Learn. Share. Evolve…

0:00:26 Collectively, misery has gone out of style I. grew up really poor. I was being so deeply imprinted with sadness, and what I ended up doing was try to numb myself so that I wouldn’t have to be aware of my own pain. But when I started meditating, there was this idea of internal liberation. Literally the freedom from misery. The misery that we cause ourselves. And then when you life changes dramatically after that. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:00:30 If we’re dating, how do you think we should choose the person? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:00:35 It’s not so much about the other person, but it’s about how you feel when you’re with them. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:00:39 How can we tell if somebody’s actually ready to be in a loving relationship? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:00:40 A lot of that is [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:00:48 You have three million followers. What tips do you have for entrepreneurs that are trying to become creators on Instagram or any platform? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:00:49 Tip number one is
0:01:05 (music)
0:01:36 Hey yeah fam, are you ready to thrive instead of just merely survive? My guest today has a beautiful ability to inspire and help people find their inner strengths. Diego Perez is a poet speaker and best-selling author widely known on social media through his pen name Young Pueblo. His brand new book is called How to Love Better and in today’s episode he’s gonna share some tips on everything from self-healing to healthy relationships to how to stay grounded as an entrepreneur and challenging times. Diego welcome to Young and
0:02:00 I’m so pumped to be here. I’ve been waiting for this interview for a long time. Offline I was just asking you like, can I call you Diego? And you’re like yeah, of course. And I asked that because your pen name on social media is young Pueblo. And that means young people in Spanish. Why did you decide to move through the world with that pen name? What does it mean to you and how does it relate to all the work that you do? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:02:31 Yeah, it took on a lot of meaning over time. I initially put that name together just because it was like an honour to my Ecuadorian roots, ’cause I was born in Ecuador but, grew up in the United States. And as I started meditating, I started realising that I’m really immature. I have a lot of growing to do. But I’ve also been a big fan of history. I’ve been studying history since I could read. And I saw that humanity as a whole, like we don’t know the basic fundamentals that we try to teach children. When a child is like three
0:02:55 or four years old, we’re trying to teach them how to clean up after themselves, how to share, to not hit each other, to tell the truth, to be generally kind to each other. And these are things that individuals may have mastered. But as a human collective, we haven’t mastered these things at all. So the name young Pueblo to me, it’s more so a reminder to me personally to just remember that humanity is in this moment of maturing in a great transition. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:03:18 It’s so interesting when I read that, I was thinking, we think we’re so tech savvy, we’ve got A_I_ coming out, we’re driving in cars, going in the air in airplanes, but then we don’t even have a control over ourselves. And we have no idea how to control our minds. Yeah, exactly. So it’s so interesting. So you’re saying young people like humanity is young and there’s so much room for improvement. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:03:43 Interesting to me that there are so many people, literally millions of people out there who are meditating, millions of people who are using different forms of therapy and it almost feels like collectively we’re just you know like misery has gone out of style. We’re exhausted by misery and we’re like okay, I wanna f figure out how to feel better whether that’s in my mind or in my body. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:04:04 Yeah, and I know that you’re doing so much good work now and you’re so popular on social media, you’ve got so many best-selling books, but before you were this famous young Pueblo, you were an activist and I’m actually very into activism I’m, Palestinian, so like I really respect that that’s how you came up. So talk to us about what kind of work that you did in the activism world. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:04:35 I was really fortunate, you know, I gr so I grew up in Boston and I grew up really poor. When I think about what my major trauma was, it was literally just struggling through poverty with my family. My mom, she worked cleaning houses. My dad, he worked at a supermarket. So we were l stuck in a very classic American poverty trap. And I was fortunate to get connected with this youth organising group called B_Y_O_P_ and that was based in Boston. And what we did was basically just learn how to organise ourselves, literally bring
0:05:05 together around a common cause. And then we would go to different schools and ask students, what do you wanna change about your school? And they would either focus on changing different policies. One time we had a city-wide campaign where we changed the guidance counselor policy. Another city-wide campaign where we helped all the young people in the city get free passes so that so that they can go to school. ‘Cause there were so many young people who were impoverished in the city of Boston that it costs money to take the transit system. But it was really empowering to
0:05:14 see if there’s something that we want, we can organize around it and make it happen. And that was a great lesson to learn at fifteen, sixteen years old. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:05:26 And so you were doing all this work externally, trying to help other people, but inside you weren’t having inner peace. You were broken inside and you had some self-destructive habits. So talk to us about that. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:05:57 Yeah, I think that was the interesting part. When I was in high school, growing up, the group that I was with, B_Y_L_P_, we were constantly winning. We would win campaign after campaign and I internally still did not feel good. And when I went to university, when I got there, it really came to a head where growing up and being a part of that constant struggle, it was so challenging that I was oblivious to the fact that it was placing such big imprints on my mind. I was being so deeply imprinted
0:06:23 with sadness, with anxiety, with a scarcity mindset, and I had no way of processing my emotions. You know, this is a very pre-wellness world. When I got to university, it was two thousand six to two thousand ten, and what I ended up doing was I could feel the tension in my body, but what I would try to do was how can I avoid it as fast as possible, and the best way was to drink and to smoke and to do different drugs and just try to numb myself so that I wouldn’t have to be aware of my own pain. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:06:32 And at a certain point you felt burnout and you found meditation. So talk to us about your first retreat and how that changed your approach to life. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:07:02 I was really fortunate that one of my best friends who I used to be crazy with, we were crazy together in college, he was travelling through India and did a silent ten day meditation course and he ended up writing an email to me and a few other friends all about love compassion and good will and I was like shocked you know ’cause this is the same person I used to party with all the time and now he’s trying to talk to me about the importance of love and good will. But it was at such a good moment because I knew that I was done with the drugs, I wanted to build a new life for myself, I wanted to just
0:07:32 set my life and really focus on growing, and when I got to that silent ten day course, it was very challenging. I found it quite difficult. There was the summer of twenty twelve. It was hard to like always be there. You could ’cause you’re there, you’re silent, and you’re feeling whatever’s coming up, and I could feel the tension, the anxiety, all those things that I used to run away from. But I noticed that when the retreat was over, my mind felt lighter. Undeniably lighter
0:07:52 And I was shocked by it. I was just like, is this real? Like is this really do I really feel better? I just kept going back and it’s been wonderful. So I started with ten day retreats and now I’ll go away still to ten day courses but also twenty, thirty, forty five days long. And I’ve I mean put a lot of energy into really investing in my mind. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:07:59 And this is specifically called a vipassana meditation. Can you explain how it’s different from other types of meditation? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:08:29 This is one of the many different types of Vipassana. This one is taught by S_N_ Goenka. He’s uh an Indian man of Burmese descent and he basically was given this technique by another man, Obakan, and it basically originates from the Buddhist teaching and what’s really powerful about it is that Vipassana teaches you how to see reality as it is and one thing that became really clear when I started meditating was that I’m not actually looking at reality clearly. What’s happening is that all the things that I felt
0:08:33 in the past, they’re really clogging up my perception.
