Oz Pearlman (Mentalist): This Small Mistake Makes People Dislike You! They Do This, They’re Lying!

0:00:03 I’ve spent three decades reverse engineering the human mind to show you how you can use it,
0:00:05 to know what somebody’s thinking when they meet you,
0:00:07 or if somebody was telling you the truth or lying.
0:00:08 So let’s do something fun.
0:00:11 Imagine that in front of you was an invisible deck of cards.
0:00:12 Spread them out in front of you.
0:00:15 And I want you to reach down and imagine you just grab a card at random.
0:00:17 Now, look at it. Look at me.
0:00:20 Okay, close your eyes. Hold your hand out, please.
0:00:24 Now, before you open your eyes, tell us, what was that card?
0:00:26 Three of diamonds.
0:00:28 Open your eyes. Take a look.
0:00:34 And it’s not magic. I can’t teach you this.
0:00:38 And these secrets, these habits, they’re applicable all throughout life.
0:00:40 Trust me, you don’t want to miss the rest of this.
0:00:44 Ose Perlman walked away from Wall Street to become the world’s leading mentalist,
0:00:46 unlocking the skills we need.
0:00:50 To read people, win trust, spot a liar, and influence anyone.
0:00:53 My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds,
0:00:55 but here is the honest truth.
0:00:58 That’s impossible, but I read people through small, minute details.
0:01:03 For example, we’re hardwired from thousands of years that if I approach you directly with two eyes,
0:01:07 it can create fear versus if I turn ever so slightly and approach you with one eye,
0:01:08 that one eye is less danger.
0:01:11 So it’s all about the smallest little nuances.
0:01:13 Like, think of someone. Think of their first name.
0:01:15 I got it. Five letters, isn’t it?
0:01:16 Tell us all, what is their first name?
0:01:17 Jules.
0:01:21 So this is a huge tactical advantage when you ask your boss for a raise
0:01:24 or when you ask someone out on a date, and I’ll explain to you what to do,
0:01:27 as well as how you form habits, eliminating that fear of rejection,
0:01:29 and also a fast track for confidence.
0:01:31 But the next thing is how to improve your memory,
0:01:33 which is a huge secret to success.
0:01:33 And I have a tip.
0:01:36 I’ve repurposed the instructions on a shampoo bottle,
0:01:39 and the first step is what 95% of us do wrong.
0:01:42 Just give me 30 seconds of your time.
0:01:44 Two things I wanted to say.
0:01:48 The first thing is a huge thank you for listening and tuning into the show week after week.
0:01:49 It means the world to all of us,
0:01:52 and this really is a dream that we absolutely never had
0:01:54 and couldn’t have imagined getting to this place.
0:01:58 But secondly, it’s a dream where we feel like we’re only just getting started.
0:02:00 And if you enjoy what we do here,
0:02:04 please join the 24% of people that listen to this podcast regularly
0:02:06 and follow us on this app.
0:02:08 Here’s a promise I’m going to make to you.
0:02:12 I’m going to do everything in my power to make this show as good as I can
0:02:13 now and into the future.
0:02:16 We’re going to deliver the guests that you want me to speak to,
0:02:19 and we’re going to continue to keep doing all of the things you love about this show.
0:02:20 Thank you.
0:02:25 O’s Perlman.
0:02:30 You’re a guy who can apparently read people’s minds.
0:02:34 In fact, the book you’ve just written is called Read Your Mind,
0:02:37 Proven Habits for Success from the World’s Greatest Mentalist.
0:02:40 So for anyone that isn’t familiar with your work and what you do,
0:02:43 why did you name your book Read Your Mind?
0:02:47 And can you read my mind?
0:02:49 So therein lies the dilemma.
0:02:54 My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds,
0:02:55 but here is the honest truth.
0:02:56 I can’t read minds.
0:02:57 I wish I could read minds.
0:02:58 That’s impossible.
0:03:00 I read people.
0:03:01 Very different skill.
0:03:04 This is built on the world of magic, what I do.
0:03:05 Misdirection.
0:03:06 Influence.
0:03:07 Suggestion.
0:03:11 Knowing how people think indicates to me what they think.
0:03:12 Right?
0:03:14 I’ve spent three decades reverse engineering the human mind.
0:03:20 I’m teaching you habits for success because the skills that I have at reading people effectively,
0:03:22 walking into a room, taking charge, influencing them,
0:03:27 all of the things surrounding the entertainment portion are things that apply to everyone.
0:03:31 If you can use these secrets, these habits,
0:03:34 they’re going to lead you to success in your personal life,
0:03:35 in your professional life, in your relationships.
0:03:36 And that’s what I’ve done.
0:03:39 I think that if I had done this same playbook and not been a mentalist,
0:03:41 I’d be successful in any field.
0:03:43 They’re applicable all throughout life.
0:03:47 You know, I’m pausing for one second because someone listening to this right now,
0:03:51 I’m always thinking about the person there watching us.
0:03:53 And why should they be watching me right now?
0:03:53 That’s my question.
0:03:54 Who cares about me?
0:03:55 I don’t know me.
0:03:56 They don’t know me.
0:03:57 Why should they watch this?
0:03:58 I’ve studied you.
0:03:59 That’s what I do for a living.
0:04:01 And I have something for you.
0:04:03 And on Dragon’s Den, I love when you make an offer.
0:04:05 I love the visual of the moment where you can change someone’s life, right?
0:04:08 A founder, you evaluate their company, you make them an offer.
0:04:13 So this is an offer, but it’s not for now.
0:04:15 You have to stick around till the end.
0:04:17 If you open it now, it’ll be meaningless.
0:04:19 At the end of this podcast, you’re going to open this piece of paper.
0:04:23 And I think it’s going to be something you will talk about for years to come.
0:04:23 You know what?
0:04:27 Put it somewhere, maybe right under your mug where it never leaves our sight.
0:04:28 And we’re going to come back to this later.
0:04:29 I’m going to put it.
0:04:30 Do you know what this is?
0:04:31 It’s your future.
0:04:32 This is my future.
0:04:32 A hundred percent.
0:04:34 Don’t open it yet.
0:04:35 You don’t want to know your future yet.
0:04:36 And why should they stick around and listen?
0:04:39 Oh, because trust me, you don’t want to miss the rest of this.
0:04:40 Otherwise, you’ll have to see the highlights.
0:04:42 Put it somewhere we see it the whole time.
0:04:42 Okay.
0:04:44 So I’ll put it here.
0:04:46 Or under your mug or anywhere.
0:04:47 We never lose sight of it.
0:04:47 Wonderful.
0:04:50 And I’ll put my mug on top of it.
0:04:54 For anyone that can’t see, because there will be some people listening on audio, he’s just
0:05:00 passed me a white piece of folded up card and I’ve put it underneath my mug.
0:05:02 It’s an offer you can’t refuse.
0:05:04 Listen, guys, we’re not colluding.
0:05:11 So, because I remember watching the Joe Rogan episode and wondering whether you and Joe Rogan
0:05:12 had colluded.
0:05:12 Yep.
0:05:14 To like do the, because it blew my mind.
0:05:18 So my objective today is to be completely honest with my audience.
0:05:18 Please.
0:05:22 And also, if I see you do something, do you want me to say it?
0:05:23 For sure.
0:05:23 Okay.
0:05:24 Do you actually want me to say it?
0:05:26 I mean, I guess so while I’m here.
0:05:26 Okay.
0:05:27 Fine.
0:05:27 Okay.
0:05:29 I mean, they trust you.
0:05:30 Why do people listen to you?
0:05:32 Great interview questions, but they trust you.
0:05:33 That’s how you build an audience.
0:05:34 Yeah.
0:05:36 I’d feel bad if I duped them.
0:05:41 And what is it that you think you know that the average person doesn’t know about the human
0:05:41 condition?
0:05:43 I know how people think.
0:05:50 So I think what I learned at a certain point were skills that are for success in life.
0:05:50 Let me explain to you.
0:05:57 The fear of rejection is something that I think is the number one factor between failure and
0:05:59 success is the fear.
0:06:03 Most people don’t try to achieve their goals because they’re fearful of what will happen
0:06:07 if they fail or they set themselves up for failure instead of for success.
0:06:08 What do I mean by that?
0:06:10 When I was 14, I’d walk up to you at a restaurant.
0:06:13 I talked my way into getting a restaurant gig because I’ve been doing magic tricks since I
0:06:14 was 13.
0:06:20 And I started learning by iterating what makes people when I walk up to them comfortable with
0:06:22 me, what makes them uncomfortable.
0:06:25 I started learning how people think.
0:06:28 And it’s down to the smallest little nuances.
0:06:32 I learned that if I approach you directly, the same way that animals fear you when they
0:06:36 see two eyes versus if I turn ever so slightly and approach your table at an angle, you only
0:06:37 see one eye.
0:06:41 We’re hardwired from thousands and thousands of years of avoiding predators.
0:06:43 That one eye is less danger.
0:06:45 Animals aren’t as fearful of you.
0:06:46 So I walk up to you.
0:06:47 I create time limits.
0:06:52 I learned quickly that if I walk up, the first thing someone thinks is, oh my God, is he going
0:06:52 to be here long?
0:06:55 The next thing is, do they even know this kid’s working here?
0:06:56 Is he any good at this?
0:06:57 Oh God, I need money.
0:06:58 Do I have to tip him?
0:06:59 I didn’t bring cash.
0:07:02 All of these thoughts that go through your minds are known as heuristics.
0:07:04 It’s how we deal with our life every day.
0:07:09 And if you can know what somebody’s thinking, not to perform a mentalist trick, but know what
0:07:13 they’re thinking when they meet you or when you ask your boss for a raise or when you ask
0:07:18 a girl or a guy out on a date, you knowing that is a huge tactical advantage.
0:07:20 And specifically, how would you do that?
0:07:21 What would you say?
0:07:25 What I would say is in my mind as a mentalist, what I do most is prepare.
0:07:30 I prepare in advance for what will work, what won’t work, and all the troubleshoots in between.
0:07:31 Plan A, B, C, D, all the way to Z.
0:07:36 So in that situation, every time I learned something new, I learned quickly that people didn’t know
0:07:37 if I was working at the restaurant.
0:07:39 Am I just some kid who walked up to you?
0:07:39 Well, who is this?
0:07:43 So I walk at an angle so they know I might be leaving soon.
0:07:44 I’m one foot in, I’m one foot out.
0:07:47 I would then say to you, did you hear what’s going on tonight?
0:07:48 It’s your lucky day.
0:07:50 Right away, that’s a different thing.
0:07:51 That’s a dopamine hit.
0:07:54 That’s the same way when your phone buzzes.
0:07:54 That’s why we’re hooked.
0:07:55 Who texted me?
0:07:56 What does this say?
0:07:56 Is this a like?
0:07:57 Is this a comment?
0:07:58 That’s that lottery.
0:08:04 By me saying to you a question that denotes positive energy without a yes or no, you don’t have
0:08:05 a way to stop me.
0:08:07 If I said, hey, do you want to see me do magic?
0:08:08 No, get out of here.
0:08:09 Boom, we’re done.
0:08:15 Asking people questions that are open-ended, that are inherently positive, almost always
0:08:16 generates a great response.
0:08:17 Did you hear why?
0:08:18 It’s your lucky night.
0:08:19 Oh, why is it my lucky night?
0:08:24 And I say, the owner brought me in as a special treat to do something amazing for you.
0:08:26 So now listen to this.
0:08:28 The owner, they know I’m working there.
0:08:29 The owner brought me in.
0:08:33 I know the owner, social value, social currency, as a special treat.
0:08:35 That means you don’t need to pay me money.
0:08:36 They’ve paid the bill.
0:08:37 Amazing.
0:08:39 And then to show you something amazing.
0:08:42 So I’ve given you no point at which to say no.
0:08:45 I’ve given you very few angles to think anything but positive.
0:08:48 And I’ve done this all in hopefully less than 10 seconds.
0:08:49 That’s the intro.
0:08:52 Now, you better have your A game.
0:08:55 I better have a trick that’s going to blow them away and capture their attention.
0:08:57 So let’s just pause there for a second.
0:09:00 Because I think everybody, whether you’re a content creator or you’re working in sales
0:09:07 or you’re interviewing people to join your company, what I heard there was you created
0:09:10 this like positive curiosity gap.
0:09:10 Yes.
0:09:14 Where immediately, and that’s also what Mr. Beast does at the start of his videos.
0:09:15 The hook, instantly.
0:09:16 Yeah.
0:09:19 It’s like a positive curiosity gap where you need that gap closed.
0:09:22 And you said in that case, they brought me in.
0:09:23 Have you heard what’s happening tonight?
0:09:24 Yep.
0:09:24 It’s amazing.
0:09:26 You brought me in as a treat to do something amazing.
0:09:28 Immediately, I need to know what this is.
0:09:29 What is this?
0:09:30 I don’t want you to leave.
0:09:31 And then you’d blow them away somehow.
0:09:32 I’d blow them away.
0:09:35 But the lessons to be learned from there are things that I’ve used for the rest of my life.
0:09:40 And they apply so much to today’s day and age where what is the currency of our time?
0:09:40 Attention.
0:09:45 This very moment that someone’s listening and watching can allow you to blow up a business.
0:09:48 We’ve never been in an era where your phone, having a phone, can allow you to
0:09:51 become a global superstar, to launch a business.
0:09:54 It’s like 100 years ago, this didn’t exist, this option.
0:09:58 So knowing how to connect with people on an emotional level, and then knowing what does
0:09:59 your audience want?
0:10:01 That’s what I learned early on.
0:10:05 I’m just knowing how people think and using that to entertain them.
0:10:08 And how much of it is based on my body language?
0:10:12 How much of it is based on how I behave?
0:10:16 And I say that because the audience, you know, they’re all professionals working in their careers,
0:10:19 and they’re very keen to better understand people through observation.
0:10:20 Sure.
0:10:24 Whether it’s their team members, or whether it’s clients, or whoever it might be.
0:10:28 So I’m wondering if there’s anything I can learn to be a better observer of the people
0:10:28 in my life.
0:10:29 Absolutely.
0:10:31 So for my performances, let’s break this down.
0:10:32 I’m an entertainer.
0:10:33 That’s what I do for a living.
0:10:36 And now, after many years, people ask me, how do you do it?
0:10:36 How do you do it?
0:10:38 I’ve realized, you don’t want to know how I do it.
0:10:39 You don’t really.
0:10:41 If I were to guess, let’s do something fun.
0:10:42 You have a deck of cards.
0:10:42 Yeah.
0:10:43 Let’s just sweeten the deal.
0:10:45 These are your cards, correct?
0:10:46 This is not, I’m not touched.
0:10:47 These are no magic trick involved.
0:10:48 These are all cards, yes.
0:10:50 Here’s what I’d like to try for you.
0:10:51 Put them down in front of you, please.
0:10:55 You’ve mixed them up.
0:10:56 Do you want to mix them some more?
0:10:58 Yes, I do.
0:10:59 Please, mix them as much as you’d like.
0:11:02 I’ll just say that because I just don’t.
