YAPClassic: Dean Graziosi, How Underdogs Can Turn Disadvantages into Advantages

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0:01:22 Yeah, BAM, welcome back to the show.
0:01:28 And for today’s YAP Classic, we are brushing off my old interview with Dean Grazioz, episode
0:01:33 68 of the podcast recorded in June 2020.
0:01:40 Now I remember this episode so vividly because June 2020 was in the midst of COVID.
0:01:43 My father had just passed and I was just starting YAP Media.
0:01:48 I was just starting to get my first social clients.
0:01:54 And Dean really inspired me at such a pivotal part in my entrepreneurial journey.
0:01:59 He inspired me to feel confident in being the underdog.
0:02:04 And he really goes into why you’re actually better off being the underdog and how you
0:02:10 can compete with the biggest companies in the world even with very few resources.
0:02:14 It actually makes you more creative and innovative and we talked all about that and it really
0:02:16 opened my eyes.
0:02:21 And fast forward four years later, I can’t believe how far YAP Media has come.
0:02:26 And if you don’t know Dean, he’s a highly respected businessman who’s built a multimillion
0:02:28 dollar real estate business from the ground up.
0:02:34 He’s been involved in or has started 14 incredibly successful companies and now he basically leads
0:02:36 Tony Robbins company.
0:02:41 He also is the best selling author whose books include millionaire success habits and the
0:02:46 underdog advantage, which was the topic of the episode that we’re replaying today.
0:02:52 Our last episode on the podcast, our latest one released on Monday was with Dean as well.
0:02:56 It’s episode 294 and if you haven’t yet, go check that one out.
0:03:00 We talk about why there’s never been a better time to pursue entrepreneurship.
0:03:03 And today’s episode is a perfect follow up to that.
0:03:06 If you believe you were meant for something more, but you don’t feel like you have the
0:03:11 motivation or the drive to get it, you’re going to benefit so much from this conversation.
0:03:16 So let’s get right into it.
0:03:22 My first question to you is really about your journey to where you are today.
0:03:27 So from my understanding, we do lots of research here on Young and Profiting Podcast and you
0:03:29 had humble beginnings.
0:03:31 Before you were 19, you moved 20 different times.
0:03:33 You grew up with a single mom.
0:03:35 You guys had financial struggles.
0:03:37 You lived in a trailer park.
0:03:41 You had super humble beginnings, but then by the time you were 25, 26, you were already
0:03:43 a multi-millionaire.
0:03:45 You had made it in the real estate business.
0:03:47 You had 20 to 30 apartments under your belt.
0:03:50 So take us back to then.
0:03:57 How did you get from struggling 19-year-old, didn’t go to college, single parent, to multi-millionaire
0:03:58 in your mid-20s?
0:03:59 Yeah.
0:04:01 First off, I want to say congrats on all the research.
0:04:04 Nobody says they do, but you really did.
0:04:05 So thanks.
0:04:10 And secondly, I want to congratulate you for being a leader and getting information out
0:04:11 to the world.
0:04:15 And we need to get more educated on so many different levels to help us grow.
0:04:20 And I just want to commend you for choosing this path because the world needs more people
0:04:21 doing that.
0:04:22 Right?
0:04:25 And if you’re not sharing your own knowledge, what you surely do, you help bring other knowledge
0:04:26 to the world.
0:04:29 So here’s the thing, there’s a million different reasons, right?
0:04:31 We all have different circumstances.
0:04:35 And please don’t want to, if I share a little bit about my past, I want to share only so
0:04:38 it gives you context so you can use it in your own life.
0:04:42 I don’t like podcasts sometimes when someone goes on for 45 minutes about their life story,
0:04:43 if it doesn’t feel relevant to me.
0:04:47 So I just want to tell you, no matter where you are in your life right now, as you listen
0:04:53 to this, if you’re in your 20s, I can remember being 20 and 18 and not knowing what I was
0:04:54 going to do with my future.
0:04:57 I didn’t feel that smart because I struggled with dyslexia.
0:05:02 So I just, I decided college wasn’t even an option for me and we didn’t have money and
0:05:04 I didn’t have an example in my family.
0:05:05 But I knew there was more.
0:05:11 I watched my parents work so hard to have nothing and I just didn’t want to follow their path.
0:05:14 I didn’t want to follow their path in the work environment.
0:05:15 They’re amazing people.
0:05:17 But in the work, it’s like they always struggled with money.
0:05:22 They always worried about money and they both worked hard and it caused them to be not so
0:05:23 happy in their personal life, right?
0:05:25 It overflowed into that.
0:05:29 So I just want to let you know, I know what that feels like and I know when it’s like
0:05:33 to have that hunger to go and do something on your own, but like, where the heck do you
0:05:34 start?
0:05:35 And then besides where do you start?
0:05:36 Then you feel like an imposter.
0:05:40 Like, I know, maybe you have never felt that way, but I was like, you didn’t go to college.
0:05:41 You’re not that smart.
0:05:45 No one in your school, you know, no one in your, your family’s doing well.
0:05:46 You don’t live in a big thriving town.
0:05:49 You live in a small little upstate New York town.
0:05:53 So I remember feeling all those feelings, but what I want to share with you today and
0:05:56 I’m excited to dig in anywhere you want.
0:06:02 No question off the table, but I also know what it’s like to use that pain of running
0:06:05 away from tough circumstances as my fuel.
0:06:07 I know what it’s like to fail and try again.
0:06:10 I know what it’s like to fail 10 times and try again and get that first sale and that
0:06:15 fifth sale and get momentum and get people to believe in you and you start gaining confidence.
0:06:17 And then all of a sudden, you know, you get scared again, but you look back and go, I’ve
0:06:18 already done this.
0:06:19 Let me try more.
