worked well with my life. And one of the first things that Phil suggested when we got
    0:11:01 together was I slept with blackout blinds. And I usually didn’t leave the house until the sun was
    0:11:07 setting. And he said from now on, when you wake up, I want you to go outside. As soon as you wake up,
    0:11:14 open the blinds and go outside negative possible and be in the sun for 20 minutes. And when he
    0:11:21 said it, I remember thinking it’d be the same as him saying, I want you to jump off this ledge.
    0:11:26 You know, like it sounded like the most terrifying based on the way I lived my life that just sounded
    0:11:33 terrible. Right. What time was he recommending that you wake up? Well, by the time we started,
    0:11:38 he kept moving down. It went from three o’clock to probably noon to 11 to nine. And it just sort
    0:11:47 of happened naturally. And he knew that if I immediately went in the sun, that naturally my
    0:11:54 body would want to start waking up earlier and going to sleep earlier. It was the first time ever
    0:11:59 that my circadian rhythm was kicking in. I never knew that there was such a thing or knew what
    0:12:04 that was. So he got me to connect to that. And I did everything he said, changed my diet, started
    0:12:10 eating some animal protein. I was, as I said, a devout vegan. So eggs and fish were the first
    0:12:17 things that I would eat. And even then I never liked eggs and I never liked fish. So I ate them
    0:12:22 more like medicine. And slowly, I got healthier and healthier and healthier and more and more
    0:12:31 fit. But I was still very heavy. And I was heavy for a long time. What age were you when you brought
    0:12:37 him into your house? Or how long ago was this? Yeah, I’m going to guess those probably late 30s.
    0:12:45 And how, if you don’t mind me asking, 10 years ago, 10, 12 years ago, something like that.
    0:12:52 So you changed your diet. What were some of the other things that he had you change?
    0:12:56 He had me do 20 minutes of low heart rate exercise, aerobic activity every day. He had me
    0:13:06 start wearing a heart rate monitor. And my heart rate, I would get into, you know, for me, walking
    0:13:12 up a flight of stairs would be an aerobic activity. An aerobic activity. Yeah. So I had to work hard
    0:13:19 to stay in the anaerobic space. Or the aerobic space, you mean? In the aerobic space, I’m stopping.
    0:13:25 Below that, it’s getting hot in here. My hand’s burning, holding the mic.
    0:13:33 I tried to wrap them in napkins. I did mention those might get hot, but sorry, I digress.
    0:13:41 So to stay within the aerobic threshold, you had to work very hard. Yes. And again,
    0:13:46 my health changed, but I still stayed very heavy. And after two years of time, I’d probably lost a
    0:13:54 little bit of weight, but not much. But I was much healthier and much more alive and much better
    0:13:59 than I was before. And after that period of time, Phil said to me, you know, anyone else who made
    0:14:06 the changes you made out of everyone he’s ever dealt with, 99% out of 100 people, you know,
    0:14:12 99 out of 100 people would have dropped all their weight. For some reason, there’s something else
    0:14:17 going on with you that’s holding onto the weight. So I just accepted that that’s how it was. But at
    0:14:22 least I felt a lot better. My life was a lot better. I was a lot happier. And then a mentor of mine,
    0:14:29 whose name is Mo Austin, he’s a guy who ran one of Brothers Records for 35 years. He worked for
    0:14:36 Frank Sinatra, real inspiring guy in the music business. He suggested I went up to luxury then
    0:14:42 one day and he said, you know, Rick, I’m really worried about you. I know you watch what you eat
    0:14:46 and I know that you walk on the beach every day and exercise, but you’re really getting big and
    0:14:51 I’m worried. So he said, I’m going to get the name of a nutritionist and I want you to go to my
    0:14:57 guy and I want you to do whatever he says. And I said, okay, fine. Like, and I knew it wouldn’t
    0:15:01 work because I knew that my whole life, I had a weight problem. My whole life, I’ve tried every
    0:15:07 diet and nothing ever worked. But I, you know, I would do anything for most. So I went again,
    0:15:12 open minded, but not believing it would work, willing to try, but not believing it would work.
    0:15:20 The nutritionist put me on a high protein, low calorie diet, and I’d never done a low calorie
    0:15:26 diet before. And over 14 months, I lost 130 pounds, 135 pounds. That changed everything.
    0:15:36 And I will say, if I didn’t do the work with Phil first, I don’t believe that
    0:15:42 the diet would work. It was sort of a combination of things in order. It was like
    0:15:47 the metabolism that turned on. I started being in tune with circadian rhythm.
    0:15:52 I was stimulating my aerobic system every day. I built a base and then with the right diet,
    0:16:01 was able to drop the weight quickly. What are things that get in the way of
    0:16:06 artists producing their best work? Concern about what other people think.
    0:16:10 Competition, wanting to do better than someone else. Self doubt, ego. What manifestation of ego?
    0:16:19 If someone thinks that everything they do is great, they might not be willing to edit themselves
    0:16:25 enough or work hard enough at, if I could write 10 great songs in five minutes each,
    0:16:31 those are the best songs, and I’m just going to record it and put them out. And those might
    0:16:36 not be as good as the ones that you develop over a longer period of time. For example,
    0:16:41 that might be an ego-tistical artist who thinks everything I do is just great.
    0:16:44 When you have the opposite, when you have an artist who is doubting themselves,
    0:16:48 how do you help them through that? What do you recommend? Just speaking personally,
    0:16:54 I have continuous self-doubt as a writer. I think most artists do. That’s more typically
    0:17:02 self-doubt is the case. I think if your goal is to be better than you were,
    0:17:10 if you’re competing only with yourself, it’s a more realistic place to be. If you say,
    0:17:18 “I don’t want to write songs unless I could write songs better than The Beatles,”
    0:17:21 it’s a hard road. But if you say, “I want to write a better song tomorrow than the song I
    0:17:27 wrote yesterday,” that’s something that can be done. And if you write a better song than you
    0:17:32 wrote yesterday every day, then you continue to get better and better and better. And it really is
    0:17:38 small steps. And trying not to think too much because so much of it is more of a, the job is,
    0:17:46 it’s more emotioned and hard work than it is head work. Like the head comes in after to
    0:17:55 look at what the heart has presented and to organize it. But the initial inspiration
    0:18:02 comes from a different place and it’s not the head and it’s not an intellectual activity.
    0:18:08 It’s more inspiration. So the key first is to really do whatever activities you can to tune
    0:18:16 into inspiration and things like meditating, help, and diving into art in general. It doesn’t have
    0:18:23 to be even your modality. I mean, going to museums and looking at beautiful art can help you write
    0:18:28 better songs, reading great novels, reading great works of art, seeing a great movie could
    0:18:35 inspire a great song, reading poetry. So let’s say being in submerging yourself in great art.
    0:18:42 And the more you can do to get out of the mode of competition where you’re looking at what other
    0:18:49 people are doing, if you’re wanting to be better than them or be inspired by them, the only way to
    0:18:56 use the inspiration of other artists is if you submerge yourself in the greatest works of all
    0:19:02 time, which is a great thing to do. If you listen to the greatest music ever made, that would be a
    0:19:10 better way to work through to find your own voice to matter today than listening to what’s on the
    0:19:20 radio now and thinking I want to compete with this. So it’s more like a stepping back and looking at
    0:19:27 a bigger picture than what’s going on at the moment. Speaking as someone who is not very well
    0:19:35 versed with music, I don’t feel highly literate when it comes to music. I enjoy music, but hanging
    0:19:41 out with you and Neil Strauss, certainly I feel like I’m lacking perhaps vocabulary and a lot of
    0:19:46 references. Are there any, for people who feel like they’re in my shoes, are there any particular
    0:19:51 albums you could offer as a starting point? Not the end all be all, but just as a starting point
    0:19:56 for appreciating good world-class contemporary music, meaning not necessarily, could be classical
    0:20:03 music, but are there any recommendations? Yeah, I would just start by listening to the greats,
    0:20:07 which you can look at, like if you look at Search Online for Mojo’s Top 100 Albums all
    0:20:13 time or Rolling Stones’ Top 100 Albums or any trusted sources’ Top 100 Albums and start listening
    0:20:19 to what are considered the greats. It’s a good place to start. So I’m not sure I ever told you
    0:20:25 the first time I ever saw the name Rick Rubin. It was actually on the inside of an audio cassette.
    0:20:30 It was the first heavy metal album I ever bought, which was Rain In Blood. Oh, it’s a good one.
    0:20:34 And I just remember not having this pre-internet, of course. And I was just told by my friends,
    0:20:42 you have to, you will love heavy metal. You should listen to heavy metal. And I asked what the hardest
    0:20:46 heavy metal was that could possibly be found. And Rain In Blood came to the lips of those, I asked.
    0:20:52 And I just remember listening to, I think it’s Angel of Death, the first
    0:20:56 track on that and going, “Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into?” And just fell in love with
    0:21:02 that band. But how did you go from hip-hop to, say, slayer? It’s stylistically so different,
    0:21:09 it would seem. But how did slayer come about? Because I was coming about it with no technical
    0:21:14 skill. It’s not like I knew about hip-hop or I knew about heavy metal. I was a fan of music
    0:21:19 and I loved heavy metal and I loved hip-hop. So it was more that coming at it from this appreciation
    0:21:25 and as a fan, knowing what I wanted to hear and knowing that, especially in the case of slayer,
    0:21:30 slayer were an underground metal band who had two albums out on an independent label and were kind
    0:21:36 of considered, you know, the heaviest band in the world. And when we signed them, there was this
    0:21:41 terrible fear that slayer now doing their first album for a major label, you know, they were going
    0:21:48 to sell out. Get watered down. Yeah. Which happens all the time. And then the album that we made,
    0:21:53 Rain and Blood, was much harder and worse than anything that anyone ever heard before. And it
    0:21:59 really did come from that, you know, I liked extreme things and they were extreme. And I wanted to
    0:22:05 maximize it. I didn’t want to water down. The idea of watering things down for a mainstream
    0:22:12 audience, I don’t think it applies. I think people want things that are really passionate and the
    0:22:19 best version of that they could be and often the best version they could be is not for everybody.
    0:22:24 The best art divides the audience where, you know, if you put out a record and half the people who
    0:22:29 hear it absolutely love it and half the people who hear it absolutely hate it. You’ve done well
    0:22:34 because it’s pushing that boundary. If everyone thinks, oh, that’s pretty good.
    0:22:38 Why bother making it? It doesn’t mean much. Lost in the slipstream of time almost as soon as it
    0:22:43 comes out. I’m going to do a round of ice if that’s all right. Absolutely. All right. Let’s do
    0:22:47 some more ice and we’ll be back. Yeah, we are back. Do you have a book or books that you’ve gifted
    0:22:56 often to other people? The first one that comes to mind is the Dao Di Jing. It’s this Stephen
    0:23:05 Mitchell translation of the Dao Di Jing. What’s great about it is its 81 short pieces that could
    0:23:14 be, look at them as poems, that if you were to read the book today, you would get one thing
    0:23:21 from it. And if you pick it up in two years and read it again, it would mean something entirely
    0:23:25 different and always on the money, you know, always what you need to read at that period of time.
    0:23:31 So it’s a magic book in that way that it always fits. I actually took, God, this is bringing
    0:23:37 back a memory. I took an entire class on the Dao Di Jing at Princeton when I was an undergrad
    0:23:42 in East Asian Studies. And it seems on some level that that book does what you do for musicians,
    0:23:49 meaning it sort of reflects back truths that they were not aware of themselves or they could not
    0:23:56 verbalize themselves. Any other books come to mind? Another one that’s really nice is book about
    0:24:01 meditation called Wherever You Though There You Are, which is by John Kabat-Sin. It’s a great book
    0:24:07 if you’ve never meditated and if you’ve been meditating for 50 years, if you read this book
    0:24:12 either way, you’ll care more about meditation, become a better meditator and just give insight
    0:24:18 into why we do it and what the benefits are. When you are working with an artist who believes
    0:24:27 they can’t do something or is just hitting that wall, what are some of the ways that you help
    0:24:32 them get past that? Usually, I’ll give them the homework, like a small, doable task. An example,
    0:24:40 there was an artist I was working with recently who hadn’t made mountain in a long time and was
    0:24:45 struggling with, struggling with finishing anything and just had this, it was a version of a writer’s
    0:24:52 block, but it was a, I don’t know, hard to explain what it was, but I would give him very doable
    0:25:00 homework assignments that almost seemed like a joke. You know, like tonight I want you to write
    0:25:04 one word in this song that needs five lines that you can’t finish. I just want one word that he
    0:25:12 liked by tomorrow. Do you think he’d come up with one word? And he usually would be like, yeah,
    0:25:19 I think it can do one word. And then just very quickly by breaking it down into pieces like
    0:25:24 I learned from Laird and chipping away one step at a time, you can, can really get through anything.
    0:25:30 Yeah, breaking it down. I remember on the beach we had a, a zipline, a zipline, a, you know, the,
    0:25:39 the beam that he valence on. Oh, a slackline slackline. And Laird was pretty good at it in the
    0:25:45 beginning, but had never done it before. And he would work for hours. He would just be there
    0:25:51 hour after hour after our falling off and getting back on falling off and getting back on. And then
    0:25:55 of all of the group of people, he was by far the first one who was able to do it. And it wasn’t
    0:26:00 because he just naturally was gifted at it. She knows that anything he sets his mind to learn to
    0:26:07 do if he focuses and just continues to not mind falling off and not thinking he’s supposed to
    0:26:13 be good out of the box, learning to be able to do it. That’s how you learn things. I also will say
    0:26:19 that after having the weight problem that I had for so long, and then finally finding the solution
    0:26:26 and making the change, it really makes me believe that anything’s possible. You know, we can learn,
    0:26:31 we can train ourselves to do absolutely anything. It’s really just getting the right information.
    0:26:36 Forget that the right information, we can learn anything, whatever it is. Now it doesn’t mean
    0:26:40 we can necessarily be the best in the world at something, but we can be our best at that thing.
    0:26:48 Right. The best version of ourselves.
    0:26:49 Yeah. And do things that we never dreamed of as possible for us.
    0:26:54 What advice would you give, and I’ll ask this for a couple of different ages, but
    0:26:58 I’ll start with your 20-year-old self. What advice would you give your 20-year-old self, if any?
    0:27:03 Try to have more fun.
    0:27:05 Why do you think you weren’t having as much fun as you could have at that point?
    0:27:09 I think I was more driven, and I don’t know, I want to say almost like I felt I had something
    0:27:17 to prove. I don’t know if I did have something to prove, but I felt like doing the work was the
    0:27:21 most important thing in the world, as opposed to doing the work and enjoying the process and
    0:27:29 being able to step back and see what it was. You know, not just be so deeply into it, but