0:08:36 They’re making me see the present through the lens of the past.
0:08:39 And that makes it really hard to make good decisions,
0:08:41 be able to really connect with people.
0:09:04 And I think that’s one of the powerful things is that if you can train the mind, ’cause when I go to these retreats, it feels like I’m going to the mental gym, we’re literally cultivating the qualities of awareness, cultivating non-reaction, cultivating compassion, and then when you make these qualities that are within everyone’s minds, but they’re not necessarily strong, you have to make them stronger, life changes dramatically after that. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:09:13 So if I understand it correctly, a lot of it is based on detaching yourself from your own emotions so that you can see the world clearly. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:09:33 I would say even a little more subtle, you are feeling your emotions without reacting to them. It’s almost like you’re creating space to just observe them as opposed to suppressing it or letting the emotions swallow you up. So there’s a very subtle middle ground, it teaches you that things aren’t just black and white, there’s a grey area. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:09:45 You talk a lot about internal liberation, inner peace. Can you first explain to us what do you mean by that, having inner peace liberating yourself? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:10:15 it’s cool too talking with you about it ’cause you have the context from the activist background so there’s always this idea of liberation right, constantly where so many groups of people have come together to either make certain values true or to break the chains of oppressors and what not and just re-create their history. I was always fascinated by that idea and when I started meditating there was this idea of internal liberation. Literally the freedom from suffering, the freedom from misery. And the misery that we
0:10:45 cause ourselves and a lot of that that’s what shocked me because it’s true when you’re moving through life sometimes there are people who hurt you and that affects you deeply but ultimately the person who hurt you is not going to heal you and what’s really causing a lot of tension in your mind is your own perception and your own reaction to that heaviness that’s inside you so I’m grateful that I’ve been walking on this path because it really ultimately helps you
0:11:08 And how do you feel that helping other people get this inner peace liberating, themselves, how do you feel that’s gonna help transform the world so that there’s more peace and people are less harmful to each other and we have a thriving society that’s not so violent?
0:11:38 what I’m really hoping and I think what I’ve seen in myself and in others is that if you really focus on the internal dynamic, because this happens often to a lot of people who are activists and are out there trying to change the world for the better, is that it quickly leads to burnout because you’re not healing the tension and the rough parts of your own ego. And I like the historical example of the French Revolution where there were people who had really powerful ideals, wanted
0:12:08 create a republic, give people power, and then once they kill the king, a massacre happened. And it’s interesting where there is always the chance that if you’re working towards something that is good, but if you don’t heal yourself, you end up recreating the thing that you were once fighting against. And power has this ability to it almost functions like a magnet, and it just pulls out the rough parts of the ego. And you see this historically. People are trying to change the world for the
0:12:38 and then they get power, and it’s like whoa, what happened to that person And? I think that’s why these two things need to c move side by side, where you’re dealing with your issues, you’re cultivating your self-love, because if your self-love is real, if it’s actually real, it’s not just about you, it opens the door to unconditional love for all beings. It’s not perfect unconditional love, but it opens that door, and I think that’s really important for people to realise. Once you start really observing yourself and you see that struggle, you know, wow, other people
0:12:42 struggling just like me, and you start having more compassion for them.
0:13:12 Somebody told me a quote yesterday, I don’t know why it’s reminding me of this, but I was talking about getting wealthy and I was like, you know, people who get a lot of power, get a lot of wealth, I feel like they end up making bad decisions becoming worse people. And then the person told me, well, when you get wealthy you just become more of who you are. It’s like an amplifier. So it’s just interesting to think people who get power, if they aren’t self-aware and they don’t have compassion, that can just compound and
0:13:14 to something really negative.