0:11:03 No, don’t say a word.
0:11:04 Okay, there you go.
0:11:09 The moment I touch those cards, my brain flips a switch and goes, this is a magic trick.
0:11:10 That’s what I know.
0:11:10 I know that archetype.
0:11:12 I’m not touching those cards.
0:11:13 I couldn’t care less about those cards.
0:11:17 Imagine that in front of you instead was an invisible pack of cards, Stephen.
0:11:21 This is where I changed gears, where years ago, I spent hours and hours learning sleight
0:11:21 of hand.
0:11:23 Pick up the invisible deck, please.
0:11:24 Just pretend.
0:11:26 Just like that.
0:11:29 And I want you to spread them out in front of you.
0:11:31 Face down.
0:11:32 You can’t see them.
0:11:34 And Stephen, you close your eyes.
0:11:36 You reach down.
0:11:40 And here’s the part where we can’t collude because they’re invisible and you don’t know
0:11:41 what you’re about to do, much less me.
0:11:45 And I want you to reach down and imagine you just grab a card at random.
0:11:45 Face down.
0:11:46 Do it for me now, please.
0:11:48 And stop right there.
0:11:48 Freeze.
0:11:51 Have I told you what to do at this moment?
0:11:52 Have I said anything?
0:11:55 Is there any way that you could know what card you just picked in your hand or I could know
0:11:56 or any of this?
0:11:57 No.
0:11:57 No.
0:12:00 This is spontaneous, impulsive, and in the moment.
0:12:02 It’s the gold standard for what I do.
0:12:03 Don’t say a word.
0:12:04 Look at it.
0:12:05 Look at me.
0:12:06 Just think.
0:12:07 The cards are red.
0:12:08 They’re black.
0:12:10 There’s the hearts, the diamonds, the clubs, and the spades.
0:12:11 There’s the number cards.
0:12:12 There’s the big cards.
0:12:14 Ace, two, three, four, five, six, seven, nine, ten, Jack, Queen, King.
0:12:16 Close your eyes.
0:12:17 That’s it.
0:12:20 I’m going to take these cards that are next to you.
0:12:20 Oops, sorry.
0:12:24 And I’d like you to keep your eyes closed if you don’t mind.
0:12:28 And this is not a card trick, but I want a visual for your audience.
0:12:29 Hold your hand out, please.
0:12:32 And hold it as if you were holding one card in your hand.
0:12:33 Keep your eyes closed.
0:12:35 Do not open them.
0:12:37 I’m going to place one card in your hand.
0:12:39 Close your fingers and freeze right there.
0:12:45 Before you open your eyes, tell us, what was that card?
0:12:50 The three of diamonds?
0:12:51 Hmm.
0:12:52 Open your eyes.
0:12:53 Take a look.
0:12:55 Hmm.
0:12:59 Hmm.
0:13:03 It is very, very difficult for me to understand how you do that.
0:13:05 Now, here’s the question.
0:13:06 So, I tell you this.
0:13:09 If I were to teach you that, you could do it.
0:13:10 It would take you quite some time.
0:13:11 And you’ll learn.
0:13:15 And it was a narrowing down of a lot of options into one, which is a lot of what I do.
0:13:18 I limit your options and I read what you are giving off.
0:13:19 Because there’s no magistrate.
0:13:20 There’s no sleight of hand involved in this.
0:13:21 Are we in agreement?
0:13:23 This is an invisible deck.
0:13:23 You took out a card.
0:13:25 Let’s put these away.
0:13:30 But here’s where I would say what’s applicable is knowing how to read people more effectively in your life.
0:13:34 Not for the sake of a trick, but knowing what they’re actually thinking.
0:13:38 Now, if you’re watching this and you said you’re a business person,
0:13:40 you want a tangible takeaway for body language.
0:13:42 You ask yourself, was there a body language thing?
0:13:43 Was there something that you did specifically?
0:13:44 Was there a flex of an arm?
0:13:46 Was there a twinge of an eyebrow?
0:13:48 Was there something that you can see?
0:13:50 There are definitely markers.
0:13:54 But what I would describe to people is for a lot of people, they want to know a core thing.
0:13:55 Is someone interested?
0:13:56 Yes or no.
0:13:58 And is someone lying?
0:13:58 Yes or no.
0:14:02 If you could know those two things, I think that opens up a world of possibilities.
0:14:07 How many major moments of your life had to do with if somebody liked or was interested in what you were doing,
0:14:11 be it in sales or business or personal, or if somebody was telling you the truth or lying?
0:14:16 The best way to learn if somebody’s lying to you is learning their benchmarks.
0:14:18 Let me explain to you what that means.
0:14:21 Meeting somebody one time, it’s very hard to know things about them.
0:14:24 One-time transactions, you can’t really gauge who they are as a person.
0:14:26 But how many people in your life do you meet once?
0:14:28 Few.
0:14:30 Most of the people you meet, you meet often.
0:14:33 So a lie detector machine, have you ever been lie detector machined?
0:14:34 Never.
0:14:40 So the way they work is they have to ask you questions beforehand to set your benchmarks.
0:14:43 They have to check and they see, tell me an honest answer.
0:14:44 Is your name Stephen Bartlett?
0:14:45 Yes.
0:14:48 They look at your indicators to see what honesty looks like.
0:14:50 And then they look to see, tell me a lie.
0:14:53 And now they try to compare the two to each other.
0:14:58 So what I do when I watch people and observe is I try to see what do they look like when
0:14:59 they’re telling me the truth.
0:15:01 And these are fun things you could try at home.
0:15:05 See when somebody tells you a story, how many details do they insert?
0:15:07 What’s their cadence, right?
0:15:08 How do they speak?
0:15:14 You can tell when people are lying more often than not if you observe them often.
0:15:15 You can see it.
0:15:16 Do they add more details?
0:15:22 So you can try to find fun ways that seem to be white lies to see what do they do when they
0:15:24 lie versus what do they do when they tell the truth.
0:15:26 And then start to trust your instincts more.
0:15:30 I think a lot of things that I do, I’ve unlearned bad habits.
0:15:35 I think that when we were growing up, most of us had much better BS detection systems.
0:15:40 When you’re two, three, four, you know if your sibling’s lying to you.
0:15:42 You know if people are lying to you very well.
0:15:43 You’re kind of very young.
0:15:47 There’s an instinct involved that I think is akin to when I play ping pong.
0:15:48 I can’t think about my shot.
0:15:49 I just do the shot.
0:15:51 I don’t know how I did it.
0:15:52 My body just goes into motion.
0:15:56 So when I’m performing, I am the way people always ask me, are you doing this in every
0:15:57 moment of your life?
0:15:58 No, it’s tiring.
0:16:04 I’m focused, hyper-focused on what you’re doing and the things that I’m watching that will
0:16:06 give away certain elements.
0:16:11 And I’m influencing you, there’s misdirection, and I’m guiding you in a certain position in
0:16:13 a certain way to what I want you to select.
0:16:15 Say I was trying to sell you something.
0:16:15 Sure.
0:16:17 We’re doing a presentation.
0:16:24 I’m a marketing agency owner, and I would like you to buy this marketing campaign from
0:16:27 me instead of this one or no campaign.
0:16:27 Sure.
0:16:33 So what are some things you could tell me that I should be thinking about or doing if I’m
0:16:37 selling to you to make you buy what I would like you to buy?
0:16:39 Number one rule.
0:16:41 I call this channeling your inner mentalist.
0:16:42 It’s not about you.
0:16:43 It’s always about them.
0:16:46 That’s been the number one secret to my success.
0:16:48 I shouldn’t have been.
0:16:50 I’ve been on all different networks doing what I do.
0:16:52 On CNBC, I’ve been on there dozens of times.
0:16:53 That’s the financial network.
0:16:56 How many other magicians or mentalists have ever been on that network?
0:16:57 Zero.
0:16:59 It doesn’t make sense.
0:17:00 That’s a serious network.
0:17:01 They do finance.
0:17:02 Why are they bringing me on?
0:17:05 Because I tailor my presentations to the viewer.
0:17:06 I don’t think about myself.
0:17:08 A card trick is about me.
0:17:13 Me doing something related to stocks and bonds and dividends and interest rates.
0:17:15 That is fascinating to the person watching.
0:17:19 The same way if I go into a room with football players, I make everything structured on football.
0:17:25 So I challenge you that when you make a presentation like that, are you just thinking about you?
0:17:28 Or where can you highlight the attributes of what is this person missing?
0:17:31 What’s wrong with what their status quo is?
0:17:32 What are you missing?
0:17:34 Listen to your consumer.
0:17:35 Listen to your client.
0:17:35 Listen to your audience.
0:17:37 They will tell you.
0:17:40 They will give you the answers to what you need to give back to them.
0:17:43 So many people, when they approach someone else, they approach with the following.
0:17:45 How great am I?
0:17:46 How great is my product?
0:17:47 Bum, bum, bum.
0:17:48 It’s all about me, me, me.
0:17:50 This needs to be benefits-oriented language.
0:17:51 All of it should be you.
0:17:53 I want to make your life easier.
0:17:56 I want to make this migration to our platform seamless.
0:17:58 What’s currently bothering you?
0:18:02 I want to know all the things that you are that are your moments of resistance.
0:18:04 What’s resisting you from saying yes?
0:18:08 And every time you tell me one, I want to be prepared to check that off.
0:18:09 It’s so funny you mentioned that.
0:18:11 It’s, I know you want no downtime.
0:18:12 Here’s how we can ensure no downtime, right?
0:18:16 You want to anticipate what they’re going to say the same way a mentalist does.
0:18:19 But in this case, you’re not guessing cards or numbers or names.
0:18:24 You’re guessing the thoughts of what’s keeping them from buying your product.
0:18:25 And is that a practice per se?
0:18:30 Do you, like, if this was, you know, if I was pitching to you and you’re the CEO of Uber
0:18:35 and I want you to work with my agency, before I go into that meeting, you know, you talked
0:18:36 about preparation earlier on.
0:18:44 Do you write down or just think about the rebuttals or the person that you’re contending with and
0:18:51 then try and tailor the presentation to a set of sort of ideological ego factors that you
0:18:53 believe that person’s coming into the room with?
0:18:54 Right.
0:18:56 So I write down everything.
0:19:00 Literally at one chapter in that book is all about how taking notes has changed my life.
0:19:06 So at every show and through every interaction that I ever have with somebody, I write down.
0:19:07 I had a show last night, a show the night before.
0:19:11 I will write down, I have a shorthand to make it quicker, but I will write down everything that
0:19:14 I did, everybody that I met, things that I remember about them.
0:19:16 And I will do this immediately when I finished the show.
0:19:20 If I might have a meet and greet and photos, the moment it’s done, you’ll sometimes see
0:19:21 me in an Uber in my hotel.
0:19:25 And I’m writing furiously everything while it’s still in my mind and fresh because information
0:19:26 is power.
0:19:32 And the number one thing that people care about is themselves, their family, their friends,
0:19:33 their career, right?
0:19:36 All of us are the star of our own movie.
0:19:37 You’re the star of your movie.
0:19:39 I’m the star of my movie right here.
0:19:42 The person, man, the camera star, everybody else is supporting cast.
0:19:43 So think of it this way.
0:19:47 If you can remember things about that person, not creepy.
0:19:48 What if they told you something last night?
0:19:49 I met somebody.
0:19:50 She has two children.
0:19:51 They’re three and five.
0:19:54 Her oldest son absolutely loves this one YouTube star.
0:19:55 They live.
0:19:56 I know where they live.
0:20:01 Like she just shared a lot of details with me that in her mind are kind of like Snapchats.
0:20:02 They vanished.
0:20:03 They didn’t vanish to me.
0:20:08 So now that I’ve written those down, I might see her in a month, in a year, in a decade.
0:20:13 Do you know how great that feeling is to somebody when you remember things they told you?
0:20:15 It’s like winning the lottery.
0:20:19 It’s literally like you get to do a magic trick like I do, but people give you credit.
0:20:23 I will remember at shows, who hired me for the show?
0:20:25 Oh, they know this person.
0:20:26 Now we have a chain.
0:20:27 We have a referral link.
0:20:28 I might see them again.
0:20:31 I guessed their ATM pin code three years ago.
0:20:32 It was 6124.
0:20:33 I now know that.
0:20:36 I bump into them there and I don’t have a supernatural memory.
0:20:41 Another part of the book is how to improve your memory, which I think is also a huge secret
0:20:43 to success in life that people don’t realize.
0:20:44 We have phones now.
0:20:45 We think our phone does it for us.
0:20:46 That’s not true.
0:20:50 And I say to him, I go, John, I sure hope you changed that pin code from 6124.
0:20:52 He is blown away.
0:20:53 Stephen, do you understand?
0:20:53 That’s not a trick.
0:20:54 I wrote it down.
0:20:56 There’s no, I’ll tell you exactly how I did it.
0:21:02 All I did was take the time to review it before I got there and made him feel special.
0:21:03 And do you know what he’s going to do?
0:21:06 He’s going to talk about that moment for years to come.
0:21:07 I’ve created a memory.
0:21:13 If you can create memorable moments for others, they will remember you and they will spread
0:21:13 the word to others.
0:21:18 And that’s how you, whatever you do in life, what you do for others is what’s going to
0:21:19 eventually propel you to success.
0:21:23 I would say give gratuitously, but the more gratuitous you give, there’s this funny way in the world
0:21:24 where the universe bounces back.
0:21:27 And the more I do for others, they want to do the same for me.
0:21:29 If you were to make that really practical for me.
0:21:33 So you have a shorthand book, which you write in every time you meet someone to keep details.
0:21:34 You could do it in your phone.
0:21:35 Yeah.
0:21:36 I do it in my phone.
0:21:37 So I have calendar entries.
0:21:38 Let’s be very clear.
0:21:39 Let’s give you brass tacks.
0:21:40 I will write in.
0:21:42 If you look at my phone right now, the event last night, set list.
0:21:45 I wrote down the name of the host, his wife.
0:21:46 They have three children.
0:21:47 They have twins.
0:21:49 Like everything about this is very fresh in my mind.
0:21:52 And I’ll remember it for a day, but then it will kind of, it will dissipate.
0:21:54 Which tricks did I do?
0:21:55 What happened in the tricks?
0:21:56 What were funny moments that were off the cuff?
0:21:58 Who did I meet earlier that day?
0:21:59 I met somebody.
0:22:03 And again, I’m writing all this stuff down because that information is power.
0:22:08 That information, the longer you hold it, it’s a coupon with no expiration date.
0:22:11 And when you serve it up to that person, in fact, it’s the reverse.
0:22:14 The longer you hold onto it, the more impressive it is.
0:22:19 If I met you yesterday and you told me your favorite color is magenta and I say it to you
0:22:20 tomorrow, not that exciting.
0:22:24 But in two years, if when I meet you and we see a car, I go, Stephen, that’s your favorite
0:22:25 color magenta, isn’t it?
0:22:26 Not as a trick.
0:22:29 Just there in your mind, dopamine.
0:22:30 How did you remember that?
0:22:34 You’re touched that I remember that about you, right?