    0:27:34 you know, I feel like I missed a lot of years of my life because I was just in dark from working
    0:27:39 on music, you know, seven days a week for only 20 years.
    0:27:44 Wow, I recall, that makes me think of a story from Neil Gaiman, the writer, when he, I think it was
    0:27:49 with the success of Sandman, and he was in a huge line of readers who wanted signatures and
    0:27:55 fans who wanted to tell him stories, and Stephen King pulled him aside and just said,
    0:28:01 “Enjoy it.”
    0:28:02 Yeah.
    0:28:03 And he didn’t. He was too caught up in the flow. What about your 30-year-old self?
    0:28:10 What advice would you give to your 30-year-old self?
    0:28:12 I would probably tell myself something that I, that still might apply to me today.
    0:28:16 I wouldn’t know that at all, then I know it now. I just, still, it’s not second nature,
    0:28:22 but she’d be kinder to myself, because I beat myself up a lot, because I expect a lot from
    0:28:31 myself. I’ll be hard on myself. I don’t know that I’m doing anyone, and he’s good by doing it.
    0:28:38 Oh, yeah, that’s advice that I need to give myself, as well. When do you tend to beat yourself up?
    0:28:44 I’ve made somewhat of a sport of it, it would seem.
    0:28:47 Yeah, it can happen. Anytime I can come up with anything that I could be doing
    0:28:54 to further something, and didn’t already think of it and didn’t already do it,
    0:29:01 I might beat myself up about it. Why have I not done that?
    0:29:06 Something I struggle with that I’d love to get your two cents on and
    0:29:10 is related to this, which is, on one hand, I don’t want to beat myself up. On the other hand,
    0:29:15 I feel like the perfectionism that I have has enabled me to achieve whatever modicum of success
    0:29:21 I’ve been able to achieve, and I’ve heard stories, and you can correct me if I’m wrong,
    0:29:26 but about, for instance, ZZ Top and La Futura, and how they worked on it with you from, I guess,
    0:29:33 I don’t want to say what, 2008 to 2012, something like that, but how they realized
    0:29:36 the value of you wanting the art to be as perfect as it could be, or the best that it could be,
    0:29:45 and taking whatever time and pains necessary to make that possible.
    0:29:49 So I’d love to hear your thoughts on that, because it’s something that I continually struggle with.
    0:29:52 I want to be easier on myself, but I worry that if I do that, I will lose whatever
    0:29:56 magic, if there is such a thing, that enables me to do what I do.
    0:30:01 I think that’s a myth, and I think that your take on things is specific to you,
    0:30:06 and it’s almost like you’ve won the war, and to accept the fact that you’ve won the war,
    0:30:13 you have broken through to now. You have an audience, people are open to hear what you
    0:30:18 are interested in, what you learn it, what you’re interested in learning about,
    0:30:22 and what you want to share. You can do that without killing yourself,
    0:30:26 and that killing yourself won’t be of service either to you or to your audience.
    0:30:32 Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors, and we’ll be right back to the show.
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    0:31:58 Next up, Mary Carr, author of three award-winning best-selling memoirs,
    0:32:07 The Liars Club, Cherry and Lit, and author of The Art of Memoir, which breaks down her process,
    0:32:16 and Tropic of Squalor, her latest volume of poetry. You can find Mary on Twitter @MaryCarLit.
    0:32:25 Mary, welcome to the show.
    0:32:27 Hey, Tim. Thanks for having me.
    0:32:29 And I appreciate you putting me at ease when I mentioned that I have copious notes in front of
    0:32:34 me. That’s usually an indication that I am nervous. And not you. You do this all the time.
    0:32:40 You’re going to kill it. It’s going to go great. I’m convinced.
    0:32:44 And thank you. And you reassured me by saying, I make really good waffles.
    0:32:48 That’s what I do. I’m like a Nona.
    0:32:50 I’m like a Nona. You’ve got to think of me as a Nona out here in podcastville.
    0:32:54 Let’s rewind the clock as a first step in podcastville. And maybe we can talk about
    0:33:01 Nona’s in the family lineage of sorts. And I want to talk about, or have you speak to,
    0:33:06 a guy redoing your mother’s kitchen and holding up a tile.
    0:33:11 Could you perhaps elaborate on that, please?
    0:33:13 Yeah. Yeah. Right after my first memoir was published, we were having my mother’s kitchen
    0:33:18 retile. My sister and I were there. And yeah, the tile dude prized off a tile and he holds it up.
    0:33:24 And it has a little round toilet. And he looks at my little fluffy gray haired mother and says,
    0:33:30 “Miss Card, this looks like a bullet hole.” And my sister says, “Mom, isn’t that where you shot at
    0:33:35 Daddy?” And she says, “No, that’s where I shot at Larry. Over there is where I shot at your Daddy.”
    0:33:42 So people asked me why I wanted to be a memoirist. I’m like, “Why would you make stuff up?”
    0:33:47 And that’s who your mother is.
    0:33:49 So for those who have no context, I’d like to provide a bit more context. Where was this kitchen?
    0:33:59 Or where is this kitchen for that matter? This kitchen is in southeast Texas. It’s a town that
    0:34:03 I write about to protect the mayor and the school principal and the people who didn’t sign off on
    0:34:09 what I said about them. I call it Leechfield, but it’s really east of Port Arthur, Texas,
    0:34:14 a small town in east Texas. I call it the Ringworm Belt.
    0:34:17 Which I’ve also heard you describe as a swampy town. So moisture, humidity, Ringworm is a former
    0:34:26 wrestler. I can say those things combine to produce Ringworm.
    0:34:29 Yes, exactly. Yes. No, that’s it. And industrial, like a lot of oil refineries all around. So not
    0:34:35 Paris in the 20s, I guess is the way I would put it.
    0:34:38 Now, I’m going to hop around like Memento the movie, if I must. And I must because that is my
    0:34:44 way. And you’ve written extensively about your childhood. You had in many respects an extremely
    0:34:50 difficult, painful childhood and will probably unwind some of that. Now, you’ve written extensively
    0:34:59 about it. And you’ve also mentioned about writing memoirs. And if this is a misquote,
    0:35:05 please call me out. Quote, I’ve said it’s hard. Here’s how hard. Everybody I know who waits deep
    0:35:10 enough into memories waters drowns a little. And certainly in your book, you paint a high
    0:35:16 resolution picture of just how painful that can be. And certainly an element might be catharsis,
    0:35:22 but it is painful. And I would love for you to speak to the catalyst for beginning to publish
    0:35:30 this type of work, write and then publish this type of work.
    0:35:33 The publishing is nothing compared to the writing, I think. Publishing for me was great
    0:35:37 because they gave me money and I didn’t have any. So that was good. But yeah, I think I had a
    0:35:43 flamethrower on my ass. Can I say ass on your show? You can say ass. Not only are three-letter
    0:35:49 words allowed, four-letter are allowed as well. Oh, there we go. You know, I was a weird little
    0:35:54 kid and I was just, my mother was capital and nervous and married seven times and twice to my
    0:36:00 daddy and both my parents drank hard. It was Texas. Everybody was armed. And we were a loud,
    0:36:06 combative house. So I loved my parents. I mean, that’s what I should say. I don’t think anybody
    0:36:13 who’s read anything I’ve written about them would challenge that. But it was not a safe childhood.
    0:36:19 And yes, it had its fair share of blows. I mean, I always, you know, look, I was born in the richest
    0:36:26 country in the world. My skin color is something the whole country privileges. I’m, you know,
    0:36:32 I’m a college professor. I grew up skinny and my teeth came in relatively straight and I have a lot
    0:36:38 of advantages. So whatever I went through, a lot of people and people I grew up with and loved had
    0:36:44 it way worse and didn’t make it. So I think I was haunted. I was a haunted little girl. I tried to
    0:36:52 kill myself when I was a kid when I was still in grade school. I took a bunch of aspirin,
    0:36:57 it said pain relief. And I thought, okay, this is what I want. So I didn’t have a choice. I was,
    0:37:03 in some ways, not having a choice was a lucky thing because I went into therapy very early.
    0:37:08 I managed to get after leaving school without a diploma, I managed to weasel my way into college
    0:37:15 and had a really kind professor and his wife kind of took me under their wing and urged me to go
    0:37:23 into therapy when I was 19. And so I was sitting in rooms talking to, you know, codependent social
    0:37:31 workers starting when I was a kid and all of that help. But I guess I’ve been really blessed with a
    0:37:37 lot of outside help. I’m a big, big fan of the mental health professional and the librarians
    0:37:43 and English teachers and those kind souls you meet along the way.
    0:37:46 So you have kind souls that you meet in person, you mentioned a few. And I want to talk more
    0:37:52 about weaseling into college in a few minutes. But I’ve read a lot about your reading, if that
    0:37:59 makes sense as a kid. Yeah, I read a lot, yeah. Some might envision in their minds that childhood
    0:38:04 you described as a family of illiterates, nobody picked up anything other than people magazine,
    0:38:10 but that was not the case. No, the huge advantage. Yeah. Describe that a little bit. And also,
    0:38:16 if I could tag on an additional piece of that question, I’ve heard you describe
    0:38:21 finding and reading poetry as eucharistic. And I would look for you to just speak to that as well.
    0:38:29 Yeah, I started reading poetry when I was a little girl and I, you know, reading is socially
    0:38:35 sanctioned disassociation. You know, if you can’t, they won’t let you drank or, you know,
    0:38:41 geese heroin when you’re a little kid, but you can disappear down a valley of Winnie the Pooh
    0:38:47 or Charlotte’s Web or and in some ways, the poets I read, I think a lot of times, I think poetry
    0:38:53 really captured me early. And my mother had, who was a painter, had gone to art school in New York
    0:39:01 and was enormously well read. There were books all over my house in a place for the nearest bookstore.
    0:39:08 The bookstores in my town sold, you know, Bibles as big as station wagons and,
    0:39:12 you know, little dashboard icons, but there wasn’t a lot of literature to buy.
    0:39:16 But I found a home in the library was a three block walk from my house and I could disappear
    0:39:23 down the snowy valley of a book and I was somewhere else. And so poetry saved my life. I mean,
    0:39:30 my best friends were poets. I think the way people worship saints and, you know,
    0:39:36 have crosses blessed, I felt that way. And if you think about the idea of the Eucharist,
    0:39:42 we weren’t Catholic, we were atheists. My father was a union organizer and said, you know,
    0:39:46 church is a trick on poor people to get their money away from them. And my mother was a kind of
    0:39:52 Marxist lady who was very smart and, you know, just a little bit of a loose cannon. So we were
    0:39:59 not churchy in the Bible built. And yeah, you take someone when you read a poem, you know, you
    0:40:05 put it in the meat of your body. I mean, you’re a body person. I’m a body person. I feel like you
    0:40:11 take somebody else’s suffering into you and it changes you. It transforms you. I had this idea
    0:40:20 of being a poet starting when I was five or six years old, that I wanted to be a poet. It was
    0:40:25 a strange thing because there were no poets around. No one I knew had ever met a poet.
    0:40:31 What was the feeling that elicited that desire? Was it just the tangible brilliance and some
    0:40:39 type of word play? Was it a kinesthetic reaction to the aesthetics of certain poets? What was it
    0:40:49 that produced that desire? You said it better than I could. Tim, you win. I mean, it’s not a
    0:40:56 joke that I use the Riverside Shakespeare as a booster seat. That’s literally what happened. I sat
    0:41:01 when I had to reach the table. I sat on this giant addition of Shakespeare my mother had that was
    0:41:07 very water stained. And it was a book that I read very early and I started memorizing
    0:41:15 not Shakespeare poems, but the speeches from Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet and Macbeth and
    0:41:25 Richard the Third. I would memorize these speeches and say them to my hungover mother.
    0:41:31 She liked it. It was something she encouraged. I got her attention that way. She was a very,
    0:41:39 to say she was not nurturing. I mean, Lady Macbeth is probably not nurturing the way my
    0:41:46 mother was not nurturing. I mean, her disinterest in being a mother was profound. Let’s just put
    0:41:51 it that way. She once said to me when I was early on when I was getting sober, she was supposed to
    0:41:57 watch my little boy was then a toddler when I went to an AA meeting. I came back one day and she was
    0:42:02 like, I can’t keep him. He’s just too, I mean, I was gone for an hour and a half. She says, don’t
    0:42:08 do kids. And I was so mad. I said, mother, you had four children. What do you mean? You don’t
    0:42:14 do kids. You don’t cook. You don’t clean. You haven’t had a job in 40 years. What exactly do
    0:42:19 you bring to the party? And she thought for a minute and she said, I’m a lot of fun to be with.
    0:42:25 Yeah, I forgot to do anything for any other living human being, but I am fun to be with,
    0:42:31 which was not untrue. So I guess I had an aesthetic sense. She played music. She played opera. She
    0:42:38 played blues. Janice Joplin grew up in my hometown or rather I grew up in her hometown since she was
    0:42:44 older. Her brother would be in my high school carpool. So there was a lot of music I listened to.
    0:42:50 And I think poetry was part of that, the form, the shape. You know what it felt like? Tim, I felt
    0:42:56 less lonely. I was a lonely person and I would read these poems and I felt like someone understands
    0:43:03 me. Someone knows what it feels like to occupy this body. And I remember trying to tell other
    0:43:13 little kids in my neighborhood about it, about poems that I liked. There’s a E.E. Cummings poem I
    0:43:19 once tried to tell some girls about in my school. You know, it’s just spring in the world is mud
    0:43:24 luscious and the little lame balloon man whistles far and we and Eddie and Bill came
    0:43:28 come running and it’s spring and the world is a petal wonderful and the goat footed balloon man
    0:43:34 whistles far and we something like that. I can’t even remember it, but it’s so long ago.
    0:43:38 That’s pretty good for not remembering. I can remember a little bits of it. But I remember
    0:43:42 these girls in my school just going, “What are you talking about? That doesn’t make any sense.”
    0:43:48 And I’m like, “What about it doesn’t make any sense?” You know, it’s about it’s being spring.
    0:43:53 And she’s like, “Well, what is the mud luscious?” Like that’s not even a word. I mean, no, it’s like
    0:44:00 muddy and luscious and delicious. And it’s like, “How is mud delicious?” You know, it’s like,
    0:44:06 I’m like, “No, like y’all aren’t getting it.” And I thought they were messing with me. It seems so
    0:44:10 obvious to me how great this was. So I learned to shut up about it very early, you know, by like
    0:44:18 third, fourth grade. I learned just don’t. You like this stuff, nobody else. Your mother likes it,
    0:44:23 your sister likes it, your daddy likes it. Nobody else is going to like it. You know, shut up.
    0:44:27 One expression that I think was in the art of memoir, I’ve read it in other interviews. And
    0:44:34 again, I’m probably going to paraphrase here, but that poetry should disturb the comfortable and
    0:44:40 comfort the disturbed. Yes, I wish that were my line. Isn’t that a great line? It’s so good.
    0:44:45 Where is that from? Or do you recall where you learned it?
    0:44:48 Yes, I know vaguely where it’s from, but I can’t remember the guy’s name. You can google it.
    0:44:53 It’s… We’ll find it.
    0:44:54 Early 20th century, maybe 1920s to 1950, journalist guy. So I’m sorry, I don’t cite him.
    0:45:03 I wish I could take credit for it. But yeah, all art should disturb the comfortable and comfort
    0:45:08 this disturbed. And all therapy should and most foods. It’s not a bad goal to shoot for at the
    0:45:15 beginning of a day. How did you weasel into college if you could flash back? Because I would imagine