0:06:23 So I, I, I did, I started a firewood business in high school.
0:06:25 I started fixing wreck cars before I was 20.
0:06:30 I bought my first run down apartment house for no money down at 19 or 20 years old.
0:06:34 I ended up having a tow truck company, a collision shop apartments.
0:06:38 Then I started, like just like you said, I started building the houses, buying raw land
0:06:43 and subdividing it by 25, failing miserable in between, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot
0:06:47 of just hustle, a lot of people doubting you and say, slow down.
0:06:50 You’re not going to make it family thinking you’re crazy.
0:06:52 I was able to get to, you know, my net worth.
0:06:56 I didn’t have a million dollars in the bank at 25, but I had over a couple of million
0:07:01 dollars in real estate by the time I was 25 and, and multiple different businesses.
0:07:02 That’s so incredible.
0:07:06 It’s so cool that you, you didn’t have a college education, but you just went out and did the
0:07:07 work.
0:07:09 You hustled, you learned things on your own.
0:07:12 How did you change your mindset about money?
0:07:16 Because if you grew up with parents who, you know, struggled financially, they probably
0:07:19 put it in your head that like it was really hard to be rich and that like, you know, it
0:07:21 kind of, yeah.
0:07:23 How did you, how did you change to a mindset of abundance?
0:07:24 Yeah.
0:07:25 First off, I want to take a good quiet.
0:07:26 I like, I’m going to have fun.
0:07:27 This is going to be a fun interview.
0:07:32 I like to, because it’s a true story, but I remember my mom, and my mom is one of the
0:07:36 sweetest women I’ve ever met in my life, but my mom, if we pass somebody with money or
0:07:42 a big house or a Mercedes went by when I was a kid, I remember my mom be like, ugh, like
0:07:45 it was like disdain because they had it and we didn’t.
0:07:46 Right?
0:07:47 Yeah.
0:07:50 And I just remember, you know, it seems easy to look back and sometimes I don’t even
0:07:54 know if this is exactly what I felt at the moment, but I can judge it from this point
0:07:55 looking backwards.
0:07:59 And I realized that money is an evil money solves problems.
0:08:04 And I remember, you know, it’s like, I guess this is a silly analogy, but neither one of
0:08:06 us, we’re sitting here talking.
0:08:07 We didn’t think about the air we’re breathing.
0:08:09 You didn’t think, oh, I got another breath.
0:08:15 But if someone clamps, put their hands around your neck and you couldn’t breathe, the only
0:08:17 thing you would think about is air.
0:08:22 And when I look back at my parents, they didn’t realize, since they didn’t have money and
0:08:25 they didn’t have the ability to do things, all they ever thought about was the lack of
0:08:29 money they had and the pain caused them without even realizing it.
0:08:33 And I just remember thinking, if I could get money out of the way, I could retire.
0:08:37 My mom was probably my biggest muse because she worked three jobs to make nothing.
0:08:40 And I remember, if I make money, I can retire her, she doesn’t have to come home at nine
0:08:44 o’clock at night tired with her hands hurting and her back hurting.
0:08:46 So I just remember thinking money can solve problems.
0:08:50 Now, I was probably a little naive back then, but I still feel that, right?
0:08:53 I still feel money can solve problems.
0:08:59 We just, as a family, we realized how many kids go to bed at night in America hungry.
0:09:01 We provided seven million meals.
0:09:05 We put money that allowed us to provide a solution, right?
0:09:08 We do a lot of stuff in charity, but it also helps my family.
0:09:10 I retired my parents, both of them.
0:09:12 By the time I was 30, I retired both my parents.
0:09:13 That’s amazing.
0:09:14 We’re not gonna get any more, right?
0:09:17 So I think money is one of those things.
0:09:20 It’s only evil if you do bad things with it.
0:09:21 Money can shift the world.
0:09:23 Money can help people in need.
0:09:29 Anyway, we can go down the philosophical side of money, but I just knew if I could make
0:09:33 more money, I could help my family, and I wouldn’t feel so out of control.
0:09:36 When you don’t have money and you gotta move, we lived in an apartment house and had to
0:09:37 leave because we didn’t have money to stay there.
0:09:40 It’s like, it’s all this disruption.
0:09:44 And the other thing I’ll share before we, if you wanna go deeper and move on, but the
0:09:48 other thing, and maybe some of you can feel this, is lack of money to me.
0:09:51 And this is one of my core whys in my life.
0:09:56 Lack of money to me means I’m not in control of my time or my decisions.
0:09:58 Money made my parents make certain decisions.
0:10:02 They couldn’t come to my baseball games or plays because they were both working.
0:10:04 That was a decision made because of lack of money.
0:10:06 We had to move certain areas.
0:10:08 We had to live with my grandma a lot.
0:10:12 We made bad decisions because of lack of money, and someone else was in control.
0:10:16 And I remember if I can, now that we’re talking about the number one thing I remember is if
0:10:20 I have money, no one’s gonna tell me how to live, where to live, and I still feel that
0:10:21 way.
0:10:22 Wow.
0:10:25 I think you said so many different gems, so many great insights.
0:10:30 I love that money allows you to be in control, and that was sort of like your drive to help
0:10:35 your parents become financially free and for yourself to be more in control of your life.
0:10:36 I love that.
0:10:40 So I think this is a perfect segue into the underdog advantage.
0:10:42 I thought it was a great book.
0:10:46 So tell us, what is this concept of the underdog advantage?
0:10:51 So I think if you really look through history, right, some of the biggest people we respect
0:10:58 in sports or in freedom for countries, freedom for people, they’ve been the quintessential
0:10:59 underdogs, right?
0:11:06 At every level, from George Washington in America to Martin Luther King to Mother Teresa
0:11:12 to LeBron James and Michael Jordan and everybody in between, if you really dig into their past,
0:11:13 they weren’t supposed to make it.