0:22:35 That’s what people care about.
0:22:41 People think about, again, their family, their friends, their faith, their business, all of
0:22:41 that.
0:22:45 The more that you can make someone else shine, the better it happens to you.
0:22:50 Everything is about when I, my whole act is geared towards making other people look good.
0:22:53 I was thinking about this quite a lot.
0:22:57 And I actually posted on my LinkedIn this morning about the paradox of small things.
0:23:01 And what I said in the post, it’s reflecting on Jimmy Fallon.
0:23:06 I was on his show this week and he mentioned that we have this tradition at the end of the
0:23:07 podcast with the guests.
0:23:09 It’s a small thing that we do at the end of the show.
0:23:15 And the fact that he remembered it and told his audience about it and said he brought him
0:23:20 to tears made me realize that actually the small things in life that we often overlook, like
0:23:25 remembering someone’s name or, as you said, their family or some sort of intricate personal
0:23:26 detail.
0:23:30 They’re so powerful because most people don’t think they matter.
0:23:30 That’s it.
0:23:35 And so when one person in your life remembers a tiny detail about you that kind of matters
0:23:37 to you, even your name is something that matters to you.
0:23:43 It’s so shockingly rare that it’s so shockingly powerful because most people think it’s so
0:23:44 unbelievably petty.
0:23:48 And this is the, I think, the paradox of small things that they’re actually, in fact, really
0:23:48 big things.
0:23:52 Well, think about how many small things, if you were to look at your life and just have
0:23:56 these little roads, these like fork in the road where one path led to this.
0:24:00 And I have those moments where in my life where somebody said one thing to me, sometimes offhanded,
0:24:01 they don’t even remember it.
0:24:03 And it changed the course of my life.
0:24:05 And there’s like little moments.
0:24:05 I had one.
0:24:06 So I worked on Wall Street.
0:24:09 I didn’t think that you could be a magician or mentalist.
0:24:12 It’s crazy that it never even occurred to me as an option.
0:24:17 But at one point I had, there’s two moments, but one of the big ones is I’m doing something
0:24:19 for the CFO of my company, Merrill Lynch.
0:24:22 He does not know that I work for the company.
0:24:26 And I used to do this magic trick with sleight of hand where I take five $1 bills.
0:24:27 I hold them.
0:24:28 I snap.
0:24:29 They turned to hundreds.
0:24:30 Amazing.
0:24:31 It’s a great trick.
0:24:33 And at that moment, he’s an Australian guy.
0:24:37 And he goes, he goes, he goes, we need you working here, mate.
0:24:38 And everyone laughs.
0:24:40 And, you know, it’s a joke I’ve heard a hundred times, a thousand times.
0:24:41 And I go, it’s funny, sir.
0:24:42 I do work here.
0:24:43 And he thought it was a joke.
0:24:45 I broke character a little.
0:24:45 I go, no, no, seriously.
0:24:46 I work at 95 Green.
0:24:48 It’s your global technology services department.
0:24:51 And he looked at me and goes, what are you doing working here?
0:24:54 And that moment to him, I assume was nothing.
0:24:56 It was forgotten moments later.
0:25:00 But that moment changed the course of my life because there was like a switch in my mind.
0:25:03 It goes, what am I doing working here?
0:25:05 You know, where you kind of like can visualize your future.
0:25:06 Is this my path?
0:25:07 Is this what I’m going to do forever?
0:25:11 Or am I going to decide that you live one life and I’m going to go for it?
0:25:19 And I think for a lot of people who are listening to this, I’m not saying to quit your job, but you ask yourself, look in the mirror, is this what I want to be doing?
0:25:24 And I think for a lot of people, they might want more, whether that’s their own business, whether it’s to climb the rung of a ladder.
0:25:30 And it’s that moment that somebody can change your life and take action and decide, I’m going to do it, but also formulate a plan.
0:25:32 Be effective and smart in your execution.
0:25:38 And in your case, you know, leaving Merrill Lynch to go and become a mentalist is quite a leap.
0:25:39 Huge leap.
0:25:39 Everyone thought it was crazy.
0:25:41 Same with Dan Brown.
0:25:43 No one said to me, oh, this is a great idea.
0:25:46 Even though I’ve got to tell you the truth, most people were very happy for me.
0:25:49 But behind closed doors, I think they thought, this kid, you know, he’s nuts.
0:25:59 You kind of were nuts because statistically, probabilistically, the chance of you becoming a quote unquote successful mentalist is extremely low.
0:26:00 Extremely low.
0:26:05 I mean, like there’s probably like a handful of mentalists that earn a lot of money.
0:26:09 I would say it’s a very low number, but here’s the question you should ask yourself.
0:26:10 Why not you?
0:26:15 That like the framing of that is always, of course, there’s statistics, but why not me?
0:26:21 And so I think the way you think in your mind, the voice in your head that tells you that loop determines things.
0:26:24 So it’s all about setting yourself up for success rather than failure.
0:26:28 How much of being a mentalist is understanding human behavior versus?
0:26:29 Everything.
0:26:30 I don’t even know how to answer it.
0:26:34 Literally, I’m a student of the human, like how people behave.
0:26:38 But the practice of it, because Darren Brown, I consider him a friend.
0:26:42 And if I’ve learned anything from him, and I do think he’s the most incredible person on and off camera,
0:26:47 it’s that much of his work is making you think the trick is happening here.
0:26:47 100%.
0:26:50 But actually, the trick is happening over here.
0:26:55 And he’s misdirecting you to focus on my left hand, and the trick is taking place on my right hand.
0:26:57 That couldn’t be more true.
0:26:57 That’s exactly it.
0:27:00 But that is knowing human behavior.
0:27:01 Explain to me why.
0:27:06 I don’t want to say controlling because it sounds very devious, but I’m controlling your attention and your thoughts.
0:27:14 I’m guiding you in a certain way to either select what I’d like or to give away something that you feel you have not given away.
0:27:17 Should we do a fun example?
0:27:17 Sure.
0:27:20 Do you know off the top of your head how many episodes you’ve had of this show?
0:27:22 I think it’s roughly 500.
0:27:23 I believe so.
0:27:24 Close your eyes.
0:27:25 I want to make this a visual game.
0:27:29 You’re in this room of all different people that you’ve looked at.
0:27:31 You’re in this room of all different people that you’ve seen, that you respect, okay?
0:27:33 Some of them could have been guests on the show.
0:27:36 And then you get a tap on the shoulder.
0:27:37 You turn around.
0:27:38 You look at this person.
0:27:42 And it’s somebody you’ve met before, 100%.
0:27:44 And they say something to you.
0:27:45 They’ve said it to you before.
0:27:46 And you get deja vu.
0:27:47 And it’s something impactful.
0:27:49 It left an impression on you.
0:27:50 Is that a fair assessment?
0:27:50 Yeah.
0:27:53 And that inherently, right there, boom.
0:27:55 That makes you think of another person.
0:28:05 I don’t know whether, I don’t think they mentioned this other person, but something about that takeaway or that thought or that moment of clarity or wisdom made you think of someone else in your life.
0:28:06 It was connected to them.
0:28:07 Yeah.
0:28:08 This next person, person number two, I’m calling.
0:28:09 They jumped over.
0:28:10 Open your eyes.
0:28:12 When was the last time you had spoken to that person?
0:28:13 The person number two?
0:28:13 Yeah.
0:28:18 Today.
0:28:19 Today.
0:28:19 Okay.
0:28:21 Let’s lean into this.
0:28:22 Think of their first name.
0:28:24 Count the letters to yourself.
0:28:26 Don’t say it.
0:28:27 Yeah.
0:28:30 And somebody you know well, you’ve spoken to them today.
0:28:32 I watched your eyes.
0:28:35 You went up, up, up, up, up, up.
0:28:36 Five letters, isn’t it?
0:28:37 Yeah.
0:28:39 You asked me how I do it.
0:28:40 You said, do I study people?
0:28:41 You just gave it away yourself.
0:28:45 There’s five letters to choose from.
0:28:46 There’s 26 in the alphabet.
0:28:49 Pick any letter in this person’s first name.
0:28:50 Mix them up a little.
0:28:50 Yeah.
0:28:53 And then you grab one out and you just decide this is the letter I want to focus on.
0:28:54 Yeah.
0:29:01 Now, knowing you, knowing you as an entrepreneur, knowing you, the way you give interviews, I think I know what you would want to do.
0:29:03 Knowing that, you know, Darren Brown, you know, some of this works.
0:29:07 So your instinct was to go against your instinct because you go, I know this would be obvious.
0:29:08 You didn’t think of the first letter, did you?
0:29:09 No.
0:29:10 You didn’t want to.
0:29:11 You thought that would give it away.
0:29:11 Yeah.
0:29:14 Because once I know that it’s easier to figure out the rest.
0:29:16 And then I know there’s vowels in the name.
0:29:19 And so inherently you said that limits my subset.
0:29:20 You didn’t do a vowel.
0:29:21 Did you?
0:29:22 No.
0:29:25 L. Are you thinking of an L?
0:29:26 No.
0:29:27 I got it.
0:29:31 It’s funny because by you saying no, it means you gave away both.
0:29:34 I’ve written this down.
0:29:35 Can you close your eyes?
0:29:38 For the viewers who are watching this as a video, I’m going to show them.
0:29:44 And for everybody else to know who’s just listening in their headphones while running or doing something.
0:29:46 This can’t change what I wrote down.
0:29:47 Open it up.
0:29:47 Open it up.
0:29:49 You thought of an S, but switched from the L.
0:29:50 Is that correct?
0:29:51 Tell us all.
0:29:51 What is their first name?
0:29:53 Jules.
0:29:53 Jules.
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0:31:06 You know, you walk into rooms and people hear that you’re a mentalist.
0:31:08 So they’re already like somewhat on edge.
0:31:09 Yeah.
0:31:11 And you can see that they’re on edge, right?
0:31:12 Yeah, you got to sweeten it.
0:31:14 What do you do about that?
0:31:18 Because everywhere you go, people are going to be like, fuck, this guy might be able to guess my, you know, that’s what they’re thinking.
0:31:19 They’re thinking he can guess my bank pin.
0:31:21 So I’m going to give nothing away.
0:31:24 So you must be meeting people that are like closed off your entire life.
0:31:27 How would you get them to go from closed to open up?
0:31:28 I think it’s being likable.
0:31:29 So this, think about it.
0:31:36 If you met somebody who could really read your mind and I can’t read minds, just, I want to be clear throughout the process because people say, oh, what’s he trying to teach?
0:31:37 I can’t read minds.
0:31:38 I’m not psychic.
0:31:39 I am not supernatural.
0:31:40 I don’t claim to be.
0:31:42 You could do this.
0:31:45 Maybe not as well because I think there’s an inherent talent.
0:31:47 Just same as musical talent.
0:31:48 I can’t play a guitar.
0:31:50 I can’t sing to save my life.
0:31:55 No matter how much training you give me, I will never have the voice of Harry Styles or Ed Sheeran.
0:31:56 It’s not in the cards for me.
0:32:01 But you’re tricking me to think that my eye movements played a role.
0:32:02 So I will tell you this.
0:32:08 I am tricking you to believe that certain things are more important than others.
0:32:10 Your eye movements and body language play a role.
0:32:15 But whether it played a 10% role, a 50% role, a 100% role, that’s 100% true.
0:32:25 My job is to misdirect you and to use multiple methods so that as soon as you go down a path and you think you got me, I jump to the next lane.
0:32:26 I do it a different way.
0:32:33 There’s also a possibility that 0% of that trick you just did was about my eyes.
0:32:35 I didn’t say it was about your eyes, though, did I?
0:32:38 You said you looked up the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
0:32:39 That is absolutely true.
0:32:40 Try it for yourself, though.
0:32:41 Honestly, try it for yourself.
0:32:46 How many letters somebody counts, if they have a long name, it takes longer to process.
0:32:51 You aren’t going to be able to use a name and counting the number of letters in your day-to-day life.
0:32:58 So if I were to show you how to do it, you were to attempt it, and you were to get it right 75% of the time, which you’d be shocked that you would, you’d then go, now what?
0:32:59 Who cares?
0:33:04 Most of you are not going to take and spend the next decades learning mentalism.
0:33:08 Rather, I’m going to try and take the most important parts of mentalism and show you how you can use them.
0:33:11 Another huge one is just confidence.
0:33:13 How do people build confidence?
0:33:17 When I was 14 and I started doing this, was I this hyper-confident teenager?
0:33:18 No.
0:33:19 My folks just got divorced.
0:33:21 My life was pretty tumultuous.
0:33:26 I think I did this as a way to not have to deal with all of the trauma and kind of sadness.
0:33:29 And confidence gets built over time.
0:33:31 So what’s a better way to fast-track that?
0:33:34 For a lot of people, you walk into a room, you have to give a presentation.
0:33:36 Are you nervous as hell?
0:33:37 I think most people would say yes.
0:33:38 Would you agree to that?
0:33:44 What can you do tomorrow to get in there and feel like you own the room?
0:33:47 The same way I go on TV for a million people or right now for millions.
0:33:52 I think there’s so much of it has to do with there’s a panic that we have in us
0:33:59 where we take and we fear a certain feeling, which is I have certain things that I dread doing.
0:34:02 Like, let’s say I have to call someone and give a call of things I don’t want to say.
0:34:04 I have to turn someone down for something.
0:34:05 I hate that.
0:34:07 I’m avoiding it at all lengths.
0:34:09 The same way you procrastinate things you don’t want to do.
0:34:17 I have this little trick in my mind where what I do is I ask myself, what will I feel like tomorrow about this?
0:34:18 What will I feel like tomorrow?
0:34:21 What if I could fast forward my feelings to tomorrow?
0:34:24 And instead of just, you know, up in the air, try it.
0:34:27 Right now, what’s something that you, the listener, don’t want to do?
0:34:28 You don’t want to call someone.
0:34:29 You don’t want to deliver bad news.
0:34:31 You know, this person’s about to ream you out.
0:34:32 You’re avoiding it at all costs.
0:34:34 You’re moving it in your calendar to tomorrow.
0:34:35 The next day, you keep doing that.
0:34:36 Do it now.
0:34:40 And I want you to set an alarm 24 hours from now.
0:34:43 Put it in your, in your, I’m not, I’m for real.
0:34:44 Put an alarm that says tomorrow.
0:34:46 Write down how you feel about this.
0:34:47 Scale of one to 10.
0:34:51 Right when you finish the call, you’re going to feel in the dread before it.
0:34:53 You’re going to feel an eight, nine, 10 of dread.
0:34:56 The next day, when the alarm goes off, ask yourself, how do I feel?
0:34:59 Most of the time you feel nothing, two or three.
0:35:00 It’s out of sight, out of mind.
0:35:04 So what if you could trick your brain the same way I tricked you
0:35:06 to think your eye movements have anything to do with it?
0:35:09 Trick your own brain to see how you feel a day from now.
0:35:10 You feel nothing.
0:35:13 So what if you can just start doing that to yourself?
0:35:16 Rewire your brain and say, I’m going to feel nothing in a day.