    0:45:24 that there’s some listeners like me who are just in their mind’s eyes seeing this little girl sitting
    0:45:31 on Shakespeare and out of focus behind her head in the same kitchen are bullet holes in the tile.
    0:45:38 Well, imagining the experience and the experiences, although truly you endured some horrific,
    0:45:47 horrific things, but wondering how does someone in that position get into college, especially when
    0:45:55 they’re missing, at least based on some of my homework, for instance, 87 days of school in the
    0:46:00 sixth grade, things like this. How on earth does someone get into college? Was it your wielding
    0:46:05 of words and an essay that just unlocked it? Was it something else? I won an essay contest when I
    0:46:11 was in high school, I remember. I think it was from the National Council of Teachers of English.
    0:46:16 And I had some professors, actually, my mother had gone back to graduate school
    0:46:23 and got me a recommendation from this teacher of Chinese history who felt me up,
    0:46:31 sexually assaulted me in his office and then wrote me a recommendation.
    0:46:35 So maybe that helped. Actually, what I think helped when I look back on it was I opposed to
    0:46:41 Vietnam War and I wore black armbands on moratorium day. And that’s the kind of thing that where I
    0:46:47 grew up, I remember my coach, the football coach pinning me up physically, like pinning me up against
    0:46:53 the lockers by the front of my shirt and holding me against the lockers and threatening me essentially
    0:47:00 to take my black armband off. So I did things like I didn’t stand up for the American flag.
    0:47:05 I mean, I don’t know. I thought I was calling Kaepernick or something. It didn’t win me any
    0:47:09 friends. Let me just say that. But I later found out when I got to my school and I had to have a
    0:47:16 lot of jobs to go there because it was a private school. It was McAllister College. It’s a very
    0:47:21 good school. And I later found out that the assistant principal of my high school who had
    0:47:27 thrown me out a lot for things like my skirt was too short. One time he threw me out for not having
    0:47:33 a bra on. And I said, “What makes you think I don’t have a bra on?” And then he called in the
    0:47:38 gym teacher to look under my shirt and confirm. In fact, I didn’t have a bra on. So I was just,
    0:47:42 I was a pain in his ass. And I later found out that he called McAllister and told these people
    0:47:50 in the admissions office that I was a bad citizen, that I wouldn’t stand up for the pledge of
    0:47:55 allegiance and stuff. Well, they hear this old redneck assistant principal and they hear about
    0:47:59 this little girl who’s doing this. And they think, “She sounds great.” She’s perfect. She’s perfect.
    0:48:05 So I actually think my misbehavior that got me in so much trouble and made him hate me so much.
    0:48:12 I once had an algebra teacher reveal to me, “He really is after you. Like, you’re not paranoid.
    0:48:18 Like, he’s, he’s really, he wants you out of here.” And so I actually think, I don’t know how I got in.
    0:48:25 I don’t know how I got in. It was clearly a mistake. I made a D in art, you know, my senior year.
    0:48:31 And my mother was a painter. So I mean, all I had to do was slap art on something and I would get,
    0:48:38 have gotten, you know, a B. And I couldn’t handle the pressure. It was too hard. So I don’t know how
    0:48:45 I got to college. But once I got to college, I’ve got to say, I really, well, everybody else was
    0:48:51 complaining about their parents and the, I don’t know, that you, that you couldn’t, weren’t supposed
    0:48:56 to smoke pot in your room or whatever they were mad about. I was like, “This is great.
    0:49:00 This is, all these people read books and they’ll talk to you about them.” And I made straight A’s
    0:49:07 and I got a scholarship and it was just shocking to me that I might succeed at something, you know.
    0:49:13 What about the environment aside from people who read books and are willing to listen,
    0:49:17 if it was the environment, maybe there are other variables led to the straight A’s? Was it being
    0:49:22 outside of your home environment? Like, what was the recipe that contributed to that sort of conversion
    0:49:30 of sorts from D for defiant to straight A? Maybe you were still defiant, but you got straight A’s.
    0:49:36 I wasn’t defiant. I wanted to please people. I mean, I think I had a lot of jobs. Like,
    0:49:42 I had one of those hair net wearing jobs at the food service where I had to go in at like four
    0:49:46 in the morning and like cook scrambled eggs and wash dishes and stuff. And so I think in some ways
    0:49:51 I had to organize my time, but I had been living with a bunch of drug dealers before I went to
    0:49:57 college out in Southern California. We moved out there. Initially, we lived in cars and stuff and
    0:50:03 then we got some, a couple of us were slinging dope, mostly pot and psychedelics, although one guy had
    0:50:11 robbed a drugstore and it was, I was hitchhiking one day from Laguna Beach to San Clemente where
    0:50:20 my friends were surfing and I got picked up by a guy who really scared me. I thought he was going
    0:50:25 to rape me and had to jump out on the side of the road. And it’s interesting because there were six
    0:50:32 of us who lived in that house when I left home and of the six, four went to jail and two of those
    0:50:40 were dead before they were 20. And only me and one other guy who’s still my best friend, Dooney,
    0:50:46 wound up getting sober. And we both kind of made it quote unquote him in construction in Southern
    0:50:52 California and me doing whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing. So I was scared. I was scared
    0:50:58 by how dark things that I brought to darkness with me. You get to Southern California from where I
    0:51:05 grew up and you’re like, “Where has all this been?” Everybody’s orthodontured and people’s
    0:51:12 teeth are great and nobody’s missing any digits or anything. Everybody looks so amazing and everything’s
    0:51:20 so beautiful and you’re like, “God, I’ve never seen anything like this, golly.” And so you would
    0:51:27 think everything would have been great. But as you know, when you have a lot of trauma growing up,
    0:51:31 you bring the darkness with you. So I had this idea after I was hitchhiking and I got scared.
    0:51:37 I had to went to jump out of this guy’s car. It was a Volkswagen that had no backseat and had a
    0:51:43 bunch of garbage in it. And I pulled up on the handle of the door and it just went floppy round
    0:51:50 and round and round like it was locked and I couldn’t get out. And so the window was open,
    0:51:57 stuck open, wouldn’t go up, wouldn’t go down. And I stuck my arm out the side of the window
    0:52:03 and opened it from the outside and jumped out and went down this embankment on the side of the road.
    0:52:08 I was really scared. I was, you know, how those moments of trauma are. I was scared like I had
    0:52:14 been when I was a little kid and there were bullets flying around my house. And I thought,
    0:52:19 “I know, you know, I’ll go to college in Minnesota.” And I mean, it’s just, that was the other thing.
    0:52:24 Everybody in Minnesota is so damn nice. Have you ever been there?
    0:52:27 I have. I have. It’s just that time there.
    0:52:30 I couldn’t. Well, I used to make a joke about an unkind joke. I’d say if you’re not a virgin,
    0:52:36 when you get here, you will be when you leave. It was just, everybody was so damn nice. Oh,
    0:52:43 my God, I’d never seen such nice people in my life. And it’s still, I got there and I did
    0:52:49 extremely well for two years and I won all these prizes. And then I dropped out. I couldn’t handle
    0:52:55 the prosperity. You know, I couldn’t handle the success. It took me a while to finally start
    0:53:01 getting sober, I guess. I guess that was a lot of my problem. Which we will definitely talk about.
    0:53:06 I want to dig into that. And I also am going to ask you just to plan a seed about how those mentors
    0:53:13 initially convinced you to go to therapy. But first, I want to bounce around chronologically.
    0:53:20 Yeah, it’s because from these origins, I’ve, in the process of doing my homework, read about
    0:53:28 your graduate seminar at Syracuse, described as hyperselective. And you’re certainly
    0:53:36 a writer and poet of great note. At this point, lots of people know who you are. Lots of people
    0:53:42 love your work. Lots of people love you describing the craft and process that goes into your work.
    0:53:48 How do you select the students who make it into your graduate seminar or how did you?
    0:53:53 I mean, I do it. I wish they would just give me a wand and I got to pick all my people. But
    0:53:59 interestingly, I’ve been teaching there, gosh, 30 years, something like that. I only teach in the
    0:54:05 fall and I commute from New York City. So we do it based on the work. We do it solely based on the
    0:54:12 writing. And George Saunders, my colleague got George Saunders, he’s gotten so famous
    0:54:19 that he attracts a lot of people and have a lot of people who teach there, Arthur Flowers,
    0:54:25 Juno Diaz is taught there. We just have gotten up to 1,200 applications for 12 positions.
    0:54:33 You end up with these 12 gems of sorted colors and kinds. What is day one, class one? What does
    0:54:41 that look like? Oh, you’re thinking when I teach my memoir class. Yeah, well, I used to do this
    0:54:47 thing. Yeah, that’s so funny. I used to do this thing where I would stage a fight in my class
    0:54:54 with someone who was opposite for me. So let’s say, like my colleague George Saunders, who is
    0:55:01 just the sweetest guy, I can’t even tell you, I was in the car with him once and there was a bug
    0:55:07 on his shirt. And I was like, George, there’s a big beetle on your shirt. And he’d be like,
    0:55:12 well, he has to be somewhere. You know, I’d be like, kill it. And he’s like this Tibetan Buddhist
    0:55:22 with this amazing practice, you know, just the sweetest guy. So George comes in and starts arguing
    0:55:29 with me that my classroom is in fact his classroom. And this is in front of all the students in front
    0:55:35 of all the students. And it’s for them, it’s the first day of school. And it’s like having their
    0:55:39 parents fight. And I script it so that I say only nice conciliatory things. I back up, he walks
    0:55:47 forward, he’s bigger than I am. And then it ends with him like throwing the papers up and, you
    0:55:53 know, telling me to go fuck myself or something. They’re telling me to go hang. Maybe I don’t
    0:55:57 know if you can say the F word. Can you say the F word? F word is not only allowed, but endorsed.
    0:56:02 Okay, good. I grew up on Long Island. You’re in good company. I feel so much better. Just telling
    0:56:08 me to go fuck myself. And, and then we asked the students to write. So let’s say there are 17,
    0:56:14 18 students in this class, 20, somewhere between 15 and 22. And they’re all smart. And they’re
    0:56:21 all young. They were all incredibly juiced on adrenaline and cortisol, because they were
    0:56:27 scared. And it’s a public scene. And they don’t really know each other that well. And they don’t
    0:56:33 know us that well. So they’re all extremely alert. They’re hyper vigilant. And we asked them to write
    0:56:39 down what happens. And everybody writes something just a little different. Interestingly, people
    0:56:45 will describe me in very aggressive terms. Like, even though I’m the one backing up and I’m saying,
    0:56:52 well, I can clear out during the break, George, but like, I don’t understand why you’re so upset.
    0:56:58 And he’ll say, you don’t understand why I’m so I mean, and he walks forwards and I’m backing up and
    0:57:02 my head is down and I’m doing every conciliatory gesture I can think of. And people will say,
    0:57:09 you know, she stood her ground like a bulldog or she had military strength facing off against him.
    0:57:17 And one year I did it with my student assistant, who was an undergraduate, just a beautiful young
    0:57:24 track star, Betsy. And, you know, Betsy just threw her papers up in the air and was screeching at me.
    0:57:31 Well, you know, she’s this kid. And here I am, this professor with, you know, fancy clothes in a
    0:57:37 position of power. So people would, in that class of undergraduates, assume that I had done horrible
    0:57:44 things to Betsy that had, in one class, there was a young woman, one of the ruses I set up is that
    0:57:51 I leave my cell phone on so I can start to argue with George before he comes in and then ask the
    0:57:56 students, you know, how often did he call, how long between each call, and ask them to guess
    0:58:02 things or remember things about time. And some people, he calls three times, some people say he
    0:58:07 called once, some people four times. So all those details are very influenced by who they are.
    0:58:17 The young woman with sickle cell anemia will have this enormous compassion for me because I’ll say
    0:58:22 I have to leave my phone on, I’m waiting for medical results. And she’ll assume I’m waiting
    0:58:27 to hear if I have some awful ailment. And she sees George as a complete beast and me as this woman,
    0:58:36 perhaps ill, who dragged herself to class while everybody else in the class thinks,
    0:58:41 what a diva, she’s answering her phone in the middle of class, she can’t wait an hour to get
    0:58:46 medical results. I mean, come on. So there are always people in class who have, you know,
    0:58:52 have those perfect memories. I remember one kid, often they’re musicians. This kid was a jazz sax
    0:58:59 phone player who was very famous in Brooklyn for giving these amazing house parties. I think he
    0:59:04 made a living giving house parties for like, I don’t know, years. So this kid had this amazing
    0:59:10 memory. He got, we had a script and he remembered the script exactly. He remembered what George had
    0:59:17 on. He remembered where we stood. He remembered that I backed up every step. And then when he wrote
    0:59:23 it, he wrote it exactly as it happened. He didn’t miss anything. And he said, George was the aggressor,
    0:59:30 but I wonder what she’d done to make him act that way. I guess the purpose of the exercise
    0:59:35 is for you to realize that you remember through a filter of who you are. Memory is not a computer.
    0:59:44 It’s not a perfect storage system. Obviously, we, even these fine minds of these young people,
    0:59:51 very alert and paying attention in their first class and wanting to get everything right and do
    0:59:55 well, misremember. And what’s more, what I want them to think about is how they are not just
    1:00:03 perceiving things, but beaming the world, the landscape into being with whoever they are inside.
    1:00:10 It’s important as a writer of anything to realize what kind of filters you’re strapping on
    1:00:16 that prevents you from seeing what’s going on. I would imagine that is an opening exercise that
    1:00:25 a lot of your students remember, speaking of memory, for a very, very long time. What other
    1:00:32 exercises or aspects of your teaching, it could be in any setting, do many of your students
    1:00:39 remember or have stick out for them? Would you imagine? I think a lot of practice things,
    1:00:47 a lot of, I think it’s important as a writer or as in anything to develop habits. I mean,
    1:00:53 you talk about this and for our body, for our work week, you’ve developed a lot of practices
    1:01:00 in your life to shape your life so that you’re operating to constantly be growing and developing.
    1:01:07 Things like keeping a commonplace book, just keeping a notebook where you write down beautiful
    1:01:14 pieces of language. What is a commonplace book? That is where you capture the beautiful terms
    1:01:19 of phrase that you encounter. Yeah, things you read. You might copy poems, you might copy
    1:01:26 something you ever heard on the street. There was a guy standing on my street. This is a couple of
    1:01:34 years ago when I first moved into this apartment screaming murder or suicide at the top of his
    1:01:41 lungs and everybody was walking around the street, walking around him. It was early in the morning
    1:01:48 and I walked up to him and I said, “Excuse me, sir.” He was screaming murder or suicide, murder or
    1:01:54 suicide. I went up to him and said, “Sir, isn’t there like a third alternative? Isn’t there a door
    1:02:00 number three?” That little encounter I wrote down, but things I overheard. Hold on, hold on,