0:11:15 So how the heck did they, right?
0:11:19 So when I decided, when I have this concept, I’m really obsessed, my last two books, Millionaire
0:11:24 Success Abits in this one, are really about going upstream, that’s the analogy I use in
0:11:28 my head, and really helping people with the foundation for success.
0:11:31 So many times people want success and they’re looking, should I do Amazon?
0:11:32 Should I build a course?
0:11:33 Should I write a book?
0:11:35 Should I sell products?
0:11:39 And they’re looking for the tools and the tactics, but if they don’t have the mindset
0:11:42 and the skills and the habits for success, it will never work.
0:11:45 They’ll dabble forever and have envy that other people are getting ahead and they’re
0:11:46 not.
0:11:50 So I really started obsessing on, how do I really help people in a simple way anchor
0:11:51 in a foundation?
0:11:52 I started looking into my own life, right?
0:11:56 I feel like I’m the quintessential underdog, didn’t have money, didn’t have resources,
0:11:59 didn’t have family support, didn’t have an education, all those things, right?
0:12:01 Not for me, just part of it.
0:12:07 And I started really analyzing and like I geeked out on research on successful people
0:12:13 throughout time, and there was seven core habits of people who turn their disadvantages
0:12:15 into their advantages.
0:12:17 I mean, think about this.
0:12:20 Most people, when they think about starting their own business or scaling your business,
0:12:24 they say, and I get DMs like this all the time, hey, if you lend me 100 grand, we can be rich.
0:12:29 If you lend me the money, if you give me the—but think about this, how many people hit Lotto
0:12:30 and go broke?
0:12:35 They had the resources, but they were lacking resourcefulness, right?
0:12:40 Think about how many people, if you know anybody that’s a trust fund adult, was a trust fund
0:12:41 kid, now they’re adult.
0:12:45 I know a bunch of them and I have to say I don’t know any of them that are really happy
0:12:48 or really hungry or are attacking life.
0:12:49 I know a lot of them that struggle.
0:12:54 Some people who just raise money for businesses and they’re like, and you probably have some
0:12:58 friends like that, not friends, people you know, they’re on their fourth raise of money
0:12:59 and the business fails.
0:13:00 They just go raise money again.
0:13:05 So that’s an example of resources, but not resourcefulness.
0:13:09 So if we go back to that, what if life happens for us, what if God, the universe, whatever
0:13:15 you believe in, set these obstacles in your way to see if you are worthy to gain the success
0:13:20 you desire and to get over those obstacles, you have to be resourceful.
0:13:21 You have to figure out solutions.
0:13:26 Listen, I’ve been blessed to start over 13 companies done more success than I could ever
0:13:27 imagine possible.
0:13:29 I never had anybody lend me money, give me money.
0:13:30 I didn’t know what it was like.
0:13:35 I wasn’t smart enough to raise angel and have angel investors and get my, I had to go in
0:13:39 business and I had to make it profitable in the first month or I’d go out of business.
0:13:40 Right?
0:13:44 So it taught me how to be a hustler, taught me how to market, taught me how to influence,
0:13:48 taught me how to bring good people together because my butt was on the line.
0:13:50 If it didn’t work, I’d go broke.
0:13:52 So it looks like poor you, no one let you money.
0:13:53 No, not poor me.
0:13:58 I know how to start businesses and make them cash flow now because I had to be resourceful.
0:14:03 That’s just one of the, you know, seven things that you realize successful people are massively
0:14:04 resourceful.
0:14:05 Yeah.
0:14:07 I love that, that you have to be resourceful.
0:14:08 I think that’s super interesting.
0:14:14 So let’s say a lot of my listeners, we have like cushy corporate jobs, right?
0:14:15 And we’re comfortable now.
0:14:20 So how do we get that, you know, resourcefulness, that fire under our butts that you’re speaking
0:14:23 about if we already kind of made it to a certain level?
0:14:24 Yeah, I love that.
0:14:25 What a great question.
0:14:29 And that’s why there’s a whole section of the book about adopting an underdog mindset,
0:14:30 right?
0:14:35 Because if you don’t attack things in a hungry way, you can get complacent.
0:14:41 And here’s what I would share is it’s great to have a cushy job and you got some money
0:14:42 coming in.
0:14:46 But if you looked back, if you had the chance to fast forward, you’re 97 years old and you’re
0:14:50 sitting with your maker, whoever you believe your maker is, and you’re having a conversation
0:14:54 and you just fast forward and what you’re doing now is what you did for the rest of
0:14:56 your life would incremental raises.
0:15:00 If you’re a consistent with your maker and say, oh my God, I was an amazing life.
0:15:01 I felt it.
0:15:05 I lived to my full potential, then you should keep doing exactly what you’re doing.
0:15:09 If you love it and you feel, but if you feel any part of your heart that you were meant
0:15:14 for just something different, not just more money, not just upgrade the five series beamer
0:15:19 to the big beamer or go to the bigger cut, I’m talking about something where you feel
0:15:22 like it’s calling you, like you get out of bed in the morning and you feel like you have
0:15:28 a calling where you could be a role model where you can tap into another level of potential.
0:15:30 We all, I don’t care where you are.
0:15:34 There is another level of potential and when you reach that one, there’s another level
0:15:39 stretching your mind, stretching the ability to learn, stretching the ability to impact
0:15:40 other people’s lives.
0:15:45 If you have any of that, then what I will do is you have to get disturbed within action.
0:15:49 You have to get disturbed with complacency and that’s just it.
0:15:54 And even when it comes to entrepreneurs, there’s lifestyle entrepreneurs and achievement entrepreneurs.