0:13:20 It’s really true, because then you can make anything you want happen, and then that could just bring out all the evils. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:13:35 Talk to us about your journey on Instagram. So you have three million followers. You weren’t a marketer before you started Instagram. Talk to us about how you first got the idea to start sharing what you were learning on Instagram. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:14:06 it’s a really interesting journey and I’ve been following your page for a while and I love the way you market so before I get into all this ’cause I wanna hear your insights as well. My journey with Instagram I felt intuitively like after I had meditated a few courses I knew that I wasn’t perfectly wise or perfectly healed nothing like that right, but I knew that stuff was changing inside me and I felt better so I thought okay let me reflect ’cause I could feel my intuition pushing me you should write even though you don’t know everything just, [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:14:36 reflect, reflect openly, and I was really inspired by the first generation Instagram poets, ’cause the first generation Instagram, they weren’t long-form writers, they were poets, and it was R_M_ Drake and Rupi Kaur, and they were sharing their stuff in simple black and white images, so I thought to myself, I’m like oh, let me just go out there and reflect, and I knew that I had a very different message from them, ’cause they all they each have their own unique message,
0:15:06 but let me also adopt that format of that simple black and white imagery. And it was really powerful. I think once I started sharing, it was awesome, like sharing little poems or main themes from what I was writing about and people would write in the captions and that was back in the day where it almost felt like the Instagram conversation was healthier. People were just really kind to each other and it took time. It took time for I think between twenty f fourteen to twenty seventeen, that’s when I got up to a hundred thousand
0:15:21 It took three years. And then something happened in twenty seventeen where it just really started picking up and it was a big jump I think from twenty seventeen to twenty I would say like twenty nineteen where it got up to like five hundred thousand, and then it just kept growing from there. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:15:31 What do you think that turning point was Do? you think it was people were ready to receive that type of information out and it was just becoming more in trend to talk about self-healing and things like that? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:16:01 I think it was definitely a lot of right place, right time I. was also interested in the topics of self-love, I was also interested in letting go, I wanted to add my part to the conversation and I noticed that right off the bat people are looking for things to share. So if you ever want to grow a page, the main thing that you have to do is just create shareable content. And that’s very different from just taking a picture of your face. People aren’t
0:16:31 gonna share that, or taking a picture of your trip to Paris, people aren’t gonna share that. But if you bring forward whatever knowledge you have, whatever thing that you’re reflecting on and you put it together, then there’s a chance for people to share it in their story or share it on their grid, and that’s where things really grow. And I think what really kept things growing was the consistency of it. You know, I would post every day once a day for years, and I think the only day that I skip is
0:16:36 in Mother’s Day, because everyone’s posting, so you know, no one’s gonna see anything.
0:17:01 Yeah. I feel like consistency is so huge for you. So consistency in terms of the frequency, in terms of what people can expect from your page with your topics, in terms of the format that you typically post. And I love that you’re not just chasing trends and the algorithm. And something that I always teach, I’m a big influencer on LinkedIn and I teach LinkedIn a lot, I always say it’s not about the algorithm, it’s about human behaviour.
0:17:29 Always beats the algorithm and, like you said, being highly shareable. And when you’re talking about things like self-love and writing poetry uh and posting things that make people reflect, they wanna share it with their own thoughts, they wanna share it with their own stories. It triggers their emotions, it triggers them to comment, it triggers them to write their two cents, right? So it’s like these universal emotions that you’re tapping into, that’s really triggering people to engage. So I just think what you’ve done is absolutely incredible. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:17:30 Mm-hmm.
0:18:07 Mm-hmm. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:18:37 And I feel like having a signature style can be a really great advantage, because people almost take it like it’s like a habit, like oh I’m getting young Pueblos quote of the day and this is what I share every day and this is my favourite creator and I know exactly what to expect. People think they need to like change it up all the time and while there is some sensory adaptation in social media, if you have really good meaningful content, sometimes just doing the same thing over and over again will make you become a habit for people.
0:19:07 Yeah, it even comes down to like changing fonts is a big deal. Like you gotta be really careful ’cause it’s part of your brand and that’s how people recognise you because they’re recognising you almost subconsciously because there’s literally what every one of us experiences on a daily basis is that there’s a war on our attention. Everyone is battling for your attention. So as someone’s scrolling, they’ll almost like subconsciously quickly recognise even before they even see your name, they’ll like oh, the font and everything they’re like oh, this
0:19:37 is something that I normally would give five seconds to. And then they give you their time. I even got to the point where I was with a particular font for I think from twenty seventeen to like twenty twenty, and then the phone was falling apart, the app that I got the font from, you know I, couldn’t get the actual font, and I was like dang, I just need to let it go, and I had to make the jump, and it took a little while for people to get used to it, but there are always going to be dips. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:19:50 It’s fine. It’s totally natural. Your algorithm is not gonna be perfect all the time. It’s gonna have highs and lows. So you just deal with it and then over time if you’re still giving value to the audience, they’ll respond to that. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:19:54 Let’s hold that thought and take a quick break with our sponsors.
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0:25:10 what other tips do you have for entrepreneurs that are trying to become creators on Instagram or any platform? Tip number one is that you have to be ready to be consistent at a relentless level. There’s just no way around it. No one gets big from one post. That’s just totally an illusion. It’s like a bunch of tiny little victories. And even when you have a massive
0:25:40 of celebrity who shares your stuff, that’s great, but what’s much more valuable is someone who shares your stuff who has two hundred people who follow them, and having a lot of people who have smaller accounts who support you, that feels really key. So I think sometimes we have this idea where if this one giant celebrity shares my stuff, it’ll change everything. It really won’t. It helps, but it’s not everything. So you have to be ready for consistency and then you have to learn what fifteen to twenty
0:26:07 of your knowledge base that you feel really good about sharing, that connects with an audience and makes that audience excited, because for each one of us, right, like I mentioned earlier, like I really love history, I don’t write about history, that’s not gonna excite anybody. I’m also not like a professional at it. My strength is putting out self-reflective material and I think finding what is your fifteen twenty percent that you wanna share and then see if you can turn that into a product. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:26:37 I feel like you’re touching on something really important. It’s like lasering in on key topics, because we were talking about algorithms. That’s actually how you train the algorithm. So for example, my show’s really broad, it’s all about entrepreneurship, which doesn’t work in my favour on Instagram, because I’m talking about finance, then I’m talking about entrepreneurship, then I’m talking about marketing, then I’m talking about s if I only talked about sales, Instagram would know exactly who to send my content to all the time. So picking a focus and being really strategic, you don’t need just one, but picking things that you [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:26:37 Yeah. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:26:50 Yeah, three. Yeah, is really important. How do you think about monetising your audience? You know, you come across as somebody so authentic, you don’t even wanna make money out of your audience, right? So how do you think about it? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:27:20 I’m trying to be really careful about it. You know, I monetize through selling books. That’s how I make my money through the year. And I also like I’m in the process of building businesses as well, which is like a different thing that’s almost like separate to the Instagram. Like I can help promote these things, but I’m not directly monetizing through them. So I’ve never been big on selling courses or anything like that Simply. because I understand why some people get a bad rep where they sell a course for like six thousand
