Most Replayed Moment: Captivate A Room Even If You’re Shy! – Vinh Giang

0:00:07 I was looking earlier, there’s almost like a billion search results on Google for people
0:00:11 trying to figure out or trying to provide answers to how to communicate successfully.
0:00:12 So let’s get into it.
0:00:15 So you use this term vocal image.
0:00:15 Yeah.
0:00:17 What does vocal image mean?
0:00:22 It came about when I realized I spend, and I think most of us spend a lot of time on
0:00:23 our visual image, right?
0:00:25 How we look, our body language, the way we dress.
0:00:29 But very rarely do people spend time on their vocal image.
0:00:31 Now, I’ll make it make sense.
0:00:35 When people see you and you reveal your visual image, they make assumptions about you pretty
0:00:35 quickly.
0:00:36 So they form assumptions.
0:00:38 Oh, this person seems friendly.
0:00:39 Maybe they’re confident because they’ve got good posture.
0:00:40 Maybe they’re smiling.
0:00:41 They’re friendly.
0:00:45 And then all of a sudden, when you open your mouth and you speak, they now turn these assumptions
0:00:46 into beliefs.
0:00:49 So what may be assumptions before?
0:00:52 Now they go, oh, you are friendly.
0:00:53 You are confident, right?
0:00:57 Or they might think, oh, no, bit of a wanker, right?
0:00:59 And you’ve had these experiences before.
0:01:01 I’ve had them before, where you assume you see someone.
0:01:02 You go, oh, that person’s really cool.
0:01:03 Go and meet them.
0:01:04 You go, ah, not really nice.
0:01:05 That’s weird.
0:01:10 So it’s another layer that we don’t think about, though, because we, again, think we’re stuck
0:01:11 with our voice.
0:01:12 We think we’re stuck with the way we communicate.
0:01:14 We think there’s no way for me to ever change this.
0:01:19 So let’s talk about how one can improve their vocal image so that they’re effective across
0:01:20 context.
0:01:20 Sure.
0:01:23 You mentioned melody, volume, hand gestures.
0:01:26 If we start with melody, what the hell is melody?
0:01:28 The different notes you can hit with your voice?
0:01:28 Okay.
0:01:29 So is that variety?
0:01:30 Yeah, variety.
0:01:30 Yeah.
0:01:30 Pitch variety.
0:01:31 Pitch and melody.
0:01:32 Okay.
0:01:34 Well, because there’s a melody that lives underneath your voice.
0:01:35 All right, let’s do an experiment.
0:01:37 I’m going to play you a piano song.
0:01:39 And I want you to listen to this.
0:01:42 And then you’re at home right now.
0:01:45 I want you to listen to the track and see what words come to mind.
0:01:46 So we’ll just play.
0:01:46 We’ll play this song.
0:01:52 Okay.
0:01:52 Yeah.
0:01:54 All right.
0:01:54 Sadness.
0:01:55 Right.
0:01:59 And then if listeners at home could have a voice here, too, that’s maybe, say, they’ll
0:02:01 say somber, nostalgic.
0:02:01 Yeah.
0:02:01 Right.
0:02:03 All these words would come up.
0:02:05 And again, if we sat with this for all, we’d get plenty of words.
0:02:06 Let’s try another one.
0:02:07 So let’s change the mood.
0:02:10 Let’s shift to something like this.
0:02:15 Inspirational, motivational.
0:02:16 Good.
0:02:19 See, all of a sudden now, and I’m thinking running towards something.
0:02:20 Yeah.
0:02:20 Right.
0:02:23 And again, there’s a part of me that thinks, oh, cheesy commercial.
0:02:23 Right.
0:02:25 There’s that part of it, too.
0:02:26 So you can hear all these different things.
0:02:27 Let’s try one more.
0:02:29 This one, we’ll shift gears again.
0:02:30 What about this one?
0:02:36 Like a horror movie.
0:02:37 It’s scary.
0:02:38 About to die.
0:02:38 Yes.
0:02:39 Something bad’s about to happen.
0:02:40 Omnius.
0:02:44 Little three-year-old stood on the landing of the staircase at nighttime.
0:02:45 Yes, with long black hair.
0:02:45 Yeah.
0:02:46 Yes, correct.
0:02:51 So that, again, all of a sudden paints all these different vivid pictures in your head.