0:15:58 I have some people that I know that got to a certain level, 20 grand, 50 grand a month
0:16:02 in revenue and they live the life they want and they want to just be on autopilot.
0:16:03 They don’t want to make more.
0:16:04 They don’t want to waste less.
0:16:07 They got their lifestyle they want and there’s accomplishment based entrepreneurs.
0:16:10 It’s like I accomplished this, but there’s a bigger amount.
0:16:11 There’s more to learn.
0:16:12 There’s more to grow.
0:16:15 I want to get, navigate new territory and it never ends because it’s not about the money.
0:16:18 It’s about, it’s about the ability to keep growing.
0:16:22 So I would just say you have to really reflect and spend a little time and say, if you’re
0:16:26 good with it, don’t, don’t let anybody disturb you, stay good with it.
0:16:30 But I would bet today, if you’re listening to this podcast or you listen to any podcast
0:16:34 or you’re reading any personal development books or success books, you know, there’s
0:16:36 like a, you might be on 3.0.
0:16:38 There’s a 4.0 version of you.
0:16:42 And what I’d say is find a way to be disturbed and find a way to have an underdog mindset
0:16:47 like attack it like you’re not comfortable, attack it like you have no money, attack it
0:16:51 like people are going to make fun of you when it doesn’t work, attack it that you have to
0:16:56 be this incredibly resourceful because all I know too is being resourceful brings you
0:16:58 alive because you have to think through problems.
0:16:59 Yeah.
0:17:00 Right.
0:17:01 You don’t just go, I’ll let me cut a check.
0:17:02 It’s like, no, I got to make this happen.
0:17:05 Well, you have incredible drive.
0:17:08 I feel like I also have this incredible drive.
0:17:12 That’s why I started my podcast on the side of having a job and it really does wake me
0:17:17 up and it makes me feel so passionate about life and I can’t wait to see where it goes.
0:17:22 But you have like this extraordinary drive that doesn’t seem to stop.
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0:21:57 How did you maintain that drive where sometimes people were paying attention and sometimes
0:21:59 people weren’t paying attention at all?
0:22:05 How did you maintain that drive to where now you have, I think, 3 million followers on
0:22:06 Instagram?
0:22:07 How did you do that?
0:22:09 Here’s where it is.
0:22:14 First off, there was a time where I realized that, and this is somebody, any of you that
0:22:18 ever want to, if you’re already in it, or you want to go into something on social media
0:22:21 to make more of an impact, to get a channel going.
0:22:26 If you just look at it that there might be just one person in the universe right now
0:22:28 that needs what you’re going to share.
0:22:31 If you look at it through those eyes, then you don’t have to say, “Wow, I don’t have
0:22:32 millions of followers.
0:22:33 I don’t have tens of thousands of followers.”
0:22:35 But what if it doesn’t take 10,000 followers?
0:22:40 What if one person tomorrow, if you shared a message, had two views and one of the two,
0:22:44 you got to course correct their life or help solve a problem or allow them to feel better
0:22:47 about themselves or gain knowledge to make them go faster in life?
0:22:53 If you start looking at it through that, then it becomes about the impact, and the by-product
0:22:56 is more revenue and success.
0:22:59 I would bet to say, “I know what I want out of life.
0:23:03 I truly understand what success means to me,” took me a long time to dial that in.
0:23:08 Of course, it was different in my 20s and my 30s and my 40s, but I know what success
0:23:09 means to me.
0:23:13 I love giving people capabilities to go faster because I wish I had them.
0:23:15 I wish I had the right knowledge.
0:23:19 In my 20s, I got a lot of advice, but it wasn’t until I really started digging in and learning
0:23:22 from people who had already been there until I got the right advice.
0:23:24 I love giving advice.
0:23:28 I love course-correcting people’s lives, not because I’m brilliant, not because I have
0:23:33 all the answers, and I don’t give people advice in areas that I don’t know of.
0:23:34 What’s going on in the world right now?
0:23:35 I’m not going to give advice.
0:23:41 I just want to be an active participant in the fix, the repair of it, in the solutions.
0:23:44 I’m not going to give my advice to people way smarter than me, but you want to know
0:23:50 how to start a business, market, influence, persuade, write best-selling books, build
0:23:52 relationships with people you like.
0:23:55 That’s my expertise, and I want to give that to the world.
0:24:01 When I know I want that, and the only way to give it is through enthusiasm.
0:24:05 If I came on here with you today, I was like, “Yeah, I’ve been blessed to do a lot of cool
0:24:06 stuff.”
0:24:15 This is one thing I think everybody should take away from this, is go down the four
0:24:18 to five things that are real success in your life.
0:24:20 One for me, I love making an impact.
0:24:22 Maybe it wasn’t always that.
0:24:25 When I first started this business, I just wanted to make more money while I was helping
0:24:26 people right now.
0:24:27 It’s an obsession to make an impact.
0:24:30 Number two, I love being a father and a husband.
0:24:32 I’m married to one of my dreams.
0:24:35 I have three amazing children, and I want to be a present dad.
0:24:39 My kids are with me, and I pick them up from school every single day.
0:24:41 I go to baseball practices, not just the games.
0:24:44 Being a dad and being a husband is important.
0:24:46 My team is extremely important.
0:24:47 They’re my family.
0:24:50 There’s 85 of us, I think it’s like an extended family.
0:24:53 Four, I want to grow and contribute.
0:24:56 That’s really the four things in my life, and I know this sounds good.
0:24:58 I say no to everything else.
0:25:04 I don’t feel much else out of those four things, but I fight for that.
0:25:07 Each one of them light me up like this, but if I was doing something that gave me that
0:25:13 money but didn’t allow me to feel aligned, I don’t think I could have this enthusiasm.
0:25:14 Just balance that.