0:35:16 Screw it.
0:35:17 I’m going to do it now.
0:35:21 And just that trick of getting over procrastination
0:35:23 builds a tremendous amount of confidence.
0:35:26 Another one is I would walk up to tables
0:35:27 and people would kick me out.
0:35:28 They’d be like, get out of here.
0:35:30 They wouldn’t pay attention to me.
0:35:31 Things that would hurt my feelings.
0:35:33 So what I did is I created in my mind
0:35:37 some way where I have two separate personalities.
0:35:39 This guy was O’s the entertainer.
0:35:40 O’s the magician.
0:35:41 Now O’s the mentalist.
0:35:43 This guy was O’s Perlman.
0:35:45 They don’t know the real me.
0:35:46 That’s a different guy.
0:35:49 So when I walked up to a table and got turned down
0:35:54 or rudely rejected, instead of me feeling that pain in myself,
0:35:57 I pushed it somewhere else.
0:35:57 And I go, you know what?
0:35:59 They didn’t like O’s the entertainer.
0:36:00 That’s a different guy.
0:36:01 That’s not me.
0:36:03 And so the same way that if you took right now
0:36:05 a bowl of water right here
0:36:07 and we poured salt in the water,
0:36:08 it’s salt water.
0:36:10 But what if we could take an invisible,
0:36:12 small piece of plastic and put it right down the center?
0:36:14 And now you pour all the salt in one side.
0:36:16 This side is immune.
0:36:17 This is fresh water.
0:36:19 If you can do that in your own mind,
0:36:21 the same way that I use my tricks to trick your mind,
0:36:22 trick your own mind,
0:36:24 that will take away the sting
0:36:25 because so many of us,
0:36:27 we don’t go after our goals
0:36:30 because we’re scared of what happens
0:36:31 if they don’t work out.
0:36:32 It’s all about accountability.
0:36:34 You fear the rejection.
0:36:35 And if you can get over that,
0:36:37 it is a superpower in life.
0:36:38 The same way you asked me,
0:36:39 how did you know it was going to work?
0:36:41 Because I stopped thinking about it not working.
0:36:43 And people that have that singular focus
0:36:45 on making something work,
0:36:46 those are the entrepreneurs.
0:36:48 Those are the people that you see achieved.
0:36:48 Those are the athletes.
0:36:51 Those are the people who have a hyper fixation
0:36:53 and focus on a goal
0:36:54 that they will make it happen.
0:36:55 They manifest it.
0:36:57 And what about communication,
0:36:58 your communication style
0:36:59 and how important that is?
0:37:00 Like what are you thinking about
0:37:02 when you’re communicating as an entertainer
0:37:04 to make sure people are paying attention
0:37:05 and they’re engaged?
0:37:07 Be watching the audience all the time.
0:37:08 The audience never lies.
0:37:10 So you have to really assess
0:37:12 what the audience is throwing at you.
0:37:13 and I’m seeing people
0:37:13 and I’m seeing,
0:37:14 are they interested?
0:37:16 Are they on the edge of their seat?
0:37:17 Are they leaning forward?
0:37:18 Indicators of interest?
0:37:19 Are they sitting back
0:37:19 and checking their watch?
0:37:20 Are they yawning?
0:37:23 Obviously, you can’t do this with everybody.
0:37:24 When I’m in a room with a thousand people,
0:37:26 maybe one guy’s hung over.
0:37:28 Maybe their baby didn’t sleep last night
0:37:29 and they had a red-eye flight.
0:37:30 I can’t know everyone,
0:37:32 but I can watch individuals
0:37:34 and see how they’re reacting to me.
0:37:37 And I can quickly change and pivot
0:37:39 and see how I can continue
0:37:40 keeping their attention.
0:37:42 And if I was listening to this right now,
0:37:43 am I turning it off?
0:37:44 Am I fast-forwarding?
0:37:46 Am I getting tangible takeaways?
0:37:48 If I get three things from this
0:37:50 that I can put into action tomorrow,
0:37:51 this is smash success.
0:37:53 Because if I get one thing
0:37:54 that somebody says to me,
0:37:57 like one tidbit that they say,
0:37:58 I feel like that can change your life,
0:38:00 then take action.
0:38:02 I’m all about action
0:38:03 because I think in so many instances,
0:38:05 there’s no accountability.
0:38:07 Inspiration and motivation is garbage.
0:38:09 I could care less if I’ve inspired you.
0:38:10 I want action.
0:38:11 What is your goal?
0:38:12 Do you want to lose weight?
0:38:14 Do you want to make a certain amount of money?
0:38:16 Are you making a million dollars next year?
0:38:18 Is that really going to make you happy?
0:38:19 So a lot of the time,
0:38:20 we make goals that we think of,
0:38:21 but then we get them.
0:38:23 You know, I have made more money
0:38:24 in the last 10 years
0:38:25 than if you’d asked me 10 years ago,
0:38:26 I dreamt possible.
0:38:28 Does that make you happy?
0:38:29 It makes life easier,
0:38:31 but I don’t think it’s just pure fulfillment.
0:38:32 I know a lot of people
0:38:34 that are very, very wealthy
0:38:35 and they aren’t happy.
0:38:38 I’m around a lot of wealthy people.
0:38:39 It’s just a nature of my thing.
0:38:40 And I ask myself,
0:38:41 they’re billionaires.
0:38:42 And if this isn’t making you happy,
0:38:43 what is?
0:38:45 I don’t think that money
0:38:46 is always the goal
0:38:47 that you should attain.
0:38:48 I understand why
0:38:50 I didn’t have a lot of money as a kid.
0:38:52 So that was like a barometer of success for me.
0:38:53 But as I have kids
0:38:55 and as I see that life is short
0:38:56 and feel my mortality,
0:38:57 I realize some things
0:38:58 are much more important than money.
0:39:00 But if you have a goal,
0:39:01 let this be the cue
0:39:02 not to inspire you,
0:39:05 but to literally take action.
0:39:05 Right now,
0:39:06 what is it that you want to do?
0:39:08 Somebody talked to me the other day.
0:39:08 They said,
0:39:10 man, I love watching you run.
0:39:10 I would love to run.
0:39:11 Stop.
0:39:12 Start running.
0:39:13 Tomorrow,
0:39:15 put a reminder in your calendar.
0:39:16 Literally tomorrow,
0:39:17 my first run.
0:39:19 Then put one 30 days from now
0:39:21 to make sure you’re accountable
0:39:22 and then decide
0:39:23 what makes you accountable.
0:39:23 For me,
0:39:25 I don’t like to be embarrassed.
0:39:26 So I’m going to write
0:39:27 to 10 people that I know
0:39:28 and tell them
0:39:29 I’m signing up for a 10K
0:39:30 so that now
0:39:32 if I don’t go through with it,
0:39:33 it’s going to come up
0:39:34 in a future conversation
0:39:35 and they’re going to say,
0:39:36 hey, Steve,
0:39:37 whatever happened with the 10K.
0:39:38 Now I have to eat
0:39:39 humble pie
0:39:40 with 10 different people
0:39:41 and say to them,
0:39:42 you know what?
0:39:43 I didn’t do it.
0:39:44 Oh, oh, okay.
0:39:44 You didn’t do it.
0:39:47 I want that to be my motivator.
0:39:48 Maybe your motivator is internal.
0:39:49 Maybe it’s external,
0:39:51 but find what motivates you
0:39:52 and use those levers
0:39:54 to generate action.
0:39:54 You know,
0:39:55 in your profession,
0:39:56 a lot of the,
0:39:57 like with Dan Brown,
0:39:58 a lot of it is
0:40:00 he’ll make you think that,
0:40:01 like we said earlier,
0:40:02 like it’s my right hand,
0:40:03 but actually it’s my left.
0:40:03 Yep.
0:40:05 Like how do you contend
0:40:07 with being someone
0:40:08 whose job it is
0:40:10 to sort of misdirect me
0:40:11 to make me think
0:40:11 it’s my right hand
0:40:12 not my left or whatever,
0:40:14 but then also
0:40:16 trying to give people information
0:40:17 that will make them
0:40:18 successful in their lives?
0:40:18 Right.
0:40:19 Well, the ethics of it.
0:40:21 I’m not trying to sell you
0:40:22 anything about being
0:40:23 a mind reader
0:40:23 or a mentalist.
0:40:24 This is a separate pursuit.
0:40:27 The skills surrounding
0:40:28 everything I do,
0:40:30 those skills,
0:40:31 it’s like how to win friends
0:40:32 and influence people.
0:40:33 It’s a book I’ve read
0:40:34 over and over and over.
0:40:34 It’s,
0:40:35 it’s,
0:40:36 I don’t want to say it’s dated,
0:40:38 but it’s of a different era.
0:40:40 The skills that allowed me
0:40:42 to reach near the top
0:40:43 of my profession
0:40:44 aren’t the tricks.
0:40:45 There’s other people
0:40:46 that can do that.
0:40:46 There’s other people
0:40:47 that can do this.
0:40:48 There’s other people
0:40:49 that can guess your card.
0:40:51 So what led me to here?
0:40:52 Do I do it better than them?
0:40:54 I’ll let you decide that.
0:40:56 My secrets to success
0:40:57 are the exact same ones
0:40:58 you can apply to your life.
0:40:58 That’s the key.
0:41:00 The fact that I’ve made it
0:41:00 about them,
0:41:01 not me.
0:41:02 How have I been
0:41:03 on all these TV shows?
0:41:03 How have I had
0:41:04 such a wide diversity?
0:41:05 Has nothing to do
0:41:06 with performing.
0:41:07 It has to do with me
0:41:08 turning the mirror around.
0:41:09 The moment you realize
0:41:10 that you will be successful
0:41:11 in your life
0:41:12 when you start making
0:41:13 other people the star,
0:41:14 thinking about them,
0:41:14 thinking about what’s going
0:41:15 on in their head.
0:41:16 That’s true mentalism.
0:41:18 What are they thinking
0:41:19 and how do I deliver
0:41:20 on that?
0:41:21 How do I make them look good?
0:41:22 How do I make them like me more?
0:41:24 How do I win them over
0:41:25 so that when the moment comes
0:41:26 for them to recommend somebody
0:41:27 or to give them a raise
0:41:28 or do something,
0:41:30 they know that you’re the person
0:41:31 that they think of first.
0:41:32 And I think those skills,
0:41:33 again,
0:41:34 I wouldn’t,
0:41:36 it’s not really mentalism,
0:41:37 but it’s the exact same tools
0:41:38 that I use.
0:41:39 It’s not guessing numbers
0:41:40 or names.
0:41:41 It’s knowing how
0:41:42 to influence others.
0:41:44 And if I wasn’t able
0:41:45 to influence people,
0:41:46 none of the things
0:41:47 I just did would work.
0:41:47 You would just say,
0:41:48 no,
0:41:49 I’m not going to do that.
0:41:51 On the skill of listening,
0:41:52 which I think is also
0:41:53 so important
0:41:54 to what you’re saying there
0:41:54 about being likable
0:41:55 and winning people over.
0:41:57 Do you have a system
0:41:59 or a framework
0:42:00 for being a great listener?
0:42:01 You talk about it
0:42:01 a little bit in the book
0:42:02 near the end.
0:42:04 I think you have five ways
0:42:04 to become a better
0:42:06 active listener.
0:42:06 Yes.
0:42:08 Can you run me through those?
0:42:08 Sure.
0:42:09 Should I give you a funny story
0:42:11 that kind of led this off?
0:42:12 So I did a party
0:42:13 for Steven Spielberg.
0:42:13 Yeah.
0:42:14 It was his father’s
0:42:15 99th birthday.
0:42:17 It was a pretty intimate affair.
0:42:19 I was noticeably nervous
0:42:19 in my mind,
0:42:20 not for the performance,
0:42:21 but to meet Steven Spielberg.
0:42:22 So he defined
0:42:24 an era of my childhood
0:42:24 and I feel like
0:42:26 likely for a billion
0:42:27 or several billion
0:42:27 other people.
0:42:29 So at the end of the show,
0:42:30 he comes up to thank me
0:42:31 and I’m ready.
0:42:33 I was able to ask
0:42:34 Steven Spielberg
0:42:36 zero questions.
0:42:37 Do you know why?
0:42:39 He talked to me
0:42:40 the whole time.
0:42:41 He kept asking me questions,
0:42:41 rapid fire,
0:42:42 this and about my life
0:42:43 and about what drove me
0:42:44 and this.
0:42:45 And I just wanted
0:42:46 to keep being like,
0:42:46 pause.
0:42:48 I got questions for you.
0:42:48 You’re Steven Spielberg.
0:42:50 He made it all about me,
0:42:52 all about me.
0:42:53 And I learned at that day
0:42:54 that that it’s a greater
0:42:56 power to listen
0:42:57 and that the most
0:42:58 interesting person
0:42:59 in a room
0:43:00 tends to be the most
0:43:01 interested person
0:43:02 in the room.
0:43:03 And that some of the people
0:43:03 I’ve seen that are
0:43:04 the most successful,
0:43:05 the most authentic
0:43:05 and genuine,
0:43:06 they will look you
0:43:07 in the eye,
0:43:08 they will lock in,
0:43:09 they will not be looking
0:43:10 around at other people
0:43:11 and they will give you
0:43:13 their 100% undivided attention
0:43:14 and they will ask you
0:43:16 questions that other people
0:43:17 haven’t asked you before.
0:43:18 And I challenge you,
0:43:19 don’t just do
0:43:20 the normal question
0:43:21 when you meet somebody.
0:43:21 Oh, what do you do
0:43:22 for a living?
0:43:23 Oh, we,
0:43:24 as soon as we do that,
0:43:25 we go into autopilot.
0:43:26 I go into autopilot
0:43:27 and I’m not judging you.
0:43:29 Most people do that,
0:43:29 right?
0:43:31 50% of people
0:43:32 have to be below average,
0:43:33 right?
0:43:34 And 49.9%
0:43:35 are above average.
0:43:36 That’s inherently the fun.
0:43:37 Challenge yourself
0:43:38 to be the outlier
0:43:39 and think of a question
0:43:40 you can ask someone
0:43:41 if you have time
0:43:42 to think of it in advance
0:43:43 or in the moment
0:43:45 that throws them
0:43:46 out of autopilot
0:43:47 that makes them think,
0:43:48 wow,
0:43:49 I haven’t really thought
0:43:50 of that before.
0:43:51 Asking questions
0:43:52 that are not yes
0:43:53 or no questions
0:43:54 are also great.
0:43:55 Ask questions
0:43:56 that let them explore
0:43:57 who they are.
0:43:58 I think that’s a big part
0:43:59 of active listening
0:44:00 and I let the audience
0:44:01 guide me
0:44:03 to what’s of interest
0:44:03 to them.
0:44:05 When we walked in here today,
0:44:06 I said to think
0:44:07 of a favorite
0:44:09 of a category.
0:44:10 If I knew the category,
0:44:11 would I be able to guess
0:44:13 what the answer was?
0:44:15 No.
0:44:17 What is the question?
0:44:17 You know what?
0:44:18 Tell it to me.