0:02:58 The reason I did that experiment is there were no words in any of those tracks.
0:03:04 Yet think about all of the words that rushed to your mind as you were experiencing the melody,
0:03:10 the different notes, what people fail to realise is that you have a melody in your voice.
0:03:10 Yeah.
0:03:16 This is why when some people walk into our lives, it could drain the energy from our lives.
0:03:20 And when they walk in, you feel the impact of them walking in, right?
0:03:22 In the negative way or a positive way.
0:03:23 Some walk in and you go, oh, I feel good.
0:03:24 I feel great.
0:03:25 What is that?
0:03:27 It’s the melody in which they come in with.
0:03:35 Can you have a pretty limited range, a limited melody, but still hit people with scary and sad
0:03:35 and inspiring?
0:03:37 I believe you can.
0:03:37 Yeah.
0:03:40 Again, because we genuinely don’t have 88 keys, right?
0:03:42 So again, it’s one of those, it’s a metaphor.
0:03:49 But I believe that we can create so many different songs with our voice if we learn to treat it
0:03:49 as an instrument.
0:03:53 And we can play with the technique to help you increase your vocal range if you want.
0:03:54 Sure.
0:03:56 There’s something called a, this is fun.
0:03:57 This is a fun one.
0:03:58 There’s something called a siren technique.
0:03:59 Okay.
0:04:00 Okay.
0:04:04 So a siren technique is when you read something with a low voice and then you go towards a
0:04:05 higher voice and you go back down to a low voice.
0:04:08 So now I don’t want you to start with.
0:04:11 I just want you to read this as you would and then we’ll try the siren technique.
0:04:12 So just read it as you would neutrally first.
0:04:13 So just read that as you would.
0:04:14 Okay.
0:04:16 So for those that can’t see, Vin has passed me a card.
0:04:16 Yeah.
0:04:17 Q cards.
0:04:19 And on the card it has a bunch of words, which I’m just going to read.
0:04:22 And then as you’re listening at home, have a guess of what movie this is from.
0:04:24 Want to know how I got these scars?
0:04:26 My father was a drinker and a fiend.
0:04:29 And one night he goes off crazier than usual.
0:04:31 Mummy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself.
0:04:32 He doesn’t like that.
0:04:33 Not one bit.
0:04:38 So me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it, turns to me and
0:04:40 he says, why so serious, son?
0:04:42 Comes at me with the knife.
0:04:43 Why so serious?
0:04:44 He sticks the blade in my mouth.
0:04:47 Let’s put a smile on that face.
0:04:49 And why so serious?
0:04:49 Beautiful.
0:04:50 What movie is that from?
0:04:51 No idea.
0:04:51 I don’t want to read this.
0:04:52 Oh, are you serious?
0:04:53 Dark Knight, the Joker.
0:04:54 Oh, okay.
0:04:55 So Heath Ledger, so amazing.
0:04:55 Okay, cool.
0:04:56 Great.
0:04:57 So again, you read that in your neutral voice.
0:04:59 Now what we’re going to do is we’re going to play with the instrument.
0:05:00 Okay.
0:05:03 So the siren technique is when you read with a really low voice and then gradually you
0:05:04 go to a high voice.
0:05:06 And I’m going to challenge you to not be afraid to go into the falsetto.
0:05:07 Not be afraid to play.
0:05:07 Okay.
0:05:08 Just play.
0:05:09 Okay.
0:05:13 And it’s not about going low at the start and then high at the bottom.
0:05:16 Within each sentence, I want you to go up and down, up and down.
0:05:17 I really want you to play with your voice.
0:05:19 Otherwise, I’m going to push you.
0:05:19 Okay.
0:05:19 Okay.
0:05:21 And three, two.
0:05:21 Go for it.
0:05:24 Want to know how I got these scars?
0:05:26 My father was a drink.
0:05:28 Kind of fiend.
0:05:28 Good.
0:05:30 And why not he does that?
0:05:32 I’m crazier than usual.
0:05:35 Mummy gets to the kitchen knife.
0:05:36 Used to defend herself.
0:05:37 Good.
0:05:37 Wow.
0:05:39 It hurts.
0:05:42 Now try to go in a way where it is a little more even.
0:05:43 Just give it a go.
0:05:47 But normally you won’t be able to because you won’t have all of the range fully expanded.