0:25:19 Know what success really means to you, and if success means a certain amount of money
0:25:23 and you’ve got it, but you’re still feeling so good, then take a transition.
0:25:29 Start a podcast, do something that just intrigues you, and the last thing I’ll say about that
0:25:33 is, if you don’t know what else to do, then just be an investigative reporter.
0:25:36 Just keep your eye open for anything that can give you that spark.
0:25:37 Yeah.
0:25:38 I think that’s really interesting.
0:25:41 Essentially, you’re saying you just followed your values.
0:25:44 I had nothing to do with how many people were watching or how many views you got.
0:25:49 It was more about your values, and you just kept doing what you enjoyed to do, what you
0:25:54 found passionate, what kept you enthused, and it just ended up working out.
0:25:57 Let me tell you about my podcast.
0:25:58 My schedule is really crazy.
0:26:03 Life, Hunter and Boys, three kids, and writing books, doing courses, doing videos.
0:26:06 We put out a lot of content, and I still run my business.
0:26:11 I’m still CEO of my company, so I make the high-level business decisions.
0:26:15 I told my team, I said, because they were only booking me podcasts that were like the
0:26:19 top podcast, and I feel blessed with my partnerships and my track.
0:26:24 I’ve done all the top podcasts, but I said, “Let’s do podcasts where you find somebody
0:26:25 intriguing.
0:26:27 You find somebody that’s really working hard to make a message.
0:26:30 You find somebody who’s got a heart to serve.
0:26:31 I don’t care if they’re just starting.”
0:26:34 My team’s like, “Well, what if they only have 5,000 listeners a month?”
0:26:38 I’m like, “Well, they’re going to grow, and we can help them grow, and I can deliver content.”
0:26:43 I love making those decisions because I wish someone would have done more of that for
0:26:44 me when we first started.
0:26:45 That’s awesome.
0:26:46 You’re right.
0:26:49 All your values and success follows that a lot faster.
0:26:51 That’s awesome.
0:26:53 One more concept from the book I want to cover.
0:26:59 You say the most powerful advantage an underdog has is using desperation as persuasion.
0:27:00 What do you mean by that?
0:27:04 I’ve seen some of the people who are best with … People don’t like the word sales
0:27:08 and marketing, but listen, let’s just say it, nothing in the world happens unless you
0:27:09 make a sale.
0:27:13 If you don’t sell someone to come listen to your podcast, they don’t come listen.
0:27:15 It doesn’t matter if you just put it out there.
0:27:18 An old movie with Kevin Costner called “The Field of Dreams,” and the whole movie saying
0:27:20 if you build it, they will come.
0:27:21 If you build it, they will come.
0:27:28 If you build a great restaurant, if you write a great book, they won’t just come.
0:27:33 Barnes & Noble, 95% of all books that are in Barnes & Noble don’t sell over 1,000 copies.
0:27:37 Do you know how many amazing books are in Barnes & Noble?
0:27:38 People took years to write them.
0:27:42 They put their heart, their soul, they did research, they obsessed, they had sleepless
0:27:46 nights, they got done with the book and they’re like, “Yay, it’s done,” and they got a publishing
0:27:50 deal and they put it in Barnes & Noble and 800 copies sold.
0:27:51 Why?
0:27:55 Because they built it and it was so good, they just thought people would go viral and
0:27:56 do it on its own.
0:27:57 That’s the biggest exception in business.
0:28:01 I want to tell you right now, everybody listening, if you’re going to start a business or you
0:28:05 want to even scale in the company you’re at, you must influence and persuade the people
0:28:08 that can allow you to go to the next level.
0:28:10 If you’re selling something, you must get people to say yes.
0:28:11 Now, here’s the cool part.
0:28:15 When you provide amazing value to you, the company you work with or you provide an amazing
0:28:19 product that changes people’s lives, listen, I love selling my book to people because I
0:28:23 know if they read it, I get to change their lives.
0:28:25 I just wanted to get selling out of the way.
0:28:31 We must sell, but if you’re selling cigarettes or booze to an alcoholic or selling something
0:28:32 bad, that’s terrible.
0:28:37 But if you’re delivering value to your company or value to the world, then I think we’re
0:28:40 obligated to sell, so that’s that part.
0:28:46 The turning desperation into persuasion is when you are an underdog or you adopt an underdog
0:28:47 mindset.
0:28:50 Think about in a corporate world because you say you have a lot of people listen that’s
0:28:53 got maybe a cushy corporate job.
0:28:58 You have to influence and make enough impact so you could go to the next level.
0:28:59 That’s just the way it is.
0:29:04 If you look at it through the eyes of no desperation, it’s like, “I’m kicking ass in this job.
0:29:05 I’m doing a good job.”
0:29:11 Listen, I’m going to go talk to my boss and I want him to recognize what I’m doing that
0:29:12 is doing good.
0:29:17 It will never work unless there’s a feeling of desperation to want that next level.
0:29:22 Even if you’re comfortable, even if you have a horrific childhood, it doesn’t matter, adopt
0:29:27 that mindset of, “I desperately want that,” because here’s what I know.
0:29:31 The greatest salespeople on the planet that I’ve ever met and I’ve been blessed, I’ve
0:29:35 traveled all over the world on live events, I get to watch a lot of them on stage.
0:29:42 So many have come from a struggling background and that desperation built passion and enthusiasm.
0:29:46 I know, before I had the intelligence and before I had the money, you know what I had?
0:29:54 I had the authenticity and the enthusiasm and the desperation that converted into influence.
0:29:59 I had to sell people to do business with me because I had no credentials.
0:30:05 I just found a way to turn desire and desperation into authentic persuasion.
0:30:09 We’ll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors.