0:27:50 like no you know very few people have six thousand bucks and then are you really giving them enough value for something that’s that expensive. So to me I’d rather reach more people and make sure that w if I’m ever asking them to pay for anything that it’s the minimum amount because I just rather have more people come. So like if I have an event I make sure that to buy the ticket it’s in the minimum amount and some cities are more expensive than others in Boston the tickets are thirty nine dollars and New York City they’re sixty dollars ’cause that’s the market. But I’m
0:28:20 not charging two hundred dollars a ticket or anything like that. I think to me, just especially coming from my background, accessibility has always been really important and economics is almost the first trend of accessibility where it’s like can you even pay to get in. And the same thing with the sub-stack, you know if you wanna sign up for my paid sub-stack it’s five dollars a month and I just rather have more people and I think what I’ve learned is that if I give away a lot of good quality things for free, people will be interested in buying the book. I’m getting
0:28:27 closer to selling almost two million books and uh a lot of that is because I’d give so much away for free on Instagram. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:28:53 And when it comes to monetizing, you have so many different levers for you. You’re like, okay, I’m gonna go with volume. I wanna increase my impressions and charge really little and I can make the same amount of money if I just reach more people. So I love that approach. So let’s talk about self-healing for entrepreneurs. Like I told you, we got a lot of entrepreneurs listening. What are some initial signs that you need to work on your inner healing? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:29:24 I think if you’re always responding to people with tension in your voice, different levels of stress where you’re going from really stressed to like a little bit stressed, and if you’re finding difficulty in the joy of creating, like if you’re not really connecting with that joy of creating, because I think that’s why a lot of entrepreneurs build businesses, you see a gap in the market and then you think to yourself oh, how fun would it be to build this thing. It’s not just for the p paycheck at the end or the moment when you sell your
0:29:54 company, I think the actual process of creation can be so fun. If you look at really high performers, there’s just so many people like Sam Altman, he meditates like so many others you know who are people who are V_P_s at Google that created all the products that we use today, a bunch of them meditate you know so there’s a lot of people are finding different ways of taking care of themselves because there’s a big relationship between tension and creativity. So if your mind
0:30:02 is really really tense, you’re not gonna be as creative as you can be. But if you are able to process that tension, then your creativity is gonna go up.
0:30:14 Another thing that you talk about is emotional maturity. And I think being an emotional mature leader is really important. So talk to us about what qualities make up an emotionally mature leader.
0:30:45 I think the immediate quality is to not be impulsively reactive. If you hear someone say something you don’t like, you’re not like no, that’s wrong, you take a moment and you actually can step outside of your perspective to be able to see more of why are they seeing things in that way. And also if you’re a good leader, you’re hiring people who are smarter than you in specific areas. So if they’re coming at you with a p specific view that you don’t agree
0:31:01 then you should be able to lean on the fact that oh, actually maybe I’m not understanding something to be able to really check in. But I think that quality of not being immediately impulsive reactive and being able to step outside of your perspective to see the perspective of another, that’s real emotional maturity in business.
0:31:26 I feel like entrepreneurs, a lot of us have a lot of success and it builds an ego, right? We feel like we’re so smart, we’ve always made good decisions, we’ve made millions of dollars or whatever it is, it’s really hard to put our ego aside. What are your recommendations to realise we have an ego and when we feel like oh damn, like my ego is out of whack right now to step out of it?
0:31:56 I think especially if you’re an entrepreneur, you have to be really careful because the ego just makes the mind so cloudy. And just because you’ve had a few wins doesn’t mean everything else that you’re gonna have is going to be a win. And I think one of the ways to combat that is by honestly hiring really smart young people. Because as you get older, being able to build a really successful business in your twenties or your thirties, are you still understanding that the world like the way that you saw it back
0:32:14 it’s gonna change radically when you’re fifty and you’re trying to build another company. So I think tapping into people that you can trust feels really important, but I think the ego, it just makes things rougher and it can push you through hard moments, but it’s not going to make the best product possible. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:32:28 Another thing that entrepreneurs have to do is make good decisions, right. Every day we’re faced with decisions, we’ve gotta make fast decisions. Can you talk to us about how trauma can actually impact the way that we make decisions past trauma? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:32:59 Yeah, it’s funny, I was talking to one of my mentors the other day and he was going through all these different famous entrepreneurs and he was like everybody is trauma based. Everybody is attacking a problem because there’s some lack of safety, you know, something happened when they were younger. And then as we were talking, I was listening and I was like oh wow, and I realised to myself I’m like my greatest trauma was growing up in poverty. I’m glad that my mom and dad had a good relationship and my relationship
0:33:29 with them was often seeing them fight because they were arguing about how to pay the rent. And there was a moment when I was about thirteen, fourteen years old where it hit me that I have my back up against a wall. No one’s ever gonna come save me because my family just doesn’t have money. So I need to figure this out. And that’s when I felt this impulse to just get more savvy, put more effort into the jobs that I was working in back then. And even when I think about
0:33:46 I write to help people, but I also write to help my family, because I know that my mom and dad are counting on me. I’m fortunate enough that I have this ability to speak to a lot of people, to d to have a big audience, but that’s also a responsibility f to take care of my family. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:34:15 That’s beautiful. I love that. And I have a quote that I wanna read. So you say, when chaos is all around you, the wisest choice is to create peace within you. So as you know, entrepreneurship is so uncertain, it’s so stressful, it’s so chaotic. If we’re feeling like, man, this is a bad day, I have all these fires, what is some way to just bring us some instant peace or what are some practices we should do every day to bring some inner peace? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:34:45 there’s two things that are really important. Even if you don’t have a therapy practice or even if you don’t meditate, it’s still really important to understand how short the walk is from gratitude to happiness or from gratitude to peace. So reminding yourself that even if you’re in a dark moment, even if your company feels like it’s gonna fail, there’s still a few things to be grateful for. There’s still so much that’s been accomplished. The other aspect too that’s valuable outside of gratitude is even intellectually
0:35:15 the truth of impermanence. A lot of what I do when I meditate is I’m learning how to literally feel impermanence in the body, but even at the mental level you can understand this hard moment it’s gonna pass, it’s gonna change, we’ve already gotten over so many hard moments before, this is another one that we can face and overcome, but I think reminding yourself ’cause when we get caught in a storm our, logic goes out the window and we’re like oh my god this storm’s gonna last forever, like it’s gonna be terrible, it’s gonna end everything, but now you’re probably gonna be fine.