0:44:19 I don’t even want,
0:44:19 I don’t want to write
0:44:20 anything down.
0:44:21 I want you to say it out loud.
0:44:22 Give me the question.
0:44:23 What is the question
0:44:24 that you have defined
0:44:25 the answer to?
0:44:25 Give me that question.
0:44:26 Ask it to me.
0:44:27 What is my favorite?
0:44:28 Car.
0:44:29 What is my favorite car?
0:44:30 Yeah.
0:44:31 And you think
0:44:31 there’s no way
0:44:32 I could know that.
0:44:34 No prior research
0:44:35 could have alerted me to it.
0:44:36 No prior research, no.
0:44:38 You decide,
0:44:38 the same way
0:44:39 that you did with Jules,
0:44:40 I want you
0:44:42 to think of the name
0:44:42 of the car,
0:44:43 whether it’s the brand,
0:44:44 whether it’s the make,
0:44:45 and I want you
0:44:47 to pick
0:44:48 one letter
0:44:49 out
0:44:51 from anywhere.
0:44:53 I’m assuming
0:44:54 it’s more than one word
0:44:55 unless you just said
0:44:55 Ford.
0:44:56 Again,
0:44:57 I don’t want to lead you.
0:44:58 But if it is more
0:44:58 than one word
0:45:00 and if it’s
0:45:01 two, three, four words,
0:45:02 decide on one of the words.
0:45:03 Have you decided
0:45:03 on one of the words?
0:45:04 Yeah.
0:45:05 One of the words.
0:45:06 Don’t say another word.
0:45:06 Now, see,
0:45:07 you’re just saying
0:45:07 that was interesting.
0:45:09 Decide on one of the words
0:45:10 and pick one of the letters.
0:45:11 Something interesting to you.
0:45:12 Grab the one letter
0:45:13 and just focus
0:45:14 on that one letter.
0:45:14 Yeah.
0:45:14 You have it?
0:45:15 Yeah.
0:45:17 Now, you asked me.
0:45:17 You said,
0:45:19 it’s all misdirection,
0:45:19 right?
0:45:19 The eye movements,
0:45:21 this is all just window dressing,
0:45:22 but you just gave something away.
0:45:23 You said
0:45:25 one of the words
0:45:26 with a question
0:45:29 because you were confused.
0:45:31 You didn’t know what to do
0:45:33 if it was only one word.
0:45:34 I would never have said that
0:45:35 if it was three words.
0:45:36 Why would it be one of the words?
0:45:36 Of course,
0:45:37 it’s one of the words.
0:45:38 So, you did one
0:45:39 and then I think
0:45:44 this one went through your head.
0:45:45 You read,
0:45:45 you went to the last.
0:45:47 Did you think of the last letter
0:45:49 of it?
0:45:51 No.
0:45:51 Okay.
0:45:52 So, that would have been
0:45:53 my first guess,
0:45:54 but now that you didn’t,
0:45:55 I’m going to go back.
0:45:58 Are you thinking of the letter Y?
0:46:00 No.
0:46:05 Maserati,
0:46:05 Ferrari,
0:46:06 Lamborghini.
0:46:07 It’s not like you.
0:46:09 Close your eyes.
0:46:19 Open your eyes.
0:46:20 I’ve written it down.
0:46:21 I can’t change my mind.
0:46:25 What car is it?
0:46:26 It’s,
0:46:28 it’s my Cybertruck.
0:46:31 It is your Cybertruck.
0:46:32 That’s what I thought it would be.
0:46:35 Yeah.
0:46:42 Yeah,
0:46:43 I was thinking of the letter T.
0:46:44 T.
0:46:45 I did originally think of Y.
0:46:46 You did?
0:46:46 Yeah,
0:46:47 and then I moved to T.
0:46:48 Yeah.
0:46:51 If I got it right every time,
0:46:52 it would be a magic show.
0:46:53 So,
0:46:54 sometimes when you perform,
0:46:56 things must go wrong sometimes.
0:46:58 It depends like what level
0:46:58 they go wrong
0:46:59 at what scale.
0:47:00 Yeah.
0:47:02 if it goes destructively,
0:47:03 like catastrophically wrong,
0:47:04 it’s not always good.
0:47:05 Tell me a time when it went
0:47:06 catastrophically wrong.
0:47:06 Oh,
0:47:08 so you can dig up old TV appearances
0:47:10 from 15 years ago
0:47:11 where just,
0:47:12 you know,
0:47:13 purely,
0:47:14 I started learning that
0:47:15 if you do something linear,
0:47:16 which is if I
0:47:18 show you my hand
0:47:19 and tell you where this is going,
0:47:21 then you have the power.
0:47:22 What do I mean by that?
0:47:22 If I said,
0:47:23 I’m going to guess this
0:47:25 and then I get it wrong,
0:47:26 then you know I got it wrong.
0:47:28 What if you don’t know
0:47:29 the ending of the movie?
0:47:30 Then if I show you
0:47:31 an alternate ending,
0:47:32 you don’t know that the movie
0:47:33 wasn’t supposed to end that way.
0:47:33 So,
0:47:34 I learned early on
0:47:35 that I’m not going to let you
0:47:35 hold the cards.
0:47:36 I hold the cards.
0:47:37 So,
0:47:37 when you,
0:47:39 even the notion of get it wrong
0:47:41 means you knew what making it,
0:47:42 getting it right was.
0:47:43 Does that make sense?
0:47:43 Yeah.
0:47:44 But what if you don’t know
0:47:45 what getting it right was
0:47:47 because I’m doing so many
0:47:48 different things at once
0:47:50 that I will eventually find a way
0:47:50 to get it right?
0:47:52 You see what I mean?
0:47:52 Yeah.
0:47:54 And have you learned any ways
0:47:56 to break the ice
0:47:56 in social situations?
0:47:58 I think you talk about,
0:47:58 you do,
0:47:59 you talk about this
0:48:00 a little bit in the book,
0:48:02 but one of the ways
0:48:03 that you talked about
0:48:04 is sort of handling the objection
0:48:06 that you’re assuming one has,
0:48:07 approaching from a different angle.
0:48:09 But just generally in life
0:48:10 when you meet these people
0:48:11 and you’re trying to disarm people,
0:48:12 Yes.
0:48:13 Is there anything else
0:48:14 that is worth knowing there
0:48:15 that people can use
0:48:16 in their everyday lives?
0:48:17 I like having an inner monologue
0:48:18 out loud.
0:48:19 So,
0:48:20 I like to take things
0:48:21 that I know everyone is thinking,
0:48:24 and open up,
0:48:25 show some vulnerability.
0:48:26 So,
0:48:26 a great way,
0:48:27 you’re in an uncomfortable
0:48:28 social setting.
0:48:29 What do you want to do?
0:48:29 You want to shut down?
0:48:30 You want to be here?
0:48:32 I think walking up to somebody
0:48:32 has a real power
0:48:33 and say,
0:48:34 I’m so nervous.
0:48:35 I don’t know anyone here.
0:48:36 Do you know anyone here?
0:48:39 Like that moment of opening yourself up.
0:48:41 And I don’t want to call it oversharing
0:48:42 because some people take that
0:48:43 to too much of a degree
0:48:43 and start,
0:48:44 you know,
0:48:45 telling you too much.
0:48:47 But showing that you are a real person
0:48:47 and vulnerable,
0:48:49 I think just,
0:48:50 it’s a,
0:48:52 it’s a magical quality.
0:48:53 And I’ve had people that do it to me
0:48:55 that you gain an intimacy
0:48:56 and a familiarity with them
0:48:56 very quickly
0:48:57 that you wouldn’t have
0:48:59 if we were just small talking each other.
0:49:00 Have you ever met those people
0:49:01 that have that instant charisma
0:49:02 that when they walk in the room,
0:49:04 everyone gravitates towards them?
0:49:05 And you don’t know what that is.
0:49:06 What is that quality they have?
0:49:07 Did they train it?
0:49:08 Is it innate?
0:49:09 Are they born with it?
0:49:10 For me,
0:49:12 I didn’t have that.
0:49:13 So I cheated
0:49:14 and started doing magic tricks.
0:49:16 I remember Jimmy Carr saying to me that,
0:49:17 you know,
0:49:19 people think comedians are depressed or whatever,
0:49:19 but he said,
0:49:22 a better question to ask is always,
0:49:24 who are you trying to cheer up?
0:49:24 Right.
0:49:27 And I wonder if that’s relevant at all
0:49:27 to your situation.
0:49:30 I think I was trying to connect with people.
0:49:30 Yeah.
0:49:32 I think that I was nervous,
0:49:33 a little bit awkward.
0:49:34 I wasn’t introverted.
0:49:36 I had no problem walking up to strangers,
0:49:38 but I think that it became this,
0:49:41 just this addiction
0:49:45 to watching people being amazed
0:49:46 and overjoyed in the reactions.
0:49:48 I live for the reactions.
0:49:50 Some people that do magic,
0:49:51 they do it for themselves.
0:49:53 In a guilty way,
0:49:54 I kind of do as well
0:49:55 because there is a selfish angle
0:49:56 to seeing reactions,
0:49:57 but to me,
0:49:58 it’s more the joy.
0:49:59 And to this day,
0:50:00 what I like to say
0:50:01 that I do for a living
0:50:02 is not to deceive.
0:50:05 My job is not to fool you.
0:50:07 My job is to create memorable moments,
0:50:09 not amazing moments.
0:50:10 Amazing is a subset.
0:50:11 Memorable.
0:50:13 Because if I amaze you
0:50:14 and you forget it,
0:50:15 I have failed.
0:50:16 I failed.
0:50:17 It’s the same as if I walk into a movie
0:50:19 that’s an action movie.
0:50:19 I eat a lot of popcorn.
0:50:20 I walk out.
0:50:20 10 minutes later,
0:50:21 you say to me,
0:50:22 what was the movie about?
0:50:23 I don’t know.
0:50:23 Right?
0:50:24 That, I don’t know.
0:50:25 And a month later,
0:50:26 you ask me,
0:50:26 have you seen that movie?
0:50:27 And I go,
0:50:28 did I see that movie?
0:50:29 That, right there,
0:50:31 that response is the death
0:50:32 for what I do.
0:50:32 Apathy.
0:50:34 And in the book,
0:50:35 in page 166,
0:50:38 you talk about improving one’s memory.
0:50:38 Yes.
0:50:40 What do I need to know?
0:50:40 Why does it matter
0:50:41 to improve my memory?
0:50:42 And in what way
0:50:43 does improving my memory
0:50:44 help me to connect
0:50:45 with other people?
0:50:46 So we’ve gotten to the point
0:50:47 where we don’t need our memory,
0:50:47 right?
0:50:48 A lot of people
0:50:49 don’t know how to drive
0:50:50 to a place,
0:50:51 a city next door.
0:50:52 They literally,
0:50:53 if GPS went out,
0:50:54 good luck, right?
0:50:55 You don’t know anyone’s phone numbers.
0:50:56 How many of you
0:50:56 those phone numbers
0:50:57 do you have memorized?
0:51:00 Few and far between.
0:51:02 One.
0:51:02 Exactly.
0:51:03 Tomorrow,
0:51:05 your iPhone goes away.
0:51:06 No, no, no Apple,
0:51:07 no cloud.
0:51:07 You’re screwed.
0:51:08 You’re screwed.
0:51:08 Am I right?
0:51:09 If you can’t get that back,
0:51:11 your life is.
0:51:13 So what do we need
0:51:14 our memory for?
0:51:15 I think memory
0:51:16 is a superpower
0:51:17 because no one expects
0:51:17 you to have it anymore.
0:51:18 Years ago,
0:51:19 you need it.
0:51:19 Now you don’t.
0:51:20 So I’m going to give
0:51:21 a great example.
0:51:22 One that I have in my book,
0:51:24 which is something applicable
0:51:25 where you can’t cheat.
0:51:27 Cheat is I have my phone
0:51:28 and I feel a lot of us,
0:51:29 whether we’re parents
0:51:30 or kids or teens
0:51:31 or any stage of life you are,
0:51:32 you’re going to meet new people
0:51:33 at some point soon.
0:51:34 You meet them,
0:51:35 you shake their hand,
0:51:36 you say hello.
0:51:38 You just forgot their name.
0:51:39 Literally,
0:51:40 they just said it to you
0:51:41 and you forgot it.
0:51:42 How many times
0:51:43 this occurred to you?
0:51:44 I’m guessing numerous.
0:51:47 And now you can’t enjoy
0:51:47 that conversation
0:51:48 because all you do
0:51:49 is feel dread.
0:51:50 Now you’re looking
0:51:50 for someone around
0:51:51 that you know
0:51:52 to introduce them
0:51:52 and pray to God.
0:51:52 You go,
0:51:53 this is Stephen.
0:51:54 Say hello.
0:51:54 Like,
0:51:55 tell him your name.
0:51:55 You know,
0:51:56 you want that moment.
0:51:58 So I have a trick,
0:52:00 a tip for that specific situation
0:52:02 as well as others for memory.
0:52:04 But I’ve repurposed
0:52:04 the instructions
0:52:05 on a shampoo bottle
0:52:06 so it sticks in your head.
0:52:07 Shampoo bottles
0:52:08 have three words
0:52:10 on the back.
0:52:11 Lather,
0:52:11 rinse,
0:52:12 repeat.
0:52:13 Right?
0:52:15 Lather makes your hair smell good.
0:52:16 Rinse,
0:52:16 cleans your hair,
0:52:17 repeat.
0:52:18 We got to sell more
0:52:19 Pantene Pro-V.
0:52:21 So we all know that.
0:52:21 Everyone knows
0:52:22 lather,
0:52:22 rinse,
0:52:22 repeat.
0:52:24 I will describe it as this.
0:52:25 Listen,
0:52:25 repeat,
0:52:26 reply.
0:52:27 Listen,
0:52:28 repeat,
0:52:28 reply.
0:52:29 So easy.
0:52:30 The first step
0:52:30 sounds silly.
0:52:31 It’s comical.
0:52:32 Why am I even saying this?
0:52:33 The first step
0:52:35 is what 95% of us do wrong.
0:52:37 We don’t actually listen.
0:52:39 When you hear
0:52:40 that person’s name,
0:52:41 it’s not a memory issue.
0:52:42 You never even knew
0:52:43 the name to begin with
0:52:44 because right when
0:52:45 you walked up to them,
0:52:46 just like a computer,
0:52:47 read,
0:52:47 write.
0:52:48 Very hard to read
0:52:49 and write at the same time
0:52:50 for our brains.
0:52:52 You were thinking
0:52:52 of something else.
0:52:53 You were thinking
0:52:54 of what you were going
0:52:55 to say back to them
0:52:56 in most instances.
0:52:58 So at that moment,
0:52:58 the number one thing
0:53:00 to do is actually listen.
0:53:02 Quiet your mind.
0:53:02 So simple,
0:53:03 so easy,
0:53:04 but that’s we screw up.
0:53:05 Right when I woke up to you,
0:53:06 I make sure that I’ve heard
0:53:07 your name because I instantly
0:53:09 repeat it twice.