    1:02:11 that’s too much of a cliffhanger. What happened when you said that? Well, you know what was beautiful?
    1:02:16 I went into, I was going into get a pastry for a friend of mine who was visiting from London.
    1:02:22 I got him one. I thought he’d bring him a pastry when I came out, but when I walked into the bakery,
    1:02:27 he was looking at the sky with a curious look. He was thinking, “Isn’t there a door number three?
    1:02:38 Isn’t there another?” Gosh, there might just be a door number three, but mostly what I write down
    1:02:45 are pieces of language or things, poems that I read, paragraphs, anything so that you’re just
    1:02:52 constantly copying in longhand. You can’t type it. You’re constantly copying things that are
    1:03:00 beautiful. You’re constantly guzzling beauty. You’re guzzling the beautiful language so that
    1:03:07 you’re kind of steeped in it like a fruitcake and good brandy. Is the value of the come place book
    1:03:18 and using it this way in the writing down or do you have some approach to review or using that later?
    1:03:29 I mean, the great thing about them is that if you get on an airplane or you’re going along,
    1:03:34 you sort of know what you’re reading, but I’ve also been doing this. A poet named Stanley Cunitz,
    1:03:39 who was a poet laureate in like 1978 or something, told me to do this. So I’ve been doing this since
    1:03:44 1978. Also, every time I give a lecture, I put the quotes I use in the lecture on index cards.
    1:03:52 And so I have like, you know, I’ve been teaching for 40 years. I mean, I have 40 years of index
    1:03:59 cards with quotes on them. It’s oddly satisfying. I don’t know what it is. It’s like a setup you
    1:04:05 do. It’s like a push up you do. It’s something you don’t really, I often don’t look back. I think
    1:04:10 it’s in the writing down. I think it’s in the practice and kind of, it’s like an altar. You’re
    1:04:16 making an altar for yourself every day. You know, I wanted to, might as well use this as a segue.
    1:04:24 Alter, could you speak to the importance or utility of prayer in your life?
    1:04:31 Yeah. I mean, I’m a prayer. I was an atheist my whole life. And I got sober in 1989. And believe
    1:04:40 me, I drank my share. I did my part. I remember some guy I went to high school with telling me,
    1:04:46 I was, when my mother was still alive, I was home. And he says, you don’t even drink anymore.
    1:04:50 You don’t even smoke pot. I was like, no, Jacqueline and I, I don’t do that stuff anymore.
    1:04:56 It’s like, why? And I was like, well, it just didn’t agree with me. You know, it made me do
    1:05:01 things that I didn’t want to do. And he says, I just think you’re a quitter. I just think you’re
    1:05:07 a quitter. I just think you gave up. I mean, what is smoking pot going to do? You’re never going to
    1:05:13 like rob anybody’s television or anything. He said, well, that’s true. That’s true enough,
    1:05:18 Jacqueline. But you have had this job pumping gas since the 11th grade.
    1:05:22 Please tell me this guy’s name was actually Jacqueline.
    1:05:25 His name was Jack. We called him Jacqueline because of a sad tooth, tooth thing he had.
    1:05:31 And because we were not ones to stand on ceremony. And he said, I said, you have had this job
    1:05:39 since the 11th grade and you’re 50 years old and you have an ambition deficit disorder
    1:05:47 by my yardstick. But he would say, Jacqueline, he’d say, don’t call me that no more. I’m like,
    1:05:52 what do you want me to call you? That’s your name, dude. That’s been your name since you were 15.
    1:05:58 That’s your name. What does prayer look like for you? What is praying?
    1:06:02 I think it started off, I think poems are my first prayers. The ones that I read, like I said,
    1:06:07 I felt less lonely. So I started praying not out of any virtue. I didn’t believe in God.
    1:06:12 I had no religious training whatsoever. When I was a little girl, you know, people would say,
    1:06:18 would talk about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. I thought they were kidding. I thought they don’t
    1:06:23 really believe this horseshit. I mean, I figured out pretty early on, you know, by the time I was
    1:06:29 like six or seven people were serious that they prayed when people weren’t looking at them.
    1:06:34 I couldn’t believe it. It was shocking to me. And daddy would say, well, you know, folks ignorant,
    1:06:40 you know what you’re going to do. So I had not a religious bone in my body, but I did notice
    1:06:46 when I tried to stop drinking that I couldn’t like, like that I tried to stop drinking for two or
    1:06:52 three years. And I tried by myself and I tried drinking only beer and I tried drinking only
    1:06:58 alone. I tried drinking only with other people and I tried drinking only wine. I tried drinking
    1:07:02 with food. I tried drinking out, you know, weekends. I mean, I just somehow I had crossed some line
    1:07:08 where I just couldn’t stop drinking. And I went to get help and I went to sat in church basements
    1:07:15 and I hated everybody I saw who was sober. I just hated them. They just seemed like, you know, the
    1:07:21 guy’s selling incense at the airport. I just didn’t like them. They just didn’t look fun. And I just,
    1:07:27 they were so nice too. It was like getting them in a center. They’re, hi, you know, welcome. I’d be
    1:07:32 like, oh, God, I hate these people. And finally, the last time I drank, the last night I drank,
    1:07:38 I had gotten together for like, it was the longest amount of time sober I’d had since I was 15. And
    1:07:44 I’d gotten together 90 days sober by going and, you know, sitting in church basements and talking
    1:07:49 to people who were sober. And I got a 90 day chip and then I had to give this talk. I had to give a
    1:07:55 poetry reading at Harvard. Sorry to interrupt. Just since I don’t know how much familiarity,
    1:08:00 when you say 90 day chip, is that some like literal token that you’re given?
    1:08:03 It looks like a poker chip. And so like you get one the first day you go and then you get one at
    1:08:09 30 days and 60 days and 90 days. So this was for me an epic accomplishment. I mean, there was no
    1:08:16 time that I ever ran the 100 yard dash in that was as important to me as that 90 day chip. And I
    1:08:23 was happy that I was sober. I felt better. I was sleeping better. My kid was better. Everything
    1:08:28 was better. And I had to give this poetry reading at Harvard College. And I was nervous. I’d never
    1:08:34 given a reading without drinking. The reading went okay. I was teaching at a bunch of places,
    1:08:40 including one class there. And I went out with some of my students. And the next thing I know,
    1:08:45 it’s three o’clock in the morning. And I’m, my car’s spinning out on store drive in Boston. And
    1:08:51 I’m going towards this concrete. And I somehow didn’t crash the car. And I somehow got home.
    1:08:57 And, and so at that point, everybody had been saying, you know, gotta get on your knees and
    1:09:02 pray. And there was this great heroin addict, recovering heroin addict, Janice at this halfway
    1:09:08 house where I did volunteer work. I drove people to meetings, basically, and would pick people up
    1:09:14 and drive them to meetings. A lot of disabled people. And Janice said, just get on your knees.
    1:09:19 And I’m like, Janice, you know, what kind of God wants me to grovel and go, Oh, God, you’re so great.
    1:09:26 And she said, you don’t do it for God, you asshole. And that Boston accent, you don’t do it for God,
    1:09:32 you asshole. I’m like, well, who am I doing it for? It’s like you doing it for yourself.
    1:09:36 Just get on your knees. Just say, help me stay sober. In the morning, getting your knees. And I
    1:09:42 say, thank you for helping me stay sober. And so I’d be like, okay, so I get on my knees. Help me
    1:09:47 stay sober. And I’d say, thank you for helping me stay sober. Well, some weird things started to
    1:09:52 happen. I mean, sometimes I would literally shoot the finger at the light fixture, because I just
    1:09:57 thought, I hate this. You know, what’s terrifying about praying is the loneliness of it. I always
    1:10:04 tell people, young women, I sponsor, you show more faith praying when you have never prayed before
    1:10:12 than any nun to sit in that silence with all your fears and all your self doubt is so scary and hard.
    1:10:22 If you have a big loud head like I do, and like, I have a big inner life and mine never has anything
    1:10:29 good to say it, things that can kill me and go on living without me. Something started to happen.
    1:10:35 I would have these moments of quiet. And the only way I can describe it is it was south of my neck.
    1:10:43 It was like in the middle of my chest. If I was living my life with my head, like yammering at me,
    1:10:49 like a chihuahua all day, do this, don’t that stupid bitch, put that down, pick that up, go over
    1:10:54 there. I mean, it was just eat this, don’t eat that, call him, I hate him, you know, like just
    1:11:01 these moments like in the middle of my chest would be like this broad expanse of quiet.
    1:11:09 And I remember one particular day, our little shitty car broke down, my kid was a toddler,
    1:11:15 and he was, I had to pee, we were on the road, I didn’t break down, I had a flat,
    1:11:20 and didn’t have a spare, a working spare. It was rush hour, we were on memorial driver trying
    1:11:26 to get home. And I just, in that moment, what I normally would have done, you know, I would have
    1:11:31 been there, you know, like throwing the jack around and trying to get the car jacked up.
    1:11:36 And in this state of indignant fury that I didn’t believe in God, but I believe that there was fate
    1:11:42 that had doomed me to misery and that the guy with the Jaguar would always get my parking
    1:11:47 place right before I pulled in. And I believed, I had a head that had memorized the bad news and
    1:11:53 spewed it out all day. And I remember that day, it was, the sun was setting,
    1:11:58 I just got out on the side of the road, got dev out of his car seat, and the sun was going down,
    1:12:05 and he was looking at me afraid that I was going to be like angry. And I just sat there and he said,
    1:12:12 he was hungry. And I didn’t have anything to eat in the car. And I’m sitting there and I said,
    1:12:16 let’s just look at the sunset a minute, and then we’ll, we’ll go, we’ll walk and we’ll get some
    1:12:21 help. And we were just sitting there looking at the sunset and this truck pulls up with these
    1:12:28 Goomba guys from this 12 step meeting. And they have ginger ale, they have a jack, they have a
    1:12:37 way to tow my car, they give dev potato chips. And it was just like, you know, all I have to do
    1:12:45 is just find some space in my body and just wait for a minute. And so I started to notice
    1:12:54 things happening when I wasn’t been over the day like a dog over like a bone that was about to be
    1:13:03 stolen. You know, like that, and I could just, I could just like sit there for a moment. And so
    1:13:13 I began to get a space in my body and I began to get, I began to hear not the voice of God,
    1:13:20 I would call it, I would have some leanings like I would be thinking, I should have just killed
    1:13:26 myself. Like literally, this is what I’d be. I should have killed myself. My husband would
    1:13:31 marry some nice girl who wore barats and my son would have this great mother and his life would
    1:13:36 be better if I weren’t there. And I would hear this voice in my head that was like, you need a
    1:13:42 sandwich. Why don’t you get a sandwich? Why don’t you make yourself like the biggest sandwich you
    1:13:48 can make? And I’d be like, Oh, great idea. Like I just started to have these small good ideas
    1:13:56 that were not like anything I’d ever heard when I was afraid before. Yeah, then I had all these
    1:14:01 crazy spiritual experiences. And like one of the things I had this great sponsor, Joan the Bone,
    1:14:07 God, I loved her. She was so great. She was a kind of girl who lived in Alaska and would
    1:14:13 go to the bar when it was like 50 below and a two, two. I mean, she was just like a badass.
    1:14:20 Like she was just, and she was a Harvard social theorist too, I’ve got to tell you, she was just
    1:14:25 all that. Joan the Bone. Joan the Bone, all that and a bowl of biscuits. Yeah. Sounds like a mobster.
    1:14:31 What’s the origin of the name? Do you have any idea? I just called her that. That was my nickname
    1:14:34 for Joan the Bone. I see, I see. Joan the Bone. And Joan would tell me things like, I was such an
    1:14:41 ingrate. She’d say, you have to make a gratitude list. And so she’d call me and say, what’s on your
    1:14:45 gratitude list? I’d say, I have all my limbs. She’d say, no, okay, here’s what you’re going to do.
    1:14:51 You’re going to make a gratitude list every day this month for every letter of the alphabet.
    1:14:55 And you’re going to call me and read it to me. I said, shut the fuck up. I’m not going to do that.
    1:15:00 And she’s like, yes, you are. Or else, you know, like, I won’t talk to you anymore. I’d be like,
    1:15:04 okay. So I just started trying. I just started trying instead of sitting there with my arms
    1:15:10 crossed and my lower lip stuck out and my baseball cap pulled down over my eyes. I just started
    1:15:15 trying shit that people who were happier than me suggested I should try. It was so simple.
    1:15:21 And so one of the things I said to her, she said, you’ve got to pray for what you want.
    1:15:24 What are you praying for? I said, I pray to stand it. Yeah, not to kill myself,
    1:15:29 not to stand it, just to get through the fucking day. That’s what I’m praying for.
    1:15:35 And she said, okay, well, you’ve got to pray for what you want. What do you want? I said,
    1:15:40 I made $9,000 this year. I would like some money, please. She said, well, why don’t you pray for
    1:15:46 money? I’m like, you can’t pray for that. She’s like, well, why not? I said, okay. So I would
    1:15:51 literally get on my knees the morning and say, keep me sober. I would like some money.
    1:15:55 I’m not even making this up. And I would get on my knees and say, thank you for keeping me sober.
    1:16:02 I would still like some money. Three weeks later, after I started, this is a true story and you
    1:16:06 can look it up. I get a phone call from a guy who says he’s from this foundation. He’s giving me
    1:16:13 $35,000 that I’d never applied for or asked for, that somebody just put me up for. And I so thought
    1:16:20 it was, I thought it was my friend, George, playing a trick on me and said, you know,
    1:16:23 fuck you, George. And I hang the phone up and the guy calls back and he asked me on, you know,
    1:16:28 the speaker phone, you can hear people laughing maniacally. So I’ve never gotten money from prayer.
    1:16:35 Again. And then Jen Leven says, well, you must believe that there’s some sort of guy. I was
    1:16:40 like, no, because they were meeting to give me that prize before I had stopped drinking and
    1:16:46 started praying. And she said, Jesus Christ. And I would also talk to her all the time. I’d say,
    1:16:52 how can there be a God? Because look at the Holocaust. She’s like, God didn’t do the Holocaust.
    1:16:56 People did the Holocaust. Like, what are you mad at God for? People did that.
    1:17:01 God didn’t do that has nothing to do with God. So that’s how my prayer life started. It’s a bizarre
    1:17:06 story. I like bizarre. So Ignatian exercises. Does that mean anything to you? Yes. Yes. I became a
    1:17:15 Catholic. I became a Catholic and I do something. I practice a kind of spirituality called Ignatian
    1:17:21 spirituality, which when you become a Jesuit, you go away to the Jesuit place or the Jesuit
    1:17:28 make in place. You go to Jesuit school and then they give you these 30 day exercises. And the
    1:17:36 purpose of the exercises is to find God in all things. So like this election, I just turned
    1:17:44 around to look at my screen to see if we had a new president. So this election, for instance,
    1:17:48 just decided that somebody just sent me a text before we started recording. And so the entire
    1:17:53 country has a lektile dysfunction, which I thought was pretty clever. Why didn’t I think of that?
    1:18:01 Oh my God, that’s so great. That was a clever turn of phrase. Yes. Oh my God. No, it really is.
    1:18:09 So finding God in all things. Finding God in all things. So that means, you know, like when the
    1:18:15 car breaks down, instead of thinking, you know, your cruel fate, you know, has come to hurt you,