0:05:47 Try again.
0:05:48 Keep going.
0:05:49 He doesn’t like that.
0:05:50 Not one bit.
0:05:51 Good.
0:05:53 So me watching.
0:05:55 He takes the knife to her.
0:05:56 Yes.
0:05:58 Laughing while he does it.
0:05:58 Good.
0:06:00 Turns to me.
0:06:02 And he says.
0:06:05 Why so serious, son?
0:06:08 Fantastic.
0:06:08 That’s fantastic.
0:06:09 You did a great job, right?
0:06:09 Okay.
0:06:11 But you feel that feeling you feel right now.
0:06:11 Yeah, weird.
0:06:12 Yes.
0:06:16 And it’s not so much about getting you to speak like that on the podcast, but it’s more
0:06:22 just helping you realise this instrument that you have is capable of so much more.
0:06:22 Yeah.
0:06:28 There is so much more that it can do as opposed to what we normally do with it, right?
0:06:32 Because for the longest time in my life, I didn’t have any melody because I just thought
0:06:33 this was how you talk.
0:06:37 And the reason I can switch to this very quickly, Stephen, is because I practiced these behaviors
0:06:38 for about 25 years.
0:06:42 What’s even more interesting is they’ve done studies where they had five or six people
0:06:44 talking at the same time.
0:06:48 And the person who the person heard was the person who had more melody in their voice.
0:06:49 Oh, really?
0:06:53 The person who is more melodic, what they say becomes more memorable.
0:06:57 Whereas if all of us were speaking like this, me, yourself, Jack, everyone, all of a sudden
0:06:58 you wouldn’t hear.
0:07:00 You wouldn’t be able to hear the difference.
0:07:03 Whereas all of a sudden, if you just start to play with your voice a little more.
0:07:07 How do you know you’ve not played with it too far?
0:07:08 Do you know what I’m saying?
0:07:09 By playing with it too far and then getting feedback.
0:07:10 Right.
0:07:12 And people are so afraid of that, though.
0:07:15 And they don’t realise that they don’t go too far.
0:07:17 They underplay.
0:07:19 The risk is not going too far.
0:07:21 The risk is not going far enough.
0:07:25 Again, at this point, when people heard me squeaking like Mickey Mouse, they’re going
0:07:26 to say, fuck me.
0:07:29 You’re going to have to remind me again, Vin, why this is worth it.
0:07:32 You’ll be able to make people feel more connected to you.
0:07:34 They’ll feel what you’re saying, not just hear what you’re saying.
0:07:36 I mean, do you notice this in some people?
0:07:36 Of course.
0:07:38 They will say things, but you don’t feel it.
0:07:42 It happens in America’s Got Talent, Australia’s Got Talent, where Simon Cowell will say, right,
0:07:44 right, very good, but I don’t feel it.
0:07:46 What are they talking about?
0:07:47 It’s the emotion in their voice.
0:07:51 There is emotion in your voice too.
0:07:51 Do you want to go to the next one?
0:07:52 Please.
0:07:53 I didn’t know there was more.
0:07:53 There’s more.
0:07:54 Yeah, there’s five.
0:07:55 Let’s go through all five.
0:07:56 Now, next one.
0:07:59 I’m just going to get you to read this one as you would, and then I’ll tell you what
0:07:59 it is.
0:08:00 Okay.
0:08:01 Just so you don’t get ahead of yourself.
0:08:01 Okay.
0:08:02 Okay, cool.
0:08:05 And please tell me you know this movie.
0:08:05 Fire out, Stephen.
0:08:07 I don’t know who you are.
0:08:09 I don’t know what you want.
0:08:15 If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you that I don’t have money, but what I do have
0:08:21 are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career, skills
0:08:22 that make me a nightmare for people like you.
0:08:25 If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it.
0:08:27 I will not look for you.
0:08:28 I will not pursue you.
0:08:30 But if you don’t, I will look for you.
0:08:31 I will find you and I will kill you.
0:08:32 Yes.
0:08:32 Very dark movies.
0:08:34 I love these movies.
0:08:35 What movie is this?
0:08:40 That is the movie called where he, his daughter gets kidnapped.
0:08:40 What’s it called?
0:08:41 He’s like, oh, do, do.
0:08:42 Yes.
0:08:43 That’s with an L, his name.
0:08:45 Lion King.