0:53:10 Steven,
0:53:11 is it Steve or Steven?
0:53:12 I want to make sure.
0:53:13 I’ve just said your name
0:53:14 three times.
0:53:15 Already,
0:53:16 your chance of forgetting
0:53:16 it have gone down
0:53:17 dramatically.
0:53:19 The last one is reply,
0:53:21 which is use one of the
0:53:22 three following tactics.
0:53:22 One,
0:53:24 you could learn how to spell it.
0:53:24 You have a name
0:53:25 that can be spelled.
0:53:26 So I go,
0:53:27 is it Steven with a V
0:53:27 or a PH?
0:53:29 And you go with a V?
0:53:29 I go,
0:53:30 I like Steven with a V better.
0:53:30 That’s the right way.
0:53:31 Am I right?
0:53:33 So now I’ve associated it,
0:53:33 Steven,
0:53:34 with a V.
0:53:36 If it’s not a name like that,
0:53:37 if it’s,
0:53:37 you know,
0:53:38 Jacob,
0:53:39 you’re not going to spell that.
0:53:40 I’m going to say to you,
0:53:42 I might comment.
0:53:42 I go,
0:53:43 Jacob,
0:53:43 I love that shirt.
0:53:44 Where’d you get that from?
0:53:44 The V-necks?
0:53:45 Jacob,
0:53:45 really sharp.
0:53:48 So now I’ve created a visual hook.
0:53:50 You’re Jacob with the V-neck shirt.
0:53:51 Now I remember you.
0:53:52 Third one is,
0:53:53 is if you want,
0:53:54 you can do something
0:53:54 that’s a connector
0:53:55 to someone else you know.
0:53:56 So if I know a Steven,
0:53:57 it’s so funny,
0:53:58 you know,
0:53:59 my sister’s dating a guy
0:53:59 named Steven,
0:54:00 small world.
0:54:03 So you’ve really quickly connected it.
0:54:05 That happens in five seconds,
0:54:05 what I just said.
0:54:06 Everyone likes a compliment.
0:54:07 Everyone likes a hook.
0:54:08 You will not forget
0:54:09 that person’s name
0:54:10 for the rest of the party.
0:54:11 I promise you.
0:54:12 And this works on people
0:54:13 of all ages.
0:54:14 It’s not a memory issue.
0:54:15 If you can remember
0:54:16 your best friend’s name,
0:54:18 you can remember the name
0:54:19 of somebody you met at a party
0:54:20 after five seconds
0:54:21 if you practice
0:54:22 and do exactly what I just said.
0:54:25 And I think a huge part of it,
0:54:26 as someone that does meet
0:54:27 a lot of people,
0:54:29 is you go into the meetings
0:54:29 with people.
0:54:31 And because you don’t really think
0:54:32 the small stuff matters,
0:54:33 you don’t think,
0:54:34 most people don’t think
0:54:35 someone’s name matters that much.
0:54:36 They think they’re walking
0:54:36 into the presentation,
0:54:37 they’re pitching
0:54:38 for a million dollars,
0:54:39 they’re thinking about
0:54:40 the campaign,
0:54:41 they’re thinking about
0:54:42 how they’re going to
0:54:44 structure the offer.
0:54:45 They’re not thinking about
0:54:46 the name being pertinent.
0:54:47 So you walk in,
0:54:48 you shake hands,
0:54:48 hi, Debra,
0:54:49 nice to meet you, Debra.
0:54:49 You walk to your chair,
0:54:50 you’re still thinking
0:54:51 about the campaign,
0:54:51 the campaign,
0:54:52 the campaign.
0:54:53 And within three minutes,
0:54:54 you’ve lost their name.
0:54:56 And I do think it really has
0:54:59 a huge impact when I was reading
0:54:59 your book,
0:55:00 I was thinking like,
0:55:00 do you know what?
0:55:01 I don’t do a good job of that.
0:55:02 I meet loads of people
0:55:03 all the time.
0:55:04 I walk up,
0:55:04 I say my name,
0:55:05 they say theirs.
0:55:05 For me,
0:55:06 that’s not important information.
0:55:07 Right.
0:55:08 And I thought,
0:55:08 you know,
0:55:10 until you get it wrong.
0:55:10 And then,
0:55:12 then that’s the memory
0:55:13 they carry of you.
0:55:13 I would say to people,
0:55:15 if you don’t know someone’s name,
0:55:17 we think that it’s a dreadful thing
0:55:17 to ask them again.
0:55:20 It’s an avoidable thing with this,
0:55:20 but I would still say
0:55:22 that you’re still showing interest
0:55:24 and there’s a few tactics around it,
0:55:24 but say,
0:55:24 forgive me,
0:55:26 but I really would like to know,
0:55:27 I don’t know why it slipped my mind.
0:55:28 Tell me your name again,
0:55:28 please.
0:55:29 I think even that
0:55:31 is a much better way to play it
0:55:32 because again,
0:55:33 you’re human,
0:55:34 they’re human,
0:55:35 everyone’s vulnerable.
0:55:36 I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
0:55:37 So,
0:55:39 I’m okay with letting people know
0:55:40 that there’s a human side
0:55:41 and humanize it.
0:55:42 And sometimes if I can figure it out,
0:55:43 I will,
0:55:43 but I’ll say,
0:55:44 give me a clue
0:55:44 and I go,
0:55:45 help me out.
0:55:45 Tell me where it’s like,
0:55:46 oh my God.
0:55:48 And sometimes I have a memory hook
0:55:49 and I’ll remember who introduced us.
0:55:49 I go,
0:55:49 oh,
0:55:50 I met you through Steven.
0:55:53 I’ve had so many founders speak to me
0:55:54 and say,
0:55:55 why didn’t this particular ad
0:55:57 that I ran on this platform
0:55:57 work for me?
0:55:59 Maybe the copy wasn’t good,
0:56:00 the creative wasn’t strong,
0:56:01 but usually the problem is
0:56:02 they’re not having the right conversation
0:56:04 because that ad never reached
0:56:05 the right person.
0:56:06 And if you’re in B2B marketing,
0:56:08 that is much of the game.
0:56:09 And this is where LinkedIn ads
0:56:11 solves that problem for you.
0:56:13 Their targeting is ridiculously specific.
0:56:15 You can target by job title,
0:56:16 seniority,
0:56:17 company size,
0:56:17 industry,
0:56:19 and even someone’s skillset.
0:56:21 And their network includes
0:56:22 over a billion professionals.
0:56:25 About 130 million of them
0:56:25 are decision makers.
0:56:27 So when you use LinkedIn ads,
0:56:28 you’re putting your brand
0:56:30 in front of the right people.
0:56:31 And LinkedIn ads also drive
0:56:33 the highest B2B return on ad spend
0:56:34 across all ad networks
0:56:35 in my experience.
0:56:37 If you want to give them a try,
0:56:37 head over to
0:56:39 linkedin.com
0:56:40 slash diary.
0:56:42 And when you spend $250
0:56:44 on your first LinkedIn ads campaign,
0:56:45 you’ll get an extra
0:56:47 $250 credit
0:56:48 from me
0:56:48 for the next one.
0:56:50 That’s linkedin.com
0:56:51 slash diary.
0:56:52 Terms and conditions apply.
0:56:54 Just give me 15 seconds
0:56:56 to explain how you can build
0:56:57 a viable business online.
0:56:59 The people I see winning in life
0:57:00 don’t have a perfect plan.
0:57:01 They just take the first step
0:57:02 and then the next
0:57:03 and then they keep going.
0:57:04 They stay obsessed
0:57:05 and they stay consistent.
0:57:06 And Stand Store,
0:57:07 a platform I co-own
0:57:08 and one of our sponsors,
0:57:10 is the best first step
0:57:11 to help turn your knowledge
0:57:12 into income.
0:57:14 It only takes a couple of minutes
0:57:14 to launch your business
0:57:16 and start selling digital products,
0:57:17 coaching,
0:57:18 memberships,
0:57:19 or communities online
0:57:20 without any tech headaches
0:57:21 or endless setup.
0:57:23 Thousands of entrepreneurs,
0:57:23 creators,
0:57:24 and risk takers
0:57:26 use Stand to take control
0:57:26 of their future
0:57:29 because Stand is for entrepreneurs,
0:57:30 for those willing to put in the work
0:57:32 and bet on themselves.
0:57:33 If you’re ready to start building,
0:57:34 join us.
0:57:36 Launch your business today
0:57:38 with a free 14-day trial
0:57:41 at stephenbartlett.stan.store.
0:57:46 And what else should my audience know about?
0:57:47 You’re someone that focuses on the audience.
0:57:48 What else should they know about
0:57:51 that you think can directly improve their life?
0:57:54 I mean, I’ve given you a lot of like
0:57:55 the core tenets
0:57:56 that I think have made me successful,
0:57:58 which is eliminating that fear of rejection,
0:58:00 utilizing notes,
0:58:01 making it about other people.
0:58:04 I think wrapping things up in a story
0:58:05 is a huge one
0:58:06 that we touched upon lightly,
0:58:08 but that…
0:58:08 Why a story?
0:58:10 Because stories are remembered.
0:58:12 Stories are interwoven into our DNA.
0:58:14 Each of us have a story to tell.
0:58:16 I think such a big one
0:58:18 is deciding what makes you memorable.
0:58:21 The more that you can become memorable to others,
0:58:22 the more people talk about you,
0:58:25 it benefits you no matter what you do in life.
0:58:26 When you meet somebody,
0:58:29 know that you’re going to weave the narrative
0:58:31 of what they leave,
0:58:33 what they think of you, right?
0:58:35 You have to kind of…
0:58:36 Their memory is malleable.
0:58:38 There’s a trick I used to do
0:58:39 when I was a teenager
0:58:40 where I would have somebody pick a card.
0:58:41 It was a card trick.
0:58:43 They would put the card back in.
0:58:44 They would sign it.
0:58:46 I would throw it on the ceiling.
0:58:47 The deck would fall down,
0:58:48 but their signed card
0:58:49 stayed stuck on the ceiling.
0:58:52 But when they described the procedure
0:58:53 back to someone else,
0:58:55 they would leave out the part
0:58:56 with me throwing the deck.
0:58:58 Why did they forget
0:58:59 such an important detail?
0:59:01 And I couldn’t understand why.
0:59:03 It’s not that their memory was faulty.
0:59:04 Something happened.
0:59:06 I realized what it was.
0:59:08 What I put my attention on,
0:59:09 they put their attention on.
0:59:10 Like everything in life.
0:59:12 If you’re focused on the negative,
0:59:13 you start to feel negative.
0:59:15 I, when I threw the deck up,
0:59:17 sometimes wouldn’t look up with it.
0:59:18 I would throw the deck up.
0:59:19 I wouldn’t look,
0:59:20 and then I’d catch it.
0:59:21 Such a small, minute detail.
0:59:23 But me doing that
0:59:24 meant I caught the deck.
0:59:25 No one knew what happened.
0:59:28 And I let them look up
0:59:29 and discover the card themselves
0:59:30 rather than me do it.
0:59:31 Somehow in that,
0:59:32 in their brain,
0:59:36 they deleted that one detail
0:59:37 of me throwing the deck.
0:59:39 And now I had a miracle.
0:59:40 And that changed my way of thinking
0:59:41 from there on out,
0:59:42 which I said to myself,
0:59:43 it doesn’t matter what I do.
0:59:45 It matters what people remember
0:59:48 and what’s the story they tell others.
0:59:49 The thing I really learned from that
0:59:51 is that your focus
0:59:53 is driving someone else’s focus.
0:59:54 So when I’m, you know,
0:59:55 when I’m going through my life,
0:59:58 I need to make sure
0:59:59 my focus is in the right place,
1:00:01 the place that I want it to be.
1:00:02 And I notice that sometimes
1:00:03 as a podcaster
1:00:04 because obviously,
1:00:05 so I’m trying to manage
1:00:06 this conversation
1:00:07 and I’ve got these notes
1:00:07 written in front of me.
1:00:09 I’ve got pens, books, props.
1:00:10 I’ve got a little net
1:00:10 under front of me
1:00:12 that has photos in it
1:00:13 and other bits and pieces
1:00:14 and all this stuff.
1:00:15 And I do notice that
1:00:17 during the podcast conversation,
1:00:19 if I don’t look up at the guest
1:00:20 and I start looking down
1:00:20 a little bit,
1:00:21 or even if I’m just looking down
1:00:23 to see my next bullet point
1:00:24 or to think about something,
1:00:26 I distract the guest.
1:00:27 But it also,
1:00:27 in everyday life,
1:00:28 the other thing
1:00:29 that I think we’re all guilty of,
1:00:30 and you talk about this
1:00:31 in your book,
1:00:34 is we sometimes reach
1:00:35 for our phone a little bit.
1:00:35 Right.
1:00:36 Your card story,
1:00:37 that’s what it said to me.
1:00:38 It said that,
1:00:38 oh my God,
1:00:40 people’s focus really is
1:00:41 where your focus is.
1:00:41 So if I’m having
1:00:42 a great conversation with you
1:00:43 and you’re a client or something
1:00:46 and I just glance at my watch,
1:00:47 you just did it then with me again.
1:00:49 You just glanced down at my hand.
1:00:49 Right.
1:00:50 And I never realized
1:00:51 until you said that card thing
1:00:52 how important it was
1:00:53 to make sure my focus
1:00:54 is in the right place.
1:00:56 Your focus is in the right place,
1:00:57 but also know the fact
1:01:00 that your memory is malleable.
1:01:01 So in my profession,
1:01:03 I employ all different tactics.
1:01:05 I can tell you one is confusion.
1:01:07 Your brain is,
1:01:08 it’s very difficult for your brain
1:01:08 to read and write
1:01:09 at the same time.
1:01:11 So if I want to distract you
1:01:11 from a method
1:01:13 and I confuse you,
1:01:14 then it’s exactly
1:01:15 like an etch-a-sketch.
1:01:16 Maybe you’ve drawn a picture
1:01:18 and the moment you get confused
1:01:20 and you forget
1:01:21 what you just did exactly
1:01:23 and the etch-a-sketch
1:01:24 has just been shaken
1:01:26 and now you can’t recount
1:01:27 the series of events properly.
1:01:28 And at that moment,
1:01:30 you’ve now created
1:01:32 this beautiful watercolor painting
1:01:33 that hasn’t dried.
1:01:35 I can move some of the pieces around
1:01:36 and I can redraw
1:01:37 your picture a little bit
1:01:38 and I can change your memory
1:01:39 of what it is.
1:01:41 I, during certain points
1:01:42 when I’m performing,
1:01:43 and this has to do
1:01:44 when you talked about public speaking
1:01:45 and storytelling,
1:01:47 I tell you the story
1:01:49 that you’re going to tell others
1:01:51 and I take out the pieces
1:01:52 I want out.
1:01:53 I want this gone.
1:01:54 I want this gone.
1:01:55 I want this gone.
1:01:56 I’m going to edit your memories.
1:01:58 Give me a specific example.
1:01:59 Well, that’s the nature
1:01:59 of what I do.