    1:18:22 you. So what you do actually, Tim, is in the morning, I do a prayer and meditation thing
    1:18:28 for 20 minutes, where I do like centering prayer for maybe, I don’t know, five, six, seven minutes.
    1:18:34 And then I read a scripture and I meditate on the scripture. And then I have a bunch of people I
    1:18:39 pray for. I have a list of people I pray for and things I pray for. Then at night, I do something
    1:18:44 called the examine of conscience where you it’s not like going over your day, making a list of
    1:18:51 good things that happened or whatever, and then repenting for the bad things. It sounds like
    1:18:55 that, but it’s not that. What it is, is you kind of press play on the recorder of your day. So you
    1:19:03 think, I woke up and so what did I do? Where was I? What mindset was I in? And you close your eyes
    1:19:08 and you try to review your day, literally like you’re watching a movie. And where you see moments
    1:19:17 of grace or luck or even something, you know, a good sandwich, something yummy to eat. You’re
    1:19:23 supposed to savor those moments and occupy those moments. And it’s a very body-oriented exercise.
    1:19:31 You’re supposed to smell. What do you smell? What do you hear? What do you taste? How do your clothes
    1:19:38 feel? You’re supposed to really recreate that moment in a sensory way. And thank God for the
    1:19:47 grace or the gift of that. And then you kind of press play again and you see moments where you
    1:19:53 turned away from God or your best self didn’t act. And you say, “I want to do better next time.”
    1:20:01 Instead of snapping at the robocall voice, snapping at Siri because she doesn’t understand me,
    1:20:09 I love me for myself alone. You know, tomorrow I’d like to be more patient, help me to be more
    1:20:17 patient. So what it does is it made those moments of gratitude. And I also keep kind of a list or
    1:20:25 journal of those things and a prayer journal daily. I don’t keep a journal journal, but I keep a
    1:20:30 daily prayer journal. And I just will kind of highlight some of those things. Like for me today,
    1:20:38 right now, Steve Kronack, he’s haircut, which I know he does himself. I don’t know. The guy who
    1:20:43 delivers the big map thing on MSNBC. I just like the guy. I just like him. Every time I see him,
    1:20:50 I feel like I’m spending the night at my girlfriend’s house and he’s her nerdy brother who’s like
    1:20:56 secretly hot. I had this flash of panic. So I was like, “Oh, fuck. Here’s somebody important.”
    1:21:02 I’m not saying it’s unimportant, but I’m just saying, “Oh God, here’s another guy that I have to
    1:21:06 pretend I know because I’m on the podcast.” You know he’s a guy who delivers the darn, you know,
    1:21:11 what the electoral map says on MSNBC. So if you’re a liberal, you’re like a nut and you watch this
    1:21:17 the way other people watch other things. So he’s this really nerdy kind of math goop guy who wears
    1:21:24 like khakis and a really like a clip on tie and has this really bad haircut. And I just have a
    1:21:32 complete crush on him. I just crush on him. I don’t even like young men. I don’t. I really don’t.
    1:21:37 You have to have some hair coming out of yours for me to want to date you, but this guy just
    1:21:44 does it for me. I just like him. I just like him. Wait a second. Tie that together for me.
    1:21:50 Does that have anything to do with the prayer journal? Yes. Or are you just confessing that?
    1:21:54 No, no. I have a crush on this guy who’s on TV every day and it tickles me to see him. It’s kind
    1:22:01 of a little thrill. It’s a little thrill to see him. It really is. It’s so stupid. But it’s also,
    1:22:07 it makes me feel like a child. It makes me feel like I’m in junior high school.
    1:22:11 And so there’s something innocent and sweet about it. Also, the fact that he’s so dorky,
    1:22:17 I like. I just like that. So you have a prayer journal. I do. You have the commonplace journal.
    1:22:22 Right. Do you have any other journals? No, that’s it. Those I do. And the prayer journal, I don’t
    1:22:28 really, I only write like actually write and it’s mostly kind of looks like a list. Do you know what
    1:22:35 I’m saying? It’s mostly like a list of things like the lady at my drug store who, the Mike pharmacist
    1:22:42 who they were all out of, you know, the pneumonia vaccine. I get pneumonia a lot. And she went
    1:22:48 out of her way to call me and say, you know, I got you the pneumonia. Again, if you can come in
    1:22:53 right now that we had a cancellation, I, you know, I can do the just kindnesses, moments of kindness,
    1:22:59 but also moments of presence and awareness of God. A lot of people feel it in nature. I feel a
    1:23:08 little bit in Central Park, which is all the nature I have. I am currently in Austin, Texas,
    1:23:13 which is home base for me. Shut the front door. Yeah, I’ve been here for three years. I live in
    1:23:19 the Republic of Austin, the Republic of Texas. One of my favorite t-shirts, not everyone’s going
    1:23:25 to get this, but is a shirt with the Texas flag, which says most likely to secede on it, which I
    1:23:36 quite like. Yes. So I’m in Texas. How did you wind up down there? Would argue that I’m not in
    1:23:41 Texas. Of course. Yeah, I know, right? Listen, do you have a weapon? If you have a weapon, you
    1:23:47 belong. I do. God, don’t get good for you. What do you have? Can I ask him? We talk weapons. As far as
    1:23:51 weapons? Yeah, sure. I have a seven millimeter wind mags hunting rifle. I have a Glock 34,
    1:24:00 which is a nine millimeter. I know what it is. I know what a nine millimeter is. I’m not explaining
    1:24:05 it for you. I’m explaining it just like getting on your knees, not for God, it’s for you. I’m
    1:24:11 explaining to the listeners. So nine millimeter Glock 34. I have an M&P 45 and a few other. Do you
    1:24:21 hunt? Firearms that I don’t use much. I hunt, but infrequently. And that started in 2012. I always
    1:24:30 had a very negative association with hunting. I just given my exposure to it. It’s kind of a great
    1:24:35 thing. Yeah, I had a very negative association because I saw a very irresponsible hunting on
    1:24:42 Long Island. And then in the process of working on the four hour chef and learning to forage,
    1:24:50 I felt it was incumbent upon me to hunt and if I were to consume animal protein. So I had my first
    1:25:00 deer hunt with an incredible hunter and conservationist named Steve Rinella. And that
    1:25:06 really completely shifted my lens on how ethical and responsible hunting could be. Now, in Texas,
    1:25:14 you have the whole spectrum from responsible to machine gunning hogs from helicopters,
    1:25:21 which I do not partake in, although people could argue it’s an invasive species, etc, etc. But
    1:25:25 yes, so I do hunt infrequently. Probably, you know, let’s just call it once every year or two.
    1:25:31 You know, those havelina hogs are fun to shoot. I’m sorry to say it. I’m embarrassed to say it,
    1:25:37 but I have shot a havelina hog. So I’m anti-gun, but pro-hunting. So does that make sense?
    1:25:44 It does. I mean, I’m just imagining these kind of backwood
    1:25:49 kiwis in New Zealand hunting hogs with knives, walking into the woods barefoot,
    1:25:54 which is the real thing. I know one guy who did that.
    1:25:58 So you can be pro-hunting while being anti-gun. I think that’s possible.
    1:26:01 No, but I mean, if I were to hunt, I would hunt with a gun. But it’s funny, one of my best friends
    1:26:06 is a young writer named Phil Lamarsh, who’s one of those guys who stalks his freezer with
    1:26:11 bow and arrow kill venison. And he called me this week and said a very interest. He just killed
    1:26:16 his deer. And he said, “You know, the longer I hunt, the only thing I hate about it is the killing.”
    1:26:24 I think there’s a lot of shared sentiment to that by a lot of hunters.
    1:26:31 Yeah. I mean, the most reverent people I know about the natural world are
    1:26:35 practicing. Many of them are practicing hunters.
    1:26:40 True fact. Well, I want to use this to tie a bunch of things together in the most awkward
    1:26:48 fashion possible because I’ve been trying to force fit a segue somewhere. So I might as well
    1:26:53 do it here. Yeah, do it. And that is to hear your description or explanation of how some
    1:27:00 of your wordsmithing came to be. Part of what I enjoy so much about your writing is that you have
    1:27:06 this, let me get this right, time critic Lev Grossman said in his review of Lit, “Car seems
    1:27:12 to have been born with the inability to write a dishonest or boring sentence.” That’s high praise.
    1:27:17 Now, the least boring sentence is for me, and God, I wish I could remember it, but
    1:27:25 you take this, what seems like this sensitivity to language and poetry to create sentences using
    1:27:35 cat shit sandwich metaphors and so on, which also seems to me, and maybe this is,
    1:27:42 you tell me if this is warranted or not, but to be a very kind of Texan thing also,
    1:27:46 it kind of makes me think of like a trial lawyer in God knows where in Texas who gets up and just
    1:27:53 demolishes some slick trial attorney from Los Angeles in a complete mismatch. I mean,
    1:27:59 just dismantle someone with these really clever turns of phrase. Where does that come from,
    1:28:06 or how did that develop in you? Because I do think it is one of your superpowers.
    1:28:10 Well, I think growing up in Texas, it’s a storytelling culture. Texas idiom is poetry,
    1:28:17 as far as I’m concerned, and I had two great practitioners. I’m a seventh generation Texan,
    1:28:23 I’m a mother side and fifth generation of my daddy. So my daddy was a great bar room storyteller.
    1:28:30 I mean, he was a labor union organizer for the oil, chemical, and atomic workers local 1242.
    1:28:38 He was just funny as a crutch and told these amazing kind of tall tales like Adam Mark Twain,
    1:28:46 but he also spoke in poetry like he would say, like a woman with an ample behind,
    1:28:51 he’d say she has butt like two bulldogs fighting in a bag. And for him, that was a compliment.
    1:28:57 There was nothing insulting about that, that he used to call me, I’m a little
    1:29:01 skinny thing. He used to call me a gimlet ass. Pokey, you need, you need some teller on that ass.
    1:29:07 You need, you got you a gimlet ass. I don’t even know what that is, but I knew it wasn’t good.
    1:29:12 A little flat butt, or he would say it’s raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.
    1:29:18 You can scan that by the way. It’s raining like a cow pissing on flat rock.
    1:29:26 Wait, what do you mean by scan real quick?
    1:29:28 What do you mean by that?
    1:29:28 Well, I mean, like Shakespeare is a ambic pentameter.
    1:29:32 Or my first love poem that was ever written to me. I saw you on your horse today.
    1:29:37 Your eyes like eggs, your hair like, hey, that’s like, that’s an ambic pentameter.
    1:29:41 It’s da-da-da-da-da-da. That’s, it doesn’t matter what it is, but you can hear it when I say it,
    1:29:46 right? That it’s raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock. And that you hit that flat rock.
    1:29:54 It creates, for one thing, it creates a whole landscape in which cows piss on flat rocks.
    1:30:03 And people stand around a marble and go, my goodness, lookie at that.
    1:30:08 And then you attribute that to the rain. It’s a metaphor.
    1:30:12 It operates way beyond the bounds of propriety. It’s not how you talk in church.
    1:30:17 You’re not supposed to talk like this. So the minute you say this and somebody laughs at it,
    1:30:22 you have them. They’re in your boat. They have transgressed by laughing at your joke.
    1:30:29 Well, daddy was just the master of a story, but he was also a poetic imagery. I mean,
    1:30:36 to me, that poetry I grew up, I was steeped in it. My mother, who was an enormous reader, who read
    1:30:44 everything, Chinese history and Russian novels and philosophy and just read everything,
    1:30:52 was just the master of, you know, I remember when she was dying,
    1:30:57 she had all these old men who were always trying to marry her, which why.
    1:31:01 But she’s dying. She’s actively dying. And one of these old boyfriends has come to see her at the
    1:31:06 hospital in Houston and the nurse spends every and says, Miss Carr, your husband’s here to see you.
    1:31:13 And she says, well, he must look like shit. He’s been dead 20 years.
    1:31:18 And, you know, I mean, she just can’t stop herself from saying like the most horrible thing you’ve
    1:31:24 ever thought. And so I think between the two of them and just growing up in Texas, the idiom,
    1:31:32 the language I grew up with is epically beautiful. And the need to not be boring when you speak,
    1:31:40 you know, people will, I’m a stomp a mud hole in your ass. That is so much better than I’m going
    1:31:46 to whip your ass. It’s just like, yeah, right. My friend, Dooney, got in a fight once with a guy in
    1:31:54 a bar. And the guy said, and he told the greatest story about it. It was actually a guy he decided
    1:32:00 to stab. He went out in his truck and got a knife and came back with like a Swiss army knife.
    1:32:06 And he starts facing this guy who was a state congressman, by the way, I won’t tell you his name.
    1:32:12 But he starts chasing him around this bar. Well, to brandish a weapon in a place where alcohol
    1:32:17 is served is mandatory. I think 10 years sentence, seven, ten, some big, you know, it’s not, it’s
    1:32:22 frowned upon. And he’s chasing this guy around. And what somebody says to Dooney at one point,
    1:32:28 that’s a little bitty old knife you got there. He said, well, notice he don’t want to get stabbed by it.
    1:32:36 Then he runs out and then we hear the sirens. So here come to say, here comes a lot. Dooney runs
    1:32:43 out, he gets in his truck and one of those mall cops, security guys runs out and Dooney says,
    1:32:49 he stands in front of my truck in front of my headlights. He’s got a belt buckle that will
    1:32:54 pick up HBO. And he holds his hands up and goes, halt, halt. And Dooney just puts it in first
    1:33:03 gear and hits the guy. I mean, he doesn’t hit him hard, but he knocks him down and then leaves
    1:33:12 and gets pulled over and is convinced he’s going to prison for brandishing this weapon,
    1:33:17 for trying to hit this guy. But anyway, it turns out he had to call the guy to apologize. The guy’s
    1:33:23 daddy knew Dooney’s daddy. And he said, all he wants you to do is apologize. And Dooney’s like,
    1:33:27 apologize. You know, I’ll blow the guy. Like, I don’t want to go to jail. Of course I’ll apologize.
    1:33:34 But here’s the punchline of the story. And this is what makes Dooney still my best friend since
    1:33:38 I was 15. So he calls the guy out and the guy answers. And Dooney goes, I am so sorry,
    1:33:45 man, about last time. I am so sorry. And the guy says, you almost killed me. And Dooney says,
    1:33:52 man, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was you. Don’t you want to say that though? The next time
    1:34:02 somebody happened, I didn’t know it was you. The next time you do some horrible thing. The next
    1:34:06 time I get in a really stupid argument with my girlfriend, that’s what I’m going to use.
    1:34:09 Don’t you want to say, I didn’t know it was you, honey? I don’t know. Only in the state of Texas
    1:34:15 do you have that story. It’s just got all the elements of a Texas story. How could I not love
    1:34:22 it down there? I mean, oh my God. Let’s talk about revision. Okay, revision. I’m a big
    1:34:30 reviser. I’m a big reviser. But so you have said, you know, anyone who’s read a rough draft of
    1:34:35 anything I write, it’s just shocked at how bad it is. It’s terrible. And what does the process
    1:34:40 look like? I mean, I know this is a very hopefully doesn’t sound like a really naive question,
    1:34:44 because I know that there’s a there are many, many aspects to revision. I’ll lead with just a bit.
    1:34:50 This is from writer mag.com. But Karce, she takes a hard look at every sentence she writes,
    1:34:54 “Can I make this sentence less boring, more interesting, prettier, more colorful, more
    1:34:58 true?” So that’s a teaser. What does your revision process look like? Because I’ve
    1:35:03 read that you threw out something like 1200 pages.
    1:35:07 Throughout 1200 pages of lit. Yeah, finished pages too. That’s not draft. And that was written
    1:35:13 over about, I want to say five or six years. And I remember when I threw it out, Tim, I was so upset.
    1:35:18 I had been, well, first off, they were about, they were about to hang me. I was so late.