0:08:45 I’m joking.
0:08:46 No, what is it?
0:08:46 Right?
0:08:47 From Taken.
0:08:48 But here’s the thing.
0:08:51 So the next foundation is rate of speech.
0:08:52 Okay.
0:08:56 So if you were reading that, and I was kind of just giving you some coaching, again, as
0:08:59 you were reading that, think of rate of speech of having a scale from zero to 10.
0:08:59 Yeah.
0:09:00 All right?
0:09:03 So one being painfully slow and 10 being as quickly as you possibly can, right?
0:09:05 So you were around playing around a five.
0:09:06 Very comfortable.
0:09:07 That’s your default rate of speech.
0:09:10 Most of us, when we’re nervous, we just have a default rate of speech.
0:09:12 We fall victim to a default rate of speech.
0:09:15 When you think about rate of speech, there’s a way to use it.
0:09:21 And the way you use rate of speech is if you really want to highlight a point, creating an
0:09:24 auditory highlight, slow down.
0:09:26 That creates an auditory highlight.
0:09:28 It’s like a highlighter with your words.
0:09:30 And if you want to be able to show charisma, energy, you speed up.
0:09:33 And if it’s not as important, you can speed up and that’s fine.
0:09:36 This simple rule gives you vocal variety with your rate of speech.
0:09:38 That’s simple rule.
0:09:42 And what does changing my rate of speech then do to the message I’m communicating?
0:09:44 It makes it more clear.
0:09:46 There’s more clarity in it, right?
0:09:50 So for example, if I was speaking and I said, right now, I’m going to go through the five core
0:09:52 vocal foundations and I’m going to take you first one through is the rate of speech.
0:09:54 Then after that, I’m going to talk to you about pitch and melody.
0:09:56 And then after that, I’ll talk to you about the importance of the other three.
0:09:58 Right now, you have no idea what is important and what is not important.
0:10:04 Whereas all of a sudden now, if I said, I’m going to take you through the core five vocal
0:10:08 foundations, all of a sudden, you now have a point of focus.
0:10:11 And the big thing that people want with their communication is clarity.
0:10:17 Well, if you are going to be more clear, the delivery needs to be clear so that the receiver
0:10:18 gets what you intend.
0:10:23 It’s not just about the exchange of information, because how I say something impacts how you
0:10:23 receive it.
0:10:25 So I want to slow down where I want to hit emphasis.
0:10:26 Yes.
0:10:29 And this script has multiple places where you want to slow down.
0:10:30 When people are nervous.
0:10:31 Yes.
0:10:32 What happens?
0:10:33 They speed up.
0:10:33 They speed up.
0:10:34 They speed up.
0:10:34 Considerably.
0:10:35 Considerably.
0:10:38 And have they ever measured that?
0:10:39 Oh.
0:10:39 Does anybody know?
0:10:43 If you get above 210 words per minute, it’d be a little bit too fast.
0:10:45 And what’s the average person speaking at in terms of words per minute?
0:10:46 Around 150.
0:10:48 You want to get to around 150, 180.
0:10:49 That’s very good.
0:10:51 That’s a good kind of rate of speech to be at.
0:10:55 Whereas if you’re slower than that, then again, it just gets a little bit monotonous
0:10:56 at times for people.
0:10:59 But again, here’s what’s fascinating.
0:11:05 If I, if all of a sudden now, I stick to a default melody and then stick to a default
0:11:08 rate of speech, notice what’s happening in your brain, right?
0:11:11 All of a sudden you start to, again, you start to switch off, right?
0:11:14 Whereas all of a sudden, if I start to vary my rate of speech, the transition from slow
0:11:16 to fast is what’s hooking people.
0:11:20 So if you were to try to read that again now, but I want you to slow, and some bits painfully
0:11:22 slow down and play with your voice.
0:11:23 And then some bits go quicker.
0:11:26 And then the last bit, I’m going to kill you.
0:11:28 Slow it all the way down and be playful.
0:11:29 It’s not about.
0:11:31 Okay, I’m going to start from here.
0:11:32 Sure.
0:11:38 If you’re looking for a ransom, I can tell you that I don’t have money.
0:11:43 But what I do have are a particular set of skills.
0:11:51 Skills I’ve acquired over a very long career.
0:12:00 If you let my daughter go, that will be the end of it.