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0:35:07 So, I heard you also mention, I can’t remember if it was a podcast or in your book, talking
0:35:12 about how, like, confidence is really important when you’re selling something and how nobody
0:35:15 can buy anything if you’re insecure about what you’re saying.
0:35:16 Could you elaborate on that?
0:35:20 Yeah, so, I mean, listen, if you’re listening right now, is anything ever good happened in
0:35:22 your life when your confidence is down?
0:35:27 If you want to make your superior and you want to make a change, if you’re not confident,
0:35:30 if you’re looking down, you feel a little nervous, you thought about it all night and
0:35:34 you rehearsed what you were going to say and you walk in there with lack of confidence,
0:35:36 little cotton mouth, do you ever get your way?
0:35:37 It never works out.
0:35:40 You don’t get the girl, you don’t get the guy, you don’t get the date, you don’t get
0:35:44 the bank to lend you the money, the partner to be with you.
0:35:47 You don’t get someone to say, yes, if you’re in sales, if your confidence is down.
0:35:52 If you don’t believe in yourself, people don’t believe in you and the thing I want you to
0:35:58 really listen to right now is confidence isn’t like a one to a hundred scale.
0:36:03 For me, if your confidence is at a 94 out of a hundred, you’re not moving forward in
0:36:04 life.
0:36:05 Yeah.
0:36:09 I want you to think about you have to protect your confidence and when it comes to selling,
0:36:10 right?
0:36:13 I watch people on stage a lot because I get to travel around the world and I’ll see somebody
0:36:18 have so much energy and love and compassion and a great product or a great service and
0:36:22 they’ll be on stage for an hour and they’ll deliver massive value.
0:36:26 I can tell, I’m like, oh, we’re getting ready to sell something because I can watch their
0:36:27 mannerisms change.
0:36:29 I can watch their face go straight.
0:36:31 They turn more like a robot.
0:36:35 They physically back up from the edge of the stage and that’s when maybe you guys have
0:36:39 seen it or saw it online and that’s when they go to slides and say, no, if you like that
0:36:40 today, that was the tip of the iceberg.
0:36:45 I have more and they go to the slide and they go to the robot and they don’t sell anything
0:36:49 because they lost their confidence to sell or maybe they didn’t believe in what they
0:36:53 were selling or someone taught them sales were bad.
0:36:55 Confidence is so important on every level.
0:36:59 If this is cool with you, I want to share a couple of things to really think about confidence.
0:37:03 You won’t make the decisions you want if you don’t have confidence.
0:37:07 If you’re in a job and you want to raise and you’ve been thinking about asking for it,
0:37:11 if your confidence is down, you’re not asked.
0:37:13 There’s a difference between cockiness and confidence.
0:37:16 Confidence comes from purely in your soul.
0:37:17 Here’s what I want to share with you.
0:37:21 Protect your confidence and there’s lots of ways that rob your confidence.
0:37:24 Watching the news on a regular basis will rob your confidence.
0:37:27 When’s the last time you ever watched the news and thought, oh my God, the world’s in such
0:37:28 a good place.
0:37:34 You watch the news then you say, oh crap, this world, America’s going to hell in a hand
0:37:35 basket.
0:37:37 Maybe I should be lucky that I have this job.
0:37:38 Maybe I shouldn’t ask for that raise.
0:37:39 I should just be happy.
0:37:40 I have the job I got.
0:37:41 Let me stay safe.
0:37:43 Let me stay secure and then you shrink.
0:37:48 How about hanging out with someone in your life that tells you to stop being a dreamer?
0:37:50 You really shouldn’t start a podcast.
0:37:51 You’ve got this great job.
0:37:52 Why would you want more?
0:37:53 Why do you want to ask for the raise?
0:37:54 Why do you want to start their own business?
0:37:56 You hang out with someone like that.
0:37:58 You might be empowered and strong.
0:38:02 You might have the Superman logo under your shirt, but when you hang out with that person,
0:38:04 you button it back up.
0:38:07 You go back home and go, maybe I should be happy with this life.
0:38:08 These things are cumulative.
0:38:11 Watch the news, hang out with your negative friend, and then the last thing is a bunch
0:38:12 up Michael shared.
0:38:16 But the last one, I wish someone told me this and gave me this gift when I was younger.
0:38:21 Even in your career, your job, your business, whatever it is that you do, stop working
0:38:25 on your weaknesses and stop feeling inferior about the things you’re bad at.
0:38:27 Like today, stop it.
0:38:32 When you work on your weaknesses, all it does is make you feel bad about yourself.
0:38:34 Here’s a gift I wish someone gave me.
0:38:39 Figure out what you’re good at and get amazing at it and let the stuff you suck at or you’re
0:38:44 insecure about or rob your confidence, let someone else do it or pay someone to do it.
0:38:47 When you can see, I don’t care if you even in a corporate job, if there’s something that
0:38:50 you hate doing, pay someone to do it.
0:38:54 And when that time is being done by someone else, obsess on the things that you love that
0:38:59 can actually move the needle in your life and watch your ROI go through the roof.
0:39:00 Wow.
0:39:02 I think that is absolutely incredible advice.
0:39:07 I think your points about changing your environment, making sure you’re hanging out with the right
0:39:11 people, making sure that you’re not getting consumed by the news and letting that take
0:39:17 over your feelings and how you feel about yourself, I think that’s wonderful advice.
0:39:21 I’d like to switch gears to something a little bit more personal.
0:39:24 From my understanding, you grew up with divorced parents.
0:39:29 I think at a young age, your parents got divorced and then between them they divorced nine times.
0:39:34 You seem like a very mentally stable person, somebody who’s really got a good head on his
0:39:35 shoulders.
0:39:40 So how did their divorce impact you and how did you not get traumatized by that experience?
0:39:42 Actually, I did get traumatized.