0:35:21 And impermanence means that it’s just temporary, like just realising things are temporary. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:35:23 Temporary changing, yeah. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:35:54 That’s really really good advice, just remembering that this is a storm that’s gonna end just like the weather. So another thing that entrepreneurs specifically struggle with is people that are high achievers, they’ve got emotional attachment to success. They might even describe themselves as somebody who are you like, oh I’m the CEO of X_Y_Z_ company and this is my identity. And then when the company fails, they fail. If it’s successful, then they’re successful. So how can we detach
0:35:56 ourselves and why is that healthier? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:36:23 It’s hard because a lot of times when people go into and you see this a lot in Silicon Valley where it’s like we create companies we go into it with the love to create but then it becomes like a social status game and it’s like who knows who who has accomplished this who’s sold at a higher evaluation and those are important facts but that doesn’t define if you’re a good person or not. That doesn’t define if I wanna talk to you or not.
0:36:53 There’s so many people who have negative assets and they’re amazing human beings. So I think it’s really important to understand that your value and your happiness as a human being is just not fully connected to what you’ve accomplished and I think it’s dangerous territory to walk on. It’s almost like walking on a pond that’s frozen over and when you’re walking around with that mentality it’s so easy for you to just fall into the water ’cause it’s an illusion, you know it’s fake.
0:37:06 And it’s really important to have things outside of your business like relationships and really healthy strong relationships which is a great segue to your new book, How to Love Better. So what was your goal with writing that book? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:37:37 This one’s been really special ’cause I’ve sort of forced myself to hold off on writing it because I wanted to spend some more time cultivating my craft as a writer and just becoming clear developing, better chapters, just really honing the message. But the inspiration from the book really came from when I went to those first few meditation retreats, I went because I needed to save myself. I felt like I needed to overcome sadness, I needed to just deal with myself and start a new life.
0:37:50 But I was shocked to see how the moment that I went in to go and save myself, I was cultivating these qualities of patience, of better understanding, of compassion, of listening to myself.
0:37:57 And then when I got home and I’m talking to my wife, these are the exact skills that were missing in my relationship.
0:38:05 And because I would spend time cultivating them, I was then able to offer them and almost started a new chapter of harmony that wasn’t there before.
0:38:07 And to me it was shocking.
0:38:14 Because I went into meditating to save myself and then I did help myself, but I also almost like reignited my relationship with her.
0:38:36 What I’m hearing is step one, you’ve gotta heal yourself. And once you heal yourself, you can show up better as a partner and potentially heal your relationship. So let’s dig on those qualities that you were just talking about. You actually list in your book three overarching qualities, kindness, growth, and compassion. Can you talk to us about those qualities and how they help us in relationships?
0:38:55 Those are three really big important green flags because kindness, it’s really valuable to understand that whoever you’re in proximity to, whoever you’re closest to, that could be your roommate, your partner, family members, they’re gonna see the best of you and they’re also gonna see the worst of you.
0:39:25 And part of that is because we feel vulnerable with them. We can actually open up with them, and that’s really good. But sometimes when the relationship is long lasting, there come points where you’re not bringing that same gentleness, you’re not bringing that same kindness as you did when the relationship first started. So it’s important to know that when someone approaches you, they are honest with you and they can tell you that they’re feeling down, but they’re not taking it out on you. The other element of that is the
0:39:55 and similar to what we were talking about for entrepreneurs, it’s a very specific type of compassion where you can step outside of your perspective and see the perspective of another, because in all whenever you wanna solve an argument, it’s that specific compassion that helps you see each other, because you can actually take a moment to see your partner’s perspective, and then they can see yours, and then you understand where you each are coming from. And the last element is growth. If you’re in a relationship
0:40:25 it’s going to show you the best of you and it’s also gonna show where you need to put energy into. And I think that’s one thing that I saw right off the bat when I was first with my wife was like, I needed to improve my ability to listen. And over time putting energy into that and then all these other qualities that I’ve I’ve had to develop to be able to bring more harmony into the relationship. I think growth is just something that y we don’t really have a choice but to embrace if we wanna have a happy relationship. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:40:43 And I know that when it comes to getting along with others, some of the biggest obstacles to that is attachment and control. So can you talk to us about what attachment does to us and how that actually leads us to wanna control things that we can’t control and how that can spiral into something that we don’t want. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:41:14 you know, it’s really hard too ’cause it sometimes feel like attachment is love, but it’s not. Attachment is literally the craving for things to exist in a very particular way. Having the people that you love act in these ways, have these beliefs, they agree with you on these critical things, but life is not always going to be like that. And when you have these big attachments, all these cravings for things to exist in particular ways, they will manifest as control in daily life. And that’s when you get things like parents’
0:41:29 this is what you need to study in school and you don’t really you don’t really have another option or partner is trying to control another partner and that’s when you get selfishness, that’s when you get manipulation and these types of behaviours that squeeze the life out of a relationship. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:41:45 Talk to us about how you think of alignment because let’s say you’re a couple and one ha wants to have kids and one doesn’t. Is that control or trying to control or attach? I feel like you need to have similar values right, so talk to us about that. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:42:15 Yeah, that alignment’s really important, and honestly that alignment should hopefully come earlier on. And I think I’ve seen this struggle happen in relationships with friends that I’ve seen where they would literally break up because they just waited too long to have the conversation about whether they wanted to have kids or not. And then they found out that they’re in actually on very different pages. And I think the alignment has to come from honesty, and it has to come from the beginning where it’s like you start dating and then once you feel the reality of the magnetic
0:42:45 connection, you let them know hey, I’m interested in setting up something serious with you, having a serious partnership, and then as you go along you keep revealing more and more of your values and seeing where they match and where they differ and if they differ, is it tolerable? Is that okay with you? Because it I think that’s one of the nice things is that my wife and I we don’t agree on everything and that’s part of the good part of our relationship is that we have different views. But on the key important things there is a ton of alignment and that helps us have a