0:12:02 I will not look for you.
0:12:03 I will not pursue you.
0:12:05 But if you don’t, I will look for you.
0:12:10 I will find you.
0:12:18 And I will kill you.
0:12:20 Yes, give him a big round of applause.
0:12:21 That was amazing, right?
0:12:21 Thank you so much.
0:12:24 But again, you feel so strange when you do it.
0:12:24 Yeah, I do.
0:12:27 It’s so fun to listen to.
0:12:29 And again, this is us practicing.
0:12:30 This is a safe environment.
0:12:32 I’m not, don’t do your next podcast like that.
0:12:36 But again, it just goes to show the range that we have access to.
0:12:38 And how it changes the message in such a profound way.
0:12:38 It’s the same words.
0:12:41 It’s the same words, but when you read it the first time,
0:12:42 it didn’t sound scary at all.
0:12:44 Now I feel scared.
0:12:47 There’s something, I noticed this in like board meetings and stuff,
0:12:49 especially with like younger team members
0:12:51 or people that would class themselves as being shy,
0:12:53 that they do hurry along.
0:12:56 And there is a certain, someone said to me the other day
0:12:59 that people that have the most confidence and charisma,
0:13:02 they like move and talk as if they were a lion.
0:13:03 Yeah, yeah.
0:13:06 You know, they’re slow and they’re composed.
0:13:07 Prey versus predator.
0:13:07 Yeah.
0:13:09 I remember listening to the episode, it was fantastic.
0:13:10 Yeah.
0:13:10 There is.
0:13:13 It’s people who are confident take their time.
0:13:14 What’s that third one?
0:13:15 Okay.
0:13:16 Just read part of it.
0:13:17 Read part of it.
0:13:19 You’re more than happy to freestyle.
0:13:20 Read part of it.
0:13:22 Now, if you know what you’re worth,
0:13:24 then go out and get what you’re worth.
0:13:25 But you have to be willing to take the hits
0:13:28 and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you want to be
0:13:31 because of him or her or anybody.
0:13:32 Cowards do that.
0:13:33 And that ain’t you.
0:13:34 You’re better than that.
0:13:37 Now, the thing is, this next one is volume.
0:13:38 Oh, shit.
0:13:39 Yeah.
0:13:40 Volume, so critical.
0:13:41 Okay.
0:13:42 For many different reasons.
0:13:44 Volume is the lifeblood of your voice.
0:13:48 Volume carries all the other foundations you’re about to learn.
0:13:50 Volume carries the melody.
0:13:51 Volume carries the rate of speech.
0:13:52 It carries everything.
0:13:55 And, again, I think of it as having a scale from one to ten.
0:13:58 And a lot of the times, like what you just did,
0:14:03 people are around a three, a four, and they stay around there.
0:14:06 When you use volume,
0:14:09 there’s two ways to auditorily highlight something with volume.
0:14:11 Volume is fascinating because with the rate of speech, you slow down.
0:14:16 But with volume, to highlight something, you could go very quiet.
0:14:18 Okay.
0:14:20 So if all of a sudden I wanted to say something scary,
0:14:22 I could lower my volume and say it.
0:14:26 But then all of a sudden notice what happens if I just stay here now.
0:14:30 What started as a great verbal highlight now just kind of seems,
0:14:32 doesn’t seem effective anymore.
0:14:37 Because if you make something default, it becomes non-functional.
0:14:39 And what signals I’m not a confident person?
0:14:41 What side of the scale?
0:14:43 The lower scale.
0:14:43 Okay.
0:14:44 On volume.
0:14:44 Okay.
0:14:48 Because that’s one of the default shy behaviours that a lot of people exhibit.
0:14:49 And what about leaders?
0:14:51 Where do they land on the scale?
0:14:53 Depends if they’re self-aware.
0:14:54 Right.
0:14:56 Sometimes if they’re not self-aware, they can be on the higher end.
0:14:57 And that’s, you know,
0:14:59 you just have someone come across as a little arrogant.
0:15:01 Sometimes it’s just too much volume.
0:15:03 Because too much volume without the other foundations,
0:15:04 now you come across arrogant.
0:15:06 So again, if I give this back to you,
0:15:07 and again, just for fun,
0:15:09 like, I want you to go loud.
0:15:12 I want people to hear outside of the studio what we’re doing.