    1:35:23 I was like seven years late on a contract. I mean, they, and so I finally, my agent called me and said,
    1:35:29 you know, you’re going to have to, I said, you know what, I will sell my apartment and give
    1:35:34 the damn money back if they don’t shut up and leave me alone. It’s just going to take me a
    1:35:41 minute. So anyway, so I’d sent them, I don’t know, I’d sent them like 130, 140 pages and my
    1:35:47 editor at the time estimated that I’d thrown out 1200 pages. And let me tell you when she said
    1:35:53 that they sucked as bad as I thought they sucked. I mean, I knew they sucked when they sent them,
    1:35:58 which why I didn’t want to send them, I wanted to keep working on them. So I just, I went to bed
    1:36:04 for like two days. And I watched, you know, Dr. Phil reruns and a lot of cooking shows. And I
    1:36:12 ordered a lot of curry. I think I had a whole pizza at one point and slopped around in my
    1:36:18 bathrobe. And then I called Don DeLillo. I was one of the people I call, it’s like, you know,
    1:36:23 the nuclear button, you know, who’s like just one of the great novelist who’s also happens to be a
    1:36:29 friend of mine. And I said, Don, I think I’m writing him. He’s like, what are you crying about? I said,
    1:36:34 I think I’m writing a bad book. And he said, well, who doesn’t? And I thought about that. And I thought,
    1:36:42 God, he’s right. Tall story is written bad. But I mean, people I read, you know,
    1:36:46 every writer I know is written a bad book. Okay, so maybe it’s just supposed going to be a bad book,
    1:36:51 but it’s the book that’s standing in line to be written. And I think I became willing to fail
    1:36:57 to just say what happened. Basically, what it looks like is just clawing through a line at
    1:37:07 a time or a sentence at a time. I think one example I give in the art of memoir is that when I’m,
    1:37:13 my mother is driving me to college. And I think the sentence I started with was something like,
    1:37:19 mother drove me to college in her yellow station wagon. We stopped every night at the holiday end
    1:37:26 and got drunk on screwdrivers. I can’t remember. Might have said puke and drunk on screwdrivers.
    1:37:33 I somehow was able to remember being in that car. The thing about my mother’s yellow station wagon
    1:37:41 was that it didn’t have an air conditioner. And so at that time, you could buy an air conditioner
    1:37:47 that’s strapped under the dashboard. Well, it would build up condensation. And when she turned
    1:37:53 right, and I was sitting in the shotgun, the water in the air conditioner would spill out
    1:38:01 onto my bare feet. And it was icy, icy cold water. And I remembered that we had stopped and gotten a
    1:38:09 bushel of peaches in Arkansas. And she was drinking vodka, driving, drinking vodka,
    1:38:16 and orange juice, and eating these, watching her eat a peach. You know, when you’re 17 years old,
    1:38:20 to watch your mother eat and show any desire for anything is just so horrifying. You just
    1:38:27 want to die. There’s just nothing uglier than watching your mother eat a peach when you’re
    1:38:32 17. You just think, my God, woman, shut your mouth, take a smaller bite. Jesus, it’s not going
    1:38:39 anywhere, you know. But the smell of the peaches and being in the, and suddenly I remembered
    1:38:47 that I had a copy of 100 years of solitude that was her book that I had started reading. She said,
    1:38:54 read it aloud to me. And I remembered reading that book and driving. And I remembered, you know,
    1:39:02 you grow up around these kind of Texas dirt farms. I mean, there’s plenty of corporate
    1:39:06 farming in the state of Texas, but then you get to the Midwest. And it’s just so organized. It’s
    1:39:12 just there aren’t the rusted cars in the yard and the refrigerator and the porch, you know. It’s
    1:39:17 these rows and rows of corn and these big cinnamon colored silos. And I remember driving into that
    1:39:26 landscape up to that college and reading that book and thinking, I could be a writer. I somehow was
    1:39:35 able to remember those details and occupy that body in space and time and remember how disgusted
    1:39:43 I was by my mother and how terrified I was that I wouldn’t do well at school, that I would fail.
    1:39:49 I’d been such a screw up. You know, I’d been arrested the year before with a bunch of kids
    1:39:54 and there was a bunch of dope and some of them went to jail. I didn’t because the judge was a guy
    1:40:01 who had known my mother when she was a reporter for the local newspaper. And I still remember
    1:40:07 sitting in here. She came to pick me up wearing a leopard. She had leopard skin pajamas. It was
    1:40:12 July 4th and she had on a beaver coat with a mink collar and those leopard skin pajamas in this
    1:40:20 hot night in Coons County, Texas. And here sits this judge behind this, this liver spotted judge
    1:40:26 with these palsy hands and every meal he’s ever eaten on his tie when she came to pick me up.
    1:40:32 And he said, “I remember your mother. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.” And she said,
    1:40:38 “Oh, you old fool.” I mean, it was just like, “Oh my God, mother, get me out of here.” Sucking up
    1:40:46 is underrated. So anyway, yeah, I think it’s memory. I do an exercise. I just did it the other day
    1:40:54 for a colleague of mine, Dennis Bietta, a wonderful young novelist I teach with. And she’s teaching
    1:40:59 an undergraduate class and I said, “You know, I want to do this right.” There are 90 kids in the
    1:41:04 class. I said, “I want to do this writing exercise.” She said, “Well, the writing, you know, it’s been
    1:41:08 uneven.” And I said, “Trust me, everyone will write well.” And you have them focus on a room they
    1:41:16 grew up in and to try to occupy the smell, to try to remember a room you were in where your mother’s
    1:41:23 cooking, your grandmother’s river. You had a good meal when you were little and try to close your
    1:41:30 eyes and smell that because, you know, smell is the most primordial memory and the most emotional
    1:41:37 memory. And it’s stored way back in that snake brain hypothalamus we have that is where all the
    1:41:42 trouble starts. You try to get in that memory and interrogate your body about what you can smell,
    1:41:51 taste, touch. And then finally, what you want, what are you yearning for and what’s keeping you
    1:41:57 from getting it? Maybe it’s a bite of the brisket or some of the barbecue or daddy’s oysters coming
    1:42:02 up out of the fryer or what’s going to keep you from getting it. It’s my big-footed sister who,
    1:42:08 as daddy said, nothing ever got between her and a bag of groceries. You know, she’s going to get
    1:42:13 all the oysters and I won’t get any. And so it’s really more about trying to occupy a former self
    1:42:20 because I think, as you know, just as in trauma, the body remembers, the body also remembers beauty.
    1:42:27 It also remembers pleasure and love and those other things too. So the body keeps the score and
    1:42:38 if you go excavating for these memories, sometimes there are costs associated with that.
    1:42:47 Yeah, I’ve read that while you were working on the Liars Club that you’d suddenly fall asleep
    1:42:53 in the middle of the afternoon as if you’d driven all night and you’d sob, you’d really suffer.
    1:42:59 What did you do to cope with that pain? And I should just say, you know, I were chatting before
    1:43:05 the recording about trauma a bit and I’ve recently described some of my childhood sexual abuse and
    1:43:14 the podcast that I did related to it didn’t seem to exact a horrifying toll, but the process years
    1:43:24 before of trying to write about it and getting a very, very rough draft brutalized me and
    1:43:30 just left me paralytic for, God, more than six months in some ways. And I just looked at,
    1:43:39 yeah, thank you for saying that. And I’m horrified by the experience and also fascinated by it in
    1:43:45 a way because I don’t know why those two things should be so different. And I’d just love to hear
    1:43:50 you expand a bit on the price that you’ve paid or your experience with dredging up a lot of
    1:43:58 these memories or recalling them, putting them down and why writing seems at least in my experience
    1:44:05 to be so different from some other forms of expressing these things. Well, I mean, because
    1:44:10 you’re alone. I mean, that’s for me where the prayer and the God comes in. I do have a sense now
    1:44:16 that I didn’t have back in the day. I mean, when I, by the time I started writing Liars Club,
    1:44:21 how old was I? I don’t know, 35. I’ve been in therapy for 16 years. And I’d also had a prayer
    1:44:31 practice for, you know, a meditation and prayer practice for some years. I hadn’t converted.
    1:44:38 I wasn’t a Christian. I didn’t, I was a Catholic, but I was about to become Catholic. And I was
    1:44:44 very active in recovery programs. And I had a sponsor. And I also had, based on all of those
    1:44:53 efforts, I had done a lot of the processing and recovery. I had flown down to Texas when I was
    1:45:00 23 years old and got my mother drunk on margaritas and told her, you know, you tried to kill me with
    1:45:07 a butcher knife. And it’s not because I was a bad kid and it ruined my life. And what the hell was
    1:45:13 wrong with you? What was going on? You know, I had done a lot of that work before. And I tell people
    1:45:22 when they tell me they want to write a memoir about some horrible stretch of
    1:45:25 childhood or some awful period of trauma, maybe they don’t. Maybe they don’t right now.
    1:45:31 So I think I had a sense of, you know, when I was drinking, my idea of
    1:45:39 medicating myself or anesthetizing myself, that was all I knew how to do. That was what my parents
    1:45:46 told me to do. That was all they knew how to do, was try to drink it away. My daddy was in the
    1:45:51 Battle of the Bulge. I mean, he went in Normandy and he came out at Buchemaw. I mean, that’s plenty
    1:45:57 of trauma, plus being married to my mother would have been simple. There’s only one person with a
    1:46:03 weapon as opposed to the Nazis. So yeah, I think I’m a big fan of a hot bath. I’m a big fan of
    1:46:16 nutritious food. I’m a big fan of cardio. Even now, I mean, I’m 65. I don’t do five dance classes
    1:46:24 a week, but I get up in the morning and I walk four miles. And then I do Pilates three or four
    1:46:30 times a week. And I take a dance class a couple times a week. And all those things keep me in my
    1:46:35 body. And when I’m in a lot of pain, I take care of myself. When I was drinking, I felt like I had
    1:46:42 this screaming baby that I was holding and I was screaming at it all the time to shut up. So yeah,
    1:46:49 I think I still have, even writing anything now, I find very, I’m not dealing with anything like
    1:46:58 that. I’m so much, but I’m also, I’m so much happier now than I’ve ever been in my life.
    1:47:02 I mean, I’m 65 years old. I’ve never been so happy in my life. I’ve never been less good looking,
    1:47:11 had less social power, had any of the things that you would think would make me happy,
    1:47:19 joyous, and free. And I’m just, I wake up every day really feeling lucky to be alive and feeling
    1:47:27 loved and feeling like not every day. I mean, I wake up plenty of days and I’m mad as an old
    1:47:35 stomp pissant, but most of my days are pretty lit up. And it’s a lifetime of practice. So
    1:47:43 I tell a lot of my students, my young students, you know, want to write about sexual assault or
    1:47:49 trauma of various kinds. Well, maybe why don’t you get some treatment for this first? Why don’t you
    1:47:56 treat your heart first, treat your body, treat yourself with a lot of care and see if this is
    1:48:03 what you want to write about right now, something you can write about maybe five years from now
    1:48:08 or something, you know. What advice would you give yourself about therapy if you were talking to your
    1:48:15 19 or 20 year old self and how were you first convinced to go to therapy? I remember you
    1:48:22 mentioning that long ago. You know, I didn’t have to be convinced. I mean, here’s the other thing.
    1:48:27 Yeah, no. And there weren’t a lot of people saying, gee, I wish you’d stopped drinking.
    1:48:30 I mean, I led a pretty isolated existence the way a lot of people who grew up the way I grew up
    1:48:37 do. I mean, my idea of telling somebody how I felt, I remember right before I stopped drinking,
    1:48:43 I remember I was teaching sort of all over the academic ghetto around Boston, but I remember
    1:48:47 specifically one day at Tufts, I was copying something for a class and I was, I dropped my
    1:48:54 kid off like vomiting out the side of the car before I dropped him off at daycare. I mean,
    1:49:00 and then I drove to Tufts and I was Xeroxing something and somebody said, how are you doing,
    1:49:05 Mary? And I was like, you know, I want to blow my fucking brains out. And that was my idea of
    1:49:09 telling somebody how I felt, making a glib sort of awkward, socially awkward statement to somebody
    1:49:17 I hardly knew. And I’ve been in therapy then for a while, but I was also drinking every day,
    1:49:24 everything I could get my mitts on. So what is good therapy to you? Because therapy is a term
    1:49:30 that’s extremely broad. It’s kind of like saying medicine, right? Yeah, exactly. There’s so many
    1:49:34 different specialties. What has proven to be good therapy for you? You know, I think it’s totally
    1:49:39 depends on the on the person. I mean, the best there, the best therapist I ever had, I think,
    1:49:46 I mean, for me, the difference in therapy and recovery, I think in therapy, I’m the baby and
    1:49:52 they’re the mommy. And that model sort of, especially when I first started, I just felt
    1:49:59 like I needed a lot of nurturing. And I had great therapist, you know, my first therapist, when I
    1:50:05 look back on things he said and did was insane. He would have been fired. He told me to go down
    1:50:12 after he’d been seeing me nine months and confront my homicidal suicidal mother about all this
    1:50:18 horrible stuff she’d done to me. And I did it. And he said, I won’t see you until you do it.
    1:50:23 Wow. I mean, nobody’s ever done for a penny and for a pound. I know. I mean, I look back on it.
    1:50:31 I was like, he was crazy. Nobody’s ever, I had a great therapist with my son was a baby who was
    1:50:38 a psychologist, PhD psychologist, and who really helped me try to learn how to be a mother when
    1:50:45 I hadn’t had one. And all the feelings that come up around what you didn’t get when you were a child,
    1:50:52 when you have a child, the protection and stuff. It’s funny, my son watches me with his daughter
    1:50:59 now and just says, I don’t know, sort of gives me nothing but a stroke. And I said, let me just
    1:51:05 tell you, I was not this good with you. Like, I was crazy about you and I loved you, but I didn’t
    1:51:12 have what I have now that I have with her. That’s just, I don’t even break a sweat going in there.
    1:51:18 I can do this stuff. It’s funny, I was in, I babysit one or two days a week. I was in Prospect
    1:51:23 Park this week. And I had taken her across the park in a stroller and a thunderstorm broke out.
    1:51:29 I mean, pouring rain. And I’ve never shared DNA with somebody this good natured as this baby.
    1:51:36 This baby coos, smiles, laughs, never cries. I mean, sleeps, eats is just the best natured kid.
    1:51:44 I used to babysit in high school and college. I’ve taken care of a lot of babies and she’s
    1:51:48 just the easiest kid. I get across the thing, it’s pouring rain. And she starts screaming,
    1:51:56 crying like she’s being beaten. And I take her out of the stroller and I hold her and she calms
    1:52:01 down. I go to put her back in the stroller and she just starts screaming, crying again.
    1:52:05 Well, it’s two miles across a muddy field in the pouring rain and I’ve got a stroller and a bunch
    1:52:11 of crap and I’ve got this, you know, 27 pound unit, screaming unit. And I just had no problem doing it.
    1:52:20 And when I was 40 years old, 35 years old, it would have been like being beaten with a hose.
    1:52:28 I just thought, you know what, daddy was in the battle of the bulge. This is not that hard.
    1:52:32 You know, I just had the physical energy, even at my age, that I didn’t know I had to do it. And I
    1:52:42 got back to the house and I went to fold up the stroller. There was four inches of freezing water
    1:52:47 in the bottom of the stroller that I’ve been putting her in. And she was soaked through to her