0:43:14 system, ’cause just the same way as an individual, right, you have these three different guides that you have inside of you, where you have your values, you have your intuition, and you have your nervous system. And they’ve really helped clarify what direction to take when you’re moving forward, but this you have the same thing in a relationship where, you know, your nervous system should be very relaxed around your partner. Your intuition should feel like it wants to be next to your partner, and your values have that alignment. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:43:33 If you feel like you are in a relationship and you feel like you are trying to control things, because there maybe is no alignment with the things that you want, and so you’re trying to like control the way things are going, what do you recommend people do? How can they let go of wanting to have so much control? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:44:02 I think instead of trying to have control, and instead of just coming from a place of expectations and attachments, you want to double down on commitments. And commitments are very different. It’s you clearly lining out how you would like your happiness to be supported, what your needs are and what your wants are. And then your partner is then taking a look at what you’ve laid out, and then they’re telling you actually this sounds pretty good to me. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:44:32 I voluntarily commit to trying to do X, Y, and Z_ for you. I’m not gonna be perfect at it. I’m going to make mistakes, but this is something that I can to do my part in this relationship and vice versa. So being honest and communicating how you would like to be supported and also checking in with that, you know, not just expecting that what we talked about two years ago is gonna be the same now, that’s also gonna change, but I think you wanna double down on commitments because then there’s no coercion, there’s no many
0:44:39 there’s no control, you’re just telling your truth, they share your truth, and you’re like oh, I can do this for you, this sounds really good to me. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:44:46 So th you’re basically saying tell people how to love you, right? So give us some examples of what you could say to your partner. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:45:02 Mm-hmm. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:45:32 Mm-hmm.
0:46:22 I feel threatened, I feel scared. And he was like great, but you know, in that moment she said this is how I want to be supportive, can you do this for me? And he was like of course. For him it didn’t even feel like screaming. He just was a little louder, but that’s how he grew up in his house, so you can’t make those things clear without communicating about them. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:46:26 We’ll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors.
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0:51:45 I love this topic of arguing ’cause, like you said, every relationship is gonna have arguments. So my first question is reacting emotionally. How can we avoid blowing up, especially to your point, some people just grow up in households where you’re fighting with your brothers, you’re fighting with your sisters, your parents have blow-up ar it’s just like generational kind of stuff. Talk to us about that. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:52:15 I think there’s a very practical thing that you can do, and you can do this whether you’re in a relationship with someone or you just have roommates. My wife and I, we started noticing when we were meditating that our minds just did not wanna take any accountability. I think for the first part of our relationship, whenever one of us would feel tension, we would just try to put the blame on the other person. Even if it was illogical, even if it made no sense, it was like how do I make this tension in my mind your fault? And and
0:52:45 this happened over and over and over and then we realised we were like wait, actually me feeling down in this moment has nothing to do with you. Sometimes it does, sometimes we say something and we need to apologise, but we were noticing like seventy percent of the time I’m like just looking for reasons to fight and what we found to counteract that was when we wake up let’s just tell each other how we feel in a very passive way, just tell each other I feel good right now or I feel heavy or I didn’t
0:53:15 and get a lot of rest, I woke up really tired, or I feel a little angry, and just knowing these bits of information, because you’re naming it, the person who’s feeling it is naming it, and your partner’s hearing it, for you that makes you aware of where your mind is at, and then your mind doesn’t jump into just creating more narratives to make it worse, and then your partner also knows oh, let me give them their space, let me treat them a little more gently, is there anything I can do to make your day easier, but that gives the both of you the
0:53:34 information you need to work with the situation. And we do that one time in the morning and then one time in the early afternoon. And honestly that’s been so helpful because then I know if I hear stress in her voice, it’s not really about me because she already told me that she was feeling stress and vice versa, yeah. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:53:39 So you do that whether or not you’re arguing you just you just check in That’s. so interesting. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:53:55 It’s easy. It’s just you just s say it without someone even asking you and whenever she tells me when there’s a big shift in her mood, I’m like amazing. Thank you for giving me the information I need to be successful, you know. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:54:00 What about if your partner is always bringing up stuff from the past? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:54:30 you gotta learn how to forgive. I think especially when you see someone, because it this happens right, you have a very difficult moment, you resolve it, the person genuinely apologizes and they start showing change behaviour where they change the thing that was the problem before, but then your mind will keep this is the problem with heavy emotions is that when you’re feeling anger the mind wants to make it bigger, it wants to invite other people into the anger,
0:55:00 either saying something mean to them or by telling them the reason that why you’re angry so that they can be angry with you. But then other times if there’s no one around us, the mind will just go back and back and back in time to pull something out and it’ll grab the last biggest argument, even though it’s resolved, it just comes back and I think you have to repeatedly learn how to let go, especially if the other person is like I haven’t done that in years, I’m not trying to live my life like that
0:55:02 more. But it’s quite challenging. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:55:06 So I know you’ve been with your wife sounds like for a long time. How many years have you been together? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:55:18 We’ve been together for it’s hard because it changes every year, but we’ve been together for we’ll be ten years married this summer and I think that means we’ve been together for seventeen years. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:55:44 Wow. So you really weren’t involved in this online dating world half Yeah. You missed it. I was in a really long relationship and then we broke up and getting on the apps was so strange to me and I didn’t even know how to swipe right or swipe left. Like I kept doing it wrong. So talk to me about your perspective of how the world is dating today. Like I don’t know if you have single friends or what you’ve witnessed. [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:56:18 there’s a few things happening that I see often where one is sometimes people are spoiled for choice and this happens in a lot of major cities where it’s just like you’re dating like eight people, but you’re not really giving any of them a really serious focus and that makes it really challenging to see you can like have a very superficial interaction with somebody and never realise how amazing they actually are. I think the other thing too that happens is that people look for incremental improvements in their partners so you’ll be dating
0:56:48 someone for two, three months and then you end up dropping them because you’re looking for someone who’s two percent more attractive or two percent more peaceful, just because you don’t necessarily want to deal with an argument that comes up, you just kind of toss the relationship away and I hear this all the time from friends, but it’s challenging because our society, the way all the apps are with, you know, either dating apps or just all apps in general, right, they’re all set up to just make your life easier. Like we live in a door
0:57:10 Uber society and we expect that from our personal growth and from our relationships, for it to just be fixed and easy, it’s just not gonna be like that. So we need to be really careful about wanting things to be slightly better and then we end up dumping something great for the chance of something better that is just like an illusion in our minds.