1:02:01 So in a certain routine,
1:02:02 again,
1:02:03 what I would ask someone,
1:02:04 if I ask somebody to think
1:02:06 of someone important to them
1:02:07 and then later on,
1:02:08 I guess the name
1:02:09 of their first kiss,
1:02:11 they will forget
1:02:12 how the question was orchestrated,
1:02:13 how I set up
1:02:14 the initial ask
1:02:15 and what happened
1:02:15 during the initial ask
1:02:16 and then the story
1:02:17 they will tell
1:02:17 to someone else is,
1:02:18 I don’t know how,
1:02:19 but he guessed my first kiss.
1:02:21 Now, when they tell that story,
1:02:22 he goes,
1:02:23 he told me to think of anyone
1:02:24 and I thought of my first kiss
1:02:25 and he guessed it.
1:02:26 What if I didn’t?
1:02:28 What if I narrowed it down
1:02:28 and I actually told you
1:02:30 to think of your first kiss?
1:02:31 But the initial question
1:02:32 was think of anyone
1:02:33 and see all those people
1:02:34 swirling around your mind
1:02:35 and then one person
1:02:35 comes up to you
1:02:36 you haven’t seen
1:02:37 since elementary school.
1:02:38 First girl you ever kissed,
1:02:39 you’re blown away.
1:02:41 Now the people that watched it
1:02:41 have also seen
1:02:42 a different effect.
1:02:43 It’s known as a dual reality.
1:02:45 The reality one person
1:02:46 experiences is different
1:02:47 than the other.
1:02:47 Yeah.
1:02:47 Right?
1:02:48 If you walk in
1:02:49 to a conversation in the middle,
1:02:51 you don’t know the context,
1:02:52 but you know the ending.
1:02:53 Yeah.
1:02:55 So I’m using that
1:02:55 because again,
1:02:56 when you tell me
1:02:57 the methods of mentalism,
1:02:59 mentalism is all about
1:02:59 group dynamics,
1:03:00 the way people think.
1:03:02 If I was performing
1:03:02 for you in a group,
1:03:03 it would be utterly different
1:03:05 and completely easier.
1:03:06 This one-on-one interaction
1:03:08 is far more difficult
1:03:09 because I have no lanes
1:03:10 to weave around.
1:03:11 It’s like if I was passing you
1:03:11 in a car
1:03:12 on a four-lane highway,
1:03:13 I’ve got space right now.
1:03:14 You and me are locked in.
1:03:15 It’s very difficult
1:03:17 for me to use others
1:03:19 because the way you feel
1:03:20 next to someone else,
1:03:20 you’ll behave differently
1:03:21 than by yourself.
1:03:22 And you’re someone that,
1:03:22 you know,
1:03:23 started doing this
1:03:24 at a very young age
1:03:24 and has developed
1:03:25 and evolved their skill set
1:03:26 over time.
1:03:27 And so you’ve got five kids
1:03:28 and I’m wondering
1:03:30 how important you think
1:03:31 obsession is
1:03:32 to get to the very top.
1:03:33 You’ve gotten to the-
1:03:33 It’s a blessing.
1:03:34 It’s a blessing.
1:03:35 If somebody can find
1:03:35 an obsession.
1:03:36 You’ve got to the top
1:03:37 of an industry
1:03:38 where very few people
1:03:40 get to the top of.
1:03:41 And even if they do,
1:03:42 they don’t end up
1:03:43 on the biggest platforms
1:03:43 in the world.
1:03:44 So thinking about
1:03:45 the characteristics
1:03:46 of your success,
1:03:48 for this kid,
1:03:49 it was obviously,
1:03:50 obsession was a huge part
1:03:51 of that, right?
1:03:51 Yes.
1:03:53 How old were you
1:03:53 in this photo?
1:03:56 Probably 14.
1:03:57 Probably right when
1:03:57 I started a restaurant.
1:03:59 That looks 14 to me.
1:04:00 Okay, 14 then
1:04:02 and you’re 43 now?
1:04:03 That’s right.
1:04:04 So you’ve been doing this
1:04:06 decades and decades and decades?
1:04:07 The majority of my life.
1:04:09 How important do you think
1:04:10 that is to reach
1:04:11 the top of any industry?
1:04:14 I don’t know if I would say
1:04:16 the time matters as much
1:04:16 because I’ve seen people
1:04:17 that are phenoms
1:04:20 in much more compressed times.
1:04:20 I don’t want to say
1:04:21 that you need your 30 years.
1:04:23 Passion.
1:04:25 The people that excite me
1:04:25 the most to be around
1:04:26 in my life,
1:04:27 the people that I look up to
1:04:28 and I’m on the edge of my seat
1:04:30 always have a passion.
1:04:32 I don’t care what that’s for.
1:04:33 I don’t care if you are,
1:04:33 you know,
1:04:35 a trash man
1:04:36 and your obsession is trash.
1:04:37 Like something that
1:04:37 I would never think about.
1:04:38 I’ve met so many people
1:04:40 where they have a topic
1:04:41 that meant nothing to me
1:04:42 at the moment
1:04:43 but once I start speaking to them
1:04:44 their level of excitement,
1:04:45 their feeling,
1:04:46 like the fact that
1:04:47 they’re so invested
1:04:49 makes me feel invested.
1:04:51 But to hone your skills
1:04:51 to the point that you can
1:04:52 reach the peak of a mountain,
1:04:54 I was speaking to someone
1:04:55 called DJ EZ
1:04:56 and he was saying to me
1:04:57 he spends seven hours a day,
1:04:58 he’s a great DJ
1:04:59 and when I watch him
1:04:59 it’s like watching
1:05:01 a magician play the decks
1:05:02 and he said to me
1:05:03 he spends seven hours a day
1:05:04 sometimes listening
1:05:06 to 700 different new tracks a day.
1:05:06 Right.
1:05:08 Just listening to 20 seconds of each
1:05:09 and I don’t think people
1:05:10 often get to see
1:05:11 that level of obsession.
1:05:12 They see people sat here
1:05:14 but they don’t get to see
1:05:14 all the like
1:05:16 the messy journey to here.
1:05:17 Right.
1:05:18 And I think it’s so important
1:05:18 to show them
1:05:19 what that messy journey
1:05:20 to here looks like
1:05:21 because then they can decide
1:05:21 for themselves
1:05:22 in their own life
1:05:23 if whatever thing
1:05:23 they’re pursuing
1:05:24 is worth the trade.
1:05:26 Like is it worth it
1:05:27 to sit here
1:05:28 and to be who you are now
1:05:29 for like that?
1:05:31 You say worth it
1:05:32 as if it’s a negative thing.
1:05:33 I think it gave a definition
1:05:34 to my life.
1:05:35 I think that
1:05:36 to have a passion
1:05:38 is something so few of us
1:05:39 I’ve hit the lottery in life.
1:05:41 I get to meet interesting people.
1:05:42 I get to bring joy.
1:05:44 I get to live my dream.
1:05:45 Everything I do
1:05:47 is of my own volition.
1:05:48 Like I couldn’t
1:05:49 I don’t even know
1:05:49 how I’d complain
1:05:50 for an iota of a second.
1:05:51 I’ve won the lottery
1:05:52 times the lottery
1:05:53 times the lottery.
1:05:54 I don’t know.
1:05:55 It’s not even my profession.
1:05:56 I have a mindset
1:05:59 where I could die tomorrow.
1:05:59 Right?
1:06:00 Everybody who doesn’t
1:06:01 think that way
1:06:02 that you don’t have
1:06:02 gratitude for today
1:06:04 is like I don’t know
1:06:06 I’m a natural optimist.
1:06:07 I just think that
1:06:07 But I mean what does
1:06:08 that actually look like?
1:06:09 Because no one
1:06:10 was there to see those
1:06:12 what 30, 20, 30 years?
1:06:14 How much work was there?
1:06:15 And is it like
1:06:16 you were doing it part time?
1:06:17 Is it free time?
1:06:18 Is it the shower?
1:06:19 Are you thinking about it
1:06:19 in the shower?
1:06:21 So I think I’ve been
1:06:22 thinking about it for decades
1:06:23 and now even now
1:06:24 it consumes my thoughts
1:06:25 at certain points in time
1:06:26 even though I try to
1:06:28 try to also be present
1:06:29 in the moment.
1:06:29 It’s not like
1:06:30 an absolute obsession
1:06:31 seven hours a day
1:06:32 is pretty rough
1:06:35 but the muse of creativity
1:06:35 comes to me
1:06:37 and it’s so fulfilling.
1:06:38 It’s the same way
1:06:38 like this book
1:06:39 putting this book
1:06:40 on paper
1:06:41 you’re an author as well
1:06:43 was such an exceptional challenge
1:06:44 because my thoughts
1:06:46 and then crafting them
1:06:46 onto the page
1:06:47 into words
1:06:48 and also
1:06:49 at the end of the day
1:06:51 who cares about me?
1:06:52 I always have this mindset
1:06:53 of I need to prove to you
1:06:54 I don’t come from the assumption
1:06:55 of you should watch me
1:06:56 because I’m great
1:06:57 I have an inverse
1:06:59 I said I need to define to you
1:07:00 why you should be watching
1:07:01 why you should be listening
1:07:03 why this should excite you
1:07:04 why this should amaze you
1:07:04 hopefully it inspired you
1:07:05 to take action
1:07:07 and you got something tangible
1:07:08 that will provide a value
1:07:09 in your life
1:07:11 and I wouldn’t have written the book
1:07:11 trust me
1:07:12 the book
1:07:13 I didn’t need to write this book
1:07:14 I wrote the book
1:07:14 because so many people
1:07:15 had said to me
1:07:16 we want to know
1:07:18 what helped you achieve success
1:07:19 and they’re fascinated
1:07:20 by this pursuit
1:07:20 and I think
1:07:21 that was it
1:07:22 I just was driven
1:07:23 by the people around me
1:07:23 that they said
1:07:24 you should write this
1:07:25 and I felt
1:07:26 I finally had a story to tell
1:07:28 and what’s the one thing
1:07:29 about your success
1:07:30 and your new life
1:07:30 that
1:07:32 if
1:07:33 this guy knew
1:07:35 he may have hesitated
1:07:36 a little bit
1:07:36 to pursue
1:07:37 the life that you now have
1:07:39 I think
1:07:40 being very busy
1:07:41 and success
1:07:42 has its pitfalls
1:07:43 if you
1:07:44 assign your self-esteem
1:07:45 to something
1:07:46 others can give you
1:07:47 be it fame
1:07:48 be it money
1:07:48 be it things
1:07:49 that are intangible
1:07:51 and that can be taken away
1:07:52 and you don’t
1:07:53 define your self-worth
1:07:54 by something internal
1:07:54 like your own drive
1:07:56 competing as yourself
1:07:57 creating your own goals
1:07:58 then it’s fleeting
1:07:59 fame for example
1:08:00 there’s going to be ups and downs
1:08:02 every career has a life cycle
1:08:03 right now things are going very well
1:08:04 there’s no question
1:08:05 that a certain point
1:08:06 the peak hits
1:08:07 and now you go down
1:08:09 and it’s inevitable
1:08:10 and I don’t think about that
1:08:12 I’d like to continue the peak
1:08:13 or continue climbing
1:08:13 and climbing
1:08:15 but when that happens
1:08:16 I’m aware of it
1:08:17 and I will not
1:08:18 it’s not a
1:08:19 something that will define
1:08:20 who I am
1:08:21 this is part of it
1:08:22 I think having outside interests
1:08:24 and challenging yourself
1:08:25 outside your comfort zone
1:08:25 for me
1:08:26 ultra marathons
1:08:26 marathons
1:08:28 athletic pursuits
1:08:30 that cannot be bought
1:08:31 they must be earned
1:08:32 and I think that’s something
1:08:33 we value more and more
1:08:34 in our day-to-day life
1:08:35 because again
1:08:36 there’s influencers
1:08:37 there’s people
1:08:38 there’s followers
1:08:39 there’s all this stuff
1:08:40 that I don’t want to call fickle
1:08:42 but it can be bought
1:08:44 what can be earned
1:08:45 earned are things that you
1:08:47 this has been earned by you
1:08:48 this has been you
1:08:49 putting in sweat equity
1:08:50 for decades
1:08:51 believing in yourself
1:08:53 each time you get a big guess
1:08:54 you harness your momentum
1:08:55 and get a bigger guess
1:08:56 you’ve earned this
1:08:57 you’ve created a team around you
1:08:59 I think that’s something notable
1:09:00 and that people should decide
1:09:01 what’s your goal
1:09:03 and as you strive towards it
1:09:04 that’s where you feel the fulfillment
1:09:05 for me
1:09:06 it’s been being on the road
1:09:08 like the biggest negative
1:09:09 is being away from my children and wife
1:09:11 and that’s success
1:09:12 and I can’t not do that
1:09:14 if I want to be successful
1:09:16 I have to be gone a lot
1:09:17 and so I have to find that balance
1:09:18 between the two
1:09:20 of having my kids miss me
1:09:21 but also creating a life
1:09:22 for them in the future
1:09:23 and also juggling the fact
1:09:23 that I have
1:09:24 you know
1:09:25 major career ambitions
1:09:27 and is there anything else
1:09:29 that my audience
1:09:30 might be able to take away
1:09:31 an action in their own lives
1:09:32 that is in line with
1:09:34 maybe this David Goggins quote
1:09:34 on the front of your book
1:09:35 learn to master
1:09:36 the most powerful weapon
1:09:37 in your mind
1:09:37 is there anything else
1:09:38 that my audience
1:09:39 should be aware of
1:09:40 so that they can show up
1:09:41 better in their lives
1:09:42 in the pursuit of their goals
1:09:44 I think defining your goals
1:09:45 is huge
1:09:46 looking yourself in the mirror
1:09:47 and being honest
1:09:49 and seeing what that voice
1:09:49 really says to you
1:09:51 because I
1:09:52 just like everybody else
1:09:53 have had feelings
1:09:54 of inadequacy
1:09:55 feelings of
1:09:55 I’m not going to be able
1:09:56 to pull this off
1:09:57 and it’s not that
1:09:58 it’s not as if I’m
1:09:59 there’s a superhuman thing
1:10:00 of I’m you know
1:10:01 I’m putting my head down
1:10:02 I’m going to get through it
1:10:03 like Goggins
1:10:03 doesn’t stop
1:10:04 if you ever met him
1:10:05 he is a machine
1:10:06 he’s amazing
1:10:07 but he goes out
1:10:08 and he’ll tell you
1:10:08 he’s the first one
1:10:10 who doesn’t want to go out
1:10:10 and run when it’s raining
1:10:11 and cold and freezing
1:10:13 but you know why he does it
1:10:15 because he didn’t want to do it
1:10:16 that’s where the real work is
1:10:17 when I’m doing a workout
1:10:19 that’s exceptionally hard
1:10:21 when it gets to the hardest part
1:10:22 that’s when I tell myself
1:10:23 all of this was easy
1:10:25 this is where I’m actually growing
1:10:27 so I challenge you
1:10:28 right now
1:10:29 to assign yourself a goal
1:10:30 right now
1:10:30 if you get one thing
1:10:31 out of this podcast
1:10:33 decide one thing
1:10:34 that you want to strive for
1:10:35 define it
1:10:36 define it
1:10:36 don’t do these
1:10:37 pie in the sky things
1:10:39 goals that are achievable
1:10:40 have to be quantifiable
1:10:41 be it a number
1:10:42 be it something achievable
1:10:43 decide what it is
1:10:44 and make tomorrow
1:10:45 the first day you go after it
1:10:46 and create
1:10:48 all of the things
1:10:49 that will help you succeed
1:10:50 not fail
1:10:50 most of us
1:10:51 when we start a goal
1:10:52 the joke is you start
1:10:54 January 1st
1:10:54 everyone’s starting
1:10:55 their fitness journey
1:10:56 by February
1:10:57 no one’s in the gym anymore
1:10:58 why is that?
