No Mercy / No Malice: Grief and Love

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0:01:23 Compare, Incorporated, NMLS 1617539. I’m Scott Galloway, and this is No Mercy, No
0:01:33 Malice. Grief is the receipt for love. Grief and love, as read by George Hahn.
0:01:45 Since the recovery of six hostages bodies in Gaza, I’ve been pondering grief. As
0:01:51 others have said, grief is the price we pay for love, a testament to the depth
0:01:56 of our connection. It isn’t just about losing a loved one, it’s about losing
0:02:04 what they represented to our family, community, and nation.
0:02:10 We share 98 percent of our DNA with chimpanzees, including our capacity to
0:02:18 grieve. Scientists have observed mourning in various species, cats, dogs, dolphins,
0:02:24 and primates. Natalia, a chimp in a Spanish zoo, carried the body of her
0:02:34 deceased infant for months. That’s grief, raw and undeniable. Anthropologists argue
0:02:40 that the anticipation of grief is key to attachment. Our fear of losing a child
0:02:46 drives us to ensure their well-being. We cooperate and treat each other well to
0:02:52 avoid the pain of loss. Paradoxically, mourning also brings us together and
0:02:58 fosters community. On a larger scale, many wars end when the collective grief
0:03:05 becomes unbearable, highlighting grief’s power to both divide and unite.
0:03:11 This capacity for mourning is deeply personal. When our Vishla Zoe passed, our
0:03:16 other dog, Gangster, retreated to his crate for days. More disturbingly, our
0:03:21 youngest son began making his bed and following every parental instruction, a
0:03:28 clear sign of distress. Burial rituals predate civilization and aren’t limited
0:03:35 to Homo sapiens. In Spain, researchers found a 430,000-year-old Neanderthal
0:03:42 burial site. The earliest known human burial, roughly 100,000 years old, was
0:03:48 discovered in Kavza, Israel, where archaeologists unearthed 15 skeletons,
0:03:55 seven adults, and eight children. A 12-year-old boy lay in a rectangular grave,
0:04:02 arms folded, with deer horns placed on his chest. The care taken speaks volumes
0:04:10 about the love felt for this child. From Mesopotamia to Rome, Egypt to China,
0:04:15 burial rites have been integral to preserving human dignity and fostering
0:04:21 community. Even today, actor Nicholas Cage has constructed a pyramid mausoleum
0:04:27 in New Orleans, his iconic performance in Leaving Las Vegas perhaps granting him
0:04:34 some eccentric latitude. Our empirical understanding of grief comes largely
0:04:38 from George Bonanno, a clinical psychologist who challenged the
0:04:43 traditional Kubler-Ross model. Instead of five stages that are understood to be
0:04:50 universal, Bonanno identified four distinct trajectories, resilience,
0:04:59 recovery, chronic dysfunction, and delayed grief or trauma. Resilience,
0:05:04 by far the most common, is a trait Bonanno argues we’re hardwired for.
0:05:09 It’s messy, hence his phrase “coping ugly.”
0:05:13 Mo Gaudet, former Chief Business Officer at Google’s
0:05:19 Ex-Development, shared his process for grieving his son’s death.
0:05:24 One, grieve fully, allowing all emotions.
0:05:30 Two, research and accept the finality of death,
0:05:36 committed acceptance. And three, take a leap of faith,
0:05:40 believing in something beyond the physical.
0:05:46 Mo’s approach, while idiosyncratic, reflects the universal human experience of
0:05:53 seeking meaning beyond death. Mo explained, quote, “acceptance means
0:05:57 understanding that this is your new baseline.
0:06:00 I will never receive another hug from my son.
0:06:06 I will not hear his voice on the phone or see him play music ever again.
0:06:12 That’s my new baseline. I will stop pretending otherwise.
0:06:16 Committed means I can still improve my own life
0:06:21 and the lives of those around me.”
0:06:29 The ongoing conflict in the Middle East has caused immense grief on both sides.
0:06:35 Israel’s trauma on October 7 likely had a wider and deeper impact than 9/11 did in
0:06:40 the U.S., given the relative size of the populations.
0:06:44 The recent recovery of six hostages bodies from Gaza’s tunnels
0:06:49 sparked the first general strike in Israel since the war began.
0:06:53 Tens of thousands are demanding a ceasefire and the return