0:57:28 I feel like a lot of single people are in this, like you said, there’s just too much choice. So if we’re dating and we’re going on all these dates, how do you think we should choose the person when there’s so many options and so many good options too? What do you think are the criteria that we should be looking at? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:58:04 how you feel when you’re with them I. feel like it’s really important to know ’cause I think when I look back to my wife and I, when we got together, if we both had checklists of what we wanted in a partner, neither of us would have checked anything off. We were just the opposite of what you you know we were both looking for. But what we did both feel was this deep magnetic pull towards each other, where it was easy to text each other. We wanted to be in contact, we wanted to find time
0:58:34 to hang out and life wasn’t really getting in the way. But I think having that mutual connectiveness with a person is very important. I think also clarity is really important, just being honest, like if you’re really feeling someone, let them know because they might have no idea. You might have gone on a few dates and not know that you’re actually really hoping to build something with them. But it’s I think it’s really tough out there and you have to really trust your intuition and your nervous system and then see more than
0:58:59 just what’s on the face and the body. Do they have emotional qualities? Like do they have an emotional skill set? Like how do they treat other people besides you when you’re out together? Like how is their kindness there? Are they reactive? How do they deal with a difficult moment? I think that’s always like a very telling time when you see someone handle a challenge that’s unexpected. How do they do it? Are they calm through it or are they super chaotic? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:59:09 I also feel like we need to make sure that the person is ready for love, right? And I think you talk about that in your book. How can we tell if somebody’s actually ready to be in a loving relationship? [SPEAKER_TURN]
0:59:40 I think a lot of that is just simply being growth-oriented. I think that’s one thing that’s really nice about the time period that we live in. The wellness world has developed so much, but we have seen the value of putting energy into our personal growth, but then we need to take a look at finding a partner who also values growing, but doesn’t necessarily have to grow in the same way. And I think once you can understand even though myself and this other person don’t
0:59:50 really use the same tools, like maybe they meditate and maybe you use therapy, but if there’s still that inclination to grow, then you’re gonna be able to overcome tough moments together.
0:59:56 Since you brought up growth, there is this concept you talk about the paradox of growth in your book. Can you tell us about that?
1:00:27 it’s challenging that you need to simultaneously accept your imperfections, and you need to accept yourself for who you are, and then also understand that, you know, I have a lot of growing to do. I can be an imperfect person, but I can simultaneously say okay, I’m not gonna expect perfection for myself, but it would be valuable for me to slow down instead of making decisions really fast, for me to not jump to conclusions and just understanding where your pain points are, because often our pain
1:00:34 points are self-created, we’re causing our own tension, but where are you causing your self-tension and how can you relieve that?
1:00:44 What’s your advice to anybody out there right now that’s single, that’s dating, they’re looking for their right partner, what’s your best advice to them to find the love of their life?
1:01:15 No matter what, if you find someone, you really are going to find them through proximity. So you do have to put yourself out there, whether that’s online or whether that’s in person, you’re not gonna build a connection without proximity. So put yourself out there and then just be the realist version of yourself. Don’t worry about trying to build a façade or trying to create a version of yourself that’s more likable, that’s going to create superficial interactions. Instead, just be you, go
1:01:23 there when you do find someone that you’re connecting with, focus on them, tell them that you’re interested, and then see if there’s enough there to build a relationship.
1:01:43 Diego, I love this conversation. I loved learning about all of your work and your new book. I end my show with two questions that I ask all of my guests, and this can be anything that you wanna talk about doesn’t have to be about the topic today, whatever just comes from your heart. So what is one actionable thing our young and profiters can do today to become more profitable tomorrow? [SPEAKER_TURN]
1:02:13 Oh, that’s a really good one. I think if you’re an entrepreneur or you’re working on building businesses, it’s really important to know that you need really good partners and when you’re starting a business with someone these days, I think it’s less about working for an exact amount of time. It’s less about okay, I’m gonna put in forty hours or this is what I c you know how many hours I can put in for this project. It’s not so much like that anymore. It’s more what can you deliver to the
1:02:43 So I do my young Pueblo work, but I also have a venture capital company that I’m a partner in. And I co-founded, but I don’t so much say like oh, I can work ten hours a week or twenty hours a week or thirty. It changes, you know. Sometimes when we’re fundraising, there’s tons of work. When we’re just just s assessing companies and making investments, it’s slightly less work. And it’s more so like what can I deliver to the group, and if that feels valuable to them, then they accept your
1:03:07 without saying oh I’m gonna work X_ amount of time. You just make sure that you over-deliver and everyone’s gonna be happy. So like that ’cause I’ve noticed something about you know a lot of my friends and mentors in Silicon Valley where they’re building like three companies at a time and they’re doing a fantastic job, but it’s not like they’re working a hundred and twenty hour weeks, they’re just like this is what they deliver to each situation. [SPEAKER_TURN]
1:03:18 That’s really smart. So it’s a kind of like leaning in what comes natural to you, what you know you could do effectively and contribute and it has nothing to do with trading time for money. That’s not true at all. Yeah. [SPEAKER_TURN]
1:03:37 Mm-hmm.
1:03:38 Mm-hmm.
