Learn. Share. Evolve…

0:00:23 Megan Rapinoe here. This week on A Touch More, we’re joined by Nafisa Collier to talk about her phenomenal season so far, predictions for the WNBA’s second half, and what’s next for Unrivaled. Plus, Sue and I recap our trip to see the Eurofinals and how England dominated on and off the field. Check out the latest episode of A Touch More wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube.
0:00:48 I’m Scott Galloway, and this is No Mercy, No Malice. You are the average of your five closest friends, and in a country facing a loneliness epidemic, the math on friendship, especially among young men, looks bleak. The question isn’t whether to add new friends, but how. Friending, as read by George Hahn.
0:01:03 This year, I wrote a book called Notes on Being a Man. My publisher is billing it as a path forward for men and parents of boys. Sounds pretentious.
0:01:17 It’s also my life story, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Working on the book, I observed a pattern. My friends were, are, key to the trajectory of me.
0:01:27 According to Pew, 61% of U.S. adults say having close friends is extremely or very important for a fulfilling life.
0:01:40 The shares of people who say the same about marriage, 23%, children, 26%, and making a lot of money, 25%, pale in comparison.
0:01:45 And yet, American males have fewer friends than they used to.
0:01:51 Three decades ago, 55% of men reported having at least six close friends.
0:01:54 More than enough for a pickup basketball game.
0:01:59 Today, only 27% of men can say the same.
0:02:04 Worse, 15% of men say they have zero friends.
0:02:07 A five times increase since 1990.
0:02:10 Read that sentence again.
0:02:19 Nearly one in seven men today don’t have a single person they can call to shoot hoops, grab a drink, or catch a movie.
0:02:23 What happens to those men when the shit gets real?
0:02:26 One horrifying data point.
0:02:32 Men account for three out of every four deaths of despair in America.
0:02:39 Too many men are stuck, isolated, unproductive, and prone to obesity.
0:02:47 They’re addicted to drugs, gambling, porn, and whatever other substances provide a dopa hit with minimal friction.
0:02:52 They are susceptible to misogyny, conspiracy theories, and radicalization.
0:02:56 They make inadequate mates, employees, and citizens.
0:02:59 Can we turn this around?
0:03:00 Yes.
0:03:02 We have to.
0:03:04 That’s why I wrote the book.
0:03:08 Here’s an excerpt about making friends.
0:03:11 Friending.
0:03:21 The best thing anyone can do to improve their own success is make friends with people of high character who are ambitious.
0:03:31 For the past three or four decades, my friends have mostly been men.
0:03:36 For a long time earlier in life, women represented two things to me.
0:03:42 They could either help make me rich, or I could maybe sleep with them.
0:03:44 Men could help me out professionally.
0:03:52 This was the stupid, closed-minded, transactional, and sexist way I approached my life until well into my 40s.
0:03:54 No longer.
0:04:03 I’ve spent the past 10 years.
0:04:06 One female colleague has been with me 15 years.
0:04:07 Another 25.
0:04:13 I love my male friends for reasons that have nothing to do with me getting ahead.
0:04:20 Your goal at any age is to surround yourself with impressive, good, nice people.
0:04:26 As you get older, though, the lanes in which you might feel comfortable, narrow.
0:04:32 The idea of going on a mandate or investing in a new friendship feels more difficult.
0:04:44 The older you get, the more you just want to hang out at home, see your partner and kids, pop a gummy, watch Netflix, and maintain links with the friends you have without putting effort into new ones.
0:04:52 Socially engaged men face the decision of whether to cap the number of their friendships or not.
0:04:54 My advice?
0:04:56 Never shut down possibility.
0:04:59 Get in the way of chance.
0:05:02 I’m always on the lookout for new friends.
0:05:09 As were the average of our five closest friends, wouldn’t it make sense that I’d want to keep expanding and upgrading that friend group?
0:05:13 The goal isn’t to surround myself with doppelgangers.
0:05:16 It’s more about me learning, getting better, thinking differently.
0:05:19 I find friends by pushing the limits.
0:05:23 By not being afraid to put myself out there.
0:05:26 By going beyond my comfort zone, like staying home and watching Netflix.
0:05:31 By assuming other people are on the lookout for friends, too.
0:05:32 Example.