0:39:45 So a really good question and I’ll be completely transparent.
0:39:50 Again, when I share, I just want you to know I’m sharing experience.
0:39:54 I’m not sharing because I want any sympathy or empathy for it.
0:39:57 But my father couldn’t really handle the divorce.
0:39:58 My father was the youngest of 12.
0:40:04 He was sexually and physically abused, like most of his childhood, and he didn’t ever
0:40:05 repair that.
0:40:10 So we had this inner anger and now my dad’s in a great space and I love him dearly, but
0:40:15 my dad struggled with that and he pushed his family away and kind of terrorized us in a
0:40:16 way without realizing.
0:40:20 His father physically beat him and he decided, “I’ll never hit anybody in my family.”
0:40:22 But he came out in other ways, right?
0:40:28 So there was a lot of back and forth and my mom, she got married and divorced five times,
0:40:30 my dad four.
0:40:35 So marriage didn’t seem like a thing, like it didn’t seem like it worked.
0:40:40 And I have to say, I went through a divorce and I never thought I would because of that.
0:40:44 But I have to say, I know a lot of the reasons why and I’m responsible.
0:40:47 I have to take responsibility for my part in that.
0:40:52 But when I was going through my divorce, when I knew it was an absolute thing that was
0:40:55 happening, there was no way around it.
0:40:56 And I’m not an advocate of divorce.
0:40:59 I’m just saying this was the decision for us.
0:41:00 It caused a lot of anxiety.
0:41:04 In fact, I’ll go into this any way you want, but the truth of the matter is it opened up
0:41:07 wounds from my four, five, six-year-old self.
0:41:10 And for the first time in my life, I had real anxiety attacks.
0:41:13 Like I didn’t know what an anxiety attack was.
0:41:18 My late 40s, I popped San X two days a week just so I could sleep and I don’t even take
0:41:19 aspirin.
0:41:20 I don’t drink a lot.
0:41:24 I don’t take any– like I just don’t like putting anything in my body.
0:41:27 And I was taking Xanax just so I could get two nights a week sleep.
0:41:31 Like I had crazy panic anxiety, not from the divorce because my ex and I had already figured
0:41:32 that out.
0:41:33 We were working on a friendship.
0:41:35 We were already living in different places.
0:41:39 We had already lived in different bedrooms for three years before we got a divorce.
0:41:40 That was fine.
0:41:43 But all these old worries of my children came back.
0:41:46 And it was a really brutal time.
0:41:51 And tell me what part– I’d love to share what I did to come out of that, what I shifted,
0:41:55 how I’m in the best relationship in my life, how my kids are thriving, my ex is with your
0:41:56 friend.
0:41:57 What part can I help your audience with?
0:42:02 I’m interested to understand how you– like first of all, you’re friends with your ex.
0:42:04 So I think that’s relatable to everyone.
0:42:09 Like how did you maintain a healthy relationship with your ex while also getting married to
0:42:13 somebody else, starting a little new family?
0:42:14 So here’s what I decided.
0:42:17 So I’m just going to say it like it is, I’ll hold– I’m not going to hold anything back.
0:42:19 It was freaking me out.
0:42:23 And freak out is just a fun way to put, like losing my mind, journaling at night.
0:42:24 And I started doing all the things.
0:42:28 Like I am friends with Tony and great people, my buddy, Dr. Daniel Amon.
0:42:32 And I went and saw Tony for a couple of days and Daniel Amon for a couple of days.
0:42:33 And I read books on it.
0:42:35 And I was meditating.
0:42:37 And I was waking up in the morning and doing yoga.
0:42:39 And I was journaling every day.
0:42:43 I could not– and this is just something for everybody to think about.
0:42:45 I did this in business, but I didn’t do it in my personal life.
0:42:47 And I’ll tell you what that is in a minute.
0:42:50 I couldn’t stop the feelings I had.
0:42:52 Nothing seemed to be working.
0:42:55 I just kept going back to this younger version of myself.
0:42:58 And I felt like I was going to put my kids through the same trauma I went through.
0:43:02 And that wasn’t the case, but that’s the way my brain was telling me that it was going
0:43:03 to happen.
0:43:07 And I started thinking, what is one– and this is something I want everybody to take
0:43:08 away.
0:43:09 Take nothing from this podcast.
0:43:10 Take this.
0:43:16 When you can have exponential results, when you can solve one problem that solves many,
0:43:17 that’s how you grow your career.
0:43:19 That’s how you grow your income.
0:43:20 That’s how you grow your business.
0:43:22 I do that all the time in my business.
0:43:26 What’s one thing I can solve that solves multiple things?
0:43:29 And I just– I started getting this frame of mind, like, nothing seems to be working.
0:43:31 I’m losing my mind.
0:43:33 And I started thinking, what’s one thing?
0:43:36 And the one thing was– because I was worried my kids wouldn’t respect me.
0:43:37 I wouldn’t seem as much.
0:43:38 I travel a lot.
0:43:40 But it’s not my day when I come back.
0:43:44 What if all the values and core beliefs I put into my kids go away?
0:43:46 Like, I do Sunday meetings with my kids.
0:43:48 I pick them up every day from school.
0:43:49 I cook my kids breakfast.
0:43:51 I cook them– like, I’m an engaged dad.
0:43:55 I’m thinking, I’m going to just picture all that and it’s going away.
0:43:56 That their mom’s going to talk bad about me.
0:43:57 And all of those things.
0:43:59 And I’m like, what’s one thing I can do?
0:44:03 And I have to tell you, my life changed when I realized, if I can be friends with my ex,
0:44:07 like real friends, not just fake, like someone– I made a list of 10 things I could do.
0:44:09 And I sent it to her on how I could be a real friend.
0:44:13 And what I said is, things like, I will listen when you talk.