0:15:13 So just have a go.
0:15:15 And give me a whisper too.
0:15:16 At some point, give me a whisper too.
0:15:20 Now, if you know what you’re worth,
0:15:23 go out and get it.
0:15:25 Go out and get what you’re worth.
0:15:29 But you have to be willing to take the hits.
0:15:33 And not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you want to be because of him.
0:15:33 Or her.
0:15:34 Or anybody.
0:15:36 Cowards do that.
0:15:37 And that ain’t you.
0:15:39 You’re better than that.
0:15:42 Oh, it’s amazing.
0:15:44 What you just did made me feel.
0:15:45 Why did I feel?
0:15:45 What is a voice?
0:15:47 A voice is a series of vibrations.
0:15:52 So you just sent vibrations my way that made me feel.
0:15:54 That’s why we say people have good vibes.
0:15:57 We understand it’s happening,
0:15:59 but we don’t understand at that kind of frequency level,
0:16:00 at the vibration level.
0:16:02 But it’s happening at a physical level.
0:16:05 Where depending on how you use your voice,
0:16:08 you’re genuinely moving people quite physically.
0:16:11 We did rate of speech.
0:16:12 We did volume.
0:16:13 We did the melody.
0:16:13 Yeah.
0:16:16 And then there’s two left, right?
0:16:17 There’s two left, yeah.
0:16:17 Right.
0:16:18 So this one, read it as you would.
0:16:19 Parts of it.
0:16:21 And it’s not because I’m lonely.
0:16:23 And it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve.
0:16:25 I came here tonight because when you realise
0:16:27 you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody,
0:16:30 you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
0:16:31 What we’re moving into now
0:16:34 is the emotion that exists within your voice.
0:16:34 Tonality.
0:16:37 This is the emotion that exists, right?
0:16:40 So the way to add more emotion into your voice
0:16:41 is to move your face.
0:16:44 Because as I eloquently put it at times,
0:16:46 your face is the remote control
0:16:48 that allows you to add emotion into your voice.
0:16:50 So let’s play, right?
0:16:52 So now I’ll give you different faces to make.
0:16:54 I’ll tell you different faces to make
0:16:55 and you make those different faces
0:16:56 and allow those emotions to come through your voice.
0:16:57 Okay.
0:16:57 So if it’s happy,
0:16:58 then I want you to sound really happy.
0:16:59 If it’s sad,
0:17:00 I want you to sound really sad.
0:17:01 So we’ll start with,
0:17:02 and try your best to play with this.
0:17:04 I want you to make disgust.
0:17:05 Like just, ugh, disgust.
0:17:06 And let that come through.
0:17:07 And give me a more volume.
0:17:09 Give me disgust in three,
0:17:09 two.
0:17:12 And it’s not because you’re lonely.
0:17:12 Yeah.
0:17:14 And it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve.
0:17:15 Surprised.
0:17:16 Really surprised.
0:17:20 I came here tonight because when you realise
0:17:22 you want to spend the rest of your life…
0:17:22 Angry.
0:17:23 Give me angry.
0:17:26 You want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
0:17:27 Happy.
0:17:28 Best day of your life, Stephen.
0:17:31 You want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
0:17:32 That’s so beautiful.
0:17:34 You know this already.
0:17:35 In our brains, there’s mirror neurons, right?
0:17:38 And when I see you go through these different facial expressions,
0:17:39 I feel what you feel.
0:17:43 Even though I know this is a situation we’ve created here
0:17:44 for us to experiment and it’s a safe environment.
0:17:46 But every time you went through any of those emotions,
0:17:47 I felt it.
0:17:50 Because I didn’t just see it.
0:17:51 Are men worse at this stuff?
0:17:52 Yes.
0:17:52 They are.
0:17:53 Yes.
0:17:54 Because I feel…
0:17:56 Well, for me, I can only speak personally for me,
0:17:58 I was taught to keep my emotions on the inside.
0:17:58 Right.
0:18:02 I was taught that it’s a sign of weakness to show you being sad,
0:18:03 you being happy.
0:18:04 You should just be…
0:18:04 Composed.
0:18:06 Composed at all times.
0:18:07 And then that’s what I thought.
0:18:10 And that led me to the behaviour of speaking.
0:18:13 Whereas I would just always speak like this because I’m a man
0:18:15 and I should always speak like this.