1:11:00 why does everyone give up?
1:11:01 because the hard work
1:11:02 is at the beginning
1:11:04 those first few weeks
1:11:05 of setting a habit in place
1:11:06 I have a lot of things in here
1:11:06 that are all about
1:11:07 how you form habits
1:11:09 I literally put in the book
1:11:10 proven habits for success
1:11:11 it’s not tricks
1:11:12 for example
1:11:13 atomic habits
1:11:14 had a huge impact on me
1:11:15 some of these books
1:11:15 that show you
1:11:17 where’s that inflection point
1:11:18 from you
1:11:20 trying to do something
1:11:21 to you ingraining it
1:11:22 in your muscle memory
1:11:23 and now
1:11:25 it becomes self-fulfilling
1:11:25 you keep doing it
1:11:26 because you like doing it
1:11:27 I didn’t love running
1:11:28 when I started
1:11:29 now running is my vacation
1:11:31 I enjoy running
1:11:32 it gives me a flow state
1:11:33 I make up new ideas
1:11:34 I get to kind of
1:11:36 check in with myself
1:11:37 I think physical activity
1:11:39 is so important
1:11:40 so many of the chronic diseases
1:11:40 and things we have
1:11:42 are lifestyle choices
1:11:43 and inactivity
1:11:44 we could solve
1:11:45 so many huge problems
1:11:45 we have
1:11:46 simply by
1:11:47 eat healthier
1:11:48 and start working out
1:11:49 a little more
1:11:50 and nobody wants to hear that
1:11:51 but you do a little bit
1:11:52 of hard work
1:11:53 you continue
1:11:55 and you maintain
1:11:56 so yeah
1:11:58 I’m hoping that’s useful
1:11:58 but that’s what
1:11:59 I want people to do
1:12:01 if you take action tomorrow
1:12:02 and start making
1:12:03 your goals happen
1:12:05 get inside your own head
1:12:06 that’s what I want you
1:12:07 to do right now
1:12:08 but do you remember
1:12:08 when I had you
1:12:09 close your eyes
1:12:11 and I had you see
1:12:12 hundreds of different people
1:12:13 I had you envision
1:12:14 people that you’ve met
1:12:16 famous people
1:12:16 people that you like
1:12:17 people you care about
1:12:18 all those different people
1:12:19 and one person
1:12:20 tapped you on the shoulder
1:12:21 gave you a piece of advice
1:12:22 do you remember that
1:12:23 yeah
1:12:24 and that piece of advice
1:12:26 set in motion
1:12:27 you thinking of jewels
1:12:28 yep
1:12:29 who was the person
1:12:30 who tapped you on the shoulder
1:12:31 you turned around
1:12:32 you looked them in the eye
1:12:34 and they said something to you
1:12:35 that changed your life
1:12:36 created a memorable moment
1:12:38 and put in place
1:12:39 that domino effect
1:12:39 tell me
1:12:40 who did you think of
1:12:41 Michelle Obama
1:12:43 open up that piece of paper
1:12:49 funny
1:12:51 it’s a photo
1:12:52 Michelle Obama
1:13:05 she looks gorgeous though
1:13:10 okay
1:13:13 we have a closing tradition
1:13:13 on this podcast
1:13:14 where the last guest
1:13:15 leaves a question
1:13:15 for the next guest
1:13:17 without knowing
1:13:18 who they’re leaving it for
1:13:19 and the question
1:13:19 that’s been left
1:13:20 for you
1:13:20 is
1:13:21 oh fantastic
1:13:24 if you could live forever
1:13:26 would you
1:13:27 and why or why not
1:13:30 whew
1:13:33 I think I would
1:13:34 I think I would
1:13:36 an obsession of mine
1:13:36 growing up
1:13:37 has been science fiction
1:13:39 my favorite books to read
1:13:40 the ones that just
1:13:41 capture my imagination
1:13:42 and there’s so many books
1:13:43 I’ve read about immortality
1:13:46 and there’s a book
1:13:47 that this brings to mind
1:13:49 by Octavia E. Butler
1:13:50 which is underrated
1:13:51 it’s called Wild Seed
1:13:52 and not a lot of people
1:13:52 have read it
1:13:53 it’s a sci-fi book
1:13:54 and it’s
1:13:56 it delves into
1:13:57 this exact subject
1:13:58 and just
1:13:58 what would it be like
1:13:59 to see all the people
1:14:00 around you pass away
1:14:01 and the sadness
1:14:02 and then
1:14:03 what would you do
1:14:03 because at some point
1:14:04 you’d feel empty
1:14:05 people just die
1:14:06 right
1:14:06 it’s kind of like
1:14:07 think of it as the life
1:14:08 of an insect
1:14:09 just they disappear
1:14:09 they come
1:14:09 they go
1:14:10 they come
1:14:10 they go
1:14:11 and I think
1:14:12 that eventually
1:14:13 you would revert back
1:14:14 to being completely
1:14:14 numb and cold
1:14:16 but at the same time
1:14:17 death
1:14:18 is just that
1:14:18 abyss
1:14:19 that everyone
1:14:20 no matter how much
1:14:21 we avoid thinking about it
1:14:21 talking about it
1:14:22 you’re gonna die
1:14:23 I’m gonna die
1:14:24 and one day
1:14:26 you’ll have that final breath
1:14:26 will you know
1:14:27 it’s gonna happen
1:14:27 will you not
1:14:29 what will you think about
1:14:29 in those moments
1:14:31 what will you go into it with
1:14:32 will you still have
1:14:33 that fear of death
1:14:34 I think our whole lives
1:14:35 are an extension
1:14:36 of trying to avoid
1:14:37 thinking about
1:14:38 our eventual death
1:14:39 I think I would love
1:14:40 to live forever
1:14:41 but I bet you
1:14:42 once I live forever
1:14:44 it would start to be a curse
1:14:46 I can’t wait to think of the question
1:14:47 I’m gonna ask the next person
1:14:50 thank you so much
1:14:51 thank you for writing a book
1:14:53 that inspires people
1:14:54 to live their better life
1:14:55 and I think all the principles
1:14:56 in here are all human principles
1:14:57 that focus on how we can relate
1:14:58 better to other people
1:14:59 and so many people
1:15:00 are struggling to connect
1:15:01 with other people
1:15:01 for so many reasons
1:15:02 and that’s causing
1:15:03 so much downstream
1:15:05 mental health issues
1:15:06 and physiological issues
1:15:07 and disconnection in the world
1:15:08 and we’re seeing that increasingly
1:15:09 if you go on the internet
1:15:10 you see a lot of disconnection
1:15:12 because we’re struggling
1:15:13 to relate to people
1:15:13 and I think it’s
1:15:14 you know
1:15:15 the most
1:15:16 I think for me
1:15:18 the most important
1:15:19 byproduct of the work
1:15:20 that you do
1:15:21 is
1:15:22 you make people
1:15:24 curious and open-minded
1:15:26 and there’s so much
1:15:27 that comes from that
1:15:28 people just being
1:15:29 a bit more curious
1:15:29 and that’s you know
1:15:30 that all people get
1:15:31 the magic of it
1:15:32 I think it makes
1:15:34 people’s minds expansive
1:15:35 and if people have
1:15:36 expansive minds
1:15:38 then that might just
1:15:38 be the catalyst
1:15:39 to all types of progress
1:15:40 I love it
1:15:41 do you know what I’m saying
1:15:41 like that might be
1:15:42 I think being open-minded
1:15:44 and having a different feeling
1:15:44 than the usual
1:15:45 which is in our day-to-day
1:15:47 we get into this autopilot
1:15:48 where yes we feel
1:15:49 pings of joy
1:15:50 pings of anxiety
1:15:51 pings of depression
1:15:52 pings of happiness
1:15:53 my
1:15:54 I told you
1:15:55 the thing I got addicted to
1:15:56 was giving people
1:15:57 this different feeling
1:15:58 which is a feeling
1:15:59 you lose out
1:16:00 children
1:16:01 you see it in their eyes
1:16:02 again it’s a little
1:16:02 hokey to say
1:16:03 but when I see
1:16:05 my three-year-old
1:16:05 or my two-year-old
1:16:07 discover something new
1:16:07 and you see it
1:16:08 through their eyes
1:16:09 it’s a gift
1:16:10 it’s something you get back
1:16:10 because once you’re an adult
1:16:12 you can’t have that same thing
1:16:12 because you’ve become
1:16:13 jaded to the world
1:16:14 and suddenly for them
1:16:16 to see a butterfly fly
1:16:16 and it’s like
1:16:18 this joyful experience
1:16:18 and seeing it
1:16:19 through a kid’s eyes
1:16:20 it’s honestly
1:16:21 it’s been the greatest joy
1:16:22 of my life
1:16:23 is seeing joy of my kids
1:16:24 it’s seeing that
1:16:25 because it’s in our DNA
1:16:26 that’s my version
1:16:26 of immortality
1:16:27 and humans lose that
1:16:28 we get more close
1:16:29 you lose that
1:16:29 more and more
1:16:31 and it’s sad to me
1:16:32 because I have lost it
1:16:33 knowing how I do
1:16:34 the things I do
1:16:35 so to ask me
1:16:36 the good question is
1:16:37 if I get fooled
1:16:38 by another magician
1:16:38 or mentalist
1:16:39 how does it make me feel
1:16:40 amazing
1:16:42 it’s the best feeling
1:16:43 and I try immediately
1:16:44 to hold back
1:16:45 the part of me
1:16:46 that wants to know
1:16:46 how it was done
1:16:48 because right away
1:16:49 there’s a professional curiosity
1:16:50 the same way that a movie star
1:16:51 or a director
1:16:52 can’t watch a movie
1:16:53 and just think of it
1:16:53 they’re watching
1:16:54 here’s how I did the camera
1:16:55 here’s this panning shot
1:16:56 here’s the ISO
1:16:56 right
1:16:57 they can’t disconnect
1:16:58 from the
1:16:59 how the sausage is made
1:17:00 yeah
1:17:00 I
1:17:01 because those moments
1:17:03 are so few and far between
1:17:04 I instantly
1:17:05 in my mind
1:17:06 stop
1:17:07 I stop myself
1:17:07 and think how
1:17:09 and I enjoy that wonder
1:17:10 because it’s so few for me
1:17:11 that I can’t
1:17:12 because I know how everything’s done
1:17:13 so when I get it
1:17:14 I love it
1:17:14 it’s like
1:17:15 the day you figured out
1:17:16 Santa Claus wasn’t real
1:17:18 it’s like bursting an illusion
1:17:20 and when I figured out
1:17:21 Santa Claus wasn’t real
1:17:22 my world got small
1:17:23 like the possibilities
1:17:25 of the world got smaller
1:17:26 because when magic existed
1:17:27 anything was possible
1:17:27 right
1:17:28 and that’s a great place to live
1:17:29 but when I found out
1:17:30 Santa Claus wasn’t real
1:17:30 it was like
1:17:31 oh
1:17:32 you know
1:17:32 yes
1:17:33 it’s like oh
1:17:34 there’s no magic in this world
1:17:35 right
1:17:36 and that’s not a nice way to believe
1:17:37 and you’re you know
1:17:38 the work that you’re doing
1:17:40 and the performances that you do
1:17:40 and the entertainment you bring
1:17:42 keeps people’s minds open
1:17:44 and lets them imagine
1:17:45 be creative
1:17:46 and believe that there’s still magic
1:17:47 in this world
1:17:48 and that’s a wonderful thing
1:17:48 I highly recommend people
1:17:49 go get your book
1:17:50 I’m going to link it below
1:17:51 and put it on screen
1:17:52 for anyone that wants to grab it
1:17:53 it’s called
1:17:54 Read Your Mind
1:17:55 Proven Habits for Success
1:17:57 from the World’s Greatest Mentalist
1:17:58 and the people on the back are
1:17:59 some of which are my friends
1:18:00 I’ve got an investor of mine on here
1:18:03 many of my former podcast guests
1:18:03 on here as well
1:18:04 like Jay Shetty
1:18:05 and Mark Cuban
1:18:06 and Adam Grant
1:18:08 and on the front
1:18:08 David Goggins
1:18:10 thank you
1:18:11 thank you
1:18:12 thank you for having me
1:18:14 thank you for putting this out in the world
1:18:15 and I enjoy this
1:18:16 even though your recent one on AI
1:18:17 scared the crap out of me
1:18:19 but I’m honoured to have been a guest
1:18:20 and I can’t wait to write a question
1:18:21 for the next person
1:18:21 and live on
1:18:24 make sure you keep
1:18:25 what I’m about to say
1:18:25 to yourself
1:18:26 I’m inviting
1:18:27 10,000 of you
1:18:28 to come even deeper
1:18:29 into the diary of a CEO
1:18:31 welcome to my inner circle
1:18:33 this is a brand new
1:18:34 private community
1:18:35 that I’m launching to the world
1:18:37 we have so many incredible things
1:18:37 that happen
1:18:39 that you are never shown
1:18:40 we have the briefs
1:18:41 that are on my iPad
1:18:42 when I’m recording the conversation
1:18:44 we have clips
1:18:44 we’ve never released
1:18:45 we have behind the scenes
1:18:46 conversations with the guests
1:18:47 and also the episodes
1:18:48 that we’ve never
1:18:50 ever released
1:18:50 and so
1:18:51 much
1:18:52 more
1:18:53 in the circle
1:18:54 you’ll have direct access to me
1:18:55 you can tell us
1:18:56 what you want this show to be
1:18:57 who you want us to interview
1:18:59 and the types of conversations
1:18:59 you would love
1:19:00 us to have
1:19:01 but
1:19:01 remember
1:19:02 for now
1:19:03 we’re only inviting
1:19:04 the first 10,000 people
1:19:04 that join
1:19:06 before it closes
1:19:07 so if you want to join
1:19:08 our private closed community
1:19:08 head to the link
1:19:09 in the description below
1:19:10 or go to
1:19:13 doaccircle.com
1:19:14 I will speak to you then
1:19:17 you then you can hear it in the description below
1:19:19 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:20 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:21 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:22 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:23 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:24 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:25 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:26 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:27 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:28 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:29 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:30 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:32 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:34 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:35 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:36 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:38 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:40 and you can hear it in the description below
1:19:40 you