0:06:57 of remaining hostages. This outpouring of grief might be a
0:07:02 turning point, illustrating how grief can both drive us to war
0:07:09 and compel us to seek peace. Note, I’m skeptical.
0:07:12 Packing my son for his return to boarding school earlier this week
0:07:18 was emotional. Putting away his size 10 new balance shoes,
0:07:23 cologne, and first razor, I thought again about a different darker parental
0:07:30 pain. The anguish of Hirsch Goldberg Pollan’s parents.
0:07:34 Seeing them speak at the Democratic National Convention when Hirsch was
0:07:39 reportedly still alive made the abstract parade of death
0:07:48 painfully real. As Stalin cynically noted, quote, “One death is a tragedy.
0:07:54 A million deaths is a statistic,” unquote.
0:08:01 Arlington National Cemetery with over 400,000 graves is a microcosm of American
0:08:06 history. It conducts about 150 funerals weekly
0:08:11 with the third U.S. infantry regiment guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier
0:08:18 24/7/365. From civil war soldiers to freed slaves,
0:08:23 astronauts to Supreme Court justices, Arlington honors a diverse array of
0:08:28 Americans who’ve shaped our nation. It’s not just a cemetery, but a place
0:08:33 of healing for families of the fallen. A testament to national
0:08:38 gratitude and respect. During the Civil War, the Union seized
0:08:43 an estate belonging to Confederate General Robert E. Lee,
0:08:47 building a cemetery there for thousands of soldiers killed by forces
0:08:52 under Lee’s command. Arlington was also the site of Freedman’s
0:08:58 Village, a refugee camp for former slaves that evolved into a thriving
0:09:03 community. Section 27 holds the graves of an
0:09:09 estimated 3,000 Black Americans who escaped slavery.
0:09:14 President John F. Kennedy rests there, honored by an eternal flame.
0:09:17 General George C. Marshall, Winston Churchill’s
0:09:22 organizer of victory in World War II, lies nearby.
0:09:26 Admiral Hyman G. Rickover, the father of the nuclear navy,
0:09:30 and Ira Hayes, a Native American from the Acomel
0:09:36 Awodam tribe, who was one of the six Marines who raised the flag at Iwo Jima,
0:09:41 also call Arlington their final home.
0:09:45 The Veterans Health Administration serves nine million veterans
0:09:52 across 1,300 facilities. Arlington, in its way, is a health facility
0:09:58 for grieving families. The resources and ceremony committed to it
0:10:05 comfort those who’ve lost loved ones. It’s 355 million Americans
0:10:09 saying to military families, “We recognize your loss.
0:10:15 Your sacrifice has meaning, and we care.”
0:10:21 By custom and law, Arlington is off limits for political content.
0:10:25 Yet, during a ceremony marking the anniversary of an attack
0:10:30 that killed 13 U.S. troops in Afghanistan, the Trump campaign
0:10:37 saw an opportunity for content. When stopped, they became abusive.
0:10:42 Trump advisor Chris Lasavita later posted footage of the event,
0:10:47 hoping to “trigger the hacks” in the army.
0:10:51 This desecration of Section 60 poured salt on
0:10:58 open wounds. As Ben Kessling, a former Marine officer, wrote,
0:11:03 “Section 60 is one of the most sacred places for this generation of troops.
0:11:08 It is where those who were killed in Iraq and Afghanistan are buried.
0:11:12 Those graves are visited not by tourists looking for historical figures,
0:11:17 but by mothers and fathers visiting their fallen son or daughter.
0:11:24 In Section 60, wounds are still raw.”
0:11:27 Trump’s actions dishonored not just those who served,
0:11:32 but America itself. The man who called U.S. troops killed in
0:11:38 combat “losers” and “suckers” has found a new low.
0:11:43 His disrespect for America and for those who’ve made the ultimate sacrifice
0:11:48 in its defense is increasingly common. However,
0:11:51 this specific behavior at Arlington is unique
0:11:58 in its callousness. Grief is the price we pay for love.
0:12:02 Our grief testifies to the depth of our connections,
0:12:08 to individuals, communities, and nations. There’s a word for Trump’s actions at
0:12:15 Arlington. Desecration.
0:12:20 Life is so rich.
0:12:22 you
0:12:24 you
0:12:27 (gentle music)
0:12:35 [BLANK_AUDIO]

As read by George Hahn.

Grief and Love

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