    1:52:52 skin. Yeah, there was, she was perfectly reasonable to be, you know, now I understand I could have
    1:52:56 just emptied it out and put her in the stroller and wrapped her up in a blanket. But I, I didn’t
    1:53:01 know what it was, but I just thought, well, I’ll get her home and it’ll be fine. You know, I didn’t
    1:53:05 feel like, oh my God, oh my God, I’m a terrible mother and I’m going to wind up trying to stab her
    1:53:10 with a butcher knife, which is how I felt when my kid was that age. You know, I didn’t know that I
    1:53:15 wasn’t going to be my mother. I wasn’t, I didn’t know that. So scary. That is scary. Yeah, super
    1:53:24 scary. And, you know, it sounds like, please correct me if I’m wrong, but that you’ve learned
    1:53:29 in some form or fashion, or maybe many forms and fashions, to wear the world like a loose garment.
    1:53:34 I’d love to know if you agree or disagree because based on my reading,
    1:53:38 okay, so your first confession. Absolutely not. No, preset to you, wear the world like a loose
    1:53:46 garment. What does that mean to you? Well, I mean, I think it’s not, you know, the problem isn’t
    1:53:52 whatever your mind is telling you. The problem is the fear. And for me, the solution to fear is
    1:53:59 curiosity and presence. And I can’t be terrified and curious at the same time. And so when I
    1:54:10 was walking the baby across the field, just all I was was physically uncomfortable. I mean,
    1:54:18 I was thinking, gee, can I shove this thing and hold her moose, you know, and get everything and
    1:54:24 get all this stuff? How am I going to do, you know, and so I went crossways across the mud fields,
    1:54:29 so I’m shoving the stroller and carrying her. I didn’t know physically if I could do it. I was
    1:54:34 sort of dubious. I was thought, maybe I can’t do this. But all I had to do was do it. I thought,
    1:54:39 well, if I get tired, I’ll sit down and it’ll rain on me a minute, then I’ll get up and go again.
    1:54:44 Like that’s what we’ll do. But I don’t know. Here’s the way I put it. I tell people it’s
    1:54:49 like I have a trickney. It’s like most of the time I walk fine, I run fine, I can, you know,
    1:54:55 squat more than my body weight and do advanced Pilates for an hour and 10 minutes. And I’m tough
    1:55:03 as a boot. But there are days that I don’t feel that way, or there are moments where I get my
    1:55:09 knee goes out and I fall on the ground. All I have to do is honor those moments. All I have to do is
    1:55:16 I have a heating pad. I have a weighted blanket. My kids have a pit bull while I’ll bring to stay
    1:55:20 with me. Well, an idiot is my little comfort animal. You know, I call people. I still have a
    1:55:27 sponsor. I still have a therapist. I don’t talk to all the time. But I didn’t have to be convinced
    1:55:33 to go into therapy. I knew I needed it. But when I first started it, as you know, it was just so
    1:55:38 damn painful. And I just, for those of your listeners out there, if you’re having a hard
    1:55:43 time, I just want to say it’s like you lance a boil and the infection’s draining off. And if you
    1:55:48 can just get by that, it’s going to tell you that it’s endless, but it’s not endless. There’s a
    1:55:56 bottom to it. So did you ever smoke? You never did. I was never a smoker. Yeah, you’re just such a
    1:56:02 chock. You’re such a specimen. You’re such a specimen, Tim. Well, we’re all specimens. It depends
    1:56:08 on how we look on the autopsy table. But the, I was born premature, so I have respiratory issues
    1:56:15 on my left lung. And that was part of it. So I had a lot of breathing issues growing up to begin
    1:56:21 with. And secondly, I was, sports saved me. So sports kept me out of a lot of trouble.
    1:56:28 Yeah. You know, I was good at sports. And then I quit when I was like, I quit. I’m much more of a
    1:56:33 jock now than I was then. You know, I wanted to ask about smoking. I was going to ask you about
    1:56:39 smoking because when you quit smoking, there’s a phenomenon that happens. It’s also when you quit
    1:56:44 drinking, but somehow it’s more intense when you smoke. You’ll have a craving for a cigarette.
    1:56:50 And the craving is as intense as it was the first day you quit. It’s as overpowering. But if you
    1:56:59 just keep note of how long the craving lasts and how many of them there are, they’re as intense,
    1:57:06 but they’re not as long and as frequent. So it’s the same thing about suffering
    1:57:15 when you first start therapy or you first lance that boil and you’re unearthing some of the painful
    1:57:20 things you grew up with. It’s as intense the first day and you just feel like, oh my God,
    1:57:27 I’m in the burn ward and I just got snatched out of the fire and every ounce of me hurts and I want
    1:57:32 to run screaming down the street like my hair’s on fire. And it just won’t last as long as it did
    1:57:38 the first time. And so for your listeners, if you’re just looking at hard things that you grew
    1:57:46 up with or you’re trying to quit smoking, trying to quit drinking, trying to recover from trauma,
    1:57:53 I promise you, I will send you money if this is not true, that it will get easier. It’s not linear
    1:58:02 and there will be those days when it’s as painful as the first day and you’ll think,
    1:58:06 but I’m no better than I was, but you are. You just, it doesn’t feel that way.
    1:58:11 Yeah, excellent advice. Just a few more questions. I’m having so much fun. I can go forever,
    1:58:17 but I… You’ve got a lot to do, dude. Do I though? I don’t know. I mean…
    1:58:22 We’re in Austin. Do you live? Well, I spend most of my time downtown for recording
    1:58:28 and then live in the burbs outside of that. I love it in Austin and expect to be here for
    1:58:35 quite some time. I wanted to move here right after college. I didn’t get the job and there
    1:58:40 was… Those morons, they screwed up. Yeah. Well, you know, possibly. I also think that
    1:58:46 that could have been in everyone’s best interest. Really? I think I make it quite terrible employee
    1:58:53 in most circumstances. Me too. But at the time, and I didn’t expect this to lead here, but
    1:59:00 at the time that I was not given the green light to get an offer from trilogy software,
    1:59:08 way back in the day, it seemed like a death blow. This seemed like the end of the world
    1:59:14 because I had put a lot of eggs in that basket. I didn’t want to do anything that was recruiting
    1:59:19 on campus really otherwise. I listened to and watched your Syracuse University commencement
    1:59:27 speech. Oh, that’s so nice of you. And then I read a transcript and I think this is from
    1:59:33 the speech unless it was sort of mistranscribed, but here’s the paragraph. Almost every time I was
    1:59:38 super afraid it was of the wrong thing and stuff that first looked like the worst, most humiliating
    1:59:43 thing that could ever happen almost always led me to something extraordinary and very fine.
    1:59:48 So my question is, could you give us an example of that that comes to mind? Could be something
    1:59:53 humiliating. It could be a favorite failure, but anything that… Oh, I’ll tell you as it turns
    1:59:58 out. When I first did a kind of moral inventory and recovery that they encourage you to do,
    2:00:04 I had a lot of resentments against God. When you say they, this is in a 12-step program.
    2:00:08 Yeah. And John the Bone, you know… John the Bone, right.
    2:00:13 Like one of the things I really resented God for, my son who was just this little beautiful
    2:00:20 blonde-haired blue-eyed and a tank of a boy, a natural kind of athlete. When he was little,
    2:00:27 he was sick all the time. I mean, he would get a cold and he would get these sinus infections.
    2:00:36 His fever would go to like 105. We’d rush him to children’s hospital in Boston. It was terrifying.
    2:00:42 We’re always rushing to emergency rooms because his fever was so bleeding high and just so terrifying.
    2:00:50 And so, I never slept. I never slept and I was depressed. I was probably postpartumly depressed
    2:00:58 and I was drinking. By then, I had started to decide drinking would help me take care of a sick
    2:01:03 child. Great idea, Meir. It’s like the bad mom and the after-school special. And so, what?
    2:01:10 And I remember… So, when it came time to do Ignatian spiritual exercises, we were trying
    2:01:16 to find God in all things. Where is God in that? Where is God in a sick baby? I’ll tell you secret.
    2:01:24 When I actually looked at my life and the decisions I was making, I would have kept
    2:01:30 drinking. If I had had one of those Playboy babies that sleeps 12 hours a night and never is sick and
    2:01:39 just, you know, coos and cuddles and like that. And I would have kept drinking. If I had had my
    2:01:46 granddaughter, who’s like the easiest like 12 hour night sleeper eats everything you give her,
    2:01:52 laughs at everything you do, I would have kept drinking. I could not physically drink the way
    2:01:59 a real alcoholic needs to drink and take care of a kid who was sick all the time, couldn’t do it,
    2:02:04 and work and make a living. I couldn’t do all those things. It’s too hard. And so, I don’t think
    2:02:11 God sent pathogens into my infant son’s body. I don’t know how any of this works. But when I
    2:02:18 ask where God is in this, my own physical discomfort forced me to get sober. So, my sister died this
    2:02:28 summer very suddenly of pancreatic cancer in less than a week. I’m sorry. Yeah, I’m sorry too.
    2:02:33 You know, we were not in touch. We had a terrible childhood and we had not been
    2:02:40 really in touch for seven years. And that was my choice. And I remember saying to
    2:02:49 my therapist, “Isn’t it going to be terrible when she dies?” She said, “Yeah, it’s going to be terrible
    2:02:54 anyway.” And although it’s horrible that she’s dead, there’s nothing. I feel my love for her.
    2:03:04 I don’t have to defend myself against my love for her the way I did when we were estranged.
    2:03:13 I can cherish and remember all the times we were there for each other, all the
    2:03:22 ages we were in each other’s lives. And I would give anything for her to be alive. But I still
    2:03:30 think our not being in touch was the best thing for both of us. You know, I don’t regret that.
    2:03:36 And there’s this amazing gift to me of being in touch now with her son and her husband and her
    2:03:42 stepchildren. And I would give anything if she were alive. But there are gifts in this suffering
    2:03:50 that are real spiritual gifts. I practice when things happen that I find very disappointing.
    2:03:57 My son had a film coming out, his first feature film coming out at Tribeca Film Festival.
    2:04:02 And it’s a global pandemic. And so there is no Tribeca Film Festival. And he’s raised somehow
    2:04:09 all this money and put years worth of work in and moved heaven and earth. And you know what?
    2:04:15 The film’s being released. He’s got a great distribution deal. He just won Best Director
    2:04:20 at Fright Fest. And you know, it’s unfolding just the way it needs to unfold. It’s getting curious
    2:04:27 about where the light is, you know, just being curious about where the light is.
    2:04:31 Getting curious about where the light is and the all powerful reframe. And it is
    2:04:37 really incredible what can happen, as you said, when you really get curious in the face of fear.
    2:04:47 On air, Tim, because I have to say it. I just have so many young people who come to me about
    2:04:52 sexual assault. So many young men who have come to me, my students, young writers, young poets.
    2:04:58 And you’re being open about this on this podcast has just been such a gift
    2:05:06 to all these young men. Thank you.
    2:05:08 So good for you. So good for you. So a horrible thing that happened to you that’s being used
    2:05:16 to help give a lot of people hope. And it’s going to prompt a lot of healing.
    2:05:21 I hope so. And I’ve seen a lot come out of the woodwork. And it’s been simultaneously, and I know
    2:05:30 you’ve experienced this certainly. It’s been simultaneously appalling, rewarding, and brutal,
    2:05:39 in a way. I mean, it’s all of those things. I mean, there’s a lot of pain and beauty in it.
    2:05:43 And, you know, I’ll just mention that of my closest male friends, and there really aren’t
    2:05:48 that many. I don’t collect friends like a little porcelain teacups or whatever people collect.
    2:05:54 I have a fairly small-ish circle and I would say 30% of my closest male friends reached out to me
    2:06:03 after that podcast to describe their own experiences with sexual abuse that I know nothing about.
    2:06:09 And these are people I’ve known for a very long time. So I hope there’s healing.
    2:06:13 Of course there is. We’re living. Look, we’re not curled up on the back wards of mental institutions.
    2:06:19 And we both could be. Yeah, very true. Well, Mary, we’re going to talk again.
    2:06:26 And I want to ask one more question, which sometimes is a dead end. I’ll own that if it is.
    2:06:33 Okay, then. But we’ll see where it goes. The question is,
    2:06:36 if you could put anything on a billboard, metaphorically speaking, to reach
    2:06:40 billions of people, however many you want, a word, a phrase, a question, a quote, a poem,
    2:06:48 anything, what might you put on that billboard? Oh my God, that’s so hardcore.
    2:06:52 Oh my God, that is really… God, that’s a little… It’s aggressive. It’s aggressive.
    2:07:01 It’s hardcore. It’s aggressive. It really is. It’s a little haveling of hogs,
    2:07:05 it’s a pack of haveling of hogs running out of the bushes at me.
    2:07:08 And it doesn’t have to be the one and only. This could just be the first billboard.
    2:07:14 The first billboard. Put down that gun, you need a sandwich.
    2:07:18 You need a sandwich and a hot bath. No, I know what I would put.
    2:07:26 I would put 90% of what’s wrong with you could be cured with a hot bath. That’s what I’d put.
    2:07:31 I love it. I love that. Well, Mary, this has been so much fun.
    2:07:37 Been a hoot.
    2:07:37 I’ve really, really enjoyed this. People can find you at your website, marycar.com,
    2:07:44 that’s marycar.com, Twitter @marycarlitlite. Is there anything else you’d like to say,
    2:07:52 suggest, ask, request of listeners? No, just let’s all heal. Let’s all heal as a country,
    2:07:58 no matter how different we think we are. We’re all suffering souls and we all want to
    2:08:04 heal this ribbon country of ours. So that’s what I’m wishing for all of us and wishing
    2:08:09 everybody a lot of love and light today. And a big nice cigar.
    2:08:13 Here, here. Yes, get curious. Look for the light. Thank you, Mary.
    2:08:22 All right. Well, you take care. You go do you.
    2:08:24 I will. And to everybody listening, we’ll link to everything that we’ve mentioned in the show
    2:08:29 notes at Tim dot blog forward slash podcast. And until next time, thanks for listening.
    2:08:34 Hey, guys, this is Tim again, just one more thing before you take off. And that is five
    2:08:40 bullet Friday. Would you enjoy getting a short email from me every Friday that provides a little
    2:08:44 fun before the weekend between one and a half and two million people subscribed to my free newsletter,
    2:08:50 my super short newsletter called five bullet Friday, easy to sign up, easy to cancel. It is
    2:08:56 basically a half page that I send out every Friday to share the coolest things I’ve found or
    2:09:01 discovered or have started exploring over that week. It’s kind of like my diary of cool things.
    2:09:06 It often includes articles I’m reading, books I’m reading, albums, perhaps gadgets, gizmos,
    2:09:12 all sorts of tech tricks and so on. They get sent to me by my friends, including a lot of podcast
    2:09:17 guests and these strange esoteric things end up in my field. And then I test them and then I
    2:09:24 share them with you. So if that sounds fun, again, it’s very short, a little tiny bite of goodness
    2:09:30 before you head off for the weekend, something to think about. If you’d like to try it out,
    2:09:34 just go to Tim dot blog slash Friday, type that into your browser Tim dot blog slash Friday,
    2:09:40 drop in your email and you’ll get the very next one. Thanks for listening. This episode is brought
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    This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #76 “Rick Rubin on Cultivating World-Class Artists (Jay Z, Johnny Cash, etc.), Losing 100+ Pounds, and Breaking Down the Complex” and episode #479 “Mary Karr — The Master of Memoir on Creative Process and Finding Gifts in the Suffering.”