0:44:17 I will never disparage the kids when you’re not around, no matter what.
0:44:20 When I meet somebody, they have to accept that I’m friends with my ex and that I don’t talk
0:44:21 bad.
0:44:24 I will never say a bad thing about you in the entire universe, anywhere you never hear.
0:44:29 And I just declared these 10 things and said, if I can be friends with my ex, all the other
0:44:30 worries go away.
0:44:32 She’s never going to talk bad about me.
0:44:35 She’s not going to try to steal and have more custody than 50/50.
0:44:37 She’ll be flexible when I travel.
0:44:41 And when I found the answer, not even when it happened, all the anxiety was almost like
0:44:46 a ship coming out of a storm, like rocky, crazy, and then all of a sudden, boom, it was like
0:44:48 a flat surface.
0:44:54 And then when that worry was off me, and we saw we could do that, my kids saw the respect.
0:44:58 And one more thing they remember, this is a hard one, and this relates to what’s going
0:45:05 on in the world right now, I just decided to replace anger, guilt, worry, frustration
0:45:06 with compassion.
0:45:09 It might have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and every time I go, why does she
0:45:10 want that money?
0:45:13 I’m going to look through the eyes of compassion.
0:45:17 And when I started doing it and became a habit, and within six months, I just always replaced
0:45:23 all of those emotions that do nothing but hurt, destroy with compassion.
0:45:25 Long story short, built a friendship.
0:45:27 I had the ability to work on me.
0:45:31 I decided I looked internally for the first time on relationship side on a deeper level
0:45:33 and said, how can I become a better man?
0:45:37 I don’t want to find a woman that can fill me up.
0:45:41 It’s like, how do I become a man that attracts a woman, or I can find the relationship of
0:45:42 my life?
0:45:46 And I did a lot of work on me, and I got coaches and read, and I interviewed people and great
0:45:51 couples, and I realized some of those old beliefs from my family’s divorces were lingering
0:45:52 inside of me.
0:45:53 And I got to purge those out.
0:45:57 And then Tony made me make a list of everything I wanted in a relationship and everything
0:45:58 that wasn’t acceptable.
0:46:00 And he said, look at that every single day.
0:46:01 And I did.
0:46:04 I wanted someone who would love my children like their own, someone who was into health
0:46:05 and personal growth.
0:46:06 And I wrote all these things down.
0:46:10 I wrote all the things that were unacceptable, people that were negative, people that were
0:46:11 racist.
0:46:14 I had all this list of what I didn’t want, and I manifested it.
0:46:17 And I’m married to the woman in my dreams.
0:46:18 And you guys look so happy.
0:46:19 We are.
0:46:20 Every day.
0:46:21 And it’s not for Instagram.
0:46:22 And this is the last big lesson.
0:46:26 And if I took too long to share that, I’m sorry, but here’s the last thing I’ll tell you.
0:46:27 Your next level of life.
0:46:31 And you’ve heard this before, but I want you to hear it for the first time.
0:46:33 Lives on the other side of the thing you fear the most.
0:46:35 I fear leaving my children.
0:46:36 I didn’t fear getting a divorce.
0:46:38 I feared leaving my children.
0:46:39 It caused pain and anxiety.
0:46:44 Think about this last analogy is you’re in a ship and your ship’s okay.
0:46:47 You’re in the bay and there’s other ships around and maybe your ship’s a little bigger
0:46:48 than everyone else’s.
0:46:51 They’re the same size and you’re comfortable, but you’re just not happy.
0:46:56 But the only way out of that bay is a tornado and it just stays out in the bay and it’s
0:46:57 always there.
0:46:59 The only exit is through the tornado.
0:47:03 You can stay in the bay, you can look back in your life and go, I lived an okay life.
0:47:05 I wasn’t ready for okay.
0:47:07 My ex and I had held hands in 10 years.
0:47:09 We hadn’t slept in the same bed.
0:47:10 My kids didn’t see what love was.
0:47:12 I felt empty on the inside.
0:47:14 I’d go on stage in front of 20,000 people.
0:47:19 They’d all cheer and love me and I’d go backstage and be alone and I’d feel alone, right?
0:47:20 I had all those feelings.
0:47:26 The only way I could find love, happiness, abundance was on the other side of the storm.
0:47:29 And a couple of times I started going on the storm, I got scared, I went back, like picture
0:47:30 that visual.
0:47:35 And then finally, enough was enough, there was no going back and I took my ship through
0:47:39 that storm and it was hell and I had anxiety attacks and worry and now that I’m on the
0:47:41 other side of it, I’m a better person.
0:47:43 I’m a better version of me.
0:47:48 I navigated new territory and I can see through deeper level of empathy and compassion and
0:47:49 I’m a better dad.
0:47:50 I’m a better ex.
0:47:51 I’m a better husband to my wife.
0:47:52 I’m a better leader.
0:47:59 I have so much respect for you that you found a new woman but you didn’t just leave your
0:48:05 family to the side and you prioritized your ex and your children and that’s really respectable.
0:48:08 My last question to you, and I know we’re really close on time, what is your secret
0:48:10 to profiting in life?
0:48:12 This is a question we ask all of our guests.
0:48:16 I said this already so I don’t want to beat it up, but really identify what happiness
0:48:19 is because it changes all the time.
0:48:25 Analyze what true happiness is, what true success means to you and fight for it every
0:48:26 single day.
0:48:27 That drives me.
0:48:29 That’s my greatest success.
0:48:31 That’s my greatest profit is I know what I love.
0:48:33 I love being a family man.
0:48:34 I love impacting lives.
0:48:38 I love my team and I love growing as a human and I will fight for that to the end.
0:48:39 Thank you.
0:48:49 Thank you.
0:48:52 (upbeat music)
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