0:18:17 And I still remember going to one of the concerts
0:18:18 and my wife turns over.
0:18:19 She goes, how do you feel?
0:18:21 I’m like, this is a really exciting concert.
0:18:25 And she goes, well, okay, you obviously hate it.
0:18:26 And I’m like, no, no, I love it.
0:18:27 I love it.
0:18:28 And I just…
0:18:29 I didn’t know how to emote.
0:18:31 And again, I thought I was stuck like that
0:18:33 because I was stuck like that for years.
0:18:36 And that damaged a lot of my relationships.
0:18:39 Because here’s the thing that I think…
0:18:40 And it might be helpful for you too.
0:18:42 When you’re listening to someone talk,
0:18:44 you don’t have to react with sound
0:18:47 because otherwise you’ll be seen as interrupting the other person, right?
0:18:49 You can react with facial expressions.
0:18:51 And that is one of the most powerful ways
0:18:53 to show them you’re listening and that you’re following along.
0:18:55 How cool is that?
0:18:56 Because if someone’s saying something really bad
0:18:59 and you’re like, it shows them you’re locked in.
0:19:00 Yeah, you learn it as a podcaster.
0:19:01 Yeah, you do.
0:19:04 Because the audience, they’re looking at you
0:19:05 for most of the conversation.
0:19:07 So 95% of the conversation is on you.
0:19:07 Yes.
0:19:10 What they don’t know is that throughout that time,
0:19:12 I’m basically talking to you with my face.
0:19:13 You are.
0:19:14 And you’re really good at it.
0:19:17 So if I turn my head like this, it means tell me more.
0:19:18 So you’ll be talking and go like this.
0:19:19 Yes.
0:19:19 And it means tell me more.
0:19:20 Yes.
0:19:22 And then it’s interesting.
0:19:23 And you can expand that range.
0:19:25 It doesn’t just have to be curious.
0:19:25 Yeah.
0:19:26 And because I see you do it.
0:19:27 Yeah.
0:19:28 I see you consistently do the different faces
0:19:30 to give me the cue to almost go,
0:19:31 oh, he wants to elaborate.
0:19:31 Oh, he’s in.
0:19:32 He’s locked in.
0:19:33 Do you know, you can,
0:19:35 the thing I’ve learned from both speaking on stage
0:19:36 but also doing this is you can also fuck it up.
0:19:39 You can also communicate the wrong thing.
0:19:39 Yes.
0:19:39 Accidentally.
0:19:42 One of them that people communicate quite often
0:19:46 with accidentally is they start talking
0:19:48 while you’re speaking.
0:19:48 Do you ever know that?
0:19:51 Like when someone’s listening to speak,
0:19:53 they start, they start going like this.
0:19:54 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:19:56 And it means shut the fuck up.
0:19:57 I need to, I have something to say.
0:19:58 Yeah.
0:19:59 I just did it to you.
0:20:00 Not like that, but it’s that kind of,
0:20:02 no, but it’s that kind of thing.
0:20:03 It’s like, you know, I think,
0:20:04 who was on my podcast?
0:20:04 It was Vanessa.
0:20:07 She said, if you do the fast nod,
0:20:08 it means shut the fuck up.
0:20:10 So if you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:20:11 But if you do the slow nod,
0:20:12 it means, oh, I love this.
0:20:15 So if I go, oh, I’ve learned something.
0:20:16 That’s curiosity.
0:20:17 Tell me more.
0:20:19 Versus, yeah.
0:20:21 We can shut the fuck up with.
0:20:22 Yeah, yeah, and wave my hand.
0:20:23 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:20:24 Okay, so tonality.
0:20:25 So emotion.
0:20:27 And that was so beautiful to see you do that
0:20:29 because it just, again,
0:20:30 we just have such great range.
0:20:32 And then imagine you start to vary
0:20:33 your rate of speech now.
0:20:34 You vary volume.
0:20:35 You’ve got different melody.
0:20:37 You’ve also got different facial expressions.
0:20:41 This is such a rich song that you’re playing now.
0:20:43 What you just listened to
0:20:45 was a most replayed moment
0:20:46 from a previous episode.
0:20:48 If you want to listen to that full episode,
0:20:49 I’ve linked it down below.
0:20:50 Check the description.
0:20:51 Thank you.