0:05:36 George Hahn reads the audio version of my weekly newsletter.
0:05:40 During COVID, he came out with a bunch of very funny viral videos.
0:05:42 One day I sent him a tweet.
0:05:44 Can we be friends?
0:05:46 Sure, he wrote back.
0:05:47 What are you doing now?
0:05:48 Nothing, I said.
0:05:49 Okay, said George.
0:05:50 Let’s grab coffee.
0:05:53 An hour later, we were having brunch in Soho.
0:05:59 Recently, the CIO of an investment firm texted me out of nowhere.
0:06:01 I think we’d be great friends.
0:06:04 Think of it as friendship cold calling.
0:06:05 It takes courage and resilience.
0:06:06 It takes courage and resilience.
0:06:10 If others aren’t interested, they’re not interested.
0:06:14 If they bite, you might find yourself having breakfast or lunch with someone great.
0:06:22 These days, in my quest for immortality, I’ve been getting PRP injections, platelet-rich plasma.
0:06:29 The doctor draws my blood, spins it in a centrifuge, and re-injects it into my shoulders.
0:06:32 It’s supposed to relieve aches, pains, and stiffness.
0:06:39 I’ve gone a few times and have gotten friendly with the doc, a young, good-looking guy in his mid-40s.
0:06:42 Last visit, I asked him about himself.
0:06:46 Was he single, married, partnered, gay, straight?
0:06:47 Did he have kids?
0:06:53 Straight, single, and childless, he appreciated my offer to set him up.
0:06:55 We began talking about raising boys.
0:06:59 Turns out he’s the team physician for the New York Rangers.
0:07:01 He suggested we go to a hockey game.
0:07:03 Would my sons be interested?
0:07:08 A decade or two ago, I would have said no.
0:07:09 Not his fault.
0:07:11 I wouldn’t have been confident enough.
0:07:15 He was too impressive, and I would have been intimidated.
0:07:22 It would have been too important to me to not admit I wanted him to like me and for us to become friends.
0:07:25 This happens to a lot of young people in America.
0:07:31 For various reasons, their self-esteem gets so battered from hitting roadblock after roadblock
0:07:37 while watching others succeed that they give up, foreclose on taking any more risks,
0:07:40 whether it’s applying for a job or approaching a woman.
0:07:42 Don’t bother, they tell themselves.
0:07:43 You’re not worthy.
0:07:44 You’re not that guy.
0:07:52 In my 30s and 40s, I went to every social event, found the most powerful people in the room,
0:07:56 and became their friends or invited them to golf so I could get their business.
0:08:01 And for reasons too exotic for me to comprehend, I was struggling with happiness.
0:08:05 I said yes to the hockey game.
0:08:08 The four of us, the four of us, the four of us, had a great time.
0:08:13 Note, you’re the average of your five closest friends.
0:08:17 Never shut down the opportunity to meet and learn from new people.
0:08:23 Life is so rich.
0:08:37 Hi, I’m Teffy.
0:08:38 Maybe you’ve seen me on TikTok.
0:08:40 Or TV.
0:08:42 Or interviewing celebrities on the red carpet.
0:08:47 But before all that, I was just another girl, running late to her desk job,
0:08:50 transferring calls, ordering printer ink.
0:08:52 I don’t miss that.
0:08:55 But I do miss not working at work.
0:08:58 Gossiping with my coworkers about celebrities.
0:08:59 What’s the latest with Bieber?
0:09:00 Where’s Britney?
0:09:03 And which Jonas brother is which?
0:09:06 That’s what I want my new podcast to feel like.
0:09:08 Like you and I are work besties.
0:09:11 We’ll chat about celebrities we’re obsessed with.
0:09:14 How could you be registered to vote and not know who Jennifer Aniston is?
0:09:15 Look up their star charts.
0:09:18 Sagittarius and a Capricorn.
0:09:23 They do clash and have so much fun avoiding real work together.
0:09:25 I’m having a silly goose of a time.
0:09:26 Teffy runs.
0:09:27 Teffy laughs.
0:09:29 Teffy over shares.
0:09:30 Teffy explains.
0:09:33 But most of all, Teffy talks.
0:09:40 From me, The Cut and Box Media Podcast, this is Teffy Talks.
0:09:41 Let’s go.