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    Timestamps:

    [00:00] Start

    [05:11] Notes about this supercombo format.

    [06:15] Enter Rick Rubin.

    [07:58] How Rick lost over 135 pounds in his late 30s.

    [16:03] How artists can hurdle the obstacles that hinder their best work.

    [19:31] Where to find world-class contemporary music.

    [20:24] Approaching music production with a fan’s-eye view.

    [22:53] Recommended reading.

    [24:22] Helping artists break their creative blocks.

    [26:54] Rick’s advice for his younger selves.

    [29:06] Why practicing self-kindness isn’t just nice — it’s a necessity.

    [32:01] Enter Mary Karr.

    [32:25] Growing up in “The Ringworm Belt.”

    [34:44] The catalyst for Mary expressing herself and publishing to the world.

    [37:47] The role reading played for young Mary.

    [40:31] The feeling that inspired Mary’s desire to become a poet at a young age.

    [44:27] “Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.”

    [45:17] How Mary, a high school dropout, got into college and became an A student.

    [49:13] Mary’s struggle with bringing darkness with her even after leaving her traumatic past.

    [53:23] The highly selective process for getting into Mary’s graduate seminar at Syracuse University.

    [54:33] The first day of Mary’s class and what it illustrates about processing memoir-building memories.

    [1:00:20] The value of a commonplace book and helping others find alternative perspectives.

    [1:04:19] The importance and utility of prayer in Mary’s life and sobriety.

    [1:17:09] The significance of Ignatian exercises in Mary’s Catholic faith and gratitude practice.

    [1:23:10] Obligatory Texas talk about weaponry and hunting.

    [1:26:41] The origins of Mary’s unique wordsmithing.

    [1:34:24] Mary’s process of rough drafts, revision, and using past memories for storytelling.

    [1:42:34] How Mary copes with the pain of dredging up memories through writing.

    [1:46:09] Why Mary feels the happiest at 65 and her advice to her younger self about therapy.

    [1:49:26] The most and least effective types of therapy for Mary.

    [1:53:25] Mary’s solution to fear and getting through uncomfortable times.

    [1:58:14] Recognizing the gifts from suffering through difficult times in retrospect.

    [2:06:28] Mary’s billboard.

    [2:07:35] Parting thoughts.

    *

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