1:04:21 in April to May and I’m thrilled for that and I think when I look at a lot of people who are really really highly productive, they take time to cultivate themselves and that’s really important if you’re gonna keep producing. [SPEAKER_TURN]
1:04:38 You’re inspiring me to go on a silent retreat. My business partner does them all the time and I’m I’ve been inspired by him, but I feel like it could be such a great way to kind of just dive in, take like a ten day retreat. Is that what you recommend for people who’ve never done it before? Like maybe just go go do a retreat if you can? [SPEAKER_TURN]
1:04:42 Mm-hmm.
1:05:24 who are artists and they paint and no matter what field you’re in, you just start producing at a whole ‘nother level. I had one friend who she’s a producer and creates T_V_ shows and after she finished her retreat she was crushing it, but just yeah. [SPEAKER_TURN]
1:05:41 I’m excited. I feel like I would love to like unlock a whole new layer of productivity and creativity. Diego, this has been such an awesome conversation. I feel like I personally learned so much. I feel like everybody who tuned in got so much value. Where can everybody follow you, learn more about what you do, get your books and all that. [SPEAKER_TURN]
1:06:00 You can follow me on Instagram at young pueblo, Y_U_N_G_ underscore P_U_E_, B_L_O_ and my new book How to Love Better, it’s in bookstores. You can also find it online on Amazon and I’m also on Stupstack. You can follow my newsletter if you wanna read my longer articles. And yeah, thank you so much. This has been so much fun. [SPEAKER_TURN]
1:06:05 Amazing. I’ll put all those links in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining us on Young and Profiting podcast. [SPEAKER_TURN]
1:06:06 Awesome.
1:06:24 Wow, what an incredibly moving conversation with Diego. His wisdom on healing, compassion, and love is something that we can all take with us as we move forward in our personal lives and our entrepreneurial journeys.
1:06:40 I think one of the biggest takeaways from today is that healing isn’t just about looking back. It’s about creating space for a more peaceful present and a more authentic future. Like Diego said, the person who hurt you in the past is not going to heal you. Only you can do that.
1:06:49 But once you learn to accept and love yourself better, it also opens the door for being more compassionate and loving towards others.
1:07:12 One of the keys to this is avoiding attachment. Attachment is often rooted in control, clinging to specific outcomes or seeking validation from external sources which can lead to suffering. But as Diego suggests, if you focus on commitments instead of attachments, then you can develop more meaningful relationships that avoid manipulative or controlling behaviours.
1:07:42 I know that learning to relinquish control and setting aside ego can be especially challenging for us entrepreneurs. That’s why it’s so important to hire well and surround yourself with good people who aren’t afraid to push back on you. It’s also critical to find quiet moments of peace and reflection in your daily routine. Meditation may or may not be for you. I know for myself it’s really hard for me to pick up a meditation practice, but at least take some time every day to find that inner calm within the storm that’s blowing around you.
1:08:12 I love to take bubble baths and it helps me think, be quiet and have some peace Well. thanks for listening to this episode of young and profiting. If this conversation resonated with you today, be sure to share it with somebody who could use a little extra light in their day And. if you did enjoy this show, make sure you subscribe. And if you learned something new, drop us a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast. In fact, I read our podcast reviews every day and we got a recent one
1:08:42 that I really really loved, and I wanna read it to you guys. So she says, by far my favourite podcast. As a female entrepreneur it seems increasingly more difficult to surround myself with mentors. Because of this Hala has become my mentor without even knowing it. I’m obsessed with listening to this show and taking tidbits of every podcast that can apply towards my needs, from business insider tips of what’s worked and what hasn’t worked, mindset shifts and beneficial tools in business. It’s been an all over game changer for me. I listen
1:08:47 getting ready in the morning, while driving to work, driving home from work and before bed.
1:08:51 Hala and her guests are that voice in my head that continues to propel me forward.
1:08:58 Thanks Hala, love everything that you’re doing and appreciate it so much. Wow, that really made my day.
1:09:28 and she goes by La Carre Aesthetics. So L_E_H_C_A_R_ Aesthetics. I guess that’s the name of her company. So good luck to you. If you guys wanna go search her company, go do it. And I love to hear that a female entrepreneur is tuning into my show. If you guys are long time listeners, you know that historically my show is mostly male listeners. Sometimes as much as eighty percent male, but more and more female entrepreneurs are listening to the show and that makes me so happy. So thanks for tuning in guys. I hope other people
1:09:58 follow suit and write a review like she did. I love to hear from you guys. When I do this podcast, I see thousands and thousands of downloads every day. So there’s thousands and thousands of you that listen to this podcast every day, but only one or two reviews every couple of days. So I love to hear from you guys. Take that time to write a review. Let me know your feedback. Good and bad, it helps me with the show. And it keeps me going honestly. You know, I’ve been doing this podcast for years now and still these reviews
1:10:28 really mean so much to me I, do this show for you guys. So write that review if you haven’t yet. Let us know that you’re tuning into the show, whether it’s Apple, Spotify, Castbox, Player F_M_, wherever you’re listening. I read these reviews every day and I want to hear from you. And if you guys like to watch your podcast as videos, I’ve been doing a lot more in-person content and I’m gonna continue doing that. I’m actually out in Austin now and we’re gonna be building an in-person studio here and I’m so excited about that. We’ve
1:10:58 more videos on YouTube than ever. You can find all of our videos on young and profiting on YouTube. Just search it. You’ll find it. You can also find me on Instagram at @yapwithhala or LinkedIn by searching my name. It’s Hala Taha. Of course I gotta shout out my YAP team. I’ve got the best production team. It is a whole village that produces this show. You guys have no idea how many people work on this show. Like it is a dozen of us just working on this podcast. So shout out to you guys for making this happen. Thank you
1:11:15 for dealing with my hectic schedule and I know even with this episode I got some team members working on the weekend ’cause I missed my recording schedule. Sorry guys, I appreciate your hard work. This is your host, Hala Taha, A_K_A_ the, podcast princess, signing off.
1:11:31 you